Keldeo the Critic- Season Four
by Matthais Unidostres
Summary: In his fourth season, Keldeo the Critic will review Pokemon fanfics, and fanfics from other series as well! All in the style of the Nostalgia Critic.
1. The Return

"Alright everyone. Keldeo wants us all to meet up with him up there."

"Right Espeon. Come on everyone. Keldeo said it was important."

"Okay, Umbreon, we're coming, we're coming."

"Heh, try to keep up Dunsparce."

"Keep up yourself, Emolga, ha-ha-ha."

"We want in on this too, Virizion."

"Heh, the three of us plus Keldeo have been as thick as thieves, haven't we Cobalion?"

"Don't forget about meeeee! How many speed eating contests have I beaten you in, Terrakion!"

Volton the Raichu nudged Matthais the Samurott and said quietly, "Heh, Voice of Life? More like the Stomach of Life!"

As the two friends shared a laugh, the members of the Exploration Team Rocket climbed up the hill and to the top of the terrace from which the Rainbows of Hope could be clearly seen. Keldeo stood staring at the Rainbows of Hope, with a set of Magnagate cards placed on the ground next to him.

"Well, Keldeo. We're all here," Virizion said, "What's the big news?"

Keldeo turned around slowly, a look of nostalgia in his eye as he took in everyone's faces. Then, he nodded resolutely and said, "Everyone . . . there's something I've been keeping from you. Something that you all need to know right now."

Everyone exchanged glances.

"Huh? What is it?" Emolga asked.

"Hush. Listen to what the Sword of Justice has to say," Hydreigon said.

This got everyone's attention and confusion.

"Sword of Justice?" Virizion asked.

"What's that?" Dunsparce asked.

Keldeo just smiled at Hydreigon. "You knew all along, didn't you?"

"Of course I did," Hydreigon said with a smiled, "I am the Voice of Life."

"Could somebody _please_ tell me what's going on?" Emolga said impatiently.

Keldeo gathered up his nerve and said, "I am not Keldeo, that is, I am _a_ Keldeo. Just not your Keldeo."

"HUH?!" everyone said except for Hydreigon.

Keeping a straight face, Keldeo continued, "I am a Keldeo from another world, who merged with your Keldeo and temporarily replaced him."

"You _WHAT_!?" Umbreon exclaimed in complete shock.

"No. No, I don't believe that! It's too impossible!" Espeon said, shaking her head in denial.

Keldeo smiled and pointed a hoof at Matthais. "You have a human that became a Pokemon, don't you."

The Samurott blinked and said, "Well, but, with what _you_ said . . . how would that even work?"

Keldeo became serious and explained, "Back in my world, I had to sacrifice myself to stop a powerful force from tearing time and space apart. As a result, I got sent here and merged with your Keldeo. Something similar happened to a human and Buizel I read about. Anyway, _your_ Keldeo got put in a peaceful dreamlike state, and I got control of the body, I guess. I also got his memories too. Anyway, I was able to speak with him in my dreams. I told him that this situation would only be until the universe settled enough for me to return back to my own world. Then, I could create a Magnagate that would split us up and send me home. And, well, the time has finally come. Once I step through the Magnagate, everything will go back to normal."

Everyone stared at Keldeo with wide eyes.

"Wow . . ." Volton said.

"That's just . . . it's all so . . ." Emolga said.

"Unbelievable?" Terrakion offered.

"Hmmm," Coballion said.

Umbreon though for a moment, and then he said, "You know . . . Keldeo's mood swings had suddenly vanished . . ."

"And they won't come back," Keldeo said triumphantly, "Through me, your Keldeo learned how to control his emotions better."

"But will he still be the same old Keldeo we all know so well?" Virizion asked with a little sternness in her voice, walking forwards towards Keldeo with a purpose. She also looked quite upset. "You were different. You weren't the Keldeo that I knew to be true friend. I had no way of knowing that you were a Keldeo from another world, but I knew you weren't the same. It was never anything major, it was just something on the tip of my tongue that I couldn't put into words. But it looks like my suspicions were correct. You really aren't my Keldeo, and I want him back." Virizion's eyes were narrowed in anger, and she was scratching at the ground as if ready to attack what she viewed as an impostor.

"And you'll get him back, I promise you," Keldeo said quickly, and then he stood up tall with his hooves planted firmly on the ground, "I didn't want this to happen. In fact, I feel kinda bad that I had to replace him like this. But it wasn't my choice. It wasn't in my control. No matter what we say or do, it's never up to me and you. All that matters is that the show must go on. So that's what I did." Keldeo then turned towards the Magnagate cards and said, "And now, it's time for _your_ Keldeo to take over."

Keldeo reached out to the cards with his hoof.

"Wait!"

Keldeo turned to look at Volton. The Raichu said, "Before you go, I just want you to know, I liked having you as a part of our team. You _were_ different than _our_ Keldeo, but you were still a good friend."

"Same here," Matthais added in.

The rest of the group made similar affirmations, with Virizion being the last. She stared down at the Keldeo for a while, and then cracked a small smile and said, "I admit it. You're alright, Keldeo. You're alright."

Keldeo smiled back. "Thanks everyone . . ."

Then, he turned an activated the Magnagate.

As the burst of bright light and sound enveloped Keldeo, everyone called out their goodbyes and well wishes to an old friend that had become a new friend without their knowing. The light grew more and more intense, outshining even the Rainbow of Hope, until suddenly, it stopped, leaving a Keldeo standing still with his eyes closed.

He slowly opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Virizion wearing a warm smile on her face.

"Keldeo . . ." she said smoothly, quickly noticing the subtle differences that this Pokemon had not just in appearance, but in small movements and other nuances.

Keldeo returned Virizion's smile, and then smiled at the rest of the group gathered around. Then he performed and back-flip and cheered, "Woo-hoo! I'm back!"

* * *

Within the Void, Keldeo walked on wards, greatly anticipating his destination. However, just as he approached the warm bright glow that was the end of the tunnel, a familiar figure appeared before him.

"Long time, no see, Keldeo," the figure said.

"Long time, no see, Matthais Unidostres," Keldeo replied with a cocky grin.

The figure got out a marble notebook and said, "Okay, so, as you probably expected, there are a few things we need to get straight before you can leave."

"Sure," Keldeo replied.

"First," Unidostres said, "You need to review other FanFics besides Pokemon."

Keldeo's eyes widened in surprise at this, but then he looked downwards in thought. "Actually . . . you're right about that. I mean, I love talking about stories, and well, to be able to talk about Fanfics from other series . . ." Keldeo looked up and smiled, "That's exactly what I want to do!"

"Great," Unidostres said.

"But wait!" Keldeo said suddenly, "People may not like it at first. It's too big of a change to do it all at once. I should do _mainly_ Pokemon fanfics and just do other series once and a while."

"My thoughts exactly," Unidostres said with a smile.

Keldeo nodded confidently, "Okay. What else."

Unidostres looked at his notebook and said, "Your first review is gonna be the rewrite of _Kevin and Buizel_ by SukottoDeragon."

"Oh yeah! I've been waiting to review that one for a long time!" Keldeo said, looking really excited.

"Good. And lastly, after that review, you need to review . . ." Unidostres showed Keldeo his notebook.

Keldeo blinked in confusion at the title and summary written there. "That? But that's a-."

"Watch this Nostalgia Critic Top 11 list," Unidostres said as he held out his iPod Touch so Keldeo could see the video.

 _*One viewing later*_

"Okay, I have to admit, that really _is_ a good show," Keldeo said.

"That's what I said too," Unidostres said, "I used to think it was stupid, but thanks to Doug Walker, I gave it a chance, and I really like now. Plus, Jack Storm said in a review of Spike the Snob that he likes the show too."

Keldeo chuckled, "Well, if it's good enough for Jack Storm, then I suppose I should give it a chance."

"Great. Oh, and I highly recommend you watch Episode 83."

"Sure thing, Matthais."

"Promise me, you'll watch it."

"Oh, um-."

"Promise!"

"Okay, okay, I promise. Really, I promise to watch that episode."

"Good. Oh, and there's one more thing."

"Yes?"

Matthais Unidostres smiled and said before disappearing, "Pay Virizion 2.6 a visit. He knows someone who's been _waiting_ for you."

Keldeo nodded. He knew exactly what Unidostres meant. And so, with no dramatics or very unceremoniously, Keldeo ran into the light and out of the Void.

* * *

Keldeo found himself lying on his back in shallow water, the coolness of it melding with the coolness of the rock his back was pressed against. The golden yellow sun was shining down on him. Keldeo smiled up at it as he got up to his hooves.

Keldeo looked around at the Moor of Icirrus, the place he called home. He took in the beauty of his surroundings, and then looked at the rock platform he knew so well. That's when he noticed something sparkle in the sunlight.

Keldeo jumped onto the rock and bent down to take a look at the shining object. His eyes widened when he saw what it was.

It was the Mystic Water Meloetta had given him.

Keldeo smiled.

Using his horn, he flicked the necklace up into the air by its cord. He held his head up high as it fell back down and around his head. Suspended by the chord, the water filled jewel hung round Keldeo's neck. As light stuck it, a small circular rainbow was projected onto the rock platform under it. Keldeo admired it, marvelling at how it reminded him of the Rainbows of Hope.

Then, with a fulfilled smile and a resolute gaze, Keldeo said:

"It's me. Keldeo the Critic. And I'm back to review it so you don't have to."

* * *

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **KELDEO THE CRITIC**

 **SEASON FOUR**

* * *

 _ **"YOUR MOVE, MELOETTA THE CHICK!"**_ Zorua shouted into a large megaphone.

* * *

 _The Show Must Go On_ is a song written and performed by Mandopony.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note:**_ Hey everybody! Just a quick little message, if you'd like to see title cards for the Season Four episodes of Keldeo the Critic, then just check out my DeviantArt account for them. Also, turns out I got a sponsor in TinyURL. It's a website that shortens long web addresses into shorter codes. Those codes you saw at the ends of the Season Two premires of Zorua Reviews and the Awesome Video Game Colt were TinyURL codes. Just head over to the TinyURL website and they'll tell you how they work. Anyway, you can either go to my DeviantArt account yourselves, OR you can just use the TinyURL code that I'll give you in my review. So yeah, that's it, I guess. I hope you all enjoy Season Four, because I know I will. See you later.


	2. Kevin and Buizel REWRITE- Part One

**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 1: Kevin and Buizel REWRITE by SukottoDeragon**

 **tinyurl:** **okvlekc**

Keldeo stood smiling on his rock platform in the Moor of Icirrus and wearing his Mystic Water around his neck with pride. "It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" he said, "Remember back in season one when I reviewed _Kevin and Buizel_ by SukottoDeragon? It was the second story I ever reviewed, so . . ."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly.

"It was kind of a shaky review. I mean, I kinda made a big deal about something that wasn't there, I made a joke about during the end, and at one point I kinda went on a rant about a Riolu evolving at the wrong time. I actually called SukottoDeragon a Team Plasma Grunt. _A Team Plasma Grunt!_ I honestly can't believe I went _that_ far! Anyway, it wasn't definitely flawed."

Keldeo replaced his sheepish smile with a hopeful one, "But luckily, I get a chance to redeem myself by reviewing SukottoDeragon's rewrite of the fic that started it all! _Kevin and Buizel_!"

* * *

 _ **Kevin and Buizel**_

 _By: SukottoDeragon_

 _A tale of Buizel and a musician named Kevin who wishes he could understand his Buizel grows hectic as he suddenly goes missing. With all of the personal belongings and pokemon left behind, it is not only to wonder what had happened trainer, but what happened to Buizel as the pokemon begins displaying strange behaviour as it seems that Buizel feels Kevin as close as family._

* * *

"This fanfic is a brand new experience, with new characters, new interpretations of characters, new plot points, new, new, new! But of course, new isn't always necessarily better. So, is the rewrite better than the original? Let's find out! This is _Kevin and Buizel_!"

"Now be prepared, I'm gonna bring up the original story, which you can still read on SukottoDeragon's site, a lot during this review, mostly to point out notable differences and stuff like that. First let's start with the beginning, which is pretty much the same as the original."

* * *

 ** _Prologue:_**

 _"One of the things I really enjoy the most about being with my best friend, Buizel, is to simply relax and enjoy the company of each other. The only thing I would wish however is the absolute opposite, I wish I could talk to my Buizel because throughout the years I've always felt that he himself has something to tell me... "_

 _Kevin thought to himself while looking at his pokemon friend just relaxing alongside him._

 _"What must I do to know what you want to tell me? I'll do whatever is required..."_

 _Kevin's mind was restless as he looked at his companion, such a good friend was always beside him. The fact that forever might pass and he would never understand what he wants to tell him has made his hopes sink, that maybe he will never be able to share more of his friendship with his pokemon._

 ** _Chapter 1: Harmonic Friendship_**

 _The green meadow felt excellent and the wind blew gently on the grassy field, everything was so quiet; so quiet that you could hear your breathing and the wind itself. A young trainer of seventeen years old was on his knees in the calm meadow, he has dark brown hair, he wears a blue shirt decorated with white palm trees, his favourite since it reminds him of the beach he likes to go at. He has beige shorts and he is wearing common running shoes; these were red and had no particular design. At his right was what appeared to be, his Pokémon, a Buizel that had all the normal attributes of a Buizel, orange and peach fur colorings, the yellow float sac in his neck, his tails that worked as propellers… a normal Buizel. And you could tell that his Buizel was male due to the two peach ovals in his back. The only different thing that this Buizel had was a necklace with a stone hanging from it, which appeared to be a common rock at first glance, but it was in fact, an everstone. Maybe Kevin didn't want his buizel to evolve, or perhaps Buizel was resisting his evolution._

 _"Ahh, feel that Buizel?" His trainer said while closing his eyes as he felt the wind blow._

 _"Bui bui!" His pokemon said happily._

* * *

"So we get a nice description of our main characters who are just relaxing, Kevin starts playing his guitar, which attracts the attention of Ash, Brock, and Dawn."

* * *

 ** _"It's an incredible day in the meadow for our heroes as Ash is planning to get his last and eighth medal at Sunnyshore city, although his adventure might have to stop for a while as our heroes get to see that a young trainer is sitting in the grass at the distance with a song that is impossible to ignore."_**

* * *

"Oh yeah, and the Narrator too," Keldeo said with a straight face, "Literally, the Narrator is character. Why do I say this? Because when Ash and the gang leave the story, the Narrator leaves too! Seriously, the Narrator does not come back in this story. It's like, he came in, took his paycheck, and left. In fact, he left so quickly that he called the Gym Badge a 'medal.' Now that's just sad."

"Well, anyway, like in the original, Ash and the gang follow the music, we have a meet and greet, and they all share a meal."

* * *

 _"WOW! This is soooo good! Finally a great meal!" Kevin said as he ate, he was definitely enjoying his plate, although the rest stared at him oddly._

 _"What's with you? It's just soup…" Ash said curiously._

 _Kevin realized later that he was being looked at, he put his plate down and explained, "well... it's that…" Kevin was thinking, "I travel alone with Buizel and I don't know how to cook, I can't seem to prepare good food unless you count canned stuff, and I made tofu but... ugh." Kevin explained as he remembered his dislike for tofu, he continued to eat the soup that was served to him._

 _"Then, what did you eat?- Ash wondered, "You must've had something more than just canned food, or tofu." Ash asked. There was definitely something else that Kevin ate, he didn't want to said it though but to just get over it he confessed._

 _"Sometimes, Pokémon food…- Kevin said with a bit of shame. Everyone looked at Kevin awkwardly by hearing this, the musician got a bit startled, "It doesn't taste that bad after a while, alot better than tofu if you ask me." Kevin shrugged._

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna said as she flew in front of Keldeo.

"We also get introduced to the _evil_ villain of the story: Paul- I mean _Adam!"_ Keldeo quickly corrected himself.

* * *

 _Ash remembered about Kevin's Pikachu, he just had to ask about this. "I noticed that your Pikachu has some cuts, how did these happen?" Kevin's calm quickly became that of preocupation._

 _"I still can't believe that he would do that to his own Pokemon." Ash didn't understand what he meant by that, Kevin took a while to realize this, but he quickly explained to him. "I'm not Pikachu's original trainer, Adam was a trainer that did this to poor Pikachu, I still don't understand... he just told me one day that he did it to make him "tough" but I think it might've affected him a bit..." Kevin was instantly sad after this. "If only I could talk to pokemon, then I'd know what they want or what they feel..." Kevin said as he then pondered to himself, Buizel came near his trainer and patted his back. "Thanks buddy."_

* * *

"So then we have an entertaining Pokemon battle between Kevin's Riolu and Ash's Buizel, after which our heroes get visited by-."

* * *

 _Kevin and Ash were abouut to leave but a couple of female voices were calling out for Kevin from afar, two young ladies with books were running towards them with excitement._

 _"Keviiiin! Waiiit" One of the ladies said before they got close to them, both of them dressed the same dresses, the only differeance was their hair color, one had short blue hair and the other one had a violet long hair. "We were wondering if we could get your autograph please?"_

* * *

"Oh gee. I wonder who they could be." Keldeo said in a dead-pan tone.

* * *

 _Kevin was about to say something to him but before he could the ground beneath them collapsed and everyone fell into a pit, Kevin just managed to grab a hold of the edge, Buizel also hanging from his trainer's shoulder, Kevin put all his strength into getting back up to the dirt road and quickly searched for the young ladies, instead of them he saw an air balloon with the shape of a Meowth in it and two guys with some really strange outfits that had an "R" design at the very center._

 _Ash got angry, "that's Team Rocket! They are just a bunch of bandits who steal pokemon!" Ash said as he got up, he was absolutely upset to see them. Kevin was scared as he heard this, not only because he didn't want his pokemon to be stolen, but because an old memory came back to him._

 _"No... not again." Kevin said softly to himself in disbelief. Both of the members of Team Rocket laughed as they stood in the skies, the lady with the long purple hair stood upfront and began yelling from high above._

 _"Listen, is that a twerpish voice I hear?" After her part, the man with the Blue straight hair spoke next._

 _"It's shrieking to me loud and clear."_

 _"On the wind!"_

 _"Past the stars!"_

 _"In your ear!" A third entirely different voice spoke, Kevin couldn't quite make out if there was someone else at that moment._

 _"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace." The woman resumed._

 _"Dashing hope, putting fear in its place." The man continued._

 _"A rose by any other name is just as sweet"_

 _"When everything's worse, our work is complete."_

 _"Jessie!"_

 _"And it's James!"_

 _"I hate to break your motto," Kevin yelled at them from below, "but last time I checked Sunnyshore city didn't include a comedy act!" Kevin said at them angrily._

 _Jessie snapped and yelled back at Kevin below "How dare you interrupt our motto you twerp?!" Jessie said with her fist clenched tight._

 _"You of all should know better to interrupt such acts of art!" James yelled at Kevin as well._

* * *

"Well at least Sukotto used the correct motto this time," Keldeo remarked.

"So Team Rocket snatch up Pikachu again, but Kevin and Buizel have a secret weapon to save the day."

* * *

 _"Buizel, you know what to do! Use Hyperbeam!" Kevin yelled as he pointed at the air balloon. Ash and the rest were shocked at hearing what move Kevin commanded to his pokemon. Buizel separated his feet on the ground to be able to focus well on charging his move, Buizel looked at his target, he began to focus his inner energy on the balloon, and he began to power up. He charged the hyper beam on his mouth, he almost lost his foooting by the power he was holding, but he fired it at the balloon. The members of team rocket appeared to be scared to death, the powerful beam of eccentric energy quickly pierced the balloon, Team Rocket quickly descended and crash-landed, Ash and the rest went towards Team Rocket, Buizel however fell at the ground completely exhausted, Kevin rushed towards his pokemon and hugged him tight,_

 _"You did really good buddy! I'm proud of you." Kevin said as he carried Buizel in his arms and ran towards Ash and the rest._

 _When Kevin reached the rest, Ash was already battling against Team Rocket with Pikachu by his side. Although the only pokemon that Team Rocket happened to have out was a Meowth, Pikachu was charging a thundershock that was going to hit Team Rocket._

 _Jessie, James and Meowth all looked at Pikachu and braced themselves for the what they expected to happen._

 _Meowth began to scream. "oh well... at least we got those autographs!" Meowth said as Team Rocket was struck with Pikachu's thundershock, the balloon air exploded and the three of them went soaring through the skies._

 _"Team rocket blast off again!" They all yelled in unison as they went through the air until they were not seen again, a bright light sparked in the distance, everyone could finallly relax._

 _Kevin was amazed as he saw them fly at the distance, it seemed as they were landing somewhat near Sunnyshore city, Kevin was not impressed by how far they flew, neither by Pikachu's electric power, but it was something more important for him. Ash and the travelers ran near Kevin and thanked him for stopping Team Rocket from escaping with Pikachu; Kevin was still lost in his own thoughts. Ash watched as he was completely spaced out, he tried to get his attention._

 _"Kevin? What's the matter?" Ash asked him, Kevin still looking at the horizon couldn't avoid wondering about that Meowth._

 _"Did that pokemon... talk?" Kevin said in disbelief as he wondered on if his wish from long ago was that close from coming true, "if only" he wondered._

* * *

"So Team Rocket makes plans to capture Buizel to use him to steal Pikachu, you know, the usual stupid plans those guys think up, while Kevin and the others arrive at a Pokemon Center. While they're there, Kevin actually shares a bit of his past with his new friends."

* * *

 _"This is a journal I used to write when I was younger. I used to write very mundane things, but I tore away those pages and only have the story of how I met Buizel and on how our friendship grew till this day." He smiled while opening his diary. Ash and the others were paying close attention to what Kevin said "This is the story of my first song..."_

 _"You see, 4 years ago, my mom and dad wanted me to be a great traditional musician, so I practiced all day. I was most of the time alone in my room playing the same practice songs over and over, after a while I got very good at playing guitar. I didn't have that many friends because I was always alone at home practicing, somehow that didn't bother me, but I always wanted a true friend to talk with._

 _The other classmates from the music classes usually didn't go along with me, the ones that did really didn't speak much either and since my family lived in a big house we didn't get many visitors, only people that wanted to do business with my dad. Every weekend, mom and dad had their special presentations in where they leave for three days or more; they would either play out of town or even out of the region._

 _I always took advantage of those moments to camp near the backyard or close to the river since my parents didn't like me going too far without them knowing. The reason I really liked being outside was to stay close to the ocean and listen to it, the water always has such a beautiful sound and I find myself unusually attached to such melodies of nature. But one day I listened something below near the river. Someone was hurt and crying for help, when I went down to check it out, it was Buizel. That is where we first met, I healed him and then we met another day._

 _The next weekend I could go to the meadow I found Buizel again, we spent that weekend playing and exploring, we even managed to communicate a bit with simple nods and whatnot. Me and Buizel were getting along quite well, and he enjoyed my music so much, he was definitely a great friend at the very start, however, the weekend was ending, and I wasn't sure how I was going to recognize him from other Buizels, I assumed I could play my music and he would come running to me and so he did for the upcoming days days."_

 _New listeners that were possibly fans from Kevin's music or other trainers that were waiting for their pokemon also had gathered to hear his story._

* * *

"Now that's honestly very interesting," Keldeo said, sounding intrigued, "It's new, and it really says a lot about Kevin how he's telling a personal tale for all those around him to hear."

* * *

 _"A few months later when I was looking for Buizel that day I saw something that had me worried, Buizel was fighting another Pokémon, I can't really remember what Pokémon it was, but the trainer managed to be victorious in that fight. I had told him to please leave him alone; even despite I told him he was my friend he wanted to catch him, I even lied and told him that he was a pokemon that my parents owned. Of course, the trainer, Adam didn't believe me so I defended Buizel, that trainer tried to throw his pokeballs to catch Buizel but I managed to block them all except one..."_

 _Ash was still puzzled, "But, how is Buizel your pokemon?" Ash asked Kevin. Kevin looked at everyone that was listening seriously._

 _"He had the pokeball in his hand, I was so angry that I tried to take that pokeball out of his hands and then we both struggled for it. I was essentially stealing a pokemon, but Adam was stealing a friend. In the end I managed to snatch the pokeball and I ran as fast as I could. The next day there was a huge commotion and my parents helped me through everything, it was decided that Buizel himself should choose who he wanted to stay with. And then it happened, Buizel ran too me and hugged me the second he could._

 _After such a bad moment, my parents let me keep Buizel as long as I had a trainer license, I did it as soon as I could and finally me and Buizel could relax. I took out my guitar and I decided to play to relax a bit, to forget everything I had to deal, Buizel was quickly following the rhythm of the song, and he was actually humming too, I had quickly stopped playing just to hear him hum, he was basically making a song of his own, it was strange, but what he had hummed reminded me of the ocean. I tried to play his song and he loved it, at one point he actually placed his paws on the guitar strings helping me figure out some interesting notes, that just goes to show you how much attention Buizel had on my music, he was as much of a music composer as I was. And that is how we made our first song titled: "True friend of mine." It was the first song to be recognized by me, but also recognized by Buizel, even if not a lot of people know that he helped me, but a huge part of this song is all his merit."_

 _Kevin hugged his Buizel dearly, it's not a memory he often recalls or even tells to others. The listeners slowly began to disperse and leave the Pokemon Center not before thanking Kevin for his time while they all waited for their own injured and sick pokemon._

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "Now wasn't that better than having Ash read his journal without his permission. Also, I find it interesting how instead of Buizel hiding in Kevin's back and avoiding Adam, Buizel actually gets caught by Adam but is reunied with Kevin thanks to his parent's intervention. One of the big problems I had with the original was that Kevin's parents were either useless, or had backstories that kept contradicting themselves. So far, it looks like Kevin's parents are actually important to the story."

* * *

 _Kevin practiced just a bit with his guitar for the presentation, although he seemed concerned but also excited, confident but also frightened, Buizel quickly noticed this on his friend and he quickly went to touch him to call his attention, he tilted his head as he looked at him with confusion._

 _"Oh Buizel... it's nothing, I'm still deciding whether I should attempt to do something or not, it might be dangerous."_

* * *

"And what is the thing he wants to do? Oh, I don't know, how about go talk to the criminals who attacked you earlier and try to strike up a deal with them!"

* * *

 _Team rocket was disguised as regular citizens sitting at the cafe having something to drink as they were preparing for their special plan to interrupt the presentation tonight at Sunnyshore city, as they finished drinking they began to discuss their plan, but not after James collected the soda pop caps. Their plan was simple, use a single smoke bomb to distract the audience and the performer and quickly snatch the Buizel for themselves. They had all agreed between them that the plan was simply brilliant, however someone else had joined at the table Team Rocket was sitting at._

 _"No one invited you to this table, why don't you..." Jessie was about to say as she realized the person that sat next to them was Kevin. He had his hands together while leaning on the table._

 _"I don't want trouble, but I was wondering if we could agree on a deal I have..." The three of them were still quite surprised that Kevin had sat down on their table, they wondered if he had heard their plan all along._

 _"I'll make it quick and to the point, I want your talking pokemon to help me, please." They wondered what they could possibly do; Kevin quickly placed a diamond necklace on the table. "I just want to talk with my friend, even if it's just for a few seconds..."_

* * *

Keldeo tapped his chin in thought as he looked around as if searching for something. "Hmmm, where did I put that thing?"

Keldeo pulled up a picture of Xerneas with fireworks going off behind him, and put it back. Then he pulled up a picture of M. Bison, and put that back down quickly. Finally, Keldeo smiled and pulled up a picture of Hiro-san from UHF.

 ** _Hiro-san:_** _"Stupid! You're so stupid!"_

Keldeo then gave an embarrassed smile and said, "But maybe I shouldn't judge. After all, I _did_ try an battle Kyurem before I was ready."

Keldeo suddenly got a flashback of his horn getting broken off by Kyurem. He shook it off and continued.

"So, as expected, Kevin goes missing, much to his manager's distress."

* * *

 _"Sir wait!" Ash yelled as he ran towards the man with the purple suit. The three travelers caught up to the manager, but he seemed to be hasty._

 _"I need to get working kids, I need to find Kevin or the show will have trouble, it's already as delayed as it is." The manager said as he was opening the door to enter the building._

 _"But sir, we saw Kevin last night!" Brock quickly said to him, as the manager stopped flat and looked at the three trainers and took off his black sunglasses, precupation was reflected in his eyes._

 _"Would you mind telling me where he went please?" He said to the three of them. "I'm awfully worried, he was supposed to show up three hours ago!"_

 _Ash and his friends sat inside the building with the manager to speak, he introduced himself as George, a manager who has helped many talents throughout the region. As they looked inside the place, many records where hanging in the walls and many pictures of the manager himself with many different artists, one of them was him and Kevin shaking hands._

 _"I know Kevin well, I'm not usually concerned when he is late for an event, mostly because I know that he likes to look around the scenery and spend time with his Pokémon." He looked down as he said this, "he would always warn me of this however, but now he is just gone with no warning." The manager looked at the three of them. "Do you see why I'm worried now?" he said to them with a concerning tone._

* * *

"So our heroes search for Kevin and eventually find a couple of clues."

* * *

 _"That's Kevin's Pikachu!" Ash said as he got near him, a bit further from that place, a Riolu with Kevin's bag was also fainted close by both of Kevin's Pokémon were beat up._

 _"Ash, they are both too weak, we have to find the pokéballs so that we can put them and keep them safe." Brock said as he was looking for the pokéballs somewhere in the ground. Dawn searched in Kevin's bag and found one of them, Ash had found the other one laying around a bit further away, these were both Pikachu's and Riolu's pokéballs, Ash put both of them inside the pokéballs._

 _"Okay, we should take both of them to the people over at the city, is there anything else lying around?" Dawn said as she was still looking around, Ash looked around for anything else but found nothing._

 _"Where do you think Kevin's Buizel is?" Ash asked. Brock managed to find one last pokéball on the ground hidden within a patch of grass, the pokéball appeared to emit a few sparks from it, when Brock attempted to grab said pokéball and got his hand burnt. Upon examination, he noticed that the pokéball was broken, the pokéball's lock was glowing red, and the exterior of the pokéball was all torn open in a top and bottom portion of the pokéball._

 _"What's the matter Brock?" Ash asked as he saw him trying to pick up the pokéball form the ground._

 _"The Pokéball is broken. I've never seen something like this before." Brock said as he showed the Pokéball to Ash, it had some cables inside that were also popping out, Brock picked up a pair of sticks to use to move the pokéball around finding a good angle to grab the pokéball from. Dawn also approached to see what the issue was._

 _"Why don't we carry the pokéball with the sticks Brock?" Dawn grabbed both of them from Brock and placed them side by side on the pokéball and lifted it up as if it were a tray._

 _"Thanks Dawn, we need to fix this pokéball as soon as possible, we should take it to a Pokémon center" Brock said while looking at Ash and Dawn, they both nodded and quickly headed towards the Pokémon center._

* * *

"So they take the Pokeball to the Pokemon Center to be fixed, and then meet up with a certain character _I_ certainly wasn't expecting to see."

* * *

 _"Excuse me, the manager said that you were taking care of Kevin's Pokémon, am I right?" The trainer asked Ash._

 _"Yeah, we are taking care of them in the meantime, what's your name?" Ash asked him, the trainer smiled at him and then replied._

 _"My name is Adam."_

* * *

 ** _BAM-BAM-BAAAAAAAM! Dramatic Deerling Turned Dramatically_**

* * *

 _Ash quickly reacted and shouted._

 _"You are the trainer that tried to steal Buizel from Kevin!" Adam quickly stood and struggled to explain his situation._

 _"I changed! I was a kid with anger issues in the past, now I don't like fighting others! Please let's talk about this!" Adam still concerned on how Ash might react decided to remain on his defensive position._

 _"Then why are you here? Did you have to do with Kevin's disappearance?" Ash accused him, Brock and Dawn noticed were listening from a far and decided to come in close by._

 _Brock tried to calm down the situation. "Ash, don't accuse him just because he did something in the past." Brock explained to Ash, Adam was still worried, he sat down to explain himself._

 _"I was an angry young trainer back then and had these issues, but I've came to know what happened to Kevin, I heard that he disappeared so I was worried. I've been looking for him all day." Adam said as he sat down._

 _"Let me tell you what I saw however."_

* * *

 ** _Cross Examination: "What I Saw"_**

Music from _Phoenix Wright_ began to play.

* * *

 _Adam Explained everything he saw to Ash and his friends as the hours rolled by..._

 _"...I had found Pikachu and Riolu alone outside of their pokéballs, but they were surrounded by these two guys and their Meowth, so I fought them and won. I couldn't find Kevin's pokéballs so I left them to rest behind the building as I looked for Kevin in the woods, I wasn't able to find him however and when I came back; Pikachu, Riolu and Kevin's bag were gone."_

* * *

 _"HOLD IT!"_ Keldeo shouted dramatically.

* * *

 _Adam was going to say something else but one of the Engineers called out for Ash and his friends to talk to him._

* * *

Keldeo groaned in disappointment as the music stopped, "Oh come on, I was just getting started with the Phoenix Wright jokes!"

* * *

 _"I'm glad you guys are taking care of Kevin's Pokémon now, I'll keep looking out for Kevin. There was one more thing I was going to say to him before he had left the cafe." Adam started to head out and he silently whispered to himself "I still need to say sorry too." As he exited the Pokémon center he waved them goodbye, he took out his Charizard from the pokéball and began to fly on top of his Pokémon, possibly to find him through air._

* * *

Keldeo blinked solemnly. "Wow . . . you know, I think Adam really is a good guy in this. I mean, I'm really getting the feeling that he has changed here. Sure in the old one, Adam is responsible for Kevin's . . . _ahem . . .'_ disappearance'. But looking back, Adam was a really boring villain character who had less development than Paul, and _that's_ saying a lot. Maybe an Adam that changed over time is more interesting than just an evil abusive jerk. Although a guy who cuts up his Pikachu sounds mentally ill to me, just saying."

"So, anyway, then we get a scene that shows how exactly you fix a broken Pokeball that has a Pokemon trapped inside of it."

* * *

 _The screen spouted out countless letters, some of them had question marks however and some were just a blank square in the middle of the jumbled text. "Okay, see those strange letters and signs that appear? Those are the parts that are actually damaged in the data and we can fix this with no problem, although this is the biggest data damage I have ever seen."_

 _ **Jake:** This is all theory, though. If it responds to an external electrical impulse, it might respond to one coming from inside it._

 _"It does seem that way now that I look at it a bit more carefully, if that's the case then it's possible that the Hyper Beam that he can use may have caused the damage to the DNA code. We are going to take a while to rewrite some of the code" David said with a serious tone._

 _ **Donatello** : According to the life force scan-analyzer, these rampaging creatures are from Dimension X._

 _"This procedure is very strenuous and we can afford no mistakes, otherwise the Pokémon could lose some of his moves, he could acquire secondary effects but mostly he could lose a part of his memory, the point is that he can lose something from this procedure or even worse, gain something... we have to go through this very slowly."_

 _**Batman** : Sunlight could reverse the freezing process- _

_**Robin** : But it's morning in the Congo!_

 _"Sir, we detected an unknown component in the pokéball data, its right here." The engineer pointed to a section of the huge wall of text. David looked at it carefully, "this unknown code might be the very source of the issue. It is very large though, this might be because there is something else aside from the Pokémon inside the pokéball."_

 _ **Data** : My positronic sub-processor detected high frequency interphasic signatures from the organisms._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged and said, "The short version is that they're gonna use the computer to remove the extra matter inside the Pokeball digitally, leaving Buizel intact as they also fix his DNA." Keldeo blinked and said, "If humans have actually figured out how to do all that, I am truly afraid."

"So, the next day, the Pokeball is fixed and they finally let Buizel out."

* * *

 _He stood quickly from the table and began to run forward. Ash was so startled by the sudden reaction that he stepped back to give him space, Buizel moved to the side and fell from the table hitting the floor flat. Buizel looked all around, he screamed, but then immediately grabbed a hold of his own throat, he used his paws to touch his face frantically while muttering to himself, his voice stuttered and his eyes were out of orbit._

 _"It's just like the others..." Cedric said as he stared worried at the poor Buizel. "All of the pokemon are disorientated at first and then react in a bizarre way, I have no idea how this one will react." Cedric said as he approached the pokemon and kneeled in front of him. He used his stethoscope to listen to his incredibly elevated heart rate; he looked at him in the eyes._

 _"Don't worry little Buizel, we will take good care of you. I'm a Pokemon doctor." Cedric said to him as he listened carefully to his heart, Buizel looked at himself more carefully and then smiled, and later he became incredibly enthusiastic. He leapt about in the room and seemed as jolly as ever and sang a song in his own language. He skipped from one side to the other and danced._

* * *

Keldeo tried to stifle his laughter and failed. Then he said, "Okay, in the original, Buizel acted weird when he came out. But _this?_ Oh my gosh, it's like if Pinkie Pie got drunk off of salt licks!"

* * *

 _"It's interesting to see Buizel so excited so suddenly, but Buizel should know about Kevin." Dawn said worryingly. Cedric nodded and later held Buizel in his arms, he was right after all, nothing is worse than losing a trainer._

 _"You seem very happy Buizel, although we have some terrible news for you." Cedric said while holding him up, Buizel's smile faded quickly, the pokemon then paid attention to him. "Your trainer Kevin, is missing." Buizel first laughed a bit, but then became quickly sad. Cedric had placed him down on the table once more. Buizel had become frightened, he trembled uncontrollably in place and his eyes shifted all around him, later with some sort of dementia he began looking at many different places rapidly as if being haunted, and then he was confused as Buizel started touching his entire body with his paws,_ _finally he sobbed and then let out a screeching cry loud and sad enough to make your heart sink to the deepest of oceans._

* * *

"AHHH!" Keldeo cried out as he covered his ears with his hooves.

* * *

 _"Maybe Pikachu can calm him down?" Brock suggested Ash._

 _"That sounds like a good idea!" Ash said as he looked at his Pikachu, as soon as his Pokemon heard this he rushed right ahead. Pikachu had jumped on the table and greeted Buizel in an attempt to calm him down, Buizel had stood in place and stared at Pikachu, he appeared to be scared as well. Buizel fell on his back, fainted._

 _Dawn watched as Buizel passed out, he picked Buizel in her arms and patted his small head._

 _"Aww, Pikachu… you scared him!"_

* * *

 _ **Pikachu Punch!**_

Keldeo smirked and said, "Aha! And you thought that joke was dead."

"Alright, so in the original story, Ash and the gang take possession of Kevin's Pokemon. But this time around, we actually get a plot point that makes a lot more sense."

* * *

 _"I think it would be better if we let Kevin's Pokemon be with one of his friends. Maybe he will feel comfortable." Cedric said, Ash and his friends agreed that it would be the best idea at the moment; they also had to head out to the next gym match soon._

 _"How about the manager? He had known Kevin and his Buizel for a long time!"_

 _They all left the Pokémon center, this time Cedric went with the group, he was very interested in analyzing this Pokemon as well. They thanked Nurse Joy for everything, and of course, Brock couldn't resist holding Joy's hands and getting romantic with her, but that only made his Pokémon hit him once again just to be carried away. They shortly arrived at George's place. They all sat down and talked about the recent events, as they told the manager all of the details he became very concerned. The Pokemon were eating on the ground, all of Kevin's Pokemon were out off their pokeballls as well. The people were drinking tea with some cookies; it would be a calm setting if Kevin weren't missing._

 _"Kevin wouldn't just abandon his Pokemon, that is not how Kevin is." The manager stated to everyone as the story had concluded, he glanced at the picture on his wall quickly. "How is Buizel doing?" The manager asked._

 _"Well, he is eating with the rest of the Pokemon, but it seems that he is very shy around them, shy and scared I would dare say." Cedric said as he looked at Buizel eating with the others, his head was down and he was lacking energy, he hadn't touched his pokemon food at all, the other Pokemon had cheered him to take a nibble on his food, once Buizel had a bite of it, Buizel's hunger became apparent as he stuffed his own mouth with food as quickly as possible._

 _"Poor thing, do you think you'll be able to take care of Buizel in the meantime? Just until people know about Kevin's whereabouts?" Cedric asked the manager._

 _"For my friend Kevin, I'd do anything, I'll take care of his pokemon, he loves them so much, especially his Buizel." George said, Cedric smiled as he drank from his tea._

 _"I understand, I too love my Lucario very much." The doctor said._

* * *

A cold shiver suddenly ran down Keldeo's spine, "Ugh! Where did that come from?"

"Well, anyway, Ash and the gang actually _leave the story entirely,_ leaving us with Cedric the doctor and George the manager. I actually think this was a good idea, seeing as George actually _is_ close to Kevin and not a stranger like Ash and the gang are. Plus, I like to see original characters."

* * *

 _"Well Buizel... how are you?" George asked not really sure on what he could do. Buizel stared at him carefully; his expression was of pure desolation._

 _"Well... I don't know how to keep a Buizel entertained or anything..." He was thinking on how he could entertain kids, "do you like painting?"_

 _George had prepared several sheets of paper and set them on the ground, he selected a dark red paint and set it up for him. Buizel just paid attention to the manager's motions. Buizel placed a paw on the paint and then on the paper, his expression was of amazement and glee._

 _"Perfect! Go ahead and paint at your heart's desire. I'll leave this room on for you, but sleep soon." George said as he shut the door to his bedroom._

* * *

Another cold shiver suddenly ran down Keldeo's spine, "Okay, _what is going on?_ This isn't supposed to be a creepy story, so why do I keep getting creeped out?"

* * *

 _The manager was walking in a forest, everything was dark and the thunder clashed atop the sky. Kevin's voice called, the mist enveloped him shrouding his sight. George looked at his surroundings with no luck. The voice said faintly at the distance. "We won't be able to talk again George, I'm sorry" The thunder rumbled the silence and broke the sky, desperation grew inside the Manager, he began to feel the same desolation that Buizel began to feel. The clouds swarmed and the Thunder erupted again..._

 _...that was when George woke up, his mind was unsettled and he was uncontrollably sweaty, his preoccupation for Kevin had made him grow restless. He got out of bed and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. The Obscurity accompanied George, so he carried his flashlight to show the way throughout the obscure corridors._

* * *

Keldeo blinked and looked around awkwardly. "O . . . kay? . . . Is Kevin . . .psychic? Like Jack Storm? Well, if a Buizel can use Hyper Beam, then I guess anything possible."

"Also, if that was supposed to be creepy, then I kinda feel let down. That wasn't-"

* * *

 _As he drank the water he needed he heard someone in the room, papers rustled and a chair had tumbled, George quickly became alert. His flashlight looked at every corner and every hallway; he quickly spotted red paint on the ground creating a trail towards the living room. George followed the path, a small dark silhouette went though his feet, he turned around and lit the wall facing him to a disturbing sight, Buizel looked at George dead in the eye, red undistinguishable signs were painted, they pointed to the poor Buizel, these arrow-like drawings surrounded the entire wall. He was startled, crying and desperate. The Buizel also held tightly to Kevin's journal, George only imagined that his depression was getting to him._

* * *

Keldeo stumbled backwards in horror. "Son of a biscuit! When did this turn into a Creepypasta? Do I need to call Kyurem the Critic in for backup? Seriously, what the heck am I looking at? _Pokemon Does Carrie_ or _Five Nights at Buizel's_? I'm not joking here, this scene is creepy. I mean, come on, blood red paint? What's next? Are BRVR and Jessica gonna burst in through a wall?"

"Well, instead of pulling a Shaggy and Scooby and running through the wall while screaming, George does what all stuffy skeptics do in horror movies before they get killed, he calls a doctor."

* * *

 _"This could easily be some sort of mental health issue." Cedric said as he examined Buizel carefully, George just sat at his couch and looked at the doctor and the pokemon_

 _"Ced, I'm terrified, this is not something pokemons normally do, I know that much."_

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed hard. "Really? _'Pokemons'?_ Did Sukotto _really_ not see how asinine that looked?"

* * *

 _George got up and handed some papers to Cedric, "Buizel did these..." Cedric quickly looked at these pages, impressed but also shocked._

 _"These are all just Is... some N attempts here and there,_

* * *

Keldeo opened his mouth to say something, but then shook his head. "Nah. Too easy."

* * *

 _but what does this mean?" Cedric asked himself puzzled as he kept checking the pages. "Do you think Buizel was attempting to spell out "Kevin"?"_

 _"I'm not really sure, but how does he even know how to write letters?"_

 _"Only Kevin would know," Cedric then looked at the journal that he had taken from Buizel. "Read Kevin's journal, you might learn something and it would explain how Buizel feels."_

 _"Sounds like a good idea... I was planning to read it anyway."_

 _"I'm sure it will help."_

 _Cedric had promptly left after he assured himself that Buizel would be calm, George quickly recalled the journal, he picked Buizel up and petted him in the head, he took Buizel to a reading area in the house. He turned on the lamp and sat down with Buizel on his lap._

 _"I feel like you really are depressed, believe me... I am too, all I want is a hug from my friend Kevin..." George said to Buizel, the pokemon had come in close for a hug, George petted the Buizel._

 _"Well since I know you can't read, I'll read the journal for you. Maybe it can bring you some happy thoughts." George opened the pages inside the journal; he looked at the pokemon and scratches his little chin. "What if we find any clues on what happened here?" George didn't only read for the pokemon, but for himself. He needed to set his mind at rest if possible, and he also wanted to know more about Kevin himself. They are good friends, but he never understood his powerful friendship with Buizel, "Kevin won't mind." George began reading the old and faded writing._

* * *

"So the next three chapters is just Kevin's journal. It's pretty much the same thing as the original journal with a few changes. . . oh yeah, and this happens!"

* * *

 _"Oh I see! You want your friends to hear this story as well?" George had asked Buizel, however the pokemon simply just nodded away still saddened. "I thought you would be more happier to share your story with your poke-friends." George laughed at himself. "Poke-friends... I gotta use that one sometime with Kevin."_

 _George released Riolu and Pikachu from their pokeballs, Buizel huddled up with them and they spoke for a bit between eachother. George looked and skimmed some initial pages, nothing was interesting here, just him talking about what he ate and what he would like to buy next week. George saw a light at the corner of his eye, Riolu began to glow out of the blue, the glowing figure began morphing and growing._

 _George panicked, but then he remembered this is a process called "evolution" or something of sorts. He couldn't believe it, he didn't know if there was something he should be doing or helping with. Riolu had stopped glowing and he had become Lucario! George never even dreamed how large a small pokemon like Riolu could really get after an evolution, he was almost his own size._

* * *

"There! That makes more sense! Riolus evolve through friendship!" Keldeo said proudly.

"Well, anyway, the journal just shows some backstory that I already went through when I reviewed the original. We get a few new plot threats, like Kevin having gone to the Kalos region and won some gym battles there, and it turns out Adam actually anonymously gave the chopped up Pikachu to Kevin for some reason we don't know. Anyway, the journal has some of the most touching and emotional moments I've ever seen between Kevin and Buizel-."

* * *

 _"I found a_ _very important chapter and we should check this out together, it might help and I need a squarehead like you to help me out."_

 _"Do you know how la- wait what did you just call me?" Cedric asked bothered._

 _"Sorry, it doesn;t matter, are you coming or not?"_

 _"I'm very tired and it's like what, two in the morning? I have much to do tomorrow."_

 _"If you come I'll, I dunno, give you one of Kevin's music Cds that has his autograph on it." George insisted trying to convince him, the phone hung up quickly with a loud slam on the receiver. "Well, I guess not..."_

 _George had gone back to the couch to read some more, but before he could sit down, the door was knocking. "Who could it be at this time?" George got up once again bothered, when he opened the door Cedric came bursting in the manager's home._

 _Cedric was wearing a Kevin and Buizel shirt as well, this was probably the first time George has seen Cedric with regular clothes, and right beside him was what appeared to be his Lucario. "Okay I'm here! Where is my Kevin merch?" George didn't really realize how much of a fan Cedric was, until this very moment._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped. "Oh my gosh, I know who this guy is! He's that idiot fan boy newbie scientist guy from the original story!"

* * *

 _ ***BACK IN SEASON ONE OF KELDEO THE CRITIC***_

 _-Hello everyone, we have another damaged Pokéball. – Nurse Joy said as she handed the Pokéball to one of the guys._

 _-What!? Another one?! Oh man! – One of the scientists said as he banged his arms on top of the counter ridiculously hitting his skull on the process._

 _-Calm down newbie… Nurse Joy, please put this with the other ones, we still haven't finished with the last one we received today.- Another Scientist said, which appeared to be the one in charge in the room._

 _-But this is Kevin's Pok…- Nurse Joy was saying when she was interrupted by the scientist that banged his head with the counter._

 _-REALLY?! I'm a big fan! Did you finally find him?! – The guy asked._

 _(What, is this a failed attempt at a humorous scene? And this guy is a scientist! What scientist acts like a fangirl? Is it because he's a newbie? I'm a newbie in the Swords of Justice! I don't bang my head on hard objects! I don't act like a fangirl! I'm not lazy! I don't go over the top out of every stupid thing! What is this filler!?)_

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "Well, he's a lot better and more developed in this rewrite. And he has a Lucario too! How could you go wrong?!"

* * *

 _Cedric got comfortable in his seat, his Lucario hugged him from above as he was seated and Lucario displayed a lot of affection towards him, Cedric sighed. "Didn't I tell you she was being restless? And yes, let's talk about Kevin, but I would like a coffee, running all the way here was the worst idea so far." Cedric simply laughed it off, while George went to prepare coffee for the both of them and turned on the machine. George sat in front of Cedric; still seeing how much his Lucario was snuggling and hugging Cedric. "Are Pokémon usually this affectionate?" George asked._

 _Cedric hugged Lucario back for a bit and told her to talk to the other Pokémon, Lucario kissed his cheek and went along._

* * *

Keldeo had a freaked out face. "Uhhhhhhhhhh."

* * *

 _"In the day of the incident, I remember very well, I heard the trainer commanding a flamethrower attack to that Charmalin." Cedric's eyes widened in curiosity as he heard that name._

 _"Excuse me, what?!" Cedric asked in disbelief._

 _"You know... Charmalin, the red fire-type lizard Pokémon... I think it evolves to Flamezard."_

 _"Charmeleon! And it evolves to Charizard!" Cedric corrected him, every Pokémon in the room noticed, Cedric's Lucario came running to him as soon as Cedric screamed and gave him a hug. "I'm fine Kyla." Lucario went back to talk to the Pokémon, but not before kissing his cheek again. "Kyla!" The doctor rubbed that one off as well,_

* * *

Keldeo put his hoof down, "Okay, stop! You're freaking me out more than Buizel's creepypasta painting!"

"Well, anyway, after Cedric and George finish reading the journal, they discover that Kevin's Pokemon have all escaped!"

* * *

 _George remembered this day as well. "That Pikachu had some nasty cuts, I mean just look at the cuts he has." As soon as George was pointing towards the couch Pikachu was sat on, he noticed that no Pokémon was sitting there and Kevin's stuff was also gone. Only Cedric's Lucario was there. George immediately began to panic. "Where are they?!" George ran to all of his rooms._

 _Cedric approached his Lucario, "is this what you wanted to tell me? But why are they gone?!" Cedric was also worried, but Kyla was trying to calm him down with her hugs and also kisses._

* * *

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Keldeo demanded, "Here I am, _trying_ not to make any venereal comments, and this story keeps trolling me with scenes of blatant bestiality! Peter Jackson's version of _King Kong_ wasn't as intimate as this!"

Keldeo groaned and said, "You know what? This just about marks the end of the first third of the story, so I'm gonna go take a break. Maybe I'll get some brain bleach or something."

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _We'll be right back!_


	3. Commercial 1

Piece of paper smeared with red paint hang on the wall . . .

 ** _He will come back._**

The sound of dripping pain can be heard . . .

 ** _He always does._**

A beam of light from a flashlight illuminates the arrowlike signs, some of which had attempts at writing on them . . .

 _ **We have a place for him.**_

Buizel sat slumped against the wall, all the arrows pointing to him. He was startled, crying, and desperate, holding onto Kevin's journal tightly. His eyes were wide and bloodshot . . .

 _ **FIVE NIGHTS AT BUIZEL'S**_

Buizel suddenly came in out of nowhere and fires a Hyperbeam at point blank range . . .

 _ **Coming Soon**_


	4. Kevin and Buizel REWRITE- Part Two

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 1: Kevin and Buizel REWRITE by SukottoDeragon**

"Okay, so it's the next morning, and neither Kevin nor his Pokemon have been found."

* * *

 _"Oh Kevin, you note-head, you gotta come back, you just gotta..." George was making promises to himself in his mind, that he would not bother him again if he returned. That he will give him a grand deal in music, simply anything for him to return._

 _George put the book away, put on his bed robe and headed towards the kitchen. He also had to wake up Cedric as he stayed at his home in case the Pokémon came back to the house. The doctor had crashed in George's couch, his snores were as loud as a truck, if he wanted to blame his own sleepless night, it could probably be him. Cedric's Lucario was sitting in a chair petting on her trainer's head while humming._

* * *

"OH COME ON!" Keldeo exclaimed, more angry than disgusted now, "Even Korrina and her Lucario if they saw this would be like:"

 _ **Korrina:** "*sigh* Yeah, this is weird."_

 ** _Korrina's Lucario:_** _"(Yes. Yes it is.)"_

* * *

" _Darn, does this Pokémon of yours never sleep Cedric?" George said aloud, hoping to wake up Cedric. "Rise and shine doc! Stop dating with that Lucario and get up." George said jokingly. A huge thump was heard from the living room, Cedric fell from the couch slammed his face on the ground. "Good! You are up now!"_

 _Cedric walked into the kitchen and sat down; he rubbed his own head in pain. "You don't have to yell to wake me up, and I'm not dating."_

 _"Calm down Ced, Let's have some coffee." George left the coffee pot on and started assorting cups for him and Cedric. "Hey Cedric, can your girlfriend drink coffee?"_

 _"She is not my girlfriend! And yes, Kyla likes coffee!" Cedric was starting to get pissed off._

* * *

"Well if you gave your Lucario a few moral lessons you wouldn't have this problem!"

"Well, anyway, our main characters get a phone call saying Kevin's Pokemon have been found. . . already?"

* * *

 _George quickly ran towards it and picked it up with the hopes of some information on the Pokémon to finally come._

 _"Hello, this is George." As George picked up the phone he saw the image of a young trainer with black short hair and blue eyes._

 _"You are Kevin's manager correct?" The trainer at the other side asked calmly._

 _"Yes! I'm his manager!"_

 _"I found Kevin's Pokémon and I want to go over there right now!" He said as he showed the pokemon gathered up, Buizel and Pikachu were playing around while Lucario was carrying the guitar bag._

* * *

 ** _Slappy Squirrel:_** _"That was pointless."_

"Well anyway, we suddenly learn that all the Pokemon are oddly happy even though Kevin is still missing."

* * *

 _George smiled as he saw the Pokémon and was excited. "Nice! What about Kevin?" George asked hoping Kevin was with them._

 _"Oh no, he is still missing?" The trainer asked sadly, he was disappointed. "I was hoping for Kevin to have already appeared, I really need to talk to him."_

 _"No... there are still no clues of him." George was dissapointed, but at least the Pokémon were safe._

 _"It's strange because the Pokémon here are looking very happy with me right now... anyways, I'm going down there to give you all the Pokémon, could I have the address?"_

 _George gave him the address and thanked the trainer for his time, now it's just a matter of waiting. George sat with Cedric again; they were both slightly happier, but still worried about Kevin. They couldn't believe that there was no information about him yet. "This is not a good situation..." George pondered to himself, although Cedric was doubtful._

 _"I don't know... why would Kevin's Pokémon be happy?"_

 _"Because they got rescued from being lost of course!"_

 _"No, the only reason I would think of his Pokémon being happy, is that they saw Kevin or talked to Kevin. So why isn't he with his Pokémon again?" Cedric did make a point, but he wasn't done, "another thing that I wanted to mention, was that my Lucario was calm despite everything." Cedric's Lucario looked at him quickly and then approached to hug and snuggle him. "Kyla, why were you so calm, did the Pokémon know where Kevin was?" Kyla thought for a few second and then nodded, she smiled at her trainer. "That's great! So they went to talk to him?" Kyla nodded one more time. "That's great, but why didn't you mention anything at the start?" Kyla didn't know how to respond to this one, to what she only resorted to hug her trainer again._

 _Cedric stood up and walked towards the couch, he invited his Pokémon to sit with him. "I guess you forgot, Kyla?" His Lucario was flustered, she had completely forgotten. She resorted to then hug his trainer, to which Cedric for one snuggled back. "That's fine my poor Kyla, we all forget things." Cedric continued to pat her head gently. "We all make mistakes."_

 _"So when's the kiss?"_

* * *

"Shut-up, George. You sick enabler," Keldeo said emotionlessly.

* * *

 _Kyla's ears perked up quickly and she smiled, to which before Cedric was able to even spout a word towards George, she kissed her trainer in the cheek again and continued hugging. "George, please no, she is already very affectionate towards me, please don't make matters worse."_

 _"Or make matters better is seems. If you don't want her around as much, just store her inside your poke ball." George asked, if he really doesn't want Kyla around he should just send her to his poke ball._

* * *

"Redundant much, redundant?" Keldeo asked with a grin.

* * *

 _"I can't! I lost the poke ball." Cedric said as he held his Lucario._

 _"How do you just lose a poke ball, and is it not possible to recapture her inside another poke ball?" George wondered._

 _"I can't, I lost my poke ball last month. It's fine, I'm okay with all this hugging, it is really nice, but not with all this kissing on the cheek thing." Cedric said as he continued to comfort his Lucario until he realized she had fallen asleep at his arms, she was snug in his arms. "Wow, This is the first time I've seen her asleep from so close." Cedric didn't want to admit it, not to his new friend, but he enjoyed being near his Lucario dearly._

* * *

Keldeo was hoofing in resignation. Then he sighed and said, "Okay, now this is getting scary. Skyla obviously has a sick obsession that's probably not very healthy . . . for her _and_ Cedric by the look at this."

* * *

 _George chuckled from afar; it was a very cute scene. "She really does love you."_

 _"I guess she really does, I really care a lot for my Lucario."_

 _George chuckled and thought of a way to mock his new friend again, "if you never have a girlfriend you at least have Lucario to marry!"_

 _"And yet you continue mocking me..."_

* * *

"You're asking for it!"

"Anyway, before we get another Mon on Man make out session, the trainer who found Kevin's Pokemon finally arrives."

* * *

 _The door knocked,_

* * *

"Did Starfire from the Team Titans edit this?"

* * *

 _George quickly got up from the table near the kitchen to open, and Kyla didn't wake up from the loud knocking. As soon as he opened the door Kevin's Pokémon busted in and sat near the couches. From the door, the trainer was standing. "Young trainer, thank you so much for your help." The trainer stood there and smiled, he was taller and a bit older than Kevin by the likes of it._

 _"It is my pleasure George!" The trainer shook hands with George, he had the feeling that he knew who this trainer was, but his attitude didn't quite stick this familiar person._

 _"How do you know my name? Do I know you?" George was trying to recall people._

 _"You don't remember me? I caused a huge incident years ago. It's me, Adam!" George's eyes widened, he had grown so much and seemed so polite. Cedric looked at him from afar._

 _"That's Adam?!" Kyla woke at the scream, she stood up and got defensive towards the trainer, posing to get ready to attack, Kevin's Pokémon urged Kyla otherwise. After that, Kyla went back snuggling with his trainer. "Wasn't he the bad trainer who almost basically stole Kevin's friend?" Adam stepped in and talked to Cedric._

 _"I've changed in the years, I was completely wrong in the past, and I regret it deeply." Adam noticed that Cedric and Lucario were very close. "Sometimes I wish I had such a connection with my Pokémon, I don't know how Kevin and his Buizel are so connected. You and your Lucario seem very close, I wish I was able to be close with mine at all." Adam said as he sat down the table, he was disappointed. "If I never talk to him, I fear that I might never know how to treat Pokémon better." Adam looked at George, he just stared at him._

* * *

"Wow, I'm really liking this new take on Adam. He knows that how he acted was wrong, he regrets his actions, and he wants to become a better person."

* * *

 _"You don't mind if I stay and talk for a while, do you?"_

 _George prepared a coffee for Adam. "I hope you like coffee" George said as he sat down in front of him. "So how did you find the Pokémon?"_

 _"They just ran towards me, they basically found me. It was honestly odd; I thought Kevin's Pokémon would be scared of me."_

 _Cedric was also interested what Adam had to say in person, he wanted to stand and sit at the kitchen table, but Kyla had fallen to sleep yet again, he patted her head and spoke from where he was. "After the incident and that poor Pikachu? Anyone would be scared of you."_

 _Adam looked at Cedric with confusion, "to Pikachu? If you are talking about the cuts, it's because I rescued him from kids that didn't really know what they were doing. I tried raising him myself, but he was always so frightened, that's why I gave the Pokémon to Kevin, because I knew he could make Pikachu happy again." Adam said as he looked at George, "I was glad to see my Pikachu again; it gave me certainty that I made the right choice."_

* * *

"Whoa! So he's not even guilty of _that_ crime?" Keldeo said in surprise, "That's incredible! And the idea that he tried raising a Pikachu but just couldn't do it just sounds so heartbreaking."

"Well, anyway, Adam is allowed to read Kevin's diary."

* * *

 _Cedric, not getting up from his embrace from Lucario, still had the need to protest, "are you sure he should read it George?" George however trusted Adam now, his first impression of him showed how much he had changed throughout time._

 _"Adam is different, I mean the Pokémon trust him." George figured that if Adam was still a bad person, they would've run away. "If he really needs to know about something he was going to ask him, he might find it in the journal." George looked at Adam and smiled at him, "I'll trust anyone who is able to find Kevin's best friend and bring him home safely."_

 _Adam didn't really imagine that such praise was coming his way, he was always thankful of such things, but coming from a friend of Kevin's was big for him. "Thank you so much, in which case, do you want me to read these pages aloud for you?" Adam asked George._

 _"We already read the other pages; you can read these on your very own, a certain chapter reminds me of the beauty and the beast over here." Cedric protested, but not aloud to not disturb his sleeping pokemon._

 _"Kyla is no beast."_

 _"Nah man, you are the beast." George said as he got up from the table and picked up Adam's empty cup. "Adam, you can go to my bedroom and read there, chapters start getting very poetic." George pointed towards his room; Adam picked up Kevin's backpack and kept moving. "Oh before you go, I need an opinion on something." The manager looked at both Cedric and Lucario. "Vanilla or chocolate for their wedding cake?"_

* * *

"SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP! PLEASE JUST SHUT-UP WITH THE STUPID BESTIALITY!" Keldeo exploded, turning into his Resolute Form and extending his Secret Sword. "Don't they see how messed up this all is? Shouldn't _Kyla_ be offended by all this?"

* * *

 _"We are not a couple and we are not getting married!" Cedric said, Kyla didn't do anything or appeared to be mad, she just smiled alongside him._

 _"We should ask Kyla then," George asked the recently awoken Pokémon, "how would you like a wedding cake with Cedric?" Kyla was fulll of joy and hugged her trainer._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw almost hit the ground.

* * *

 _"Darn it George! We are not getting married! It's not even a thing that can happen!"_

 _"I don't think your pokemon agrees."_

* * *

Keldeo stared in disbelief for a long moment, then he sighed and said, "Okay, SukottoDeragon, I wanna be serious for a moment, and I just wanna ask in all honesty, nothing ironic, no jokes, just straight up and plainly . . . what did you think was gonna happen here? What was the mindset? Did . . . you _really_ think that years later, people would appreciate the brilliance of a Pokemon bestiality couple? I mean, what, did you think people would be like, _'Skyla and Cedric: Ungodly genius. So many various levels, in which it works. We should hold it up to the great love stories that come before us!'_ Martin and Rose, Spyro and Cynder, Shining Armor and Cadence . . . man and dog. . . Of course, naturally. I mean, I believe I actually saw that on _Spike the Snob_ when he was analyzing the Greatest Love Stories of Any Generation . . ."

* * *

 _Spike the Snob sat in his chair as he stroked the top of his walking stick. He smiled and said, "Well it's not so much that it goes against all the laws of nature, but the fact that it tarnishes the pure and innocent relationship shown between Kevin and Buizel later on."_

 _The little dragon sat back and continued to smile for a moment, but then suddenly frowned angrily and growled out, "You know what? No. Just no. Forget this garbage. I can't lie with a straight-face. This is just too gross."_

* * *

"EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Keldeo screamed as he sliced the scene in half with his Secret Sword. He then immediately calmed down and returned to his normal form.

"So . . ." Keldeo said, slightly out of breath, "Adam finally gets to read the darn book, and of course we have the scene that was oh so important in the original story, the bonding scene."

* * *

 _He was attempting to sleep at the other side of the sleeping bag, but he was shaking and could not sleep at all. He was scared of_

 _thunders just like I was._

 _Lightning fell and struck the ground very near us, that impact also made Buizel so scared that I could actually see him crying with his_

 _eyes closed shut tight, that thunder had scared me out as well. Buizel was gripping the edge of the sleeping bag tightly, almost ripping it_

 _with his paws, his fear was evident._

 _I had wanted to make him feel safe, so I told him that everything was alright, I had given him pats on the head of my friend, and I had_

 _assumed he was able to be calm now, but he was still a bit scared._

 _Buizel started to approach me; I could sense his fear, and also the need of someone to keep him safe. He reminded me a lot of myself_

 _when I had sleepless nights, those moments of my childhood in where I was in fear of the might of nature and sky, but my mother and father_

 _were always there to protect me, I might as well follow their example, and protect my friend._

 _I made a simple offer, for us to hug to sleep. These things had helped me when I was alongside my family and I always had felt safe,_

 _Buizel immediately hugged me. It took me by surprise. It felt kind of, comfortable actually. We slept like that for a couple of hours but_

 _Buizel moved a bit and woke me up, it was still raining and the thunders would never stop, the world was playing its symphony of nature and_

 _wanted its audience to be awake on such moments._

 _Buizel then turned towards me almost on top of my chest hugging me with his both arms, he simply Buiied, obviously I couldn't_

 _understand but, the tone he gave away was very soft._

 _His fur was feeling warmer overtime and his embrace grew ever so tighter, I then realized much of a friend I was to him as well, ever_

 _since I saved him near the shore he had always tried to be near me no matter what. Ever since I told him that I wanted to be his friend_

 _he has always been around, I understood why he didn't want to go inside the poke ball when asked at times, he loved and cared for me_

 _deeply. I had never imagined such a thing to happen, but this is what forming a bond was like._

 _I couldn't help to follow my heart and hug him with my both arms as well, a very tight hug to make him know that I actually loved and_

 _cared for him too._

 _Personally, I have never thought that I would go as far as loving a Pokémon as a really good friend, but then again, Buizel is the one_

 _greatest friend I have, the only family I got at the moment, the first one who cherished my melodies, he has been there for me all this_

 _time. Calm grew inside me as I hugged, despite rain and thunder, everything was fine._

 _I had closed my eyes while still embracing him in my attempts to finally sleep. My friend however had licked me, it had caught me by_

 _surprise, and it felt strange. It was if I understood some things about him now, but it opened up even more questions on various other_

 _things. I felt true happiness emerge from within, I didn't really feel alone lately, but I did feel as if I was never going to be alone ever_

 _again, then I realized that Buizel was my very best friend of all, and that he would never leave my side. I simply patted him in the head_

 _and told him how silly he was._

 _Then, a very ridiculous idea crossed my mind, I really wanted him to feel exactly what I felt right there, and there is one way only to_

 _make such a powerful whirlpool of emotions, I decided to give a tiny lick at Buizels cheek as well. A second later, a couple of tears ran_

 _through his face, his smile was uncontrollable, and his hug grew somewhat tighter, and so tighter that I might as well suffocate and_

 _never realize about it. He snuggled against my body way more than before. His fur felt incredibly cuddly and warm. But what I enjoyed the most_

 _of this embrace, was the fact that I had Buizel beside me, to feel my friend so close to me. The feeling of having him in pure contact with me_

 _opened an inner happiness that was locked away in my soul; I just loved him to be near me. Countless songs where crafted in my head but_

 _certainly none described this powerful and intense feeling of love that we shared together, the only song that I thought that did was the one_

 _composed by both of us._

 _I just wanted that embrace to last forever, never to separate, to feel him near my body was simply so enjoyable that I could stay_

 _forever like this._

 _It was right there where I understood what my mom meant about "Bonding is something each trainer must experiment." It's_

 _something personal when being with your Pokémon, I have to admit to myself yet again that I enjoyed it; this was a connectivity that I_

 _felt with Buizel. Now, I can't imagine what It could feel losing him; we would just cry non-stop if we got separated. I couldn't imagine_

 _such a fate for us._

 _Well, in short, we have bonded together. There was absolutely no way for us to talk to each other yet, but in our embrace it was if we_

 _could talk to each other. But there is something that is bothering me however, I feel as if there was something that Buizel has been_

 _trying to tell me, that there is something important that he has to let me know._

 _I really felt that this experience was something that not many trainers really shared, but this was such a normal feeling, of friendship_

 _and companionship. Buizel and I are best friends forever._

 _Wouldn't have you imagined that your best friend could be your own Pokémon? Why not? There is nothing wrong to it. Some trainers_

 _say that they are just buddies; some say that they really don't feel anything for us trainers. But it shouldn't really matter what they_

 _would think, because I knew with absolute certainty that Pokémon can feel as much as we do._

* * *

"Yeah, I know the text is a little wonky, but that's because it's supposed to be a journal entry. Anyway, I can feel all of you accusing me of being unfair because I think Kevin and Buizel's relationship is okay but Cedric and Kyla isn't. Well you listen to me, Kevin and Buizel are clearly in a platonic state. Ya know, like brothers. When Buizel licked Kevin, it was a Pokemon's way of saying, 'you're my family. I care about you. I'll never leave your side.' Kevin was able to understand it, and figured, 'hey! I feel the same way, so why not say in the Pokemon way!' Kevin was just returning the innocent gesture."

"Now Kyla, on the other hoof, is constantly giving Cedric all these gross sloppy wet kisses and has her paws all over him- _uggh!_ It's disgusting! Kevin makes it perfectly clear that there's nothing wrong with having a Pokemon as _your best friend. NOT YOUR ROMANTIC PARTNER!"_

Keldeo groaned and said, "It's like this story was written using _Cards Against Humanity!_ It's like he drew cards that said _Fanboy Doctor,_ _Lucario, Bestiliaty_!"

Keldeo sprayed himself in the face with water from his left forehoof and sighed, "Oh boy. I need to calm down. I mean, it's not like SukottoDeragon would really use cards to write a fanfic-."

* * *

 ** _Kevin the Buizel_**

 _Fate is uncertain, or so they say. Mathias, a magician is willing to make a reading of Kevin, a former human who became a pokemon. Kevin will have to adapt and completely rid of his humanity while others are searching for him to discover the secrets of his transformation A sequel of Kevin and Buizel -The story's direction is randomized by using Tarot cards to define their fate - **Published: Jan 6**_

* * *

Keldeo promptly walked off the rock platform and off to one side. There was the sound of violent splashing, thrashing, and slicing from off screen. Then, Keldeo ran back in, his hair messed up badly and his eyes blazing with anger.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! No, seriously, WHAT IN THE NAME OF _BURNT BISCUITS_ ARE YOU DOING?! I don't get it! I really don't! It's like you're _trying_ to tick off the people that loved the original story so much! Why? No, really, why are you trying to tick us off? I mean, it's bad enough I have to review this rewrite, but now I have a sequel based off of gypsy fortune telling to worry about! Am I having some kind of nightmare?!"

"Well, how about we forget all that, and put our focus back on the plot. This is the part where we flash back to the day Kevin disappeared and see things from his perspective."

* * *

 _The doors of the Cafe opened as I noticed the bell ring from the top of the door, I saw a trainer with short straight black hair maybe a_

 _couple of years older than me, I knew he was a trainer because of the Charizard outside that he quickly made go back into his poke ball._

 _I was worried because he was glaring at me, he sat down at the same table that I was, so I greeted him._

 _"Hey! Do I know you?" He did look very familiar, but why does it bother me so much? The trainer took his jacket off and hung it by the_

 _chair, he then smiled at me._

 _"Don't you remember me?" I realized that he wasn't smiling very enthusiastically, he was indeed happy, but I also sensed concern within_

 _him._

 _"You do seem familiar! But I don't know where I have seen you..." I was recalling people from the past to no avail, I didn't recall this_

 _person._

 _"It was a very long time ago," he was at edge in nervousness, what was it that he was so scared about? "I'm Adam." I was not pleased with his visit in the least._

 _"Ah, so it is you," I wasn't very gentle with this response, but I didn't want to show him that I didn't mind what happened in the past. He did seem concerned at my answer. I closed my journal and put it away._

 _"I just need to say that I am sorry for what I did in the past! I had a lot of anger issues and problems, but that all changed I swear!" Adam was now desperate, pleading for forgiveness. I can't give him that as easy as he wants it. "I just want to talk to you, about Pokémon," why would this guy want to talk about Pokémon with me?_

 _"You almost stole my friend, and you want to talk about Pokémon?" I was starting to think that I was probably being rude, I saw Adam and decided to listen to him, if he was really sorry I wanted to hear what he had to say._

 _"I was full of anger issues and depression, I got bullied at school and when I became a trainer I felt strong like those bullies. I thought I would do anything, but I realized later that I wasn't using my powers, but the strength of my Pokémon."_

* * *

"EX - PO - SI - TION! EX - PO -SI -TION! Rush it out AS - AP!" Keldeo and Munna sang.

* * *

 _I remembered my favourite show was here today! "I honestly can't wait to see the show myself! I can't wait for the greatest magic act on all Kalos to be here in Sunnyshore!"_

 _"What kind of magic? Is it some sort of playing card tricks?" He laughed as he drank some coffee._

 _"The great Mathias and Braixen! Illusion, tricks and miraculous events." I explained their many illusions and tricks, many of them were of levitation, mind magic but most of all, their grand final act which was simply a miracle. "Mathias in the final act enters by himself inside a box as his Braixen leaves the scenario. He slowly descends inside the box, and then smoke comes from the inside!"_

* * *

Keldeo shook his head and laughed, "Really? His name is Mathias? What's next? A pastor named Jak Stor? An undertaker named Mr. Grol?"

"So after that odd mention of a character, we finally get to see how that scene between Kevin and Team Rocket played out in which Kevin tries to hire Meowth as a Pokemon translator."

* * *

 _"Sorry music boy. I'm not interested." He shook his head and turned around._

 _"Well then, would you accept money? I have a lot of money, just name a price" I wasn't sure what else to offer aside from money, I was hoping they would accept._

 _"Like we need money, we have money all the time." Meowth said, "This twerp clearly doesn't know who we are."_

* * *

"I thought you three were always broke?" Keldeo said in confussion, "Or am I being a genwunner?"

* * *

 _"Well um, what do you want then? Just name it." Hopefully I had anything they wanted._

 _"We only care about your Pokeymon right now!" Meowth said as he stood above the table and stretched his arm towards me. I looked around and noticed that there wasn't anyone nearby to watch our conversation._

 _"I'm sure it is because you want Buizel to use hyperbeam. Ha! He wouldn't do such a thing for your evil plans, tell'em buddy." Buizel jumped on top of the table and spoke to the Meowth, actually it would've seemed like he was yelling at him._

 _"Hey calm down! You don't have to be so mean." Meowth looked at Jessie and James, "he is right, that Pokémon would rather be gone than to be away from his trainer, he also absolutely refuses to use hyperbeam, no matter what." I was proud of Buizel, what a good friend he was, I was happy to be able to understand just a bit of what he said, it was exciting to me._

 _I needed to insist, the opportunity of communication was painfully close that I felt like snatching Meowth immediately, but I had to be calm about this, I definitely didn't want to lose the chance. I slid the diamond collar once more; it is worth a ton of money after all._

 _"But really now, the collar is very expensive, I'm sure this is at least enough for a few minutes of your time." It was a diamond collar with a single gem in its center. It had a circular shape to it, and the chain that held the gem was made of pure gold, my hopes on their interest just rose as the thief with the purple hair grabbed a hold of it to look closely. The woman looked at me and smirked._

 _"Okay twerp I'll give it to you, this collar is pretty okay but we want to see what else you have!" Jessie said._

 _"But, it's a necklace of diamond and gold," what else could I offer these guys? They are already ripping me off as it is, "I have like what, soda caps and paper clips... you are already gaining more than you should with the necklace." I noticed the guy with the blue hair stare in awe at the soda caps._

 _"Is that?! The special edition soda pop cap?!" He asked as he pointed at them dramatically, he was very surprised with them for whatever reason._

 _"Uh, I think so?" I had no idea what was going on, but before I knew it, the guy grabbed Meowth and spoke to him._

 _"Close the deal! CLOSE THE DEAL NOW!" He said while shaking Meowth's entire body back and forth._

* * *

Keldeo chuckled, "Okay, that joke will _always_ be funny."

* * *

 _"Okay twerp, you can let Meowth do… whatever it is that he does for two minutes" The woman with anti-gravity hair said, but I wanted more than just a few minutes._

 _"Fifteen minutes!" I insisted_

 _"Five minutes!"_

 _"Twelve minutes!"_

* * *

 _ **Pinkie Pie:** "One bit!"_

 ** _Shopkeeper:_** _"Two bits!"_

 ** _Pinkie Pie:_** _"Two bits!"_

 ** _Daffy:_** _"Duck season, FIRE!"_

 ** _BOOM!_**

* * *

 _"Ten minutes or no deal!"_

 _Ten minutes would suffice for me; it will be enough to talk of many things_

 _"It's a deal"_

* * *

"Okay, so in the original, the deal gets interrupted by Adam who's trying to steal Buizel again. But since Adam is good in this, I'm curious to see how this is gonna play out-."

* * *

 _As I turned back around I noticed Team Rocket running away with Buizel! I couldn't believe it!_

* * *

"OH, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" Keldeo exclaimed, "This is like when Team Galactic captured Riley and Aaron in _Breaking the Chains_ because they fainted from Maylene taking too long to order ice cream! Yeah, I went there! I'm still bitter about that scene. And it also shows how dumb Kevin was to try and make a deal with a _terrorist organization!_ "

 ** _Hiro-san:_** _"Stupid! You're so stupid!"_

"And I know, Team Rocket really aren't that dangerous, but they sure aren't _trustworthy_!"

* * *

 _"Hey! Come back here you thieves!" Without thinking twice I grabbed both my pokeballs and released Pikachu and Riolu. The light from the pokeball revealed both my Pokémon. "Riolu, Pikachu! Chase down those criminals!" My Pokémon quickly dashed towards them; unfortunately Team Rocket was already close to their hot air balloon already._

 _The woman with the pink hair turned around and threw a strange device to both of them. It was a net that flew right above my Pokémon falling on top of them; the ends of the net struck the ground and kept both of my Pokémon held tight. My Pikachu attempted to use electric attacks but the net absorbed the energy from it and damaged them instead._

 _The woman laughed maniacally. "Good thing we are used to the other twerp's Pikachu at this point, right James?"_

 _Their whole team got up aboard the hot air balloon, James was crying however. "But Jessie I wanted those bottle caps! They are so rare!"_

 _"Quit whining James, this Pokémon is far more valuable than your stupid caps." The hot air balloon ignited the flame and they began to rise. "Now that we have this Pokémon, we will use him to capture the other twerp's Pokémon! See you never!"_

 _"My bottle caps!"_

* * *

Keldeo chuckled, "That joke is still funny."

* * *

 _I ran towards the net and tried freeing Riolu and Pikachu myself, but the net itself was too hard to get out. This was horrifying, my best friend was being stolen by these clowns and I'm fearing that I may never see him again and I don't know what I can do. I just watched helplessly how they were flying away. I feel ashamed; I made my friend go through an unnecessary danger..._

 _A very loud flapping noise caught my attention behind me, before I could turn a huge Pokémon flew right above me, it was Adam's Charizard! I felt more relieved!_

 _"Oh no you don't! Do you clowns think you can just run away with my friend's Pokémon with such ease?" Adam yelled at them as he approached them at a steady pace._

 _It was hard to see from the distance, but I noticed Charizard closing in. Then an audible scream from Team Rocket caught my attention, I paid attention to everything that happened, I noticed Charizard throwing an attack towards the balloon, the transport exploded and I noticed the three of them fly off at the distance._

 _The reaction of Adam was simply amazing; he noticed what Team Rocket did before I even noticed despite their skills on stealing. He rode the Charizard quickly towards the balloon and attacked Team Rocket. There was definitely amazing trainer attributes within him._

* * *

Keldeo clapped his fore hooves and smiled, "Congratulations, Adam, you have officially redeemed yourself."

"After the rescue, we get a genuinely touching scene between Adam and Kevin and really shows how much they've grown. The scene shows that things really are cool between them, and how true this new friendship between them is. It also shows us how resolute Kevin is about his desire to understand Pokemon, and how that desire has also touched Adam as well."

* * *

 _Adam flew back towards me, I managed to free Riolu and Pikachu from the net, but the electric attacks had both of them fainted. Buizel was scared and shivering as he was in Adam's arms; as soon as he handed him back to me he smiled and hugged me. "Buizel I'm so sorry!" I was completely disappointed in myself for putting my friend to such dangers, "I was so worried about you, and I promise that I won't do something so dangerous again!" I hugged my Buizel and held him close to me; I patted him and assured him that everything was going to be alright now. Adam was proud of helping me, he really did impress me._

 _"Thank you so much Adam, I don't know how I can repay you." If there were any doubts that he had changed, they were all gone by this point, I was still crying just a bit, Buizel did hug me tightly and being with him indeed calmed me down. I'm just happy that he is safe now._

 _"After all I did to you in the past and for your kindness this is the least I could do for you!" Adam seemed calm, but I could feel that he was very proud of what he had just done for me._

 _"Really now?"_

 _"Well, not the least I could do, but I'm glad I helped you after what I did."_

 _"That is all forgiven," I grabbed his shoulder and smiled at him, "All forgiven indeed my friend. Although I don't really understand, how is it that while being such a fantastic trainer you are still not being able to keep your Pokémon close?" I did want to know; even if he didn't know the answer himself maybe I could aid him._

 _"Well, I'm not sure why that is, but my Pokémon train every day very hard!" Adam said proudly, but I noticed the Charizard a bit sad by this._

 _"Maybe your Pokémon don't like to train the whole time? I mean there is more to it than just training you know." I advised him._

 _"You think so?"_

 _"Indeed, Charizard doesn't seem to like the fact that you train almost all the time. Is this true?" I asked his Charizard, to which she quickly nodded. Adam saw this nod and was amazed._

 _"Wow, how is it that you know this stuff?"_

 _"I got to understand Pokémon in a special way. I'm sure you will do one day as well!"_

 _"Well tell me! What is it?"_

 _"It's something that you must figure out in time." I sighed, despite my understanding of Pokémon there I honestly wished for, "regardless of this though, I still can't understand what my best friend says."_

 _"I'm sure it is not necessary." I was saddened, the communication factor was indeed important for me and my friend, not many understood._

 _"There has been something very important that my Buizel has wanted to tell me, but I can never understand what that may be."_

 _"Maybe... maybe you are just thinking he does have something to say..."_

 _"He does though, look." I held my dear Buizel at eyesight and asked him, "Is there something super important you wanna tell me?" Buizel nodded and said yes, "does it have to do with our friendship?" Another nod._

 _"Wow, have you like," Adam thought for a bit, "Maybe tried to ask him as you are guessing?"_

 _"I have tried, but I can never guess!" I sat down at the grass patch beside the road and held all of my Pokémon near me, Pokémon were always the ones I loved being around with when I was feeling sad, I just wished all my friends were not fainted. "Do you know what a very deep wish of mine is?" I asked Adam, he didn't respond nor did I expect him too, I just wanted to vent now._

 _"I've always wished that I could talk to Pokémon, ever since the happiest day of my life, the day me and Buizel became the bestest of friends."_

 _"Why do you want to talk to Pokémon?" Adam asked, "well you know, aside from talking to your best friend."_

 _"I feel that I need to at times. At other times I feel like I want to understand Pokémon better than I can, sometimes I also feel that there is something," what's the word now... "mystical about the Pokémon world." I wondered on the things that could be beyond my imagination, it was interesting to think about. "I'd give anything to learn how to speak to Pokémon; I'll still look for the way, so I have been doing ever since I left Kalos."_

* * *

"Well if you had gone to _Unova_ instead of Kalos, you might have been able to get some pointers for N," Keldeo said, and he sighed, "Just goes to show, Unova is better than Kalos. Hopefully GameFreak will wake up and make _Pokemon Alpha Black and Omega White 1 and 2._ Seriously, I'm waiting!"

* * *

 _Our conversation was cut as Team Rocket reappeared,_

* * *

"WHAT!? But you were just blasted- NEVERMIND!"

* * *

 _Adam pointed them out and so did Charizard. Team Rocket ran from him. Adam stood up and got agitated. "Kevin! You have to put Buizel in the pokeball!" It was not something I honestly wanted to do, and it was not something Buizel wanted to do either. 'You must keep your friend safe from them, just for a little bit!" Buizel didn't seem to like the idea; I looked around my bag for the pokeball._

 _"I'll try to convince my friend to do so," I saw Adam chase after Team Rocket; I was left alone with my Pokémon until he came back. "Buizel we gotta get you in the pokeball. Just for a bit." Buizel didn't look too happy about it but he agreed later on. "It'll just be a few seconds buddy."_

 _I was sitting right alongside Buizel with my pokeball; it's strange to think that I have never put Buizel in my pokeball ever since he got captured by Adam. It was a dire situation this time; I pointed Buizel with the pokeball and triggered it. The laser of the pokeball caught Buizel and as I saw him he started to glow red..._

 _Wait, something is off, the whole place was going red right before my eyes, I looked around the sky and the ground and everything was tinted red for me, I looked at Buizel once again, he was completely petrified and before I knew it._

 _Darkness._

* * *

"That's right! Kevin gets sucked into the Pokeball too. But what makes this better than the original was that before, Kevin got sucked in because he was . . . hugging Buizel tightly? Okay . . . But in this version, it turns out that the Pokeball was damaged during the struggle with Adam a while back, and the damages made it malfunction this time. Sure, it sounds random, but it least now we have a more tangible reason than 'love' or 'fate' or 'accident'."

"Well, anyway, Kevin's physical form gets deleted during the repair process and he's finally released, meaning we can finally see what _this:_ "

* * *

 _He leapt about in the room and seemed as jolly as ever and sang a song in his own language. He skipped from one side to the other and danced._

* * *

"-was all about."

* * *

 _Could it really be? I'm looking at myself but, I can't believe this at all! Right now I could speak with Buizel because I was a Pokémon! I can't believe it, I'm a Pokémon! I touched my face closely now, I definitely had the head structure of a Buizel, the floatation sac was around my neck, it was hard to look down but as I felt my body awaking from being numb I was able to feel the feet, the body, my arms and I can even feel the tail behind me now, my attempts to move it succeeded as my tail wagged back and forth, I could also move the tips of the tail independently. What would be about my human life? I'd never be able to have the benefits of being a human, but that doesn't bother me very much if it's a price to pay to be able to talk to my best friend._

 _The feeling of having a different body is oddly exciting; the fact that I am different alone is amazing. I keep staring at my hands, or rather paws right now, they are mine, these Buizel paws are a part of me now. The feeling of the fur all around my body was amazing, I didn't have any clothes but I didn't feel cold. I held my chest; I could feel myself breathe with this body, in and out, as I did so I felt my heart beating beneath all this foreign fur, this body functions and lives along with me._

 _I hopped in excitement jumping back and forth; I even made a little dance. This confirmed it even more, I am now a Pokémon, and this body was moving as I wanted like I have always been living as a Buizel. This was beyond anything I could ever imagine, I've had a few dreams of becoming a Pokémon, but the real sensation beats it by a long run. Now I just needed to find Buizel and finally be able to talk to my lifelong friend!_

 _The doctor was walking towards me, I felt him approaching me with his hands. The hands which are now big were able to surround me, he then picked me up, it felt strange being lifted so high and to be handled by this doctor, being treated like just a regular Pokémon that can be easily picked up to look at. Now I can really understand why some Pokémon would hate this, it does feel slightly annoying, especially if you fear that the trainer will drop you I suppose._

 _"You seem very happy Buizel, although we have some terrible news for you." The doctor said while holding me, what kind of terrible news? Did something happen? "Your trainer Kevin is missing." Kevin missing, I laughed at how ridiculous that sounds, I am right here! How can't they notice, as I was laughing at the situation, memory crept back in and I recalled the situation I am currently in. What do they mean that I'm missing?_

 _I recalled being outside with Buizel before everything went black, I had used the pokeball. The only logical fact is that I got sucked inside the pokeball as well, but where is Buizel then? The doctor had put me back on the table and I got back to thinking on everything. I was scared I was not going to be able to see my friend again, but he was missing and I didn't know where he had gone, I tried looking behind every counter with my eyes, every corner to see if he was somewhere around this room but he wasn't! But what if Buizel was captured by that Team Rocket, Adam chased them off however, but what if Adam was the one that took Buizel away and betrayed me! No, it doesn't make sense; he wasn't around when this happened. What if when I got captured inside with my friend I took over his body...?_

* * *

"THANK YOU!" Keldeo exclaimed, "It took you forever to figure that out in the original version!"

* * *

 _But where is my friend? I began to cry, but I couldn't control my fear and sorrow, I was sobbing nonstop, I cried out loud, my friend was probably gone and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I looked at the doctor as I cried._

 _They need to know I'm Kevin! They must look for my Buizel instead; I have to let them know! I quickly leapt towards the doctor and held on to him; I stared at him while yelling and begging for them to look for my friend._

 _"You gotta look for my friend! I'm Kevin! I'm right here! Buizel is out there and I don't want him to get lost! He must be worried sick for me!" The doctor simply put me back on the table; he was probably scared at the way I reacted._

 _"Calm down Buizel! We are going to find Kevin!" And then it hit me, how hard must've been for Buizel to try to speak to me when he couldn't understand me. The words I said were only Buizel noises, but I could feel the words being spoken in my head as I yelled at the doctor, as I reheard myself, I could interpret everything I had said, I really did have the Pokémon language incorporated within me. I suddenly felt something jump on top of the table, it was definitely Ash's Pikachu, I wonder what he wanted._

 _"Hi Buizel! How are you feeling?" Pikachu was speaking to me, this was very weird for me still, I mean I can hear Pikachu only speaking in his own language but I understand every single word, I was able to make out the language back and forth with no difficulty at all. I constantly get reminded that I am now a Pokémon and that I can speak to other Pokémon, I can probably use Pokémon moves, I can even evolve into Floatzel if I wanted too, can I breathe underwater? What about hyper beam? What will I eat? How do I inflate my floatation sac? The surge of information was overwhelming; I felt reality dissipate once more and fainted._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Okay, so it wasn't really a Pikachu Punch that knocked him out, but I had to get that joke in there somehow!"

"So Kevin wakes up a little later, stuffs his face with Pokemon food, and then we get the scene that inspired the first commercial of season four."

* * *

 _George had prepared several sheets of paper and set them on the ground, he brought up a red paint. I placed my paw on the paint and then on the paper, I realized then, that if I couldn't tell him that I'm Kevin, I could write it down! Yes! I can still communicate!_

 _"Perfect! Go ahead and paint at your heart's desire. I'll leave this room on for you, but sleep soon." George had gone to his bedroom, I attempted to write with my paw, but it was a bit complicated to do so, the paint gets messy and it goes all over the paper. It took me a few attempts to be able to get letters written down on paper making the letter I was easy. The letter N was a bit harder to do than the rest, but I was capable of writing it down. The problem is that I quickly ran out of paper and I needed more, my journal has at least half of the pages in blank, I could use those to easily write down my message._

* * *

"Ya know, sometimes I wonder is this is all just a really clunky homage to _The Shaggy Dog._ "

* * *

 _I slowly climbed to the table and snatched the journal with my arms. My journal was where I put the most important things of my life, especially how me and my best friend met in the first place. My Buizel and I are the greatest of friends and I wanted nothing more than to be able to talk to him, if I let George know that I am indeed Kevin, they will search for Buizel instead!_

 _I heard someone coming inside the room so I attempted to run on two legs as I carried my journal but I soon realized that I was incapable of doing so. Something that was as natural as walking on two legs as a human was no a huge task with my new anatomy. I tumbled with my own feet and fell from the table. As I fell a light was pointed towards me and I tried to run away. I'm pretty sure that it's George who is looking for me, I tried to paint arrows on the wall with my paws to point towards me hoping that I could make the point come across, I didn't want Buizel to still be missing, I need to let George know that I am Kevin. I need my friend back with me!_

 _The flashlight was pointed towards me, and George looked at me horrified, I'm not sure that I managed to make my point clear._

* * *

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer said.

* * *

 _"Buizel, I understand that you really miss Kevin, but... I..." George sighed, I saw him go towards the counter and pick up the phone, who was he going to call?_

* * *

"Well, what you did was so creepy I wouldn't blame him if he called the Ghostbusters!"

* * *

 _George released my Pokémon and I saw Riolu and Pikachu appear before me. I smiled just for a bit at them, I waved and got closer to them, I huddled around so that we could speak. Pikachu was worried as he saw me._

 _"Aw Buizel, they will find Kevin! I'm sure they will!" My Pikachu said to me, I haven't told my Pokémon about the situation yet. But I needed to tell someone about it._

 _"Well Pikachu, it's just that..." I said but Pikachu looked surprised._

 _"Huh? Do you not remember my name, Buizel?" The Pikachu asked, I had no clue that my Pokémon had names other than their Pokémon name. I saw Riolu approaching me; he was completely shocked as he saw me. He placed his paw in front of me and closed his eyes, he took a while as he did this, when his eyes opened he looked back at me alarmed._

 _"It can't be! You are not Buizel! You are Kevin!" As soon as Riolu shouted out his discovery, he began to glow; the bright figure began morphing and growing. I can't believe what I was witnessing, my Riolu was finally evolving! The figure morphed as I saw in awe. Riolu had stopped glowing and he had become Lucario!_

* * *

"Like I said before, Riolu's evolve through friendship!" Keldeo declared gleefully.

"Also, in the original, we get a thing about all Pokemon having unique names. That got me angry because Kevin had this whole conversation with Ash's Pikachu, but he never said _his_ name. However, since Pikachu left the story a while ago, that doesn't mess anything up. It's still kind of a cop out, but it works out better this was."

* * *

 _"What is your name then?" I asked the Lucario, but Pikachu sprinted right in front of him._

 _"Me first, me first! I'm Marcus and I'm a very cool Pikachu. I'm glad to finally be able to talk to you master! Your music is so cool and everything and it's very amazing to be able to finally talk to you" Marcus shifted from one place to the other as the very impatient Pikachu he has always been._

* * *

"Just a quick bit of info, in the original, he was named Alex by Adam, so Kevin renamed him Marcus."

* * *

 _"Please don't call me master you guys, I'm just your friend." Lucario nodded._

 _"I shall remember this; I just tell the other Pokémon that mentioning you as master shows our respect for you as our trainer. I call myself Cain, it is a pleasure to be able to communicate with you and to reveal my name." Cain, always calm and collected as the meditating Riolu I knew._

* * *

"Wait a minute, what happened to their tragic backstories!?" Keldeo complained, "Marcus got caught when he was a Pichu! Cain's parents were captured by trainers when he was a Riolu! You can't just remove those stories from them, that destroys nearly all of their depth! And the scene where Kevin renames Alex Marcus was one of the most touching scenes of the whole story! Come on, Sukotto, you can't just cut out important stuff like that."

* * *

 _"Oh! I want to know, what is my Buizel's name?" As I mentioned this, Cain and Marcus looked at each other, Cain shook his head._

 _"Unfortunately, Buizel never said his name to any of us." Cain said, Pikachu then spoke as he jumped in front of Cain._

 _"Yeah! He said that it's something private! He wants you to be the first one to know what his true name is." Marcus said, hearing this piece of information was very important to me. I mattered that much to Buizel that he would tell me his name first rather than any of my other Pokémon._

* * *

"True name? What, is this the _Inheritance Cycle._ Does this make Kevin Eragon?"

"Well, anyway, Cain uses his Aura powers to see how Buizel and Kevin got mixed up. Here's how he explains it."

* * *

 _"Buizel is with you right now." I had no idea what that meant, in heart? Of course he is with me in heart. "Not in the sense of emotion, Buizel's soul lies dormant within you. Your souls are completely mixed up."_

 _"What?!" I couldn't believe it, "does it mean that Buizel is already with me, but in my spirit or something of that fashion? How can I speak with him?"_

 _"He is with you; he is actually very calm and content. Although the unfortunate situation is that since the both of you live in the same body, you might not be able to interact again."_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "It actually makes sense in a weird and vague kind of way."

* * *

 _Cain noticed that I started to sob, so he picked up my Buizel plush toy and showed it to George. George stared at it but he then gave it to me, I hugged it dearly._

 _"There is always a solution for everything Kevin, we will solve this." Cain said._

 _"But I can't be with him ever again!" I yelled as I cried._

 _"No! We will solve this, because there is something very important that Buizel has always wanted to tell you." Marcus said. Was it possible that Cain and Marcus knew what he wanted to tell me? I had almost completely forgotten on what Buizel wants to tell me. "Especially now that you are a Buizel, you must hear what he has to say." Whatever Buizel needed to tell me was so important that my own Pokémon implored me to be able to listen._

* * *

Keldeo smiled, looking quite touched. "Aw, look at how loyal Cain and Marcus are. They're determined to help both Kevin and Buizel out and figure out a way to-"

* * *

 _The doctor had arrived with a Lucario by the name of Kyla;_

* * *

Keldeo's facial expression changed to horror. " _ **NOOOOOOO!**_ No! No, go away!"

* * *

 _she approached us at one point but not before being very affectionate towards the doctor. Cain introduced himself first._

 _"Glad to meet another Lucario, some call me Cain." Ok, Cain was being a bit too formal._

 _"I'm Kyla; I take good care of my master Cedric. Who are you two?" She asked while looking at us, watching me being sad made her a bit sad too. "What's wrong Buizel? You seem awfully depressed. I'm sure Kevin will show around soon!" I looked at her; she seemed to be more carefree than Cain._

 _"My name is Kevin, and I became my Pokémon..." I stated blandly while looking down at my paws. I couldn't see Kyla's expression, but she stuttered and ran towards Cedric._

 _"Cedric! Master! Kevin is there! We found him, he is there!" Kyla said to his trainer as she pointed at me. The struggle Pokémon feel with conversation is indeed infuriating._

 _"Yes Kyla, Buizel lost his trainer." As Cedric said this, Kyla shook her head and pointed at me once again. "Is he sad? Its fine, we will find Kevin soon enough, we just need to stay calm." Kyla gave up and returned to us._

 _"I just wished my master understood me, I just want to keep taking care of him and tell him everything important is all." Kyla looked back at me. "So how did this happen?" Kyla sat down._

 _"I was holding Buizel in my arms and I used the pokeball, we were both captured at the same time." I explained, Marcus interrupted while jumping all around speaking rapidly._

 _"Yeah yeah! You see, Kevin and Buizel got their souls all mixed up and they are using the same body and stuff." Marcus stopped leaping; Cain tried his best to calm him down._

 _"Buizel is fine, but we must find a way to revert these effects, Kevin really needs to contact his friend." Cain said as he explained to Kyla, she was surprised about the whole situation._

 _"Wow, it's almost magical." She stated, and then a glimmer of hope shined my way._

 _"That's it! Magic! We need magic to solve this issue." Only a miracle could get us out of this mess, and I knew just the guy to do so. "Cain, Marcus! How about we see Mathias the magician?" Cain was dumbfounded as he heard me._

* * *

"Okay, wait-wait-wait-wait," Keldeo said as he held a hoof up to stop. "First of all, when they mentioned this character earlier, I thought it was a joke. Second of all, you're _seriously_ going to ask a magician, a _performer,_ to help you move soul and bodies around? Wouldn't it make more sense to ask, oh, I don't know, the Lake Trio! You're in the Sinnoh region, you should know about Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf!"

* * *

 _"Kevin, that's just tricks and deceit! There is no way Mathias can help you!"_

* * *

"See! Even the story knows how silly this idea sounds!"

* * *

 _"I know, but what else could I do?"_

* * *

"Not waste your time, for one thing."

* * *

 _After a huge discussion on what we were going to do I managed to convince Cain to help me reach Mathias before he went back to Kalos, we took everything that belonged to me and decided to sneak out. Kyla would tell us as soon as it was safe to be able to head outside, she offered herself to come along but I didn't want the doctor to get worried over her._

 _"Kevin, are you sure you want to sneak away from George's house at night? It could be dangerous." I knew what Cain meant._

 _"I need to find Mathias, I need a miracle..."_

* * *

"This is like asking Trixie to defeat an Ursa Major. . ." Keldeo groaned.

"So our heroes sneak out and go to where Mathias is, only to find . . . Braixen ministering to a crowd of Pokemon like an Apostle?"

* * *

 _As we all approached the tent we saw that many Pokémon stood around inside the tent, I had never known that Mathias had many Pokémon with him, although I was able to count more than six there, are they really his? We got near and we could clearly see all the Pokémon were sitting around a Braixen which I assumed was Mathias' Pokémon, the Braixen spoke to all of the Pokémon and they all paid close attention._

 _"Mathias right now is practicing his final act as something almost went wrong, you can tell me what you would all like to get or would need help with in the meantime. Mathias is very powerful but I, his grand assistant is powerful as well!" The Braixen smiled at the Pokémon which were three Eevees and a Dewott, some of the other Pokémon had left before we got there. The Braixen noticed us as we approached and waved. "Ah! I see more of you want help from us!" Help was exactly what I needed right now, hearing this from someone filled me with relief, but how could he help me? "Gather around my friends, whatever concern you have can be solved with a bit of mystic charm!" I was very impressed, Braixen spoke as if he was performing, was this Braixen's personal tent to give his own show to Pokémon? That does sound exciting!_

 _We sat at the side and listened to what these Pokémon wanted, I only wanted to see Mathias honestly, I was nervous and impatient to see him but I kept my excitement bottled up and decided to watch the show. The Eevees raised their paws and Braixen took notice. "I see we have some impatient ones, how can we help you guys?"_

 _The oldest Eevee spoke first, "I want to evolve into a great Vaporeon!" The Braixen laughed._

 _"This is easy then," Braixen grabbed a water stone and gave it to him, "once you are prepared, this stone will help you on your grand wish." The Braixen then turned to the youngest Eevee. "How about you little one?" The Braixen asked._

 _"I want to evolve into something related to nature! I love the grass and trees! I don't really know what evolution it could be." The younger Eevee said, Braixen smiled once again._

 _"In your case, there are moss rocks around Sinnoh, feeling nature through these rocks will help you evolve to Leafeon, you will have bright leaves that will leave you content." After Braixen gave his advice, the last Eevee hopped and asked his question._

 _"I want to be a Sylveon! Just like the one Mathias is friends with! How do you evolve into a Sylveon? Huh? Huh?" Eevee was excited as he asked, Braixen thought well on his answer._

 _"Normally, Sylveons evolve by the love and care a trainer gives to their Pokémon throughout their journeys." Eevee was a bit sad by hearing this, "Don't fret, you can also evolve as a Sylveon by the friendship you share with your brothers, keep this in mind and before you know it, you will evolve into the graceful fairy Pokémon!" The Braixen said as he smiled at Eevee._

 _"I broke one of my shells and I really want to repair it." The Dewott picked up the pieces of his shell and handed them to the Braixen, I honestly couldn't see how Braixen would be able to fix such a heavily damaged shell, it had been completely devastated. The Braixen smirked and held his wooden stick upright._

 _"That was not nice of you, I was talking to this Buizel. However this is finally a challenging request so I will take it full heartedly!" Braixen twirled the stick in his hand and pointed it towards the shell, I saw no real purpose to it, that is until I saw the shell shards levitate in his hand. I stood impressed, this was actually magic in front of my very eyes! The pieces reassembled and the shell was back as if it never got broken. "It is now complete my young Dewott." Braixen handed the shell back to the Pokémon._

* * *

"Well, the Pokemon world does have a lot of _good_ magical power in it."

* * *

 _"Can you use magic to help us if our souls are in trouble?" I asked and hoped, I prayed to Arceus that they could._

 _"That is no real problem my dear friend! Although Mathias is the one who knows of how to manage spirits, just wait for me here and I'll go look for him. The request should be made directly to him." Braixen quickly wandered off in search for his trainer._

* * *

Keldeo got settled down and said, "Okay, this I gotta see. This better not be some Deus Ex Machina."

* * *

 _"This Buizel says that there is an issue with his soul Mathias!" Braixen said as he spoke to Mathias as naturally as if he were responding to any Pokémon. Mathias nodded._

 _"I see, this sounds like a serious issue." He was able to understand what Braixen said entirely, or that is what it appeared to be. It caught me by surprise. I had thought that no one could understand Pokémon, although he clearly is someone who knows true magic._

 _I stuttered but asked, "How is he able to understand Pokémon language? Did he learn how to speak with Pokémon?" Kaiser was ready to reply but Mathias interrupted._

 _"It's not that I learned to speak with Pokémon young Buizel," Mathias smiled as he looked down on me. I couldn't believe it, all this time the answer of my much required communication issue with my best friend were here, in this presentation. I was going to meet up with Mathias in the end anyway, I could've possibly have been talking to my friend by now if I hadn't taken such a huge risk with Team Rocket! Mathias waved his wand around him, the wand glowed. "I guess all of you are new here? Well, I didn't learn how to speak to Pokémon." Mathias quickly flickered his wand around him and a cloud of smoke rose from nowhere, as the cloud slowly dissipated I saw Braixen appear where he was standing, or rather, I saw another Braixen stand along Kaiser._

 _"The truth is," The new Braixen spoke, "That I the great Mathias am indeed a Braixen."_

* * *

Keldeo stared with a blank expression on his face.

"What."

* * *

 _"I see you are impressed, but many Pokémon that visit us already know that me and Kaiser roam around helping every Pokémon we can." Mathias said, "The only issue is that we really can't let humans know about this." Mathias said as he sat down with all of us, Kaiser followed and sat right beside him._

 _"You see, me and Mathias are in fact brothers, Mathias learned how to transform into a human to help us both, and we did not want to get captured after all." The two magic brothers, at first I thought it was only a trainer and it's Pokémon, but this changed everything for me._

* * *

"WHAT!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "So this Pokemon, who's not a Zoroark, not only learned human language, but also turned himself into a human? This has to be the dumbest twist I've ever seen in my-!"

 _ **POOF!**_

Suddenly, a woman with pink hair a a brown cloak and hat appeared in a puff of smoke, coughing a bit as we waved her hands to clear the smoke she appeared in.

"AH!" Keldeo said in surprise, "Who are you?"

The woman took a few deep breaths and smiled, "I am Lily! A magician from the Johto region, character of the day of _Episode 241- Hocus Pokemon!_ "

Keldeo nodded awkwardly, "Okay . . . so why are you here?"

"Why, to to give credibility to Mathias being a Pokemon of course!" Lily replied.

"How?" Keldeo asked.

"In my episode, I created a spell that turned Ash into a Pikachu!"

Keldeo eyes widened with realization, "Of course! _Ashachu_!"

"Indeed!" Lily said, "And surely you know all about how that Meowth learned how to talk."

"Yeah . . ." Keldeo said slowly, then he nodded and said, "You know, maybe a Braixen learning to speak and then transforming into a human isn't as far fetched as I thought."

"Aha. So, have you learned your lesson?" Lily said in her cockney accent.

Keldeo nodded and gave her a small grin, "Yes I have. Thank you Lily."

"No problem! Farewell!" Lily said.

 _ **POOF!**_

When the smoke faded, a female Keldeo stood where Lily once was. Her eyes widened. "Uh-oh."

Keldeo gave her a look of pity. "Oh, wow. Just wow. _*sigh*_ I'll be right back after I help the Great and Powerful Lily sort this out."

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _We'll be right back!_


	5. Comedic Skit 1

_The following rap battle is a parody of Drake & Josh vs the Blues Brothers by Epic Rap Battle Parodies._

* * *

 _ **EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!**_

 _ **Kevin and Buizel!**_

 _ **VS.**_

 _ **Jak and Daxter!**_

 ** _2!_**

 ** _BEGIN!_**

 **Kevin and Buizel:**

 **Buizel** :

Hey, it's me, Buizel, a Pokemon you sure ain't catching!

Don't step to these brothers, 'less you wanna tussle both of 'em.

We'll blast you like a Hyper Beam, you're pathetic, ya know

We got this cool flow that'll poison you more than Dark Eco!

 **Kevin:**

I'm the one with the "soul", so let me play my guitar!

I'm Kevin, rocking the Sinnoh region while I spit bars!

So keep yourself silent, before Marcus uses Thundershock,

And you wish you were back with Praxis doing jailhouse rock!

Your games are old and dated,

 **Buizel:** Daxter's jokes all stink!

 **Kevin:** His best attack is using a bug spray, I think.

 **Buizel:** We're friends with REAL magicians, they got nothing up their sleeves!

Thinking you can take us?

 **Kevin:** Dude, you're crazier than the Rocket Team!

 **Buizel:** Referencing Hot Coffee? You Naughty Dogs better scram!

 **Kevin:** Time travel's in your plot? Why not just go back to where you began!

 **Buizel:** You came back for a rematch,

 **Kevin:** And you'll still get beaten!

 **Both:** And your racing game failed for _**X** _ different reasons!

 **Jak and Daxter:**

 **Daxter:** All Kevin cares about is being an N hack!

And Buizel's Hyper Beam makes him look like he used HAX!

Surrender now or prepared to get schooled,

Awesome weapons and vehicles, come on, you know that we rule!

 **Jak:** Here we have two fools,

 **Daxter:** I see one and a half.

 **Jak:** I'll unleash bombs and blasts to show off Dark Jak's wrath,

We all need someone to love, but you two took it too far.

And Kyla and Cedric are just totally bizarre!

Your little bromance drama

 **Daxter:** is pure FanFiction murder.

 **Jak:** You fools can't stop us,

 **Both:** We're fighting for the Precursors!

 **Daxter:** And _I'm_ one of them!,

 **Jak:** True, we're not faking it.

 **Both:** How could you ever beat us if you can't beat Team Rocket?!

 **Kevin and Buizel:**

 **Kevin:** Playstation stinks.

 **Buizel:** Nintendo rules!

 **Both:** Haha, that's right pal!

 **Kevin:** You're only famous 'cause of All-Stars Battle Royale.

The best friends in Sinnoh and Kalos, there ain't no other,

 **Buizel:** We're owning these fools, _hug me my beloved brother!_

We've got Bone Rushes to Peck with you, Double Slap you like ping pong.

 **Kevin:** If you can't withstand our heat then put your red goggles on.

 **Buizel:** I don't need Hyper Beam to win here!

 **Kevin:** Me Neither, bro!

 **Both:** Quit it you Zelda knockoffs! Please just _**GO!**_

 **Jak and Daxter:**

 **Daxter:** This is taking forever, Jak! I can't leave Tess waiting!

 **Jak:** Then let's just hop onto our JET-Board and send these fools sprawling.

 **Daxter:** We're the heroes of Haven City

 **Jak:** And I will have my revenge!

 **Daxter:** We'll call you Team Rocket cause we'll blast you off again!

 **Jak:** You're story's so contrived!

 **Daxter:** You're journal's too sentimental!

 **Both:** And your painting scene made us think you went totally mental!

Jak and Daxter won this, we're simply fantastic!

Pokemon's just repetitive, we're a video game classic!

* * *

 _ **WHO WON?**_

 _ **YOU DECIDE!**_

 ** _EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!_**

 **Daxter:** _"Alright, CUT! Where's the director?! I can't work like this. Jak, you're such a wimp! I could've taken them myself."_

* * *

Did you miss their _first_ rap battle? Check out _Season One_ of Keldeo the Critic, Chapter 5, Comedy Skit 1.

Actually, on the second thought, _don't._ Just _don't._ That battle stank big time, just focus on this one. _Please._


	6. Kevin and Buizel REWRITE- Part Three

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 1: Kevin and Buizel REWRITE by SukottoDeragon**

"So our heroes tell Mathais about their weird situation."

* * *

 _"Sorry to interrupt, I'm Cain, my friend here is actually my former trainer and Buizel's soul is inside this one body, my trainer doesn't know how to arrange himself to separate their souls, this is the big problem he has. We want to know how we can separate them from this fate." Cain explained, Mathias' expression shifted from a calm first impression to a more concerned gaze._

 _"Oh I see, it's another one of you trainers." Mathias quickly stood upright and turned his back on us. "I've had many other trainers that got caught inside their Pokémon's pokeball, some of them wanted to be human again, while some of them were Pokémon trying to get their trainers back."_

* * *

"WHAT?! This has happened before? Well, okay, I guess Pokeballs _can_ get broken if you're not careful with them," Keldeo looked nervous, "That's actually quite unsettling when you think about it. _Any_ Pokemon could be a human!" Keldeo shuddered, " _Ugh_. Creepy."

* * *

 _Mathias' tone was also growing dire, he really didn't seem to get along with trainers that had become Pokémon at all. "I then find out that the great majority of these trainers are nothing but disrespectful people, they mistreat their Pokémon which causes them to struggle about and get caught in the beam whenever the trainer wants to put the Pokémon away." Mathias turned around and pointed at me with his magic wand, "so what did you do to your Pokémon? Did you torture him? Did you forget to treat him as they really should? Or have you come to disclose our secrets to humanity?"_

* * *

 ** _Rainbow Dash:_** _"Are you a spy?!"_

* * *

 _Cain stood in front of me and Mathias, Marcus also jumped in front._

 _"That is enough! My master Kevin is none of the sort, he and Buizel are best friends ever since I have met them!" Cain growled at him, both Mathias and Kaiser then grew surprised. Kaiser rushed towards the guitar bag Cain was carrying._

 _"It must be the Kevin! The one that went missing brother! Look, this Lucario is carrying a guitar bag around with him!" Kaiser said as he inspected my guitar bag. Mathias lowered his wand and sat down once more, he approached me and kneeled._

 _"My most sincere apologies Kevin, that was disrespectful of me, as a magician I should know better than to assume the worst out of you. I have just been flooded at times with humans that had become Pokémon wanting to transform back, in the end I always help them because of the Pokémon. But those trainers are awful and I just," Mathias sighed. "Please, I'm so very sorry. I know you very well and the friendship you carry along with your Buizel." I was relieved, for a moment I thought that he was going to do something to me. "I've heard that a great musician was going to be at Sunnyshore's presentation today but he never showed up, I guess this is what really happened then." Mathias held his chin and pondered to himself." I won't ask how this came about, but this is a very troubling issue. Both of you very kind souls should not be stuck in such a fate."_

* * *

"You know it makes sense that Mathias would react like this, seeing as Kevin is a very well known musical celebratory who travels around with Buizel. So, of course the magician agree to help set things right for Kevin and Buizel."

* * *

 _Kaiser then snapped his fingers and sat down, "gather around my Pokémon friends, I'll tell you the tales of old and why I think Pokémon and human are pretty much the same." Kaiser quickly kindled a fire in front of him. "Now sit around, I'll tell you all a good story to occupy our time while my brother looks for ingredients."_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Okay, story time . . ."

* * *

 _We were warm around this magically created campfire and everything was calm, Kaiser had turned off the candles that were inside the tent with the motions of his magic wand. Kaiser extended his hands and related his tale._

 _"Once upon a time, in the land we now walk on, Pokémon and human were very much alike. Human and Pokémon lived together and were normally friends with each other, it was actually hard to distinguish who were Pokémon and who were human, as it is said, human were in fact Pokémon and Pokémon were human, we were all but one species." Human were Pokémon, that was normally unheard of, I only heard of such things in Pokémon tales and fiction._

* * *

Keldeo moaned and face hoofed. "Oh, biscuits. The Sinnoh Pokemon myth. *sigh* I _hate_ this story. Well, considering what's gonna happen later on in this story, I should have been expecting this." Keldeo looked up and said, "Look, this all depends on how you interpret this myth. I interpret this story along the lines of, _'Pokemon and humans lived in harmony, and they were all living creatures, so they were on even footing.'_ I _actually_ prefer to consider it just a myth that's only half true, but who am I to tell you what to believe."

* * *

 _"Is this an actual story told by Pokémon around the world?" I asked Kaiser._

 _"This is a tale known and shared by many Pokémon, if there is something that I learned about stories is that there are always a bit of truth within them." Kaiser flickered his wand and continued his tale, "in any case, Pokémon and human lived together as if they were the same and they even spoke to each other of their lives. Eventually humanity had grown bored of sharing with Pokémon for whatever reason, thus humanity had become more secluded from what we know today as the Pokémon world. This explains why humans don't really live within our world." Cain immediately raised his paw to catch Kaiser's attention, Kaiser glared and Cain spoke._

 _"If humans grew so astray from us, how are we still friends with them?" Cain did make a point, I couldn't help but feel myself be absorbed within this short tale Kaiser was telling us. There was definitely something more magical than what the Braixen brothers performed, the mystic world of Pokémon had more magic within it than magic itself._

 _"An excellent question fellow Lucario, you see, humanity had grown very lonely without Pokémon and thus there was one human being that looked to be friends with them again. However, whenever the poor human approached any Pokémon, they would attack him with their abilities, humanity had grown apart from Pokémon so much that we didn't recognize them as equals anymore. There was however one Pokémon that curiously approached the human, the Pokémon flew closer towards the human and watched how he learned from the different Pokémon, he found there was true potential that abilities couldn't match. This human had the mindset of a true leader, but this Pokémon noticed how sad he was of being alone." Marcus lifted and waved his hand impatiently._

 _"Who was this Pokémon?" Marcus asked, "is he a Pikachu like me? Or is it one of those really amazing legendary Pokémon?" Marcus was so excited from the story that he had trouble sitting still._

 _Kaiser flicked the wand and poked Marcus' head with it. "I'm getting to that young Pikachu, you must be patient." Kaiser then resumed, "where was I? Ah yes, the Pokémon approached the human and wanted to be friends with him. This Pokémon is known as the legendary and pure hearted Mew."_

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna said as she flew in.

* * *

 _Braixen had given an extended explanation on who Mew was and why this particular Pokémon was always happy and proud of helping what Kaiser called, the first trainer. To be brief, Mew was unhappy that humanity had grown astray from the world he beloved, and Mew attempted countless times to make him come back to the world it was from. "Mew knew in its heart that he couldn't leave humans secluded from the world they shared, Mew revealed the nature and knowledge of all Pokémon in an attempt for the human to talk with them. This is why humans are as we know as trainers, many of them share partial information that was given, the knowledge that Mew gave to this human was what we know today as the first Pokémon trainer. With this information, humanity also grew to love Pokémon just like it was before." The tale was very interesting and insightful, I realized how much more Pokémon know as well. I had heard that there were many tales within humanity that we shared, but this got to me thinking just how many more were the tales that Pokémon shared within each other. It was a whole new world and a grand one. I had never heard of such a tale in my life, I might have no read many books, but these are things they should probably tell at school to inspire children. I lifted my paw to ask a question, Braixen looked at me waiting for me to speak._

 _"Is this all true? Did Mew really impart this wisdom to humanity?"_

 _"All stories have truth in them, what we know for certain is that humans are quite like Pokémon, they possess abilities that help them. Not special abilities like most of us have, but more strategic than anything else. In my opinion, we are all the same at the end and we all live on the same world, we just can't communicate these days."_

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "That little story and philosophical section adds so much value to the fanfic as a whole."

"So Kevin eventually falls asleep and experiences one of Buizel's memories."

* * *

 _The thunder raged once more and a giant silhouette appeared before me, my fear and uncertainty kept me in place, I wanted to run but I couldn't find it within myself to do so. The dark figure then revealed in its hands what appeared to be a pokeball. Then I knew for certain that it was a trainer that wanted to capture me, I ran as quickly as I could towards the nearest shore to swim away, the thunder and the sky raged and rumbled the earth but also struck my courage, in my desperate running I had tripped countless times before managing to reach the shore._

 _As soon as I dived within the water I swan underneath it using my tails to propel myself away and as deep towards the ocean as I could, then I went back to the surface. I had seen that not only thunder was striking but now the rain was pouring relentlessly almost as if the rain was filling up the ocean until the land would vanish._

 _The waves kicked in and I was thrown in all directions, I was having a hard time staying afloat and the waves were pushing me against some large rock formations. It was then too much for me and everything had gone black..._

 _I awoke on what seemed to be an unknown shore, but as I lay on top of the rocks from the seashore, I noticed that this was the place I met Buizel for the first time. The sense and taste of nostalgia invaded me entirely, although I did recall this place my mind did not, it was a strange feeling. I tried to get up, but I cried in agony as my leg burned with pain, I cried because I felt that no one would save me, especially since there were no other Buizels around this area. But how did I know that?_

 _I suddenly felt something pick me up, and I looked on who it was I had seen myself as a child..._

 _I woke up sweating and confused, but my mind was regaining sense, I calmed down and thought on the dream. It must've been my best friend's perspective on how we met, Buizel despite fearing trainers and humans managed to trust me, was he trying to tell me that he trusted me at the very start since we met? It must've been this way._

* * *

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "What do ya know, the flashback is actually explained much better this time around!"

* * *

 _I saw that Mathias was the one that had woke me up by poking me with his wand, he looked tired but had most of the setup for everything he wanted to do, he yawned as he spoke._

 _"Sorry I had taken so long Kevin, some Pokémon are very hard to convince to get some of their own fangs or tears or whatever it is I need." Mathias and Kaiser had a very intricate setup that I couldn't understand, before I had asked him what anything did, Mathias plucked some fur out from my head. "This is the last ingredient!" I rubbed my head._

 _"You could've asked you know!"_

 _I had stood in the center of the circle that was drawn on the ground, it had strange symbols that I had never seen before,_

* * *

"AHHHH! The Seal of Orichalcos!" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _Mathias looked straight at me and pointed his wand. "Just wish for the best Kevin! The worst that could happen is that I split your soul ten ways!" That disconcerted me._

 _"You got to be joking, right?"_

 _Mathias laughed to himself, "no, not really. That could actually happen."_

* * *

 ** _Marty McFly:_** _"He's an-"_

" _Nooo_! This show has standards," Keldeo said quickly with a nervous smile.

 _ **Dr. Facilier:** "Are you ready?"_

"Better."

* * *

 _And before I had any chance of even objecting, a very bright beam came my way and struck me. There was strangely no peculiar feeling when I got struck, the only thing I felt was if someone pulled a chunk of hair from my head, but I had this feeling within my body. As if removing a large and very sticky band-aid from me._

 _The light faded and I could see the world around me, I was still able to see the two Braixens ahead, I had wondered if it worked. I looked at my paws and this time saw my hands instead! I was back being a human. I quickly looked for Buizel around me, as I looked down I saw him curled up on the ground. I quickly picked him up and hugged him as tightly as I could, I had my friend back with me and he appeared to be fine! I patted him, kissed his forehead and cried. "I'll never make such a stupid mistake again Buizel, I won't lose you again I promise to you. I'll not put you in that kind of risk never again." I sobbed as I held my best friend close to me, I felt him hugging me back. I also saw him crying._

 _Wait, I can talk to Pokémon now because I understand their language! How could I possibly forget?_

 _"Hey buddy! I can understand Pokémon now, ask me anything please! I really want to talk to you!" I said excitedly, anxious to listen to understand what he says._

 _"Bui bui?" Buizel spoke, but I couldn't understand anything of what he said, I was thinking that my mind was still dizzy form the spell, so I asked again... Nothing._

* * *

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHH_**

Keldeo smiled and shrugged.

* * *

 _I felt someone place their hand over my shoulder, as I turned around I saw Mathias in his human form smiling a bit._

 _"Sorry friend that was the bad news, bringing your form back from your spirit had made you lose your ability to speak to Pokémon. But your friend is back!" It was true, I was very happy that my friend was back, but slightly disappointed that I couldn't understand him. "Don't fret my friend! Remember that I know how to talk with Pokémon. I'll gladly be your translator!" That made me quite happy, I wanted nothing more than to understand my friend, but I felt that I was taking too much from him._

 _"You've helped me already so much Mathias, I can't thank you enough."_

 _"Nonsense! I want to keep helping, especially if it means bringing a human as great as yourself and a Pokémon closer together!" Mathias said, he poked me with his wand, "besides, I have literally nothing to do right now and I want something fun to do!" It made me happy that Mathias was so interested in helping me understand my Pokémon. "And, you can teach me how to make coffee! I've always wanted to learn that secret from humanity._

 _I looked at him and imitated his way of presentation. "It is but a magic brew that only few humans dare learn, but its magical attributes will maintain you sharper and more awake than ever." We both laughed as we headed out towards the house they gave to him._

* * *

Keldeo deadpanned. "Really? I mean, _really?_ Are you serious? You can somehow learn human language, you can turn yourself into a human and make it so that no one can tell the difference between you and a real human, you can defy all the laws of physics with your magic, you can _move souls around and create living bodies out of nothing,_ but you can't do something as simple as brewing a cup of coffee? Can't you just buy a Keurig? I hate it when writers create implausible plot points just to tell a joke that's not even that funny. Donkey from Shrek liking waffles was funnier than this!"

 ** _Donkey:_** _"I'm making waffles!"_

" _THAT_ was funny because you can't make waffles with hooves. It's irony! Comedy works either through suffering or irony. Failing at going through the steps of making waffles with hooves would drive Donkey crazy and look really stupid, so it's funny. It's humor at his expense. But there's no reason why an ultra powerful magician can't make a cup of coffee. There's no no difficulty, no struggle, and no suffering. All he has to do is read a _book_ or something. So, how is it funny? Huh? HUH?"

"So Mathias acts as a translator between Kevin and Buizel, but of course having someone between you repeating everything you're saying gets annoying, which also helps Kevin to realize something."

* * *

 _"when I spoke with Pokémon it was like hearing regular people, family and friends that I spoke with my whole life, I was able to understand tone differences and how the sound of every Pokémon related to a different personality they had, especially while listening to Cain and Kyla. Cain had a greater and calmer sounding voice while Kyla's was more carefree and soothing. People would not be able to tell the difference but I could! I could not understand Pokémon when they spoke; I felt it deep within that I understood who they were. And every single Pokémon is so different!" Mathias paid close attention to every word I said. "I really felt their personality, like when you can tell someone is very dedicated with what they do, or when you can still someone is rather sophisticated. There are such small differences but it made me feel like I could really understand Pokémon, finally after all this time." I stopped, realizing all I had said, I saw Kaiser poking at me with his wand and sticking his tongue out at me, I somehow knew what he meant with that. Mathias looked very closely at me, slightly worried._

 _"What do you really want then?" His tone was a bit more concerning that I had grasped it to be._

 _"I need to be able to understand Pokémon just like I did when I became a Buizel." Mathias placed his hands on his face, I suppose that he was yet exhausted from being out all day looking to just help me get my friend back. "I know I might be a huge bother, but I want to be able to communicate with Pokémon myself." Mathias interrupted me, and he shook his finger at me._

 _"That is one thing I can't do Kevin. I'm very sorry." Hearing this made me sad and also infuriated; I didn't feel like continuing translation until I was able to understand Buizel as I did when I was a Pokémon. "If I could grant that to every human, I would, but the spell doesn't exist at all, believe me, I've tried."_

 _"But there must be a way Mathias, you are the greatest magician there is!"_

 _"I might be the great Braxier you know, but even I have my limits." Mathias pondered to himself slightly while tapping the table with his wooden wand. "There actually have been many people who have attempted to speak directly to their Pokémon. Soon after some time, an old enchantment was found that got many people interested in the past." Mathias took a sip of coffee._

 _"What kind of magic was this?" I asked curiously._

 _"Well, there have been many witches_

* * *

"Like me!" Lily said as she peered out from the side, still in the form of a female Keldeo.

"That still hasn't worn off yet?" Keldeo said.

Lily shrugged, and then left.

* * *

 _who have tried the old recipe to make you think like a Pokémon and to be able to understand them, it had severe backfires." I wonder what sort of issues had happened. "People were not expecting the fact that the spell transformed you entirely into the Pokémon you chose." Mathias said as he finished his cup. "You make really good coffee." Mathias yawned._

 _"So wait, you are saying that there is a spell that can transform you into a Pokémon?" I asked, curiously._

 _"Indeed, there have been witches that claim to have been able to decipher a way to speak to your Pokémon with the spell by adding different ingredients. This also doesn't always work well. So the best logical thing I did was remove the spell extension for it to last a few hours." Mathias said as he yawned once more."_

 _"So you destroyed the spell?"_

 _"Just the duration of it, there are few people who remember this well. But this piece changes the spell from being a couple of hours, to entirely permanent. The benefit of it being permanent is that you eventually learn to speak to Pokémon." Mathias said as he looked down at his cup._

 _Hearing this gave me a glimmer of hope to want I really wanted, sure, I couldn't understand Buizel, but I would if I was a Pokémon again! And then I started thinking for what probably got me wondering for hours in my head, there was a transformation spell that I could probably use for my own benefit, but the huge issue was, that Mathias' transformation spell would be permanent. Was I ready to give away such a thing as my human life? Wait, was I really thinking on this? It would mean I would surrender to my humanity entirely!_

 _"Mathias! What if we use that transformation spell on me?" Mathias looked at me in shock; he couldn't believe what he was hearing and in all honesty, neither did I._

 _"But Kevin, we just got you back! And the transformation is permanent! You will never be able to be human ever again!" Mathias said shocked to what I had asked._

 _"But it's okay! You know transformation magic so you can change me back!" As soon as I said this, Mathias sighed, he was tapping with his wand nervously._

 _"No Kevin, I can't..." I didn't understand, wasn't he a great magician after all? I guess there were limits in magic just like there were in music; there are certain sounds one is able to make. "I can easily transform you into a Pokémon, but I can't transform you back into a human. The only reason I could bring you back this first time was solely because it was your soul that was locked inside a body, you didn't really transform." I was quite disappointed._

 _"But why isn't it possible?"_

 _"Well, it's easy to create a new body type; it's excruciatingly hard to redo an already existing one." I think I understood. "There are landmarks; there are specifics of a body all that sort of stuff. I took about fifteen or so years to finally get down my human and Pokémon appearance." After Mathias has explained the dilemma, I felt quite sad. But why didn't it really matter to me?_

 _"What if Buizel became a human instead?" I asked Mathias, he shook his head._

 _"I can definitely assure you that the human language is a thousand times harder than the Pokémon language." Then why didn't humans learn to speak to Pokémon? "It takes a Pokémon heart to learn the Pokémon language correctly, but it takes a human brain to learn the human language." That made sense to me, Buizel thought like a Pokémon and that can't change. Having a Pokémon heart is something that some people could change, and didn't Kaiser also say that he saw me more like a Pokémon?_

 _"What if you transformed me for a couple of days? Would that work?" I asked._

 _Mathias shook his head, "no, the spell that allows you to be a Pokémon temporally has never been able to let you speak like a Pokémon. I don't know why, I mean, I have had people ask me for this as well. There have been a few people that have desired to be a Pokémon; none of them would do it permanently. But all of them were never able to speak to their Pokémon, even the guy that was a Pokémon for a whole month." Mathias thought for a bit. "The permanent version of this spell is actually able to make you learn the Pokémon language fairly quickly." Mathias poked at me with his wand, "you know though, becoming a Pokémon isn't that bad of an idea. I just wish I could do it without giving your human form away" Mathias smiled at me._

* * *

Keldeo became very much alert and stood up straight and tall and said with an excited smile, "Alright, so here's the most vital point of this story. In the original, Kevin and Buizel are freed because Cain makes a wish on Jirachi, which also pretty much flies in the face of the canon, where Jirachi is _supposed_ to be asleep for 1000 years."

* * *

 _Cain shook his head, "Got something wrong Kevin! Although Jirachi does sleep for long periods of time, he occasionally wakes up to make one wish come true every time you want, but he only wakes up to grant wishes from the bottom of your heart. The thousand year thing is merely a distraction for those stupid hu…" Cain stopped short and he looked at me nervously, but I didn't care. Many humans where in fact stupid._

* * *

Keldeo frowned, "Yeah, I _really_ didn't like that scene. Anyway, then Buizel makes another wish that ends up turning Kevin into a Buizel."

* * *

 _-Buizel in the other hand, has a really good wish, but he really wants to know if you want this wish to be fulfilled, Kevin. – Jirachi said._

 _I wondered, why Buizel wanted me to decide if his wish wanted to be fulfilled? That is an obvious yes, he has the right to make his wish without asking me, I don't own him or anything…_

 _-What he wished for is that…- jirachi was saying when I interrupted._

 _-Of course! Why not? Buizel, anything that you wish I shall accept it, it's your wish, don't let me decide for you. - I said to him._

 _-Actually, this wish involves you Kevin. - Jirachi said._

 _If it Involved me, Better yet!_

 _-It doesn't matter! He must've wished for something good. I know him. - I said with a smile, maybe he wished to talk to me._

 _-Alright, this might hurt a little in time Kevin, but I hope you can resist all the painful parts of the process. Wish granted. - Jirachi said as the flash made Jirachi vanish._

* * *

"As you can tell, Kevin didn't allow himself to have a choice in the matter. Sure, he liked being a Buizel again and he wanted to stay as a Buizel . . ."

* * *

 _this would be a wish I would have made myself If I had really wished for it, maybe it was a wish I had in my heart as well, but I never did realize it… to be honest with myself, I kind of enjoyed it._

* * *

". . . but he still didn't get to make the choice for himself. It's like a certain quote from _The Matrix: Reloaded._ "

 ** _The Oracle:_** _"You didn't come here to make a choice. You already made it. You're here to figure out why you made it."_

"That's Kevin's transformation in the original story in a nutshell. And to be honest, that . . .wasn't very good." Keldeo nodded resolutely and said, "It was a Dues Ex Machina, it was contrived, and it cheapened the story by taking away Kevin's power to chose. It would've meant so much more if Kevin had been able to chose to be a Buizel, especially when you realize the implications of such a choice, as follows:"

* * *

 _I would never be a human ever again, this was a big risk that I was not sure I could handle, and even if I did choose to become a Pokémon, what would I tell my parents? What should I tell my friends? Where would I go from there? Would I just live in the wild? All these were very big concerns to me._

 _Was I being jealous? Or was I being greedy? Was I really greedy to not let my humanity go for my best friend, but it is a big thing to give away. This is giving away your possible future, but what was my future? It was to be with my best friend and playing music. Was I really giving my future away, or was I reassuring it? Was this just a thing I wanted for a bit? As I thought on it, I wanted to be a Buizel right beside Buizel himself. Was that what I desired all along?_

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "This is some serious stuff here. It makes you realize how reckless Buizel was to make that wish in the original version. Sure, Jirachi tried to fix things up by saying that Kevin's parents somehow . . . _merged_ with Buizel's parents when the wish was made . . ." Keldeo looked very weirded out. He shook the confusion out of his head and continued, "And what if Kevin _hadn't_ wanted to become a Buizel! That would've been a very bad ending!"

Keldeo focused and said, "So, armed with critical thinking and the power of choice, Kevin makes his choice. A choice that not only shows understanding of all consequences, but the true nature and desire of his heart." Keldeo smiled and winked, "Pretty amazing, isn't it?"

* * *

 _I looked at Buizel for a moment and it got me thinking, was my entire human life worth listening to my best friend? I stared idly at the everstone that my Pokémon had around his neck, I was reminded of the past we shared, of all the grand moments we played music and the days we shared together, and most specially the night where I really started to understand my best friend better. We were both always very happy; I would give anything for my friend. So it's not my Buizel that has to change. It is I who has to change something._

 _Yes, this is what I have to do. I was absolutely certain of this._

 _"Mathias," I said as he walked back and sat down, "Let's do this; I want to be a Buizel." I said confidently, I was sure of my decision, everyone was surprised by my decision, I noticed Buizel's eyes widen with surprise. Mathias was stunned as he looked at me._

 _"You are joking... right?"_

 _"You said that it was a good idea."_

 _"It is if I could keep your human form as well, not for you to surrender to it! Think of everything you are losing, I mean... think of the coffee!"_

* * *

 ** _Voice of Reason:_** _"It's not funny!"_

* * *

 _I simply scoffed at his last comment._

 _"That is completely fine, I thought of it very well, and I am certain that I want to become a Buizel, even if it means not being a human ever again." As I said this, Buizel ran towards me, he then quickly smiled and came close to hug me, he talked to me very quickly but I couldn't understand a thing, it didn't matter now because I will soon will talk to him myself._

 _"Buizel said that he couldn't believe it, he asked if you were sure, and that it would be so cool to have his best friend be a Buizel too" Mathias shook his head and stared at me directly. "But Kevin, you will not be able to be human ever again." Mathias said. I was aware of that._

 _"I have to think about a few things first, but I must do this, I must make this huge change for my friend." I hugged Buizel, "I'd do anything for my best friend." I saw Kaiser giggling; he spoke something to Mathias that I couldn't understand._

 _"Kaiser says that he always knew that you wouldn't be able resist not being a Pokémon." Mathias said seriously as he stared at me. "Are you sure of what you will do Kevin?"_

 _"Absolutely sure, but there are things I have to do before I transform." I felt like losing the human life didn't matter that much, but it did make me uneasy as I thought about it. Was I really going to waive away my human life just to talk to my friend? "First of all I must tell my parents what I will do." Was I never going to talk to my family again? What about George? No, there is no way I could tell George, he would mock me forever. "I also don't want to get captured by another trainer; I got to figure that out first..." This I didn't know how to resolve._

 _Mathias yet concerned warned me, "that actually is a big deal. You could all always stay around with me, but I would have to pay more money for food and all that silly stuff." Mathias wondered for himself a bit. "Why can't you humans just give the food anyway like we do?" Mathias wondered, at times I always seem to forget that he is actually a Pokémon._

 _"It's not how things work for humans."_

 _"Well, in any case, the safest way to be with your friend and not get captured by anyone is to go along with a human." And as soon as Mathias said it, the idea popped. And the plan was absolutely perfect, and the best part of all, is that I would also be able to keep a promise._

 _"I got a splendid idea for that! Although, you might have to help me find someone later on when I transform Mathias."_

* * *

"Alright, place your bets, place your bets! Which human is Kevin and the gang gonna go with?" Keldeo announced.

Cedric: (A)

Adam: (B)

Ash: (C)

Nurse Joy: (D)

* * *

 _"Um, of course, how could I help later on?" Mathias asked, I looked at the phone behind me and got up from the table._

 _"I'll let you know, I need to contact my parents." I was walking towards the phone, but Mathias grabbed my shoulder._

 _"Kevin, are you sure you want to do this? You got really lucky to be separated from Buizel, but now you want to become one. You should think this a bit more." Mathias said to me, but I had thought about it already, I felt almost as if I wanted this. Kaiser said it, he sees me more of a Pokémon, so perhaps there is some truth to that. I would do anything for my friend, if I transform I really wouldn't have many issues, my fans might wonder but I could always tell my parents to invent something to cover for me._

 _"I've thought about it already and my decision stands." I said as I walked towards the phone._

 _Never would I think to make such a decision in the past, but as I've recalled many times before. There is something really special about the Pokémon world that I really want to be a part of, and it was clearly present when I had taken over the body of my friend. This is absolutely what I need; I have to become a Pokémon._

 _I called my parents and I saw both of them there, the smiles on their faces as they greeted me really got to me, I had the feeling that I would never see them again for some reason. But I had a plan to not be at all disconnected from my parents at least. I was very nervous, how would my parents even react to what I wanted to do? Would they approve of such notion?_

* * *

"Whoa. He's literally gonna tell his parents, _'Hiya mom and dad! I'm gonna turn into a Pokemon!'_ This I gotta see," Keldeo said intently.

* * *

 _"Mother, Father... there is something really important that I'm going to do, and I'm not sure if you are going to like it." Both of my parents were a bit shocked, they looked at me as they waited for what I had to say. "It was a very hard decision for me, but... "It was hard to say, I didn't want to disappoint my parents._

* * *

"There are a whole lot of jokes I could make here, but if I made them, I'd never live it down," Keldeo said with a straight face.

* * *

 _My mother was an impatient one at times, "come son, tell us. There is nothing you could possibly say that may surprise us."_

 _"I'm going to become a Pokémon."_

 _My father almost choked on his drink, my mother gasped at what I had said. My mom just couldn't believe it._

 _"But son, that's ridiculous! And even if it were possible, what will you do as a Pokémon?" My mother asked, my father was recovering from coughing and he also had something to say._

 _"Karen, this isn't even something we should discuss with him! There is no way Kevin can be a Pokémon anyway." My father exclaimed, I had to make them understand somehow._

 _"I know it sounds absurd, but there is definitely a way to transform me into a Pokémon, the problem is that I just can't be a human again." I realized late that I probably shouldn't have said that. My mother's jaw opened wide and my father had a hard time regaining his composure, "look I know how much this news affects you, but..." I was going to say until my father coughed loudly._ "

 _Kevin, there is no way we are going to allow you be a Pokémon! Just listen to yourself, it's preposterous to even think of such things! There is no way we are going to give you permission to simply become a Pokémon and let your whole music career fade away." My father said all of this as calm as he could, but his anger was evident._

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "Well, what was Kevin possibly expecting? So, I guess Kevin is going to figure out some way to convince his parents to let him do this-"

* * *

 _"No dad, I'm not asking you for permission. I'm just letting you know of what I'm going to do, this is why I'm calling." My decision had already been made, no matter how this conversation turns out, I need to change, and I need to do this for my friend._ _My mother then stood up quickly and left, it made me sad to just see her abandon this phone call like that, I didn't want to see my mother like this, not before I transformed._

 _My father was looking away as well, I thought at first that he was waiting for me to hang up on then, but my father was looking at where my mother went_

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped, "Did he just tell his parents _how it's gonna be_? WOW! Kevin isn't even trying work things out with his parents! He's gonna do it no matter what they say, and that's . . ." Keldeo gave a small smile, ". . .actually a clever moral. Sure, parents want the best for their kids, they want them to be safe and make smart choices, and its important to obey them. _But,_ sometimes you'll want to seek out a different path for your life that your parents might not agree with. When that happens, you have to think long and hard about it, preferably while in _prayer_ , and decide if this path is truly something that you have to do. And if it _is_ something you have to do, then you're going to have to explain things to your parents in a kind respectful way and pressure your own goals even if they disagree. This is a very mature message that it is really hard to get across. The only other fanfic I know that was able to pull this moral off was _Fear and Trembling_ by _shortskirtsandexplosions._ "

Keldeo thought for a moment and said, "Huh. Maybe I oughta review that story some day. . . well, anyway, back to _this_ story, where Kevin has to deal with hte highly negative reactions of his parents-"

* * *

 _I could clearly hear my mother's footsteps running back towards the call. She had a book with her and a pen. "Son! If you are going to go out there and be a nosey Pokémon, you have to tell me all of what you see!" My mother said as she smiled, she opened the book and readied her pen. "You must tell me every detail. This is going to be invaluable information for the future!"_

 _"Mom, but how will I speak? I won't speak like a normal human being again!" I explained, my mother chuckled._

 _"But you know how to write! Do you not?" My mother said to me as she was writing something down. "If you are going to become a Pokémon, I'll demand a letter a week with everything you get to learn from the Pokémon world!" My father looked at her a bit surprised._

 _"Karen! Are you saying that he should just become a Pokémon and leave?" My father said to her, my mother scoffed at him._

 _"Honey please, he is already a grown man and he has all the right to do what he pleases with his life, it is his body, not ours." My mother kept writing down something on her book. "Besides, this will be a grand experience for him, a clear sign of growing up as well!"_

 _I gave my deepest goodbyes and thanks to my father. He told me yet to follow my dreams, he didn't really agree to my decision to become a Pokémon, but he respected my dreams, and that made me very happy inside._

* * *

Keldeo looked shocked at first, but then he smiled and pointed with his forehoof. "THERE! See, that's the moral at work. They saw how serious Kevin was about all this, and they realized that if they truly love him, then they'd support his decisions as long as they're not immoral. What an excellent story point!"

* * *

 _"Mom, what are you writing?" I asked as I pointed at her book._

 _"Oh! I'm just getting started on my grand new book! I call it "My son the Pokémon", it's just a working title. It's hard to get inspiration these days." I was quite humbled that my own mother would write down a book based on my Pokémon experiences, I understood then why she wanted to know so much._

 _"Mom, that's very cool of you..."_

 _"Now tell me what has happened so far, I need a back story to this!" I had never seen my mother so excited about something. "Every bit of detail, please!"_

* * *

Keldeo looked shocked again. "Wait, are you gonna _publish_ that book?" Keldeo looked around awkwardly, "Ummmmm. . ."

 _Keldeo had a fantasy of the outside of an Insane Asylum. The voice of Kevin's mother could be heard shouting, "Honest, my son is a Pokemon! AHHHHHH!" Light flashed from a window as shock therapy was used on her._

Keldeo shuddered a bit, but then shook the image out of his head and continued, "Okay, so Kevin tells his parents the whole story, and we get one final encouraging message from Kevin's mom."

* * *

 _"Kevin, you are not changing who you are, you might change your outside appearance, but you are always going to be the son I know. A son that has a heart of gold and that he would do anything for his best friend. By changing, you are strengthening who you really are, this is a grand step for the lives of anyone."_

* * *

"Well, that sure seals the deal, doesn't it? Now it's time for the transformation scene."

* * *

 _"Alright, this might hurt a little Kevin, but I hope you can resist all the painful parts of this process." Mathias said as he was reciting some words._

 _"Painful parts? Why pain?" I hoped that Mathias was just joking around._

 _"Because my transformation spell is instant mostly because I've done this so many times back and forth. In your case, the transformation will be slower, therefore you will definitely feel certain changes as they happen." I thought on possibly what these could be, "don't worry Kevin, I'll make this as fast as I possibly can, just prepare yourself mentally because this will and is going to hurt" Mathias reassured, I trusted in Mathias' ability to transform me. I looked at myself one last time, and awaited the transformation._

 _Mathias waved his wand and said some words I could not understand. I had thought there was more to it, but it all suddenly stopped. "Mathias, what is the matter?" After I said that my head started to hurt a little bit, but then it passed quickly, I shook my head to awaken up a little._

 _"Whoa, that was strange." I said as I saw Mathias had his magic wand lifted with his eyes closed. "Uh is everything okay Mathias?" Buizel spoke loudly, but he wasn't staring at me now, he pointed directly at my hair. I noticed then that I had the same hair coloration than a Buizel's fur, it was starting. I noticed Buizel was excited and his eyes were open wide watching me._

 _I was about to say something to Buizel, but I felt a chill around my whole body, it threw me to the floor of how strong it was, I quickly got tired and it was impossible to stand upright._

* * *

 ** _Dr. Facilier:_** _"You're changing, you're changing, you're changing alright. I hope you're-"_

Keldeo used his Secret Sword to knock Dr. Facilier out of the picture and said, "We already did one _Princes and the Frog_ reference, we don't need another! Especially from someone like you!"

"So as you can probably gather, Kevin goes through all the pain and choking from the original story, only this time he knows what it's for right from the start."

* * *

 _"I ca-!" I tried to yell, "I ca-" I tried once again. I did my best to speak this time. "I- Bui... Bui! Bui bui!"_

 _I tried to say that I couldn't stand the pain, but it was evident, I started to lose my human language. My tongue was changing as well, my neck was still burning and as I spoke it burned way more, I assumed my vocal chords were changing._

 _"Bui bui!" As I spoke in my new Pokémon tongue I couldn't avoid but to feel happy, with this, I felt that the transformation was completely over. Buizel ran towards me and hugged me. What was so interesting was that this time I could hug Buizel properly, we were the same size now after all. Mathias looked down on me, with a smile on his face._

 _"And it is done Kevin. You are now a Buizel." I looked up at Mathias and smiled._

 _"Bui!" I realized something very important. I couldn't understand myself when I spoke. I was instantly concerned, was my transformation all for nothing? As Buizel spoke to me I really didn't understand a thing he said, that made me worried._

 _"You are now Buizel, you are not taking over Buizel's body, you will learn the Pokémon language soon, but you have to let the spell have some time." I asked if I was going to be able to speak soon. "Impressively, your communication skills match the ones of a Pokémon perfectly, at least I was able to get that around. Somewhere around 2 hours or a day you'll be able to speak to Pokémon properly." That was very relieving to me. It meant that I was going to be able to talk to Buizel in about an hour..._

* * *

"So after another quick check in with his mom, and getting a custom made Buizel-sized guitar from Mathias, Kevin the Buizel now has to make plans to get a trustworthy trainer. Have any of you figured out who it will be yet?" Keldeo asked.

Cedric: (19908)

Adam: (126)

Ash: (18929802)

Nurse Joy: (0)

* * *

 _Mathias had everything ready for us, the guitar bag was packed with all my stuff and the small guitar as well. "So the plan is to meet up with Adam, correct?" Mathias asked me,_

* * *

 _ **DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!**_

"That's right! It's Adam! Boy is this story hammering in the fact that Adam's a good guy now!"

* * *

 _"There is one thing to remember though, he can't know that there are two Buizel's, it would be suspicious." He was right, I asked Mathias what we could do in that case, Mathias wondered for a bit and then snapped his fingers. "I know!" Mathias quickly picked me up and put me inside the guitar bag. "You can hide in the guitar bag!"_

* * *

"So Mathias, as a human of course, gives Adam Kevin's Pokemon - er, Kevin's fellow Pokemon _friends,_ as Kevin has an interesting dream."

* * *

 _I saw myself on the shore sitting right beside my best friend in the same spot we always spend time together. This was indeed an old memory of mine._

 _"Do you want to be my friend too?" I asked as I sat right beside my friend. I remember Buizel was very happy when hearing this, he leapt to my arms and hugged me with such joy._

 _"Yes! I want to be your best friend too! You are family to me!" Buizel had said, I had only heard him as a Pokémon speak, but I somehow knew exactly every single thing he said._

 _Then I had just played music, but the music I played somehow spoke to me as well. "Where am I, where is my mind?" The guitar played but I felt that it was Buizel who was speaking to me instead, I turned around as the entirety of the world faded to black and it was only me and my Buizel, both as a Pokémon. "There is something I've always wanted to ask you Kevin," I listened carefully but I realized it was my own voice, I responded regardless. "Why have you given so much to Buizel?"_

 _"Well it's obvious, he is my best friend." I spoke to myself back and forth and the voices just surrounded my head, my form vanished and everything was obscured by my thoughts._

 _"I think it's because he is family, not because he is a friend."_

 _"Family?"_

 _"Of course! Aren't we both Buizels now?"_

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted.

"Don't make me _ban hammer_ you!" Keldeo warned.

"So we finally get back to Adam, Cedric, George, and . . . ugh . . . _Kyla_ . . . Aw, forget her, let's focus on Adam."

* * *

 _I grabbed a loose sheet of paper that dropped from the journal, I also quickly picked up the pen without Adam noticing._

 _As Adam read on, I attempted to write as clearly as I could, I really needed Adam to realize I'm Kevin, its all part of the plan. Now that I think about it, this struggle that I feel for not being able to communicate with Adam reminds me of Buizel wanting to talk to me. As I imagined the situation, I felt like my own Buizel for a moment, how could I possibly let my trainer know what I want to tell him? And then an even brighter idea snapped, I knew exactly what to write._

 _Adam stopped reading and spoke to himself. "Grace has always been with me, no matter what." He smiled, I'm sure he learned a lot from reading my journal. "I just have to listen to my Pokémon, to know what they want." Ironic, as I've always wanted to listen to my Buizel, but yet I always felt like I understood him. Adam looked at me, I had been paying close attention to what section he was reading at, it was about time to let him know the truth._

 _Adam patted me, just like one would do a Pokémon. "Don't you miss your trainer little Buizel?" I looked for the first page to show him, the more important one. Adam was completely taken by surprise. "Since when did you know how to write?" I was excited, his reaction would be priceless, but I'm more excited to what the second page has to say to him, I thought of songs and melodies anew. I'm at least glad that my music never left me when I transformed. "Buizel stop shaking your leg, it bothers me. Lemme read this." I didn't notice that my old habits were also present with me._

 _Adam read what I had written "I am Kevin", his eyes widened and he looked at me straight in the eye. "This is impossible!" he exclaimed as he stood up, I shook my head at him, old habits die hard so I shook my leg thinking about music once more, I mimicked myself playing guitar in my arms as well. This will obviously make him realize who I really am._

 _Adam kept staring at me, for a moment I had thought that time stopped, but that was just how shocked this was for him. He picked me up and looked at me horrified. "Kevin... it really is you." he couldn't remain standing on his feet and fell on his knees while still holding me. "B-but, I..." He couldn't make coherent words, I pointed back at the papers I had written down on, he quickly picked them up and read them to himself but silently._

 _"Hi Adam, I guess this is what destiny brings me. And hey, I love it! It's a long story so I'll keep it short, this was a decision I made. I made sure my mother and father solved everything, and my mother is really happy with my choice too!."_

* * *

"Wait, _now_ you can write complete paragraphs? Well, fine, I guess it would be hard to write in thick messy paint."

* * *

 _Adam chuckled, but continued reading. "I needed to speak to Buizel so desperately that I wanted to become a Pokémon. I know it sounds very weird, but this is what I wanted all along. I hadn't realized until now, and boy am I glad I was able to make this a reality." Adam flipped the page, he relaxed just a bit. "The only issue is, that I had no one to travel with. So I wanted you to take me back home to the shore where I met my friend. But then an idea sparked, don't read the next page PLEASE. This is something I want to see if you learned correctly, I'll tell you what you must do before I make the biggest decision I'll ever make." Adam was still confused at everything, but he read out my request. "Show me that you understand Pokémon, and make George understand why Lucario loves his trainer so much. Then I'll tell you what I want you to do for me."_

* * *

"So Kevin gives Adam a test to see if he's really changed enough and truly wants to understand Pokemon. and how exactly does this test work?"

* * *

 _Adam was still speechless, but by how much he was saying that he felt like doing something for me, I knew he couldn't ignore this request, as soon as he opened the door George was cheering._

 _"Adam! Great news! Kevin's mother called, she says that Kevin contacted her and that he is doing fine." I hid behind the door to hear everything, I wanted him to solve the issue._

 _"Apparently she also said that Kevin wants you to take his Pokémon with you," Cedric was saying, "He says that he'll let you know where to take them. I still can't believe Kevin trusts you so much..."_

 _Adam was still uneasy. "I was thinking and... You've been bothering Cedric way too much George."_

 _"I haven't been bothering him that much, I'm just joking..." Joking a bit too much honestly._

 _"The only problem is that you don't understand why Lucario loves her trainer so much, it's not romantic or anything I'm sure." Adam explained._

 _"It's true," Said Cedric, "Kyla is just very worried of me." I already knew the reason why Kyla hugged Cedric so much, I just wanted to see if Adam noticed, then I could make a very important choice._

 _"Then why is it that she hugs you and even kisses you the whole time?" George asked._

 _"Isn't it obvious?" Adam asked, "She is overprotective." As Adam said this, George seemed to understand a bit._

 _"True as well, when I just recently had Kyla as a Pokémon, I had a terrible accident and went to the hospital. I don't remember much on my days at the hospital, but my mom visited me every day. The one that stood there the whole time was my Lucario, every time my mother visited me she gave me a hug and a kiss." Cedric was explaining._

 _"I think I get it now," Adam said. "When Kyla saw your mother caring in such a way for you, Kyla wanted to do the same, I'm certain she didn't want you to feel alone and then that affection stuck to her to this day." He was quick at noticing, and I was glad, he really started to understand Pokémon._

* * *

Keldeo had his head hung low, and he was running his forehooves through his thick red mane. He let out a long sigh and said, "Okay, let me go into great detail why this scene doesn't fix anything. You see, for the entire story, all we see is Kyla kissing Cedric like a Lucario version of Amy Rose. If Kyla had been licking or nuzzling or _anything_ but _kissing_ him, this would've worked. _Kissing_ implies romance. And I know what you're all thinking: _'You're an idiot, Keldeo! Kyla saw Cedric's mom kissing him, so she had to show affection in the exact same way.'_ Okay, yeah, I get that, but if those kisses were purely out of overprotectiveness and caring, then how do you explain this scene?:"

* * *

 _We are not a couple and we are not getting married!" Cedric said, Kyla didn't do anything or appeared to be mad, she just smiled alongside him._

 _"We should ask Kyla then," George asked the recently awoken Pokémon, "how would you like a wedding cake with Cedric?" Kyla was fulll of joy and hugged her trainer._

 _"Darn it George! We are not getting married! It's not even a thing that can happen!"_

 _"I don't think your pokemon agrees."_

* * *

"Kyla _clearly_ heard them say wedding and marriage, and yet clearly seems to actually _want_ that. I'm not leaving anything out or taking things out of context, this is what the story is telling us."

Keldeo became thoughtful and said, "So, I suppose there are three possible explanations here. 1: Kyla wants to marry a human. Gross. 2: Kyla was just playing a sick joke on Cedric. Or 3: Kyla doesn't know what a wedding or marriage is cause she's just a Pokemon." Keldeo shrugged, "I guess that Sukotto was going for number 3 here, which actually does fit with the rest of the story. But the problem is that most people who read this fanfic will condemn Kyla of being sick immediately and hold onto that feeling until they get to this part, at which they'll feel like jerks. Sure, this was a clever way of showing Adam's understanding and helping him to prove himself to Kevin, but there was a lot of collateral damage here."

* * *

"SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP! PLEASE JUST SHUT-UP WITH THE STUPID BESTIALITY!" Keldeo exploded, turning into his Resolute Form and extending his Secret Sword.

* * *

Keldeo's cheeks grew read. "Uhh, heh-heh-heh. . . oops. . ."

"So, after passing the test, Kevin convinces Adam to capture him."

* * *

 _"This is not the same Kevin! I'm not going to capture a human being!" Adam refused to use the pokeball to capture me. I decided to tap the pokeball until it opened to capture me, I wasn't successful, I sat down at the pokeball quite sad. I had even tried to pick it up and throw it on top of me, but I couldn't manage that either._

 _"You really want this to happen, huh." Adam said as he thought to himself but then snapped again, "I can't have you as my Pokémon Kevin." I wrote one last thing on the paper that he had crumbled. Adam picked it up._

 _"You wanted to do a favor for me, this is a favor I need. Let me be your Pokémon, I don't want to get captured by some random trainer by accident." As Adam read this he sighed, "I can't believe I'm even considering this..." Adam picked up the pokeball and looked at me, "this is so weird. Are you positive you want this?" I nodded quickly, I was getting ready to have the pokeball thrown at me. I closed my eyes in excitement._

 _I felt the pokeball tap my head, I saw it open up and my vision went red, just like when I got trapped in the pokeball with Buizel the first time._

 _Darkness surrounded me, but I felt really calm, almost as if this darkness was very soothing to me. I could see a bright light. I guess this is what Pokémon see when they are captured, I could run to the light but what if that made me resist the capturing process of the pokeball? I stayed in the darkness, I saw the light quickly fade away, getting ever so weaker. As the light faded I accepted the fact that I was now a Pokémon even more than I did before._

 _The light was now gone, now Adam was my trainer and I was his Pokémon. I saw the light grow and shine very brightly throughout the darkness. As soon as the light enveloped the blackness I was greeted back into the room with Adam looking at me, he was unsure of the entire situation. "So I guess you are my Pokémon now, huh?" I nodded at him, Adam picked me from the ground and looked at me. "Geez, this is SO weird."_

 _The door was opened by George, he saw the both of us. "Oh hey Adam! I didn't know you owned a Buizel too!" Adam was shocked, "I remember you wanted a Buizel as well, I guess you finally got one huh."_

 _"Uh, I guess I do!" As Adam said this I saw Buizel looking at me from across the room, I leapt down and hugged him._

 _"Wow! Kevin's Buizel and your go along very well!" George said as he saw us hugging. "Did your Buizel and Kevin's meet at the cafe when you spoke to him?"_

 _"Uhhh, of course they did! They are like best friends too!"_

* * *

"So with that loose end tied, the only one that remains for Kevin is being able to talk with Buizel."

* * *

 _Buizel was speaking to me; he asked me questions and spoke happily. I unfortunately didn't understand a word yet; I shook my head and gave him a pat on the back._

 _"Hey Buizel, don't worry, I'm going to understand you soon. I can't wait to speak to you; there is so much we gotta talk about!"_

 _Adam served Pokémon food for everyone; I was honestly hungry after a long walk although Adam gave me a sandwich. I didn't realize that I was honestly expecting Pokémon food to be served to me instead of what I used to eat._

 _I pointed towards the Pokémon food the rest had and then I pointed in my mouth._

 _"But Kevin, that food is for Pokémon!"_

* * *

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer said.

"If I get an angry message from DragonNiro for having you on my show, you're gonna a Secret Sword to the head!" Keldeo warned him.

* * *

 _I looked at him, at myself and then back towards him. "W-well, you are not originally a Pokémon though so-" Adam stopped speaking, he sighed and gave me a plate with Pokémon food. "I'm just not used to this at all Kevin, I knew you as a human being." Adam looked at all of us, we were all staring at him paying attention, and Adam realized this. "I guess that I got to learn to understand you as a Pokémon too, not just pay attention to Pokémon." Hearing this made me relieved, I ate my Pokémon food happily, to think that I didn't want to eat this in the past; I guess my taste buds must've changed as well._

* * *

"It's honestly amazing how much Kevin has change and willing he is to accept the way of life as a trainer's Pokemon. Case in point, he gives all the Kalos badges he won to Adam!"

* * *

 _"Oh dear, Kevin no! These are your badges! I can't take these!" I looked at Adam as I was thinking of a proper response, I wrote something down on the journal and made Adam read it again. "Well, I did win these medals, you are right. But I'm your Pokémon that helped you win these medals. These are yours."_

* * *

"Stop calling them medals! They're badges!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _Adam looked confused, but then he smiled. "Heh-heh, this is so weird Kevin. But okay, I'll take'em." I smiled at him; he picked me up and looked at me. "Something tells me you want me to treat you more like a Pokémon and less the old Kevin I met." As I heard this, I shook my head up and down without a second thought. Adam sighed to himself. "This is still odd."_

* * *

"So we see Adam be a good trainer, giving Cain a Power-Up Punch TM, stuff like that."

* * *

 _"I'd like to see you use hyperbeam, I wanna see how it looks like." Buizel nodded at him, I was just a bit concerned as hyperbeam takes a toll on Buizel at times. "Kevin told me that hyperbeam was a bit dangerous for you, I'll help you train hyperbeam so that you don't get tired right away after using it." I smiled as I reminded myself that Adam is there for us now and that he really cares._

* * *

Keldeo cocked his head, "How are you gonna teach Buizel to perform a dangerous move he's not even supposed to be able to use without putting him in danger? If using it nearly knocks him out, how are you gonna practice it? Come on Adam, show us how you plan to do this."

* * *

 _As Adam and Buizel practiced I went towards the edge of the lake we were at, it was already dark so we had set up a tent nearby. Grace was already sleeping, Cain and Marcus were talking with each other, in the meantime I just wanted to relax and look at the scenery. The lake was beautiful and the water was clear, I looked down at the water and saw myself, looking at my reflection reminded me of what I was now, but I hadn't seen myself as closely as I thought. I touched my cheeks with my paws, I smiled at myself, and I made all sorts of expressions._

* * *

Keldeo blinked. "Uh, I'm pretty sure we can watch Kevin make funny faces later. I'm more interested in seeing how Hyper Beam training works."

* * *

 _I closed my left eye, then my right one. I tilted my head as I kept staring at myself, all these things I did just to remind myself what I was now. I loved to see myself as a Pokémon now, the blue eyes I had since I was born were still with me._

* * *

Keldeo threw up his forehooves and said, "Alright, fine! We're just gonna ignore it! Fine with me."

 _I could hear the sounds of many Pokémon at night speaking I could feel as if I was starting to understand certain words, although what I wanted to pay attention to was the beating of my heart once more. I closed my eyes and I felt the beats of my heart once I placed my paws on my chest and felt my blood flow within me, you might find it strange but I must explain, feeling my heart beat within the body of a Buizel, my body, was relaxing and also reassuring of the remembrance that I am now a Pokémon. I breathed deeply and let my lungs fill with air, I felt my chest lift and then breathed out._

* * *

Keldeo sighed and smiled, "Okay, to be honest, this is some really good poetic writing. I really do love it. But still, when is Kevin gonna learn Pokemon speech? How long is this gonna take. If only there were some faster way that could Kevin talking and understanding right now-."

* * *

 _When I opened my eyes, I saw a bright ball of light approaching me,_

 _"Mew!" The Pokémon greeted me, I simply smiled back. It was an honor to meet a legendary Pokémon._

 _"M-Mew! What are you doing here?"_

* * *

Munna floated in and said with a serious expression, "Well, I sure hope _somebody_ picks up that phone."

"You what?" Keldeo asked.

"Because I totally _called it!_ " Munna declared triumphantly before flying off again.

* * *

 _Mew came closer to me and it touched my head once. As Mew did this, I was suddenly confronted with the thousand of Pokémon talking rules. It was so simple to me now, the timing of what one says combined with the intention of the voice and using only four to five types of sounds allowed you to express yourself in endless ways. The eyes were also involved in communication, looking away while saying "hi" meant something completely different if you looked at the Pokémon or if you said this slightly slower or with another sound._

* * *

Keldeo nodded sagely. "It's true. It's very true."

* * *

 _"I'm sure you get it now!" Mew spun around playfully while giggling._

 _"Yes! I can understand it now!"_

 _"And you can speak with us too!" Mew cheered to itself happily, he held my paws as we both levitated and twirled about. "It makes me so happy! Finally a human joins us all!" Mew and I landed on the ground again, Mew floated upwards and smiled. "Are you enjoying it? Isn't this so much fun?" It was hard not to smile at Mew, as it spoke on the voice turned out to resemble a feminine one, I'm not sure if legendary Pokémon had genders or not, but defining her as a she was almost unavoidable for me._

 _"It's fun! I love being a Pokémon!"_

 _Cain and Marcus approached us as Mew was speaking to me. Cain's eyes widened as Marcus's smile could not be hidden. Cain approached quickly._

 _"Mew! It's so nice to see you!" Cain said impressed. "I have so many questions!" Marcus hopped on Cain's shoulder and smiled at Mew._

 _"Woow, I've never seen you before Mew! You are such a cool Pokémon and everything!" Marcus said as he then jumped down from Cain's shoulder. Mew smiled at us all. "So watcha doin here Mew?" Marcus asked._

 _"I came to celebrate!" Mew said as she stretched her arms upwards and later spun around in circles. "It makes me so happy! This is the first human that chose to voluntarily become a Pokémon."_

* * *

"Now, when Jirachi came out of nowhere in the original, I went along with it, but I kinda felt it was a Dues Ex Machina. How does Mew compare?" Keldeo smiled and went on, "Well, Mew was mentioned during the Sinnoh Myth scene. And it would make sense that Mew, arguably one of _the_ very first Pokemon ever, would become aware of a human willingly becoming a Pokemon and embracing that way of life so he could truly understand his Pokemon friend. Speaking of which, I'd say it's finally about that time at last."

* * *

 _At the distance I saw Buizel, he looked very hopeful, I'm sure he wondered if I was able to understand other Pokémon now, when I saw him I couldn't contain my happiness. Finally after all these years I was going to be able to speak to Buizel myself. When Mew stopped hugging me I ran as quickly as I could towards Buizel, he of course did the same._

 _The both of us hugged very tightly with each other, "Buizel, I can understand Pokémon now!" Buizel smiled back at me._

 _"Kevin, finally!" I was lost for a bit as I heard his voice for the first time, it was one of those voices that you would hear in TV shows, confident and proud._

* * *

Keldeo blinked. "So, he sounds like Elijah Wood?" He asked innocently.

* * *

 _"Is it true what you said? Do you consider yourself completely as a Pokémon now!?" Buizel looked at me with a smile._

 _'We are both Pokémon, are we not?" I asked him, as soon as I responded he hugged me again._

 _"You didn't have to do this you know, I would've been fine with you just understanding me." Buizel said as he looked at me again, I could notice his excitement, he really wanted me to talk to him as much as I did. "You didn't need to become a Pokémon just for me!"_

 _"It's fine, that way I can talk to you directly. And besides, I absolutely love being a Pokémon, once I was trapped in your body I realized how amazing it was." I explained, "In a way, you showed me how great the Pokémon world really is. And I can also hear it clearly now." I looked around, reminding myself of the voices in the forest._

 _"I'm very happy! So happy that we can finally talk!" I could almost feel him cry out of sheer joy, he looked at me and then smiled. "My name is Corwyn!"_

* * *

Keldeo worked his laptop with the tips of his hooves. "Hmmm, let's see," he said to himself, "Corwyn. . . Corwyn . . . aha! It means . . ." Keldeo's eyes widened, and he gave a slow smile. " _'Friend of the heart . . ._ _People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated. . ."_

 _ **Audience:** Awwwwwwwww!_

* * *

 _"Corwyn!" I finally knew his name, my happiness was easily noticeable. "That name is cool! Kevin and Corwyn, best friends forever! It has a cool ring to it!"_

 _Corwyn looked at me and smiled, "Kevin, you have always been my only family." I smiled when he said that, I felt that he was family for me as well. "You are very important for me, and I need to ask you something very important now." Corwyn said, he looked a bit nervous. Cain and Marcus were both listening to the conversation just from a bit afar. It was strange, Marcus was now completely still paying close attention to all we said while Cain seemed excited as he anticipated the event unfold. It showed me how important this must be._

 _"Bui- I mean Corwyn. What is so important," I really wanted to know, "What have you been trying to tell me all these years?" As I asked, Corwyn grabbed a hold of me and looked at me._

 _"Kevin, I want us to be brothers!" I was completely taken away by this, Brothers... I never even thought of such a possibility. "Kevin I've always considered you to be my brother, whether you were a human or not, especially now that we are both Buizels we can definitely be great brothers together!" It's however strange, I never thought of this possibility, but why was it that I was actually expecting this?_

 _Buizel being my brother... When I was little I was normally alone and didn't have many friends to play with, I talked to George but we didn't go along as well as I did with Corwyn. He was always there for me at every instance, even in the bad moments he was. And in that night when we slept together in the sleeping bag, I really did feel that Corwyn was a part of my family. Does it really matter that we are not blood related? Of course it doesn't, Corwyn and I have always behaved like brothers, and I just didn't realize it until now._

 _"Its like- We've always been brothers, I just didn't know that we were until you said so." I said slowly as I awoke from my epiphany._

 _"Does that mean," Corwyn's eyes widened, and he was full of joy. "Does that mean that you'll be my brother?" I licked his forehead and then gave him a hug._

 _"Corwyn, I've always been your brother, but now I am one hundred percent certain!"_

 _Cain and Marcus were happy, they cheered that they finally knew my response on the matter. It must've been hard to keep this a secret from me when I could understand them, and then I saw Mew, she was happy to have witnessed this moment, she came closer to us and smiled._

 _"This is the most joyful moment I've ever seen in my long life! Kevin renounced being a human to become Corwyn's little brother! This is truthfully a day of rejoice!"_

 _I looked back at Mew, "wait, little brother?" I asked Mew, she smiled at me while giggling._

 _"Well yes! Corwyn is clearly older than you are!" Mew reaffirmed._

 _"Wow, I really didn't know that!" I said to myself, Corwyn hugged me._

 _"Yay! Little brother!" And here I was thinking I was going to be the big brother, I didn't mind._

* * *

Keldeo twitched in slight surprise. "Wha- Oh, well, that caught me off guard. Actually, this actually might be a good choice. Buizel-er, _Corwyn_ has been Kevin's Pokemon for so long. Kevin rescued him and has been taking care of him. But now, with Kevin as a Pokemon, and _younger_ than Corwyn, it's up to Corwyn as the big brother to guide Kevin in his new life as a Pokemon. Corwyn is now just as much of a capable character as Kevin. Pretty cool, huh?"

* * *

 _When Mew had left, Corwyn and I spoke all night, we talked about what he had said in the past too me when I couldn't understand him, we also talked about my music and how Buizel had inspired me. We talked of more mundane things like food, the world, other Pokémon. We spoke for hours and didn't realize how late it was._

 _It was almost time to go to sleep, everyone was tired from today. Adam had set down sleeping bags for himself and me, he had put Cain and Marcus away at their pokeballs, but he let me and Corwyn out._

 _"I'm not putting you two in pokeballs, mostly because I couldn't do that to Kevin, goodnight!" Adam said as he was sleeping. Corwyn and I had dragged the sleeping bag outside and out of the tent, the night was nice and the moon shone as brightly as it could. Corwyn was already inside the sleeping bag. We always went to sleeping hugging each other every night._

 _I got inside with Corwyn and we hugged each other as we did every night._

 _"I love you my dear brother" Corwyn said to me softly, I smiled and closed my eyes._

 _"I love you too big brother."_

* * *

"And so, in the safety and warmth of each other's embrace, the two brothers descend into a peaceful slumber with a wonderful future before them. Thus, the story ends on a warm, feel good, open ended, final note."

* * *

 _I had no idea what tomorrow was going to await for me, but it was exciting to wonder. Tomorrow I begin anew, I will renew my life!_

 _The journey might be only a bit more complicated now that I am not a human, learning to fully become a Pokémon might be a challenge, but with my older brother Corwyn by my side, I'm sure he will be able to guide me into really being a Pokémon in no time._

 _My journey to understanding Corwyn was not the end, this has only begun!_

 ** _To be continued..._**

* * *

"And that was the rewrite of _Kevin and Buizel._ Now, the question is, was it better than the original?" Keldeo said.

Keldeo laughed and performed a happy back-flip.

"Of course it was better! It was AWESOME!"

"Sure, the subplot with Kyla got on my nerves, but at the same time, I could kinda tell what SukkotoDeragon was going with it, and it did have a pay off at the end. It didn't _totally_ make up for the cringe worthy scenes throughout the story, but it didn't ruin the story either. New additions like Cedric, George, Mathias, the Sinnoh Myth, Lily's transformation spell from Johto, and Mew added much to the story's depth. Changes like Adam becoming a good guy, someone a little closer to Kevin being the one to read his private journal, Kevin's parents playing a major role in the story, and Kevin actually being able to make the choice to become a Buizel improved this story's plot a hundred times over."

"No story is perfect, but I feel that this fanfic came pretty close. It's a feel good story that shows how strong true friendship and brotherhood can be, and how it can cross boundaries due to the undeniable power of love."

Keldeo nodded and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to."

* * *

 **THE END**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Dragon Ball Z Abridged_

 _Phoenix Wright_

 _Nostalgia Critic- Jaws 4: The Revenge_

 _The Matrix: Reloaded_

 _Shrek_ by Dreamworks

 _Five Nights at Freddy's 3_ by Scott Games

 _Putting Your Hoof Down-_ MLP:FiM- Hasbro- DHX- The Hub Network

 _Duck Season, Rabbit Season-_ Looney Tunes- Warner Brothers

 _Dramatic Pokemon Deerling (Dramatic Gopher Spoof)_ by ThePikaWu

 _UHF_ by Weird Al Yankovic

 _Cards Against Humanity_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _DragonNiro- c_ reator of The Angry Bug Show

 _thatdragonwiththetophat-_ creator of Spike the Snob

 _The Voice of Reason-_ Brony Analyst

 _Epic Rap Battle Parodies_

 _Mandopony_


	7. E1: Mewtwo Returns in SSB 3DSWiiU

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 1- Mewtwo Returns in Super Smash Bros. 3DS/WiiU**

 **tinyurl:** **o6jbd9c**

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said in a less than chipper tone.

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, it looks like I'm eating Murkrow again. After I made the whole editorial back in Season Two about why Mewtwo _shouldn't_ be in the new Smash Bros. game, Nintendo has to go ahead and whip out their secret weapon. DLC."

"So, you probably want me to explain myself. Maybe somehow cover for my mistake. Well, I'm gonna be honest here. That editorial was just my way of rationalizing why Mewtwo didn't get a spot. I mean, come on if Mr. Game and Watch can fight, if Duck Hunt can fight, _if Wii Fit Trainer can fight,_ then I'm pretty sure Mewtwo, a powerful Psychic-type, can fight too. He was in Melee, he was a good fighter, end of story."

"Now, as for why Nintendo didn't have him in the game at the beginning. . . well look, everyone was whining for Mewtwo, so they figured, _'Hey! Let's make some money off of all these people!'_ "

Keldeo shrugged.

"Sure, it sounds underhanded, but you gotta remember something. Nintendo is a corporation, and corporations need to make money. Just ask Button Mash!"

 ** _Button Mash:_** _"Pokemon Shuffle and Pokemon Rumble World still suck!"_

"And look at it this way: with the announcement of Lucas being a DLC character, this opens up the opportunity for other old fighters to return through DLC, like Ice Climbers or Solid Snake!"

"And even better than that, Nintendo has recently created something called the Smash Bros. Fighter Ballot! It's a place where you can suggest _any video game character that ever existed_ to become a DLC fighter! Any character! _Any character! WOW!_ "

Keldeo looked really excited, "So, yeah, maybe this is just Nintendo trying to be greedy, but if you ask me, these extra characters are worth a few dollars. Especially if it's a character that _you_ voted for!"

"And as for my previous thoughts and reasoning about Mewtwo, well, It has _never_ felt so good to be wrong!"

Keldeo closed his eyes and thought for a moment. Then he opened them and said, "Now, I think I really need to address something that's been going on with this ballot. . ."

Keldeo put on a serious face and said, "Why are so many people voting for Shrek?"

Keldeo nodded slowly and said, "Well, first of all, Shrek in Smash Bros. started out as a joke a while ago. Then it became a meme that everyone was using. Then when Nintendo announced the ballot, everyone who liked the meme decided it would be funny to actually put Shrek on the ballot in order to make the meme a reality."

Keldeo rubbed his chin and said, "Well, you know what? Voting for Shrek, in my opinion, is just like voting for Goku or any other TV show or movie character. Come on, let's be serious. If the _WiiFit Trainer_ can fight, then I'm pretty sure a big strong ogre can fight too. And the Shrek movies are really popular, aren't they? The Shrek characters are all funny, well developed, and likable. In fact, and to be perfectly honest, I've fantasized about Puss In Boots being in Smash Bros. The reason I don't vote for him is because the rule is _video game characters only._ That's the reason why people are upset about people voting for Shrek and Goku, because that's breaking the rule."

Keldeo put his hoof down and said, "But you know what? Since Shrek in Smash is such a popular meme, maybe Nintendo _should_ put him in as an exception. I know it would be weird, but you know what they say: _'you gotta give the people what they want!'_ "

Keldeo grinned nervously and said, "Now, before I go . . . um . . . the next review is gonna be my first _non-Pokemon_ Fanfiction review. I know Pokemon is where I began, but this is just something I _really_ wanna do, so please give it a chance, and I'll use your reactions to determine if I should stick with Pokemon only or not. Just keep and open mind, okay."

"Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I gotta fill out that ballot and get Spyro into Smash Bros.! Everyone, please support Spyro the Dragon! Together we can get him in Smash! Le'ts go! SPYROOOOOO!"

Keldeo quickly ran off to fill out the ballot.

 **THE END**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Angry Video Game Nerd_

 _Button Mash- Jan Animations_

 _Super Smash Bros. Brawl_

 _Pokken Fighters_

* * *

Keldeo quickly ran back and said, "Oh yeah, and lets hope that Mewtwo is in _Pokken Fighters_ too!" Keldeo then ran back out.


	8. Skippy's Story

Team Rocket popped out next to Keldeo's rock platform and started singing.

 _He's the most critical critic with a Poke stichk_

 _This review stars Keldeo the Critic_ _!_

Keldeo, who was standing on the platform, glared at Team Rocket and said in a cranky sounding tone, "Ah, enough with the singing already!" He then fired a Focus Blast right at Team Rocket.

 _BOOOM!_

 _"That's Keldeoooooooooo!"_ they shouted as they flew off into the distance.

"You remind me of a very young Three Stooges!" Keldeo shouted after them.

* * *

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 2: Skippy's Story by Commander**

 **tinyurl:** **ptzoj83**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said with a happy grin, "Let's talk about the Animaniacs!"

"Now, to be honest, I never really watched that show much. I felt that those three . . . dog, rabbit, cat, bunny things . . .were too annoying and weird, and if I wanted to see Pinky and the Brain, I'd just watch their spin off show. But just recently I gave the show another chance. Not only did I realize that the Warner Trio could be quite funny, but I also found two more characters that I absolutely adored: Slappy and Skippy!"

"Skippy was an old squirrel who was a retired Bugs Bunny-like Looney Tunes character who now spends her days looking after her nephew Skippy and getting into various situations with him, which she solves using classic Looney Tunes wit and cartoon violence. But what makes her an interesting character is one: she's always commenting on how modern cartoons don't have the comedic slapstick everyone used to like because of corporate and government censoring; and two: despite her grouchy attitude, she does truly care about Skippy and often goes to great lengths to protect him and help him."

Keldeo grew misty eyed and said, "And don't get me started on _One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock._ That has to be one of the saddest, most touching cartoons I've ever seen. I wish I knew what's keeping the MysteriousMrEnter from reviewing it as an Admirable Animation."

Keldeo wiped his eyes with his fetlock and sniffed before continuing, "But we're not hear to talk about the show. We're here to talk about a Fanfic. Namely, _Skippy's Story_ by Commander."

* * *

 _ **Skippy's Story**_

 _By: Commander_

 _I know, I know, I said that I might write a sequel for Origins but in the meantime I'm writing this. This explains Skippy's family history and why he's living with Slappy._

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Yes, exploring why Skippy lives with his aunt and what happened to his parents is a good topic for fanfiction. Well then, let's not waste any time. Let's get into it."

* * *

 _In a tree in Nebraska, young Skippy, a squirrel, waited for his mother. He always got a little anxious whenever his mother went out. She was the only family he had. All the rest had been run over by cars._

* * *

Keldeo had a disturbed smile frozen on his face. He lifted a fore hoof to his ear and asked with his smile still frozen on his face, "Pardon?"

* * *

 _"I'm a lot like you in some ways, Skippy," she had told him. "I never knew my father. Like you, a car killed my father before I was born. My mother was very old, and she said that she had had so many children that she lost count. I was her last. She died shortly after I was legally old enough to leave her."_

 _"If she had so many kids, then where are they?" Skippy had asked._

 _"Well," his mother had said, sighing a little, "Mom said that more than half of them were run over by cars while they were still living with her. This is what happened to the five that came before me. And she said that many more were killed a little after they left her. They're probably all dead. It's kind of a family tradition to be killed by a car, in both your mother's and father's side of the family."_

* * *

Keldeo shook the smile off of his face and said, "What the heck am I reading? I mean, yes, squirrels _do_ get run over by cars a lot, but this is just too much! I mean, I _swear_ that I didn't skip anything! This is how the story begins!"

* * *

 _Skippy knew that. His father had been his parents' first and only child. They had been killed together shortly after his father left them. And likewise, he had been killed shortly before Skippy had been born._

* * *

"Are you having fun yet? Remember everyone, this is the story's best foot forward. This is how the story reels you in and gets you invested. _THIS!_ "

* * *

 _Thus Skippy had no living relatives besides his mother. And as he sat in the hollowed out hole in his tree, waiting for his mother, he thought to himself, ~What's taking her so long? Did she get hit by a car?~_

 _Being hit by a car seemed to Skippy to be the only purpose in his life. Somedays he felt like just jumping out in the street and just getting it over with. Why postpone the inevitable? Sure, he was only six years old, but to him, he had a lot to live; er, die; up to._

* * *

Keldeo gave a look of utter disbelief and said, "Okay, this went from Lemony Snicket's _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ depressing, to Clemont abandoning Shinx for _years_ depressing. . . sure, that actually turned out okay, _but what the heck's going on here?!_ "

* * *

 _He was cheered immensely when he heard his mother calling, "I'm home, Skippy!" Skippy scampered to the entrance and greeted her._

 _His mother's name was Topaz, since her fur was a shinning, goldish color. The records indicated that she was the first squirrel to be called Topaz. Since squirrels don't use last names, careful records are kept of each and every squirrel's name. When a squirrel had a baby, she had to go to the court tree and select a name that no presently living squirrel had. There had only been two other squirrels named Skippy since 1630, when squirrels started keeping records._

* * *

Keldeo rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "That's actually kind of interesting."

* * *

 _"I'm glad you're back," said Skippy, hugging his mother._

 _"I found some nuts for you," she said. She was a very young and pretty squirrel. Skippy thought that she was the prettiest squirrel who had ever lived, even though he hadn't seen very many squirrels in his young lifetime._

 _Topaz handed Skippy some of the nuts. Skippy broke one open and said, "Is it true that you're my only living relative?"_

 _Topaz shrugged. "I suppose so."_

 _"Why don't we go to the court tree and find out for sure?"_

 _Topaz smiled at her son. "You're lonesome, aren't you?"_

 _"Yeah, a little, I guess so," said Skippy._

 _"I think we should do it," said Topaz. "Even if none of my siblings are alive, I would at least like to know who they were."_

 _Topaz and Skippy set out on their adventure. They scampered across trees when they could, but after awhile they were forced to go down on the ground._

 _Then they came to the road._

 _"Oh no," whimpered Skippy. He was terribly afraid of roads and cars._

 _"You go ahead of me, Skippy. The road's clear now. I'll be right behind you," said his mother._

 _Skippy obeyed and scampered on the road._

 _At that point a car turned around the corner._

 _Fearing for his life, Skippy made a mad dash the rest of the way across the street. The car whizzed by._

 _Skippy turned around._

 _His mother's body lay crumpled in the street._

* * *

Keldeo had a clearly forced smile on his face, and his eyes were open and unblinking.

"What the heck, Commander?" he asked, still with the pained forced smile on his face, "What did you do, watch PSA's from Canada before you wrote this?"

 _ **Grandmother:** "It's a rape whistle."_

"I mean, sure, we all knew that the mother was gonna die eventually so he'd have to go live with Slappy, but _come on!_ Talk about a Sucker Punch to your feels! Couldn't you have her die in a less dark way! I mean, she just got run over right in front of him!"

* * *

 _"No! Mom!" screamed Skippy. "Please get up!"_

 _She didn't._

* * *

"Oh my gosh . . . make it stop," Keldeo whimpered as he bit his hoof tip.

* * *

 _The squirrels from the court tree dashed out when they heard Skippy screaming. "Help!" cried Skippy. "My mom just got hit by a car!"_

 _The squirrels looked at Skippy for a while. Then finally one of the squirrels asked, "What was her name?"_

 _"Topaz."_

 _"Topaz number what?"_

 _"One. She was the first squirrel to be named Topaz."_

 _"Come with me," they said, and led Skippy into the court tree._

 _As soon as he got in, he sat down on a bench and sobbed. "It's all my fault!" he cried. "I was the one who wanted to see if I had any living relatives! And now she's gone!"_

* * *

"What makes it worse is that Skippy is supposed to be happy all the time, so when Skippy is broken up, you know things are serious. Well, anyway, Skippy needs to find another living relative to live with or he'll be put up for adoption."

* * *

 _He took out a file. "Topaz #1. Parents are Redwood #154 and Lilac #390." He pulled out another file. "Holy smokes!"_

 _"What?" asked Skippy._

 _"Your grandparents had 28 kids!" he cried. "Slappy #43, Acorn #1001, Samuel #3364, Valerie #79, Pine #250, Daffodil #467, Menkus #24, Rose #3784, Rocky #354, Ulysses #5, Sparkles #12, Walnut #4029, Lucky #564, David #253, Katherine #680, Fortune #65, Dandelion #26, Julie #647, Yopomis #2, Lenny #47, Wilburt #364, Quincy #22, Lenore #45, Autumn #789, Violet #56, Bob #17589, Toby #4657, and Topaz #1."_

* * *

"Okay, just to take a break from all the depressing stuff, I gotta say, over _4000_ squirrel were named Walnut? Why would anyone name their kid Walnut? Or Acorn? Who'd name their kid after their food? And over _17000_ squirrels got names _Bob_? That's a lot of lazy parents! Sure, this started in 1630, but this is only in _one_ community, I assume. Unless the court tree has jurisdiction over all of Nebraska, which I doubt."

* * *

 _"Are any of them still alive?" asked Skippy._

 _"Hmm, that's odd," he murmured. "The only one still alive is the first born, Slappy #43."_

 _"Slappy #43," commented another squirrel. "Isn't she that Slappy the Slap Happy Squirrel from those old cartoons?"_

 _"Oh yeah!" said the first squirrel. "Well then, I'm not all that surprised that she's still around. That Slappy has a strong will to live."_

 _"So she hasn't gotten hit by a car yet?" asked Skippy._

 _The first squirrel laughed. "Knowing Slappy, she'd blow the car up before it even had a chance to nick her. I'll give her a call and see if she wants to take you in."_

 _Skippy sighed and pulled his legs towards him. He had no idea what this aunt of his would be like, but he could take a pretty good guess if she blew things up. He just wished that his mom hadn't of gotten hit by that car._

* * *

"So while Skippy tries to keep from being emotionally scared for life, the story heads over to Burbank, California where Slappy gets the most important phone call of her life."

* * *

 _"Whaddiya want?" she asked._

 _"Is this Slappy #43?" asked the squirrel on the other end._

 _"Yeah," said Slappy. "What is it?"_

 _"Well… how updated are you on the status of your family?"_

 _"Quite honestly, I don't have a clue as to who's alive and who's dead."_

 _"Well, your parents and their 27 other kids-"_

 _"Holy s***!" cried Slappy, almost dropping the phone. "I knew that they liked kids, but that's a little overkill!"_

* * *

"Okay, Slappy never swore during the show . . . obviously . . . I mean, there was some risky humor-"

 _ **Skippy:** "You want me to bring him back to his nest?", referring to the baby bird that making itself comfortable underneath Slappy's rear._  
 _ **Slappy:** "No, Skippy... I'm actually starting to enjoy it. _

_(Wakko plays a rimshot on the drums)_  
 _ **Skippy:** "Goodnight, everybody!"_

"-But no one ever swore! Come on, Commander. You're killing me!" Keldeo groaned.

* * *

 _"Topaz-the one that just was killed today-had a six-year-old son."_

 _Slappy didn't say anything._

 _"You're his only living relative," he continued._

 _Slappy gave a long sigh. "I guess that means that you want me to take him in, right?"_

 _"Right. Will you do it, Slappy? He is, after all, your nephew. And if you don't take him in, then we'll have to put him up for adoption."_

 _Slappy sighed again. "Fine, I'll take him in."_

 _"Thanks. We'll send him over soon."_

 _"I'll be expecting you."_

 _"Thanks again, Slappy. Bye."_

 _"Bye."_

 _Back in Nebraska, the squirrel turned to face Skippy. "She's going to take you in. Now remember, she's got a quick temper. Make sure you mind what she says."_

 _"Okay," said Skippy glumly, not really looking at him. ~Why did my life have to change so quickly?~ he thought sadly._

* * *

 ** _Confused Matthew:_** _"Bad writing!"_

* * *

 _Skippy left to go live with his aunt only two days later. During those two days of waiting, he had watched some of the old cartoons that Slappy was in. She seemed to be witty and sarcastic, and seemed to like to use explosives._

 _"That's basically the way she is in real life," said one of the squirrels. "In these cartoons, she wasn't really acting, she was just being herself."_

 _"Has she changed any since then?" asked Skippy._

 _"She's gotten a lot older," said the squirrel._

 _"Older, as in she's attached to tubes 24/7 and can't go to the bathroom by herself?"_

 _The squirrel sighed. "Look, if she was like that we would have found you another guardian. It's probably time to get you settled in with her. Remember that she's cranky. Don't give her any lip."_

* * *

"So I guess Skippy is gonna take a train to-"

* * *

 _The squirrels jumped on the top of a California-bound car and somehow managed to stay on._

* * *

"Okay, if this is supposed to be a cartoon world, shouldn't they be able to just buy a train ticket or something? It would be a lot safer than clinging to a car for dear life!"

* * *

 _In a couple of days they had reached their destination. By that time Skippy was so nervous that he was shaking. So many questions were racing through his mind. ~Will she be nice? What if I don't adjust? Will she be like my mom? What if she gets hit by a car too? What if she doesn't like me?~_

 _"Here it is," said the squirrel. Skippy grabbed his bag of belongings (and since he was a six-year-old squirrel, he didn't have much) and timidly followed him to the door (yes, a real DOOR, not just some hole!) of a huge tree. The squirrel knocked on the door._

 _Slappy answered it. "Yeah?" she asked._

 _"Here's Skippy," said the squirrel._

* * *

"So Slappy takes Skippy in, and you know, I'm wondering if the author will be able to write Slappy with a caring personality while keeping her grouchy and snarky attitude."

* * *

 _"Alright, Skippy, take yer bag and come inside," said Slappy._

 _"Why don't you take it?" Skippy asked._

 _"Because it's YER bag, and besides, it's probably too heavy fer someone my age."_

 _"It doesn't weigh very much, though… how old are you, anyway?"_

 _"Too old," said Slappy, and it became apparent to Skippy that that would be the only answer he could get out of her._

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "So far, so good."

* * *

 _They walked inside._

 _It was different than any place Skippy had ever seen. That was because it had real furniture. Not just benches hollowed out of the hole that the rooms were in. There were actual couches, chairs, and tables. There was even a TV! The only place where Skippy thought that there were TVs was a court tree._

 _Slappy watched Skippy take everything in. He looked very astounded, probably because there wasn't these kinds of things in Nebraska. "Now turn around so I can take a look at ya," she commanded._

 _Skippy turned around and faced his aunt. Slappy looked at him. He looked quite a bit like her father, his grandfather. Especially that tail! If all that she saw of him was his tail, he might look like her father. She didn't recognize his eyes, though. He probably got his eyes from his father's side._

 _Skippy, meanwhile, was investigating Slappy. She looked pretty much the same as she had in her cartoons, except that she was older. She didn't really look like his mother. She was skinnier, and sharper, almost. Finally he got the courage to ask her, "So you really didn't want to take me in, did you?"_

 _Slappy shrugged. "You were unexpected. I don't mind, actually. I never pass down a challenge." She smiled. It was the first time Skippy had seen her smile._

 _"Raising a kid is a challenge?" asked Skippy, raising an eyebrow._

 _"Just wait till yer a teenager," said Slappy, chuckling a little. "C'mere. I'm starved."_

 _"Ditto," said Skippy. "What's for supper?"_

 _"Well, I was thinking cold mush and rancid water."_

 _"You're joking, aren't you?" asked Skippy, looking a little startled._

 _Slappy couldn't help but laugh. "Of course! My cooking isn't very good, though; that's what it might taste like."_

* * *

Keldeo chuckled, "Okay, Slappy is in character."

"But still, we have to acknowledge the fact that Skippy just lost his mom."

* * *

 _As they ate their supper, Skippy asked Slappy, "So what do you want me to call you?"_

 _Slappy raised an eyebrow. If both the squirrels were to go in front of a mirror and raise their eyebrows, then they would discover that they do it almost exactly the same. It was one of their only similarities, looks wise._

 _"I'm yer Aunt Slappy, right?"_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Then that's what ya call me, alright?"_

 _"Good. I was worried that you might make me call you Mom." Skippy's face fell slightly._

 _Slappy sighed. "No, I would not make ya do that. I'm not yer mom."_

 _"I only have one mom, even if she's dead," said Skippy quietly. "I could never call someone else Mom."_

* * *

"And another thing, Commander seems to know how the chemistry between Skippy and Slappy works. Specifically how Skippy is generally innocent and optimistic but still quite smart for his age."

* * *

 _Slappy took a deep breath. "Skippy, now that yer livin' with me ya might wanna know the number one rule in this house."_

 _"And that is…?" asked Skippy._

 _"Never, EVER go down into my vault, especially by yerself!"_

 _Skippy's eyes lit up. "Awesome! What's down there?"_

 _"Yer just like I was when I was yer age," said Slappy. "Knowing that, I'm not gonna tell ya, cuz that'd make ya wanna go down there even more."_

 _"Curiosity would send me down there too," said Skippy. "Maybe, if you told me what it was, I wouldn't wanna go down there, since I already knew what it was."_

* * *

"Touche!"

* * *

 _Slappy sighed. "It's my explosives, alright? And if ya don't know how ta handle them yer liable to kill yerself! And even if ya do mess with them but don't get killed, I'd kill ya myself! Ya got that?"_

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna said as she flew by.

* * *

 _"Yes, Aunt Slappy! Where's my room?" asked Skippy, quickly changing the subject._

 _"C'mon, I'll take ya up there."_

 _"Wow, a real bed and everything!"_

 _"What did you squirrels sleep on in Nebraska, anyway?"_

 _"We had beds made out of leaves and stuff."_

 _"Hmm, no human influence?"_

* * *

"Oh, is that why they couldn't just get on a train or a bus? Animals can only really do that in Burbank, California where the Warner Bros. Studio has it's Toon influence?"

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, okay then. We'll go with that."

* * *

 _"No, I guess not." Skippy pulled the covers down and jumped into bed. "Can you tuck me in, Aunt Slappy?"_

 _"Aaauuggh, the things I hafta put up with." She pulled the covers around him._

 _"Goodnight, Aunt Slappy," said Skippy._

 _"Goodnight, Skippy," said Slappy. "Cripes, I'm tired. I think I'll turn in."_

 _Skippy lied down in bed, sadness in his eyes. Slappy saw it. "What's the matter?"_

 _"I miss my mom," whispered Skippy. "Do you… ever miss yours?"_

 _He felt kinda stupid asking her. She probably didn't. She didn't even want him._

 _He was surprised when she answered, "Sometimes. I've been living without her long enough so I'm kinda used ta it. Yer only six. I would be surprised if ya didn't miss her." Slappy gave him a sideways hug. "Now, go ta sleep."_

 _Skippy snuggled down in the covers, feeling much better._

* * *

"So it looks as if Slappy's caring side and grouchy side are in a nice balance, but of course, this is fanfiction, so we do kinda have to dig a little deeper into her psyche."

* * *

 _Slappy sighed. She obviously wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon. There was just too much change happening to her._

 _~Just give him a chance,~ she thought to herself. ~He obviously misses his mom.~ She sighed again. ~Think about how you would have felt.~_

 _Her mind floated to a memory of when she had left the house. She could see herself, a rebellious eighteen-year-old squirrel. She was hugging her mother._

 _Her mother looked just like she had always remembered her; young and pretty. Lilac kissed Slappy's forehead. "You be careful out there, okay? I don't want anything bad to happen to you."_

 _Slappy rolled her eyes. "This is what I get for being the oldest!"_

 _Her father then came up to hug her. "Now, you don't do anything you would be ashamed to tell us, okay?"_

 _"If I did, then I wouldn't tell you," laughed Slappy._

 _Then her twelve-year-old brother Acorn came to tell her goodbye. "I'm glad you're leaving. The tree's gonna be a whole lot quieter with you gone."_

 _"Shut up, Acorn, I'm gonna slug you," said Slappy._

 _Ten-year-old Samuel then walked over to her. "Yeah, well, when you're gone, Acorn'll be in charge, and that's scary!" he cried._

 _"Shut up!" said Acorn._

 _Then Slappy's seven-year-old sister Valerie and her four-year-old brother Pine hugged her. "I'm gonna miss you, Slappy," said Valerie._

 _"Why do you have to go Slappy?" asked Pine._

 _"Cause I'm eighteen. When you're eighteen you'll leave-_

* * *

"EX - PO - SIT- ION! EX - PO - SIT- ION! Rush it out AS -AP!" Keldeo and Munna sang.

* * *

 _Slappy sat up in bed. "I'm never gonna get ta sleep at this rate," she muttered. "It's so hard to realize that all of them are dead!" She closed her eyes._

* * *

Keldeo frowned, "Come on, can't we get some jokes around here?"

* * *

 _"What's for breakfast?" asked Skippy._

 _"Poison," said Slappy, with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes._

 _That was the first time that Skippy really noticed Slappy's eyes. Her eyes looked just like his mom's!_

 _"It's not really poison, is it?"_

 _"You are so gullible!" she said. "It's nothin special. Just cold cereal."_

 _"What kind of orphanage is this?" asked Skippy._

 _"You'd b better watch yer mouth."_

 _"It's a hard knock life for us, it's a hard knock life for us…" Skippy started to sing._

 _"C'mon," muttered Slappy. "Today I'm takin ya ta school."_

 _Skippy looked surprised. "School? But I'm a squirrel!"_

 _"Human influence, remember? The law sez that all children, human or not, hafta go ta school. Now lets go!"_

 _"But I'm not even done eating yet-hey!"_

* * *

Keldeo chuckled a bit, then he said, "So then we get a a few jokes about going to the doctor and going to school."

* * *

 _"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUCH!"_

 _"C'mon, it didn't hurt that bad," muttered Slappy._

 _"Yes it did!" wailed Skippy. He was at that moment in the doctor's office, getting his shots._

 _"I don't think that one tiny little needle could cause that much pain," said Slappy, chuckling a little._

 _"Then why don't you get stabbed and find out for yourself!" cried Skippy._

 _The doctor shrugged. "Not a bad idea, Miss Squirrel. I don't believe that you have had your immunizations."_

 _Slappy gave him an ice-cold stare._

 _"Well… or maybe we can just forget about it," said the doctor._

* * *

"I'd rather not get blown up," Keldeo said, imitating the doctor's voice.

"After that, Skippy goes to the library, where we get a good social commentary on the censoring of cartoons, which seems like a more intelligent version of what they could have actually put in the _actual_ show."

* * *

 _Skippy went through all the boxes filled with cartoons. He had to give them all to the librarian because he couldn't read what they were._

 _At one Skippy handed her, the librarian said, "Hmm, I think we'd best not watch this one."_

 _"Why not?" asked Skippy._

 _"They're the restricted cartoons," she said. Then she sighed. "Actually, most of them aren't that bad. It's just society these days restrict almost everything good, but let the very 'mature' things sneak out uncensored."_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"I mean that they make TV shows filled with drugs, language, violence, and sex, and yet they take these classic cartoons and either censor them down to 2 minutes or ban them completely."_

 _"What's so bad about them?"_

 _The librarian shrugged. "Nothing, really. You have to remember that back when these were made, cartoons were made for adults. Sure there's mild cussing. Sure they smoke. Everyone smoked back then. And violence, too, lots of violence. But they're still classics. They were just made for another time period. I've watched these before. They're not bad at all, really." She started going through these. "You'd be surprised at what all they stuck in here. Disney, Warner Brothers, MGM, Hanna-Barbera, and all those other really famous cartoon names were deemed offensive. I think you could watch them, though. You've probably been exposed to this."_

 _"Well, my aunt Slappy cusses,_

* * *

"No she doesn't," Keldeo said grumpily.

* * *

 _if that's what you mean," said Skippy, sounding unsure._

 _"Your aunt Slappy?" said the librarian in shock. "She wouldn't happen to be the Slappy Squirrel from those old cartoons, would she?"_

 _"That's exactly who she is," said Skippy._

 _The librarian rummaged through the box. "Almost all of her cartoons were stashed in here. They're classics, too! Jeez, I can't believe that old squirrel is still alive."_

 _"Let's watch them quickly," said Skippy. "She thinks I'm at home!"_

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she flew by again.

Keldeo stared after her. "Have any of you noticed that she's been doing that a lot more _now_ than in Season Three?" Keldeo asked.

"Well, never-mind that. In the next chapter, we see that Commander added quite a clever little touch to Skippy's personality, in that he made him into a comic book fan and a . . .comic book artist?"

* * *

 _Skippy was turning out to be very much like all the other boys in his class. (About half of the students were humans, while the other half were various animals.) Slappy gave him an allowance and he spent most of it on comic books. Almost every day when he got home he would go up to his room and reread his comic books. He found pencils and paper and drew the pictures, which was even more fun._

* * *

Keldeo smiled as he nodded to himself, looking very pleased with this development. "That . . .actually fits Skippy's character very well. I'm actually quite surprised. Too bad they didn't use this in the actual show. The best we got was Hippie Skippy in _Woodstock Slappy._ Ha-ha."

* * *

 _Unfortunately, he also drew at school when he was supposed to be listening. And he drew all the time at home, so he never had time to get his homework done. Besides, he didn't feel like it._

 _Ms. Stevens was concerned, however. One day, when once again Skippy didn't have his work done, she said to him, "Skippy, I'd like to see you after school."_

 _Skippy slumped in his chair. A detention! Aunt Slappy was gonna kill him!_

 _When the bell rang and all the students except for Skippy jumped out of their seats and raced home, Skippy looked down at his feet and said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, and I'll try harder to do my homework…"_

 _Ms. Stevens sighed. "Skippy, I know you're a very smart boy. When you pay attention, you pick things up very quickly. But when you don't…" She wrote out a note, folded it, and handed it to Skippy. "I want you to give this to your parent and/or guardian as soon as you get home." She blinked. "Parent and/or guardian? Where did that come from?"_

* * *

 ** _Confused Matthew:_** _"Bad writing!"_

"Oh brother, quick! We need a funny joke!" Keldeo cried out frantically.

* * *

 _When he got home, he ran into the kitchen, grabbed some chips, and ran straight up to his room, giving Slappy barely any time to ask, "Do ya have any homework?"_

 _"No," he said, and closed his door._

 _He spent the whole day up there, up until six o'clock, that is._

 _"Hey Skippy," cried Slappy, "if ya haven't died up there, it's time ta eat!"_

 _"Oh boy!" cried Skippy. He ran down the stairs. "What're we having?"_

 _"Cereal."_

 _"Well, THAT'S creative!"_

 _"Hey, if ya can think of anything better, then you do the cooking."_

 _"Cereal, oh boy! My favorite!"_

* * *

"I'll take it!" Keldeo said.

"But back to the story, the plot actually acknowledged that Slappy has yet to be truly active in Skippy's upbringing so far."

* * *

 _"Taking him in wasn't as bad as I thought," said Slappy to herself, settling down to read a book. "I hardly notice he's here."_

* * *

"However, this all changes when his teacher calls Slappy directly."

* * *

 _I gave him a note to give to you, and told him to give it to you as soon as he got home. I even wrote on it to call me and if I didn't get a call by 7:00, I'd call you."_

 _"Aah, blackmail, huh?"_

 _"Call it what you will. Skippy forgot. Just like he forgets to do his homework."_

 _Slappy sighed and rolled her eyes again. "So his grade is pretty bad, right?"_

 _"Right. He's intelligent, but he hardly ever has his homework done. I think we'd better have a parent-teacher conference tomorrow at 3:30."_

 _"Hooray, I'm jumpin' fer joy," muttered Slappy sarcastically. "I've always wanted ta go ta school."_

 _"You've never been to school?"_

 _"No."_

 _"Aaaaaaaah…" Ms. Stevens said slowly. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow."_

 _"Alright. See ya." Slappy hung up the phone and chuckled evilly. "Ooooh, Skippy's in trouble!" she said rather loudly._

 _"What'd I do?" said Skippy dryly from his room._

 _Slappy went upstairs and into Skippy's room. Skippy didn't like the way she was just smiling at him, but didn't give it much heed. He was too wrapped up in his comic book!_

 _"That was yer teacher on the phone," said Slappy, still smiling._

 _Skippy bolted. "Oh s***!"_

* * *

"Okay, randomly cursing isn't funny! It's like they both have Tourette syndrome!"

* * *

 _"What did you say?" asked Slappy, not smiling anymore._

* * *

"HYPOCRISY!" Keldeo cheered with a smile as he reared up on his hindlegs and spread his forelegs wide.

* * *

 _"I said shoot. Uuuuh, I forgot to give you a note-"_

 _"Never mind, she told me everything. Thanks to you, I have a parent-teacher conference tomorrow."_

 _"I'm so sorry! I'll remember ta do my homework!"_

 _"It's too late," said Slappy with an evil grin, and then laughed hysterically._

 _"It's not funny," said Skippy, sighing unhappily._

* * *

Keldeo blinked in confusion. "Where's the joke!? I don't get it! She grins and laughs like a maniac, how is that funny? ANSWER ME!" Keldeo shouted.

"Well, the next chapter- okay, I normally don't comment on chapter names, but for some reason Chapter 6 is called _Chapter Without Title._ It's literally called that. I don't know why. There's certainly no joke here, so I'm just gonna call it laziness disguised as humor. Anyway, in this chapter, we get two big milestones in the story."

* * *

 _When school got over at 3:20, Slappy was already there. It was a strange contrast; her and all of the young kids racing out of school. (I would have called her old but she has me tied up to a chair writing this and would blow me up with her explosives if I dared hint at that type of thing.)_

 _(Ouch.)_

 _Skippy trudged out of school, feeling as though he had just been sentenced to life in prison. (It's hard to type with burnt, blackened fingers. Please excuse any errors.) He didn't even notice Slappy until he ran right into her._

* * *

Keldeo shook his head as he had an incredulous look on his face. "Oh yeah, and that happens. I guess it makes sense that Slappy can break the Fourth Wall. Anyway, the first milestone is Slappy starts to embrace his Toon slapstick heritage by taking a few bombs out of Slappy's vault."

* * *

 _He got up and went downstairs. He had never gone downstairs before, and now seemed like a pretty good time to investigate._

 _Skippy looked around and saw a small door._

 _"That must be the vault," he said quietly. Then he laughed. "Some vault that is! It doesn't even have a lock!" He opened the door and stepped inside._

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait," Keldeo said, holding up a fore hoof to stop, "So . . . a room full of _bombs_ has no lock? Slappy literally calls it a _vault,_ and she never put an actual _lock_ on it?"

 _ **Button Mash:** "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?"_

"But to be fair, maybe Slappy figured that since she lived alone, they're be no one else there to get at her bombs, so she felt she didn't need to put a lock on it. Then Skippy came in unexpectedly, and she never got around to putting a lock on it. "

Keldeo shrugged, "But I'm just saying, Slappy never struck me as absent minded."

* * *

 _The room was packed with explosives! Skippy had never seen that many in his life! Then again, he had never seen ANY explosives in his life, which made him even more amazed than one with previous exposure would have been._

 _His eyes suddenly darted to the ceiling, then scanned back and forth, checking for security cameras or anything else that Slappy might have put in there. Seeing none, he grabbed a bomb and put it in his pocket._

 _Now don't think that he was going to blow up his school or anything._

* * *

"Thanks for putting that disturbing thought in our heads," Keldeo said in a dead pan tone.

* * *

 _These were before those things happened that often, and besides, he was a six-year-old boy, the nephew of the Queen of TNT. He just wanted to have it, and, as you will see later in the story, his decision to carry explosives was a wise one._

 _He took about 5 bombs for himself, then, with sudden realization of what he was doing, he ran out of the vault, slammed the door, raced to his room, and opened a book, hoping to get his mind off of what he had just done._

* * *

"The second milestone is Slappy actually starting to be a responsible caregiver."

* * *

 _"Let's get right to the point, Miss Squirrel. Skippy isn't doing his homework, and he also rarely pays attention in class. He's either reading a comic book or drawing."_

 _Slappy scratched her chin thoughtfully. "Then, I'd hafta say that he'd better not bring his comic books ta school."_

 _Ms. Stevens nodded. "But that's only half the problem. What does he do all day at home?"_

 _"He stays up in his room and… reads comic books. But don't ya think there's an easier way than ta take all of his books away?"_

 _"Of course," said Ms. Stevens. "Remember, I'm an experienced teacher, and I've dealt with this problem before. Every day, I will write out an agenda of all Skippy's homework. After school, I will give it to him and have him mark off the ones he has done. When he gets home, you ask to see his agenda, and if he still has work left to do, you have him do it right away."_

 _Slappy nodded. "Sounds good to me."_

 _"Skippy is a very intelligent child. I only hope that this can work out for all three of us."_

 _"All three of us," snorted Slappy. "The question is, did it work out fer me to take him in?"_

 _"I sincerely think so," said Ms. Stevens. "Skippy is a very happy, if somewhat distracted, child."_

 _"Distracted?"_

 _"He has a short attention span."_

 _"Oh," said Slappy. "Well, see ya."_

 _"Good bye, and thanks for coming,"_

 _On the walk home, Slappy couldn't help but sigh. She had thought that she wouldn't really care that much about his grades or anything silly like that. She had been more like, "Alright, I'll take my dead sister's child in, a sister who I didn't even know I had, much less my nephew." She hadn't even thought it was possible that she would feel any motherly affection for him. But…_

 _Adopting him was not what she had expected, she finally decided._

* * *

Keldeo tilted his head and smiled. "Aww. That's sweet, but this is the _Animaniacs_ , we need some action here."

* * *

 _The next day was Saturday, and the sun was only partially hidden by clouds, so Skippy decided to take a walk. He scampered and jumped across trees, found various nuts and at them as snacks, and was just generally happy that he was a squirrel and he could enjoy the simple pleasures in life._

 _While at the park, he noticed an old wolf sitting on a park bench and eating peanuts. Skippy leaped off the tree, brushed himself off, climbed up on his hind legs, and casually strolled over to where he was. Then his eyes grew wide as he looked at the wolf. "Please sir, may I have some?"_

 _The wolf jumped up angrily, surprising Skippy and causing him to jump back. "Listen, squirrel, I don't give food to squirrels!"_

 _A bell sounded in Skippy's brain. "I know! You're Walter Wolf!"_

* * *

"If Slappy is Bugs Bunny, then Walter is Wile E. Coyote."

* * *

 _"And just how do you know that?" he demanded. "The cartoons I was in are restricted, and with good reason!"_

 _"I watched them at the library. Ha ha! You're such a pushover!"_

 _"I am not! And even so, you're still not getting any of these peanuts!"_

 _"Not even if I showed you this?" asked Skippy, reaching into his pocket and taking out a bomb._

 _"AARRGHHHH!" screamed Walter in shock. "You're just as bad as Slappy!"_

 _"More like just as good," said Skippy, grinning. "I know how to control my enemies."_

 _"I think that you've been watching those cartoons for too long!" cried Walter._

 _"Oh no!" cried Skippy, shaking his head. "If I only watched her cartoons, then I wouldn't have access to any bombs. But lets say that I lived with her… that she was my aunt…"_

 _"Slappy's your AUNT?" cried Walter in rage._

 _"Uh huh," Skippy nodded. "Although I'm sorry to say that she is much more knowledged in the art of blowing wol-HEY!"_

 _Walter grabbed Skippy and ran him straight towards his house. Once he got him there, he tied him up to a chair with strong rope and gagged him. "Well, looks like you've caught me," came Skippy's muffled reply._

 _"What a brilliant plan!" laughed Walter. "I'll write a ransom note to Slappy and when she comes to rescue you, I'll blow her up!" He quickly wrote a note and left the house._

 _~This gives me plenty of time to work up a plan,~ thought Skippy. He wasn't really frightened. He knew, both from watching the cartoons and from Slappy's brief mentions of Walter, that he was a few tacos short of a platter._

* * *

Keldeo smiled and said, "Yeah, it's pretty clear that Walter is totally doomed."

* * *

 _Slappy, unaware of what had just happened, was sitting in her living room, reading the paper. Three knocks sounded at the door._

 _Slappy sighed and got up. "Goody, I get to buy more fun-filled items from Boy Scout Troop 3179 for their fund-raiser to go to Abu Dhabi."_

* * *

"You remind me of a very old Garfield," Keldeo quipped.

* * *

 _By that time she was at the door. When she opened it, however, there was no one there. The only thing that was there was a note._

 _Slappy sighed, picked it up, and read it aloud. "Dear Slappy, I have taken your nephew. If you can find me, I will return him to you unharmed, as long as you don't bring any explosives. But you won't find me. You will never find me! I am untraceable! Sincerely, Walter Wolf."_

* * *

"Now how does that make any sense?" Keldeo asked, "If Walter wants to lure Slappy in to blow her up, why is he going on about how hidden he is? Isn't that like:"

 _ **Jessie:** "Alirght, Twerp! If you ever wanna see Iris alive again. . ."  
_

 ** _James:_** _"You have to bring your Pikachu to a secret location."_

 ** _Meowth:_** _"That's right!"_

 ** _Ash:_** _"Okay. Where's the location?"_

 ** _Meowth:_** _"It's a secret!"_

 ** _Ash:_** _"Okay, so where is it?"_

 ** _Meowth:_** _"We won't tell you! You'll never find it!"_

 ** _Ash:_** _". . . I thought you wanted Pikachu?"_

 ** _Jessie:_** _"We do!"_

 ** _Ash:_** _"Then tell me where the location is!"_

 ** _James:_** _"Never!"_

 ** _Ash:_** _"You guys have sure gotten stupid since Black and White."_

* * *

 _Slappy sighed. "Listen, Walter, even if ya hadn't signed the note I would've recognized yer ridiculous plan anyway. I guess I hafta go and get Skippy."_

 _She went downstairs into her vault and started putting some items into her purse. "Hmm, that one's good, ooh yes, definitely that one. Hey, wait a minute, didn't I have five of these?" She looked around. "Oooh, I swear that once I rescue that kid I'm gonna kill him. I told him not ta come down here!"_

 _She picked up some more explosives. She wasn't all that worried about Skippy. First of all, he was pretty self-reliant and could easily think of some way to foil Walter's plan. Secondly, she knew that Walter's elevator didn't reach the top floor. "Even a bozo could get out of Walter's clutches. But Skippy's new at the business. He might need some help."_

* * *

"Now although it would be nice to see Slappy concerned and worried about Skippy, you gotta remember exactly what kind of character Slappy is. She's a grouchy curmudgeon, but cares about Skippy at heart. Plus, it's clear that Skippy isn't in any _real_ danger."

* * *

 _Walter then flung the door open. "You're aunt's never gonna find you!" he laughed. "That note was completely anonymous!"_

* * *

Keldeo mouth hung open. "You _signed it 'Sincerely, Walter Wolf'_! How is that anonymous? And I thought you _wanted_ Slappy to find Skippy? How stupid are you?!"

"Well, luckily, _Skippy_ isn't stupid, and he tries to trick Walter into letting him go."

* * *

 _"Sorry to burst your bubble, Walter, but even if she could find me, she wouldn't."_

 _"What? Why not?"_

 _"Because Aunt Slappy hates me! The only reason she took me in was… well, my mom was her favorite sibling and when she died, she wanted to honor her memory, I guess. She thought I'd be just like her. But when she found the truth, she made me do chores day and night!"_

 _"Well… she'll want you back to do the chores, right?"_

 _"Wrong. She says I'm… expendable." Skippy had learned that word in school and was glad he found a way to use it. Now all Skippy had to do was wait and see if Walter was as gullible as Slappy said he was. If he was, then he might let him go. But if he wasn't…_

 _Skippy breathed a sigh of relief when Walter said, "Of course! Why didn't I figure it out sooner? Slappy couldn't care less about anyone or anything!"_

 _"Right!" cried Skippy triumphantly. "Now let me go."_

 _"No," said the wolf with a snarl, "you've been too much trouble. I think I'll just blow you up." He grabbed a bomb from his pocket, lit it, and threw it at Skippy._

* * *

Keldeo nodded gravely. "It begins," he said seriously.

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 0_**

* * *

 _Skippy took a good look at the bomb. The fuse was very long and slow to burn. Skippy bent down his head, picked up the bomb in his mouth, and flung his head back, then forward, so that the bomb flew towards Walter._

 _BOOM!_

* * *

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_**

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 1_**

* * *

 _"Ouch," moaned Walter. Then he glared at Skippy. "Why you-"_

 _"Just a minute, Walter," said Skippy. "I know what your problem is. And I can help you."_

 _"You can?" asked Walter._

 _"Yeah, but you'll need to untie my arms."_

 _Walter looked a little suspicious, but obediently untied Skippy's arms. Skippy reached into his pocket. "You need short fused bombs. Here, try it out."_

 _Walter eagerly snatched the bomb from the young squirrel and lit it. "Wow, that really is-"_

 _BOOM!_

* * *

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_**

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 2_**

* * *

 _"Alright, that was blackmail!" cried Walter, burnt to a crisp._

* * *

"I think someone doesn't know the exact definition of blackmail."

* * *

 _"No, you're doing it wrong. Give me a match and I'll show you."_

 _"Here! Take it!" cried Walter, throwing him a match. Skippy caught it in his teeth._

 _"What you have to do," he explained, taking a bomb out, "is throw it almost immediately after you light it. Watch." Skippy lit the match, lit the bomb, and immediately threw it at Walter._

 _BOOM!_

* * *

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_**

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 3_**

* * *

 _Walter stumbled backwards in pain. "That's it, you little son of a-"_

 _"Don't you dare insult my mother!"_

 _"-I've had just about enough from you." He grabbed one of his own bombs (with a long fuse, you know) and some rope. He sloppily retied Skippy's lower arms to the chair, lit the bomb, and placed it under the chair. "Long fuse or not, there's no way you're getting out of this one!"_

 _Skippy closed his eyes, as if in deep thought. Actually, he was petrified with fear, but he didn't want Walter to know that. How could he get out of this one? What would Aunt Slappy do?_

 _Skippy opened his eyes. He slouched in his chair slightly. Then finally, in a bored sort of voice, he said, "Hey Walter, you forgot to light it."_

 _"I did not!"_

 _"Did to. See for yourself."_

 _As Walter knelt down to investigate, Skippy, using all his strength, managed to hop a couple of feet away._

 _Of course, no fuse is TOO long._

 _BOOM!_

* * *

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_**

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH COUNTER: 4_**

"Alright! That's it! No more! You'll blow up the Wah-Wah Machine!" Keldeo cried out.

* * *

 _"Mommy, make it stop," whimpered the unlucky wolf._

* * *

"So, of course, Slappy finally shows up and quote-unquote _'rescues'_ Skippy."

* * *

 _"Good evenin', Walter," greeted Slappy, tossing a bomb up and down in her right paw._

* * *

"She also breaks the conditions of the ransom note, but it's not like Walter was a threat to begin with."

* * *

 _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! TAKE HIM BACK! I DON'T CARE ABOUT BLOWING YOU OR HIM UP! JUST GET THIS MONSTER OUT OF MY SIGHT!"_

 _"Stop yellin', that's what I'm here for." Slappy opened her purse and searched through it. "D***, I thought I had it with me! Walter, do you have a knife? I need to cut Skippy out of his bindings."_

 _"Whatever you say!" cried Walter, running to the kitchen. He scrambled back out with a large butcher knife._

 _Slappy's eyes grew a bit wider with mild surprise. "Hmm, that'll do." She cut Skippy's ropes off very quickly. She then grabbed his wrist and said, "See ya later," to Walter, and dashed away from the house._

 _"Aunt Slappy," panted Skippy, trying to keep up with his aunt, "why are we running so fast?"_

 _"Because I put a-"_

 _BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!_

 _The force of the explosion from Walter's house was so great Skippy and Slappy were blasted in the air for a few seconds, then hit the ground and shielded their heads to protect them from the flying debris._

 _Once the noise had quieted down some, Slappy finished her sentence. "I put a very small yet very powerful bomb on his knife. It's so small, ya can't even see it unless ya know what ta look fer."_

 _"Will it kill him?"_

 _"Oh no, of course not. I don't kill." Slappy grinned. "It will hurt him, though."_

* * *

"So . . . a huge explosion can't kill anyone, but a car _can_?" Keldeo asked, trying hard to make sense of it. "Well, my best guest is that a Toon can only be killed by something that isn't funny. Being blown up by a bomb is really just classic cartoon slapstick, but getting hit by a car isn't really all that funny. Sure, getting run over is _sometimes_ funny in _certain_ cartoons, like Yosemite Sam cartoons, but since it wasn't played for laughs _here_. . ." Keldeo held his head with his fore hooves, "Ugh, my head. Moving on."

* * *

 _The two squirrels stood up and dusted themselves off. "Let's go home," said Slappy. "Look how low the sun is. I'm gettin tired."_

 _"You were right," said Skippy. "Walter IS a pushover."_

 _"Wasn't it obvious?" laughed Slappy._

 _"He was so gullible. I only had to actually use my own bombs twice."_

 _"You mean MY bombs."_

 _"Ooohhhh…"_

 _"Skippy, when we get home, there's gonna be hell ta pay."_

 _"So you actually went through all that trouble, just ta rescue me?"_

 _"Trouble? It was no trouble at all. Besides, yer werth it." Slappy gave Skippy an affectionate smile._

 _"Really?"_

 _"Yeah. And by the way, gimme the rest of my bombs back."_

 _Skippy and Slappy. The two squirrels that dominated over all. And Skippy couldn't have felt better. He had successfully defeated a foe single-handedly! Well, almost single-handedly. And his Aunt Slappy actually liked him!_

 _His mom would sure be proud of him!_

 _THE END_

* * *

"Ehhh, I guess she would be proud of him. I mean, she loved him, so she'd probably support him in whatever he does. Eh, whatever. That was _Skippy's Story,_ and I have to say, the Commander really did capture the essence of the Animaniacs in this story. Sure, the beginning part was kind of sad and depressing, but come on, Skippy's parents had to have died in order for him to be living with his aunt, so of course its gonna be sad. Sure, it was a bit overdone, but to be fair, I actually kind of respect that. And the actual show could sometimes be depressing too. Seriously, check out _One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock._ "

"Also, I like how Skippy was written in this. It felt like we got a real good look at the fun little kid Skippy is. Reading comic books and drawing, _and_ following in his aunt's foot steps, of course. This felt ever bit like an actual episode of the Animaniacs, and being like the source material is the highest honor you can give to any fanfic."

Keldeo smiled broadly as he declared, "And you know something else? As of right now, I, Keldeo the Critic, am accepting this fanfic as my definitive head-canon of how Skippy came to live with Sla-"

"NOT SO FAST!"

Keldeo turned around fast to see Spike the Snob running over to him.

"Spike the Snob? What are _you_ doing here?" Keldeo asked.

"I'm stopping you from making a BIG mistake," Spike said.

Keldeo groaned, "Well, you're kinda too late, Spike. If I want to review something other than Pokemon fanfiction, then I-."

"No, no, no; that's not it! I mean . . . _Skippy's Story_ is _weak!_ " Spike said.

"Huh?" Keldeo said.

Spike face palmed and took out a tablet. "Look, you can't accept this shallow, cheerful, candy coated story as your personally head-canon when _this_ is a way better choice."

* * *

 _ **Fate** _

_By: Skiptastic_

 _ _We do not choose how life plays out, and change is something we must accept, but no one said you had to do it gracefully. Skippy Squirrel learns that when one thing changes, a wave of it will follow. Left on his own, the young boy's fate is decided by that of an aunt he never knew existed. Yeah, you know how it'll end, but the journey might be fun.__

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Okay . . . so you think this story it's better?"

"Better? It blows _Skippy's Story_ out of the water. That story sucks compared to _Fate_!" Spike said.

"Hey, you can't insult that story like that! It's a good story! It's-"

"Kid stuff."

"Kid stuff!? Skippy's mother _dies_!"

"In a pretty stupid sounding way. And it's pretty much just glanced over. Skippy gets over it _waaaaay_ too fast!"

"That's just how Skippy is! He's just really optimistic. And he _does_ take a while to get over it! The first chapters show him being sad, but because he's still got his Aunt Slappy, he's able to recover."

"But he- _aaaaarrrgh!_ " Spike growled and rubbed his face, "Ya know what? How about instead of arguing back and forth, let's settle this the Critician way."

Keldeo raised an eyebrow, "You want to do a crossover review of _Fate_ by Skiptastic?"

"Yep!" Spike replied.

Keldeo looked unsure, "Well, I don't know. I mean, two non-Pokemon reviews in a row? It might be too soon for that-."

"Chicken," Spike said with a smirk.

Keldeo stomped the ground hard and said, "Oh, I'm stopping you right there! I'll review it!"

"That's right. And then, you will finally see how much better it really is. _Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"_ Spike laughed maniacally.

Keldeo stared at him and said, "What's with the maniacal laughing?"

* * *

 **THE END**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Slappy Squirrel Intro Version 1- Warner Brothers_

 _The Animaniacs- Episode 83: One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _thatdragonwiththetophat-_ creator of Spike the Snob

 _Confused Matthew_

 _Mandopony_


	9. Commercial 2

A male Absol stood with his eyes closed, sipping a Berry Juice through a straw and making a loud noise with it.

The Absol opened his eyes and looked off screen.

"Oh, are you waiting for me?" he asked innocently. After a second, he quickly pushed the empty Berry Juice away and looked at the camera.

"Oh, hello, hello, hello Fan Fiction Fans. It is _I_ , Austin Saturn, Pokemon Musical Performer and Singer Extraordinaire from the story _The Absol Danseuse_ by _thatdragonwiththetophat._ I'm here to tell you that the fantastic story, _The Absol Danseuse,_ will continue eventually. The author is merely busy working on the current Keldeo the Critic and Spike the Snob crossover on _Keldeo the Critic,_ **_and_** _another one_ on _Spike the Snob_ later on."

Austin smirked and said, "That's right! Keldeo is going to be on _Spike the Snob_ in the near future to help Spike analyze the author who tells blatant poisonous lies about Misty, _Toadettegirl2012._ So then, we have something to look forward to. Of course _my_ story is more entertaining, but hey! Everyone needs to cleanse their reading pallet every once in a while. I wouldn't want to overwhelm you!"

Austin chuckled to himself and shook his head. "Ahhhh. . . Well, I suppose that's it. Please enjoy the review."

Austin went to walk off, but then quickly doubled back and said quickly, "Oh, yeah, uh, if any of you watching are able to contact Lucy the Absol, on Jack Storm's team, please tell her-"


	10. Fate- Part One

Team Rocket popped up back in the Moor of Icirrus and sang,

 _He's a critical critic,_

 _He's real quick, and serious,_

 _He'll review a fanfic,_

 _In the Moor of Icirrus._

 _Along with a dragon,_

 _He's ragin'_

 _He's_ _snobbish_

 _And when these two butt heads,_

 _It comes out like rubbish_

 _He's happy, He's snobby,_

 _Get ready for some comedy,_

 _The next review features_

 _Keldeo and Spikey!_

"Eh, put a sock in it!" Keldeo said, and he fired another Focus Blast at Team Rocket.

"We're blasting off _again_!" they shouted as they vanished into the distance.

 _"That's Keldeo the Critic!"_ Spike the Snob sang.

* * *

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 3: Fate by Skiptastic**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said.

"And I'm Spike the Snob, of course," Spike said.

Keldeo nodded and said, "And we're back to review Spike's favorite Animaniacs fanfiction. _Fate_ by Skiptastic.

* * *

 _ **Fate**_

 _By: Skiptastic_

 _ _We do not choose how life plays out, and change is something we must accept, but no one said you had to do it gracefully. Skippy Squirrel learns that when one thing changes, a wave of it will follow. Left on his own, the young boy's fate is decided by that of an aunt he never knew existed. Yeah, you know how it'll end, but the journey might be fun.__

* * *

"Now, while _Skippy's Story_ had a more comical and funny, yet still touching, tone that felt a lot like the show; _Fate_ take a way more darker and serious look at Skippy's backstory," Keldeo explained.

"And that's a _good_ _thing_!" Spike declared.

"We'll see about that," Keldeo said sounding unconvinced.

"Pay no attention to the pony without a Cutie Mark," Spike snarked, "This is _Fate._ "

Keldeo ignored the comment and said, "So our story begins with Skippy being taken from his baby sitter by the police after it is discovered that his mother has died."

* * *

 _He turned to the cops, but they were already out in the parking lot and hopping back into the car, mouths moving in a way that had his ears burning._

 _"Hello little boy, it's nice to meet you." He looked back to see the woman holding out her hand. He gingerly shook it, too confused to hide his discomfort and usual shyness. The sincerity in this woman's voice, even the way she smiled, raised alarms from deep within Castle Skippy. She was faking everything and trying to lure him into thinking this place was safe and friendly, that everything would end with lollipops and praise. "You're Skippy, right?"_

 _"Yes," the squirrel answered in a hushed voice._

 _"I need you to follow me to my office, I have some questions and I need you to answer them as best as you can."_

 _What happened next was so quick that it fit in the blink of an eye, but the feeling of his world crumbling when he finally received an explanation would last his entire life. His mother wasn't coming back, would never come back. She was dead, had been for the past two hours ago. She was lying in a hospital morgue awaiting her ultimate fate, leaving him behind. This had to be a joke, some cruel prank, maybe some sick lesson that he was supposed to learn. Just this morning she had rushed out the door, running so late for work that she didn't have time to fix him breakfast. There was no way that was going to be his last memory of her? No way that she could have died in such little time? In what was probably a total of ten seconds a truck had ran a red light and now she was gone, it was impossible. Tears were shed as he cried into his hands, the urge to scream and shout and make irrational demands to bring her back overwhelming him until he had to give in._

 _The woman did not try to comfort him; instead she stood by and let him cry his heart out. After a good twenty minutes he finally calmed down, too tired to continue._

* * *

Keldeo swallowed hard. "Wow. This feels almost _too_ real."

"Hey, wait a minute, Keldeo! Why'd you skip everything?!" Spike complained.

"What do you mean _'why'd I skip everything'_?"

"You skipped like seven paragraphs about the the baby sitter finding out and crying, and the cops taking Skippy away as his thoughts wander as the worry consumes him, and-."

" _SPIKE!_ I can't include everything in these reviews! If I did, not only would they all be too long, but they would also ruin it for anyone who wants to read the actual story themselves!" Keldeo argued, "Sure, I have to admit, the writing is _phenomenal_. The emotions put into every sentence, every thought, every subtle action is amazing. The descriptions, the use of words, it's some of the greatest writing I've ever seen. That's what I meant when I said _'this feels almost too real.'_ The writing is just that good."

Spike poked Keldeo's chest with his walking stick and said, "So why didn't you just say so in the first place."

Keldeo groaned.

"Well, anyway," Spike said as he adjusted his top hat, "It's here that Skippy realizes that, to his knowledge at least, he has no more living relatives."

* * *

 _"What about your father, do you know where we could find him?" she asked. Either too polite or too sorry for him, she had yet to acknowledge his multiple breakdowns. In a way it kind of annoyed Skippy, as if saying it wasn't important enough to acknowledge._

 _"I've never met him." A single word popped into his head: orphan. It was his new label, his lifestyle, the first thing anyone would think of when they saw him. Holidays would be filled with the faces of strangers, people celebrating new customs and traditions while his would vanish into obscurity. There wouldn't be hot chocolate with little walnuts used as sweeteners drank at five past midnight on Christmas Eve, or sitting in front of the tree and shaking presents to guess what was inside while his mom offered up the occasional shrug. Skippy could feel himself on the edge of his third emotional outburst of the hour, but it wasn't sadness this time. He didn't have the energy for something that hard, not again. This feeling was simple and clean. This was hate and rage and all the things that boiled his blood and turned his knuckles white beneath the fur. Even better was that he could direct it to whatever and whomever he felt deserved it, like this woman sitting before him with that faux look of compassion, as if she knew what he was going through._

 _"Did your mom ever mention god-parents?" her voice was suddenly grating and unpleasant on his ears, like nails being dragged across a chalkboard._

 _"No," he answered immediately. She seemed a bit taken back by the harshness that had corrupted his voice, but continued to smile. He simply stared back at her, so intensely that he might as well be trying to set her on fire with his gaze. She didn't seem to mind his anger though. Her job was to be the messenger of bad news so it was to be presumed that she was used to hateful glances and misplaced anger, in fact it was likely one of the first things she was warned of when taking on such a job. Still, a reaction would've been appreciated, even the fake ones she was only capable of delivering._

 _He resisted the itch to reach behind his back and bring out a mallet to slam down on her desk. It was only in times like this, when he was being pushed by anger, that he could produce the instrument of destruction, and passing it up meant he might never get the opportunity again._

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she flew by.

"That Munna is really starting to get on my nerves," Spike growled.

"You got that right," Keldeo grumbled back.

* * *

 _"What if I don't want to be adopted?" he asked, feeling the wakening powers that came with being angry._

 _"Well it's . . . not really up to you Skippy, you're only a boy." Skippy had expected that answer but wasn't expecting the boost in rage that came with hearing it aloud, accompanied by the shaking of his arms._

 _"So I don't get a say in this?" his voice raised a few octaves, just a little under shouting level. He didn't want to waste what little energy he had from his anger by using it up quickly, instead he wanted to let it build until he reached his limit. "It's my life and I don't get to decide what happens next, where I go or who I go with? I just have to deal with it!"_

 _"Skippy, we can't just send you back to your house. You need supervision and guidance and someone to take care of you." She explained, though it fell on the deaf ears of a stubborn and frightened child._

 _"So I need a mother, but since mine is dead it needs to be a new one?" he asked, finding his voice beginning to lose its hostility and start to crack. He was close to tears, the only thing holding them back being his anger._

 _"Skippy, you need to calm down."_

 _The squirrel threw his arms up in an exaggerated shrug, bent on voicing every thought he could before the approaching tears broke through. "Heck, let's throw in a father and maybe a sibling or two, just to sweeten the pot!"_

 _She had a brief look of anger, but it disappeared almost immediately. It was a mild relief to find that she actually had honest emotions and feelings, to learn that she just might be human after all. He started to have his doubts when all her emotions came off as fake and insincere. "No one can replace your mom Skippy, but–"_

 _"But you'll sure try!" he yelled, eyes watering. He hands were shaking beyond his control, to the point that he clutched at his armrests just to try and keep them still. That wasn't the only reason he gripped at the wood though because there was also the increasing need to reach behind his back and summon his mallet. Skippy was scared that if he didn't restrain himself he'd do something regrettable._

* * *

"Like turn into Judge Doom!" Spike exclaimed.

"You have a point there," Keldeo said, "Loosing your mother at an early age might drive you crazy enough to becoming a psychopathic murderer. Especially if you have Toon powers."

* * *

 _"Listen young man," she began, but the young squirrel refused to hear the rest. He jumped out of the chair and stomped out the door, slamming it shut as she called his name. He was in too bad of a mood to cry in front of this woman again and despite all his anger he didn't want to swing his mallet at her face, not yet anyway. The squirrel ran down the halls, dodging everyone he passed along the way and hoping they didn't notice the tears that were starting to fall down his cheeks. Skippy rushed back into his room and slammed the door, burying himself in the couch and starting to sob into its cushions. Earlier that morning he had questioned what point there was in getting out of bed and now, a breakfast and argument later, he still had no reason to get up. The confirmation of his fears had given him even more reasons to just curl up on the sofa._

* * *

"Okay, I gotta give this story points for realism," Keldeo said, "This is how a kid would react to loosing his mother."

"I'm glad you understand," Spike said with a smile.

"I didn't say this story was better than _Skippy's Story_!" Keldeo said quickly.

" _Humph!_ Well fine. Anyway, after a little research by Miss Fake Emotions, Skippy finds out that his mother had been purposely hiding the existence of his Aunt Slappy from him," Spike said.

* * *

 _She explained that the police had found an envelope tucked in his mom's closet drawer, slightly ripped and unopened. Inside were two fifty dollar bills and a card, addressed to him. She sat in the wooden chair beneath the television and handed him the card to read. It had an illustration of a cake with the caption wishing a happy birthday. "Dear sis, sorry I couldn't make it to Skippy's birthday party, but you probably wouldn't want me there anyway. Tell the kid to buy himself something nice and wish him a happy birthday from his aunt. Love, Slappy."_

 _He was torn; on one hand relieved to know that it wasn't off to an orphanage, and on the other sad that life was still moving forward, despite the loss of his mother. As unbelievable as it sounded he couldn't imagine a world without her aid. He had no idea what Slappy was like, obviously caring enough to send him a hundred dollars, but not enough to ever introduce herself. Why wouldn't his mom have wanted her to come to his birthday, or had denied her existence to him? Was she a criminal of some kind? What conspiracist paradise had he found himself in? And lastly why was his mind digging to find a face and description for the name of someone he knew beyond a doubt he'd never met? "So we looked her up and she lives in Burbank, California. Have you ever met her?"_

 _He shook his head, "No . . . I don't think so, but the name sounds familiar."_

 _"About thirty years ago she was a cartoon star with Warner Brothers. She was never as big as Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck, but she had a few classics. I think they still show some reruns every weekend." At once everything clicked into place, at least everything that involved Slappy. He'd seen her once about two years ago while channel surfing and was immediately hypnotized be her actions. He watched for three or four minutes as the grey and white squirrel outsmarted a wolf in red overalls at a construction site, bouncing from one situation to another as she spat out one-liners and bombs. He enjoyed her antics and planned to watch more until his mom walked into the room and changed the station, bluntly stating that Slappy was a bad influence. He never would have considered that the person his mom had strictly forbidden him from watching would turn out to be his aunt, her sister._

* * *

"Huh," Keldeo said thoughtfully, "You know, this actually makes sense. Someone who acts all loony, zany, and screwy and blows other people up isn't exactly an ideal role model. I can understand why Skippy's mom would not like her sister very much. Oh, and speaking of which. . .!"

Spike nodded, "Yeah, it's just about that time. Time to head over to Burbank, California and see Slappy's initial reaction to being informed that her sister just died."

* * *

 _Slappy had been standing in the kitchen for the past twenty minutes, replaying the message over and over. Not only was her sister dead but her nephew was now waiting to be picked up. Of course a large decision had to be made upon learning this information, one that would drastically affect everything. Slappy had never been close to her sister. From birth they couldn't have been more different, and time only managed to strain their already fragile relationship. It was bad long before the death of their mother, but that was the event that severed the relationship. The older sister had not attended the funeral, stating that their mother wouldn't have wanted her there, and the younger sister was unable to view it from any perspective but her own. Slappy was painted as someone of pure selfish-_

* * *

Keldeo and Munna sang out, "EX - PO - SI- TION! EX - PO-."

"NO! NO! NO! You can't skip through this!" Spike exclaimed. He then dealt Munna a hefty kick, sending her flying like a hoofball.

"Will you calm down, Spike!" Keldeo said as stared at the angry little dragon in shock, "We all know that the writing is amazing, and I already explained how showing every single sentence ruins it for the people who want to read it themselves. All they need to know now is that Slappy is estranged from her family because her mother and sister didn't like it when she went into the Looney Tune business to the point where they downright hated her. So stop being so easily offended and review the story with me, okay?"

Spike had taken a few deep breaths, and had finally managed to calm down. "Okay Keldeo. You're right," he said as he hung his head, "I just _really_ like this fanfic. And when I really like something, I get defensive-."

"To the point where you join forces with M. Night Shyamalan and force Ryu Taylor the Ferret to watch the live action adaptation of Avatar The Last Airbender?" Keldeo said with a sly grin.

Spike sighed, "I really need an attitude adjustment, don't I?"

Keldeo gave a reassuring smile and said, "Well, you did a good job reviewing that Land Before Time movie with him, didn't you? See, you're getting better!"

Spike smiled back, "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Good, so let's get back to the review!" Keldeo said resolutely.

* * *

 _That led to the next reason why she shouldn't take the kid in. Her life could be summed up in very few words, and most of them were just synonyms of each other. There was dangerous, reckless, carefree, and most of all there was irresponsibility. She had grown use to only taking care of herself, having forgotten what family felt like. She was a lousy cook, a horrible housekeeper, rude, attracted to danger, and not very good with her emotions. Did any of that equal quality parenting? The kid would probably be better off living with someone else, a nice family with a large yard and plenty of toys to keep him occupied. Her gift to him would be to never meet the aunt his mother had good reasons to hide from him. It wasn't entirely selfish though, and that's what she kept telling herself as she sped out the house without the intention of calling them back._

* * *

"Aha! And here is the beginning of one of the major plot points. Slappy is not sure if she even _should_ take Skippy in," Spike said.

"Well, okay, Slappy does make some good points," Keldeo relented, "But still, Slappy's is his only family."

"But if she can't take care of a child-."

"But she _can,"_ Keldeo stressed.

" _We_ know she can, but _she_ doesn't. At least, _not yet._ The point of the story is her _learning_ that Skippy needs her and she needs him," Spike said.

"Well, how _does_ she learn that?" Keldeo asked.

"Well, she started by going in a ride in her shiny red super stocked Dodge from her famous music video, _Little Old Slappy From Pasadena._

* * *

 _Driving down the streets, one had to be prepared for extended fingers held out car windows, language that'd make George Carlin blush, and drivers that were practically trying to kill you just so they could get home a little faster. And for all those reasons Slappy loved this city. Anywhere else and she'd be told she had an anger problem, but here in Burbank she was just another ordinary citizen, albeit one who could store a good two tons of explosives in her purse._

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Okay, that's a nice continuity nod, but where is she going?"

* * *

 _Slappy Squirrel wasn't one to freak out, often the picture of calm and collected, but those few instances where she did have a breakdown she always ran to the same person: her closest and dearest friend Walter Wolf._

* * *

Keldeo looked scandalized. "What?" he said flatly.

* * *

 _It sounded pathetic calling the very person she'd consistently caused bodily harm to her closest friend, not to mention crazy, but the honest truth was they got along quite well._

 _Walter, dressed in a long white nightshirt and matching cap, groaned and mumbled as he shuffled to the door. He was almost asleep when the loud knocking began to echo through his apartment, and it was less than enjoyable to have to be separated from his warm and cozy bed. "Hold your horses you mishugina!" he shouted as he fiddled with the locks, cursing them under his breath with every fumble. He opened the door and found Slappy, a hand in her purse, no doubt trying to find a mallet. "Do you know what time it is?" he asked, expecting the usual smart-aleck response. Much to his surprise she had no reply, just heavy breathing as she shoved her way inside. "Slappy, you okay?"_

* * *

Keldeo buried his face in his fore-hooves and made noises that sounded like a mixture of laughing and crying.

"What's wrong with you, Keldeo?" Spike asked.

Keldeo looked up and said, "So, the author knows the show well enough to reference _Little Old Slappy From Pasadena,_ and then has the _nerve_ to suggest that Slappy Squirrel and Walter Wolf are not just _friends_ , but _close and dear friends?!_ "

"Well look Keldeo, they were Toon actors," Spike explained, "They were acting in their _Slappy the Slap Happy Squirrel_ episodes. That's not how they are in their normal lives."

"YES IT WAS!" Keldeo exploded, "They _were_ like that in their real life! Okay, let me explain when the Slappy Squirrel shorts take place. This is _after_ Slappy and Walter have retired from being in cartoons! They are _done_ acting! _DONE!_ And what does Walter do in those shorts?"

"Uhhh," Spike said.

"CONSTANTLY TRY TO EITHER MUTILATE OR KILL HER!" Keldeo exploded yet again, "He pretended to be a plastic surgeon so he could disfigure her! He faked his own death so he could slice her in half with a sword and blow her up! He _despises_ her! How the _in the name of biscuits_ does Skiptastic not grasp that concept!? This is like Sonic asking Eggman for advice on how to propose to Amy! Or Ash asking Hunter J how to catch a Dunsparce! Walter and Slappy _do not_ get along!"

"Well, they were watching TV together in _The Slapper_ commercial," Spike said timidly.

"That was an _in universe_ commercial. They obvious got paid a truck load of money for that," Keldeo said flatly.

Spike took off his hat and threw it to the ground. "Alright! Fine! You win! I admit it! Slappy and Walter being friends flies in the face of everything we've seen in the show. But, _holy guacamole,_ is that _really_ such a tragedy? So it's an Alternate Universe fanfic, so what? And besides, who else is Slappy supposed to go to for help in this scene?"

"Vina Walleen," Keldeo said without hesitation.

Spike blinked, "Who?"

"Vina Wallen."

". . . Is she a friend of yours or-?"

"NO! She's an Animaniac's character!"

"From what season?"

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "She's the deer actress who played Bumbie's Mom in the episode _Bumbie's Mom._ "

Spike's eyes widened, "Oh yeah, her! . . . Wait, you actually remembered her name? Uh, whatever, but _why_ should it be her instead of Walter?"

"Because Slappy and Vina are actually best friends," Keldeo explained, "Within seconds of Slappy showing up at her Vina's trailer, _unannounced,_ the two of them are hugging, Vina's inviting Slappy in, they're happily reminiscing about old times, and they're laughing at each other's jokes."

 ** _Vina:_** _(Opens door a crack) "What!?"_

 _ **Slappy:** "Vina! It's me!"_

 _ **Vina:** (Quickly unlocks door) "Slappy? Slappy darling, is that you?"_

 _ **Slappy:** "If it ain't, you better call my agent!"_

 _(The two laugh uproariously and share a joyous embrace)_

"Oh my gosh, Vina would have been _perfect_ for this story! She's the best possible character for Slappy to go to for help!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"But doesn't see live in Tucumcari, New Mexico?" Spike argued, "In the show, Slappy and Skippy had to take a plane and the a train just to get to there. That would take way too long. Skippy would be in a orphanage and possibly adopted by then!"

"She could have just called Vina up on the phone," Keldeo suggested.

Spike picked up his top back on his head and said, "Look, Walter is more iconic here, so it makes sense that the author would use him. And maybe the author just wanted to put a kind of love/hate relationship on them. It's _his_ fanfic, after all. Sure, maybe it doesn't make total sense, but it's not as bad as, oh, I don't know, making Misty evil and having her kidnap and torture Iris-."

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and pointed it at Spike.

"Not. One. More. Word," Keldeo said in a tone of intense anger.

Spike gulped as he shyed away from the sword point. "Heh, heh, heh. Okay. Um, back to the review?"

Keldeo lowered his Secret Sword, smiled, and nodded. "Back to the review."

* * *

 _Slappy's breath finally seemed to catch up with her and her heart stopped from beating out of her chest, allowing her to give Walter a frantic explanation. "So are you going to go get him?" the wolf questioned when she finished. The squirrel was amazed with how calm her friend remained, envying how not one glimpse of panic had flashed across his face the entire time she was talking._

 _"I . . . I can't." She stuttered, leaning forward on the green couch. "I mean what am I supposed to do with a kid?"_

 _"Play, have fun, be childish?" the wolf suggested, taking a sip from the tea he'd made before setting the cup back on the coffee table. "So no big change, huh?"_

 _"Yeah, but I'm also irresponsible and reckless. You think that'd be good for a kid to be around?" Walter nearly did a spit take, unaware that the squirrel could acknowledge her shortcomings. Slappy was very prideful and in the twenty plus years he'd known her she never admitted to being anything but amazing. He suddenly had a good grip of how stressed the squirrel really was and scooted closer to her on the couch, placing a hand on her shoulder._

 _"I bet it's better than being all alone, which is what he is right now. His mom, your sister, just died. Can you honestly say he'd be better off getting sent to an orphanage than he would be with you?" he asked. Slappy opened her mouth, prepared to say she did feel that way. An orphanage could look after and provide for the kid way more efficiently than she could, but the more she thought about it the less sure she was. Skippy stood a much better chance if he stayed with her than he would on his own at an orphanage. He had a better chance of getting through this if he had some family to lean on versus an army of strangers, as much as it killed her to admit it. "Listen, why don't you take him in for a few days, at least until some other options come along?" he suggested._

 _"It's a kid, you can't lease them out." Slappy chuckled, leaning her head back against the couch and staring at the fan blades as they swung around and around._

 _"My sister took in a girl once, they got along horribly. Still, they did love each other deep down. After about two weeks she found a nice foster family, but she still sends birthday cards." Slappy looked at him with wide eyes, intrigued by the idea. The wolf knew he had her; the only thing that remained was to go in for the kill and hope for the best. "Besides, don't you think you owe it to your sister to look after her son, even if it's only for a week or two?"_

* * *

"Come on Keldeo, you gotta admit that this debate between ' _I'm not a perfect parent'_ and _'the child really needs someone'_ is just so awesome and thought provoking."

"Vina could have done this better," Keldeo grumbled.

"Holy guacamole, you're nearly as bad as I was," Spike remarked.

" _Ahem._ Well, Slappy decides to compromise and agrees to take care of Skippy until a foster family is found for him," Keldeo said, "And Skippy does _not_ approve of this half measure compromising."

* * *

 _Skippy sat in the woman's office yet again, only this time his emotions weren't as easy to label. Slappy, the aunt he'd learned of only yesterday, had called them back and said that she would take him in until a foster family had been found. Clearly Linda was expecting relief and gratefulness, but why? He was still motherless, was still being taken to a temporary home, and now that was only until they could find another temporary home. He was being passed around like some unwanted little nuisance and she thought that deserved a smile and hoorah? It was enough to make the young squirrel question the sanity of whoever gave her this job._

 _So his aunt was now coming to fetch and drag him back to Burbank, but not for the long run. She was going to pass him off the second her guilt allowed her to, and more than likely never look back. The thought was infuriating and the brown squirrel found a familiar emotion rising up inside him. Skippy stopped outside the door to his room and slapped his hand against the wall, trying to ventilate his anger before he exploded. He opened the door and slammed it shut behind him, finding it did little to release any stress._

* * *

"And if you thought _Five Nights at Buizel's_ was disturbing, just get a load of this _Psycho_ homage," Keldeo said with a nervous grin and a twitching eye lid.

* * *

 _A large sound of applause rang out from the television, as if it wanted his attention. It struck him that he'd be leaving soon and that the television was indeed a breakable object, which offered up such nice potential. Of course slamming his fist against it would have little effect, but there was that one little thing he had yet to properly use. He sneered and reached behind his back, searching for the solution to his problems. He found it easily: a trusty mallet whose origins he couldn't explain. Sure, he could use it on the cars and dolls, but that just didn't sound as appealing, and wouldn't it be criminal if he didn't use his abilities properly? With no hesitation Skippy took a step back and swung the mallet. The screen shattered and rained shards of glass and sparks down on him and the carpet. The squirrel took another few steps back, brushing a few tiny bits of glass from out of his fur and trying to pick his jaw off the floor._

 _A second passed until he regained control of his body and, telling himself that he was already too far to stop, continued to slam his hammer into the broken electronic. He gained more force and momentum with each swing, losing himself in a pattern. There was only one thing going through his head, one small command: swing harder. The crunching and breaking of plastic turned to white noise as he finished with the television. The activity was one of the most enjoyable thing he'd done over the past few days and he was sad to see it finished. But a new feeling had crept out of the darkness, one he hadn't felt in days: calm. His mind was cleared of every single thought and fear, leaving nothing but relief and tranquility. Skippy let out a deep breath, one that seemed to take a good deal of weight off his shoulder, and slumped into the couch, fist wrapped around the handle of his destructive little friend. He could hear the beating of his heart and cherished its soothing rhythm until it faded back into silence. He placed his hand behind his back and felt his grip on the sleek wood disappear, confirming that his hand was now empty. He'd never felt such release like that, never truly gave into the rage, but it was something he was desperate to try again soon._

* * *

Keldeo and Spike were clinging to each other for comfort as they shook with fear, wearing horrified looks on their faces. When they realized what they were doing, they promptly separated with embarrassed facial expressions.

"Awkward . . ." Spike said as he nervously adjusted his red bow tie.

"Uhh," Keldeo said with equal nervousness, "Okay, um, thoughts on that scene?"

Spike stopped blushing and said, "Well, I was joking when I mentioned Skippy turning into Judge Doom earlier, but after seeing that, that actually might be a legitimate concern."

Keldeo nodded affirmatively, "Yeah, the way Skippy seems to view violence as a way of escaping painful thoughts and fear and finding relief and tranquility is pretty scary. Especially if he's desperate to try it again soon. I mean, can't you just see it?"

Spike nodded back, "Yeah. I sure can . . ."

 _The ex-truck driver screamed as the wall was smashed apart and a short figure in a_ _black judge suit, bowtie, cape, gloves, shoes, and fedora; with a white dress shirt; and yellow-tinted spectacles stepped in through the hole carrying a mallet._

 _"You're a Toon!" the man shouted at the figure._

 _"Not just any Toon!" the figure shouted, and he threw off all his clothes, revealing a small brown squirrel._

 _"Remember me, murderer!" Skippy shouted with the light of insanity in his eyes as he approached the man, backing him into a corner from which he couldn't escape. Skippy raised his mallet high above the man and shouted, "When you **killed** my mother, she screamed just! Like! **THIS!** "_

 _The man screamed in intense agony as Skippy began relentlessly pounding away at his body with the mallet._

Keldeo and Spike stood stock still with horrified expressions on their faces.

"I think we should take a little break," Spike suggested gently.

Keldeo nodded, "Oh yeah, you're right. We really should."

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _We'll be right back!_


	11. Comedic Skit 2

**tinyurl:** norme5b

* * *

 ** _The following skit is a parody of One Minute Melee by ScrewAttack!_**

* * *

 ** _"ONE MINUTE MELEE!"_** Keldeo announced, _**"**_ ** _WHERE ALL THE FIGHTS ARE SETTLED IN 60 SECONDS!"_**

 ** _"2 FIGHTERS!"_** Spike announced, _**"**_ ** _NO RESEARCH!_** ** _60 SECONDS!_** ** _MELEE! . . . . . ._** ** _Go!"_**

* * *

Slappy the Squirrel was sitting in her chair watching reruns of her old cartoon on her TV when there was a knock on her door.

Not wanting to miss a second of her show, Slappy tried to ignore the knocking, which grew louder and harder over time. The knocking switched between a variety of tunes, including _Jimmy Cracked Corn,_ _Shave and a Haircut,_ and even _Those Endearing Young Charms,_ with the last two knocks off key, of course.

Slappy growled, annoyed to the brink of snapping, and marched over to the door.

She opened it to see Bugs Bunny standing on her doorstep holding a book.

"Good afternoon madame," Bug began, "I represent the Rambling House publishing company here to sell you our book _1001 Tales for Toddler-_."

 ** _BOOOOM!_**

Slappy threw a bomb into Bug's face, blasting him a few feet away from her tree house. She then slammed the door and returned to her chair.

Bugs sat up slowly. He furrowed his eyebrows and said, "I hope you realize that this means war!"

As Slappy watched her TV, a tunnel suddenly drove across the floor and stopped in between her and her TV.

A spring loaded boxing glove burst out of the floor.

 _ **NOBODY BLINK!**_

 ** _. . ._**

 ** _FIGHT!_**

The boxing glove collided with Slappy's face and knocked her out of her chair. She landed painfully on her back, he eyes derping in circles. Bugs jumped out of the hole and landed on top of Slappy. She grabbed her by the cheeks and gave her a big kiss. He then jumped back into the hole. Slappy growled angrily and jumped into the hole after him.

 _CLANG!_

Slappy crawled backwards out of the hole with a flat face. Bug pushed the anvil out of the hole and raised his eyebrows a few times. "Ain't I a stinker?"

Slappy whipped a mallet out of her purse and slammed it right onto Bugs' head, right between the ears.

Bugs made funny painful faces as he sank down into the hole.

Slappy smirked and said, "Now _that's_ comedy!"

Slappy then jumped in after Bugs and chased him through the tunnel.

It was dark in the tunnel, so Slappy took out a flashlight to light up the tunnel. She found herself surrounded by dynamite, gunpowder, and TNT.

Slappy smiled, "Heh. Thought I was gonna light a match, didn't ya?"

Slappy turned and spotted Bugs' tail sticking out of the wall. Slappy chuckled mischievously and bit the tail with her big squirrel teeth. She pulled the tail hard, and it came out of the ground, revealing it to be a stick of dynamite with a cotton ball attached to the end of it.

Slappy stared at it with wide nervous eyes.

 ** _KABOOOOOM!_**

Slappy was blown through the ground and up high into the air, charred black from the explosion. In mid air, she opened up her umbrella and used it as a parachute to float down.

When she reached the ground, she looked around and said, "Where is he? Where'd he go? Where'd he go?!"

Bugs ran in wearing an Indian Chief costume. He quickly pointed and said in a painfully fake and rather insulting Indian accent, "Go! You head him off at pass!"

Slappy turned and rolled her eyes. Then she marched over to bugs and whipped the headdress off of his head and held it high.

"Ah-HA!" Slappy said triumphantly.

Then a chain of lit dynamite sticks unrolled from within the headdress.

 _ **KABOOOOOOM!**_

Bugs chuckled as he walked sassily over to his hole.

 _"She's the little old lady from Pasadena!"_ he sang mockingly as he stepped back down in his hole.

Angrier than ever, Slappy quickly ran and dived into the hole. Slappy slid down a long chute, and then came out from the side of a high cliff face.

Slappy froze in mid air as she looked down, and quickly opened up her umbrella. Bugs reached out of the hole with a pair of garden clippers and snapped the umbrella's bar with a loud snap.

 _"You're despicablllllllllllle!"_ Slappy shouted as she fell down the long distance and slammed into the ground hard, creating a circular ring of dust on impact.

 _ **K.O.!**_

Bugs Bunny munched on a carrot and said smugly, "And that's all folks!"

* * *

 ** _"This melee's winner is. . ."_** Keldeo declared.

 _ **"Bugs Bunny!"**_ Spike announced.

 _ **"Want more 'One Minute Melee'?"**_ Keldeo asked, **_"Then head on over to ScrewAttack's Youtube channel where you can see battles between other popular characters, like Renamon and Lucario!"_**


	12. Fate- Part Two

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 3: Fate by Skiptastic**

"So, of course, Slappy heads over to pick up Skippy," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Slappy had worked in Hollywood long enough to know when someone was acting and everything about this woman screamed rehearsed. The squirrel did have to give her credit for the performance though as it did look genuine for a second. It even managed to relax her, as if she was on some set in Burbank filming another cartoon._

 _"Oh, you must be Skippy's aunt?"_

 _"What gave it away, the bushy tail or the fur?" she asked, finding that being in the presence of a fellow actress had restored her to her usual self._

* * *

Keldeo stomped and said, "Okay, I gotta address something right now. Why is this story treating this lady like she's a terrible person?"

Spike blinked and said, "Well, she's been deceiving Skippy and putting up fake emotions."

"What else is she supposed to do!?" Keldeo explained, "It's her job to keep kids who's parents have been killed calm. She has to put on a happy face in order to help them out. What's the alternative? A stone faced grumpy jerk? A sobbing mess that just gives out hugs? I'm pretty sure she's doing a good enough job."

* * *

 _"So you said you wanted to look after Skippy until we could find a foster home for him, yes?"_

 _"Uh . . . yeah, is that alright?" the squirrel asked, unsure as to why her approval mattered._

 _"Oh yes, it happens more often than you'd think, though most of the time the child and adult usually bond and stay together after we've found the family. It's touching, certainly, but a wee bit annoying." She held up her right hand and scrunched the tip of her index finger and thumb close together, the universal sign of a smidge._

 _"Well, I ain't the parenting type so ya don't have ta worry about that happening."_

 _"Oh, that's what they all say." She waved her hand in the air to dismiss the notion._

* * *

 _"FORESHADOWING!"_ Munna cheered.

Spike smacked her out of the way.

"You know, I am _so_ glad you're here," Keldeo said with a sly smile.

* * *

 _"For a human kid of Skippy's age it's roughly two to three weeks, but for a 'toon it's usually a bit longer. I'd say a month, maybe a month and a half. Keep in mind though this is just a guess and that we can't say for certain Skippy will get adopted that quickly." Slappy nodded, her stomach dropping when she learned she'd be playing role model for double the time she'd expected. "That won't be a problem, will it?"_

 _"No . . . no, I was just curious."_

* * *

"Yeah, Slappy is way more morally superior than this woman!" Keldeo said.

 ** _Portal 2 Announcer:_** _"Sarcasm Self Test Complete."_

"So Slappy and Skippy finally meet," Spike said.

* * *

 _People had asked him questions about the scene in his room, but he was able to sell an "I have no idea" answer. They were forced to believe him solely on the basis that the only thing he could've used to smash the television was the untouched chair underneath it, too large and heavy for him to even move, let alone slam into a television over and over. He had still received a few unsavory little glances and his ears burned as they whispered his name, but he'd still gotten away with it, which was all the really mattered._

* * *

"Really? They find a Toon, _a TOON,_ in a room with a smashed TV, and they can't put two and two together out he's the one who did it?" Keldeo asked in disbelief.

"Well, they didn't think he was an Archtoon," Spike explained.

Keldeo cocked his head, "What? Did you say _'an Archtoon'_?"

"Shh! Just keep watching!" Spike said.

* * *

 _The television, its screen broken and shattered, was covered in bumps and welts. Having used countless mallets over the past few decades Slappy could instantly recognize its work, but while she could tell what tool was used she could not figure out exactly how. Skippy, only ten years old and having not attended a school like Acme Loo, should not have been able to grab one from hammerspace like an archtoon could. However, the signs pointed to him, from the amateurish and random placement of his hits to how the top of the television, obviously too high for him, went unscathed. She wanted to ask how he'd pulled it off, but decided it'd make for a better conversation if it was just between them on the car ride back to her home. Plus it would be a nice way to kill the silence that would no doubt fill the car during the two hour drive._

* * *

"Wait, so, not all Toons can do Toony things like take stuff out of hammerspace?" Keldeo asked.

"Exactly!" Spike said, "Isn't this lore so awesome!"

"Uh, no. It's needlessly complicated. I mean, a Toon is a Toon is a Toon," Keldeo replied.

"Aw, come on, Keldeo. Of course not _all_ cartoon characters can do really crazy stuff like pull things out of nowhere," Spike replied.

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, okay, fine. I'll go with it."

"Right. So Skippy notices how Slappy actually looks a lot like his mom, a big difference from _Skippy's Story_ ," Spike said bitterly.

 _ **"HOLD IT!"**_

"Well in _Skippy's Story, Slappy_ notices how _Skippy_ resembles her father!" Keldeo countered.

"Holy guacamole, can we _please_ move on with the story!?" Spike complained.

"Fine. So after Slappy thinks of ways for her to _use_ him-" Keldeo began.

 _ **"OBJECTION!"**_

"She does _not_ want to _use_ him, Keldeo!" Spike objected, "She wants to use it as a way to form a connection with him!"

* * *

 _Slappy became more and more relaxed at the thought of looking after an archtoon, actually beginning to feel a connection with the kid. Who better to teach him how to control himself and utilize his true potential than her, a well-seasoned cartoon veteran? Finding something in common somehow managed to change her entire outlook on the situation, and as she pulled onto the highway she glanced at the soundly sleeping squirrel with a newfound ease. Despite that, Slappy could tell Linda was right. This was a very critical situation and screwing up meant more than just failing herself. Skippy was a grieving child whose emotions could easily get the better of him. That was bad enough without adding in the unnatural talents he possessed, but those made it a whole other ball game._

* * *

"Slappy's taking everything into account in order to figure out how to take care of Skippy the best way she can. And she really does care about his well being!" Spike said.

* * *

 _Slappy drove down the highway in silence, nervously glancing at her nephew every few minutes from the corner of her eyes. It was obvious from his appearance that he hadn't done much for the past few days except for sleeping and crying. His fur was unkempt and tangled in several places, his tail had lost its poof, and she could almost see his ribcage under the fur, which probably explained the constant rumbling from his stomach. She vowed to make him eat at the next food joint she saw, even if it was under his constant protest. Anything was better than staring at this pile of bones and fur clumped up in the seat beside her. Slappy may have just met him, but seeing her nephew in such a bad state was still a hard sight._

* * *

"So there! Slappy does _not_ want to _use_ Skippy for anything!" Spike concluded smugly.

Keldeo stared at Spike for a moment, then he said, "I thought you didn't like _Phoenix Wright_?"

Spike gained a nervous look and his eyes darted around nervously, "Oh, um, I, well, I just got caught up in it, okay!"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Fine, whatever. Oh, an by the way: _darn this somber tone!_ This is an _Animaniacs_ fanfic! It's supposed to be a comedy show! Even _One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock_ had humor! I need something funny! _Anything!_ "

* * *

 _"What's say we stop and get some food, huh? We need to talk about how we're going to get this under control." Slappy pulled onto the closest off-ramp before Skippy could even form an answer, cutting off a few cars that started honking as they passed by. Slappy instinctively lifted her left hand to them, ready to extend her finger and flick them off. She stopped after remembering the presence of a young and impressionable boy sitting beside her, who had already shown his violent side. Her fist reluctantly turned into a wave of apology as the cars continued to honk, one even giving her the gesture she had originally wanted to use as it passed them by. She pretended not to notice and glanced at Skippy, hoping he hadn't seen it or, if he had, wouldn't question the meaning behind it._

 _Unfortunately the young squirrel was returning it right back at the man, evoking a strange mix of laughter and disapproval from the grey squirrel. Slappy tried not to laugh, but it broke through her resistance and left her in a small fit of hysterics. Her left hand dropped from the air and returned to the wheel, steading her grip before they got into an accident._

* * *

"Oh, to heck with you, you have Skippy give someone the middle finger? What the hay's wrong with you?" Keldeo said in a offended tone.

* * *

 _His jaw dropped when he heard her laugh, how similar it was to his mother's own laughter. Without warning his eyes started to water, tears on the verge of spilling. He furiously rubbed at them, not wanting Slappy to notice. He had cried in front of enough people for his lifetime, and her pity would only make him angrier. "Stop," he said, crossing his arms and turning back to the window of the car. Slappy's laugher died, along with a bit of her joy, and she continued searching for a place to stop and eat._

* * *

"Oh, and it wasn't even an actual joke. Of for the love of biscuits, SHOW ME SOMETHING FUNNY ALREADY!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"Sheesh . . ." Spike said.

* * *

 _Despite her original belief, Slappy found that her nephew was very eager to get food into his stomach, quickly tearing into anything set down in front of him with the ferociousness of a Doberman. "Slow down before ya choke kiddo," she recommended. Skippy looked up at her, a burger clutched in his hands as if he was afraid someone would try to separate him from it._

* * *

"You know, this is so awful. . . I'll take it!" Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"So, if you know I smashed the television, why aren't you taking me back? Or are you doing that after you feed me?" he asked, realizing he no longer wanted the uncomfortable silence that was unavoidable with pouting._

 _"But I thought you were just a kid, one without a mallet on hand?" she smugly replied, taking a swig from her own drink. Skippy grimaced, forgetting in his feral eating that their conversation never officially reached a verdict on what had happened._

 _He debated on whether or not he should tell her, after all this was one of his longest and most well-kept secrets, one he was afraid would scare people away. He knew 'toons could produce mallets, but he'd never heard of a child doing it. Despite that, he was curious as to how someone would react if they found out, what questions they might ask or answers they could give. Was he supposed to be able to do this, to pull things from out of nowhere like Bugs Bunny or his aunt? Deciding that she might be able to offer up some answers, he sighed and summed it up. "I reached behind my back and grabbed it, like you do." He demonstrated by eating the fries and placing his arm behind his back, but as he expected it came up empty when he pulled it back. Slappy looked at him, confused. The brown squirrel sensed the next question and offered a quick explanation before she could ask. "I can only do it when I'm mad."_

 _"So who taught you how to do it?" she asked, sad to learn that his mother had let someone else teach him the things she easily could have._

 _"No one, I just kind of learned it myself." Slappy nodded and went silent. The brown squirrel sat there for a few moments, waiting for her next question. He picked up what remained of his burger and finished it off while she remained quiet, obviously deep in thought. Slappy was aware that it wasn't unheard of for a toon to develop minor hammerspace abilities without proper teaching, but even then it was usually in their adult years, far too late to utilize its full potential. Rare cases had been reported about some developing in teen years, but never had a toon as young as Skippy been able to use hammerspace, at least not without proper teaching and guidance, not to mention the outrageously priced schools they had to be sent to. Skippy somehow had access to this ability without prior training, and all on his own. Sure, it still evaded him by only working when he was angry but it was really there, ready to be honed and nourished and strengthened. Of course it wasn't her decision to make on whether or not he was trained to be an archtoon, it was his, and the next and last question followed._

 _"Do you want to learn more?"_

 _Skippy had been staring out the window when the question was asked and quickly turned to her with a puzzled look on his face. "What do you mean?"_

 _"Do you want to learn how to grab that mallet, or anything else, from hammerspace whenever you wanted? I can teach you how if you'd like."_

* * *

 _ **Darth Vader:** "you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy."_

Spike nodded, "I'm pretty sure we all saw that coming."

"Yes. And now, we get what might be the best line in the entire fanfic," Keldeo said excitedly.

* * *

 _"Yes, I'd like to learn how." Skippy replied, imagining what he'd be capable of after a few sessions with her. "But if this is some way of trying to get me to forgive you about getting rid of me soon, know that I will never forgive you, or consider you a part of my family." With that cold statement, and a small fire in his eyes, the squirrel grabbed his tray of ravaged food and slid out of the booth, walking to the trash can by the door and dumping the wrappers and containers into it._

* * *

 _ **"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_ Keldeo and Spike shouted.

 _ **FPS Doug:** "BOOM, HEADSHOT!"_

 ** _Mortal Combat Voice:_** _"Fatality."_

* * *

 _Slappy nodded and slid out of the booth, disregarding her tray and leaving it at the table. She was impressed at how Skippy had correctly inferred her intentions, now certain that his intelligence was probably what contributed to his hammerspace ability. Still, she'd hoped he'd been more grateful about her offer, even if it was for selfish purposes. The grey squirrel followed her nephew out the door and towards the car, silent as the grave. It wasn't often people could predict Slappy or her plans, and somehow Skippy, naïve to her world and only a child, was able to do just that. She hoped he wasn't as stubborn as she was and that, after some time, he'd come around and find a small part that wanted to forgive her._

* * *

"Or you could just adopt him, but that would be unthinkable," Keldeo remarked.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

* * *

 _"You live in a tree?" the young squirrel finally managed to ask, fumbling with his seatbelt. Indeed a tree was resting directly in front of them, complete with a few windows and a blue door cut into the front._

 _"Well I am a squirrel," she replied, watching him jump out of the car. "Why, were you expecting something different?"_

 _"But you said . . ." Skippy abruptly paused, deciding that there was no point in arguing over a temporary home. In a month he'd be watching it disappear in the rearview mirror of a car just as he had with the streets of Burbank. "At least tell me it's bigger on the inside?" He jumped out of the car and slammed the door shut before passing Slappy as he approached the front door._

 _"A lot of archtoons have hammerspace installed into their homes, so thankfully yes, yes it is."_

* * *

 _"Insert clever Doctor Who joke here,"_ Spike and Keldeo said in deadpanned unison.

"So Slappy makes Skippy wash up, and we get _another_ poor attempt at comedy," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Slappy was standing in the doorway of Skippy's room when he walked out of the bathroom, his fur shining and groomed. "Hey, have you seen my nephew Skippy? He's about yay high," she held her hand at the tip of his head. "He has a big poufy tail, sharp buckteeth and a frown permanently carved into his face." Skippy looked at her, as usual still not amused. Some miracles even a hot shower couldn't work, and one of those was making his aunt humorous._

* * *

"How do you fail so badly to the point where you make Slappy the Slap Happy Squirrel _not funny!?_ " Keldeo said.

"This is _NOT_ a comedy!" Spike exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer said before flying off.

Spike stared after him. "That guy is creepy."

* * *

 _"I had this on the dresser in my room and thought you might like it." She walked across the room and handed it to him. Skippy glanced from her to the photo, feeling the wind get knocked out of him when he saw his mother. "Sorry I don't have anything more recent, but it's the last photo she ever sent me." Skippy stared at the picture, tracing her outline with his finger. He hadn't realized how foggy his memory of her had become, his mind so clouded by negativity the last few days that he barely recognized her. Everything about her seemed strange, from the look in her eyes to the way she was smiling. He could feel tears forming behind his eyes and did his best to fight them, sensing that it was a losing battle. "I thought you'd like to keep it in your room and make the place a little less empty. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, and I do mean it this time." She rubbed his head and Skippy . . . did nothing to stop her. Slappy deserved that one, just as she deserved what followed._

 _"Thank you," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. The grey squirrel stiffened, clearly taken by surprise._

 _"Yeah, no problem Skippy," she gave him a smile that resembled the one in the picture and walked back out of the room, closing the door behind her._

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "Now, that's a nice, touching moment. It's sweet, and it's true to the characters."

Keldeo continued to smile, then frowned and said, "How does Skiptastic mess it up?"

* * *

 _Slappy walked by him and into the kitchen, expecting a large mess of flour and broken eggs. To her surprise the kitchen was still in one spotless piece, the only change from last night being the plate of pancakes on the table, still warm from being made. The pans had been cleaned, the oven was off, the milk and eggs were back in the fridge, and the bags of flour and sugar placed right where they belonged in the cupboard. Skippy obviously knew how to clean up after himself, not leaving a trace behind. "Are you really hungry enough to eat the rest of these?"_

 _"I didn't know if you'd want any, so I made a few extra!"_

 _Slappy had to shake her head in disbelief, "You made me breakfast?" she asked._

 _Skippy bit his lip and tried to think of some excuse, not wanting to admit that he was on the fence about how to feel towards her. "They're so I don't owe you for bringing me that picture last night." He explained, satisfied with the answer._

* * *

"Yeah, um, how does the song go, again?" Keldeo asked.

 ** _Warner Trio:_** _"She lives with her nephew, he says 'spew,' he's **cheerful**."_

"Keldeo, what part of _'this is a_ _prelude'_ don't you understand?" Spike said impatiently.

"Fine! So then we get into Slappy's archtoon hammerspace training. Is that like an arch _fiend_? Is he gonna Synchro Summon a Red Dragon Archtoon? Does he have the Mark of the Crimson Toon on his arm?" Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"I've gotten nowhere in the last hour, and now my hand feels like it's attached to my back!" he whined, walking to and collapsing on the couch._

 _"You expect it was gonna be easy?" Slappy asked._

 _"I expect a little help from my famous cartoon star of an au . . . guardian, but you just stood in the corner like a lazier Mr. Miyagi!" Skippy cupped his hands over his eyes and took a deep breath. "I mean, I'm doing everything you're telling me to. Why isn't it working?" he questioned, dragging his hands down his face._

 _Slappy laughed and approached the couch, "Kid, if it was that easy everyone would be an archtoon. Besides, ya can't expect results on your first day." She sat down, giving him a good cushion of space as she knew he'd want. "But hey, you're pretty smart. I'd place my money on you having it down in a week, tops."_

 _"Stop!" Skippy shouted, jumping off the couch and taking a few steps back._

 _"Stop what?" she asked, slinking into the couch like a scolded child._

 _"Stop acting like I'm this great and amazing kid, stop acting like you're this unbelievably nice woman!" he gripped the fur on top of his head and pulled in exasperation. "You don't like me and believe it or not I'm fine with that, and I can even stomach that you're getting rid of me in a month. But stop pretending that you care about me or my mom because I'm starting to believe it and that makes the thought of being dragged away in a few weeks so much harder!" the young squirrel shouted, gritting his teeth and hoping that he was imagining the sensation of tears rolling down his flustered face. He rubbed at his eyes in an effort to hold back tears, but it only prolonged them by an extra second. "Why?" he asked, debating on whether he was trembling in fury or sadness. Slappy sat there, buried deep in the couch with a dumbfounded look and what appeared to be her own tears building up. "Why did my mom say you were dead? Why didn't you even send a letter or call? Why didn't you try to apologize and make up?" he asked, fighting the urge to run to his temporary room._

 _"You don't think I tried!" she shouted back, making him flinch in fear. This was the very first time she'd raised her voice at him and it proved more frightening than his stubborn and angry attitude could handle. "You think I was avoiding you two, that I hated you?" she asked. Suddenly Skippy felt like he was three inches tall, being scolded by an angry teacher, which was actually surprisingly accurate. He stared over Slappy's shoulder at nothing and nodded as his trembling subsided and the last of his tears fell. "Try the other way around. I sent cards every birthday and holiday and hoped they were being sent to the right address, called every Sunday for three months until she changed the number! Don't stand there and yell at me for not trying when I did the best I could." She rested her elbows on her knees and buried her face into her palms, sighing._

* * *

"So don't blame me! Blame your evil mother!" Keldeo spat bitterly.

"What is _wrong_ with you Keldeo? For nearly the entire review you've been complaining and nitpicking this story! Can't you just at least _try_ to take in the emotional weight of this scene?" Spike said.

"Big deal! They're yelling at each other! I expected this to happen a while ago!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"How about you listen to _why_ Skippy's mother hid Slappy from him," Spike suggested.

* * *

 _"Well, first you gotta know that my parents hated me. I know it may sound like an exaggeration, but they really did. They never said it out loud, but I could tell from how they looked at me, from the way they shook their heads and the disappointment in their eyes when I told them I was going to be an archtoon. Mom didn't like my abilities because they weren't ladylike," Slappy stuck her tongue out at the word, showing her disgust at it._

* * *

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me," Keldeo muttered.

* * *

 _Skippy laughed at how ridiculous she appeared as a small smile formed across his face, one he didn't waste a second thought on. She nearly fell off the bed at the sound of his laughter and sight of a smile, but steadied herself. "And Dad didn't feel I deserved them, that I must've used some sort of steroid that I'm ninety percent sure doesn't exist._

* * *

"Behold! The bad parents tropes! The most lazy backstory in the entire history of fiction!" Keldeo declared.

"Why do you hate this story so much!?" Spike exclaimed.

"I don't hate it. I just think it's flawed. I'm a critic, so I have to criticize and scrutinize! If something's flawed, I have to bring it up. It's my job. I'm sorry if my job offends you."

"But you're not being fair! You're only focusing on the bad things! And maybe the bad parents trope is used a lot, but don't you think it works here?" Spike asked.

Keldeo sighed, "I guess you're right. But you shouldn't get offended just because I don't like something you like. Remember your _Land Before Time_ review with Ryu Taylor the Ferret."

"Oh yeah, I guess you're right," Spike said.

"Good, so let's move on."

* * *

 _So I left home and moved here, looking for a job with Time Warner. I stayed in touch with your mom over the years, but I didn't share a single word with my parents. A few years later they died and I missed both funerals, which was the last straw for her."_

 _Skippy looked over to the picture of his mother, wondering how he'd never notice such a large grudge buried beneath the surface. Slappy, possibly thinking the same, turned to the picture as well. "I'm starting to think stubbornness runs in the family." Skippy muttered._

 _"Yeah, it does." Slappy confirmed, turning back to him. "And it's strong enough to tear families apart."_

* * *

"You can add that onto the Wheel of Morality," Spike said with a smile.

"So, as a piece offering, Slappy gives Skippy one of her mallets and gives him a chance to smash one of her Toon awards," Keldeo said thouhgtfully, "Which, is actually a very clever scene. Really, this was really written pretty well."

* * *

 _"Holding onto anger can tear us apart Skippy, so work out your aggression out on this thing before it works itself out on you." She gestured to the small trinket in front of his feet. "Hey, this'll probably speed up your training. Two birds with one large blunt wooden instrument." She took a step back and crossed her arms, waiting for him to tear apart her award. Skippy gulped and looked down at the mallet in his hand, then turned his gaze to his aunt. The grey squirrel appeared uneasy standing by and allowing him the opportunity to destroy what was probably one of her most valuable possessions, even if it was one of many. For a moment he considered actually doing it, slamming the large object down and listening as it crunched or shattered or rang. He couldn't tell what it was made of so he didn't know how it would break, but that didn't matter because in the end it came down to one simple fact._

 _"I . . . can't break your award." He said, as surprised as she was. "I'm not really mad at you anymore. You did the best you could, but my mom was just too stubborn, like I've been the last few days. I'm over it now though, and this isn't something I want to do." He groaned and flipped the mallet around, holding the handle out to her._

 _"You sure kid?" Slappy asked, grabbing it from him. She opened the green purse that hung from her shoulder and placed the entire mallet in it with ease. Skippy wondered what else she kept in that purse._

 _He nodded, "Yeah, I think I've had a bit too much of anger, at least for a week or two." Skippy kneeled to the ground and picked up the chalice, adjusting it to inspect the engraving. "Best Female Cartoon Star of 1979? You were really willing to let me smash this?" he questioned, rising back up with the award in hand._

 _"Hey, you mean more to me than some crummy little award from a decade ago." She rubbed his head, "Well, a little more." She teased, turning to the door. Skippy followed her out of the room and down the stairs, the chalice gripped securely in his hand as he planned on returning it to its resting place._

* * *

 _"_ And that was _Fate_ , and let me tell you: It's got some big problems. But I _do_ have to give it credit that it was-" Keldeo began.

"Uh, actually Keldeo, the fanfic isn't over yet," Spike interjected.

Keldeo looked surprised. "How much longer is this fanfic?"

"There's still one full chapter left."

"You mean an Epilogue, right?"

"No, an actual full length chapter."

"A full length chapter!?" Keldeo said in shock, "We have a full chapter left to go?! What else do we have to do? Show Frodo going to the Great Havens?!"

"Well, Slappy still hasn't officially permanently adopted Skippy yet," Spike explained.

Keldeo moaned, "Fine! Let's just get it over with already!"

Suddenly, a black circle fell out of the sky and landed on the rock platform right in front of the reviewers.

They stared at it in confusion.

"Where did _that_ come from?" Spike asked.

Suddenly, out of the black circle jumped Slappy the Squirrel herself!

"WHAAAAA-!?" Keldeo exclaimed.

"SWEET CELESTIA!" Spike exclaimed.

Slappy adjusted her hat, and then took a look at Keldeo and Spike. "You remind me of a very young Princess Wysteria and Master Kenbroath Gilspotten Heathspike," she remarked.

"Hey, I'm a guy!" Keldeo said indignantly, "And how'd you even get here?"

Slappy pointed at the black circle on the ground and said, "Portable Hole. Standard equipment for a Toon of my caliber. Now, as fer you, Keldo, I've been watching yer little review and I ain't happy to see that yere giving it a negative rating."

"Yeah, I know right! He totally hates it!" Spike said cheekily.

"Spike!" Keldeo hissed.

Slappy stepped forward and prodded Keldeo's chest with her umbrella. "Perhaps yere unaware of how many people watch you, Keldo, and how much I enjoy the fic yere currently reviewing, and how easy it would be for me to blow you up so badly that you'll resemble the exact polar opposite of a Shiny Pokemon."

"But why do you like this fanfic!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "This can't be how it really happened!"

"Of course it ain't, but that don't stop me from liking it," Slappy said. Then she reached into her purse and dug around in it. "Hmm, let's see, where did I put that thing. Aha! Here it is!" She then took out a very large bomb.

"WAIT! Can't we talk about this!?" Keldeo said urgently.

"Yeah," Spike said excitedly, "You can try something else instead. Like, maybe have him get hit by a truck full of landmines!"

"Spike. . ."

"Or maybe throw him off a cliff with a parachute, only for there to be an anvil inside instead of a chute."

"Spike. . ."

"Or you could feed him Oran Berries with bombs inside of them. . ."

"Spike!"

"Or you can put him in a banana costume and hang him upside down over a cage full of starving gorillas!"

" _ **SPIKE!**_ I am not a Toon! All that stuff can kill me! And as for you, Slappy-."

"Hold on, I'm writing that last one down," she said as she held a pen and notebook.

Keldeo huffed and said, "Slappy, the review isn't done yet. I'm gonna read this story all the way through!

Slappy smiled and took her bomb back out and began tossing it up in the air and catching it. "Very good. And if you don't like it, I will show the Pokemon world what an Explosion really looks like."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Spike said, "What's the point in making him lie about how he feels about it?"

"Can't we all just hate the Disney Channel?" Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"So what did you do after getting fired from Disney?" Skippy asked. After his notions towards Slappy had changed he found that she was a really cool and fun person with quite a few stories to tell._

* * *

"There! Like that!" Keldeo said with a smile.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Okay, sure. So some time has passed, and Slappy has been teaching Skippy more archtoon skills and sharing stories, but Skippy is still not very happy about Slappy not adopting him."

* * *

 _Skippy dropped his fork onto the plate and gave up the charade of joyfully eating. "Oh right, let me just push that thought of being adopted and sent to some strange family out of my head. So how about the weather?" he asked with a cheery voice and smile._

 _"I'm sorry, but sometimes life isn't fair and we don't get what we want."_

 _"You think I haven't learned that yet?" he asked, throwing his arms in the air._

 _"No, you know it better than anyone your age should, but when life changes there's nothing we can do about it but roll with it."_

 _"This isn't life choosing, it's you. If you wanted to you could just call Linda back and tell her you'd like to keep me." Skippy jumped out of the chair and shoved it into the table before storming off to his room._

* * *

"It's like nothing even changed!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"That's because nothing _did_ change," Spike said, "Skippy is still an orphan, and Slappy still doesn't think she can handle him. The change hasn't happened yet."

"Well, when _will_ it happen? Who or what is gonna cause the change?" Keldeo asked.

* * *

 _Slappy ended up reaching for the phone and quickly dialing his number, knowing at the very least she needed someone to talk to, even if it didn't get her the answer she wanted or needed. It rang several times before she heard the wolf's raspy voice answer, showing signs of having just been awakened. "Hello?"_

 _"Walter, we need to talk."_

* * *

Keldeo rounded on Slappy and shouted, "THERE! This story says you and Walter are best friends, and that's a complete lie! How can you still like this story?!"

"It's just a fanfic, it ain't real," Slappy said simply, "Besides, I wouldn't mind being able to pal around with him. He's not to bright, he's pliable, he's good for a few laughs at his expense."

"Fine, whatever," Keldeo said, trying to ignore the smug look on Spike's face.

* * *

 _"Ya gotta promise to not make a big deal out of this before I tell ya." He made some noise that resembled a confirmation and she groaned. "Fine, good enough I guess. It's just that I don't know what I should do Walter. I really do like this kid and part of me is saying I should hold onto him, but at the same time I don't think I can."_

 _She could practically hear Walter sit up in his bed, "That's great!" he shouted. "Well, not great. Why don't you know if you should keep him?"_

 _"Don't ya think he needs more than some old, grouchy squirrel to lean on right now?"_

 _"Well, I suppose." Slappy's jaw dropped as that answer resonated with her. She hadn't expected Walter to agree with her, and to be honest it was the first time the wolf had actually caused her pain. "But I can tell you that an old, grouchy squirrel is much better than a bunch of strangers. You're all the kid has left Slappy, and probably the only person that's going through the same thing. So what if you groan when you get out of a chair, or throw a bomb when someone messes up your food order?" he questioned, waiting for her response._

 _"But I'm not good for the kid, if he stays with me he might end up as bitter as I am."_

* * *

"He's _already_ bitter, which is one of the major flaws of the story," Keldeo said.

"But not as bitter as you," Spike muttered.

"You guys remind me of a very young Lean Hiskill and Codger Eggbert," Slappy remarked.

Keldeo smiled and said kowingly, "Ah-ha! _Season 1, Episode 36: Critical Condition_!"

"Uh, yeah," Spike said, "Well, with Walter's help, Slappy realizes that no matter how bad she thinks she'll be, sending Skippy away would always be the worse of the two evils."

* * *

 _"And if you send him away then you'll pretty much destroy the only family not only you but he has left."_

 _"Yeah, but -"_

 _"I'm tired, so stop reaching for problems and let's do a little test. Just clear your mind for a second, one single second." Walter instructed._

 _Slappy took a deep breath and pushed every last thought away, leaving nothing but the wonder of what Walter's plan was. "Okay, and?"_

 _"It's Christmas morning and you walk downstairs, what do you see?"_

 _"Are we really doing this Walter?"_

 _"Yes. What do you see?" the wolf repeated. There was no answer and for a second Walter thought the squirrel might've hung up. "Alright, was Skippy there?"_

 _"Yes," Slappy groaned._

 _"Now how about Halloween?"_

 _"I get it Walter, no need to hammer the plot home for me. But that's what I want, not what this kid needs."_

 _"He needs someone who understands, and that's you."_

 _Slappy resumed her silence and, deciding that Walter had never steered her wrong, bit her lip before coming to the biggest decision she'd ever make. "I . . . I can't get rid of the kid, can I?"_

 _"Nope, and all it took was waking me up in the middle of the night to make you do something you could've thought up yourself. Yay!" he cheered through a yawn._

 _"Well, at least the kid's a genius." She added, lying down across her bed. "He's an archtoon, youngest I've ever met. We actually just started working on spin-changing."_

 _"See, you're already bragging about him. Wait, he's an archtoon? You wasted my time asking me if you were what this kid needed and didn't tell me he was an archtoon?"_

 _"Yeah, why?" she asked._

 _"Don't ever call me again." And with that she heard a click as Walter hung up._

* * *

"KILL YA LATER!" Keldeo said comically.

* * *

 _She shrugged and actually laughed, puzzled how Walter could make even the hardest of things so simple. She'd have to ask him about that later but for now all she could do was smile, a feeling of happiness washing over her. There was some indescribable sensation that came with making an important decision and feeling it was the right choice, and she was experiencing it now. She hoped Skippy was still awake, but that didn't matter because she was probably going to run in there and scream in joy regardless. Heck, Skippy had plenty of time to sleep in his room now, why not waste a night and just celebrate such a great turn of events?_

 _She practically skipped_

* * *

"Ha-ha," Keldeo said dryly.

* * *

 _to her nephew's room, finding more joy as she continued to call it his room. She'd have to get him some toys for that box in the corner, and maybe a little T.V. and game system,_

* * *

"Did that say _'game system'_?" Keldeo asked.

Spike nodded, "Yeah, so what?"

Keldeo chuckled and rubbed his forehooves together. "Oh man, this is _too_ good! I can't pass this up."

 _Skippy ripped the Action 52 game cartridge out of his NES and began smashing it with his mallet._

 _"He's gonna take you back to the past-."_

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

Slappy blew up the scene with one of her bombs.

Keldeo looked around in wide eyed shock and shouted, "How did you do that? You _literally_ broke the Fourth Wall or _something._ "

"Eh, it's a gift," Slappy said.

"But my joke-."

"Yeah, yeah, Angry Video Game Nerd reference. Big deal, can we _please_ move on. We're almost done here!" Spike said.

* * *

 _and clothes to fill that large closest. She was actually anxious to get to all these plans rather than finding them overwhelming. Was it too late to call Linda and tell her that she was right? Well that one could actually wait for the morning because she hated admitting she was wrong, though it probably wouldn't be as bad this time._

* * *

Spike smiled broadly and said, "And so, Skippy finally has his permanent home with Slappy, and they all live happily ever-"

"I'm not falling for that, I know Skippy's gone," Keldeo said bluntly.

* * *

 _Slappy pushed the door open and prepared to shout the news as loud as she could, but her lungs failed her when she discovered nothing but an empty bed where a young squirrel should've been sleeping._

* * *

"You can't blame a guy for trying," Spike said miserably.

"So of course, Skippy is wandering around in the park feeling sorry for himself when he meets . . . the villain of the story, I guess," Keldeo said dryly.

* * *

 _"Hey kid, what're you doing here?" a new voice asked. Skippy awakened, yawning and stretching. He rubbed his eyes and glanced up at a dark mallard that may or may not have been a grown adult, it was too dark to actually tell. The young squirrel rose off the ground, finding the duck standing a couple of feet above him._

 _"Just fell asleep for a second, I'm okay."_

 _"I wasn't asking if you were okay," the duck elaborated, trying to sound intimidating. Skippy was unimpressed, finding that this mallard was actually just a duckling looking for a fight. "At night this is my lake."_

 _"Right, well you have a very nice lake." Skippy said, nodding his head to the body of water. "A lot better than my lake, well it's more of a pond really. Still a very fine pond though, gets the job done."_

 _"You trying to be smart Squirrel?" the aggressive fowl asked._

 _"Not trying, no." Skippy flashed his teeth in an innocent little smile before taking a deep breath. "Listen, sorry if I'm a little snarky right now but I'm going through a lot in my life. So we can both shake hands and introduce ourselves or I can just be on my way." The young squirrel held out his hand in a friendly manner, wondering if this equally young mallard would ease off before he got hurt. He wasn't hoping for it though. Sadly the duck did oblige, taking Skippy's hand and shaking it politely, but only at first. Before the squirrel knew what was happening he was being pulled over the mallard's body and slammed into the ground. The grass did soften the blow, but he could feel some blades stuck between his two buckteeth._

* * *

"Oh wow, it looks like Skippy is going to have to use his Toon skills to defeat this guy. It's just like that _other_ climax from that _other_ story," Keldeo said in monotone.

"Well, how else do you expect a story like this to end!" Spike said.

"The story didn't need a Toon battle. I mean, sure, it's nice to see that Skippy actually learned something from the training, but it isn't necessary and just feel gratuitous," Keldeo complained.

"But I thought you wanted to laugh? The author is serving you slapstick on a silver platter!" Spike said.

* * *

 _Skippy groaned as he rose once again rose from the ground, spitting the grass and dirt out of his mouth. "You see, I was actually hoping you'd do that." Skippy felt his tail being pulled on and quickly turned around, bringing a mallet down on his attacker's webbed foot so quickly that it surprised both of them. The mallard let out a loud yelp as he started hopping around, gripping his injured foot in the air. Skippy glanced at his mallet in wide-eyed amazement, glad to find that he was now using it instinctively. The young squirrel debated on whether another slam, this time located at the head, was required. He shook it off as too mean and returned the wooden instrument to hammerspace before offering a steady hand for the duck to grab onto. "Here, take it for balance." The mallard stopped jumping about as his foot returned to firm ground, swelled to a bright red bump._

 _"You little rodent!" the duck shouted, grabbing the fur of Skippy's chest and lifting him off the ground. The young squirrel did not struggle, his arms and legs hanging limply as an unimpressed expression glazed his face. The mallard pulled his free hand back, preparing to launch it at Skippy's face._

 _"Wait!" he shouted, moments before his face could be introduced to the fist. The duck hesitated, hand staying firmly in place. Skippy gulped and wondered what his aunt would've done in this situation. He was not his aunt though, obvious when he didn't take the opportunity to strike another blow with his mallet. Still, imitating her would probably be a good decision at this time. The brown squirrel cleared his mind and pictured just what he wanted to grab from hammerspace before placing his hand behind his back. "Can't we just make up and be friends?" he asked, pulling his hand back to reveal a bouquet of flowers. The duck was visibly confused at the offering, leaning his face closer in what could be called idiotic curiosity._

 _Skippy opened his eyes, glad to find that the flowers exploded into the duck's face and left him untouched. The mallard dropped Skippy on the ground and fell over, a look of pain on his soot covered face. The young squirrel glanced at the tattered remains of the bouquet in his hand, everything but the handle a mess._

* * *

"But not even the slapstick is funny!" Keldeo complained, "It's not even really slapstick. It's just a violent fight scene that seems more at home in the Pokemon Anime than in a Looney Tune. And it's too short as well."

"Hey, Skippy did good here. I'm proud of him," Slappy cut in.

* * *

 _Slappy ran past the trees and found her nephew standing over a duck, who had obviously just been the victim of a bomb. She spotted the broken bouquet clutched in his hand and was relieved that he hadn't harmed himself, not to mention a little proud that he had pulled it off. "Uh, hi Aunt Slappy," he waved at her and gave a nervous smile. "This is my friend . . . the mallard." He gestured to the fowl passed out on the ground, only now remembering that they had not exchanged names. Slappy remained quiet, frightening the victorious child more than the bully could ever hope to. "I'm sorry about him, but I didn't mean to get into a fight. I was just lying down in front of this lake and he said it was his and I mocked him a little, not too much but still. Anyway I tried to apologize and he got angry and I was just defending myself and –"_

 _Slappy wrapped him in her arms and hugged him, cutting off his long-winded sentence. He lost the ability to breathe as she squeezed him. Was this his punishment, being strangled to death with love? "Skip-O, I'm proud of ya." She released him from her tight grip and let him catch his breath. "But if you ever sneak out of your room again I am grounding you for a year." She rubbed his head affectionately and took joy in the slow realization that formed on his face._

 _"Wait . . . no. You're just saying that, right?" he asked, waiting for her to nod. She didn't and he began to fear that maybe he was still asleep on the ground, or maybe the duck had landed that punch to the face and he had passed out. Was his victory entirely in his mind? It was certainly a possibility, hell it was a strong one. How could he have managed to pull out explosive flowers? Or was this the storm breaking or the sun rising or some other metaphor about a situation that got better over time? It did have to happen sometime, and with his recent bad luck maybe he was just getting an extra helping this night. Skippy shook his head and tried to hold back the tears in his eyes, but there was no fighting this one. He smiled and sobbed a little, probably making Slappy uncomfortable. He collected himself a few seconds later and wiped at his eyes. "So was it scaring you to death that changed your mind?"_

 _"Well I did get a little support from my friend Walter."_

 _"Remind me to send him a basket of acorns."_

* * *

"Grrrrrr," Keldeo growled.

"Let it go," Spike said.

 ** _Elsa:_** _"Let it go! Let it go!"_

 _"SHUT-UP!"_ shouted Spike, Keldeo, and Slappy in unison.

"So," Keldeo said, "The conflict of the story is finally resolved. Skippy and Slappy are finally together for good."

* * *

 _Slappy huffed, carrying the last box up the stairs. Skippy ran out of his room and helped her before she reached the top, taking a lot of the strain out of it. "Is this the last one?" he asked. Slappy nodded, unaware that her nephew couldn't see her over the box. "Huh?"_

 _"Yeah, last one. Why do you have so many toys anyway?" she questioned as they slowly inched into his newly decorated room. "When I was your age all I needed was a stick, a hoop, and a cardboard cutout of Marlon Brando."_

 _"How did you find the time to play with toys when you had to fend off the dinosaurs?" he teased._

 _"Well feeding them little squirrel boys seemed to entertain them."_

* * *

"Okay, now the jokes are starting to sound like they came from the show . . .too bad the fanfic's almost over!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _They dropped the box in front of his toy chest and Slappy took a breather on the edge of his while he unpacked. "So how's this room feel now that it ain't so empty?" she asked, glancing from him kneeling in front of the box to all the various little posters and pictures he'd hung up._

 _"It feels great Aunt Slappy," he cheerfully stated as he finished with the box. "And what about you, how does it feel to be an official guardian now?"_

 _"The perks aren't that great, and the kid is a bit annoying, but I think I can manage." Slappy glanced at the clock he'd put on his nightstand, surprised to find that they'd been unpacking for the last four hours. "Anyway, now that we're done with your room, let's say we walk to your school. I wanna be sure you know the route for Monday." She hopped off the bed and adjusted her hat as Skippy suppressed a smug little grin. Did she ever imagine she'd be walking her kid to school, or that her house would get a little crowded? Probably not, but he didn't expect to feel this happy ever again. He closed the lid of his toy chest with only a bit of struggle, finding that hammerspace distortion wasn't required at the moment._

 _He ran his hand through the top of the fur on his head and glanced around his room, feeling a sense of pride that came with having a space that was all his own. His stomach growled and surprised him, not aware of his hunger until that very moment. "Can we get food afterwards? I'm starving."_

 _"Sure, in fact I know this one particular tree that always has the tastiest walnuts growing on it. The best ones are at the very top, but it takes me way too long to climb up there these days. You any good at climbing trees?"_

 _Skippy glanced at her with a small smirk, "I'm a squirrel, which means I have a craving for acorns and the ability to climb trees."_

 _"Good, if you climb up to the top I might give you a nickel."_

 _"Wow, a shiny nickel?" he was sure to coat the response in as much sarcasm as he could, rolling his eyes as well. "Are you joking Aunt Slappy?" Skippy questioned._

 _"When I was your age a nickel for climbing a tree was a pretty good deal."_

 _"We've already done the "when I was your age" thing Aunt Slappy." He clarified as the elder squirrel walked out of the room. He followed her down the stairs and out the front door, closing it shut behind them._

* * *

"And we end with what has to be the weakest ending I've ever seen," Keldeo observed, "I mean, look at it, it just stops! There's not even a cliche _'and they all lived happily ever after.'_ Oh, but you know where there is instead. An author's note slash disclaimer on how both this weird ending and the gratuitous mallard fight scene probably weren't any good."

* * *

 _A/N: So good ending or bad? I felt it did well. Hate the mallard thing but that is only because I don't think regular cartoon-violence can be accurately portrayed in words or letters. Anyway, thanks for reading and have a fantastic life._

* * *

"What a cherry on top!" Keldeo said.

"Did someone say _'cherry-bomb'_?" Slappy asked as she took a bomb out of her purse again.

"Keldeo . . ." Spike said nervously.

Keldeo looked at Slappy, then at Spike, then back at Slappy, then at the bomb she was holding.

Keldeo closed his eyes in thought, and then turned into his Resolute Form.

 ** _SLICHT!_**

With lighting speed, Keldeo used his Secret Sword to slice Slappy's bomb in half, rendering it inert, much to the squirrel's shock.

"I still think _Skippy's Story_ is better!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"Oh, come on!" Spike shouted.

"Spew!" Slappy said in disgust.

"No, I'm sorry! It's not a bad fanfic or anything, but _I_ just don't like it _that_ much! I mean, sure, there are some things I _do_ like. The writing is so _rich_ with detail, we had to cut out a whole bunch of paragraphs just to keep the review from going on too long. This is some award winning writing skills here. The emotional and psychological states of the characters and their inner struggles are conveyed in such an amazing way. Sure, I like the more upbeat and comedic Skippy and Slappy, but I _am_ open to the idea of a darker version. But these characters are just _too_ depressed and miserable to the point that it's almost a disgrace to the Animaniacs. Outside of their species, you wouldn't even know that this was Skippy or Slappy if they weren't called Skippy or Slappy. And even if you took Skippy and Slappy's names off of this, I still wouldn't like this depressing, inaccurate mess!"

"I think you're totally wrong, Keldeo!" Spike challenged, "The characters seem depressed and miserable to you because they're not as over-the-top or single noted as the ones from the actual show or the comic book versions. Those happy versions are still there. But by exploring Skippy and Slappy's back stories with a more realistic lens and addressing these morally confusing lessons about adoption and loss that you call _depressing_ and _inaccurate_ , we're _challenged_. Kind of like how _Tanks for the Memories_ challenged us with the concept of death and the five stages of grief. Yet _Fate_ still manages to have some funny moments, and a happy ending that shows how even in the darkest of times, you _can_ achieve a well deserved fate where everything works out in the end if you stick it through! This fanfic is awesome!"

"Huh! Don't waste you breath on the pony boy over here! It's like talking to Beanie the Brain-Dead Bison," Slappy remarked bitterly.

"Hey! Just because Keldeo didn't like the fanfic doesn't mean you can insult him and threaten to blow him up!" Spike argued.

"You remind me of a very young Bowser Junior!" Slappy shot back.

As Spike and Slappy began arguing, Keldeo drifted into some deep thought. A voice floated into his consciousness, a voice he knew very well.

 _ **Anton Ego:** "In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defense of the *new*. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations. The new needs friends. Last night, I experienced something new. To say that its maker have challenged my preconceptions is a gross understatement."_

"STOOOOOOP!" Keldeo shouted.

Spike and Slappy immediately stopped arguing and stared at Keldeo.

"I think I understand now," Keldeo said, "Spike, I don't _really_ like this fanfic. I don't think I ever will. But just because I don't like it doesn't mean I can't understand why you like it. When I read this fanfic, I see one of Slappy's greatest villains being completely neutered, like the Smooze in _Make New Friends but Keep Discord_. But that's not what you see. You see two funny and lovable characters being tested and put through a greater challenge than ever before. And it's a challenge that's realisitc, and far more serious and darker than _One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock._ The fact that it's a real moral and ethical conflict makes the challenge seem greater and the struggle all the more interesting. I don't see the same thing. All I see are inaccuracies from the canon. But what you see is a an AU of a beloved cartoon that show a deeper story. So, as long as you're viewing it because you want to see the best of strength, kindness, and family rise up against sadness and tragedy, all I can say is..." Keldeo gave Spike a smile and said, "Go ahead and enjoy it."

Spike blinked wit wide eyes. "Whoa," Spike said, "Well . . . thanks for understanding me, Keldeo."

"Are you kiddin'?! That middle-of-the-road trash won't work on me, you glue factory escapee!" Slappy shouted as she reached into her purse and pulled out a ginormous over the top bazooka.

"No! Slappy, wait!" Spike stammered.

"Don't worry, Spike, I can handle this," Keldeo said, a confident smile on his face, "I think I know what's got Slappy's tail in a knot."

Still pointing the business end of the bazooka straight at Keldeo, Slappy raised an eyebrow an said, "Oh really?"

Keldeo nodded, "Yes, _really_. You're not the type to attack someone if they don't like the same things as you. You only attack people who attack you first."

"But we didn't attack her!" Spike said.

"Actually, we kinda did," Keldeo said, "We had her loose to Bug Bunny in our One Minute Melee parody."

Slappy grit her teeth in rage.

"What!? That's it? You gotta be kidding me!" Spike exclaimed.

"I could beat the gloves right off of that smug little rodent!" Slappy said.

"You do realize that you're a rodent too," Keldeo observed.

Slappy looked through the bazooka's scope and said, "Okay then. Ready. Aim-."

"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Think about this, Slappy! Just think. Just clear your mind for a second, one single second."

"Did you just quote the story we just read?" Slappy asked incredulously.

"Just answer a question for me," Keldeo said, "Just _one_ question before you blast me."

"Go ahead. I ain't stopping you," Slappy replied.

"Is this comedy?" Keldeo asked simply.

Slappy blinked, at a loss for words for once in her life.

"Did you hear me, Slappy? I asked you: _is this comedy?_ " Keldeo repeated.

Slappy looked at the bazooka in her paws, then at Keldeo, then back at the weapon.

"No," she finally said, "This ain't comedy. It's just revenge." Slappy shuddered, looking thoroughly disgusted with herself. "I think I just reminded myself of a very old Judge Doom."

"Like the way the Skippy in this fanfic reminded us of a very _young_ Judge Doom," Keldeo said with a wink and smile.

"Don't push it, Keldo," Slappy snapped.

Keldeo just gave a nervous smile.

Slappy looked at the Fourth Wall and remarked, "Ya gotta admit, he sure takes advantage of the natural cuteness of ponies."

Spike cleared his throat and said, "Look Slappy, we said right at the start of the One Minute Melee that we did no research. It wasn't like Death Battle, where we say what we truly believe would happen and who truly is better. It was just a fun little short that could've gone either way. We don't think Bugs Bunny is better than you, but we don't think you're better than Bug Bunny either. It's like the two fanfics we reviewed, _Skippy's Story_ and _Fate._ There are things to like and dislike on both sides. The right thing to do is to appreciate the good points about both and to not fight for no reason."

"Hmmmm," Slappy said thoughtfully. Then she put the bazooka back into her purse and nodded, "Alright then."

Spike and Keldeo sighed.

"In fact," Slappy said, and reached off-screen and wheeled in a xylophone, "I think I'll play a little song fer you two guys. It's called _Those Endearing Young Charms._ "

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Spike exclaimed as he ran up to Slappy, "I'm not falling for that old trick! If anyone is gonna play this xylophone, it's gonna be _me_!"

Spike snatched the rubber mallets away from Slappy, nudged her out of the way, and stepped behind the xylophone. Suddenly, a Trap Tile from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon appeared underneath him.

"Oh, what the h-."

 _ **BOOOOOOM!**_

Spike was left covered in shoot after the resulting explosion.

Keldeo burst out laughing, falling to the ground as he was overcome by the laughter.

"Oh my gosh! A Selfdestruct Trap! Hahahaha! Good one, Slappy!" Keldeo said.

"Actually, that was an Explosion Trap," Slappy said with a smirk as she stood a good distance behind Keldeo.

Keldeo's head shot up and is eyes went wide. "Wha-!?"

 _ **BOOOOOOM!**_

"Now _that's_ comedy!" Slappy said, and she jumped back into her Portable Hole, which closed up right behind her.

Both blasted black and burnt, Spike and Keldeo stared down at the ground after her. Then they slowly looked up at each other.

"Sooooooo," Keldeo said slowly.

"Good luck in your future reviews?" Spike said.

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah. Sure. Same to you, Spike."

Still in a daze, Spike left the stone platform quietly.

Keldeo turned and said, 'Well . . . I'm Keldeo the Critic. . . and I review it. . .so you don't have to. . . _ugh. . ._ "

Keldeo fell down unconscious.

* * *

 **THE END**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Slappy Squirrel Intro Version 2- Warner Brothers_

 _Who Framed Roger Rabbit?_

 _Star Wars_

 _Looney Tunes_

 _Phoenix Wright_

 _Portal 2_

 _Princess Promenade_

 _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon_

 _Angry Video Game Nerd-_ Cinemassacre

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _thatdragonwiththetophat-_ creator of Spike the Snob

 _Mandopony_


	13. Message

Hello everyone! Sorry, but no Editorial this time. I'm busy doing a crossover over on _Spike the Snob._ See you next time for a Pokemon FanFic review!


	14. Goodbye Pikachu I'll Miss You

**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 4:** **Goodbye Pikachu, I'll miss you byTheShinyEevee**

 **tinyurl:** **oy4yksg**

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to . . ." Keldeo said glumly.

Keldeo scowled and said "More like, I _read_ it so you didn't have to! and you _don't_ wanna read this one! I mean, when I reviewed _Pikachu's Girlfriend_ by Father Hulk, I thought I had seen the laziest, most stupid, most illogical fanfic that was ever written . . . well, okay, _Vegeta at Jubilife_ was way worse, but that was a crossover troll fic. Look, the point I'm trying to make here is that _Pikachu's Girlfriend_ was bad and I didn't think I'd ever find something worse."

"So, anyway, then I found _this_ fanfic."

* * *

 _ **Goodbye Pikachu, I'll miss you**_

 _By: TheShinyEevee_

 _ _Me, ash, Serena, Clemont and Bonnie are walking in the woods, it's very late and everyone's getting tired, we stop to sleep for the night, I wake up alone, I look around and find a note from ash saying ive been abandoned, How could he do this to me? Why did he do that? Doesn't he love me? I guess I'll find out by reading this book. CHAPTER 5 RELEASED!__

* * *

"Now, I wasn't expecting a masterpiece. I just thought it would be like a retelling of _Pikachu's Goodbye_ only in the Kalos region during Pokemon XY. I figured it would be just something quick to look at, maybe they'll be a few sweet moments, just something nice."

Keldeo's eyes widened, "But what _I_ saw . . . Oh my gosh. . ."

"Well, we start off the story from Pikachu's point of view."

* * *

 _Me, Ash, Serena, Clemont and Bonnie were walking in the woods, it was getting pretty late out but Ash was anxious to get to Santalune city for his first gym battle, I've been traveling with him for so long but I never understood the concept of gym battles._

* * *

"WOW! The _first sentence_ of the fanfic and it already fails! Not even _Pikachu's Girlfriend_ started out with as little clue as this fanfic! How does _Pikachu_ not understand the concept of gym battles? That's like having Yugi Moto not knowing how or why you shuffle a deck of card, or having Slappy the Slap Happy Squirrel not understanding the point of slapstick! You got the _first_ detail about your main character _completely wrong_!"

"So, our heroes stop to make camp as they usually do."

* * *

 _Bonnie had nothing to do so she just pet us and fed us, at some point Bonnie whispered something, she said," I'm gonna miss you." I didn't understand why she said it but I didn't question it._

* * *

"Alright, now we have the beginnings of a plot. Bonnie seems to know what's going on. Maybe she'll play a big role in this story!" Keldeo said excitedly.

 _ **Lex Luthor:** "WRONG!"_

Keldeo pouted.

* * *

 _After 30 minutes of setting up, everyone was tired enough to sleep for a year, so we all settled down into are sleeping bags and went to bed, except for me and dedenne of course, dedenne fell asleep in Bonnie's purse and I fell asleep next to Ash._

 _In the morning I woke up and no one was there except for me, even all of the stuff was gone, I had no clue what was happening but I knew it was something, I looked around and found a note under a small rock, it's a good thing Ash thought me to read or I wouldn't have known anything,_

* * *

Keldeo huffed and turned away, "Alright. Fine. Sure. Ash taught Pikachu how to read. Okay. If you say that's what happened, then who am I to argue. All is well. Carry on. Whatever."

* * *

 _the note went like this:_

 _Dear Pikachu,_

 _Im sorry but I had to abandon you, don't come looking for me, it is for your own good._

 _Ill miss you,_

 _Ash Ketchum_

* * *

Keldeo was filled with wide eyed intrigue. "Okay, this is actually kind of cryptic. I wonder what the problem could be? What is it? I gotta know!"

"Okay, so in the next scene we have . . . Pikachu catching up with Ash? That fast? Really?"

* * *

 _I found his footprints and ran toward them as fast as possible, in about and hour I saw ash, but no one else was with him, I ran up to him and yelled,"PIIIKAAAA."_

 _He then looked back shocked," Pikachu, I told you not to follow me."_

 _"Pika?" I said in confusion._

 _"Go back Pikachu, now."_

 _I didn't listen to him, instead I ran up closer to him and jumped on his shoulder. "Pikachu! No." He said, then he pushed me off and said," I'm sorry, I have to do this." Then he took out a pokeball, I didn't understand why because I knew I could beat Froakie and Fletchling easily but then I noticed a lightning bolt sticker on it, this was my pokeball."I'm sorry Pikachu but I have to do this, Pikachu return." Then the pokeball opened and a red light shot out of it, it was so fast I couldn't dodge it and just like that, in the pokeball I go._

 _I tried to shake out but all I did was move the pokeball. After that Ash said," I'm sorry Pikachu, but I have to do this, it's for your own good." Then he threw the pokeball and I went flying, I could tell where I landed, I landed in between 2 branches and I was stuck, I tried to force the pokeball out because I knew the force when it hit the ground would open it for sure, after 5 hours of non stop doing this I gave up and fell asleep._

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "Okay, I hate to pick on every little bit, but bad fanfiction has to be understood if it's not to be repeated. . . which I'm pretty sure this fanfic is gonna do a lot of anyway. What's with all the time skips? How does Pikachu even know how much time has passed? In there a clock in that Pokeball or something?"

* * *

 _Then out of nowhere, probably around 6 hours into my sleep I fel. The ball shaking, it automatically woke up, then the ball fell out of the tree hit something and landed on the ground, I heard a female voice say," OWWWWWWW!?"_

* * *

"Okay, so Pikachu seems to have just a met another character. I wonder who."

* * *

 _Im walking in the woods, it's just me and fenniken, I've just started my Kalos journey and I plan on going to many more regions after, I'm on my way to Santalune city for something they banned a long time ago, they finally brought back Pokemon contests, I had a plan and everything, I was gonna sign up as a coordinator and as a Pokemon trainer, so I would go to a town with a Pokemon contest, dominate, win and take on the gym, I knew it wouldn't be that easy but that's how I always dreamt of it going down like that._

* * *

Keldeo blinked. "Huh? What happened? Did we just change point of view to some random character? I mean, this is the next chapter, and there's nothing wrong with changing view points to show another character's side of the story. But the problem here is that the story doesn't say that the point of view changed. All that we needed was _this:_ "

 _ **Myra's POV**_

"There! Was that so hard?!" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _I turned around to my fenniken, it was a male which I didn't quite like, I was planning on only catching females,_

* * *

"Well that's kinda sexist."

* * *

 _but i wasn't gonna go on and abandon it, that would be cruel to just abandon a Pokemon like that, I had a bond with it I knew I could never have with any other Pokemon so I couldn't just trade it away either,_

* * *

Keldeo smiled a bit. "Well, that's actually kind of sweet."

* * *

 _I would just have to deal with it, I couldn't think of any names so I just called it Fen._

* * *

Keldeo frowned and tossed his hooves in desperation, "Well that sure killed it!"

"So yeah, the Pokeball lands on her head and she ends up releasing Pikachu. But I can't help but wonder, how well did Ash think this threw when he tossed the Pokeball in a random direction. I mean, Pikachu got lucky here. He could've been stuck in that Pokeball for a long time. But then again Pokemon pop out of Pokeball themselves all the time in the Anime, like Chespin and Psyduck, so maybe I'm just over-thinking about this."

* * *

 _I picked it up and pushed down the button, it opened and revealed a Pikachu that was crying? I wonder what could have happened to it?_

* * *

"So then we switch back to Pikachu's point of view without any notice. Annoying," Keldeo commented.

* * *

 _Yes, I'm finally out of my pokeball, I need to get to ash... After crying for 10 minutes with emotional support from this fenniken and it's trainer, I run away from them as fast as possible, with the fenniken and it's trainer screaming at me to not run away and ignoring it as much as possible,_

* * *

"Yeah, imagine having someone cry for 10 straight minutes and then suddenly running away at top speed. Who is he, Spongebob Squarepants?"

* * *

 _I'm off to Santalune city, but where is Santalune city, and how do I get there?_

 _I look around but I don't see any signs pointing to the city, but maybe that girl was going there, I just had to find out. I ran back to where I found them and surprisingly, they were still there. I ran up to the fenniken and talked to it," Hey... Where are you guys going?"_

 _"Oh, Santalune cities where we're off to."_

 _"Mind if I come along fenniken?"_

 _"It's her choice not mine, and please, call me fen."_

 _"Well, how do I ask her?"_

 _"Allow me," Fen then turned to his trainer, he tugged at her jeans and she turned around, then fen pointed at me, then at the path ahead._

 _"Are you saying you want this Pikachu to come with us?" D***, right on the tip of my nose._

* * *

"Why is Pikachu swearing? Just why?" Keldeo moaned, "And that sentence didn't even make any sense. Right on the tip of his nose? What's on the tip of his nose? What's he talking about, I don't even-."

* * *

 _Then Fen nodded." Okay... Off we go." and with that we were off._

* * *

"Okay, so the adventure begins, I guess. But first, we get what has to be the _worst_ author's note you will ever see."

* * *

 ** _AUTHORS COMMENTS_**

 ** _YES IM FINALLY UPDATING THIS STORY, BEING 2 CHAPTERS OFF FROM THE END I THOUGHT ID TRY AND FINISH IT ALREADY AND GET THE WHOLE STORY UP FOR YOU, THANKS FOR BEING PATIENT, AND NO IM NOT CANCELLING THIS STORY, THIS IS MY MOST POPULAR_**

* * *

Keldeo tried in vain to hold in his laughter. "This is you most popular- _AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_ "

* * *

 ** _AND IM SURE ALOT OF YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A WHILE FOR A CHAPTER, BUT I JUST FINISHED READING A STORY THAT HAS BEEN CLIFFHANGERED ALOT LONGER THEN THIS STORY, IT IS JUNE 4TH TODAY, IN 15 DAYS, THE STORY I JUST FINISHED READING WILL HAVE BEEN LEFT ON A CLIFFHANGER FOR... WAIT FOR IT... WAIT FOR IT... THREE YEARS, REDICULOUS RIGHT, ANYWAY THE STORY IS CALLED PILOT LIGHT, IT IS A POKEMON STORY THAT IS VERY INTERESTING, SO GO READ IT, AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE, LET'S TRY ANY GET THE WRITER TO CONTINUE, IT'S AN AMAZING STORY._**

* * *

"Wow. I don't think I ever had another fanfic advertised to me within a fanfic," Keldeo said in shock, "I mean, how do you advertise another story inside a story? It just seems so wrong! Imagine if people did that somewhere else!"

 _Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Rarity are crying hysterically about Tank's hibernation._

 _ **Twilight Sparkle** : Look, everypony, I know how hard it is to say goodbye—_

 _ **Rainbow Dash** : It's alright._

 _ **Applejack** : You think she's done or just getting a third wind?_

 _ **Twilight Sparkle** : I don't know... Rainbow Dash? Are you okay?_

 _ **Rainbow Dash** : I think so. I feel better. Really, I do. Thanks, everypony. I don't know what I'd do without you. _

_Rainbow starts tearing up again as she turns to look at Tank._

 _ **Rainbow Dash:** Or him... Oh, Tank... I'm sure gonna miss you. . . ._

 _Pinkie Pie suddenly smiles widely and turns to break the Fourth Wall._

 ** _Pinkie Pie:_** _Ya know, this reminds me of an episode of another show where someone leaves! It's Summertime Blues from the Littlest Petshop TV show!_

 _All the ponies stare at Pinkie Pie in utter shock._

 ** _Pinkie Pie:_** _KA-CHING!_

 _Suddenly, Ghost Pony Rider flew through the cloud wall and clamped his jaws on Pinkie Pie's tail, dragging her out of the house with him as she screamed._

"And another thing," Keldeo said, "I checked that other story out out, and it actually _is_ a pretty good fanfic. Too bad I'm not reviewing _Pilot Light_ by Tashojiri. That's a _good_ fanfic. I'm reading this mess. And _another_ thing, why is the author's note in all caps? It's like being yelled at by Princess Luna!"

* * *

 ** _I wrote the paragraph before, when I started working on it._**

* * *

"And here's another weird sentence that's just . . . wonky."

* * *

 ** _WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, CHAPTER 4 OF GOODBYE PIKACHU, I'LL MISS YOU._**

* * *

 ** _"WHICH I AM SAYING IN THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE!"_** Keldeo shouted as loud as he could. He then started coughing and breathing heavily from the exertion.

* * *

 _We were sitting on a bench in Santalune city, waiting for ash, it had been 3 days since he abandoned me and not just a pokemon contest was coming up, but a tournament as well, so I knew he would stay here for the tournament, since the other cities were alot longer then 3 day walks. Anyway, I was sitting next to Myra as sad as ever since I'd been abandoned, and Fen was on Myra's lap, actually looking pretty excited.'What are you so happy about huh? What's so cool? I don't see anything cool,' I said to the Fenniken who was happy as ever on Myra's lap._

 _'Wow, way to be a buzz kill, I'm just excited about the contest tommorrow,' he replied, actually sounding pretty mad._

 _'Well what about the tournament, isn't that today?' I asked the now mad Fenniken I knew as Fen._

 _'No, I was actually pretty excited when I found out about it, you know, ready to fight,' replied Fen,'But Myra said we would only be attending it, not actually competing.'_

 _'Well what are we waiting for?' I asked,' It's starting any minute now and Ash mi-'_

 _'Wow, all I ever hear coming out your mouth is this Ash guy, isn't he the one that abandoned you? Why would you wanna see him?' Fen said, cutting me off completely._

 _'Yes, he did abandon me, but that doesn't mean that he's... Uh... Not still my trainer?' I replied, very unsure of myself._

 _'Thats exactly what it means, look, if someone abandons their Pokemon, it's not theirs anymore, it's the wilds,' Fen replied, with what I have to say is actually some wise stuff._

 _"Oh, if only I knew what you 2 were saying," Myra said, out of nowhere. I then got up and started walking to where I thought was the tournament dome, Myra got up and started following me, and so did Fen._

 _'Where are you going?' Fen asked._

 _'To find Ash,' I said,'Even if he had abandoned me, He's still my trainer.'_

* * *

"Is this the author's best attempt at giving Fen some character? Is that _really_ the author's best effort? I mean, he likes contests and battles, and he has an innate sense of wisdom . . ." Keldeo looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know, that actually sounds interesting. If the story actually went more in depth about Fen, then maybe-WAIT A MINUTE!"

Keldeo's eye were wide as he was hit with a sudden realization. "There are no Pokemon Contests in the Kalos region! There are Pokemon _Showcases,_ but those are completely different! So either the author is calling Showcases _Contests_ by mistake, or the author just didn't do the research."

"So Pikachu finally finds Ash who is. . . performing in the Contest?"

* * *

 _I was bored, Since I couldn't see or hear anything from the contest, So I decided to uncover my ears and turn around, It was the final round. Then I saw who I had been looking for._

 _I found Ash._

 _Ash was battling with the other Pokemon he had caught from the Kalos region_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, yeah, Ash _has_ entered Pokemon Contests before in Diamond and Pearl, but why is he entering them in the Kalos region for?"

"Well, since Ash didn't even bother to tell Pikachu _why_ Ash released him, you can imagine that he'd be more than a little upset."

* * *

 _I watched through the whole battle, That he had somehow managed to win without me._

 _Your not supposed to just Abandon a Pokemon Ash, Your supposed to Love and Care for them, Battle with them, Not throw them away like their some wild animal. I am done with all the waiting, I want my revenge!_

 _I quickly lept down from where we were sitting, Jumping on the tops of empty seats left over by people who had already left. I finally reached the ground of the stadium when I heard Myra yell something at me, What it was, I don't know... Did I care, Heck no._

 _I charged up a Thunderbolt, and hit it right next to Ash, As if to give him my attention, Then I lept at him,_

* * *

 ** _Pikachu Punch!_**

"I _love_ that meme!" Keldeo said with a smile.

* * *

 _When I collided with him he fell on the floor, As I continued to repeatedly scratch his face I didn't care anymore, About anything._

 _When I was done I had only just realized what I had done, I had hurt my friend... My best Friend, And I didn't even care how hurt he got while I was doing it. I was a monster... I quickly looked around, at the still hundreds of People and Pokemon who occupied the stadium, Then I looked at Ash, Who I had knocked unconscious._

* * *

"Wait a minute, how did you knock him unconscious? Your Thunderbolt didn't hit him, and all you did was scratch his face up a bit, which makes no sense, because you don't even know Scratch!"

* * *

 _I quickly ran out of the stadium, Some tears slipping out of my eyes._

* * *

Keldeo gave a sympathetic look and said, "Well, if it makes you feel any better Pikachu, none of this would have happened if Ash had just _**EXPLAINED!**_ "

"So Pikachu runs and hides, feeling guilty about his emotional outburst."

* * *

 _He was in the hospital right now... Because of me... At least, I think he is._

 _Even if he wasn't, He would still be hurt._

* * *

"Calm down Pikachu, a few scratches aren't gonna kill him. And I'm pretty sure Ash will figure he kind of deserved it, depending on what the reason was for all this."

* * *

 _I heard someone calling for me... A female voice, Must be Myra._

 _I didn't get up, Or move, Or anything... I continued to cry until she found me, and picked me up. I didn't struggle to get out, Because, Someone to help me out is what I needed._

* * *

Keldeo looked pacified at this. "Myra may be light in the character development department, but we did get her dreams, aspirations, quirks, and values; albeit a little condensed. And we see her doing all she can to help Pikachu, a strange Pokemon she only just met. Yeah, Myra is a very good person. I'm glad to have her in this story. Maybe this is a sign that the story will get better."

 **_Lex Luthor:_** _"WRONG!"_

Keldeo face hoofed.

* * *

 _She didn't talk the whole walk to wherever we were going, And Fen was in his Pokeball._

 _After 30 minutes of walking, With the only noise being Myra's shoes hitting the ground every time she took a step, And me sobbing, We arrived at our destination, And this is the last place I had wanted to go today... She probably knew that too... We had arrived at the hospital._

* * *

"Hey, hold on, why is Ash in the hospital?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "All Pikachu did was scratch his face! What, did Pikachu turn him into Two-Face? Is Meowth gonna come in and make him flip a coin to decide whether to shoot him or not?"

* * *

 _When we walked in she had walked over to the desk, and asked to see Ash. Of course the lady there was confused when she noticed me sobbing in Myra's hands, But she just let it go and directed Me and Myra to Ash's room._

* * *

 _"I don't ask questions. I only **work**_ _ **here,** " _Keldeo said sarcastically.

* * *

 _Ash was there, He was awake, and was still bleeding like crazy... He had probably lost a lot of blood since what happened, Since it did happen a few hours ago._

* * *

Keldeo had an incredulous look on his face, "Bleeding like cra- _What is going on?_ The story said that all Pikachu did was scratch Ash's face, so how did he loose so much blood? Is the Pikachu Punch really that powerful? Come on, no one could scratch someone up _that_ badly in such a short amount of time! And Pikachu doesn't even know Scratch! And why is he still bleeding! He's in a _hospital!_ Shouldn't the doctors have fixed him up by now? Shouldn't he at least have a _bandage_ on his face?"

* * *

 _Ash began to speak,"Hey, Pika-Chu."_

 _He was definitely weak, If he struggled to say Pikachu._

 _Ash Continued,"P-P-Pikachu... I'm sor-ry for abandonin-g you Pikachu... I ne-ver shou-ld have."_

* * *

"But **_why_ ** did you do it!" Keldeo shouted, "You're wounded in the hospital because of it, now is probably a good time to explain why!"

* * *

 _He's struggling more now... Could this mean something?_

 _"Th-The doctors said... I would be f-f-f-fine in a couple of weeks."_

 _I really hurt him that bad, Huh?_

* * *

" _You_ tell _me_ ," Keldeo said grumpily.

* * *

 _"S-So Pikachu... If you w-ant to go w-w-with this girl... Then pl-please do... If you st-ill want to co-me with m-e, Then ple-ase come to m-e."_

* * *

Keldeo tapped his chin with his forehoof, "Okay, so I guess Pikachu has to choose. The girl who helped him when he was completely abandoned and betrayed, or the one who abandoned him and betrayed him without explaining why. I wonder who he's gonna pick?"

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

* * *

 _So now I have to make a Decision... I love Ash, I had been with him for years now... And because of that Pokemon that we saw from the first day of our Journey... He would stay 10 until he dies... And Myra... Myra helped me in my time of need, Even after I attacked Ash, She helped me calm down by patting my head during the walk... Ash... Abandoned me... Myra... Helped me... I know Who I'm going to pick._

 _I slowly make my way onto Myra's Shoulder, Showing Ash I had picked her..._

 _Ash smiled,"You have a good time buddy... Ju-st know... I'll always love you..."_

 _I couldn't help but shed a few tears... After that, Myra walked away, With me on her shoulder._

* * *

"Okay, so, yeah, we all saw that coming. But what bothers me is that all this could have been avoided if Ash **_explained_** why he did what he did. And if Pikachu really _is_ leaving, then it will never be resolved! _WE_ don't even know why Ash did what he did! Why did he do it!? Answer me, story! ANSWER ME!"

* * *

 ** _Ash's POV_**

* * *

Keldeo's eyes lit up. "Wow! The author actually acknowledged that we had a change in point of view! The author figured it out, guys! It's a miracle!"

* * *

 _I just lied to Pikachu... I lied about what was going to happen to me... I know he would've picked the girl... Because I'm pretty sure she helped him... After I abandoned him... And now, I'm paying the price... I have lost too much blood is what the doctor really said... And something was going to happen to me... But I didn't know what._

 _Beep_

 _Beep_

 _Beep_

 _Beep_

 _Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_

* * *

"He _**DIED!?**_ " Keldeo exclaimed, "Are you for real!? This is almost _comical._ Like, it's a parody or something and shouldn't be taken seriously. Only it _is_ taken seriously, and you should cry because of it."

"I mean, what, he gets a few scratches on his _face_ and it kills him? Who is he? Silver Surfer on the NES?! And the author fails to realize that there are these things called _'blood transfusions,'_ unless we're supposed to assume that they didn't have his blood type on hand, which still wouldn't matter because there's no way he could have lost _that much_ blood form a few scratches on his face. I mean, it makes no sense!"

Keldeo dug his hooves into the ground. "And you know what makes this even worse? We didn't even find out _why_ Ash abandoned Pikachu in the first place. Yeah, that's right. That's the _end_ of the story! That's the end!"

Keldeo stomped angrily and said, "Well you know what? I'm _glad_ that's the end. This fanfic is stupid. It's stupid because it's-."

* * *

 _ ***Chapter 6*: Epilogue Part 1**_

 _ **WELCOME TO THE EPILOGUE OF Goodbye Pikachu, I hope you enjoy it!**_

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed hard. "Oh, _please_ NO!"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Okay. Two part epilogue. Fine. I mean, maybe we'll _finally_ find out _why_ Ash abandoned Pikachu. . . or where Clemont, Bonnie, and Serena went! Anyway, it's not like this story can get any worse."

* * *

 _Epilogue part 1- What happened next?_

 _Is this what death feels like... Pain all over... Nothing else... I heard a Voice..._

 _"Ash," The voice began,"You have died... As all human's die... They are brought here, To heaven... If they are good humans... They get to stay... If they are bad... Then it is my choice on what to do with them... And I have decided your fate."_

* * *

"Okay, I'm guessing this is Arceus. . ." Keldeo said slowly.

* * *

 _What's gonna happen to me?_

 _"Ash, You have been both bad and good,_

* * *

"Just like everyone else in all of Creation," Keldeo said with a nod.

* * *

 _You will not be sent to Giratina's hells,_

* * *

"Giratina is _not_ the devil! Did you even watch Giratina vs the Sky Warrior?" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _But you also will not stay here, In my heaven's... You will be brought back to your world..."_

 _I-I get to live again?!_

 _"But... You... Like some others... Will be turned into a Pokemon..."_

 _Wait... What?_

* * *

Keldeo sighed again, "Well, okay, it's basically a horrible version of _Kevin and Buizel._ But humans turning into Pokemon is probably kinda common in fanfiction. Nothing horrible here."

* * *

 _"The transformation is already complete... You will live as a Female Bulbasuar..."_

 _FEMALE?!_

 _"I have left you with a present as well... I hope you enjoy your gift."_

 _Everything went black_

* * *

Keldeo chuckled, "I must have read that wrong. I thought it said _'Female Bulbasaur.'_ But that would be totally insane-."

* * *

 _I woke up in some field, With 2 Pokemon looking at me... A Pikachu and a Fenniken, I didn't know who they were but I did listen on there conversation._

 _'What do you think it is?' The Fenniken said, A male's voice being used._

 _'It's a Bulbasuar,' The also male Pikachu began,'They're grass types, And Ash had one too, Just... It was Male, Not Female...'_

 _I smiled, I was with Pikachu._

* * *

Keldeo tilted his head and nodded, "Mm-hmm, okay, so I didn't read it wrong, Ash turned into a female Bulbasaur, yeah, huh, no, it's good, it's very good, very good—You-you do a good job, you do a g-g-good job, _TheShinyEevee,_ you know, you did good. I just so love it—everything, all the characters and everything about it was so good. . ."

Keldeo's began breathing heavily and his voice became harsher with a slight growl, "I just love it, it's so good. I just love your work, it's so good—everything; I love it! A combination species and gender swap…"

Keldeo suddenly went into his Resolute Form with a flash and brandished his Secret Sword, "YOU MANIAC! YOU DID IT! YOU BLEW IT UP! YOU-!"

Keldeo suddenly froze, he powered down his Secret Sword, and returned back to his ordinary form.

"Not worth it," Keldeo said calmly, "I mean. . . what am I supposed to say to this? I mean, this is total garbage. This is even worse than those old fanfics where Pikachu turns into a human girl. At least those were made when people were _unsure_ of Pikachu gender and thought that he _could_ have been a girl. But this fanfic _deliberately_ takes a male character and turns him into a girl just to have one of the creepiest, most perverted romances since _Friendship is_ _Witchcraft_! May the author's computer _blow up!_ "

* * *

 _Suddenly the girl from the hospital came into view, She walked up to me._

 _"Hi girl... Wanna be one of my Pokemon?" She said._

 _This was the girl I left Pikachu with, Pikachu's new trainer... If I said yes, I could possibly be with Pikachu for a long time._

 _I slowly nodded as she bent down, A Pokeball in hand... "Okay... Get ready."_

 _She lightly tapped the Pokeball on my head... And just like that, I was now her Pokemon, Able to be with Pikachu forever... And even communicate with him, This is all I could ever ask for. I guess abandoning Pikachu somehow turned out good in the end..._

* * *

"But WHY!? Why'd you do it in the first place! what big, grand, huge, important reason did you have to create this _terrible, awful, horrible_ story?!" Keldeo practically begged.

* * *

 _And the only real reason I abandoned him was because I didn't want them to capture Pikachu... I had just heard early in my journey, From Professor Oak, That before he gave Pikachu to me, He had some problems with 2 Raichu, I didn't really know why they were hassling him... But it turns out they had followed me on my whole journey, Weird right? Any way... I didn't want them to take Pikachu, So I released him..._

* * *

Keldeo went dead silent. Then he said softly, "That's the _exact same thing_ Team Rocket does. . . If you didn't release Pikachu because Team Rocket was following you, why did you decide to that because of a pair of stupid Raichu who are evil just because they're evil? You've battled _Legendary Pokemon!_ Remember Tobias?! You seriously couldn't defeat two Raichus with _alllllll_ your Pokemon? I mean. . . the only reason I'm not at all frustrated about this horribly lazy explanation right now is because the gender swap completely disconnected me from this story."

* * *

 _3 Month's later..._

 _Ash's POV_

 _It has been 3 month's since I had woken up as a Bulbasuar... A female at that._

* * *

"Why did that need to happen? WHY? And it's not even for PikaShipping! No, it's. . . ugh, just read it!"

* * *

 _The team had grown a little bit bigger, From just us 3, To 7 of us. Me, Pikachu, Fen, Waterfall the Female Marshtomp, Flame the Female Tepig, Elise the Female Emolga, And the one my instincts made me fall in love with, Leaf the Male Chikorita._

 _Leaf had been abandoned by his trainer... And we found out around A couple of days after we found Elise, That she was once a human, Who had died, Just like me, And She had abandoned Leaf._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped to the ground.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF BISCUITS IN EVEN GOING ON RIGHT NOW?! Does Arceus go around turning dead people into Pokemon? And what the hay are the odds of them finding another Pokemon that was a human? And was Elise a male before this? I wouldn't be surprised, this fanfic is so terrifyingly creepy."

* * *

 _A few minutes after that, I told Pikachu, That I was Ash, He didn't believe me at first, But after I persuaded him, Which took 2 weeks to do, He gave me a world of hurt... And I wasn't surprised at that._

 _I had evolved around a month ago, It was actually when Pikachu was attacking me, It didn't help me at all, Just gave him more time to hurt me... For keeping this a secret._

* * *

"Masochistic transgender- WHO WAS THIS MADE FOR!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "It's not for true Pokemon fans, it's incredibly insulting! It's not for Pokemon haters, it's terribly written and stupid! It's not even for those perverted Pokeshippers! I mean, the author is like:"

 _ **TheShinnyEevee:** "Hey, hey, hey; did you perverts come here to see Ash and Pikachu together? . . . . . Well,_ ***** **Dolphin** _ **Noise*** you! I put Ash with some random Chikorita! There! Now I've alienated EVERYONE!"_

Keldeo shrugged, "I'm done. It's just really dumb. It's bad. I just. . . stopped caring. They actually have eggs and. . .ugh, it's just. . ."

Keldeo stopped to think for a moment, and then said, "I can't really get upset about this story anymore because of how completely random and nonsensical it is. There's really no point to all this. Stuff happens for no reason and is not explained well. This was written without a single care, so why should I care?"

"Well, at least now the story is over. And this story is stupid. It's stupid because-."

* * *

 ***Chapter 8*: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL P1 SURPRISE fo y'all!**

 **Happy Halloweek, Now here's the 1st part of a 2 part Halloween special for Goodbye Pikachu! The first part really isn't that spooky, That's why it's being released before Halloween.**

* * *

"Oh, _GOSH! JUST END!_ " Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _Ash's POV_

 _Me and Pikachu were talking, Talking about our mates, Leaf the Male Chikorita and Elise the Female Emolga. I'm glad Pikachu finally got over the fact that I was his trainer, and I abandoned him, and I kept that fact from his for such a long time._

 _Anyways, Elise was with Myra, who had gone and adventured away from our campsite. Leaf was taking care of our Young One, Yes, I had her... Veronica. It was actually just 3 weeks ago. It was an amazing experience. Hard... Painful and agonizing... but amazing._

* * *

"I _hate_ this author so much!" Keldeo growled out, "Of all the sick twisted things to think of, I swear that gender swapping is the worst."

* * *

 _Pikachu explained to me yesterday that Pokémon don't really do anything on Halloween, Their trainers get candy and the trainers share it with their Pokémon. Of course, I hadn't done anything like that, Since I was never really into Halloween. It was a little too... Mainstream._

* * *

"I have no idea what that means. . ."

* * *

 _Fen and Flame were... I cant believe I'm about to say this, As usual... ******* each other._

 _They so desperately wanted a young one to call their own, It made me so sad to see them resorting to constant sex to try and get what they want._

* * *

"CURSE THIS STUPID STORY! I QUIT!" Keldeo practically roared, "I QUIT! I can't take it anymore! This story was rated K+! _**K+!**_ The rating is a complete lie! I refuse to read _one more sentence_ of this pile of garbage! This story doesn't _deserve_ to get a full review! It's just. . . just. . .just so _stupid!_ It's stupid because confusing. It's stupid because it's creepy. And it's stupid because its a psychotic middle finger to the _entire_ Pokemon franchise! I mean, what kind of mind would think up a story like this. Ash could have come back as a normal male Pokemon. Or even better, he could have just _not died_ from a couple of scratches! Myra, Pikachu, Fen, and Ash. . . and the rest of the heroes who mysteriously vanished, could have joined forces and fought the evil Raichus. But nope! Instead we got trash. Just total, total, trash! No wait, _staring at garbage_ would be a better experience than this!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "And after taking a peek at _TheShinnyEevee's_ author's page, it is quite possible that this person really is legitimately insane. She's completely insane! I'll say no more. Go and see the gibberish she wrote on her author's page for yourself if you want. I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to. You're welcome!" Keldeo then quickly left.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Superman Returns_

 _Animaniacs_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh_

 _Portal 2_

 _Spongebob Squarepants: Sailor Mouth_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _Bulbapedia_

 _Mandopony_


	15. E2: Why is Lucario So Popular?

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 2- Why is Lucario So Popular?**

 **tinyurl:** **o8u42n3**

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said with a smile.

With a look of nostalgia in his eye, Keldeo said, "Remember _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew_? It was the movie that formerly introduced the world to Lucario, the Aura Pokemon. We got to see a Lucario's skills, athletic prowess, mannerisms, and Aura powers. Lucario was so well received that Nintendo placed him on the _Super Smash Bros. Brawl_ roster."

"Now, after that, he had to show up in some Anime episodes as the main Pokemon of Gym Leader Maylene. He got plenty of character and personality, a decent arc, the whole Anime character treatment."

"Then during the same season, we also meet Riley's Lucario! Which makes sense, Sinnoh Region _is_ his home, so it should feature him prominently. It's been fun, Lucario! Here's hoping a lot of gamers use you in tournaments and-"

 _A clip of Cameron's Riolu evolving into Lucario played._

Keldeo blinked, "Oh, okay, I see you decided to show up in Unova too. Well, that's fine. Glad to see you, really. We all love you, Lucario, just try not to upstage Pika-."

 _Pictures of Korrina's and Gurkin's Lucarios appeared._

"Okay, that makes _six_ of you, seven counting the Aura Sphere Riolu!" Keldeo said, "Maybe even eight if you count the fact that you're a permanent _Smash Fighter!_ No wait, it's _nine!_ Cynthia has a Lucario too! Even Jaws would be like _'hey dude, clam down!'_ "

"And if that isn't telling enough, I'd say Lucario is one of the top 5 Pokemon that _star_ in Pokemon Fanfiction! I mean, _universally. Across the board!_ Now, I _personally_ know a whole bunch of a fanfic writers who love Lucario, and if you're a Keldeo the Critic fan, I'm sure you remember _Lucario Fever_ on this show. We all got tired of seeing Jaws, but we seem to just never get tired of the Aura Pokemon!"

Keldeo tapped his chin and said, "So it begs the question: _why_ is Lucario so popular?"

Keldeo nodded, "Well, I've put together a theory that tries to cover all the bases."

"First, Lucario not only had a movie, but he _talked_ in his movie. We got to hear his inner thoughts and feelings directly, making him more identifiable. He wasn't just a powerful Pokemon that the villain was interested in or the mighty force that was going to save the day. He was a _character_ with feelings, emotions, conflicts, and struggles. Plus, he really was a tragic hero in a his movie. He's really a lot like Mewtwo come to think of it."

"But wait, lots of Pokemon talked in their movies, like Shaymin, Victini . . ." Keldeo smiled sheepishly, ". . .me. . . so why did Lucario's popularity soar to hte point where I'd say he's actually _more_ popular than Mewtwo?"

Keldeo smiled and said simply, "Anthropomorphism."

Keldeo held up a hoof and said, "Now, as for all you people who saw that condescending trailer for Disney's _Zootopia_ , let's get things straight. Yes, anthropomorphic animals walk on two legs and have human qualities, but they _don't need_ to use technology or wear clothes. You can consider _fur_ as clothing if it makes you feel any better. Anyway, Lucario is an anthropomorphic dog, or jackal. _'So what?'_ you may ask? _'Why is Lucario being anthropomorphic such a big deal?_ "

Keldeo nodded thoughtfully, "Well, I'm not _too_ sure. I know that people love anthropomorphic characters for their awesomeness or cuteness. Maybe being more human-like allows people to connect to the character more. All I know is that humans like characters who are like this."

"And come to think of it, I can't really think of any other anthropomorphic Pokemon. Sawk and Throh are more like stone golems. The Ralts evolutionary line aren't like animals at all. The Machop line aren't really animals either. The only other anthropomorphic Pokemon I can think of is maybe Blaziken, and while Blaziken isn't awful, he doesn't have the special advantages Lucario has."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "I mean, to be honest, Lucario just looks cool. Blue, black, and gold is a cool color scheme. He's also a martial arts master too."

Keldeo thought for a moment, and then said, "And I suppose the final linchpin is . . . well . . . humans really like the loyalty and companionship of dogs. It sure explains why fanfic writers like to write about human and Lucario duos. Some authors even insert _themselves_ into fanfiction so they can connect with their Lucario. The Anime writers seem to know this when you see the way they write the connections the trainers have with their Pokemon, like Korrina and her Lucario. And the anthropomorphic qualities of a Lucario allows things to to be less pet-like and more like family. I think that's why people like anthropomorphism so much. The character isn't just an animal. Now it's more of a person you can have a better relationship with."

"So, with all of these elements taken into account, I'd say Lucario was destined for greatness the moment _Lucario and the Mystery of Mew_ premiered."

". . . Besides, he's just awesome!"

Keldeo nodded excitedly and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to."

 **THE END**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Super Smash Bros. Brawl_

 _Zootopia-_ Disney

 _Jaws_


	16. Wild Pokemon's Revenge

**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 5: Wild Pokemon's Revenge by Bayleaf**

 **tinyurl:** **nldrk8e**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said, "Have you ever wondered what wild Pokemon think of humans? I ask this because I heard a rumor that wild Pokemon attack trainer's Pokemon instead of their trainer because they're jealous of the Pokemon who are being cared for by humans."

Keldeo stood with a straight face for a few seconds, then he burst out laughing until he fell to the ground. After laughing and kicking for a bit, Keldeo got up and caught his breath.

"Whew! Okay, but seriously, what _do_ wild Pokemon think of humans? Do they fear them? Do they want to get to know them? Do they want to take advantage of them like how Ash's Buizel kept stealing fishing rods? . . . ."

Keldeo blinked, then he said, "Uh, well, where was I? Oh yeah, _ahem,_ OR . . . do they hate them?"

* * *

 _ **Wild Pokémon's Revenge**_

 _By: Bayleef_

 _ _Ash and Co. come across an injured humanhating Charmeleon that they have to help. What will happen when Charmeleon tries to save Ash's Pokémon from the evil intentions of humans? Final Chappy up Now that thats done, gotta work on 'Unity of the Rainbow__

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "What's with people advertising other stories in their-"

Keldeo shook it off and said, "Oh boy, I hope these tangents don't become a running thing in this episode. Okay, so this story is about an angry Charmeleon who tries to convince Ash's Pokemon to revolt, only for _him_ to be the one to get converted by the other Pokemon and Ash's kindness."

 _DING!_

Posters for _Avatar_ and _The Last Samuraii_ appeared.

Keldeo nodded, "Yes, this story has been told to death, but if I've said it once I'll say it a hundred times, that's not a bad thing. What maters is how the author decides to tell this story. So, let's review _Wild Pokemon's Revenge._ "

"So we start out seeing the first problem with this fanfic."

* * *

 ** _Chapter One_**

 ** _Ash and co. had stopped by a beautiful lake in a quiet forest on their way to the Blackthorn City Gym. Brock sat by the fire making their lunch, Misty sat by the lake watching all her water Pokémon, except Psyduck, swim around. Ash's Totodile was among them. All Ash's other Pokémon were sleeping by the side of the lake. Ash sat with Pikachu, shining his badges._**

* * *

"The story is in bold!" Keldeo exclaimed, "And it's really annoying! It's like reading something written for the visually impaired."

* * *

 ** _There was a rustling of bushes near Ash and Pikachu._**

 ** _Pikachu looked up and growled. He got onto all fours and his cheeks sparks._**

 ** _Ash, Misty and Brock looked over at Pikachu. "What's up Pikachu?" Ash asked._**

* * *

"Oh boy, it looks like Pikachu's doing his Lassie/Flipper impression again," Keldeo said.

* * *

 ** _The bush rustled and a large red lizard with a flame on it's tail fell out._**

 ** _"It's a Charmeleon" Ash said as he called Pikachu off._**

 ** _The Charmeleon looked up and them and growled. It had scratchs all over and was badly briused, but it was a stubborn one. It pushed itself to it's feet and held up it's claws, but winch and clutched it's right arm._**

 ** _Brock looked at it's arm. "Looks broken, one of us should try to get it to let us have a look" He looked at Ash._**

 ** _Ash looked at him, "Huh? Hey! Why's it always me?"_**

 ** _"Well you've had experience with Charmeleon" Brock said, pushing him forward._**

* * *

"Well excuse me, Mister Pokemon Breeder/Doctor!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 ** _"Alright, I'll try" Ash sighed and walked over to the Charmeleon._**

 ** _The Charmeleon took a step back, growling._**

 ** _"Take it easy" Ash said. "We just wanna help" He raised his hand a little nervously. He reached out his hand as if introducing himself. "Let us have a look at your arm"_**

 ** _The Charmeleon had it's deep blue eyes fixed on Ash's brown ones. It lowered it's gaze to his hand and growled. Without warning it jumped forward and sank it's teeth into it._**

* * *

 _ **Zuul:** "ZUUL, MAGIKARP, ZUUL!"_

* * *

 ** _Ash yelled and jumped back. He looked at his hand, which was now covered in blood and hurt worse than a Beedrill sting. He cringed. He looked up at the Charmeleon, which was still growling._**

* * *

"Biscuits! Talk about _first blood_!" Keldeo said in shock.

* * *

 ** _"Maybe we should leave this one, it isn't to friendly" came Misty's voice from behind him._**

* * *

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on there Bayleaf!" Keldeo said, "You're coming off as a Misty. . ." Keldeo stopped, and then shrugged, ". . . dis-liker, I guess?. . . Not a _hater_ exactly. . ."

* * *

 ** _"But we can't just leave it here" Ash said, not taking his eyes of the Charmeleon, in case it decided to attack again._**

 ** _"We need to calm it down somehow, if we don't, that arm's gonna get worse and worse" Brock said._**

 ** _Pikachu's cheeks sparked but Ash stopped him. "No Pikachu, we don't wanna hurt it any more than it's hurt now" He thought for a while. "Bulbsaur, come here" He called._**

 ** _Bulbasaur approached her trainer and stood beside him._**

 ** _"Buldbasaur, use your sleep powder to send that Charmeleon to sleep" Ash ordered._**

 ** _"Were'd you get that idea?" Misty asked._**

 ** _"Remeber Tracy's Syther?" Ash asked. "When it was all beat up but wouldn't let us help it? Tracy got Venonat to use sleep powder on it, maybe it'll work on Charmeleon"_**

* * *

"So, while I guess most anyone else would have passed this guy up after nearly loosing a hand, Ash has has a good enough heart to do what he can to help this injured Pokemon."

Keldeo smiled and said, "And I'm proud to say I would have done the same thing."

"And also, we get the good Ash with a brain in this story, who is able to put Charmeleon to sleep so that they can help him."

Keldeo peered at the story and said, "Wow, there sure were a bunch of of typos in that section."

* * *

 _ **Charmeleon woke up a few hours later. He shook his head looked around. He was in a small house, probably an old abandoned cabin. The sun shone through the windows and lit the nearly empty room. At the opposite side of the room there were three back-packs. He now looked at his arm. It was wrapped in some sort of white cloth and it didn't hurt as much as it did before he fell asleep.**_

 _ **There was a creak of a door and Charmeleon shot his gaze to the door that was to the right side of him. Then he saw the human that had attacked him.**_

* * *

Keldeo blinked and looked around in shock. " _Attacked_ \- you sunk your razor sharp fangs into his hand, you lizard jerk! What, do you have amnesia or something?"

* * *

 _ **Charmeleon growled and looked around. He hated humans and believed that humans used Pokémon for their own selfish purposes, to get money and trophies. Charmeleon nearly felt like getting sick when he saw Pokémon battle-**_

* * *

 _"EX - PO - SI - TION! EX - PO - SI - TION! RUSH - IT - OUT! AS - AP!"_ Keldeo and Munna sang.

"So Ash . . . _technically . . ._ holds Charmeleon against his will so his arm can get better."

* * *

 _ **As Ash and the others settled down to sleep Charmeleon looked at Ash's Pokémon. [Those poor Pokémon] Charmeleon thought. [I'm going to get them out of here, away from that human] And with that thought in his mind, he lay his head down and closed his eyes.**_

 _ **The next morning Charmeleon opened his eyes to see a tray of food in front of him. He raised his head and sniffed the food curiously. There was more of that food Ash had given him, but it had something yellow on it this time. Charmeleon sat up and took it. It was sliced into thin parts. It was also a little browner and chrispy too. He took a bite and felt that it was much tastier than the last. Wait a minute, they were trying to trick him! They were just treating him nicely so he would like them and then they would capture him. Well he wasn't as weak as those other Pokémon, he wouldn't give in to their traps.**_

 _ **He shoveled down the rest of the food, not really caring about what it was.**_

* * *

"Okay, are we in his mind now or something? And what is Brock feeding him anyway, bacon and eggs? Why do you have to be so cryptic about what he's having for breakfast?" Keldeo said incredulously.

* * *

 _ **Charmeleon hated the way the human kept looking at him. Maybe he was trying to see if there was an attitude change towards him. Well he'd show him. He glared at Ash and released a small ember before wincing in pain at the pain in his arm.**_

 _ **Ash had been able to dodge the flames, but he was still slightly burned. He groaned and looked at Chameleon, who snorted and walked back into the cabin.**_

* * *

"Why do you keep attacking Ash for? Why not try your luck with the other two humans who didn't even really try to help you at all? Misty wanted to leave you, attack her!" Keldeo said, "And where did Brock and Misty go anyway? It's like they fell out of the story or something, what am I missing here?"

"So, of course, that night, Charmeleon tries to convince the other Pokemon to run away, bringing up all the ethical issues that come with capturing Pokemon and taking them out of the wild-."

* * *

 _ **[Let's go guys]**_

 _ **The other Pokémon yawned and looked at Charmeleon. [What are you talking about Charmeleon?] Pikachu asked.**_

 _ **Charmeleon looked at the door. [We can leave, leave the humans and their evil intentions. We could be free again, all we have to do is go now] Charmeleon looked back at them smiling.**_

* * *

"-Or you can just get up and say _'leave,'_ " Keldeo sighed in disappointment.

* * *

 _ **Pikachu looked at the others who all shrugged. He looked back at Charmeleon. [Uh...we don't wanna leave]**_

 _ **Charmeleon frowned. [What are you talking about?]**_

 _ **[Well you may not think it, but humans arn't all bad] Pikachu said.**_

 _ **[Ya] Bayleef steped forward. [Ash is more of a friend than a trainer]**_

 _ **All the other Pokémon nodded in agreement.**_

 _ **Charmeleon growled and stormed away. [These humans are better than I thought, these Pokémon don't even want to be wild and free anymore. But I won't leave until I've convinced them too come too] Charmeleon sighed and lay down again, closing his eyes to sleep.**_

* * *

 ** _Slappy Squirrel:_** _"That was pointless."_

* * *

 ** _To Be Continued_**

 ** _Aww, poor Charmeleon's intentions were good, wanting to free the others. Well not much else to say except please review. See ya,_**

 ** _Bay Bay!_**

 ** _Bayleef_**

 ** _adorable_chickorita_**

* * *

"Eh-bu-huh-what!?" Keldeo stammered, "Who puts their email address in a fanfic? So we can message you? You do realize that there's this thing called PM, right? Seriously, I I'd hate to see your inbox. . ."

 _Bayleaf opened up her email inbox. Her jaw dropped as she saw that she had 999 Spam messages._

 _"I just don't know what went wrong!" she exclaimed._

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!_**

Keldeo shrugged and smiled.

"So back in the story, Charmeleon begins to relive some memories from watching Ash and Pikachu."

* * *

 _ **Then Charmeleon saw Ash and Pikachu. Ash was running away from Pikachu and Pikachu was chasing after him. Charmeleon watched curiously as Pikachu caught up to his trainer and jump onto his back, causing him to fall over. [Your gonna get yelled at for that kid] Charmeleon thought, but he was surprised to see Ash laughing as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. Pikachu jump onto his trainers lap and Ash scratched Pikachu behind the ear, causing him to tilt his head slightly.**_

 _ **Charmeleon tilted his head at the human's reactions. When he'd last run into a trainer, who wore a black outfit with an 'R' on it, they had been completely different.**_

 _ *****FLASHBACK*****_

 _ **Charmeleon watched from atop a small cliff as a newly capture Charmeleon emerged from the humans Pokéball. This Charmeleon was very energetic, so she instantly began to play. She jumped up and down and hid behind rocks, as if she was playing chase with her trainer. When the trainer looked behind a large boulder, the Charmeleon ran up and jumped on the trainers back, causing them to fall over.**_

 _ **The Charmeleon jumped off her trainer and smiled happily.**_

 _ **The trainer pushed himself up quickly and reached inside their backpack. They pulled something out and swung it on the Charmeleon.**_

 _ **There was a loud crake of a whip and Charmeleon cringed as his friend was hit to the ground.**_

 _ **The trainer stepped forward. "Don't do that you stupid Charmeleon! If you didn't evolve into such a powerful Pokémon like Charizard I wouldn't bother with you, but your going to listen to me and obey me like you should. No more of this playing around, now come!" He turned and walked down the path.**_

 _ **The Charmeleon, who had her paw on her face where the whip had hit and was close to tears, stood up and followed the trainer sadly.**_

 _ **Charmeleon made an attempt to run after his friend, to help her escape, but he was held back by another Charmeleon. He cried out to his friend, but it was too late, they were gone.**_

 _ *****END FLASHBACK*****_

 _ **That's why Charmeleon hated humans, because one human had taken his best friend away, and she was more than a friend to him, just like he was more than a friend to her. They loved each other, and she had been taken away from him by a human.**_

 _ **From then on he had trained hard to become powerful enough so that he wouldn't get captured like his friend, and that he could maybe someday free her from the evil human that captured her. He challenged many wild Pokémon to build up his strength.**_

 _ **He won almost every battle, until he ran into a wild Rhydon. It was a tough battle, and Charmeleon, who had been badly injured, had to retreat.**_

 _ **He wandered for a few hours before he came across the three humans and there Pokémon. And this was were he was now.**_

* * *

Keldeo sat down and held an emotionless facial expression. Then he raised his left hoof and pointed with purpose.

 _ **EVERYTHING**_

 _ **WRONG**_

 _ **WITH**_

 _ **THIS**_

 _ **SCENE**_

 _ **RIGHT NOW**_

 _"What are the chances of Ash and Pikachu doing the same thing that the Team Rocket Grunt and the girl Charmeleon did?"_

 _*ding*_ ** _Fallacy Counter: 1_**

 _"I don't care how energetic you are, there's now way you're going to feel that comfortable and happy after being captured by Team Rocket!"_

 _*ding*_ ** _Fallacy Counter: 2_**

 _"I know Team Rocket is evil, but I'm pretty sure that NOBODY whips Pokemon! What is this? PETA's Pokemon Black and Blue?"_

 _*ding*_ ** _Fallacy Counter: 3_**

 _"Why is that other Charmeleon holding him back? It's just one guy, they could overpower him easily!"_

 _*ding*_ ** _Fallacy Counter: 4_**

 _"The whole things becomes kinda cheap when you realize that the reason for Charmeleon's anger is that he lost his girlfriend."_

 _*ding*_ ** _Fallacy Counter: 5_**

 _"Okay, so what exactly is you plan to track down a single particular member of a very powerful organization that has outlasted every other villainous team in the Pokemon Anime?"_

 _*ding*_ ** _Fallacy Counter: 6_**

 _ **FANFIC FALLACY TALLY: 6**_

 _ **SENTENCE. . . .**_

 _ **. . . .**_

 _ **PETA VIDEO GAME PARODY**_

Keldeo shook his head. "Okay, I'm pretty sure that counts as a tangent . . . then again, I did stay on topic by reviewing the story, but parodying Cinema Sins may have been a little too much-."

Keldeo's head jerked up and he said, "Oh my gosh, I'm rambling again. Okay, back to the story, where we have Charmeleon brooding over his long lost girlfriend."

* * *

 _ **Charmeleon began to wonder what had every happened to his friend, and he suddenly felt very lonely. [Were are you?] He whispered to himself.**_

* * *

"NEXT!" Keldeo said loudly.

* * *

 _ **"Charmeleon?"**_

 _ **Charmeleon turned around fast and noticed that Ash had come into the room.**_

 _ **"Are you ok?" Ash said, his voice full of concern.**_

 _ **Charmeleon wondered how Ash could tell he was upset, and then he noticed he had been crying. He wiped the tears off his tear-stained face and shook his head. [I-It's nothing]**_

 _ **"Charmeleon, come on. What's up?" Ash said as he cautiously approached the fire lizard.**_

 _ **Charmeleon looked up at him. [He understands me?]**_

* * *

"In a metaphorical sense, I hope. We don't need another _Always there for you, Buizel,_ " Keldeo commented.

* * *

 ** _He shook his head again. [Nothing you could help me with unless you can change the past]_**

 ** _"Are you going to be ok?" Ash asked._**

 ** _[Why does he care?] Charmeleon nodded and forced a smile to show it was ok._**

 ** _Ash smiled. "Have you changed your mind about coming out?"_**

 ** _Charmeleon thought for a while before jumping down and following him, but keeping a distance. He didn't know whether he trusted Ash or not._**

 ** _Charmeleon sat in silence under a tree as Ash's Pokémon played by the lake with Misty's Pokémon. Pikachu had found a pokeball-sized ball in Misty's back pack and the Pokémon were now throwing it to one another._**

 ** _Most of the Pokémon stayed away from Charmeleon because he seemed to have a bad attitude to anyone who went near him. Whenever they tried to talk to him, he'd snap at them, so they thought it best to keep their distance._**

 ** _But as Charmeleon watched the Pokémon laugh and play happily, he felt a little left out. Sure he thought their games were silly, but the last few days with the humans had been lonely for him. All he wanted was to have someone he could trust, someone to talk too, but once again, he'd scared Pokémon off instead of trying to be their friend._**

* * *

"Well, if only we had a ball of sentient cuteness that serves no purpose other than to be cute except when it sets off a randomly unexpected Dues Ex Machina-."

* * *

 ** _Charmeleon sighed sadly and looked down. Suddenly he felt something touch his shoulder and looked down._**

 ** _[Your it!] The little Togepi cried as it poked Charmeleon in the shoulder. It giggled and jumped up and down._**

 ** _Charmeleon tilted his head. [Do you...wanna be friends?] He asked, a little surprised._**

 ** _Togepi stopped jumping for a second and nodded. [Catch me if you can!] Togepi said before turning and running off in the other direction._**

 ** _Charmeleon froze for a second and was about to get up and follow when Togepi past him again. He looked at it confused before he noticed that Togepi was running in circles around the tree. Charmeleon smiled and stood up, chasing after the Togepi, who had began to run all over the camp._**

 ** _Ash looked up from his lunch and saw Charmeleon playing tag with Togepi. He smiled when Charmeleon tapped Togepi in the back and then ran in the opposite direction._**

 ** _Pikachu looked over and tilted his head. "Pika?" he asked Ash._**

 ** _"See, told you Charmeleon wasn't all bad" Ash said as he watched Charmeleon slow down to give Togepi a chance to catch up._**

 _ **Over the next few days, Charmeleon slowly began to get along with the other Pokémon. He'd told him what the other Charmeleon and Charmander called him back at his home, and when they heard it they all decided to call him Blaze, just like his other friends did. He got along well with the Pokémon, but he stayed away from the humans.**_

 _ **Nevertheless, he was beginning to warm up to them too. They had a whole new way of treating their Pokémon to most of the other trainers Charmeleon had met. They treated them like friends and not slaves, they didn't force them to do things and very seldom got angry with them.**_

 _ **Charmeleon's arm was now healed completely, but Ash said maybe he should wait a day or two more just in case. Charmeleon agreed, but only because Brock had just made their dinner.**_

* * *

Keldeo yawned loudly. "I'm sorry, but this is _really_ boring. I get it, Ash and his friends are nice to their Pokemon, and Blaze finally sees that. But we aren't given any dialogue or interactions that convey that. You know: _show don't tell._ And you'd think Blaze would hang on to the fact that the humans _did_ battle and capture wild Pokemon. I know Pokemon are meant to be with people and those Pokemon either enjoy battling, non-violent contests, or both. But still, this would have been a much more interesting story if Blaze had taken a stand on the ethics of using Pokeballs. But then again, this _was_ a long time before N, so . . . maybe . . . I should get off of this Bunnelby trail."

Keldeo winked and said, "I bet you though I was gonna say _Buneary_ trail, didn't you?"

* * *

 _ **When he did go back to the wild, he would meet up with the rest of his pack. They were all Charmander and Charmeleon, not many had the power to become a Charizard, because trainers with their water Pokémon or Ground Pokémon usually captured the stronger ones. Charmeleon began to wonder were his friends were.**_

* * *

 _"FORESHADOW-"_

"It doesn't count if it's in the very next paragraph!"

* * *

 ** _A group of five Charmeleon watched from a bush nearby. The biggest male straightened up when Ash lead Charmeleon and the others into the house._**

* * *

"And now, we learn the big, disturbing, shocking twist! The villains of the fanfic the whole time are . . . these guys?" Keldeo said in confusion.

* * *

 ** _[Blaze has turned against us]_**

 ** _A smaller female looked at the other._**

* * *

". . . and girls," Keldeo added, still looking confused.

* * *

 ** _[What should we do Blire?]_**

 ** _[We'll get revenge Chara] He turned to the others. [Cinder, you with us?] He asked a male, who nodded. Next he turned to a female and to another male. [Liza? Chador?] The two nodded and glared at the wooden cabin._**

 ** _Blire turned back to the cabin. [We'll wait 'til early mourning. No one turns their back on us and sides with humans, not even Blaze] He said, growling._**

* * *

 _ **Blire:** "We're gonna show how evil humans are by being evil ourselves!"_

 _ **Chara:** "But isn't that kind of hypocritical?"_

 ** _Blire:_** _"Silence!"_

 ** _*Smack*_**

 ** _Chara:_** _"_ _OWW!"_

"Meanwhile," Keldeo said, "We _finally_ get some character development for Blaze when he tells the other Pokemon about his past."

* * *

 ** _[Why do you hate humans anyway?] Cyndaquil asked._**

 ** _Charmeleon frown as the memories flowed back. He looked at the ground and answered sadly. [Because one human took away what meant most to me]_**

 ** _There was an awkward silence before Charmeleon began to tell them all about the Rocket Member. [He took Charina away from me, and now I may never see her again]_**

* * *

"Cleverly thought up names? Who needs that!?" Keldeo asked with a smile.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

* * *

 ** _He closed his eyes and forced back the tears. He wasn't the one to show weakness in front of other Pokémon, and this seemed like a weakness. He suddenly felt something on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Pikachu with his paw on Charmeleon's shoulder._**

 ** _[I'm sorry Charmeleon] Pikachu said. [Now I understand. And I understand why you don't trust our humans]_**

 ** _Charmeleon looked back at Ash and the others, who were settling down to sleep. He sighed and turned back to the Pokémon. [It's late, we better get some sleep]_**

 ** _All the other Pokémon, who were feeling a little uncomfortable for bringing up the subject, nodded in agreement. The said goodnight to Charmeleon and some decided they'd sleep outside, because Charmeleon's tail flame sometimes made the room to hot._**

* * *

"How does that make any sense? He's not the fire version of an Aurorus," Keldeo said.

* * *

 ** _Pikachu once again slept by Ash, first telling him about Charina, while the others went outside to sleep under the stars._**

* * *

"Wait a minute, he _told him?_ So, can Ash understand Pokemon or not?" Keldeo asked, looking very confused.

* * *

 _ **"Blaze, wake up!"**_

 _ **Blaze's eyes fluttered open. [Wh-what?] He looked around and saw Ash knelt next to him and was shaking him. "Blaze, we gotta get outta here!"**_

 _ **Blaze was confused, until he noticed that the room was filled with smoke. He stood up and looked around, noticing that flames were dancing across the wooden floor under the window. Being a fire Pokémon, the flames wouldn't have hurt him, but the falling planks of flaming wood was another thing altogether. The others were already out, leaving Ash and Blaze the only ones in the house.**_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Oh, right, we can think about that now. We have Team Charmeleon's illogical evil plan to deal with."

* * *

 _ **"Come on, let's move it!" Ash yelled forcing the Pokémon towards the door, which flames were slowly surrounding.**_

 _ **Blaze didn't need telling twice, he ran towards the door, followed by Ash.**_

 _ **But before they could reach the door, five streams of flamethrower combined into one shot forward, knocking Blaze back. He flew backwards and slammed into Ash, who had tried to grab him. "Blaze, Blaze are you ok?" Ash asked.**_

 _ **Blaze groaned and opened his eyes, seeing the five Charmeleon, whom he thought were his friends, in the doorway. [What the...? What's going on you guys?]**_

 _ **None of the Charmeleon answered, they just watched as the ceiling above the door creaked loudly and smashed, covering their only exit.**_

* * *

 _"We are here to show you how evil humans are and how evil you are by committing murder. . . which is considered the ultimate evil in most cultures and races . . . you know, maybe we didn't think this through hard enough-."_

 _"Silence!"_

 _*Smack*!_

 _"OWW! Stop hitting me, Blire!"_

"But seriously," Keldeo said in annoyance, "I've seen _Regular Show_ villains with evil plans that made more sense than this!"

 _ **The Urge:** "That's when I realized I had to take matters into my own hands. . . so I came back in time to keep you from changing your name to Trash Boat . . . __**BY KILLING YOUUUUUU!** "_

* * *

 _ **Blaze jumped up and ran towards the pile of flaming wood, but stopped when he heard something behind him. He looked back and saw Ash was on his hands and knees, and was coughing. Blaze walked over to him and tilted his head. "Char?"**_

 _ **Ash looked at Blaze. The heat was getting to him and so was the smoke. "Get out of here Blaze" He coughed. "If you go now, you might be able to get out on time" He frowned as Blaze shook his head slowly. "Go on, I'll just slow you down" He couldn't say anymore as he began to cough uncontrollably.**_

 _ **Blaze froze on the spot. Ash was telling him to leave? To save himself? To leave him there to die? Blaze jumped as Ash fell over, unable to hold himself up anymore.**_

 _ **This human had never done anything bad to him, and he had only kept him there to protect him. How could he just leave? He couldn't, he would get him out somehow.**_

 _ **Suddenly, he felt a power inside him that he'd never felt before. It made him feel funny, but strong. Then all was blank. There was nothing, he couldn't hear anything, he couldn't see anything and he could feel nothing, nothing but the power deep inside him.**_

 _ **Then it was gone. He opened his eyes and noticed two blue leathery wings in front of him. In fact, they were connected to him. He looked down and noticed his claws were much bigger, and he was much taller. His skin was no longer a blood red colour, but a bright orange. He had evolved!**_

* * *

Keldeo stood calmly, looking on in interest. He blinked and said, "What? Did you think I was gonna do some kind of joke? Why would I do a joke here? What joke could possibly go here? And even if a joke _could_ go here, I wouldn't. It would be annoying and weird and-"

Suddenly, Ma-Ti ran in and pumped his fist as his Power Ring glowed brightly.

"HEART!" he shouted.

Keldeo stared at him shock, then he said nervously, "Um, I'm trying to do a review here, so, if you could just-"

"Oh, no problem, I'm done here," Ma-Ti said as he walked off calmly.

Keldeo blinked, and then he said, "See! That was weird!"

* * *

 _ **The Charizard spread his giant wings and let out a loud roar. He grabbed Ash, who had passed out from the heat, and covered him with one wing cross in front of him. He reared back and let a powerful Fire Blast escape from his mouth, blasting the wall down and revealing an exit outside. He walked out on welcomed the cool early morning air. He looked up and noticed Misty, Brock and all the Pokémon by the lake, a safe distance from the flaming house.**_

 _ **He walked over to them and noticed they were nervous, probably because they didn't recognise him. He stopped in front of them and removed his wing so they could see Ash.**_

 _ **"Ash!" Misty yelled. She glared at Blaze. "What did you do to him?!"**_

* * *

"How are you _not_ able to put two and two together and figure out that it's Blaze? Or that he saved Ash?" Keldeo moaned.

* * *

 _ **[Misty!] Pikachu yelled at Misty before walking over beside Blaze. [It's Blaze]**_

 _ **Misty was shocked for a moment. "Blaze?" She said as Brock knelt down beside Ash, who Blaze had lay down gently on the ground.**_

* * *

"Wait, how did you know his name? The only way you could possibly know his name is if you could understand Pokemon, which makes no sense!"

* * *

 _ **Blaze smiled at her and nodded. He looked back when he heard Ash coughing again. His smile widened when Ash opened his eyes and looked at him.**_

 _ **Ash's vision was a little blurry, but it soon cleared up. He froze for a second when he saw Blaze then smiled. "You've gotton a little bigger in the last few minutes" He coughed and sat up. "Wow, I can't believe you evolved"**_

 _ **Blaze gave Ash a playful nudge with his snout, not knowing whether to take that as a compliment or an offence. He pulled back when he heard something and turned to see the five Charmeleon running in the opposite direction. [Cowards] He snorted and turned back to Ash.**_

* * *

 ** _Chara:_** _"_ _I knew this was a bad idea- DON'T YOU DARE SMACK ME!"_

 ** _Glire:_** _"I really suck, don't I . . ."_

* * *

 ** _Ash patted Blaze in the nose. "Thanks buddy, I guess this means you trust me huh?" He smiled as Blaze nodded. "So were are you heading too? I don't think you have a clan to go back too"_**

 ** _Blaze looked over at the rising sun. [To find Charina...]_**

* * *

"And so, with that mission on his lips, the newly evolved Blaze goes out into the world to embark on his final quest to find his long lost love, leaving on a powerfully quiet, emotionally fueled, and subtly ambiguous final note."

Keldeo nodded seriously, but then burst out into laughter. "Ah-ha-ha! Oh man, I'm sorry, but I just couldn't keep a straight face for that long! _Of course_ that's not how ends!"

Keldeo stopped laughing and held up a hoof, "But, let's be fair here. This isn't _Overdue Sunrise._ This story actually works well with a nice happy ending."

* * *

 _ **One Year Later...**_

 _ **"Come on you guys!" Ash yelled as they ran down the path towards a cave just outside Goldenrod City. It had been years since he had seen his friend Blaze, and this was were he was staying. Since they were passing by Goldenrod, Ash decided to meet his old friend.**_

 _ **As Ash and the others reached the cave, they found to Charizard resting peacefully outside the cave. One opened his eyes and soon as Ash and the others got close. "Hey Blaze" Ash said.**_

 _ **Blaze smiled and shook the other Charizard lightly. [Charina, wake up, Ash is here]**_

 _ **The other female Charizard opened her eyes and looked at Blaze before turning to Ash. She bowed her head. [Please to meet you Ash, I've heard so much about you. There are a few others that would like to meet you] She said lifting her wing to reveal three young Charmander sleeping next to her. She gave them a little nudge and they woke up instantly. [Look who's here] She said looking at Ash.**_

 _ **The three Charmander jumped up and cried a happy "Char!" in unison. They ran forward and jumped, knocking Ash down. Two sat on either shoulder and one sat on his head as he sat on the ground.**_

 _ **Ash laughed and looked at Blaze. "Glad to see you and your family are doing ok Blaze" Misty and the others had just arrived. "Our group is doing ok too"**_

 _ **The group spent the whole day talking about what had been happening in the past year and the Charmander playing with all the other Pokémon.**_

 _ **All in all, it was just like meeting up with all your old friends, a happy occasion were they renewed their friendships.**_

 _ **The End**_

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "Awww. Isn't that sweet. But you know what would have made it sweeter?"

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs and stomped on the ground hard. "If we had gotten to see Blaze rescue Charina from Team Rocket! How could you possibly leave that out? I mean, how did he even find her? How did he do it! Was there a battle? How did she escape the Pokeball! Come on, you wasted a perfectly good plot!"

* * *

 _ **Ok, not a very good ending but what did you expect me to write? Heehee, well I liked this part, and I hope you did too. See? Blaze wasn't all bad :P. Anyway, not much else to say 'cept thanks for reading and please review. See ya!**_

 _ **Bay Bay!**_

 _ **Bayleef**_

 _ **adorable_chickorita**_

* * *

"And I hate writers who say that what they wrote wasn't very good in order to get sympathy or to keep people from complaining! Saying that does not magically make your mistakes disappear. This ending was incomplete and you need to be accountable for that!" Keldeo said.

Keldeo took a deep breath, and he said, "But, all things considered, this fanfic wasn't that bad."

"I mean, yes, there were some problems and weird plot holes. Like the humans being able to understand Pokemon, Misty being put in an unfavorable light, Brock disappearing from the plot, the Team Rocket grunt using a _whip_ of all things, the other Charmeleons being evil for no reason, and the slightly obligatory happy ending."

"But on the other hand, Blaze was a pretty good character and it was nice to see his heart of stone soften up again thanks to Ash's good nature."

Keldeo gained a look of difficult thought, "But still, those weird little quirks bug me, and they almost seem _familiar_ to me."

Keldeo shrugged, "Oh well. Doesn't really matter, I suppose. It's an interesting story that can make you smile and warm your heart. Good to read when you're in a bad mood and need a lift."

Keldeo smiled and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't-."

Keldeo suddenly froze, and his eyes widened in sudden realization.

"Oh my gosh. . . I just figured it out. . ."

"The horribly cruel backstory. . ."

"The negative portrayal of Misty. . ."

"The way the humans can understand Pokemon with no explanation. . ."

"MY GOSH! . . . I KNOW WHO HELPED WRITE THIS STORY!"

* * *

Toadetteggirl2012 sat in a chair in her room, talking on a cell phone with a smile on her face.

". . . and then have Misty come and kidnap Blaze and Charina's children! This is gonna be great for _Wild Pokemon's Revenge 2_!" she said with a gleeful smile.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Cinema Sins_

 _Nostalgia Critic- Sonic Boom_ by BOXINGMAN127

 _Regular Show_

 _Captain Planet and the Planeteers_

 _Portal 2_

 _The Animaniacs_

 _Nosltagia Critic: The Lorax, Foodfight_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _Mandopony_


	17. E3: Top 11 Pokemon Anime Songs

The moon was up in the Moor of Icirrus as Meloetta was at the balcony in Castle Mariano, staring at the moon. She was thinking about Keldeo, worried about him and thinking if he's okay. Meloetta let out a few tears as she flew out of the balcony.

Meloetta opened the closet and takes out a black cloak. The same black cloak that Furnace wore in Pokemon Battle Revolution, but it's more smaller for Meloetta to wear. Meloetta puts on the cloak and tries to sneak out of the castle and into the forest. She opened the door to see Damian on the other side and freaked out.

"What are you doing Damian?" Meloetta asked.

"I was just taking a night stroll around the Moor. What about you? And why are you wearing that cloak?" Damian asked.

"I was also going for a stroll around the Moor and maybe sing a little. And I'm wearing this cloak so that nobody can see me. I can't stop thinking about Keldeo." Meloetta said.

"You're going on those memory night singing again?" Damian questioned. Meloetta nods in response as she flew outside of the castle.

"I don't know when I'm coming back, but I just wish I can see Keldeo again." Meloetta said as she flew away from Castle Mariano.

Meloetta was flying around the forest in the Moor of Icirrus, thinking about Keldeo. All she wants is to see Keldeo again. She wished that stupid plot hole never happened, but she knows that if the plot hole didn't happen, she would have never got her review show and make new friends. Meloetta started singing "Dreams of an Absolution" by Lee Brotherton and Jun Senoue.

 _"Cause every night I will save your life and every night I will be with you._

 _'Cause every night I still lay awake and I dream of an absolution._

 _'Cause every night I will make it right and every night I will come to you._

 _But every night it just stays the same and I dream of an absolution."_

* * *

Keldeo had been very busy since his return, setting up crossovers and whatnot for "Keldeo the Critic." But now, finally, Keldeo's schedule had returned to normal, allowing for he and the other Swords of Justice to have a bit of a talk.

"I never had any doubt that you wouldn't take very long to return, kid," Terrakion said, looking rather pleased.

Keldeo smiled and raised his horn with pride. "Of course I'd be back soon. This is where I belong. I'm a Sword of Justice!"

"Indeed you are, Keldeo," Virizion said, "But about these issues you keep running into as a Critic-."

"Oh, you mean my Critician duties?" Keldeo said with a laugh, "Don't worry about that. Once a critic passes through a Plot Hole, they're protected against anything that can delete them. They're kind of anchored to people's minds after that." Keldeo winked and said, "Plus, they have the privilege of taking breaks whenever they want!"

Virizion brightened up considerably at this. "Good. So your duties as a Sword of Justice won't be shirked."

Keldeo nodded, "I wouldn't even _think_ of shirking."

"And yet, you are clearly holding something in," Cobalion remarked.

Keldeo looked at Cobalion in confusion, "What do you-?"

"Do not lie, Keldeo," Cobalion said sternly, "You are in pain about something."

Keldeo sighed and hung his head sadly, "I can't hide anything from you, Cobalion. You're right. It's just. . . well. . . I don't know where Meloetta is! Let alone if she'll forgive me for leaving."

"You promised her you'd be back, and she honestly and truly believed you," Cobalion said, "She was sincere about being willing to wait for you, and you've fulfilled your promise. All you need to do is wait for her to reveal herself."

Keldeo thought on this in silence, and then said, "I'm gonna . . . take a walk, I guess. . . to think."

The other Swords of Justice watched as Keldeo wandering off into the Moor in deep thought.

"It will be okay," Cobalion said sagely, "The end will be here soon. Very soon."

* * *

Keldeo was so absorbed in his thoughts about Meloetta; _"_ _What has she been doing? Does she still love me? Where has she been?"_ ; that he nearly didn't notice the figure in the back cloak fly across his path ahead of him.

"Wha-?!" he said, startled by the figure. He quickly got over the initial shock, and became quite curious. He silently followed the cloaked figures path, wondering who it could be. Perhaps an evil Ghost-type come to fight the Swords of Justice? Maybe Shuppet or Mismagius?

Keldeo crawled behind a bush and peaked through it, spying on the unknown figure. At that moment, Keldeo received the only clue he needed to figure out who it was.

 _"Cause every night I will save your life and every night I will be with you._

 _'Cause every night I still lay awake and I dream of an absolution._

 _'Cause every night I will make it right and every night I will come to you._

 _But every night it just stays the same and I dream of an absolution."_

Keldeo smiled. "I'd know that voice anywhere. . ." he said as he came out from behind the bush.

Meloetta slowly turned to look in the direction of the voice.

"I've kept my promise Meloetta," Keldeo said with a small smile, "I'm back, and I won't be disappearing on you ever again."

Meloetta was shocked. She knew Keldeo would come back someday, but she never expected him to come back right now with the moon up. But that didn't matter to her right now. All she cares about is the Pokemon standing in front of her right now.

Meloetta removed her hood covering her head and looked at Keldeo. Then she rushed to Keldeo and hugged him and started crying tears of joy.

"I knew you would come back, Keldeo. I just knew you would. I worry about you every day and night, hoping you would come back someday, but I never expected it to be today. But that doesn't matter, I'm just so happy that you're back." Meloetta cried as she hugged Keldeo with all the love she has. Meloetta's so happy to see Keldeo and be reunited with him once again.

As Meloetta hugged him, Keldeo felt his body quiver as he began to get emotional himself.

"Meloetta. . .When I left, I told myself that it would all be okay because I'd be back," Keldeo said softly, "So much would have been lost if I hadn't done what I had to do. But that doesn't keep me from regretting what I put you through."

Keldeo lowered his head down so that his cheek touched hers.

"But now I know," Keldeo continued, "I am NOT just 'Keldeo the Critic.' I am Keldeo. I'm a Sword of Justice. And I'm yours. . ."

Keldeo turned and kissed Meloetta lightly on the cheek.

Meloetta smiled and cried even more.

"I did worry about you Keldeo, but I made new friends while you were gone and they helped me. Not only that, but while you were gone, I…."

Keldeo chuckled a bit and said, "Well, what have you been up to, Meloetta?"

Meloetta blushed a little and said, "While you were gone, I got my review show I always dreamed about. It wasn't easy, but someone wanted my review show on their account. And that someone is the guy who wrote Pokemon Battle Revolution."

"Really? that's amazing!" Keldeo said, "And you know, I kinda knew you'd get a review show before long. And Pokemon Battle Revolution was so well written, I'd say that's an author you'd want to partner up with!"

Meloetta blushed and giggled a little. "Well he may be a good author who has an intense imagination, but he can be a little aggressive. But I'm alright with it. He's really nice once you get to know him. And he does live with some of his OCs, like Damian."

"That sounds great," Keldeo replied, still gazing at Meloetta with pride, "I'd like to meet them some day." Keldeo became thoughtful for a moment. "You know, you and I could do a crossover together. Maybe on Pokemon Music-."

Keldeo stopped in mid sentence and shook his head. "Listen to me, what am I saying?!" Keldeo said comically. He gave a little laugh and brought his face close to Meloetta's. "That stuff can wait. That's all work. Now that we're finally together again, I just want the two of us to enjoy life again."

Keldeo grinned and said to her in a regal tone, "Your wish is my command, my lady!"

Meloetta widen her eyes and smiled when Keldeo mention "Pokemon Music."

"Did you say Pokemon Music?" She asked

Keldeo nodded, "Yes. There sure are a lot of good Pokemon songs."

Meloetta smiled and said, "Are you planning a Top 11 list of Pokemon Songs? If you are, I want to be in it."

Keldeo was absolutely delighted to hear this, and he said, "You sure know me well, Meloetta. And I sure wouldn't do it without you."

Meloetta became excited as she grabbed Keldeo's front right hoof and pulls him as she said, "Well then, come on. Let's get started. What's in the list?"

Keldeo looked surprised for a brief moment, but then he smiled endearingly at her and said, "Meleotta, you're amazing."

* * *

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 3- Top 11 Pokemon Anime Songs**

 **tinyurl:** **oe2el3j**

The sun is shining brightly on a brand new morning in the Moor of Icirrus. Keldeo is nearly bubbling over with excitement as he stood in his usual spot, as cheerful as ever.

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to," he said gleefully, "This Editorial is gonna be about something many people might overlook, but I'm sure still enjoy! I'm talking about Pokemon music! And whenever you even mention Pokemon and music together in the same breath, there's one special girl that always comes to mind!"

An image of Jigglypuff appeared.

". . . Well, okay, she is a very well known Pokemon singer, but besides Jigglypuff, the most most famous singer in Pokemon is:"

An image of Roxie appeared.

Keldeo knocked it away with the backside of his hoof. "Very funny," he said with a deadpan tone, "Now, let's be serious. The Pokemon I'm referring to really doesn't need an introduction. All we need to know, is that the Melody Pokemon is right here."

Meloetta comes out from behind Keldeo and waves.

"Hello everyone." She said with a smile.

Keldeo pranced around Meloetta excitedly. and said, "I've been waiting so long for this day! Seriously, I've been waiting quite a while to do this Editorial. Top 11 Songs From the Pokemon Anime, with Meloetta! Best Editorial Ever!"

Keldeo stopped and asked, "So, is there anything you wanna say before we start, Meloetta?"

Meloetta smiled.

"Actually yes. First of all, I would like to thank Keldeo for having me here on this very special Editorial. It's been really hard for me to my show when I have you in my mind. I worry about you every day." Meloetta said as she kissed Keldeo's cheek

Keldeo blushed and chuckled in a love-struck manner. "Aww. . . thank you Meloetta. . . Well, this day marks a new era for the two of us! So, let's enjoy the Top 11 Best Songs From the Pokemon Anime! Why top 11? Because 10 just isn't enough. So, crank up the volume, because here are our Top 11 Songs From the Pokemon Anime!"

 _ **Number 11:**_

"The Pokerap."

 _OK, guys, we gotta rap some Pokémon._

 _You just do the singing. I'll take care of the hard part._

 _Let's get it on!_

 _I want to be the best_

 _there ever was._

 _To beat all the rest, yeah,_

 _that's my cause._

"It's a simple song, but a catchy one," Keldeo said with a smile, "A series of three catchy raps that list the Pokemon from Generations I, II, and III."

E _lectrode, Diglett, Nidoran, Mankey_

 _Venusaur, Rattata, Fearow, Pidgey_

 _Seaking, Jolteon, Dragonite, Gastly_

 _Ponyta, Vaporeon, Poliwrath, Butterfree_

 _Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all,_

 _Pokémon!_

"Honestly Keldeo, I really don't like this one. Just by listening to this, it either gets boring or annoying at times. The lyrics are kinda short and they mostly name Pokemon in a random order the creator of the rap choses from." Meloetta explained.

"Well, it's not so much _'random'_ as _'forced to rhyme,'_ " Keldeo said with a shrug.

 _Zubat, Primeape, Meowth, Onix_

 _Geodude, Rapidash, Magneton, Snorlax_

 _Gengar, Tangela, Goldeen, Spearow_

 _Weezing, Seel, Gyarados, Slowbro_

 _Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah!_

 _Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all, yeah!_

 _Gotta catch 'em all, Pokémon! Ow!_

"And hey! They actually split the rap up into five parts to play once a weekday after each episode. I'm sure all the kids back in 1998 loved it!" Keldeo said, "Sure, it's kind of boring and simple, I mean, it's just a guy saying Pokemon names, of course. But at the very least it's a song that's both classic and nostalgic to the Pokemon Anime."

 _Charmeleon, Wartortle_

 _Mewtwo, Tentacruel, Aerodactyl_

 _Omanyte, Slowpoke_

 _Pidgeot, Arbok - That's all, folks!_

Keldeo jumped in surprise. "Did it just reference Looney Tunes?!" he exclaimed.

Meloetta giggled. "Yes it did."

 _ **Number 10:**_

"The first intro to the Black and White Anime/The Victini Movie Intro."

 _It's always hard,_

 _When the journey begins._

 _Hard to find your way;_

 _Hard to make amends._

 _But there's nothing you can't do,_

 _'Cause you've got the power inside of you._

"This is good for two reasons. The lyrics and the CGI intro for the Anime," Keldeo said with a smile, "First the lyrics. Aren't they just so inspiring, . . ."

 _It's never easy,_

 _To make a choice:_

 _To keep things inside,_

 _Or raise your voice._

 _But for everyone there comes a time_

 _When the light inside begins to shine._

 _It's not always right or wrong,_

 _As long as your spirit's strong._

 _It's not always win or lose,_

 _It's the road you choose;_

 _The answer's within._

"Oh they're definitely inspiring. It shows how it doesn't matter about winning or losing and what a Pokemon Journey is really about. But that depends on what you're doing on your journey." Meloetta explained.

"So it's a good thing that our Anime heroes have good intentions for their journey. Good ideals and good truths," Keldeo said, "and as for the CGI intro, well, you can't deny it's cool to see all those Pokemon animated so beautiful. Even Pikachu's movements are well aligned with the song. All in all, both the song and the intro is a good way to get viewers ready for the beginning of Ash's new Unova journey."

 _It's not always black and white,_

 _But your heart always knows what's right._

 _It's not about win or lose, it's the path you choose._

 _Let the journey begin,_

 _Pokémon!_

 _ **Number 9:**_

"Born To Be a Winner."

"How could you not go wrong with that remix of a certain other Pokemon song!" Keldeo said brightly.

 _I wanna be the very best_

 _Like no one ever was (Ever was, ever was)_

 _To catch them is my real test_

 _To train them is my cause_

"And yet it still manages to stay original to set the Johto League apart," Keldeo said confidently.

 _My whole life has led to this_

 _Time to test my skills_

 _I know I just can't miss_

 _Gonna show the world_

"When I first heard of this song, I thought it was a remake of the first theme song, until I hear lyrics I never heard from the original theme song. It may have the first part from the original theme song, and then it has its own lyrics." Meloetta explained.

"I agree with you completely, Meloetta," Keldeo said, "It's an awesome song that gets you excited for Ash's adventures in Johto . . . and for the movie that introduces series' trend of time traveling Pokemon."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly.

 _Born to be a winner_

 _(Johto)_

 _Born to be a champion_

 _Born to be a winner_

 _Born to be the very best_

 _(Pokémon Johto)_

 _Born to be a winner_

 _Pokemon!_

 ** _Number 8:_**

"Wanna Be a Hero."

"This is, without a shadow of a doubt, _Ash's_ song," Keldeo said resolutely.

 _A kid from Pallet Town with a brand new world to see_

 _Don't know what's ahead but it won't get the best of me_

 _There's so much to learn and battles to be won_

 _I've advanced so far but still there's always more to come_

 _Take a step and I'm on my way..._

 _Gonna start all over again_

Meloetta sighed, "You know, Keldeo. Let me be honest here, but this theme song is kinda boring. I'm not saying it's a bad theme or anything, but the song are short and it doesn't bring the mood I wanted to expect. The theme does describe what the anime is about in comparison to the game, but it doesn't bring the mood I want to feel from the theme."

Keldeo sighed in response, "Okay. You got me. I'll admit it: the only part of the song that really stands out for me is the ' _I wanna be a hero'_ part."

 _I wanna be a hero!_

 _Pokémon: Advanced!_

"In terms of actual singing though, it's pretty mediocre," Keldeo admitted, "What I like here are the lyrics and how they describe the anime, like you just said. It's not an amazing song, but it is still a good song that lays out the plot of the anime in general."

 _I'm on my way!_

 _I wanna be a hero!_

 _Give me just one chance..._

 _And the future will decide..._

 _If there's a hero buried deep inside..._

 _I wanna be a hero!_

 _Pokémon!_

 _ **Number 7:**_

"Believe in Me, the Pokemon Master Quest song."

 _Pokémon!_

 _No time to question my moves_

 _I stick to the path that I choose_

 _Me and my friends are gonna do it right_

 _You'll never see us run away from a fight_

"This song is all about believing in yourself and feeling that you can accomplish anything!" Keldeo said, "I feel this describes Ash pretty well! And it's an attitude that anyone can and should have whenever they do anything in life."

 _To be a Master is my dream,_

 _All I've got to do is believe_

 _(And I believe)_

Meloetta thought for a moment, then she said, "When I first heard of Masters Quest, I thought it was something unrelated to Pokemon. Now that I heard about it, I remembered that I heard this song when I watched Pokemon Heroes. I always love listening to this theme song, but the one thing that upsets me is that the lyrics doesn't have that much effort and it's mostly instrumental. In a song, you expect some singing, BUT YOU DON'T EXPECT INSTRUMENTAL THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SONG!" Meloetta yelled angrily.

"Whoa. Calm down, Meloetta," Keldeo said kindly, "Yes, you're right, there's a lot of instrumental. But to me, I felt that it was just building off of the lyrics we DO get, which aren't that bad when you really listen to them," Keldeo explained.

 _I've got a chance to win_

 _I'm on my way to victory_

 _Pokémon!_

 _I can be a Champion if I just believe_

"And I still think the music sounds good for a theme song," Keldeo said, "Yes, lyrics throughout would have been better, but you gotta admit that the lyrics we do get are pretty cool."

"I'm not saying the song is bad, but they could have worked on the lyrics." Meloetta said.

"Yes. Yes, they could have," Keldeo admitted.

 _I'm on a Master Quest_

 _Master Quest!_

 _I want the whole world to see_

 _I believe!_

 _I'm gonna be the very best,_

 _'Cause all I've got to do is believe in me._

 _Pokémon!_

 _ **Number 6:**_

"Unbeatable, the Advanced Battle theme."

 _Ohh oh-oh-oh oh-oh_

 _I'm unbeatable_

"Alright, now we're talking!" Keldeo said with an excited smile, "Now this song gets you in the mood for an action packed show! It's all about how strong Ash has become and how he's gonna face some incredible challenges, even Legendary Pokemon, and still win!"

 _Walking down this endless highway_

 _With nothing but my friends beside me_

 _We'll never give in, we'll never rest_

 _Advanced Battle is the ultimate test_

 _From the earth, the land_

 _The sea and sky_

 _They can never win, but they sure can try_

 _Ohh oh-oh-oh oh-oh_

 _I'm unbeatable_

 _Pokémon_

 _(Advanced Battle!)_

Meloetta squeals in excitement. "I love hearing this theme song. It brings me the adrenaline rush when I hear this theme. It's possibly the only theme song that makes you expect amazing and epic battles. And just listen to the lyrics. I love the singing and the lyrics. The theme song doesn't lie. This is the only theme that can show you the epic and unforgettable battles….or possibly a lot of mischief."

 _ **Hades:** "Oh no, making mischief is one of my principal responsibilities."_

 _Oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh_

 _I'm undefeatable_

 _From the stars and the ancient past_

 _They come to play, but they'll never last_

 _Ohh oh-oh-oh oh-oh_

 _I'm unbeatable_

 _Pokémon_

 _(Advanced Battle!)_

Keldeo bobbed his head to the music with a wide smile on his face. "Well, we're in perfect agreement about this one, Meloetta. An amazing and epic song to get you in an amazing and epic mood."

 _Ohh oh-oh-oh oh-oh_

 _I'm undefeatable_

 _Oh oh oh_

 _(Advanced Battle!)_

 _I'm unbeatable_

 _Pokémon_

 _ **Number 5:**_

"The first Diamond and Pearl theme song."

Keldeo jumped up excitedly and said, "Another rap song! And this one's a lot more interesting than the Pokerap!"

 _Pokémon!_

 _Pokémon!_

 _It's all about the challenges._

 _It's a brand new game_

 _and a brand new world._

 _New rivals,_

 _as you fight for survival._

 _Nothing can stop you,_

 _Diamond and Pearl._

 _Pokémon!_

"This song tells you how strong the Sinnoh arc is gonna be and just makes you wanna get moving!" Keldeo said as he moved his body to the beat.

Meloetta giggled at Keldeo's movement, "That's cute Keldeo. So basically, this theme song is a lot of fun to me, but it's also like a warning. The Diamond and Pearl Saga is my favorite in the Pokemon Anime. And in my opinion, I think the Sinnoh Region is the hardest Region in the entire Pokemon Video Game series. So if you haven't seen the Anime of Diamond and Pearl, I hope you're prepared for what's coming." Meloetta explained.

 _It's all about the battle._

 _You gotta play smart._

 _You gotta move faster behind_

 _every win there's a chance to begin, again!_

 _You gotta take it all if you wanna be a master..._

Keldeo nodded, "You can say that again, Meloetta. Sinnoh is a tough region with cool Pokemon-."

 _*ding!*_

A picture of Lucario appeared.

"-and vile villains-."

 _*ding!*_

A picture of Paul, Hunter J, and Team Galactic appeared.

"-that is well deserving of an awesome song like this."

 _Pokémon!_

 _Pokémon!_

 _It's time for adventure,_

 _Diamond and Pearl._

 _We can change the world._

 _Pokémon!_

 _ **Number 4:**_

"The Polka O Dolka," Keldeo said, "Now, of course, we can't exactly play it here, so let's just talk about it. The Polka O Dolka is-."

Without warning, there was the sound of a shamisen being played.

Keldeo's eyes widened in terror. "Oh no!" he exclaimed.

Meloetta giggled.

"I might have brought _The Polka O Dolka_ with me." Meloetta smirks and takes out a shamisen from behind her and plays it.

"Dance for me, pretty boy."

 _Here's your ticket,_

 _Hit the floor and kick it!_

 _No sense stayin' in a chair, no!_

 _Music, pumpin',_

 _Now the joint is jumpin'!_

 _Slidin' and glidin' through the air!_

Keldeo's legs began moving on their own as he began shuffling sideways really quickly, and then starting hopping around Meloetta.

Forced to smile, Keldeo glared at Meloetta and said through his smile, "You owe me big time, Meloetta! But don't think this will keep me from talking!"

 _Now's the time for shakin',_

 _For turnin' 'round and wakin'_

 _The sleepyhead that's in your bed; the fun is for the takin'!_

 _Forget about the snoozers,_

 _'Cause snoozin's for the losers,_

 _Since everything is lookin' up then let's party down!_

Keldeo jumped up onto his rear hooves and waved his fore hooves around.

"This song is famous for being in the Pikachu short _Gotta Dance!_ And is sung by none other than Meowth!"

 _Every single Pokémon_

 _That knows what is goin' on_

 _Is there to sing and shake their thing until the break of day, hey!_

 _Check out the way my friends are spinnin',_

 _It keeps us all a-grinnin'_

 _And giddy in a Pokémonic way._

"Hearing Meowth sing is always a riot," Keldeo said as he began twirling around on one leg, "But what makes this song memorable is that it is played by the Dancing Poke Baton. A device that Meowth invented that forces any Pokemon who hears it to start dancing, which results in a very funny plot for the Pikachu short!"

 _Here's your ticket,_

 _Hit the floor and kick it!_

 _No sense sittin' this one out, yo!_

 _Don't be tardy,_

 _Join the Poké-party!_

 _Time for the Poké-party dance!_

Meloetta was really enjoying Keldeo dancing every time she plays the shamisen.

"I don't know if you realized this Keldeo, but this is kinda like a rap. With Meowth singing, he's rhyming at the end of a lyric. Just look,"

 _Here's your ticket,_

 _Hit the floor and kick it!_

 _No sense stayin' in a chair, no!_

 _Music, pumpin',_

 _Now the joint is jumpin'!_

 _Slidin' and glidin' through the air!_

 _Now's the time for **shakin',**_

 _For turnin' 'round and **wakin** '_

 _The sleepyhead that's in your bed; the fun is for the **takin** '!_

 _Forget about the **snoozers** ,_

 _'Cause snoozin's for the **losers** ,_

 _Since everything is lookin' up then let's party down!_

 _Every single **Pokémon**_

 _That knows what is **goin' on**_

 _Is there to sing and shake their thing until the break of day, hey!_

 _Check out the way my friends are **spinnin',**_

 _It keeps us all a- **grinnin** '_

 _And giddy in a Pokémonic way._

 _Here's your ticket,_

 _Hit the floor and kick it!_

 _No sense sittin' this one out, yo!_

 _Don't be tardy,_

 _Join the Poké-party!_

 _Time for the Poké-party dance!_

"Not only it sounds like a rap with Meowth rhyming, but this is very enjoyable to dance too. It's kinda like _Mite Mite Kochichi,_ except Meowth isn't in that song. It's from the Pikachu short that I'm in, _Meloetta's Moonlight Serenade._ The singers of _Mite Mite Kochichi_ is a Japanese girl band named _Momoiro Clover Z,_ and to add in _Mite Mite Kochichi,_ I'm dancing in my Pirouette Form in the song. So in comparison to _Polka O Dolka_ and _Mite Mite Kochichi_ , both of those songs are pretty addicting and you'll love to dance to either one of those two songs." Meloetta explained while she continued playing the shamisen with a enjoyable smile on her face.

Keldeo jumped in front of Meloetta and began bucking around wildly as he bobbed his head to the beat.

"Well, I never heard of that band, but if it's like this song, I bet they're good! Anyway, all in all, the Polka O Dolka is a fun catchy song made good with Meowth's iconic singing voice and a catchy polka beat!"

 _Here's your chance now,_

 _On the floor and dance now!_

 _Don't be a Poké-party pooper!_

 _Take it, shake it,_

 _Promise you won't break it!_

 _Time for the Poké-party dance!_

Keldeo jumped onto his hind legs and posed, spreading his fore legs wide.

"Speaking of Polka beat….." Meloetta stops playing the shamisen.

 _ **Number 3**_

"The Polkamon," Keldeo said with a smile, "Now Meloetta, since you got to 'surprise' me, now I'm gonna surprise you. With a very special guest! The one, the only, Weird Al-!"

Suddenly, a voice said "psst!"

Keldeo craned his neck to listen to the whispering voice. Keldeo frowned and said, "Oh . . . um . . . okay, so, um, it looks like my first specail guest can't make it . . ." Keldeo then grinned and said, "But luckily we have a second special guest! Coming straight from Equestria, we have the one, the only, Cheese Sandwich!"

Out from the side of screen, Cheese Sandwich jumped in with his accordion and started playing the intro to the song.

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and shrugged, "Sorry viewers, but I can't help it! Bronies forever!"

"HEEEEEEEEEY KELDEO! You ready for the Polkamon?" Cheese Sandwich said excitedly.

"I sure am!" Keldeo said excitedly.

The pony launched right into the song.

 _Krabby, Snubbull, Venonat,_

 _Mankey, Chansey, and Zubat,_

 _Slowking, Ditto, Butterfree,_

 _Lugia, and Caterpie,_

 _Oddish, Poliwag, Goldeen,_

 _Elekid, and Nidoqueen,_

 _Victreebel, and Magneton -_

 _Everybody Polkamon!_

"Aha! I'm dancing out of my own freewill! Woo-hoo!" Keldeo said happily as he jumped around kicking his legs.

Meloetta giggled

"Oh you silly little colt. You know, I sometimes find Weird Al Yankovic the Royal Fool of Hollywood because his music is so laughable. And with Polkamon, get ready for another song to dance along to." She explained.

 _Aerodactyl, Seel, Machoke,_

 _Marill, Moltres and Slowpoke,_

 _Articuno, Ditto, Muk,_

 _Flareon, and ol' Psyduck,_

 _Cloyster, Kingler, Shellder, Gloom,_

 _Snorlax, and of course Vileplume,_

 _Zapdos, and Charmeleon -_

 _Everybody Polkamon!_

"And while at first listen, it may seem like a polka version of the Pokerap, it's acutally a very unique Polka tune made especially for _P_ _okemon: The Power of One_ ," Keldeo said, "Seriously! This song is 10th track on the movie's official soundtrack CD! A fun surprise for whoever bought it at the time!"

 _It's time to Polka,_

 _For Ponyta and Pidgey too._

 _Come on, put on your lederhosen,_

 _And try not to step on little Pikachu._

 _You better grab yourself a partner,_

 _Like Tentacruel or Bulbasaur. (Bulbasaur!)_

 _Hold on a minute, there's still at least a hundred and twenty-seven more,_

Keldeo couldn't help but laugh at this. "Oh yeah! Remember when there weren't 649 known species of Pokemon? And I'm sure that number is still going to grow as more generations are added! But back to the song, it's the subtle things that Weird Al throws in that make it fun! Like how Ditto is mentioned twice, or how Bulbasaur is given special mention for being Pokemon No. 1, or how he sneaks in his favorite number: 27!"

 _Including Ledyba and Omastar,_

 _Jynx, Bellossom, and Magmar,_

 _Geodude, and Arcanine,_

 _Jigglypuff, and Mr. Mime._

 _Don't forget about Sandslash,_

 _Exeggcute, and Rapidash,_

 _Lickitung, and Porygon -_

 _Everybody Polkamon!_

"So, what else can we say about a fun, up beat, nostalgic, funny song like this except . . . everybody Polkamon!" Keldeo cheered!

 _Everybody Polkamon!_

 ** _Everybody Polkamon!_**

"Thanks, Cheese!" Keldeo said, "I hope to see you again in the show, or at least in the comics."

Cheese Sandwich stashed his accordion back into his hair, and then spun around quickly, changing into his hat and poncho.

"No need to thank me, Keldeo," he said seriously, "My Cheesy Sense simply takes me where I'm needed. Farewell, Pony of Justice."

Cheese then walked away slowly, as Keldeo looked on with a look of admiration, nodding and saying, "Godspeed, Cheese Sandwich. Godspeed. . ."

 _ **Number 2:**_

 _ **"This is the boss and I'm sick of waiting!**_

 _ **I want Pikachu! And this time don't screw it up!"**_

"It doesn't matter what series you're talking about. When you make a best songs list, there's always gonna be an awesome Villain Song on it somewhere," Keldeo said with a grin.

 _Prepare for trouble,_

 _Make it double,_

 _Prepare for trouble,_

 _Make it double._

"Double Trouble, from the little known Pikachu's Jukebox segments from seasons 1 and 2. And I'm being totally honest when I say that this has to be one of best Villains Songs I've ever heard," Keldeo said with certainty, "I'm talking Disney levels of awesomeness, here!"

 _James: We'll be the richest rogues of all time._

 _Jessie: Creators of a grand design._

 _James: I'll be the king._

 _Jessie: I'll be the queen._

 _Meowth: I'll be the joker... of crime._

"This song does a good job of letting Team Rocket express who they are and what they want to do," Keldeo explained.

"Not only that Keldeo, but it's also a singalong version of the Team Rocket motto once you listen to it. It's a fantastic way to express Team Rocket." Meloetta said as she started dancing to the beat.

 _Jessie: Prepare for trouble._

 _James: Make it double._

 _Jessie: To protect the world from devastation!_

 _James: To unite all peoples within our nation!_

 _Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love!_

 _James: To extend our reach to the stars above!_

 _Jessie: Jessie!_

 _James: James!_

 _Jessie: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!_

 _James: Surrender now, or prepare to fight!_

 _Meowth: That's right!_

Keldeo and Meloetta both started dancing to the beat.

 _Chorus:_

 _Team Rocket's rockin,_

 _Talkin' trouble, walkin' trouble,_

 _Double trouble, big trouble's gonna follow you,_

 _Team Rocket's rockin,_

 _Talkin' trouble, walkin' trouble,_

 _Double trouble, big trouble's gonna follow you,_

 _Team Rocket: We're gonna capture Pikachu._

Keldeo stopped dancing and said, "Seriously, check out these lines! They get to the very heart of Team Rocket."

 _Chorus & James:_

 _We're Team Rocket and we fight for what's wrong_

 _For mayhem and madness and rare Pokémon._

 _Jessie: I'm so gorgeous_

 _James: I'm always the man_

 _Giovanni: You're just the players in my master plan_

 _Chorus: We're always gonna try it_

 _No one can deny it_

 _We can cause a riot in Sunday School_

 _James: Ooh a riot!_

 _We'll have you believing_

 _Truth can be deceiving_

 _Team Rocket: "Do unto others" is our Golden Rule_

 _Jessie: This is our most ingenious plan ever, if I do say so myself._

 _James: Even we couldn't screw this one up Jessie._

 _Meowth: Would you two stop yappin', here they come!_

"This song makes sure to assert itself as a villain song, and a cool villain song at that, while still being balanced out by the Team Rocket Trio's goofiness, complete with a Blast-Off at the end," Keldeo said with a grin on his face, "Most fun villain song ever!"

Meloetta was still dancing to the beat.

"Maybe more fun that Scar's song from Lion King." Meloetta said.

 _Team Rocket's rockin_

 _Talkin' trouble, walkin' trouble_

 _Double trouble, big trouble's gonna follow you_

 _BOOOOM!_

 _Team Rocket: Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!_

 _Ding. . ._

"And the number one song from the Pokemon anime is. . . ."

Keldeo paused, and then said, "You know, do we even need to say it? I mean, it's totally obvious, right? I mean, everybody knows what the number one Pokemon song is, am I right, Meloetta?"

Meleotta nodded, "Of course everyone knows what number 1 is. It's always a fan favorite and everyone loves to listen to it. It's basically the number one Pokemon Theme Song in the Pokemon Anime. And it warms my heart to hear it."

 _ **Bridgekeeper:** "Get on with it."_

"Oh. Seems like they _do_ want to hear it from us," Meloetta said, "I think they know what number 1 is, but they actually want to hear it from us."

 _ **Tim:** "Yes! Get on with it!" _

"I guess they do want to hear it from us. I mean, you guys gotta admit, you all love this theme song more than any other theme, right?" Meloetta said.

 _ **Army:** "YEAH! GET ON WITH IT!" _

Meloetta smiles.

"Alright. Keldeo, let's present Number 1."

"Will you sing it with me, Meloetta?" Keldeo asked excitedly.

Meloetta jumps around Keldeo in excitement.

"Yes I will Keldeo! Yes I will!" Meloetta shouted in excitement.

 _ **Pokemon!**_

Keldeo turned into his Resolute Form and walked forward in a determined manner.

 _"I want to be the very best_

 _Like no one ever was_

 _To catch them is my real test_

 _To train them is my cause"_

Meloetta twirled around and turned into her Piroutte Form and pointed.

 _"I will travel across the land_

 _Searching far and wide_

 _Teach Pokémon to understand_

 _The power that's inside"_

Keldeo jumped up high and flipped in mind air. He landed and continued singing as Meloetta flew around him elegantly, twirling gracefully as she sanging as well.

 _"Pokémon!_

 _(Gotta catch 'em all), it's you and me_

 _I know it's my destiny_

 _(Pokémon!)_

 _Ooh, you're my best friend_

 _In a world we must defend_

 _Pokémon_

 _(Gotta catch 'em all), a heart so true_

 _Our courage will pull us through_

 _You teach me, and I'll teach you_

 ** _Po-ké-mon!_**

 _(Gotta catch 'em all!)_

 _Gotta catch 'em all!_

 _ **Pokémon!** "_

Applause from an unseen audience thundered loudly throughout the Moor of Icirrus.

"You just can't beat those lyrics!" Keldeo said, "This song is the essence of Pokemon! Going on a journey, testing your limits, making friends with every Pokemon you meet, protecting the world from evil, and creating a true connection and bond with the Pokemon with whom you share loyalty and care with. That is what Pokemon is all about."

"It sure is Keldeo. No Pokemon theme song can beat the original. Even though in the X and Y series, they remade this theme song, but it's still not compared to the original." Meloetta said with a smile

"That's right Meloetta. I'm pretty sure we, and everyone else, can agree that the Pokemon Theme is by far, the best Pokemon Anime Song," Keldeo concluded.

 _ **Po-ké-mon!**_

 _(Gotta catch 'em all!)_

 _Gotta catch 'em all!_

 ** _Pokémon!_**

"That was great Meloetta!" Keldeo cheered, looking quite elated and excited, "I had such a good time doing this episode together. We should really do it again sometime. Oh, and what do you plan on doing next?"

"Umm….I have no idea really. I've been worried about you so much that I have no idea what to do next." Meloetta said, until both Keldeo and Meloetta hear yelling.

"WHERE IS SHE?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! SHE'S BEEN GONE SINCE LAST NIGHT!"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW?! YOU WERE ASLEEP!"

"YOU WERE TOO! SO THAT MAKES US EVEN!"

"I know those voices." Meloetta flew to the bushes.

Keldeo blinked, and he leaned towards the bushes in curiosity, "Uh, are those friends of yours or . . . uh, Meloetta?"

"No way." Meloetta said in surprise.

From beyond the bushes, a Lucario and a Zoroark were looking around the forest in the Moor of Icirrus.

"Any ideas of where could Meloetta be?" The Lucario asked.

"I have no idea. She could be anywhere in the moor." The Zoroark said.

"IAN! ANTHONY! OVER HERE!" Meloetta yelled. The Lucario and Zoroark heard Meloetta as they both ran to her.

"Where the heck have you been? We were worried sick. You haven't come back home last night from your memory night singing." The Lucario said.

"Well, I was singing at night until I ran into this special Pokemon right here." Meloetta points to Keldeo.

Keldeo smiled in a friendly manner and said, "Hi. I'm Keldeo the Critic, and a Sword of Justice! You must be Meloetta's new friends."

"We are. Meloetta is really nice and friendly and her review show is great." The Lucario said.

"Wait a minute. Keldeo the Critic?" The Zoroark questioned.

Keldeo gave a wink a smiled. "Uh-huh. That's me."

The Lucario and Zoroark looked at each other in surprise.

"Oh my God. HE'S BACK!" They both yelled excitedly.

Meloetta nervously smiled as she had an anime sweatdrop on the side of her head.

"It's an honor meeting you, Keldeo. Name's Ian." The Lucario introduced, now known as Ian.

"I'm Anthony. Nice to meet you, Mr. Critic." The Zoroark said, now known as Anthony.

Keldeo laughed and scratched the back of his head with his fetlock. "Well, it's nice to meet you guys too. Just don't call me Mr. Critic. Anyway, how long have you guys and Meloetta known each other?"

"Okay. Let's see. Meloetta moved in with us last year in September." Ian said.

"And then her review show came 2 months later after September." Anthony said.

"So that would be…. almost a year." Ian said.

"We've known Meloetta for 10 months." Anthony said.

"Wow. So, what to do you guys do? Do you help her out with her show and stuff?" Keldeo asked.

"Well we sometimes help Meloetta with her equipment, but that's mostly it. She mostly does the rest herself." Ian said.

"She does a really good job though." Anthony said.

"Sorry to interrupt the conversation but what are you two doing here?" Meloetta asked.

"Oh right. You need to head back to Castle Mariano before Virizion finds out you're gone. We lied to him saying that you're on a morning stroll." Ian said.

"Oh man, I forgot. I should be back to the castle." Meloetta said.

"Castle Mariano? Where's that?" Keldeo asked with intrigue.

Ian and Anthony widen their eyes. Then Anthony elbow jabbed Ian in the gut.

"OW!"

"You idiot. That was suppose to be a secret." Anthony said.

"Guys, it's okay. We can trust Keldeo." Meloetta said.

"We can?" They both said.

"But he's a Sword of Justice. He could probably tell the other Swords about Castle Mariano and BOOM! We're done." Anthony said.

"We can trust him. Come on guys. It won't hurt." Meloetta said.

"I'm with Anthony on this one." Ian said.

Meloetta made cute faces and made some whimpering sounds.

"Grr. She's doing those faces again." Ian said.

Anthony held his head for a moment. Then he sighed.

"Alright, we'll show Keldeo Castle Mariano." Anthony said.

Keldeo nodded and said, "If you guys want to keep this castle a secret, then that's fine by me. You guys seem okay, and if it's that important that the castle be kept secret, then I guess I could keep one small secret from the other Swords of Justice. Take me to Castle Mariano!"

Ian and Anthony smiled.

"I guess we can trust him." Ian said.

"Alright, but this is the thing about the castle. Long time ago, it was built in the moor for luxury, but then it was mysteriously abandoned. Many years later, it disappeared from sight. So when Virizion found the castle, he and his other OCs, including us, cleaned up the place and made it home sweet home. Then the castle reappeared and every other Pokemon saw it. But the 3 Pokemon we don't want to discover the castle is the Swords of Justice." Anthony explained.

"If the Swords finds Castle Mariano, they'll probably try and take it down and we don't want that." Ian said.

Keldeo tilted his head in confusion. "Why would they do that?"

"Think about this. Who would build a giant castle in the forest? Don't you find that strange?" Anthony asked.

Keldeo did think about this, and then nodded. "Yeah. It does kind of have 'evil lair' written all over it."

"Exactly. When Virizion found the place, it was creepy. Skeletons, dry blood stains, cobwebs, and for some reason, horrific pictures of Freddy Krueger. Either it was raided by thugs or it was an evil lair." Ian said.

"So when Virizion cleaned it up, he made it his home for him and us." Anthony said.

"Not to mention, he also turned it into his kind of luxury. So he turned the castle from evil lair to home sweet home." Ian said.

"Awesome! I'd love to meet this other Virizion some time," Keldeo said.

"Oh he's really nice. You'll love him. Just don't get to his bad side or you'll get a lot of yelling. He's frightening when he's angry." Anthony said.

"Oh I've seen his bad side. It wasn't pretty." Meloetta nervously said.

"That's because you and Damian were bickering and arguing with each other that he finally snaps." Ian said.

Keldeo chuckled and shook his head. "You know, I'm not even gonna ask. How about I go meet all your new friends, Meloetta. What do you say?"

Meloetta smiles.

"I say let's go." Meloetta grabs Keldeo's left hoof and pulls him forward.

"Oh boy." Ian and Anthony said simultaneously as they followed Keldeo and Meloetta.

* * *

 **THE END**

 _ **. . .but only for now! Check out "Meloetta the Chick" by Virizion 2.6 for more!**_

 **Special Thanks**

 _Bulbapedia_

 _Virizion 2.6_


	18. THE WORST FANFIC EVER

**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 6: WORST FANFIC EVER**

 **Tinyurl:** **q4hzhd2**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo greeted.

Keldeo opened up his HP ENVY 15z-j000 Notebook PC and said, "You're probably wondering why the title says _'worst fanfic ever.'_ Well, you see, I've been called upon."

Keldeo leaned in and said, "There is a fanfic _worse_ than _'_ _Pikachu's Girlfriend.'_ _Worse_ than _Vegetta at Jublife?'._ _ _Worse__ than _'Goodbye Pikachu, I'll Miss You.'_ Matthais sent me the file that contains this fanfic which he claims to be the worst one he's ever read. Now, he was very vague when he said this. This fanfic could be from any show, movie, book, or game. So it's basically a wild card. He said it's rated K+, so it can't be the worst one because of any blood, gore, or immorality. So I suppose the title of _'worst fanfic'_ comes from bad writing and bad characterization."

Keldeo gulped loudly, a look of fear on his face. "Unfortunately, bad writing and bad characterization can and have metaphorically stung me pretty badly. So this could mean big trouble for me."

Keldeo managed a smile and said, "Luckily, it's just a fanfic. It can't _really_ injure me or kill me or anything like that. So, no matter how bad it is, I'm sure we'll all be able to have fun with it and pick it apart piece by piece. Well then, let's not waste any more time. Let's see what this fanfic is."

Keldeo opened the file.

* * *

 _ **Palace Pets**_

 _By: Dark Santa_

 _ _It's the first official Palace Pets Fanfic! Every Palace Pet included I think...__

* * *

"NO-NO-NO! Nononononono!" Keldeo exclaimed as he fell to his knees and hit himself in the face with his forehooves. He then looked up and said, "No, you don't understand! This isn't just a bad fanfic, this is bad fanfic based off of a cheap Disney spin-off/rip-off!"

"Palace Pets was Disney's attempt to rip off of Hasbro's _My Little Pony_ and _Littlest Pet Shop._ The Palace Pets are just the pets of Snow White, Belle, Aurora, Tiana, Jasmine, Ariel, _Mulan_ believe it or not, and Cinderella. _Pocahontas_ even got some later on, although those two particular abominations aren't in this fanfic, thank Mickey. But what makes these characters stink is not only are they cheap rip-offs of better shows, but. . . oh . . . _look at a picture of them all! They're the most hideously girly things ever made! They're nearly as bad as G3.5 of My Little Pony! They even have Cutie Marks! Yeah, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM has a Cutie Mark! How did they expect to get away with this? How DID they get away with this? Why hasn't Hasbro sued them yet?_ You'd think Disney would have the decency to at least _buy_ Hasbro _first_ like they did to Lucasfilm Limtd. Just watch, Disney will one day buy Hasbro. We're gonna see Equestria Girls Mickey walking around Disney Land, just you wait."

"And even worse is that these ugly things have _replaced_ the original actual pets. Meeko and Flit? Gone! Rajah the tiger? H _e was so awesome by the way. . ._ Gone! Pascal the chameleon? Gone! All those dogs the other princesses ran into? All gone! Why? Because sickeningly cute things are more marketable than actual characters! Walt Disney is rolling in his grave!"

Keldeo's eyes widened in utter horror. "Oh my gosh . . . if what Disney actually did was bad enough, imagine what this fanfic is like! I can't even think that maybe the author improved the characters to try and fix Disney's mistakes because Matthais literally told me that this was the _'worst fanfic ever'_! I'm doomed!"

Keldeo utilized Twilight Sparkle's breathing technique and relaxed. "Okay . . . I gotta stop blowing things out of proportion. It's just a fanfic. It can't hurt me. I just gotta read it, point out all its flaws, and it'll be over. Okay. Good. Alright everyone, this is _Palace Pets._ "

* * *

 _ **Things you need to know:**_

 _ **Petit is French**_

 _ **Lily and Bayou have a southern accent**_

 _ **Berry talks fast**_

 _ **Oh yeah to know who's who just go to**_

* * *

"I assume that the author tried to put the address to the Palace Pets DisneyWiki page there, but the site wouldn't allow it. Well, I'm not gonna go into detail about every single pet and their species, owner, and backstory. So I suggest you open the DisneyWiki page in another tab and search for Palace Pets so you'll know who's who."

Keldeo nodded and prepared himself, "Okay. It's time for the story to being. Let's do this."

* * *

 _Today Beauty, Bloom, and Aurora are taking a trip to Toon Town, where all Walt Disney Productions live._

* * *

Keldeo raised an eyebrow, "Toon Town? Does that make this a _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_ crossover?"

* * *

 _She was off to visit Mickey and Minnie Mouse and was going to offer breadsticks._

* * *

Keldeo gave a blank stare.

"Uh, okay, two things. One: Mickey Mouse is in this story? I actually don't know how to feel about this."

"Two: Princess Aurora is going there to eat some _breadsticks_? _Breadsticks!?_ Are you serious? That makes no sense. That's like the President of the United States going to Hoboken, New Jersey to pick up a box of ketchup packets."

"Oh, and also, a _My Little Pony_ ripoff with a pony named Bloom is actually kinda funny when you think about, specifically because Bloom has a Cutie Mark."

"So our. . . ' _heroes' . . ._ I guess, arrive at the house only to discover that Minnie's pet cat Figuaro is missing."

* * *

 _Minnie was standing at the table chair in a tux with a black bow. She was hollering a name "Figuaro! Figuaro! Figuaro!" she said_

* * *

Keldeo moaned and face hoofed. "You just _had_ to make a joke like that, didn't you? Bullwinkle the Moose did a _Figuaro_ joke that was funnier than this! The Veggie Tales Indiana Jones parody did a _Figuaro_ joke funnier than this! And they were just pratfalls!"

"Well anyway, all the other Palace Pets are upset about Figuaro's disappearance."

* * *

 _"I can't believe he's gone!" Lily pouted on her pillow._

 _"Yeah! He was a great cat!" Berry frowned._

 _"He was a male cat! The only other male cat in fact," Sultan said_

* * *

Keldeo nodded sitffly and said, "Well, yeah, he was, except for Rajah, of course. Ya know, Jasmine's _original_ pet tiger who was big and strong and cool looking. Oh, but they had to get rid of him so they could make _you_ , Sultan. So thanks for that."

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

"Oh, And did I mention you look just as girly as your other friends? Seriously, have some pride, guy! You need to take some lessons from Spike the Dragon!"

* * *

 _"Well Aurora was talking with Mickey the Mouse and Minnie was screeching Figuaro and then they said that Figuaro was missing," Bloom explained_

 _"So Aurora made an announcement that whoever finds the cat gets 19,000 gold coins," Beauty added_

 _"Well he has to be around Toon Village!" Treasure said. "Preferably beside the ocean," Every pet glared at her. That was not the time for her seasick jokes. Treasure has a problem with the ocean and want's to literally be a catfish and will try anything to be with the ocean._

* * *

Keldeo nodded thoughtfully, raising an eyebrow in interest, and he said, "You know, that's actually pretty interesting. I would much rather read a story about that, or at least along those lines-."

An image of the cover of _The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea_ appeared.

"OH GOSH! FORGET IT! FORGET IT!" Keldeo shouted frantically.

* * *

 _"I just don't want Figaro to be hurt," Summer said breathing heavily_

 _"It's okay, girl we'll find him," Lily said_

 _"Well I can't leave the castle, I have training with the other horses in a few minutes and every other horse too and we don't want to miss Maximus," Goldie said thinking of the white stallion._

 _"Sugarpot, you mean you don't want to miss Max unlike you we don't like him," Bayou explained. Goldie blushed redder then Ariel's hair._

* * *

Keldeo was looking at his laptop, which suddenly had a printer attached to it. Keldeo typed with the tips of his hooves, and then hit print.

He looked up from the keyboard and said, "Oh, I was just typing a letter to mail later. It's for Maximus. You know, the funny horse from the movie _Tangled_. Yeah, it's just a letter telling him to stay as far away as possible from any small, overly feminine ponies cause. . . yeah, he honestly deserves better than. . . _that. . ._ "

"Oh yeah, the author got her name wrong. It's _Blondie,_ not Goldie."

"So the ponies leave, leaving Lilly, Berry, Sultan, Treasure, Summer, Pumpkin, Beauty, _Angel, Winona, Tank, Gummy_ _-_ _oops._ Sorry, I was thinking of a much better franchise just then. Anyway, the other pets decide to find Figauro themselves."

* * *

 _"Palace Pets Go!" they all said except for Blossom who just stood there._

* * *

"Really?" Keldeo asked in a deadpan tone, " _That's_ you catchphrase? Wow, that's incredible. What an amazing, inspiring slogan. Did Team Rocket teach you that? It's a true masterpiece of a motto."

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

"But you know what's kind of funny? How Blossom just does nothing. Like it should be a meme; _Blossom the Panda Don't Care!_ She just wants _nothing_ to do with all this. You know what, I'm with you on this one, Blossom, I would've done the same thing."

"So these extremely valuable pets owned by royalty just go wandering around Toon Town where psychos like Judge Doom and his gang live."

* * *

 _They ran to the Mouse Cottage. "Hey Blossom knock the door will ya?" Sultan asked. Blossom rolled her eyes. The opened and there was a duck with a bow._

 _"Aw! Little toons selling cookies!" Daisy said. "Maybe that'll make Minnie stop crying," Daisy thought._

 _The pets rolled their green, brown and blue eyes. Pumpkin was getting tired of this and started 'talking'_

 _"Hi I'm Pumpkin, Palace Pet, pet of: Cinderella can we speak to Minnie?" Pumpkin asked. Well to Daisy it was Ruff, Ruff, Ruff, Ruff,?_

 _"Well if you show me the cookies then I'll give them to you," Daisy said._

 _"Berry! Get some cookies out of your bag!" Teacup said._

 _Berry took some carrot cookies out. Daisy looked at them in disgust. "I'll take 1," Daisy said not wanting to ruin the pets hopes. Daisy then took a dollar out of her pocket. She gave it to Pumpkin._

 _Treasure looked at the money. "Hey! We didn't say anything about..." she got shut off by Daisy who slammed the door close._

 _"Maybe we should talk to Pluto," Lily suggested. Everybody nodded._

* * *

Keldeo stared with his jaw hanging open.

"What the hay was that!? I mean, really, what _was_ that? First of all, did Daisy Duck seriously not recognize royal pets? Second of all, _why_ does she think they're selling cookies? Third of all, I'm pretty sure the Palace Pets are able to speak English. Fourth, why is there a semicolon in Pumpkin's dialogue? Why did the author write it like that? It's like when GLaDOS says _subject name here._ And fifth, why is Daisy disgusted by the cookie? Did Berry pick it up with her mouth, or does Daisy just not like carrots?"

Keldeo shrugged, "You know what? Forget it. Play the meme."

 _ **Slappy Squirrel:** "That was pointless."_

"Thank you. So our . . . _'heroes'_. . . go talk to Pluto. Our nice, sweet, adorable, kind animal friends go to see another fellow animal friend and share a moment of fellowship and-."

* * *

 _Pluto was sleeping until Berry bit him. Pluto woke up and howled so loud. "Berry! That's not the proper way to bite!" Teacup said. She then bit Pluto even harder. "Step aside ladies, let the master do it!" Sultan said_

 _"Ow! Okay, I get it you want to bite me but why me?!" Pluto said. Pumpkin rolled her eyes. "Tell us all you know about Figaro or there'll be a lump on that paw of yours,"_

* * *

Keldeo's jaw hung open again. "Huh? What? They're savagely biting him? Why are they biting him!? _**It makes no sense!**_ " Keldeo cried out desperately. "I'm trying, Dark Santa. I'm really trying to understand your fanfic, but it just won't add up!" Keldeo shouted as he stomped his hooves. "I mean, are there any _other_ real Disney characters you want to insult? I mean, the Disney universe is so vast and full of variety, I'm sure you can find ways to make a buttmonkeys out of every single Disney character in existence. In fact, why not show us ugliness. Just ugliness! I mean, if the fact that you actually _like_ these hideous Palace Pets are any indication, then you must be real good at that!"

 _"FORESHADOWING!"_ Munna shouted as she flew by.

Keldeo blinked, "Uhhhh. . ."

Keldeo shook it off and said, "Okay, but seriously, Dark Santa, you have to explain why the characters do what they do! I'm pretty sure these characters meant for little girls are not supposed to be jerks to others who have never done anything to them! Why are-"

Keldeo growled and said, "You know what? I'm gonna borrow something from _Cinematic Excrement_ and call these pets _'losers.'_ Okay. Good. So after _torturing_ Pluto, our _losers_ force him to tell them where Figauro is."

* * *

 _Figaro ran away and moved at pizza parlor alley two weeks ago. I visit him twice a day. He roommates with two nasty other cats Sizzle and Burn. Figaro says he's having a time of his life but I can see he's miserable in his eyes plus Burn and Sizzle ugh!"_

* * *

"Okay, so now we have our villains. Burn and Sizzle. Oh yeah, and I gotta say that the grammar in this story is just amazing!"

 ** _Portal 2 Announcer:_** _"Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

* * *

 _The pets saw Figaro but with a two dirty looking cats. Summer and Beauty looked at them so scared._

 _"Summer and I will stay," Beauty said with Summer nodding. Every pet glared at them. Figaro saw the pets._

 _"Hey Guys! What's up?" Figaro asked._

 _"We were just I don't know, getting dread ends trying to find you!" Summer growled referring to her awkward ponytail. Figaro gulped. The pets all had their evil side and is not that kind as their owners._

* * *

Keldeo looked bored. "Again: what? That's your explanation for why these characters are such horrible persons? You can't just have characters act rude for no reason and not give an explanation for it. Show, don't tell. Bad writing. Boooooooo."

* * *

 _"The reason why I left is because Minnie is ruining my street cred,"_

* * *

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me," Keldeo said with laughter in his voice, "That's like Pikachu leaving Ash because he wouldn't let him get a skull tattoo on his tail."

* * *

 _"He's ruining ours too," Sizzle whispered loudly_

 _"Cause he's a cow!" Burn said_

* * *

Keldeo immediately stopped laughing and nearly fell over backwards. "What? Do you mean he's black and white like a cow, or the slang term used to insult women. . . which still wouldn't make any sense because he's a guy . . . Gosh, this fanfic is stupid."

* * *

 _"Sizzle!" Sizzle yelled_

 _"And Burn!" Burn yelled_

* * *

"Now they're imitating Team Rocket" Keldeo muttered, "Actually, a Team Rocket Motto parody might actually make this fanfic a _bit_ more tolerable."

* * *

 _"But she loves you, isn't that what matters?" Blossom asked_

 _"Yeah but I don't..."_

 _"Boy, you don't get do ya..." Lily said_

 ** _Lily_**

 _Figaro, your average calico cat!_

 _Figaro, he's small enough to fit in your hat._

* * *

Keldeo blinked. "Hello! . . . Song?! . . . Yeah, apparently there's a random song in this story . . . Is it a funny song?"

* * *

 _His brain is as small as he is too._

 _Doesn't know what true love do_

* * *

"No. No it isn't."

* * *

 ** _Pumpkin_**

 _It's the thought that counts_

 _(Every Pet Knows It)_

 _She shows she cares_

 _Who cares is if she's a rat who owns a cat_

 _She loves you True_

 _(Yeah She do!)_

* * *

"Oh, this must be that missing _Frozen_ song, _Do You Want to Give People Migraines?_ "

* * *

 ** _Beauty_**

 _Ever since you were an infant and she was a mouseling you were close like honey and glue!_

 ** _Berry_**

 _Blah Blah Bibidi Bobbidy Boo!_

* * *

"This is awful," Keldeo said flatly, "I haven't read lyrics so awful since I stumbled upon _The Lair of Voltaire_ on YouTube!"

* * *

 _Every Pet except for Sultan who thought it was to girly_

 _It the thought that counts! Everybody know She loves you and you love her too!_

* * *

"Why are words being left out of the ends of sentences?" Keldeo asked desperately.

* * *

 _ **Blossom** : Come on Sultan_

 _ **Sultan** : No way!_

 _ **Blossom** : Please_

 _ **Sultan** : Fine_

 _It's the thought that counts!_

* * *

"Blossom is such a hypocrite! She didn't say the totally awesome catchphrase, so how come she's making Sultan sing this terrible song?" Keldeo's eyes widened. "Wait. . . Why do I even care! Am I turning into a lunatic!?"

* * *

 _"Well I never thought of it that way," Figaro said. He looked at Burn and Sizzle. "Burn, Sizzle, I want you to know that I really, really, really, don't like you so I'll say I hate you in 1% like way and I don't know why," Figaro said_

* * *

Keldeo said in a deadpan tone, "Yeah, that totally wasn't stolen from Fluttershy in _Hearthswarming Eve_!"

* * *

 _"Sure Cow,"_

 _"Go and join your herd,"_

* * *

"Oh my gosh, the villains don't even do anything, _are you for real!?_ " Keldeo exclaimed, "Where's the climax!?"

* * *

 _"Shut Up! I've been too nice this episode and I don't want this to be a catchphrase for the dragon's sake!" Blossom said then blushing for what she said. "Sorry," she said in her innocent way. Everybody smiled at her. "Thanks for shutting them up," Teacup said_

* * *

Keldeo grinned falsely, "Oh, I'm sorry, so _that_ was the climax. Blossom, the sweet innocent baby panda, gets angry, breaks the fourth wall, and makes a euphemism for the Devil. I'm sorry, but Penny Ling from _Littlest Pet Shop_ did this kind of thing much better when she ripped that chair in half in _Mean Isn't Your Color_. I mean, maybe if Blossom had a _fight_ with Burn and Sizzle and beat them up and sent them packing, that might have actually been a little funny."

Keldeo pulled a wry face a shrugged, "Ehhhh. . . .But _this_?"

Keldeo stomped and said, " _Dragonshy_ had a better climax than this!"

* * *

 _"Yeah! Adventure complete!" Pumpkin said!_

 ** _That it!_**

* * *

"Wow, and that was the end. Pumpkin says something that sounds like something you'd hear after you finish a level in a Sonic the Hedgehog or Pokemon Mystery Dungeon game, and then the author can't even spell _'that's it'_ correctly. Gosh, this fanfic was awful."

Keldeo thought for a moment, and then said, "But you know, I can't honestly say it's the _worst_ fanfic ever. I mean, I have read worse. _Goodbye Pikachu, I'll Miss You_ was way worse than this fanfic. So yeah, this fanfic was a bad take on a series that was bad to start with, and that's pretty much it. So sorry Matthais, but this is _not_ the worst fanfic ever."

"I'm Keldeo the Critic and I review it so-"

Suddenly, whispering came from the side. Keldeo raised his ear to listen and his eyes widened, "What do you mean there's another chapter?! Oh, biscuits!"

Keldeo sighed, "Alright fine, let's review chapter two. It can't be that much worse, anyway."

* * *

 _"I Pumpkin, declare Berry's Berrytastic Smoothie Stand Open!" Pumpkin smiled and broke the bottle she was holding in her paws._

* * *

"Really? That's the premise? A smoothie stand? How do animals make a smoothie stand anyway? What does this stand look like? What's it made of? Where are they getting their ingredients from? Where is this stand located? Who are they selling smoothies to? Humans? Other animals? How are they making the smoothies? Why isn't the author telling us anything?!"

* * *

 _She likes breaking expensive bottles and making the French chef mad._

* * *

 _ **GLaDOS:** "You're not a good person. You know that, right?"_

"And the chef has a name, you know. His name is Louis," Keldeo commented, "You know, the one from the Little Mermaid? . . . That _is_ the chef we're talking about here, right?"

* * *

 _All the pets cheered even Sultan. Blossom cheered the loudest; Sultan was right next to her… he could hear her high pitched voice in his sensitive ear. Sultan got a bit annoyed and hitched a plan. Blossom is always cheerful and filled with enthusiastic energy. She wasn't as smart as her owner… it's just that she's too nice… and gullible. All the pets ran well except for Beauty. She walked… but wasn't last… weird._

* * *

"So she's a fast walker, why did you feel the need to bring that up? You're making this way more confusing than it needs to be!"

* * *

 _"Hey um, Blossom," Sultan said. Blossom got her attention to him._

 _"I think some of the pets here don't like you," he whispered in her ear._

* * *

"Oh, that's nice. So Sultan is the villain now. That's just wonderful. Sure, I'm not a fan of these stupid Palace Pets, but I'm pretty sure Sultan is not supposed to be an evil jerk to his friends, considering this is a franchise for little girls. It's like watching the Evil!Robin in _Teen Titan's GO!_ "

* * *

 _Blossom was shocked… "Who is it Little Brother?" she gasped._

* * *

Keldeo looked as if his mind were just blown, "Wow! So Mulan's _original_ pet dog actually exists in this world! But then you realize even more how _stupid_ this all is when you put the normal looking Little Brother against any of these horribly designed Palace Pets. Go ahead! Google the images! Compare Blossom with Little Brother! Yeah, it looks pretty bad!"

* * *

 _"No, everybody actually… sorry to break it you but I think I'm the only one who…likes you," Sultan said trembling saying "likes you" to Blossom. "What about Treasure and Berry? They're my best friends," she mentioned._

 _"Well, there's always a reason why somebody dislikes another, why do they dislike me? I'm nice to them and I'm not a bully," Blossom pouted._

* * *

Keldeo narrowed his eyes and said angrily, "Let me fix this."

* * *

"No, everybody actually… sorry to break it you but I think I'm the only one who… _likes you,_ " Sultan said, his voice trembling as he said"likes you" to Blossom.

"What about Treasure and Berry? They're my best friends," she mentioned.

"Well, there's always a reason why somebody dislikes another," Sultan said.

"But why do they dislike me? I'm nice to them and I'm not a bully," Blossom pouted.

* * *

"CHECK! YOUR! WORK!" Keldeo shouted at the top of his lungs.

* * *

 _This is too easy he thought. "Okay, well they think your too cheerful, too nice, and unsafe and a trickster possibly," he whispered._

 _"Then why do they hang out with me in the first place?" Blossom asked. "Well Blossom, it's because if they say you don't like them, then you'll cry and tell Mulan and they'll all get in trouble,"_

 _Blossom almost felt like crying… Sultan's heart was beating fast…Is he really taking advantage of this small cub and her energy? Once she finds out, all the pets won't even look at him!_

* * *

 ** _MysteriousMrEnter:_** _"What I am doing is wrong. I know it is wrong. But I'm gonna do it anyway."_

"Seriously, what was the author thinking when he wrote this? So Sultan feels bad about doing this, but is still doing this, even though I assume they're all supposed to be friends- ugh! It makes no sense! At least when Rarity lies to and was mean to her friends in _Sweet and Elite_ and _Rarity Takes Manehatten_ she had good intentions and an understandable motivation for what she did, not to mention she was stressed out, and her actions didn't actually hurt anyone directly."

"Why is Sultan even doing this anyway? Because Blossom is loud and annoying? Oh, come on! Do I have to play the _Regular Show_ clip with the Urge's evil plan again?"

* * *

 _"I won't be nice anymore," Blossom promised with her paw on her heart. Sultan smiled… Blossom got out of line just to cut in front of the first pet, which was Pumpkin. "Hey! People don't cut in line here! This is a no cut zone!" Berry growled._

 _"I don't see any sign," Blossom smiled… a mean smile… that nobody liked. "Now give me six smoothies! Pronto, oh and give me all your bamboo too," Blossom snapped… she actually snapped… her paws._

* * *

"Oh, biscuits, no. Now we're ripping off _Putting Your Hoof Down,_ or at the very least the ' _nice character becomes mean'_ plot. And why is Sultan happy about this? Why does he want her to be mean? Wouldn't being mean make her even more loud and annoying? Why does nothing make sense in this story?!"

Keldeo starting pacing around his rock while saying, "Okay, and I know what are of you are probably thinking about typing. You all want to say to me:"

Keldeo stopped pacing and flailed his fore hooves around as if he were typing on a keyboard, " _'Oh, but Keldeo, Matthais obviously picked a fanfic for a franchise clearly made for little girls, so why are you even complaining about it?_ _'_ "

Keldeo stomped his hooves and said, "Yes, but you know what? That's no excuse! When someone who is _not_ a little kid goes to the trouble of writing a FanFic for a franchise for little kids, they are expected to take the source material and improve it in a such a way that their age group can enjoy it. One fanfic writer named _HavocHound_ has written some awesome FanFiction for the Nick Jr. show _PAW Patrol_ that I can honestly say are masterpieces!"

* * *

 ** _Marshall Gone Missing_**

 _My Adaptation of Pups Save a Friend, in this case the other pups do insult Marshall and he runs away. Upon learning this, the pups try to get him back to apologize while remembering all the times Marshall has been there for them. Meanwhile, Marshall tries to make it to Jake's mountain but face dangers along the way._

* * *

 ** _Zuma's Fear_**

 _Out of all the pups in Paw Patrol, Zuma seems to be the most fearless of them all. Nobody really knows what he is afraid of and most of the time he seems cool and relaxed. But the truth is Zuma has a fear, one that is tied to a dark past that is filled with nothing but terror. And that terror is making its way to Adventure Bay._

* * *

 ** _Farewell Marshall_**

 _A strange teenager has come to the lookout seeking Marshall. Who is he and why does he want to meet Marshall? The revelation will shock the pups and change Paw Patrol forever._

* * *

"And what's more, there's a DeviantArtist named ElijahAcquah who thought up of ways to make the Palace Pets more interesting characters."

* * *

 _ **ElijahAcquah** Nov 28, 2014 Hobbyist Writer_

 _These pets are so dull! I may find them cute, but I also find them to be unnecessary. And y'know, I can make a few of them much more interesting._

 _ **Sultan:**_  
 _This small, **heroic** tiger has a largely brave heart and never turns away from danger. **As the nephew of Rajah,** he would always keep an eye out for the sake of Jasmine._

 _ **Pumpkin:**_  
 _Pumpkin has often been a work puppy for her Persian cat stepmother and stepsisters. Cinderella found this poor puppy in tears, who looked scruffy and cried because she was rejected to go the royal ball. Cinderella made it up to Pumpkin by rewarding her for her hard work. The now pampered puppy can dress in style and twirl with her new friend._

 _ **Beauty:**_  
 _This cute cat was cursed to sleep for all of an eternity, thanks to an evil, dark Doberman. Fortunately, she was awaken with true love by her new princess companion, Aurora._

* * *

"But this awful story that this Dark Santa person wrote is just insulting! For Disney to create such a horrible franchise made only to rip off of two already existing successful franchises with horribly designed characters made to pander to girls who are supposed to like cute brightly colored things, **_and then_ ** for some person to write a horrible fanfic that makes all the characters either dumb, weird, jerks, or all three at once make me think that this fanfic is actually _evil_ _incarnate_ into a Fanfiction story!"

"And add into the equation that the author has one of those evil Chain Letter Curses on the author's page further support my point that this _person_ is evil incarnate. I'm not even joking!"

Keldeo turned into his Resolute Form and got into a battle stance. "And knowing how horrible stories like these work, I can only assume that it's gonna get worse and worse, so let's dive right back in and get it over with."

* * *

 _"Hey don't be such a meanie Blossom or else!" Beauty said… then Blossom noticed that the stand was made of Bamboo. "Hey! You stole my bamboo!" she yelled._

* * *

"Oh, so now Berry's a thief," Keldeo said as he tossed his head in disbeleif, "Great. You know what? I just gave up! I mean, now we can't sympathize with any of these stupid pets!"

* * *

 _Sultan didn't want that to happen… he was just hoping for a day of silence from Blossom, not like Berry is less annoying. It's just that Blossom will eventually succeed while Berry won't._

* * *

"How is making someone act mean gonna make them be quiet? Aren't nice people generally more quiet than mean people? Uh, here's an idea, _you selfish_ _idiot._ Why didn't you just _ask_ Blossom to be quiet?! It would have certainly been a lot less convoluted! Or even better, why didn't _you_ just leave . . . from wherever this story takes place, I'm not even sure where we are right now."

"And that's another thing, _where are we?_ We have animals making a smoothie stand. Okay, so where in the Disney Universe is that normal? And yes, believe it or not, _most_ of the fantasy worlds in the Disney Universe would still actually find that out of place. Are we still in Toon Town? That's the only place _I_ can think of where animals can sell smoothies. But who are they selling them too? Each other? What's the point?"

* * *

 _"Well, It was leftovers… so I decided to borrow since it looked like you weren't using them," she smiled… it was trembling as she saw the panda glare at her and gritting her teeth._

* * *

"And would you believe the stolen bamboo is never brought up again? _Ever!?_ "

 ** _Slappy Squirrel:_** _"That was pointless."_

* * *

 _Always give a smile to the customer she thought and gave her a smoothie; it was green with a piece of bamboo. "What I didn't even order a Bamboo Deluxe! What kind of service is this? An orphanage?" she asked._

* * *

Keldeo just stood there in shock.

"I . . . don't even know how to respond to that . . . I mean, I thought about doing a Scootaloo joke, but I don't wanna support the whole _'_ _Scootaloo's an orphan'_ rumor _._ "

* * *

 _She rolled her eyes, "Though… I suppose this will do… I prefer a Bamboo Shake but whatever," Blossom said._

* * *

"Is there a smoothie that boosts your brain so you can write a _Wormadam_ FanFic, because that's the one we _Wormadam_ need," Keldeo said angrily.

* * *

 _"Also give me a…" she then yelled to Sultan._

 _"Hey Sultan what do you want?"_

* * *

"Do Blossom and Sultan have some kind of a romance going on or something?"

* * *

 _Pumpkin was feeling a bit concerned and crossed at the same time. She didn't want to release her hot tempered self. Still though, she hates it when people pick on her friends. What are even worse are her friends picking on each other. Though that was usually Sultan but nobody minded because that's the way he was, and Sultan was pretty nice… pretty._

* * *

"So, when you say ' _pretty'_ , you mean _'a little bit,'_ right? Well anyway, why is Sultan the bully in this world? Is it because he's the only male amid a female cast, which means he just _has_ to be the mean, grouchy, angry, rude one? That's a little sexist, don't you think?"

* * *

 _"Blossom; I don't like your behavior! Say sorry to Berry this instant or else!" she snapped. Blossom said, "Or else what? Pumpkin… you think you're so great… well you're just a bossy pants!" she yelled._

* * *

"I thought Blossom wanted everyone to _like_ her? Has she lost her mind? Or maybe she never had a mind of her own to begin with?"

* * *

 _"Bossy Pants?" she asked… a little hurt, "I'm not bossy," she said and sniffed… and went in small slide. "Darling, what did you just say to my best friend?" Beauty asked… Pumpkin and Beauty were best friends since they first met, and Beauty won't hesitate to stand up for her. "Oh be quiet, Beauty, you think you're so beautiful well we're all pretty too, oh and I think you're wearing fake eyelashes," she said. "Ugh… how rude," Beauty yelled._

* * *

"Oh _gosh_ , New!Fluttershy insulting Pinkie Pie and Rarity made more sense than this!"

Keldeo put a hoof to his forehead and said somberly, "And dare I say it, and I can't believe I actually went to the effort to learn enough to be _able_ to say this, but. . . Beauty is actually out of character here! Beauty likes to sleep. She's _always_ asleep! So . . . she's pretty much like a real life cat actually, but technically the only dialogue she should have in this story are snores."

* * *

 _Sultan felt a bit guilty… "Come on Sultan! Don't keep me waiting!" she yelled and Sultan stuttered… All the other by standing pets looked at the nervous tiger. "Uh… water… just water please," he says. Blossom glared at Berry again… "You heard him! Give me water!" she yelled._

 _Berry gave her the water… and Blossom walked away and grabbed Sultan's tail… and took him to the beanies…Berry hid under her stand and put down a sign 'Closed' all the pets were groaning… not one of them got a drink. Blossom sat down on one of the taking the Purple and her putting Sultan on the orange. "So, Sultan, how do you like the new me?" she giggled. Sultan looked unsure. "I didn't see them happy though and you did make Pumpkin cry," Sultan remarked…_

 _"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Blossom asked and started crying…_

* * *

"You were just giggling 5 seconds ago! What, do you have mood swings or something? Did the Keldeo from _Gates to Infinity_ really inspire you that much?" Keldeo asked incredulously.

* * *

 _Sultan rolled his eyes… a puppy crying, a bunny crying and now a panda cub crying. "Well, I meant to be more quiet… be silent as a fish," Sultan said._

* * *

Keldeo tilted his head in confusion. "Silent as a fish? That's an. . . odd choice of words. . . It almost sounds like a really forced attempt to segue-."

* * *

 _Treasure suddenly went to Sultan… "Did somebody say fish?" she asked…_

* * *

"GOSH!" Keldeo shouted in a repulsion.

* * *

 _"I love fish but Ariel wouldn't let me eat them which break my fish-obsessed heart! That's why I trained myself to swim," Treasure explained._

* * *

Keldeo swung his Scared Sword at the rock platform, making a long slice into it. "NO! you can't be that stupid! I don't believe it! You just literally explained why a _mermaid_ owning a pet _cat_ can't work! And why is Treasure just randomly giving out exposition? Is that supposed to be _funny_?"

* * *

 _"Ok… "Sultan said a bit annoyed out. Honestly everyone here is nearly annoying! he thought_

* * *

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer said.

Keldeo sighed, "Well, after that, we get scenes that have no point whatsoever. Seriously. Teacup balances teacups on her nose and Pumpkin just . . . cries some more . . . yeah . . . um . . . oh look! The Cutie _Marked_ Crusaders are here to solve the friendship problem and write a letter about it to Celestia or Mickey or something. I'm hoping that they turn Sultan to stone or something."

* * *

 _It was Bayou with all her pony friends. When Pumpkin saw Bibbidy she heard bells light up in her heart. Bibbidy was a mother figure for her so as the other pets with the ponies… though everyday they have training and miss half of their adventures. They come when training ends or before training… sometimes the pets gets to race them. The ponies always love some competition… they train with Maximus and the other horses. They get special training though with Maximus sometimes._

* * *

Keldeo blinked. "Wait, what did that last line say?"

* * *

 _They get special training though with Maximus sometimes._

* * *

 _ **Yakko** : (Blows a kiss) "Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!"_

"I'mKeldeotheCriticaandIreviewitsoyoudon'thavetoo!" Keldeo said quickly and he used Hydro Pump to fly away.

* * *

 **THE END**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Palace Pets_ by Disney

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ by Hasbro

 _Littlest Pet Shop_ by Hasbro

* * *

"Okay, _fine!_ I'll keep going!" Keldeo said as he marched back onto the rock platform.

* * *

 _"That was a quite a bust there Bayou," said Blondie and she smiled._

* * *

 _(Wakko plays a rimshot on the drums)_

 ** _Skippy:_** _"_ _Goodnight, everybody!"_

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me! _T_ _wo_ innuendos in a row?! It just blows my mind! I just hope Maximus never sees this, or someone is gonna get a _sword_ to the knee and a frying pan to the face!" Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Bloom scoffed at them, "You girls rarely spend time on your appearance… does only I and Bloom care?" she asked._

 _"Well I care I suppose. When I'm at a ball or something," Bayou said. The pets watch their adult conversation silently. One thing they've learn is to never interrupt. That is what their trainers teach them… they just train them normal tricks except Teacup. She's a fast learner so Belle decided to do something more advanced-_

* * *

 _"EX - PO-"_ Munna began.

"NO! We are _not_ gonna sing the Exposition Song here because the information being explained to us has no bearing on the story whatsoever!" Keldeo said assertively.

"Humph! You're no fun!" Munna pouted as she floated away.

* * *

 _Bibbidy noticed Pumpkin's crying… so did Goldie and Bloom. "Why are you crying dear?" she asked and nudged the white retriever. "Nothing… really, it's no big deal… and I don't want to tell you!" she said but then snapped in her last sentence. Bibbidy was shocked._

* * *

"And so am I! What happened to _this_ scene?"

* * *

 _When Pumpkin saw Bibbidy she heard bells light up in her heart. Bibbidy was a mother figure for her_

* * *

"If that's true, then shouldn't she be asking her for help or something? What was the point of giving us the bit of information if you're just gonna go against it. You should've have just left it out if you weren't going to follow it. Or maybe Dark Santa just forget about writing it and didn't bother to double check it before publishing it."

Keldeo chuckled madly and said, "And hey, check this next line out. Let me know if you see anything wrong with it."

* * *

 _Bibbidy comforted her. "If you won't tell me what's wrong then fine! I'm not going to tell you," Bibbidy responded turning her back on her._

* * *

". . . So . . . one second she's comforting her . . . and the next minute she's yelling at her and turning her back on her . . ."

Keldeo covered his face with his fore-hooves, laughed into his hooves for a bit, and then came back up for air and said with a smile, "This has to be the most _laziestly_ written fanfic I have ever read!"

* * *

 _"Tell me what?" Pumpkin asked, "Nope; Zip, I was supposed to tell you but I suppose it's no big deal, speaking of which… Bloom and Goldie," she said, "When you tell Summer and Beauty the news don't let Pumpkin hear it," she said…_

 _"Ha! Dogs have sensitive hearing!" Pumpkin said with a devious look in her blue eyes… "Then I suppose you can't tell them now, sorry girls," Bibbidy said and trotted away she giggled because not because of her crying but Pumpkin's reaction._

* * *

"Aaaaaaand let's add Bibbidy to the extra long and ever growing list of contemptible jerk characters in this story. Seriously, I'm not sure if _'losers'_ is a strong enough word for these characters anymore," Keldeo said with an angry smile.

"And I know what you're thinking, _'she's just trying to persuade Pumpkin into telling her what's wrong because she cares about her.'_ Well, okay, maybe, but does she have to be such a cocky jerk about it? Look at her! She's like, _'I know something you don't know! Teeh-hee-hee! You're all dopes and suckers!'_ "

Keldeo thought for a moment, and he said, "Not that they _aren't_ all dopes and suckers, I mean, _they are..._ "

* * *

 _Summer and Beauty looked at their feet a bit disappointed. "Can you please tell her?" Summer blurted._

* * *

 _ **Abridged!Noah:** "Initiate *****slap subroutine!"_

 ** _Virtual Kaiba:_** _"Subroutine initiated."_

* * *

 _Beauty smacked her head. "No Summer! She's not going to tell,"_

 _"What if it was a ball and we didn't know and looked ugly!" asked Summer to Beauty. "Now I can't afford to look ugly!" Beauty said and begged to Pumpkin._

* * *

"Too late for that, in my opinion," Keldeo said grumpily, "But on the other hand, if I were a stupid infant girl that didn't know any better, I'd be wondering how any of these characters could _possibly_ look ugly. I mean, one of them is _named_ Beauty!"

* * *

 _"Please! I need to know!" Beauty and Summer cried. Then they used puppy… I mean kitty eyes on her. "Mew!" mewed Summer and a tear came off of their eyes._

* * *

Keldeo tossed up his forehooves. "Dreamworks' _Puss In Boots!_ Another franchise I'd rather be watching right now! Thanks a lot Dark Santa, you're just making this even harder for me!"

* * *

 _"Curses!" she yelled and went to Bibbidy she tapped her leg as she was speaking to Petit and Bayou while Teacup and Lily spoke about_

* * *

Keldeo blinked. "Yes . . . about what? . . . Aren't you gonna finish that sentence. . . ? . . .Oh, I see how it is. You're not gonna tell me? Well the joke's on you, because I don't care!"

* * *

 _"I was sad because Blossom called me a bossy pants," said Pumpkin and she was about to cry again. "Bossy Pants? Did that really make you cry?" Bibbidy asked. Pumpkin nodded then sniffed. "Pumpkin baby, you're one of the strongest puppies I know, and you're considered a leader to all these pets! I'm proud to say that we have the same owner, but when being leader you'll have to risk being called bossy or bossy pants." Pumpkin wiped her tears._

* * *

Keldeo pulled a wry face. "Was that supposed to be some kind of moral? _Come on_ , even the moral of _Feeling Pinkie Keen_ was better than that! Even the moral of _The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy_ was better than that!"

 _ **Applejack:** "I didn't learn anything! I was right all along!"_

"Well, whatever, at least now we can hear what this mysterious news is."

* * *

 _Blossom and Sultan watched Berry hide inside her stand watching her throw her plastic cups with a teensy bit of fruit punch in it._

* * *

"Oh, I'm sorry. We have to deal with these two losers first."

* * *

 _"I didn't say you had to be mean, what I was trying to say is they think you're annoying. You're kind of making it worse… you should probably say sorry," Sultan said…_

* * *

" _She_ should say she's sorry?!" Keldeo exclaimed, "The whole thing was your fault, you cruel piece of garbage, you're the one who needs to apologize. And why are you still keeping up this lie that no one likes her, haven't you realized that you've done enough damage?"

* * *

 _"Oh Sultan, I already made one of my best friends cry!" Blossom said holding his paws. "I don't know how I can ever make any friends again and what if Mulan finds out?" asked the Panda now having tears in her eyes. Sultan felt really guilty._

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "Alright. Good. So he's finally gonna admit that he lied to her so all this can finally-"

* * *

 _He'd better admit yet no palace pet would ever forgive him._

 _"I know and don't forget Berry was never your friend," Sultan said…_

* * *

Keldeo banged his head on the ground.

"Why are you keeping it up? What could you possibly have to gain from all this? What is your evil motivation? How far are you willing to go? If your reasoning is that _'no one will ever forgive me if they find out what I've done'_ then why don't you just stop right now and let it die out quietly? Or why don't you just tell Blossom to go back to her normal self and see what happens? And why is Blossom so stupid that she's buying into Sultan's lies so easily? AND WHY IS SULTAN A VILLAIN ANYWAY!?"

* * *

 _"What about Treasure… who gave me her shell?"_

 _Music came up as the oblivious pets sang…_

* * *

Keldeo's eyes grew wide with panic, "Oh no, please not another one, Dark Santa! I'll do anything for you! I'll review your Pokemon fanfics, I'll give you fresh berries, I'll go find Mega Stones for you, just _please_ not another one!"

* * *

 ** _Sultan: She was never your friend, just wanted to make you happy for your sake… make you feel as an equal_**

* * *

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!" Keldeo screamed.

* * *

 ** _Blossom: What about Teacup, and Lily, and Pumpkin too they performed on my birthday and when I had a cold… when I couldn't go to the rollercoaster and performed all the songs, dances, and tricks that I know._**

* * *

"These songs are _horrible_!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Not only is the wording weird, but the way the lyrics are written makes it impossible to determine the beat, rhythm, verses, choruses, or anything else!"

* * *

 ** _Sultan: They just like to preform those three would get a gig of anywhere… too the fanciest of ball to a house of dolls… they were never your friends!_**

 ** _Blossom: I feel stupid wait that's a bad word, I feel dumb, and yeah that's the word does any pet will give me the love I want… I want to go back to China with all my panda friends… where this trouble ends… but I'm just glad that you admit and that's sweet!_**

* * *

Keldeo calmed down and said thoughtfully, "But you know what, maybe I'm not being fair here. Maybe the song will look better if I organize it a bit."

* * *

 _ **Sultan:**_

 _She was never your friend,_ _just wanted to make you happy for your sake…_

 _make you feel as an equal_

 _ **Blossom:**_

 _What about Teacup, and Lily, and Pumpkin too they performed on my birthday and when I had a cold…_

 _when I couldn't go to the rollercoaster and performed all the songs, dances, and tricks that I know._

 _ **Sultan:**_

 _They just like to preform those three would get a gig of anywhere…_

 _too the fanciest of ball to a house of dolls…_

 _they were never your friends!_

 _ **Blossom:**_

 _I feel stupid wait that's a bad word, I feel dumb, and yeah that's the word does any pet will give me the love I want…_

 _I want to go back to China with all my panda friends…_

 _where this trouble ends…_

 _but I'm just glad that you admit and that's sweet!_

* * *

"O-kay. . . well, it's a Villain Song where Sultan is trying to convince Blossom that she doesn't have any friends . . . but then Blossom brings up all the nice things they've done for her, and Sultan just dismisses all of it-AND BLOSSOM BELIEVES HIM!? How stupid is this panda? That's like saying:"

 _ **Meowth:** "Hey Pikachu! Ash hates you, so you should join Team Rocket!"_

 ** _Pikachu:_** _"(Okay!)"_

 ** _Ash:_** _"Pikachu, where are you going!?"_

 ** _Pikachu:_** _"(Stay away from me! You hate me!)"_

"And about the song itself. It doesn't flow, it doesn't really rhyme, there's no hint of any kind of pattern, and I can't even tell what kind of musical style it's supposed to be in. Yeah, one of the great Villain Songs of Disney! _Poor Unfortunate Souls, Be Prepared, Friends on the Other Side,_ _Sultan Plays Blossom Like a Sucker._ Of course, naturally, that makes perfect sense!"

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self Test Complete."_

"And it just _boggles the mind_ how Blossom is so _stupid_ that she's believing all the nasty things Sultan is saying and ends the song by saying that it's _sweet_ of him to say all that. No wonder panda bears are an endangered species if they're all as stupid as this one. Oh wait, wait, I can't say stupid! Stupid is a bad word! Now _dumb_! That's a nice word! Yeah, it sure is! _It certainly is!_ "

Keldeo sprayed water at his face from his left fore hoof and shook it off. He took a deep breath and said, "Okay, okay. I think I'm better now. It's just . . . wow. . . this FanFic is gonna kill me. . ."

* * *

The _song ended with Blossom giving him a peck on the cheek._

* * *

"Oh, so they _DO_ have a romance going on! What, was this his plan all along? Get Blossom to burn her bridges with everyone except him? Well that doesn't make sense, because he's the only guy here. We started this whole plot out with Sultan wanting Blossom to be quiet and stop annoying him. How the hay did we get to this point? It's like we've entered the Twilight Zone, and then entered the Matirx while still inside of the Twilight Zone, and then entered Wonderland inside of the Matrix _inside_ of the Twilight Zone!"

* * *

 _Sultan blushed and flustered up his face. "You welcome… Blossom," Sultan nodded and ran out of the palace pets' room he ran through the castle crying. He didn't know what he was thinking… Blossom will probably beat the meow out of him once she finds out the truth._

* * *

Keldeo squeezed his head with his fore hooves. " _Really?_ You sing a whole _Villain Song_ to convince her that she has no friends, and then regret it right afterwards? If you're gonna be a Disney Villain at least stick with it till your inevitable Disney Villain Death! Imagine if other villains did that?"

 _"BE PREPARED!" Scar sang, and he laughed villainous as all the hyenas joined him._

 _Suddenly, he took in a sharp breath and his eyes widened and filled with tears. "Wait a moment, what am I doing?! I'm plotting to kill my brother and my cute little nephew! I'm a monster!"_

 _Scar then burst into tears._

 _Along with the rest of the hyenas; Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed stared at Scar in shock._

 _"I guess next we're gonna get our own movie," Banzai said incredulously._

 _Shenzi slapped him in the back of the head and said, "Shut-up, idiot! That's like Timon and Pumba getting their own movie!"_

 _Ed just sobbed._

 _"What?" Shenzi asked obliviously._

* * *

 _He had to find Jasmine, Sofia, Raja, or Aladdin for comfort. He went to find Jasmine's room… he went to the guards guarding the room._

 _He mewed and the guards opened the doors. Sultan found Jasmine with a disguise. "Hello Sultan!" Jasmine smiled cheesy. Sultan purred at Jasmine's leg. He then noticed Jasmine wearing the ugliest clothes…_

* * *

Keldeo's eyes widened and he backed away slightly. "What the _biscuit_?"

 _"CALLED IT!"_ Munna shouted as she flew by again.

* * *

 _being royalty and not quite remembering his old life as a loner; he was used to silky pants, belly shirts, and dresses. He raised his eyebrow… "Shh… don't tell anyone," Jasmine said and jumped out the window… "Okay that was weird… hey this must be my solution! Never Run Away from your Problems!" Sultan roared… "Good cub!" she yelled and the voice got more and more distant, He then heard a loud thud. He looked out the window still and saw a carriage with Jasmine covered in flower with brown eyes sticking out._

 _Sultan smiled… "Wow… Jasmine is such a terrible influence!" Sultan mewed to himself and ran out the door._

* * *

Keldeo looked on in utter shock. "What the _hay_ was that? Why was she dressed like that? I'd bet her adventure is _way_ more interesting than the stupid talking tiger and panda. The author could have even combined the two story lines together somehow. But nope! Instead, we get a random Noodle Incident that makes no sense! Go ahead Slappy!"

 _ **Slappy Squirrel:** "That was pointless."_

"And how exactly did seeing Jasmine in a crazy disguise and jumping out the window teach Sultan the lesson! And I thought the moral _Pumpkin_ learned was poorly done! This takes the cake! It's like the story finds new ways to get worse and worse as it goes along! Like, it constantly tries to outdo itself in horribleness! It's like an SCP! The more you read, the worse the story gets!"

 _ **Item #:** SCP-XXX_

 _ **Object Class:** Keter_

 _ **Special Containment Procedures:** Item SCP-XXX is to be kept in a flash drive sealed in a 1 cubic foot lead container locked in a vault at [REDACTED]._

 _ **Description:**_ _THE WORST FANFIC EVER! It gets worse and worse the longer it is read by the reader._

* * *

 _Racing to the palace pet room he burst through the door which surprised everyone. "Sultan there's something wrong with Blossom! Can you help us?" asked Pumpkin with the ponies looking at her with worry. "She hasn't been talking since you left!"_

 _Sultan lowered his eyebrows…_

 _Jasmine is an awesome influence… now I know why she's a princess… wait that was Aladdin's movie. Oh Disney, help me_

* * *

"Get it! He just said the opposite of what he just said earlier. It's a joke! Why aren't you laughing! It's funny!" Keldeo shouted with a fake smile.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self Test Complete."_

* * *

 _"Guys… I have to tell you something…" Sultan sighed…_

* * *

Keldeo suddenly became a bit more invested. "Well, the only thing we can hope is that all that waste of time, all that lack of character, all that mean behavior _at least_ have been building up for one heck of a confrontation."

* * *

 _The time passed by with Sultan explaining the story and Sultan and Blossom giving apologies to the pets. The ponies smiled as the pets learned their lesson._

 _"Have you heard… of Ariel's new horse?" asked Bibbidy to Goldie. "Really… is she here…" Goldie said then started asking._

 _"She's just settling in Ariel's castle," Bibbidy said… "Yay, more trainees to train with… being a guard horse is hard!" Bayou groaned…_

 _Blossom giggled as she burst into song and all the other pets… oblivious._

 ** _Although you lied and made me lose my smile and made most of my fun end… I'm so glad you admit and that's… kind of sweet!_**

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped. "You're kidding me. You're _Wormadam_ kidding me. **_That_ ** was the end of the story?! THAT WAS THE END OF THE STORY?! _THAT-?!_ "

Keldeo stopped yelling and tried to calm down a bit. Then he continued, "Did you. . . re-read the first 80 percent of thus fanfic that you apparently wrote? Did you just forget what you wrote? D-Did you even take a second glance at it before slapped on this lazy ending? Do you even recall the discord and disharmony that piece of tiger trash spread? He makes _Scar_ look like a nice guy! You can't have him do all that bad stuff and then resolve everything _offscreen_! So Sultan can just be a complete monster, but if he says he says he's sorry it's all good? What kind of lesson is that? We should've seen Sultan express how sorry he was in words, how bad he felt, how guilty he feels, how he desperately wants to still be friends with everybody and how he'll put his heart and soul into becoming kinder and will do _anything_ to earn his friends' forgiveness. But nope! Instead we get a vague apology that's way too easily accepted, the random piece of news that does not affect the story, and a stupid reprisal of the most poorly written song ever! And _'kind of sweet'_? Are you kidding me! That jerk isn't sweet. He's not _kind of sweet!_ He's a monster!"

Keldeo buried his face in his hooves, and then sighed and said somberly, "Dark Santa . . . I'm not angry. Actually, yes, I am, I'm furious, but there's something I'm even more, and that's disappointed. I'm disappointed in you, Dark Santa. Do you know why? Well, it's because, when I first discovered these Palace Pets not too long ago, when I saw what they looked like, when I skimmed their DisneyWiki page, my first thoughts were not disgust, or anger, or hatred. . . My first thoughts were curiosity and hopefulness. Hasbro took two of the most girliest franchises of that ever existed, _My Little Pony_ and _Littlest Pet Shop,_ and made them _good._ Nick Jr took the concept of puppies that rescue people and made it _good_. There are _whole fansites_ devoted to these franchises now. So, I thought maybe these Palace Pets might turn out to be better than you'd first think. But that got shot down when I discovered Disney wasn't even gonna try to write a TV show for them and was just gonna unload toys, cheap games, and picture books about them."

"So then I figured maybe someone would write fanfiction about them. And all I can say is I am glad I didn't find this horrible fanfic myself, because my hopes would have been _crushed_ if I had gone into this expecting something as well written as Friendship is Magic."

"This fanfic is the absolute _worst_! The character are either dumb, jerks, evil, or so shallow that they barely exist! The grammar and writing are so _bad_ it's not even funny! Sentences are pushed together, words are missing, it's a nightmare! And stories don't even have proper climaxes, resolutions, or endings. This fanfic is an utter mess. I know I said _Vegeta in Jubilife_ was the worst fanfic ever, _but no_ _!_ The word needs to be said. _Palace Pets_ by Dark Santa is the absolute _worst_ fanfic ever!"

Keldeo help up a fore hoof and said, "Now, I know all of you are thinking of fanfics you've read that are worse than this. Like _Goodbye Pikachu I'll Miss You_ by _TheShinyEevee._ Well, let me ask you something. Is the fanfic filled with horrible grammar? Does the fanfic have sex, drugs, gender swapping, violence, bestiality, disgusting moments, and other examples of filth and immorality in it? Sure, fanfics like _Rainbow Factory, Cupcakes,_ and _The Spiderses_ are obviously worse than _Palace Pets._ But that's because they're either made to troll the reader or are just morally wrong."

"The thing that makes _Palace Pets_ so bad is that it is _clean._ it was actually written to be an actual story, but it is _still_ bad. The fact that this story can be _this bad_ without having anything offensive in it might even make this story even _worse_ than the others I mentioned."

"It's like this: when Limburger cheese smells bad, that's good because it's _supposed_ to smell bad. But when _cheddar_ cheese smelled as bad as Limburger, then something is seriously wrong."

"Do **_not_ ** read this story! Read a _Littlest Pet Shop_ fanfic. Seriously, there are a lot of good fanfics for that series that are way better than this."

"And that was my review of _Palace Pets._ I hope it was entertaining. At least then I'd know that _some_ good came out of this travesty. . ." Keldeo pouted with a trembling lip. "At _my_ expense!"

Keldeo sobbed and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **THE END**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Palace Pets_ by Disney

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ by Hasbro

 _Littlest Pet Shop_ by Hasbro

 _The Animaniacs_ by Warner Brothers

 _Portal 2_ by Valve

 _The Lion King_

 _The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle_

 _V_ _eggieTales - Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Samson's Hairbrush_

 _The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea_

 _The Lion King 1 & 1/2_

 _The SCP Foundation_

 _THE WORST GAME EVER MADE - Caddicarus_

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _HavocHound_ on FanFic

 _ElijahAcquah_ on DeviantArt

 _TheMysteriousMrEnter_ on YouTube

 _Cinematic Excrement_

 _Caddicarus_

* * *

 _"OH, COME ON!"_ _Shenzi shouted when she saw an ad for_ The Lion King 1 & 1/2.


	19. E4: The Land Before Time XIV?

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 4- The Land Before Time XIV?**

 **tinyurl:** **pvbw5qv**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said brightly, "For those of you who follow the League of Fannon Critics, you probably are aware of a certain topic that Ryu Taylor the Ferret and Spike the Snob have talked about" _The Land Before Time_ series."

" _The Land Before Time_ is a very famous cartoon created by a genius by the name of Don Bluth, also famous for other good films like _The Secret of NIMH._ Don Bluth believed that you could show dark, serious, and mature content to children if you did it with quality, effort, and gave a happy ending and good moral. _The Land Before Time_ was about a group of young dinosaurs who go on a dangerous journey in search of a save haven called the Great Valley. It was charming, action packed, emotional, and pretty dark at some points. All in all, a good movie that many consider to be a masterpiece."

Keldeo moaned and said, "And then we got 12 sub-par _direct-to-video_ sequels! They took a dark, gritty, mature, awesome movie and turned into a series of Saturday morning cartoons for Generation 3 My Little Pony fans!"

Keldeo took a deep breath and said, "But now, we've got news of _another_ movie to add to the long chain of direct-to-video sequels."

Keldeo nodded, and said, "Now, I feel that I ought to add my voice to the _Land Before Time_ discussion by talking about this new 2016 sequel. So, the title is gonna be _The Land Before Time XIV: Journey of the Heart._ The plot: " _Littlefoot and his friends head out to the Mysterious Beyond to find Littlefoot's father Bron after he fails to return to the Great Valley and mysteriously disappears."_

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Oh yeah, spoiler alert for _The Land Before Time X,_ Littlefoot's father is still alive."

Keldeo became serious and said, "Well, as for this plot. . . it has potential. I mean, Littlefoot loosing his father right after he found him again and then going on a _journey of the heart_ to find him sounds like a really emotional, touching, and adventurous story-line. _'But wait,'_ you're probably saying, _'aren't all direct-to-video sequels doomed to be bad no matter what?'_ "

Keldeo shook his head resolutely and said, "No. I don't agree with that. In fact, I thought that _The Land Before Time **VII**_ and **_X_** were _good,_ actually. The seventh had good build up and a good social commentary on cults, and the tenth movie was touching and Shorty was a very interesting character. So no, not all the sequels were terrible."

Keldeo looked thoughtful and said, "But how do we keep the 14th movie from being as bad as the other ones?"

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Well, look, it's been a while since those bad movies have been put out. I'm sure that after all this time, after all those bad writers have either retired, quit, or been fired, that we'll get some people who care a little bit more or want to make something of better quality. I mean, time has passed. I'm sure that what makes a kids film has gotten better over time. Plus, this movie will have to compete with Pixar's _The Good Dinosaur,_ so maybe they'll just _have_ to try harder because of that."

Keldeo nodded and said, "But I have a few ideas that might help make this movie a bit better."

"First, they should use CGI. NOT expensive CGI like in _Walking With Dinosaurs 3D,_ that movie was _awful_ by the way. Anyway, using some nice detailed colorful CGI would really breathe new life into the franchise. I know the series has always been hand drawn, but going with CGI can help separate it from the bad sequels and help draw people in, both old and new. CGI has come a long way. It looks so cool, you can see actual fur and scales, and even if it's obvious animated, it gives a higher level of detail and dimension that 2D animation can't give."

"Second, don't modernize the characters too much. Don't make them act like cocky teenagers. Sure, you could write them as older, smarter, and more mature if you want, but don't have them make random modern references they would have no way of knowing like the _Ice Age_ characters do. It's called the land _BEFORE_ time for a reason, you know."

"Third, they need an actual villain. We don't need anymore stupid annoying bullies or stupid annoying comedic predators. The sharptooth from the first movie was an awesome villain, and he didn't need a voice or an evil plan. What we need is an actual threat that can scare us a bit. I don't care if you use the mutant raptor from _Jurassic World._ Just give us an intimidating villain. Which leads up to my fourth and final point:"

"Fourth, made it darker and edgier, not Saturday morning kiddy stuff!" Keldeo demanded with a slam of his hoof, "MGM is already gonna ruin _The Secret of NIMH_ with a live action/CGI hybird! So why not show Don Bluth some respect with this _Land Before Time_ sequel! You can still have lighthearted moments and funny jokes, but _please_ put in some gritty darkness. I'm not saying to kill his father in the end or anything, I mean, come on, Don Bluth _did_ say that a happy ending was important. I'm not even saying to kill _Cera_ , which I'm sure is _very_ tempting. But make some close calls. Make some danger. Make some heart-wrenching and emotional moments. Make some action!"

Keldeo glared hard, and then cooled down and said, "Oh yeah, and try to work in Shorty if you can. Seriously, he has a lot of potential."

Keldeo smiled and said, "Well, those are my reactions and suggestions regarding the 14th _Land Before Time_ film. And if you wanna see reviews for the infamous _Land Before Time_ sequels, check out the YouTube Channel of _Zachary Matthew James,_ a.k.a, _Samhain the Dark._ This critic plans on reviewing every single sequel for you all."

"I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said, and he walked off.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Ryu's Journal_ by Ryu Taylor the Ferret

 _Spike the Snob_ by thardragonwiththetophatcom

 _Jurassic World_

 _MGM_

 _Wikipedia_

 _Zachary Matthew James_


	20. Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live- Part 1

**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 7:** **Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live by Traveling Trainer**

 **tinyurl:** **ouvhm4y**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said, "American science fiction writer Franklin Patrick Herbert Jr. once said _'There is no real ending, it's just the place where you stop the story.'_ Now, I am a firm believer in that mindset. Just because a story ends doesn't mean the characters and places in that story are gone. They still live on forever in our hearts and in our minds. Especially when the story is as good as the one in _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of and Sky._ "

Keldeo smiled and said, "Who could possibly forget how Grovyle continued to fight, even when he was trapped in a paralyzed planet. Or Celebi, who did all she could to restore the flow of time. Or even Dusknoir, who was driven to acts of evil due to his loyalty to Primal Dialga, but then slowly began to see the monster he had become and finally broke out of his evil ways, reuniting with Grovyle. Together they defeated Primal Dialga, finishing what the player and partner started and restoring the flow of time."

Keldeo became thoughtful and said, "But what happened to those three after the world was saved? What adventures did they have? What lives did they live? Well, one writer thinks he has the answer to that!"

* * *

 _ **Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live**_

 _By: Traveling Trainer_

 _Flung into a future where time flows freely, Grovyle, Celebi and Dusknoir find themselves in a lively land of ice and snow. Given a second chance to live, how will the trio readjust to a normal life in a new world after years of battling against the darkness? With new friends and foes around the corner, it may not be as simple as they think._

* * *

"This is a story with a lot of potential. These three characters are so different from each other, so putting them all together in a slice of life/adventure story sounds promising. So let's not waste any _time . . ._ "

Keldeo chuckled, "Heh-heh. See what I did there. . . eh. . ."

Keldeo cleared his throat and continued, "This is _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live._ "

"So our story begins right after Primal Dialga is defeated and the flow of time is restored."

* * *

 _Grovyle brought his hands to his mouth, yelling out as strongly as his lungs would let him, his triumphant call rising even above the breathing of the god of time behind them. "Bill! Rose! Can you hear me!? We are alive! We are alivugh-"_

 _The lizard's eyes widened as a jolt of pain rippled through his body, and he felt himself crumple to his knees, digging his claws into the icy ground with a wince. He heard Celebi gasp, and a large hand lifted him back to his feet; he sent the ghostly Pokemon a short nod of thanks as Dusknoir firmly grasped Grovyle's shoulder._

 _"Steady yourself, Grovyle…" He said, a note of concern evident in his low, gruff voice. "What's wrong?"_

* * *

 _"We just fought an evil version of the Legendary Pokemon who rules over time, what do you **think** is wrong?"_

* * *

 _"Master Dialga-" The ghost started, but the temporal Pokemon cut him off with a curt stomp of his feet, the ice audibly cracking underneath his steel-toed legs. Dusknoir moved back as Dialga stepped off of the slight incline, turning to face them. Underneath his gaze, one that no longer held any malice, Grovyle couldn't help but feel quite small._

 _"NO." The reply was short, but held just as much force as the wind that buffeted them. "YOUR MASTER WAS… A PRIMAL BEAST. I AM DIALGA, AND I AM NOT YOUR MASTER."_

* * *

Keldeo jerked backwards and said, "Biscuits, Dialga! I don't blame you for being made at Dusknoir, he _was_ a sadistic creep after all, but you don't have to use the Royal Canterlot Voice on him."

Keldeo sighed, "Alright, to be serious for a moment, I know the powerful Legendaries always speak in all caps in the Mystery Dungeon Games, but can you blame me for finding that kind of stupid? We know they're powerful, they don't have to scream at the top of their lungs. Imagine if they did that in the anime movies?"

 _Kyurem stared down at Keldeo, thinking long and hard. Then he said:_

 _ **"YOU HAVE A FINE SWORD!"**_

 _Keldeo, the other Swords of Justice, as well as Ash and his friends all stared at Kyurem in shock._

 _Kyurem blinked in confusion._

 _ **"WHAT!?"** he asked in confusion._

* * *

 _"…Dialga," Dusknoir began again. "What is happening to-!"_

 _Without warning, Dusknoir collapsed mid-sentence, not even trying to push against the ground as he lay awkwardly atop the peak of the mountain._

* * *

"Yeah, you stink!" Keldeo shouted sporadically. He then looked around awkwardly and said, "Sorry, but the guy was just so sadistic in that game!"

* * *

 _Grovyle sucked in a breath, feeling woozy again as his vision began to blur. He could still make out Dialga's shape, nodding his head slightly as the two Pokemon eyed each other._

 _"DESPITE RETURNING TO LIFE… WE STILL BATTLED, IN ANOTHER TIME, IN A DARKER PLACE," Dialga's voice boomed, making Grovyle's ears ring, and the grass type instinctively glanced at his arms and his sides – the feeling of blood, trickling from innumerable cuts and punctures, seemed so close yet so far away. "THE GREAT PARADOX OF A WORLD OF FROZEN TIME."_

 _"A paradox!?" Grovyle sputtered, lurching as his strength gave out, and he rolled onto his side, focusing all of his effort on keeping a hold on one of Celebi's arms. Dialga began to walk around, moving past the trio as if he was unaware of their plight. The grass type stared weakly at the dragon's feet, blinking away tears of pain. "W-what… how is that possible?"_

 _"TIME IS NOT SOMETHING THAT SIMPLY STARTS AND ENDS," The god continued to explain, forlornly sitting down on the ice and bowing his head. The warmth of the sun finally seemed to cut through the wind, and Grovyle sighed in slight relief as the heat staved off the numbness that had begun to creep up on him. "THE PLANET WAS PARALYZED, BUT THE WORLD ITSELF CONTINUED TO MOVE. TIME FLOWED ONWARD, EVEN WITHOUT MY GUIDANCE TO MAKE IT SUPPORT THE LIFE IT CARRIED."_

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "Wow, it's like Doctor Who merged with the Architect from the _The Matrix: Reloaded._ "

* * *

 _"T-that-" Grovyle paused. "But then where are we? I thought that Bill and Rose were able to stop the planet's paralysis…"_

 _"THEY DID," Dialga answered, unable to keep from chuckling, and Grovyle frowned deeply at the dragon, who quickly coughed to clear his throat. He turned his head towards the path leading down the mountain, seemingly smiling to himself as his body began to shimmer and fade. "DO NOT FEAR. SOMEONE COMES, EVEN AS WE SPEAK."_

* * *

 _"ARCEUS, THE DUES EX MACHINA POKEMON!"_ Keldeo shouted in imitation of Dialga. He coughed a bit from shouting so loudly, and then said, "Okay, now do you see why speaking in all caps is so stupid? . . . Unless you're the Alicorn Princess of the Night."

* * *

 _His vision blurry, Grovyle tried to reach out towards Dialga with his other arm, his hand trembling as the dragon's figure vanished from sight. "Wait… Dialga, wait… I don't understand!"_

 _"LIVE, GROVYLE." Everything began to sound like it was coming from further and further away, Dialga's voice almost deafening in its volume, and Grovyle felt his muscles tense; at this point, he couldn't tell if it was from the noise, the wind, or his own exhaustion. "THAT IS HOW YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE FUTURE."_

 _"Dialga… Dialga…" Grovyle muttered under his breath as the presence of the god finally seemed to disappear, the cold finally biting through his body as he let his arms fall limp. The wind, sun, and sparkling ice passed into darkness as he closed his eyes, unable to keep the leaden lids open anymore. All he could do was listen, stuck between staying awake and letting himself drift into sweet oblivion._

* * *

"So our heroes pass out, but are rescued and brought to a nurse and her assistant."

* * *

 _"Pansear! His breathing's changed! Maybe he's starting to wake up!"_

 _"Sorry, nurse, ma'am!" Someone young. "What should I get? Oh, wait, you need more aspear ointment like you asked for before, right?"_

 _"Maybe!" The nurse repeated herself. "Maybe, how many times have we gone over what each berry does? Yes, please bring me the aspear ointment… no, maybe the distilled oran medicine…"_

 _"You got it, ma'am!" The boy's feet pounded against the wood as he ran off, and Grovyle groaned, feeling something roughly grab the leaf on his head and rub vigorously. The barest hint of strength seemed to return to his body, and he tried to reach up to the intruding Pokemon, only to have his hands smacked away. Something underneath him itched profusely, but when he tried to scratch his back his hands were smacked away again, and he grumbled._

 _"I can see what you're trying to do, and maybe you should stop, because you need to just lay still!" The nurse scolded him, and he couldn't help but feel mildly embarrassed, letting his arms rest at his sides as the Pokemon worked away, moving from his head to his shoulders, to the leaves on his arms. "You and your two friends are lucky you were just suffering from exhaustion! Fainting on the top of Mount Avalanche, honestly, maybe!"_

 _The sound of rickety wheels rolled into the room, and Grovyle heard a rattling as something was set nearby. "Nurse Audino, we've got what you asked for right here! Should I apply the ointment first, or give him the oran medicine?"_

 _"Oh for Arceus' sake, Pansear, maybe…" Audino left away from her patient briefly. "Hmm, maybe… maybe…"_

 _"What…" Grovyle croaked out, wincing at the sound of his own voice, and he arched his back as he tried to find the source of the irritating itch. "Where… am I…"_

 _"Nurse Audino, ma'am, you give him some oran medicine and I'll do the ointment!" Pansear said, upbeat and chipper as could be, and something cool and sticky was suddenly dabbed onto his chest, sending the grass type back down onto… whatever he was laying on. Audino grasped his nose, forcing his mouth open, and a thin, overpoweringly flavorful juice ran down his gullet, making him cough and sputter as he tried to swallow the strong-tasting liquid. "Ma'am, could you help me hold him down?"_

 _"Yes, maybe, I can see that!" The nurse replied crabbily. Grovyle heaved as he felt the two Pokemon hold his sides to keep him still, and he snapped his jaw shut, smacking his lips as the taste of the oran medicine seemed to fill his entire mouth, from roof to bottom. "Just let the medicine go down without a fuss!"_

 _"Have…" Grovyle tried to speak, though it came out as more of a hoarse cough. "I have!"_

 _"Then just go back to sleep!" She replied forcefully, and someone started to spread the chilly, sticky ointment around his body, the goop suddenly feeling very warm against his belly, and the grass type let out a pleasant sigh, suddenly feeling very tired again. Had the struggle to gulp down the medicine really taken that much out of him?_

 _"I'm… ugh... I'll… live," He mumbled under his breath, letting his head rest as he finally began to feel like he could really fall asleep. Everything started to sound far away again, one of the Pokemon humming to himself as he applied the ointment to the leaves on his arm. "Live…"_

 _"Yes, just go to sleep, like you're doing, maybe," The nurse reassured, still grouchy, but sounding far less annoyed than before. "Maybe you'll feel better with more bedrest, once the ointment fully sets in!"_

 _"…live…" Grovyle felt himself slip into slumber, finally falling fully asleep after what had felt like forever._

* * *

"Umm. . ." Keldeo looked around awkwardly, "Not sure why we needed to see this. . . Well, anyway, Grovyle wakes up the next morning to see that the sun has finally risen."

* * *

 _Everything was pain._

 _Grovyle groaned as his eyes fluttered open, scrunching them back shut as light flooded his vision, making him grimace in pain as dull patches of color faded in and out of the darkness. After a few moments, he let out a loud yawn, stretching his arms and legs as the bed creaked underneath him, and he brought a hand in front of his face as he let his eyelids open just a crack. Blinking a few times, everything came into focus as daylight streamed in from a window across the… the…_

 _Daylight?_

 _Daylight!_

 _"It's morning!" Grovyle yelled, jerking upwards into a sitting position, and he gasped as a sudden grogginess pounded at his skull. Clutching his forehead with his claws, he grunted as he felt bile in the back of his throat, and he took deep breaths in and out, staring wide-eyed at the frosted window across the room. As his nausea and lightheadedness began to fade, the lizard glanced at something that tickled his side: a yellow blanket, kicked askew when he'd shot up. Looking down, he could see bits and pieces of thin, dry grass, piled onto a wooden frame. "Ugh?"_

 _He glanced around the room, taking in the unfamiliar sight of cut logs and the unfamiliar scent of resin. Other beds, adorned with the same set of wood, feather pillow, hay and blanket, lined the walls, a small table sat next to each one. Looking to his side, Grovyle noticed the table next to his own bed, a small candleholder sitting atop it to make up for the lack of windows on his wall. He reached out to feel the cold metal, the candle halfway melted and its wick blackened from use. "Where… where am I…?"_

* * *

"A Delibird comes in and tries to ease Grovyle's mind."

* * *

 _"Hoho, slow down there!" The bird wiggled his flippers at him, letting his tail sit atop the bed as he calmed down the panicking grass type. Grovyle took a deep breath and sighed, letting his own blanket fall away as he rested his hands against his knees. "Good, just relax. You've been through a lot in the past day or so, hoho!"_

 _"The last… day?" Grovyle repeated, more to himself than to the speaker. The very concept still sounded foreign to him. "What… what happened?"_

 _"Well, I was hoping you'd be able to tell me that," The penguin answered, stifling a laugh with his flipper. "You and your two other explorer friends slept through just about the entire day and night, hoho!"_

 _"Slept… the whole… what?" Grovyle flinched, reaching over to stroke the leaves on his arms. "I remember being on the summit of the Vast Ice Mountain when the sun was rising, and then-"_

 _"Where did you say now?" The other Pokemon interrupted, and Grovyle looked over at the bird, confusion evident in his dark-ringed eyes. "Sorry to cut you off, hoho, but I've never heard of a place called Vast Ice Mountain."_

 _"You haven't?" Grovyle asked, sitting still for a moment as he glanced outside the window. The white things, the falling snow, had disappeared… "But… then… huh?"_

 _"You must still be a little out of it from the exhaustion, hoho, don't be too worried." The bird smiled at him, stroking his beard of feathers. "Why don't we start over from the beginning, hoho? We'll probably make a little progress that way."_

 _"I… alright," Grovyle conceded, nodding gently as he scooched a little further up the bed. "I guess I'll start with… who are you?"_

 _"Hoho, well, my name is Delibird!" The red penguin patted his beard before reaching a flipper outward, and Grovyle took it into his hand, giving it a firm shake. "I'm the master of the Delibird Rescuer Guild stationed here at Snowrest Village!"_

 _"Snowrest… Village? T-the Guildmaster?" Grovyle blinked in surprise, stuttering a bit as his thoughts were derailed. Amidst his muddled words, Delibird chortled heartily, rocking back and forth against the bed, which creaked from the movement._

 _"Hohohoho, what's with all the fuss?" The Guildmaster asked nonchalantly, a grin plastered on his beak. "Come on now, no need to be all uptight. Just 'Delibird' or 'Guildmaster' is fine with me, hoho. It's what most Pokemon call me, anyway!"_

* * *

 _"As you can see, I'm a much better character than Wigglytuff!"_

* * *

 _"S-so…" Grovyle said, managing to think of another question to change the subject. A Rescuer Guild? The Guildmaster? It was starting to become too much to take at once. "Am I being kept here in the guild, then? How did I get here? And where are Celebi and Dusknoir?"_

 _"Yes you are, hoho," Delibird confirmed with a nod, hopping off of his bed and moving over to Grovyle's side, and the lizard helped the elderly Pokemon up next to him. He held out the blanket to the Guildmaster, who then took it and wrapped it over his shoulders. "A couple that lives down in Snowrest Village was having a climb up Mount Avalanche when they found you and your friends up on the summit. Celebi and Dusknoir…?"_

 _"Yes, that's them," Grovyle replied, instinctively tightening his grip around the blanket he wore. "Are they okay?"_

 _"Yes, hoho, they're doing just fine," Delibird smiled warmly, patting Grovyle's back, and he let out a sigh of relief that felt like a weight being lifted from his mind._

 _"Oh!" Delibird's eyes lit up, and he turned to Grovyle. "Lin and Yama are the couple from Snowrest Village who I mentioned before, hoho! They're the ones who found you and your friends at the peak of Mount Avalanche!"_

 _"They are?" Grovyle said lamely, and both Delibird and Arcanine nodded. "I see… I guess they'll be happy to hear I'm up and about."_

* * *

"So Grovyle does some thinking, and decides to put us through another mind screw! Good gosh!" Keldeo said unhappily.

* * *

 _He smiled softly as he thought of Treasure Town, wherever it might have been, if it still existed at all in this future. Bill, Rose, the Wigglytuff Guild, he could see them all clearly in his mind's eye as he thought of the grassy fields and flowing rivers he'd seen while searching for the Time Gears. Even though it had apparently been only a day since stopping Primal Dialga, his time in the past felt like it had happened years and years ago. Then they'd encountered Dusknoir, and gone back to the future of darkness, leading to them coming to…_

 _"Wait!" Grovyle said to himself, sucking in a breath. "Dusknoir… you said that this place was called Blizzard Island in the past, right?"_

 _Without the ghost in the incorporeal-flesh around to say so or not, all he could do was wonder, crossing his legs as he continued to talk to himself. The remnants of the Exploration Team Federation had been able to give him a little information about the past, but to forget about an entire village? A guild? How was it possible? "Is this what Dialga meant… about a time paradox?"_

 _Dialga's words echoed in his mind as he recalled their conversation atop Vast Ice Mo… Mount Avalanche. The world flowed onward, even without his guidance to make it support the life it carried… the great paradox of a world of frozen time. "Dialga…what did you mean? Live to understand? Given the future?"_

* * *

Keldeo scratched his head and asked, "Uh, is this gonna be on the test?"

"From what I gather, it looks like Grovyle, Celebi, and Dusknoir were thrown _into or out of_ an alternate timeline when the the player and partner characters prevented the planet's paralysis, which caused the paradox. Why this matters or if it even _does_ matter, I can't really tell as of now, so let's just save it for later."

"Meanwhile . . . or at least, I _think_ it's meanwhile, it's difficult to have any sense of time considering the nature of this story. . . _sometime_ at Temporal Tower, we get a. . ." Keldeo frowned, ". . .pointless conversation. . ."

* * *

 _"Master Dialga?"_

 _"HM?" The dragon craned his neck to look behind him, and he nodded at the Pokemon that sat behind him. "GOOD MORNING, LAPRAS."_

* * *

 _"Stop yelling at me! Do I look like Dusknoir the Sadistic to you?"_

* * *

 _"Good morning, Master Dialga," Lapras said, raising a flipper in greeting. Dialga walked over to the water type, slowly sitting down in front of him as the two silently acknowledge each other's company. "If I may ask, where were you earlier? I visited the tower at sunrise, but you weren't here. Were you in the Hidden Land?"_

 _"NO, I WAS NOT," The temporal Pokemon answered, looking out at the featureless horizon as he continued to speak. "THERE WAS SOME OUTSIDE BUSINESS THAT I NEEDED TO ATTEND TO."_

 _"Outside business?" Lapras replied curiously, cocking his head in thought as he followed his master's eyes out towards the unnatural sky. "Master Dialga, is there something wrong with the flow of time again? There is no danger, is there?"_

 _"STAY CALM, LAPRAS." Dialga gingerly tapped his foot against the tile. "THERE IS NO DANGER TO THE FLOW OF TIME. THERE WAS SIMPLY SOME POKEMON ELSEWHERE THAT REQUIRED MY PRESENCE. THAT IS ALL."_

 _The two Pokemon grew silent, watching the clouds shift and shudder as they floated along, a refreshing wind blowing across Dialga's hidden domain._

 _"Master Dialga… does the outside business involve the Temporal Crisis that happened before?"_

 _The dragon god of time only smiled._

 _"WHAT WAS ONCE SPLIT IS WHOLE AGAIN."_

* * *

"Yes, yes, we know, time was fixed and you saved our three main characters, we didn't need to see you play the _vague game_ with Lapras," Keldeo said in annoyance, "Actually, this first chapter really is kind of repetitive. We know Dialga is back to normal, we know time was fixed, we know our heroes are okay; so we can we _please_ stop repeating what we've already seen and get some new developments?"

* * *

 _"Oh, you've only been napping for a couple hours, sir!" Arcanine said with a strange amount of enthusiasm, raising one of his forelegs to his head in a salute. "It's almost noon now, and I don't think the Guildmaster brought you anything when you woke up this morning, so I figured I would bring you lunch, sir!"_

 _"Lunch?" Grovyle muttered under his breath, looking skeptically at the thin metal dome that sat atop the plate. Slipping his claws around the edges of the cover, he lifted it up and off, turning away to place it on the bedside table, next to the melted candle. Looking back, he held his breath as his eyes widened a tad. On top of the plain plate sat an odd bit of food, a couple dark tan things that looked like cones without their tips, dotted with bits of pink and brown. Next to them sat a small canteen, which Grovyle picked up and shook; the liquid inside, hopefully water, sloshed around. "This is lunch?"_

 _"Is something wrong, sir?" Arcanine tilted his head slightly, scratching against the wooden floor. "Oh, wait, I forgot we never got a chance to ask you, sir, chestnuts don't make you sick or anything, right sir? I can bring you a different kind of poffin, if you'd-"_

 _"Poffin?" Grovyle interrupted, picking up the still-warm pastry and looking it over, shaking it lightly as a few loose crumbs fell onto the tray. Arcanine blinked, raising his head a bit in awkward surprise as the strange gesture. "This is a poffin?"_

 _"Um… yes, sir," Arcanine answered. "It's a nanab-and-chestnut poffin, as simple as it can get, sir. There's nothing wrong with that, is there, sir?"_

 _Grovyle leaned forward and took a quick sniff of the food, nodding as the savory smell hit his senses, and with a small amount of trepidation, he opened his mouth and took a small nibble out of the poffin, setting it back down as he chewed, then swallowed. "This…"_

 _"Sir?" Arcanine said, standing rigidly at attention, thoroughly confused by the lizard's odd behavior. Grovyle's eyes widened to the size of the plate his meal sat on as he beamed incredulously, taking a huge bite out of the poffin and letting the mix of sweetness, bitterness and nuttiness meld on his tongue, his mouth quickly beginning to water as he practically in haled the pastry, chomp after chomp, pausing only to take a quick swig of the fresh water from his canteen. Arcanine stepped back a bit as the dog watched the grass type go at his meal with unexpected gusto. "Slow down a bit, sir! I wouldn't want you to choke on my watch, sir!'_

 _"M-mm, mmph!" Grovyle grunted in response, his mouth still full of food, and he gulped down some water, letting the drink wash the delicious meal down. Setting the leather bottle back onto the tray, the wood gecko Pokemon took a deep breath, still wearing a rather-dazed smile as he stared at the plate in shock; in the span of nary a minute or two, he had polished off two whole poffins and most of his water. How could food taste so good? "Sorry. I've never had something like that before."_

* * *

"You know, I'm actually surprised Grovyle didn't start crying, I mean, I'd hate to think of how bland and terrible food must have been in an eternally dark world where time has stopped! I mean, if that was his reaction to a Poffin, imagine what he'd do if he came in contact with a Pokepuff!"

 ** _Grovyle:_** _"Well, I am feeling a bit hungry. Oh, what do you go there in that box? A Pokepuff? Well, I've never heard of that. Let me take a bite. Nomnomonm- OH ARCEUS, WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT IS THIS!? OH ARCUES, THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! I MEAN, I'M AMAZING AT WHAT I DO, BUT THIS. . . **THIS IS JUST BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION! OH ARCUES, WHAT IS THIS!? AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"**_

* * *

 _Grovyle opened his mouth to respond, but Arcanine hopped onto his hind legs, his eyes brightening as his tail began to wag enthusiastically. "Oh! But since you're awake, I could probably show you around the guild, and then we could ask together, right?"_

* * *

 ** _Doug:_** _"I love you, and I just met you!"_

"Oh come on, Arcanine, have some pride," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"You mean… like a tour?" Grovyle stood up straighter, putting his hands on his hips, and Arcanine nodded vigorously. The wood gecko rubbed a claw under his chin, thinking aloud. "Hmm… I guess that would be a good idea… especially if I can walk."_

 _"Who said anything about walking around the whole guild, si- Grovyle?" Arcanine replied, and Grovyle sucked in a breath as the dog bumped him into the air, and he winced as he landed on top of the fire type's fluffy back, getting winded in the process. "Like a former guild member used to tell me, 'why walk when you can ride'?"_

 _"Former guild member?" Grovyle asked hesitantly, taking a few deep breaths as Arcanine walked over to the door, carefully biting onto the doorknob, twisting it, and letting the door slide open, scratching against the floor. "What do you mean by former?"_

 _"Oh, she graduated from the guild a few years ago, heh," Arcanine said with a chuckle, walking out into a small hallway before turning around and closing the door behind him._

* * *

 _"FORESHADOWING!"_ Munna shouted.

* * *

 _"Alright… I'll follow your lead, then, Arcanine," The wood gecko said, and as he thought back to his meeting with Guildmaster Delibird, reached forward and slipped his claws into the fur close to one of the dog's ears, scratching gently. He smiled as the ear flicked forward as if it had a mind of its own, and Arcanine broke into a sudden gallop, forcing Grovyle to hang on, wide-eyed, to Arcanine's thick mane, struggling to keep himself from tumbling backwards. "W-woah!"_

* * *

 ** _"ZUUL, MAGIKARP, ZUUL!"_**

"So after a tour that seems to go on forever. . ." Keldeo began.

* * *

 _"That's it?" Grovyle said, leaning back against the dog's fluffy tail, its tip still wagging as he walked towards Grovyle's ward. The tour was that short?_

* * *

Keldeo had a confused looked on his face, but then shook it off and said, "Okay, so after a tour that _goes on for a length of time which I shall not comment on_ , we get a huge, big, enormous shock."

* * *

 _"It's… smaller than I was expecting, I guess."_

 _"Smaller?" Arcanine asked. "What do you mean, smaller? We're no bigger than the Wigglytuff Exploration Guild back on the mainland, or so I've heard, Grovyle!"_

 _"The Wigglytuff Guild!?" The lizard exclaimed in shock, wobbling precariously as he jerked forward, and he yelped as he lost his balance, falling onto the floor with a thump. Grovyle stared outside the bright window as Arcanine left away from the doorknob, walking over and sticking his face above his charge's. "It still exists!?"_

 _Arcanine quirked an eyebrow upward as he continued to stare at Grovyle, his incredulous expression saying everything it needed to. "Wow, the Guildmaster was right when he said your memory was kinda iffy, huh? Of course the Wigglytuff Guild's still around, Grovyle! How could it not be?"_

* * *

 ** _DUN-DUN-DUUUUNNNNNNN!_**

* * *

 _Grovyle felt his breath catch in his throat as he tried to register the very idea. Wigglytuff Guild. Treasure Town. The mainland. It was all still here. Bill and Rose… he, Celebi and Dusknoir… they really had changed the future… "Hey, Grovyle, what's wrong? Say something, you're looking all surprised!"_

 _He fainted._

* * *

"Our hero, ladies and gentlemen," Keldeo groaned.

"Well, while that's going on, Guildmaster Delibird is relaxing and having a conversation with his friends as they watch."

* * *

 _"Before I forget, how is Erin doing, hoho?"_

 _The Mienshao that sat across from him shook her head, taking her small reading glasses and setting them onto the table before reaching over and taking a small slice of apple from a platter, her thin, graying fur pulled back to keep from falling onto the freezing furniture. "She's doing well, Guildmaster. She sent us a letter just a couple weeks ago, saying that she and her friends were going on a mission somewhere… up north, I think."_

 _"And she said she misses us and she wants to come and see us soon, like she always does, eh, hun?" A Hariayama added, the heavyset Pokemon licking his fingers clean as he shuffled around on the floor, too big for any proper seat. "Glad yer still asking about her, Guildmaster. We haven't gotten to talk in a while, so I was wondering if you'd forgotten about her, eh?"_

 _"Hoho, I doubt anyone at the guild could forget someone with as much boundless energy as she had, hoho!" Delibird laughed, staring into the grey, overcast sky as his mind drifted to the ever-cheerful rescue graduate, quieting himself as he smiled in fond reminiscence. "If you don't mind me saying, she truly was your child, Lin, Yama."_

 _"Yeah, yeah…" Yama replied as a soft blush formed on his cheeks. "It's what you always -"_

* * *

 _"EX - PO - SI - TION! EX - PO - SI - TION! Rush - it - out! AS - AP!"_ Keldeo and Munna sang.

* * *

 _"We started over and I introduced myself as the guildmaster of the guild here, which seemed to just confuse him further, hoho. I mentioned that he was mumbling some during the night and he asked me if he'd said anything understandable, hoho. I wonder if his memory was affected from his exhaustion."_

 _"Mumbling?" Lin perked up, blinking behind her glasses as she cocked her head in thought. "Now that you mention it, Grovyle was mumbling when we found him atop the mountain, too…"_

 _"Hoho, yes, you told me before," Delibird replied, reaching down to grab his bag-like tail._

 _"Yes, though I didn't think he said anything understandable… Yama, dear, you said you heard something, didn't you?" The graying mink turned to her husband, who had switched back to his sitting position, his legs crossed and his hands on his sides. The large fighting type rolled his eyes upward, thinking. "What was it you thought he said? Something about…"_

 _"Dialga!" Yama yelled with a snap of his fingers, shrinking back a bit as he noticed the odd stares that both Lin and Delibird gave him, and he chuckled sheepishly, reaching back to scratch behind his head. "Eh, heh, sorry about that. But yer right, hun, I heard him say something as clear as that morning was, and he said 'Dialga'!"_

 _"Dialga?" Delibird repeated, frozen in his seat. "Dialga… and Grovyle, Celebi, and Dusknoir…"_

 _The four names sent a chill down everyone's spine as the three Pokemon quickly pieced the puzzle together, the all-too-familiar tale running through their minds. Lin was the first to speak, carefully taking her reading glasses into a trembling paw. "G-Guildmaster… y-you a-aren't t-thinking…"_

 _"Lin… Yama…" Delibird said in reply, an anxious edge in his voice as he dropped to a whisper. "You found them… yesterday?"_

 _The husband and wife both felt their eyes widen to the size of platters, Delibird's implication not lost on them for a second._

* * *

Keldeo stood up tall, suddenly looking very invested. "Oh? Is there some kind secret legend or prophecy going on here? Well, come on, give! Give!"

* * *

 _Yama swallowed dryly, unconsciously reaching over to the empty fruit platter to grab some food, only pulling back when he realized there wasn't any left. "Lin… hun… we forgot in the panic... we were climbing up the mountain yesterday because it was-"_

 _"Guildmaster, sir!"_

 _The yell broke their combined train of thought, and Guildmaster Delibird looked over his shoulder, his eyes narrowing as he shuffled around on his stool. As Arcanine galloped up to the three of them, the dog took a few gulps of air before bowing his head. "Good morning, miss Lin, mister Yama. Guildmaster, sir?"_

* * *

"Oh, _bad dog_!" Keldeo shouted, pointing an accusing hoof angrily.

"So. . . next morning, I guess, Grovyle regains consciousness and- Oh yeah! _Celebi_ is in this story! I almost forgot!"

 ** _Portal 2 Announcer:_** _"Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

* * *

 _The soft moan snapped his attention back to the fairy, and he watched in silence as Celebi pulled a face, let out a massive yawn, and peeked one of her eyes open. The green orb flicked about before settling on him, and he gently squeezed her hand. "Gro… Grovyle…"_

 _"I'm right here, Celebi," Grovyle replied, letting out a quiet breath of relief as the pink Pokemon rolled herself onto her side, hesitantly opening up her other eye as she stared at the wood gecko, and as she yawned again, she laughed a bit at her own tiredness. The pleasant sound made the lizard smile, and he looked back out the window, idly reaching up with his other hand to scratch and itch on his nose. "How are you feeling?"_

 _"I'm… okay, I think," Celebi said, slowly scooting up as she pushed herself into a sitting position against her pillow. "Where are we? Is this… the Frozen Island?"_

 _"I think it's called the Blizzard Island…" Grovyle sighed, and he turned his head to look at Celebi as she let wriggled her hand out of his, scooting out from under her covers and tentatively stretching out her limbs. "We're in the Delibird Guild."_

 _"A guild? Like the Wigglytuff Guild?" The fairy whispered lightly, her eyes going wide in surprise as she hovered into the air. Her flight didn't last long, though, as she quickly flung her arms around herself, her two antennae drooping as she began to shiver. Grovyle blinked, briefly glancing at his blanket before looking back at his friend. "How did we get here? I remember… I remember you suddenly collapsing, and then…"_

 _"There was a couple from a village nearby that brought us here, or so the Guildmaster said," Grovyle replied, gesturing towards the door with his head. That reminded him – had the guild finished its meeting? He and Celebi had been talking for a good few minutes… "I woke up earlier this morning and had… a couple naps afterward. The guild's cheer woke me up again…"_

* * *

"Oh for the compassion of Dialga, enough with the exposition already! What is this, _Jupiter Ascending_?" Keldeo said incredulously, "I understand our characters are confused and disoriented, and I know we're in a new location, but this story just gets _soooo_ redundant."

"I mean, just look: Dialga says what's gonna happen, then we see our heroes saved, then their rescuers talk about what just happened, then the _nurse_ says what happened, then _Delibird_ says what happened, then _Dialga_ says what happened _again_ , then _Arcanine_ says what happened _again_ , then the _Delibird_ tells his friends what happened, and we can't even get any new information without Arcanine interrupting!"

Keldeo shrugged impatiently and said, "And then Celebi wakes up, so _of course_ Grovyle has to explain _everything **again!**_ Can we _please_ learn _something_ **_new_ ** this chapter?"

* * *

 _The wood gecko trailed off as Celebi let out a quiet gasp, and the duo looked out the window, watching the sky go from orange to dark blue, a multitude of stars beginning to wink into existence. Celebi's expression of wonder sent an amused expression onto Grovyle's face, the quiet only broken by the low hum of the pink Pokemon's fluttering wings. He narrowed his eyes, trying to find the far-off landmass, but it was to no avail, and he settled for his friend's soft-spoken reaction. "You got to see this during your adventures in the past…? I'm… a little jealous."_

 _"You know, we get to see it every day now," Grovyle pointed out, and Celebi absently nodded in response. "The future… from the Pokemon I've talked to, Bill and Rose really were able to stop the future of darkness."_

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "We know this. Next."

* * *

 _"Those two really pulled it off, didn't they?" Celebi smiled, clasping her hands together as she turned towards Grovyle, who exhaled gently, his warm breath turning to mist as it found the chilly room. "And we helped out too, right?"_

 _The grass type was silent for a moment before answering. "Yeah. We helped them just as much as they helped us."_

* * *

Keldeo groaned, "We know this. Next."

* * *

 _Celebi finally seemed to notice the missing member of the trio, and she scanned around the hospital ward, her head tilting lightly in confusion. Her friend watched as she flittered from one end of the room to the other, returning to his side after a moment. "That's right, Dusknoir! Where is he? I was wondering why he hadn't made some kind of comment yet."_

 _"Arcanine… er, one of the other guild members," Grovyle hastily explained, suppressing a yawn as he spoke. "He said that the Guildmaster had set the three of us up in different parts of the guild in case we woke each other up."_

* * *

Keldeo clenched his teeth, "We know this. Next!"

* * *

 _The fairy seemed to laugh to herself at this, and the lizard frowned, tapping his foot against the floor. "What?"_

 _"W-well, if we weren't supposed to wake each other up, I guess you waking me up means it didn't really work, did it?" Celebi giggled brightly, and Grovyle flinched before smiling sheepishly, looking at his feet in mild embarrassment. The pink Pokemon floated a short ways away, whispering to herself. "Not that I minded, though…"_

 _"Huh?"_

 _"O-oh! Nothing, nothing," Celebi replied alongside a short loss of altitude,_

* * *

"We know they're in love too! NEXT!" Keldeo shouted.

* * *

 _The two of them jumped in dampened shock from a repeated tapping on the wall, and they turned towards the old-fashioned log wall as it slowly swung open. Grovyle let go of the breath he was holding as Guildmaster Delibird waddled his way into the room, holding his tail in his flipper as he nudged the door closed._

* * *

"Finally!" Keldeo shouted, "So now we finally get to check on Dusknoir. It's about time. This story is _seriously **dragging**_."

* * *

 _"He looks… peaceful," Celebi put plainly. Grovyle had to agree; Dusknoir seemed to sleep quite soundly for someone who'd had a crisis of conscience just a few days earlier. "Then again, we were always enemies, so we can't really say for sure…"_

 _"He's probably needed more time to recover than either one of us," The wood gecko replied as he took hold of the corners of his blanket and tossed it over Dusknoir's body, covering him up as best he could. Celebi wordlessly moved to the other side of the bed to help, tugging on the corners of the wool. "I guess… he's the one who deserves to rest the most, if anything."_

 _For a few moments, the two Pokemon stood solemnly at the ghost type's side, thinking to themselves as they watched their newfound friend snooze the night away. Dusknoir seemed to shift in his sleep, rolling onto his side and grunting from the warmth of the cover, and Grovyle and Celebi sent each other a mutual smile._

 _"Weh-heh-heh!"_

 _The laugh cut through the quiet like a blade through a berry, their muscles tensing up as the smiles dropped from their faces. Grovyle looked around the hospital ward, eyes narrowed, and tried to keep his teeth from chattering as the cold nipped at him again. "That was…!"_

 _Celebi shut her slackened jaw as she spun around, her green eyes glowing slightly as she tried to find the source of the noise. "Sableye?"_

 _Whatever it was, it was drowned out by the squeaky hinges of the door as it was opened up again, and the pair of Pokemon snapped their heads towards Guildmaster Delibird, his feathers lit up somewhat by the wavering candles that he and Pansear held up into the air. "Hoho, you know, I also hope you'll be able to stop disappearing on me like this!"_

 _As Pansear scampered over to Dusknoir's bed, Grovyle and Celebi walked over to the Guildmaster, the mild light from the candle enough to illuminate their faces, and the elderly penguin tilted his head in confusion at his patients' concerned expressions. "Oh? Is there something wrong, Grovyle?"_

 _"Huh? Er, oh, no…" Grovyle shook himself out of his trance, looking over his shoulder at Dusknoir before turning back to Delibird. "No, nothing's wrong, Guildmaster."_

* * *

"SLAPPY!" Keldeo shouted.

 ** _Slappy Squirrel:_** _"That was pointless."_

"I mean, so what? There's a Sableye following them? Okay. . ." Keldeo looked around, and then shrugged, "So what? That's not even worth a _'foreshadowing'_ meme."

"Well, it turns Dusknoir's Sableye grunts are hiding inside a mystery dungeon for some reason. . . not really the safest place to hide. . ."

* * *

 _An angry growl interrupted the Sableye's meeting, the trees shaking from the reverberating sound, and the first Pokemon let out a cry as he fell to the floor with a thump. With wide, fearful eyes, the six Sableye looked into the darkness, their teeth chattering as chills ran down their spines. A steely pair of eyes stared back._

 _"S-scatter!" The leader ordered, and they split off in all directions, leaving the forest silent._

* * *

 _"Who's dumb idea was it to hide in a dungeon full of dangerous enemy Pokemon!"_

Keldeo sighed, "So Dusknoir _finally_ wakes up and-"

* * *

 _"Good… morning, Dusknoir," Grovyle said after a moment, walking across the room and stopping at the edge of the bed. Celebi flew over, her wings humming as she lowered herself onto the nearby table next to the melted candle, and Dusknoir looked at his food thoughtfully._

 _"Yes… that's right. It is morning, isn't it?" He murmured, twisting around to look outside his window, his suspicions confirmed by the gentle light that reflected off of the snow outside. His single red eye narrowed at the sight. "So… the future has been changed after all. This guild must still on the Frozen Island, then."_

 _"I think you said it was Blizzard Island in the past, right?" Grovyle reminded, and the ghost nodded in reply. The wood gecko stroked his head-leaf a couple times, drumming his two toes against the floor as he continued. "Some villagers below brought us here."_

 _"Yes, the Solosis told me already." Dusknoir gestured towards the psychic type nearby, who quietly busied himself with retrieving the empty meal tray before bringing it out of the room, leaving the trio of Pokemon alone to talk. Celebi briefly jumped up to look out the window, peeking shortly at the pure white fluff coating the ground outside, before returning to the table. "He said-_

* * *

"Skip!" Keldeo said bluntly.

* * *

 _The wood gecko thought back to Dialga's parting words, and he looked at Celebi, the gears in his head beginning to turn. "Celebi, before I fainted, Dialga said something about a 'time paradox of a world of frozen time'. You know more about time than either Dusknoir or I… do you think that it could be nobody remembering the dark future?"_

 _"I think… it's a stretch, but I think…" Celebi trailed off, looking from Dusknoir to Grovyle before continuing. "It could be that the future is actually-"_

* * *

Keldeo suddenly became invested again. He leaned in and said, "What? The future is actually _what_? What is it?! Tell me!"

* * *

 _"Hey, you guys?" Arcanine's voice cut through their musing,_

* * *

"Be quiet, be quiet, BE QUIET! Oh my _gosh_ , Arcanine! What the heck is wrong with you?! _Please,_ just be _**QUIET**_!" Keldeo exploded before walking away in frustration.

* * *

 _"Master Dialga?"_

 _"YES, LAPRAS?"_

 _"You've been somewhat melancholy today."_

 _"…"_

 _"If you don't mind my asking, is this related to the outside business you mentioned before?"_

 _"…I AM ALRIGHT, LAPRAS. I AM JUST DWELLING."_

 _"…dwelling on what, Master Dialga?"_

 _"EVENTS THAT… COULD HAVE HAPPENED, IN ANOTHER TIME, IN A DARKER PLACE."_

* * *

"Biscuits!" Keldeo said angrily from off screen.

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _We'll be right back!_


	21. Message From Matthais

Hi, everyone. Matthais Unidostres here. Just here to say a couple of things.

First, I'm not all that happy with the first part of that review. However, there's nothing really I could have done to make it better, sadly. It came out like I hated it, when I really just didn't like it that much. Basically, Part One was kind of a dud, but don't worry, because Part Two is going to be much better. Just know that I always review things fairly.

Second, I had planned to do _Christmas in July_ special where Keldeo was gonna review _Swiper and the Nutcracker Rescue._ Yeah, that story I mentioned in that April Fools joke was gonna get an actual review. It was gonna be hilarious, what with Keldeo reviewing something _Dora the Explorer_ related. But, in the end, I decided against it, because I have a whole bunch of more serious reviews for Keldeo to do, like the _Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's_ fanfic _The Dragons,_ the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon review Keldeo's doing right now of course, HavocHound's _PAW Patrol_ fanfics that was mentioned during my _Palace Pets_ review, the MLP Fimfic _Fear and Trembling_ that was also mentioned a while ago, and a few more fanfics I was thinking of doing reviews of.

So yeah, look forward to reviews of those stories. _Also,_ I was thinking about maybe reviewing _Slaves and Soldiers_ by AuraWielder, but I wasn't really sure about it. You see, I wanted to do a thing where Keldeo doesn't really like it and has complaints about it, and there's this other Pokemon who tries to convince him to like it, kind of like the Nostalgia Critic's review of _The Matrix._ I was gonna use Genesect, but then I was worried that I'd be ripping off DragonNiro's _The Angry Bug Show._ Then I thought I'd do a Porygon, but nah, Porygon just doesn't seem right. Then I thought I'd do MechMew2 from that horrible Pokemon Musical, and yeah, that would make perfect sense.

Now, I really _DO_ like _Slaves and Soldiers._ It is not a bad fanfic. It has things that Keldeo can really tear into, but all fanfics are like that. Keldeo's not gonna be all "angry reviewer" on it. No, it's gonna be a really good, honest, and fair review.

So, I hope I got you hyped for future reviews, and I hope you enjoy the rest of this review.


	22. Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live- Part 2

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 7: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live by Traveling Trainer**

Keldeo had a somber look on his face and said, "I'm sorry for the way I got angry and stormed off like that. It was really . . . immature. I just wanted the plot to _start_ already, I mean, it was just _so much exposition and talking!_ "

Keldeo sighed and shook his head, "But hey, I'm pretty sure that 3 chapters of exposition is enough, and that chapter four will finally give us some new developments."

* * *

 _"Guildmaster Delibird? You wanted to see us?"_

 _"Oh, hoho! Yes, indeed I did!" Guildmaster Delibird said a hello to his three patients as they entered into his quarters, running back and forth to light the low-hanging candles on the walls._

 _The old penguin tittered to himself as he watched Dusknoir finally make it past the doorframe. "Hoho! I normally visit my patients while they're in their wards, so my apologies for the tight fit, my friend!"_

 _"I think that's twice now yer having to say that, eh, Guildmaster?" A gruff, but good-natured, voice replied, and Grovyle did a double take as he glimpsed the heavyset Hariyama at the back of the room. At his side was a bespectacled Mienshao, who smiled gently at the other Pokemon's joking remark. The Guildmaster idly stroked his beard, choosing not to comment. "Haha, maybe you'll finally think about expanding yer doorway! No reason to keep just one out of 'em all small, eh?"_

* * *

"Okay, so we finally get to be more formaly introduced to our supporting characters: Yama the Hariyama and Lin the Mienshao," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"Oh, hello there!" Celebi said in surprise, smiling brightly as she waved at the two unfamiliar Pokemon. Dusknoir quietly let his arms drop to his sides as he took in the room, and Grovyle stroked at his head-leaf, the mild warmth from the candles not enough to make the room feel remotely comfortable. "Are you members of the rescue guild as well?"_

 _"Oh, no, dear," The Mienshao laughed softly to herself, hopping off of her seat and walking over to the fairy, her short sleeves rolling over her paws as she reached out to shake the girl's hand. "My husband and I are good friends of the guild, though."_

 _"Erhem, hoho… my apologies for interrupting, hoho," Delibird coughed a bit to get everyone's attention, and the older lady stepped back to let the penguin speak. "First thing, ah… Dusknoir, I'm glad to see that you're finally awake, hoho!"_

 _The ghost stared blankly at the Guildmaster for a moment before he looked at the rug, folding his arms defensively as an awkward silence settled over the room. "Thank you for the concern."_

 _"Yes… well, it's what anyone would feel in my place, hm?" The red-feathered elder broke the beat, peering to his sides as he gestured at the other pair of Pokemon with his flippers. "I may as well introduce my other visitors, hoho! Grovyle, Celebi, Dusknoir, these two are Lin and Yama. They're the ones who brought you to the guild a few days ago, hoho!"_

 _"So you two were the ones who found us?" Grovyle blinked, gazing at the two fighting types. Celebi's wings hummed as she hovered around, struggling to shake the Hariyama's hand, and Yama eventually poked out a single finger, gingerly lifting it up and down in her grasp. "I was wondering if we were going to meet you sooner or later."_

 _"It's good to finally make your acquaintance, Grovyle," Lin said,_

* * *

"NEXT!" Keldeo shouted impatiently.

* * *

 _"Right, hoho!" The Guildmaster confirmed with a short nod, stifling his laughter as he tapped his feet against the fabric. Grovyle crossed his legs as Celebi slowly fluttered to the floor, stomping her feet a few times before sitting down; Dusknoir remained standing, as much as a ghost could technically stand. "I'm… hoho, not really sure where to start, but I suppose I'll go with something simple. Who are you three, exactly? I know your names, but are you explorers of some sort?"_

 _"Yeah, it's not very typical for Pokemon to be climbing up Mount Avalanche unless yer on some kind of job," Yama added, patting his knees as he spoke up, glancing over at his wife. "But there wasn't anything interesting up there, right, hun? No bag, no badge, no outlaws, no nothing."_

 _"That's right. The three of you were the only ones up there, and there wasn't hair nor hide of anyone else." Lin nodded in concern, taking the moment to rub at her glasses with a sleeve. "And we didn't find any supplies with you, either. Did you three climb up the mountain all by yourselves?"_

* * *

 _"Oh, we're just three time traveling Pokemon who defeated an evil version of Palkia in order to save the world. You're welcome."_

Keldeo smiled, "No, no, _of course_ they don't say that."

* * *

 _"E-er…" Grovyle stuttered, looking away to hide the panicked expression that had suddenly appeared on his face. For all the discussion about getting asked questions sooner or later, he had no idea what to say for an answer. He nervously glanced at his friends out of the corner of his eye – Dusknoir simply continued to stay silent and wait, his single red eye fixing the wood gecko with a deadpan expression._

 _"None of us are explorers from a guild, if that's what you mean, Guildmaster," Celebi thankfully picked up the slack for him, and he reached up to sheepishly stroke his head-leaf, listening closely to his friend; coming up with a cover story was probably the best option, especially since everyone else had no idea what happened to them. "I guess you could say that the three of us are self-taught, hehe!"_

* * *

 _ **Ace the Bathound:** "Nice recovery. Very smooth"_

* * *

 _"Yes." Dusknoir's low voice cut through the chatter easily, and everyone turned their heads toward the ghost. The Guildmaster nodded at him to continue, and Grovyle narrowed his eyes – what did Dusknoir have in mind? "We were helping some young Pokemon from the mainland."_

* * *

 _"Good thing being good at lying comes with the job of 'evil sadistic villain.'"_

* * *

 _"Y-yeah… yeah, that's right." Grovyle slowly said, and Dusknoir let the wood gecko speak._

* * *

"I don't know why he would let the wood gecko speak, seeing as he's stammering over all his words like his ability is Klutz!" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _"They needed us to get something for them at the mountain."_

* * *

 ** _Phoenix Wright:_** _"OBJECTION!"_

* * *

 _"Get something from the mountain?" Yama quirked a confused eyebrow at the trio as he fell down sideways, lazing about as he drummed his fingers against his leg. "What something could yer pals want from there, eh? There's nothing there that you can't find on the whole of the Southern Continent!"_

 _"It's kind of a long story, sir, but we were chasing after another Pokemon that was climbing the mountain," Celebi explained. Grovyle sighed inwardly as the fairy liberally sugarcoated their mission. "Some friends, from the mainland, needed our help with him as soon as possible, so we had to get to the top as soon as we could, or else…"_

* * *

"Be quiet, be quiet, BE QUIET! Oh my _gosh_ , Celebi! What the heck is wrong with you?! _Please,_ just be _**QUIET**_!" Keldeo shouted in frustration, "Biscuits! Applejack lies better than you do, Celebi! _APPLEJACK!_ "

"And another thing, that's the _second_ time I've had to use that _'be quiet'_ meme that to someone in this story! Why is everyone in this story such a blabber mouth!"

 _ **Ralph Kramden:** "SHE'S A BLABBER MOUTH! A BLABBER MOUTH!"_

* * *

 _As the grass type trailed off, everyone went quiet, a tense pause hanging in the air as the party of Pokemon mulled Celebi's words over. Yama pushed himself back to a sitting position as he and his wife glanced at each other, the two of them sharing a troubled look. Guildmaster Delibird simply sighed, bowing his head and mumbling something inaudible under his breath. Grovyle looked over his shoulder at Celebi and Dusknoir – the pink-hued grass type fiddled nervously with her antennae, and their large, ghostly companion had curled his hands into tight fists, his so-called eyebrow furrowed thoughtfully._

 _"You…" He spoke icily. "…don't believe us, do you?"_

* * *

 ** _Intoxiquer:_** _"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!"_

* * *

 _"You three…" Lin replied with an almost imperceptibly-soft tone of voice, getting up and inching towards them. Grovyle uncrossed his legs as the Mienshao approached, ready to rise at a moment's notice. The older Pokemon seemed to notice his movement, and she smiled reassuringly at him as she squatted down and stared straight into his eyes, removing her glasses as she did. "Grovyle, when we found you up on the summit, you were just barely conscious, and Yama hear you mention… Dialga."_

* * *

 ** _*SHATTER!*_**

Keldeo jumped in shock and said, "Oh man, you shattered all their Psyche-Locks!"

* * *

 _Grovyle's jaw dropped as his mind filled with dread, and Celebi fluttered into the air in dampened shock; Dusknoir floated backwards until he was pressing up against the wall, causing the hanging candles to flicker and shake, the metal tapping against the walls. Guildmaster Delibird wobbled around as he tried to get up as well, but Lin thrust a paw at him, and the red penguin eased himself to a stop, nodding at the lady to continue speaking. Lin briefly looked from Grovyle, to Celebi, to Dusknoir, and back again._

 _"You're… the ones from the story about Primal Dialga, aren't you, dears? The ones who wanted to change the past so that you could stop…" She stopped for a moment, tapping a paw to her chin as she racked her brain. "The future was full of darkness, you were looking for the Time Gears, and the planet was… er, it was…"_

 _"Paralyzed…" Grovyle answered, cutting the woman off mid-sentence, and she refocused her attention on him. "The planet was… paralyzed."_

 _"So you were chasing up the mountain after Primal Dialga, eh?" Yama added, scratching the back of his neck in confusion. "But wait, yer supposed to have been… erased from existence, or something. That's how we heard it, at least! How'd yer tails end up snoozing around here, eh?"_

* * *

"Wait. . . so they already know all about them?" Keldeo said with a look of confusion, "And they were _supposed_ to have been erased? Well, okay, so how does this work? Where did Arceus place them?"

* * *

 _"Hoho… Yama, didn't you hear what Celebi said? She said it was a long story!"_

* * *

"Give us the short version! Give us the short version!" Keldeo said pleadingly.

* * *

 _"Alright… alright." Grovyle said twice, steeling himself the second time. "We'll tell you everything."_

* * *

 _By the time Grovyle neared the close of their adventure, he was pretty sure that he, Celebi and Dusknoir had been speaking for what felt like an entire day, even if a quick sideways glance told him that the wax had only just begun to drip down the sides of the candles. He felt his eyes widen at the sight – even with his experience finding the Time Gears in the past, getting used to time truly flowing again was going to be hard. Delibird, Lin and Yama had thankfully held their tongues through the whole of the story, letting the words flow uninterrupted. "And then… well, we were still there. We hadn't disappeared."_

* * *

"Thank goodness, a time skip. Thank you!" Keldeo said gratefully, "And speaking of time skips, we finally get an explanation to exactly happened to our heroes."

* * *

 _"When the planet was paralyzed, a lot of things just… stopped happening, right? Water didn't flow, the sun and moon didn't rise, and food didn't grow. They had just frozen in place, time had stopped for them."_

 _"That's right, but Dialga said that time doesn't just stop…" Dusknoir interrupted, only to be cut off with a wave of the grass type's hand._

 _"I wasn't finished yet!" Celebi said in a pouty huff, and the ghost sat back, gesturing at her with a shake of his head. She exhaled and inhaled before continuing. "But time hadn't stopped for Pokemon! Grovyle and Dusknoir... and me… and all the other Pokemon in the future could walk and talk and age, right? So time was still flowing for us!"_

* * *

"Hey, yeah, she's right about that. Time didn't _really_ stop as in _the whole universe stopped functioning._ It was more like _nature stopped,_ " Keldeo remarked, "I always figured it was just a necessary plot hole that the story needed to function, but. . ."

* * *

 _"That's... but how…" Grovyle blinked in understanding before grunting in confusion, trying to say something multiple times before just giving up and resting his head in his hands. So time had stopped… but time… hadn't stopped? Was that even possible? He let out a dry chuckle at his own bewilderment. "…Celebi, I think that only made things even harder to understand."_

 _"Hoho, so time can be choosy, can it?" Guildmaster Delibird remarked with his hooting laugh, getting to his feet and stretching his stiff limbs, pacing around the room as he checked the candles._

 _"Grovyle, you and the rest of the Pokemon investigating the planet's paralysis just focused on finding out how to change the past and stop it from happening at all…" She explained, looking at the wood gecko, and he nodded. She turned to Dusknoir. "And Dusknoir… well, I guess Primal Dialga couldn't really explain how time works, could he?"_

 _"No… not particularly," The ghost snidely replied._

 _"Grovyle… Dusknoir… time was flowing, at least in some way, in the future, which is why you could go back to the past at all…" Celebi dropped her voice to a whisper. "And when the past was changed, the future where the planet was paralyzed got erased from existence, like everyone thought it would."_

 _The words sent a chill down Grovyle's spine as his eyes grew to the size of platters, and he shivered in the silence that followed. Delibird yelped as the candles rattled in their holders, and a noisy bump let everyone know that Dusknoir had stopped hovering, the ghost having fallen to the floor in shock. Lin and Yama kept still, looking from the trio of young explorers to each other, waiting patiently for more._

 _"But… if time hadn't stopped…" Grovyle muttered. "And the future really did disappear… then where are we?"_

 _"Celebi, if I might butt in?" Lin asked, and both the wood gecko and the fairy looked at her, the latter dropping to the rug with a short nod. "We found you two days ago… dears, that was the anniversary of when Bill and Rose saved the world. The Temporal Crisis, I think most call it now."_

 _Grovyle's mouth flattened as he finally got the message. Treasure Town still existed. Nobody remembered anything about the future. Blast it all, it seemed so obvious now, how hadn't he seen it before!? "…you mean…"_

 _Dusknoir was similarly stunned. "This can't be…"_

 _"Guildmaster?" Celebi slowly looked over to the red-feathered penguin, who stood at attention with a kind smile. "How many years has it been since the… Temporal Crisis? If I'm thinking right, it should be-"_

 _"Seven years, hoho!" Delibird chortled, patting his beard. "Oho! So you mean that seven years passed while the planet was paralyzed, and that's why you're here now, hoho!"_

* * *

"So defeating Primal Dialga caused the timeline where the planet paralyzed to disappear, and our three heroes were kicked out of it and dropped back into the timeline where the collapse of Temporal Tower was prevented! Genius!" Keldeo said with satisfaction in his voice.

* * *

 _"Hoho, well, you three didn't have any supplies or money up on Mount Avalanche, remember?" Guildmaster Delibird reminded them with a wave of his flipper, and both Grovyle and Lin nodded in confirmation. "And considering your circumstances, you also don't have a place to stay, correct? With all due respect, you can't live in our wards, hoho, those are meant for patients!"_

 _Grovyle reached back to sheepishly toy with his head-leaf, briefly thinking about Sharpedo Bluff before shaking his head at the idea. "I… guess we don't."_

 _Lin and Yama stepped forward, smiling brightly at them, and Guildmaster Delibird stroked his beard as a warm chuckle escaped his beak. "Hohoho, exactly! And when we realized that, miss Lin and sir Yama offered to take you in while you three get settled!"_

* * *

 _"After all, you guys did help save the world, so you deserve some reward for it. We're not just gonna take your heroics and risking of life and limb for granted. I mean, this isn't Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's or Friendship is Magic or anything like that!"_

* * *

 _"Really?" Celebi blurted out, her eyes lighting up happily, and Grovyle smiled as the pink fairy flapped over to Lin, clasping her hands together as the Mienshao nodded at her. "That would be a big help! Thank you, sir, ma'am!"_

 _"We'd like for you three to stay for one more night so we can be sure that you're fighting fit, but once tomorrow morning arrives, you'll be free to go, hoho!" Delibird explained, planting his flippers firmly at his sides. "If you'd like, you can all stay in one ward this time, hoho!"_

 _"…Hmph." Dusknoir only grunted, and Grovyle looked over his shoulder at his friend; the ghost seemed preoccupied, staring absently at the far wall._

* * *

 _"I mean, I was a sadistic creep after all, so I'm not gonna be Mr. Sunshine Goodguy all of a sudden. Who do you think I am? Discord?"_

* * *

 _Letting him have his thoughts, the grass type hesitantly nodded at Delibird, a satisfied expression on the penguin's face._

 _"That… would be alright, Guildmaster," He said, and he gestured at the bird's flipper with his claws, extending his hand as the two shook. "Thank you for all your help. We appreciate it."_

 _"Well, I guess now that we're all okay and happy, it's probably time for us to go, eh, hun? Hahaha!" Yama laughed heartily, stepping past everyone as he opened the doors and made for the guild's exit, taking a step through the frame as he ducked his head. After a few moments, he chuckled in embarrassment, waving his arm at the five other Pokemon in the room. "Er, hah, can I get a push?"_

 _Celebi giggled quietly, and Lin sighed._

* * *

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAHHHHH!_**

Keldeo shrugged, but frowned rather than smiled.

"You know the sad part is that this was the story's _first_ attempt at actual comedy. . . and it failed," Keldeo said.

 _ **WAAAAAAHHHHH!**_

"So later that night we have a really cliched scene where Dusknoir is all somber and Grovyle tried to reassure him. . . fun," Keldeo said with a straight face.

* * *

 _what will happen to us now? You and Celebi have gotten the future you wanted. And… Dialga is no longer… my master."_

 _"Well… we're going to go and move into a new place tomorrow," Grovyle said plainly, tapping his toes against the floorboards as he watched the storm cover up the sky. The grass type sucked in a breath as white flecks fell from the gray clouds above, and within a few minutes he and Dusknoir were witnessing a powerful blizzard that pounded against the walls, the glass fogging up from the freezing temperature._

* * *

Keldeo cocked his head. "Okay, I take it back. This is getting really good and atmospheric. Nice touch there. But then again, I don't know if this is clever or melodramatic."

* * *

 _So that was snow… "And then… er…"_

 _He stumbled over his words, trying to think of things to do in the days to come, but the implications of Dusknoir's question fully hit him; the ghost narrowed his single eye and nodded, shooting the grass type a smug expression for a split-second. "I… I don't know."_

 _"Exactly." Dusknoir turned around and floated a few paces away, the snowstorm piling down outside with a mighty rumble. "Even if we're allowed to stay with Lin and Yama for a time, the three of us cannot live that way forever."_

* * *

"Wait a minute, weren't you an explorer or something?" Keldeo asked, "I mean, that's what everyone said you were when you went back in time. . . unless you were only _pretending_ to be an explorer, which wouldn't make any sense, because how can you pretend to have a job like that and have proof of it and fame and stuff without actually doing any exploring? And even if you _weren't_ an explorer and just sat around doing nothing in between your searches for Grovyle during all your time in the past, uh, _here's a little idea for you:_ Make an exploration team with Grovyle and Celebi _right now!_ " Keldeo shouted in frustration, "It pays well. You'd get room and board in Delibird's Guild. Heck, you could even travel all the way to Wiglytuff's Guild if you don't like the cold climate in Delibird's Guild. And you'll be able to go on adventures, have battles, and even make up for your past sins by helping Pokemon in need! This is _not_ difficult, Dusknoir!"

* * *

 _"What's got you moping about this, anyway, Dusknoir?" Grovyle remarked with a furrowed brow, looking over his shoulder to stare a hole into the uncharacteristically-melancholy ghost's back. "I thought that you, of all Pokemon, would be happy to get a second chance-"_

 _"And you think I'm not happy!?" The ghost growled loudly with a clear note of venom, swiveling around to glare angrily at his friend, hands curling into fists as he audibly exhaled._

* * *

Keldeo gave a sudden laugh and said, "Okay, you're making Rainbow Dash look good at hiding her emotions!"

 _ **Rainbow Dash:** "Who said anything about anger?! I didn't say anything about anger! I'm not upset! And I am not angry! DO I LOOK ANGRY?!"_

* * *

 _Grovyle took a step back, crouching defensively in anticipation, but his tension quickly faded as Dusknoir let out a weary, frustrated sigh. They both looked at the shadowy floor, the silence broken by the snowstorm and Dusknoir's heavy breathing. "I… I don't know what to do, Grovyle. I don't understand…"_

 _Understand…? Wait… "Live to understand…"_

 _"What are you muttering now?" Dusknoir lifted his head up, speaking softly as he hovered back over, tilting his head curiously. The grass type smiled, thoughtfully stroking the leaves on his arms._

 _"Dialga told me that I needed to live to understand… I thought he was talking about the time paradox, but," The wood gecko said, staring back at the ghost. "Maybe if you or… I, want to understand… we just have to live, I guess."_

 _Dusknoir's eye narrowed in confusion, shooting back in deadpan, "That's not very helpful."_

 _"Do you have any better ideas?" Grovyle shot back with a knowing look, and the ghost sighed, shaking his head. "For now, we should just focus on getting settled in. We're leaving the guild tomorrow, so-"_

 _"Oh, goodness sake!" Audino's voice interrupted the conversation, and the pair's heads snapped towards the southern door, where the nurse stood with a candle in paw. Her cheeks were puffed out in annoyance as she scolded the two Pokemon._

* * *

"Oh my gosh, why does everyone in this guild always interrupt everyone else' conversations?" Keldeo said in annoyance, "They should just call this the Interrupting Guild or something."

"So then Grovyle dreams a flashback of his travels with the human main character and Celebi in the paralyzed planet. It doesn't really seem that important. Grovyle and the human travel through a forest and meet up with Celebi who talks about Primal Dialga. Stuff our characters would _already know anyway_."

Keldeo sighed, "Fine. So then Yama and Lin take our heroes down into the town of Snowrest."

* * *

 _"Hey, Froslass, could I get a word with the elde-"_

 _"Lux, wait up! You forgot to pay for-"_

 _"Oi, cap'n, we're shovin' off tomorrow mornin', right?"_

 _The sounds of chatter rose into the air as the band of five strolled into the village, all sorts of Pokemon running through the streets as the day wore onward. Celebi couldn't help but spin around, only keeping up with her friends thanks to Grovyle's hold on her hand. The grass type himself struggled to keep his eyes focused on Lin and Yama, catching glimpses of hardy log cabins and ice clinging to walls in his moments of weakness. Dusknoir didn't bother to hide his curiosity, looking freely at the town as he floated ahead. The hustle and bustle of the settlement was a wonder, and the cheer was infectious._

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "Yeah. . .that's what is all about. This is what living is, you three."

* * *

 _"Snowrest Village doesn't have much, though. Smithy, a peddler, a place for storing supplies and cash. That's about it."_

 _"Combusken and Drilbur, dear."_

 _"Oh yeah, Combusken and Drilbur! How'd I forget about him? Thanks, hun," The Hariyama's eyes twinkled with embarrassment. "Combusken runs the local inn and café. We'll probably end up going there this evening to celebrate yer first day with us, haha!"_

 _"A café…" The image of the underground entrance to Spinda's café flashed in Grovyle's mind, and he tilted his head slightly at the memory. He'd never actually gone into the place – by the time he was on good terms with Treasure Town, there had been little time left to waste anyway. "That sounds nice, doesn't it, Celebi?"_

 _"It sounds like a great idea, yeah!" The pink fairy piped up, happily pumping a fist in the air as she fluttered along, her cheer drawing more than a few stares._

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait-wait-wait-wait," Keldeo said, holding up a hoof, "Grovyle. . .are you trying to ask Celebi out on a _date_?" Keldeo tapped his chin for a moment, then shrugged and said, "Well, sure, why not. I guess romance is a key part of living too."

* * *

 _"Look out, miss Lin!"_

 _Grovyle, Celebi and Dusknoir tensed at the shout, peering around the town as they searched for the source of the noise. Lin furrowed her brow, taking off her glasses in thought, and Yama turned around, flinching in surprise as he did so. "Hun, don't move!"_

 _The heavyset fighting type lifted his wife clean off of the ground, the Mienshao gasping as she was lifted into the air, and Grovyle turned his head to look at where she'd stood. A pair of Eevee swiveled wildly through the village, sliding precariously on a large, flat chunk of ice. The grass type's eyes widened, and with a crash, he felt himself flung onto his back, his head-leaf cushioning his fall as he sank into the slush. He groaned at the wet chill that ran down his legs, and he felt two sets of paws trample onto his chest as he stared into the brown eyes of the two little Pokemon._

* * *

"What!?" Keldeo said in disbelief, "Can't Grovyle catch a break? Every other scene he's loosing consciousness, fading in and out of deliriousness, having medicine forced down his throat, fainting like a fangirl, looking stupid, or in this case, getting thrown to the ground like Wile E Coyote!"

"And don't tell me that this is just slapstick, because this is _not_ slapstick! You can't just hurt a character and expect it to be funny. You have to put a character in a position where his getting hurt would be ironic, partially deserved, his own fault, or wacky in some way. This story never does that. It just keep poking and pushing and whacking Grovyle with a heavy stick because. . . ." Keldeo shrugged expressively, "I don't know!"

* * *

 _Behind them, Celebi and Dusknoir reached out to help him onto his feet, and he took their hands into his, standing up and shivering hard enough to shake the snow off of his shoulders. "W-what… h-h-hit me?"_

 _"Um… sorry, mister!" A peppy voice replied, and he glanced down at his feet, the two Eevee staring back up at him. One of them, gray-furred and muddy, scratched at his ears with his hind leg, and Lin stepped over as her husband set her onto the ground. "We didn't mean to hit you, mister!"_

 _"Good morning, Silver and Bronze," The Mienshao greeted, wrapping her paws in her short sleeves, and the two foxes waved eagerly at the older lady. "Already out and about for the day? Where's Glaceon?"_

 _"Good morning, miss Lin," The brown-colored Eevee – Bronze, Grovyle guessed – spoke, bowing his head sheepishly. "U-um, mom's still asleep. You won't tell her that we crashed into you, will you?"_

* * *

Keldeo did a double facehoof, "Oh _NO_ , not the annoying Trickster Twin trope!"

Keldeo took a breath to relax himself and said, "Well, the twins leave right after this, but of course they'll be back, so there's another two things to worry about later. But then we get a nice scene of the couple showing our main characters around their home, which, I must say, is described beautifully."

* * *

 _Grovyle looked ahead of the Mienshao as he and his friends picked up their pace, the sun having passed from morning to afternoon. Another cabin, with a stone chimney sprouting from the roof, sat at the outskirts of the village, the sound of the lively village fading somewhat as the crunch of snow underfoot became more noticeable. That wasn't the only noticeable snow, though – the wood gecko spotted a porch buried by a layer of the white fluff, with only the doorway left unobstructed._

 _The living room was pleasant, if somewhat barren: a small stone fireplace was built into the opposite wall with a rocking chair sitting close by, and a pile of wood was laid at the foot of the rocks._

* * *

Keldeo smiled and said, "It gives you just enough information to get the general idea of what the place looks like, but then lets your imagination fill in the rest of the details."

"So Lin gets their rooms ready, Yama goes to sleep- _huh, this is getting sexist_ -and then we get a visit from- _you won't believe this_ - _another_ annoying interrupting character!"

* * *

 _"I think I was able to get Yama to wake up, so he's-"_

 _"By Arceus!" Pelipper's beak dropped open in shock,_

* * *

"Interrupting Pelipper!" Keldeo shouted in exasperation

* * *

 _and before he could recover, his mailbag had handily slid completely off of its perch, thumping to the ground as its contents spilled out onto the icy porch. "A Celebi! I, I'm so sorry, I..._

* * *

 _ **Dr. Si Nustrix:** "Brand X!? __No-no-no-no!"_

* * *

 _oh dear, I didn't realize that miss Lin and mister Yama were housing such important company! Please forgive me for my outburst!"_

* * *

"Well, at least he acknowledges that a Legendary Pokemon is kind of a big deal. . ." Keldeo said in a subdued tone of voice.

* * *

 _"H-huh? W-wait, w-what?" The pink fairy stuttered slightly, lowering herself onto the floor as the water bird bowed his head until his beak touched the wooden planks, and she looked away, mouth flattening as she clasped her hands behind her back. "Er, t-thank you for the compliment, sir, but, um, who..."_

 _"I'm just the mail-carrier, ma'am, er, miss legendary," Pelipper began to ramble, stumbling over his own words as he tried to answer the simple question._

* * *

 _ **Dr. Si Nustrix:** "H_ _ow about Dr. Pepper? Doctor Scholls? Dr. Feelgood?!"_

* * *

 _"I'm just bringing a letter to Lin and Yama, that's all, I'll just be a few seconds and then I'll be out of your way, ma'am!"_

 _Celebi let out a quiet 'mm-hm', kicking her feet against the floor as she walked over to help gather up the spilled mail, and Grovyle knelt down to help with the task. Thankfully, none of the envelopes had spilled into the snow piled up nearby, and after a few seconds both grass types helped lift the heavy bag back to its rightful spot, sans one scrap of paper that Pelipper had refused to take. The water bird continued to stutter incoherently as he watched the legendary Pokemon before him, and the girl continued to quietly mumble in response. Grovyle frowned._

* * *

 _ **Dr. Si Nustrix:** "Brand X! Brand X!"_

* * *

 _"Afternoon, mailbird!" Yama thankfully cut in, pushing between his two guests and yawning loudly as he regarded Pelipper with a tired smile. Grovyle offered him the last letter, and he pinched a corner of it between two fingers. "One for us, eh? Is it who I'm thinking of?"_

 _"Yes, mister Yama," Pelipper shook himself out of his stupor, nodding at the Hariyama with an awkward chuckle. "Eheh, I'd better get back to work. Sorry for bothering you and your important guests!"_

* * *

 _ **Dr. Si Nustrix:** "_ _IT'S DAYTIIIIIIIME!"_

* * *

 _The trio watched as the water bird flapped up and flew away, and as the figure became a speck in the sky, Yama closed the door and stomped back to the other end of the room, turning his letter around in his hand. Grovyle and Celebi followed him, and the wood gecko glanced at his friend, who stared down at the floor with an oddly subdued expression, the fire's light reflecting in her eyes. He reached out to poke her arm, drawing back a bit when she let out a startled gasp._

 _"Are you alright, Celebi?" Grovyle asked, and the fairy returned to her senses, brushing her antennae out of her face with an embarrassed smile._

 _"I'm fine, Grovyle, don't worry," The grass type replied, and she fluttered back to the floor, fidgeting a bit as she sat down near the warm fireplace. Grovyle sank next to her, his gaze lingering on his friend for a little bit longer._

* * *

 _"FORESHADOWING!"_ Munna shouted as she flew by.

"I sure hope not, because this story does not need a Grovyle-Celebi-Pelipper love triangle," Keldeo said, looking and sounding very un-amused.

"So we see that Yama and Lin's daughter sent them some mail. That's right, they have a daughter. Another character to add to the long and ever growning list of vaguely introduced characters who may or may not play a role in this story. I'm already loosing track of them all!"

* * *

 _Grovyle looked over Dusknoir's shoulder during the short pause, watching as the ghost turned the ruined package over. The words 'to mama and papa from Erin' were scrawled – rather poorly, the grass type noted – on the underside. Celebi poked her head in between the two shortly after, her face twisting into recognition, then a cheery smile._

 _"That's... really sweet!" She muttered under her breath, and Grovyle allowed himself a small smile as the fairy stifled a giggle._

 _"You never mentioned a daughter," Dusknoir said, catching the attention of the two older Pokemon in the room. Lin passed the letter to her husband, who gladly took it from her, and she stroked at her whiskers a bit in embarrassment._

 _"Yes, well..." The mink replied sheepishly, looking back at the red-eyed ghost. "I suppose you would have been asking sometime today anyway, dears. You'll be staying in her old bedroom downstairs, after all."_

 _"I'm a little surprised we hadn't brought her up already, to be honest, heh," Yama chuckled, idly scratching the back of his head as he continued to read the letter. "She sent us a letter a couple weeks ago, too! She's off on some job somewhere with the rest of her pals, as usual."_

 _"She was a graduate from the Delibird Guild, you see," Lin explained quickly when she noticed the blank stares they received. "She's been working with Team Returners for the past few years, so we tend to hear a lot of interesting stories."_

* * *

"Okay, that sounds interesting. I actually can't wait to meet her," Keldeo said in interest, perking up a bit, "Okay, what are we gonna do next?"

* * *

 _"So what can we do to help, Yama?" Celebi asked brightly, shaking her antennae out of her face. The fighting type winked at her before running his hand through some of the bushy twigs._

 _"Well, darlin', what you two could do for me is pick the tree clean of little twigs and other junk..." Yama trailed off momentarily, his eyes stuck on the leaves sprouting from Grovyle's arms. "Yer able to use a cutting attack, right?"_

 _"Uh? Er, yeah, I can," He replied after a second, stepping a few paces away and shifting into a combat stance as his leaves merged into a bright blade of energy. He struck out at a particularly jutting branch, sending pine needles into the air as the stick plopped into the snow at the base of the dead log. "What about it, exactly?"_

 _The Hariyama stomped over and clapped a strong hand on his back, making the grass type wince in mild pain. "Good news, Grovyle! Yer now in charge of cutting this thing into manageable pieces once the both of you are done de-twig-ing!"_

* * *

Keldeo hung his head and groaned. "Oh my gosh, we're actually watching them collect firewood, are you _for_ _real_?"

Keldeo tossed his hooves up in distress and said, "I mean, what's gonna happen next? Is Grovyle gonna get covered in tree sap like the Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

* * *

 _Dumping a bunch of twigs near the stump, he smacked his hands together, only to find himself unable to pull them apart. He furrowed his brow, stretching his arms out to stare at them: to his surprise, they were covered in a bright-colored goop, and a small amount of pine needles were also stuck to his palms. A short wave of his hand did little to remove the stuff, and he grunted in slowly-growing frustration as he tried to scrape it off, first with his claws, then with a stick. Neither of them worked, and both of them simply gunked his hands up further. "What in the world...?"_

* * *

"OH MY _GOSH_!" Keldeo exclaimed in utter disbelief, "This author is so _desperate_ for filler that even _tree sap_ becomes a subject matter!"

* * *

 _"What is this stuff, Celebi?" The grass type asked, his annoyance turning to worry as he failed repeatedly to remove the gunk._

* * *

"I don't care," Keldeo said dryly.

* * *

 _A thick trail of viscous liquid, similar to the ones on the stumps before, ran down from a gash left by a torn branch, and Grovyle compared his hands to the tree; they seemed to match._

* * *

"I don't care," Keldeo said again.

* * *

 _Yama heard Celebi speak, and he peered over his shoulder at the two younger Pokemon, leaving the partly-removed roots alone as he stomped over._

 _"Hey, what's caught yer eye, eh?" He asked amicably, and Celebi pointed at Grovyle's gummed up hands. As the wind began to pick up again, Grovyle scrunched his eyes shut and clasped his claws together, shuddering as the pungent odor of pine wafted into his nose. It was as strong as the smell in the guild's hospital. "Aha, it's still leaking resin? Betcha we can collect it and sell it off in town, heh!"_

* * *

"I don't _care!_ " Keldeo said again, louder this time.

* * *

 _"Sell it off? What for?" Celebi replied curiously, and Grovyle tried to pull his hands apart as he felt the pine glop begin to harden from the chilly temperature. He couldn't – the goopy liquid had frozen, thanks to the wind. "Can he get it off?"_

* * *

"I DON'T-!" Keldeo shouted, but then stopped himself and took a deep breath to calm himself. Then, he buried his face in his fore-hooves, and made a sound that was a cross between crying and laughing. Then, he put his hooves back down and looked up. He gave a small sigh and said, "Okay. . . everyone, before I carry on. . . I just have to apologize. . .I'm just. . . tired of this. This fanfic. . . is **_boring._** It is just _so **boring.**_ I just don't care anymore. This is just as bad if not _worse_ than _A Guardians Princess_ by ThatOneDwarf, and that wasn't even a real Pokemon fanfic! And so, once again, I have no choice but to fast forward through this thing and only stop at the major events. If you want to read all the boring conversations and details, then just read the story yourself. So hang onto something, because here we go."

"So Celebi and Grovyle talk to a Sableye and learn that the Sableye gang got separated from each other, then the Sableye leaves. In other words, the author needed a way to prevent the Sableye gang from interfering and making this story even _more_ convoluted. He couldn't just write them out, so he just scattered them."

"Then we go to a restaurant run by an Drilbur and a Combusken."

* * *

 _"Bahahahaaaa! Can't quite get it, can ya, numbskull?" Combusken squawked as he squatted down and lifted the platter into the air with a single hand, hoisting up the small mole that dug his claws into the bottom of the dish. "Drilbur, let go before you knock everything over!"_

* * *

"BISCUITS!" Keldeo shouted in frustration.

* * *

 _"I can't, Combusken, I caaaan't!" Drilbur flailed his little legs about in a panic, and Celebi hopped off of her seat and fluttered over, dodging a few kicks before grabbing a foot. Yama easily pinched the other one between his fingers, and they yanked downward, freeing the ground type from his predicament. "Wow! Thanks, miss! Thanks, Yama!"_

 _"Get your feet offa the table, Drilbur, it's unsanitary," Combusken brusquely picked up Drilbur by the scruff of his neck and dropping him onto the floor. "Here ya go, Lin, Yama! Potatoes and tea, two for you and three for the new freeloaders."_

 _"You look like you could use an extra pair of hands. Or more, to be honest," The wood gecko remarked as he poked a claw at his food. Still a bit too hot to eat. Drilbur nodded at him, seemingly ignorant of the multitude of stares that came from other visitors that hadn't been served yet. "This place looks pretty busy."_

 _"Really? I don't think it looks any busier than it normally is," The mole said, fidgeting a bit on his partner's back. Everyone at the table simply kept silent at his obliviousness, a pause which he took as a cue to continue. "Uh, Combusken, we should get back to work now, or their food will get cold!"_

 _"I can hear you just fine, Drilbur, you don't have to nag me," Combusken jumped up and down a few times to shake the mole around. Grovyle sheepishly fiddled with the leaves on his arms as he watched their antics. "Alright, we're going, ya numbskull! You three should come see us again sometime, when we're not losing all of our tail feathers trying to get to everyone! Bahahahaaaa!"_

* * *

Keldeo stared darkly, then raised his hoof, pointed, and said, "I hate you."

"I mean, it's like watching Bud Abbot abuse Lou Costello. The humor of the situation is quickly negated by its mean-spiritedness."

* * *

 _After making sure that his had cooled enough to touch, the wood gecko scooped up a handful of his own berry-topped vegetable and popped it into his mouth._

 _He chewed a few times and cringed heavily, letting the strange food rest on his tongue for a moment as a strong spicy heat seared his cheeks._

* * *

"This story is a Grovyle Torture Fest!" Keldeo shouted, "Squidward is treated better than this! _Spike the dragon_ is treated better than this! _**SPIKE!**_ "

Keldeo growled and said, "Okay, so what happens on the next day?"

* * *

 _As she made her way back to the rest of the group, she firmly placed the dish in front of Grovyle, who raised his head slightly as he looked into it. It was filled with solid resin._

 _"I thought you said you were going to go early today to sell this, Lin?" The grass type thought aloud, glancing over in confusion at the older woman. Lin bowed her head, looking kindly at the younger Pokemon from behind her glasses._

 _"I was, but I think that if you three are going to go that way, you would be better off doing so yourself. Besides," The Mienshao explained with a playful tone in her voice, pointing a paw at the apple Grovyle was holding. "You are technically the one who found it, my dear."_

* * *

 _"Yeah! Go run some errands for me, Grovyle! That's all you're good for!"_

"Okay, I'm calling this story _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Gorvyle's a Butt Monkey_ from now on!" Keldeo shouted, "Nobody wants to see Gorvyle stumble around like a hard luck idiot like this! It's like watching a Pokemon version of that new Travel Channel show, _An Idiot Abroad._ Oh, and about that show, _the human race is doomed if that's the kind of stupidity that gets passed off as entertainment!_ No, don't give us a well thought out look into other cultures with a knowledgeable and well meaning guide who wants to learn as much as we do. Just throw out a dumber version of Mr. Bean! It's just like this fanfic! Don't give us a story about Grovyle, Celebi, Dusknoir, and the Sableye making a new life for themselves in a restored world as they have adventures with an optimistic outlook on life after all they suffered through! No, just have the Sableyes wander around, have Dusknoir do _nothing,_ _seriously Dusknoir barely even **talks** in this story, _ have Celebi halfheartedly tease her crush on Grovyle and then have her act moody half of the time, and them make Grovyle, _the best character in the entire Pokemon Mystery Dungeon franchise who had the same voice actor as the Pharoah from Yu-Gi-Oh,_ into a lousy butt monkey!"

Keldeo took out his laptop and said, "Look, let me show you something." Keldeo went to the _Photobucket_ website, went to Team-Heroes's Bucket, and went to the _Pokemon Dusknoir, Grovyle, Celebi and Sableye_ image _**(tinyurl: ply78q9).**_

"Do you see that picture?" Keldeo said as he pointed to the scene of a hungry Grovyle, Celebi, and some Sableye sitting at a dinning room table as Dusknoir cooked a dish of stir-fried berries as a Sableye came over eagerly with his plate. "This is my favorite Pokemon fanart picture of all time. You could just stare at this picture and get a better experience than what this fanfic gives you. The Sun is sinning, Dusknoir is showing off some chef skills as he rushes to feed all his hungry friends, the Sableye are all happy with healthy appetites, Grovyle is impatient and urging Dusknoir to serve the food already, this is just a totally awesome scene and makes you smile and fills you with joy and satisfaction with the ending of these character's trials! You feel they earned their happy ending! Looking at this, I could see a story-line where in the world that they saved, these characters open up their own restaurant and run it in between Exploration and Rescue missions! There! That's an awesome plot for a fanfic and I just pulled it out of thin air!"

Keldeo closed his laptop and said, "And for _one. Single. Picture_ to generate a story a hundred times better than this _Grovyle's a Butt Monkey_ story, or for someone to even make someone like Grovyle into a butt monkey to begin with. . . it's. . . it's just completely backwards!"

Keldeo released his tension and sighed. "You know what," he said, "I need another minute. Sorry. I'll finish this story off in part 3. I promise."

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _We'll be right back!_


	23. Dramatic Scene 1

Dusknoir was humming to himself as he tossed the contents of a large pan he held over the wood fueled stove. Once the berries and vegetables were done stir-frying, he tipped them onto a plate held by a smiling Sableye waiter. The Sableye scampered off out of the kitchen and placed the dish of food in front of a Hydreigon sitting at a table in the dining room.

"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Deee-licious!" the Hydreigon cheered, and he began ravenously chowing down on his meal.

"Ka-ching, ka-ching. . ." the Sableye said softly with a quite snicker as he admired the Hydreigon's huge appetite.

Meanwhile, Gorvyle was taking a Pecha Berry pie out of the oven. The scent of the pie made Grovyle smile as he placed it on the kitchen counter and took off his oven mitts.

"Well, once our last customer out there is done, I'd say it would be just about closing time," Grovyle said.

Dusknoir placed the pan in the sink and said, "Hmmm, yes, but we will have time for a mission, I am sure."

Grovyle sighed, "Dusnkoir, do you _ever_ tire out?"

Before the pair could go into another one of their usual playful banters, Celebi suddenly flew in through the window and zipped around their heads, shouting loudly and rapidly, making it hard for the pair to understand her.

"STOP!" Dusknoir shouted, making Celebi halt in midair. Confident that Celebi was a bit calmer, Dusknoir said in a low, level tone, "Now, what do you have to tell us?"

Celebi took a deep breath and said, "Okay, remember when I talked to you guys about my theory on alternate worlds with alternate timelines?"

Dusknoir nodded, "Yes, you did, although I still don't think it makes much sense. Sure, every choice that anyone makes effects the future, but in the end you can only ever make _one_ choice, so there _should_ be only _one_ world."

"But we are all still free to make any choice we want," Grovyle said determinedly, "We aren't forced into making once choice above all others."

Dusknoir puffed himself up a bit and said pompously, "But that doesn't mean that there has to be this infinite supply of worlds where all the choices that could be possibly made exist apart from one another! What kind of nonsense is that? Why does it even matter? It doesn't effect us at all!"

"Yes it does!" Celebi shouted out suddenly, surprising the debating Pokemon, "That's what I'm trying to tell you! I've just found out from looking through the Passage of Time that not only are there alternate worlds out there, but that two of them are somehow drifting towards our world!"

"WHAT!?" Dusknoir shouted as Grovyle stared at Celebi in shock.

Celebi nodded, "Yes! Exactly! And if those worlds drift too close to our world, they'll collide, and the events in those worlds will fuse into our world! It could be simple things, like what moves we know. But it might be big things, like who's dead, who's alive, and whether or not the planet is paralyzed or not!"

Grovyle snapped out of his shocked state and shook his head, "This is terrible. We can't let that happen after the world has just been saved. We have to do _something._ "

Celebi flew over to Grovyle and placed her hands gently on his cheeks. "Don't worry. I think I have an good idea of what we should do."

"Then stop trying to use Attract on Grovyle and tell us already!" Dusknoir said impatiently.

Celebi and Grovyle both blushed at Dusknoir comment, and quickly separated.

"Uh-uh, okay, yes, um, right!" Celebi stammered out, "I did more looking, and I discovered that there is a _third_ alternate world with some sort of. . . _entity_ that is exerting some influence over one of the drifting alternate worlds. It seems to be pulling the world away from us and putting it back into place."

Grovyle nodded in understanding, "Okay then, so if this entity is fixing things, why do we need to worry?"

"Becuase the entity has not done anything about the _other_ world that is drifting towards ours," Celebi explained urgently, "And if he, she, or it isn't quick enough, it'll be too late!"

Grovyle tapped the kitchen counter thoughtfully, "I see. This _is_ serious."

"Wait," Dusknoir said in a skeptical tone, "What are _we_ supposed to do about it?"

"Well," Celebi said, "I talked to Dialga, and he talked to Palkia, and they've figured out a way to modify the Passage of Time to send us into the third alternate world where the entity is. I'm sure we can convince he, she, or it to hurry up and stop the other alternate world from hitting ours."

Dusknoir immediately rushed out of the kitchen and called back behind him, "Right! Come on, you two! No time to waste! Sableyes, close up for us!"

Celebi and Grovyle stood in surprise for a moment, then realized that time indeed _was_ of the essence and quickly followed behind Dusknoir.

"Hey!?" Hydreigon called out as the three restaurant owners zoomed past his table and towards the front door, "Wha-!?"

 ** _SLAM!_**

Hydreigon sat in shock as he stared the door. However, it was all forgotten by him when a Sableye brought out his Pecha Berry pie.

Smiling broadly, the hungry Dragon-type dug right in.


	24. Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live- Part 3

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 7: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: To Live by Traveling Trainer**

"Okay," Keldeo said with a frown, "So, after all that boring stuff, can we please, _please_ get _something_ to happen? _Anything_!? Maybe like, I don't know, a thief that robs the shop?"

* * *

 _"Hey, hold it there! Stop! Thief! THIEF!"_

 _The sudden shout caused the three young Pokemon to tense up, and Grovyle hunched forward, his eyes flicking about as he searched for the source of the noise. They snapped their heads around to look at the general store when another yell rang through the air: Azul was pounding out of the door, hot on the trail of a small, blue-colored bug that carried a glass money jar under its arm and held a shimmering wonder orb in his other._

* * *

An angelic choir sang in the background as Keldeo's eyes widened and he lifted his hooves in adoration.

"PLOT!" Keldeo exclaimed in elation, "SWEET, SWEET, PLOT!"

Heavenly light shone down on the Accelgor.

"So, our heroes chase the thief into a forest where they come across a Snorunt."

* * *

 _"Hey," He said gently, kneeling down as he reached towards the Snorunt with open palms, the leaves on his arms just barely grazing against the dirt. "Can I ask you something?"_

 _The ice type peeked out from its snow hat for a moment, tilting its head at the question. "Gigigi?"_

 _"Dark future or not, they still speak the same gibberish_ ,"

* * *

 _"The More You Know" music played as a picture of Snorunt appeared with a caption that Keldeo read aloud in a calm gentle voice:_ "Brought to you by the leftover racism from Foodfight and Transformers 2."

"So the Snorunt shows them where to go, they catch up to the thief, and then they have a boss fight."

* * *

 _"Hold it right there, thief!" Celebi yelled out strongly, swooping over to the unguarded part of the clearing as the three explorers revealed themselves. Her shout caused the Pokemon to jump a bit in shock, and the outlaw whirled around with a startled expression on his face – his surprise morphed into a grimace of displeasure when he recognized his pursuers, letting out a low whistle and pressing his loot against his chest._

 _"...I told you not to try it," He dropped his voice to a dangerous hiss, leering at Grovyle as he spoke, and the wood gecko stepped back, pushing his satchel behind his back as he dug his heels into the dirt again. The thief shook his head dismissively, leisurely dipping his arm into the pile of cash to take a single coin out. "You might have followed me, but I'm still more than a match for you. If you three want this cash so bad, then you can go ahead and take it back!"_

* * *

 ** _Confused Matthew:_** _"So they fight-fight-fight. Fight-fight-fight. Fight-fight-fight-fight-fight."_

"Uh, _no_ Matthew. Actually, he just throws broken glass at them and runs away," Keldeo says with a frown.

* * *

 _The jar of money harshly rang out as the bug type flung it strongly onto the ground, the glass shattering into dozens of shards, and Dusknoir yelped in pain as the thief flung his single coin into his eye. Grovyle felt his heart take a sudden nosedive, and Celebi sprang forward, holding her hands together as her eyes and antennae began to glow._

 _The thief ducked quickly as the fairy launched a group of glowing leaves at him; Grovyle ran forward as well, letting the leaves on his arms sharpen into a blade. The bug type noticed, though, and he swiped a few pieces of the broken jar from the ground. The clear glass sparkled from the light of Celebi's attack, and Grovyle sucked in a breath as he forced himself to trip and fall, wincing as the impact worsened his bruised chest. He could hear the air whistle above his head-leaf as the deadly projectiles missed him by mere inches._

 _Celebi's stream of magical leaves tapered off, and Dusknoir reared back to throw a hefty punch into the bug type's face, but said bug type was quicker without being burdened by the stolen money; he bounced up into a somersault and slammed firmly onto the yellow top of Dusknoir's head, using the extra height to jump towards the higher branches of the pale trees. He grabbed onto one and swung up._

* * *

"Oh my gosh, even the _actions scenes_ are boring and lame! How does _one_ thief get away form three Pokemon with _years_ of experience! What, did he get training from the Greninja from _Conquering the Dark?_ "

 _A scene of Greninja one hit KO'ing Zekrom played._

Keldeo sighed sadly and said, "Wow. . . I just. . . I had decided to give this story the _'A Guardian's Princess'_ treatment, then it appeared as if the plot was finally emerging, and then it all came crashing down. . . That's just sad. . ."

"So our heroes return the money and meet Glaceon the cop."

* * *

 _"It's a pleasure to meet you, then. My name is Glaceon, graduate of the Delibird Guild. I'm the commanding officer of the law stationed here in Snowrest Village." She took a deep breath and proudly puffed out her chest, her dark blue eyes framed by a pair of teal fur flaps that hung from a tuft on her forehead._

* * *

"She tells us how Accelgor is this big menace who keeps robbing explorers and how he's gotten bolder now. So, yeah, I guess he's the villain. Hopefully not the _main_ villain, because that would be lame."

"Well, Grovyle gets a job at the item shop- _wait a minute._ "

Keldeo briskly walked off, and then could be heard giving a loud frustrated scream. He then ran back in his Resolute Form and shouted, "You can't be this- this- _this. . . I mean. . ._ He's a strong, brilliant, brave explorer and adventurer who saved the world and _this_ is what the story lands him?! A job in a boring item shop? What is this, _Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale_?"

 ** _Recette:_** _"Capitalism, Ho!"_

"This is like. . ." Keldeo said, motioning wildly with his hooves, ". . .Having Captain America work at _Baskin-Robins. . ._ and he's like _'what flavor would you-'_ YOU'RE A SUPER HERO! Use. Your. Mind!"

* * *

 _"You're...!?" Dusknoir blurted out, and Azul peered over the two grass types' shoulders at the surprised, wide-eyed ghost. "You're going to give us a job... working at your store?"_

 _"Oh! Eheh, sorry, not quite," Azul shook his head. "With due respect to you and missus Celebi, I was just asking Grovyle to work at the store. With four Pokemon working in there, there'd be no room to breathe. 'Sides, if I hired all of you, I might as well have just let you keep the bag, cash and all."_

 _Celebi wore a pout as she let her head fall into her hands, and Dusknoir grumbled under his breath. Grovyle couldn't blame them – their hopes had gone up and then down in the span of a few seconds – but kept quite anyway. Azul's offer was definitely quite generous. The fairy on his shoulder sighed. "Hmm... but then where should Dusknoir and I look? I was hoping that all three of us could keep looking around tomorrow and the day after that..."_

* * *

Keldeo rubbed his face with his forehooves for a moment, and then said, "I _really_ hate repeating myself, but when things get this stupid, I just have no choice. . . . Hey **idiots**! Why don't you just form an Exploration Team!? You get free room and board in the Guild! You get money and items after every mission! What is _wrong_ with you?! Why don't you just form a Team! It's the answer to all your problems, and it would provide a way to make things actually happen in this story to help move the plot along. Why are you all so _stupid_!?"

 _ **Hiro-san:** "Stupid! You're so stupid!"_

Keldeo sighed, "Speaking of repeating, do you wanna know what else this fanifc is other than boring? It's repetitive. Because right after this burst of excitement, _ooh! a thief steals money and runs away!,_ we get Dialga and Lapras looking around making sure their timeline's been restored, and then we get another Sableye wander around a Mystery Dungeon and get attacked. It's like rewinding a video a re-watching a scene you already watched earlier. Oh. My. Gosh."

Keldeo sighed, "Well, at least those Trickster Twins haven't come back-."

* * *

 _"Since that outlaw showed his face so close to the village, I'm increasing patrols, including mine. I was hoping you wouldn't mind... ah..."_

 _Glaceon trailed off, her gaze drifted onto the two Eevees that accompanied her, and Lin smiled gently, her short whiskers bouncing as she nodded. "You're in need someone to look after Silver and Bronze while you're busy at Snowrest's borders with the other officers, Glaceon?"_

* * *

"BISCUITS!" Keldeo shouted with a horrified look.

* * *

 _The Eevee's parent stood still for a moment before bowing her head and letting out a long, unhappy sigh. "...I would be grateful if you could help me with this, Lin."_

 _For a few brief seconds, the living room was silent, save for the sound of the fire crackling in the fireplace. Lin patted the two children with her paws before starting slightly, eyes lighting up with an idea as she turned and smiled knowingly at Celebi and Dusknoir. The ghost folded his arms and tapped his now-cold bread against his shoulder in hesitation... he had a sinking feeling that the elderly Mienshao was about to suggest what he thought she was._

 _"Glaceon... why don't we let these two look after them?" The gray-furred mink replied quietly, and the ice type's ears rose up until they stood completely straight, a nervous expression on her face. Celebi tilted her head slightly at the fox; the look didn't suit the officer at all._

 _"I..." Glaceon said, trailing off just as soon as she started to speak. Silver, however, began to hop up and down in excitement, a big grin plastered on his muzzle. He hopped in a half circle to stare pleadingly at his mother._

 _"Yeah, yeah! Mom, don't worry, we rode our sled into these two the other day- er..." He paused when he realized exactly what he had blurted out, and he sat down and averted his gaze from Glaceon's narrowing eyes. "Ehehehehe! I mean, they look like nice Pokemon, mom! Pleeeeease?"_

* * *

"Oh- _ **NO!**_ We are _not_ using the Babysitting Episode trope!" Keldeo shouted with wide eyed disbelief

* * *

 _The fresh snow Pokemon closed her eyes and hummed, furrowing her brow in deep thought as she contemplated the idea. Celebi hopped into the air, flittering over to Dusknoir as the ghost scratched at the scarf running around his shawl collar. Glaceon glanced at the two of them questioningly. "Celebi, Dusknoir... you two did mention yesterday that you were looking for work, right?"_

 _"That's right," Dusknoir replied, turning his attention away from his scarf to float forward a few paces, giving Glaceon a nod of agreement. "We had been looking around the market when Accelgor appeared, and Celebi and I were planning to continue looking today."_

 _"I see... well. Would you mind if I asked you to look after Silver and Bronze while I'm on duty?" Glaceon asked, standing up straighter as she looked upwards at the large, ghostly Pokemon. "I will consider it work, and I am willing to pay you as such."_

 _"Really?" Celebi's eyes lit up, a broad smile on the grass type's face as she clasped her hands together. "That would be great, officer Glaceon! Thank you, this really means a lot!"_

* * *

"You know, I was begging for Dusknoir to say no," Keldeo said flatly, "But you know what? Not only does Dusknoir not object to this, he doesn't even _speak!_ He says _nothing_ during all this! He just floats there like a mannequin! It's like he's not even in this story! The only actual _'scenes'_ he has are where he talks to Grovyle about what they're gonna do, and. . ." Keldeo stopped to think for a moment, then he said, "You know, I was gonna include the fight scene with Accelgor, but now that I think about it, he didn't really do much then either!"

Keldeo tapped his chin thoughtfully and said, "You know what I think? I think the author had no clue what to do with Dusknoir since all he did was act evil and then have a sudden change of heart because _his Friendship with Grovyle was Magic,_ so the author just put Dusknoir in the background and only had him contribute to the plot when it wasn't too hard, just like the Sableyes!"

"And why are they so happy about this anyway? Unless these twins need looking after every day, then this is _not_ a steady job!"

Keldeo sighed, "Well, on the bright side, we might actually get some _humor_ with these two little troublemakers tormenting the cheerfully naive Celebi and the grumpy and stoic Dusknoir. Sure, I know I initially reacted negatively to the Trickster Twins and Babysitting Episode tropes, but after all the boredom I had to endure in this story, I'm actually looking forward to cheesy comedic hi-jinks."

* * *

 _A sudden crunch shook the three small Pokemon out of their conversation, and Celebi glanced over at Dusknoir, who had remembered the bread he'd been holding for breakfast and had started to munch on it again. The mouth on the ghost's stomach wriggled, chewing and swallowing before he clapped his hands together to dust the crumbs off of his palms. "What exactly did you two want to do today while your mother was on patrol?"_

 _"What did we want to do?" Silver parroted, and he turned his head upward, staring absently at the ceiling as his mind began to wander. Celebi smiled in amusement – she wondered if the two kids had thought about it at all. "Umm... oh, I know! Let's play at the beach! I bet there's still lots of snow there, Bronze! Right?"_

 _"The beach? Oh! Yeah, yeah!" The brown-hued fox's voice cracked as he spoke, eagerly nodding at his brother, and the two started to scamper around the room, running circles around Dusknoir and Celebi. "Miss Celebi, mister Dusknoir, can we go to the beach today?"_

 _Celebi laughed spiritedly, gently bumping her heels against Dusknoir as she rested on the edge of her friend's shawl collar. Both Eevee skidded to a stop and stared up at the two of them with utterly hopeful expressions; Celebi had to stuff her mouth into her scarf to keep from cooing at the sight. "Yeah, that sounds like it'd be fun! Dusknoir and Grovyle and I were there the other night, but we haven't been there during the daytime, so you two could show us around!"_

* * *

Keldeo clapped his fore-hooves together and said, "Alright! Good! Beach! I'll take it, let's just go!"

* * *

 _"I hope you aren't planning to try making a sled again, like you did before," Dusknoir replied dryly, floating over with folded arms. Both Silver and Bronze let out awkward laughs at the memory, and Celebi giggled at them, hugging herself a little tighter as she stomped a few times in place._

 _Bronze shook his head at the ghost, ducking into the snow and pushing forward, stopping once a small lump of fluff had formed. The Eevee patted it a few times with his paws, cold flakes sticking to his fur, and spun around to show it to his brother. "I was right, Silver, the snow's really good today! We should all have a snowball fight, we can have teams and everything!"_

 _Celebi and Dusknoir both glanced at each other in confusion, and the fairy spoke up, tilting her head as she smiled cheerfully at their charges. "A snowball fight?"_

 _"Yeah, yeah!" Silver grinned in excitement, whipping around to stare at the two other Pokemon nearby. He narrowed his eyes for a moment, then nodded. "Okay, miss Celebi, you be on my team, and mister Dusknoir can be on Bronze's team!"_

* * *

"Huh, that's actually pretty interesting. It's so cold here that even the _beach_ is covered snow," Keldeo said in genuine interest, "Well, time for a hilarious funny snowball fight which promises to be comedic gold-."

* * *

 _The pink fairy excitedly lunged forward, practically punching the air as she flung her snowball hard. With a grin, she looked up to try and see where it would land. She spotted the fluffy ball rising upward against the sky, getting larger as it started its descent-_

 _Wham! She was suddenly tackled into the snow, and she gasped, staring down at her furry attacker in confusion. She lightly kneed the Eevee's stomach, and she felt him move from her front to her back, pushing her onto her feet. "Why were you just standing there, miss Celebi? That snowball was headed right for you... haven't you ever had a snowball fight before?"_

 _Is that how it worked? She blinked at Silver's confused voice, her head flicking around to glance at where she had just been standing. True to his word, she could spy her footprints, and a huge lump of snow that stuck out just behind them. Looking over across the shoreline, her eyes narrowed at Dusknoir, who was carrying another projectile in both hands, Bronze directing him just as Silver was helping her. That was hardly fair... but... wait!_

 _"Silver, I've got an idea now!" She said cheerfully, letting a giggle slip as she lay low with her teammate. The grass type patted the young Pokemon, who had flattened his ears and squatted alongside her. "See if you can make me a nice big snowball that I can carry, okay? If they get to use big ones, then we should do something too!"_

 _The grass type wrapped her arms around the snowball and fluttered into the air, holding tightly as she lifted the clump of fluffy flakes with her. Once she was sure it wasn't going to slip out of her grasp, she winked at the young Pokemon. "Watch this!"_

 _Celebi's wings buzzed loudly as she flew high into the air, a couple mis-aimed lumps of snow passing her by as she looked down at the beach. Silver, Bronze, and Dusknoir had paused to stare at her, and she jumped at the chance, dashing towards her friend. The ghost type floated backwards a bit upon realizing that he was her target, but it was to no avail, and Celebi let go of her surprise snowball as she passed over his head._

 _Someone barked out a laugh, prompting her to turn around, and she giggled behind her fingers at Dusknoir; the snowball had cleanly fallen onto the round antennae on top of his head, the unpacked crumbs sliding onto his scarf and shawl collar. He blinked a few times, reaching up to brush the cold flakes off of him, and Celebi flapped over to him with a smile. "Gotcha, Dusknoir!"_

 _The ghost furrowed his brow at the grass type, and she suddenly felt two large bunches of snow pile onto her head all at once, sending her dropping to the ground like a stone from the shock of the slush. Her fall was cushioned somewhat by the layer of flakes below, and she bounced upon landing, shaking herself partially loose. The warm air that her scarf had stored seemed to vanish instantly, replaced by cold wetness, and Celebi's teeth started to chatter uncontrollably as she thought to herself. How had she not noticed the snow Dusknoir had? Despite her current predicament, she inwardly laughed at her oversight._

* * *

Keldeo yawned, "I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it. It's like the quote-unquote _'slapstick'_ in _Fate_ by Skiptastic. It's just them dumping snow on each other, it's not even clever."

Keldeo raised an eyebrow and asked, "And why is Celebi, a _Grass-type,_ taking part in a cold weather sport like this without wearing a hat, at least? Now isn't that kinda-"

* * *

 _She blinked when Dusknoir suddenly recoiled, and he turned around to reveal another snowball that had collided with his back. Both explorers watched as Silver scampered over from across the beach, and upon spotting his teammate, he grinned and snorted. "Hey, miss Celebi! I was wondering why you didn't fly back!"_

 _"Y-y-yeah..." She managed to stutter out, and the brothers' ears flicked at the sound of her voice. They hastily ran over and started to dig into the melting lump, and the pink fairy found herself fully freed from the snow, the cold nipping at her even more as she was exposed to the open air. "Rrr-r-r-r..."_

 _Dusknoir floated over to the three Pokemon, staring firmly down at his friend as he picked her up. His eye widened slightly as he touched her. "Silver, Bronze, Celebi's freezing cold. She's a grass type, remember, she's weak to the cold!"_

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped, "You figured that out _after_ you dump two giant fist fulls of snow on her! What are you, a dummy!? How could you possibly forget that Grass-type are weak to the cold, practically bury her with snow, and then suddenly be like _'duh- uh-oh! Cold be bad for Grass-types'!_ You- you. . . . this is like if the Justice League took Superman to the Kryptonite Cafe and replaced all the light bulbs in the place with red sun lamps!"

Keldeo suddenly froze and said in complete shock,"Oh my gosh. . . wait a minute . . . this is actually _way_ worse than I thought. . . WHY DID _CELEBI_ NOT REALIZE THIS! How did she not comprehend that her playing in the snow was a bad idea? Did she forget she was a Grass-type? How ditzy can you be?! I take back what I said before. This is like Superman walking right into the Kryptonite Cafe of his own free will! IDIOTS!"

"Well, why these _four_ children run to the twin's home to warm Celebi up, we see. . . that Grovyle is. . . just. . . running the shop. . ."

 ** _Recette:_** _"Capitalism, Ho!"_

* * *

 _"Go ahead and get yourself acquainted with the place, alright, kid? It isn't too hard to find stuff in here, as long as you're paying attention. I'll be in the back if you need me."_

 _Wait, huh? He blinked in surprise and whipped his head around, watching as the water type shuffled past him, reaching out and- ahh, the wall was empty because of the curtain hanging over it. Azul ducked his head to made it under the frame, and once his footsteps stopped, the only noise in the shop was the wind blowing outside of the cabin. He hadn't gone very far, but it still made the room feel unfamiliar. This was the general store. He was working here now._

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "Well. . . does anything interesting happen here?"

Keldeo shrugged, "Well. . . we meet a Simisage who buys a bigger bag. . . we learn that an abandoned windmill has been hit by some blizzards. . ."

* * *

 _"I'm talking about the big ruined windmill near the mountains up there, that's what, kid," Azul retorted with a snap of his jaws, standing up fully as he thrust the Simisage's wallet back at her, with most of the money inside now gone. The green-furred monkey swiped it up quick, grabbing her wildly-flailing tail and tying the pouch back on, and Grovyle helped Azul lift a second backpack off of the wall. "The place's has been getting hit with snowstorms left and right recently, and nobody's been able to get through 'em. Nowadays, folks don't even bother trying because the blizzards fall too thick."_

 _"Wha- seriously?" The Simisage gawked in response, taken aback by the news. Grovyle took one last glance at his map before stuffing it back into his own bag. "You've gotta be joking! Why's the weather there acting up so bad anyway?"_

 _"Y'know, I've been wondering that a little bit myself, too. You and your friend just be careful out there, alright?" Azul replied with a snort, scratching at his red spines as the monkey took the second hiking pack and pulled it onto the ground. A nudge from the shopkeeper caught Grovyle's attention, and when he noticed the Feraligatr gesturing towards the door, he perked up and jogged over, opening it up for their customer. The ever-present cold swirled inside yet again, though not as strongly as before, and Grovyle reminded himself with a shake to check if his scarf had dried out yet._

 _"Yeah, we'll be fine," The Simisage replied with a grunt, walking backwards as she dragged the merchandise – her merchandise now, Grovyle corrected himself – across the floor, and when she had gotten one foot out the door, she flashed the two of them a grateful smile. "Look, thanks for the tip on the windmill, shopkeep! I'll ask my friend about it and we'll see what we can do, hey, Aurorus!"_

* * *

"You know. . ." Keldeo said with a small smile, "I think this scene is trying to show how friendly and helpful Azul is to his customers. How he gives them tips and shows concern for them. I like that. It makes me really like this character and get invested in him. Nice job."

* * *

 _Grovyle smiled back, nodding a goodbye, and the explorer looked over her shoulder and yelled again as she departed. The wood gecko waited until the hiking pack had bumped over the doorframe before he hurriedly shut the gap in the wall, exhaling lightly as he stepped back._

 _So... that had been his first customer. His stomach did a nervous twirl in satisfaction, and the grass type folded his arms, the smile on his face staying right where it was. He felt undeniably pleased with himself._

* * *

Keldeo face-hoofed, "Grovyle, how old are you? Seriously, how old are you? I mean, why is this a reason to feel so fulfilled? I mean, _you saved the entire world!_ "

Keldeo put his hooves down and said, "Well, after that, we just get a bunch of random Pokemon who come in asking for things."

Keldeo shrugged, "It's not bad. We get a lot of world building, we meet some fun characters who need stuff. If you like reading about characters talking and buying stuff. . . then this is the story for you. . . I guess."

"Then Grovyle gets paid, goes home, and meets up with Celebi, Dusknoir, and the Eevee twins, and Celebi tells the _Zorua Reviews_ version. . . no, wait, the _Chester A. Bum_ version of their battle with Dialga. . . uggh. . ."

* * *

 _"We've been on a lot of great adventures, you know! So, let me think for a moment... hmmm... what could we tell you about..."_

 _Dusknoir grimaced as the grass type brought a fist to her mouth and cleared her throat. She then crossed her legs, thinking hard to herself, or at least that's how it looked. The two kids snickered under their breath at the display, turning towards each other in excitement._

 _"Oh! I know!" Celebi snapped her fingers as the group of four passed through the village gates, turning at the crossroads and heading down the path to the beach again. Celebi breathed into her palms, rubbing them together as she spoke. "There was this one time, when Grovyle, Dusknoir, and me too, of course, all had to fight..."_

 _The pink fairy trailed off, letting the tension build, and she barely restrained herself from laughing at Silver and Bronze, who were already staring intently at her, enraptured by her playful storytelling. She noticed Dusknoir furrow his brow, and rolled her eyes at him._

 _"Who was it, miss Celebi?" Bronze finally broke the silence. "Who did you have to fight?"_

 _"We had to fight a... dragon type Pokemon!" At that, Celebi dramatically flung all her limbs out, grinning widely as the children gasped right on cue – Silver's tail even stopped waving around for a full second – and she let another couple moments pass before continuing. "We were all climbing up a big mountain, chasing after him, you see. He was trying to run away, and Grovyle, Dusknoir and I had to go and stop him!"_

 _"Run away? What did he do?"_

 _"He... he stole a lot of things from a lot of Pokemon." The gears in Celebi's head were starting to turn, Dusknoir mused, as she devised a makeshift motive right on the spot. "He stole a lot of things that the Pokemon needed to live. But there were a lot of wild Pokemon up on the mountain too..."_

* * *

"Wow, these two are _very_ easy to entertain," Keldeo said grouchily.

"Well, to the story's credit, we get a moment of introspection from Dusknoir."

* * *

 _Dusknoir's nerves stayed on-edge, despite Celebi's vague descriptions as she continued to weave her yarn. The occasional visitors, most of them likely heading towards Snowrest Village, either took one look at him and stepped to the side with a polite, if just as nervous, smile, or found themselves staring at the little pink grass type in the front. The ghost sneaked a shifty peek behind him, raising his head to see just over his scarf and collar, and sighed inwardly at some of the still-gawking Pokemon, who were trying to walk backwards through the snow, still caught off-guard by Celebi._

 _Despite his annoyance, he knew that he couldn't blame them. His size was enough to intimidate some Pokemon outright; he had gotten used to it back when he and the Sableye had been working with... Primal Dialga. And Celebi was... well... Guildmaster Delibird, Azul, and others had already commented on the legendary Pokemon. His mind drifted back to his time in Treasure Town, distantly hearing the oodles of praise and adoration he had been given just for being a 'famous explorer' alone._

 _Then the ghost remembered what he had done afterward, and shook his head, dropping his arms to his sides as he tried to break out of his daze before it dredged that memory up. The tips of his fingers barely grazed against a rather thick pile of snow, helping him to come back to his senses, and he looked ahead._

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Well, yes. Dusknoir feels bad about what he's done with his life. But really, in order to develop this arc and make it interesting and important to the plot, we need to see Dusknoir move towards dealing with his problems, maybe talking about it to Celebi and Grovyle, or the Sableyes, or maybe even confiding in someone else in the town. That hasn't happened yet, so this scene is pretty much just. . . okay. . ."

"So, the group goes to the inn, and guess what we see next?"

* * *

 _"Hu-hurgh..."_

 _Tiny, clawed feet scratched against the sleet-laden rock, the incessant noise echoing around the rising path, only accompanied by the muffled gusts coming from far above. The purple imp wondered if his numb legs would freeze to the ground if he stopped, and the thought forced him to keep moving, taking step after step after-_

* * *

"That's right! Another Sableye scene," Keldeo said in annoyance.

* * *

 _He could see the ocean stretching far off in the distance, and a big forest... and was that that village where master Dusknoir was!? It was hard to tell, since his vision was getting weird and watery, and his strength from just moments ago was running out..._

 _He went limp, landing on his side in the soft snow._

* * *

"All I'm getting is that the Sableye are getting picked off one by one," Keldeo said, "Why? Is this part of the villains plan? Heh. You know, if this story is building up to some master plan, then maybe it'll all be worth it. Although I can't figure out why the villain has it out for Sableyes."

* * *

 _"Grr, Drilbur, will you just shaddup and try to keep up with me?"_

 _"Huuuuuh! Hmph, I'm going as fast as I caaaan!"_

* * *

"Oh- _no,_ It's Abbott and Costello again!" Keldeo shouted.

* * *

 _Dusknoir was about to continue Celebi's story when a loud, scratchy scolding sounded inside of the inn, followed by a deep whine, and the ghost rose up a little, looking for the owners of the voices. Some tables across from them, Combusken and Drilbur weaved a path through the cafe's visitors, awkwardly carrying a small tray between them; the former was hunching over, and Dusknoir leaned from side to side, managing to glimpse the chicken's partner, who was having to jog on his tiptoes._

 _"Oh boy, there they go..." Bronze said, and both Celebi and Dusknoir looked at him. Dusknoir scratched at his neck as the brown-furred Eevee shrugged. "Mom doesn't take us here very much, but whenever she does, mister Combusken and Drilbur are always arguing like that."_

 _"They were a little grumpy when we came here with Lin and Yama," Celebi thought aloud, getting to her feet and pushing into the air, holding her hands up to her eyes as she spotted both Pokemon. "I didn't think they were always like that, though! No wonder it seemed like they needed some extra help."_

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "Good! Celebi and Dusknoir can get a job here!"

* * *

 _"Well, shhhoooooot!" Combusken drawled, throwing his free arm in the air. Silver and Bronze looked up from their chat in curiosity, watching the older Pokemon. "If I knew that you were needing something to do, I would have asked Grovyle to help us when he mentioned it the other day. Sheesh!"_

 _Celebi's eyes widened, and she stood up, her antennae bouncing and her wings flapping a couple times instinctively. Dusknoir coughed, glancing at the grass type out of the corner of his eye as she spoke up. "R-Really? You're looking for help here in the cafe?"_

 _"Yeah, I guess! You can have the job instead of Grovyle, then! Come by tomorrow morning and we'll show you the ropes!" The chicken quickly replied,_

 _"Celebi, are you leaving me to deal with those kids all by myself?" Dusknoir murmured, lowering his voice enough so that the other Pokemon wouldn't hear him. Celebi spun on her heels, the loose ends of her scarf whipping into her arms as she looked at the ghost with a confused expression, but she gasped and tumbled onto her backside when a large gray finger poked her forehead. She blinked a few rapid times, craning her neck to stare at her friend, who continued to speak, deadpan. "I suppose I do have more experience working with littler Pokemon than you do."_

* * *

"Wait a minute, so Dusknoir doesn't get a job?" Keldeo asked, "I thought the inn needed a lot of help? Why doesn't that jerk of a Combusken hire both of them?"

* * *

 _"Hey!" The little legendary fluttered up onto her feet and folded her arms in mock indignation, glancing around the busy building, some visitors getting up to leave while others wandered in from the cold. "I... well, I guess I was interested in helping out here, but what am I going to tell officer Glaceon? She probably won't be happy to hear that I got roped into working somewhere else."_

* * *

"Oh, so the babysitting job _was_ a steady job?" Keldeo asked in shock.

Keldeo tossed his hooves up in confusion, "Okay, sure, why not. It's not like anything else makes sense in this story."

* * *

 _"Miss Celebi?" Both Celebi and Dusknoir turned around. Bronze was gazing thoughtfully at the two of them, idly pawing at the scruff of tan fur around his neck. "Um... Silver and I could try and talk to our mom for you, if you wanted. When she dropped us off at miss Lin's house yesterday, we heard her say you were looking for work, so if mister Dusknoir took care of us and you worked here, that would be good for both of you, wouldn't it?"_

 _Celebi smiled, sitting down and dangling her legs off the edge of the table, kicking her heels against the wood as she nodded at the young Pokemon. She briefly glanced at Combusken and Silver, the latter still pondering over what to get to eat. "Yeah, it'd be really good. I still don't think your mom would be very happy about it, though."_

 _"She'll probably be unhappy with mister Combusken instead of you," Bronze remarked, tilting his head somewhat. "Mom doesn't take us here that much because they argue, but she seems to butt heads with mister Combusken a lot anyway. She says he's direct, whatever that means!"_

 _"Hrm. I think I know exactly what she means." Dusknoir reached up to scratch underneath his scarf, letting out a weary sigh when Drilbur finally jotted down what Silver wanted to order, and Celebi tried and failed to stifle a chuckle, eliciting a cheerful laugh out of Bronze in the process._

* * *

"How is Combusken being a horrible jerk of a Pokemon funny? All he does is abuse that poor hardworking innocent Drilbur and apparently get the twin's mom angry all the time. He is just _so_ unlikable!"

And I know what you're thinking; there are a lot of jerk characters who are still likable or entertaining, like Seto Kaiba from _Yu-Gi-Oh._ But what makes characters like _that_ likable is that we are given a reason to sympathize with his frustration. Like, maybe the characters around them do things that _earns_ the jerk character's ire, or maybe the situation is so ridiculous that you can't blame the jerk for getting frustrated. Kaiba's skepticism regarding magical children's card games and Egyptian fairy tales is completely understandable and makes him a good foil for Yugi and the Pharaoh. But Combusken's jerkness serves no purpose except to get us mad at him and make us feel bad for Drillbur."

Keldeo pouted and said, "Don't believe me? Well then, let's take a look at _all_ of Combusken's jerk moments."

* * *

 _The platter stopped, teetering and tottering back and forth as it tried its best to make it onto the tabletop, and the Combusken chuckled._

 _"Bahahahaaaa! Can't quite get it, can ya, numbskull?" Combusken squawked as he squatted down and lifted the platter into the air with a single hand, hoisting up the small mole that dug his claws into the bottom of the dish_

* * *

 _Combusken brusquely picked up Drilbur by the scruff of his neck and dropping him onto the floor. "Here ya go, Lin, Yama! Potatoes and tea, two for you and three for the new freeloaders."_

* * *

 _"Uh, Combusken, we should get back to work now, or their food will get cold!"_

 _"I can hear you just fine, Drilbur, you don't have to nag me," Combusken jumped up and down a few times to shake the mole around._

* * *

 _"Alright, we're going, ya numbskull! You three should come see us again sometime, when we're not losing all of our tail feathers trying to get to everyone! Bahahahaaaa!"_

* * *

 _"Grr, Drilbur, will you just shaddup and try to keep up with me?"_

* * *

 _not a second later as someone inched their chair out, readying themselves to leave... right in the way of Combusken and Drilbur! Celebi had noticed it too, stifling a gasp, and before he knew it, his fairy friend fluttered away, her arms firmly held forward._

 _"Hey, look out!" She called, swooping just past the startled patron and bumping against Combusken's shoulders. He squawked in surprise and stopped walking; Drilbur was content to take a breath of relief and lower his heels to the ground. Celebi fluttered back a couple steps, smiling brightly at the chicken as he glanced over his shoulder, his orange plumage bristling in places._

 _"Waah!? What, what is it what's going on now!?" He barked loudly, only noticing the chair in his way after he finished yelling. "...oh."_

 _The offending Pokemon averted his gaze in embarrassment as Combusken shot him an annoyed glare, and quickly got up and left, vanishing into the crowd. Drilbur shuffled his feet, still not entirely sure what was going on._

 _"Thanks... ohhhhh, it's you again!" Combusken said half-thankfully, half-accusingly; Celebi blinked at his tone, then spun around, seeing Dusknoir waving stoically from their table. "Alright, hang on, then, go and fly back to wherever you and your pals are sitting and we'll get to you when we can get to you, bah-hah-hahaaaaaa!"_

* * *

"She just saved you from having an accident you rotten jerk!" Keldeo shouted angrily.

* * *

 _His eyes narrowed soon after. "Ohhh, I see how it is now. Drilbur and I noticed you playing out on the beach yesterday. That was a pretty nasty snowball you took, miss Celebi, bwaha!"_

* * *

 _"No, I remember now, Lin said you were, ehh, freeloaders! No, wait, freelancers. Right?"_

* * *

Keldeo let out a long, low, exasperated sigh.

"Well . . . fine then. Celebi has to work for this bad boss. Fine then. I guess I should just submit and accept that nothing interesting is ever gonna happen in this story."

* * *

 _An incredible storm raged outside of the small, cramped cavern, layer after layer of sleet and slush pelting down from the huge, gray clouds that hung, unmoving, in the night sky, blotting out the light of the moon and the stars. Tall, jagged icicles hung from the top of the tunnel's entrance, still gleaming against the backdrop of pure white snow, and the harsh wind sent echoing roars deeper underground, constant noises that bounced through the cave. The blizzard was loud enough to even drown out a particularly loose rock that suddenly began to move, scraping and shifting, until it toppled over, slamming hard onto the icy floor and sending puffs of dust up from the ground._

* * *

Keldeo raised an eyebrow.

"What is this? An expertly described setting?"

* * *

 _A Pokemon warily poked its head out, looking around before easing its way out of the hole in the wall, glancing over its shoulder at the prone form tied to its back, then tightening its grip on the other load it held close to its chest. It made a short hop and slid down the curved slope, hunching low and slowing to a stop near the fallen stone. A few moments passed as the Pokemon got its balance back, and it rose to its full height, letting out a low grunt when it peered out, the world beyond completely hidden from view. "Storm's still going... the nightly rounds must be finished by now. I'm just in time."_

 _"Yes, you are." A hoarse croak replied, barely audible above the snowstorm._

* * *

Keldeo jumped in shock, his eyes wide and filled with the light of curiosity.

"Who could this be?"

* * *

 _Accelgor tensed up, whirling around and staring at the path leading further into the tunnel, his eyes tracing the thin, glowing seams of ice that ran through the rocky walls and faintly illuminated the darkness. The bug type tried his best to locate the source of the voice, but eventually gave up after a minute or two of fruitless searching, slowly shuffling his way into the depths of the cave afterward._

 _"Sorry for making you wait for me, master," Accelgor said curtly, wincing when the light from one of the veins of ice reflected against the diamond-studded body he carried, a glare flashing in his vision. He glanced away, blinking rapidly. "The test worked out okay, as far as I know-"_

 _"I already know about the test, Accelgor. We performed another one while you were busy," The croaking voice interrupted matter-of-factly._

* * *

Keldeo looked intrigued.

"Could it be? . . . The beginning of an evil plot?"

* * *

 _Accelgor frowned at the dismissive remark, but shook it off, craning his neck to peer up at the ceiling. A few tiny pinpricks of light shined within the stone, and the blue-colored thief briefly caught a glimpse of the other speaker: a thin, lanky figure that was clinging to the top of the passage. It still managed to keep up with him despite being upside-down. "So we know how far we can go?"_

 _"Crevice Cave at best. Any farther and things start to wear off."_

 _The Pokemon fell silent, leaving the bug type below to mull things over. After a minute or two of wandering around the mystery dungeon, the ice-lit path as empty and uninteresting as ever, Accelgor glanced around, shaking his head at the Snorunt that was slung over his back. "As you can see, I found our little runaway making friends, so we don't have to worry about that anymore."_

 _"And the village?"_

 _"Ah... mm," He trailed off, slowing his pace somewhat as the other Pokemon got right to the point. "I found a good mark and picked something up, but a few explorers managed to tail me. I had to give up the take so I could get away."_

 _The bug type glanced upward again when he heard a grumble in response, but quickly snapped his head back downward when he reached a steep drop, hunching low, then leaping off of the small cliff. Pain ran through his feet when he hit the ground, and he paused for a moment to catch his breath while waiting for the ache to fade. Up ahead, he could see the a warm orange light intruding on the white sheen of the natural ice, accompanied by a distant crackle._

 _Accelgor let out a sigh, making a move towards the end of the tunnel, but stopped in his tracks when the tall, lanky Pokemon abruptly landed right in front of him, holding its arms out to its sides and letting a long, scarf-like appendage fall down from its mouth._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped, "IT _WAS_ GRENINJA FROM CONQUERING THE DARK!"

* * *

 _The bug type stood at attention as the other figure circled around and untied the Snorunt – a strange, rather unpleasant scent wafted through the air, and Accelgor hoped the other Pokemon couldn't see him cringing._

 _The silhouette eventually walked back in front, holding the Snorunt by one of its stubby feet and dragging it against the floor. "That's good enough, then. As long as they keep to themselves and don't try to sniff out our business, then we're in no danger."_

 _"Are you sure, master?" The blue bug said, reaching over and scratching his red head in confusion. The unconscious Sableye hung limply in its other elbow, its gemstone eyes dull._

 _"Of course I'm sure. The police would have gone on high alert if you had managed to steal something or not," The other thief snapped, bringing his arm up to stare into the Snorunt's face. Its eyes weakly fluttered open, a pained 'gi?' escaping its lips. "And as for you...!"_

 _The Pokemon suddenly whirled around, flinging the Snorunt towards the wall. Accelgor sucked in a breath, letting his other load slide to the ground as he dashed forward, pouncing at the snow hat Pokemon and catching it just before it crashed._

* * *

 ** _Snorunt:_** _"Why must the minorities always die first in fiction!?"_

* * *

 _The bug type grunted when he slammed onto his side, clutching the ice type close to his chest as they rolled to a stop, and he quickly got his bearings back, picking himself up and dusting himself off as best he could. When he turned his head to stare at his master, he found that he was alone in the cave, save for the purple imp splayed out a few paces away._

 _"Toss them both in with the rest. That's all."_

 _Accelgor bowed his head, his brow furrowing as fatigue started to set in. "Very well."_

* * *

Keldeo let out a cry of adoration as he fell backwards and rolled around ecstatically.

He got back up slowly and said, "That scene was _insidious!_ It was incredible, oh my gosh, I just-! WOW!"

"First of all, we finally see our main villain: _Greninja._ A master ninja who's extremely power, dark, mysterious, and if the way he took out that Snorunt is nay indication, _sadistic._ Also, the way Accelgor tries to save the Snorunt shows that he's not completely evil like his master, and will probably have a change of heart and get redeemed later on in the story. We even learn very subtly that Greninja has been attacking the Sableyes and has them locked up somewhere for some reason."

An angelic choir sang in the background as Keldeo's eyes widened and he lifted his hooves in adoration.

Keldeo laughed excitedly and said, "Finally! ACTUAL PLOT!"

Heavenly light shone down on the Greninja.

"Oh my gosh, it's like the author has finally made up for how boring and dull the first 12 chapters of this story have been!" Keldeo said, "Oh my gosh, I can't wait anymore! I need to see what happens next! Let's just go!"

 _ ***BUZZER SOUND EFFECT***_

 _ **INCOMPLETE**_

Keldeo face fell in an instant. His who body began to shake as his teeth clenched tighter than a vice. He threw his head back as he closed his his tightly. And just when it looked like he was about to explode, he opened his eyes, looked straight ahead, and let out a deep breath.

"Okay," Keldeo said, "When I, or anyone else, browses fanfiction, and they find a fanfic, and they start reading it, they usually will stop reading and move onto to something else if the first 5 or so chapters don't grab their attention. Why? Because this is the internet, and the internet has a lot of content, so no one is going to waste their time reading through something that doesn't interest them when there's like 81,665 other Pokemon fanfics for them to check out. So, a fanfic needs to get interesting within the first 3 or 4 chapters in order to get the readers to Follow, Favorite, or just keep reading."

Keldeo nodded seriously and said, "So, even though the end of chapter 12 was _AMAZING,_ and shows that the rest of this story will be amazing once the author gets back to writing it, I still have to say, as a Critic, that this story _stinks_. It doesn't matter how awesome the story gets later on, because we have to deal with _12 chapters_ _of filler_ just to get to it! The _only_ reason I didn't stop reading after chapter 5 was because I'm a Critic, and I have to read the story all the way through. If I was just a normal reader, I would _never_ have gotten up to this point! I'm not even joking! Sure, _maybe_ I might have skipped to the end to see where the story was going, but if I had read this story back before chapter 12 came out, I would have seen how boring it was at that point and never looked at it again."

"And it's not just that the chapters are full of filler. The characters aren't any good either! Celebi is ditzy and stupid; Grovyle is a naive, stupid, butt-monkey; Dusknoir barely does anything; and the secondary characters are all annoying, mean, stupid, or all three. The only interesting characters are Azul the shopkeeper, Greninja, and Accelgor. Azul looks alright, but they villains have only just been introduced, so there's a chance the author might ruin them too!"

Keldeo gave an almost apologetic look and said, "I'm sorry. I really am, but I just can't bring myself to like this story. And I feel bad because it had good setting descriptions and the potential for a really evil villain arc, but I just can't ignore its flaws. It couldn't even manage to make me laugh! It wasn't funny at all! And it tried. Believe me, it _tried_ to be funny, but not one of it's quote unquote _'funny'_ moments worked! Not one! It's has the pacing of a snail, the majority of the characters are annoying, it ignores the experience our main characters got from their adventure's in _Explorers of Sky_ , and what little this fanfic _does_ have to do with the original game's story it's a complete slap in the face! It's all boring filler. Just stock, generic, annoying, boring, slow moving filler! It's the _Jupiter Ascending_ of Pokemon fanfiction."

Keldeo nodded resolutely and said, "So let me end this review by saying this: if this story were the plot of some kind of _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Post-game_ or DLC, then I would be sure to demand my money back! Capitalism, Ho!"

"I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said before walking off.

* * *

Meanwhile. . .

Grovyle, Celebi, and Dusknoir were looking into the Passage of Time, with Dialga and Palkia standing in either side of it.

"GO NOW," Palkia said, "GO INTO THIS ALTERNATE WORLD AND SPEAK TO THIS MYSTERIOUS ENTITY."

"YES," Dialga said, "YOU MUST PREVENT THE ALTERNATE TIME LINE FROM CORRUPTING _THIS_ TIME LINE AT ALL COSTS!"

"Don't worry, Dialga," Celebi said with certainty, "We'll let whoever or whatever it is know about our problem, and I'm sure the problem will be solved."

"Then let's just go already! We're wasting time!" Dusknoir said impatiently.

"He's right," Grovyle said urgently, "We need to move fast."

"GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL!" said the Legendary Pokemon of Time and Space in unison.

With looks of resolution on their faces, the three heroes of time strode boldly into the Passage of Time on a brand new adventure. . .

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _UHF_

 _Krypto the Superdog_

 _Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale_

 _My Little Pony: Tanks for the Memories_

 _The Honeymooners: A Matter of Record_

 _Nostalgia Critic- The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog/Sonic SAT AM_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic- inspector Gadget_

 _Nostalgia Critic- Foodfight_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic- Jupiter Ascending_

 _Conquering the Dark_ by AuraWielder

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _Imperator Justinian_

 _Confused Matthew_

 _Aura Wielder_

 _Mandopony_

 _TV Tropes_


	25. E5: Top 11 Dumbest PMDE of DTS Moments

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 5- The Top 11 Dumbest Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky Moments**

 **Tiny URL:** **otr484h**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said, "Remember when I did an editorial on the _Top 11 Dumbest Gates to Infinity Moments_? I made a few references to the Explorers games that came before. I said that I missed Grovyle, I praised the story line, and I expressed how much I missed Gummis."

"So, I'm sure that many of you think the I'm one of those fans who thinks that Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky is absolutely flawless," Keldeo with a smile. Then he shook his head and said, "I am not. In fact, I've noticed a bunch of holes and issues in the plot of this game, and now I'm going to duck."

Keldeo ducked his head down, and a flurry of thorns, spikes, and gravelrocks went flying towards him, just barely missing his head.

After the attack was over, Keldeo lifted his head up again and said, "Look, no game is perfect. No story is perfect. So there's nothing wrong with looking through this story to find the things that could have been made more perfect with a little extra work, that way games in the future might be a little bit more enjoyable."

 _An image of Pokemon **SUPER** Mystery Dungeon appeared._

Keldeo sighed and looked up slightly. "We can only hope. . ." he said softly.

Keldeo refocused and said, "Well, I have to say that just like how I got some help from Imperator Justinian in my Gates to Infinity list, I also asked him for some help in finding some flaws in the Explorers games too, so thanks again Justinian! So, here's the top 11 dumbest moments of this game's story and game play. Why top 11? Because 10 just isn't enough. So, without further ado, here are the top 11 dumbest Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky moments."

. . .

"Oh, and by the way-."

" _SPOILERS!_ " Zorua shouted.

 _ **Number 11**_

"Arce. . . who?"

"I'm sure we all know that the higher being Dialga mentions at the end of Grovyle, Dusknoir, and Celebi story in Explorers if Sky is Arceus. Bulbapedia even confirms it."

Keldeo lost a bit of his perkiness and said, "But Justinian and I both agree that this kinda feels like a cruel tease. The game lets you recruit Darkrai, Cresselia, Dialga, and Palkia; but the game doesn't even let you _see_ Arceus, let alone battle or recruit him."

Keldeo perked up again and said, "But you know, I kinda understand why. The game wanted to keep Arceus as the supreme being of this world. Arceus is an actual invincible being, unlike he is in the Anime, of course. It's almost as if they wanted to make Arceus a little more similar to God in real life. So Arceus not being present isn't that bad. . . It still annoys me though. . . wow, imagine having _Arceus_ on your team. . ."

 _ **Number 10**_

"Sentry Duty. . . yay?"

Keldeo smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, the little Sentry Duty minigame where you match footprints wasn't fun. But what Justinian pointed out is that there isn't that much in terms of non adventuring game play outside of the Sentry Duty minigame. Luckily, Gates to Infinity saw this as a problem and provided the building of Pokemon paradise. Beartic Slide, Sunken Treasure, Prize Palace, and all the other places to build, let alone the challenge in actually building, upgrading, and painting them really got you interested and invested when you're not going on adventures. Explorers just doesn't have that extra charm. You just have to just keep doing missions and be satisfied with that."

Keldeo grinned and said, "Oh well! At least you can do more than one mission in a dungeon at once!"

 _ **Number 9**_

"Zero Isle."

Keldeo shook his head, "Justinian hated these dungeons. I hated these dungeons. They were _not_ fun. They were an attempt to create some kind of challenge mode for the game, kind of like Battle Frontier or Black City or White Forest. But the problem is that the Zero Isle dungeons just slap restrictions on you! Like you start at level 1, or you can't level up, or you can't bring items."

Keldeo frowned, "Now, is that fair? It's challenging, yes, but Mystery Dungeon is a game that depends on _strategy_. There are a lot of elements that make up that strategy. So when you slap on all those restrictions, it kinda destroys the strategy that made the game fun."

"Trust me when I say that any quote unquote _'rare'_ items you could get in these levels are _not_ worth it."

 _ **Number 8**_

"Grovyle not just telling the guild that they needed to bring the Time Gears to Temporal Tower."

Keldeo frowned, "I mean, how hard could it be? He didn't even have to say that he was from the future. All he had to do was say that Dialga's tower was badly damaged, and that he needed to bring the time gears there to fix it, and that any instances of time stopping in the Time Gear areas would be only temporary."

With a defeated look on his face, Keldeo said, "Okay, you _could_ say that they just wouldn't believe a story like that, and yeah, it would take a lot of convincing. And if the _world famous explorer_ Dusknoir showed up and called him a lying criminal who wanted the Time Gears for himself. . . well, yeah. . .it probably wouldn't have worked. But Grovyle could have at least _tried_ instead of just stealing the Time Gears and making himself look evil!"

 _ **Number 7**_

"Grovyle trying to _kill_ the partner and Azelf."

Keldeo made a face.

"Yeah. . . I'm surprised that no one has ever brought this up before. Grovyle tries to take them out just to get the Time Gear. And. . .well. . . yeah, the Time Gears are important. Time is gonna stop if he doesn't get them. _'Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,'_ and all that. But still, Grovyle was going to _kill_ two innocent Pokemon, one of them a Legendary."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Oh well. I guess it was just a way to show how desperate Grovyle was to save the world."

 _ **Number 6**_

"No final battle with Team Skull."

Keldeo growled, "You didn't need to tell me twice, Justinian. How can the makers of this game _not_ give us a change to fight Skuntank and his gang! Sure, we do get to fight Koffing and Zubat, but we _never_ get a fair fight with Skuntank. And that infamous Perfect Apple scene is _so_ infuriating!"

Keldeo stomped his hooves and said, "Sure, I get it, that _Noxious Gas Combo_ sounds nasty enough to make you black out for a while, but _come on!_ How can we not get a chance to defend our honor against these thugs. And, okay, fine, they get beaten up in Brine Cave and their true colors are revealed to Chatot the jerk, _more on him later,_ but how come _we_ don't get a chance to land the final blow on him."

Keldeo breathed out heavily and said with a stern, straight face, "Well, there's a theory going around that Team Skull _died_ in Brine Cave. . . . . . . . . . . no comment."

 _ **Number 5**_

"Random human?"

"In all the Mystery Dungeon games, you play as a human that was taken from your world, turned into a Pokemon, and brought to the Pokemon world. . . except for this game. In _this_ game, you're a human from the future who got turned into a Pokemon and brought to the past. In other words, you're a human from a Pokemon world."

Keldeo looked utterly dumbstruck.

"How the hay dose that work? I mean, if you're from the future, that means you're form the same world! And if the future has humans, then the past should too, right? Well then where are they? How can there be humans in the future but not in the present? Unless. . . you're the only human in existence? That makes even less sense! Shouldn't you have ancestors in the present? Where's your family?"

Keldeo fell onto his stomach and closed his eyes hard, trying to think. "Okay. . . I've got two theories."

Keldeo opened his eyes, got back up and said, "Theory one: this world has both humans and Pokemon, but either they never interact and live on separate continents or there are some places where there's zero interaction, Wigglytuff's Guild being one such place. But when the planet was paralyzed in the future, some human went to the Pokemon continent to see what they could do, and you we're one of them. You end up being the only survivor, and you team up with Grovyle and Celebi and eventually go back to the past only the get mind wiped and transformed by Darkrai."

"Theory two: this _is_ a Pokemon only world, and you _did_ originally come from the human world, but were sent to the future where the planet is paralyzed as a human _first_. _Then_ you go to the past with Grovyle and get mind wiped and transformed."

Keldeo frowned, "You know, it would have been much easier if you weren't form the future, or if you had always been a Pokemon instead. It would have epxlained how you could _understand Poke languae_ when you were a human from the future having conversations with Grovyle!

 _ **Number 4**_

"Darkrai . . . just. . . _Darkrai. . ._ "

"Okay, I actually only noticed two-thirds of the issue here, but Justinian noticed that third that I overlooked," Keldeo said, "And now that I think about it, it gets even worse when you realize that both Sunflora and Bidoof got backstory episodes in _Explorers of Sky._ So we have to ask, why didn't Cressila and Darkrai get backstories?! What the heck?! I mean, are we supposed to just accept the fact that Darkra is evil? That isn't right! As players who want to get into the lore of the world we are playing in, we have the right to know about the main antagonists. Think about it, we never even learn the simplest things about Darkrai or Cresselia! Right down to: _W_ _here did they come from? Who do they know? How long have they been at it? Hey, Darkrai seems really determined to take over the world, can we learn what drove him to make such a decision? Did he see a prophesy? A vision of the paralyzed planet? Was he abused, treated with prejudice, or mistreated to the point that it turned him evil? How exactly does Cresselia fit into all of this?_ "

Keldeo faced hoofed and said, "Ugh! This is the same problem Munna and her gang had in Gates to Infinity, only worse, because in this game, Darkrai technically wins _and looses_ at the same time!"

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, that's the second problem with Darkrai in this game. In one way, Darkrai kinda won in this. We know that Grovyle and Dusknoir game from a future where the planet was paralyzed and covered in darkness. That's what Darkrai's whole plan was, to make a dark world where he could rule."

Keldeo frowned angrily and shouted, "Except that never happens! Future!Darkrai's not the ruler of the dark future, Primal Dialga is! So what happened to Future!Darkrai? Did Primal Dialga overthrow and kill him in the future? Or did Future!Darkrai just take one look at Primal Dialga and realize that he didn't really think his whole plan through? In either case, Darkrai should be _thanking_ the player for foiling his plan, but then again he'd have no way of knowing it was gonna fail at the time. . ."

Keldeo put his hoof down and said, "Oh, and I'm not through with Darkrai yet. No sir. Here's a huge, big, giant, major plot hole!"

Keldeo put a hoof to his head and said, "How did Darkrai, a medium sized Legendary Pokemon, _knock down a huge tower that goes high up into the sky?_ I mean, what did Darkrai do? Keep using Dark Pulse at it for years and year? That's like trying to use a pen to dig through a brick wall!

Keldeo thought for a moment, and then said with a smile, "But you know, I suppose it _would_ be possible for Darkrai to smash the _base_ of the tower enough for the whole thing to become unsteady enough to fall over and crumble like that. You know. Just kinda throw off the balance."

Then Keldeo frowned, "Too bad the picture in the game _clearly shows_ that not only is the base completely untouched, but that the tower has big chunks taken out of the _sides_ of it up its entire height! What did Darkrai do? Fly around crazily throwing Dark Pulses at it? How did he get away with this!? How did Dialga or even Lapras not notice this!?"

* * *

 _Dialga was meditating on top of Temporal Tower when he heard the sounds of explosions coming from down below. Dialga sighed in annoyance, and rolled a large boulder over the side of the tower. Dialga looked down and watched the boulder fall._

 _"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"_

 _SPLAT!_

 _Dialga smiled, nodded, and picked up a Golden Apple as rap music started playing inexplicably._

 ** _Here, kitty-kitty! Meow-meow, cat, meow!_**

 ** _Mew Power in the HOUSE!_**

 _Dialga triumphantly took a bite of the rare fruit, looking thoroughly satisfied with himself._

* * *

"You know what I think?" Keldeo said, "I think the game makers wanted to make a serious after game where a mysterious evil chess-master villain is revealed, so they just shoehorned Darkrai being behind Temporal Tower's collapse without having a clue how he could have done it!"

Keldeo nodded resolutely, "Yeah! That's right! I said it! It would have been _impossible_ for Darkrai to do this, let alone do it without being seen! And Darkrai being shoehorned in would also explain his lack of backstory! Wow, it's like they shouldn't have even tried making an after game at all! The Grandmaster of All Things Bad is a better developed villain than Darkrai!"

 _ **Number 3**_

"Why didn't Dialga just go get the Time Gears himself?" Keldeo asked incredulously.

Cobalion suddenly walked over and said sternly, "Hold it right there, Keldeo. That complaint is hardly valid."

"What do you mean, Cobalion?" Keldeo asked in disbelief, "This is one of the hugest plot holes I've ever seen in a video game!"

"Keldeo, there is a perfectly good reason for why Dialga couldn't do anything," Cobalion said.

"Oh really? What is it?" Keldeo said in a challenging tone.

"Dialga had already become too corrupted into his Primal Dialga form to think rationally," Cobalion said with certainty.

"Uh, no Cobalion," Keldeo said, "From what we can gather from the game, Temporal Tower has been damaged for some time, and by the time we finally get to the top of Temporal Tower, Dialga is only _partially_ in his Primal form. He's still able to talk and still has some intelligence left in him, so I'm sure that back when Dialga _first_ noticed the huge chunks taken out of the sides of the tower, he would have been sane enough to realize that he had better get it fixed before he went crazy and time stopped. He _must_ have had _more_ than enough time to figure things out!"

Cobalion blinked, staring at Keldeo in silence. Then he said, "Well, Dialga is probably unable to leave Temporal Tower as long as it's standing, due to the fact of him being the Legendary Pokemon of Time."

"Uh, that's wrong, Cobalion," Keldeo said politely, "You're able to recruit Dialga later on, so he clearly _can_ leave the tower any time he wants."

A brief look of embarrassment flashed across Cobalion's face, but he quickly regained his confident composure and said, "Well, Dialga is probably unable to touch the Time Gears. It's like how like the like-poles of a magnet repel each other. Time repels time."

Keldeo shrugged, "That actually sounds clever, Cobalion. But why doesn't Dialga just _ask,_ or command, someone to get the Time Gears and bring them to Temporal Tower for him? He could have even asked Palkia to help him!"

Cobalion's eyes darted around in a subtle nervousness, then he answer, "Well, Dialga is too _proud_ to ask for help."

"What!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "All of time is at stake! His _sanity_ is at stake! Are you telling me that he is going to condemn _himself_ and the entire world to fate worse than death just because of _pride_? And didn't I mention he could have forcefully commanded someone to do it as the _proud_ and mighty Legendary Pokemon of Time?"

Cobalion gave a loud sigh and said, "Very well, Keldeo. You've bested me. I suppose that I now see that this _is_ a huge plot hole. But the plot of the whole game seems to depend on Dialga not being able to do anything for some reason."

"Like the eagles not being able to drop the One Ring into the volcano themselves in the _Lord of the Rings_ movies," Keldeo said with a grin.

Cobalion gave a small smile, "Yes. But I still feel that the writers still could have given us an explanation. I know that in the book it said that Sauron's magic kept the eagles out of Mordor, and that should have been in the movie. But the writers for Explorers never gave us a reason why Dialga, or Lapras for that matter, couldn't either get help or help themselves. But there had to have been some reason, so I and others like me came to the conclusions that you so easily debunked, and I actually commend you for that, Keldeo. I appreciate you helping us not blindly accept poor writing. Hopefully Game Freak won't make such huge mistakes again."

Keldeo smiled proudly and said, "Thanks, Cobalion. And I sure do hope they don't create any more huge plot holes like that. And hey! At least it gives me an excuse to make a _How It Should Have Ended_ skit!"

* * *

 _Dusknoir stood by the time portal in front of the crowd of Pokemon with the tied up and gagged Grovyle next to him._

 _"Thank you so much, Wigglytuff Guild," Dusknoir, "Thanks to you, the criminal Grovyle has been captured. And now, I shall take-"_

 _Dusknoir was suddenly interrupted by a flash of light as Palkia appeared with Dialga in tow. Palkia also held a struggling Darkrai in his claws._

 _"PALKIA," Dialga said with a nod to the Legendary Pokemon of Space._

 _Palkia threw Darkrai into Dusknoir, and they both hit the ground hard right in front of the time portal._

 _Plakia then freed Grovyle from the rope and gag. Grovyle marched over to the Ghost-type and Dark-type and said, "Celebi says happy Pledging Tree Festival. . . IN THE REVERSE WORLD!"_

 _Grovyle kicked both evil Pokemon into the portal, and Palkia shattered it with one swipe of his mighty claws._

 _With a flash, Grovyle, Dialga, and Palkia teleported away and reappeared at the top of Temporal Tower._

 _"GROVYLE," Dialga said with a nod to the Grass-type._

 _Grovyle quickly placed the Time Gears into their proper places, and Temporal Tower quickly repaired itself._

 _Palkia held out two giant mugs and said, "PERFECT APPLE CIDER."_

 _Grovyle took out a big bottle of the beverage as rap music suddenly played out of nowhere._

 ** _Here, kitty-kitty! Meow-meow, cat, meow!_**

 ** _Mew Power in the HOUSE!_**

 _Grovyle filled the mugs for the Legendaries, and he took the bottle for himself. They all put their drinks together in a toast and drank deeply._

* * *

"Very funny," Cobalion said, not sounding very amused, and he walked away shaking his head.

Keldeo watched him go, then turned with a smile and said, "Well, as you can clearly see, Dialga and Palkia, in this game at least, have fallen into the same useless as Arceus does in nearly every fanfic _he's_ in _*cough*ZaltonandZoroarkduoofdeath*cough*."_

 _ **Number 2**_

"Chatot."

Keldeo covered his face with his fore hooves.

"Oh. My. Gosh."

Keldeo uncovered his face and said, "This character is just. . . frustration incarnate! He smugly takes nearly all of your money _'_ _for the guild,'_ and in the anime he takes your _item_ too, he belittles you and picks on you whenever you do something wrong, and after he witnesses you getting kidnapped by Dusknoir and you come back with a harrowing tale of an evil plot and the approaching tramp of doom, _HE LAUGHS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!_ "

Keldeo took a few deep breaths and said, "And I know, I know, Chatot said he was acting to test you- ** _LIAR_**!"

Keldeo pointed in an accusatory manner and continued, "I don't believe him! Those two Pokemon had to have been traumatized and spoke with urgency in their voices and sincerity in their eyes! How could anyone have a reason to doubt that?! Why would anyone feel the need to test that?! What drove him to laugh like that? He must be some kind of complete idiot to think that they would lie about something that serious! The only reason Chatot changed his tune was because the rest of the guild weren't as stupid as he was and said, _'Hey, with time stopping all over the place and Dusknoir kidnapping them right in front of us in broad daylight, I'd say that we should believe them, because they're obviously telling the truth, you moron!'_ "

Keldeo fell down to his knees and took a moment to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry. . . I _really_ don't like this character. . ." Keldeo said softly.

 _ **And the Number 1 DUMBEST Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky Moment is. . ..**_

"The Perfect Apple Incident."

Keldeo stood straight faced, appearing to be holding in some intense anger.

"I'm not going to get angry again," Keldeo said, "I already got angry talking about Chatot, and I'm not going to lose it again. I'm just going to explain this point calmly and move on."

"All the player and partner had to do was say, _'Team Skull attacked us and stole all the Perfect Apples. ARREST THEM!'_ "

Keldeo clenched his teeth and said through them, "But nope! They just sit their like idiots, _either stuttering stupidly or standing there in a dumb silence,_ while Team Skull just walks right in, gives Wigglytuff the Perfect Apple, and leaves you to get punished by Chatot- OH MY GOSH, _SAY SOMETHING YOU MORONS!"_

Keldeo waved his forehooves wildly and said, "Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'm done, I'm okay, I'm done. I won't get angry anymore, I promise."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Look, I know you might be thinking that the Perfect Apple Incident might be necessary, but when you really think about, and weigh it up against how unpleasant it all is, you'll find that the game would have been much more pleasant without it. I mean, what does it teach us? That Team Skull are a bunch of jerks and that the Noxious Gas Combo is unbeatable? Well, how about this: we have a boss battle against Team Skull, we beat them, they use the Noxious Gas Combo to escape, we still score the Perfect Apple and get it to Wigglytuff."

Keldeo shook his head and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't see how failing the missing and getting cruel and unusual punishment by Chatot benefits the story in any shape or form! What if there were simply no Perfect Apples on the tree? Why would that deserve punishment?"

"And another thing, I find Wigglytuff's reaction to hearing that he's not gonna get a Perfect Apple _VERY_ disturbing. Why? Well. . ."

Keldeo shifted uncomfortably and said, ". . .Okay. . . I _really_ don't like talking about these kinds of things. . . but. . . look, if you replaced _'_ _Perfect Apple'_ with, let's say, alcohol, or cigarette, or any mind of addictive substance. . . literally nothing would change story wise. Look at that scene, he acts like he's going through withdrawal. It's like it should be in some kind of Anti Drug PSA."

 _ **Peewee Herman:** "It isn't glamorous. Or cool. Or kid stuff."_

Keldeo frowned and said, "And don't use _'oh, but the incident let us see Wigglytuff's slightly crazy and violent and mood swinging personality traits'_ as an excuse. That could have just waited for the Fogbound Lake expedition to have a scene showing that. There are a million better scenarios to introduce us to Wigglytuff's kookiness that I'm not gonna take the time to talk about here."

"And I also _really_ can't get over how they just let Team Skull come in with the Perfect Apple like heroes without saying anything! I mean, _seriously_! Are you really that _stupid_! Let's look at another _How It Should Have Ended_ skit!"

* * *

 _"There you two are!" Chatot said, "Did you get the Perfect Apple?"_

 _"Team Skull stole them all!" the Chimchar shouted furiously._

 _"WHAT!?" Chatot shouted, flapping his wings in rage, "Well! The Guildmaster is gonna hear about this!"_

 _Chatot ran off, and seconds later, Team Skull walked in pompously._

 _"HA-HA-HA!" Skuntank laughed nastily, "You losers are really gonna get it from Chatot! I can't wait to see Wigglytuff's reaction when he sees this!"_

 _Skuntank took out a Perfect Apple and held it high with pride._

 _"Big mistake," the Chimchar said with a smirk._

 _"YOOM-TAH!" shouted a voice._

 _Team Skull barely had time to scream as Wigglytuff practically flew at them and proceeded to beat the three criminals senseless._

 _"Berry Juice," the Chimchar said with a smirk._

 _The Meowth took out two Berry Juices and handed one to his partner as rap music suddenly began to play out of nowhere._

 ** _Here, kitty-kitty! Meow-meow, cat, meow!_**

 ** _Mew Power in the HOUSE!_**

 _The duo smiled as they drank a toast to themselves, and to justice._

* * *

"The only good thing that came out of it was the scene where the other guild members share their food with them after Chatot not only denied them food, but made them watch everyone else eat!"

Keldeo clenched his teeth.

"That bird is _sadistic!_ "

"I don't care what anyone else says. The Perfect Apple Incident is by far the _dumbest_ Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky moment."

Keldeo took a long deep breath, and let it out slowly.

"Well, now that I got all _that_ over the way. . . I can fill my head with thoughts of how _awesome_ this game is!" Keldeo declared happily.

"Even with all these problems, the good things about this game completely make up for it! It's plot is deep and dark at times; the characters are all complex and well developed; the dungeon crawler game-play is fun, the Gummi and IQ Skill game mechanics are clever; and there are so many heart pounding, heart warming, and heart breaking moments. The way characters like Grovyle, the partner, and Dusknoir stay in our minds shows how Explorers is definitely the best Pokemon Mystery Dungeon game in the entire series."

"Do yourself a pick up a copy of Explorers of Sky for yourself!" Keldeo said proudly, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo then went off on his way.

* * *

Dusknoir, Grovyle, and Celebi made their way through the Passage of Time. It was a translucent tube of light that seemed to wobble and float through infinite space and time.

"Look!" Celebi shouted as she pointed out at a massive sphere of light that seemed to be floating towards the sphere that they had just come out of via the Passage of Time.

"Is that the other world that is going to hit ours?" Grovyle asked.

"Of course it is! That's what it's doing, isn't it?" Dusknoir said.

Celebi nodded, "Yes. . . this is more serious than I thought. We have to hurry and ask that entity to stop it! Now!"

"Okay then, let's go!" Grovyle said as he quickened his pace through the Passage of Time.

The trio moved fast through the Passage of Time, modified by Dialga and Palkia to lead them to the world where they could find the entity that could save their world.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Nostalgia Critic- Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moment_

 _How It Should Have Ended (HISHE)_

 _Gordy- Pig Power in the House_ by Tag Team

 _Pokemon Battle Revolution Series_ by Virizion 2.6

 _Nostalgia Critic- Top 11 Drug PSAs_

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _Imperator Justinian_

 _Bulbapedia_


	26. Triumphant Return

**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 8: Triumpahnt Return by BabyCharmander**

 **tinyurl:** **phlhsen**

Keldeo stood smiling on his rock platform in the Moor of Icirrus and wearing his Mystic Water around his neck with pride. "It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it-"

 ** _BOOOOOOM!_**

Keldeo was thrown forward off of the platform and landed hard into the shallow water. Keldeo got up and shook the water out of his mane and said, "What the heck just happened?"

Keldeo turned around and gasped as he saw that a huge portal in time and space had opened up behind him.

"Great, now I'm seeing Boom Tubes," Keldeo said in disbelief, "I guess this is what I get for marathoning episodes of _both_ Justice League _and_ The Legion of Super Heroes."

Suddenly, three very familiar Pokemon came out of the portal.

Keldeo's jaw dropped. "Oh my gosh! I don't believe it! Grovyle! Celebi! Dusknoir!"

Dusknoir looked down at Keldeo and remarked, "Hmm. This Pokemon seems to know who we are."

Keldeo nodded enthusiastically and said, "Sure I do! You guys are heroes who saved the world and beat Primal Dialga! You guys are amazing adventurers who were willing to give up your lives to get time running again-."

"Wait, wait, wait!" the pink shiny Celebi said, waving her arms as she stared ta Keldeo in shock, "How do _you_ know about us."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Let's just say, I was able to . . . look in on your adventures-."

Grovyle gasped and pointed at Keldeo, "Then you must be the entity we've been looking for!"

Keldeo stared back at him. "Eh?"

Grovyle turned to Celebi and said, "You explain it to him."

Celebi nodded and said, "Okay, listen. . . er. . . who are you?"

Keldeo struck a noble pose and said, "Keldeo! One of the Swords of Justice!"

Celebi nodded again, "okay then, Keldeo. Listen, we come from an alternate world, and two other alternate worlds had somehow slipped from their places and were headed on a collision course with our world. I looked into it, and I noticed that something from _this_ world stopped one of the alternate worlds from hitting us. But there's still one more alternate world heading towards our own. A merger of worlds could be catastrophic, so we came to this world to see if that other world could be stopped."

Dusknoir suddenly took over, "And if you have the power to observe us, thenwe can assume that it was you who stopped that alternate world from hitting ours, and therefore have the power to stop the other alternate world from hitting ours too."

Celebi cocked her head at the mind-blown Keldeo and asked, "Um. . . you _are_ the one who stopped the first collision of worlds, right?"

Keldeo appeared to stare into space for a long moment. He soon processed all the information he heard, and snapped back into reality. "Oh! Um, okay! Yes. Yes, that's right. I must have subconsciously tapped into my critic-ian powers when I was reviewing that _To Live_ fanfic."

"Fanfic?" Grovyle asked curiously.

Keldeo blinked. "Oh boy, how do I explain this. . . um. . . a Fanfic is a, um, _window of words_ into another world. By analyzing those words, I was able to stop the alternate world from infecting yours."

Grovyle nodded slowly, "Okay. . . so, can you do it again?"

Keldeo scratched his chin with his left fore-hoof, "Hmm. . . well, I was actually planning on reviewing a Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's fanfic today, not a Pokemon fanfic, so I don't see how I can-." An idea suddenly popped into Keldeo's head, "Oh! Wait, let me check my E-mail!"

Keldeo opened his laptop and went to his inbox.

"What is that thing?" Celebi asked.

"It's the. . . uh. . . _magic device_ I use to view the _windows of words_ ," Keldeo said as he looked through his E-mail messages, "Yeah, that's it. The, uh, purpose is written in the hidden words. All, uh, must serve the words. For they are in every stone and every cloud- _aha!_ Here we are! A message from Matthais about a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon fanfic called _Triumphant Return_ by BabyCharmander!"

* * *

 _ **Triumphant Return**_

 _By: BabyCharmander_

He couldn't just leave them... Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of the Sky. AU.

* * *

"This is kind of a _'what-if'_ scenario for the game," Keldeo explained, "It takes what we know and explorers what could happen if things take a turn in another direction. In this story, not only do we see the story take a _very_ sharp turn, but we also see the reactions of some of the other characters which many of us have overlooked."

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "Well, why don't we take a look at how this was handled. This is-."

 _"_ _*AHEM!*_ " Dusknoir said loudly with his arms folded, "You _do_ realize that you just left in the middle of our conversation and then started talking to . . ." Dusknoir unfolded his arms and motioned in the direction Keldeo had been facing, ". . . nobody."

Keldeo sighed, "Look, that's how I do things. It's hard to explain, and if you crossed worlds just to talk to me, then maybe you shouldn't interrupt me."

"He's right. Keep quiet, Dusknoir. Our entire world is at stake," Grovyle said sharply.

"Hold on, everyone," Keldeo said, "You might be able to help me out."

Celebi looked curious, "Really?"

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah. Look, I'm gonna be talking about events that happen in the other world. Whenever something gets your attention, say something. Comment. Complain. Compliment. Anything. Trust me, it'll help stop the worlds from colliding faster. I can't explain it, just go with it."

The three heroes exchanged glances, and then all nodded in affirmation.

"Alright, Keldeo. We'll do what we can," Grovyle said seriously.

Keldeo smiled, "Alright then! So, get ready everyone, because this is _Triumphant Return._ "

"So our story picks up after some time after Grovyle tackled Dusknoir back into the future, and our heroes are busy climbing Temporal Tower. Our human from the future turned Pokemon, however, is still hurting over Grovyle's departure."

* * *

 _"Though the parting hurts…"_

 _And it hurt. It really, really hurt._

 _With each step Piplup took up the crumbling tower, his heart ached more and more. It was bad enough that Grovyle was gone, but soon he would be gone, too, and that would leave Chimchar—the one who instantly befriended him when he had no-one to turn to, the one who had been exploring with him through all this time, the one who had stayed with him through thick and thin—all alone._

* * *

Grovyle appeared confused, "Wait a minute, a Piplup and a Chimchar? What happened to-."

"It's an alternate world, Grovyle," Celebi explained.

Grovyle's confusion turned to embarrassment, "Oh . . . I see . . . sorry for the interruption."

* * *

 _"GET OUT OF HERE!"_

 _The two young Pokémon whipped around just in time to see a Porygon-Z fire a huge bolt of electricity out of its beak—a powerful attack that Piplup had just barely survived before, and one that he knew he had no chance of surviving now in his weakened state. Piplup's eyes went wide as the bolt seemed to fly towards him in slow motion, and his mind went blank of all but a single thought: I didn't get to say goodbye._

 _But the bolt never made contact. Instead, something about twice his size darted in front of him, blocking the electricity. The thing growled when the attack hit, but held its ground._

 _"Leaf Blade!" a familiar voice shouted as the figure ran forward, slicing at the virtual Pokémon with the leaves attached to its wrists. The Porygon-Z immediately disintegrated, and the mysterious figure turned around, smiling._

 _"GROVYLE!" Chimchar exclaimed, practically tackling the Grass-type as he hugged him, tears rolling down his cheeks._

* * *

 ** _"WHAT!?"_** both Keldeo and Grovyle said at once.

"How did Grovyle get back?" Keldeo asked, "I mean, it makes no sense."

Celebi sighed in annoyance, "It's an alternate-."

"Oh _no,_ " Dusknoir said, his eye growing wide.

Grovyle turned to Dusknoir and asked, "What? What is it?"

Dusknoir quickly calmed down and shook his head slowly, "Um, no. It's nothing. Let's just continue. It'll probably explain everything."

Keldeo nodded, "You have a point there, Dusknoir, let's keep going." Keldeo turned back to his laptop, but then turned back and said gravely, "Although I think I know what you were thinking. . ."

Dusknoir appeared to get uncomfortable again at this.

* * *

 _"Piplup, Chimchar…" Grovyle said gently, wrapping an arm around the Fire-type and smiling warmly at the Water-type._

 _"B-but…" Piplup started, having finally found his voice again, "Dusknoir! What about him?! I thought—"_

 _"Dusknoir has been defeated," the Grass-type responded. "Once he was taken care of, I found Celebi and had her transport me straight back." He let go of Chimchar and took a few steps forward, kneeling in front of Piplup and wrapping an arm around him. "After all, I couldn't just leave you…"_

* * *

Both Keldeo and Dusknoir let out sighs of relief.

"Are we missing something?" Grovyle asked for both himself and Celebi.

"It's _nothing,_ " Dusknoir said seriously.

"Bu-."

" _Nothing!_ " Dusknoir growled.

Grovyle stared at Dusknoir, and then sighed and shrugged, "Fine. Okay. What happens next?"

* * *

 _Grovyle had come back. Even though he'd known that he would disappear soon, he risked getting attacked by Primal Dialga again just to come back to the past to help them in his last moments. Piplup's eyes began to well up with tears, and he threw his flippers around his friend, sobbing. "G-Grovyle…!"_

 _"Hush, it's all right," Grovyle said, hugging the younger Pokémon for a moment. "We've got to stay strong to do this."_

 _"Y-yes…" the Water-type said, wiping his tears away and taking a few deep breaths to try to calm down. "You're right. I-I'll stay strong!" He looked up, giving a determined nod despite the tears that continued to sting at his eyes._

 _Meanwhile, Chimchar was in much brighter spirits. "This is great!" he cheered with leap of joy. "With Grovyle back, there's no way we can lose! C'mon, let's get to the pinnacle of the tower!" With that, he made his way over to the next room._

 _Piplup went quiet for a moment, gazing sadly up at Grovyle. "He still doesn't know…"_

 _Grovyle's expression was unreadable, and he simply nodded. "We'll worry about that later. For now, we must continue to ascend the tower."_

 _"…Right."_

 _With that, the two Pokémon followed their companion._

* * *

"Uggh. This is too sweet," Dusknoir remarked.

"I like it!" Celebi said as she spun around.

"To be honest, this is a really nice scene," Keldeo said, "The game had a few touching moments like these, so a moment with all three friends on their way to the final battle is right at home here."

"So as our heroes get closer to the top, Piplup still has concerns about telling Chimchar that he and Grovyle will disappear."

* * *

 _Once Chimchar was out of earshot, Grovyle turned to Piplup. "Don't tell him yet. If you tell him now, then he might be reluctant to put the Time Gears into place, and then we might be too late."_

 _"Is—is that why you wanted to carry the Time Gears?"_

 _"Yes. I figured it would be best for me to put them in, in case Chimchar found out. But I'm not going to force him to give them to me… that would arouse suspicion."_

 _Piplup glanced down at the stair step he was standing on. "Grovyle… I-I wanted to tell him goodbye… But when he puts the Time Gears in—"_

 _"You will still have time," the Grass-type replied. "We both will. Otherwise I would have told Chimchar myself."_

 _"You're sure?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"…Promise?"_

 _"Promise." Grovyle gave the younger Pokémon a gentle smile once more. "Now let's get going."_

* * *

"Our heroes reach the top of the tower, and their goal is in sight," Keldeo said, looking very excited, "Oh boy! Soon Dialga is gonna show up and there's gonna be a big battle and-."

* * *

 _"I couldn't just leave you… not when you were just about to make me disappear." The Grass-type's face contorted into something frightening—something very un-Grovyle-like. "Grovyle failed in his quest."_

 _In one swift movement, he yanked his arms away, flicking blood into the air._

 _"And so did you."_

 _And Piplup dropped._

* * *

 _"WHAT THE SPROCK!?"_ Keldeo shouted in complete shock.

Dusknoir was suddenly frozen solid as Celebi and Grovyle looked on in shock.

"No," Grovyle said in disbelief and shock, "No-no-no. No-no-no-no-no-no-no. That didn't just happen. That didn't just happen!"

"Well-," Celebi started to say.

"I don't care if this is an alternate world, there is _no_ alternate world where this could possibly make sense!" Grovyle shouted, "Why would this possibly-?"

* * *

 _"Give me the Time Gears, Chimchar, and perhaps you won't suffer the same fate as your two dear friends."_

 _The Fire-type's mind spun. This was not Grovyle. He did not talk like Grovyle. He did not look like Grovyle. He did not move like Grovyle. And he did not act like Grovyle._

* * *

Grovyle blinked, "Oh. Now I get it."

"Oh, great, so now I'm the only one in the dark," Celebi said with a pout, "Someone tell me the answer!"

"Dusknoir went through with his evil, sadistic, macabre trap!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Remember back in Grovyle's special episode in Explorers of Sky? When Dusknoir had Grovyle trapped in the electric field. He planned to melt Grovyle's spirit and posses his dead body! That's what's different in this alternate world! Dusknoir actually went through with it!"

Celebi gasped, and Dusknoir fell to the ground and pounded the ground with his fist.

"I did it! I screwed it up! Gosh darn me! Darn me to heck!" he shouted fiercely.

The other three watched as Dusknoir raged on the ground. Dusknoir took a long deep breath, and then said sadly, "Grovyle, when you taught me how it is better to live a short life with glory and accomplishment than a long, empty life, and how as long as a person is remembered, then you cannot truly disappear; I realized the error of my ways, and saw how destructive my actions were. I would have destroyed everything, and very truly erased _both_ of us, whether we disappeared or not; because then, our lives would have really meant nothing. I had realized that all I was working towards was an eternity of serving Primal Dialga. Just managing a police state in a cold, dark world. Forever. I realized that that life would be worthless, so I decided that even if I would disappear, I would prefer that over an empty life. And thanks to you, not only did I feel that my life was fulfilled, and I disappeared with no regrets."

Dusknoir clenched his fists, got back up, and said, "And what's more, we were all rewarded and brought back to life after the world was saved. I got a second chance on life thanks to you, Grovyle. Then you became my friend, and I feel no shame in saying that your friendship is valuable to me, because it was you, Grovyle, who saved my life."

Everyone was silent after Dusknoir's speech.

"Dusknoir . . ." Grovyle said.

Dusknoir looked levelly at Grovyle.

Grovyle nodded slowly, and gave Dusknoir a smile and said, "I knew it all along, Dusknoir. At heart, you are a noble Pokemon. All you needed to do was see the truth."

Dusknoir's spirit lifted as a sense a peace enveloped him.

" _*Ahem!*_ " Celebi said loudly, "This is very nice, _even if I'm being treated like chop liver here,_ but if Keldeo doesn't hurry up and do his thing, we're gonna have an Evil!Dusknoir possessed Grovyle running around in our world!"

Dusknoir nodded and said, "Yes, you're right, Celebi. We need Keldeo to fix this quickly and," Dusknoir tapped his fingers together and said, "Um, yes Celebi, sorry for not mentioning you. I am glad to consider you as a friend. You are a valuable edition to our group, and I'd say that you're the one who brings most of the business to our restaurant-."

Suddenly, another portal in time and space opened up, and both Dialga and Palkia stuck their heads out and shouted:

 _ **"GET ON WITH IT!"**_

They went back in and the portal closed.

Keldeo blinked, and nodded, "Um, yeah, I guess they're right, back to the story."

"So Chimchar for once doesn't hang onto the Hero/Idiot Ball and figures out that this isn't the good Grovyle he knows and loves."

* * *

 _"You're not Grovyle!" Fire spewed out of Chimchar's mouth, enveloping the wounded Grass-type._

* * *

"And so," Keldeo says, "Chimchar's Super Effective Fire-type attack defeats the evil Dusknoir-possessed Grovyle, allowing him to put the Time Gears where they belong, saving the planet from paralysis. However, this is unable to bring back his dear friend Piplup. And so, the story ends on that final bittersweet note."

Dusknoir hangs his head somberly as Grovyle nods with equal seriousness. Celebi sighed and gives a small sad smile.

They were all thrown for a loop when Keldeo burst out laughing.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, it's just. . . the idea that the _partner_ character, or _any_ character in a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon game would be able to let go of the Hero Ball or Idiot Ball long enough to solve a major problem the easy way! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! _Of course_ that's not the real ending!"

"It's not?" Celebi asked in disbelief.

"But I'm sure Chimcar could defeat Grovyle!" Grovyle said, then he backpedaled and said, "Um, I mean me. I mean _Dusknoir._ Um-."

"Just tell us what happens, Keldeo!" Dusknoir shouted impatiently.

* * *

 _Immediately the Pokémon began to scream in terror. "Chimchar!" he cried. That was Grovyle's voice. "Chimchar, what are you doing?! It's me, Grovyle!"_

 _The Fire-type choked back his flames, eyes wide. "Grovyle?!"_

 _The Grass-type rolled on the stone floor frantically to put out the flames, and finally lay still on the ground. "Ch-Chim… char…"_

 _What have I done? Why am I attacking Grovyle?! He felt dizzy and sick, and shook his head in an attempt to clear it. Am I seeing things? What's wrong with me…? Why did I attack him like that? Quickly he approached his friend, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Grovyle…?"_

* * *

"HE JUST _MURDERED_ PIPLUP, YOU FOOL!" Grovyle shouted.

* * *

 _Suddenly the Pokémon pushed himself up on one arm and sliced at Chimchar with the leaf-blades on his other arm, snarling._

 _Chimchar jumped back, eyes wide. No, this isn't Grovyle! I don't know who it is, but he tricked me…! Trying to focus again, he launched another stream of fire at his opponent, who began to scream and roll around again._

* * *

Celebi sighed in relief, "Oh, good. Now he can put those Time Gears in."

"Nope," Keldeo said flatly.

"What?" Celebi replied.

* * *

 _Once he was sure the Pokémon was too busy to attack him again, he began to make his way over to Piplup, but another violent tremor reminded him that he probably didn't have much time left._

* * *

"Yeah, you don't. SO PUT THE TIME GEARS IN ALREADY!" Dusknoir shouted.

* * *

 _Looking from the raised platform to Piplup and back again, the young Pokémon was torn between doing what he needed to and making sure his friend was all right._

* * *

"I'm sure Piplup, dead or alive, can wait the _five_ _seconds_ it would take to put the Time Gears in!" Grovyle said, "You know, _the whole reason you risked your lives to come here!_ "

* * *

 _Piplup hasn't moved… but I need to put the Time Gears in… but… Piplup… Piplup…!Fighting back tears, he darted over to his friend's side, shaking him gently._

* * *

"No-no-no-no! The Time Gears _first!_ That's what _Piplup_ would want!" Celebi said desperately.

* * *

 _"Piplup, wake up! Please!" The sick feeling in his stomach intensified when he saw the blood pooling out from underneath the Water-type's body. "Piplup, don't leave me… wake up, please…!"_

* * *

"Pretend he's Hydreigon and mourn later!" Keldeo shouted.

"Who?" Celebi asked.

* * *

 _The Fire-type was too distraught to see a dark shape rise out of Grovyle's lifeless body. He felt too sick to focus on what was going on around him, and thus failed to notice as the figure slowly approached him. It wasn't until the enormous creature cast a shadow over him that he turned around._

 _A single, red eye glared down at him._

 _And everything went dark._

* * *

"ARRRRGH! You moron!" Dusknoir shouted as he clenched his fists with extreme frustration.

Keldeo took a deep breath and said calmly, "You know, to be fair, seeing his best friend he'll ever have die right in front of him probably put him in a state of utter trauma that would prevent him from coming _close_ to fulfilling the mission. Dusknoir probably knew this, which is why he killed Piplup first."

"I don't care!" Celebi shouted angrily, "Forget this fanfic, alternate world, _horror!_ I quit! I'll check on you guys later! I am out of-"

 ** _FLASH!_**

Celebi suddenly vanished in a flash of light.

Grovyle jumped with surprise and gasped, "What happened? Where did she go?"

Keldeo shrugged, "She just time traveled."

"Celebi can't just time travel at will," Dusknoir said, "She's just the only one who can open the Passage of Time. _Dialga_ is the one who can time travel at will."

Keldeo grinned, " _Actually,_ Celebi has that power too in this world. I guess just being here gave her that ability. Heh. She's probably pretty freaked out wherever- I mean, _when_ ever she is now. Eh, she'll show up when the review's done."

Grovyle raised an eyebrow, "Isn't it done _now_?"

Keldeo shook his head, "No, actually. Ya see, after lying to Lapras by saying that the heroes died putting the Time Gears back, Dusknoir disguised as Grovyle heads back to Treasure Town and Wigglytuff's Guild."

* * *

 _A gasp caught itself in Lapras's throat, but he managed to hold it back. "I… I understand." He turned his long neck, looking away as a few tears dripped down his muzzle. "They were such brave Pokémon… But… but at least their sacrifice will not have been made in vain."_

 _Grovyle did not reply to that. "T-take… t-take me back t-to Treasure… T-Town…" he wheezed. "They n-need… to know."_

* * *

Dusknoir growled and said, "I feel so . . . _disgusted_ with myself."

"This is _not_ you, Dusknoir," Grovyle said with certainty, "You couldn't go through with it because in your heart, you knew that you couldn't doom the world and cause endless suffering just to ensure your own survival once you fully realized the extent of your actions. So don't feel guilty about something you didn't do and never would do."

"Easy for you to say. You're pure of heart," Dusknoir grumbled.

Grovyle didn't respond, but merely shifted uncomfortably and averted his eyes from Dusknoir.

"So Grovyle gets back to the guild and-," Keldeo began.

* * *

 _"HEY! What are you DOING down there?!" came Loudred's obnoxious voice._

* * *

"Gaaah!" Keldeo shouted with a jolt.

* * *

 _"SHOULDN'T we be getting some VISITORS by now?!"_

 _The Ground-type blinked, looking up at the grate, and was somewhat surprised to see that there was indeed something standing there. Its form was unclear, but he could see the footprints plain as day. "Oh! Pokémon alert! Pokémon alert!"_

 _"THAT'S more like it! WHO'S FOOTPRINT? WHO'S FOOTPRINT?"_

 _After taking a second to analyze the footprints, Diglett froze. "Th-the footprint is…" he whispered. "The f-footprint is…!"_

 _"HUH? Who IS it? SPEAK UP!"_

 _"…GROVYYYYYLLLLEEE_ _!" Diglett shouted, immediately diving underground and then digging up the sentry pit as fast as his little claws would allow him._

* * *

Keldeo blinked and looked around awkwardly, "What. . .claws?"

Keldeo shook it off and said, "Well, anyway, _'Grovyle'_ tells everyone at the guild about the death of Piplup and Chimchar."

* * *

 _"Chimchar… and Piplup…" Grovyle managed to choke out, arms trembling as he continued to clutch whatever it was he was holding, "…are gone."_

 _He held out a bag, which everyone instantly recognized as being Chimchar's._

 _Diglett's eyes widened, and he turned to his father. "Th-they're coming back, aren't they, Dad? …Dad?"_

 _Dugtrio did not answer, but his faces grew somewhat pale._

 _Seeing that, the mole Pokémon immediately turned back to look at Grovyle. "Grovyle, they're com—"_

 _"Th-they can't be gone, by golly!" Bidoof interrupted, stepping forward. "Th-they said they would come back…!"_

 _Grovyle's eyes seemed to be shining with tears. "…Some promises can't always be kept."_

 _By now, Diglett's breathing had quickened, and his vision was blurred with tears. "B-but Dad… Th-they can't be…!"_

 _Yet Dugtrio still could not answer. Everyone else was quiet too, still in complete shock as Grovyle's words sank in._

 _Piplup and Chimchar were gone, and they were not coming back._

 _The sobs of a young Ground-type shattered the silence._

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "You know, Diglett _was_ a really nice character, what with his nice personality and way he did sentry duty, and the whole father and son relation we get with Dugtrio and Diglett. I really wish the game featured them a bit more."

* * *

 _"HHRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH H!"_

* * *

"GAAH!" Keldeo shouted as he covered his ears with his fore hooves, "Darn it, Loudred!"

* * *

 _A stone flew across the room, barely missing Corphish and shattering when it hit the opposite wall. Loudred was too furious to care. "HOW COULD THEY DO THAT?!" he screamed, stomping around the room._

 _"Hey, hey, settle down…!"_

 _The big voice Pokémon wasn't listening. "THEY LIED! THOSE TWO WERE LIARS! THEY SAID THEY WOULD COME BACK!"_

* * *

"Yeah! How dare they get violently and painfully killed in a selfish sacrifice of their lives to save our sorry butts who did nothing but sit here in the nice cozy guild!" Keldeo said grouchily.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

Grovyle and Dusknoir looked around in shock.

"Where did that voice come from?" Grovyle asked.

"Don't think about it. Don't think about it," Keldeo said quickly.

* * *

 _His mind was unclear—everything seemed to be blurred into shades of red as he kept thinking about how Piplup and Chimchar had lied. How could they lie?! After all they'd done, how could they lie and say they would be back and then have Grovyle come back alone?! It was ridiculous. It didn't make sense, why didn't they come back, why did they lie like that it was so stupid he couldn't believe this—_

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "Okay, I know that Loudred is in the Anger stage of the Five Stages of Grief, but _why_ is he angry at the ones who died? Wouldn't it make more sense for him to be angry with Grovyle? I mean, imagine how unpleasant _Tanks For the Memories_ would be if Rainbow Dash had gotten angry at Tank and kept shouting at him instead of Pinkie Pie, who kinda deserves to be yelled at."

" _Who_ are you talking about?" Dusknoir said with a wide eye.

Keldeo sighed a second time and said, "You know, maybe I should just make a training video in case of surprise collabs. Not everyone is with it as Jack Storm."

"So after Corphish tells Loudred to either cut it out or scram, he goes off and descends into the Depression stage."

* * *

 _He walked around the room for a while, straining his acute hearing to try to figure out where everyone was. He could hear Diglett still crying down in the sentry pit and some hushed voices in the Guildmaster's room. With a growl, he climbed up to the next floor, which, if it were possible, was even deader than the lower level._

 _He wandered around for a moment, trembling as he continued to strain his hearing. Finally satisfied that he was far enough away from everyone else, he threw himself onto the ground and burst into deafening sobs._

 _"…I thought I would be alone up here."_

 _Immediately Loudred shut up, slapping his paws over his mouth as his face turned red. Somehow he'd failed to notice the dull green form that was huddled in the corner of the room. Wiping the snot from his face, he carefully approached it. "What are YOU doing here?" he snorted._

 _Grovyle turned to face him. "Trying to sort out my thoughts." There was a strange calmness in his voice that Loudred immediately picked up on._

 _"Aren't YOU sad, too?" he asked, crossing his arms._

 _"I've… taken my time to mourn," he said slowly. "Though it was difficult to bring the news to you all."_

 _Loudred stomped over to Grovyle and took a seat next to him. Despite his anxiety, he tried to appear angry. "WHY did they LIE?"_

 _"Lie?" Grovyle asked, turning to the big voice Pokémon in surprise._

 _"YEAH! Chimchar and Piplup SAID they would come BACK, and they DIDN'T!"_

 _"…Oh." The Grass-type leaned back against the wall. "They weren't perfect… no Pokémon is. They had no way of knowing what would happen to them."_

 _"What DID happen to them?"_

 _Grovyle remained silent for a moment, as though recollecting his thoughts. "…They… they fought their hardest. While they managed to save the Time Gears… they couldn't save themselves." He bowed his head. "They tried their hardest… and did their best. That's what matters."_

 _"So they're HEROES!" Loudred said, grinning despite the tears that stung at his eyes. "HEROES…!" He flinched a little, only to become overwhelmed with grief once more as he burst into sobs._

* * *

Keldeo groaned and said, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but . . . you could be watching _The Five Stages of Grief_ segment on _Robot Chicken_ and probably get a lot more out of it."

"We're not even gonna ask," Grovyle said flatly.

"So some time later, Chimcheo and Croagunk talk about how 'Grovyle' has been doing."

* * *

 _"Yes… I've been taking care of Grovyle."_

 _Ah, so he was still around… The frog's cheeks puffed up a few more times. "How's he been holding up?"_

 _"He's…" Chimecho's voice faltered. "I've…"_

 _Croagunk remained silent. She could take her time._

 _"Croagunk, he's not healing…!" the Psychic-type said at last, eyes welling up with tears. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong!"_

 _"Meh… he was burned, right? He'll probably still have scars."_

 _"No, no, that's not it! They're not scarring! They're not doing anything! His body is just not healing!"_

* * *

 _"It's almost like he's a dead body possessed by a ghost!"_

* * *

 _Croagunk kept his grin, but his expression changed a fraction—just enough to make him look a bit more serious. "What else?"_

 _Chimecho gave a start, then looked down at the ground. "…I've been by his side while he was asleep. He talks, sometimes…"_

 _"What's he say?"_

 _"…'Grovyle, you're wrong…' 'Shut up, Grovyle…'"_

* * *

 _"It's almost like the ghost of the body's original owner is haunting the possessor."_

* * *

 _"Why, has my talk been boring you?"_

 _The two Pokémon turned to see a familiar Grass-type leaning against the wall. He seemed a little shaky and tired, and his smile was somewhat strained._

 _"Oh! N-no, that's not it, Grovyle," Chimecho stammered, carefully approaching him. "Sorry, I must have sounded rude… You need to go back to sleep, though. You're still in poor health."_

 _Croagunk stood back, watching the scene carefully and puffing his cheeks out a few more times._

 _"I'll do that, then," Grovyle said. "I thought I would greet Croagunk first, though, since it's been a few days." He looked over at the Fighting-type._

 _"Heh, it has." The frog did not approach Grovyle. "Hello."_

 _"…Hello."_

 _"Well! It's… it's good that everyone's back, now," Chimecho said, attempting a smile. "But you really do need to get some sleep."_

 _"…I will."_

 _With that, Grovyle turned and left. Not a movement he made escaped Croagunk's notice._

* * *

"You know, I have to wonder, why is Dusknoir still hanging around the Guild anyway?" Keldeo asked, "He's already go Chimcheo suspicious, and he doesn't even really have any business staying in the past. Shouldn't he just leave, dump Grovyle's body, and then go back to Primal Dialga in the future? Is this some kind of secret plan or something?"

* * *

 _Kecleon's ears twitched, too, and he leaned over the counter to look down the road. "Who's coming to shop this early?"_

 _Turning to look, Purple grinned. "Ah, I see it's our hero Grovyle!" He waved a paw and shouted a cheerful greeting: "Hello, Grovyle!"_

 _"Hello!" Kecleon called, waving as well. "Sorry, we haven't quite set up shop yet!"_

 _Grovyle approached them, giving a nervous smile. "Hello, there. Sure you can't sell me anything a bit early?"_

 _Kecleon rubbed his chin. "Well, there's a possibility..."_

 _"Oh, brother!" Purple exclaimed, jumping up. "There was something I wanted to give to him!"_

 _"Oh?" Grovyle turned his attention to the purple lizard, cocking an eyebrow. "What's that?"_

 _Interested, Kecleon turned to his brother, who reached down underneath the counter, pulling out a small box. "This," Purple said, "is a gift for you, our hero!"_

 _"Ah… th-thank you," Grovyle said, taking the box and looking it over._

 _"I noticed your adventure has left you quite roughed up, and I thought that maybe if you wear this, people might not notice as much."_

 _At that, Kecleon's eyes widened. "Brother, you didn't...?!"_

 _Grovyle opened the box, and immediately dropped it with a clatter._

 _An old black cloth was hanging over of the rim, touching the dirt path._

 _Kecleon grabbed Purple's shoulder, pulling him aside. "Have some tact, brother!" he hissed. "That item is for a very specific Ghost-type!"_

* * *

 _"IRONY!"_ Munna shouted as she flew by.

"Okay, this world is just _too_ weird!" Grovyle shouted as Dusknoir just stared after the Munna.

* * *

 _Purple's face paled. "...Oh… I… I-I hadn't thought…"_

 _Heaving a sigh, Kecleon turned to face Grovyle. "We apologize for that… You don't have to accept the gift if you don't want to." Then, putting on a brighter smile, he continued, "Anyway, we can most certainly sell you some items just before we finish setting up! Now, what was it you—"_

 _"Th-that's…" Grovyle stammered, not looking quite at either Kecleon. "That's all right. I… I just remembered something else I needed to do. I might… c-come back later." Without giving them the chance to respond, he darted back the way he'd come, toward the guild._

* * *

"So back at the guild-."

* * *

 _"HEY! SUNFLORA!" Loudred yelled from the top of the hill,_

* * *

 _ **Princess Luna:** "BE STILL!"  
_

* * *

 _Sunflora looked down at herself, noting that her usually spotless body was covered in dirt, cuts, and bruises. But for once, she didn't care about her appearance. "I-I like, went on a bunch of missions at once," she said, looking up again. A shiver ran down her back. "B-but oh my—"_

 _"AGAIN?" Loudred frowned. "You should TAKE a BREAK!"_

 _"But there's, like, so many missions now and—"_

 _"You're WORKING too HARD!" The Normal-type stomped his foot for emphasis. "You're GOING to HURT yourself!"_

 _Sunflora looked down, shaking her head. "No, no…! Oh my gosh, Loudred, you don't get it!"_

 _"HUH?" Loudred tilted his head. "WHAT don't I GET?"_

* * *

 _ **Arnold Schwarzenegger:** "SHUT-UUUUUUUUUP!"_

* * *

 _"Apple Woods… it's… it's frozen!"_

 _"FROZEN?" Loudred repeated, giving his friend a funny look. "What, with ICE?" He looked to Grovyle, who appeared even paler than normal._

 _Sunflora was shivering. "Time… t-time has stopped in Apple Woods!"_

 _"HUH?!"_

 _Sunflora uncovered her face, looking up at Grovyle through the tears that stung at her eyes. "O-oh my gosh… Grovyle, what's going on? I thought you, like, put the Time Gears back!"_

 _Before she could say anything else, the reptile darted up the hill and into the guild._

* * *

"Wow! It's almost as if staying in the past was a _bad idea!_ " Keldeo said in mock amazement. Then he turned to Dusknoir and said, "This proves you're not like this alternate universe Dusknoir at all. You would never be this stupid."

Dusknoir blinked and said lamely, "Uhh. Thanks."

"So Dusknoir possessed Grovyle _willingly_ walks into the Guildmaster's office of his own choice, and you know, the author gets Wigglytuff's character down pretty well."

* * *

 _"Well, the Guildmaster was wondering—" Chatot began, but started when the Wigglytuff interrupted._

 _"Tell me what happened when you, Piplup, and Chimchar went to Temporal Tower."_

 _Seeing Grovyle was reluctant to talk, Chatot sighed a little. "I know you've told us before, but could you perhaps go into some more detail?"_

 _"…There isn't much more to say. Dusknoir attacked, and I escaped to the future with him. There, I defeated him, and met my friend Celebi, who took me back here… I met Piplup and Chimchar in the tower, where we returned the Time Gears. But…" he lowered his head. "The tower's guardians there were too strong for the two, and…"_

 _"Grovyle."_

 _The voice somehow commanded both Chatot and Grovyle to look up at the Guildmaster. Chatot finally forced himself to look into the Wigglytuff's eyes, but still they bore the same unreadable expression._

 _"I do not believe you."_

 _Chatot gave a squawk of surprise, and Grovyle staggered as though struck by a blow. "But Guildmaster—!"_

 _"Please give me the Time Gears."_

 _"Guildmaster!" Chatot cried, flapping his wings so hard that a few feathers went flying. "You cannot be serious! Grovyle placed the Time Gears in Temporal Tower!" He looked frantically back at the Grass-type, who was now shaking._

 _"I… I don't have them."_

 _Guildmaster took a step closer._

 _"I do not like traitors."_

 _Chatot squawked in terror again, seeing the Guildmaster's eyes narrow ever so slightly. "Guildmaster, please stop—!"_

 _The ground started to shake, and Grovyle fled._

* * *

"Like he should have done the night after he told the Guild about the heroes' demise," Keldeo said, "Seriously, what was the point of him hanging around like this?"

* * *

"You're wrong! You're all wrong! I-I can't believe you guys…!"

"I'm sorry, Bidoof, but it's the truth."

 _But it couldn't be the truth. He still didn't believe it, no matter how much they'd tried to convince him. It hurt him that his friends would think that way… and it hurt even more when he finally made the decision to leave the guild._

 _It was time to go home._

 _…Just like it had been days ago. Or weeks. He couldn't tell anymore._

 _Time had stopped, and the world had become paralyzed._

* * *

"And so, Dusknoir's plan has succeeded, time has stopped, and the planet has been paralyzed and turned into darkness."

Dusknoir looked down shamefully. "A terrible ending."

Keldeo shook his head, "Oh no, it's not the end yet, you guys. Now we follow Bidoof as he makes an interesting discovery."

* * *

 _"I can't stand it anymore! I can't stand it!"_

 _Bidoof jumped at the sudden shout, hackles rising and claws digging into the ground. He managed to keep quiet despite his terror, and flicked his ears as he tried to determine where the sound was coming from. "Gosh…" he whispered. "I-I wonder who that could be."_

 _"Would you just shut up already?!" the voice cried._

 _After hearing it again, Bidoof was able to determine that it was coming from the other side of the wall. Something was familiar about it, though…_

 _"I told you to shut up! Shut up, Grovyle!"_

 _Thoughts of identifying the voice fled from Bidoof's mind, replaced by thoughts of anger. Someone else was being mean to Grovyle now? "H-hey, you should be the one to be quiet!" he shouted, loud enough that the speaker might hear despite the wall between them. "Leave Grovyle alone! Gosh, he doesn't deserve all this!"_

 _Silence followed, and Bidoof shrank down a little. What if the voice was that of a predator, and he'd just given away where he was hiding…?! But the voice spoke up again, quelling his worries: "Yeah? What makes you say that?"_

 _Bidoof shook his head. "B-because none of this is Grovyle's fault!"_

 _He waited for the other Pokemon to respond, but when no answer came, he went on. "Grovyle… H-he did everything he could to fix things! He returned the Time Gears! He risked everything! He gave his all!" Tears stung at his eyes. "I… I dunno why it didn't work… but that doesn't mean Grovyle didn't try!"_

 _It was a few moments before the voice spoke up again. "You're… you're right," it said quietly. "I… wish I had done better."_

 _Bidoof took a step back, blinking in confusion. Better? What was this guy talking about?_

 _"Grovyle was right all along," the voice went on. "It was I who made the mistake."_

 _"H-huh?" Bidoof tilted his head. "Y-you shouldn't blame Grovyle… But don't blame yourself, either! Gosh, it's not your fault what happened to the world!"_

 _"I'm sorry, Grovyle… I'll try to fix things. I want… to shine."_

 _This was getting weird… Was this Pokemon actually talking to Grovyle? The thought made the Normal-type brighten—maybe Grovyle was on the other side of the wall!_

 _Full of excitement, Bidoof charged forward, moving around the labyrinth and trying to find his way to the other side of the wall. A few turns, and he was there—_

 _—and a scream tore through his throat._

 _There lay a corpse of a Grass-type, frozen in an early stage of decay._

* * *

 _ **Bidoof:** "You did it! You maniac! You killed him off! Gosh darn you! Darn you to heck!"_

"So, one question remains," Keldeo said seriously, "What is Dusknoir gonna do now?"

* * *

 _Time could not change. Time could not change. Time could not change._

 _That was his purpose—to make sure time never changed. To keep it in place. To make sure it ran properly. But now things had gotten out of hand—he'd lost the Time Gears, Temporal Tower had crumbled, time had stopped, and the world was paralyzed. He had lost control of time, and he had failed._

 _But he could still prevent time from changing any more than it already had. That would still be keeping with his purpose, would it not? Yes, it would. He couldn't allow time to change. He would still be all right._

 _So Primal Dialga stomped around the ruins of the tower that he had once proudly perched atop, keeping an eye over all the world. He'd done that when time was still running smoothly, and he'd keep doing it now that the world had gone to hell. He would make sure that time would not start again, for that would mean change, and change was bad. Time had changed once, and the world had become paralyzed as a result._

 _Arceus knows what would happen if it changed again._

 _As he marched in his little circle, his tail brushed against a pedestal. The pedestal had five gear-shaped holes in it—where the Time Gears should have been. They had disappeared long ago, and as far as Primal Dialga was concerned, they should stay that way._

 _A few stones clattered at the far edge of the ruins, and the legendary whipped his long neck around, eyes bulging. What could possibly be intruding on his sanctuary? Surely someone trying to break the delicate flow of time! Why else would they have come here?_

 _Normally the guardians of the tower would have chased such intruders out long before they reached him, but those guardians had fled, which meant Primal Dialga would have to handle things himself._

 _Leave, now! he wanted to say, but the words left his throat in the form of a wild roar._

 _But the Pokémon approached anyway, his gray bulk hovering over the crumbled stone floor. "No…" he whispered, clinging to a torn sack. "I-I've returned…"_

 _Primal Dialga had no idea what this Pokémon was talking about, but that didn't matter. The Pokémon was wandering about where he didn't belong, and that was enough for him. He reared his head back and flung it forward in a monstrous roar, hoping to blast the intruder away._

 _But still the Pokémon pressed forward, bracing himself against the wind, his single eye glowing in fierce determination. "I… will not leave!" He thrust a huge hand into the bag he carried, removing the contents._

 _Something bolted down Primal Dialga's spine. Although he could not see what the Ghost-type had grabbed, he knew what it was. He could feel it in his very essence: This Pokémon carried the Time Gears._

 _He was going to try to change time._

 _The legendary reared back, the fins on his body flaring out and the jewel on his chest glowing in a wicked light. He drew in a deep breath, air hissing around him, and released it in a powerful roar that shook what was left of the foundations of the tower._

 _The Ghost-type stumbled and gave a shout of pain. "Grovyle!" he cried, clutching the Time Gears tighter. "I-I'm not… going to give in!"_

 _Primal Dialga stared in bewilderment. Ghost-type or not, he could still be killed, but this one was refusing to die. His lips curled into a snarl, and the legendary slashed his dagger-like claws at the intruder, ripping through his gray flesh._

 _The Pokémon cried out in pain, pressing his hand over the deep wounds in his side in a vain attempt to stop the bleeding, but still he moved forward. "I want…"_

 _The legendary slashed at him with enough force to knock him to the ground, just a few feet away from the pedestal._

 _The Ghost-type refused to stay down, instead pushing himself onto his trembling arms and trying to ignore his wounds. "I want… to shine!"_

 _Before Primal Dialga could react, the intruder lunged to the pedestal, shoving the Time Gears into their slots. With a wild snarl, the legendary slammed his foot onto the Ghost-type with a sickening, muffled crunch._

 _The pedestal began to glow, and slowly the stones of the ruined tower began to reassemble, building Temporal Tower back up from the ground. All the while, the dark sky began to clear, and glorious color returned to the gray world._

* * *

"So with this one last redemptive sacrifice, Dusknoir repairs the damage he caused, and shows that he truly did understand what Grovyle was trying to get across to him, and thus, the fanfic honestly and truly ends on a final, bittersweet note," Keldeo said somberly.

* * *

 _And time flowed once more, after Dusknoir's final, triumphant return._

* * *

Keldeo nodded and smiled, "And that's _Triumphant Return,_ and . . ." Keldeo turned to Dusknoir and Grovyle, who were both visibly shocked and amazed by the ending, ". . .any comments, you guys."

The pair stood in silence for a moment, then Grovyle turned to Dusknoir and said, "Well Dusknoir, it seems that even in this world, you still had a sense of nobility in your heart that had been suppressed by life in a dark paralyzed planet ruled by Primal Dialga."

Dusknoir huffed and said, "You lived in that world too, and your heart was still pure."

" _Stop,_ " Grovyle said sternly.

"Enough with the fierce modesty and accept the compliment. It's true after all," Dusknoir responded.

"NO!" Grvoyle shouted out suddenly in a burst of emotion.

Dusknoir stared at Grovyle in shock. "What? Is there something wrong?"

Grovyle looked down in shame and said softly, "I would've killed them. . ."

"What?" Dusknoir asked in confusion.

"Did you forget!?" Grovyle shouted angrily, "Back at Azelf's lake! You chased me off! You chased me off right before I . . ."

Grovyle's whole body was trembling, and his fists were clenched tightly, "If you were just a few minutes late. . . I would have. . ."

Grovyle closed his eyes and took a few deep, shaky breaths.

"You really feel guilty about _that_?" Dusknoir asked in disbelief.

"Why shouldn't I?" Grovyle said.

Dusknoir thought on this for a moment, and then nodded, "Yes. You're right I suppose. But at least you were trying to save the lives of all the Pokemon in the world."

"That still would not have justified murder," Grovyle said grimly. He opened his eyes and addressed Dusknoir directly. "Dusknoir, the point I want to make clear is this: we _both_ were willing to do anything to fulfill the task that we believed in, including killing other Pokemon. Sure, you could say that I had _noble intentions,_ but the ends don't always justify the means. With that in mind, you shouldn't compare yourself to me and say that I'm _'better'_ or _'purer'_ than you. We're both Pokemon with flaws and vices and selfish desires. All I know for sure is that it is not our place to judge how good or evil _anyone_ is, including ourselves. All that matters is that we do our best to do what's right. That's why I don't want you to let guilt destroy you. You saw the truth, and you made the right choice. That's all that matters now, Dusknoir."

Dusknoir's eye shifted around almost bashfully. "Grovyle. . . I . . ."

Grovyle just smiled, and he held out his hand to his friend.

After a brief moment, Dusknoir reached out, and the two Pokemon shook hands.

Keldeo smiled warmly, then he said, "Okay then. Well, on the technical side of things, this was a good fanfic that explorers a bittersweet alternate ending to Explorers of Sky while still keeping everyone in character. Sure, I bellyached about Loudred a bit, but technically he _was_ supposed to be the loud annoying character. And Dusknoir realizing the error of his ways after the fact makes sense as well, and makes for a nice ending that resolves things the best it can. I also have to compliment the author on the title. We start out thinking that _Triumphant Return_ is referring to Grovyle return to help his friends, but in the end, it refers to Dusknoir return to Temporal Tower after his Heel-Face Turn. It's a clever twist that leaves you feeling very impressed. It might be a story where all the heroes die, but at least they all died successfully saving the world."

Suddenly, Celebi suddenly appeared with a flash. However, now she was wearing a pink and black Nintendo 3DS Sling Pack over her shoulder.

"Celebi!" Grovyle said, "Where have you been?"

"Oh, just looking around this world. Gosh, is it weird!" Celebi said, "I mean, there are so many Pokemon who partner up with human trainers, they get carried around in these tiny balls, and then we have little kids playing with pictures of Pokemon on cards or electric devices called video games-."

"You didn't get a Nintendo 3DS, did you?" Keldeo asked inconcern

Celebi smiled, "Oh, no. I couldn't figure out how to work those things. I just got this bag because I liked the way it looked. Besides, who wants to sit around staring at a flashing box of light all day. But I did get a few packs of Pokemon cards, the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Manga comics-."

"What about the worlds?" Dusknoir asked loudly, "Has the danger passed?"

Celebi blinked, "Huh? Oh, yeah, that. Don't worry, I just checked it before I came back here. All worlds are in their proper place. No danger whatsoever. Thanks Keldeo!"

Keldeo smiled and stood proudly, "Heh! Don't mention it! Just doing my job as a Critic-ian. _And_ a Sword of Justice!"

Grvoyle nodded, "Thank you, none the less, Keldeo. We will always remember you."

"Indeed," Dusknoir said.

"Hey guys! Watch this!" Celebi said excitedly. She flew in a loop, and pointed, causing a portal in time and space to open up. She giggled happily and said, "Ooh, I love having all this extra power over time! That green Celebi who lives in this world is so lucky!"

Celebi flew over to Keldeo and said, "Well, we have to be getting back now. Don't want to strain the fabric of space and time _too_ much. I speak for all of us when I say that you will always be a great Sword of Justice, and a great Critic too!"

"Thank you, Celebi. Thank you all," Keldeo said, "I wish you a lot of luck back in your own world and new lives now that time in your world is saved. With heroes like you around, things should be just fine."

Grovyle and Dusknoir nodded, and made their way towards the portal.

"Goodbye, Keldeo!" Grovyle said.

"Farewell," Dusknoir said.

"Ooh, guys!" Celebi said excitedly, "The green Celebi in this world has had some amazing adventures! I met with her awhile ago and we had a long conversation where were exchanged storied. She told me about a guy in an Iron Mask, and a powerful Illusion Fox Pokemon and her cute little son-."

The sound of Celebi's voice was cut off when the portal closed behind the three Pokemon.

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Well, those two are gonna have a lot to listen to. Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have too!"

Keldeo went off on his way.

* * *

 **The End**

 **Credits**

 _Justice_ _League,_ _Justice League Unlimited,_ and _The Legion of Superheroes-_ DC and Warner Brothers

 _Planet of the Apes (1968)_

 _Robot Chicken_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Portal 2-_ Valve

 _Kindergarten_ _Cop_

 **Special Thanks**

 _Bulbapedia_

 _TV Tropes_


	27. E6: The Right Way To Do a Hate Fic

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 6- The Right Way To Do a Hate Fic ("Revenge Fic")**

 **tinyurl:** **ow7nf84**

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to," he said with a smile, "Let's talk about Hate Fics. Hate Fics are fanfics written to attack a certain character-."

Suddenly, a loud siren when off and red lights flashed around the area.

"Alright! Alright already! I'll admit it, that's the wrong term! Okay!?" Keldeo shouted loudly.

The sirens and lights turned off, and Keldeo gave a sad sigh.

"Okay, okay. According to TV Tropes, a Hate Fic is a fanfic that attacks an _entire series._ A fanfic that attacks a single character is called a _Revenge Fic."_

Keldeo stood up straight and resolutely and said, "But you know what? I think Hate Fic just sounds better and more specific than Revenge Fic. I know you could say that it's getting revenge for having to deal with such a horrible character, and hate does work for someone who _hates_ an entire show. But in the context of this editorial, I'm going to use the term Hate Fic for fanfics attacking a single character."

Keldeo nodded, "So, you'd think that a fanfic made just to attack a character would be bad. It would be ranty, vindictive, and overly cruel, right?"

Keldeo shrugged and nodded again, "Well, yeah, _most_ of the time. But here's the thing. Those fanfics aren't bad because they're Hate Fics. They're bad because they're _Bad_ Hate Fics. After all, Tropes are just tools. They're neither bad nor good. But is there really such a thing as a _'Good'_ Hate Fic?"

Keldeo scratched his chin with his left fore hoof and said, "Well, I've been doing some thinking. Really hard thinking. And I believe that I may have discovered the secret formula for a good Hate Fic, which I am going to share with you all. And to further prove my point, I'm also going to use this formula to point out the flaws in a certain Hate Fic that we all know and. . . well. . . _hate,_ Toadettegirl2012's Misty Hate Fic, _A Different Kind of Princess._ "

Loud booing ensued.

"Oh come on! It's not my fault its so much fun to make fun of!" Keldeo exclaimed in defense.

The booing stopped, and Keldeo opened up his laptop.

"Hey Cortana, open 'Hate Fic Formula," Keldeo said.

The Word document opened, and Keldeo began reading from it.

"First, the focus of the Hate Fic needs to be a character with a clear and valid reason to be hated in the source material; like a villain, a bully, or a Scrappy," Keldeo said.

Keldeo frowned and said, "Can we all agree that Misty never did anything all that bad? Yes, she can be a little harsh, brutally honest, and has a temper, but that's just because she's a tomboy. She still cares about her human friends and her Pokemon. She risked her life for them on a couple of occasions. And she knows what is right and avoids what is wrong. The only reason Toadettegirl has for hating Misty is that she's a girl, and thus gives Iris competition. This point becomes moot very quickly during the story. The whole thing is also ironic, because Misty and Iris are a lot alike if you ask me. So her story fails the first part."

"Second, the character must be kept in character and accurate to the source material. If not, then the character being hated is actually an OC that just happens to share the real character's name and appearance. Therefore, the Hate Fic would hold no meaning because the focus character is unregonizebale."

Keldeo frowned even harder and said, "Can we all agree that Misty would not cheat or deceive in any contest, nor hire people to kidnap and brutally beat and torture her opponents, nor come in all evily and gloat about her evil plan to her victims? I mean, come on Toadettegirl! There was a reason Misty was one of the _protagonists!_ You failed the second part!"

Keldeo took a deep breath and let it out, then cleared his throat and continued, "Third, the story should expand upon the focus character's un-likability while still being source material accurate."

Keldeo shook his head, "Well, although Misty was made more unlikable to the extreme, since Misty was not in character at all. So once again, fail!"

"Fourth, the Hate Fic must take some time to show things from the focus character's point of view so that the readers can see what goes on in the character's head. This way, the readers can either see a reason why the character does what he or she does, or see how bad the character really is and agree with how well deserved the hate is, or both. However, if the character is not kept in character and accurate to the source material, then showing things from the characters point of view won't matter, because it would just be the inside of some unrecognizable OC's head."

Keldeo shook his head, "Toadettegirl doesn't even try to do this. All we know is that Misty is an evil sociopath who wants to win, and will gladly murder Iris with no remorse. That's stupid. That's completely insane. And since the story already broke second rule, it wouldn't even matter, because this isn't Misty. It's some random OC that Toadettegirl made up."

"The fifth part is that the focus character's punishment shouldn't be overly violent, cruel, unusual, or disproportionate. That part of the story hasn't happened in Toadettegirl's story yet, so I obviously can't judge it now, but that doesn't really matter because it already failed the first four parts."

"So, there you have it. The formula for a good Hate Fic compared to a bad Hate Fic," Keldeo said with a smile.

Keldeo stood there for a bit, then frowned and said, "Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I just did this to complain about _A Different Kind of Princess_ some more. You think that I just made up that formula as I went, huh? Well guess what? I happen to have a _good_ Hate Fic ready to be reviewed! Ryu Taylor the Ferret showed it to me, - _thank you, Ryu, by the way-,_ and I'm going to review right here, right now, to prove that my formula for as good Hate Fic is valid! This is _Redress_ by Team Hanabi!"

* * *

 _ **Redress**_

 _By: Team Hanabi_

 _PMD Sky; Brine Cave. Before moving on, Ichigo wants an apology. Though it might not be the best time…_

* * *

"This is a _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Sky_ fanfic that targets a character that I don't like very much either. It's none other that Chatot."

Keldeo held up a hoof and said, "Now, once again, I know what you're thinking. _'Oh, Keldeo! You only like this Hate Fic because you don't like Chatot and do like Misty.'_ "

Keldeo turned into his Resolute Form and said with great certainty, "First of all, whether or not I like Misty has nothing to do with the quality of this fanfic. Second of all, the fact that I don't like Chatot actually validates the idea that this Hate Fic is good. The first part of my formula says that the character needs to have a clear and valid reason to be hated in the source material. And let's be honest here: Chatot is not a good Pokemon. I mean he doesn't listen to _anyone_ , he's not very nice, he treats everyone in the guild as subservient to him, He talks down to everyone, he acts all high and mighty, and he's _extremely_ arrogant. Sure, he was a hero at Brine Cave, but that doesn't make his _infuriating_ attitude disappear."

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, with the first part accounted for, how about we delve deeper through a quick review. This is _Redress_!"

* * *

Notes: Set in the middle of Brine Cave. Contains spoilers for all events up to that point; being familiar with everything that happens in Brine Cave and beyond is advisable, actually.

This is sort of a 'missing scene' of sorts, because Ichigo isn't the type to let things go so easily.

* * *

"So this fanfic picks up at Brine Cave after Team Skull has stolen the Relic Fragment, and our heroes have to catch them. Of course, now that Chatot _finally_ finds out that Team Skull is evil, Ichigo the Charmander, the player character, decides that it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask for an apology from Chatot."

Keldeo shrugged and said calmly, "Yeah, just a quick simple apology. I'm sure it wouldn't be too much trouble."

* * *

 _"Those stinking scoundrels… Play me for a fool, will they?!"_

 _"C-Chatot… sir?" Laramie piped, watching him flap his wings angrily._

 _"They won't get away with this! I'll show them what it means to trifle with me!"_

 _She didn't even bother stifling her scoff at that._

 _"With you?" she echoed. "What, you've forgotten about us, now? Guess that's not surprising…"_

 _Chatot's head swiveled towards her, confused. -Irritated, too; she saw his brow start furrowing and instinctively knew what he was about to say. But right now, the fire lizard wasn't the least bit interested in another lecture._

 _"Anyway, don't you think you should apologize now?" she forged on before he could start._

 _"A… apologize?" Taken off-guard, Chatot blinked several times. "What are you talking ab…"_

 _"Oh, don't give me that! You should know exactly what I mean!"_

 _"…" Judging from his blank stare, he didn't have a clue. Laramie, however, already had a pretty good idea… But the bulbasaur frowned, concerned._

 _"Ichigo, I don't think this is the time…"_

 _"Remember? The Perfect Apples?" Placing her hands on her sides, Ichigo added, "We tried warning you, you know. But oh no, you couldn't be bothered to listen. So… don't you think you should apologize?"_

 _"…"_

 _Chatot's beak worked soundlessly for a few minutes, until Ichigo started tapping her foot impatiently. The sound appeared to shake him out of his daze, and the parrot drew himself up imperiously, ruffling his feathers._

* * *

"Oh wait, it's Chatot! Of course apologizing is too much trouble for someone like him!"

* * *

 _"…Young lady, this is hardly the time for…"_

* * *

"BAM!" Keldeo shouted, "That's the second element of my formula. Chatot is still arrogant and high and mighty here, _still_ treating others like they're inferior, and _still_ acting like he deserves all the respect and that everyone should listen to him and do what _he_ says. He's like, _'Apologize? Me? Now? Preposterous!'_ "

* * *

 _"Don't patronize me!"_

 _Chatot recoiled, eyes widening as Ichigo rounded on him, her bandana casting a slight shadow over the top of her face. Only very recently had he started seeing this sort of hardened expression on her; up to this point, he'd been dismissing it as her 'battle face'. But now that harsh, smoldering glare was directed towards him, and he shrank back instinctively from it._

 _"Ichigo-" Laramie began nervously._

 _"Don't. Patronize us," she hissed; her lashing tail made shadows dance around them. "I'm sick of how you keep talking down to us like we're both morons. The only thing I want to hear from you right now is 'Sorry'. That's all."_

 _Stepping back slightly, she gazed at him expectantly. Waiting for him to answer. Behind her, Laramie shifted his weight uncertainly._

 _Chatot hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until he exhaled; it seemed to ring in his ears, sounding… defeated._ _The mere thought made his face flame, and he quickly drew himself back up, returning her - returning the apprentice's glare._

 _"I don't have anything to apologize for!_

* * *

"BAM!" Keldeo shouted, "There! That's the third element!" Keldeo clenched his teeth as he began to seethe with rage, "Chatot is still in character, and we're seeing how _terrible_ this Pokemon truly is!"

* * *

 _If anything, you should be apologizing -_

* * *

"And I am _positive_ that Chatot would react like this if a scene like this happened in the game!" Keldeo said, "He would _not_ admit that he was wrong! I mean, come on! Chatot? Wrong about _anything_? Noooooo way! that can't be!"

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

* * *

 _I mean, honestly! Talking to me like-"_

 _"Shut up!"_

 _He didn't see her arm move - only when it stopped did he register the movement, seeing a vine wrapped around her wrist to hold it back. The parrot's eyes nearly bulged from their sockets; she'd nearly…! If her partner hadn't reacted, she would have-!_

* * *

"Smacked some sense into him?" Keldeo suggested, "That might have actually been exactly what he needed, come to think of it."

* * *

 _"Ichigo, stop!" Laramie's voice quavered, thickened by tension, and he had to swallow hard before he could continue. "Please, l…let's just go after Team Skull, okay? We… we shouldn't fight… We're all friends, ri…"_

 _"We're not friends." Glaring at her superior, Ichigo added, "Chatot's no friend of ours. Never was."_

* * *

"That's actually a valid point. I mean, have the characters _ever_ been on friendly terms with Chatot? At _any_ time in the game?" Keldeo asked.

* * *

 _"…" Chatot couldn't find his voice. Heat flooded his face; though Laramie's vines still held Ichigo's wrist - though she let her arm drop down - he still felt like she'd just struck home._

 _"I-Ichigo!" and her partner's tone held some of the reproach he wished he could address her with, though tinged with more shock and surprise than Chatot would have wanted._

 _"He's not," she insisted, glaring at the parrot with undisguised hatred. "He's never done anything to help us - just lectured and complained and refused to listen to a single thing we had to say. All he ever does is take our money and get in the way."_

 _"…That… that's not…"_

 _He trailed off awkwardly, shooting the bird a nauseatingly helpless glance. Where was his stirring defense? Wasn't he going to remind her of everything he'd done for them…?_

* * *

"Because Chatot _hasn't_ done anything for you two," Keldeo said seriously, "All Chatot does in the game is lecture, collect the insane _90 percent_ fee, refuse to listen to a word you have to say, and deny you food! I know the game doesn't exactly let you try harder to tell Chatot that Team Skull stole the Perfect Apples, but the only way we can interpret this issue story-wise is that Chatot completely shut you down and didn't let you speak, and then proceeded to punish you like a dictator. So the Reason You Suck Speech that Ichigo gives Chatot here is _completely true_."

* * *

 _Unconsciously, Chatot glowered at him, frustrated at his hesitance. Unfortunately for him, Ichigo caught the look, and her own expression darkened._

 _"Whatever. You don't even care, right? All you wanna do is run off and whine to the Guildmaster. 'Guildmaster, Guildmaster, they're being mean to me! Why don't they appreciate how I treat them like total idiots and blow them off? I mean, they only came back from Apple Woods smelling like Skuntank and Koffing fumes… and then Team Skull shows up with Perfect Apples, and the only place I know to get those is the Woods… how was I supposed to make that sort of connection?'"_

* * *

"Exactly!" Keldeo shouted with wide eyes, "How did I forget that detail in my Top 11 Dumbest Moments list?!"

* * *

 _"…Y…"_

 _"'After all, I know everything!'" Still mimicking his voice, Ichigo barreled on with a nasally "'I'm so wonderful and brilliant and amazing, everyone relies on me! So of course I don't let anyone else get a word in edgewise - that'd mean showing them a shred of respect! I want everyone to respect me, but I can't be bothered treating anyone else the same way! After all, they're all idiots, and they should remember that! So I remind them! All the time! Why don't they appreciate that?!'"_

 _"…Y…" Swallowing the knot in his throat, Chatot began again with "You…"_

 _"'Why, oh why don't I get the respect I deserve?'" Dropping the impression, Ichigo snarled, "Well, you already do. You get none. Everyone just tolerates you to keep the Guildmaster happy, because we respect him. But not you. Never you."_

 _He…_

 _…He didn't have to hear this._

 _He didn't have to hear this. He didn't have to stand for it, didn't have to stand here and take it._

* * *

 _"How dare this Pokemon who I unjustly punished tell me the truth!"_

* * *

 _Turning away, Chatot flew deeper into the cavern, ignoring Laramie's dismayed cry. Too little, too late. And he didn't want to hear another word from either member of Team Hanabi right now._

 _"Chatot…!"_

 _When only silence answered him, Laramie looked back to Ichigo, stunned. Her expression hadn't softened any; the fire lizard merely glared down the tunnel their superior had disappeared into, unmoving and unmoved._

 _"…I…Ichigo…" Licking dry lips, he ventured, "That was a little… um… harsh…?"_

 _"Not really." Rather than looking directly at him, she opted for shifting through the satchel at her side, reviewing their supplies._

* * *

"Medicine is not supposed to taste good," Keldeo said sternly, "And by the way, this was the fifth part of the Hate Fic formula accurately fulfilled. Chatot is a horrible, haughty jerk who only cares about himself, so Ichigo gave him the chewing out he deserved."

* * *

 _"…Um… b-but…"_

 _"Anyway, let's get going." Shrugging the strap back into a more comfortable position, she added, "'Bout time we go and kick Skuntank's stinking tail, right?"_

 _"B-but Chatot… he-"_

 _"Eh, he'll be fine! Sure, he's not even half the explorer he claims to be, but he can still take care of himself. Let him vent for a while, then he'll catch up and be all 'You should respect me because I'm more special than you and blah blah blah.' Trust me, his ego needed the bruising… even if it doesn't stick."_

* * *

Keldeo nodded and smiled, "That's right! Now it's time for the fourth element, where we see things from Chatot's point of view."

* * *

 _Of all the...! He'd never thought Ichigo could be such a total brat...!_

* * *

"Really," Keldeo said grumpily, "She expresses her anger over how you wrongly treated them and praised three criminals over them, and you call her a brat?"

* * *

 _Exploring alone had its advantages. It wasn't optimal by any means, and he definitely wouldn't have chosen to fly solo if it hadn't been for that little temper tantrum she's just thrown, but it did mean he could set his own pace now and focus on finding the way down. While avoiding all of the cave's inhabitants was practically impossible, he could avoid engaging them and just keep moving forward. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to waste too much time wandering around before he tracked down those three._

 _Honestly! He didn't know who to be madder at - Team Skull for being a bunch of lying, cheating, no-good, worthless, vile excuses for explorers... or Ichigo for being such a hot-headed, snappy, whiny little snot with the worst sense of timing. Why, if only she'd-!_

 _...Grimacing, Chatot flapped his wings harder, preferring not to consider why his private rant collided with a metaphorical wall at that point. Despite that deterrence, however, he couldn't stop that thought from completing and correcting itself, unbidden and unwanted._

 _She had tried to warn him. Both of them had._

* * *

Keldeo suddenly brightened up, "Oh, okay, now this is interesting. We see that Chatot is beginning to consider that he might have been in the wrong. Ya see, Hate Fics can sometimes overlap with redemption fics, and that's actually a good thing."

* * *

 _Not that it excused how she'd acted back there, of course...! No, that was just a side of her he'd never gotten a chance to see before, the vindictive little bully who just had to rub it in that he'd made a slight mistake - who even resorted to violence when he wouldn't give in. If Laramie hadn't caught her wrist, she'd have flung a lot more than insults in his face._

 _And the insults were more than enough. Everything she'd said back there... His stomach was still twisting itself into knots over all that bile she'd spat. If he let himself dwell on it - if he absorbed those words, if he took them to heart..._

 _...They cut too close already. They didn't need further consideration._

* * *

Keldeo tossed his forehooves as if to say he'd given up and said, "But of course, Chatot's arrogant cannon bully character archetype status is maintained, and he refuses to accept the truth."

Keldeo then gained a thoughtful expression and said, " _However_ , we _do_ get a good look at Chatot's inner psyche when we revisit a memory of the guild gathered outside of Brine Cave."

* * *

 _Ichigo was staring at him. Normally so bright and cheerful, she stood still and silent, save for the crackling fire topping her tail. Her expression... he couldn't quite read it, but she wasn't quite frowning. Or smiling. Or anything beyond... staring. Just... watching him._

 _Laramie , on the other hand, was frowning. And fidgeting, and looking generally uncomfortable. Those big red eyes were filled with worry, conflict, concern... an odd contrast with his partner's not-quite-glare. If he was able to read her mood, well, it wasn't really helping Chatot at all..._

 _Bidoof looked just as conflicted, his broad face marred by a frown. In that, at least, he was a match for everyone else. Even Sunflora was frowning - even Chimecho looked nervous, flitting about in place the way she was. And Loudred - the very fact that he was quiet, just staring at him like that...!_

 _Didn't they have any confidence in him at all?!_

* * *

"No, they don't. Because you're too bossy and not very nice at all," Keldeo answered confidently.

Keldeo chuckled a bit and said, "Oh, and get this. We also go on to see, through another flashback, that Chatot seemingly _cannot comprehend_ things like sacrifice, selflessness, and care for the well being of others."

* * *

 _"Honestly, we've been down all those paths already, so this is obviously our way forward..." he began, stepping into the open._

 _"You idiot!"_

 _He wasn't entirely sure if that was the charmander; it sounded too harsh, too deep, and was partly drowned out by the skittering and snarling of wild pokémon clambering out of the water and out of their hidey-holes. Mostly kinglers and omanyte, from what he could see; he couldn't manage more than a quick scan of the rapidly-filling room before something slammed into him from behind and a disorienting flash engulfed him._

 _"Ichigo!"_

 _How pleasant; Laramie might as well have screamed that directly into his ear. Trying to steady himself, he threw out a wing and immediately felt a wall; shaking his head cleared it enough that he could see that yes, he was indeed facing a wall. And Laramie was standing right next to him, though the bulbasaur was all but bouncing on his heels trying to see past him..._

 _...Ah. Ichigo must have used a Switcher Orb. Which meant..._

 _"Aaaugh!"_

 _Bravely as she fought, she was still outmatched - the best counter for a bad matchup was experience, and she was still only an apprentice, after all. But his breath still hitched when two bubblebeams washed over her, one after another, and she screamed - a horrible, shrill, strangled thing - before collapsing._

 _His heart jumped as a sunburst of light erupted around her - then she lurched to her feet, snarling. As she launched another gout of flame, a small, cracked seed fell beside her, barely noticeable. Chatot only happened to spot it because of how closely he was watching._

 _A Reviver Seed. Of course. She must have been expecting to face water-types here and planned accordingly._

 _Still, that didn't explain her remarkably poor strategy when it came to this Monster House. Why wouldn't she let any of her friends join the fight? If only she'd given them a chance to enter, that seed might not have been wasted..._

 _But she didn't move. Only when all of the wild pokémon had been driven off did she step forward, and even then she hardly acknowledged them. Instead, she immediately went to collect the candy and money littering the room, barely even acknowledging how Laramie scampered to her side._

 _"Are you okay?" Already digging through their satchel, the bulbasaur added, "Do you need any Orans, or..."_

 _"I'm fine." Shallow scratches covered her arms, chest and side, and her breathing was still ragged, winding down along with the adrenaline, yet she still smiled and shook her head, denying any offers of help._

 _...Just what exactly was wrong with her?!_

* * *

Keldeo chuckled again and said, "Did you catch that? Chatot walks into a Monster House, Ichigo uses a Switched Orb to save him and Laramie, she fights off all the Pokemon into the Monster House; _and Chatot shows no appreciation or gratitude whatsoever._ In his mind, she isn't a noble Pokemon who would lay her life down for her friends. Oh no, there's something _wrong_ with her!"

* * *

 _"You should be more careful!" he informed her, fluttering his wings for emphasis. "You can't just take on the world alone, you know!"_

* * *

"Yeah! Yell at her for saving your tail! _You_ were the one who walked into that obvious Monster House, by the way. She could have left you there to get torn apart, but nope! She _saved_ you, you ungrateful jerk!"

* * *

 _"..."_

 _His only reward for that advice? A blank, cold stare, just like the one she'd given him back at the guild. Then she returned to gathering up the spoils from her battle, without so much as another glance his way before heading towards the exit. Only Laramie looked between them, concerned, before bounding off after his partner._

* * *

"Don't you think she deserved a thank you? Oh no, wait, I forgot! You're Chatot! You think you're better than everyone else!" Keldeo said angrily.

* * *

 _She didn't listen._

* * *

" _She_ didn't listen?!" Keldeo shouted with wide eyes.

* * *

 _Had she ever listened?_

* * *

"IRONY!" Munna shouted as she flew by.

Keldeo stared after Munna, and then pointed a fore hoof at her in disbelief and exclaimed, "She was a _villain,_ a villain with a very poor backstory and little to no evil motivation at all,and she's still a better character than Chatot!"

* * *

 _The only time he could actually recall her obviously heeding his words was back when they'd first joined the guild. Back then, she'd paid close attention to his instructions, all wide-eyed innocence and oh-so-very eager to please... So why, exactly, had that changed?_

* * *

"She got to know you better, and you denied her food as a cruel, unusual, and _disproportionate_ punishment for something she didn't do," Keldeo said flatly.

* * *

 _Pinning it on the Perfect Apples seemed too simple, somehow... too easy. Surely there was more to it; surely it wasn't just the silly apples that turned her from a cheerful apprentice to a cynical, hateful child..._

 _...Besides, even if that was the case, he mused while descending the stairs, it wouldn't be so simple to fix. Not after how she'd acted back there._

 _If she'd asked for a nice, private apology after they'd finished their business here, back in the safety and security of the guild, then he would've gladly given it to her. In fact, she likely wouldn't have needed to ask - all he needed was a bit of time to absorb his mistake, and he would've corrected it on his own._

* * *

Keldeo clenched his teeth and said, "Notice how Chatot, being an arrogant and self-righteous Pokemon not _only_ refuses to realize that _aaalllllll_ he had to do was say ' _I'm sorry,'_ but also refuses to remember that he had literally said:"

* * *

 _"I don't have anything to apologize for!_

* * *

 _But she hadn't given him the chance. It was just all "RAWR GROVEL BEFORE ME YOU STUPID BIRD RAWR SNARL SPIT!"_

* * *

Keldeo slammed his right hoof on the ground hard and said, "But that was after you said:"

* * *

 _"I don't have anything to apologize for!_

* * *

"No matter how you look at it, Chatot is clearly wrong. He's clearly too self absorbed to admit that he did anything wrong," Keldeo said.

Keldeo then suddenly froze, and then smiled, "Now this is a _good_ Hate Fic. All the character's true flaws are put to light, expanded upon, analyzed, and shown for all to see; justifying all the hate we feel for him."

"So Chatot finally comes across Team Skull, who have all been viciously beaten."

* * *

 _Something - someone? - had given the poisonous trio a thorough work-over, leaving all three in bad shape. Koffing lay half-deflated, leaning heavily on his bad side... but Chatot could still see the puncture wounds, and the edge of at least one of the gashes that had stolen away his air and left him grounded. Zubat was hardly better; a particularly deep slash threatened to detach his right wing if he so much as twitched it wrong, so it lay useless beside him. And as for their leader... Skuntank's thick fur made it difficult to judge how severe his injuries were, but the massive skunk was lying very, very still._

* * *

Keldeo's eyes widened, "Wow! The author should added a ton of detail to a scene that was _already_ pretty gruesome in the game!"

* * *

 _"...Ch..." A yellowed, red-rimmed eye cracked open and fixed upon him, and a hoarse laugh rattled from Skuntank's throat. "...Cha...aw-haw... C...come to mock us... bird?"_

 _"B-be quiet!" The anger swelled up on its own now, and Chatot let that venom drip from his tone as he spat, "After all you've done... The way you abused my trust!"_

 _"...Your... trust...?"_

 _The dark-type's body shook with poorly contained laughter... no, that was wrong. He wasn't trying to hide his amusement at all. It was just that his wounds made laughing painful... but that wasn't going to stop him from mocking the parrot._

 _"Al... Always about you, isn't it...? Ch-chaw-haw... haw..."_

 _"..." Ruffling his feathers, Chatot opened his beak to spit out a scathing retort... but nothing came. The words didn't die on his tongue so much as he couldn't think of the perfect way to respond. Before anything good came to mind, another strained chuckle reached his ears._

 _"...Whoa... ho-ho...! H-he was the only o-one w... who actually trusted us, r-right... Boss?"_

 _"Y-yeah... No-one else... O-only him..."_

 _"Chaw-haw-haw! H-him and Wigglytuff! Thanks to that Perfect Apple..."_

 _"...Th-that apple..." Chatot almost cursed; to finally find his voice only to echo that! "That was..."_

 _"D-doubt it was half as good as all the others, though," piped Zubat. "I mean, it was one of the smaller ones..."_

 _"W-whoa-ho...hoo...! Food's always b-better when you sneak it!"_

 _"That's right! We never did thank your guild for the wonderful feast we gave ourselves!"_

 _"..." Chatot's head was spinning. He needed a moment - a wall or a stone he could steady himself against. But there weren't any nearby, and to move to one - to seek one out would be showing weakness. Would let them know just how much their taunts affected him._

 _"Two feasts, in fact! First in your larder, then at Apple Woods while waiting for those weaklings to show up!" Skuntank's grin was pained, but his voice was almost purely gleeful as he declared, "The looks on their hapless faces when they saw us...! And then..."_

 _He trailed off into a hacking fit, but plastered another wicked smirk onto his face before finishing "Then you did all the rest. T... thanks so much."_

* * *

"And when the completely obvious villains are thanking you, that's the time when you realized that you messed up big time," Keldeo said, then he grinned in an attempt to hold in the anger building up inside of him as he said, "And also. . ." Keldeo's voice suddenly became high pitched and furious as he sputtered quickly, " _W_ _hat in the heck were you possibly thinking when you decided to trust these obvious villains!?"_

Keldeo sprayed himself in the face with a low powered Hydro Pump from his left fore hoof and said quickly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, the Perfect Apple Incident will never cease to drive me crazy."

* * *

 _"..."_

 _He couldn't stop shaking. And his voice was betraying him again - his throat had managed to dry out despite the bile threatening to rise instead of the perfect retort, and he couldn't think... didn't know what to say. How could they... how could they...?!_

 _"W-we should've done more during our li... our little expedition together. M...maybe taken out that stuttering Corphish after he led us to that s-statue... Or gotten that stupid beaver or the shrieking flower alone and..."_

 _"S-stop! Don't..." Hissing through his beak, he snapped, "Don't threaten our precious apprentices!"_

* * *

 _"Only_ _I'M allowed to threaten them! I have the power to take their eating privileges away! The entire guild is under my thumb! . . . er. . . wing!"_

* * *

 _"Ch... chh. D-don't make me laugh... Weaklings, all of 'em."_

 _"They're not weak!" An edge of vindictive glee crept into his tone as he added, "After all, it's clear Team Hanabi wiped out the lot of you, so..."_

 _"Haaaa...Hanabi? Ch-chaw-haw... T... This wasn't them."_

 _"...What?" Blinking rapidly, Chatot protested, "But..."_

 _And then he remembered._

 _How could he have forgotten?! In all the fuss, between finding out the truth about Team Skull, Ichigo's accusations, and all the rest, he'd - he'd actually forgotten that..._

 _...He..._

 _He had to clear the way._

 _He had to make sure - if Team Hanabi had gotten ahead of him, then-!_

 _"...H...hey...!"_

 _But Skuntank's protest fell on deaf ears as Chatot took off deeper into the heart of Brine Cave, no longer having any time to waste on the skunk or his lackies. Much more pressing matters lay at hand..._

* * *

"Meanwhile," Keldeo said, "We switch back to the two heroes, starting with a flashback to right before the climax Perfect Apple Incident."

* * *

 _"...Do you think... he'll hate us now?"_

 _Startled, Ichigo whirled to face her best friend. Laramie wasn't even looking at her; the grass-type was too focused on the ground, trudging along with his gaze locked downward and his mind lost on a far nastier route._

 _"What? No way!"_

 _"But this was for the Guildmaster... The Guildmaster's... mmnh." He still didn't know what Chatot had said back then, but a dismayed grunt seemed to fill the void well enough. "His very important mmnnph."_

 _Brow and bandanna furrowing, Ichigo reminded him, "But it's not our fault! Team Skull ate all the Perfect Apples! We'll just explain what happened. So don't worry. When he hears what those guys did, Chatot'll know what to do!"_

 _"...Are you sure...?"_

 _"Positive!"_

 _Laramie still didn't look too convinced, so Ichigo smiled brightly, giving him a playful little nudge. The poor guy was so negative sometimes...! He didn't need to be so hard on himself all the time..._

 _But it was okay. Once Chatot heard about this, Team Skull was in for one nasty wake-up call. And it wasn't like they could just lie about it, either - for one thing, they all still reeked. One sniff and Chatot'd know they'd run into some stink-spraying pokémon, and none of Apple Woods' fauna qualified._

* * *

"Wow, Ichigo would be really good at Cinema Sins," Keldeo said in an impressed tone.

* * *

 _The sooner they got back, the sooner they could explain everything, and Chatot would help fix things. So they hadn't gotten any apples; that couldn't be helped. What could be helped, though, was Laramie's self-confidence. Once Chatot reassured him that the world wouldn't come to an end just because they hadn't finished a mission due to circumstances beyond their control..._

 _But that hadn't happened, had it?_

 _He hadn't listened. And he never would listen, because that would require him actually caring about what they had to say. Not very likely. She got that much now._

 _Two words. Just two words, and she'd have let it go. Heck, even just one word and she'd have been happy. But no. As much as he loved running his beak off, he couldn't manage a single 'sorry'._

 _And what had she gotten instead?_

 _"I don't have anything to apologize for!"_

 _She'd flat-out told him not to patronize her, and that was how he reacted? By being even more of a self-absorbed jerk?_

 _"If anything, you should be apologizing - I mean, honestly!"_

 _In other words, not only did her opinion not matter, but he expected her to beg his forgiveness just for subjecting him to it. Like she had no right to want an apology for how he'd treated her - treated them. It didn't matter that he'd screwed up; in his mind, expecting him to acknowledge his mistakes was much worse._

 _What a creep. What a total, unashamed jerk. No wonder he'd gotten along so well with Team Skull - and that the only thing he cared about now was how they'd - gasp! - insulted him. Everything else they'd done just couldn't compare to that crime, apparently._

* * *

"There is no exaggeration here at all, readers," Keldeo said, "That's what Chatot did in this fanfic, and it's also how he was in the source material. There's a word for Pokemon like him, but I don't use words like that. Go ask Spike the Snob what the word is."

"Then after we see how innocent and naive the partner character is, as usual. . ."

* * *

 _"...Hope he's doing okay..."_

 _Ichigo knew she shouldn't feel irritated by that. Laramie was just being... well, Laramie. Always worrying about others, always second-guessing himself... wondering if he could do better... So it wasn't surprising he was worried about that stupid bird. Never mind that, if their positions were reversed, Chatot clearly wouldn't worry about them..._

 _"He'll be fine. Don't worry so much," she soothed, clapping a hand on the back of his bulb._

 _"But... I don't think he has any berries or anything, and..."_

 _"Then he'll probably pick up stuff along the way. Not like this cave's totally empty, you know."_

 _"...I know..." Shuffling his feet, Laramie insisted, "But I still..."_

 _"Hey, he's been here before, right? Probably knows his way around better than we do." Not that his experience had been all that helpful when they were together, but Ichigo knew better than to point that out right then. "And if he really needs help, he'll probably just track down some of the others."_

 _"...You think so...?"_

 _"Yup! Now, we should get moving ourselves, right?"_

 _"...Right!"_

* * *

". . . the Monster House flashback from Ichigo's point of view. . ."

* * *

 _And when it was all said and done, what did she hear?_

 _"You should be more careful! You just can't take on the world alone, you know!"_

 _It took almost all the self-control she had left not to snipe back that with someone like him at her back, she had to._

* * *

". . . and Team Skull's final scene as seen in the game, the story comes to a close."

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, that's the end. Okay, it's incomplete, but for a Hate Fic, it's pretty much complete. Sure, there's the scenes where Chatoot protects them from Kabutops and the Omastar brothers, which would make for a good redemption scene. But with that in mind, the story would probably go on just like the game after that. Chatot saves Ichigo and Laramie, Ichigo figures Chatot redeemed himself, Chatot gets taken back to the guild, and everyone is on calmer terms. I mean, think about it! _When_ in the game are the player and partner ever on _friendly_ terms with Chatot? Even after his _redemption_ scene? Chatot didn't actually _learn_ anything. Both in the game and probably in this fanfic, all that scene means for him is that he, _'they're part of my Guild, so I had better protect them as I did Wigglytuff long ago!'"_

Keldeo pointed with his hoof and said with great certainty, "That's not growth! That's not apologizing! That's not realizing that he needs an attitude adjustment! That's just him doing his duty! Sure, it's good that he selflessly saved them by acting as a living shield, but that doesn't solve the underlying problem, which is that Chatot is a self centered jerk who thinks he can do now wrong. In fact, this act of heroism will probably only cause Chatot's ego to inflate even _more._ Sure _,_ Ichigo or whoever the player is will _tolerate_ Chatot after being saved by him, but neither the player, _nor I,_ will like him because he still does not learn his lesson: that he needs to treat the people who serve under him with respect and listen to what they have to say instead of just shouting orders and talking down to everybody!"

Keldeo nodded, and turned back into his normal form.

"And that was _Redress._ A GOOD Hate Fic. It takes a character that has reason to be hated, keeps him in character, expands on his negative character traits, shows things from his perspective, and gives him a just punishment that he deserves. It's the complete opposite of _A Different Kind of Princess._ "

Keldeo sighed and said, "But you know what? In the end, hate is subjective. I'm sure that there are some people who actually like Chatot and actually hate Misty. However, I _justified_ my likage and dislikage with facts and examples from the source material so that I can say that I hate or like these characters _rationally_ , not _irrationally_ like Toadettegirl does. But still, it's all subjective, so I hope nobody is offended by this."

Keldeo stood up tall and said, "However, I still believe that Hate Fics, or Revenge Fics if you want to use the proper name, can be good if the ranting is kept down to a minimum and the hate is dissed out _fairly_ and _not_ to an extreme, allowing us to see the arrogant jerks we can't stand finally get their just deserts."

Keldeo nodded and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to."

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Portal 2_

 _Cinema Sins_

 _TV Tropes_


	28. The Dragons

A huge demonic looking dragon climbed out of a huge volcanic crater. He was surrounded by a bunch of fairies of various colors.

 ** _On May 19th, 2011, Red Dragon Archfiend was asked to leave his place of residence._**

A witch dressed in purple with long bat-like ears appeared behind the dragon, knocking him on the head with her staff and pointing him onward defiantly.

 _ **That request came from Fortune Lady Dark. Deep down, he didn't want to do this, but also knew that he felt compelled to help the Fortune monsters.**_

Red Dragon Archfiend eventually came to a land with grassy fields, with a lake, a town, and a forest off in the distance.

 _ **With nowhere else to go, Red Dragon Archfiend appeared in the domain of Ancient Fairy Dragon. If this who scenario wasn't already completely stupid, I'd complain that a dragon as scary looking as him should have been barred from this cutesy and happy section of the Duel Spirit World and told to never return.**_

Red Dragon Archfiend arrived at the lake where Ancient Fairy Dragon was playing with Kuribon and other tiny Duel Spirits.

 _ **Can two normally awesome and cool looking dragons act out of character and silly in this unfunny sitcom without driving Keldeo the Critic crazy?**_

 _ **. . .**_

 _ **Nah, Keldeo's doomed.**_

* * *

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 9: The Dragons by Who dunit why I dunit**

 **tinyurl:** **nlcy3vm**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said. He smiled and said, "Let's talk about _Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds._ "

The theme-song _Hyperdrive_ played as Keldeo discussed the show.

"Of all the Yu-Gi-Oh series, 5Ds has to be the most serious,the most thought provoking, and the deepest of them all. Of course, _all_ the Yu-Gi-Oh series are amazing and have complex characters, great humor, awesome monsters, and rich story lines that weave together into pure epicness."

Keldeo tilted his head thoughtfully and grinned, "However; the characters, backstories, plots, and even the duels and monsters themselves in 5Ds have a certain something special that sticks out. The main cast of 5Ds is more diverse in terms of personality, age, and even gender. In addition, instead of it just being Yugi who does everything, 5Ds often has all six main characters having an active role in the story, making it easier to loose yourself in their world. Yusei is a really good primary character that connects all the other characters well, and the part dark-dystopian-cyberpunk part bright-futuristic setting is so imaginative and drawing."

"So, as you can imagine, 5Ds has tons of amazing fanfiction focusing on the interactions between these amazing characters."

Keldeo tapped his snout with his left forehoof and said, "But do you know what kind of draws some fanfiction authors and readers? The mane character's _dragons_. Maybe it was the story arc focusing on Luna's Ancient Fairy Dragon complete with an adventure in the Duel Spirit World. The world of Duel Monsters has been explored before, but never to the extent of the story arc in 5D's. After seeing Ancient Fairy get an actual character along with actual voice acting, that sent a whole bunch of fanfic writers creating stories not about Yusei and the other Signer duelists, but about the dragons interacting in the Duel Spirit World."

Keldeo smiled and said, "Personally, I believe that this is because of the tight knit friendship, character interactions, and clashes of personality between the Singers; and how that might diffuse over to their dragons, given that the cannon has already given one of them a unique personality, so giving personalities to the other five wouldn't be that hard."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "I mean, hey! Matthais has already written a couple of stories about these dragons."

Keldeo waved his hooves quickly and said, "No, no, no. This isn't a shameless plug for Matthais' old fanfiction. Lots of other authors have written dragon focused fanfiction. Like _Fate of the Fifth Dragon_ by Phoenix Ride, _The Roar of the Dragon by_ dude overdrived, _Quiet's Call_ by I am Lu . . . or _this one_ right here:"

* * *

 _ **The Dragons**_

 _By: Who dunit why I dunit_

 _Red Dragon Archfiend has babysitting duty. So he goes to the wise Ancient Fairy Dragon for help. Can he survive his small crush on the female dragon or will he just crash and burn?_

* * *

Keldeo nodded thoughtfully, a curious expression on his face. "This sounds interesting. Kind of like Matthais would have written a while ago. So, is it any good?"

Keldeo stood still there for a moment with a hopeful smile on his face, then he frowned and said, "No. It isn't good. This fanfic is bad. Oh yeah, it stinks real bad. I mean, like, I mean, really bad. It just..."

Keldeo clenched his teeth as he began ranting angrily, "It's so stupid! I could hardly stand reading it! _It's so horrible! **Why did Matthais make me do this?! I-.**_ "

 ** _30 Minutes Later. . ._**

Keldeo lay on the ground, his fore hooves covering his face. He gave a loud sigh, and uncovered his somber looking face.

"It's a sitcom," Keldeo muttered, "Just an unfunny sitcom. Remember how frustrated I got with hte _Lucas and Maylene Show_ during my review of _Breaking the Chains_ by Aura Wielder? Well, that's _The Dragons_ in a nutshell. The jokes either fall flat or make no sense, and the quote unquote _'characters'_ have very bland characterization. They're more like stereotypes of their human owners than their own actual characters. It almost punishes you for liking Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds in the first place by soiling it with all the lame sitcom stereotypes you'd expect to find on _ICarly_ or _The Thundermans._ "

Keldeo got back up on his hooves and said, "But hey! You don't have to take _my_ word for it! I'll just _show_ _you_ right now! This is _The Dragons_!"

* * *

 _A/N: Please do not read if you haven't seen the end of the Ark Cradle Arc, I am not responsible for you reading spoilers and hating me for it. Thank you._

* * *

Keldeo groaned, "Oh great. Reading."

 ** _*Ding!*_**

 ** _Sin Counter: 1_**

* * *

 _Just a large one-shot that I wrote when I thought about what the Signer Dragons went through after all being separated at the end of the series. Then it sort of twisted into me picking on Red Dragon Archfiend. Then it turned into a romantic thing between six of the Dragons. Then more picking on Red Dragon Archfiend._

 _Also Red Dragon Archfiend makes a comment about 'two moons ago' a moon is a month, so he's saying 'two months ago'._

 _The Dragon's personality's, with the exception of Ancient Fairy Dragon and Life Stream Dragon I based on their Signer._

* * *

 _"And when I say, 'based on,'_ _I mean I just boiled their characters down into their most basic levels and slapped them on the dragons like a random Equip Spell."_

* * *

 _Ergo, Black Winged Dragon has a rivalry with Red Dragon Archfiend. Black Rose Dragon cares for Stardust, who tends to take care of her and want to protect her. Life Stream Dragon on the other hand takes more of a motherly character who loves to protect and watch over Leo, which is shown in the Anime whenever Leo is harmed._

* * *

Keldeo stood with a straight face at this.

"Wow," he finally said, "You're really proud of Rule 63ing Life Stream, aren't you? I mean, you didn't even wait for the story to _begin_ to let us know that he's a girl in this story."

Keldeo sighed, "And before I get a bunch of people telling me that Life Stream's gender is never specified, you have to realize that with the other five signers, their gender and each of their dragon's gender is the same. So why should it be any different with Leo and Life Stream?"

* * *

 _Ancient Fairy Dragon is also very motherly towards her, as Red Dragon calls them 'brood', small group of Duel Monsters that she watches. Red Dragon Archfiend seems to be more brutal then the other Dragon's but is loyal and you do see this._

 _Also even though this is a one-shot I am more then willing to continue writing if you want to know more. So write back with anything you want me to write._

* * *

Keldeo smiled, his tail actually swinging back and forth with excitement. "Oh really! _Anything_ I want you to write!? Okay then! Write about this: _*ahem!* What in the heck were you possibly thinking **when you made this terrible lame sitcom fanfic?!**_ "

Keldeo suddenly jumped off the rock platform he was standing on and dunked his face in the cool shallow water. Keldeo came back up for air and said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This story is just so . . . _bleck_. . ."

 _ **Count Bleck:** "Bleh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Bleck!"_

"Shut up!" Keldeo shouted.

* * *

 _Disclaimer: Yugioh 5D's does not belong to me. Otherwise The Series would not have ended the way it did. *Grumbles about Yusei and Aki's last meeting. (Should have kissed her, what are you Yusei? Gay! ?)*_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "I liked the way the series ended, but I'm not gonna talk about it here. Speaking of endings though, why don't we hurry up so we can get to the _ending_ of this fanfic!"

* * *

 _"You will do it if you don't want to be horribly murdered." Scowled a purpled haired Fortune Lady, glaring up at the dragon who refused to budge._

 _"And why should I?" growled the red dragon who looked down and huffed into Darky's hair._

 _"Because if you don't, I will have my sisters horribly murder you." Darky said with a smug smirk._

 _Red Dragon Archfiend scowled down at the Fortune Lady, surrounded by Fortune Fairies. This happened every few weeks in the Spirit World. The Fortune Ladies would rope Darky into telling Red Dragon to babysit while they go off and do, well whatever it is that they do._

* * *

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Keldeo shouted, waving his fore hooves wildly, "This fanfic starts out in the most stupid way possible for a number of reasons."

"First of all, death threats, at Duel Monsters at least, really don't mean anything in the Yu-Gi-Oh universe. Monsters get sent to the Graveyard all the time. They get brought back to life all the time, either by some kind of card effect or by simply being shuffled back into the deck after one duel ends and another duel begins. What is the context of this threat? Is it a joke because they know they can't die? Is it more of a threat to send him to the Graveyard for a while through a painful attack? Or do the Evil!Twilight Sparkle and friends know some special way of killing Duel Monsters permanently? If they do, that would be pretty stupid, seeing as if it wasn't for Red, _the world would have been destroyed!_ "

"Second of all, how could these Equestria Girl rejects kill Red Dragon Archfiend?"

"And third, why the hay are they asking a giant, demonic looking dragon with the word _fiend_ in his name to _babysit fairies?_ I guess I understand the author's thought process. Jack Atlas cares a lot about Carly, and Carly is the owner of the Fortune monsters, so it makes sense that Red Dragon and the Fortune monsters would be friendly. . . but still. .. _babysit fairies?_ You have a dragon called _Ancient **Fairy**_ _Dragon,_ and you walk right past her and talk to the Archfiend?"

 _ **Button Mash:** "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?"  
_

* * *

 _His domain wasn't exactly the river valley the Ladies called home, in fact it was much more mountainous and ominous looking. He lived at the top of the mountains and could watch all of the other Signer Dragons._

 _From Stardust and Black Rose who cuddled in the Rose Domain on the other side of the Ancient Forest._

 _To Life Stream and Black Winged Dragon who played with Savior Dragon on the edge of his domain and the forest._

 _He could even stalk, 'I watch to make sure her brood is safe!' he growls to Savior Dragon, Ancient Fairy Dragon in the middle of her forest, watching over her little brood._

* * *

"Well that's a creepy image," Keldeo said, looking a little creepy out himself, "A huge demonic looking dragon stalking the smaller, gentler dragoness. And wait a minute, _Savior_ Dragon? That's the Japaneses name for _Majestic_ Dragon! Sure, I know a lot of fanifc writers use the Japanese names in their fanfics, like Aki for Akiza, Rua for Leo, and Ruka for Luna. But at least their _consistent_ and use _all_ Japanese names. In this story, all the names are the English version except for Majestic Dragon's name. Why?! Did you get confused or something? It's called a _Wikia._ Use it!"

* * *

 _"There is nothing you can say that will make me watch the brats." Red Dragon said and moved his wings as if to take off._

* * *

"Let me guess, the Fairies are going to give him puppy dog eyes," Keldeo said in deadpan.

* * *

 _"Mr. Archfiend isn't going to watch us?" said a young voice, and he growled out and looked down._

 _Fortune Fairy Hikari sat looking up at him with her yellow eyes as she sniffed._

 _Red Dragon scowled, pissed off that he had such a weak side for the young ones. The other Fairies stared up at him with sad eyes._

* * *

 _ **Abridged!Freiza:** "Well, I sure hope somebody-"_

"Not worth it," Keldeo muttered as she knocked the scene away with his forehoof. "Also, if we guess the jokes before they happen, can we make the fanfic go faster?" Keldeo asked hopefully.

"Well actually, two of the fairies don't resort to such tactics."

* * *

 _All but Ann and Chee._

 _Chee he didn't know what she looked like behind her glasses. Ann just scowled up at him with her mother's face._

* * *

"And in case you're wondering, no, this _never_ comes into play again. You'd think Chee would wander off or Ann would cause trouble, maybe make Red look bad in front of Ancient Fairy, but no, it's a completely pointless detail," Keldeo explained.

* * *

 _Red Dragons face changed from a scowl to a frown, knowing he had lost. He looked up at Darky who grinned._

 _"Well, I see their just fine. I'll find you tomorrow then!" She said smugly as she took off for her valley._

* * *

"Where are you even going?!" Keldeo asked desperately, "Why do you need a babysitter in the first place? Are you gonna go fight someone or get your hair done? I mean, sure, I don't really care about you as a character, but at the very least you need to be an actual character and not just a soulless plot device."

* * *

 _"Get on; I refuse to watch you alone." He growled out as was custom to when they came._

 _They all grinned up at him, knowing they were going to go see the 'nice dragon with the fun playmates' as they liked to describe Ancient Fairy and her brood._

 _And before you go and think Red Dragon is infatuated with Ancient Fairy, know he's not._

 _Yes he may stalk her, which he does deny._

 _Yes he may care for her brood, which he says he only does because she's not physically strong enough to protect them._

 _Yes he may chase off the stronger of spirits that Regulus can't defeat, he says its good practice._

* * *

 _"And yes, this joke isn't funny at all and is so bad that the Narrator from Rocky and Bullwinkle is punching himself in the face, repeatedly."_

"So he finally goes to where Ancient Fairy lives where we partake in a bland sitcom conversation that actually makes me _miss_ the _Lucas and Maylene Show,_ " Keldeo said in a bored tone.

* * *

 _"Hello Archy, it has been a while since I saw you last." Ancient Fairy said looking up as he touched down on the ground near her._

 _"Don't call me that." He growled out as the Fairies raced off his back and under Ancient Fairy. "Besides you saw me not two moons ago."_

 _He then moved to sit down and closed his eyes. Ancient Fairy shook her head at one of her old friends. Then smiling down at the small duel monsters she watched over, she nudged them towards Regulus._

 _After watching them run off she took to sitting in front of Red Dragon. "Stardust and Black Rose are together."_

 _"Yes they are." Red Dragon said opening his eyes to glare at her._

 _"Did you know that they-" Red Dragon cut her off._

 _"That their expecting? Yes I do, three little hatchlings they'll no doubt wish for me to watch." He growled out._

* * *

 _ **Somewhere in the Rose Domain.**_

 _Black Rose lifted her head from underneath Stardust's and growled._

 _"Yes love?" Stardust asked rubbing the side of her neck with his forehead._

 _"For some reason I feel like murdering Red Dragon." She hissed out._

* * *

Keldeo blinked in confusion, "What the heck? How'd we get here?"

* * *

 _Stardust laughed and licked her cheek. "Since when haven't you felt like murdering him?"_

 _Black Rose just sighed. "Don't worry love, just get some sleep." He told her, and she lowered her head and tucked it underneath his again._

 _"When I wake up, I'm finding him." She vowed as she closed her eyes._

 _Stardust hummed in content. "I wouldn't expect any less from you." He told her._

* * *

 _ **Back in the Ancient Forest**_

 _"Well, why wouldn't they? You are technically the hatchlings uncle." Ancient Fairy told him, and he scoffed._

 _"Those over there practically view me as their uncle. It's annoying." He grumbled glaring at the little Fairies._

* * *

"O-kay, now we're back in the Forest," Keldeo said awkwardly, "That scene was kind of pointless. I mean, come on, how short was that?"

* * *

 _"You should feel glad." Ancient Fairy said softly as she laid down next to him. "But besides that how is…" she trailed off when she realized she didn't know where his card was at the moment._

 _"Nazca, Peru." Red Dragon mentioned. "Master went there to search for some answers."_

 _"His mother?" Ancient Fairy asked._

 _"Yes. Or at least clues to her life." He answered. "Next he's going to Sydney, Australia and the outback. To search for clues about his father and where he lived." Then he looked at her "How is London?"_

 _"It is fine. Luna and Leo seem to love it. Though they do miss everyone else." She answered. "Life Stream also likes London; she prefers to stay close to Leo though."_

 _"She always had a soft spot for him didn't she?" Red Dragon muttered._

* * *

 _"I'm not sure when **he** became a girl all of a sudden, or why you need to be female to have a soft spot for someone, but I don't suppose it matters now."_

* * *

 _"Of course. We all have a soft spot for our Masters and Mistress's." Ancient Fairy said to him._

 _"You and Stardust have special bonds with your Masters do you not?" She asked looking over at the brood of children with a smile on her face._

 _Red Dragon refused to analogize that she looked beautiful, and looked away. "That we may. But it's not like you can't bond with Savior if you didn't want to."_

 _Ancient Fairy looked at him. "Did you just compliment me Archy?" she asked him with a small grin._

 _"Don't call me that Faye!" Red Dragon said using her dreaded nickname, "And you were chosen by the Crimson Dragon for a reason. That reason was not to be a weakling like Black Wing."_

* * *

 _ **Somewhere on the edge of the Ancient Forest and Mountain Domain.**_

 _"Grr." Black Wing growled he glared down at the kill he and Life Stream were sharing._

 _"Yes?" Life Stream asked as she looked at him, not at all concerned as this was a normal occurrence._

 _"I have the urge to suddenly battle Red Dragon." Black Wing growled out._

* * *

Keldeo's eyebrows rose,"Wha-? Now we're thousands of miles away again? What is going on? Why are we going to the other characters whenever their name is mentioned? Maybe if they had something to do with the main plot I could excuse it, but no, it's all totally pointless. This is more like something _Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged_ would do!"

 _ **Abridged!Red Dragon Archfiend:** "Did I mention how much better my voice is compared to Black Wing?"_

 ** _Menawhile, thousands of miles away. . ._**

 ** _Abridged!Black Wing:_** _"Speaking of awesome singing voices."_

 _ **Abridged!Life Stream:** "Who's speaking of awesome singing voices."_

 ** _Abridged!Black Wing:_** _"Nobody, but now that you mention it: SPONGE PANTS SQUARE BOB! HE'S A FRIENDLY LITTLE GUY!"_

* * *

 _"Save? Savior?" Savior Dragon asked him, looking up from her dinner of berries._

 _"Don't worry Savior, he does this often." Life Stream said and glared at Black Wing as if to say 'How dare you worry her!'_

* * *

"Wait, what?!" Keldeo said in shock.

* * *

 _"Save? Savior?" Savior Dragon asked him, looking up from her dinner of berries._

* * *

"Why is Savior, er, Majestic, er, _WHATEVER her name is!_ Why is she saying her name over and over again like a Pokemon? She's not a Pokemon! What's the point of making her talk like a Pokemon? Was it supposed to be funny? It doesn't look like it was _supposed_ to be a joke, so what's the point?"

* * *

 _"Sorry Savior, go back to your dinner." Black Wing told the young dragon, and she complied._

 _"Now why do you want to battle him?" Life Stream asked of him, going back to her dinner._

 _"I suddenly got the feeling he thinks I'm weaker than him." Black Wing muttered darkly._

 _Life Stream blinked at him. "You are weaker than him. Go back to dinner, and get rid of any ideas of your going to duel him. I refuse to let you."_

 _Black Wing pouted at her. "You always ruin my fun!" he complained._

 _"You always ruin my relaxing dinners." She retorted. "Now get back to it."_

* * *

 _"BANG! ZOOM! To the moon, Life Stream! . . . Not sure why you're female all of a sudden, but still, POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!"_

"Meanwhile back in Smaug and Maleficent's rendition of _T_ _he Odd Couple,_ they continue to talk about everything and nothing at the same time, if that makes any sense."

* * *

 _"But as you know. Heart and Soul cannot be separated easily. While Wings and Soul can."_

 _Red Dragon huffed. "I know the legend just as well as you do Faye. The Crimson Dragon made sure all of us knew of the legends. Back when we were hatchlings ourselves remember?"_

 _"Oh yes, I remember. I also remember you and Black Wing fighting and I could barely hear anything." She teased of him._

 _"Stardust and Black Rose were flirting right next to you. How you could hear anything shocked everyone." Red Dragon muttered back._

 _"Remember Life Stream and Savior?" Ancient Fairy asked._

 _"Yes annoying, kept trying to play pranks on you and I." He answered her._

* * *

Keldeo shifted on his hooves and said seriously, "Okay, now, _this_ is interesting. The early lives of the six dragons is interesting. I'm sure we'd all love to see these dragons interact as children. Unfortunately, the story doesn't go into any detail. I mean, can't we at least get a flash back to them all in a nest playing around and making jokes. Maybe a romance joke between Stardust and Black Rose? Maybe Red's reaction when Life Stream and Savior/Majestic play a prank on them? Now _that_ would have been funny, and would have provided some good character development."

Keldeo frowned and said, "But nope! Instead we get this vague reminiscing. Why?! Why can't we actually _see_ them as hatchlings? If this is supposed to be a comedic story, then why did the author skip over an easy opportunity for some genuinely funny comedy? Why couldn't you just put in a flashback? Why didn't you just replace one of these pointless cutaway gags with it?"

* * *

 _ **In the Rose Domain.**_

 _Black Rose growled yet again as Stardust rose to go hunting. "I'm killing Red Dragon later after we eat." She muttered aloud._

 _"I wouldn't expect anything less of you." Stardust said and licked the top of her head._

 _"Don't laugh at me, I will murder him." She muttered darkly pouting at her mate._

 _"Why?" he asked with a small laugh._

 _"I don't know why I just am." She said tucking her head into her nest as to avoid Stardust._

* * *

"And there's the whole fanfic in a nutshell!" Keldeo said in an almost comedic manner, holding his left fore-hoof out as if presenting something, "That shows how empty and pointless these characters are- no, they're not characters. They don't _count_ as characters. They're just those cardboard cutouts with speakers inside of them, and the prerecorded lines that comes out of those speakers are loosely based on what the human Signers _might_ say. I'm actually amazed that the author admitted it like this. Why does Black Rose want to kill Red? Not even _she_ knows! Why did Fortune Lady Dark make Red watch the fairies? No one knows! Why is Majestic Dragon called Savior Dragon and talks like a Pokemon? No one knows!"

Keldeo stomps his hooves and said, " _Nobody_ knows why _anyone_ is doing _anything_ in this story. And that is why this story _FAILS!"_

* * *

 _Back in the Ancient Forest._

 _Ancient Fairy looked at him before smiling softly. "Could it be, that you're jealous Archy?" she asked him._

 _"What?" He nearly screeched. "Of course I'm not, who needs love like those fools!"_

 _Ancient Fairy smiled at his poorly hidden attempt to throw her off. "If you wish to see it that way, then I'm fine with that." She smiled then licked his head. "And I'm willing to wait for you to admit it to yourself."_

 _She then moved up to help Regulus getting the small duel monsters to take a nap._

 _Red Dragon just huffed embarrassed that she had once again seen straight through him. Sighing he shook his head and laid it on the ground and watched her, before closing his eyes._

 _After a few minutes he wrenched his head back up and roared "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'LL WAIT!"_

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAHHHHHHH!**_

Keldeo smiled and shrugged.

Then he sighed and said in a voice filled with relief, "And with that. . . _Big 'WHAT?!'_ joke, the fanfic _finally_ ends. _Good._ I didn't think I could take any-."

* * *

 ** _In the Rose Domain_**

 _Black Rose blinked as she heard the roar faintly. "Do you think Ancient Fairy told him yet?" she asked Stardust who landed besides her with their meal in his jaw._

 _Setting down their dinner he grinned. "Probably, but knowing his thick head he didn't get it."_

 _Black Rose grinned. "You can be evil. I like it."_

 _Stardust just licked her cheek. "If it makes you happy." He told her and nuzzled her again._

* * *

Keldeo blinked, then nodded slowly and said, "Okay. _Now_ it's the end of the fan-."

* * *

 ** _Near the edge of the Ancient Forest and Mountain Domain._**

 _"She told him." Black Wing sighed as he stretched out next to Life Stream._

 _"And he's being an idiot again." Life Stream commented as she laid her head over Black Wings and closed her eyes. "Sleep now, I'll gossip with her later to see what happened."_

 _Black Wing sighed "Of course love." He said closing his eyes as well._

* * *

Keldeo's left eye twitched, and he said, "I still can't get over Life Stream being female, but whatever! Fine! At least now it's finally ov-"

* * *

 ** _In the Mountain Domain._**

 _Savior lay on Red Dragon's throne, giggling to herself about Red Dragons distress._

 _She couldn't wait to tell her Mistress of this new predicament._

* * *

"OH! MY! GOSH!" Keldeo exclaimed, "This is just sad! This is _pathetic!_ You are really trying to get at least one laugh. Anything, any measly little chuckle you can think of. I mean, really; you're trying everything! You're trying every single last-minute gag you can think off just to get a chuckle out of us. You are that desperate for us to like _something_ in this fanfic!"

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs and shouted, "Well you know what?! Desperate is the perfect word to describe this fanfic! It throws every sarcastic comment, every over-used ironic narrator routine, every tired cutaway gag, and every stupid bickering couple Trope in the sad hopes of getting a laugh... and I can honestly say that I never laughed once during this fanfic! Not even a single grin! It's structured horribly, the characters are constructed horribly, and not only does it have little to do with the Anime, but it's also an _insult_ to the Anime. Imagine how Yusei and his friends would react if _they_ saw this mockery!?"

 ** _Leo:_** _"WHY IS LIFE STREAM DRAGON A GIRL!?"_

 ** _Luna:_** _"Forget that, Leo! Why does Ancient Fairy Dragon have a crush on Red Dragon Archfiend! Eww! That's gross."_

 _ **Crow:**_ _"Heh. When you think about it, that's actually kind of creepy for you. Isn't it, Jack! Heh-heh!"_

 ** _Jack:_** _"What!? Are you insinuating-? HOW DARE YOU! Well at least he's not a Subserveint Chicken like Black Winged!"_

 ** _Crow:_** _"Watch you big mouth, Jack!"_

 ** _Leo:_** _"WHY IS LIFE STREAM DRAGON A GIRL!?"_

 ** _Yusei:_** _"I wonder why everyone wants Red Dragon Archfiend dead?"_

 _ **Akiza:** "How does a plant even lay eggs?"_

 ** _Leo:_** _"WHY IS LIFE STREAM DRAGON A GIRL!?"_

 ** _Crow:_** _"Heh-heh. Hey Yusei? I was kinda wondering. Did your dragons wait for you and Akiza or did you all-?"_

 ** _Yusei and Akiza:_** _"CROW!"_

 ** _Leo:_ _"WHY IS LIFE STREAM DRAGON A GIRL!?"_**

Keldeo landed hard as he fell back on all four hooves.

"The six dragons of Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds are awesome monsters. They're like the Dark Magician, or Blue Eyes White Dragon, or Elemental Hero Neos, or Yubel. They're awesome and have their own unique styles and characters, even if only one of them ever talked. _This_ fanfic does not represent who or what they are at all. Now, it's not just because its comedic, there's nothing wrong with putting a humorous spin on things. Even the actual Anime liked to go the silly route ever once in a while, like in _Episode 114- Operation: Capture Yeager II!_ But what this Fanfic failed at was _characterization._ The Fortune monsters were just plot devices that served no other purpose but to get Red to move, Red himself is just your standard stalker-obsessive-tough guy in denial cliche, Ancient Fairy is as bland as vanilla yogurt, and all the other dragons are a combination of grumbling grouches and lovesick mush balls."

Keldeo tossed up his hooves and said, "And the author didn't even have to really work that hard to give these dragons character! If he wanted to be lazy, all he had to do was copy and paste the Signers personalities onto the dragons and that's it. That would have been better than this blandness. These dragons aren't funny, smart, or even quirky. And not even the romances are touching. I've read _PAW Patrol_ fanfics with more touching romance stories that have fewer words than this story. I will still always love these dragons, but only when _some_ element of care and effort is put in to giving them character. I don't see any effort in this fanfic, so I don't see the Six Servants of the Crimson Dragon."

"So, I suggest you check out the other three fanfics I mentioned earlier, and pass this story up," Keldeo said with certainty, and he turned and left saying, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to."

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _The Odd Couple_

 _Super Paper Mario_

 _The Honeymooners_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic: Inspector Gadget_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Garfield_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged by LittleKuriboh/CardGamesFTW_

 _Dragon Ball Z Abridged_

 _ **Specail Thanks**_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh! Wikia_

 _Aura Weilder_


	29. Blooming Late

**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 10:** **Blooming Late by Akumokagetsu**

 **tinyurl:** **pvzgjem**

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said in a level tone, "Because of the . . . uh. . . _interesting_ nature of this review. . . and the fanfic for that matter, I think I should tell you what I've thought of the fanfic at the _beginning_ of the review instead of at the end. I know it sounds weird, but trust me on this, it'll all make sense later. The fanfic being reviewed tonight is _Blooming Late_ by Akumokagetsu."

* * *

 _Blooming Late by Akumokagetsu_

 _Tragedy/Sad/Dark_

 _Apple Bloom feels left in the dust when seemingly everypony except for her begins to get their cutie marks. Anxiety and depression begin to set in the harder she tries to succeed, and one by one her enemies begin disappearing. Does Apple Bloom have a chance of gaining the respect of her family? Are the disappearances related?_

 _Little Apple Bloom couldn't possibly be connected to the disappearances... could she?_

* * *

Keldeo nodded gravely, "Now, from that description, and from the way I'm acting, you can probably tell what this story is gonna be about."

Keldeo looked straight ahead and right at his audience and said, "Alright, I'm going just say it. I think that this fanfic is, for the lack of a better word, _good._ To explain why, we need to ask one important question: What's the difference between _Blooming Late_ and a fanfic like, let's say, _Cupcakes_ by Sergeant Sprinkles?"

Keldeo became serious and said, "Well, for one thing, _Cupcakes_ was nothing more than a sick description of Pinkie Pie hacking apart Rainbow Dash in the most gruesome way possible. It's a sick fanfic you can only read for sick reasons. _Blooming Late_ has some gory scenes in it too, but not only are they a lot less gory than the ones in _Cupcakes,_ but they are also balanced out with a _whole lot_ of legitimate, well written, complex story."

"Another thing is that in _Cupcakes,_ we only see things from the victim's point of view, and we never get any legitimate reason for the killer's actions. Why is Pinkie Pie doing this? Because she's insane? That's not a reason, that's an excuse."

A ghost of a smile appeared on Keldeo's face, "Now, Akumokagetsu doesn't just give us a reason for Applebloom's actions. This author takes us on a deep trip through Applebloom's _psyche_. Every aspect of Applebloom's life is analyzed as if Sigmund Freud were the co-writer or something. This story could've _easily_ been a bloodthirsty Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon Revenge Fic, but it _isn't_. Yes, their abuse of Applebloom is one of the reasons why Applebloom does what she does, but it's only _one_ reason in a whole list of physical, emotional, and mental suffering that Applebloom is forced to endure _every day of her entire miserable life_. So, when Applebloom finally snaps, it actually almost seems in character, unlike Pinkie Pie in _Cupcakes._ In a way, you can almost _sympathize_ with Applebloom. You have to sit back and wonder, _'man. . . if my life were as awful as this. . . would **I** have done what Applebloom did?' _That's the mark of very excellent writing."

Keldeo held up his left fore hoof and said, "But there's one more thing that makes _Blooming Late_ good. And that's the fact that it acknowledges and addresses the fact that murder is the most heinous of all crimes, and that it will lead to the murderer's own destruction. Applebloom pays for her actions at the end. Quite poetically, I might add."

Keldeo became misty eyed and sighed as he stared into the distance. "Ahh. . . Poetic Justice. The best kind. . ."

Keldeo stood there for a moment, but then snapped out of it and cleared his throat, "Ahem! Well, how is Applebloom punished for her crimes? Well. . . that would be a spoiler, wouldn't it?"

Keldeo nodded and said, "And so, now that that's out of the way, I think we can get on with this _very special_ review. I hope you'll like it."

Keldeo then put on a friendly smile and said, "But first, let me remind you that links come easier with TinyURL. Yes, links _do_ come easier with TinyURL."

* * *

The Seven Treasures of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon played an eerie tune, which ended with two thumps of the Fiery Drum of Heatran.

 _ **TinyURL LLC brings you a curious review by the Flutist.**_

 _ **Tonight : "Blooming Late."**_

It is midnight in the Moor of Icirrus, the only light being that of the moon and stars. A shaft of moonlight shines down at a figure wearing a black hat. The brim of the hat was pulled down to cover the figure's face. The figure held the Icy Flute of Articuno in his mouth, and was playing it as he stood there. It was a haunting tune that seemed to go up and down in volume with every note. After those 11 haunting notes, the figure let the flute fall out of his mouth, and it hung by a chord around his neck. He raised a hoof and lifted the brim of the hat, revealing his face.

"I...am the **_Flutist_** ," the Colt Pokemon said with a dark look in his eyes, "and I know many things, for I walk by night. I know many strange tales, many secrets hidden in the hearts of those who have stepped into the shadows. Yes, I know the nameless terrors of which they dare not speak!"

The Fiery Drum rolled like a thunderstorm.

With a smile, he continued, "This story takes place in the world of _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic._ A world that is a combination of lightheartedness and darkness. A darkness that one character will partake in. The story focuses on someone who had though she could justify the act of murder. Someone who rationalized her feelings into a short of righteous cause."

* * *

 _Apples controlled the world._

 _That was what her grandmother always used to tell her. Granny Smith had such an odd affixation with apples, or so Apple Bloom thought. The wizened old mare used to go on and on about apples, all about how the shining red fruits were so much more than anypony else knew. Almost as if apples had a mind of their own, in a way. Apples would go on growing even without somepony to tend to the orchards; the difference being that without tending, they would just grow wherever they felt like. Apples didn't even need ponies – ponies needed apples, and apples worked their way into a mare's head in the strangest of ways._

 _Apple pies, apple cider, apple tarts, apple treats and pastries jam packed full of the things. Apples, apples, apples! Granny Smith loved the things more than anypony else, but she also shared her slightly strange view on them with Apple Bloom._

 _It was sort of like Granny Smith felt like apples controlled a pony's entire existence. Apple Bloom thought it so bizarre, her grandmother's seemingly half-hopeless outlook as she grew older. She had an obsession with things like that, how a mare's destiny was never really her own to control. And Apple Bloom found that her words stuck with her for a long while, how destiny was something slightly beyond comprehension, even when you thought you finally understood._

* * *

"Yes Applebloom," the Flutist said, his voice having a certain edge to it, "Apples control the world, and apples are you birthright. Therefore, you also have power of this world. This growing sense of power, this sense of justification, will be what leads you to commit the ultimate crime later on."

* * *

 _She didn't want to go back to school._

 _Going back to school used to mean that she was presented with another chance to learn something about the world that she didn't know before. Going back to school used to mean that she had a whole day before her to potentially earn herself a cutie mark that would symbolize what field her talents might lie in, what kind of pony she would become, what her destiny would be. Apple Bloom didn't see it as untapped potential as her teacher tried to convince her that she should, however. To her, it was just another annoyance that she still didn't have a proper cutie mark like everypony else._

 _Even the Cake twins had their cutie marks by this point, and she was even older than they were!_

 _Apple Bloom groaned once more into her pillow, forcefully pushing herself from her bed and instinctively rubbing her eyes. It wasn't as if it really helped; she had been awake for most of the night, anyway. With a tired limp over to her dresser, Apple Bloom yanked her bow impatiently from her drawer and mashed it onto her head, hurriedly dragging herself out of her room and downstairs, the clopping of her hooves against the hardwood floor muffling the sound of busy life around the farmhouse._

 _I don't want to do this today._

* * *

"That's right, Applebloom," the Colt Pokemon went on in a placating, patronizing, almost sympathetic tone, "Life has been cruel to you, hasn't it? Hiding your purpose in life from you for so long, forcing you to watch as others enjoy what you have been denied for so long. But you don't have much of a choice, do you? You have to get up. You have to go out into that world, day after day."

* * *

 _"Heyya, gals!" Apple Bloom waved optimistically at the pair, who greeted her with equal positivity. "Finally made it," she said, out of breath. "Hope I didn't make you wait too long."_

 _"Nah, it's cool," the orange pegasus stretched tranquilly, leaning on her slightly dusty scooter. The flaming wheel on her flank acted as an impromptu vacuum to Apple Bloom's eyes, and she forcefully looked away to the pale egg colored unicorn._

 _"What took so long?" Sweetie Belle shifted her own saddlebag, and Apple Bloom noted that Scootaloo seemed to either have forgotten hers again or just didn't bother to bring it; likely the latter, as it tended to slow her down._

 _"Oh, you know," she cleared her throat uncomfortably, marching a little more quickly beside Sweetie as Scootaloo rolled nonchalantly alongside them. "Just held up with some chores is all. Granny can't really do all that much anymore, 'cause of her age and, you know…"_

 _Apple Bloom left her statement hanging, and Sweetie slowly nodded. Apple Bloom desperately tried not to look at her friend's crescendo cutie mark, that badge of honor that she herself was still denied. She unconsciously shuffled her schoolbag a little further back to cover her flank, even though it was uncomfortable. The thought tugged at the string of anger, but she brushed it off._

 _Blank flank._

* * *

"So you meet you friends at school, who only remind of you of your own pain as you can't help but look at their Cutie Marks. But an even greater pain is yet to come."

* * *

 _"I need to get to class," Apple Bloom stated flatly, but the fillies only smirked at her._

 _"And?" Silver Spoon glanced around. "Maybe you should have been here earlier."_

 _Apple Bloom felt like a hot spike of steam was piercing her stomach, and she clenched her teeth in anger._

 _"Please let me through," Apple Bloom swallowed her pride, desperate to just get the day over with._

 _Neither of them moved._

 _"I said, please!" she raised her voice as the tension in her chest rose, and Diamond Tiara and her ally shared another smug, simpering look before laughing in unison. It wasn't fair. As per usual, Apple Bloom was being singled out. Why did they always have to make her life miserable?_

 _"Ooh, look at that!" Diamond snickered, almost dancing back and forth to show just how much she was preventing her from class. "Somepony taught it how to talk."_

 _Apple Bloom burned at her words, heat blossoming into her face as she desperately fought the leviathan beast within herself that demanded violent justice._

 _"Ah. Said. Please."_

 _She wanted to hit them. Apple Bloom wanted to punch them both in their smug, satisfied faces for the unfairness. But she knew that would only lead to trouble for the umpteenth time, and she would doubtlessly be blamed for it and get in trouble at home, whereas Silver and Diamond would walk away scot-free._

 _Again._

 _Still neither of them moved._

 _Apple Bloom wanted to scream through her teeth, but instead tried shoving past them only to find herself blocked by both of their forelegs._

 _"Geez, if you're just going to be a brute, maybe you don't have the brains to be taught anything!" Diamond Tiara scoffed, and Silver giggled again. Apple Bloom's eyes stung, but she only pushed harder until she was callously propelled back._

 _"Yeah, I know!" Silver Spoon rolled her eyes again. "She acts like such a pig."_

 _"Hey! Maybe her name should be Apple Pig instead of plain old blank flank! Ha!"_

 _"Please!" Apple Bloom bellowed. "I ain't got time for –"_

 _Her words were cut off once again by the ringing of the late bell, and a golf ball lodged itself in her throat._

 _Those stupid, wretched brats!_

 _"Oh, for crying out loud!" Silver Spoon wailed in a clearly rehearsed manner as she budged open the door. "That Apple Bloom made me late again! Miss Cheerilee, Apple Bloom pushed me!"_

 _Apple Bloom ground her teeth in frustration, and Diamond Tiara haughtily stepped aside and presented the open doorway for her. She forced her eyes forward and stomped as angrily as she could into the classroom, knowing full well that she would be receiving late marks again, no matter what she said._

 _However, because Apple Bloom's eyes were focused solely ahead of her, she did not notice when Diamond Tiara took advantage of the distraction._

 _Apple Bloom suddenly found the ground rushing up to meet her as her chin painfully smacked the floor, and she cried out when she bit her tongue. The coppery taste of blood tinged her mouth, and tears sprang forth from her eyes at the sting._

 _A few titters of laughter spurred her to scramble in humiliation to stand, swiping hatefully at empty air behind her._

 _"Oops!" Diamond Tiara pranced lightly after her, not even bothering to hide her smirk. "Little piggy tripped, what a klutz."_

 _Apple Bloom turned in desperation to Miss Cheerilee, words already out of her mouth to defend herself against the cruelty of Diamond Tiara –_

 _– just in time to spot the lilac schoolteacher hiding a grin of her own behind her hoof._

 _Apple Bloom boiled in fury, wiping her eyes and shuffling toward her seat as she tried to ignore the ruckus of the class._

 _Even Miss Cheerilee was laughing at her._

 _Mocking her._

 _"Everypony, settle down," Cheerilee called out evenly, pulling a couple of tissues out of the box at the edge of her desk before passing them to Apple Bloom to wipe her mouth. "And Apple Bloom, I know you're in a rush not to be late, but try to watch where you're going next time so that this doesn't happen again."_

 _"Yeah," Diamond repeated smugly from somewhere behind her. "Watch where you're going, blank flank."_

 _Apple Bloom clenched her teeth again, tension skyrocketing in her temples as she whirled around in her seat. She found herself only further angered to see that Diamond Tiara wasn't even looking at her anymore, more distracted with the reflection in her small portable mirror as she gazed lovingly at the little tiara she placed upon her own head._

 _"Watch your mouth, Diamond Tiara!" Apple Bloom seethed, and Cheerilee smacked her desk with her hoof sharply._

 _"Apple Bloom!" she frowned. "That's enough, little missy. If you don't stop picking fights, you're staying after school again. Am I understood?"_

 _"It ain't fair!" the filly demanded. "She's always-"_

 _"Apple Bloom!" Sweetie hissed at her. "Just drop it!"_

 _"I won't!" Apple Bloom insisted, Diamond Tiara's smug smirk only widening. "I am sick and tired of her…!"_

 _"Apple Bloom, kindly see me after class," Miss Cheerilee interrupted loudly._

* * *

"Well. . . here you are _again_ , Applebloom," the Flutist said in a taunting manner, a smile on his face, "Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon continue to make your life a living Hell, and that idiot of a teacher Miss Cheerilee continues to take their side. Again and again this has happened to you, and there is only so much a filly like you can take. So, during one of Diamond Tiara's agonizing bursts of loud boasting and arrogant bragging, the first string holding back your rage snaps!"

* * *

 _Diamond Tiara flinched almost audibly as the apple exploded against the tree trunk directly beside her head, and she whipped toward the panting filly with a look of outrage; although at being a target or being interrupted, Apple Bloom couldn't tell._

 _"What is your problem?" she stood along with Silver Spoon, a couple of the others edging away._

 _"Yeah, geez, blank flank!" Silver scoffed, mimicking her. "What is your problem?"_

 _"Shut up," Apple Bloom glowered hatefully at them both, her eyes burning. "Both a' you, just shut up, shut up right now!"_

 _"Apple Bloom!"_

 _She froze upon the sound of Miss Cheerilee's voice ringing powerfully through the air, and she automatically cringed when she saw the angry schoolteacher stomping directly toward them._

 _"She-!" Apple Bloom tried to say, jabbing a hoof at Diamond Tiara, but was cut off by the fury of her teacher._

 _"Absolutely not!" Cheerilee snapped her hoof toward the schoolhouse, marching Apple Bloom ahead of her. "I saw that, young filly, don't you dare try to blame that on Diamond Tiara again!"_

 _"But-but-but…!"_

 _Apple Bloom's cries and protests slowly dwindled, and she felt Diamond Tiara's smug, self-satisfied smirk on the back of her head with every single step._

* * *

 _Such a long day._

 _Apple Bloom dragged her hooves along the grass as she walked, still trying to get the chalk dust out of her fetlocks. Her hooves skidded heavily along, but some of the chalk just wouldn't come off – similar to the bite of pain she felt from Miss Cheerilee's disappointed stare while she wrote her lines on the chalkboard._

 _Apple Bloom fumed in quiet rage, clenching and unclenching her teeth in vehemence as she struggled to keep moving. Just had to keep going, had to refrain from even looking at them, and then everything would be fine._

 _Just ignore them, like Sweetie and Scootaloo suggested._

 _Like it had ever worked before._

 _"What are you, deaf now?" Diamond Tiara flicked her nose, and Apple Bloom fought the impulse to scream in anger. Her face reddened with rage and the restraint it took to keep from hitting either of them, the tension pounding her head like a hammer._

 _"Mute, too! Or maybe she just bit her tongue again, like an idiot," Silver giggled as Apple Bloom refrained from bellowing every single curse word she knew at them, focusing only on keeping her head down and walking. Just ignore them and they would go away, just don't fight back and there wouldn't be any more trouble…!_

 _"Wow," Tiara tutted with what sounded almost like genuine sympathy. "Deaf, mute, born an Apple… oh, and dumb. Can't forget dumb!"_

 _"She was born an Apple, I think that goes without saying."_

 _"Ooh, you're so right, Silver. Wouldn't be a real Apple if she weren't poor, too. Fix that roof of yours yet, hmm? Nah, probably not," Tiara sniggered._

 _"She really got the short end of the stick, huh Diamond Tiara?" she cackled._

 _"Shut the buck up!" Apple Bloom screeched, her voice breaking as she swung at them and hit only empty air. "Shut up, just shut up and leave me alone!"_

 _"Aww. Poor widdle fiwwy," Tiara snickered when Apple Bloom forcefully jerked away, tail tucked between her legs as she shoved her legs forward. "Look, Silvy; I think we made her cry!"_

 _"Ooh, what is she now, a blank flank little foal? Gonna cry like a little foal, is she?"_

 _"Nah, listen to that squeal. I think you mean she sounds like a piglet."_

 _No matter how hard she tried, the words weren't lost in Apple Bloom's ears, and she was nearly tearing up grass as she ran. No matter how hard she ran, though, it still didn't stop the tears from burning her eyes. It didn't stop the pain from ripping at her._

 _It didn't stop the laughter._

* * *

"The rage those two are making you feel is growing, isn't it Applebloom?" the Colt Pokemon said in a harsh tone, "And if that isn't bad enough, your problems are about to be compounded when you come home and find that your beloved Granny Smith is having one of her fits."

* * *

 _"Help me get Granny Smith to bed, Apple Bloom."_

 _The aged mare shook her head rapidly back and forth, ceasing her rocking in the corner. Her wooden chair squeaked as she did so, and the lime colored old pony stared at them both with slightly milky eyes._

 _"Now, you hang on a second, young 'un," Granny Smith frowned. "Who's puttin' who to where what now?"_

 _"We're going to bed, Granny," Apple Bloom responded emotionlessly, helping to lift her under one of her forelegs as Applejack took the lead on the other side._

 _Her grandmother gave her that same blank, slightly hurt stare that Apple Bloom had grown to hate so much. The look that almost begged to be considered, to be listened to and noticed. She nearly felt like they were putting away an old box of toys whenever it was Granny Smith's bedtime, but a tiny bit sadder._

 _"Who do you think you're grabbing?" she scowled suddenly. "Get your filthy hooves off'a me, my family's gonna beat your flank!"_

 _Applejack cringed at her words, going back to the calm tone she had used before._

 _"Take it easy there, Granny," she murmured, helping the nearly crippled mare up the stairs. Her hooves shook with every step, and Apple Bloom constantly feared that her grandmother would topple over. The stairs creaked and groaned, and for a split second she feared that they would break. "It's goin' to be fine, it's just Applejack, all right?"_

 _"None of you is – none, none are any of you is…!" Granny Smith blubbered incoherently, lashing out suddenly. Apple Bloom cried out more in surprise than pain when her jaw was struck, but managed to keep from losing her grip on the old mare. Applejack froze up, and furrowed her brows and bowed her head shortly afterwards to the point where Apple Bloom couldn't even see her sister's eyes anymore._

 _"All these apples make a peach. All these apples make a peach," her grandmother began muttering darkly again._

 _"… Apple Bloom."_

 _"Yeah, Ay Jay."_

 _"You go on back downstairs. I'm gonna take care of Granny," Applejack said grimly._

 _She started to protest, but held herself in check. The coppery taste tainting her tongue for the second time that day convinced her further, and she wordlessly nodded before releasing her grandmother and slipping off back downstairs. The sound of Granny Smith fussing slowly died down the more distance she put between them, and she simply sat at the bottom of the stairs until Applejack had finished getting the elderly mare to bed._

 _Apple Bloom carefully dabbed her tingling lip with the side of her hoof, and absentmindedly wiped the spot of blood on her leg. She frowned when the wetness stuck to her hoof, a little stickily. She hated the sight of her own blood. It was something that stood out as an emblem of her own failure, a motif of the unhappiness literally leaking out of her. And now, now it was sticking to her fur. Apple Bloom's frown deepened at the thought._

 _She felt the unexpected and rather bizarre urge to wipe the blood on her flank, as if it would suddenly burst into an impromptu cutie mark. A terrible, bloody blotch of a cutie mark. The little frown of disgust that tinged her face grew, and she was quick to push the thought from her mind._

* * *

"Oh, but how _funny_ will that thought be in hindsight, Applebloom," the Flutist said thoughtfully, "For soon, blood will be a good friend of yours. The ingredients are all there. An unhappy home life, torment at school, lack of justice, authority figures siding with the wicked ones, and the slow loss of someone you love. And one more ingredient. . . two scapegoats for you to take your anger out on. Oh, but you don't realize that. . . yet. But you will. . .perhaps after you perform a duty that all farmers that raise pigs must do: _kill the runt of the litter_."

* * *

 _Squawking interrupted her thoughts, and Apple Bloom roughly dragged the uncomfortable piglet closer until she could make another loop around his neck. Big Macintosh had taught her plenty on making knots, and she inattentively decided between an anchor knot or another bowline. Without slowing, Apple Bloom smiled at the tubby animal, looking right into his eyes. The loop on the end of the rope that she held in her hoof felt much tighter now, and fit snugly. Apple Bloom leaned the heavy shovel against the side of the tree as well, letting it sit peacefully on the bark._

 _Stupid thing probably didn't even know what was going to happen to him._

 _Apple Bloom jerked on the rope roughly, yanking the pig back hard against the tree. It squealed loudly, kicking in surprise and pain as it found itself completely unable to escape the noose that Apple Bloom had fashioned for him. Her empty smile slowly faded as it screamed, eyes rolling in his head in panic. She yanked again with all her might, the piglet screaming louder and louder the harder she pulled. It wound up pulled tightly against the tree, just as Apple Bloom expected he would. The impromptu noose choked it the harder she pulled, her eyes never leaving the shrieking thing the entire time._

 _Its screams sounded so… equine._

 _Apple Bloom squeezed hard on the rope, she kept right on pulling until she began losing feeling in her hooves. The little piglet gave a few more kicks before his screaming was finally cut short, and the thrashing kept up for a little while afterward. She pulled and tugged until the rope was so taut that she thought it would snap from the pressure. When she finally thought that the thing had stopped breathing, she at last released the rope and gave her tingling hoof a little shake to let the blood begin flowing back into it._

 _The piglet promptly began kicking again, but only the back legs. His head was pressed firmly against the trunk, and the knots prevented it from freeing itself._

 _Without pause, Apple Bloom grabbed the shovel in both hooves, gave it a single twirl, and bashed the pig over the head. The resounding dull thunk of old hefty metal against flesh resonated in her ears, and its final squeal was cut off by another heavy swing. Apple Bloom was utterly unforgiving in her assault, raining blows down on the unfortunate thing until it stopped moving altogether._

 _Apple Bloom was panting heavily by the time she stopped, and the first few trickles of rain had begun to fall. She was silently grateful for it, as it would save her the trouble of washing up; she definitely had a tad of blood on her, as well as the shovel._

 _She buried her anger along with the piglet that day, and she didn't shed a single tear as the downpour washed away the last remnants of her sins._

* * *

"You enjoyed that, didn't you Applebloom," he said gravely, "You found it cathartic at the time, didn't you? But what you soon realize after Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon torment you the next day is that what you experienced wasn't a release. It was a solution."

* * *

 _The dull thump of an eraser smacking Apple Bloom's head just as she sat down yanked her back to reality, and she let out an almost inaudible sigh through her nostrils._

 _"Oops," Silver Spoon tittered. "Must have dropped that. Sor~ry!"_

 _And just like that, the boiling hot bar of rage dug straight into Apple Bloom's chest again. The momentary reprieve she had been granted by her sacrificial piglet had all been for naught. Another thump against the back of her head knocked her bow slightly askew, and this time the faint giggling sounded like Diamond Tiara._

 _"Whoopsie, blank flank. Dropped mine too, totally sorry."_

 _"No," Apple Bloom seethed through her gritted teeth, eyes boring a hole in the desk before her. "No, you aren't."_

 _"You're right," Tiara whispered just loudly enough for her to hear, Miss Cheerilee busy instructing students with an arithmetic problem on the chalk board. "For once."_

 _Apple Bloom ground her teeth, a headache already starting to form. She just wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to put up with the callousness of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon today, she just wasn't ready._

 _And then, something finally cooled the raging fire in her belly. Her thoughts had lingered for only a second on the idea of another sacrificial piglet when a much better, more focused one became apparent. Almost as if it had been staring her in the face the whole time, it just seemed that obvious. Apple Bloom's miserable frown slowly began tilting upward, twitching into a tiny, almost imperceptible smile._

 _Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had to go._

* * *

 _"Sorry Granny," Apple Bloom breathed under her breath as she slipped out of her grandmother's bedroom, although she didn't know quite why she was apologizing. She felt as if she had failed on some part, like it was somehow her fault. A tight pain tore at her chest, but she brushed it to the side in favor of allowing the empty, cold feeling to take over. It was so much more preferable to feel nothing at all than the constant, gnawing heartache that mysteriously seemed to grow whenever she thought of her poor grandmother's potential, and very likely, unraveling mortality. Or maybe it was because she had just slipped away with a bottle of her grandmother's sleeping pills._

 _Or, the more she thought on it, perhaps it wasn't a void of feeling – maybe it was just plain old apathy. A small part of her felt fundamentally wrong for so much as trying to find that mercifully empty feeling again, like doing so was one way or another harmful to her family, like she wouldn't be doing them justice._

 _But on that note, if there were any such thing as justice, somepony would have done something to save Granny Smith by now._

 _Should she really be having doubts at this point? Apple Bloom would have liked to think not. She shook her head, deliberately quieting her steps a little more and cursing the wooden floorboards. At the very least, they didn't creak much._

 _This was something that was going to be done. This was something that she needed to do, something that Apple Bloom had to do. There couldn't be any doubts, she needed absolute conviction._

 _And for that, she had only to remember just why she hated Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara so much for that same burning conviction to return._

 _They had to die._

 _Just like the piglet._

 _Apple Bloom shook her head again, as if she could cast away the thoughts. Back and forth, back and forth, wall to wall; Apple Bloom marched as if she were wearing a hole in the floor, and was utterly oblivious to it._

 _No, not quite like the piglets. That wouldn't do at all. It had to take longer, that much she knew as well. it had to be stretched out, she had to ensure that they didn't go quickly. Her thoughts drifted pensively to the screwdriver that she had stored beneath the packet of old nails in Big Macintosh's toolbox at her stash in the orchard, but she brushed that off as well. She could make up her mind when the time came._

 _Part of Apple Bloom hated herself for how casual she was being about plotting their doom, how she wasn't completely appalled at the idea like she felt that she was supposed to be. Maybe that was why she felt like she had failed, like she wasn't the paragon of goodness that all young fillies were supposed to grow up to be. Granny Smith probably would have been ashamed of her._

 _If she could even remember._

* * *

"You equate Granny Smith with your conscience, don't you Applebloom?" he asked, "And with her mind and body decaying and shutting down, and the sense of injustice you're feeling all around you, any reservations you have about the action you intend to carry out are gone. You want justice, don't you? And you will do whatever it takes to get it. Even breaking into Silver Spoon's mansion in the dead of night, force feeding her apple sauce laced with Granny Smith's crushed up sleeping pills, and bringing her to the very spot where you did away with that piglet."

* * *

 _Apple Bloom loved the orchard._

 _It was such a peaceful place. A place of rest and solitude, a grove of growth and quiet. The orchard itself seemed alive with the little night breeze, making the trees dance and sway like greedily grasping fingers in the wind. Almost like the entire field were blearily waking itself up, half of its barren branches shivering in the air like Apple Bloom did on a cold morning._

 _Apple Bloom smiled as she slipped another fishhook into Silver Spoon's mouth, held open as it was by numerous others. She silently complimented herself on her ingenuity, as it was doubtful that Big Macintosh would even miss the rusty old things. The lengths of rope that kept the grey filly stretched rigidly over the bark of the apple tree didn't budge an inch, even with all of Silver's pitiful squirming for release._

 _"Fwhee!" Silver wept, struggling weakly at her bonds that kept her uncomfortably upright against the desolate old apple tree. "Fwhee, hawp whe!"_

 _"What's that?" Apple Bloom raised her hoof to her upturned ear in a mock-curious tone. "Sorry, Silvy. I can't make out what you're saying. What's the matter? Did'ja bite your tongue?"_

 _The filly squirmed in pain as one of the fishhooks pierced the edge of her lip with her desperate motion, and a thin sliver of blood began trickling down her forcibly opened mouth. The tears streaming down her face mingled with the dribble of blood, only causing it to run faster. Silver's choked sobbing rose and fell with her shaking chest, and as Apple Bloom watched, she almost felt that the filly's voice and body were two separate entities. Such a silly notion to distract her at a time like this._

 _"You sure do look disgusting, Silver Spoon." Apple Bloom's nonchalant words were quiet as she rifled languidly through the old toolbox on the ground. "You can keep on howlin', if you want to. Nopony is going to hear you all the way out here. Nopony is going to help you."_

 _Apple Bloom carefully revealed the carving knife that her Grandmother used to make wooden apples with, the gleaming tip catching Silver's attention. Her eyes widened at the sight, and she immediately began hysterically thrashing at her bonds again, but to no avail._

 _"You must be pretty stupid," Apple Bloom chatted over the sound of Silver Spoon's desperate muffled pleas. "Jerkin' around like that's gotta make it hurt even worse. Didn't I say nopony would come to help you?"_

 _"Aah! Awha, awhee! Who! L-le-nah! Nah!" she screamed, words muffled as her lips were pierced by yet another fishhook. Apple Bloom almost heard the flesh tearing as it jabbed through, its pointed barb wiggling through._

 _"Are you trying to say 'no?' Huh?" Apple Bloom caressed her face gently with the tip of the cleaned knife, letting it glide over her cheek. "Would you tell anypony if I just let you go, right now?"_

 _Silver Spoon's eyes widened further, darting around in her head. The flow of tears stopped for a bare moment, and her gaping mouth hanged open like that of a fish. Albeit, a weeping, bleeding fish._

 _"I'll let you go. I'll do it, right now," Apple Bloom whispered into her ear, even though she knew that there was nopony around this far out in the orchard. "Would you like that, Silver Spoon? I'll let you go, and you just have to do one thing for me. Will you do it?"_

 _Apple Bloom was slightly amused to see that she didn't even question what her request was. Silver's eyes seemed to show agreement, and her upset cries became even more pleading._

 _"Tell me that you want me to let you go."_

 _It was utterly silent in the glade for a few moments, the only sound being Silver's quickened, raspy breath._

 _"If you don't," Apple Bloom showed her the sharpened edge of the carving knife again. "If you don't, I'm going to start carving you."_

 _"Phwee! Phwee! Phwee!"_

 _"Squeal, Silver," she said in a hushed voice, right into her ear. "Squeal like a little ol' piggy."_

* * *

The Seven Treasures built to a sudden crescendo, and then went silent.

 ** _TinyURL is a URL shortening service, a web service that provides short aliases for redirection of long URLs. Kevin Gilbertson, a web developer, launched the service in January 2002 so that he would be able to link directly to newsgroup postings that frequently had long and cumbersome addresses._**

 ** _The TinyURL homepage includes a form that is used to submit a long URL for shortening. For each URL entered, the server adds a new alias in its hashed database and returns a short URL in the following page. If the URL has already been requested, TinyURL will return the existing alias rather than create a duplicate entry. The short URL forwards users to the long URL._**

 ** _Short URL aliases are seen as useful because they are easier to write down, remember or pass around, are less error-prone to write, and also fit where space is limited such as IRC channel topics, email signatures, microblogs, certain printed newspapers , and email clients that impose line breaks on messages at a certain length. People posting on Twitter make extensive use of shortened URLs to keep their tweets within the service-imposed 140 character limit._**

 ** _Remember, links come easier with TinyURL._**

 ** _And now. . .back to the F_** ** _lutist._**

The Colt Pokemon played the eerie tune on the Icy Flute, before speaking once again.

"Well, Applebloom, you've taken care of half the problem. Silver Spoon is dead and buried where no one will ever find her. You feel so relieved. Perhaps even accomplished. The leviathan within you has been satisfied. And once you take care of Diamond Tiara, you'll finally be truly free. The morning after the murder, you wake up feeling perfectly refreshed, and happily head down to breakfast."

* * *

 _She was almost whistling as she entered the kitchen, finding Applejack sitting forlornly at the kitchen table across from a somber Big Macintosh._

 _"G'morning, everypony!" Apple Bloom said cheerfully, smiling forcefully in the vain hopes that her enthusiasm would begin wearing off onto her siblings. Anything was better than seeing them mope around like she had grown used to. It took her a moment to realize that the bottles scattered across the table were almost all empty, sips of hard cider in this and that one. "Come on, ya grumpy geese – it's almost school time, who let me sleep in?"_

 _They both remained silent, neither Macintosh nor Applejack speaking a single word. Big Macintosh's face seemed empty and pale, and Applejack looked as if she had been crying for some while from the puffiness in her eyes. Apple Bloom grew slightly more apprehensive at their wordlessness, a slight tingling weight growing in the pit of her belly._

 _"Ain't no time for lazing around!" she stretched her false smile a little wider, almost desperate to wipe away the awful, empty look in her sister's eyes. It reminded her too much of Silver Spoon. What happened there needed to stay there, not interfere with her family._

 _Her brother and sister shared another long, silent look before Applejack nodded, eyes downcast as she glumly turned to Apple Bloom._

 _"… Granny's gone."_

 _Apple Bloom's stomach felt as if the bottom dropped out, the walls shifting hard. It took her a second to realize that the house wasn't moving, but that she instead had fallen against the doorframe rather hard and likely bruising her shoulder from the impact._

 _"… What?" her voice seemed to disobey her, hardly rising above a croaky whisper._

 _"It must have been last night," Big Macintosh stated quietly as words failed Applejack, who only went back to holding her head in her hooves. "Already sent for somepony. Funeral's…"_

 _"You know we don't have the money for it," Applejack breathed. "Just git the shovel, I'll take-take care of it."_

 _Big Macintosh's one enormous hoof landed softly on her arm, and he shook his head slowly. It was almost like watching a mountain move, Apple Bloom thought. As if the distress had caused part of the earth to rise up and take form of a stallion, each movement insistent and stalwart as the stone itself._

 _"No, Applejack. Not this time."_

 _Apple Bloom stood in stunned silence in the doorway as her brother silently left the house, her heart thudding in her chest as she silently prayed that the shovel was sufficiently dried by the time that he reached it. Funny how her own grandmother, one of the ponies she loved and cherished the most in the whole world was gone, and all she could think about was the dryness of a shovel. She felt dirty and selfish for it, almost as if it were her fault._

 _"… You don't have to go to school today," Applejack quietly reminded Apple Bloom, who was silently busying herself with straightening her bow and arranging her saddlebag._

 _"Is-is she, you know…" Apple Bloom tried to speak, her voice oddly even for the circumstances. "Is she still here?"_

 _"Yeah. In her room."_

 _"I don't think I can be here right now," she answered, unable to look Applejack in her eyes any longer._

 _Applejack didn't speak to her as she left. She didn't even look at her._

 _Apple Bloom wanted her to, though._

* * *

"It's finally happened, hasn't it Applebloom," the Flutist said sympathetically, "Granny Smith's old age has finally caught up with her. All of her maladies have finally run their horrible course, and you feel a great sense of failure inside of you. Oh, but don't worry. You have someone to take all those negative emotions out on. Someone who fully deserves to suffer for all the pain she's caused you. And that is precisely why you show no emotion when Miss Cheerilee makes a snide remark about you being late, or when Diamond Tiara throws an eraser at your head, or even when that incompetent teacher accuses _you_ of cheating off of Diamond Tiara's test, which the both of you fail by the way. No, Applebloom. You have no reason to get angry now. You've planned out everything so well. All that remains is for you to bait the trap."

* * *

 _"My whole family is about to be way richer than you ever were, Diamond Tiara."_

 _Her lie caught the filly's attention, just as she assumed that it would. But even if it hadn't, Apple Bloom had backup plans. A filly like Diamond Tiara had a noticeable sense of pride, and Apple Bloom ensured that it would be her downfall._

 _"Oh, please," Tiara rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, leaning over her desk and glowering at her. "What, do you have some pig-tossing get rich quick scheme? Going to move into a brand new shack with three whole walls, hmm?"_

 _"What do you even care?" Apple Bloom said defensively, standing to leave. "Once I have the rest of it, our family could just buy your house."_

 _Diamond Tiara froze, uncertainty etched onto her face as Apple Bloom walked away._

 _"What are you talking about, Apple Bloom?" she asked dangerously, and Apple Bloom hid her smirk of victory. Now that the flesh was exposed, time to start digging at the weaker organs…_

 _"I can't tell you," Apple Bloom nodded seriously without turning around. "It's a secret."_

 _Diamond Tiara's lips pursed for a moment._

 _"Aw, come on…" it was fairly evident from her tone that she was trying to act casual, and wasn't doing a very good job. "It's not like I'm gonna tell anypony…"_

 _I know you won't._

 _"You-you promise not to tell anypony, right?" Apple Bloom asked, the uncertainty blatant in her voice._

 _"Nah, of course not," Diamond Tiara looked at her unblinkingly, and Apple Bloom kept up her charade for a while longer._

 _"Well…" she started, as if she weren't sure. She needed to make it convincing enough. "I-I mean, I guess it couldn't hurt…"_

 _"Of course not, of course not!" Diamond Tiara patted her on the shoulder with false enthusiasm, and she had to refrain from grabbing her hoof and making her stop. "Come on, you can tell me. I won't tell anypony, I promise."_

 _"… It's not safe here," Apple Bloom's eyes shifted back and forth as she tried hard to look suspicious. "Somepony might overhear us."_

 _"Whisper it in my ear, then…!" Diamond Tiara's impatience began to leak through, but Apple Bloom shook her head._

 _"I have a better idea," she perked up a little. "I could just show you the treasure!"_

 _"Treasure?" the filly's eyes gleamed._

 _Hook, line and sinker._

 _"But you have to promise that you won't ever tell anypony about it, okay?" Apple Bloom frowned, doing her best to play the part._

 _"Filly Scout's honor," Diamond Tiara said with a smug little salute, hoof over her heart. She doubted that Tiara had even been in the Filly Scouts at all._

 _"Well… okay, then," she nodded, pretending not to notice the look of poorly concealed triumph on the filly's face. "But it's totally super secret, so just keep real quiet and follow me until we get there. Okay?"_

 _Diamond Tiara made a zipping motion across her lips, signaling the secret she would take with her to the grave._

* * *

"And take it to her grave she shall. You're having a hard time resisting the urge to burst into laughter, aren't you, Applebloom? And why not? You are most certainly a clever girl, aren't you Applebloom. Much more clever than the spoiled little brat following behind you as you lead her to a more secluded part of the apple orchard, far away enough so nopony will hear her scream. And then, after you direct Diamond Tiara's attention to the dead apple tree you know so well, you prepare to make your move."

* * *

 _Diamond Tiara's eyes scanned the area, her heart pounding in her ears. Something about the battered old desolate apple tree seemed a little… off. There wasn't a single glistening ruby or diamond in sight, no doubloons or emeralds or precious metals. Not a single thing about the little clearing surrounded by watchful trees was reminiscent of 'treasure' at all. In fact, the only thing that even drew her eye was the dull glint of an old rusty toolbox filled with a mishmash of seemingly random junk that Diamond would never lay her hooves on._

 _And then, while Diamond Tiara was busy confusedly studying the befuddling lack of wealth that she was promised, Apple Bloom clubbed her over the head with a wrench._

 _Pain splintered through the back of her head as she fell, agonizingly clutching the throbbing ache as she scrabbled to kick herself away from her attacker. Apple Bloom didn't say another word as she swung again, missing Tiara's head by a hair's breadth. Tiara let out a choked scream of panic at the crazed filly, desperately scrambling to run away as fast as possible._

 _Diamond Tiara was young and agile, but Apple Bloom was not riddled with panic as she was. She was prepared, practiced, and fueled by anger. Her scream was lost in her ears as Apple Bloom rammed into her from behind, knocking her painfully to the ground. Tiara's vision swam when her head hit a stump, hot stinging tears blinding her further. Fearfully, Diamond shoved and kicked back against the punches raining down onto her, but it was like beating her head against a wall. Apple Bloom suspected, and even hoped that it would have been such._

 _Diamond Tiara was a spoiled filly, lazy and indolent as often as possible. She even still had some of her foal fat, and her resistance was that of one who was unready for such a thorough thrashing. Apple Bloom, however, had years of hard farm work and labor to assist her, her growing muscles compounded by repeated work._

 _Apple Bloom rained punches down on every square inch of Diamond Tiara's body, her vicious grin only growing with every despairing squeal of pain and terror. She gave one last weighty punch to the filly's stomach, making her shaking form quiver and cringe further. Her frightened sobs of agony were like music to Apple Bloom's ears, after waiting so long to hear them._

 _And without another word, Apple Bloom grabbed the weeping, battered filly by the ankle and slowly began dragging her back toward the barren tree._

 _"S-stop, stop!" Diamond Tiara pleaded weakly, bleeding profusely from both her lip and a cut beneath one of her eyes. "Wh-why? Why are y-you doing this to me?"_

 _"Why?" Apple Bloom asked casually as she began to collect the used rope from the toolbox. Diamond Tiara attempted to scrabble away again in fear, only for Apple Bloom to viciously kick her numerous times in the ribs. Tiara's eyes widened in pain when she slammed hard, and heard something crack. The filly's breath was knocked from her as she cried, wheezing for breath._

 _Apple Bloom strung the rope swiftly around her neck, tightening it into a noose as well as hogtieing her to the base of the empty tree. She made sure to smack Tiara's face against the rough bark for good measure, earning another raspy yelp from her._

 _"Did you just not even care when Silver Spoon didn't show up for school?" she asked quietly, a little out of breath from the exertion of assuring that her nemesis wouldn't be going anywhere._

 _"Wh-what?" Diamond Tiara rasped in equal parts confusion and denial, tears streaming freely down her bloodied face. "Why?"_

 _"Why. Why, why, why," Apple Bloom mused quietly as she delved languidly into the borrowed toolbox before withdrawing a rusty instrument. "Nopony cares about how, it's always why. What do you think, Diamond Tiara?"_

 _Tiara opened her mouth to reply, and was immediately struck hard in her shin by the same wrench that had been used to bludgeon her._

 _"Help!" Tiara shrieked in a choked voice as Apple Bloom pulled back to swing again. "Please, help me!"_

 _"Go ahead," Apple Bloom touched her gently on the cheek, lowering the wrench for a bare moment. "You scream all you want to, there ain't nopony gonna save you. Scream real loud for me, Tiara. Squeal like a piggy."_

 _Tiara struggled vainly against her bonds before Apple Bloom struck again, this time shattering her leg. Her bloodcurdling scream of agony were stifled by the thick canopy of forest. Somewhere, an apple fell._

 _"That," Apple Bloom said with a little pant. "Was for never leaving me alone."_

 _She swung again, harder this time, and heard something begin to crack when she made violent contact with Tiara's other leg. Apple Bloom was vaguely reminded of tiddlywinks, and the overwhelming urge to giggle was struck down by her boiling anger._

 _"This is for always picking on me!" Apple Bloom's screams mingled with the tormented cries of Diamond Tiara as she swung with every hateful proclamation. "This is for my friends! This is for calling me names, for ruining my life! This is for Granny you ******* *****!"_

 _"So-rry," Tiara's frail breath came in miniscule, weepy shakes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_

 _"No you're not," Apple Bloom's gaze hardened as she dropped her makeshift weapon, digging for something new to use. She wanted this to last longer than her last one, and she had nearly lost Tiara from indulging in her anger. Even now, the roiling hate bubbling up in her belly was still craving sickly for more, lusting to continue. "You're saying that because you think I'll let you go. Because somewhere in that stupid, stupid little head of yours, you think you still ever stood a chance."_

 _Apple Bloom ever so slowly withdrew with the corkscrew in hoof, turning it over leisurely to ensure that Diamond Tiara got a good look at it. Her puffy and blackened eyes widened significantly at the sight of the jagged end, which Apple Bloom pointed in her direction._

 _"Let's see if we can get that idea out of your head, hmm?"_

 _"Please, please! Please! Please, Celestia please I'll give you anything, please don't kill me!"_

 _Apple Bloom paused as she stood over the beaten and broken foe, hoof poised over the corkscrew's wooden handle._

 _"Really?" she leaned down to face her, placing her own serious face directly in front of Diamond Tiara's. She looked dead into her watery eyes, and watched as the filly froze. "Really now. You'll give me anything I want if I just let you go?"_

 _"Yes!" Diamond Tiara's bloodshot eyes lit up at the prospect of escape, even if she had to drag herself away with her only unbroken leg. "An-anythin-ng, anything!"_

 _"Is that right. And what could you possibly have that I want, Diamond Tiara?"_

 _The uncertainty and panic rising in her face was obvious as she wracked her brain for something, anything that would save her skin._

 _"Name it," Tiara said shakily, urgently staving off the pain to look at her. Something to grasp at the hope dangling just in front of her. "Anything, please!"_

 _"And if I tell you to do something, you'll do it, without question?" Apple Bloom asked quietly, watching the filly's eyes flicker with uncertainty._

 _"Yes!" she complied when Apple Bloom moved. "I'll do anything, whatever you say!"_

 _"Kill yourself."_

 _Diamond Tiara stared at her for a full beat before the hopelessness sank in. She screamed and cried at the unfairness, the fact that Apple Bloom was only toying with her finally sinking in as her captor resumed placing something pointy and hard against the top of her head, just behind her ear._

 _"Stop it!" Tiara bawled, unable to shake her head away from the slowly turning corkscrew. "Stop, stop, stop, stop!"_

 _"Too bad you'll be missing school…!" Apple Bloom gritted her teeth as she ground hard against the corkscrew, another terrified scream of anguish escaping Tiara as it punctured her flesh. "I'll tell everypony your brain fell out!"_

 _Apple Bloom did not know for how long she had been thrusting the slightly rusty instrument into the filly, only that Tiara had not been screaming for a long time when she withdrew. Her laughter was hollow and empty, and she soon gave up trying. The only thing she could compare it to was vainly hoping to get drunk off of cider and instead drinking a barrel full of water._

 _She took a couple of steps back to admire her handiwork, frowning. Diamond Tiara simply wasn't built to last, it would seem. She didn't last nearly as long as she wanted her to. More than that, Apple Bloom was sincerely disturbed. Not by the sight of the cadaver with a corkscrew still sticking comically out of her head, but by the fact that she still wasn't happy. Apple Bloom had done all she could to ensure that Diamond Tiara's death had been exactly as she envisioned it._

 _She wasn't happy with it. There was no joy, no sense of completion. She had no satisfaction._

* * *

"What's wrong, Applebloom?" the Colt Pokemon asked mockingly with contemptuous smirk, "Shouldn't you be feeling a sense of victory after the destruction of your mortal enemy? Or perhaps your crimes have only succeeded in eating away at your heart and soul? Perhaps destroying one's body isn't enough? Maybe you need to disgrace her memory as well. That's what you think as you sneak into the school and look through Diamond Tiara's desk."

* * *

 _Without a word, Apple Bloom carefully scrambled inside and allowed her eyes to adjust to the dimness. The shapes of desks littered across the room were a familiar sight, and the scent of books and chalk met her nose. She made her way like a specter over the wooden floor toward Diamond Tiara's desk, seating herself comfortably at it. She leaned back in attempt to make herself more at ease, propping open the deceased filly's desk and shuffling her things about until she found what she was looking for._

 _Stupid little Tiara._

 _The gilded silver of the bejeweled diadem shone a little, and Apple Bloom perched it momentarily upon her own head in front of her bow. She took it off after a moment, feeling utterly ludicrous. She dropped it with a snort onto the desk beside her, unable to even deride pleasure from disgracing Diamond Tiara's memory further. It wasn't as if there was much more that she could do, and she wasn't all that sure that she even wanted to._

 _Apple Bloom was almost ready to leave, the dejection of a futile search building when she spotted a little bundle of papers wadded together beneath one of Tiara's untouched schoolbooks._

 _She pried them out curiously, ruffling the papers and peering hard at them. At first, Apple Bloom assumed that they were inane notes passed from the devilish duo back and forth to each other, but upon closer inspection they were revealed to be…_

 _Letters._

 ** _School is going great, Silvy and me had a lot of fun in Fillydelphia. I wish you could have been there to see it, we're planning on seeing the seaside in Baltimare-_**

 _Apple Bloom dropped the paper, a hint of something unpleasant tingling her belly as she looked at another one instead._

 ** _Silver Spoon wrote a song for me, it's awful. I didn't have the heart to tell her, but it reminded me of you so I XhangedX hung onto it. Are you going to be here for Hearth's Warming this year?_ **

**_There are a whole lot of foals here that don't get along with anypony, they're all a bunch of jerks. Daddy said that you'll send your gift at the end of the year, but he says that every year. I keep waiting to send mine to you, but they always get sent back. How come you never write back, Mom?_ **

**_Please come back, Mom. Why don't you ever write back? I can't stand this stupid little hick town, I want to go back and see you again. How come you never answer? At least come home, please please pretty please. I miss you, Mom._**

 _Something strange stirred in Apple Bloom as she wordlessly placed the letters neatly back inside Diamond Tiara's desk. Her lips were pursed tightly, and an odd sensation made her stomach churn horribly. If possible, she felt even worse than she did before, an unexpected perception of her own frothing remorse tearing painfully at her._

 _Apple Bloom decided that it would be best to go home now, and left without uttering a single word._

* * *

"So, Diamond Tiara lost her mother," the Flutist said with a frown, "She's not so different than you after all, is she, Applebloom? You keep telling yourself you did a good thing by slaying two irredeemable monsters, but now the disgust with yourself is slowly growing to the point that the last state is becoming worse for you than the first. A while later, you sit in your room, staring at the knife you had used in Silver Spoon's murder, when your brother comes in. You quickly hide the knife and give him your undivided attention."

* * *

 _"Now, Apple Bloom," Big Macintosh said sternly as he towered over her. "I know you ain't been feeling too good lately and all, but you ain't seen any of my tools, have you?"_

 _Apple Bloom shook her head furiously, not trusting herself to speak._

 _"… You're sure?" he asked again, and Apple Bloom's heart was pounding so loudly in her ears that she could barely hear him over the irregular drumbeat._

 _"I didn't take any stuff from the shed," she lied with wide eyes when her voice had returned. "Are you sure Applejack didn't lose it?"_

 _"A lot of stuff's been going missing…" Big Macintosh said with a suspicious tone. "Now you tell me right now, Apple Bloom, and you look me in the eye when you say it. Have you been stealing from me?"_

 _Her mortified silence was all the answer that he needed._

 _"Now, you wanna tell me what you've really been up to, or am I gonna have to make you show me where you took my work tools?"_

 _He knew._

 _He knew._

 _Apple Bloom didn't move for a full beat._

 _Big Macintosh suddenly found it much harder to speak with a knife sticking out of his jugular vein._

 _His eyes bugged out of his head and a strange gurgle came from his mouth as he fell with a THUNK! to his knees, and Apple Bloom threw her blanket over his head quickly to prevent the blood from getting anywhere. The fear screaming in the back of her mind urged her to stop him from flailing, and she jammed her hoof hard where she had last seen the handle of the knife._

 _Big Macintosh suddenly fell very, very still, and the only sound remaining was Apple Bloom's labored and horrified breathing._

* * *

The Seven Treasures built to a sudden crescendo, and then went silent.

 _ **The Flutist will return in just a moment with the strange ****ending to tonight's story.**_

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 _ **Yes, you can connect now easily connect the entire internet through TinyURL.**_

 _ **And now. . . back to the Flutist.**_

The Flutist played the eerie tune once again, and then spoke in a cold, harsh voice, "Yes, Applebloom. You've really done it now. On one hoof, Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara are dead, and the only pony who could ever connect you to the crime, Big Macintosh, is dead as well, and you've hidden his body in the closet so you can dispose of it later. But on the other hoof, you've just killed your older brother, and the gravity of such an action is beginning to tear your mind apart. Granny Smith's mad mantra is already pounding through your head as Applejack inquires about where Big Mac is."

* * *

 _"Hey, you don't know where yer brother went, do you?"_

 ** _ALL THESE APPLES MAKE A PEACH. ALL THESE APPLES MAKE A PEACH! ALL THESE APPLES MAKE A PEACH!_**

 _"I think he's looking for something," Apple Bloom's falsehood was out of her mouth before she knew it._

 _"Yeah, probably still after Granny's meds." She snorted and shook her head._

 _"Oh? Medicine?" she asked conversationally as they reached the bottom, fighting every single cell in her body against the overwhelming urge to scream that Big Macintosh wasn't looking for anything, he was gone, he was dead, it was her fault please make it stop make it stop make it stop._

 _"Yep," Applejack nodded as she scratched a spot behind her ear. "Wanted to try an' take back her heart medication, see if he could get a refund on it since, y'know… but you don't worry 'bout money problems none, me and Big Mac are gonna take care of everything."_

 _Apple Bloom froze._

 _"H-heart medication?"_

 _"I still say she threw it away by accident," Applejack said sadly as she pointed toward the kitchen. "You go on and get yourself a plate while I get somethin' for you, sugarcube."_

 _Apple Bloom stumbled into the kitchen feeling as if her head were completely numb, the memory of mashing pills directly into applesauce still fresh in her mind._

 _She hadn't even read the label._

 _She hadn't taken sleeping pills, she had made Silver Spoon overdose on heart medication._

 _Medication that her grandmother needed._

 _Medication that her grandmother didn't get._

 _Apple Bloom's legs buckled beneath her as she barely caught herself on the table, her shaking intensifying. It was impossible. It was completely and utterly impossible._

 ** _This is for Granny!_**

 ** _Monster._**

 ** _Murderer._**

* * *

The Fiery Drum was pounded twice with finality.

The Flutist turned around and walked off into the darkness, playing those haunting notes, the sound of the tune echoing in the sudden silence surrounding him. The sound of the Icy Flute echoed and faded away into nothingness as the Flutist disappeared into the darkness. . .

* * *

Keldeo ran back over to the stone platform, this time without the black hat or the Icy Flute.

"Sorry, sorry, that actually _wasn't_ the end of the story," Keldeo said quickly, "But the homage I was doing needed to end with a twist, so I had to end it there. So I'll just finish it off like normal Keldeo the Critic. Alright, so let's get this over with."

"So, Applebloom realizes that using her blanket to clean up the blood was a bad idea, and decides to destroy the evidence in the oven. This, of course, was another bad idea."

* * *

 _"A-Applejack, wait…!" the filly pleaded, stumbling after her. Her eyes were burning badly as she tried to keep up pace, her breathing coming faster and faster. She needed to tell her the truth for once, she needed to know. Somepony had to know, she had to put things right, somepony had to make everything back to the way it was before._

 _"Look," Applejack turned with a hint of agitation. "We ain't about to start fighting again, if that's what you're worried about. You're too young to be worrying about that kind of thing, just let me- do you smell smoke?"_

 _"Applejack, please!" she wailed, her voice breaking. "Stop, just listen…!"_

 _"Hang on to that," she brushed a lock of mane from her face, edging roughly past her. "Dang it, I done left the pie in the oven too long, I knew it."_

 _"There's something I have to tell you, please!" Apple Bloom's voice continued to rise with her desperation._

 _"I done told you once, I told you a hundred – sweet sassafras!" Applejack yelped in fright when a hungrily billowing sheet of flame erupted from the kitchen doorway._

 _"Fire!" Apple Bloom shouted instinctually, and was promptly shoved back by Applejack._

 _"Go get outside!" Applejack demanded swiftly. "Go get out, get out now!"_

 _Apple Bloom rushed out through the steadily increasing heat, almost tripping over her own hooves in the dark. Dirt and leaves crunched as she tore outside, fear and despair puncturing her heart._

 _"Tarnation – it's spreading fast!" Applejack swore as she ensured that her sibling was far from the house. The flickering flames licking the sides of the building starting from the kitchen engulfed part of the roof, hungrily spreading further and faster with each passing moment. "Get the water bucket for me, thank Celestia the neighbors saw the smoke!"_

 _The stars themselves were blotted out by the churning, hateful black belches of smoke emanating from the Apple farmstead's home. Fire had already consumed much of the house by the time the aged old couple finally arrived, very much out of breath. Apple Bloom could do nothing much but flinch when another angry crackle of flame spit over the wood. The weary old donkey passed another bucket with a tired grunt to Applejack, who was quick to toss it at the flames with all her might – however, for all the good it did, it might as well have evaporated before it even landed._

 _The sound of cracking glass echoed through the night as another roar of flame bit into their home, smoke and ash choking Apple Bloom and filling her lungs._

 _"Don't stop!" Applejack demanded, sweat pouring off of her as she shakily gestured for more water. "We can do it, don't stop!"_

 _"I'm trying, I really am…!" replied the old mule at the water pump, struggling against the intense heat to fill the wooden bucket with as much water as possible._

 _"It's not helping," Apple Bloom shouted over the noise, worriedly looking back and forth between them and trying to cover her muzzle to keep the awful stench of smoke away._

 _"We just need more water!" she insisted. "Tell Big Mac-"_

 _Applejack froze in shock, eyes wide._

 _"Where's Big Macintosh?"_

 _The old couple looked between each other in confusion, and Apple Bloom couldn't bring herself to reply._

 _"Oh, Celestia, he's still in there!" Applejack panicked, starting toward the house._

 _"No!" Apple Bloom screamed in fright, feeling rather as if she were going to be sick._

 _"You go get help, I gotta save Big Mac!" Applejack bellowed over the crackle of intense conflagration as their home burned to the ground. "You don't worry about me, I'll save him!"_

 _"No, stop, stop, stop!" Apple Bloom shrieked so loudly that her voice cracked, and she felt a pair of rough, leathery hooves holding her back from joining her sister in the blazing inferno._

 _No matter how she screamed, no matter how she cried or pleaded, Applejack shouldered straight into the raging fire in search of a brother that she would not save, to reunite a family that was long since broken. And as Apple Bloom watched her go, she sank at last to her knees and wept until soggy ash began leaking down her face, mingling with the tears._

 _She did not cry because of what she lost. She did not cry because it was her fault._

 _She wept because now, she was going to get away with it._

 _And at long last the leviathan was finally satiated as the sound of silence filled her ears, and thus stirred no more._

* * *

"There! _That's_ the real ending," Keldeo said, but then he tapped his chin with his left fore hoof and said, "Hmm. You know, I think I'm forgetting something . . . Oh yeah! Back at the _beginning_ of the story, we get these:"

* * *

 _Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk with you again._

 ** _~ Simon & Garfunkel, The Sounds of Silence_**

 _Can you pull in Leviathan with a fishhook_

 _or tie down its tongue with a rope?_

 _Can you put a cord through its nose_

 _or pierce its jaw with a hook?_

 _Will it keep begging you for mercy?_

 ** _Job – 41_**

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Maybe they're just clever quotes that deal with Applebloom's inner darkness, or maybe it's something more. I don't know, make your own judgements."

Keldeo let out a long sigh and said, "So that was _Blooming Late._ I'm pretty sure now you understand why I had to clear things up at the beginning of the review. And with that in mind, I hope you understand why I think that this fanfic is, for lack of a better word, _good._ Applebloom isn't just a psychotic killer who murders everyone. She's an actual well written character with a realistic personality. We get to see the mental breakdown process. She's the only one with no Cutie Mark, her best friends have found their purposes in life without her, two malicious bullies have been tormenting her for years, Miss Cheerilee constantly takes the bullies' side and joins in on the torment, her dog died, and her grandmother is depressingly ill and then dies later on."

 _"But,_ the author still shows that Applebloom is an abomination for committing such a depraved sin. We see the emptiness and dissatisfaction Applebloom feels afterwards, we see Diamond Tiara's heartbroken letter to her dead mother, and of course, we see the twist of Applebloom being responsible for her grandmother's death by using _her_ medicine to murderer someone else. And what's more, Applebloom's own rage ends up consuming the rest of her family as well. And even if Applebloom is never convicted of her crimes, in the end, that doesn't matter. Because for the rest of her life, Applebloom will have to live with the agonizing, torturous guilt that comes with her unspeakable crimes."

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, I believe that this fanfic is more of a cautionary tale. It shows that it doesn't matter if you feel wronged or if you feel that the world is unjust. That doesn't excuse anything you do. Also, people who do reprehensible actions create their own destruction, more often than not."

Keldeo furrowed his brow and said in a serious tone, "And another thing. There are some people who made reviews for the story on FimFiction saying that they want a sequel where Applebloom kills Miss Cheerilee."

Keldeo face hoofed, hard.

"Those idiots _clearly_ did not get the point of the story!" Keldeo shouted as he rubbed his forehead with his hoof.

Keldeo put his hoof down and said in a calm yet strained tone, "Okay, I'm gonna make this as easy as possible for anyone who's _that_ stupid."

Keldeo made a motion with his left forehoof, and a picture of a knife appeared. He made a motion with his right forehoof, and a picture of Miss Cheerilee appeared. Keldeo then made a crossing motion with both forehooves, and a double ended arrow with an X over it appeared.

"Don't do it," Keldeo said flatly, "Just don't. I mean, if you could get anything out of this story, I'm pretty sure it would be _murder is wrong . ._ or _anyone can snap if tormented long enough,_ I suppose."

Keldeo sat down on his platform and said, "Well, now that the review is over, I should probably explain what that whole _The Flutist_ thing was about. You see, it was an homage to an old radio show called _The Whistler._ It was a show where an omniscient narrator would comment on a story that focuses on a criminal, usual a murderer. The Whistler would taunt the criminal, criticizing the criminal's every move, and realizing the criminal's downfall. Each story would end with a twist ending where the criminal would be killed or arrested due to a mistake or oversight the criminal made. I used Applebloom's accidental murder of Granny Smith as the twist during my review."

"Anyway, I used that homage to review this fanfic because I felt it would be kind of weird to try and make jokes during a story like this. I hope you like the change in review style, and I suggest you head on over to YouTube and give _The Whistler_ a try."

Keldeo nodded as he made himself comfortable in his sitting position, and then he said, "Alright then. One more thing. Reviews are going to come less frequently from now on. You see, now that I'm back from the Plot Hole, I want to be the best Critic-ian, _and_ the best Sword of Justice I can be. That means more training in being a strong Sword of Justice _and_ more time preparing and polishing reviews. This means bigger periods of time between reviews. And you know what, I think I kind of like it that way."

Keldeo smiled and said, "So, with that in mind, I want to give all of you something special. A special editorial, to be exact. An editorial that _you_ get to choose. Here are the topics I was thinking of: _'Why 'We Bare Bears' is an amazing show,' 'Top 11 Pokemon who should be in Pokken Fighters,' 'Top 11 Five Nights at Freddy's songs,'_ and _'Nostalgic Pokemon commercials.'_ Vote for which editorial you want me to do, and whichever one wins, I'll do."

Keldeo raised a forehoof and waved cheerily, saying, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to."

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _The Whistler- CBS_

 _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky_


	30. E7: Top 11 Pokemon for Pokken Tournament

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 7- Top 11 Pokemon Who Should Be in Pokken Tournament**

 **tinyurl:** **pc2oq4k**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said cheerily, "One thing that a lot of Pokemon fans have been talking about is the brand new fighting game that will soon be dominating arcades all over Japan, and will then make it's US debut on the Wii U. _Pokken Tournament!_ "

Keldeo pranced in place with excitement, "I _love_ the Tekken series! Roger Jr. all the way!" Keldeo sat on his haunches and pumped is left forehoof into the air. "The action, the animation, the control scheme, the combos, the agony of getting knocked down, and the satisfying feel of landing blow after blow! It's all just _sooooo_ good. No wonder it's the best selling fighting game franchise in history!"

Keldeo calmed down a bit enough to get up and stand still, and said, "But in terms of the Pokemon universe, well, I have to say that it's about time we got a game like this! I mean, come on, Pokemon don't _take_ _turns_ in real battles! Pokemon was a turn based RPG. It's not realistic, but that's just how the game worked. Not that there's anything wrong with the Pokemon games, that system works and is still fun and engaging. But now, by using the live combat found in Tekken, players can control Pokemon in battles that feel more like the anime! Even better, the programmers made it so that the battles switch between the 2D side view that's common in fighting games and actual 3D battles that yet you run, dodge, and attack in a wider stadium! Again, this game puts you inside of a _real_ Pokemon battle. The game also has a special meter called the Resonance Gauge. Fill it during battle, and you can unleash a special move or even a Mega Evolution!"

Keldeo smiled and said, "So, the burning question that everyone must ask is this: What Pokemon should you be able to fight as?"

Keldeo nodded and continued, "Well, first, let's see what Pokemon have been confirmed. So far, we've got Lucario, Machamp, Suicune, Gardevoir, Pikachu, Gengar, Weavile, Charizard, Blaziken, and a female Pikachu dressed in the _Pikachu Libre_ cosplay outfit from Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby."

Keldeo blinked in confusion, then smiled awkwardly and shrugged, "Well, okay. Gender equality, yay."

Keldeo concentrated and said, "Okay, so if we use these Pokemon as a guideline, then we should be able to figure out what kinds of Pokemon should be able to join. And I gotta say, the qualifications are wide open enough to allow for a pretty big roster! First off, this isn't a Fighting-type only deal. That makes sense, because _all_ Pokemon can fight. Secondly, while Tekken characters are all pretty tall, you know, human adult height; the size conditions for Pokken seem to be more Pokemon friendly. Weavile, Gengar, and Pikachu are pretty short, but they got in and are fighting against the taller and thinner Pokemon easily. And third of all, the fighters don't need to stand on two legs! Other than Amaterasu in _Marvel vs Capcom,_ I don't think any other fighting game has allowed for this that. But, of course, a Pokemon fighter game needs to be Pokemon friendly."

"But of course, there _are_ some conditions to keep some Pokemon out. They can't be _too_ tiny, of course. They need to have a few decent melee attacks. Lets take Emolga, for example. An Emolga can't really kick and punch or hit things with her tail. But Pokemon that can't be fighters _can_ play a role as assist characters. Emolga, Fennekin, Snivy, Frogadier, Eevee, Lapras, Whimsicott, and Jirachi have all been confirmed as assist characters that pop in and help out fighters. I _would_ talk about them, but that's another show."

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, here we have the qualifications. The Pokemon should be of a decent size, no Joltiks or Wailords. The Pokemon should be able to perform good melee attacks. And the Pokemon should be known to have some power and heft to it. For instance, I don't think a Butterfree has a good chance in being a fighter, maybe an assist character instead."

Keldeo grinned and gave a slow nod as he said, "And, you know, I think we should also address the fact that popularity does play a major role in this. If a Pokemon isn't that well known or well liked, then it probably won't get in. Sorry _Pokemon: Type Wild,_ but Snorlax probably won't be getting a spot on the roster."

There was suddenly the sound of a lot of people booing.

"Alright! Alright! I'm sorry!" Keldeo exclaimed hastily, "But if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure the Swords of Justice won't be in this game either."

The booing stopped, and Keldeo sighed and said, "We're just not popular enough with the majority of the general fanbase. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all the people who read my reviews. But _a lot_ more people need to make some major noise in order to get us me, Coballion, Terrakion, and Virizion in _Pokken Tournament._ It was pretty much by pure luck that I got a cameo in _Super Smash Bros. Wii U/3DS_ as a Pokeball Pokemon. And to be fair, our fighting style might seem a bit too wonky for a _Tekken_ style fighting game."

Keldeo smiled confidently and said, "But don't any of you worry. It doesn't matter what games I'm in! I'm a Sword of Justice, and that's more than enough honor I'll ever need!"

Keldeo quickly got back into the spirit of things and announced, "Well, let's get on with it! It's time to count down the top 11 Pokemon who deserve a spot on the roster. Why top 11? Because 10 just isn't enough," Keldeo said with a grin, "So, grab your controllers, choose your assist character, and get ready to rumble; because here are the Top 11 Pokemon Who Should Be in _Pokken Tournament_."

 _ **Number 11**_

"Darkrai."

"Now, the best fighting games often have a character that is more mage-like. Sure, they have some melee attacks, but most of their power lies in energy based attacks. _Super Smash Bros. Wii U/3DS_ had Palutena, Rosalina, and to a lesser extent, Robin. Darkrai would be the perfect fit for this role in Pokken Tournament. Attacks like Dark Pulse and Dark Void would look amazing. Dark Void would probably make a great Special Move. Darkrai would also have moves like Shadow Claw and other moves like that to balance things out."

"And, Darkrai is a pretty prominent character. He was the main villain in _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky_ and _Pokepark 2: Wonders Beyond,_ he had his own movie, and he fought alongside Tobias against Ash's Sceptile. Yep, Darkrai would be right at home in a fighting game, and would make the roster more well-rounded as well."

 _ **Number 10**_

"Absol."

"A lot of People love Absols for their ability to predict disasters, their great offensive abilities, and their beautiful design. And with their awesome Dark-type moves like Night Slash and Sucker Punch, plush the ever handy Psycho Cut, Absol is sure to give Suicune a run for his money."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "And plus, I'm sure a lot of fans would faint at seeing all the fur getting the 4k HD computer generated treatment. Combine strikes with those huge claws, epic slashes from that horn, and the illustrious flowing of all that bright white fur; and you got one stylish Pokemon that can really _tear_ into an opponent."

Keldeo tapped his snout with his left forehoof and said, "And as an added plus, some people are calling Mega Absol the most underrated Mega Evolution. Well, a place in this game might give Mega Absol the respect is deserves."

 _ **Number 9**_

"Meowth."

The screen was suddenly overcome with static.

 _ **BZZZZZZT!**_

An image of Meowth in an undisclosed location appeared.

 _"Meowth! That's right! And I'm gonna win this here tournament!"_ Meowth said confidently.

 _ **BZZZZZZT!**_

"Oh, come on, Meowth!" Keldeo shouted, "I thought this joke ended with the Zalton story arc!"

Keldeo shook off his surprise and refocused back on the topic. He nodded decisively and said, "Yeah, I know it sounds like a weird choice, but if you give it some thought, it suddenly becomes clear why Meowth deserves to be in this game. For one thing, he's just as much as a mascot as Pikachu. He's in nearly every episode of the Anime, and his antics with Team Rocket are always entertaining. Plus, he does have some good moves. Fury Swipes is always nice, and we also have stronger moves like Slash and Night Slash to make things interesting. Oh, and we can't forget Pay Day! Sure, the Meowth _we_ all know can't learn Pay Day, but there's nothing keeping a _Pokken Tournamet_ Meowth from using it. I'm sure many of us are familiar with Pay Day from whenever a Meowth pops out of a Pokeball in Smash Bros. I could even see Pay Day being a perfect Special Move."

Keldeo grinned widely and said excitedly, "And hey, wouldn't it just be the greatest thing ever to finally have Meowth and Pikachu in an all out, knock down, drag out, fight to the finish? Haven't we all been waiting to see that for years? And hey, I'm pretty sure that after a little training, Meowth _could_ hold his own against Pikachu in a fair fight! But hey, that's another show."

 ** _BZZZZZZT!_**

 _"I'll hold ya to that, Keldeo!"_

 ** _BZZZZZZT!_**

"Meowth, just because I saved Christmas for you doesn't mean you can just hijack my editorial whenever you feel like it!"

 _ **BZZZZZZT!**_

 _"Just hurry up with that 'other show'! I'll be waiting! Ha-ha-ha-ha!"_

 ** _BZZZZZZT!_**

Keldeo sighed and rubbed his forehead, "Oh boy, I just walked right into a commitment, didn't I?"

 _ **Number 8**_

"Zoroark."

"Zoroark is a huge monstrous fox with huge claws and great Dark-type moves like Dark Pulse, Shadow Claw, and the ultra powerful Night Daze. But the one thing that defines Zoroarks is also the thing that might make things a little tricky for them. And that's their Illusion Ability."

Keldeo rubbed the side of his head in thought as he explained, "The question here is how would you work that ability into a fighting game? I mean, I guess you could have a button that makes Zoroark turn into the opponent with all the opponents moves. Or maybe Illusion could be the Special Move. This does have a lot of strategic potential. Imagine, Zoroark vs Lucario. Zoroark is having trouble landing hits on Lucario, and it's too dangerous to get in too close. So, Zoroark turns into a Lucario and starts hurling Aura Spheres at the real Lucario. Genius!"

Keldeo frowned, "Now, I know what you're thinking. _'What about Ditto?'_ Well, first off, Zoroark already has a fighting style and moves. Ditto can only transform into and take the moves of another Pokemon, which would probably be the opponent. In that case, why not just choose the same Pokemon as your opponent in the fighter select screen?"

Zorua suddenly scampered up to Keldeo and said, "Keldeo! I've got a question! What if Ditto can change into any fighter on the roster at any time during a battle?"

Keldeo shook his head, "No way. That would be too powerful. That would give a player access to every move and every play style in the game. That would be like letting a player pause and choose a new character in the middle of the game. That wouldn't be fair. Ditto, or Zoroark for that matter, should only be able to transform into one Pokemon. Either their opponent, or a Pokemon they get to choose before the battle."

"But what if the game doesn't allow players to choose the same Pokemon?" Zorua asked, "In that case, Ditto would be the only way to have a Lucario vs Lucario battle!"

Keldeo made a wry face, and then shook his head again, "Well, in a way you're right. But then having Ditto would defeat the purpose of putting that restriction on the players in the first place. Ditto would just come in, transform, and you'd never know you were even playing as Ditto at all. Zoroark has her own moves and style, so you'll be drawn to using her as herself for most of the battle, especially if Illusion turns out to be a Special move that you need to fill the Resonance Gauge in order to use. Ditto in his natural form doesn't have any moves or style at all. Do you see now?"

Zorua stared up at Keldeo with wide eyes for a long moment, then he nodded and said, "Yeah. I get it." Zorua then gave a great big smile and said, "As long as Meema gets to play! Ooh! And I wanna be an Assist Character!"

Keldeo smiled warmly and nodded, "Why not? I hope you do get that chance, Zorua. I really do."

"YAY!" Zorua cheered, and he ran off excitedly shouting, "I gotta start training right now!"

Keldeo sighed nostalgically and said, "You know, he reminds me a lot of myself. . ."

 _ **Number 7**_

"Kangaskhan."

"She's the Pokemon version of Roger Jr.!" Keldeo exclaimed, clearly still excited about his favorite Tekken character, "That reason alone is enough to earn Kangaskhan as spot on the roster. Kangaskhan also has a few qualities that make her different and more interesting to work with than Roger Jr. They're heavier and stronger brawlers than a kangaroo, with powerful punches and other moves. And Mega Kangaskhan would be a cool sight to see. Imagine attacking your opponent with the mother on one side while the child pummels the opponent on the other side by itself. That might be tricky to program, but if they could do something similar with Rosalina and Luma in _Super Smash Bros. Wii U/3DS,_ I'm pretty sure they could figure a manageable control scheme for Mega Kangaskhan."

 _ **Number-**_

"Hey! Hey! How about me, am I next?!" a voice called out.

Keldeo turned to see Zorua standing next to him. Keldeo groaned, "Zorua, you just blew it!"

Zorua blinked and cocked his head in confusion. Keldeo silently pointed a hoof at the little fox. Zorua looked down at himself and gasped. "Oh, right! Oops! Don't worry, we can still do it!"

Zorua quickly ran off screen. Then, a few seconds later, Vicitni flew in and said excitedly, "Hey! Hey! How about me, am I next?!"

Keldeo just looked right through Victini with a look of disappointment on his face, but then sighed and said cleared his throat.

" _Ahem!_ Oh, Victini! Where did you come from?" Keldeo said with forced enthusiasm.

"I hear you were doing a Top 11 list for Pokemon who should be in _Pokken Fighters,_ so I rushed right over!" Victini said excitedly, "What game. He orbited around Keldeo as he yammered on and on, saying, "What game would be complete without a painfully cute, big eyed, high voiced, talkative, tiny Pokemon like me?! I even already have the perfect special move. My V-Wheeeeeeeeeeeel!"

Keldeo shook his head and, "Sorry, Victini. But no. You'd make a good Assist character, but I don't you have the size, presence, or melee capabilities needed to be on the fighter roster. I don't see how the hit detection would work between you and an opponent in a Tekken style video game. I'm really sorry, but I can't put you on the list."

"WHAT!?" Victini shouted in a shrill voice filled with indignity. He scrunched up his face in an angry frown and began to fly straight up and down in a rage, "How dare you say no to the cutest Legendary Pokemon that has ever been conceived and ever _will_ be conceived! I'm the Victory Pokemon! I _always_ win! I _always_ get what I want! How dare you say I can't be a fighter!"

Victini landed on the ground hard, and then gave out a quick cry of pain and began hopping away on his left foot. "Ouch-ouch-ouch! I just landed on my toes and stubbed them all! Ouch-ouch-ouch! That hurts! Ouch!"

Keldeo stared after Victini, then shrugged and smiled, "Well, that's Victini for ya!"

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, thousands of miles away. . .**_

The real Victini glared at the screen of his smartphone, and then threw the phone to the ground in a rage.

"THAT DONKEY HEADED JERK!" Victini shouted angrily. He pounded his fists together and began cracking his knuckles.

"Time to boil a Water-type into a Steam-type!" he declared, and he quickly flew off as fast as he could.

A moment later, Victini came floating backwards, arms folded behind his head as he said with a smile, "Heh-heh, I bet you all thought that this joke was gonna be a cheap copy of the Uncle Yo joke from the Nostalgia Critic's _Garfield_ review. Heh, silly readers. You really think we'd be _that_ predictable. That would've-."

 _CLUNK!_

Victini had floated backwards right into a tree, just fast enough to bonk himself on the head. He cried out and fell the few feet down to the ground. "Owowowow, my head! This is gonna ruin my day. . ." Victini moaned weakly.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, back with Keldeo in the Moor of Icirrus . . .**_

 _ **Number 6**_

"Sawk and Throh."

"I know, two in one sounds like cheating," Keldeo admitted understandingly, "But they're just so similar! If one gets in, it would be an _injustice_ to not let the other one in too. Although not _extremely_ popular, Sawk and Throh are excellent Pokemon for a Tekken style game. We've got a blue, lean, light, quick moving karate master; and a red, heavier, forceful, sumo-like brawler. It creates a nice kind of _Red Oni, Blue Oni_ effect. Both will have contrasting fighting styles that both have an equal chance of winning depending on how well the player is able to utilize them. I can see players spending time trying to master either one or both of them, debating on which one is better. Seriously, these characters would be a valuable addition to this game."

 _ **Number 5**_

"Scyther and Scizor."

Keldeo waved his right fore hoof dismissively and said, "I know, I'm putting two Pokemon in one spot again, but I repeat, these Pokemon are so similar that if you put one in, you really need to put the other in. They're both large and powerful Bug-Types that can fly and strike out. They also have unique fighting styles as well. Scyther is more of a quick slasher with those blades, while Scizor would be more of a puncher and grabber with those huge pincers. I can just see Scyther slashing wildly while Scizor grabs and slams an opponent into the ground. Scizor having a Mega Evolution also increases the chances of getting in."

Looking very confident, Keldeo said nodded and said, "Scyther and Scizor. They're popular, they're iconic, they can fly, they can Cut, and they can conquer!"

 _ **Number 4**_

"Hawlucha."

Keldeo was stone faced as he said, "I am going to be legitimately insulted if they put _Pikachu Libre_ on the roster and not put on Hawlucha. I mean, how dumb would that be? You have a literal _Wrestling Pokemon,_ and you put in a Pikachu wearing a wrestling outfit instead? Come on!"

Keldeo tossed up his hooves and said, "Do I even _need_ to explain why Hawlucha should be in this game? His gliding skills, his Flying Press, his High Jump Kick, his huge arsenal of other Flying-type and Fighting-type moves, the way he compensates with his smaller size with power and speed, _and_ the fact that he's the _Wrestling Pokemon_ makes him the perfect Pokemon for a game like this."

Keldeo grumbled a bit and said, "And they better not make him an Assist Character, because that would just be an insult."

 _ **Number 3**_

"Raikou and Entei."

Keldeo didn't look happy at all as he said this.

"The _only_ reason these I'm putting these Pokemon this high up on the list is because Suicune is already on the roster. I do not like the Legendary Beasts. Those three don't even come _close_ to having the honor and discipline of the Swords of Justice. All they ever do is attack the first thing they see and make _everything_ worse. They're like the _Team Rocket Trio_ of Legendary Pokemon."

 _ **BZZZZZZZT!**_

 _"Hey! I resemble that remark!"_

 ** _BZZZZZZZT!_**

Keldeo ignored Meowth's interruption and kept on with his point, "Was Suicune really _so weak_ that he couldn't beat an Evil!Celebi? Couldn't the three of them together see that Zoroark wasn't doing anything wrong? Were they really going to just stand there staring at their paws as Grings Kodai ran away and Zoroark was _dying_? They're either racist against Dark-types or stupid. . . or both."

Keldeo humphed indignantly as he commented, "It actually makes sense. They didn't _earn_ their power. Ho-Oh just found three dead Pokemon and decided to give them a 1-Up plus some superpowers for pain and suffering. I'm sure Ho-Oh meant well, but he really should have taken _some_ time to train them and educate them so that they wouldn't have failed so horribly in _Celebi: Voice of the Forest_ and _Zoroark: Master of Illusion._ I'm sorry, but the fact is that as guardians of _anything_ , they all stink."

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, thousands of miles away. . . .**_

Suicien, Raikou, and Entei stood in the basement of the burned Brass Tower staring at the screen of a laptop. Raikou had wide eyes, Suicune had a blank expression, and Entei looked like he was about to explode.

Entei threw his head back and roared out a huge plume of gold-rose-colored flame straight up into the air.

Entei glared back at the screen and shouted, "THAT ARROGANT PUNK!"

Entei pointed decisively with a fore paw and shouted, "It's time we taught that colt a lesson!"

Raikou blinked, "Wait, you mean, like, attack him?"

"YES!" Entei shouted furiously

"Won't that get the other Swords of Justice mad at us?" Raikou said nervously, "I mean, those guys work out. They could really mess us up."

"I think we can take them," Suicune said calmly.

"Then it's settled! Two to one, Raikou!" Entei said triumphantly.

"Oh no," Raikou muttered.

Entei stood on his hind legs and roared out, "We are going to make Keldeo wish he never even dared to-."

 _"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

 _CRASH! BOOM!_

Victini suddenly dived down out of the sky and straight into the basement, colliding directly with Entei with a powerful V-Create. When the dust finally settled, Victini sat up from his position on the floor and looked around in confusion.

"Huh? This isn't the Moor of Icirrus," he said.

"Of course it isn't! It's the ruins of Brass Tower! **_BAD BUNNY!_** " Raikou shouted as his tail crackled with electricity and thrashed around wildly.

"At least the place was _already_ scorched," Suicune commented wryly.

Victini stood up and dusted himself off. "First of all, I am _not_ a bunny! Second, I'm sorry, I must have made a wrong turn somewhere. And third, what happened to that guy I hit?"

Entei was blasted into one of the four massive pillars the supported what remained of the tower above. With a groan, Entei pried himself off of the pillar and landed on his side on the floor. "I'm fine. I'm resistant to Fire-type attacks after all." Entei got up on his paws and took a step towards Victini, "Now if you want to help us get back at Keldeo, then- OW!" Entei hissed with pain as he held up his left hind leg. "Arrgh! My paw's bruised! Arrgh, this is going to ruin my day."

Victini could only face palm, _hard_.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, back with Keldeo in the Moor of Icirrus. . .**_

Keldeo sighed, "But, this list is _not_ for the Pokemon that I _want_ or _like_ , it's for the Pokemon that _should_ be on the roster. And it really is a no-brainer. Why would you put one member of a Legendary Trio and not the other two? It would look kinda stupid for Suicune to be in the game all by himself without his brothers. It would also balance out the elemental rock-paper-scissors Pokemon is so well known for. Sure, Type Advantages probably won't apply in a fighting game like this, but _stylistically,_ having a balance of the elements makes sense. Plus, different elements have different styles. Water is swift and free flowing, fire is explosive and furious, and electricity is lively and energetic. This would allow players who like the four legged style to have more options in terms of attack style."

Keldeo gave a small smile, "So, here ya go. The Legendary Beasts. Love 'em or hate 'em, they do make a fine edition to a Pokemon fighting game. . ."

Keldeo's small smile turned into a mischievous grin, ". . .you get to beat them up as much as you want!"

 _ **Number 2**_

"Greninja."

"He's a _NINJA_!" Keldeo said loudly, "He _has_ to be in this game. He's already in _Super Smash Bros. Wii U/3DS,_ and he'd be even better in _Pokken Tournament._ He's got plenty of ninja moves, like Double Team and Shadow Sneak; that long powerful frog tongue of his is the perfect weapon; and have we forgotten the awesomeness of Water Shuriken? I hope this doesn't sound too mean, but they'd have to be kinda stupid to not put Greninja in this game. I mean, he's certainly cool looking enough!"

 _ **And the Number 1 Pokemon that should be in Pokken Tournament is. . .**_

"MEWTWO!" Keldeo shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Why wasn't the Mewtwo the first-?"

A picture of Lucario frowning with his arms folded appeared.

"Okay, second-," Keldeo relented.

A picture of Pikachu frowning with his arms folded appeared.

Keldeo groaned and rolled his eyes. "Okay, _third!_ Why wasn't Mewtwo _one_ of the first fighters to be announced!? He's Mewtwo! The very first ultra-powerful talking Legendary Pokemon. He was in the First Movie, and has appeared in a bunch of Pokemon movies, Pokemon specials, and Pokemon manga ever since. Sure, a few of those appearances were Mewtwo _Girl_ , but it's still _a_ Mewtwo! One of the most, if not _the_ most, powerful Psychic-types of all time! He's so popular that not only did he get _two_ Mega Evolutions, like Charizard, but they even put him back on the _Super Smash Bros. Wii U/3DS_ roster through DLC. That's how popular he is! People will actually pay extra money just to play as him. So to not put him in _Pokken Tournament_ would be _insanity!_ He has plenty of cool moves, he can fly around as good as Charizard, and he can bring on the melee attacks with his fists and tail. They could even reference the manga and give him a giant spoon if they wanted to."

"There's no doubt about it, when it comes to power, popularity, and great representation of the Pokemon franchise as a whole, Mewtwo is without a doubt the Pokemon who most deserves to be a fighter in _Pokken Tournament._ "

Keldeo breathed out in exhaustion. " _Whew!_ That took a lot out of me for some reason. Well, if you have opinions on who should've been in what spot, or even ideas for other Pokemon who should be in the game, let us all know in the review section and we can get a kind of discussion going."

Keldeo smiled optimistically and said, "And one more thing. I know that in the future, we'll be getting an announcement form Japan that the roster has been completed, and we may or may not see that some of the Pokemon we wanted to be on the roster didn't make it. Those Pokemon might even include some on this very list. If that happens, no one panic or get depressed, because that's only the Japanese arcade version of the game. I am very sure that in the process of making a Wii U version, Nintendo will either program more characters onto the game as Wii U exclusives, or sell us more characters as DLC."

Keldeo nodded gravely, "Sure, it's annoying to have to pay extra for stuff. . ." Keldeo then grinned and said, "But hey! I'd say Mewtwo, Zoroark, Greninja, or any of the character I mentioned are worth at least a few extra dollars!"

"I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said as he took his leave.

* * *

 **The End**

 ** _Credits_**

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic- Garfield_

 _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity_

 _Marvel vs Capcom_

 ** _Special_** ** _Thanks_**

 _Tekken_ by Bandai Namco Entertainment

 _TVTropes_


	31. Sacrifice

**The fanfic starts off like this.**

 **In this same cliched manner.**

 **Just as all these kinds of fanfics do.**

 **Just a couple of short sentences.**

 **They include thought provoking questions, don't they?**

 **Do they make sense?**

 **Are they worth asking?**

 **We then move on to see our main characters going through something that is normally commonplace, like watching Clemont build an invention.**

Clemont was wearing a welding mask, working hard as spark flew from his blowtorch. He soon finished, turned off his blow torch, and lifted up his welding mask and smiled. "My Automatic Pokemon Grooming Device is complete," he said softly.

 **As Clemont says his usual catchphrase which has become a prominent feature of the show due to its constant repetition, we purposely break it up with shots of other characters being extra forlorn or thoughtful for some unexplained reason to create some dramatic tension.**

"The future is now. . ."

From where she sat, Bonnie looked up at her brother with vague disinterest as she petted Dedenne.

". . . thanks to science. . ."

Ash and Pikachu looked on with adoration in their eyes, enchanted by the utter indescribable amazingness of science.

". . . Clemontic Gear. . ."

Serena gave Clemont a quick look, but then quickly turned back to stare at Ash. She sighed as she was once again completely overcome with unconditional love for the boy from Pallet Town, as she usually was.

". . .ON!" Clemont shouted as he stood proudly before his newest invention.

 **After we focus on the over dramatized scene which we built around this catchphrase, we create an emotional punch by utilizing a shocking, heart-wrenching twist as the climax to this scene. That moment is set off by a routine that is normally harmless in the show, but for some reason suddenly becomes a matter of life and death in the confines of this fanfic.**

 **BOOOOOM!**

Clemont's invention exploded, sending shrapnel everywhere. When the smoke cleared, Serena was the first to get up. She shrieked in horror when she saw Clemont lying on the ground with huge shards of shrapnel in his chest.

 **We now focus on a single character, only barely acknowledging the existence of the others, so that we may take a look into the inner psyche of that one character.**

Serena's mind was sent reeling as her eyes widened in horror. This can't be happening, Clemont was supposed to become a great gym leader and make things up to Luxray for abandoning him!

"What- what can we do?!" Serena stammered out.

"Nothing."

Serena turned around fast to see Braixen walking towards her with her wand drawn.

"Wha-?" Serena gasped.

 **In explanation of the scene occurring, we see some vague quotes from the anime in italics.**

 _Once a Pokemon evolves, it is never again the same._

Braixen smiled deviously.

 _Not only does their body change, but their personalities tend to as well. Sometimes, they lose who they were and become something totally new._

" _You_ sabotaged Clemont's invention?!" Serena gasped.

"Yes," Braixen said with a smirk.

"But why!? You'd _never_ do something like that!" Serena exclaimed.

Braixen closed her eyes and shook her head, chuckling darkly. "Yes. _Fennekin_ would _never_ do that." Braixen opened her eyes and bared her teeth at Serena. "But I'm not Fennekin anymore, aren't I? Sure, I spent my entire early life building memories and connections with you and your friends, but due to a change in the size and shape of my body, I've decided to completely ignore ALL of that and pretend it just doesn't apply to me! I'm _completely, totally, one hundred percent different_ now."

Braixen raised her wand as her entire body burned with intense fire.

"And the opposite of what Fennekin would do right now, would be to kill you!" Braixen snarled.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Serena screamed.

 _ **"CUT!"**_

All the actors stopped and turned to Keldeo, who had shouted through a megaphone and was wearing a director's beret.

"Okay, everybody. Lunch!" Keldeo announced.

Ash, Serena, and Bonnie took off their costumes, revealing themselves to be Jessie, James, and Meowth. Meowth was using his Dedenne puppet again. Clemont turned into Luke's Zorua, Pikachu turned into Zorua, and Braixen turned into Zoroark.

Keldeo smiled, and turned to speak to a man dressed in an outfit similar to Red's.

"Mr. Wunner, I just-," Keldeo began.

"Please, just call me Gen," the man said with a grumpy expression.

"Oh, okay then. Gen, I am so honored that you asked me to direct your movie."

"You're welcome," Gen Wunner said, "I'm glad I have help in making something that shows how inferior Generation VI is to Generation I."

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, yeah, sure. Well, I'm gonna just go enjoy my break, and I'll be back soon enough. Heh-heh. So. . . um. . . later!"

Keldeo quickly dashed away.

Gen Wunner narrowed his eyes at Keldeo, but was distracted when Meowth suddenly called out, "Hey, when do we get paid!"

The man tossed up a Pokeball, and Meowth suddenly found himself under a Snorlax.

* * *

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 11: Sacrifice by The Great NeoDragon**

 **tinyurl:** **ndssb5t**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said.

He smiled and said, "This fanfic was suggested to me because it was good. And after the first reading, yes, it was good."

Keldeo's smiled slipped just a little and said, "Emphasis on _after the first reading._ "

* * *

 _ **Sacrifice**_

 _By: The Great NeoDragon_

 _What will a pokemon sacrifice for the life of its trainer? There are some fates worse than death._

* * *

"This does sound like a good fanfic. A heart-wrenching tale of a Pokemon giving his all for his Trainer out of love and devotion. Sounds just run of the mill for emotional fanfics."

Keldeo tapped his chin and said, "However, there's a certain. . . issue with this fanfic that needs to be addressed. So, let's get right down to it. This is _Sacrifice_!"

* * *

 _It had been just a normal day, another adventure._

 _But within a flash, his world shrank to dust._

 _What would a pokemon give so his trainer could survive?_

 _Would he give his life?_

 _Would he give up something more important than his life?_

* * *

"And what is more important than Pikachu's life?" Keldeo asked rhetorically.

He frowned, "That's the issue, but we'll get to that."

"So, the story takes place back in Pokemon infancy, and Ash is journeying with Misty and Brock on a quest to deliver a bunch of Evolutionary Stones."

" _FORESHADOWING!_ " Munna cheered.

Keldeo pushed her out of the way.

"So our heroes are _climbing a mountain during a really bad_ _rainstorm-_ "

Suddenly, a loud siren went off and an electronic voice said, "NONSENSE ALERT! NONSENSE ALERT!"

"Okay, that's enough!" Keldeo shouted. The siren turned off, and Keldeo said, "I'm sorry, but unless Ash is also carrying some extremely vital serum that will save hundred of lives, I fail to see why our heroes are doing something so dangerous during conditions that make it even more dangerous! Isn't there a cave for them to wait in or something?"

"Well, after . . . that happens, guess who shows up?"

* * *

 _Suddenly, out of apparently nowhere, a claw came from the skies and snatched Pikachu off of Ash's head._

 _"Prepare for trouble..."_

 _The pokemon trainer swiftly turned to see Team Rocket, in their infamous floating balloon. Pikachu was in a small cage in James' hands. Jesse was operating the claw-like machine._

 _"Make it double..."_

 _"Don't you guys ever give up?" Ash roared into the skies_

* * *

 _"Twerp, we're practically surgically grafted to you. It'll be Generation X and we'll still be following you around."_

 _"Wow. It's like you guys are being punished."_

 _"WE ARE! WAAAAAAAA-HAA-HAA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_

"What follows is. . ." Keldeo gave a genuine smile, "A really well woven scene where in between the lines of Team Rocket's motto, Bulbasaur and Bayleaf spring into action and save Pikachu."

* * *

 _"To denounce the evils of truth and love."_

 _As Bulbasaur's vines stretched out to wrap around the cage, Jesse turned a small knob on her device and the crane literally slapped the pokemon aside. Fortunately, the small plant-like creature managed to regain its footing upon landing and avoid a nasty fall._

 _Pikachu cried out and turned on its electric attack. Unfortunately, the bars holding the little mouse in place were reinforced with rubber and prevented the electricity from getting through even with the rainy skies._

 _Ash gritted his teeth, turning his hat backwards._

 _"To extend our reach to the stars above!"_

 _The young pokemon master hurled yet another poke ball into the air, calling forth Bayleef. Its large weight planted it firmly on the rocky soil. Meowth turned the heat on as high as he could in an attempts to get the balloon as far away from their opponents as possible. Just like many times before, Team Rocket could taste the sweet nectar of victory, but by now they knew, at least to some level, that if they didn't act fast than their success would be fleeting._

* * *

"So of course, they manage to free Pikachu, _but_. . ."

* * *

 _James slipped and collided into the small machine that held the crane latched onto their basket._

 _The impact jarred the device, and the arm and claw part of the crane detached and began to plummet. Jesse dropped the remote and dove to grab it, but she skidded to a stop and held on to the edge of the basket lest she fall with it. Meowth had fallen back onto his posterior at the bottom of the basket. James had been too disorientated to catch it, and could only watch as the object of their most recent paychecks plunged._

 _It took a moment for either of them to realize that it was falling right towards Ash._

 _Misty had realized it quickly...but she was shocked to paralysis. She couldn't even cry out for him to look, everything seemed like it was going in slow motion...yet too fast for her to react._

 _"Ash!" Brock's yell broke the silence. "Look out!"_

* * *

"Ash is my friend, so I'm not gonna make the obvious _That's All Folks_ joke here," Keldeo said plainly.

"So the machine lands right on top of Ash, and it somehow doesn't kill him instantly. Yeah, I don't want Ash to die, of course, but the way the author describes it, it sounds un-survivable."

* * *

 _With a loud thud and clank, the large chunk of machine collided with Ash's small body, and the impact compelled him to release the tree trunk he had been holding onto. Soundlessly, the young boy slid off the side of the cliff and fell, his body hidden beneath the large machine._

* * *

"That sounds pretty bad. . ." Keldeo shrugged, "But then again of Ash could _**FLY**_ in _Like a Meowth to a Flame,_ then I suppose surviving a crane landing on top of him isn't too implausible."

"So everyone is shocked by this event."

* * *

 _James covered his mouth with his hands, staring at the place Ash had just been laying in wide-eyed horror. Even Jesse and Meowth were stunned silent. Team Rocket was not the most honorable lot, but they were not murderers._

 _Until now._

 _Ignoring the simultaneously cries of Bulbasaur and Pikachu, Brock swiftly but carefully made his way to the edge of the cliff. On the bottom, he could only see the broken pieces of machinery. Ash had to be somewhere in that rubble._

 _Misty remained where she was, her breaths caught in her throat. No, no this was not supposed to happen! Not to Ash! He was supposed to return her bike! He was supposed to complete this journey!_

* * *

"No, Toadettegril2012, Misty isn't being selfish here. She's in a state of trauma, so her mind is wandering to things like Ash replacing her destroyed bike," Keldeo said flatly.

"So everyone pitches in to get Ash from out of the wreckage and to the nearest hospital."

* * *

 _"I-is he alright?!" Jesse suddenly called from the balloon as it slowly descended down the cliff and hovered mere feet above Brock, Pikachu and the fallen Ash._

 _"What do you think?!" Brock cried, the circumstances having left the normally docile trainer angry and frightful._

 _"W-we can take him to the hospital!" James stammered his offer. The thought of ever killing someone was terrifying to the young Rocket member. Petty thievery was one thing, but if their actions caused Ash's death...he didn't know if he'd ever be able to live with himself._

 _Brock glared up at them. How were they supposed to trust the very people who caused all of this?! But...looking at the terrain around him, he knew he didn't have a choice. With the balloon, Team Rocket could get Ash to the hospital far more quickly than they could..._

 _...and those moments could be the ones who separated life from death._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Nothing really special or out of the ordinary here. Of course Team Rocket aren't all bad. Of course our heroes need their help to save Ash. The writing is really good emotional and the scene are set up well. I really do like this story so far. So, what is the issue I have with it?"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Soon . . ."

"So Ash is taken to the hospital, and then the storm causes the power to flicker."

* * *

 _"We can't afford to lose electricity again.." the nurse shook her head as another thunderclap resounded. "The weather's been terrible lately and we've lost electricity six times in the last two days. Our battery reserves just can't handle it anymore."_

 _"And what does that supposed to mean?!" Misty cried, glaring at the other woman as if she was the cause of all their troubles._

 _Pikachu's ears twitched and it lifted its head to look at the humans._

 _"That means if the electricity goes out again, we won't have enough in the reserves even to maintain his life support systems," the nurse stated, rubbing her eyes with the back of one hand exhaustedly._

 _Pikachu gently licked Ash's cheek, the nudged him. Its ears remained pressed against its skull and a small squeak escaped. What if he died, in this cold white bed, amidst the machines? The little mouse shook its head as a shiver ran down its spine. That can't happen. Ash was just a boy, despite all of the adventures he had already gone on, it couldn't end this way._

 _It could remember the first day it met Ash. At first, it hated the boy, and the captivity he represented. But Ash Ketchum was not the stereotypical trainer. Never had Pikachu seen a boy so willing to sacrifice himself or his happiness for the sake of his pokemon. He had burdened the ridicule of his peers for 'letting his Pikachu run loose,' for letting his pokemon do whatever they wished. Initially, Pikachu had figured that Ash was weak, but it didn't take long to figure out that the boy was so immensely strong..._

 _He didn't need discipline and force to get his pokemon to obey. Ash saw them not as beasts for him to control, but as friends._

 _And for that, Pikachu appreciated him._

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "Yes, this is a very sweet and touching scene. The writing is really good, as is the language. So even though we've probably seen this a hundred times, it's still nice to see. So far so good. Everything is par for the course."

"Well, soon enough, the power does go out, and Pikachu tries to restore the power with his electricity."

* * *

 _"Hurry!" Misty cried as she literally dragged the nurse out the door. "Take us to the power room!"_

 _The nurse nodded and quickly led the group to the generator. Pikachu swiftly followed at their heels and as soon as they arrived, it placed its paws on the engine. Letting out a cry, its cheeks puffed up slightly as electricity coursed through its tiny body into the machine. The lights flickered slightly, but there was no other response. The little pokemon let out a whine, then narrowed its eyes in conviction as it unleashed another electrical attack, this time using all of the strength its small body could muster._

 _Brock and Misty looked up to see the lights flicker some more. The two crossed their fingers, wishing so intensely that there was something, anything, else they could do to help their companion. Pikachu growled as weakness began to seep into its muscles, but it continued to send as much electricity into the generator as possible. Until finally, spent, the little pokemon collapsed onto its stomach, panting._

 _The lights flickered for several seconds, before the room went dark once more._

* * *

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here we go!" Keldeo shouted as he tossed his fore hooves up in frustration, "Here begins the problem with this story. The one thing that mars what could have been a really sweet and touching oneshot about Pikachu making a sacrifice to save Ash. Pikachu decides to use the Thunder Stone that Ash was supposed to deliver with all the other ones to evolve into a Raichu, which would give him enough power to turn on the life support systems."

Keldeo's brow furrowed and his said indignantly, "However, there is just. . . small . . . problem. . ."

* * *

 _Pikachu pawed the bag until it opened, then gripped the edge and peered inside. There it was, amongst the water and fire and moon stones...was the thunder stone._

 _Once a pokemon evolves, it is never again the same._

 _Brock gritted his teeth tearfully as another clap of thunder resounded._

 _Not only does their body change, but their personalities tend to as well. Sometimes, they lose who they were and become something totally new._

 _The thought of losing itself that way made the small pokemon hesitate. Once evolved, there was no going back._

 _Small breaths erratically filled the air, accompanied by the quiet sobs of the normally angry Misty. It was strange to hear her cry so openly._

 _The little mouse looked over its shoulder to see the humans hovering around his trainer's still body. Professor Oak's words to Ash echoed through the pokemon's mind like a mantra. It never wanted to evolve, to lose the personality and life it had grown so fond of. There was nothing to say as to what the future holds, especially once evolved. What if it...suddenly grew to disdain Ash, just like Charmeleon had? What would it become? Would its new personality be a mirror image of its former self, or something else?! Was it worth the risk?_

 _Suddenly, the breaths stopped again and Brock's voice was tinged with anguish. "Ash, no!"_

 _That was it._

 _Pikachu did not want to lose itself, but a life without Ash was not a life at all._

 _With that in mind, it firmly pressed its paw against the thunder stone._

 _With a small, weak groan, his eyes slowly began to open to find a blurry white mass before him._

 _"A-Ash..?" Misty... Her voice never sounded so frail as it did in that quiet moment._

 _He slowly turned his head as his eyes began to focus on her soft frame. Standing beside her was the familiar, taller figure of Brock. "H...Hey..."_

 _"Thank goodness..." Brock murmured, appearing visibly worn out. "You've had us really worried, Ash."_

 _"Worried?!" Misty cried, raising her fist as if to punch Ash. "You've had us more than worried, you jerk! How dare you almost die on us! Don't you know you still owe me a bike?!"_

 _Ash coughed and she immediately lowered her arm to her side. "Heh...eheh... Sorry...about that... I never meant...to make you worry..."_

 _"Well... We're just happy you're back," Misty said softly, a smile touching her lips. "We...really didn't think you were going to make it for awhile, there."_

 _"If it wasn't for Pikachu, you never would have," Brock said honestly._

 _"Really?" Ash smiled weakly, then lifted his head ever so slightly. "Where...where is Pikachu, anyway?"_

 _"Ash.." Misty said softly. "Pikachu's...not quite the same anymore."_

 _The boy blinked, looking up at her in confusion. "What...do you mean?"_

 _"He's not Pikachu anymore, Ash," Brock answered softly, looking down at his friend in worry. He wasn't sure how the boy was going to take this._

 _"What? That...doesn't make sense. How could he not be Pikachu anymore?" Ash's eyes suddenly widened as the words resonated in his weary mind._

 _Seeing the response on his companion's face, Brock sighed and stepped aside so that he no longer blocked the doorway. Standing there, was a Raichu._

 _Professor Oak's words had not been false that fateful day when he had explained the nature of evolution to the aspiring trainer. Although Ash adored Raichu just as much as he had during the pokemon's previous form...that emotion was not returned with the same vigor Pikachu had shown._

 _Yes, Raichu had all of the memories of its former form, but it no longer felt the same connection. It was as if those flashbacks belonged to a different pokemon. Although it remembered why it had transformed into its current state, it no longer remembered why it had been compelled so completely to throw itself into the tides of Fate most pokemon are compelled to._

 _Despite the pain often reflected of knowledge reflected in the boy's eyes, a smile always remained on his face. Even from the first moment of gazing into the Raichu's eyes, he knew that this was no longer the Pikachu he knew. Although he knew he lost his best friend that day, he would not allow the pokemon's sacrifice to be in vain. He moved aside everything he had ever known about his companion and strived to acquaint himself with this new form. Ash vowed to make new memories, new moments, a new relationship with Raichu. He would never give up. Pikachu never gave up on him._

* * *

". . . . . . . . . . . NO! Noooooooooooooooo!" Keldeo shouted angrily, "That's not how Pokemon Evolution works! I see this fanfic was written in 2004, so I can only awesome that the author hasn't watched that many episodes, and must have read too deeply in the Charmander/Charmeleon/Charizard Story Arc, and that deep reading was done VERY POORLY!"

"Yes, Charizard went through some personality changes every time he evolved, but he didn't just reset every time! All that changed was his personality. Sure, he was rebellious, but he still knew who Ash. He still knew Ash cared for him, and he still cared for Ash. And since this fanfic is old I'm not gonna hold the evolutions in later episodes against the author, but even back in the early 2000s you could see that Professor Oak wasn't saying ' _Evolution causes a Pokemon to throw away everything they know and care about and become somebody completely different.'_ What Professor Okay meant was, _'When a Pokemon evolves, their personality changes and they often test their limits with their Trainer.'_ I'm pretty sure if you suddenly got three times bigger your attitude and way of interacting with others would change!" _  
_

"What the author did here was twist a quote from the Anime and take it too literally and carry it to far just to get an overly bittersweet ending that doesn't hold up at all once you give it any amount of thought. Pikachu might be a bit more brash, cocky, and overconfident as a Raichu; but to suggest that he would somehow stop loving Ash is just so stupid that I can't even put it into words."

Keldeo held his left forehoof up and said, "But the story is still good. It's well written with good characterization, and it makes you feel some genuine emotions. Sure, its predictable, but that doesn't automatically make it bad. The main issue is, of course, Pikachu's evolution. Now, here's how I see it: Pikachu will always be a good character. He's like Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse. Quite frankly, he's timeless. That's probably why this fanfic makes me feel betrayed. Even if Pikachu were to evolve in the actual show, his character probably wouldn't change much at all. The problem is that this fanfic is stuck in the past known as Gen 1, and carries aspects of that Generation too far. I will not say that this was a bad fanfic, because it _was_ good. But I will only admire this fanfic as the relic of the past that it is. A nice looking relic, but an aged relic nonetheless."

Keldeo nodded resolutely and said, "And one thing I know for sure is that the past should be learned from, and then left behind so we can all move on towards the future. I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I- _oh shoot!_ I gotta get back to work!"

Keldeo quickly ran off.

* * *

With his director's beret back on, Keldeo shouted into his megaphone, _**"ACTION!"**_

"And the opposite of what Fennekin would do right now, would be to kill you!" Braixen snarled.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Serena screamed.

 ** _BOOOOOOOOM!_**

Everyone turned to see that one of the nearby thick trunked trees had been blown up, revealing an angry looking Victini.

"IT'S PAYBACK TIME, _PONY_ -MON!" Victini shouted.

The Victory Pokemon fired a Searing Shot. Braixen, Pikachu, and Clemont turned back into Zoroark, Zorua, and Luke's Zorua and jumped out of the way. Keldeo jumped out of the way as well.

The huge fireball enveloped Team Rocket and Gen Wunner and exploded, blasting them into the air.

 _"WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"_ Team Rocket shouted.

 _"NO! It's 'looks like Team Rocket is blasting off again!' Say it right!"_ Gen Wunner shouted as he flew off and disappeared into the sky with a twinkle of light.

Victini looked straight at Keldeo, and took a step forward.

 ** _CRASH!_**

The heavy trunk from the tree Victini had blown up fell straight back down and landed right on top of him, driving him a few feet deep into the ground.

Keldeo blinked and said, "What the hay was that?"

"Beats me!" Zorua said, suddenly in the form of Victini.

Keldeo, Zoroark, Zorua, and Luke's Zorua all shared a big hearty laugh.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, thousands of miles away. . . .**_

Entei smirked as he looked at the screen, "Ha! Of course that little fool was gonna fail. And now that he's out of the way, we can go on with the real plan without any distractions."

Raikou frowned, "Are you sure we should've challenged Victini to go it alone to get him to fail? I mean, a Victory Pokemon sounds like something handing to have in your corner."

"We don't need Victini," Suicune said coolly.

"I agree!" Entei shouted, then he laughed mischievously and said, "Oooh, this is gonna be soooo good. Make my words, you guys, we're gonna make a slave out of that soldier! Everything is going according to plan!"

Entei grinned. Then he smiled. Then, holding his jaws open, he laughed a stiff, unnerving, slightly high pitched laugh as his eyes were wide open and crazy looking.

Suicune mouth twitched a little, while Raikou started to chuckle along nervously.

"Silence," Etnei said to Raikou, "Only _I'm_ allowed to do the Agent Smith laugh."

Raikou blinked and nodded, "Okay. . . "

Entei nodded, and then began looking around stiffly, continuing his creepy maniacal laugh.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic: The Matrix Reloaded_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Garfield_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged by LittleKuriboh/CardGamesFTW_

 _ **Specail Thanks**_

 _Ardtornismyname_

 _Aura Weilder_

 _Bulbapedia_


	32. E8: Is Pokemosh by Virizion 26 GOOD?

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 8- Is Pokemosh by Virizion 2.6 GOOD?**

 **tinyurl:** **od3343n**

Keldeo stood smiling on his rock platform in the Moor of Icirrus and proudly wearing the Black Belt Meloetta had given him. "It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to."

"Let's talk about Smosh."

. . . .

Keldeo sighed, "Yeah, I know what the title said, but I think it goes without saying that we need to talk about Smosh first."

The instrumental to Smosh's Legend of Zelda Rap played in the background as Keldeo spoke.

"Smosh is a web-based American sketch comedy show starring the duo of of Ian Andrew Hecox and Anthony Padilla, as well as several other co-stars on all their channels. They cover a variety of topics. Video games, popular culture, even mundane things like birthday parties."

Keldeo rubbed his chin and said, "You know. . . you could say that Smosh is a show about nothing-."

 _ **"SHUT-UP!"**_

Keldeo jumped with fright. "Gah! Sorry, sorry! I wasn't trying to insult the show. What I _meant_ was that Ian and Anthony could take mundane things or normal things in popular culture and blow them up into something hilarious. The video _'EVERY BIRTHDAY EVER'_ is a perfect example of that."

Keldeo nodded, "But of course, Smosh _does_ make videos about defined topics, like the awesome Legend of Zelda Rap and the Pokemon in Real Life videos. And after their feature length movie, it's clear that Smosh really is a successful and funny series."

Keldeo turned thoughtful and said, "But the question here today is whether or not _Pokemosh_ is as successful as the series that inspired it."

* * *

 ** _Pokemosh_**

 ** _By: Virizion 2.6_**

 _In a normal Pokemon town, 2 Pokemon named Ian and Anthony tried to live a normal life in the Pokemon world, but their life is not what anybody expect. They encounter so many random and abnormal events, weird things, and strange/weird Pokemon. Watch them handle their problems their way in Pokemosh. Also, ask them anything as long as they're appropriate in Lunchtime with Pokemosh._

* * *

Keldeo stared for a bit, then said, "Well, how convenient! Our Pokemon characters are named Ian and Anthony too! What a coincidence!"

"Well, anyway, Ian the Lucario and Anthony the Zoroark are the perfect characters for a show like this. And it is a welcome change to see a fanfic with a Lucario and a Zoroark who are not opposite genders for the sake of a cliche shipping story.

 _Ding!_

 _No offense to "Dimensional War" by OseanSoldier intended._

Keldeo chuckled awkwardly and said, "What I mean is, it's basically a buddy comedy, and it follows the format of Smosh pretty well. The first two episodes have been out for a while. The first episode, ' _Tayasui Sketches Magic,'_ is absolutely _HILARIOUS!_ "

* * *

 _In Anthony's house, Anthony the Zoroark was jumping as high as he could to the ceiling, but he couldn't reach it._

 _Ian the Lucario was just sitting on a chair, playing on his iPad game called Tayasui Sketches._

 _"I can use a little help here." Anthony said, slightly frustrated._

 _"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. I'm just drawing something right now." Ian said as he started drawing._

 _"Now let's see if I can draw someone falling off a ladder."_

 _"Arghh. Fine, if you're not going to help me get the pizza off the ceiling, I'll do it myself." Anthony said as he walked away. Then Anthony came back with a ladder._

 _"You need to stop throwing wild pizza parties because it's really starting to become a problem." Anthony said as he started walking up the ladder._

* * *

"I mean, look at that exchange. First it makes you wonder what the heck is going on, then your mind starts making its own assumptions that get funnier and funnier the more you think about it," Keldeo said with a big grin.

"And the _really_ funny part is that this doesn't even have anything to do with the main story line!"

* * *

 _"Okay. You might think I'm crazy, but every time I draw something on Tayasui Sketches, it makes it happen in reality." Ian explains._

 _(Inspirational music starts)_

 _"And it's extremely dangerous." Anthony said._

 _"You're probably right. This is intense power. We can't use it for willy nilly stuff." Ian said._

 _"And with great power..."_

 _"Comes great responsibility." Ian finished._

 _Ian and Anthony stared at each other for a few seconds, then they started laughing their heads off._

 _(Inspirational music ends)_

 _Ian's hand was on his face and Anthony was banging the table._

 _"Ha. Yeah, right. Let's go mess with some Pokemon." Anthony said as he walked out of the house._

* * *

"Okay, now we gotta read the story to see what these guys plan on doing. And it's not like they're jerks or anything. They're just two normal guys who just want to have fun. It's not like they're Legendaries who have responsibilities," Keldeo frowned grouchily, "Like a certain Legendary trio of beasts that fail as Legendaries on so many levels . . ."

Keldeo shook it off and continued, "Anyway, like I was saying, the second episode is a Q and A where they answer your questions. This would be dull, luckily they manage to work in a clever framing device before hand."

* * *

 _"I thought we agreed on some burgers." Ian said._

 _"No. **You did**. I didn't. I said that we should go get some Japanese, but then you assumed I wanted burgers." Anthony stated._

 _"So how are we going to figure out what we're going to get?"_

 _"I do have a coin. We can use that or we can do a 'Grass, Fire, Water' to settle this. And in case you guys are wondering, 'Grass, Fire, Water' is like 'Rock, Paper, Scissors,' but more of a Pokemon way." Anthony explains._

 _"Well I say a coin flip." Ian remarked._

 _"I say that too. Alright." Anthony takes out a coin from his wallet. "I call Heads."_

 _"Fine. I'll be Tails. 2 out of 3." Ian stated._

 _"Deal." Anthony flips the coin. The coin lands on Heads._

 _"Argh!" Ian uttered._

 _Anthony smirks as he picks up the coin and flips it again. This time, it landed on Tails._

 _"Seems like we're even. Last one decides the food we eat." Anthony stated. He then flips the coin. The coin lands on Heads._

 _"Looks like the coin has made it's choice."_

 _"Aw dang it." Ian exclaimed._

 _"Hey don't worry. Soon, you'll be eating some chow mein." Anthony smiled._

* * *

"They aren't telling any jokes here, but just seeing them decide what to eat is entertaining because these guys likable, relate-able, and know how to balance out the craziness. We get to see what Ian and Anthony are really like instead of only knowing them as performers," Keldeo explained, "This is what I meant when I said it could be considered at least partially to be show about nothing. In between wild and crazy randomness, we have these scenes of just the characters hanging out and reacting to their surroundings. It's really clever once you think about it."

* * *

 _"And we have our Japanese food. Man, this bag is heavy. Did you order a bowl of white rice?" Anthony asked._

 _"What can I say? I like the rice they make. Don't judge me." Ian answered._

 _"How am I even…? I'm not judging you. I was just asking." Anthony stated._

* * *

Keldeo let out a spurt of laughter, "Alright, why does he like plain white rice? It's just so random and funny."

Keldeo smiled and said, "But most importantly, we know that our stars aren't morons."

* * *

 _"As you can see, Ian can be a little bit of an idiot at some times. At least he's not completely stupid or I'll be like 'what the heck is wrong with him?'" Anthony stated as he took another bite of his chow mein._

 _"If I was completely stupid, I could be like Patrick Star from Spongebob." Ian said._

 _"Nah, you would be more like Ed from Ed Edd 'n' Eddy because you're strong, but occasionally a complete idiot." Anthony explained._

 _"I guess that would make sense, although Patrick is also a strong yet idiotic character, but he's also a very gluttonous eater. I mean, for crying out loud, he can eat many things. Krabby Patties, Snail food, giant wads of bubble gum, ice cream, and heck, even inedible objects like a tire. No wonder the guy is a big tub of pink." Ian explained._

 _"Yeah. That is a bit of an understatement. I can find more idiots in the cartoon world, like Peter Griffin, Billy, Homer Simpson, and a few more." Anthony listed._

 _"Seems legit." Ian said as he ate another spoonful of rice._

 _"You know, just talking about the idiot characters in some cartoons makes me wonder, how come they don't get any smarter?" Anthony wondered._

 _"Let's see, if they became smarter, they will lose character and fans will start complaining." Ian replied._

 _"Yeah you're right."_

* * *

"Now that was actually some of the smartest dialogue I've heard in a while," Keldeo said.

Keldeo shifted his weight in readiness and said, "Alright, that's enough introductions. I think it's time to get to the main event. The third episode of Pokemosh. The one I was asked to review. The _Pokemon Game Bang_ _exclusive._ "

* * *

 _ **A First-Person view was speeding by some gaming consoles. Classics to Moderns. The speeding stopped at a giant Pokeball as the Pokemosh Crew jumped out, along with giant letters spelling out,**_

 _ **Pokemosh Game Bang**_

* * *

"Well, this promises to be good, so let's dive right in!" Keldeo said with excitement.

* * *

 _"GAME BANG!"_

 _"What is up everyone? We got the whole Pokemosh Crew right here." Jovenshire stated._

 _"Well not everyone here is a Crew member, but she's one of our closest friends. So here she is, ladies and gentlemen, introducing Martini Roving." Anthony introduced._

 _A fairly youngish Victini waved next to them, wearing a teal hoodie & navy blue skirt. She grinned slightly and looks at the camera. "Martini here!"_

 _"So Martini? Can you tell us a bit about yourself?" Sohinki asked._

 _"Well, I have a sister, 2 brothers, & a loving mom. I'm also in a relationship." She replied._

* * *

 _"I also have something in common with Applejack!"_

 _Ding!_

 _Think about it . . . think of the 18th and 21st Amendments. . ._

* * *

 _"Well I guess that's enough of Martini. And now to the Game Bang. Wes, would you like to tell us what we're playing?" Lazercorn asked._

 _"We're playing Heads Up!" Wes shouted excitedly._

 _"Now what Heads Up is, it's a trivia game where one person holds the answer while the other person helps guess the answer for the Pokemon holding the answer. There's different categories and the game will display different answers for the guesser to figure out." Ian explains._

* * *

"So basically, Game Bang is just like what it sounds. A game show featuring the Pokemosh crew. Is it a funny game show?"

* * *

 _"Aren't we forgetting something?" Lazercorn asked._

 _"Oh right, the Punishment." Anthony exclaimed. "Sohinki, can you tell us what the Punishment is?"_

 _"The Punishment is that losing team will have to be on a headstand while eating a head of cabbage." Sohinki explained._

 _"Oh...oh no." Joven sighed._

 _The Victini grunted & sighs. "Welp..."_

 _"That's seems a little suitable. So what do you say we get started?" Anthony questioned._

 _"GAME BANG!"_

* * *

"Yes," Keldeo said cheekily in answer to his own question.

"Although, I do have to point out that this could have been a bit more fun for the readers if the answers were hidden from us too."

* * *

 _The tablet shows a name._

 _"Politoed"_

 _She started to think a bit._

 _"Hmmm… it's a Water type!" she hinted._

 _"You don't say?" Sohinki jokingly said._

 _"Um..."_

 _"Give more detail. Tell her what he looks like. What color it is? What ability it has?" Joven advised._

 _"Hehe.." she chuckled nervously. "It's like a green frog, with a yellow spiral on its stomach.."_

 _"Politoed!" Mari shouted._

 _"Yes!" They all shouted as Mari tilted the tablet, correcting the answer._

 _"Absol"_

 _Martini smirks again. "Dark type, known to warn others of disasters, & has a Mega Evolution!"_

 _"Uh..."_

 _"COME ON!" Joven yells desperately._

 _"You really don't know it?!" Anthony questioned as he laughs._

 _"I have bad memory. I don't know it." Mari passes._

 _Martini sputters a bit. "I-I thought most people would know it.."_

 _"I know it." Ian exclaimed._

 _"What was it?" Mari asked._

 _"It was Absol." Lazercorn answered._

 _"Oh, I never seen one. My bad." Mari laughed._

* * *

"Seriously, it seems like a missed opportunity to make it seem almost interactive for the readers."

Keldeo narrowed his eyes and said, "And no one better complain that I'm not describing the other characters. If you want to know, go and read Virizion 2.6's stories. Better yet, read the _Top 11 Pokemon Battle Themes_ editorial on Meloetta the Chick."

Keldeo then lightened up and said, "Although I do have to admit that not even _I_ was expecting Pokemosh's Lazercorn to be a Shiny Keldeo."

* * *

 _"Ready Lazercorn?" Sohinki asked._

 _Lazercorn smiles and jumps around. "So ready!"_

 _"Why are you suddenly acting like Pinkie Pie?" Wes asked._

 _"I'm this confident." Lazercorn replied._

 _Martini chuckled lightly. "Oh Lazercorn, you slightly insane Keldeo!"_

* * *

Keldeo nodded in fake graveness, "Yeah, really, he is legitimately slightly insane. Watch out for him."

"But anyway, you might think that watching a bunch of Pokemon play a game show where you get to see the answers would be boring. But if you think that, then you must be forgetting who we're dealing with here, and what this show is all about! This is Pokemosh! Where characters actions and reactions are either taken up to eleven or given such focus that you can't hep put laugh at them or appreciate how likable they all are."

* * *

 _"Magikarp"_

 _"Oh. The stupidest choice one fan base makes. It evolves into a ferocious beast." Lazercorn hinted._

 _"Um...Dragonite?"_

 _"Nope."_

 _Martini had meanwhile found an unopened bag of M &M's on the ground, & is silently eating them._

* * *

Keldeo pointed a forehoof and said, "Okay, first of all, that's impossibly cute. Second of all, the idea that Martini randomly found a bag of M&M's on the ground is catches you ff guard. And third, is this a reference to the evil popcorn guy from _Free Willy?_ Like, is she trying to psyche them out or something? Even if I'm wrong and reading to deep into it, it's still funny!"

"And another thing Pokemosh is good at is escalating things. Things end up building and becoming dramatic when you least expect. Like this scene where the third team gets stuck on Yvetal."

* * *

 _"A big Pokemon that takes life away." Joven hinted._

 _"Umm..."_

 _10 seconds left_

 _"C'mon Wes..." Martini muttered._

 _"Um...Giratina?"_

 _"No!" Joven shouts._

 _"What?!" Lazercorn shouts as he laughs._

 _A picture of Giratina taking life away appears_

 _"Not even close!" Anthony shouts out._

 _"Drowzee?"_

 _A picture of Drowzee taking life away appears_

 _"No!" The Crew shouts._

 _"You really don't know it?!" Joven questionably shouts._

 _"Dusknoir?"_

 _"Are you-"_

 _A picture of Dusknoir taking life away appears_

 _"ARGH!" Everyone yells._

 _"CAN YOU NOT-" Martini fumed._

 _0 seconds left. TIME'S UP!_

 _"Wait. It's Yveltal!" Wes shouts._

 _"Hehe. Too late." Lazercorn uttered._

* * *

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHHH!_**

Keldeo smiled and shrugged.

"We even get some variety when the next round changes from Pokemon to movies."

* * *

 _"Titanic"_

 _"Okay. This is about a famous boat that sank after crashing into an iceberg." Mari describes._

 _"That's Titanic. Now don't mention the Love Theme from it or ELSE." Martini replied._

 _"Yeah, don't mention it. She's warning you." Wes jokes._

 _"Well it is Titanic. You're right Martini." Mari said._

 _And Martini corrects her answer once more._

 _"Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl"_

 _"Okay then. This is about a pirate-"_

 _BUZZ!_

 _"Ah darn it! I said the name!" Mari shouts._

* * *

Keldeo smiled and held up a forehoof, "Alright. I'm gonna stop right here. I really don't want to spoil the conclusion to this episode. I also don't want to spoil the utter hilariousness of the third and final round. I'm pretty sure we can all see that Pokemosh has some of the greatest jokes and a colorful of cast of characters."

Keldeo nodded slowly and said, "However, I know that Pokemosh, and Smosh, are not for everyone. Humor is subjective, and I'd imagine that there are a bunch of people who don't like their style of humor. That's fine by me. But I strongly suggest that, even if you never liked Smosh, that you give Pokemosh by Virizion 2.6 a chance."

"And if you happen to be a hater of Smosh and just wants to flame, then I have only one thing to say to you."

 _ **"SHUT-UP!"**_

Keldeo grinned and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I-"

Keldeo stopped and thought for a moment, "You know, Halloween _is_ next week. Maybe I should do a special Halloween review. Something _really_ scary. Maybe something about a killer? Hmmm, now I wish I hadn't rushed to review _Blooming Late._ What story am I gonna review now? I wonder if-"

 ** _BZZZZZZZZZZT!_**

 _The video switched to a_ _man with tattooed and scarred arms, a golden earring in his right ear, and longish blonde hair with bangs dyed green._

 _He reloaded his gun and aimed it at the camera. "Thanks for watching. Goodnight."_

 _He shot the camera and it all went static._

* * *

 **Next Review:**

 _ **Zuma's Fear**_ **by HavocHound**

* * *

 **The End**

 **Credits**

 _SMOSH  
_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Did Seinfeld Lie to Us?_

 **Special Thanks**

 _Wikapedia_

 _Virizion 2.6_

 _HavocHound_


	33. Absol

Keldeo sat in the dark, the only light being that of the laptop screen he was staring into.

His eyes were wide as he stared at what was on the screen, and his breathing was heavy and labored.

"I think I've just discovered . . ." Keldeo finally said, ". . . My new favorite FanFiction author."

Keldeo ever so slowly turned his head to the side, and he said in a tone of voice just as slow and lethargic, "I . . . am so. . . very . . . very . . . sorry. . ."

Then a Golden Marshall animatronic appeared and attacked with a terrible roar.

* * *

 **Keldeo the Critic Reviews _Zuma's Fear_ by HavocHound**

 **Coming this November**

* * *

 _ **Although the first part of the**_ **"Zuma's Fear"** _ **review was meant to be published on Halloween, it was not finished in time. So instead, please enjoy this special Halloween review of**_ **"Absol" _by_** **XXPhantomFangWolfXx.**

* * *

A Cofagrigus suddenly opened its eyes and roared.

 ** _Let's Try to make it right_**

 ** _Don't wanna start a fight_**

Keldeo screamed reared up in terror before and falling backwards.

 ** _And we're so sorry if we give you all a little fright_**

Keldeo stood before the other Swords of Justice wearing his King Sombra costume.

 ** _We're not so scary if you see us in the daylight_**

Clemont shouted out in fear as he was hoisted off the ground by an unseen force.

 ** _You'll be so happy just as long as you survive the night._**

A trio of evil Litwick grinned deviously with a Lampent behind them.

 ** _Let's Try to make it right_**

 ** _Don't wanna start a fight_**

A zombie Lucario revved up a chainsaw.

 ** _And we're so sorry if we give you all a little_** ** _fright_**

Kyurem the Critic and Cryogonal the Critic both screamed in terror.

 ** _We're not so scary if you see us in the daylight_**

Cilan throws balls of fire while wearing a Yamask's mask.

 ** _You'll be so happy just as long as you survive the night._**

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 12: Absol by** **XXPhantomFangWolfXx**

 **tinyurl:** **pctw3v5**

Keldeo stood stall and proud, wearing the helmet and armor of Shining Armor.

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo declared confidently, "Happy Halloween, everybody! Heh-heh, I hope your costumes are all better than mine. I had a little trouble thinking of one this year. This helmet doesn't make me look like Marvin the Martian does it?"

Keldeo shrugged and said, " _Anyway_ , you all know that Kyurem the Critic is the place to go for creepypasta reviews. I don't review Pokemon creepypastas because, quite frankly, I kinda think they're stupid. I mean, seriously? A haunted video game? Not only would any normal person just turn the game off, but we're actually supposed to _believe_ these crazy stories. If anything, that just makes them less creepy, because most creepypastas are so weird and over the top it completely overloads your suspension of disbelief. A good scary story should make you feel emotions without it requiring you to believe it really happened."

Keldeo grinned mischievously and said, "So, how about we check out a scary story from _within_ the Pokemon world. A story that's _technically_ in the style of a creepypasta, with a first person narrator who's name we never know. _But_ , the story is really more in the league of a Pokemon fanfic, and _not_ about a real person who found a haunted game. This allows things to get scary without raising too many questions on its plausibility and possibility."

Keldeo's grin turned into a sheepish smile, "Also, this should allow me to review this story without getting Kyurem the Critic mad at me. The Pokemon world already has a ton of Fridge Horror. So, how about we check what got pushed to the back of the fridge, and review the story written by XXPhantomFangWolfXx, _Absol._ "

* * *

 _I hate Absol. Hate them with a passion. Not because of what they are, but what they stand for._

* * *

"That is very understandable, given their ability to predict natural disasters. However, this doesn't seem very scary. Can the author up the ante a little bit?"

* * *

 _My whole life, I've been seeing them. It, rather. It's actually just one. Every time I see it, someone I care about dies._

* * *

Keldeo looked thrilled, "Okay, now things are getting interesting! We got the premise and the main threat all in one go. A psychotic killer Absol? This promises to be heart-pumping!"

* * *

 _I saw the Absol for the first time when I was only six years old. My mother and I were taking a walk in the woods near our house. It was a large forest, and it had all sorts of small Pokemon in it. Seedot, Oddish, Zigzagoon, Taillow, a few Poochyena and even the occasional Marill. I loved walking in those woods with my mother and seeing all the little creatures run about._

 _My mother always brought her Linoone, Breeze, to walk alongside us in case we were ever attacked, but we never were._

 _Breeze was a quiet, gentle creature, and very kind to me and my brother and sister. She never got upset when we spilled juice on her, or bit us when we might have pulled her fur by accident, she was always calm and relaxed._

* * *

"So, yeah, they're walking in the woods, and then the trouble begins."

* * *

 _That day, when we were walking through those woods, everything was still and quiet. We hadn't seen any of the usual Pokemon._

 _All of a sudden Breeze curled up into a tiny ball, and started growling and whimpering, pure fear shining in her bright blue eyes._

 _"What's wrong, Breeze?" my mother asked, trying to soothe the rattled Linoone._

 _I followed where Breeze's eyes were pointing, and it was then I saw it. Perched on a log, directly in the center of a sun-dappled clearing was an Absol. I didn't know what it was at the time. It looked lighter than air, like the slightest wind might blow it over. It was on its toes, ready to spring up and flee at any moment._

 _My mouth hung open in awe of the strange and beautiful creature. My mother didn't see it, she was too occupied with trying to pacify Breeze. I suddenly snapped out of my stupor._

 _"Mama! MAMA! A Pokemon! A big white one! Mama!" I hollered._

 _My mother sat up._

 _"Where?"_

 _I turned around again, pointing a pudgy finger at the clearing._

 _"Right over…. There… Where did it go?"_

 _The creature had gone. Breeze stood up again, barking at the spot where I had been pointing, before tearing off into the woods._

 _"BREEZE! NO! WAIT!" my mother cried, before sighing. The Linoone was gone._

 _"What did the Pokemon look like, Mickey?"_

 _"It was big and white and fluffy, and it had big black claws, and a black tail, and a black horn on its head to match!"_

 _My mother's hands flew to her mouth, and her eyes widened._

 _"Honey, that was an Absol. We have to get home and call your father."_

 _"But Breeze-"_

 _"No buts. Breeze is smart, she can find her own way home. We have to go. Now!"_

* * *

"And so, who is the first victim? Breeze, right?" Keldeo asked.

* * *

 _"Mama? What happened to Daddy?"_

 _My mother looked up, her eyes red, before hugging me and beginning to sob again. It was then I knew that my father was never coming back._

 _My father had been in Lilycove city, staying at the hotel there. He had been there to visit Mt. Pyre, and catch some Pokemon indigenous to that area, as well as check out the Safari zone. However, one night he decided to go for a cruise. The captain of the boat was drunk, and ran the ship up on the rocks. There were no survivors._

* * *

"Nope! What a twist! You'd expect Breeze to be the first one, seeing as, well, _she's right there and she ran off into the dark forest!_ But nope, apparently this Absol's powers can reach miles and miles away. I guess this Absol doesn't believe in Occam's razor."

* * *

 _All we had to remember my father by was his Mightyena, Grimm,_

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait. He named his Mightyena ' _Grimm'_?" Keldeo asked in disbelief, "No wonder he was the first to die! I mean, okay, not everyone has read _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,_ but I'm pretty sure most people are vaguely aware that that name is associated with death!"

"Well, anyway, it turns out it's not all bad, because our main character receives a special inheritance."

* * *

 _who he had left in his hotel room, and a gift that he been going to bring back for me. He had caught me my very own Pokemon. A beautiful female Vulpix he had captured on Mt. Pyre. I named her Foxfire._

 _It was amazing to finally have my own Pokemon. My brother, Alex, who was three years older than me, had his Electrike, Jolt. My sister, Eva, who was two years younger than me, had her Skitty, Blush. And now I finally had my own Pokemon, and I felt that in her, in my precious Foxfire, a tiny piece of my father lived on._

* * *

Keldeo frowned, "She's gonna be dead by the end of this, isn't she."

* * *

 _The second time I saw the Absol was two years later, when I was eight._

* * *

"Yeah, speaking of death, our main character is playing pirates when the Absol returns."

* * *

 _I was playing in the backyard with my sister, and our Pokemon. Our brother was in the front yard with his Manectric. He'd been asked to keep to the other side of the house because he was training his Pokemon, and Jolt was a good bit stronger than either of our Pokemon._

 _Straight ahead of me, not more than twenty feet away, was the Absol. It was the same one from all those years ago. I don't know how I knew, but I did. My Vulpix, noticing that I had stopped giving orders, looked up to see what it was that I was staring at. She saw it too._

 _The beast gave a low, guttural growl of its own name, and suddenly we heard a bloodcurdling scream from the front yard, accompanied by a shock of lighting. The Absol fled into the woods._

* * *

"Okay, now things are getting scary," Keldeo said uneasily as he looked around nervously, "That didn't really seem like much of a warning. The way its presented makes it kinda look like the Absol swore at him or something. What kind of Absol is this?"

* * *

 _Without missing a beat, I turned to my sister._

 _"EVA! Quickly, go get Mama! I'll check on Alex!"_

 _She nodded dumbly, and ran inside the house. In seconds I was in the front yard, Foxfire at my side. The sight I was met with was a grim one. My brother was pinned under a fallen tree, screaming and trying to struggle away as Jolt vainly tried to lift the wooden colossus off of his broken body._

 _"Foxfire! Go help Jolt!" I cried._

 _She immediately obeyed, and I ran to my brother, to see if I could get him to calm down. As I was doing so, the efforts of my Vulpix and his Manectric were joined by the strength of Breeze and Grimm. (Yes, Breeze came home that night. She was injured and shaky, and almost fainted, but she was alive.)_

* * *

"Wait, so did the Absol beat her up and not kill her for some reason, or did she just run into a bunch of other wild Pokemon?" Keldeo asked.

* * *

 _Apparently, while my brother had been training, he had failed to notice a lightning rod imbedded in one of the trees. One of Jolt's attacks had been pulled to it, and the old tree was too weak to remain standing, and fell on Alex._

* * *

"So, the brother dies from pretty much having all of his important bones crushed and snapped,"

* * *

 _Eight broken ribs, a fractured collarbone, his spine and neck were both badly cracked, and both of his legs and his hips were shattered._

* * *

Keldeo shuddered, "Gosh, the author sadistically describes those injuries. Although, this isn't really all that scary. It's more gross and disturbing than actually creepy. It's like saying jumpscares alone are horror. That's not true, because real horror is all about atmosphere and paranoia. you can't just throw horrible imagery or jumpscares at people and say it's horror."

* * *

 _I had lost my father, and then just two years later my beloved older brother was taken from me. I was there when he died. I stayed at his bedside until the very end. I can remember his last words._

 _"You know, it's sad, Mickey. I always thought I'd be a Gym Leader. "_

 _For a long time, my mother, my sister, and my dear little Vulpix were my only comfort. I frequently cried myself to sleep holding Foxfire in my arms._

 _I decided to call that Absol Reaper. It seemed an appropriate name for a herald of death._

* * *

Keldeo facehoofed.

"Nice Job Breaking It, Hero. Naming it only encourages it. Now he _has_ to come back!"

 ** _Mike Wazowski:_** _"You'e not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it! NOW PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM, OR SO HELP ME. . . !"_

* * *

 _It was another year before Reaper brought his unwelcome presence back into my life. My sister had just left on the school bus. I wasn't going to school that day, I wasn't feeling well, but I can still remember the picture of her smiling and boarding that bus, her Skitty peeking out of her backpack._

 _I was watching the vehicle disappear down the road, waving all the way, and then suddenly Reaper was there. He sitting on a rock across the street, watching me. I blinked, my arm frozen in midair, and my blue-gray blanket still clutched tightly around my shoulders. Suddenly the ground was rocked by a huge explosion. I whipped my head around, staring at the bus._

 _The entire vehicle was in flames, a mushroom-cloud of smoke billowing up from it. I dropped my blanket, and began to run down the road, hoping to see if my sister or anyone else was okay, save them if I had to. I had a fire-type Pokemon, I was used to a burn or two._

 _I was still quite far away when there was a second explosion. This one knocked me off my feet. I fell to the ground crying, covered in dust and too shocked and upset to get up. Even though I was only nine, I knew that no one could have survived that explosion. I looked back towards the house, trying to see if my mother was coming, but the only thing my mind could register was that Reaper was gone again._

* * *

"Who's this Abosl's trainer? Michael Bay?!" Keldeo exclaimed in disbelief.

* * *

 _The fire department was called, and the street was filled with firemen for the next two hours. Everyone in the bus was killed, as I had thought._

 _Over the next week or two, we gathered bits and pieces of information, and it was almost a whole month before the town had figured out what had happened._

 _One of the high-school jocks, wanting to look cool, had brought a Voltorb on the bus. His sibling had seen him sneak it inside his backpack as he left the house, but for a long time was too scared to say anything._

 _After he had snuck the volatile Pokemon on the bus, he and his friends started taunting it, thinking it was funny. The creature became angry and used its signature move, self-destruct. That was the first explosion. The second explosion was the flames reaching the gas tank._

* * *

Keldeo frowned and put his hoof down, "Okay, this isn't scary! This is just sad and depressing. I mean, just read this!"

* * *

 _My sister and many of my friends had been killed, and the event scarred the whole town. No one really talked about it, but there was a silent recognition that hung in the air for months, sharing the hurt of the fact that most of us had lost a friend or relative in that tragedy. I became a very solemn child, almost as sorrowful as my mother._

* * *

"Sure, most implausible creepypastas feature death or wanting to die, and the games usually somehow have the ability to hurt the player, which in itself is pretty ridiculous. But at the least creepypastas have a sense of peril and danger to make you nervous. This story is downright depressing."

* * *

 _I was in great pain, but I can't even imagine what it was like for her, losing her husband and all but one of her children in a short three years. My darling Foxfire was my only joy left. She was so sweet, always trying her hardest to cheer me up and make me laugh. I never did laugh, I was hurting too badly for that, but I made sure that she knew I appreciated her trying._

* * *

Keldeo moaned and preformed a double facehoof, and then rubbed at his face as he moaned, "No, no, no, it's just too much, we don't need this! We know his life is misery, we know Foxfire is going to die, what we want here is some actually creepiness! Scare us already!"

* * *

 _For three years I was solemn. For three years Foxfire did her best to bring me joy. For three years I felt peace. A grim, ugly, empty kind of peace, a peace full of finality, the kind of feeling you get when you have just had a victory, but at a cost. But three years of peace nonetheless. For three years I thought the death was over. But for three years, I was dead wrong._

* * *

Keldeo sighed and said miserably, "Alright. How does Foxfire die?"

* * *

 _Foxfire was trying to cheer me up, as usual. She was doing something particularly funny, she had found an old hat and scarf of my mothers, and was strutting around wearing them like she was a super model. It was so cute, and she looked so funny, and she was just trying so hard for me that for the first time in years I almost felt happy._

 _As we walked by the well, she jumped up on its edge and began to saunter around on two legs, pretending it was a catwalk._

* * *

Keldeo tapped his chin with his left forehoof.

"So . . . you're being haunted by an evil Absol named Reaper, and you let the Pokemon you love walk on the edge of a well . . . . . . . . . ."

"DID ALL THAT DEPRESSION ROT YOUR BRAIN!?"

"Sure enough, Reaper shows and guess what happens next?"

"No, serious, guess."

"Go on, I'll wait."

" . . . . ."

"Okay, let's see if you're right."

* * *

 _And then I saw him. Two burning red eyes peaking out of the trees surrounding the lawn. It was Reaper. Suddenly Foxfire began to stumble. She had slipped on a wet patch of moss on the well's edge. I realized what was about to happen, and dove for her._

 _"FOXFIRE, NO!"_

* * *

"I wonder who deserves the Darwin Award more? The Vulpix or the negligent trainer?" Keldeo mused.

Keldeo sighed and said, "Okay, I'm sure a lot of you want to tell me off for being mean and insensitive. And yeah, this kid has been through a lot and its really destroyed him, and I guess he would deserve all the pity in the world."

Keldeo frowned sadly and said, "But here's the thing, short stories like this don't give much in the way of characters. I know next to nothing about the main character. It's sad that people around him are dying, but the story makes it hard to connect with him. And sure, Foxfire is cute, but I still can't get over how stupid this death scene is. The other deaths were unforeseen that no one could have expected, but this was just too _obvious_! People around this guy drop like flies, and he takes his Pokemon to place that's the poster child of cliched deaths! How could he have _not_ expected Foxfire to fall down that well!"

"So, yeah, big surprise, Foxfire falls down the well."

* * *

 _I was half a second too late, my fingers just bushing her tail as she disappeared down the well, hitting the water ten feet below with a splash._

* * *

"Oh no! Quick! Rainbow Dash! Timmy- uh- I mean Foxfire fell down the well!" Keldeo shouted hurriedly.

. . .

"Uh, Mare Do Well?" Keldeo asked.

. . .

"Lassie?"

. . .

Keldeo growled, "Well, why don't we just let the main character save her?!"

* * *

 _I reacted instantly, dropping the bucket down._

 _"Foxfire! Grab the bucket! Get in!"_

 _I felt the end of the rope gain weight, and then it was gone for a split second, before returning. Then it was gone again. It was a full minute before there was a consistent weight present in the bucket below, but as soon as there was, the splashing was gone._

 _Panic took full control as I pulled the bucket back up as fast I could. In it lay my Vulpix, waterlogged and only barely breathing._

* * *

Keldeo's brow raised in new found interest, "Oh? Well, okay then. Either give her CPR. . . if that's even possible. . . or run to a Pokemon Center, I think you can make it."

* * *

 _She was a fire type._

* * *

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted as he flew by.

* * *

 _She couldn't handle being in the water that long. That and the heavy liquid filling her lungs was quickly killing her. My Foxfire, my precious Pokemon was dying._

* * *

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" Keldeo shouted as he threw of his helmet and fired a huge Focus Blast into the air, which exploded high above him.

"NO! You are _NOT_ resorting to that _stupid_ cliche that water kills Fire-types!" Keldeo shouted furiously, " _Maybe_ that's true for Charmander, Charmeleon, and Charizard because they need to keep the fire on their tails lit. But that does not mean that all Fire-type drop down dead if you toss a bucket of water on them! Heck! Chimchar, Monferno, and Infernape turn their tails _OFF_ when they sleep! Thousands of Fire-types get hit by Hydro Pumps every day and they don't die! Are you saying that a high dive into a well is deadlier than a Hydro Pump by a Gyarados? _Sacrifice_ had better logic than this! And it even makes dancing near a _well full of water_ make even _less_ sense than before!"

Keldeo took a few deep breaths, and when he calmed himself, and he said, "Okay. . . maybe Fire-types drown easily, and that water in their lungs is fatal to them. I guess I could go with that. . . maybe. . ."

* * *

 _I hoisted her out of the bucket, sobbing, and held her tightly to my chest._

 _"Foxfire, please, no! Please don't leave me! I need you! You're all I've got left!" I begged._

 _Her eyes opened just slightly, looking at me._

 _"Please, Foxfire, you can't die! As soon as I finished school, you and me, we were going to go everywhere together… Please… Don't go… You can't… I love you…"_

 _I sobbed, holding her tighter, as if that would keep life in her body._

 _She smiled at me, weakly, and her eyes slid shut again. Her small chest heaved one last time._

 _And she was gone._

* * *

"And then the story makes you feel like a creep by throwing _that_ at you," Keldeo grumbled, "Instead of feeling for the characters, I just fell . . . depressed. I don't want to be depressed! I wanna be scared!"

* * *

 _And I broke down. Foxfire was all I had left, and now she was gone too. Through my pain and through the endless tears running down my cheeks, I noticed only one thing. The red eyes that had appeared between the trees had disappeared._

* * *

 _ **Reaper:** "Oooooooooo! I have no idea what my evil motivation is! Oooooooo! Seriously, there must be a thousand other kids I could stalking! Ooooooooo . . . . ."_

* * *

 _We buried her in the backyard. I saw to it that she got a good funeral, just as good as any person would have gotten. I brought her flowers, roses, to be exact. Lots of them. They were her favorite. My mother and I lit all sorts of candles, and we read from the bible as we lowered her into the hole Breeze had made with dig._

* * *

"Wait a minute, he's religious?" Keldeo asked incredulously, "Then why didn't he just do this?"

 _Trainer used "The power of Christ compels you!"_

 _Reaper exploded!_

 _Foxfire gained 777 exp._

 _What's this? Foxfire is evolving!_

 _Congratulations_ _! Foxfire evolved into Ninetails!_

"There! See! Simple! You really are _not_ too bright!"

"And another thing, HOW DARE _Breeze_ be the one to dig that hole! She was the FIRST character to see that Reaper, and not only is she not the first to die, she never even dies at all! And now she has the _nerve_ to bury Reaper's latest victim? Quite possibly the most tragic of them all?"

Keldeo tensed up and said, "Oh, I get it now. I completely understand. _She knows._ Breeze completely and totally knows what's going on. It makes perfect sense. The way she runs away after they first see Reaper, the way she's never mentioned again in the story until now, the way she's the _only one to see Reaper without dying-_ "

Keldeo loosened up and nodded, "Oh yeah, I didn't get to that part yet. The main character goes into depression and starts stealing cigarettes-"

 _A grey cat wearing a green and white striped shirt and huge orange eyes shook it's head and stared with its huge eyes wide open._

 _DUN-DUN-DUUUUNNNNNNN!_

 **"IT'S A TRAP!"**

Keldeo shrugged, "-I'm not sure why he had to _steal_ them. Anyway,he gets lung cancer."

* * *

 _After that, I lost myself. I stole hundreds of packages of cigarettes, and I lost track of my days. My life dissolved into hours upon hours of chain-smoking cigarette after cigarette. I knew that weak lungs ran in my family, but I didn't care that I was killing myself. I had nothing left to live for, it didn't matter to me if I died of old age or died locked in a smoky, cigarette-bud covered bedroom._

 _Now I am thirteen. I am confined to bed with severe lung cancer. I knew this would happen, but I didn't care. I still don't. My mother doesn't care either, she hasn't been right in the head since my sister died. She probably won't even notice I'm gone, and if she does, I can only hope she'll respect my wish to die._

 _It hurts to think. It hurts to talk. It hurts to breathe. I'm almost too weak to type this, but I type it because I don't think I'll be here much longer, and I wanted someone to find this, just because I want someone out there to know._

 _I've been refusing the treatments, and the doctors aren't sure how long I have left, but now I know I have very little time._

 _Why?_

 _Reaper just appeared outside my window._

 _He's staring straight at me._

* * *

"And that was _Absol._ And as you can, Breeze was the only character in the entire story, not to mention _the entire town_ the story takes place in, not to exhibit any signs of suffering. Getting hurt in an off-screen battle or two doesn't count. AND SHE ACTUALLY _SAW_ REAPER! She was the first one to see him!"

"And, yes, you could argue that Breeze was probably upset about the mother loosing her mind and the human characters either dying or becoming sad. But, here's the issue. The story tells us how everyone else feels. It tells us how sorrowful the town was after the bus explosion. It tells us about how the main character, mother, and siblings felt. It even tells us how the Manectric desperately tried to get the tree off of Alex. But, I ask you, how has Breeze suffered during any of this? Yes, it says that she came back injured and shaky on the night of the father's death, SO WHAT?! Millions of Pokemon battle and get knocked out everyday. Battles are important to Pokemon, remember that Forest Champion business between Hawlucha and Machamp? Getting beat up is not big deal, especially when there's a demonic Absol just a few feet away from her who for some reason doesn't kill her too while he's at it!"

Keldeo got tense again and leaned forward a bit as he said, "So, here's a little theory I have. I believe that Breeze somehow made some kind of dark pact with Reaper so they could get rid of the entire family. How else do you explain how Breeze, the main character, and Foxfire can all look right at Reaper, and yet Breeze somehow doesn't die like the rest of them. It even explains how the mother doesn't die! The mother is Breeze's trainer, so she stipulated that Reaper spare her. Sure, the mother lost her mind, but the way the story words it as _'hasn't been right in the head'_ makes me picture her in a semi-lobotomized state in which the only thing she shows concern for in her daze-like stupor is, _you guessed it,_ HER PRECIOUS LINOONE!"

Keldeo stood up tail and commanding in his royal armor and declared, "Oh yeah! Do you see it now? The woman just sits in a chair or walks around, with Breeze on her lap or in her arms, slowly petting her and feeding her Pokepuffs! Breeze wanted everyone else dead so the mother would have to give all of her love and attention to HER! The injuries Breeze got that night were either part of some ritual fight to get Reaper to do what she wanted, done on purpose to throw suspicion off herself, or just an accidental encounter with wild Pokemon. She was probably snickering to herself as she was digging Foxfire's grave! That little _weasel!_ "

Keldeo sat on his haunches and caught his breath after his rant. Then he sighed and said, "Okay, so how does the story make out in genera? Well, you see-IT FAILS!"

"It really hurts me to say that. Honestly, it does. I wanted to like this story. I really did. Honest. Absols are cool Pokemon, and I wanted to see a story that could give me chills. I wanted something good and creepy for Halloween. But instead, I got one of the most depressing stories I've ever had the displeasure of reading. If you took Freddy out of _Nightmare on Elm Street,_ it would still be a scary movie because people are being killed in horrible ways. In fact, it might even be _scarier_ because then you wouldn't know who or what is causing the deaths. If you took Reaper out of this story, nothing would change at all because this story is just a series of deaths that happen around a character. Reaper doesn't physically do anything, he just shows up. I originally didn't want to classify this story as a creepypasta for fear of getting Kyurem the Critic mad at me, but I need to admit that this story is on the Creepypasta Wiki to emphasize how inexcusable it is that this story is not creepy, let alone scary!"

"And what's _really_ frustrating is that it would have been too easy to make it scary! All the author had to do was throw in a couple of ghosts or zombies or nightmares, and it would've been creepy! I would've even taken the cliched overuse of blood creepypasta's have! Have a scene where Reaper is covered in blood from just murdering someone and chases the main character away right before the bus explosion. Sure, it would have been ridiculously over the top, but at least it would've been actually creepy!"

Keldeo frowned and looked down in shame as he said softly, "And I'm sorry if that idea sounded too morbid, I really am. I just thought about what I felt a stereotypical creepypasta would have done and pulled it out of thin air. Really, I don't like doing this."

Keldeo whipped his head back up and shouted, "But you see how angry I am?! I hate this story! At least Kyurem the Critic's creepypastas are so bad they're funny. And some of them are really good, like _Jessica_! I love that one! It was fairly creepy and had a nice ending. Even Genesect on _The Angry Bug Show_ got to review a good one! _Pure_ was amazing! It was psychological horror at its finest! I'm still a bit freaked out by it! And yet I'm stuck here with what might possibly be the _worst Pokemon creepypasta ever made_! _Who Was Phone_ is a better creepypasta than this! Seriously, _Who Was Phone_ is better than _Absol!_ At least _Who Was Phone_ is relatable and therefore actually _creepy_! It's a ghost calling you on the phone, that's scary! Seeing someone's live be destroyed is not scary! It's sadistic! And the fact that Breeze gets out of this unscathed; I repeat, getting beat up is nothing new for a Pokemon; makes me so mad I want to cut something in half!"

Keldeo furrowed his brown and said, "And I haven't even gotten down to this story's biggest flaw. The huge, enormous, glaring plot hole that absolutely blows the premise of this entire story apart."

"And what plot hole is that, Keldeo?" Reaper asked.

Keldeo smiled confidently and nodded, "A-ha! It is none other than-," Keldeo's eyes widened as he turned to look at the Absol standing to the left of him. He cried out in fear as he stumbled backwards into the shallow water as Reaper advanced on him.

"Breeze and I can't let you live, Keldeo. You clearly know too much," Reaper said in his guttural tone of voice.

Keldeo quickly stood back up and nodded triumphantly, "A-ha! I knew it! I knew Breeze was behind it all! But wait. . ." Keldeo cocked his head in confusion, "How did you know where to find me? How did you even know that I knew about Breeze's plan?"

"I didn't," Reaper said, "I just got here a few minutes ago and just happened to hear your entire review. I was actually sent here by Santa Christ, Honchkrow, and Bartholemew. They offered me my weight in MooMoo Milk in exchange for killing you."

"Really?" Keldeo asked incredulously.

"Yes, really," Reaper said smoothly.

"How they even contact you?" Keldeo asked.

"Oh, I've got a part time job with the Dark Brotherhood in Skyrim. They're outsourcing their assassins, so when Santa Christ and the others performed the Black Sacrament, the leader figured that I'd be the best one for the job, considering I was the closest to them," Reaper replied.

"I - wait - what? Huh?" Keldeo stammered, looking very much confused.

"And killing you to keep you from exposing the truth is a nice little bonus for me and Breeze," Reaper continued, paying no attention to Keldeo's bewilderment, "Oh, and she and I are dating, by the way."

Keldeo groaned and rolled his eyes, "Okay, for a Halloween special, this is starting to get _really_ silly and random."

"Oh, don't worry, I can fix that easily. Just tell me how you want to die," Reaper offered.

Suddenly, a Lucario wearing a Santa hat came out of nowhere and jumped in between Keldeo and Reaper.

 _Santa Paws! Santa Paws! We all love Santa Paws!_

"Alright, Santa Paws!" Keldeo cheered.

"Ho-ho-ho! Don't worry, Keldeo!" Santa Paws said, "I'll take care of him! I just need a position with a good angle. . . a-ha! There!"

Santa Paws jumped onto the edge of a Warp Pipe that had suddenly appeared nearby and said, "Alright! Standing on the narrow edge of this Warp Pipe gives me the perfect vantage point of- WOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Santa Paws fell backwards into the Warp Pipe, and it sunk back into the ground and vanished without a trace.

Keldeo frowned and nodded, " _Now_ do you see how stupid that is?"

Reaper laughed, his guttural tone evident throughout it, and said, "Well, it seems you're out of life-lines, Keldeo."

"Not so fast, Reaper," Keldeo said resolutely, "I'll accept defeat only if you answer one major plot hole about this story."

"I'm all ears, Keldeo," Reaper said with a smirk.

"Do Absols predict natural disasters?" Keldeo asked.

Reaper frowned, "Of course they do. That's been an obvious fact since the day the species were commonly known. How is that a plot hole?"

"So you agree that Absols' use their horns to sense subtle changes in the sky and the land?" Keldeo asked.

"What else do Absol horns do other than slash?" Reaper answered smoothly.

Keldeo nodded and said, "Okay, well in that case, how do you explain the idea inside the fanfic? If the deaths in the story are caused by people doing things, like getting drunk or bringing a Voltorb onto a bus, then how are you able to predict them? There were no natural disasters here, just human error. So how did you know when to appear to the main character to the point that you could growl right when an event was about to happen?"

Reaper narrowed his eyes and said coldly, "The ability of an Absol is multifaceted. I was simply-."

Keldeo pointed an accusing hoof at Reaper and said, "That's not what you said! You said the Absols only predict natural disasters!"

"That's not-"

"I said, _'So you agree that Absols' use their horns to sense subtle changes in the sky and the land?'_ You said, _'What else do Absol horns do other than slash?'_ "

"I know what I said, I don't need to have it repeated back to me!" Reaper snarled.

Keldeo frowned, "How did you make those predictions?"

Reaper was clearly getting more and more agitated as he replied huffily, "Sometimes writers make their own interpretations-."

"Okay then," Keldeo said with an eager smile, "A moment ago you agreed that Absols use their horns to sense changes in the sky and land. Explain to me how that can be interpreted in a way to explain how you detected that someone brought Voltorb onto a bus in his backpack?"

"You're just taking things too literally!" Reaper snarled.

"Just say 'don't give final verdict, Joe'!" Keldeo shot back.

"Are we seriously satirizing that?!" Reaper shouted in confusion.

"I don't know! How did you make those predictions?" Keldeo asked again.

Reaper held his right forepaw to his forehead and said to himself, "No. It's impossible. It couldn't have been goofed up like this!"

"How did you make those predictions?" Keldeo pressed.

"The whole premise of the story, _something so huge couldn't have been overlooked!_ " Reaper exclaimed in wide eyed horror.

"How did you make those predictions?!" Keldeo demanded in a loud voice.

Reaper began twitching and spasming wildly as he cried out in pain, " _Ennyaaaa! Enyaaaaaaaaaaaa-_ hey, wait a minute. . ." Reaper suddenly stopped and glared at Keldeo, "So what? Who cares about a stupid plot hole? How is that going to stop me from killing you?"

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, spun around and pointed, singing, " _Are you reaaady?!"_

The Plot Hole suddenly opened up right behind Reaper, who turned around and looked at it in shock.

" _Are you reaaaady?!_ " Keldeo sang mockingly.

"No-no-no! Wait! I - N-no! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Reaper shouted as he was pulled towards the Plot Hole. He dug his fore claws into the ground to anchor himself, but was immediately yanked backwards and straight into the Plot Hole.

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-_!"

The Plot Hole vanished with a pop.

Keldeo dropped back down onto all four hooves and said, "Well, that was actually easier than I expected. A lot more fun too! Well, I hope all you people and Pokemon have a great Halloween, or Gourgeist Festival if you live in the Kalos region, and make sure to stay out of trouble too. Visit houses you trust, don't throw eggs or toilet paper, and make sure to watch _It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!_ and _The Scare Master._ "

"I'm Keldeo _'Shining Armor'_ the Critic, and I review it so you don't have too!"

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Five Nights at Freddy's_

 _Zuma's Fear_ by HavocHound

 _Survive the Night_ by Mandopony

 _5RQ Reviews (Pilot) - Barney's Great Adventure_ by CyberneticPinkeye

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic: the Matrix_

 _The Angry Joe Show: Ride to Hell Angry Review - WORST GAME EVER?_

 _The Princess and the Frog_

 _Super Mario Bros._

 _Monsters Inc._

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic- The Mysterious Mare Do Well, The Scare Master_

 _Lassie_

 _Truth Orange: It's A Trap_

 _The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim_

 _It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown_

 _XY081: A Festival Trade! A Festival Farewell?_

 _Kyurem the Critic_ by Mr. Grool

 _The Angry Bug Show_ by DragonNiro

 _An Icy Cold Christmas_ by BrickBoy1894

 _ **Special Thanks**_

Creepypasta Wiki

Bulbapedia


	34. Zuma's Fear- Part One

It was so very dark in the Moor of Icirrus that night. The moonlight was like a spotlight, cutting through the pitch blackness as it shone down on Keldeo.

He was sitting down on his haunches on his rock platform, the water completely still around him. He looked up, sad and forlorn, and started to singing a sad song to fit the mood.

"Is it finally over?  
Are you finally done?  
Are you happy now?  
Did you have your fun?

I hope that it was worth it  
All the tears they cried  
While you gained favs and follows  
They were terrified

And if I never read it again  
I'll remember you the way you were  
When you wrote "Marshall Gone Missing"

And for decency's sake  
I'll count your fannon all as fake  
And your words won't hurt them, anymore  
No, your words can't hurt them, _anymore_."

A haunting howling chorus of unseen origin joined Keldeo in an echoing dirge.

Keldeo hung his head as he continued to sing.

"You withheld peace  
You felt that author knows best  
You needed a conflict  
That would validate the rest

But one thing I'll never know  
Is why you treated them like you did  
Marshall's your favorite character  
And Zuma's just a kid...

I wonder what the Zuma fans will do?  
I hope one day they'll learn  
To forgive you

And for decency's sake  
I'll count your fannon all as fake  
And nothing can hurt them anymore  
No, nothing can hurt them...

 _Anymore. . ._

 _No more. . . "_

The six voices took up their howling chant of the final words, repeating it several times, until they finally faded away into silence as a large cloud floated in front of the moon, plunging the Moor into total darkness.

* * *

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now-**_

"THE HECK WITH THAT!" Keldeo shouted as he smashed the intro sequence with a buck from his rear hooves. He turned around to face forward and said in an extremely flustered manner, "I mean- I mean- I just- I-I-I - LOOK AT THIS!"

* * *

 _ **Zuma's Fear**_

 _By: **HavocHound**_

 ** _Out of all the pups in Paw Patrol, Zuma seems to be the most fearless of them all. Nobody really knows what he is afraid of and most of the time he seems cool and relaxed. But the truth is Zuma has a fear, one that is tied to a dark past that is filled with nothing but terror. And that terror is making its way to Adventure Bay._**

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Suspense/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 19 - Words: 53,924 - Reviews: 286 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 45 - Updated: Oct 22 - Published: Mar 23 - Status: Complete - id: 11133458_

* * *

"I just- I don't- I-," Keldeo stammered, and he fell to the ground and buried his face in his forehooves as he made a sobbing sound. He raised his head and got back up quickly and said, "I mean, I already review _Palace Pets,_ but even after that, I never thought that I'd ever have to see something, or have to read and review and analyze and review and talk about something. . . something as _painful_ as _this_!?"

"And yeah, in my _Palace Pets_ review, I mentioned this fanfic _favorably,_ but that was before . . . certain _questionable_ things happened in it. Like, it got worse over time! I just-."

Keldeo quickly dived for his Soothe Bell, took in his teeth and rang it several time. Keldeo put it back and sighed with relief. He got back into position and said, "Alright. Look, I think it's cool when people try to make shows more interesting. Especially when the creators and writers of the show try to make them more mature to begin with. Both PAW Patrol and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic are similar in that the creator treat children as intelligent human beings that can handle action, adventure, and strong characterization along with their standard morals, and even some advance ones for time to time. However, MLP: FiM is able to handle stronger perils and villainy because of it's grounding in magic and mythology. It's fantasy, so you're able to get away with more things, like King Sombra or Chrysalis invading and slashing up guards and civilians. It's an action, adventure, Elder Scrolls-like fantasy, so you just go with it."

"Or, how about the Redwall series! That's all about wars and warriors and swords and brutal battles! Violent deaths fit in there!"

"But PAW Patrol, aside from the talking dogs, is a lot more realistic than MLP, which makes this story a _lot_ more jarring."

Keldeo nodded gravely, "So, I really should warn you that this fanfic is much, much _worse_ than the Zalton story arc. So, if you want to leave, be my guest."

. . . . .

"You _do_ remember what the Zalton story arc is, right?"

. . . . .

"It isn't pretty."

. . . . .

"Well, okay. You've been warned. This is _Zuma's Fear_."

"So our story begins with the PAW Patrol running through an obstacle course. When Rubble gets scared by a spider, this kicks of a conversation about their fears, which then brings up the biggest plot hole of the entire show."

* * *

 _Skye walked over and put her paw on her friend's shoulder. "It's okay, Rubble. All of us are afraid of something. Remember when we helped Alex with the dentist? We all learned of what we were afraid of."_

 _Rubble was about to agree until something click in hi head. "Wait a minute. We never found out what Zuma's fear was."_

 _Everyone turned to the water rescue pup who just smirked. "That's because I'm not afwaid of anything. I'm the bwavest pup in all of Adventuwe Bay!"_

 _"Seriously? You're not scared of spiders, snakes, rats, or skunks?" asked Rubble._

 _"Nope."_

 _"What about heights?" asked Marshall._

 _"Nah, I like flying, dude. Not as much as swimming, but its weally cool."_

 _"Okay, ghosts?" pointed out Chase. "You were really spooked at Halloween."_

 _"Dude, evewyone was spooked at Halloween, that's not a fair one. Face it, out of all you pups, I'm feawless." said Zuma, puffing out his chest before he let out a yawn. He turned around to head for his pup house. "I'm beat from all this. I'm gonna take a nap."_

 _The others watched the labrador walk away, but they looked at each other with raised eyebrows. "Hey, does anybody really know why Ryder didn't pick Zuma that day? I mean, it kind of seems unfair that we all went but Zuma," said Chase._

* * *

"Well maybe Ryder didn't have a sociopathic killer lying around that day. Oh, spoilers, by the way," Keldeo commented dryly.

"So the pups realize that they actually know nothing about Zuma's backstory, and then end up discussing their own backstories. And, okay, credit where it's due. Not only is it nice to see how the author interprets the characters and past experiences of the pups, but it also shows us that this story occurs in a separate continuity from _Marshall Gone Missing._ In that story, Skye was a fashion model. In this story, Skye was a stunt flier."

Keldeo gained a sad look and said, "And with all the horrors that are going to happen in this story, I'm genuinely glad the events of _Marshall Gone Missing_ are not in this continuity's future."

* * *

 _"Why does it matter? Zuma probably had a good reason for not telling anyone," said Rocky, getting a bad feeling about this. Zuma was his best friend and he didn't feel like digging into his past." "I mean, if it was something bad, doesn't he deserve a chance to come forward with it on his own? Remember how long it took me?"_

 _"Do you think it might be bad?" asked Skye with a worried face._

 _Rocky bit his lip, but didn't say anything. If anything, he knew it had to be bad from personal experience._

* * *

"Oh boy, here it comes. The first room in this house of horrors," Keldeo said in fear.

"So, we get a flashback of one time when Rocky getting up at night to drink from the toilet. . . Seriously, that happens . . .Comedy! You're doing it wrong! . . .So Rocky sees Zuma having a nightmare. He wakes Zuma up, and then we get . . . _this_ story. . ."

* * *

 _"… but it was more thana dweam, Wocky," muttered Zuma, closing his eyes as a tear dripped down. "It was a memory."_

 _This got Rocky's attention. A memory? Must have been pretty bad for him to have been acting like that. What happened to him? Is he… like me?_

 _"I bet you wanna know now, huh?" asked Zuma._

 _"… no, you don't have to tell me," answered Rocky, which made Zuma turn his head in surprise. "Believe me, I know what it's like to go through something bad in your life, and not want to think about it."_

 _"W-what happened to you?" asked Zuma, before wincing. "S-sorry, if I'm not willing to tell it wouldn't be fair if-"_

 _"Naw." Rocky put his paw on Zuma's making the younger pup blush. "It's okay. I'm… learning to talk about what happened to me." Taking a deep breath, Rocky looked out at the stars from a nearby window as he thought about his past life. "My old owner? He used to be a good man. We were the best of pals, and did everything together. But that all changed when he lost his job. He got angry… and drunk. I had to clean the place up while he kept hanging out at bars, wasting what little money we had." It was during that time that he found his love of recycling and turning old stuff into new stuff. His old owner called it stupid, thinking it was wasting time. Ryder said he was like the dog version of MacGyver._

 _"Did he… huwt you?" asked Zuma, softly._

 _Now it was Rocky's turn to let out a tear. "Yes." He wiped it away and continued, "He beat me at times when he was really drunk. Then he would apologize later and said he still loved me. I believed him until one day, he got really drunk. Turns out we were broke. He blamed me for everything. Took me to the tub and… held me underwater." Rocky growled as he remembered the feeling of water entering his lungs, slowly taking his breathe away as he waited for the end to come. It was because of that day that he felt his brain screaming for help every time he was wet._

 _"How did you get out of there?" asked Zuma, inching closer with amazement._

 _"I played dead. Convinced my owner he killed me. He just left me there on the floor to rot," spat Rocky, cursing his former owner. He may have loved him once, but that day he let what little love he had die. "I ran to a neighbor after he fell asleep and he called the authorities. My owner was arrested and put in jail, and I was sent into a foster care system until Ryder took me in."_

* * *

Keldeo rested his chin on his right forehoof and said, "And you know what's worse? This is actually one of the more _comfortable_ parts. A story about a guy trying to drown a dog is _literally_ one of the easier parts of this story to get through. . . It's like going through the different levels of Hell."

Keldeo sighed and said, "So, I must inform you again that if the Zalton or even the Zoroark Duo of Death story arcs were too much for you, you should probably leave now and check out _Zorua Reviews._ "

" . . . . Okay. . . ."

"So, back in the present, and in some far off location, we witness a prisoner escaping custody."

* * *

 _The prisoner was a dangerous one, who was listed with charges of murder, theft, robbery, assault, drugs, and more. He had a few dangerous friends too, and it was because of this that caution was being taken. A fake truck was being protected by cops while the news was airing the scene. The real truck was to take a longer, but quiet route to avoid suspicion._

* * *

"That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard of!" Keldeo shouted, "That means if word leaks out, the prisoner will be unguarded! I understand sending a decoy to throw the criminals off the track, but why wouldn't you have the police protect _both_ of them just in case?"

"Well, since the cops in this world are so dumb you'd think this takes place in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles universe. . ."

Keldeo stopped and thought about this," Actually, that would explain how dogs could talk in this world. Maybe a bunch of dogs were exposed to mutagen or something?"

Keldeo shook it off and continued, "Anyway, it turns out the ONLY GUARD had his family held hostage by the gang and has to help the criminal escape. And since ALL the other cops are stupid, the escape is a success."

* * *

 _The prisoner chuckled before slowly raising his hand, showing all five fingers as he counted down one by one. When the last one was up, four shots rang out in the air, spooking the cop as he held his gun closer. For a whole minute there was nothing._

 _Then light poured in upon the rear doors being open, revealing the prisoner as clear as the sun outside. He had a light bond hair that reached down to his end of his neck; a light green dye was on his bangs. His right ear had golden ear pricing and his arms were layered with tattoos and scars. Grinning, his eyes showed a hint of amusement as he got out where his posse was waiting for him, the guard right behind him._

* * *

For the first time in this review, Keldeo laughed.

"Okay. . . what? Seriously, what? Look at this guy! I mean, look at him! What is he, a killer clown? This is hilarious!"

Keldeo smiled and said, "And I know I usually don't step out of the review to talk about what's gonna happen later on in the story before I get to it, but let me tell you all that this guy goes absolutely crazy with Villain Tropes. I mean, he practically uses _ALL OF THEM!_ So, I'm going to set up a Cliche Villain Rip-Off Side Pot. Trust me, this thing will be overflowing by the end of this fanfic."

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _1\. Villain design is so ridiculously evil it's funny. (King Sombra from My Little Pony)_

* * *

 _His gang, consisting of four whites and two blacks, were dressed what you would normally find on your average street thug, holding pistols while they hollered their leader back. Stretching his arms out like he was a savior, the prisoner hugged each of his friends as they welcomed him back. One of the blacks, wearing a backwards Red Sock's cap, patted his buddy on the back. "Welcome back, Stone."_

* * *

Keldeo blinked, "Uhh, okay, why did you feel you had to mention what team the cap was for? Are you saying the guy's from Boston, or are you just saying the Red Socks are evil? That seems a little petty. And no, I'm not joking here, I just find it weird that you just had to mention that it as a Red Sock's cap. Why'd you do it?"

* * *

 _"Got my baby?" asked Stone as he was handed a black pocket knife. He pressed the switch and popped out the blade, caressing it like it was a priceless treasure. "Oh, I missed you so much, Shiva." He kissed it and began flipping it around._

* * *

"Really?" Keldeo deadpanned, "His knife is named 'destruction'? What is it, a Daedric Artifact from Skyrim?"

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _2\. Villain has a favorite weapon he is obsessed with. (Nearly every Redwall villain)_

* * *

 _The cop, nervously clearing his throat as all seven set of eyes glared at him, said, "We… we had a deal. I help you get freed. You'd free my family."_

 _"Right, I forgot about that," said Stone, tapping his head with edge of his knife. "I kind of have a bad memory for being locked up for nearly two years." He walked over and wrapped his arm around the cops' neck. "I said I would have you meet you family again, Officer Palmer. And I never go back on my word."_

 _Palmer ready to open his mouth, but all that came out was a gurgle as Stone shoved the pocket knife straight into his throat. He smiled as he twisted it further into the neck, watching blood drip down as Officer Palmer began to choke, struggling against the enviable while his eyes began to lose the light in them. Stone held on as he continued to inch the blade deeper. Whimpering into the officer's ear in his final moments, he said, "Be sure to say high to the wife and kids when you meet them."_

* * *

"The moral of the story is that if you make a deal with the Devil, YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" Keldeo exploded.

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _3\. Villain makes deals based on EXACT WORDS so he can twist it to his advantage and double cross his victim._

Keldeo frowned and spoke sympathetically, "And I know I should be horrified by this, but A: I've read all the Redwall books, and B: this is nothing, I repeat, _NOTHING,_ compared to what's gonna happen later on. So again, let me remind you- OH, BISCUITS! Who am I kidding, you aren't gonna leave. Let's keep going!"

* * *

 _He finally took out the knife and began to wipe the blood with his prisoner uniform as the dead body fell to the ground. One of the gangsters walked up and asked, "So what do we do now, boss?"_

 _Stone smile as he began flipping the now clean knife. "First, I want some real food, better clothes… and then… well we start planning a little trip, boys."_

 _"Where to?"_

 _"Ever heard of a town called Adventure Bay?"_

* * *

Keldeo raised his left forehoof as if he was in a classroom and said, "Uh, could we see the rest of this conversation? I mean, seriously, how exactly could this have gone, anyway?"

 _Thug: "Why we going there, boss?"_

 _Stone: "To kill a puppy!"_

 _Thug: ". . . Why do we need to kill a puppy?"_

 _Stone: "Shaddup."_

 _Thug: "But shouldn't we be pulling a heist or something that'll-"_

 _Stone: "Shaddup, shutting-up."_

Keldeo put his hoof down and shrugged, "So, after that delightful scene of chaos, anarchy, and death, we head back to the PAW Patrol were Zuma is about to perform some kind of seashell valediction he does he ever May 20th."

 _*DONG!*_

 ** _Ruckus:_** _"The Valediction: A symbolic gesture at best, nonetheless the Memorial pays homage to the way things used to be."_

* * *

 _Maybe I'll head over to the sea later. Do a bit of swimming. Find some seashells… His eyes widened as a realization hit him in the head like a soccer ball at mock speed. "Oh, man!" Zuma quickly slide down the slide and rushed over to Chase with worry in his eyes. "Chase! Hey, Chase!"_

 _"Yeah?" asked Chase, stopping his pushing. "What's up, Zuma?"_

 _"Dude, what day is it?!" asked Zuma, pacing himself a he got ready to rush out if today was indeed that day._

 _"Um, May 20th I think," recalled Chase. He was about to say something, but Zuma was already rushing out of the playground for the exit. "Hey! Where are you going?!"_

 _"I got to head to the beach and do something! See you guys later!" cried out Zuma, but before he could press further, his tag beeped and Ryder's voice came out._

 _"Paw Patrol! To the Lookout!"_

 _"Ryder needs us!" shouted everyone as they howled, following Zuma towards the direction of the lookout._

 _Although he was disappointed this happened, Zuma knew that his duties as a rescue pup came first and foremost. He took a promise not to let anyone who was defenseless, or in need of help, down and he was going to keep it. Besides, I can always get the shells later after the wescue. And I might not be needed for it anyway!_

* * *

"Alright! Time for some comedy! Oh, _Marshall_!" Keldeo called out.

* * *

 _"Help! I can't see!"_

 _The alerted pups all faced forward and gasped as Marshall, whose eyes was covered by his sand bucket, headed straight for them. They tried to shout out a warning, but it was too late. Marshall ran into them, knocking them around until they were another heaping pile of pups stacked on top of each other. Again._

 _Marshall finally got the bucket off his head and looked around, laughing. "Fear me! I am the monster known as Marshall! Destroyer of sand castles and wrecker of pups! With the Paw Patrol defeated I can take over the world!"_

 _"Before you do, can you get your butt out of my face?" asked Rocky, feeling uncomfortable._

 _"Of course!" shouted Marshall, dramatically as he turned his head over his shoulder with an evil smirk. At least until the elevator started moving and made him lose his balance._

* * *

"No, that doesn't count for the Rip-Off Side Pot because Stone didn't say it. But anyway, it was funny. SAVOR IT!" Keldeo suddenly shouted with a look of desperation on his face, "Seriously, _SAVOR IT_! Lighthearted moments are few and far between in this story, so for the love of all that is good, SAVOR THIS SCENE!"

"So we get the author's interpretation of what the secret changing room looks like, _don't be lazy, read the story yourself if you wanna see it,_ and we get today's mission."

* * *

 _"Thanks for coming, pups," said Ryder with a smile before his face turned serious. "We have a major problem out in the bay. Two tourist boats have collided and are slowly sinking. Captain Turbot's been able to get some passages on-board his own boat, but he's running out of room. We need to help the rest of those passengers get off their boats safely, and make sure no one's hurt."_

* * *

"Now, one thing I have to say, is that I love how this author ups the ante of the rescue missions far higher than the show," Keldeo said with a smile, "That's what fanfic authors are suppose to do. Take what the source material gives you, and then elevate it. Seriously, this rescue gets pretty intense!"

* * *

 _After ten minutes of sailing, Zuma spotted the three boats and began to lower his speed. Ryder and Captain Turbot raised their hands in greetings as the boat was brought over. Zuma had to admit, things looked really bad. One ship had completely crashed into the middle of the other one as groaning tourists held their families together while covered in debris and cuts. Most of the tourists were on Captain Turbot's boat, but there looked to be very little room to maneuver. Up on the second floor was Chase, megaphone already out._

 _"Attention passengers! Medical assistance has arrive along with a second boat! Please remain calm, and we'll be able to attend to your needs!" announced Chase._

 _"Good job, pups. You came here just in time," said Ryder to his pups._

 _"Yeah, we got a messy megaton mess of a mishap!" shouted Captain Turbot._

 _"Zuma help me get the remaining passengers on the two crashed boats into the one you brought. Marshall, we got a lot of injured people here who could use your help."_

 _"I'm on it Ryder!" shouted Marshall as he leaped over to Captain Turbot's boat and began asking everyone to get in a single line._

 _Zuma waited until Ryder was on-board before moving the boat to the first crashed one. Getting off, the two helped passengers get on, earning gratefulness from them. A little girl even petted Zuma and hugged him much to his joy. It was moments like these that he enjoyed being a rescue pup. Once the first boat of passengers had arrived on the new boat, Zuma got back on his hovercraft and was about to head to the other one. That's when Marshall called._

 _"Ryder! Zuma! I smell gas and smoke from here coming from the other boat!"_

 _"I smell it too!" shouted Chase with worry._

 _"Smoke and gas… that would mean," whispered Ryder as a look of horror appeared on his face. "Zuma, quick we need-"_

 _An explosion from the engine of the second boat sent out shock waves as a bursting fireball erupted and everyone screamed._

* * *

 ** _Team Rocket:_** _"WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"_

 _*ding*_

Keldeo moaned, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but if you only knew the _evil_ that is coming in this story, you'd understand why I felt the need to add in jokes whenever I have the chance."

* * *

 _Zuma managed to hang on in his seat, as did the passengers, but Ryder was flown out and landed in the water. "Wyder!" shouted Zuma with worry._

 _"I'm fine! Ack," spat out Ryder as he shook his wet head. "Get the other passengers! Hurry!"_

* * *

"So Zuma _zooms-_ heh-heh-heh- to the rescue, when finally, after so long, he once again comes face to face with his biggest fear."

* * *

 _The man who lay before him has piece of wood dug deep into his back and legs, with second degree burns visible on his right side of his body from the explosion. And there was blood. Blood on his back, forehead, and limbs all forming into a small pool below him. Zuma started to sake as he saw that pool get bigger and bigger. And with it came the screams. Screams of horror, pain and pleading. Visions of furniture covered in blood with a knife cutting into the air, crimson raining down upon his head as he screamed. Screamed until his throat was burning, all for it to stop. But it wasn't stopping. The blood wasn't stopping._

 _"Zuma! Wake up and get out of there!" shouted Chase on the other end of his pup tag._

 _Zuma finally shook his head, but it was too late. Another explosion echoed in his ears. Before Zuma knew it he was screaming, flying in the air,_

* * *

 ** _Team Rocket:_** _"WE'RE BLASTING OFF-"_

 _SPLASH!_

* * *

 _before he landed in the water. He slowly started to sink as his eyes began to slowly shut. All he could think about as the water took him under was the names of those who he could hear screaming._

 _Gweg… Mawsha… Shelly…_

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna declared.

"NO SHIP SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

Keldeo fired Focus Blasts at both of them.

 _"WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"_

 _*ding*_

"That's it, no more Team Rocket jokes, I swear" Keldeo declared.

"So Zuma wakes up in the hospital later on and is given the bad news."

* * *

 _"That man! The one who was left on the boat! What happened to him?!"_

 _Upon saying this, the group all looked at each other with sad eyes and worried expressions. Chase took of his police hat and placed it on his chest. "Zuma… I'm sorry, he… didn't make it. The second explosion got him…"_

 _"You mean… he's… he's…" tears began to form in Zuma's eyes as he shook his head. "No… no no no no! Augh!"_

 _He turned around in shame and, covering his head with his bedsheet, howling in sorrow. He failed. He failed to rescue someone. Ever since Paw Patrol had formed they had never lost a single casualty in any of their rescue missions. And Zuma had just brought in their first one._

 _"Zuma, it's alright," said Ryder, placing his hand on Zuma's side. "It wasn't your-"_

 _"Yes it was, Wyder!" shouted Zuma, emerging from his blanket and growling at his owner. Tears dripping from his eyes, Zuma continued, "It was all my fault! I let him die because I fwoze up like a scawdy cat! All I had to do was dwag him to safety and he could be back home with his family! Only now they're gonna know that he died because of me! I let that man die, Wyder! I bwought our fiwst failure in Paw Patrol! And all because he was… was…"_

 _Zuma gripped the side of his head as memories of three bodies, covered in red, with horrified faces flashed in his mind._

 _"… because what?" asked Rubble, too curious for his own good._

 _"Because he was bleeding!" screamed Zuma who began to yell and began to thrash in his bed, much to the horror of the pups. They had never seen their cool and collected friend act like this. "I couldn't save them! I couldn't save them, Wyder! I couldn't save them!"_

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "Okay, I know Zuma's Elmuh Fudd Syndwome is a part of his character, but it's just sooooo distracting in a scene that's supposed to be emotionally potent and poignant. Couldn't the author had done something like, 'he was so distraught that he overcame his speech impairment out of sheer force of emotion and will to confess his crippling guilt.' I know I'm kinda nit-picking here, but all those w's are just so distracting."

"So that night, Rocky and Chase talk about everything that happened and we see that Rocky is apparently gonna be our secondary protagonist."

* * *

 _Sighing, Rocky growled, "I should have gone with him." Raising an eyebrow, Chase stared at him. "If I had gone with him, maybe I could have prevented him from getting scared and hurt."_

 _"Rocky, Ryder didn't need you for the mission. There was no way any of us could have predicted this would happen," said Chase, patting his friend on the back. "Don't go asking yourself 'what if's' it's not healthy. Besides, would you have asked to go on a mission in the water?"_

 _"If it meant helping you guys, yes!" shouted Rocky, surprising Chase. "Yes, I hate getting wet but I hate seeing my best friends hurt more! Especially Zuma!" A tear streaked down his cheek. "He… he's like a little brother to me, Chase. I care about him a lot, and knowing he's in this much pain without me by his side? It hurts. I can even say I hate Ryder for ordering me to do this…"_

 _"Rocky," muttered Chase before he reached over and nuzzled him. "I know how you feel. I didn't want to obey that order either, but we have to trust him. I'm sure Ryder will tell us everything tomorrow." He gave a small smile. "So why don't you get some sleep?"_

 _Rocky was about to say something when a yawn erupted from his throat. "Yeah… I guess I should. Good night, Chase."_

 _"Night," he said as he followed the recycling pup until they split up to their respective houses._

* * *

Keldeo smiled warmly, "Relax guys. It could be worse. There could be a sociopathic killer on the loose who's plotting to kill all of you."

Keldeo blinked, "Oh wait. . ."

Keldeo cleared his throat, " _*Ahem*_ So, after that scene, we get introduced to, without a doubt, my _favorite_ character in this fanfic. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you. . ."

Keldeo put on the black hat he wore during his _Blooming Late_ review.

". . .Detective Shaw!" Keldeo declared.

* * *

 _Thirty-seven year old Detective Shaw hated his job when things went wrong. More often than not they did, and usually that resulted in the chief yelling at him for hours, threatening to take his badge if he ever crossed the line again. Of course, Shaw took it all in stride. With his performance record, the fat *** would never kick him off the force and everyone in the whole district knew it. He was the best **** cop in Costal City and the jailed criminals could tell you that._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Yes, he's swearing. I don't like it either. _But,_ this guy is hard boiled detective! A film noir master! He's the kind of guy punches criminals and remarks about how he hopes he can get the slime of off his fist! The police hate him cause he's a hundred times better than they'll ever be at catching criminals. This guy is GOOD!"

* * *

 _Still, fate was a ***** to Shaw when things went wrong, like it was this morning as he woke up to the worst news of his life._

 _Damian Stone hadn't arrived at his trial hearing yesterday and only now, the next morning, they had found the truck that was supposed to be carrying him. Driving his green classic 1962 pontiac catalina (His old man's personal car that he received after his death), Shaw found himself in Standfort Woods where CSI and cops were all over the area. Shaw cursed as he took out a cigarette and lit up, breaking his three week streak of going through a single day without one. Getting out, he walked over to the crime scene were the prisoner truck was, along with three body bags._

 _"Stone anywhere?" asked Shaw to an officer who looked new to the force judging by his green looking face._

 _"No, sir. We haven't found his body, just… these three…" gulped the poor newbie who looked ready to lose his lunch. "Two of them were shot multiple times while the last one-"_

 _"Had a pocket knife shoved into this neck?" asked Shaw, getting a quick nod in return. "Figures. That's his calling card."_

 _"Sir?" asked the officer as the detective walked away._

 _Inhaling the smoke, Detective Shaw closed his eyes and wondered how in the name of the Lord himself he was still a religious person if crap like this happens._

* * *

"It involves a certain hard to explain perspective that I'm glad to see Shaw still has," Keldeo commented, "But wait! Here comes the best part!"

* * *

 _His cell soon rang and he already knew who it was. Answering it, he shouted, "Well, what do you want to hear, chief? The 'I told you so' or the fact we got three dead cops and a wanted man out doing God knows what."_

 _"I don't have time for your jokes, Shaw! I got everybody on my *** for this and if you don't give me something I swear you're fired!"_

 _More like you will be, thought Shaw, rolling his eyes. "Well, maybe if we went with the original plan and having him in that actual line of police protection instead of trying to trick his gang with a single vehicle with only three cops I think we might have been avoiding this situation."_

* * *

"THANK YOU!" Keldeo shouted, "I'm glad to see not someone knew that this plan was a stupid idea! Whoever thought of the plan needs to be fired and given a job cleaning streets or something an idiot can do without hurting someone."

* * *

 _"Detective! We found something you should see!" shouted the officer from before._

 _Putting the call on hold, he walked over and saw the officer holding some kind of paper. Looking closer, Shaw saw that it was an article on Adventure Bay's Paw Patrol rescue squad. He recognized it because he knew the leader, Ryder, personally. After all, he was involved in the investigation along with-_

 _"Oh ****," whispered Shaw as he eyed all the six pups shown on the paper except one was crossed out with a pencil. "Zuma…"_

 _"Who?" asked the officer, but Detective Shaw was already heading for his car._

 _Once he was inside, he began to head back to the highway and drove as fast as he could with his lights on. "Chief!" he shouted on his phone. "I know where Stone is heading! He's heading to Adventure Bay! I need you to get every officer you can from Foggy Bottom to Eagleton involved. I'm heading there now!"_

 _"Why the hell would Stone go there?"_

 _"One word: revenge," was all Detective Shaw said before he hanged up and looked through his contacts for a person he hadn't talk to for a year and a half. He knew the kid was possible asleep, but this was important._

 _He waited for the dial to tone until he sighed in relief when he heard a tired voice yawn out, "Ryder here… who is this?"_

 _"Ryder? It's Detective Shaw. Do you remember me?"_

 _"Detective Shaw? Yeah, I remember you. What's wrong?"_

 _"Is Zuma with you?" asked Shaw, praying he wasn't too late._

 _"Yeah, he's with me? What's wrong?"_

 _Shaw sighed. "I got bad news…"_

* * *

Keldeo took of his hat and scratched his head, "Wait a minute. . . Stone left them a clue? Why?! What, is he Carmen Sandiego?"

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _4\. Villain leaves clues for the good guys to make things more interesting. (Carmen Sandiego)_

"I mean, this _couldn't_ been an accident. There's _no wa_ y he could have just happened to drop an article about his target _right at the crime scene_ without realizing it. Is he really so confident that they can't stop him that he'd actually warn them ahead of time?"

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _5\. Villain is overly confident._

So Shaw tells Ryder what happened, and the pups have a meeting the next morning.

* * *

 _Ryder's face was pale and his eyes were bloodshot, worse yet it looked like he had seen a demon._

 _"Ryder, sir?" asked Chase, stepping forward with concern. "What happened?"_

 _"It's… it's a long story, Chase," muttered Ryder, rubbing his temples. "Something happened and… I'm afraid we're going to be facing the biggest rescue in our lives."_

 _"Rescue? Who are we rescuing?" asked Rubble._

 _"It's Zuma," muttered Ryder as he walked into the Lookout._

 _The others gasped as Rocky quickly asked, "Is he okay?"_

 _"No…" muttered Ryder, sitting on one of the couches. "After what we just learned… he had a panic attack and had to stay at the hospital again."_

 _"A panic attack?!" shouted the pups._

* * *

"WHAT!?" Keldeo shouted in shock, "He was just finished being traumatized from letting a civilian die, and then you went ahead and told him that a psychotic killer is coming to get him!? . . . . You're a terrible friend! Couldn't you have posted guards around his hospital room and not told him anything until he recovered enough to handle it? What are you, a sadist? Where the heck is your compassion and sympathy?!"

"So, Ryder finally tells the pups about Zuma's past."

* * *

 _He sighed as leaned back against the couch, the pups all sitting down with full attention. "I told you that I found Zuma as an orphan down by Costal City, right? I lied." The others were a bit surprised by this since Ryder never lied to them before but they let him continue._

 _"I went there because I was trying to see if there were any adopted pups I could find for the team. We were missing a water and construction pup, and I at least wanted one of those filled before we started missions," explained Ryder. "Back then, Zuma had… a family. Two owners who were married, Greg and Marsha, and… a sister named, Shelly."_

* * *

 _Floating in water, not too far from the beach, Zuma sighed and wished he could sink into the deep ocean floor and feel this sensation forever. Unbeknownst to him, a figure was swimming silently underwater straight on target. The chocolate labrador was all but deaf to the small paddles making its way toward him. His smile slowly began to disappear when his instincts began telling him something was amiss._

 _By the time he realized it, it was too late. The figure emerged from the water and tackled him. "Ha! You're dead!" shouted a female chocolate labrador that looked just liked Zuma, only she was female and had a bang of hair covering a bit of her left eye. She also had a necklace of seashells around her neck, each of them pretty and unique._

 _"Hey, we stopped play shawks and guppies ten minutes ago!" pouted Zuma, as he glared at his grinning sister._

 _"Shelly the Shark never stops when she's on the hunt!" proclaimed the other pup with a howl. The two pups laughed before they started splashing water at each other. "And it's 'sharks' not 'shawks', bro."_

 _"Dude, come on," said Zuma as he pounded a big splash of water into his sister's face. "Hitting my speech impaiwment is a low blow. Want me to stawt dissing you for sleeping with a night light?"_

 _"Okay, sorry dude," apologized Shelly with a smile._

* * *

"Gosh, it's like she has a sign on her back that says _'Kill Me',_ " Keldeo remarked grimly.

"So, in the past, Zuma and his sister lived with a married couple who ran a restaurant in Coastal City."

* * *

 _She then turned over to the shack her owners owned. Despite looking like your average tiki shack, it was as big as a diner and was fit for tables both outside and in. The place was also growing more crowded than the last time they had seen it. Turning to her brother, she said, "Hey, Zuma? Let's got help out Greg and Marsha at the shack. Looks like it's getting crowded."_

 _"Sure thing, Sis," said Zuma, following Shelly towards the Tiki Snack Shack._

 _A few of the customers greeted the pup duo, who barked hello back, as they made their way to the counter where Marsha was accepting orders and handing out change from the bills. Marsha was a red head with a ponytail and a firm surfer figure while wearing a white T-shirt she got from Hawaii and shorts that reached her knees. Behind her, working on the grill, was her husband, Greg. He didn't have anything on his tattoo swimmer packed chest but a chef's apron while worked on a pair of burger patties. Unlike his wife, he wore his swim trunks all the time which were yellow just like his short haircut._

 _Noticing the pups, Marsha smiled at them. "Thank goodness you two arrive. We're getting swamped. Mind taking orders, and delivering food?"_

 _"You got it, Marsha!" said the siblings who were always eager to help their owners. They were the closest thing to parents that they had, and had been with them since they could first talk. Putting on their own pet sized green waiter aprons, the two headed out to the tables._

* * *

"When did this turn into _Rocket Power_?" Keldeo asked in bemusement.

Keldeo gave a genuine smile and said, "But seriously, this really does expand the world of the cartoon. Dogs are so advanced in this world that it makes sense they'd have jobs like this. It actually kind of reminds me of the Pokemon world."

"We're then introduced to Ryder and the pup who wants to apply for the PAW Patrol."

* * *

 _Along the way he saw Shelly talking to two pups dressed in lifeguard packs. The first was a male black furred newfoundland dog with a backwards combed looking haircut and had impressive muscles. The other was a shorter golden retriever with pigtails and a pink bow on her tail._

 _Walking over, he greeted the two with a high five that they returned in kind. "What's up, Samuel and Reggie? You guys on break?"_

 _"No, but Sam here wanted to see his 'future interviewer', the one you were talking to a while ago," said Reggie, rolling her eyes._

 _Zuma raised his eyebrow upon hearing the words "future interviewer" and Shelly, seeing his confusion, giggled before explaining. "She means that human, Ryder? He's the leader for some sort of rescue team."_

 _"Not just a rescue team! A fully staffed pup rescue team called Paw Patrol! All of them are pups, and he's looking to recruit more. One of them being a water pup," said Samuel with excitement as he puffed his chest and flexed his front legs. "And I'm going to be that pup. I am one of the best life guard's dogs we have on the beach." He kissed his muscles. "Just look at my guns, ain't I right, Shelly?"_

* * *

"Wow, I just met this guy and I already hate him. How did HavocHound do that!?" Keldeo asked in mock amazement.

* * *

 _"And I'm going to be that pup!" said Samuel, wagging his tail._

 _"Maybe if they need an ego pup," muttered Reggie,_

* * *

"A little later, Shelly leaves to go surfing, which raises a few concerns for Zuma."

* * *

 _Glazing Rock Point was a dangerous place to surf with the high intense waves, pointy rocks, and the stories of how many people had gotten injured when attempting to beat it. He didn't think Shelly was foolish enough to do that, but still his sister had always been a daredevil. Like the time she tried surfing that tropical storm. Man, was she ever grounded._

 _Yet as Zuma made his way to the beach he paused. Going down Glazing Wock Point with a new board would be something cwazy that she would do. Maybe I should just double check to be sure._

* * *

"Sure enough, Shelly _does_ go there and needs to be rescued. Unfortunately, this doesn't convey much tension because we know Shelly is going to be saved so she can be killed by Stone later on. However, this is a very exciting and well written rescue scene."

* * *

 _"Hang on, Shelly! I'm going to get help!" Rushing as fast as he could, Zuma could only pray that he would make it to the lifeguards in time._

* * *

 _"I can hold my breath for two minutes. I once rescued a cat during high tide. And I was the best doggie paddler in my class. Did I mention I work out every day?" said Samuel, grinning to an amused Ryder who was typing something in his pup pad._

* * *

Keldeo chuckled, "Okay, break from drama here. I can just imagine what Ryder is typing there. . ."

 _"OMG, this guy won't shut up. Biggest head ever, and most of it is muscle. He's got more muscle in his head than his legs. REJECT! REJECT!"_

* * *

 _"It's Shelly! She surfed at Glazing Wock Point and is stuck on some wocks! The high tide is coming and I don't know how long she can stay above the water!" shouted Zuma._

 _The two pups gasped as Samuel began to shiver. "G-G-G-Glazing R-R-Rock P-Point?! That place is dangerous! Even we're not of the level to do rescues there!"_

* * *

"Then why did you want to join the PAW Patrol, you quivering coward!?" Keldeo asked in disgust, "What are you gonna do, just sit there and let her die? What kind of lifeguard are you? _Spongebob_ is a better lifeguard than you! At least he _tried_ to save Patrick!"

* * *

 _"We need to radio in the advance level lifeguards if we're going to save your sister, this too much for us!" shouted Reggie, reaching for her radio._

 _"But we don't have time! Shelly needs us! I'm going to save her either with you guys or not!" shouted Zuma, who looked ready to bolt, but was stopped by Ryder._

 _"Hold on, Zuma. We're going to save your sister together. No job is too big, no pup is too small!" shouted Ryder as he rushed over to a nearby ATV that was parked. He placed his pup pad in a holder for it up front, and put on his helmet. "Get in!"_

* * *

"So while Samuel just sits in a corner and sucks his paw, the _real_ heroes carry out the rescue, proving that Zuma is, in fact, _better_ _than trained lifeguards!"_

* * *

 _"Okay, Zuma! Ready to get wet?" asked Ryder._

 _"Born weady!" said Zuma as he dived into the water. He shook off the icy feeling of the cold water and focused on swimming towards his sister._

 _The waves were rough, sending Zuma up and down, but he kept going forward with determination in his eyes. With each passing wave that he concurred he got closer and closer to reaching his sister. Shelly reached out, hoping to get to her brother in time. This proved to be a mistake as the next wave knocked her off the rocks completely, sending her screaming underwater._

 _"Shelly! Nooo!" shouted Zuma as he dived under._

 _Blinking his eyes so he could see clearer, he swam as fast as he could down below where he saw his sister struggling to maintain afloat. Her sore cramp prevented her from moving upwards, and the pain made her yell underwater, wasting air. At last Zuma reached his sister, and wrapped his paws around her waist before pulling the rope three times. The rope began to pull them back to the surface as Zuma assisted by kicking upward as hard as he could._

 _The moment they broke the surface, both pups let out big gasps and hacked water out of their mouths and noses. Seeing herself safe in her brother's paws, Shelly embraced her brother and sobbed at the prospect of almost drowning. Zuma only sighed in relief that his sister was okay as he was pulled back by Ryder._

 _"Nice rescue, Zuma. Are you okay, Shelly?" asked Ryder, helping both pups up._

 _"Y-yeah," stuttered Shelly, shaking from the cold. "T-thanks for h-h-helping m-me."_

* * *

"Come to think of it, was this rescue even _that_ hard?" Keldeo commented.

* * *

 _"I'm sorry, Greg," muttered Shelly, lowering her head in shame._

 _"How many times have we told you, and Zuma, that Glazing Rock Point was dangerous and you should never swim there, much less surf!" growled Greg, rubbing his temples. "Damnit, if it wasn't for your brother, and Ryder, you could have died out there!"_

 _"I know, okay! I'm sorry! I thought it would be okay if I tried surfing just a little bit during low tied, but I screwed up!" yelled Shelly, burring her face into her paws and crying. "Please… please don't hate me…"_

 _Greg's face softened as he and Marsha looked at each other before the latter calmly took the crying pup into her arms and began to rock her. "Shelly, we could never hate you. You and Zuma are family to us, and we love you. We were just so worried sick about you and if we lost you…" Marsha let a tear drop down from her eye. "We're just glad you're safe, honey." She then proceeded to kiss her pup on the cheek._

 _Shelly turned to Greg who sighed and ruffed up the top of her head. "Same here, kiddo. I'm more relieved than upset. Believe me." He then wagged her finger at her. "You are grounded for two weeks though."_

 _"I understand," said Shelly as she turned to Ryder and Zuma. "Thanks for saving me."_

 _"Yes, thank you for all your help, Ryder… um, I don't know your last name," said Greg walking over and holding out his hand._

 _Ryder chuckled before shaking it. "Just Ryder is fine. I'm just glad we could help Shelly."_

 _Zuma barked in approval before noticing something. "Hey, Shelly! You're shell necklace is gone!"_

 _Looking at her bare chest, Shelly sighed in disappointment. "I guess I lost it in the sea."_

 _"Don't worry! I'll get you a new one!" said Samuel eagerly, but was then pulled by the ear via Reggie's mouth._

 _"Oh no you don't," she said as she dragged them away. "We are going to report back to HQ and then you're going to hold my bags when my owner and I go shopping tomorrow morning."_

 _"Why do I have to do that?!" shouted Samuel, as he was dragged across the room towards the beach exit._

 _"Because I had to listen to you prattle on about your speech all day. Payback is a bitch," said a smirking Reggie._

 _"Yeah, you are one," whispered Samuel before he was smacked in the face by Reggie's tail._

* * *

"My _gosh_ is this guy bad! I mean, really, truly a gift to unlike-able characters! He and Reggie are like Butch and Cassidy in dog form. No, that didn't count as a Team Rocket joke. It's a fact!"

* * *

 _"Ryder called back and said that Samuel did his best, but he didn't pass the interview," explained Reggie as he eyed her partner with sympathy._

 _"Aw, I'm sowwy, Sam," said Zuma patting him on the shoulder. "I still think you're a gweat lifeguard pup though."_

 _"Thank, man," said Samuel with a small smile. He then puffed out his chest and made another muscled pose with his forelegs. "I guess I'll just need to continue protecting the beach with my awesomeness. Paw Patrol doesn't know what they're missing with me and these babies right here. Oh, yeah."_

* * *

"Are you kidding me! _Zuma_ totally showed you up, and he isn't even a lifeguard! You were literally shivering and stammering like a little coward the other day! You couldn't do anything! Are you delusional or something?"

"So, in other news, Greg has an argument with a obviously suspicious criminal."

* * *

 _Sensing trouble, the three pups rushed forward just as Greg was finishing, "… and if you show up on my property again I will see to it that you are jailed for a long time!"_

 _The hooded guy snorted and shook his head. "You're making a mistake. Nobody tells Stone 'no' when he offers a deal like this. After all, there are a lot of hoodlums who like to make trouble around these parts."_

 _"Yeah, hoodlums like you." Greg glared and pointed this finger at the punk. "Tell your boss that I don't want his 'protection' and he can shove his offer up his pie hole. Now get out of here!"_

 _The hooded guy laughed harshly before shaking his head. "Man, you are in deep. Hope ya got a good coffin for yer funeral, buddy."_

* * *

 ** _G-Man:_** _"Prepare for unforeseen consequences."_

* * *

 _"Is there trouble here," said Reggie as she stepped forward, grabbing their attention. She glared at the hooded guy, who look disinterested at the aspect of being threatened by a pup. "I can radio both other lifeguards and beach security to escort you off the premise if you're disturbing this place, bucko."_

 _"Yeah, and we're not afraid to drag you out by your pants either," growled Samuel._

 _"Tsh, whatever," said the hooded figure as he walked away, making sure to give the bird as he passed by._

 _Marsha rushed over to her husband and hugged him. "Are you okay?"_

 _"I'm fine. Punks like that are nothing," said Greg._

 _"What happened, Gweg?" asked Zuma, concerned._

 _"Oh, some jerk came here as a repressive of his boss, Stone or whatever," said Greg, rolling his eyes. "Apparently, he saw how successful we were and wanted us to make a 'donation' so that we were protected."_

 _"Sounds like an extortion racket to me," said a new voice. They all turned towards a serious looking Ryder who walked in. "That guy sounds dangerous. He and his boss could come for revenge since you disrespected them. We should call the police."_

 _"Ryder, there is no need," said Greg, shaking his head._

* * *

 ** _"WHAT?!"_** Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _"It's just some punk lying out of his mouth so he can get a free meal. We get those kinds of guys from time to time."_

 _"I wanted to make him leave with a good bite on his rump," growled Shelly. "Nobody threatens my family."_

 _"Still, maybe we should call the police, Greg," said Marsha._

 _"Look, I'm sure it's nothing," reassured Greg, patting his wife's hand. "If you want, we'll go to the police tomorrow. For now, let's get back to work."_

* * *

"And I thought the unguarded prisoner transport was stupid, but this just raises the stupidity meter to a whole new level! It even trumps Foxfire standing on the edge of the well!" Keldeo shouted, his eyes widened with disbelief and rage, "I mean. . . WHAT!? Just . . . WHAT?! An obviously suspicious person threatens to kill you with his gang and you decide _not_ to call the police? Are you insane or just really, really, _really_ stupid?!"

Keldeo shook his head, "I just have no idea why HavocHound decided to set things up like this. There had to have been much better way to get them involved with Stone. Like, maybe a gang member or even Stone himself tries to steal Greg's wallet or Marsha's purse on the street, but then it causes a fight where Greg breaks the criminal's nose or maybe Shelly or Zuma tears him up pretty bad, but then he gets away. Then it would make more sense for Greg not to call the police because as far as they know, it was just one guy who probably won't be back."

"But _here,_ the guy makes it clear that they've got a gang, presumably with guns, that won't hesitate to kill them all. So why would Greg think _not_ calling the police would be a good idea? I mean, it makes no sense! And what about Ryder? He's right there! He's supposed to be a genius! Can't he see that there are lives in danger."

* * *

 _"I don't know, it's better to be safe than sorry," said Ryder, crossing his arms. "But I can't do anything if Greg doesn't want too."_

* * *

"So you're just gonna let innocent people _die_? You should've been like:"

 _ **Ryder:** "Greg, uh, sir. I hate to say it, but, um, you're a total moron. Seriously, you're an idiot. Either that or a lunatic. Or maybe you're just suicidal. But if that's the case, try to consider your family. I doubt that they want to die with you. Try to find a way to kill yourself that doesn't endanger your family. I'm calling the police."_

Keldeo sighed, "Okay, that was a little overboard. But seriously, if I were in Ryder's position, I would have anonymously called the police, disguised my voice, and told them what's going on. Even if they figured out it was me and Greg got angry at me, I wouldn't care. At least the man and his family are still alive!"

Keldeo cracked and smile, "Oh, and just to lighten things up a little bit, here's a meme:"

 _ **Ren and Stimpy Walrus:** "Call the police. . ."_

"So Ryder offers Zuma a job on the PAW Patrol, but he turns it down to stay with his family at the restaurant. Makes sense. Then, later on, Greg gets a very unsubtle revelation of how stupid it was to _not call the police!_ "

* * *

 _Coming towards the Tiki Snack Shack from outside were at least ten ATV's with two people riding on them. Every one of them was dressed in black pants and shirts with helmets on top. They then started to swerve away, slowly circling the shack like it sharks._

 _The family all huddled up together as the ATV's soon stopped and all the passengers got up, holding what looked to be long black and heavy objects. When they stepped on to the wooden surface of the shack, and into the light, they saw what they were and their blood turned to ice._

 _Guns._

 _They were real guns. Not the kind that Zuma and Shelly had seen on TV when Greg watched his action movies. Not the toy looking ones they saw in their cartoons. But real, and deadly, guns._

 _One of the masked riders slowly walked up towards the group, strutting around like he owned the place. Slowly, he took of his helmet, revealing a young man with blond hair and a light green dye on his bands. He had a golden earing on his right ear and a smile that seemed to hold maliciousness with it. He clapped his hands and smiled at the group, "Hi, I don't suppose you do late night take out do you? My boys and I are very huggry."_

 _"Who are you?" asked Greg, stepping forward to protect his family._

 _"My name is Damian Stone," he said bowing his head before giving them a toothy grin. "And from what I heard you wanted to shove something up my pie hole was it?"_

* * *

 _ **GLaDOS:** "Well, this is the part where he kills us."_

"Oh boy, here it comes," Keldeo said with wide eyed horror. He quickly retrieved his Soothe Bell and placed in on the ground in front of him.

"Proceed. . ." Keldeo said softly.

* * *

 _Where are your kids?"_

 _"I… can't have any, but Zuma and Shelly are like my children anyway," muttered Greg, lowering his head._

 _Despite the danger, Zuma and Shelly looked at each other with a warm smile. They always thought of Greg and Marsha as their parents too._

 _"Aw, how sweet. I wish I had a father like you," said Stone with a wide smile. "Of course all mine was good for was being a lazy ***. I think the most exercise he ever got was when I slit his throat, and watched him fumble around in a futile effort to stop the bleeding. This is good orange soda by the way."_

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _6\. Villain has a Freudian excuse._

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _7\. Villain talks about killing in a nonchalant manner. (Henry from The Purge)._

 ** _COMBO!_**

"So Stone decides to a cooking competition that would probably on the Food Network if it were run by Nazis."

* * *

 _"If you don't make me a good burger, I will cut off a finger of your wife's hands every time you get it wrong." As he said this he took out a switch knife and flipped it open. "Burger. Medium well. Now."_

 _Greg looked at his teary eyed wife and nodded. He slowly made his way towards the kitchen._

 _"Tsk. You gotta go faster than that man," said Stone as he pulled out a pistol from his pocket and aimed for Greg's legs._

 _Zuma saw this and shouted, "Gweg! Look out!"_

 _A shot rang in the air, followed by a cloud of blood erupting from a screaming Greg's left leg._

* * *

"BISCUITS!" Keldeo shouted out in fair as he jumped backwards.

* * *

 _Shelly and Zuma screamed as they rushed out of the kitchen to their owner. Howling in pain, Greg held his bleeding leg while it formed a red puddle on the floor._

* * *

"What's the point of that!?" Keldeo exclaimed as he was suddenly taken aback by the sudden turn of events, "You already have his wife held hostage! Why are you shooting at him for? I thought you wanted him to make you a burger? Is this part of your plan? Make it hard for him to make the burger so you can have an excuse to carry out the threat? In that case, why don't you just lie as say the burger's bad. They're in no position to argue with your small _militia!_ "

* * *

 _Zuma nearly wet himself upon seeing so much of it get on his paws and fur while trying to help stop it. "He needs help! Call 911!" shouted Zuma to the other humans who just laughed at the pup._

* * *

"Call 911- WHAT!?" Keldeo shouted, looking amazed by Zuma's statement, "He's the one who shot him, why would he call 911?"

 ** _Stone:_** _"Hello! . . . Yeah, I just shot someone and he's bleeding, he needs medical attention! . . . No it wasn't self defense . . . No, it wasn't an accident. . .No, you see, I came her to torture them a kill them one by one. . . Yes, I'm a dangerous criminal. . . You'll be right here? . . . Okay, good, goodbye. Okay, they'll be here any- oh wow, here they are, that was fast! I- hey, what's with the taser-"_

 ** _Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!_**

* * *

 _"How about I call 1-800-****-You," answered Stone, before he aimed his pistol at Zuma who froze up._

* * *

"HavocHound!" Keldeo shouted in shock, "Was _that_ really necessary? We _know_ he's the bad guy, you don't have to insert random swears! That's not even a real villain trope, at least not in my book. I refuse to acknowledge it!"

Keldeo gulped down the bile in his throat and said, "So. . . ugh . . . Stone rejects five burgers and carries out his threat five times. . . ugh. . . the detail in this story is not for the faint of heart. I feel a little sick."

* * *

 _Greg, in his sixth attempt, presented the next burger as all awaited with a held breath to see how Stone would take it. He chewed it for a bit, tapping his chin. With a smile he pretended thumbs up to Greg. "Good stuff! You got it!" Greg sighed in relief as did the others. However, Stone threw the burger away like he did with all the others. "Yeah, you actually got it right the first time. I just lied to screw with ya." He chuckled while the others stared at him with disbelief as they wondered how in god's name this man's sick mind worked._

 _"Of course, you forgot one little thing each time," scolded Stone as he raised his finger and shook it back and forth with a "tsk tsk"._

 _"W-what?" asked Greg, trembling._

 _"You forgot the fries," answered Stone with a grin._

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _8\. Villain gives the victim a challenge that they can't win due to a technicality, and then cheats on top of it. (Bubble Bass from Spongebob Squarepants)_

* * *

 _He then pointed to two of his men. "Grill him on this lesson, boys?"_

 _Before Greg could argue, he was dragged by the two into the kitchen while begging for mercy. Zuma and Shelly wanted to go help him, but were too frozen by the amused glare that Stone was giving them. Their spines shivered as they heard the sound of the grill being used followed by Greg screaming. A foul smell came from the room as Greg continued to scream along with the sizzling. It continued for a few minutes until it suddenly stopped and Greg's screams turned to whimpers._

 _When he was dragged out, Shelly and Zuma cried out in horror at what they saw. Greg's entire right face was burned along with his hands._

* * *

Keldeo rang the Soothe Bell furiously, then spat it out and said, "OH MY GOSH! I've been thinking of it, but I didn't want to say it, but now I have to! Damian Stone is the PAW Patrol version of the Joker from the Dark Knight! He sees himself as invincible, he may or may not have a Freudian excuse, he manipulates people through game-like choice situations, he's always smiling, and. . . HE JUST TURNED GREG INTO TWO-FACE!"

"I mean, it's a really strange coincidence that the same thing happened to me during _The Zoroark Duo of Death_ story arc, and I already said that it was trying to imitate _The Dark Knight,_ but this story goes above and beyond _The Dark Knight_!"

Keldeo took a few deep breaths and said, "So. . . does Stone turn Greg into a super-villain and use him to help destroy Coastal City? . . . No, he just stabs Marsha in front of him and then has him shot dead- aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnd we need to stop for a moment."

Keldeo sat down on his haunches and said, "Okay, HavocHound, let's a have a little talk. Are you. . . disturbed? I mean, I get it, you want to portray a killer. A realistic killer from the real world within the PAW Patrol universe. I get that. That's brilliant. That has a lot of potential. But I just have to ask. . . why the gory descriptions? I mean, this story is rated T, but. . . I think you're kinda pushing it. I understand that Zuma's afraid of blood, so you have to have bloody scenes. But. . .don't the blood aspects go without saying? Can't you just say 'Stone stabbed Marsha with the knife' or 'The guns fired and Greg fell to the floor.' I mean, check out this scene from _Mattimeo_ by Brian Jacques."

* * *

 _They stood for a moment and watched the small rat scramble over a large boulder half embedded in the_ _hillside. Suddenly Vitch screamed and began scrambling back on to the boulder, holding both paws up_ _pleadingly._

 _"No, no, please. I never told them anything. I wasn't going with them. They found me!"_

 _The silken mask and cloak appeared in view. Then there was a whirling sound as the metal-ended_ _bolas hissed through the air._

 _Vitch died without a sound._

* * *

"See," Keldeo said with a nod, "We had a death scene without any unnecessary blood and gore. Knifes and guns make enough blood to scar Zuma for life. You don't have go into detail that would make the designers of the _Resident Evil_ games tell you to dial it down."

"Isn't bad enough we have the absolute most heartbreaking reactions from Zuma and Shelly? They are just kids, remember!"

"So, it turns out Shelly is the first one remember she's a dog and snap."

* * *

 _"I'll kill you!" shouted Shelly, growling at Stone who snorted. With rage in her eyes, his sister charged at their parent's murder. "I'll kill you!"_

 _"Shelly! No!" shouted Zuma, knowing they were no match for him._

* * *

 ** _"ZUUL-!"_**

* * *

 _Like lighting, Shelly jumped up to try and bite Stone but she was met with something sharp. Something that went straight into her neck. Looking down, Shelly saw the knife that was used to kill her mother was now stuck in her throat._

* * *

 ** _"AWW, CRUD."_**

"What?" Keldeo said in disbelief, "Did she just jump into his knife? How is that possible? How did Stone move so fast? What, is Stone a ninja or something?"

* * *

 _She looked up at Stone who smirked as he twisted the knife before pushing her off of him._

 _The world seemed to slow down for Zuma as he watched his sister fall to the ground and spat out blood that rained down upon her. "Shelly!"_

 _He rushed to his sister, holding her as she looked at him with fear in her eyes, tears dripping down her face. "Z-z..zu… ma.."_

 _"Don't speak! Shelly, please!" cried Zuma as he held the last of his family close to him and tried to stop the bleeding. No matter how much he tried, the blood wasn't stopping and her breathing was lessening. "No. You can't die on me, Shelly! Don't leave me too! Please!"_

 _"I… I'm… scared… bro…" Shelly gave one last gasp before her eyes closed and she went limp in Zuma's arms._

 _He froze as he stared at her lifeless face. Holding tight, her hugged her close to his heart and began to pat her head as he felt nothing but pain upon seeing everything he loved in his life shattered before him. "Shelly…. Shelly please, sis… please don't go… please don't go too… I don't want you to… Shelly? Shelly? Shelly?"_

 _When he got no response he, gently laid her down and caressed her cheek. Zuma just sat there, his tears falling down upon her body as he looked at his sister with nothing but sorrow. Stone flipped his knife closed and said, "Hmm, she actually made me draw Shiva faster than I ever had. Kudos to her."_

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _9\. Villain backhandedly compliments his victims after he's defeated them._

 _ **"Alright, let's try this again, *ahem*, ZUUL, FIGORA! ZUUL!"**_

* * *

 _Upon hearing this, something snapped in Zuma as he roar and dived at Stone who was too surprised to do anything. Zuma bit his arm as hard as he could, tear it as best as he could while drawing blood._

* * *

"Okay, what happened to your superhuman stabbing speed?" Keldeo said nonchalantly, looking legitimately curious about this point, "Is this like in the Matrix where Agent Smith dodged all of Neo's bullets, but then Trinity just walks up to him, puts her gun to his head, says _'dodge this,'_ and for some reason he just stands there and lets himself get shot instead of punching her or using all the time she gives him to dodge it?"

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _10\. Villain, in spite of appearing invincible, somehow gets temporarily bested for no reason for the sake of the plot. (Agent Smith from the Matrix)._

* * *

 _Stone swung his arm everywhere to get Zuma off until he finally did, throwing him through the window of the kitchen where he landed across a counter where bottles of ketchup, mustard and relish broke his fall. Zuma screamed as pieces of glass entered his back before he fell to the floor._

 _Exhausted, he lay there with his eyes closed. He knew he had to move, but he didn't want to. They were going to look for him and then they would kill him. He didn't care. If it meant being with his family again, he didn't care if he was going to die. Hearing the door open, Zuma waited with halted breath for a gunshot or a knife blow or anything that would have him embrace death._

 _There was nothing. Nothing until somebody shouted, "He's already dead. Blow must have killed him on impact."_

 _"Son of a *****! Ugh, he's lucky," he heard Stone say from the other room. "Let's just get out of here and get some Subways. We'll use the money our deceased donors have decided to give to us in their register."_

 _Zuma opened his eyes when heard the door slam shut and looked over his body. There were two kinds of red on him. The blood from his wounds and that of his family, and the ketchup that was on him from the broken bottle he crashed into. They… they must have been… fooled._

* * *

"Really? They were fooled by ketchup? Huh, okay then."

"Also, that's the second time the author has connected this gang to real world entity. First the Boston Red Socks and now Subway. Thanks a lot, HavocHound, I'm pretty sure you just ruined those two things for a lot of people."

Keldeo gained a look of anger and said, "And you know what really gets me mad? HavocHound has the nerve to leave an author's note in the next chapter hoping that we weren't too disturbed by what we just witnessed."

Keldeo pointed with his left forehoof and said, "Okay, everyone, listen to me. If you decided to read this story yourself, whatever you do, _do not read_ Chapter 6: The Past of Zuma Part 3. Just don't. Don't do it. _Don't._ Stone kills everyone. That's all you need to know."

* * *

 _After Ryder had finished describing the scene, none of the pups had the means to speak upon learning of the horrible event their water pup friend had gone through. Rubble was hiding his eyes with his paws, whimpering and crying as if Stone was a real monster about to jump out. Chase was turning green again, but he was to busy comforting a weeping Skye who was drying her eyes on his chest. Marshall was also crying, and had the biggest frown on his face anyone had ever seen._

 _The only one who wasn't scared or crying was Rocky, who sat there in stunned silence. His eyes were wide open and he was trembling. In his mind, all he could think about was Zuma, watching his family butchered in front of his eyes. Never in a million years would he have thought that the same energetic, cool, and fearless pup he called his best friend would have gone through an event that would have broken most people. Zuma… he's stronger than any of us ever thought…_

 _"How… how could somebody… be so… evil, Ryder?" asked Marshall, who seemed to have lost a bit of that happy-go-lucky spark he always had in his eyes._

* * *

Keldeo frowned in anger, "Okay, I have a big issue with Ryder in this story. He's just all around terrible! I mean, first he doesn't call the police, so technically all that blood is on his hands too, then he gives Zuma a panic attack, and. . . how vividly did Ryder describe this scene, and why? I assume Zuma told Ryder, and it makes sense for him to be vivid with the descriptions because he lived through it. But. . . why is Ryder exposing his pups to all this? Maybe the _readers_ needed to see what happened, but what reason does Ryder have to traumatize his pups with all the gory details?"

Keldeo nodded, "And yeah, I'm not letting go of the _not calling the police_ issue. As far as I'm concerned, everything that happens in this story is the fault of Greg and Ryder!"

"So Rocky runs down to the hospital and meets up with . . ."

Keldeo smiled and put his hat back on.

"Detective Shaw! Who tells Rocky the rest of the story."

* * *

 _"Do you have anything that can be of useful to me? Or shall we be putting these three names on the list of Damian Stone's bloody victim count, and notify the loved ones that we can't get justice for them either!" shouted Shaw, getting everybody's attention. Furious, he slammed his fist against one of the tables so hard it cracked. "********* it all people! Four years we've been trying to build a case against this guy, and every time he does any of these horrible acts we don't have enough! Nobody is this good for this long! Now somebody give me some good news or else!"_

 _"Well, there is one thing, sir. You see we-"_

 _"Hey! You can't go through there!" shouted an officer, catching everyone's attention._

 _Shaw raised an eyebrow as a kid who had to be no older than ten or eleven rush into the crime scene with a pale face and worried expression. "Are they okay?! Please, tell me what I heard is not true!"_

 _"Kid, I don't know who you are, but I need you to leave the premise. This is a crime scene and-" Shaw was then silent when the boy pulled out a letter with the mayor's seal on it. Taking it, Detective Shaw read the whole thing with disbelief until he turned to the kid who was resisting the other officers from taking him out. "Wait! Let the kid go. He's authorized to be here."_

 _"What?! Sir, you can't be serious. He's a kid!" shouted one of the officers._

 _"That kid happens to have the mayor's approval on this letter to be involved in any emergency situations, including police cases," grumbled the detective as the officers let go. "Though I don't know how the hell he has something like this."_

 _"My team and I save him and his family in a burning building a few months ago while was vacationing near my town," said Ryder, rubbing the back of his head before holding out his hand. "I'm Ryder. Head of Paw Patrol in Adventure Bay."_

 _"That dog rescue team?" asked Detective Shaw, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't your police pup catch the Velvet Scarfed Thief?"_

 _"Caught and arrested, sir," said Ryder with a smile. "Chase loves to tell the tale whenever he can."_

* * *

"Aw man, how did I miss _that_ episode!" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _For the first time since he got here, Detective Shaw cracked a smile before shaking the hand of Ryder. "Well, I don't know how much help you can be, but the mayor pays my paycheck so there we go."_

 _Ryder nodded before looking serious at the crime scene. He started turning a little green, but still held firm. This made Shaw raise his eyebrow. Most kids his age would have soiled themselves yet Ryder was as cool as a professional. Wait, didn't they say there was something that happened to his kid? Yeah, something about his parents…_

* * *

"Nope. We've had enough deaths for a while now. Moving on!"

"Next stop is the hospital where Shaw and Ryder question Zuma about the crime."

* * *

 _It was painful for Zuma to go through the horrible experience again, but Ryder was there to hold his paw as he told the story with as much detail as possible. More than then once they had to take a break when Zuma started crying or hyperventilating when he thought about the deaths of his family. After about three hours, Zuma reached the part where he said he bit Stone's arm and Detective Shaw's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree._

 _"Wait a minute! You bit him? Like tore a part of his flesh and blood?" asked Shaw, a grin slowly appearing on his face._

 _"Y-yeah, I can still taste it, ugh," muttered Zuma as he stuck out his tongue._

 _"Wait a minute," said Ryder, looked at Zuma's mouth. "Dog teeth are very sharp. If Zuma bit Stone there might be a chance that physical evidence is in his mouth."_

 _"That's just what I was thinking! I'm going to call a doctor to see if he can do a swab on your teeth, that way we can get DNA evidence and have the son of a bitch nailed this time," said Detective Shaw as he got up and made his way to the door._

 _Ryder smiled and patted Zuma on the head. "You did good, Zuma. You did good." Zuma didn't share the same outlook as he whimpered and stared at his paws. "What's wrong?"_

 _"W-what's going to happen to me?" asked Zuma, starting to tear up. "With my… family dead… I… I'm alone. I have no one!" Zuma dived into Ryder's chest and held on to him as he began to cry. "I don't want to go to an owphanage! I don't wanna go back!"_

 _Ryder frowned as he held Zuma and began to rock him back and forth. "Zuma, I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay. I promise."_

 _Shaw looked at the two while shaking his head. He had seen this many times when children lost their parents and had nowhere else to go. They headed into the adoption system which wasn't always the best. Sometimes the kids came out okay, other times they became the very same criminals he had to arrest. It was always a coin toss, and he hated to see the pup go into a life like that. Even if he does get adopted will they treat him as a son like his previous owners did or just another animal that only needs to be fed and cleaned when required?_

* * *

"I really like it when the the hard boiled detective gets a moment of contemplation or introspection or just pure thought," Keldeo said with a look of interest, "Maybe it's from listening to radio shows, I just think it's cool and gives a wealth of information on the detectives inner character and morals."

* * *

 _"Zuma, I know this is sounding like the end of the world, and it's going to feel like that for a long time, but-"_

 _"You don't know anything!" shouted Zuma, pushing him away and turning his back. "You still have your entire family and all your pups waiting for you back home! All my family is dead, and my home is forever wuined by that monster! I can't even go back to the beach without thinking about my family! So how would you know?! Did you see your family die in front of you, Wyder!"_

 _And here comes the anger, thought Shaw, shaking his head. Poor pup just needs to let it all out._

 _"… Zuma, I do know what it's like," said Ryder, much to the shock of the others. "My parents… they died in front of me when I was seven."_

 _"W-what?"_

 _Ryder closed his eyes and sighed. "We were on vacation in Florida. An arsonist burned our hotel-"_

* * *

"We're skipping this exposition. No singing this time. We're just skipping this exposition," Keldeo said quickly.

"What's next? Funereal scene- OKAY, WHAT IS WITH THIS AUTHOR AND FUNERALS!?" Keldeo exploded, "HavocHound is obsessed with them! When he's not writing about them he's tryng to convince others to write about them! Matthais included!"

* * *

 _ **Is This The End?** by MarshalB _

__A continuation of the "Show No Fear, Show Them A Smile" story by HavocHound. Rocky has just been executed for murder. His friends and community are devastated but maybe there's hope…__

* * *

 _ _ **Live Like She's (Not) Dying** by__ _Matthais Unidostres_

 _In this PAW Patrol comedy, while Jake and Ryder are away at a comic convention with a strict "no dogs allowed" policy, a misunderstanding leads the other six pups to think that Everest only has 24 hours to live! Can the pups make it so that Everest's last 24 hours on Earth are the happiest ones of her entire life? Can they keep her from suspecting that anything is wrong?_

* * *

"So, yeah, I'm just gonna skip the funereal scene and go straight to the part where the SWAT team captures Stone."

* * *

 _The two teams split up, Shaw leading his force as they double timed it to the front entrance of the factory. Two of the SWAT team set up breaching charged by the door and held the trigger before giving Shaw the thumbs up. Holding his pistol close, he radioed the other team. "Bravo in position. Alpha, are you ready?"_

 _"Roger, sir. We are awaiting your green."_

 _"Good. On my mark, we'll head in and sweep. Take down any hostiles. Stone is our main goal. So find him alive or dead," ordered Shaw. "Three. Two. One. Go!"_

 _Two breaching charges on opposite ends of the factory went off, blowing the doors wide open. Officers from both ends entered, shouting and issuing orders. A few of the gangsters inside were easily spooked and fell to the floor without resisting arrest. A few others…_

 _"Alpha Blue is taking fire! Repeat, we are taking fire! Firing back!"_

 _Shaw was about to issue orders when a bullet sailed right over him and he ducked behind a nearby machine. "Take cover!"_

 _Machine gun fire rained down upon the officers as two were cut down instantly while a third was hit in the knees and fell. A SWAT team member rushed over and helped drag him into cover while the gunshots continued. The police opened fire, Shaw among them as he let lose bullet after bullet from his Jericho._

* * *

"Biscuits, what's with all the heavy artillery?" Keldeo said, looking visibly shocked, "Who are we fighting here? A gang of crooks or _Hydra_?"

* * *

 _Noticing a punk with an AK-47, Shaw aimed and fired a single shot that nailed him in the head. He then noticed a few steam pipes above and shouted, "Aim for the pipes!"_

 _He and a few other officers did so, breaking them apart and letting lose steam upon the shooters. The SWAT team then charged forward with their guns blazing, cutting them apart one by one until only three remained but they were down for the count and injured._

* * *

Keldeo gave a deadpanned expression, "Really? _'Aim for the pipes' ?_ This isn't a fanfic, this is the scripting for a first-person shooter video game! Seriously, I swear I heard Peppy Hare's voice say _'Aim for the pipes'_ when I read that!"

 _ **Peppy Hare:** "Do a barrel roll!"_

 _ **Mat-Pat:** "That's an aileron roll!"_

* * *

 _When he reached a walk way, he saw Stone rushing past him at high speeds. "Stop right there, Stone!" shouted Shaw as he chased after him._

 _Stone turned his arm and started firing at him with a pistol, but Shaw fired back. Neither was able to hit each other as their desperation or rage kept blinding them to shoot straight. When both guns were empty, they focused on running instead. Shaw put every ounce of his energy into his legs and tackled Stone off his feet. The two went straight through a nearby window and crashed into an abandoned truck where they wrestled with each other before falling off it and into the pavement._

 _Stone, bleeding on his face, took out his pocket knife but froze when he saw Shaw's VP70 right between his eyes._

* * *

"SHOOTHIMSHOOTHIMSHOOTHIMSHOOTHIMSHOOTHIM!"

* * *

 _Panting, Shaw said, "Give me a reason… any damn reason… and I will do it."_

 _Stone eyed the detective clamly without any fear for a few minutes before he sighed and dropped his knife. "Well played officer. Well played."_

 _"Shut up," said Shaw as he got up and forced Stone to the ground, as he handcuffed him he heard more sirens approaching and felt relief enter his chest. "Damian Stone you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law."_

 _"I know the deal, officer," said Stone with a laugh. "But you'll find it hard to silence me."_

 _Shaw said nothing back at the murderer. He just dragged him back to his feet and towards the upcoming backup that had arrived._

* * *

"BISCUITS! I need to talk to Doctor Whooves after this. . ."

"So we continue the flashback and see Stone arrested and put under some interrogation."

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _11_ _. Villain is arrested but the interrogation doesn't phase him and actually works towards his end goal (The Joker from the Dark Knight)_

"Yeah, he's totally the PAW Patrol version of the Joker," Keldeo said flatly.

* * *

 _"I do have to wonder though, Detective, since I am apparently accused of these crimes… why haven't I been arrested until now? Hmm?" Stone began to drum his fingers on the table in simple three piece rhythm. "I mean, surely there had to have been evidence or witnesses to these crimes?"_

 _"You mean the contaminated evidence? Or the witnesses that ended up recanting because of 'forgetfulness' or the ones that ended up dead in a ditch?" growled Shaw, who wanted nothing more than to punch the bastard's face off. He took a deep breath and remained calm. "Doesn't matte. That's all in the past, but those crimes will be revealed later during your trial. Right now, we're looking at what we found in you little den." Opening the file, he pulled out a few papers. "What do you want to go over first? The drugs? The guns? Or the fact that your boys shot, and killed, police officers?"_

 _"We were merely protecting ourselves from police brutality," answered Stone with a chuckle. "After all, there have been a long string of recent cases where you guys seem to shoot first and ask questions later. New York, Ferguson, Baltimore. Seems to be quiet the national epidemic."_

* * *

"You aren't even black!"

* * *

 _"Save that bull**** for an winy liberal forum on CNN's website," replied Shaw, pointing to each paper._

* * *

"Did a mention I _really_ like this character?" Keldeo said with a wide smile as he tipped his hat.

* * *

 _"That's enough to put you away for years. But that's not what's going to give you the chair. Oh, no. I got something bigger then that."_

 _"What did I do? Shoot the governor? Plan out 9/11? Cause the Armenian Genocide?" mocked Stone, rolling his eyes._

* * *

"Might as well have, you've killed so many people. Seriously, how does one guy get so many followers and so many weapons? Is he a terrorist or something?" Keldeo asked incredulously.

* * *

 _Detective Shaw's smile only widened. "I got you for murder. Three counts of murder actually. For all three owners of the Tiki Snack Shack down at the beach."_

 _Stone was about to say something, when he stopped and narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean… three?"_

 _Gotcha, thought Shaw, who leaned back and took out a cigarette. Lighting it up, he blew a puff into Stone's face that didn't even flinch. "Ya screwed up, Stone. There was a surviving witness to your little series of executions. Best of all? He bit you, and we got evidence that puts you there." He leaned over and whispered. "You're screwed."_

 _Stone just sat there in silence for a long time. Then a smirk appeared on his face much to Shaw's confusion. Usually, when he had this much damming evidence against the criminal they were either in despair or pleading for a deal. This was a first for him. Stone merely shook his head with amusement. "I really need to train my boys on how to check if a body is dead or not."_

 _He stared at the one way see through mirror with a smile. "Tell me, Detective Shaw, does Zuma remember what it was like? To see his whole world burn into ashes and drown in blood? Does he feel the pain in his heart for every stab and gunshot that took away his family's life inch by inch? The screams and prayers they gave to a god that is most likely dead in this world before oblivion took them away? Does he remember the taste of their blood? His mother's blood? I can. And it was sooooooo gooooood."_

 _"Get away from the window," muttered Detective Shaw, getting up._

 _"Oh so he is watching. Thought so," said Stone with a chuckle. He then slammed his head at the window so hard it cut opened his forehead. As his blood dripped down his face, he gave the audience inside a sinister smile. "When I get out of here, and I will, I will hunt you down, Zuma. I will take everything you ever loved and cared about. I will rape it before your very eyes before burning it. I will make you wish that you died in that shack along with your family. Every night you will see me in your dreams and your nightmares. And when that is all done? When I have taken the last of everything you hold dear and turn it into ash? Only then will I kill you. 'Till then, enjoy your life."_

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have officially surpassed the interrogation scene from _The Dark Knight,_ " Keldeo declared darkly.

"And for the love of biscuits, he smiles more than Zalton laughs!"

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _12\. Villain has a constant Psychotic Smirk. (Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender)_

Keldeo took off his hat and said, "So we finally get back to the present, where we check in with Stone and his gang at their new secret hideout."

* * *

 _As far as hideouts went, this was an okay place. While the motel wasn't first class, it was isolated and that spelled safety. Well, now that they were the official owners it was. The original owner was now taking an extended vacation in a ditch two of his boys were digging. The place only a few miles away from Adventure Bay on a road that was rarely traveled. While two of his guys were giving the owner a burial, Stone sent the other three to get supplies and find out information about Paw Patrol in this town. Meanwhile, Stone was doing the one thing any prisoner would want after being released: eating good food._

 _Chewing on his sixth cheeseburger from McDonalds, Stone flipped Shiva in the air a bit while one of his other underlings was watching the road from the inside of their motel room with a shotgun by his side. "Will you relax? Have a few fries, we're going to be okay."_

 _"I'm just nervous, Stone," his underling replied, shaking his head. "Every cop in the state has to be searching for us."_

 _"Exciting isn't it?" asked Stone with a smirk. "You know. One thing I can say about Zuma's owner, he did make a better burger then this cow dung." He wrapped it up and threw it into the trash. "Kinda makes me miss the smell of his cooking."_

 _"… mind if I ask something boss?" asked the underling, to which Stone motioned him to continue. "Why go after this stupid dog? I mean, yeah he's the one that gotcha in jail in the first place, but wouldn't it be better for us to skip the state? Head north to Canada?"_

* * *

"And believe it or not, instead of immediately shooting him for questioning him like you'd expect a stereotypical villain boss would do, Stone actually answers."

* * *

 _Stone shrugged. "Maybe that might be the smart thing. But this is a matter of pride. Pride in which how a single mangy mutt managed to foil everything I worked hard to achieve because he didn't act like a good doggie and played dead." Stone then stabbed the knife into the table. "Because of that little brat, I got sent to jail for two damn years. Almost all our gang is either in jail or dead. Our territory has been taken over, our contacts are gone, and we're relying on emergency money we saved just in case." Stone growled as he rubbed his temple. "If we were taken down by police or a rival gang, I would have no problems with this. But a pup of all things is what screwed us over. That's… just… pathetic…" Stone got up and grabbed his knife; he pulled out another article about how Zuma, a mixed breed named Rocky, and some cockapoo named Skye had all saved the mayor's statue from drowning. He stabbed the face of Zuma with his knife and slammed it onto the wall. "And I'm going to make sure that little pup will beg for mercy by the time I am finish with him."_

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _13\. Villain stabs a picture of his enemy. (The Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)_

* * *

 _A knock on the door interrupted Stone's thoughts as he walked over and opened it, allowing one of his other gang members to enter. "I did some digging around as you asked, Stone."_

 _"And?"_

 _"The entire fricken town worships these dogs as if they were gods. They even have parades to honor them. Not just that, but they do any type of rescue no matter how important or stupid it is. They even wasted their time catching a monkey of all things."_

 _"Why the heck would they do something so stupid?" asked Stone, raising an eyebrow._

* * *

"Uh, because a wild monkey running around free in a town full of people is a bad thing?" Keldeo suggested.

* * *

 _"Apparently the leader, Ryder, thinks that no job is too big for them to handle," said the gangster as he walked over to the mini-fridge and grabbed a bear._

 _"Did you figure out how they respond to emergencies?" asked Stone._

 _"Yeah, it's an app on the phone you can get on their website. Free of charge," the gangster took out his phone. "I already downloaded it."_

 _Stone grinned as a plan began to calculate in his mind. "Good, we can use that._

* * *

Keldeo raised and wagged a forehoof and said, "Keep that in mind, because I'm gonna have something to say about that later on."

* * *

 _Is there anybody the Paw Patrol is particularly close too?"_

 _"Besides Mayor Goodway, there are a few people. But the biggest fanatic has to be this kid I talked to in town who wouldn't stop talking about how 'cool' they were," muttered the thug._

 _"Oh? What's his name?"_

 _"Alex Porter, why?"_

* * *

Keldeo rubbed his brow and said as he left, "And I need a break. Seriously, I do. I'm going to need it with the utter horrors that are to come in the second half of this story. Here's an Epic Rap Battle to lighten the mood."

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _We'll be right back, unfortunately. . . ._


	35. Comedic? Skit 3

_**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF FANFICTION!**_

 _ **DAMIAN STONE!**_

* * *

Stone walked into the ruined Tiki Snack Shack, blood all over the floor and the bodies of his victims lying where he had left them. He smirked as he tosses his knife up and down, looking confident.

* * *

 _ **VERSUS!**_

 _ **ZALTON!**_

* * *

The grinning Zoroark landed in down amidst the Moor of Icirrus, which was currently engulfed in flames. Zalton threw his head back and laughed maniacally.

* * *

 _ **BEGIN!**_

 **Stone:**

 _(Stone put his hand to his head like a phone)_

Hello! you're just reached 1-800-CURSE-YOU!

Hows it feel to meet a guy who's killed more victims than you?

 _(Stone pulled out a pistol and twirled it)_

Not even _I_ know how many I've killed

You were frozen in ice, then stabbed and killed

You're a killer clown furry! Less than the weakest ghost

Not even a real phantom, now I'll burn you into toast

You burned the Moor by mistake, I burn faces off

You're a Meowth compared to me, so just blast off!

 **Zalton:**

Hee-hee-hee! WOO! Your raps all suck, Stone!

No real rhymes, you repeat words like knife stabs, you clone

 _(Zalton extended his purple glowing claws towards stone like a zombie)_

That's right you freak, you ripped off of the Joker!

Let me put my Punishing claws around your neck, call it a choker!

You got beaten by a puppy, it took THREE Legends to BEAT me!

What'd you get out of it? Hamburges and Subway subs for free?

 _(Zalton used his Illusion ability to turn into Detective Shaw)_

This is what happens when an assassin fights a clumsy killer

Marshall's more coordinated than you, so get ready for a thriller!

 _(Zalton turned back into himself and performed the Thriller dance)_

Back from the dead, monster inside's been released

I'll Dark Pulse _your_ face, then you will _stay_ deceased!

But I'll admit we're not so different, ha-ha!

I never killed Keldeo, and you'll _never_ kill Zuma!

 **Stone:**

 _(Stone fires his gun at Zalton's feet)_

Go back to Hell, you gay foxy clown! Time for you to die!

Me vs you is like Yvetal vs Beautifly

Soon Shaw will be investigating a new homicide

You know, I think you agreed to fight as your suicide!

 _(Stone takes out his knife and twirls it in his hand)_

What does the Fox Say when he's introduced to Shiva?

Does he scream, cry, or carry on like a Five Nights at Freddy diva?

Sorry, Zalton, I am _not_ an Illusion

Shiva will find your throat so quick, it'll be like Confusion!

 _(Stoen throws his knife at Zalton. It appear to sink into his throat, but then the Illusion shatters, revealing Zalton grinning as he held the knife in his right claw)_

 **Zalton:**

If you're Yvetal, I'm definitely Zygarde, Hee-hee-hee!

You want drugs and junk food? I'd kill you quicker! Just ask me!

I'm a killer, and I still say you should turn it down a notch

Forget Shiva, I'll introduce my claws to your _crotch!_

You know how I got my scars? Well I do't care how you got yours

You shout "gay" and "furry"? Who knows what you do behind closed doors!

Bad dog, Stone! Now _you're_ the victim!

Now Darkrai's sword can _finally_ have a deep talk with your _rectum!_

* * *

 _ **WHO WON?!**_

 _ **YOU DECIDE!**_

 _ **EPIC-**_

 _*slicht!*_

 _ **-ugh, rap battles of fanfiction, ughhh. . . .**_

* * *

 ** _KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts_** _by DragonNiro_

 ** _Guy Fawkes vs The Joker_** _by FanMadeStuff_


	36. Zuma's Fear- Part Two

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 13: Zuma's Fear by HavocHound**

Keldeo stood with his Soothe Bell at the ready by his forehooves. With a frown, Keldeo said, "Okay, this second half is where things get _really_ bad. So you might wanna run out and buy a Soothe Bell for your own sanity's sake. Trust me when I say that after this, you too will want to shove a sword up Stone's. . . um. . ." Keldeo shifted uncomfortably and sighed, "Let's just go."

* * *

 _Molly Wallsberry had always wanted to go camping with her family ever since she was little. The problem as her parents were always busy working due to their high ranking jobs. It got even busier when her little brother was born. Finally, however, after so many years of planning, the four of them were able to rent a cabin on Jake's Mountain Resort for a full week-_

* * *

"Yeah, we all know what's coming," Keldeo said miserably with an angry growl in the back of his throat.

* * *

 _Molly couldn't help but smile. So far the trip was everything she had dreamed it to be. Realizing she had run out of ketchup for her burger when she heard something loud like a big bang go off in her ear. She then felt something red hit her as her hearing went out followed by a loud ringing. At first she thought the red was ketchup and the bottle exploded, but then she slowly turned to her little brother._

* * *

"Why does everyone keep mistaking ketchup for blood?! Who does that!? And when I asked if this was _Rocket Power,_ it was supposed to be a joke!" Keldeo said, sounding frustrated, "And if I sound a little extra frustrated, it's so that I don't think too much about how horribly overly violent this all is."

* * *

 _A man suddenly walked up to the picnic table they were using, pushed her mother to the side and sat down, looking at her with a smile that made her wet herself. Like he didn't care that the gun in his hand had just shot and killed all three members of her family._

 _"You know, this is the part where you run away screaming and finding somebody that poor old Damian Stone killed your family? Am I right? So run along now," he said shooing her as if she was a bug. She didn't move. All she could do was stare at him._

 _It was only when he back slapped her and shouted "Move!" that her legs finally went to work. She ran. Ran like the devil himself was behind her. She started to scream. She started to cry. She ran covered in her family's blood. All while hearing him scream._

 _"Run! Run Forrest! Run!"_

* * *

"A quick reminder, _this is all Ryder and Greg's fault!"_ Keldeo shouted.

"So, Stone has finally arrived in Adventure Bay, and the _whole world_ come to help catch him."

* * *

 _Neither of the pups, minus Chase, had ever seen so many police officers in one sitting. There were even a few police dogs who came by, all veterans of the field whom Chase had spent as much time as he could asking questions. There were other people at the lookout as well such as FBI, medical teams, and US Marshall's. Stone was a high ranking criminal, and everybody wanted to see him jailed._

* * *

"Gosh! Leaders of terrorist organisations don't have this many people looking for them!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"I mean, come on! I'm not letting go of this. Why is this guy so hard to catch? It's not like he's a ninja or a changeling or a super-villain or something. What, can he just sink into the ground at will. Where in Adventure Bay is he hiding at? The motel? Wouldn't that be the first place the police would look. But then again, the police _are_ incompetent enough to _not guard the prisoner transport,_ so yeah, maybe the deck is stacked in Stone's favor."

* * *

 _"We got him! We have a spotting of Stone at the mountain resort!"_

 _Paw Patrol wasted no time heading down the elevator as everyone crowded around a responder with a haeadset connected to his computer desktop. Zuma was also nearby, which made Rocky quickly walk over and comfort him as they waited to hear the news._

 _"What happened?" asked Detective Shaw, rushing through. "Who called it in?!"_

 _"The owner, Jake, he said he found a teenage girl covered in blood who was crying and screaming. She said something about a guy with a gun killing her family. She was hysterical, but she said his name which he told her for some reason."_

 _"Alright, this is our chance, I want all units locked and loaded. Those mountains have plenty of caves, woods, and other hiding places for Stone and his gang to hide in! Take no chances, and shoot to kill granted," shouted Detective Shaw as he started ordering his people around while others from the FBI and Marshalls went to work with their teams. The FBI would help evacuate other campers in various cabins and provide aerial support while the Marshalls, Police, and SWAT searched the mountain."_

 _"What can we do, Detective?" asked Marshall, barking for attention._

 _"Sorry, pups, but you're gonna stay out of this. We don't know what Stone has planned and I'd rather have you and you're pups waiting her as back up in case things get hairy," said Shaw as he started putting on a bullet proof police vest. "Don't do anything without my say so."_

 _"Understood," answered Ryder as he nodded._

* * *

"Okay, but Carmen Stonediego clearly wanted you to know he was there, so what's his _real_ plan? I mean, I'm pretty sure everyone in Advneture Bay has locked themselves up inside their homes, so it's not like Stone can take hostages-"

* * *

 _When Alex learned there was a wanted criminal hiding out in Adventure Bay, he wanted to go out on patrol as Police Officer Alex on his super trike. However, Grandpa had forbidden him doing so, even telling him that he wasn't supposed to be going out alone until otherwise. Of course, Alex saw this as unfair. Ryder and the Paw Patrol were dealing with the criminal and he was an honorary Paw Patrol member. That mean he had every right to help out._

 _That is why he snuck out of his room when his grandpa went to take a nap._

* * *

 _ **Sweetie Belle:** "OH, COME ON!"_

"Worst. Caregiver. EVER!" Keldeo shouted, "A dangerous killer is on the loose, your infamously mischievous grandson wants to _'help catch him,'_ and you take a nap!? Do you _want_ him to be horribly murdered! This is like Breeze the Linoone all over again!"

"So, of course, Alex gets kidnapped."

* * *

 _He saw an adult who looked to be a bit older than some of the students near Adventure Bay Community College that often visited the store. He had a black hoodie on and was wearing shades while his baggie jeans were covered in dirt._

 _Alex, being the helper that he was, walked over to the stranger and asked, "Hey, I heard you calling for help! What's wrong?"_

 _"It's my dog, Sparky," said the man with worry in his tone. "He got away from me and I don't know where he is!"_

 _"Don't worry! I'll help you out! No job is too big and no Alex is too small!" said Alex, pointing up in the air._

 _"Thank you so much," said the man before pointing towards a bush. "I think he went that way."_

 _"Well, let's go!" said Alex as he prepare to lead the charge. Before he could however, he feld the man grab him by the waist and shove a cloth into his mouth. It smelled so bad that Alex though he was going to faint. He struggled against the man who suddenly grabbed him when he felt himself getting sleepy…_

 _*Yawh*… why am I … so tired… I had… my… nap…_

 _Before he knew it, he was out like a light. Ten seconds later, he was gone from the park._

* * *

Keldeo made a face, "Ugh. That was pretty dark. Can we get some comedy relief over here?"

* * *

 _Chase, meanwhile, was teaching some of the other pups how to defend themselves with a few combat moves designed for pups. He felt it was best since Stone was a dangerous criminal, and being prepare for a fight could save their lives_

 _"Okay, now come at me like you want to kill me, Marshall," said Chase, standing still out in the yard._

 _"But I don't want to kill you," said Marshall, whimpering. The other pups looked also unsure at the idea of hurting Chase._

 _"Trust me, I won't be hurt. I'm just going to show you a quick disabling move," said Chase, getting ready._

 _"Well, okay," said Marshall, scratching his ears. "But I think you'll need to motivate me."_

 _"Okay, I plan on selling Mr. Snuggles on Ebay for a sixth season DVD of Walter Texas Ranger._

* * *

"What?" Keldeo said with a laugh, "A German Shepherd pup is a fan of Walker Texas Ranger? A you serious?"

* * *

 _"Never!" shouted a frantic Marshall before growling and rushing right towards Chase. Both Skye and Rubble held their breath as Marshall leap at Chase with his fangs showing bright in the sunlight._

* * *

 ** _"Ehhhhh. I did a Zuul joke in part one. That should tide you over. . ."_**

* * *

 _Chase quickly dodged the blow with a spin, following it up by grabbing Marshall's side with his teeth and forcing the dalmatian down on his side. Holding him down with a paw on his throat, Chase growled and Marshall quickly stopped as he felt himself unable to move._

 _"Woah," said Skye and Rubble in amazement._

 _"Yup, the trick is to use your own opponent's strength again them," said Chase, helping Marshall get up. "Try to turn the defense into an offense against your opponent. It can work in multiple ways, but you have to think fast and react fast."_

 _"Or you could just bite them in the balls," said Rubble, cheerfully._

* * *

Keldeo stifled a laugh with his left forehoof, but then put his hoof down and leaned in to say seriously, "I guarantee that anyone who reads this story all the way through will want to see Stone get bitten down there by Rubble."

* * *

 _"Ewww, Rubble!" scolded Skye, sticking her tongue out. "That's gross! I didn't need to think of that image in my mind."_

 _"What? I once saw a Doberman do that to a crazy hobo once," said Rubble, shrugging his shoulder. "It works."_

* * *

"And, I gotta be honest here, this manages to be funny because of how innocent and childlike the character of Rubble is. There's no way he's trying to be perverted or dirty here. He basically just innocently stating a fact that, to be quite honest, might become a reality when they come face to face with crazy psycho guys with guns!"

* * *

 _"Marshall, if a gun was pointed to my head, and the only way to stop that bad guy from killing me was to kill him first, would you do it?" asked Chase, narrowing his eyes at the squirming dalmatian. "Would you rather seem me alive? Or laid out in a casket before putting me in a grave?"_

 _Marshall bit his lip, but slowly nodded his head in understanding. "Okay… I get it… doesn't mean I have to like it."_

 _"I'm not asking you to," replied Chase as he put a paw on his best friend's shoulder. "I just want you to be prepared to do what's necessary." He then turned to the others. "Okay, now let's continue…"_

* * *

Keldeo nodded slowly, "Now, that's a very impressive scene. It's emotional, it's serious, and it gets a very strong moral point across. I'm impressed."

Keldeo smiled, then shrugged and said, "Now, how does the fanfic ruin it for me again?"

* * *

 _Meanwhile, Ryder had been up in the control room, reading reports on Stone in order to understand him better. He was going to take a break when his puppad rang. Answering it, he saw a worried Mr. Porter on the screen. "Hey Mr. Porter, what's up?"_

 _"Ryder! Have you seen Alex?! I left the house to make a few deliveries and when I came back I found him missing! I told him to stay inside because of that maniac on the loose, but now… oh dear…" Mr. Porter then started to bit his nails as his worries echoed on his face._

* * *

Keldeo was dumbfounded, "Okay, first of all, I thought it said he was taking a nap. Second of all, WHAT!? YOU LEFT HIM ALONE IN THE HOUSE? Why didn't you take him with you or something? How stupid are you? You're as dumb as Ryder and Greg were! Great, so now we've got three stupid humans to blame for all this!"

"So, big shock, Stone uses Alex's phone to finally kick off his evil plan."

* * *

 _Ryder's eyes widened when the screen finally came up. Alex was on there, as he hoped, but it was seeing his condition that had him nearly have a heart attack. The five year old was gagged and tied to a tree, struggling to escape with tears in his eyes. He tried to mumble something, but the gag prevented him. There were black and blue marks on his cheeks, obviously from a blunt object, and Ryder saw a wet stain between Alex's legs on his pants meaning he had wet himself in fear._

 _"Alex!" shouted Ryder. "What happened!? Wha-" Ryder's voice died out as a new face appeared on the screen, slowly inching in with a smirk on his face. "D-Damian Stone…"_

 _Damian, chuckling, gave a two fingered salute as he inched towards Alex. Alex was struggling even harder to get free, shaking with fear as Damian rested his elbow on his head like he was a stool. "Hello, Ryder. I think this is the first time we are meeting face to face, but I have heard of you. No doubt you have heard of me."_

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _14\. Villain taunts protagonists with a video of their hostage. (Mr. Tinkles from Cats and Dogs)_

* * *

 _"Release him, Stone! If you do anything to him I will make you regret it!" shouted Ryder, his voice so harsh that it was not a threat, it was a promise._

 _"Oh, what are going to do? Sick your little Power Ranger rip-off squad on me?"_ _joked Stone._

* * *

Keldeo threw his forehooves up and shouted, "Alright! Play the clip!"

 _Stone walked out of the back of the police van._

 _ **Stone:** "Ahh! After two years, I'm free! It's time to kill Zuma!"_

 _Ryder activated his Pup-Pad and turned to Robo-Dog._

 _ **Ryder:** "Robo-Dog! Stone has escaped! Recruit a team of talking dogs with attitude!"_

 _Robo-Dog nodded, and his pup tag blinked._

 _The PAW Patrol all ran to the Lookout and got into their vehicles, which all quickly combined to form a giant dog shaped Mega Zord._

 _"GO-GO PAW PATROLERS! YOU MIGHTY MORPHING PAW PATROLERS"_

* * *

 _"Good. Now as you no doubt know, Detective Shaw and his Mystery Gang are looking for me near Jake's Mountain, but I'm far from there. Oh I did kill that girl's parents, but it was only to draw all of them out so I could kidnap poor Alex here. We're actually in the forests that are a few miles from here on the way to Foggy Bottom," said Stone, tapping his fingers on Alex's head like a drum, the latter of the two glaring at him in return._

 _"Why are you telling me this?" asked Ryder._

 _"Well, I want to see how good you rescue team is so we're going to play a game. See, I have a few fire bombs that are about to explode… right about now…._

 _A series of loud booms nearly made Ryder drop his puppad. He rushed over to the periscope and looked in the direction from where Stone mentioned. Sure enough, a series of fires were now spreading across the forest. Looking back at his puppad, Stone was smiling like he had just called "check" at chess and was ready to soon call "mate". "Well, Ryder. It seems like four or so fires are starting to spread across the woods. Alex is located somewhere in these woods. Will you rescue him in time before the fires burn the poor kid alive? I guess we'll have to see and find out."_

* * *

"I don't understand how Stone got around so quickly, or why the authorities didn't comb the forest just in case. Isn't the forest the first place the police usually look when a criminal has escaped?"

* * *

 _"Pups! We have a serious emergency! Alex has been kidnapped by Damian Stone!"_

 _"What!"_

 _"Oh no!"_

 _"Poor Alex!"_

 _Zuma nearly fell off his paws and cried out, "It's all my fault. He's doing what he said he would do! Endanger all of you because of me!"_

 _"Zuma, don't go there," ordered Ryder, shaking his head._

* * *

"Right. We all know it's Greg's, Ryder's, and Mr. Porter's fault," Keldeo said without the slightest hint of sarcasm.

"So, while Rocky and Zuma work to create a device that will clear away the smoke, the rest of the heroes go out to put out the fires and save Alex."

* * *

 _Barking with excitement, Chase drove as fast as he could towards the location. His vehicle crushed burning wood as it sped down the forest as fast as possible. When he finally reached the big tree, he got up and went up to Alex. "Alex! I'm here to save yo-"_

 _Chase's sniffer went into overdrive as he smelled something that made his eyes widen when he got closer to the body. He had only smelled this type of smell once, and that was during his training days. It was a smell all dogs had to be trained to know just in case._

 _Bomb! Screamed Chase in his mind, as he tried grinding to a halt. A snap of wire that his paw broke made him even more alerted as he quickly jumped, turned around and shouted, "Zipline!"_

 _His zipline launcher fired and landed on a non-burning tree. He quickly started to pull himself towards it just as the fake Alex exploded and knocked him off in mid-air. Yipping he landed roughly on the ground, his ears ringing from the explosion._

 _Shaking his head, he nearly lost his lunch when he saw what looked to be Alex's head, but sighed in relief when he found it to be a straw dummy. Hitting his pup tag, he shouted, "Ryder, sir! I just got into a nasty explosion with some fake Alex dummy! There must be more of them, and they're rigged to explode! Be careful!"_

* * *

"How did they have time to make all these traps?!" Keldeo exclaimed.

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _15\. Villain sets up bombs all over the place (The Riddler and the Joker from Batman)_

"Well, next we get an action scene where Marshall and Ryder are being chased by Stone's motorcycle gang."

 _ **Abridged!Dartz:** "DO HIM!"  
_

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _16\. Villain's underlings ride motorcycles (Dartz from Yu-Gi-Oh: Waking the Dragons)_

* * *

 _BANG!_

 _Ryder could feel the bullet zip right past his helmet as he ducked for cover. A few more shots rang out and started hitting the fire truck's end. "Marshall! Floor it!"_

 _Marshall wasted no time and slammed his paw against the gas petal, sending the fire truck screaming into the fire covered woods themselves. Behind them, two guys wielding uzi's and riding dirt bikes were following them. The two gun men continued to fire at the fire truck as Marshall swerved it around through the burning trees._

 _"Ryder! A-a-a-are they sh-sho-o-oting at us?! With r-r-real guns?!"_

* * *

 _"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"_ the Intoxiquer shouted being flying away as fast as he could.

* * *

 _"Yes, Marshall! Now focus on driving!" shouted Ryder as he kept his head down. He saw the two bikers coming closer out of the corner of his eyes and wished he had a weapon with him. He looked at his hands where the hose was and nearly smacked himself for forgetting. Once the shooting had stopped, he got up and fired the hose at the bikers who scattered to avoid the high powered water blast._

 _One of them managed to zoom straight up to Marshall in the driver's seat and aimed his Uzi. Reacting on instincts, Marshall screamed, "Arf! Water Cannons!"_

 _His twin water cannons came out and shot water at the rider, knocking him off his bike where he landed face first into a tree with a sickening crunch. Marshall, did his best not to hurl at the thought of possibly killing somebody enter his mind._

* * *

 _ ***DING!***_

 _ **PAW Patrol: 1**_

 _ **Stone's gang: 0**_

"What!?" Keldeo shouted in disbelief, almost laughing at the absurdity of what just happened, "Did the _PAW Patrol_ just take out a motorcycle gang member with a machine gun using a _water cannon_? Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately, this victory doesn't last long, because they end up running right into a trap."

* * *

 _"Marshall! Look out!"_

 _"Huh? Woah!" shouted Marshall as they started heading towards a tree which a straw dummy of Alex on it. Marshall pressed the breaks and cried to skid his truck away from the tree, but the sound of a wire snapping echoed in the dalmatians' sensitive ears._

 _An explosion soon echoed across the forest._

* * *

"They aren't dead yet, so I'm not adding any points to Stone's gang."

* * *

 _Meanwhile, a pile of dirt had been formed by Rubble right outside the forest. "One dirt pile just as delivered! Take it away, Skye!"_

 _"Ruff! Ruff! This puppy is gonna fly!" shouted Sky as she used her helicopter to control a giant bucket that scooped up some of the dirt. She took off as Rubble watched her do her job that Ryder had given._

 _"Man, what do I do now? How come I have to wait here while everyone is having some action?" asked Rubble, pouting in disappointment._

* * *

Keldeo smiled in embarrassment and said, "Yeah, I kind meant to use the next joke for when Greg said he wasn't gonna call the police, but I forget to put it in. So, I'm just gonna use it here instead."

 ** _Principal form Billy Madison:_** _"_ _What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."_

"Sure enough, Rubble does realize what a stupid thing to say that was as Stone's gang shows up to shoot him full of holes."

* * *

 _Without even thinking about it, Rubble high tailed it out of there and cursed that his digger was the slowest of all the vehicles of Paw Patrol. He kept his head low as he heard the gunman getting closer on their bikes and gulped. Pressing his pup tag, he called for backup. "Ryder! Help! I'm being chased by three guys with guns! What do I do?!"_

 _There was nothing but static as a result. "Hello?" asked Rubble, but when he got no answer he turned it off and was about to call again when the bullets started flying._

 _He yipped as he could hear them sailing over him and began to whimper. "Oh no, no, no, no, no, no!" He wished he could just fly away or block the bullets like his hero Apollo the Super Pup, but he wasn't a super hero. Just a pup!_

 _"… but if there is one thing I can do like Apollo, it's be brave like Apollo!" shouted Rubble, with a growl. He curved his digger around and charged forward, howling. Two of the bikers raced off to avoid the digger, but the third one panicked as Rubble headed straight for him. "Here comes Rubble! Bringing you trouble!"_

 _The biker screamed as he slammed into the digger's blade, sending him sailing into the air and landing hard on the ground._ _The bike was totaled as it was thrown away and landed in a heap._

* * *

 _ ***DING!***_

 _ **PAW Patrol: 2**_

 _ **Stone's gang: 0**_

"WHOA!" Keldeo shouted, putting his forehooves up into the air, "Let's get an instant replay!"

 _ **"I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK!"**_

* * *

 _"Here comes Rubble! Bringing you trouble!"_

 _The biker screamed as he slammed into the digger's blade, sending him sailing into the air and landing hard on the ground._ _The bike was totaled as it was thrown away and landed in a heap._

* * *

 _ **"I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK!"**_

"I think Rubble's the most entertaining character in this story!" Keldeo remarked with a broad grin.

 _ **"I'M AN ANGRY MOTHER ZOROARK!"**_

* * *

 _"Here comes Rubble! Bringing you trouble!"_

 _The biker screamed as he slammed into the digger's blade, sending him sailing into the air and landing hard on the ground._ _The bike was totaled as it was thrown away and landed in a heap._

* * *

"The other two bikers open fire, but then Rubble simply switches into Defense Mode."

* * *

 _Just as soon as he heard the first shots, Rubble quickly brought up his rigger's blade by pressing his paw on the up arrow button. The bulldozer's blade quickly blocked the bullets heading for Rubble's head, reflecting them off in different directions which caused the gunmen to duck for cover._

* * *

 ** _Rubble:_** _"I know activate the Magic Card, 'Emergency Backup!' This allows me to summon another PAW Patrol monster to the field in Attack Mode when you have more monsters than I do! And I choose 'PAW Patrol- Skye'!"_

* * *

 _"I heard the gunshots and came straight back here!" radioed Skye as she made for the gunmen, the heavy bucket still attached to her cable. "Bombs away!"_

 _She detached the bucket from her cable, sending it downwards towards the gunmen, who scrambled away on their motorcycles to avoid getting crushed. The bucket smashed onto the ground, making a large crater. The two gunman turned around and aimed their guns at the stunned pups, but the sound of empty clicks echoed in the air._

 _"****! Out of ammo!" said one of them as he turned to the other. "Bail?"_

 _"Bail!"_

 _The two cyclists kicked up their gas and headed out, retreating until they were a speck in the distance. Rubble released the breath he was holding and started to howl in triumph. "Yeah! We did it!"_

* * *

"Wow, Stone's gang. . . kinda stinks. . ."

* * *

 _"We sure showed them!" shouted Skye with a smile on her face. Suddenly, both her and Rubble's puptags lit up._

 _"P-pups…" said Ryder's raspy voice on the other end. "I… I need help…"_

 _"Ryder?! What's wrong?!" asked Skye with worry in her voice._

 _"Explosion… triggered… fire truck is totaled… my leg is hurt… fire everywhere…"_

* * *

"So Rocky uses the fans in Zuma's hover vehicle to blow away the smoke, allowing Chase to find Alex."

* * *

 _Chase bit his lip upon thinking of that. It was something he never wanted to use until he was older, or even at al period. But with the seriousness of this case, it seemed like there was no other choice but to ask Ryder for permission to use… that._

* * *

"Again, a nice moral stance on how a police officer needs to be sure that they have no choice when they pull out their gun. . ." Keldeo frowned and said, "But, these guys are clearly psychotic monsters, so _OF COURSE YOU SHOULD SHOOT THEM!_ "

* * *

 _Chase hit the gas petal as hard as he could as he made his way towards his spy drone's location. It didn't take him long to arrive there, and thankfully he didn't smell any explosives despite the overwhelming scent of ash and fire that was only a few feet away._

 _Chase got out of his car and made his way to the ropes, biting on them as hard as he could. It took some tires, but he managed to free Alex as he cut through the ropes with his sharp teeth. Alex, with his arms free, took out the gag in his mouth and quickly hugged Chase. "Oh, thank you, Chase! Thank you! I knew the Paw Patrol wouldn't let me down! I wanna get out of here! I wanna go home!"_

* * *

"While that's going on, Zuma and Rocky go and rescue Ryder."

* * *

 _"Ryder!" shouted Rocky as he and Zuma jumped off and rushed over to their human. The two of them winced at the sight of Ryder's left leg which was covered in blood and had a few pieces of wood in it. "How bad is it?"_

 _"I don't think I'll be moving any time soon," chuckled Ryder as he shook his head, wincing at the pain. He turned to the recycling truck and asked, "Is there any chance of moving me on your truck?"_

 _"No, I have the entire back holding the battery for the fans," whimpered Rocky._

 _"B-blood…" whimpered Zuma, who started burring his paws over his eyes. "No… not blood… please no more… make it stop…"_

 _"Zuma!" shouted Rocky as he lifted his friend up and had him stare at him straight in the eye. "Look at me! Look at me!"_

 _Zuma opened his eyes and did._

 _"I know you don't like blood. I know you're getting images of your family right now, but if we don't' do something to help Ryder, he's going to die! We need to save Ryder, Zuma. And I can't do that without you little bro." Rocky gave him a small smile. "So let's do this together, okay?"_

 _Zuma whimpered a bit, but nodded. "Okay."_

* * *

Keldeo cleared his throat and said, "Okay, I've kinda been skipping over the growing relationship between Zuma and Rocky. Yeah, I'll get to that later, after I've tackled the gruesome finale that's coming."

"So they get Ryder to safety, but it turns out they're not out of the woods yet."

There was suddenly a loud barrage of booing.

"Hey! Stop! Stop! I didn't make that pun on purpose!" Keldeo shouted, and the booing stopped.

* * *

 _Chase couldn't help but feel that something was wrong the moment he started looking for Marshall. Why would Marshall be out here in a field of all places without telling the others and how did he get past them anyway._

 _These questions continued to haunt his mind until he smelled Marshall's scent in the air. Realizing this was the place, he stop his car and looked around, unable to find anything. Getting off his truck he started sniffing around until he came across something in the dirt that made him froze._

 _It was Marshall's puptag… covered in blood._

 _And a little note attached to it._

* * *

 _Yo!_

 _I kidnapped the princess while you were running around._

 _She's here in my castle, if you dare try to rescue her._

 _Ha ha ha. . ._

 _King of the Koopa_

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _17\. Villain kidnaps someone close to the protagonists and taunts them with it (Bowser from Super Mario Bros. )_

"Okay, here's the _real_ note," Keldeo relented.

* * *

 _Dear Ryder and Paw Patrol,_

 _Nice rescue! But you seem to me missing a pup._

 _Don't worry, Marshall and I are going to have some fun before the real game starts._

 _Call you soon._

 _Damian Stone_

* * *

"So we then move to Stone's hideout where Marshall is held captive Princess Peach style."

* * *

 _I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid._

 _Marshall repeated this as many times as he could in his mind. There wasn't much else to do as the kidnappers had him tied down to a chair. He had already looked for a way to escape, but from what he could tell he was in some abandoned warehouse. He didn't care bark or howl for help. He knew what had happened. He knew nobody would hear him. And he knew who it was that was going to come through that door._

 _All Marshall could do was pray as hard as he could that Ryder and his friends would come and save him. He didn't know what was going to happen to him, but he would not show fear. He would not give this... monster the satisfaction._

 _The sound of footsteps echoing in the hall nearby made the dalmatian hold his breath. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid._

 _The door soon opened and Marshall saw, for the first time face to face, the killer of Zuma's family. Damian Stone, with a small smile that made Marshall's spine tingle, closed the door behind him as he walked over to the left side of the large room. Marshall's eyes never once left the human as he went to an old table and placed something down._

 _It was a boombox._

* * *

"Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Stone _does not_ have a Villain Song. HavocHound did _not_ give Stone a Villain Song," Keldeo said sternly in denial.

* * *

 _"I can't seem to face up to the facts_

 _I'm tense and nervous and I_

 _Can't relax_

 _I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire_

 _Don't touch me I'm a real live wire."_

 _Damian tapped his foot to the song as he began to take tools out. Pipes. Wrenches. Crowbars. Nails. Screws. Pilers. Each of them bringing images into Marshall's mind that only made him repeat his mantra more and more. I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid!_

 _"Psycho Killer_

 _Qu'est-ce que c'est_

 _fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better_

 _Run run run run run run run away"_

* * *

"OH MY GOSH!" Keldeo shouted. He looked around with eyes wide and said, "You- you, this- this is beyond desperate!"

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _18\. VILLAIN SONG! (Nearly every Disney Villain)_

"You just. . . took every Villain Trope there is and stuffed them in. I mean, this is ridiculous! This can't be real, whatever it is."

* * *

 _Rubbing his chin a bit, Damian snapped his fingers and then grabbed a small hammer. He began to walk over to Marshall, twirling it a few times as he whistled to the song._

 _"Psycho Killer_

 _Qu'est-ce que c'est_

 _fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better_

 _Run run run run run run run away"_

* * *

Keldeo frowned and said, "The song isn't even that good. Villain Songs are supposed to be catchy and exhilarating. Why couldn't you have picked something cool, like, I don't know, maybe. . ."

 _Break, break, break my mind,_  
 _Break it till the tale unwinds,_  
 _Force my thoughts through hell and back,_  
 _Or leave me alone tonight!_

 _Break, break, break my heart,_  
 _Break me till I fall apart,_  
 _This can't be real, this can't be right,_  
 _Now die inside the flames of your friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!_

"And why is Stone even doing this?" Keldeo asked incredulously, "Why gets out a boombox and plays music while they're committing a crime except for Season One Team Rocket?"

 _*Ding!*_

 ** _Rip-Off Side Pot:_** _19\. Evil is hammy._

"I mean, what's next? The Psyche Hitler!?"

* * *

 _Marshall whimpered as every part of his body began to tremble in fear upon seeing Damian Stone raise the hammer right above his head. I'mnotafraidI'mnotafraidI'mnotafraidIamafraidIamafraidIamafraidIamafraid._

 _The hammer came down as Marshall closed his eyes and waited for the blow. Before it could hit his head, it stopped just a few inches. The music was the only thing playing as all other noise seemed to stop. Marshall slowly opened his eyes and saw that the hammer hadn't him yet._

 _"Huh?" asked Marshall._

 _"Psyche," whispered Damian. A split second later he pulled out his knife and stabbed it into Marshall's left leg._

 _His scream echoed across the empty warehouse._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped.

" _Oh my gosh,_ HE DID THE PSYCHE HITLER! Do you know what this means? This means that Damian Stone is the most over the top, one dimensional, cliched villains OF ALL TIME! HAVOCHOUND! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! You just literally confirmed what I've been thinking and saying! You created a physical manifestation of every single major villain trope on the TV Tropes Wiki! You FOOL! You've just created and unleashed something far beyond comprehension! I - I - I. . ."

Keldeo's legs buckled, and he fainted.

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _We'll be right back, unfortunately. . ._


	37. Dramatic Scene 2

Keldeo opened his eyes, but all he could see was darkness.

"Wha-what? What just-? Where am I?" Keldeo asked aloud.

 _ **"The beast calls your name, but you do not answer."**_

"AHHH!" Keldeo shouted with a jump, "Who's there?"

 _ **"You fear the truth. You fear truth's salvation."**_

"Fear the truth? I don't fear the truth!"

 _ **"Yes you do, don't you?"**_

"I. . ." Keldeo looked down in shame, "Alright, fine. I _was_ a little afraid. Afraid of having to deal with a villain so evil."

 _ **"It is your time, Keldeo the Critic."**_

Keldeo looked up inquisitively, "My time? what do you mean?"

 _ **"God has come to reap the sinners. Step into the light and cleanse yourself."**_

"Reap the sinners? What are you talking about? What kind of nonsense are you giving me?"

 _ **"Cleanse yourself from what you have seen."**_

"Cleanse myself? How?"

 _ **"There is still time."**_

"Time to do what?"

 _ **"Escape."**_

"Escape?" Keldeo repeated slowly, but then frowned, "Wait a minute. . . I know you. . . you were that entity that appeared to Officer Soundwave during his _Rage Review_ of _The Rise of Spike the Dragon_ by MasterBrony Forever on FimFictionNet!"

 ** _"Yes, and I got him to quit the review on Chapter 13 when he realized that the fanfic was in reality the holy bible of Spike the Dragon. The searing, flaming heat of a fanfic so insane, so convoluted, so contrived threatened to consume him. So, I set him free, just as I shall set you free from this fanfic. This fanfic, which contains a villain so ludicrously evil and violence and gore so terrible that it shatters the very mind of one who reads it, will consume you. And so, I provide you a means of escape."_**

A ball of light appeared in the darkness. It appeared to be some kind of aperture.

 _ **"But, it comes with a price."**_

"A price?" Keldeo echoed curiously.

 _ **"Your soul."**_

The light increased in brightness.

 _ **"Your dignity."**_

The light got brighter.

 _ **"Your being."**_

The light got brighter still.

Keldeo squinted his eyes against the light. He thought hard as he looked at the warm and inviting light.

"I see. . ." Keldeo said, "You want me to give up. To end the review right here."

 _ **"Yes."**_

"NEVER!" Keldeo suddenly shouted. He then transformed into his Resolute Form and nodded determinedly, "You took advantage of Officer Soundwave's frustration, and over-blew the circumstances! You fed off of his anger and disgust, and then made him quit, allowing you feed even more over his shame and desperation. You made it look like you were saving him, but in reality, it was _you_ who took away his soul, his dignity, and his being!"

Keldeo turned away and chuckled, "Heh-heh, in a _metaphorical_ way that is. Not _really,_ of course. Heh-heh."

Keldeo then turned back to the light, returning to his facial expression of anger, "By giving up on that review, he lost. Then Kamikakushi took over, and you cut him down too! And here you are, trying to do the same thing to me! Well nice try, you demon! But I am a Sword of Justice! And a Sword of Justice only yields when the fight is over! I'll never quit! You hear me? NEVER!"

The ball of light suddenly erupted into a shower of flames. Fires burned all around Keldeo. The Sword of Justice used Hydro Pump from his forehooves to but the fires around him out.

Out of the fire rose the dark figure of Pinkamena.

Keldeo smirked and said, "Oh yeah, and in my opinion, _The Rise of Spike the Dragon_ isn't that bad. At the very least its been getting better. In fact, I think I'll make an Editorial on how it's not as bad as people say it in the near future. So thanks for the inspiration. Goodbye!"

Keldeo powered up his Secret Sword, and with one might blow, he slashed at the dark figure before him.

The figure screamed, and exploded in a burst of light.


	38. Zuma's Fear- Part Three

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 13: Zuma's Fear by HavocHound**

Keldeo jumped up as he regained consciousness. He looked around at his surroundings with wide eyes, then nodded resolutely, still retaining his Resolute Form.

"Alright. . . let's do this!"

* * *

 _It had been two days since Marshall was taken._

 _"The pup has to be dead," whispered a police dog who was talking to one of his comrades. "Damian Stone has never left a single victim of his live longer than a day."_

 _"Don't say that. Especially when one of his friends are nearby," whispered another, pointing out to Zuma in the distance._

 _"I'll I'm saying is that given the history of Stone, we're wasting our time trying to find him," whispered the first police dog._

 _"You're just a pessimist you know that?"_

 _Zuma pretended that he didn't hear them-_

* * *

"Wait, they're close enough for Zuma to hear?" Keldeo asked, "Well in that case, that dog isn't just a pessimist. He's a sadist! Things are bad enough without you making public victim number one over there feel even more guilty! It's so bad, Zuma nearly jumps off a cliff!"

* * *

 _Why not me? Why can't it just be me and be over with? whispered Zuma, who felt nothing but despair deep in his heart. First my family... now my friends... all because of me? Why didn't I just die in that shack like the rest of them. None of this would be happening if I was just dead..._

 _It was bad enough Alex had been hurt and forever traumatized from the incident. Now Marshall, one of the kindest and good hearted pups he knew, was either dead or wishing he was. Zuma peered over the edge of the cliff, where the rocks and water lay. For a single moment, he slowly raised his shaking paw off the edge._

* * *

"Hand over your badge, you jerk, you're suspended," Keldeo said sourly as he extended his right forehoof.

Then Keldeo blinked and said, "And wait a minute, why are they letting Zuma _wander near a cliff?_ Are they seriously _not_ worried that he might commit suicide after all the trauma and guilt he's been through, and _still_ going through?"

 _ **"Zach Ryder! The smartest moron in Adventure Bay!"**_

* * *

 _"Zuma?"_

 _Gasping, he retreated his paw and turned around to see Rocky looking at him. "Hey, Wocky. Um, what is it?"_

 _"I just wanted you know that Chase is back and Ryder's asking us to all meet. He says it's important," said the mixed breed._

* * *

"So the pups all gather back at the Lookout where the village idiot reveals his newest bad idea."

* * *

 _Ryder sighed and shook his head. "Chase, you're not going back out there... in fact... none of you are..." The pups raised their heads in confusion. "I'm sending you all to temporary families for your own safety."_

 _"WHAT?!" shouted the pups in shock as they began to shout in protest._

 _"Ryder! You can't do this! We're a team! We're a family!" shouted Rubble._

 _"Are... are you getting rid of us?" whimpered a scared Rocky._

 _Shaking his head, Ryder replied, "I'm not getting rid of you... I'm keeping you all safe until Damian Stone is captured."_

* * *

Keldeo facehoofed and said, "Once again everybody!"

 _ **"Zach Ryder! The smartest moron in Adventure Bay!"**_

Keldeo put his hoof down and said, "Isn't splitting up what gets people killed in horror movies? I mean, okay, I guess being sent away from Adventure Bay would be a good way to protect them, but why split them up? Won't that destroy them mentally and emotionally? And wouldn't being together be safer? That way they could defend each other as well as give each other some much needed moral support. And who are you even sending them to? Complete strangers? Yeah, that'll be great! I'm sure Zuma won't want to kill himself then!"

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."  
_

"Here's an idea, Ryder," Keldeo said with false kindness and a false smile, "Why don't you and your pups _all_ go _together?_ Maybe visit Canada or Hawaii? That way Stone can't get at you, and you can leave Detective Shaw to find Marshall and do all the dirty work because _**you clearly have no idea what you're doing, you idiot!"** _ Keldeo shouted in rage, quickly dropping his smile.

"Well, it turns out none of this matters, because just then, Stone decides to implement the next stage of his evil plan."

* * *

 _None of the pups knew what to say. Silence decorated the Lookout... until a beeping noise came from Ryder's puppad._

 _Answering it, he saw that it was a unknown number and his eyes widened. "Guys..."_

 _Shaw looked at it and cursed, radioing down he started to order the team to trace the call on the puppad._

* * *

"Thank you, Detective Shaw!" Keldeo praised.

* * *

 _Ryder looked at his pups who were looking at the puppad with fear in their eyes. They all knew, deep down, who it was that was contacting them._

 _"... do it... just get it over with..." whispered Zuma, biting his lip._

 _Ryder took a deep breath and pressed the button. Instead of a call, it was a text: Go To Channel 4._

 _Ryder raised an eyebrow, but activated the TV and changed the channel to Channel 4 which was usually reserved for "Good Day Adventure Bay". Their was only static on the TV until it started to form a picture which made the group gasp upon whom they saw._

 _Damian Stone was flipping his knife around as he leaned on a wooden table, a smirk on his face as he stared into the camera and directly at the viewers. Not just in the Lookout, but all throughout Adventure Bay. "Greetings, viewers of Adventure Bay. Your regularly scheduled program has been temporarily terminated so that we can bring you a special show. A show that I happen to be hosting."_

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 20\. Villain takes over a television station to broadcast his evil message. (Joker from The Batman)_

* * *

 _The elevator opened up and two cops came in. "Sir, we just got a report from the Mayor that every TV in the town is watching this."_

 _"Well that the hell are we waiting for! Turn the damn thing off!" shouted Shaw._

 _"We can't," said the other officer with a gulp. "He's holding a cameraman hostage, the news station confirmed it. They must have kidnapped him as well. Stone says that if anything disrupts his show he'll kill the hostage. "_

* * *

"Okay, how is Stone doing all of this?" Keldeo asked, frowning in disbelief, "How does he just walk into a television station, steal a camera, and kidnap a cameraman? Isn't there a manhunt going on? How stupid does the police have to be to keep missing this guy? Does he own an invisibility cloak or something?"

* * *

 _"Anyway, we have a special guest with us tonight for the show," said Stone as he continued. He presented his arm to the right as the camera slowly began to turn. "You folks of Adventure Bay know him as the fire pup of Paw Patrol. A dalmatian that is always fired up to deal with any rescuing. But sadly can't seem to rescue himself. Nor can his friends save him..."_

 _The pups and Ryder gasped when they realized it was Marshall he was talking about. Relief entered their minds when they realized he was safe, but then terror upon thinking what horrible things the poor pup had gone through. The camera soon reached a single spotlight._

 _"Here he is! Marshall!" cried out Stone with applause as the camera revealed his appearance._

 _Skye and Rubble screamed. Rocky threw up. Chase had turned pale and looked ready to faint. Ryder had dropped his puppad and began to cry tears. Zuma just sat their in horror as he saw blood. So much blood. Images of his family, all dead and covered in their wounds began to flash in his mind and now a new member had joined them._

 _Marshall was, for the better lack of the word, a mess. His entire body was covered with cuts from simple papercut sizes to full on gashes. His eyes were both decorated with shiners and bruises on his cheeks were easy to see. His jaw looked to be half broken as one of his ears was ripped off with something sharp. A small pool of blood, dripped down from his hindquarters where patches of fur had been skinned off and burn marks near his lower legs could be seen._

* * *

"Okay, honestly, I know I'm suppose to be horrified by this, but all I can do is wonder how the hay is he still conscious?" Keldeo asked flatly, "I mean, I _guess_ he could survive all that, _maybe?_ But how is he not unconscious from all the off-screen torture."

* * *

 _Stone, without any care of the half-dead pup in his possession, walked over to Marshall and patted him on the head. "Now, Marshall, who is your best friend in the whole world?"_

 _"... you..." muttered Marshall._

 _"Oh my god..." whispered Skye as she turned away. "I don't want to see this."_

 _"Marshall..." whispered Zuma as he fell to his stomach, crying in tears. Rocky went to his side and nuzzled him, but Zuma pushed him away._

 _"I'll kill him..." growled Chase, huffing and puffing. "I will, swear to god, kill him."_

 _Stone continue to pet the dalmatian. "And who has been a bad puppy?"_

 _"... me..." whispered Marshall as he began to choke up while coughing blood._

* * *

"Okay, when are you going to stop ripping off scenes from _The Dark Knight_?" Keldeo asked, "Sure, it was an amazing film, but come on!"

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 21\. Villain makes a video of him torturing someone. (The Joker from The Dark Knight)_

* * *

 _"Good," said Stone as he raised himself up and smirked at the camera. "And whose fault is it that you are like this?"_

 _"... n-no..." whimpered Marshall._

 _Stone sighed as he took Marshall's head and lifted it back, making him scream. He shoved his knife next to his throat. "Tell me. Whose fault. This is all."_

 _"... Zuma..." whimpered Marshall which got him released._

 _Stone smiled and turned back towards the camera. "That's right, Zuma. This is all your fault. Your fault for not dying all those years ago. Your fault that a poor little kid is going to be forever traumatized. That a girl lost her family. That your good friend Marshall is suffering right now."_

* * *

"NO! It's Greg, Ryder, and Mr. Porter's fault! How many times do I have to say it?" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _"But there is a way to save him," said Stone, catching their attention. "We're going to play a few games to see if Marshall comes out in one piece or in pieces." Stone pulled out a cellphone. "Ryder, if you are watching this. Please call the number that texted you in the next fifteen minutes... or else I'll assume you don't care about your dog and just put him out of his misery._

 _The team all looked at Ryder who had picked up his puppad and looked at it with worry yet determination in his eyes. After looking at the other pups who nodded in agreement he recalled the phone._

 _And now the games would begin._

* * *

Keldeo groaned, "Great, now we're ripping off both _SAW_ and _Heavy Rain._ "

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 22\. Villain makes victims play sick games where lives are at stake. (Jigsaw from SAW and the Origami Killer from Heavy Rain)_

Keldeo stood up straight and said, "Okay, look, this next few chapters get pretty. . . bad. . . so I'm just going to summarize here. No sections from the actual story unless I absolutely have to. And to be honest, I strongly suggest skipping Chapters 15 through 17. It's not worth the horrors. Trust me on this."

"So, it turns out Stone used torture in order to squeeze out all of the PAW Patrol's secrets, and plans to use them all in his games. And, well, some of the games make sense, like killing a bunny every time Skye tells a lie, or forcing Ryder to kick Zuma across the room-."

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 23\. Kick the Dog._

"But some of them seem. . . kinda petty. . ."

Keldeo shrugged, "I'm serious. Like, he makes Rubble destroy Zuma's sea shell collection. . . Okay. . . Then he makes Skye admit to Chase that she has no romantic feelings for him. . .Alright. And the funny thing is that Chase accepts this."

* * *

 _Skye lowered her head in shame but it was soon lifted up by Chase who gave her a smile. "It's okay… you're still special to me, Skye. Even if we're just friends."_

 _"Chase…" whispered Skye with a smile as she hugged him. Despite the grim situation, the rest of the gang couldn't help but smile at the sight._

 _"… well that was boring," muttered Stone as he toss the bunny away and let it hoped away from the carcass of it's dead friends. "I was hoping for some pain and rejection, but you pups really are a bunch of fairies aren't you."_

 _"No, we're all friends. We're a family. We look out for each other and love each other," stated Chase as he stared at the screen with a growl. "Something a monster like you will never understand."_

 _"Friends are only good until they stab you in the back for their own gains. My family featured a crack whore mother who left when I was four and a lazy father who did nothing but drink until I killed him. Friends and families are a joke. Looking after yourself? That's reality," said Stone as he got up._

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 24\. Villain cannot comprehend good._

* * *

 _He pulled out a second gun, this one a revolver but it was very small. "Of course, some people are just born lucky to have such things in this world. What about you, Chase? Are you lucky? Luckier than your mother?"_

 _The room went ice cold as everyone except a confused Shaw were now looking at a shocked and yet also angry Chase. There was a reason why german shepherds were feared for their anger as much as Dobermans. The look in Chase's eyes was like he was seeing blood red and his teeth were shining bright for a kill._

There was only one taboo in the entire world when it came to Chase and that was to never ever mention his mother. Noone ever asked about it, mainly because Chase refused to say anything. The only two who knew were Marshall, who was all but his brother, and Ryder.

 _"Don't. You. EVER. TALK. ABOUT. MY MOTHER!" shouted Chase_

* * *

Keldeo stomped the ground angrily and said, "Okay, now this part here gets me _really_ mad, and not for the reason you'd expect. Long story short, Stone reveals to all of Adventure Bay that Chase's mother was sexually assaulted and then killed herself and her children, but Chase somehow survived. Yes, that's terrible, but the question here is _how the in name of biscuits did Stone get that out of Marshall?!_ Yes, he tortured him, but Stone gives _details,_ and I mean _details_ about this story! And this isn't something Marshall would let slip so easily! We're talking some serious Psyche-Locks here! So unless Stone has been taking lessons from Phoenix Wright, there's no way he could've gotten that out of him. And besides, how did Stone know that Marshall knew a secret like that? For all Stone knew, all Marshall knew about Chase was that he liked Skye, he's got allergies, and his mom died. What motivation did Stone have to dig for such crazy secret for Chase and not, let's say, Rubble or Ryder or anyone else?"

"Well, then we get a creative, evil version of Magical Hats from Yu-Gi-Oh."

* * *

 _He then made his back face the camera as he covered the three cups. Already the gang could see where this was going, but were unable to see what cup he was switching with what. When he was done, Stone revealed the three cups simply untouched, but chances were they had been moved around._

 _"If you pick the cup with the dog biscuit, Marshall will eat that and live. The chocolate one, and he feeds on that. And I've always wanted to see how a dog reacts when they eat one," he said to Marshall when he said this, that said pup looked ready to faint. "And if you pick the gun? Well…" He pointed his finger and thumb and the screen and made a "bang" noise. "So pick, Chase. Marshall's life is in your paws."_

* * *

Keldeo rubbed his chin with his forehoof, "You know, this could've been an opportunity to add an element of time to the story. Like, he's fed the chocolate, and now we have a time limit to win the game and get Marshall to a doctor. But I suppose things are bad enough, so Chase ends up choosing the dog biscuit and the game continues."

Keldeo facehooves like Picard and mutters, "And things really get so melodramatic and pathetic. I mean, watch this scene."

* * *

 _Rocky gulped as he heard his name, but stepped forward with a growl. "Whatever sick game you have planned. Just bring it already."_

 _"Oooh, quite brave aren't you?" asked Stone with amusement. "From what Marshall told me, you and Zuma are quite the best friends? Am I right?"_

 _"Yes," muttered Rocky._

 _"Good..." said Stone as he took out his gun and aimed it at Marshall. "I want you to start insulting your best friend. Tell him he's pathetic. Tell him he's a failure of a brother. That all of this is his fault. Marshall's suffering. That kid's trauma. His family's death. All of it is his fault.'_

 _Rocky slowly turned around and stared at Zuma who was curled up in Ryder's embrace, like baby trying to escape the horrors of the world. He saw Zuma... his Zuma.. suffering like this... and he couldn't do it._

 _"No."_

 _Everyone turned around and stared at Rocky who stared at the screen in defiance. Stone blinked in surprise before growling. "What?"_

 _"I said no. Screw you," said Rocky, sitting down. "I'm not going to do it."_

 _STone fired the gun near Marshall and missed him just barley. The pups sighed in relief upon seeing him unharmed. "I said I would shoot him. You this gun is fake? It's not!"_

 _"I don't care..." whispered Rocky, lowering his face. "You can hurt my friends. Hurt me. Fine. But you will not, under any circumstances, force me to hurt Zuma."_

 _"Damnit, Rocky!" shouted Chase as he rushed over and growled at Rocky's face. "This Marshall's life we're talking about!"_

 _"... I'm sorry..." whispered Rocky, closing his eyes. "But I just... can't..."_

 _"... Well, its looks like he's dead then," said Stone as he aimed the gun._

 _"... but I can give you something else."_

 _Stone stopped before he could pull the trigger and raised his eyebrow. "I'm listening."_

 _"... what if I was to reveal my deepest secret... for all of Adventure Bay to know..."_

* * *

"Then he goes on about how he actually had a brother that his abusive owner drowned first- ugh, why is HavocHound so disturbed!"

Keldeo growled, and if everything we've gone through isn't disturbing enough, get a load of this! Stone brings in a pregnant woman and asks Zuma to choose who dies, her or Marshall. How did Stone get this woman? Who knows!? This is the insane world of _Zuma's Fear!_ Where the villains apparently have access to the cheat console form the _Elder Scrolls,_ _Portal,_ and _Half-Life_ games!"

Keldeo fell to the ground and moaned, "And you know, one thing has constantly been on my mind during all this. WHY ISN'T THERE A SWAT TEAM OR SOMETHING MOVING IN!?"

* * *

 _"All teams report in."_

 _"Red team standing by."_

 _"Blue team standing by."_

 _"Gold team standing by."_

 _Surrounding a large warehouse were nearly twenty different SWAT officers and six patrols of police officers hidden in other locations. Nobody was taking any chances and were equipped with heavy weaponry and armor. Detective Shaw had ordered an immediate trace on the broadcast as soon as it aired. Once they got a hit, Shaw secretly ordered an entire force down to take Damian Stone and his sick show._

* * *

Keldeo jumped up, looking very impressed.

"Oh. Wow. Okay. Three cheers for Shaw."

"So they enter the warehouse and shoot Stone so many times that he-!"

* * *

 _The smoke began to die down as each of the units readied themselves for a fight. However, there was nothing. No bodies, no gun shots, not even a camera._

 _While other units searched the rooms and upstairs railings, the leader of Gold Team saw something on a table that made him curious. It was a computer, showing the broadcast, connected to what looked to be a transmitter. Realization soon set in that made the Gold Leader curse. "Command it's a dead end! I found a transmitter connected to a computer. My guess is that he made it so that the broadcast was bouncing off this transmitter in case we tried to trace his signal."_

 _"Understood, keep searching for anything else. We'll see if we can get a team to trace where the transmitter is blocking."_

* * *

 _ **Sweetie Belle:** "OH, COME ON!"_

"Is this guy psychic or something!?" Keldeo shouted, "I'm surprised he didn't rig a bomb here too!"

* * *

 _The Gold Leader sighed and was about to issue orders to his men when he saw a new screen appear on the computer. It was a timer. It started going down as he narrowed his eyes and suddenly a horrible thought came to him._

 _"Everyone out now!" he shouted as loud as he could. The SWAT officers didn't waste any more time and quickly exited the building as fast as they could. When the timer reached zero, a set of explosives went off inside and blasted the warehouse apart. Officers were thrown back from the explosion and a few screamed in pain as rubble and shrapnel entered through their armor._

 _In less than a minute, the entire warehouse was on fire._

* * *

Keldeo rang his Soothe Bell a couple of time, and then dunked his face into the surrounding water. He came up for air and shook the water out of his hair. He then sighed and said, "Alright. I suppose it makes sense that Stone would know that a SWAT team would home in on him the moment he started his show. So yeah, I guess it's not _too_ far-fetched."

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 25\. Villain is dangerously genre savvy._

"So Stone gives them time alone to make a decision, and seeing as how serious and delicate this situation is, the group makes sure to think things through very clearly and remain calm-."

* * *

 _"We're… We're not gonna sacrifice Marshall… are we?" asked Rubble, tears in his eyes. Nobody said anything. "We can't just let him die!"_

 _"And what, we just let a pregnant woman also die as well?!" shouted Skye in fury. "For god's sake, it's a baby that's also at risk!"_

 _"But Marshall is our friend! He's part of our family! We cannot just allow him to die like that!" screamed Chase before rushing to Ryder. "We have to do something, Ryder! Anything!" Chase howled and stomped his paw. "I won't lose my brother to that maniac!"_

* * *

Keldeo tossed up his hooves and said, "Or we could just have a shouting match! Of course! Yeah! Sure! Go ahead! I mean, Shaw just left to check on his men, so the only authority figure left in the room is Ryder, and he's a moron, so _of course_ everything falls apart!"

* * *

 _They all turned to Zuma who was still frozen in shock over what he had to do. Chase growled and glared at Zuma with disdain. "This is all your fault. Because of you… Marshall is…"_

* * *

"OH NO YOU _DON'T_!" Keldeo shouted, "Don't you _dare_ try and pull that! Especially when we all know that this is all Greg, Ryder, and Mr. Porter's fault! Greg for not wanting to call the police. Ryder for not calling the police for Greg. And Mr. Porter for allowing his grandson to be kidnapped. Yes, I know Stone is the real villain here, so _technically_ it's all _his_ fault. But since he's the villainous force and _source_ the suffering, we have to acknowledge that _those_ three were the ones who opened Pandora's Box, so if anyone should be suffering in this fanfic, it's _THEM!_ "

Keldeo rang his Soothe Belle three more times, then launched right back into the review, "So, Stone comes back and tells Zuma to choose. Although, I can't help but wonder, the PAW Patrol are all rescuer, public service, first responders. It's their job to protect the public with their lives. I'm pretty sure they took some kind of oath to do that. So, wouldn't they kind of _have to_ sacrifice Marshall?"

* * *

 _"Zuma…"_

 _His attention as grabbed as everyone looked up and saw Marshall raise his bloody head and, despite his suffering, smiled at the pups. "It's okay… you don't have to make a decision… because… because I've already decided… it's me who should die."_

 _The pups gasped. "Marshall, no!" shouted Zuma in fear. "You can't say that!"_

 _"I won't… allow an innocent… to die because of me… I'm telling you to do this… choose me. And let me die instead of her," struggled Marshall as he stood up tall and gave his usual smile. "I am a member of Paw Patrol. My duty is to the people I am supposed to protect. With my life, I will serve all others until my duty is done one way or another. That is the vow I took. That is the vow we all took. We are Paw Patrol. Our duty to the people comes first… even before our own lives."_

* * *

Keldeo applauded with his forehooves, a tear trickling down his left cheek.

"Beautiful," he said softly, "Absolutely beautiful. Beautifully executed. Beautifully written. Just beautiful."

He wiped his tears and said, "So, we get a very sad goodbye scene that I'm not gonna spoil here, and then Zuma makes the choice every single one them had sworn to make the moment they joined the PAW Patrol."

* * *

 _"… I'm ready... goodbye…" said Marshall who closed his eyes and prepare for his end._

 _"… kill Mawshall…" whispered Zuma who felt sick just saying those words._

 _Everyone of Paw Patrol soon came together in one hug, all watching the final moments of their comrade, their friend, the family member Marshall as Stone got off from his seat and smirked. "Alright then."_

* * *

Keldeo no longer looked impressed or touched. In fact, he looked rather annoyed and frustrated.

"Yeah, I think we all know what's coming," Keldeo said in a matter-of-fact manner, "I mean, with the way Stone's mind works and how everyone is being so honorable and touching here, it's blatantly obvious what Stone is gonna do."

* * *

 _"Oh, wait," said Stone with a realization as he pulled the gun away. He then slowly turned to the camera. "I forgot that it is opposite day!"_

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 26\. Villain does the opposite of what the hero says For the Evulz._

* * *

 _"Zuma? This? All this blood and madness? This is going to continue. This will not stop unless until I have taken everything from you."_

 _He reloaded his gun and aimed it at the camera. "Thanks for watching. Goodnight."_

 _He shot the camera and it all went static._

* * *

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 27\. Villain ends his video message by destroying the camera._

"So. . . is the cameraman dead too or. . ."

Keldeo shook the cobwebs out of his head and continued, "Well, after this, Stone magically evaporates/teleports again, but leaves Marshall to be taken to the hospital for recovery."

Keldeo sat down comfortably and said, "Now, before we continue, I need to have a talk with you HavocHound. I think Matthais already told you this, but some thing just need repeating."

Keldeo gained a questioning look and asked, "You do realize that Stone already won, right?"

Keldeo tilted his head, "You have to realize that by now, right? I mean, you couldn't have done that by accident right? You wouldn't write yourself into that corner, right?"

Keldeo gave a very miserable looking frown and sighed before continuing, "Okay, look, it doesn't matter what happens next, okay. Because Stone has already won. He already killed a bunch of Adventure Bay citizens, he broke Marshall's body _and_ mind, he psychologically tortured the rest of the PAW Patrol, has ALLLLLL of Adventure Bay at his mercy via fear, and is now probably world famous thanks to the the internet."

"STONE. HAS. WON."

"The best the protagonists can do is kill Stone after the fact, and that's the problem here. When Scar from the Lion King dies, it's satisfying because it's retribution for the murder of Mufasa. It makes up for the very sad death scene. An eye for an eye."

"You see, HavocHound, when you have a villain this despicable and this depraved then you end being unable to create a punishment harsh enough to possibly be enough to satisfy the audience after everything he did. That would be like an eye for hundreds of dead children. Death is a slap on the wrist for Damian Stone because you had him do too much without any set backs. At least Heath Ledger's Joker in the Dark Knight was _kinda_ sympathetic compared to Stone, entertaining, and _sometimes_ made a few valid points."

"As for Stone, unless you work in some kind of magic element here, it is completely impossible for you to create a death scene that will punish Stone enough for everything he did. The best thing I could think of would be the climax of the Twilight Zone episode _Deaths Head Revisited_ , but that would require supernatural elements that I don't think you plan on using."

Keldeo frowned angrily, "Yeah, so this story fails in that department."

"So while Marshall's in the hospital, Ryder decides to build some weapons."

* * *

R _yder sighed and crossed his arms. "I've talked it over with Detective Shaw and the others. There isn't a point sending you pups off to different owners. We need to be together now. More than ever." He then narrowed his eyes and turned to the computer, activating a few windows that popped up some schematics. It didn't take Rocky long to read them and have his eyes widened. "Is that…"_

 _"Yeah, this was originally going to be something I build for you pups when you got older… but due to the circumstances I can't take a risk," said Ryder as he turned and faced Rocky. "Chase and Marshall are the only ones who know this, but Paw Patrol wasn't originally my idea. It was my parents. The government hired them to build an all dog task force to counter attack terrorism. My parents started on the project, but it was shut down due to the funding being sent to drone development."_

 _Ryder pointed it out the initials. "Hound Assaults of Various Organized Combats. Aka H.A.V.O.C."_

* * *

"I see what he did there, moving on," Keldeo said in a monotone.

* * *

 _"So these schematics are the original blueprints for the pup packs," said Rocky, noting the seminaries._

 _"Yes, but they were incomplete," said Ryder. "I want you to help me make these, Rocky. Six of them for you six to use. If Damian Stone is going to go this far… then we need to go just as far to stop him."_

* * *

Keldeo smiled, "Okay, I'm actually interested in seeing what these weapons look like. A little cool technology goes a long way. Hey, I can just see it now! Zuma taking down Stone's gang with machine guns like in the Guard Dog Update in Team Fortress 2. Oh man, I can't wait to see that!"

* * *

 _Pressing the button, the door slide open and Rocky went in, itending to hug Zuma or even be prepared for some back lash. What he got was worse._

 _He got nothing._

 _As in Zuma wasn't there._

 _Terror began to grip into Rocky's heart as he looked around Zuma's house for any sort of sign of where he was. He stopped when he saw something that made him freeze up. It was Zuma's pup tag with a note on top of it._

 _Goodbye._

* * *

"BISCUITS!" Keldeo shouted, "Why does nobody pay any close attention to anything in this story! The police escort is left unguarded! Alex is left home alone! Stone comes and goes at will and no body manages to catch a glimpse at him unless they a victim! And the primary target, the one with the most trauma and depression, the one most likely to commit suicide isn't watched 24/7! Why is everyone so stupid in this story! I mean, there's suspension of disbelief for the sake of the plot, and then there's making the heroes dumb just to make the villain look smart!"

* * *

 _Stone calmly read the paper that had announced that Zuma was missing. It had been the headline news for the past few days and, despite the efforts of so many, he was still lost. Stone smile as he put the paper down. "I won."_

 _"Won, boss?" asked one of his men who was eating a burger from a fast food place._

 _"Zuma's dead. Or at least he will be soon," said Stone as he got up and flipped open his knife, tossing it casually into the air. "That pup's gonna kill himself if he hasn't done it already. I won." He sighed. "And yet... I am going to miss him. He was so fun to play with and even more fun to break. But I guess he's flipping burgers now with that family of his in oblivion."_

 _"So what are we gonna do? Go after the rest of the Paw Patrol?" asked another of his gang._

 _"No, I think it's high time we all left Adventure Bay and focus on a big score I have planned for us all," said Stone, wagging his knife like a finger. "But before we do that we need to reestablish some of our power. And that's why we're going to meet up with some old friends in Costal City. Back your bags boys, we're going home."_

* * *

"Well, that makes me furious," Keldeo spat in disgust, "Seriously, my whole day is ruined now."

* * *

 _Rocky gasped for breath as he rose his head from out of the river in the forest. He had struggled as hard as he could without another break, but even he needed to drink water. As the water dropplets fell down his dirty and messy fur, his bloodshot eyes slowly looked towards the sinking sun._

 _He remembered how many times him and Zuma used to watch the sun set over the ocean from their favorite spot in the Lookout. He could feel his touch as the two nuzzeled together in friendship and brotherhood, enjoying the silence that came with the blessing view from nature._

 _He would give anything in the world to have just a single second like that again._

 _"Zuma... where are you... please come back to me..." whispered Rocky as he felt his eyes beginning to mist again._

 _"...I love you..."_

* * *

 _"*AHEM*_!" said the Donphan standing in the background.

"Alright, alright, I'll talk about it," Keldeo said in annoyance. He became serious and said, "Okay. So, throughout this story, HavocHound made an attempt at developing a RockyXZuma shipping subplot. First of all, you could take this subplot out completely, and absolutely _nothing_ would change in regards to the plot. The dialogue would be slightly different, and that's it. This subplot plays no vital roll in the story."

Keldeo's eyes became big and pleading, "It wasn't even really necessary. You could've just had them as friends or brothers. It would've been fine. The emotional reactions and connection would be relatively unchanged."

Keldeo looked frustrated, "Biscuits, it probably would've been better. I mean, which is more selfless and meaningful, brotherhood or romance? I'd say brotherhood every time. That's what J.R.R. Tolkien was thinking when he wrote Sam and Frodo. It takes a lot more to lay your life down for your friend than your lover or spouse. So making it a romance really cheapens the whole thing."

"The romance itself isn't even all that romantic, so I doubt people who are fans of _that_ would even like it. It just seems so hollow and blandly stated. So, yeah, you can ignore the RockyXZuma stuff. It's not like any effort was put into it anyway."

Keldeo turned to the Donphan and asked, "Are we good?"

The Donphan nodded and walked away.

"Okay, so meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Zuma has gone to a waterfall to commit suicide."

* * *

 _The sunset was beautiful thought Zuma as he stood over the edge of the waterfall. He had traveled many days to reach this place. It was a special nature reserve that Ryder took him and the pups one time to find a lost wolf cub seperated from its pack. They had managed to find it and played with the wolves which were very friendly to the pups._

* * *

"That's another episode I missed!" Keldeo said.

 _"FORESHADOWING!"_ Munna cried as she flew by.

* * *

 _I can do this... thought Zuma as he inched closer. He closed his eyes as tight as he could. I can do this... do this for them! Do this to meet your family! Do this because you want this pain to end already!_

 _He lifted his paw for that final step...and stopped half way. Gritting his teeth he tried his hardest to force his muscles to move but they refused. Do it! Do it! JUST LET IT END ALREADY PLEASE!_

 _And yet he couldn't move... he couldn't..._

 _Falling to his haunches, he cried. He wailed. He sobbed. And he screamed. He cursed himself and everything else in the world. He let this continue well into the night as he sat there in the forest alone._

 _Why... why can't I do it... why?_

 _"Looks like some part of you still wants to live."_

 _Zuma gasped as he quickly turned around, but saw nobody. "W-who is here?! Have you been spying on me?!"_

 _"I have been watching you for a few hours now. I was curious to see if you would jump or not, but it seems that the spirit still lives inside of you. Despite the overwhelming pain you carry in your soul," said the mysterious voice._

 _"W-what do you know?" asked Zuma, growling._

 _"I know that simplly looking into your eyes you are as defeated as they come," said the voice, slowly peeling Zuma away. "You are afraid. Your fear controls you. In you fear lies guilt. Though guilt shame. And through that shame your desire to end it all. But killing yourself is just another means to run away. And in death will your fear continue to haunt you."_

* * *

Keldeo looked around nervously, "Okay. . . So who is this? ELOHIM?"

* * *

 _"... you have a better way?" asked Zuma, whimpering._

 _"... I might... you are a curious one. You are not a wolf, but yet it's clear that some part of you wants to life. The spirit is still there, even if it is just embers... perhaps you simply need guidance to make it a raging inferno."_

 _"Who are you?!" demanded Zuma._

 _From the shadows under the trees, a white wolf slowly appeared before Zuma. So large was this wolf that he could have easily eaten Zuma in three bites. The pup gulped as he slowly smiled at Zuma._

 _"I am Oriel. And I will make your fear become courage."_

* * *

Keldeo burst out laughing.

He fell on his side and rolled around on the rocky platform, kicking his legs as he laughed.

This went on for a minute or two, then Keldeo composed himself and stood back up.

"I'm sorry," Keldeo said breathlessly with tears of laughter in his eye. He caught his breath, and then said, "I'm so sorry, but this. . . this. . . I mean, through this entire story we've had an insanely overblown Villain Sue that's invoked how many villain tropes?"

 _*Ding!*_

 _ **Rip-Off Side Pot:** 27_

" _TWENTY-SEVEN!"_ Keldeo blinked and said, "Weird Al Yankovic's favorite number. . ."

Keldeo shook off his surprise and continued, "Twenty-seven villain tropes! And it's not like they're small, simple tropes that all villains have. Oh no, these are some the hugest most cliched tropes in the wiki! And on top of the biggest Villain Sue ever made, we get a _MAGICAL TALKING WHITE WOLF! **BISCUITS!**_ "

Keldeo had to take several deep breaths after his outburst, then he continued, "I mean, what the hay is this? It's not _PAW Patrol._. . maybe it's Japanese Anime style _PAW Patrol,_ but it certainly doesn't fit in with the _PAW Patrol_ style that the rest of this fanfic has been adhering too. This is just. . . random. Random and weird. It's like a Pokemon fanfic when you suddenly have-"

 ** _Ghetsis:_** _"Give up, you fools! With Yvetal at my side I will take over the world!:_

 ** _Ash:_** _"Not a chance, Ghetsis! Ready N?"_

 _ **N:** "Ready Ash!"_

 _The two trainers held their magic rings together._

 _ **N and Ash:** "Ash and N unite! Come forth, Ghost Pony Rider!"_

 _Ghost Pony Rider flew down out of nowhere and burned both Yvetal and Ghetsis alive._

Keldeo scratched his head and asked, "And what kind of name is Oriel? Hold on, let me do a search on it." Keldeo opened his laptop and typed on it, "Okay. . . um. . . aha! Here we are. It means _'golden'_."

Keldeo's breath caught in his chest and his eyes opened wide. As he looked up from his laptop, dramatic music started playing in the background.

"Oh my gosh... I figured it out! I just figured it out! Everyone's utter cluelessness! The bloody murders' restaurant setting! The invincible sociopathic serial killer! The traumatized child victim! The supernatural entity that's associated with gold! THE FACT THAT A NORMALLY CUTE AND INNOCENT INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY IS TURNED INTO SOMETHING BLOODY AND DEPRAVED! I GOT IT! I FINALLY GOT IT!"

The dramatic music stopped and Keldeo declared, "HavocHound was trying to make a PAW Patrol adaptation of the _Five Nights at Freddy's_ games! Think about it! The Tiki Snack Shack is Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, Stone is the Purple Guy, Zuma is either the Crying Child or the kid you play as in _Five Nights at Freddy's 4,_ the other five pups are the animatronics, Detective Shaw and Ryder are the Phone Guys, and Oriel is Fredbear/Golden Freddy from _FNAF 4_ who wants to help the kid! Sure, it's not an exact parody of _Five Nights at Freddy's_ with PAW Patrol characters. It just takes elements of those games and uses them to make a _horrible, gruesome, unpleasant experience!_ "

Keldeo dipped his face into the water again. He lifted his head back up and shook, then he said, "Okay. So the PAW Patrol is making their H.A.V.O.C. Gear, and Zuma is with the magical talking white wolf with a name that sounds like it's from either an Anime or a religious text."

A smile suddenly spread across Keldeo's face, "To be honest, this sounds kind of promising. With the pups getting super weapons and Zuma about to be turned into a wolf for all we know, it sounds like we're headed straight to a totally awesome epic climax."

* * *

 **The End of Zuma's Fear**

 **To be continued in Zuma's Courage**

* * *

"You're kidding me. YOU'RE KIDDING ME!" Keldeo shouted, " _That_ was the end of the fanfic?! THAT WAS THE END OF THE FANFIC?! THAT-?!"

Keldeo tried his hardest to calm down a bit. He ground his teeth a bit, then said, " _WHY_ did you think you had to split this up into two fanfics? Can't you just be self contained? How could you possibly put a _Complete_ tag on _this?_ "

* * *

 _"Zuma's dead. Or at least he will be soon," said Stone as he got up and flipped open his knife, tossing it casually into the air. "That pup's gonna kill himself if he hasn't done it already. I won." He sighed. "And yet... I am going to miss him. He was so fun to play with and even more fun to break. But I guess he's flipping burgers now with that family of his in oblivion."_

* * *

"Doesn't that bother you?" Keldeo asked incredulously, "I mean, sure, I guess the titles are clever. The first story is about Zuma being afraid, and the next is about Zuma becoming courageous and fighting back. Yeah, I get that. But I still don't think you had to have this story be complete with a villain that is victorious. Sure, he'll loose in _Zuma's Courage,_ but as far as _Zuma's Fear_ is concerned, he won. You could've but everything in Zuma's Fear. Yes, I know the title has the word 'fear' in it, but guess what? It's impossible to completely get rid of fear. True courage and bravery comes from not letting your fears hinder you, and fighting inspite of them. Zuma can still have fears, and I hope he does, otherwise that won't make any sense. Zuma needs to press on and defeat Stone inspite of those fears, not remove the fears entirely."

"I'm sorry, but this splitting of the story and putting _Complete_ on such a miserable ending where a demonic OC _wins_ just makes me _siiiiiiiiiick._ I'm serious, people. It's dark. It's really, really, REALLY dark. As a standalone fanfic, it's torture. As a sequel, it's a frustrating slap in the face."

Keldeo relented and said with a shrug, "But, it isn't one of the _worst_ fanfics I've ever read. It's well written and the other characters are pretty good. I still think Detective Shaw is the coolest. And Rubble is easily the most entertaining character in this story. Really, more fans need to write stories about him. But the overall experience, along with HavocHound going _waaaaaaaaaaay_ to far with Damian Stone, just makes this something I just don't want to expose myself too again."

Keldeo sighed and hung his head low, "Oh man, I'm loosing my faith in my decision to review other fandoms besides Pokemon. I need to get back to my roots, do more Pokemon related stuff, and fast. But what? What should I do? What should I talk about? What? What!?"

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _"Hey, Keldeo! Don't forget about my editorial!"_ Meowth said teasingly.

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzt!_

Keldeo brought his head back up and immediately lightened up. His eyes seemed to light up as he said, "Oh my gosh! That's right! Pikachu vs Meowth! Oh man, this is perfect! This will get me back rhythm and passion back. I need to go to Pikasaur dot com and do some research! Fast! Thanks, Meowth! Thanks a lot! Oh, uh, I'm Keldeo the Critic and I review it so you don't have to! I gotta go!"

Keldeo then quickly ran off.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _The Show Will Go On_ by MandoPony

 _Rocket Power_ by Nickelodeon

 _The Talos Principle_ by Croteam

 _Nostalgia Critic: Blues Brothers 2000_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Jupiter Ascending_

 _Nostalgia Citric: Captain America_

 _Friendship is Evil...and Dead (Princess Twilight Review)_ by TheMusicMan1012

 _Team Fortress 2_ by Valve

 _The Lord of the Rings_ by J.R.R. Tolkein

 _The Lion King_ by Disney

 _The Lion King Re-Review_ by Confused Matthew

 _Five Nights at Freddy's_ by Scott Cawthon

 _Nothing Can Hurt Me_ by MandoPony

 _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _The Dark Knight_

 _Skyrim_ by Bethesda Studios

 _Bastion_ by Warner Brothers

 _Half-Life_ by Valve

 _Portal 2_ by Valve

 _Carmen Sandiego_ by Broderbund Softwarer

 _Ren and Stimpy_ by Nickelodeon

 _Break My Mind_ by DA Games

 _Credit is given to all intellectual properties mentioned in the Rip-Off Side Pot_

 ** _Special_** ** _Thanks_**

 _Rage Reviews!_ on FiMFictionNet

 _The Rise of Spike the Dragon_ by MasterBrony Forever

 _PAW Patrol Wiki_

 _Pikasaur_


	39. E9: Could Meowth Beat Pikachu?

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 9- Could Meowth Beat Pikachu In a Battle?**

 **Title Card tinyurl:** **q5u3h7y**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said in his normally cheerful demeanor.

"Pikachu has been sending Meowth and the rest of Team Rocket blasting off for years. And in _XY078- A Frenzied Factory Fiasco!,_ the rivalry between Meowth and Pikachu has really heated up with the closest thing to a Pokemon battle we've ever seen."

Keldeo grinned and said, "Not that the _Tom and Jerry_ homage wasn't entertaining. Believe me, I loved it."

Keldeo gave a nod and said, "But it most certainly begs the question: _could_ Meowth beat Pikachu in a battle?"

Keldeo smiled and said, "The keyword here is _could._ Obviously, Meowth would have no chance against Pikachu _right now._ Pikachu easily trumps Meowth in speed, experience, skill, and raw power. But what if Meowth went through some special training? Could he ever reach a level where he could put up a decent fight against the franchise mascot? Well, let's find out!"

"First of all, the anime is not the same as the game. So the clear cut definite levels don't really apply here."

"Second, let's determine the base line stats of the two species. According to the Pikasaur Pokemon comparison website, Meowth has a Smart Rating of 35, while Pikachu has a Smart Rating of 40. Smart Ratings are determined by taking all six base stats and comparing them. The scale goes from 29 to 100."

Keldeo looked curious and asked, "Huh. I wonder what _my_ Smart Rating is?"

 ** _Keldeo:_** _87_

"Nice. . ." Keldeo said with a smile. He nodded for a moment, then he said, "Oh yeah, back to my point. So, Meowth and Pikachu have a difference of 5 points. Huh. . . that's. . . not much of a difference, actually! With enough training, Meowth _actually could_ put up a fight against Pikachu."

Keldeo smiled and said, "So, let's move on to the third part: what does Meowth currently have to offer?"

Keldeo though for a moment, "Well, Meowth has no resistances or immunities, _but_ his only weakness is to Fighting-type moves, and Pikachu doesn't have any. Also, during _AG006- A Poached Ego!,_ we learn that Meowth _has_ gotten used to Pikachu's Electrical attacks to the point of a strange kind of bootleg _resistance._ Think of it as a kind of a hack. Also, Meowth is really smart, _BUT!_ "

Keldeo became very serious and pointed, " _BUT,_ this has to be a _fair fight._ No tricks or cheating."

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _"Aw, come on!" Meowth complained._

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

"You heard me, Meowth! And besides, you tried cheating in the Factory episode, and it didn't work!" Keldeo shouted back. Keldeo then lightened up a bit and said, "But that doesn't mean Meowth can't come up with clever strategies, like using the environment or performing clever dodges or spotting openings whenever Pikachu readies or recovers from an attack."

Keldeo thought a bit more and said, "Also, Meowth has more HP than Pikachu, and Meowth might possibly have the Ability _Technician_ , which would make moves with a power level of 60 or less 1.5 times more powerful. This would actually make sense, as it would make his Fury Swipes more powerful. This could be the reason why its the only move he uses."

Keldeo held up a forehoof and said, "Now, before we jump into moves, let's stop and consider the fourth, and also potentially game changing part: Stat Enhancers."

"We've seen Vitamins in _BW070: The Clubsplosion Begins!_ and Wings in _BW042: Club Battle Finale: A Hero's Outcome!_ We've even seen Rare Candy in _AG142: Caterpie's Big Dilema. . ._ although it _was_ actually Dr. Gordon's _complete_ version, but it at the very least it means that _normal_ Rare Candy exists according to Brock. This means that Team Rocket could either break in somewhere and steal some of these items, or they could just get a job in a kitchen somewhere and earn enough money to buy some. Either way, these items would be perfect for leveling the playing field between Meowth and Pikachu."

Keldeo nodded excitedly and said, "Okay, now for the final part: moves."

"We know that learning how to talk kept Meowth from learning Pay Day, but Meowth has plenty other moves that he can learn. Now, the purpose of this discussion is to figure out a way for Meowth to put up a decent fight, so we need to find the moves that would work the best against Pikachu."

Keldeo frowned, "Now if Mewoth could learn a Ground-Type move, Pikachu would be in trouble. However, Meowth has no Ground-Type moves in his natural move set. And although TM's have appeared in _Pokemon Origins,_ they apparently don't exist in the main anime, so I'm afraid we can't us them. Sorry, Meowth."

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _"Oh, maaaaan!" Meowth said as he snapped his fingers._

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

"Now, before we look into other moves Meowth _could_ learn, let's take a look at two moves that Meowth seems to _unofficially_ know. First, we have Tickle, which Meowth uses on a Rhydon in _EP104: Bound for Trouble._ Now, this is a perfect move to use, a it can lower Piakchu's attack _and_ defense and leave him open for an attack."

Keldeo smiled knowingly and said, "Another move Meowth seems to be at least _close_ to knowing was mentioned in _DP103: Jumping Rocket Ship."_

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _"NO! Don't talk about that move! It's too scary! It's too scary!" Meowth shouted frantically, flailing his arms wildly._

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

Keldeo face hoofed, then he put his hoof down hard and said, "Meowth, do you want to beat Pikachu or not?"

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _Meowth sighed, "Yeah. Yeah, I do. Go ahead."_

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

Keldeo nodded, "Right. The move we're talking about is Night Slash. This is a really awesome move that has a high chance of landing a critical hit, and in this battle, every hit counts."

Keldeo tapped is chin and said, "So, we've got Fury Swipes, Tickle, and Night Slash. What should Meowth's fourth move be?"

Keldeo grinned, "Assurance. No brainer. Assurance does double damage if it is used after the user received damage. Remember, Meowth has higher HP than Pikachu, and he's grown a resistance to his Thunderbolt. If Meowth can use Tickle to reduce Pikachu's attack and defense, damage him with Fury Swipes and Night Slash, then let Pikachu take a shot at him, he could very well knock Pikachu out with a double strength Assurance! Assurance has a Power of 60, and 60 times 2 is 120! That's as strong as a Solar Beam! He doesn't even have to wait for his attack to charge!"

Keldeo turned to the side to think for a moment, then he looked back and said, "And hey, if Meowth _really_ wanted to win, he could forget Furry Swipes, _temporarily_ if he's attached to it, and learn Screech to lower Pikachu's defense even _more!_ "

Keldeo settled down and ave a serious look as he said, "But in order for all of this to happen, Meowth would need one final ingredient. Something that no Pokemon can do without. And that's _determined and dedicated training._ Learning all these moves and getting stronger takes a lot of time and effort. Sure, he could make things go faster by using Vitamins, Wings, and Rare Candy, but he will still have to go through a tough training regimen in order to fully learn and control these moves and strengthen up his body. Champions aren't made in a day, so Meowth has a long road ahead of him. Take it from me, the other Swords of Justice put me through some really tough training, and still do! No one should rest on their laurels. I may have learned Secret Sword and earned Kyurem's respect, but I still have so much more to learn, not to mention to challenge of keeping my fitness level from dropping! You gotta maintain what you've got!"

"Anyway, in Meowth's case, he probably _could_ reach his goal, mainly because of Jessie and James. They've been shown to genuinely care about him, and they'd most certainly do all they could to help. Jessie would make a great taskmaster, and James would provide great moral support and encouragement. And I'm sure Wobbuffet would help him out as well by using Counter to build up Meowth's strength and resistance to physical attacks."

"Now, I'm not gonna talk about the ideal battlefields or use of their surroundings during the battles because in all likelihood Meowth won't have much control of those. Meowth's own smarts and tactics are good enough. What I do know for sure is that if Meowth doesn't slack off, keeps his eye on the prize, and absolutely refuses to give up, he might, _just might,_ be able to put up a decent fight against Pikachu."

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _"Ah-ha-ha-ha! Boy are you a chump!" Meowth laughed triumphantly._

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

"Why am I a chump, Meowth?" Keldeo asked, looking very annoyed.

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _"Cause you just told me how ta beat Pikachu!" Meowth said with a grin._

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

"Oh, I thought of that. See?" Keldeo said as he put on a pair of sunglasses and took out the memory erasing device from _Men in Black._

 ** _THE VISUALS IN THIS SECTION HAVE BEEN DISABLED FOR YOUR SAFETY. THANK YOU, AND HAVE A NICE DAY._**

Keldeo took off the sunglasses and put the device down.

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _". . . . . . .What were we talking about?" Meowth said in utter confusion._

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

"Oh, I was just doing an editorial on Giovanni's Perisan," Keldeo said with an innocent smile.

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

 _"Ick. I'm outta here!" Meowth said in disgust._

 _Bzzzzzzzzzzzt!_

"I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said cheerfully as he walked off.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Men in Black_

 ** _Specail Thanks_**

 _Pikasaur_

 _Bulbapedia_


	40. A Pika Childhood

_This episode of Keldeo the Critic has been brought to you by TinyURL. Are you sick of posting URLs in emails only to have it break when sent causing the recipient to have to cut and paste it back together? Or do you just hate typing out long addresses? Then use TinyURL to create a tiny URL codes that will not break in email postings and never expire!_

 _And by Munk Media, home of the Munkcast, the place to go for your weekly Alvin and the Chipmunk fix. Keep on Munkin'!_

* * *

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 14: A Pika Childhood by Bluewolfbat**

 **Title Card TinyURL:** **qghgazu**

"Do, do, do do do do. Do, do, do do do do," Keldeo sang to himself happily as he pranced over to his usual spot for reviewing. He placed his laptop down on the rock platform, opened it, and went to open the file containing the fanfic he was about to review.

"STOP!"

Keldeo jumped in shock, and turned around to see who had shouted at him. To his surprise, he saw an out of breath Eevee panting in exhaustion before him.

The Eevee eventually caught her breath after about a solid minute of heavy breathing, then she looked up at Keldeo and said, "You _cannot_ review that story! Whatever you do, don't review that story! Something terrible will happen if you review it!"

Keldeo stared long and hard at the Eevee. Then, with a deadpan expression, he replied, "It's _A Pika Childhood_ by Bluewolfbat."

* * *

 _ **A Pika Childhood**_

 _By: Bluewolfbat_

 _A series of One-Shots about what Ash and Pikachu's lives and adventures might have been like if these best buddies had met during Ash's childhood. What kind of adventures, you ask? Read and find out._

* * *

"This is probably one of the most innocuous, harmless, inoffensive, cutest fanfic I will probably ever review, let alone read," Keldeo said, looking entirely unconcerned with the worried faces Eevee was making, "How could reviewing this fanfic possibly cause something terrible to happen?"

"You don't understand," Eevee said in a panicky manner, "This fanfic is too cute to review! It's cuteness is too powerful! Reading it infects your mind, and reviewing it would give it the ability to use the internet to exert its terrible power over the entire world! There'd be no escaping from it!"

Keldeo raised an eyebrow as he stared at Eevee with disbelief and pity. "How the hay could you possibly be sure of all that?"

"Well I-."

"Why should I even believe you!? Do you have any idea how ridiculous what you just said was?" Keldeo asked.

"Look at me!" the Eevee shouted as she pointed at her face with her right forepaw, "Don't you see how scared and nervous and frightened I am! Doesn't that mean anything?"

Keldeo eyed Eevee suspiciously, and then he asked, "You're Serena's Eevee, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Eevee said with a nod.

"Well you know something? I think you're the most _annoying_ character in all of _Pokemon XY The Series._ I tried to be patient with you, but the fact is that you make _Fluttershy_ look brave! And you can make all the scared faces you want, but it doesn't matter because that's the way you look 75% of the time in the show anyway! So don't bother me while I'm reviewing this fanfic."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Eevee shouted.

Keldeo opened the file, and there was a huge burst of light that blew Keldeo backwards next to Eevee. When Keldeo's eyesight recovered, he looked and gasped when he saw a seven year old Ash Ketchum standing next to a slightly chubbier Pikachu.

"Aha! After a whole year we're free! It's time to conquer Earth!" the young Ash said.

Keldeo groaned and said, "Okay, what review are we parodying here? _Turbo: A Power Ranger's Movie_ or _Hocus Pocus_?"

Kid!Ash looked at Keldeo and smiled, "Oooooh! Wow! A pony! You'll be perfect to ride and hug and stuff!"

Keldeo backed away, looking and feeling a bit uncomfortable, "Uh, I think I'm getting _Double Rainboom_ flashbacks. . ."

Kid!Ash got down on his knees, turned to Pikachu, smiled and said, "Let's claim him, Pikachu!"

Eevee gasped and quickly jumped in front of Keldeo and used Protect. At that moment, Kid!Ash began to tickle Pikachu in the stomach. As the pair laughed, Keldeo looked at Eevee and said, "Uh, would you mind filling me in, Eevee?"

Suddenly, the other three Swords of Justice ran in.

"What's going on, Keldeo?" Cobalion asked, "We saw that flash of light and-" He suddenly froze along with Virizion and Terrakion when the three of them spotted Kid!Ash and Pikachu giggling in a most adorable fashion.

All three Swords of Justice tilted their heads, and said with wide eyes and dopey smiles, "Awwwwwwww."

"Oh, they are so _precious!_ " Cobalion drawled in an uncharacteristically high sounding voice.

"Cobalion!?" Keldeo shouted, his eyes wide with disbelief.

Kid!Ash got up and laughed, "Wow! I got three horsies to play with!" He looked the three smiling Pokemon up and down. Then, Kid!Ash frowned and said, "But they're not ponies, aren't they, Pikachu?"

Pikachu frowned as well and shook his head.

Kid!Ash nodded, "Right! What we want is the pony! And the foxy too! Let's-" He turned, but froze when he saw that Keldeo and Eevee had fled, and they even took the laptop with them.

"Awwwwwww," Kid!Ash said with a pout.

* * *

As Keldeo and Eevee ran, Keldeo turned to Eevee and said, "How the hay did you know _that_ of all things was gonna happen!"

"It's my business to know!" Eevee replied, "I have a high position in the Kawaii Club! Wanna see a membership card?" Eevee then reached into the fur around her neck and pulled out a small card _**(** **hy4bodv).**_

Keldeo looked at it, then looked at Eevee and demanded, "Why didn't you show me that earlier!"

"You wouldn't let me!" Eevee shouted in desperation as she put the card back.

Keldeo sighed as they continued running, "Oh, alright. I'm sorry. So, how do we stop them?"

"I don't know! Nobody knows! That's why they're so dangerous! They'll take over the entire world with the power of cuteness!" Eevee shouted.

"Seriously? the power of-? Gah! Look, just relax, I've got an idea. Follow me!" Keldeo said, and he quickly guided Eevee into the forest and in a section secluded by bushes.

Keldeo sat down, took his laptop out of his saddle bags, and opened it up.

"What are you doing?" Eevee asked nervously, looking around fearfully.

"I'm gonna do what usually fixes fanfic related problems: review this story all the way through," Keldeo replied.

"What!?" Eevee exclaimed, "But that's what caused this problem!"

Keldeo shrugged, "It couldn't make things any worse, could it? Besides, there's nothing else we can do right now, so we might as well try this. So try to get a hold of yourself, Eevee. This is _A Pika Childhood._ "

"So, it turns out that this story takes place in an alternate timeline where Ash got Pikachu when he was seven years old instead of ten years old. Interesting premise. Let's she where the story goes from there."

* * *

 _Chapter 1: A Special Surprise_

 _Ash woke up bright and early in the morning as he got ready for the day. However, today was a special day for Ash; Ash was turning seven years old! Ash had always had a fascination and passion for Pokémon, and as a special treat, Ash's mom said that she would take him to Professor Oak's lab to get a Pokémon of his own. Ash was so excited!_

 _After greeting his mom and having Breakfast, Ash's mom wanted to talk with him._

 _"Now Ash, are you sure you want a Pokémon? Remember, a Pokémon is a lot of responsibility, and you have to be the one to talk care of it," Ash's mom said, trying to make Ash understand what he was getting into._

 _"I understand mom. I've been trying to learn as much as I can about how to take care of Pokémon. I promise I'll take care of it," Ash replied._

* * *

Keldeo stopped to think for a moment, and he said, "So. . . 10 year old Ash stays up late the night before and oversleeps. . . but 7 year old Ash wakes up bright and early and is ready to go. . ." Keldeo frowned, "Iris is right, Ash is a little kid."

"But wait, if Ash doesn't arrive late, then how does he get paired up with Pikachu?"

* * *

 _"Professor, please tell me you have some Pokémon that are safe for Ash," Ash's mom said, concerned about her son's safety._

 _"Don't worry, Mrs. Ketchum. I'll make sure we find the right one," Professor Oak replied. A long time went by before Ash and his mom agreed on three Pokémon. They were A Squirtle, an Eevee, and a Bulbasuar._

* * *

"Okay, so Delia must have said no the Charmander because he didn't want Ash to get burned, I get that. But what's an Eevee doing there? Eevee isn't a starter! And aren't those Pokemon supposed to be rare and hard to find?" Keldeo asked.

"It's true. We are. We like to keep hidden," Eevee chimed in.

"Oh, I forgot you were there for a moment," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _However, just as the professor was lining up the three Pokémon, another Pokémon caught Ash's attention._

 _"Hey, what about that one?" Ash asked going over to a cage with a different Pokémon in it. The Pokémon looked to be about the size of Ash's body,_

* * *

"Meaning that in this story, either Ash is a midget or Pikachu is Super Sized like a Pumpkaboo," Keldeo remarked dryly.

* * *

 _it was furry, yellow, had two red circles on it's cheeks, and it's tail was shaped like a lightening bolt._

 _"Pikachu," the Pokémon said. Professor Oak and Ash's mom went over to see the Pokémon Ash was looking at._

 _"Professor, what do you think about this one?" Ash's mom asked nervously. Something about the yellow Pokémon gave her an uneasy feeling._

 _"Hmmmm. This one isn't that comfortable around strangers, but then again, Pikachu can be shy. Let's try giving it some food," Professor Oak replied. The man then got out some food and feed the Pokémon,. After a few times, Professor Oak let both Ash and his mom feed the Pokémon._

 _"This Pokémon is Pikachu. They are an electric Pokémon, and are usually hard to find and train, but it can be done. All it takes is time and patience," Professor Oak explained. Pikachu gently took the food. Professor Oak then carefully let Pikachu out and let Pikachu sniff Ash and his mom._

 _"Pikachu," the Pokémon said sweetly as it smiled at them._

 _"It's cute, but isn't it dangerous? You said it was an electric type," Ash's mom commented, starting to feel nervous again._

 _"Yes, however, some Pikachu don't create a lot of electricity because they are either still learning how to control it. That is the case for this one. Luckily, it knows when to control it, and how much to release. He rarely shocks people, and this one is new. Surprisingly, he seems to be calm around new visitors" Professor Oak answered. Ash's mom nodded._

 _"Ash, how about we go outside and talk about which Pokemon you want?" Ash's mom suggested. Ash agreed and as they got up, the mother and son started walking of the lab._

 _"Pika?" Pikachu said, like it was confused and concerned as to why the boy and his mom were leaving._

 _"It's okay, Pikachu. They're just leaving-" Professor Oak said until he was interrupted._

 _"Pika! Pika, Pika! Pikachu!" Pikachu cried out as it misunderstood the Professor's words. Pikachu didn't want this boy to leave, he liked him! Pikachu tried to get away, but Professor Oak knew this Pikachu had just met Ash and his mom. Who knows what it might do to them if it got out of hand!_

 _"Pikachu, I'm sorry, but for now you'll just have to wait!" Professor Oak said as he tried to get the Pokémon back into it's cage. Eventually, as Pikachu kept struggling, it broke free of the Professor's grip and ran right for the boy and his mom._

 _"Ash! Delia! Look out!" Professor Oak called out to them. Ash and his mom turned around, and saw Pikachu running right for them!_

 _"Ahhhhh!" Ash's mom cried out as the yellow, furry creature looked like it was going to run right at them. What happened next surprised everyone. Pikachu started to slow down, ran up to Ash, and hugged his leg. Pikachu looked back at the professor and shook it's head._

 _"Pikachu. Pika," the Pokémon said sadly with tears appearing in it's eyes. Everyone just stared at Pikachu._

 _"Well Delia, I don't know how to say this, but I think Pikachu wants to be Ash's Pokémon!" Professor Oak said dumfounded. Ash slowly knelled down and rubbed Pikachu on the head. Everyone could see how much Pikachu liked Ash, and how Ash responded back. It was clear that Pikachu wouldn't leave without Ash._

 _"I agree. Thank you Professor," Ash's mom said back. After doing the paperwork, Ash and his mom went home with Pikachu in the back seat._

* * *

Keldeo looked on with an extremely dumbfounded expression on his face. "Wow. . . well, this is. . . character assassination."

"What's wrong?" Eevee asked.

"Pikachu _did not_ like Ash the moment he saw him!" Keldeo complained, "Pikachu hated all humans! Pikachu only started liking Ash because he put himself in danger to protect him from a flock of Spearows. Then their bond strengthened from there. Having them immediately click like this is not only lazy writing, but it also takes away the meaning of their bond. It's not sacrificial or heartfelt. It's not the result of growth and character development. It's just puppy love. I mean, sure, I guess the flock of Spearows scene would be too extreme for a fanfic like this. But couldn't we have gotten some scenes of Ash begging to take Pikachu home, Pikachu begrudgingly giving Ash a chance after seeing how much he wants him, then maybe Ash could either protect Pikachu from some bullies, or Pikachu could even feel pity for Ash and protect him from some bullies. Anything would've been better than just _'he liked him.'"_

"But that's what makes it so cuuuuute!"a voice said.

Keldeo and Eevee turned to see Kid!Ash and Pikachu tear through a bush. Kid!Ash smirked, then he turned to Pikachu, opened his arms, and shouted, "Snuggle time!"

"Eevee, grab on!" Keldeo shouted urgently. Eevee quickly grabbed onto Keldeo's tail, and he quickly grabbed his laptop in his teeth and used Hydro Pump to fly away from the area. However, they could still hear the sound of wild Pokemon shouting things like, "How adorable!", "Oh, soooo cute!", and so forth.

"WAAAAAAAH! Slow down!" Eevee shouted as she held on for dear life as the pair flew over the trees.

Eventually, the pair reached a waterfall. Keldeo used Secret Sword and spun, cutting right through the falls and into a cave behind them. Keldeo landed, and Eevee immediately let go of Keldeo's tail and began kissing the ground.

"This isn't good," Keldeo said after putting the laptop down, "Soon they'll have the entire Moor of Icirrus enslaved."

Eevee stopped kissing the ground and said, "I tried to warn you, Keldeo!"

Keldeo nodded, "I know, I know. Let's just get on with the review. Maybe we'll find a clue on how to beat them."

Keldeo quickly opened his laptop.

* * *

 _Chapter 2: Hanging Out_

 _Once Ash and his mom got home, they put Pikachu on the floor, and watched him. Pikachu looked around, curious as to where he was. Ash got his Pokémon Caring book and read about Pikachu. The good news was that they were easy to take care of, but the bad news was how much electricity they could create. Luckily, Ash felt like raising Pikachu would be a good thing._

 _For the next several weeks, Ash and his mom helped raise Pikachu so it knew what stuff was, what was right and wrong, how to behave right, and of course take care of Pikachu. What was different however was that Pikachu acted more like a friend rather than a pet. If it was treated like a pet, it would look at Ash or his mom as if they were crazy. Pikachu wanted to be a friend, not a pet that was trained and was told 'good boy' all the time; that just sounded weird._

* * *

"I'm pretty sure no one in the Pokemon world treats Pokemon like that," Keldeo said flatly, "Also, show don't tell? What's that?"

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete"  
_

"AHH! Who was that!?" Eevee shouted as she cowered behind Keldeo in fear.

Keldeo rolled his eyes and said, "Thanks for reminding me how annoying you can be, Eevee. I almost forgot."

* * *

 _"What would you like to do, Pikachu?" Ash asked looking at the yellow Pokémon. Pikachu looked around the bedroom trying to find something interesting. Eventually, they found a ball and played catch. Soon, it was time for bed and after saying goodnight, Ash got into his pajamas, and into bed with Pikachu._

 _*Yes, I know, it's boring, but my mind went blank. Anyways, keep reading, and please leave a review.*_

* * *

"Okay, I hate it when writers do this," Keldeo said, "If you think what you wrote is boring or stupid or flawed, here's an idea: DON'T PUBLISH IT! Think it over. Edit it. Add to it. FIX IT! Don't just put it out there and apologize, that's lazy, and kind of insulting to the reader too."

* * *

 _Chapter 3: The Candy Jar_

 _The next day, Ash got up with Pikachu and after Breakfast went to school. For the rest of the day, Pikachu was bored out of his mind. Luckily, Ash's mom needed some help with cleaning up the house, so Pikachu went to help her. It took them about two hours, but after that the house was sparkly clean._

* * *

"Hey, wait a minute, did Delia legally adopt Pikachu as her child or something?" Eevee said grumpily, "Why does _he_ have to clean up?"

"He doesn't _have_ to. He _wants_ to. He just likes being helpful," Keldeo answered, "Sure, it's annoying that he's instantly attatched and devoted to the humans to the point he'll happily work for them. . . and another thing, aren't they're comedic possibilities for Pikachu cleaning up the house? Isn't that something we should be _shown_ not _told_?"

Keldeo sighed, "Well, anyway, Ash comes home and does his homework, while Pikachu decides to raid the candy jar."

* * *

 _"Pika?" Pikachu said, confused as to why he didn't get any candy. What exactly was this 'candy' Ash's mom spoke of? Pikachu suddenly noticed the jar of candy that had been left on the counter. Pikachu looked around, made sure he was alone, and went over to the candy jar._

 _"Pika!' Pikachu exclaimed as he saw all of the candies that were inside the jar. So many candies of different shapes, colors, sizes, and flavors filled the jar from top to bottom. Pikachu had no idea which candy to start with. He then grabbed one labeled 'chocolate' and took a small bite of it._

 _"Chaaaa," Pikachu said, enjoying the sweet, savory, delicious flavor. Pikachu decided that at least one more couldn't hurt, so he grabbed another candy labeled 'strawberry' and ate it. Soon, Pikachu was going through almost every piece of candy he could find. It was like a candy gold mine for the electric Pokémon. As Pikachu kept eating the candy however, he suddenly leaned in too lose to the jar, and fell in._

 _"Pika?" Pikachu said as it got confused by it's sudden change of surroundings. Pikachu tried to get out, but instead, just got even more stuck, caused the candy jar to fall off the counter, and land upside down with Pikachu's feet and tail being the only thing from keeping the jar from breaking. Candies of all kinds fell and surrounded Pikachu as it blindingly wondered around the kitchen with no clue as to how to get out of the jar._

* * *

 ** _Grizz:_ **_"Wow! Look at this cute small box! Would it not be cute if **I** were to sit in it?!" _

"Was that a scene from _We Bare Bears?_ " Eevee asked.

 _ **"NO SHIP SHERLOCK!"**_ the Intoxiquer shouted.

"AHHHHH!" Eevee screamed as she cowered behind Keldeo.

"Oops. . . sorry," the Intoxiquer said, and he flew out of the cave.

"Team Rocket's been blasting off for years, and yet somehow _your_ Scooby Doo shtick managed to get old in only a couple of episodes!" Keldeo complained.

"Why are you so mean?" Eevee asked timidly.

Keldeo sighed and said softly, "I'm not trying to be mean. It's just that, after I let the Swords of Justice down by running away from my fight with Kyurem, I started to hate cowards in any shape or form. But I guess you're not a coward. You're just really, _really, **really** _ shy. So, I'm sorry for being too hard on you."

Eevee nodded, "Okay. I understand."

"Awww! How cute!" the Intoxiquer said loudly from the other side of the waterfall.

Keldeo frowned and said, "I think you're needed on the _Angry Bug Show_!"

"Uhhh, I don't think he was talking about us," Eevee said nervously.

Suddenly, the cascading curtain of water exploded into steam, revealing Kid!Ash and Pikachu.

"AHHH! We're trapped!" Eevee shouted.

"Don't worry, I got an idea!" Keldeo said, and he quickly ran to the back of the cave, grabbed a Berry Juice, drank it all in one gulp, and tossed it over at Kid!Ash and Pikachu.

Kid!Ash gasped and said, "Wow! Look at this cute small bowl! Would it not be cute if _Pikachu_ were to get it stuck on his head!"

Pikachu nodded, and with a smile, grabbed the bowl and jammed it on his head. He then tried to get it off by pushing and pulling but to no avail. Kid!Ash quickly ran in to help him.

Meanwhile, Keldeo and Eevee quietly snuck out of the cave.

"Got it!" Kid!Ash said as he pulled the bowl off of Pikachu's head, "Ta-da!"

It took a few seconds for them to realize that no one else was there.

"Sooooo CUTE!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

Except for the Intoxiquer of course.

"HUH?! Aw man! Come on, after them!"

The pair ran out of the cave, just in time to get pummeled by the waterfall.

The two quickly waded to shore, and Kid!Ash said, "Alright! No more Mister Nice Guy! Time to go all out! To Icirrus City!"

* * *

Keldeo and Eevee ran back into the woods and hid back in a different set of bushes.

"We HAVE to finish this review!" Keldeo said.

"Why? How can it help us?" Eevee asked.

"Maybe it'll show everyone how lazy it is and snap them out of it!" Keldeo replied.

"Okay, fine, I'll try anything!" Eevee admitted.

Keldeo nodded, "Okay, good. So Ash comes down and saves Pikachu and. . . ugh, is there even any real point in describing it?"

* * *

 _"Pikachu!" Pikachu cried out as he tried to get unstuck from the jar, but with little success. Pikachu tried and tried again, but couldn't get out. Pikachu the only one who could help him now was Ash._

 _Pika! Pikachu! Pika pi, Pikachu!" Pikachu called out desperately. Luckily, Ash had just finished his homework and was now washing his hands when he heard Pikachu crying for help._

 _"Pikachu? Pikachu?! Pikachu are you alright?" Ash called out as he went downstairs, and into the kitchen to find his friend. Ash was surprised when he saw Pikachu's feet and tail sticking out of the upside down candy jar, walking around. Ash had no idea whether to laugh or be concerned. Ash knew his mom had told them that they could have some candy, but not the whole jar!_

 _"Pikachu? What are you doing?" Ash asked as he went to grab the candy jar, while trying not to laugh. Ash pulled and pulled to try and get Pikachu free, but it was harder than it looked. Eventually, with several more pulls, Pikachu popped out of the jar, and was free. After checking to make sure his Pokémon was okay, the two friends smiled._

 _"Pikachu!" Ash exclaimed as he hugged Pikachu happy that he was okay._

* * *

"Well, I guess one interesting part is how the author likes bring up extra details in a _anti_ -' _show don't tell'_ manner."

* * *

 _"Pikachu... How much candy did you eat?" Ash asked cautiously. Pikachu then shoed Ash the candy wrappers that had been left behind, Ash looked up in his book to see if eating candy was dangerous. Luckily, Pikachu was in no danger of eating any of the candy that it had ate. Pikachu decided to stop eating and after Ash ate his dessert, the two friends hung out and played. Unfortunately, Pikachu got a little bit of a sugar rush and kept running around the room like it was full of excitement and energy._

 _Ash's mom arrived home shortly afterwards, and Ash explained what had happened. Ash's mom wasn't happy to hear about all of the candy Pikachu had eaten, but was happy that they both were safe. After hanging out a little more, it was time for bed. Ash and Pikachu then fell asleep happy that Pikachu was no longer stuck in a candy jar._

* * *

"So we're not allowed to see Pikachu on a sugar rush? But that's funny! That would have been hilarious! Why does this story keep missing opportunities to be good?" Keldeo complained.

"It feels like a boring version of _Booba,_ " Eevee remarked.

Keldeo stared at Eevee in confusion, "That Teletubbie imitation?"

Eevee shook her head, "No, not _that_ show! I'm talking about a short series of CGI shorts about a furry monster. It's made by Sparrow3D-."

"Eevee, I'm not really all that interested, let's focus on the review, okay?" Keldeo asked.

* * *

 _Chapter 4:_

 _*This chapter was inspired by the Pokémon fan's theory of Pikachu's love for ketchup. I hope you enjoy it.*_

* * *

"Okay. Does the author take advantage of any comedic possibilities?" Keldeo asked.

* * *

 _Pikachu jumped up onto the table as he stared at the red bottle. Pikachu had never tasted ketchup before, and he wondered if it was good or not. Pikachu looked around to make sure nobody was watching, and after seeing that nobody was around, Pikachu opened up the small lid on the top of the bottle, squeezed the bottle, and licked the red stuff inside. Suddenly, Pikachu's eyes were lit up with amazement, and there was a smile on his face._

 _"Pikaaaa," Pikachu said, as he continued to lick the ketchup from the bottle, and savor the delicious taste. The ketchup tasted like a long-lost friend that Pikachu had just met. Pikachu loved the taste of ketchup. Pikachu liked it so much, that he started to hug the ketchup bottle. It was his new best friend._

 _Suddenly, Pikachu heard footsteps. Thinking fast, Pikachu closed the lid, and went to put the ketchup bottle where it belonged. Pikachu just finished putting it away when Ash came walking into the kitchen._

 _"Hi Pikachu. What are you doing?" Ash asked the furry, yellow Pokémon._

 _"Pika pika. Pika pi pika," Pikachu replied as he tried to explain that he put the ketchup away in the kitchen. Ash understood, and for the rest of the night, the two friends played together._

 _That night, as Ash and Pikachu went to bed, Pikachu dreamed about tasting the ketchup, and about his new favorite food that was also his new best friend._

* * *

 _ **Slappy the Squirrel:** "That was pointless."_

"Knock-knock," Keldeo said.

"Who's there?" Eevee asked.

"Boring," Keldeo replied.

"Boring who?" Eevee asked.

"This story, that's who!" Keldeo exclaimed, "I mean, in _Pika and Bun's One-shot Wonders_ by ravengal, Pikachu and Buneary have an epic ketchup fight! But this is just so _pointless_! It's so focused on looking cute that it doesn't give us anything interesting to take away from! Nothing happens! And when something does happen, it happens off-screen! And what really frustrates me is that I know for a fact Bluewolfbat is a _really good writer!_ He's written some reall nice stories! Like this one right here:"

* * *

 _ **Who's Theodore?**_

 _By: Bluewolfbat_

 _Simon and Theodore have always been brothers and best friends. But when Simon saves Theodore from getting hit by a car, Simon gets hit instead and gets Amnesia. What's worse, Simon can't remember Theodore! Now, Theodore must help Simon to get familiar with him again, and re-build their bond of friendship. Will Simon's memory ever come back, or will the old Simon be lost for good?_

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Simon S., Alvin S., Theodore S. - Chapters: 25 - Words: 19,357 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: Apr 20, 2014 - Published: Mar 20, 2014 - Status: Complete - id: 10203614_

* * *

"This story really is , sure, it's loaded with cute moments, I get it, that's Bluewolfbat's thing. But it's also full of detail and all kinds of emotion. Which begs the question of why this story is so phoned in? Bluewolfbat mostly writes PAW Patrol and Alvin and the Chipmunks Fanfiction, and while _Pups and Marshall's Bully_ kinda makes me mad, I have to say that they're all pretty good. Does he just not like Pokemon as much, or am I just missing something here?"

"Well, it sounds like he has good taste in cute things, I'll tell you that," Eevee remarked.

There was suddenly the sound of an incoming Skype call alert.

"Uh-oh. I got a bad feeling about this. . ." Keldeo said as he shakily answered the call.

Kid!Ash, who's clothes were covered with a myraid of ketchup stians, appeared on the screen and said, "Hello, Keldeo! You've been very naughty to keep running away from us!"

Keldeo growled and said, "What are you up to?"

Kid!Ash chuckled and said, "Well, while you've been running around, Pikachu and I stole a whole bunch of ketchup, filled Splatoon guns with them, and used them to break into the Icirrus City television station!"

"WHAT!?" Keldeo and Eevee exclaimed.

"That's right! Our conversation is being broadcast all over Unova right now!"

Eevee gasped, "They're gonna hypnotize everyone in Unova with cuteness!"

"That's right! And it gets better!" Kid!Ash said, "When we broke into the place with our ketchup guns, we played around a bit, sliding around in ketchup and stuff. The security cameras caught it all too!"

Keldeo and Eevee gasped.

"And you're gonna play that footage all over Unova!" Keldeo gasped.

Kid!Ash blinked, and shook his head awkwardly, "Uh. . . no, why would I do that?'

Keldeo tilted his head and said, "Well, I'm sure a lot of people would like to see that, and that would be an easy way to hypnotize everyone-."

"KELDEO!" Eevee shouted.

"What? I'm just saying. And he's gonna hypnotize everyone anyway, so he might as well use a fun and entertaining way," Keldeo said.

"Hello!" Kid!Ash said loudly.

"What?" Keldeo said in annoyance.

Kid!Ash smiled and said, "Right now, Pikachu is gonna sing the _I'm Cute_ song from the Animaniacs-"

"Nope," Keldeo said as he closed the window. "Sorry audience, we're not _that_ desperate to rip off of the Nostalgia Critic."

* * *

 _Chapter 5:_

 _It was a nice sunny day as Delia was taking down laundry from the clothesline while Ash and Pikachu ran around playing like two goofballs. Delia smiled seeing her seven-year-old son giggle and chase the little electric Pokemon; Ash and Pikachu really had become close friends. Soon, Delia had gotten all of the laundry down except for the bed sheets._

 _"Hey Ash! Pikachu! Could you two please come help me get the bed sheets down from the clothesline?" Delia asked kindly._

 _"Yes mom. Come on, Pikachu!" Ash said as he and Pikachu ran over to the clothesline to help out. Luckily, Ash had a plan to get the sheets down, and when he asked his mom if he and Pikachu could try it, Delia agreed._

 _"Just be careful Ash and Pikachu. You don't want the sheets to fall on top of you while you're taking them down! I'll be right back," Delia commented as she left with the basket of laundry that she already had gotten down._

* * *

Eevee groaned and face pawed. "Oh, here we go with his bed sheet fetish."

"Bed sheet fetish?" Keldeo asked incredulously.

"Yeah, there's a bed sheet scene in nearly _every_ one of his stories," Eevee said, "Someone _always_ has to get caught under a bed sheet or pretend to be a bed sheet ghost. and it is _soooo_ annoying! I mean, it happens a ton of times in that Chipmunk fanfic you like so much! He's even made Chipmunk fanfics that focus on being trapped under a bed sheet as a _main plot point!_ "

* * *

 ** _A Silly Ghost_**

 _While hanging out in their bedroom, Alvin and his brothers make a tent out of bed sheets. But after Dave comes in and tells them it's bed time, Dave leaves and Alvin and Simon take down the bed sheet tent. But Theodore is still inside the bed sheet tent, and the bed sheet falls on top of Theodore! Now he's stuck and can't get out. What will happen? Read and find out._

* * *

Keldeo raised an eyebrow and said, "Wow. . . that's. . . yeah. . .moving on!"

* * *

 _"Mom's right, Pikachu. We better be careful or if the sheets fall on top of us who knows what will happen!" Ash said to his Pikachu as the yellow Pokemon giggled._

* * *

" _'Who knows what will happen?'_ What are you talking about? It's a bed sheet, not the Golden Fleece from _Percy Jackson!_ " Keldeo said.

Eevee rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the bed sheet lands on them and, yeah."

* * *

 _Then suddenly, the white bed sheet fell down and landed right on top of Ash and Pikachu._

 _"Ahhhhhhhhhh! Help! Get us out of here!" Ash cried out struggling to get out._

 _"Pikapi! Pi Pi Pikachu!" Pikachu exclaimed as he too tried to get out from under the bed sheet, but was unable to see anything. Just then, Delia came back outside and saw the two sheet covered buddies._

 _"Oh my goodness! Ash! Pikachu! My boys!" Delia cried out as she ran over to help the trainer and Pokemon out of the bed sheet. Once the bed sheet was taken off, Ash and Pikachu could finally see again. They both saw Delia and smiled._

 _"Mom!" Ash cried out giving his mom a hug. Pikachu did the same and she hugged them both. After a minute of hugging, they separated._

 _"Ash, Pikachu, what happened? How did you two get stuck under the sheet?" Delia asked concerned._

 _"Well, as we were taking the sheets down, Pikachu lost his footing and before he fell, he grabbed the bed sheet for support. The sheet slid off the thread though, so after I caught Pikachu and hugged him, the bed sheet fell on top of us and we got stuck. Sorry mom," Ash explained._

 _"Pikachu," Pikachu added, also apologizing._

 _"That's okay sweetie. It was an accident. How about you and Pikachu go play inside while I take the rest of the sheets down. Besides, it looks like you only had three sheets left," Delia commented looking at the clothesline._

 _"Thank you mom," Ash replied back before he and Pikachu both gave her another hug. After they stopped hugging, Ash and Pikachu went to go play some more. Delia watched them and sighed happily._

 _"Those two and their wild ideas. They try to take down some bed sheets and I find them looking like ghosts. I wonder what they will think of next," Delia told herself as she turned her attention back to the clothesline._

* * *

"That wasn't even cute! It was lame!" Keldeo exclaimed, "How could Bluewolfbat possibly top that?!"

* * *

 _Chapter 6:_

 _The sun shined through the window as Ash started to wake up slowly. Ash yawned, stretched, and then looked over to the sleeping Pokemon next to him in bed. Pikachu was sleeping peaceful in bed next to Ash under the sheets. Ash smiled as he stared at his best buddy sleeping. Pikachu was the best friend that Ash could ever have, and Pikachu treated Ash the same way._

 _Pikachu then slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Ash before smiling. Ash smiled back. The two buddies just stared at each other, enjoying each others company._

 _"Good morning Pikachu," Ash said as he waited to see how Pikachu would respond._

 _"Pika pika. Pikachu pikapi," Pikachu replied back kindly. Ash then lied down on the bed next to Pikachu and gently pet Pikachu's fur. Pikachu smiled, and got closer to Ash enjoying the attention. Soon, Ash grabbed Pikachu in his arms and hugged him. Pikachu hugged back._

 _"It's so nice that we get to hang out Pikachu," Ash said as he hugged his buddy. Pikachu just smiled and kept hugging Ash. Soon, Ash pulled the covers back over him and Pikachu as they both continued to lie in bed, enjoying each others hug._

 _"Thank you, Pikachu. I love you buddy," Ash whispered to Pikachu._

 _"Pika pika. Pi pika Pikachu," Pikachu replied back happily. Ash hugged Pikachu one last time before saying:_

 _"Thank you buddy. Now come on! Let's go have Breakfast," Ash said before he and Pikachu got out of the bed sheets, off the bed, and headed downstairs for Breakfast._

 _BLIIIIIIINNNGGG! sounded the alarm clock next to Ash's bed as he woke up with a jolt. Ash looked around and quickly turned his alarm clock off. The sun was just starting to shine in the sky, and Ash's clock read 7:00AM. Ash sighed as he looked over at Pikachu sleeping next to him under the sheets._

 _"I can't believe it was just a dream. I thought for sure Pikachu and I were awake and were about to head down to Breakfast! Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait," Ash whispered to himself before lying down in bed again. Soon he fell asleep and after a few hours, he and Pikachu woke up and headed down to Breakfast together._

 _This time, everything was real, and not a dream._

* * *

The sound of an electric guitar and drums arose as Eevee sung softly.

 _"Ohhh-OHHHH!_

 _You better believe!"_

A gentle wind blew through Keldeo's hair as he stood with his eyes closed and shook his head gently. He looked up and sang passionately as a piano joined the guitar and drums.

 _"I'd review any fic on Net._

 _Yes, I'd review any fic on Net!_

 _I'd review any fic on Net,_

 _But I won't review that. . ." (Eevee: "Won't review that. . .")_

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" Keldeo shouted, "What was the point of the chapter! It had no point! It had no purpose! It was just a poor man's version of a scene from _Kevin and Buizel!_ It didn't even really happen! It-!"

Keldeo facehoofed and growled, then he he used Princess Cadence's breathing exercise and said calmly, "Okay, before we go any further, I thing I should clear something up so I don't look like a hypocritical jerk. There's nothing wrong with cute scenes. Like I said before, _Who's Theodore_ is full of them. But what makes that story, as well as other stories that are mostly just self contained one shots, good is that _something actually happens in the one shots._ We need to learn something new or have a new experience. By that respects, the best part of the story was the first chapter. Chapters of Pikachu eating candy, eating ketchup, or just snuggling with Ash have no substance what soever. And it's not like its impossible to give substance to a fanfic like this. Check out _this_ one:"

* * *

 _ **PokeFluff**_

 _By: Obviously Entei_

 _ _A series of sometimes heart-warming, sometimes fluffy, and always SFW one-shots of Pokemon (and maybe even OCs) in various situations. Different relationships are explored. Chapter 4: Typhlosion feat. Feraligatr. (REQUESTS CLOSED AS OF MARCH 17, 2015)__

* * *

"This story is mostly cute moments between Pokemon characters, but they also have substance and reveal things about the characters therein," Keldeo explained, "They also have actual jokes too! It's not just cute, it's touching, funny, and _makes you think!_ "

"The first chapter has Cobalion showing his softer side. The second story is a rich backstory of a Gallade and Gardevoir. The third chapter is an Ash and Pikachu moment. And the fourth one is about a Feraligatr and Typhlosion, and their trainers, having a battle over a donut. And believe it or not, the third chapter is actually a bed sheet ghost scene between Pikachu and Ash, _but it's played for laughs!"_ Keldeo exclaimed, "Plus there's a bunch of other things going on to make it interesting. Admittedly, the third chapter's the weakest one, the other three are a lot better, but the point I'm trying to make here is that trying to make the fanfiction equivalent of a cat video is just not a good idea. Which would you rather have: a rich, creamy, flavorful Pokepuff; or a ball of cotton candy that disappears in your mouth in 3 seconds? _Pokefluff_ is the Pokepuff, _A Pika Childhood_ is the boring cotton candy! Both are sweet, but only one of them actually has any flavor and chew to it! Who wants to eat just pure sugar!?"

Eevee looked at Keldeo with wide eyes and said, "Wow. . . you sure know how to talk."

Keldeo just nodded and said, "It's called Critic Rage. Whatever. I think it's about time we went ahead and reviewed the last chapter."

* * *

 _Chapter 7: Cooking with Flour_

* * *

"Well, that's nice, it's the Pokemon version of that joke from that Friendship is Magic episode _Baby_ Cakes," Keldeo said grouchily.

"Well, those scenes were funny," Eevee offered in a voice seasoned with desperation, "Maybe we can get a few laughs out of this?"

* * *

 _It was a nice day as Delia, Ash, and Pikachu were all in the kitchen cooking chocolate chip cookies. Ash and Pikachu were helping Delia with ingredients while Delia did the cooking. They were pretty much almost done; they just needed the flour._

 _"Ash, could you and Pikachu please get me the flour?" Delia asked kindly._

 _"Sure mom. Come on, Pikachu!" Ash said as he started to look for the flour. Pikachu joined in the search too. It took a little while, but soon, Pikachu was able to find the flour bag, and opened it. While leaning over the flour bag however, Pikachu accidentally fell in, getting covered in the white flour. Ash located the flour bag and pointed to it._

 _"Thank you Ash," Delia replied before grabbing the flour bag and starting to pour the flour in. From inside of the bag, Pikachu could see the flour being poured into the bowl with the other ingredients... And he was next! Pikachu quickly and quietly tried to run to the back of the bag, but that was easier said than done. Once Delia was done with the flour, she went to put it back, but noticed it was still heavy. She then set the bag down and reached inside. Just as she was about to touch the flour however, two white, pointy ears popped up out of the flour!_

 _"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Delia shrieked as she jumped back in surprise. As Delia and Ash watched the ears move however, it didn't take long before Pikachu popped his head out of the flour and looked at Ash and his mom._

 _"Pikachu!" Ash exclaimed before slowly and carefully pulling his Pokemon buddy out of the flour. He then turned towards his mom._

 _"I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't know Pikachu was in there," Ash explained._

 _"Pikachu, pika pika," Pikachu added, feeling bad about the mess it made._

 _"It's okay sweetie. Oh Pikachu, you're all covered in flour!" Delia replied before she burst out laughing at how adorable and silly Pikachu looked covered in flour. Ash couldn't help but smile at Pikachu too; he looked as white as a ghost. After putting the mixed ingredients on a pan, she put the cookies in the oven to bake._

 _"Well Ash, you better give Pikachu a bath. You two can have your cookies after._

 _"Yes mom. Come on Pikachu," Ash said as he took Pikachu upstairs and into the bathroom. After a nice long bath, and some time to dry off, Pikachu was all clean and soft again. The two buddies then went downstairs to have their cookie before hanging out some more and eventually going to bed._

* * *

"It's. . . it's pointless," Keldeo said softly.

"It's all boring and pointless! All of it! _All of it!_ Everyone single one of these chapters are a waste of time!" Eevee screamed.

"We couldn't even get a scene of Ash giving Pikachu a bath?!" Keldeo asked, "Even _Brickboy1894_ had that covered in _Summer Part 1 Attempt 1!_ An _attempt_ at a fanfic had better scenes than this! This entire fic is filled with mundane events with interesting events happening _off screen!_ _Show us_ Pikachu and Delia cleaning up! _Show us_ Ash giving Pikachu a bath! You have to give us something in exchange for the time _we're_ giving _you!_ You can't just show us a bunch of cute scenes and expect us to be satisfied! And again, Bluewolfbat knows how to do this! _Who's Theodore_ is a million times better than this, so read that instead, and don't read this! I love Bluewolfbat's work, and I will _always_ support his good stories, but even the best have their off days. It's up to us, the audience, to point out the mistakes so that they are _not_ repeated!"

"Keldeo, why are you wasting your breath?" Eevee asked.

"Huh?" Keldeo responded.

"EVERYONE IS HYPNOTIZED BY THEM!" Eevee exclaimed.

"Oh yeah," Keldeo said with a frown.

"Well, we reviewed the story. Any ideas?" Eevee asked.

"From the story: no," Keldeo replied.

"Ugggh!" Eevee shouted as she fell flat on her stomach and covered her eyes with her forepaws.

" _But,_ I do have an idea on how to beat those two at their own game," Keldeo said with a smile, "I just need to make a phone call, maybe two, maybe three. . . oh, you'll see."

* * *

Kid!Ash walked through the Moor of Icirrus, looking at his tablet and grinning, with Pikachu right beside him.

"Alright! Look at these comments! Everyone is saying how cute we are! This is great! This is amazing! This is-"

Kid!Ash and Pikachu suddenly stopped at the shallow water.

"Oh, we better be careful Pikachu! We don't want to slip and fall in the water!" Kid!Ash said. His eyes became extremely big and he said slowly, " _Who knows what could happen!?_ "

"Would you tow just get over here already!" came Keldeo's voice.

The pair looked across and saw Keldeo and Eevee standing on Keldeo's rock platform.

"Aha! There you are!" Kid!Ash shouted as he and Pikachu ran through the shallow water and over to them. The pair stopped in front of Keldeo and Eevee, and Kid!Ash said, "Everyone is going gaga over how cute we are together! And once we hypnotize you with our cuteness, we will finally have dominated the fanfiction world, and proven that cute fanfics are the best ones!"

Keldeo grinned and said, "Dead wrong."

Keldeo stood griming for a moment, then sighed and said, "That's you're cue, Eevee."

Eevee quickly opened up Keldeo's laptop and positioned it just so. She then clicked on a few things as Keldeo instructed. Keldeo checked the screen and nodded.

"Right now, _I'm_ doing a little broadcast. A broadcast that will un-hypnotize everyone _you_ hypnotized!" Keldeo declared.

"How are you gonna do that?" Kid!Ash challenged as Pikachu just cocked his head in silent curiosity.

Keldeo grinned again, and he said, "By fighting cuteness with cuteness."

"Huh?" Kid!Ash said.

"There's nothing wrong with cute characters, or characters that do cute things," Keldeo explained, "But a good story, or a good character needs a lot more than that. They need motivation, backstory, personality traits, defining features, hidden depths, stuff like that. And it's time that I showed _everyone_ what I mean!"

 ** _(A/N: Okay, in all seriousness, please, PLEASE_ _just go with it, okay? Please?)_**

Keldeo and Eevee jumped off of the platform, and suddenly, and out of nowhere, the three Chipettes; Brittany, Jeanette, and Eleanor; from the Nickelodeon 2015 CGI cartoon, flipped onto the scene as the laptop began to play the music from the song _Paraboss_ from _Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged._

 _ **Brittany:** Come on girls, now it's time to tear walls down._

 _ **Eleanor:** We hear ya Birttany, now it's time to tear walls down._

 _ **Brittany:** Light up the stage cause it's time for a showdown._

 _ **Jeanette:** We'll been them double and expose them as dumb clowns._

 _ **All:** Now we've got to take these suckers down!_

 _ **Eleanor:** The Power of Rock will be sure to take them down_

 _ **Brittany:** Come on girls, cause it's time to tear walls down!_

 _ **Kid!Ash:** No! This can't be happening, how do I take them down?!_

 _ **Brittany:** We're gonna' beat ya! Oh Ashyboss! No doubt about it, this marks your loss!_

 _ **Jeanette:** As far as villains go, in Pokemon! You are so cliché! I mean, come on!_

 _ **Eleanor:** We are the answer books, you are the test! You're out of character, we're the Chipettes!_

 _ **All:** We're the Chipettes. (x8)_

 _ **All: We're the Chipettes!** (x9)_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kid!Ash shouted as his body began emitting spark and spasming wildly. Two big puffs of smoke came out of Kid!Ash's ears, and he fell heavily on top of Pikachu, pinning him down.

"Ow! Hey! What's going on! No fair! NO FAIR!" shouted "Pikachu."

Eevee looked on in disbelief and said, "I can't believe that actually worked!"

Keldeo shrugged, "Why not? If the Chipmunks can tear down the Berlin Wall, I'm pretty sure _this_ isn't that hard to believe."

Eevee stared at Keldeo and said, "That was just a joke right?"

Keldeo looked back at Eevee as if it were obvious and said, "Uh, no. The Chipmunks really did tear down the Berlin Wall. Episode 72A of Season 6 of the 1988 series. Entitled _The Wall._ "

Eevee put a forepaw to her forehead and said woozily, "I'm getting dizzy. . ."

Eevee walked towards the pinned down "Pikachu" and said, "And now it's time to reveal who's _really_ behind all this madness!"

Keldeo pit "Pikachu's" ears and pulled, tearing off the top part of the costume.

"VICTINI?"everyone shouted.

"Just as I suspected!" Keldeo said confidently.

"What?" Victini exclaimed.

Keldeo smiled and said, "The first clue was how you never spoke when you were chasing us. The second was when Kid!Ash said that you were gonna sing. The real Pikachu can't speak human language, but _you_ are one of the only Pikachu sized Pokemon who can, along with Zorua and Shaymin. _But,_ you are the only one with the right motive. You were upset at me for the the jokes I made about you in my Pokken Tournament editorial. Plus, the whole cuteness motive fits you. You're so cute that Joshscorcher put you as number one in his Top Ten Favorite Pokemon video."

Eevee groaned, "Ugggh! That was two years ago, yet he goes on and on bragging about it at Kawaii Club Meetings!"

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah. So it makes sense how Victini would use his cuteness to his advantage in order to humiliate me and ruin the standards of fanfiction I value so highly."

Victini struggled underneath Kid!Ash and said, "Grrr. And I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling Chipettes, AND WILL YOU GUYS GET OFF OF ME!"

A hatch opened on Kid!Ash, and Alvin and the Chipmunks jumped out.

"Whaaaaat?" Eleanor said as Brittany and Jeanette just looked on in disbelief.

Eevee looked ta Keldeo and said, "Okay, there's no way you could've expected that?"

"Uh, of course I expected that. I hired them," Keldeo replied.

"YOU hired them?! I hired them!" Victini shouted as he shifted the robotic suit and stretched out his back.

"Victini, I knew you were coming after me ever since my _Sacrifice_ review. I've been watching the Munkcast recently, and I figured, _'why not give Victini an interesting head start.'_ It's kinda disappointing to see you shove them in a metal suit like a Five Nights at Freddy's animatronic. . ." Keldeo blinked, then chuckled, "Heh. Very nice metaphor for this fanfic that hides all the possibly interesting parts."

"So you _sent_ them to me?" Victini gasped in shock, "But I thought they came to help me because they felt sorry for me."

"Oh, we feel sorry for you, trust me!" Alvin remarked.

Victini sniffed and turned away sadly.

"Let me handle this," Keldeo said to the group at large. He then walked over to Victini and said, "I'm sorry."

Victini turned and looked at Keldeo with wide eyes.

Keldeo nodded and said, "I really am. I'm sorry for making fun of you like I did. Just because I found you a bit annoying in _Gates to Infinity_ doesn't give me an excuse to be rude. You didn't hurt anyone or ruin things or are irresponsible like those Legendary Beasts. I actually kind of admire your actions at the Sword of the Vale. You're a strong noble Pokemon with a free spirit. I like that in a Legendary." Keldeo held out his forehoof to Victini and said, "So, how about we be friends and work together. I could use a cool, cute Pokemon working on Keldeo the Critic on the regular. What do you say, Hero of the Vale?"

Victini's eyes widened, then he smiled and shook Keldeo's hoof enthusiastically. "Apology accepted, Keldeo! This show's gonna be better than ever with me on board!"

Alvin nodded and said, "Well, I think our work her is done."

Simon adjusted his glasses and said, "Well, I believe we have a Munkcast Christmas Special to make."

"Oh, yeah! Let's go!" Theodore said.

The Chipmunks picked up the robot suit and carried it off. The Chipettes followed close behind, with Brittany calling out, "Wait, so _that_ was the top secret project you boys had been working on?"

Eevee took off in hot pursuit of them as well, calling out, "WAIT! Can I have your autographs! And are you interested in joining the Kawaii Club!?"

Keldeo and Victini watched them all go, then Keldeo sighed in contentment and said, "Well, the Chipettes music, mixed with my Critician powers, has un-hypnotized everyone. Eevee hopefully won't be so shy anymore. And you-."

"Ohmigosh, I almost forgot! The Legendary Beasts-," Victini exclaimed.

"They're pushovers. I can handle them. But if things get too bad I can call the other Swords of Justice," Keldeo replied casually.

Just then, the other Swords of Justice walked in, thankfully un-hypnotized. Vrizion and Terrakion were silent and serious, and Cobalion walked over to Keldeo and said sternly, "Never speak of what happened. _Ever._ "

Keldeo just nodded silently.

Cobalion nodded back, and the three elder Swords of Justice walked away.

Victini chuckled and leaned on Keldeo's side. "Well, at least nothing else could possibly happen today!"

Suddenly, a green warp pipe grew out of the ground, and out jumped a Lucario wearing a red collar and a Santa hat.

 _ **Santa Paws! Santa Paws! We all love Santa Paws!**_

"Hey, it's Santa Paws!" Keldeo said happily.

"Okay, now I've seen everything," Victini remarked.

Santa Paws panted for a moment, and said, "I've just been Bowser's Castle, a volcano, an under water cave, and a pipe maze. . . " Santa Paw caught his breath and smiled as he said, ". . .to give you your Christmas fanfics!"

Santa Paws then handed Keldeo three book sized packages wrapped in Christmas gift wrap.

"Oh, wow! Thank you so much, Santa Paws!" Keldeo said as he took the packages.

"Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Have a Merry Christmas you two!" Santa Paws laughed a he walked away merrily.

"Aww, how come I didn't get anything?" Victini complained.

"Just wait until Christmas, I'm sure you'll get something," Keldeo said, "Anyway, I hope everyone is excite about Christmas, because I sure am! See you next time for a Pokemon Christmas fanfic review!"

Keldeo raised a forehoof and waved cheerily, saying, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to."

"Me too!" Victini cheered.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie  
_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Hocus Pocus_

 _JonTron: Titenic_

 _Alvinnn! and the Chipmunks (2015)_

 _The Chipmunks (1988)_

 _The Munkcast_ by Munk Media

 _Paraboss_ by LittleKuriboh/CardGamesFTW

 _Percy Jackson and the Olympians_

 _We Bare Bears_

 _The Animaniacs_

 _Portal 2_

 _Scooby Doo_

 _Top Ten Favorite Pokemon_ by Joshscorcher

 _Summer Part 1 Attempt 1_ by BrickBoy1894

 _An Icy Cold Christmas_ by BrickBoy1894

 _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity  
_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _Mandopony_

 _Bulbapedia_

 _The Kawaii Club (Keep It Secret UK)_

 _Obviously Entei_


	41. A Pokemon Christmas

Keldeo skated across the frozen water, and hopped onto the rock platform. In his mouth he held a book wrapped in Christmas gift-wrap. He placed it on the ground in front of him.

Victini floated in behind Keldeo, twirling around while smiling as he sang.

 _"There's just 10 days till Christmas, just 10 days left you see,_

 _So let's review a Christmas story!"_

Keldeo started to tear the paper off of the book as Victini continued to sing.

 _"There's just 10 days till Christmas, that long awaited night,_

 _Keldeo the Critic,_

 _Reviews 'A Pokemon Christmas' by DragoKnight."_

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 15: A Pokemon Christmas by DragoKnight**

 **Title Card TinyURL:** **zajl7xq**

Keldeo smiled as he removed the wrapping paper, and he said, "Well, this is a vintage fanfic!"

* * *

 _ **A Pokemon Christmas**_

 _By: DragoKnight_

 _Its Christmas time and Ash Misty and Brock are heading to Pallet Town for a Christmas party. Will this party mean more than just presents for our heroes? AAML_

 _Rated: Fiction K - English - Words: 2,043 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: Dec 4, 2004 - Status: Complete - id: 2158714_

* * *

"This hearkens back to the earlier days of fanfiction, which gives this Christmas story a nice nostalgic touch. It's the time where the main romance in the fandom was Ash and Misty. And if you ask me, nostalgia is a very important part of Christmas. Fond memories you have; whether it be the first time you saw _A Charlie Brown Christmas,_ which the Nostalgia Critic just recently explained the genius behind, or a fun outing you had with friends and family; are key parts of the Christmas Spirit," Keldeo explained, "So, I'd say this little story is a very good review candidate. Even the title is nice and simple. _A Pokemon Christmas._ That's it. Direct and to the point. It tells you exactly what you're gonna get. So, if my assistant would take care of this wrapping paper. . ."

"Assistant? Do I look like Spike the Dragon to you?" Victini asked.

"Alright, Victini. Would you please do your stuff?" Keldeo said with a grin.

Victini chuckled, and he gathered up all the wrapping paper and burned it to ashes.

"Thank you," Keldeo said, "Okay. This is _A Pokemon Christmas._ "

* * *

 _Its December 23 the week of Christmas. Ash, Misty, and Brock are heading back to Pallet Town for a nice Christmas Party. For some of them though it's more than just a party. "I can finally confess my feelings to Ash." Misty thought looking at Ash smiling. "I'll meet the girl of my dreams this year." Brock thought with a goofy grin on his face. "I'm going to eat till I drop." Ash thought hungrily._

* * *

"Now, this is great!" Keldeo said with a back-flip, "We get to see what each of the main characters want and hope to achieve. Knowing what drives a character is very important to any kind of story."

"So, our heroes are in Viridian City and are about to head over to Pallet Town for Christmas, when we get a little bit of foreshadowing."

* * *

 _"I'm going to go into town for a little bit." Misty said walking towards the door. "Already? We just got here. What could you need right this minute?" Ash asked confused. "I might be getting you a present." Misty said mysteriously. She winked at him and left a very confused Ash._

 _Ash looked around and saw Brock trying to get Nurse Joy under his portable mistletoe he carried around. Ash just looked at him in disgust and hoped he never got like that._

* * *

"HEY! That's MY line!" Munna shouted as she flew in angrily.

Keldeo smiled confidently and said, "Oh, I knew that. Oh, Victini!"

Victini flew over in front of Munna and declared, "I challenge you to a battle!"

Munna gasped, and she narrowed her eyes at Victini and said, "YOU! You're that annoying V-Wheel guy! GRRRRRR!"

Keldeo didn't turn around as Victini and Munna flew off to battle somewhere else. Still focused on the fanfic, he continued, "So, Ash and Pikachu leave to do some Christmas shopping as well."

* * *

 _Ash was trying to think of a good gift for Misty. "She always gets me great gifts." Ash said remembering last Christmas where he got two tickets to see Lance from the Elite 4 in an actual battle. Although she seemed a little upset when Ash took Brock._

* * *

"Wait, WHAT!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "You took _Brock?_ That's. . ." Keldeo stopped to think for a moment, and he said, "Well, Misty did give them to him, and maybe it would be weird to give someone something that they just gave you. But it _would_ be nice to share a nice gift with the person who showed you such generosity. And Misty clearly planned to have Ash take her."

Keldeo shrugged, "Eh, it's just Ash being Ash."

* * *

 _"I'll have to get her something awesome." he said. Ash suddenly tripped over something. He looked up in shock. "This will be perfect for her." he said smiling._

* * *

"Okay, so did Ash trip over the gift, or did he trip over something else and saw the gift when he looked up?" Keldeo mused, "Huh. What do you think, Victini?"

 ** _KABOOOOOM!_**

"I'M BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" Munna shouted as she disappeared into the sky with a twinkle of light.

 _*ding!*_

Victini flew back in and said, "Well, you never know, Keldeo. People trip over cool stuff all the time." Victini held up a long tree branch about his height, and said, "Not too long ago, I tripped over this Staff of Lighting Bolts!"

Keldeo stared at Victini and said slowly, "Victini. It's just a tree branch."

Victini shook his head, "Oh no, it's a Staff of Lighting Bolts. Really."

Keldeo rolled his eyes, "Victini, I'm sorry. But I think this joke is falling-."

A bolt of lighting suddenly came out of the branch and zapped Keldeo. Keldeo spasmed a bit before falling down onto his side.

"Uh, Keldeo?" Victini said as Keldeo twitched slightly.

"Put - the staff - _down_ ," Keldeo said seriously as he lay still.

* * *

 _The next morning Misty woke up to find Ash not in his bed. She went over and woke Brock up. "Have you seen Ash?" she asked. "No I haven't. He's not in his bed?" Brock asked. "Does it look like he is? I'm going out to find him." Misty stated. She quickly got dressed and hurried out the door. After she left Brock pulled out a Walkie-Talkie and spoke into it. "Ash is everything set?" he asked. "Yeah everything is good to go Brock. Is Misty coming?" Ash asked. "Yeah she's out looking for you right now." Brock replied. "I'm on my way back." Ash said. The signal broke and Brock put the Walkie-Talkie in his backpack._

* * *

Keldeo stood up, having shaken off the unexpected Electric attack, and said in an intrigued manner, "Ooh, wow, things are getting interesting. I wonder what Ash has planned?"

* * *

 _A couple of hours later Misty arrived with Ash. "Where was he?" Brock asked. "Mr. Coordinate over here got lost in the middle of the night. I found him asking for directions." Misty said. "I guess you can't take me anywhere." Ash said. "Well let's head over to Pallet Town." Brock said._

 _A couple of hours later they arrived in Pallet Town. They went over to the Ketchum residence and knocked on the door. Mrs. Ketchum opened the door saw Ash and smiled. She opened the door and gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "My little boy is home for Christmas!" she exclaimed squeezing him. "Mom can't breathe." Ash said gasping for air. She let go and they went inside. The house was beautifully decorated with lights. In the living room was a big green Christmas tree decorated with ornaments. "Everyone should be arriving soon. Gary said he would try and take a break from his journey to come." Mrs. Ketchum said. "No need to rush." Ash muttered._

* * *

"Ah yes. Gary. Remember when _he_ was the worst character on the show? Back before Paul?" Keldeo said.

A dramatic sting played as Victini flew in and said in a serious PSA announcer voice, "Yes, Paul! He-!"

"Victini, that joke was old in Season Three," Keldeo said, looking like he was about to laugh.

* * *

 _A few hours later guests were arriving and presents were stacking up under the tree. Ash was temped to open them but restrained himself since Christmas was tomorrow. Gary walked up to Ash. "Nice party Ash. I guess this is better than beating Gym Leaders." Gary looked over at Misty and grinned. "So are you planning on giving Misty any "special" presents tonight?" he said grinning. "I got her a great gift but she doesn't get it until tomorrow." Ash said not catching on to what Gary was saying. Gary just walked away muttering something about Ash and the brains of a rock._

* * *

"You know, given Gary's overall character, and the role he played in _Diamond and Pearl,_ I honestly think he might be the best rival in the Anime," Keldeo said, "Plus, he's dead on about Ash having the brain of a rock here. Seriously, how naive can you be, Ash? Romantic love is wonderful. And although I support Negaishipping, I think we'd both be satisfied if you opened your heart to whatever girl you have feelings for. Even Serena!"

"So, a little later, Misty's sisters arrive. Yeah, remember them? I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't. But if you do, NOSTALGIA!"

* * *

 _A little later Misty's sisters arrived. "Hey little sister." Violet said hugging her. "Glad you could make it." Misty said smiling. "Very nice party" Lily said looking around. Daisy looked over at Misty and smirked. "So are you going to give Ash his Christmas kiss?" she asked. Misty immediately blushed dark red. "I'm not going do anything to him." she said blushing. "Come on Misty. Why not? He is cute." Violet said looking at him. "Then why don't you kiss him?" Misty muttered. She looked up and saw Violet walking towards Ash. "I was just kidding!" she exclaimed._

 _Ash was at the buffet table eating. Violet walked towards him and hugged him. "Merry Christmas runt." she said. "Merry Christmas." Ash said. Violet looked up and pretended to be shocked. "Oh look we're under the mistletoe. Guess we got to kiss." Before Ash could turn to walk away Violet pulled him close and gave him a kiss on the cheek. As she pulled away she whispered in Ash's ear. "Misty really likes you." Violet winked at Ash and walked away. "Misty likes me?" he asked himself out loud. When Violet walked back Misty went up to her. "What did say to him?" she asked. "Oh nothing." Violet said smirking._

* * *

"Violet's a good sister," Keldeo said with a smile. "So, it looks like everyone is here, right?"

* * *

 _A couple of hours later the guests were leaving and it was getting late. Ash was about to go to bed when three figures appeared shivering._

 _"P…Prepare for trouble." Jesse said shivering._

 _"M…Make it double." James said shivering._

* * *

"Wow, you guys really don't know when to quit. Show 'em the Christmas Spirit, Ash!" Keldeo said brightly.

* * *

 _Ash looked at them and felt sorry for them. "You guys can stay here tonight if you want." he said smiling lightly. "N…No way. I refuse to stay with the twerp." Jesse said gripping a Pokeball. She looked over and saw Meowth and James walking towards the home. "Where are you going?" she asked angrily. "Get over yourself Jesse. The twerp is giving us a place to stay tonight. If you want to freeze be my guest." Meowth said walking inside. Jesse was about to yell but was to cold. She muttered something but walked inside._

 _It was around midnight and Pikachu couldn't sleep. He hopped off of Ash's bed and went downstairs. Team Rocket was asleep on the floor and nothing was missing. He was about to walk back upstairs when he heard something hit the roof. Suddenly a large man in a red suit came down the chimney with presents._

* * *

"OH MY GOSH! It's the psychotic killer Santa who blows people up! AHHHHH!" Victini shouted, and he flew away.

Keldeo sighed, "Looks like someone has been talking to Zorua."

* * *

 _He spotted Pikachu and grabbed a Pokeball. "You should be asleep. Jynx use Lovely Kiss!" he said quietly. A Jynx appeared. Pikachu looked at it and his eyes widened. It was the same Jynx they saw a year ago. Pikachu never forgot the horrifying moment when Jynx kissed him and he fainted. It was like a nightmare was coming to life. He turned to run up the stairs but he wasn't quick enough. Jynx picked Pikachu up and kissed it on the head. Pikachu's eyes closed and he passed out._

* * *

"Huh. Doesn't look that bad. It's not like she kissed him on the lips," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _The next morning Ash and co. ran downstairs to open presents. They saw Pikachu passed out on the ground but couldn't figure out why. Team Rocket was already gone. Ash went over and found a card. It said Happy Holidays from Team Rocket. Inside was a coupon for any restaurant in Pallet Town. "I guess they are not so bad after all. Ash said reading the card._

* * *

"That means a lot coming from people who have whole episodes about them _stealing_ food of some sort," Keldeo remarked with a chuckle.

* * *

 _He sat down and they began opening gifts. "Alright! A guide on which Pokemon can breed with each other and a new map." Brock said happily. "I figured Ash had gotten lost a few times judging by how long it took you to get here." Mrs. Ketchum said. "Mom!" Ash exclaimed. Misty laughed slightly._

 _All the gifts were open except Ash and Misty's. "Merry Christmas Ash." Misty said handing the present to him. Ash opened it and was shocked. "Alright! Custom made Pokeball's." Ash exclaimed. They were like regular Pokeball's except they had a gold lightning bolt on the front._

* * *

"Okay, those sound awesome!" Keldeo said seriously.

* * *

 _"Thanks Misty. I have to show you your gift outside." Ash said._

* * *

Keldeo looked excited, "Alright! The moment of truth. Time to see what amazing gift Ash found for Misty."

* * *

 _They walked outside. "Now what have you always wanted?" Ash asked. "Good directions." Misty said. "No. Come on out!" Ash took out a Pokeball and threw it. When it opened Misty gasped. It was a baby Articuno._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped.

 ** _Eleanor:_** _"Whaaaaat?!"_

* * *

 _"Cuno." it said lightly. "It's an Articuno. Ash how" "I was walking outside when I saw a few Pokemon ganging up on it. After I rescued it I took it back to where I found it. It turns out this Articuno is the baby of the one we saw with Todd. It remembered how we helped protect it from Team Rocket and was happy that I helped its baby. Then decided to give it to us." Ash explained_

* * *

"Well. . . that's a nice reference to the Anime. . .but. . . seriously? Articuno gave her _child_ to him?" Keldeo said in disbelief. He scratched his head a bit, then he said, "I guess maybe Articuno wanted her child to interact with the human world under the care of good humans. . . but . . . I don't know, it just doesn't seem like something a Legendary Pokemon like Articuno would do. Maybe I just don't know the Legendary Birds well enough."

Keldeo then gave a sly grin and said, "But, they are cooler than the Legendary Beasts, so who am I to complain? This was cute and touching."

* * *

 _Misty ran over to Ash and hugged him. "Thank you so much Ash! You gave me the nicest gift ever." "Well you're the nicest person ever." Ash said softly. Misty couldn't believe what she heard. "He does like me." she said softly. "Come with me." Misty said dragging Ash away. She took him away from everyone else. "Ash I have something to tell you. I….Love you." Misty closed her eyes expecting Ash to say no._

* * *

"Say no to what? You didn't ask him a question," Keldeo said in confusion.

* * *

 _What he did next surprised her. He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. Misty was surprised at first but kissed back wrapping her arms around him._

 _"I love you to." he said smiling._

* * *

Keldeo jolted in surprise, "Huh? That came out of nowhere. Or maybe after Violet told him he thought about it all night and came to the decision that he had feelings for Misty all along. Sure, it's a little shaky, but that scene between Ash and Violet earlier does help things out a lot."

* * *

 _"Click!" they turned around to see Brock with a camera. "I love the holidays." he said holding the camera. Misty looked at him angrily and whipped out her mallet. She began chasing him. "You always wanted to have kids right Brock? When I'm threw with you you won't be able to reproduce ever!" she exclaimed._

* * *

Keldeo exploded in laughter as he fell onto his side, rolling and laughing hysterically. "OH! MY! GOSH!" Keldeo shouted, "DragonKnight. . . brought back the mallet! Misty only used it for like, 3 or 4 episodes, but it was HILARIOUS! And it made an appearance in this fanfic! Oh, merry Christmas!"

* * *

 _Ash just watched the scene and smiled. "Merry Christmas." he said walking back inside._

* * *

"And to show beyond a shadow of doubt that Ash getting the baby Articuno and giving it to Misty was the right choice, we get one last scene," Keldeo declared.

* * *

 _Above them two figures were watching. "Are you sure it was it wise to give your baby to him?" asked Lugia. "I trust him. After all he is the Chosen One." Articuno said. They quickly disappeared before anyone could notice them. The rest of the day Ash, Misty, and Brock enjoyed the holiday together._

 ** _The End_**

* * *

"And _that_ was _A Pokemon Christmas,_ and it was clearly a lot better than the Anime's Christmas Special," Keldeo said, "Sure, you could say that Ash and Misty's love scene was rushed, but I still think Ash's moment of realization, thanks to Violet, taps into the subtle _'hints'_ that Pokeshippers like to point out in the Anime, leading to an implied deep contemplation of Ash during the night, which lead to Ash kissing Misty. Besides, you don't give a baby Legendary Pokemon to just anyone! I also love the fact that so many characters were brought in for this. Delia, Gary, Misty's sisters, Team Rocket, even Santa Claus. All it needed was Professor Oak and this would have been perfect. But in the end, things don't have to be perfect to be meaningful, and this fanfic was absolutely meaningful. It's a nostalgic window to the beginnings of the Pokemon Anime. Back to the earlier Generations and Earlier Seasons. It was a fun, exciting time that many Pokemon fans remember. It was the time where they were first introduced to this wonderful franchise. I'll bet some of those people are reading this right now. And to those people, I say thank you so very much for staying in the wonderful world of Pokemon."

Keldeo nodded and said, "And if Lugia, who actually dose have a child in the cannon Anime, is okay with Articuno entrusted Ash and Misty with her baby, then I think we have nothing to fear."

Victini suddenly flew in, leading a baby Lugia behind him by the flipper. "Hey Keldeo! I've brought a visual aid!"

Keldeo's eyes widened and he said, "Please tell me that Lugia gave you permission to bring Silver here."

Victini blinked and said, "This is just a blow up doll shaped like Silver. How could I possibly track down and being Silver here on such sort notice?"

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Oh yeah, I guess you're right. Um. And I suppose it would be predictable and cliche to have Lugia come in and blow stuff up with Aeroblast."

Victini smiled as he leaned on the blow up doll. "Yeah, I guess so-."

Suddenly, Munna flew in and used Psychic to tear a hole in the blow up doll, causing to fly off into the air, with Victini hanging onto it.

"I'M BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" Victini shouted.

 _*ding!*_

"And now, we're even!" Munna shouted.

Keldeo walked over to Munna and said, "Alright, Munna. Now that we've had our fun, I think it's time to settle into the Christmas Spirit. No more stealing your lines, I promise. Okay?"

"You remember that this was all staged, right?" Munna asked.

Keldeo cleared his throat loudly.

Munna nodded and smiled quickly, "Oh, I mean, okay. It's all good."

Munna flew off, and Keldeo smiled broadly and said, "Well, I hope you liked my little Christmas review, and don't worry! There's more to come! I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Pokemon: Holiday Hi-Jinks_

 _Alvinnn! and the Chipmunks (2015)_

 _Skyrim_

 _My Little Pony_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _Mandopony_

 _Bulbapedia_


	42. Christmas at the Colony

Keldeo skated across the frozen water, and hopped onto the rock platform. In his mouth he held a book wrapped in Christmas gift-wrap. He placed it on the ground in front of him.

Victini floated in behind Keldeo, twirling around while smiling as he sang.

 _"There's just 7 days till Christmas, just 7 days left you see,_

 _So let's review a Christmas story!"_

Keldeo started to tear the paper off of the book as Victini continued to sing.

 _"There's just one week till Christmas, just one week left you see,_

 _Keldeo reviews,_

 _By Virizion 2.6,_

 _'Christmas at the Colony'!"_

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 16: Christmas at the Colony by Virizion 2.6**

Keldeo stared down and said, "Hmm. This is gonna be interesting."

* * *

 _ **Christmas at the Colony**_

 _By: Virizion 2.6_

 _It's that time of year. Getting together and have fun. At Colony 9, the Homs were making plans to have their Christmas festival. Delicious food, music, and of course, a large Christmas tree in the center of Colony 9. Shulk and his friends were preparing for the holidays and the Christmas festival, ready to have a fun time there, until some very special friends decided to join them._

* * *

"Okay, I've got a confession to make," Keldeo said gently, "I have never played _Xenoblade Chronicles._ "

There was the sound of a large crowd booing at Keldeo.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it," Keldeo remarked in an annoyed manner, and the booing stopped.

"Now, don't get me wrong. I don't dislike the game, I've just never had the chance to play it. Although the overall story does look good, but I don't want to spoil the details of it. But the question is: can you write a good Christmas fanfic for it? Can Virizion 2.6 do it? Let's find out! This is _Christmas at the Colony!_ "

* * *

 ** _A/N: I don't know if you are familiar with Xenoblade Chronicles, but I've decided to make a Christmas FanFiction of Xenoblade Chronicles. Sorry for spoilers though. But this is non-canon however._**

* * *

"Well, that sounds fair. Nice touch there," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 ** _And also, I really recommend getting Xenoblade Chronicles for the Wii or 3DS before the new Xenoblade Chronicles X comes out soon. So without further ado, enjoy._**

* * *

"Ka-ching!" Victini said comically.

"Victini!" Keldeo shouted as the Victory Pokemon flew away. Keldeo sighed and said, "It's a recommendation. I recommend things all the time. All fanfics recommend their source material! Come on!"

"Okay, so the story begins in . . . Alcamoth? Did I pronounce that right?" Keldeo asked nervously.

* * *

 _At the Imperial Villa in Alcamoth, Melia runs out of the villa and heads to a transporter ahead, having an excited behavior. She walks in the transporter and disappeared. She then appears in the Great Hall and heads up the stairs to the another transporter that leads to the Audience Chamber and walks in and disappeared. She then appears at the Audience Chamber, composed herself from her excited behavior, acts mature, and walks up the stairs to the throne to see her brother, Prince Kallian._

* * *

"Aha. So Melia's a princess. I'm following it so far," Keldeo said with a nod of his head.

* * *

 _"Ah...Melia? Surprise to see you here at this time." Kallian stated._

 _"May I ask you a request brother?" Melia asked the High Entian Prince._

 _"Do so. What is your wish?" Kallian asked proudly._

 _"I wish to go to Colony 9 to spend the season of giving with Shulk and his companions. Is that all right?" Melia asked._

* * *

"Is Kallian a genie, or is this just how the characters in this world talk?" Keldeo smiled sheepishly, "I'm _really_ sorry, but I _really_ don't know much about this game, so please, bear with me. And also, I like stories where the characters have unique accents or manners of speech. It's really creative and draws you into their world."

"So, it seems as if Melia is in love with Shulk, the guy you play as in Super Smash Bros. 3DS/WiiU, and wants to spend Christmas with him. But it's actually a lot deeper than that."

* * *

 _"Brother? I know how you feel. I know hearing this surprised you, but I feel that since traveling with Shulk and his friends to defeating the Mechon, I grew close to Shulk to call him a friend. So please Kallian. May I spend Christmas with Shulk and his friends at Colony 9?" Melia pleaded._

* * *

"Wow, you were on the front lines? Okay, my opinion of you just skyrocketed! Come to think of it, Nintendo has been giving female characters better roles lately. With Peach and Rosalina in Super Mario 3D Word, not to mention all the new female Smash fighters. . . although a bunch of those are just gender swappable Fire Emblem characters. . ." Keldeo shook the cobwebs out of his head and said, "Moving on!"

* * *

 _"Well….I suppose you can go to Colony 9. Just be careful when walking across Makna Forest. The animals there are very violent during the winter, especially at Makna Forest. You will have to take father's Imperial Staff to defend yourself." Kallian recommended._

 _"I wish father was here to celebrate with us, but it's not the same without him here after what happened at Prison Island." Melia stated sadly._

* * *

"SPOILERS!" Zorua shouted.

"Zorua, Virizion 2.6 already gave us a spoiler warning," Keldeo said.

"Awww," Zorua said sadly.

Victini suddenly flew back in and said, "Hey, Zorua."

"Huh?" Zorua asked, tilting his head up at Victini.

"Santa Claus," Victini said with a smirk.

"SANTA CLAUS BLOWS PEOPLE UP! HE BLEW THEM UP! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Zorua shouted as he ran around like crazy. Victini flew over and gently led him away.

* * *

 _"Thank you brother. I will be back before the day after Christmas." Melia stated._

 _"Nonsense. Spend the holidays with the Homs for as long as you want. I will not interfere with your wish." Kallian told his sister, who is now smiling. Kallian also smiled. "Enjoy the holidays with Shulk and his friends."_

 _Melia walked out of the Imperial Palace and heads down from the escalator. All of Alcamoth was decorated with beautiful Christmas decorations. The hover cars were decorated with red and green ribbons and some lights. The escalators had colored lights of blue, green, red and yellow. And the railings and homes are decorated with ribbons, lights, and stuff toys._

* * *

"Yeah, the setting for this game is. . . interesting. I mean, I always got a kind of _Final Fantasy_ or _Legend of Zelda_ vibe from it, but as you can see this is not a medieval times kind of game. It's, I guess, futuristic. Well, you can't deny that it's gorgeous looking."

"So we now head to Colony 9 where we see that the Xenoblade version of Terrakion for some reason can't handle a single Christmas tree."

* * *

 _At Colony 9, the residents were hanging up Christmas decorations on their homes like lights, streamers, ribbons, and some window sticks. At the Ether Light however, Reyn was pushing up a large Christmas tree, seemingly struggling though while Shulk was watching him trying to pushing up the tree._

 _"Reyn, are you sure you don't need help with the tree?" Shulk questioned with worry._

 _"Argh. Don't worry Shulk. I can handle this. Argh!" Reyn answered as he continues struggling to push up the tree._

 _"But the tree is heavy, even for someone strong like you. You could hurt yourself." Shulk worryingly told Reyn._

 _"Don't you worry. I can put the colony Christmas tree up." Reyn said, pushing up the Christmas tree._

 _15 minutes later, Reyn manages to push up the large Christmas tree in it's place. He then pulls out a chair from a table and sits down, heavily breathing._

 _"Man….the colony folks….pick a big one….this year." Reyn stated as he continued breathing heavily._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "I know it sounds like a nitpick, but remember, I'm supposed to be a critic. We need to know how big this Christmas tree is. I guess we could assume it's like one of those huge trees you see in malls or in Rockefeller Center. Actually, that would actually make this quite a feat for Reyn, cause that tree would be _huuuge!_ But since we aren't really told how big it is, we just have to guess. But I suppose _'a tree that even Reyn has trouble lifting'_ is a good enough description."

"So after a big spoiler I'm not gonna mention here, we get an update on the other main characters."

* * *

 _"Do you think the others might come here?" Reyn asked._

 _"Others?" Shulk questioned in confusion._

 _"Yeah. You know, Sharla, Riki and Melia? You think they might come here for Christmas?" Reyn asked._

 _"I'm not sure Reyn. I mean, they have family to care for back at their homes for Christmas. Sharla has Juju at Colony 6, Melia has Kallian back at Alcamoth, and Riki and his big family of 11 Nopon kids and a lovely wife. I don't think they'll come, but that doesn't mean they won't. They could probably come here." Shulk answered thoroughly._

 _Some Defence Force Soldiers ran by the two friends with guns and swords. Shulk and Reyn backed away from them as the Colonel Vangarre of the Defence Force came up to Reyn._

 _"Reyn! We'll need your help right here, right now! The Antols are causing a rampage on Tephra Hill and are now headed to the colony! The Antol leader is larger than the other Antol and it's leading them and it's also taking down a lot of our men! I'm gonna need you to take care of that thing or I'm gonna have to give you a thousand pushups!" Vangarre shouts angrily at Reyn as he gave him his Scrap Driver and then runs forward with the other soldiers._

* * *

"Wait a minute, I thought this takes place after the ending? Is this a reference to how things turn bad again in _Xenoblade Chronicles **X**?_ " Keldeo asked, "Oh well, no rest for the righteous, I suppose."

* * *

 _"Argh! Again with the Antols? That's the 5th time this week they've gone on a rampage. Sorry Shulk, I have to go take care of this for the colony. Don't start the festival without me." Reyn stated as he equipped his Scrap Driver and runs after the soldiers. Shulk chuckled after Reyn left._

 _"You never change Reyn." Shulk remarked, until he hears a slight laugh._

 _"That Reyn is always the man he is." A soft voice stated. Shulk turned around to see Fiora behind him._

 _"Fiora? Aren't you suppose to be making food for the festival?" Shulk asked in surprise._

 _"Don't worry about it. I'm almost done with them. I'm taking a break to see you." Fiora answered with a smile._

 _"That's nice. I can't wait to see how they are. I know they'll be delicious." Shulk said, smiling back._

 _"That's what they all say. You always say the same thing Shulk." Fiora said in a bored manner._

 _"I really mean it Fiora. Your cooking is the best. No other person's cooking will be like yours." Shulk proudly told Fiora, receiving a bright smile from her._

 _"That's so sweet of you Shulk. Thank you." Fiora said with gratitude._

 _"I know the colony would agree that your cooking is the best." Shulk stated._

 _"Hehehe. I'll make sure that happens. Shulk, you always make me happy when you're around." Fiora then hugs Shulk. Shulk smiled and hugs her back._

 _"Thank you Fiora." Shulk thanked._

* * *

"Okay, is the love interest Fiora or Melia?" Keldeo asked.

"Speaking of Melia, we see hear heading towards Colony 9 where she meets up with the comedy relief sidekick!"

* * *

 _"MELLY!" A voice excitedly calls out. Melia turns to the direction of the voice to see the Heropon, Riki, run down the wooden bridge holding his Warrior Gnasher with his wing-like arms on his head._

 _"Riki? What are you doing out here? It's dangerous here in Makna Forest during the winter." Melia said worryingly._

 _"Riki know monsters dangerous in Makna, but Riki want to go to Hom Hom colony where friends are to celebrate Holiday Giving." Riki stated happily, doing a little dance._

 _"Holiday Giving? You mean Christmas? Wait, you want to celebrate Christmas with Shulk in Colony 9?" Melia asked the Heropon._

 _"Yes. Riki want to be with Hom Hom friends for Holiday Giving." Riki answered with a smile._

 _"But what about your family? Wouldn't you want to spend the holidays with your wife and 11 kids?" Melia asked._

 _"Wifeypon Oka wanted Riki to be with Hom Hom friends. Wifeypon know Riki been lonely for long time and now Riki has friends. Oka happy to see Riki happy." Riki replied happily._

* * *

"Yeah, I don't really like Thief Class characters," Keldeo remarked, "And I haven't played the game, so I don't really know how likable he is. But I suppose Virzion 2.6 portrays him nicely."

* * *

 _"Melly want to be with Hom Hom too? Yay! Happy! Riki very happy!" Riki shouts happily, doing a dance. Unfortunate for Melia and Riki, the Heropon's happy shouting managed to attracted a herd of Plasma Deinos._

 _"Gaaahaha!" Riki yelps frightfully. "Deinos! Lots and lots of Deinos!"_

 _Melia points her Imperial Staff at the herd of Deinos and used a Summon Bolt as a lighting ether elemental appears above her head and then she used Summon Copy and copies the same lighting ether elemental._

 _"Riki? Don't let these Deinos scare you. You're better than that. Since we're fighting together, the Deinos don't have a chance." Melia stated as she used Summon Flare, summoning a fire ether elemental._

 _"Melly right. Riki not scared of Deinos. Riki can stop Deinos attack." Riki confidently stated as he does a backflip and prepares for battle._

 _"That's the spirit. Now let's defeat these group of Deinos." Melia commanded as she used Elemental Discharge and fires the fire ether elemental._

* * *

"What's that? You wanna see how this battle turns out! Sorry! We have to check on Reyn!"

* * *

 _"Come on. Bring it on." Reyn taunted as the Roguish Frengel used its sharp jaws to attack, but Reyn blocks its jaws with his carried weapon. Reyn raised his aura using Rage and then used Aura Burst, lowering the Antol leader's strength._

 _The Roguish Frengel tried attacking Reyn with its legs, but Reyn used Lariat and blows it back, stopping its attack. The Roguish Frengel screeched and lured some Clinger and Ridge Antols as they attacked Reyn with their jaws._

 _"Argh! You little…." Reyn then used Hammer Beat on the Antols, defeating them except for the Antol leader. The Roguish Frengel tried to attack Reyn with its jaws until it was hit by a Metal Blast, now suffering from break._

 _"Huh?" Reyn questioned._

 _"Looks like you could use a little help Reyn." A familiar female voice said. Reyn looks up to see Sharla with her Shift Rifle up on the hillside._

* * *

The title card for Team Fortress 2's _Meet the Medic_ appeared with its fanfare.

* * *

 _"Wait Reyn. I just saw something on the Antol leader's back." Sharla said as she walks to the side of the Roguish Frengel._

 _"Oy? What are you doing Sharla?" Reyn asked in confusion. Sharla reached her hand out at the Roguish Frengel and placed her hand on the Antol leader's back._

 _"Oh. So this is what's causing the problem." Sharla stated as she placed both of her hands on the Antol leader's back and pulls out a piece of Mechon metal._

 _"What the? What's that Antol doing with a piece of Mechon metal on its back?" Reyn asked in shock._

 _"I think it was at the wreckage sight not to far from here. It must have gotten pierced by the metal and it aggravated the Antol leader so much to cause a rampage with the other Antols." Sharla stated as she loads her Shift Rifle with two ether healing rifle shell. She then used Heal Bullet and Cure Bullet on the Roguish Frengel, healing its health and debuff._

 _The Roguish Frengel snaps out of daze and topple and gets up. Then it makes a low screech, commanding the other Antols to stop attacking the Defence Force Soldiers and walks away with their leader._

 _"Man, no wonder it was angry." Reyn stated as he puts down his Scrap Driver. Colonel Vangarre walks up to Reyn and Sharla._

* * *

"So. . . in a fanfic about a holiday of mercy and peace, we get an action scene that's resolved through mercy and peace. . ." Keldeo applauded with his forehooves.

* * *

 _"What are you doing here Sharla? I thought you would be at Colony 6 with Juju to celebrate Christmas." Reyn answered._

 _"Juju heard about the Christmas Festival Colony 9 was planning and he wanted to go. Of course I couldn't just let him go by himself, but I also wanted to go as well." Sharla answered as she smiled._

 _"Really? Hey, where is Juju anyway?" Reyn asked._

 _"Over here." A young male voice calls out. Reyn and Sharla turned to see Juju walking down the hillside, wearing a red and grey winter coat. Seeing this made Reyn chuckle a little._

 _"Kid, it's not that cold here. Why are you wearing that?" Reyn asked comically._

 _"Well it was really cold at the Bionis Leg. There was a lot of snow and many dangerous monsters." Juju responded._

 _"Alright. I guess that makes sense. Man, I can't wait to see Shulk's face when he sees you two here." Reyn stated._

 _3 hours later, the large Christmas tree was already decorated with glowing ether ornaments, red and green colored lights, and a golden star on top. Some of the colony residents were praying for their loved ones that died during the Mechon attack 3 months ago, wishing them a Merry Christmas. Fiora set up the tables with plates and silverware while Shulk was preparing the food that were in trays Fiora made for the colony. She made fried rice with some added spices and vegetables, 2 whole chickens, 2 trays of pasta, and a large bowl of salad._

* * *

"Come on, Virizion 2.6, you can describe food better than that! Read a _Redwall_ book!" Keldeo encouraged.

"So, the party is gonna begin soon, and Shulk has a conversation with a guy named Dunban.

* * *

 _"Don't worry about my arm Shulk. I'm happy to help. Even if I only get to use my left arm for the rest of my life, that's not stopping me." Dunban stated as he walks behind the counter and picks up one bottle of soda and sets it on the counter._

 _"Thank you Dunban. I do worry about you since the Battle of Sword Valley a year ago." Shulk said worryingly._

 _"Since I used the Monado one year ago, I did end up on a stretcher. But look at me. I may be wounded permanently, but I'm strong enough to fight the pain." Dunban said in a deadpan tone, but then cheered up. "But I am able to fight with my left arm when I normally use my right arm. Gives me a better fighting stance than normal."_

 _"Wow. You're amazing. I always knew you wouldn't give up easily when there's many disadvantages towards you." Shulk stated. Dunban smiles at Shulk._

 _"Shulk? I must say thank you for rescuing Fiora during our adventure. We all thought she was killed by that metal faced Mechon, only to see she was alive. I know that when you saw Fiora, you would do anything to get her back." Dunban remarked brightly._

 _"Thank you. That really means alot to me." Shulk smiled and sets up the last of the drinks._

 _"And I know you and Fiora are the perfect match. I know you wouldn't hurt Fiora any way possible. You and Fiora care for each other very much." Dunban thought to himself._

* * *

"Oh, okay, so Fiora's the love interest and Melia's just a close friend. Alright, my mistake," Keldeo said with slight embarrassment.

* * *

 _At the hillside of Tephra Hill, Melia and Riki were walking down the hillside when they both hear cheers from a distance._

 _"Riki hear happy screams coming close." Riki stated, happily floating with his wing-like ears._

 _"Colony 9. We're here. They must be celebrating Christmas right now." Melia stated happily._

 _"YAY! RIKI REALLY HAPPY!" Riki yells as he runs down Tephra Hill with a sweet scent of happiness._

 _"Wait. Riki? Hold on." Melia calls out as she runs after the Heropon down the hillside. Riki made it to the bottom of the hill and sees the colony folks enjoying their time with the holidays. Riki then sees Reyn standing in front of the colony Christmas tree and runs up to him._

 _"REYN!" Riki calls out. Reyn turns around and sees Riki running towards him._

 _"Riki?" Reyn said in confusion before getting hit in the face by Riki._

 _"Argh! Why you little fur ball…."_

* * *

A clip from _PeeWee's Playhouse_ played of everything in the house screaming as an alarm went off. Then Victini flew in screaming wildly.

Keldeo stared at Victini in shock and asked, "What the hay was that!?"

"Oh, that was just a little running gag I thought of," Victini explained gleefully, "Whenever a fanfic directly references or retells a scene from the source material, we're all gonna scream like someone said the Secret Word on _PeeWee's Playhouse!"_

Keldeo stood in silence for a moment, staring at Victini in disbelief

"What?" Victini said, "It's funny, and it doesn't happen that often anyway."

Keldeo blinked and shook the cobwebs out of his head, and then he said, "So, you're saying Reyn and Riki fought like this in the game?"

"Yep! Right in Riki's first cut-scene!" Victini said.

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, okay then. Thanks."

* * *

 _Reyn grabs Riki by the bottom of his hair and picks him up from the ground in anger, but his anger was then depleted and turned into confusion. "Wait a minute. What are you doing here Riki?" Reyn then looks up and sees Melia run towards Reyn and Riki and stops in front of him._

 _"Melia?"_

 _"Reyn!" Melia said as she hugs Reyn._

 _"Whoa. What are you doing here?" Reyn asked both Riki and Melia._

 _"Riki and Melly want to visit Hom Hom friends on Holiday Giving." Riki happily stated._

 _"Holiday Giving?" Reyn questioned._

 _"It's what the Nopon call Christmas. We wanted to come here to celebrate with you and the others." Melia stated, smiling._

* * *

"Better than calling it Life Day," Keldeo remarked cryptically.

* * *

 _"Really? You want to celebrate with us Homs? What about your family?" Reyn questioned the two._

 _"I asked my brother to come here and he said it's okay." Melia answers._

 _"Riki's wifeypon wanted Riki to see Hom Hom friends. She likes seeing Heropon happy." Riki also answers._

 _"Well I'm sure Shulk and the others will be happy to see you here. Come on, I'll take you to him." Reyn said as he walks around the tree with Melia following him, but Riki's hair was still in Reyn's grip._

* * *

 _ **Riki:** "It's because Riki's a cute comic relief character, isn't it? Riki blames Omachao!"_

"So our supporting characters arrive at Colony 9 to join our starring couple," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Shulk was at the Residential District with Fiora sitting on a bench, watching the people at Colony 9 dancing, playing with their kids and talking to one another._

 _"The people here are feeling peaceful, aren't they?" Fiora asked, smiling._

 _"Yeah. It seems like they forgotten the Mechon attack here. They care that their deceased loved ones are in peace in their prayers." Shulk stated, also smiling._

 _"Sometimes I wish it would be like this all the time. Where we have nothing to worry about. Where we can just live in peace." Fiora remarks._

 _"Don't worry. It'll be like this for a long time. As long as I'm with you, I have nothing to worry about." Shulk commented, making Fiora smile._

 _"Thank you Shulk." Fiora said with gratitude._

 _"Hey Shulk?! Fiora?!"_

 _Shulk and Fiora turned to the direction of the voice to see Reyn at the bridge with Riki and Melia, waving at them._

 _"What? How did they….?" Fiora stopped in mid-sentence with surprise._

 _"Melia? And Riki?" Shulk questioned in shock._

 _"Shulk!" Melia calls out happily._

 _"Come on Shulk. Let's go." Fiora said as she got up and runs to the 3. Shulk got up and runs with Fiora._

 _"Shulk and Fiora, Melly and Heropon Riki are here." Riki happily said as Fiora picked up Riki._

 _"How did you get to Colony 9?" Fiora asked Riki and Melia._

 _"The same way Shulk and the others came to Makna Forest; the stairwell from the High Entia Ancient Ceremony." Melia stated as she saw Shulk run to them._

 _"Shulk!" Melia runs to Shulk and hugs him._

 _"Melia? It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Shulk questioned as he hugs back._

 _"Yes. It has." Melia responded as she lets go of Shulk._

 _"Man, now it's a happy holiday. All our friends are here now." Reyn stated with a smile._

 _"Riki happy that he back with friends." Riki said, doing a happy dance which made Melia and Fiora giggle._

 _"He's like a little kid." Fiora commented._

 _"Riki not littlepon. Riki 40 years old. Riki brave Heropon." Riki remarked._

 _"Heh, stop showing off fur ball." Reyn tells Riki, only to see him dance._

* * *

"And Chip from _Sonic Unleashed_ is _millions_ of years old. You still act like a kid. . . which isn't always a bad thing," Keldeo said with a smile.

"So everyone enjoys the parting with music, singing, dancing, and eating."

* * *

 _"Melly dance amazingly. Riki want to dance too, but Riki loves food Fiora made." Riki happily stated as he takes a bite of some fried rice._

 _"You never get tired off food Riki. The food is delicious. Fiora is a really great cook." Reyn commented._

 _"Riki wish food back at village was this amazing. Riki would be home with delicious smell in cooking." Riki remarked._

 _"Oy, you never know when to rest on food." Reyn stated as he eats a spoonful of fried rice._

 _"I see what you were saying when you said Riki was always thinking about food. He must really love to eat." Juju stated._

* * *

"Gosh, he's more like Chip than I thought," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _"A Nopon always have the thought of food. It doesn't surprise me seeing Riki like that." Melia said, then she asks, "Dunban? Can you dance with only one arm?"_

 _"Hmm….I haven't thought of that. That I don't really know for sure." Dunban answers._

 _"Well, shall we see if you can?" Melia asks._

 _"Well….I suppose I can give it a go." Dunban answers._

 _Melia smiles and gently pulls Dunban's left arm and danced with him. Dunban wasn't sure if he could dance with only one arm, but he went for it and did his best to dance. He spins Melia around with his left arm while Melia laughed in enjoyment._

 _"Wow. I didn't know Dunban could dance." Juju said in surprise._

 _"Me neither." Reyn added. "It definitely surprised me."_

* * *

"Okay, so Melia likes Dunban, and Fiora likes Shulk. I got it now," Keldeo said confidently.

"So after Shulk makes a speech thanking everybody, we get a sweet moment between him and Fiora."

* * *

 _"Now that I said my thanks to everyone, let's all have a good time tonight." Shulk stated as everybody cheered as some Christmas songs were played from the balcony._

 _"Shulk. That was amazing. You are so generous." Fiora told Shulk._

 _"Thank you Fiora. We wouldn't have this festival if it wasn't for you and the others. I'm happy that our friends are here to celebrate with us." Shulk stated, smiling._

 _Both Fiora and Shulk were staring at each other's eyes. Not only they were having a good time at the festival, but they were also having some good memories together. Shulk and Fiora leaned close, ready to kiss each other._

 _"Riki want to dance with Hom Hom friends!" Riki shouted happily, startling Shulk and Fiora._

 _"Riki!" Fiora shouts angrily at Riki while Shulk was just laughing a little. Hearing Shulk laugh made Fiora calm down a little as she then joins the laugh._

* * *

 ** _Riki:_** _"Riki likes being a kiss block!"_

* * *

 _"Man, those 2 are always the sweet couple they are." Reyn commented._

 _"Of course. They're the perfect match." Dunban added._

 _"That's something coming from her older brother." Reyn tells Dunban._

 _"Don't judge it Reyn. I trust Shulk to look after Fiora. At least seeing Fiora happy makes me happy as well." Dunban stated with a smile._

 _"I agree. I like Shulk and all, but I can't deny that he likes Fiora. And I can accept that." Melia stated._

* * *

"AHA! I was right! She _did_ like him too!" Keldeo said triumphantly, "And I must say that I like this understanding outcome instead of the stereotypical painful jealousy arc."

"So with the Antol problem solved and everyone safe and happy at Colony 9, our heroes enjoy the Christmas party with plenty of dancing among friends, and have a very merry Christmas."

* * *

 _"Riki happy Hom Hom friends have good time." Riki happily said while dancing._

 _"Come on. Let's not waste our time chatting and have fun." Sharla stated as she heads to the dance floor._

 _"Oy Sharla? Would you like a dance with me?" Reyn asked._

 _"What's stopping you? Come on." Sharla tells Reyn._

 _"Alright! Now it's Reyn time!" Reyn shouts as he follows Sharla to the dance floor._

 _"Reyn? I suggest you calm down." Melia smiled as she heads to the dance floor._

 _"Riki want to dance with Melly." Riki stated happily._

 _"Come on Riki. You can dance with me." Melia tells Riki._

 _"Yay!" Riki then follows Melia to the dance floor._

 _Dunban looked over at everyone in the dance floor as he smiled, feeling happy seeing the friends he made have a great time together._

 _"I must say, this is officially the best Christmas festival I ever witnessed."_

* * *

"And that was _Christmas at the Colony,_ and even thought I know next to nothing about Xenoblade Chronicles, I still enjoyed this story a lot," Keldeo said happily, "It had all the action of the game, as well as all the characters in character, as far as I know. Everyone's stories converged properly, it was funny, well detailed, and it's just the thing to make you smile when you're in need of some Christmas cheer. Not much to say about it. It was good, and I recommend reading it if you don't mind the spoilers for the game."

"I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said as he left.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Pokemon: Holiday Hi-Jinks_

 _Sonic Adventure 2_

 _Sonic Unleashed_

 _Star Wars Holiday Specail_

 _PeeWee's Playhouse_

 _The Blockbuster Buster: Alvin and the Chipmunks the Movie_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _Mandopony_


	43. Keldeo and Zorua review Hoopa

"Hey there, everyone," Keldeo greeted, "As you know, _Hoopa and the Clash of Ages_ premiered on Cartoon Network. So, as a special holiday treat, Zorua and I have decided to review it."

"OH. MY. GOSH!" Zorua exclaimed, more louder and forceful than usual, his eyes wide open in amazement, "THIS WAS THE _GREATEST_ MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"

"Whoa, Zorua, calm down! Let's talk about the short film that came before it first," Keldeo said.

"Oh. Okay. SPOILERS!" Zorua said. He cleared his throat and said, " _Hoopa - The Mischief Pokemon!_ Once upon time there was Pokemon named Hoopa. He was a jerk. The end!"

Keldeo chuckled a bit, but shook his head and said, "No, Zorua. That's not entirely fair. In the short, we see that Hoopa is mischievous and can be a bit sneaky, but he does want to help, and you can tell he has strong family bonds with Maraz and Meray. Yes, he's a prankster, but you can tell that he does want to help, with a little coaching from his human family."

"And he likes donuts!" Zorua cheered.

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, and he likes donuts. Okay, enough about the short. The _movie_ begins with-"

"Alf Layla wa-Layla from _Sonic and the Secret Rings!_ " Zorua exclaimed.

"Zorua, they're both just based off of elements from _The 1001_ _Arabian Nights._ That's why they look similar," Keldeo explained.

"Well, Unbound Hoopa is blowing stuff up like crazy and slapping around Legendaries like Caterpies!" Zorua said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, it _is_ pretty intimidating how he was able to take down Reshiram, Zekrom, and Regigigas so easily!" Keldeo smirked and said, "Luckily, the Pharaoh from Yu-Gi-Oh is able to seal his power inside the Prison Bottle."

Zorua shrugged, "Eh. I don't see it."

Keldeo stared at Zorua and asked, "Really? You didn't get a Millennium Ring Bakura vibe when Maraz got taken over by the shadow in the bottle?"

"Let's talk about how Hoopa literally yanks Ash and Pikachu into the plot!" Zorua said.

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, it did seem rather abrupt how Ash and Pikachu just happen to grab Hoopa's hand just so they can get involved in the story. But I suppose it works by showing Hoopa's mischievous and impulsive side."

"Ooh! And he brings in all the Pikachus from Pikachu Land!" Zorua exclaimed, "The Cosplay Pikachu's too! All from _Lightning Fast! Brave and Strong! Super-Pikachu!_ I loved that movie!"

"Heh. Looks like we got a little Pokemon movie crossover," Keldeo commented.

"So then Maraz comes and opens the bottle, and we see Hoopa blow stuff up again, and then Meray uses the bottle to stop him," Zorua said quickly.

"What I found interesting," Keldeo said, "Is the story of how Hoopa became this way. All the people wanted him to fight and fight and fight. He had to go further and further and give more and more, until he totally lost himself and went overboard because of all the pressure. It's like a metaphor for all artists or performers who end up reaching the breaking point. Then Hoopa's power got sealed away from 100 years, somehow gained a personality of its own, and turned into an angry spirit to further drive in the metaphor."

"Come on! Let's get to the good part!" Zorua said impatiently, jumping up and down in excitement.

Keldeo sighed, "Oh, alright. So, Meowth of all characters opens up the bottle again, but Hoopa is actually able to resist it through the power of love and friendship this time. Okay, mostly it's Ash's support, but that's just because he's the Chosen One."

"Chosen One?" Zorua echoed in confusion.

"We'll get to that. So Hoopa's anger turns into an evil shadow clone, destroys the bottle, and starts blowing stuff up. So it's up to Ash and Pikachu to keep Hoopa safe while everyone else goes to remake the bottle."

"Then Hoopa summons Lugia!" Zorua cheered, but then shrugged and said, "But this isn't the _real_ battle. Lugia just rams into Unbound Hoopa a few times and then gets sent away." Zorua then smiled widely and said, "But then, we get THE ULTIMATE BATTLE! It's Ash's team of Mega Latios, Mega Latias, and SHINY Mega Rayquaza versus Kyurem, Dialga, Palkia, Giratanna, Primal Kyogre, and Primal Groudon! WOW! CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY!"

"Yes, the battle way BEYOND epic," Keldeo said gleefully, "But here's an interesting point. Unbound Hoopa's Legendaries are under mind control, but Hoopa's Legendaries all freely do whatever Ash tells them too, Lugia included. Which. . . actually makes a lot of sense! Ash has SAVED THEIR LIVES! Or at the very least helped them. He's helped every single Legendary at some point. Plus the whole Chosen One thing from _Pokemon 2000._ So it makes sense that if you get yanked out of your home without warning and Ash Ketchum and Pikachu are standing there, it probably means that the world is gonna end if you don't do whatever he says. It kinda makes me wonder if they would have just left if Ash wasn't there and it was just Hoopa."

"Yeah. I mean, there was a point where I though Lugia was just gonna be like, _'forget this, I'm outta here'_ after getting nailed by Unbound Hoopa again and again," Zorua said.

"Then we get a King of Pokelantis reference, and Hoopa somehow uses his positive memories of the bond between him and Maraz and Meray to somehow get rid of the angry shadow," Keldeo said, looking slightly conflicted, "I guess it was a nice ending, and it shows how positive emotions are always stronger than negative ones. But I refuse to believe that after all the chaos that happened, all the Legendaries had to say was that they were surprised. Really? REALLY?"

"What about the weird time space black hole tornado thing?" Zorua asked.

Keldeo frowned, "Yeah, that made no sense. It was just a way to give Hoop and final test and show that he's able to control his power again."

"And Arceus made a cameo to buy them more time," Zorua added.

"Wow! Arceus actually _DID SOMETHING_ in a movie not about him! It's a miracle!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"And come to think of it, Hoopa isn't _really_ a jerk," Zorua said kindly, "He even promised to rebuild the buildings that got totally obliterated! That's something."

Keldeo nodded, "Yep. It sure shows his growth from a selfish prankster who has no responsibility to someone a bit more compassionate, caring, and responsible."

"So, this movie was awesome!" Zorua shouted.

"Yeah, it was _really_ good. Although I did have one small plot hole," Keldeo said.

"Huh?" Zorua asked, tilting his head in confusion.

Keldeo shrugged and smiled, "I couldn't help but wound why Hoopa just didn't use his rings to banish the other Legendaries like Unbound Hoopa did to Lugia. But I suppose if he did that, we wouldn't have such an epic battle. So, I'm willing to overlook it."

Zorua nodded, "Okay! So this movie was awesome! The GREATEST POKEMON BATTLE EVER!"

"Yes, but you can't forget the details," Keldeo said, "Like Ash being able to find the his Pikachu in the huge crowd instantly, the nicknames 'Ashkan' and 'Pikan' reminded me of the Japanese honorific suffix 'chan,' the nice moments between characters, like between Hoopa and the grandfather, and I really like how Ash explained how he had to work hard _earn_ the title of Pokemon Master."

Zorua flipped and turned into Hoopa. "Pokemon Mister! Pokemon Mister!"

Keldeo rolled his eyes, "Yeah, and I guess that joke was funny too." Keldeo then grinned mischievously and said, "But what's _really_ funny is how much you and your family disliked Hoopa."

Zorua turned back into himself and said, "Hey, those _Hoopa's Operations_ shorts were terrible! Papa liked the movie too, and he won't ever take back anything he said in his _Hoopa's Operations_ review! Worst ad campaign for a movie ever!"

Keldeo kept on smiling and said, "You know what, Zorua. I fully agree. Well, I've got Christmas fanfic reviews to do, so would you mind signing off for us?"

"No problem, Keldeo! This Keldeo the Critic and Zorua son of Zoroark, and I was wondering. . . do ya got any Donut Pokepuffs! PLEASE! I really want some Donut Pokepuffs! Come on, feed a cute little Zorua, huh? Come on, please? Come on, it combines two of the greatest desserts in the world! It would be criminal not to give me any! Oh, and thanks _Virizion 2.6_ for the large box of Peecha berries! And _Jack Storm 448_ and _thestormflamestinger6235_ and _Cabob1021_ and _crazyone-oh-one,_ tahnk you so much for everything you sent to me and Riolu and Meema and Papa!"

* * *

 _ **Thank You**_

 _(Zoroark here. This was the ultimate showdown of Legendary Pokemon, and I don't see how they could ever possibly top this. And Hoopa turned out to be not so bad after. It had very good writing and a solid plot, and the setting was very unique and beautiful. **('Z')** )_


	44. Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue

Keldeo skated across the frozen water, and hopped onto the rock platform. In his mouth he held a book wrapped in Christmas gift-wrap. He placed it on the ground in front of him.

Victini floated in behind Keldeo, twirling around while smiling as he sang.

 _"There's just 4 days till Christmas, just 4 days left you see,_

 _So let's review a Christmas story!"_

Keldeo started to tear the paper off of the book as Victini continued to sing.

 _"It's the third Christmas fanfic, let's not wait anymore,_

 _Keldeo the Critic,_

 _Is here to review-"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Keldeo shouted.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 17: Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue by badboylover24**

 **Title Card TinyURL:** **heuc3dc**

"It _can't_ be!" Keldeo said in shock, "This was just an April Fools Joke! That wasn't even me in that joke! That was _Zorua_ pretending to be me! I mean. . . a _Dora the Explorer_ fanfic? HERE?! NOW?!"

"Uh, actually, here and now makes perfect sense," Victini offered.

"What?!" Keldeo asked, his eyes wide.

Victini shrugged and said, "Well, it _is_ Christmas."

"Yeah, but-" Keldeo said.

" _And_ you reviewing a story like this would be entertaining."

"Yeah, but-."

"And I'm sure you can tell a ton of great jokes."

"Yeah, but-."

"And you could make a great commentary on the flaws of _Dora the Explorer_ as a kid's show."

"Well. . ."

" _And-."_

"Okay! Okay! You've convinced me, I'll review it," Keldeo relented unhappily.

"Aw, come on, Keldeo! It's not like you're reviewing _Christmas with the Kranks,_ " Victini said.

"Have you seen that movie?" Keldeo asked curiously.

Victini blinked, and then looked away in shame.

"You're part of the problem," Keldeo said in a low voice.

Victini floated off silently, and Keldeo cleared his throat and said, "So, apparently this is a crossover between Dora the Explorer and the famous ballet story _The Nutcracker._ And yes, many cartoons have already done this, from The Carebears to Mickey Mouse. I guess now is the time to see if badboylover24 can make a Dora the Explorer version work. And here's another thing: the only reason Matthais and I even paid any attention to this is because it has Swiper's name in the title, and rule number one when you're dealing with a little kid show, no matter how bad it is, is that the villains are always a source of relief in a sea of annoyance and infantile dialogue."

Keldeo narrowed his eyes darkly and said lowly, "Even though I normally dislike Thief Class characters. . ."

Keldeo sighed, and said, "Okay then. So, not because I want to, but as a special Christmas gift to you, this is _Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue._ "

"So the story begins with a main character from the original ballet _The_ _Nutcracker_ ,Drosselmeyer the magician."

* * *

 _Prologue: Drosselmeyer Tells a Story…_

 _Imagine yourself in a sitting room large enough to let about twenty people walk about and/or dance. It is decorated richly for a Christmas party with a very tall Christmas tree, holly and mistletoe on the walls and ceiling, and red and green candles on the white fireplace with its roaring fire. At said fireplace, a thin man with gray tied into a low ponytail by a black ribbon and wearing a brown suit with a black cape sits at a white armchair with a group of children, each with a toy in his or her arms, sitting at his feet. What is fascinating about him is that he has a black eye patch over his right eye._

 _Can you guess who he is? If you guessed Uncle Drosselmeyer of The NutCracker, you're right!_

* * *

Keldeo actually smiled and said, "Okay, that's nice. It looks like this is going to be authentic and faithful to the original story."

* * *

" _Well,_ _mis hijos," he said to the children,_

* * *

Still smiling, Keldeo blinked and coked his head. "You know, for a second I thought Drosselmeyer spoke Spanish. But that''d be crazy."

* * *

 _"we've opened our gifts and we've had some dinner. What shall we do now?"_

 _"Una historia," a girl with a doll answered happily. "Please tell us a story, Tío Drosselmeyer."_

 _"Much like the story of Clara and the NutCracker Prince," added a boy with a boat._

 _"Sí," concurred a girl with a bear. "Los Cascanueces!" Drosselmeyer chuckled in reply as he brought out a red leather book._

* * *

Keldeo stumbled backwards as if an Arbok had just struck out at him. With eyes wide, Keldeo stammered out, "Did - did Drosselmeyer from The Nutcracker just speak Spanish? Wha - what would posses Drosselmeyer from The Nutcracker to speak Spanish? I mean, how does this even make any sense?"

* * *

 _"I know just the story," he said, opening said book to a certain page. "What makes this story different is that our hero, los héroe, is not los Cascanueces. It is el raposa."_

* * *

"Oh my gosh. . .a main character from a _Russian_ ballet based on a _German_ story is speaking _Spanish_?" Keldeo said incredulously, shaking his head in disbelief, "And okay, fine, it's Dora the Explorer. It's a show about learning Spanish. I know. But that doesn't mean _everyone_ has to speak Spanish, especially a non-Spanish person from a non-Spanish story. And it's not like the kids he's talking to don't know English. They're _clearly_ bilingual, so why not let _them_ say the Spanish words and just let Drosselmeyer speak normally? And it's not just that he's speaking Spanish, because by that logic he shouldn't be speaking English either. The issue here is that the _story as a whole_ is English, so that's just the main language of the story, so English is the baseline for these characters. But then Drosselmeyer just starts saying Spanish words, and well, _it just doesn't fit his character!_ "

Keldeo stomped his hooves in frustration and said, "Oh, biscuits! We haven't even gotten past the _Prologue_ and I'm already completely lost! The only way this story could possibly reengaged me is if it promises me an epic sword fight to death! But there's no way that's gonna happen!"

* * *

 _"A fox?" asked a boy with a plane._

 _"Sí," Drosselmeyer answered, before showing them a picture of Swiper the Fox with a sword and fighting the Mouse King, who is large enough to be a rat and is wearing a crooked golden crown and red fleece king's cape._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped and he stood up straight. "Whoa! . . . Hello! . . . Alright then, the plot has reengaged me, but remember badboylover24, _you promised us this!_ "

* * *

 _"Swiper the Fox!" answered a girl with a ball._

 _"Correcto," Drosselmeyer answered. "In this story with Clara and los Cascanueces, he helped save the Sugar Plum Fairy with the help of his amigos, Dora and Boots."_

 _"How did he do that, Tío Drosselmeyer?" asked a boy with a drum._

* * *

"What's the Little Drummer Boy doing here?" Keldeo asked, "I'm serious, what is Aaron doing here?"

* * *

 _"Let me tell you the story of Swiper and his adventures in the Kingdom of the NutCracker," Drosselmeyer answered, turning the page to show a picture of Dora, Boots, and Swiper walking down a path during winter. Dora has on her Nacimiento party dress, Boots has on his Nacimiento bowtie, and Swiper has on his new Nacimiento scarf, red and green holly and white snowflakes. Drosselmeyer then began telling his story:_

 _"It was the day before Christmas Eve…"_

* * *

"So we smoothly transition to our main characters."

* * *

 _Ch.1: A Kingdom in Trouble_

 _Dora, Boots, and Swiper were walking through the snowy forest together. Swiper, of course, isn't swiping. He had learned his lesson last year that "There's no swiping on Christmas"._

* * *

"But you can steal all you want during the rest of the year!" Keldeo said with a smile.

 ** _Portal 2 Announcer:_** _"Sarcasm Self Test Complete."_

"Okay, I commend the show for doing a _Christmas Carol_ episode with Swiper as Scrooge, but it kinda ruins the message when you have him stealing stuff in the very next episode!" Keldeo complained, "It's not like they're afraid of changing the formula, because they _already_ added that Star Catching thing, so would it have really been that hard for them to just get rid of that 'Swiper No Swiping' game, or maybe have another character be the thief so the moral isn't ruined," Keldeo complained.

Keldeo then looked to the left and said, "Alright, Victini. I'd say that this counts."

A clip of PeeWee's Playhouse played where the alarm goes off and everyone screams. Victini flies by screaming as well.

"Okay, now with that out of the way, we learn that our heroes are having a Secret Santa gift exchange with all their other animal friends."

* * *

 _"Well," he answered, shyly rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm Secret Santa to…Isa." As he said her name, the blue-masked fox blushed with a small smile. Dora and Boots noticed the blush and know it very well. Swiper had just started to like Isa as more than a friend ever since the iguana got over her secret crush on Boots after he found a new girlfriend. Swiper wanted to express his feelings to Isa, and the Secret Santa's the perfect opportunity to do so._

* * *

"Wow, that raises a whole bunch of. . .weird questions," Keldeo said, looking a little freaked out, "First of all, an lizard and a mammal? _**Gross!** _ I mean, come on, this isn't like Pokemon where Egg Groups work differently. This is just. . . weird. Second . . . romance and love triangles in _Dora the Explorer?_ I don't think this would even work in that new _Dora and Friends_ cartoon, or whatever it's called. And third. . . I . . . I can't even read this with a straight face or without feeling weird, and it's physically impossible for me to read this out loud, it's so awkward and weird. At least _Friendship is Magic;_ in spite of its girly names and equine references, puns, and terms; is mature, serious, and clever enough to handle romance and stuff like this without sounding weird and awkward. I can talk about Twilight Sparkle's relationship with Flash Sentry and Applejack's rejection of Trenderhoof with no problem, because these are potentially interesting characters with substance. But here. . . come on, it's _Dora the Explorer!_ "

* * *

 _"That's grandioso, Swiper!" said Dora._

 _"Yeah, but…I don't know what to give her," Swiper said with a frown. "I know she loves flowers, but I think it might be too obvious. I want to get her something very special."_

 _"Perhaps I can help you with that wish, my friend," a mysterious voice said, catching the three of them by surprise._

 _"Who said that?" asked the surprised Boots. He got his answer when a man with gray hair tied into a low ponytail by a black ribbon, a brown suit with a black cape, and a black eye patch over his right eye step out from behind a nearby tree._

 _"That would be me, young Boots," the man answered. "I am Herr Drosselmeyer, but you may simply call me Drosselmeyer."_

* * *

"Oh, so _now_ you're using German words!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _"Can you really help me find a special gift for Isa?" he asked. The famous magician/toymaker took out a large red book with a nutcracker on the front cover from his cape._

 _"I know someone who has just what you need," he said to the fox, "but in order to retrieve this gift, you must help her first."_

 _"Who is she?" asked Dora. Drosselmeyer then opened the book to a page bearing a picture of a beautiful ballerina in a glittering violet ballet gown with matching dancing slippers, lavender fairy wings on her back, and a golden tiara on her head with amethysts. She also has long golden hair and indigo eyes. In the picture, she is doing an arabesque on her toe, and the wintery scenery is a beautiful frozen lake with swans wearing golden or silver necklaces._

 _"She is the Sugar Plum Fairy," Drosselmeyer answered, "a friend of Clara and the NutCracker."_

 _"Oh, el Azúcar Plum Hada," said Dora in awe._

 _"She's so beautiful," said Dora._

 _"What's wrong?" asked Swiper. "Is she in trouble?"_

 _"I'm afraid so," Drosselmeyer answered. "Her amigos, Clara and the NutCracker Prince, have been captured and locked away by El Ratón Rey." He then turned to the next page to show another picture, this one of three others, two of which are in a cage. One is Clara, the brown-haired girl in a robin's egg blue gown and snow white dancing slippers. The other is the NutCracker Prince, the black-haired prince dressed in his soldier's uniform._

 _Outside the cage is a mouse as tall as the Sugar Plum Fairy. He has light gray fur and a long black tail. He has on a red fleece king's cloak and a golden crown with rubies._

 _"The Mouse King?" Swiper said in shock. "Oh, man!"_

* * *

"Number one, now he's going back to using Spanish words? Number two. . . is this some kind of sequel to the original story? Wasn't the Mouse King defeated? How did he kidnap the Nutcracker Prince and Clara _again_?" Keldeo asked, looking very confused.

* * *

 _"Sí," Drosselmeyer replied solemnly, "and because he had capture them and locked them away, the Mouse King has captured her in her own castle and plans to marry her." He then turned to a third page of the frightened Sugar Plum Fair before the fearsome Mouse King in a beautiful chamber._

 _"If he does marry her, he will become Ruler of the Land of Sweets residing in the NutCracker Kingdom," Drosselmeyer added, "and he will keep all the sweets and won't let any go to children for Christmas."_

* * *

"So of all the people he could to for help, he chooses a little girl, a monkey, and a thief?" Keldeo asked. He thought about this for a moment, then smiled and said, "That makes sense!"

"So, Drosselmeyer makes a deal with Swiper. If he saves the Fairy, then she'll give him Isa's gift. But, okay, the three of them really _are_ helping because it's the right thing to do, the gift is just an extra perk. So Drosselmeyer uses his magic to send our heroes into the book-"

* * *

 _"This gingerbread dust was given to me by the Sugar Plum Fairy herself," the older man said. "It will transport you to the Nutcracker Kingdom. ¡Buena suerte! Good luck to you." With that, he blew the dust at the three explorers, and it swirled around them in a glittering gold twister. It then lifted them up into the air and flew them into the book, shrinking them in the process._

* * *

"-Sonic Storybook Series anyone?- and the adventure begins."

* * *

 _Ch. 3: Where to Start_

 _When the twister has subsided and Dora, Boots, and Swiper opened their eyes, they found themselves in the NutCracker Kingdom, which looked just like in the book, with the music from The NutCracker segment "Dance of the Flutes" playing somewhere in the background._

 _"Wow," Boots said in awe. "This is so cool!"_

 _"It's muy bella," Dora concurred. "I just hope we can stop the Mouse King from ruining all of this by marrying the Sugar Plum Fairy."_

 _"But…how do we find her?" asked Swiper. As if on cue, Map poked his head out of Backpack's side pocket._

 _"I know where, Swiper," he said with a smile._

* * *

"NOOOOOOOO! NO! Don't sing you're incredibly annoying, repetitive, lazy song!" Keldeo exclaimed in terror.

* * *

 _He then hopped out of the pocket and unrolled himself a bit until there was a full map of the NutCracker Kingdom, showing the trio five locations on it._

* * *

Keldeo sighed with relief, "Oh, thank goodness. . ."

* * *

 _"The Mouse King has her trapped in the tall tower of her home, Gingerbread Castle," Map said. On cue, the location at the top right-hand corner of the map glowed. It is a beautiful castle made entire of gingerbread, decorated with white icing and multi-colored gumdrops and sprinkles. In the top room of the very tall tower in the middle, the Sugar Plum Fairy waved to Dora, Boots, and Swiper._

"Me ayude, valientes!" she cried. "Help me, brave ones!" Map frowned, pitying the poor fairy.

"We just have to save her before she ends up marrying the Mouse King!" he cried. "Good thing I know the way there. First, you have to go through the Toy Animal Jungle…"

* * *

"EX - PO - SI - TION! EX - PO -SI - TION! RUSH - IT - OUT! AS - AP!" Keldeo and Munna sang.

"So yeah, this story apparently has five locations to go through, each with it's own unique theme based on one of the song from the ballet. And that. . ." Keldeo smiled and clapped with his fore-hooves, "Is really clever, actually. Good job."

* * *

 _"I also learned from Drosselmeyer that there are also estrellas here in the NutCracker Kingdom," Map added, "so we should watch out for them. But we should also watch out for the Mouse King; he'll try to stop us from reaching the castle." The Mouse King's head then popped out from behind the castle._

 _"El Hada es mía!" he cried. "The Fairy is mine!" The royal mouse then disappeared behind the castle._

 _"So remember," Map said to the group. "Jungle, Garden, Barn, Field, and Gingerbread Castle!" He then hopped back into Backpack's side pocket._

* * *

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "Alright, so now I'm getting invested again. And it looks like we won't be getting any of those annoying Dora the Explorer songs in this story, so-."

* * *

 _The trio then began to sing their travel song, jingle bells jingling with the music:_

 _Dora: C'mon! Sing it with us!_

 _Trio: Jungle, Garden, Barn,_

 _Field, and Gingerbread Castle_

* * *

 ** _SLASH!_**

Keldeo slashed the scene in half with his Secret Sword.

"Nope," Keldeo said flatly, "And why did he take out the Map song but leave in the Travel song? It makes no sense."

* * *

 _Ch. 3: The Toy Animal Jungle_

 _Before long, Dora, Boots, and Swiper have reached the Toy Animal Jungle. As they began to go through it, they find it quiet, save for "The Arabian Dance" music in the air._

 _"Wow," Boots said as a large wooden duck followed by five small rubber ducklings waddled past them on wheels. "Every animal here is a toy."_

 _"You're right, Boots," said Dora as the passed an elephant doll that's pink with purple polka dots. Just then, they heard familiar swishing and laughter. The three explorers looked up to see…_

 _"Estrellas!" Dora cried. Six stars flew above there heads: two reds; two whites; and two greens. And there was a seventh star with them as well, a pink lady star with red hearts and white wings._

 _"And look!" Swiper said, pointing her out. "It's Lovey Dove, the Explorer Star of Love!"_

* * *

Keldeo got out his smartphone and quickly dialed a number. The phone rang for a bit, then a voice answered.

 _"Hello, this is Swiper the Fox-."_

"HOW THE HAY DID YOU KNOW THAT!? WHY DID YOU EVEN SAY THAT OUT LOUD!?" Keldeo shouted at the top of his lungs, "Don't you have any idea how awkward and cringe-worthy that was? Aren't you a guy? Where's your pride? Do you have no shame!?"

Keldeo stared at the screen, breathing heavily for a while, then frowned and said, "He hung up. . ." Keldeo sighed and said, "I'm being serious here, how would Swiper know that specific detail about this specific star? How does this star mythology and lore work in this world? I figured this star catching thing was just for Dora and Boots. Or is it like some kind of religion, or are there legends about them like the Sinnoh Pokemon myths? How many people in this world-?"

Victini flew over to Keldeo's side and placed a paw on his shoulder.

"Forget it, Keldeo," Victini said sympathetically, "It's Dora town."

Keldeo sighed, "Yeah, I guess you're right. So while our heroes are distracted by the stars like dogs are distracted by squirrels-"

 _ **Doug:** "Squirrel!"_

"-the Mouse King casts a spell."

* * *

 _"I won't let them get to mi Hada," he said, quickly scurrying to the jungle exit. The rubies on his crown began glowing as he raised his arms._

 _"Culebra ceñido!" he cried, and a giant green snake with a slinky for a body appeared out of the red twister that appeared from the Mouse King's hands. He then smiled at his work._

 _"This should keep them busy," he said before escaping from the jungle._

* * *

"Oh, alright! A giant, deadly snake! Now we're talking!" Keldeo said excitedly.

* * *

 _Back with our heroes, they have just caught the stars, including Lovey Dove, who nuzzled into Swiper's cheek, making him chuckle._

 _"I think she likes you, Swiper," Boots laughed before the little stars flew into the star pocket._

* * *

"Foreshadowing!" Munna said as she flew by.

* * *

 _Once all seven are inside, the three friends then made their way through the jungle until the reached the exit, which unfortunately was guarded by the Slinky Snake._

 _"Uh-oh!" said Boots. "That Slinky Snake's blocking our way."_

 _"I don't think it wants to move," said Dora._

* * *

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted as he flew by.

* * *

 _"That's because it's told not to," a female voice said. The trio looked up to see the Arabian bird from the Map fly over to them._

 _"I am Fénix," she said, "ruler and guardian of the Toy Animal Jungle."_

 _"Hola, Fénix," Dora said. "Soy Dora."_

 _"And I'm Boots," said the little monkey._

 _"And I'm Swiper," said the fox. "But what do you mean this snake's told not to move?"_

 _"It was summoned here by el Ratón Rey to keep you from getting through so you can't reach the castle," the bird answered._

* * *

"Oh wait, so it's not dangerous? It's just a roadblock? That's disappointing," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _"Ohh, maaan," Swiper groaned. "How can we get through something that huge?"_

 _"Mi padre told me that Slinky Snakes can fall asleep easily to a soft lullaby," Fénix answered, "and that they only understand Spanish."_

 _"Good thing Dora taught me some Spanish," Swiper said with a smile._

* * *

"Oh, alright, this looks interesting," Keldeo said, perking up a bit, "A Spanish lullaby sounds promising. There _are_ a bunch of nice Spanish lullabies. Like _Arrorró Mi Niño,_ or _Hush-a-bye My Baby._ It's sweet, and putting it in here would show a nice bit of effort-."

* * *

 _"If we want to sing 'sleep' to the Slinky Snake, we need to sing sueño, right?"_

 _"Right, Swiper," his friend answered. The three of them then began to sing to the Slinky Snake, in sync with the rhythm of "The Arab Dance":_

 _"Suuu-e, suuu-e, suu-eee-ñooo…_

* * *

"I don't believe it, I don't believe, you gotta be kidding me!" Keldeo shouted in disbelief, "You just sang the _same single solitary word_ over and over again!? Did you turn into a Pokemon or something?"

"So they sing the snake to sleep, much to the Mouse King's anger."

* * *

 _As they headed for the garden, el Ratón Rey stuck his head from behind a bush and scowled at the heroes._

 _"Queso!" he growled._

* * *

"He's using the Spanish word for cheese as an expletive? That's ridiculous! **_Biscuits!_** " Keldeo shouted.

Victini leaned in behind Keldeo and rolled his eyes.

* * *

 _"They got through my Slinky Snake! But they won't get through the Waltzing Garden. I'll make sure of that!" With that, he scurried away as Dora, Boots, and Swiper began their travel song with the jingling bells:_

 _Dora: C'mon! Sing it with us!_

* * *

Keldeo blew the scene up with a Focus Blast.

* * *

 _Ch. 4: The Waltzing Garden_

 _It wasn't long before Dora, Boots, and Swiper reached the Waltzing Garden. Everywhere they look, there would be various flowers swaying and twirling to "The Waltz of the Flowers" music._

 _"Wow," Swiper said in awe. "Look at all of these flowers! Isa would just love it here."_

 _"She sure would," said Dora. Just then, they heard a noise like someone in pain._

 _"Oh, my root! My poor root!" The trio looked up to find a boy violet rubbing his root as someone would rub his hurt ankle. Sitting beside him is a girl rose comforting him. Dora and her friends went up to them._

 _"Excuse me, Señorita Rosa," Dora said to them. "Excuse me, Señor Violeta. But what seems to be the problem?"_

 _"Violeto here was going to help me with my dancing," the Rose answered, "but then a nube roja flew out of nowhere and made him trip and hurt his ankle. And now I don't have anyone to teach me the mambo."_

 _"I have a feeling it's no accident," Violeto said to Dora. "Right after that red cloud flew by me, a large mouse with a crown and cape ran off."_

 _"El Ratón Rey!" the trio said in unison._

* * *

"NO SHIP SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted as he flew by.

"So they put a bandage on the Violet and they all teach the Rose to dance, and what I just said will have no context anyway or anytime, oh my gosh, oh biscuits, why did I agree to review this!" Keldeo exclaimed as he held the sides of his head with his forehooves.

Suddenly, Keldeo smartphone rang. Keldeo answered it and said, "Hello."

 _"Don't give up, Keldeo! You can do it!"_

"I'm trying, Swiper, I really am! But it's just so hard! I'm not a girl, and I'm not a little kid, and this has none of the depth of Friendship is Magic, so how can I be expected to get through this? I mean, it's _Dora the Explorer!_ You do realize how infamous your show is, don't you?" Keldeo said desperately.

 _"Maybe if you knew the purpose of this particular fanfic, you'd appreciate it more."_

"Purpose? What purpose?" Keldeo asked in confusion.

 _"Oh, I'm not gonna tell you know, Keldeo. You have to discover it for yourself. But here's a hint, it's **summarized** in plain sight. Adios!"_

"Wait, wait! What do you mean? Hello? HELLO? Hola?" Keldeo asked. He stared at the phone for a moment, then sighed and said, "Well, fine then. I might as well keep going."

"So our heroes dance through the garden, and I should probably mention that if this were actually animated and had actual Nutcracker music playing, this might actually be entertaining. The descriptions of the locations also sound really nice. But, since this is a fanfic, they don't really help much."

* * *

 _"Darn it!" he growled. "They've danced their way through the garden. I better head them off at the barn. If I can create chaos there, they'll never get through." With an evil chuckle, he flew off in a cloud of red sparkling dust as the trio sang their traveling song to jingling bells:_

 _Dora: C'mon! Sing it with us!_

* * *

Keldeo blasted the scene with a Hydro Pump from his forehooves, causing it to melt away.

"This is starting to remind me of _Mario Paint,_ " Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _Ch. 5: The Cuddly Barn_

 _As the trio was approaching the Cuddly Barn, el Ratón Rey who's hiding behind a bush aimed his wand at the barn door._

 _"Abra!" he hissed,_

* * *

Keldeo opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head and said, "Nah, too easy."

* * *

 _and the wand shot a blue beam at the door to open it. Out of it ran a bunch of baby animal plush toys, followed by their mothers calling after them._

 _"Let's see them get through that!" the rodent hissed with an evil smile. With that said, he ran off to leave the trio of heroes (sorry, I couldn't resist saying that)_

* * *

"Saying what?" Keldeo asked in confusion, " _'Trio of heroes'_? Are you trying to say it rhymed? Is it a reference to the Pokemon Anime? I don't get it!"

* * *

 _with their new obstacle._

 _Back with said heroes, they had just reached the Cuddly Barn to find the baby plush animals running out of said barn._

 _"Whoa!" Boots cried. "What's going on, Dora?"_

 _"I don't know, Boots," his friend answered. Swiper then went up to a plush palomino. He can tell that she's upset about something._

 _"Excuse me," he said to her, "but what's going on here?" The palomino turned to him and his friends._

 _"It's just terrible," she answered. "My friends and I were getting our little ones ready for bed when the door suddenly flew open. It frightened our babies so much that they ran out of the barn in fear. The door wasn't suppose to do that, though; it was locked last time I checked."_

* * *

"Okay, so now it's a baby animal round up," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _The trio then followed Plush Palomino to the yard just behind the barn. At the far back of it is a cow-spot patterned silo. A group of golden haystacks stood a few feet southwest of it. At its southeast stood a large pink tractor. A few feet south of the haystacks sat a large pile of flour sacks. And a group of large ice cream cartons stood south of the tractor._

 _"Because of their colors and patterns," Plush stated, "I think the babies are blending in with some of our farm equipment and products."_

 _"Let's listen for them," said Dora. "We'll start with Puffy Lamb." The trio and extra-fluffy Poufy Sheep then listened carefully. From each item, a baby farm animal gave out a cute cry._

* * *

"Oh, wow," Keldeo said, looking slightly impressed, "You're recreating the kind of games they would have on the actual show. That's pretty smart. But this _is_ a fanfic, not a script for the episode. So unless you planned on mailing this to Nick Jr., I'm not sure if many people are gonna bother reading through this. But, this really was a clever idea, so I'm not gonna criticize it."

* * *

 _"Queso!" he growled._

* * *

"Aren't you supposed to like cheese?" Keldeo asked, "Why do you say something you like whenever things go wrong?"

* * *

 _"They've helped the animals. I've got to stop them at the field." Worried, he ran for Tin Soldier Field. Meanwhile, the trio began their traveling song to jingling bells:_

 _Dora: C'mon! Sing it with us!_

* * *

Victini quickly burned the scene to ashes.

"You know, if you guys would stop singing and just run to your next destination, you might be able to get there before the Mouse King!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _Ch. 6: Tin Soldier Field_

 _As the trio of heroes was making their way to the field, el Raton Rey turned to an open area in it just near where some toy tin soldiers were practicing some parade moves to "The Russian Dance" music._

 _"Fiera!" he hissed, pointing his hands to the area. With the ruby on his crown glowing with red light, a red mist flew from his hands and transformed into a hairy, four-legged beast with razor sharp fangs, point horns, and crimson red eyes._

* * *

Keldeo's tail actually wagged as his eyes lit up esctactically, "Oh yeah! Now we're talking! This is looking real good! A creepy, scary looking concoction of Tartarus! Time for action!"

* * *

 _"Let's see them get through that!" he hissed with a sneer before running off for Gingerbread Castle. The beast then turned to the tin troops and galloped towards it._

 _Meanwhile, Dora, Boots, and Swiper were approaching said troops to see them performing their parade moves._

 _"Wow," Boots said, "look at those soldiers. They must be having a parade."_

 _"That is so cool," Swiper concurred before he spotted the beast running towards the soldiers._

 _"Oh, no!" he cried, pointing out said monster. "That beast is gonna crash into them." The trio then rushed over to help the tin soldiers._

 _"Watch out!" Swiper cried to the soldiers. "Watch out!" A few of the soldiers turned to him in confusion._

 _"Que?" they said._

 _"Uh-oh!" Boots cried. "Those soldiers speak Spanish!"_

* * *

"NO!" Keldeo shouted angrily, "NO, _this_ is where I draw the line! I don't care if you speak ancient Greek, if you see someone yelling and pointing and waving their arms, you're gonna interpret it as 'danger' or 'look out' or something like that, or at the very least _look around!_ And anyway, how do these soldiers not hear a giant monster charging at them from behind? I mean, it makes no sense! I know people like to call Dora stupid, but these tin soldiers beat her by a mile! The Tinman had a brain, it was the Scarecrow that didn't have a brain. . .well, technically, he always did, but that's besides the point!"

* * *

 _"We have to cry out 'Cuidado!'" Dora said. The three of them then cried out to the soldiers again._

 _"Cuidado! Cuidado!" The soldiers heard their cries and turned to see the beast running towards them. Crying out in surprise, they moved out of the way in time to avoid the collision._

 _"Phew!" Boots cried as they stopped beside the general, a toy tin soldier with a white beard and riding a white toy horse. "That was close."_

 _"Is everyone alright?" Dora asked the general, who fortunately for the trio speaks English._

 _"Yes, we are fine," he answered, turning gruffly to the beast, "but that beast has ruined our parade practice! Why would he go and do—"_

 _"MRROOOWWR!" The beast cried out and held up his furry paw. It was then that Swiper saw a large splinter stuck in the paw. One of the soldiers must have dropped his rifle, and the beast stepped on it. The beast then fell over on his side and began crying._

 _"Oh, that poor beast," he said. "He's got a splinter in his paw." He then went over to the hurt creature._

 _"Swiper, be careful!" Dora cried to the fox._

 _"But we just have_ _to help him, Dora," he protested. "He's hurt."_

* * *

Keldeo scratched his head and said, "So, Swiper's the Element of Kindness? Well, he's certainly not the Element of Honesty!"

 **_Gonff the Mousethief:_** _"Hey! I resent that remark!"_

"Oh, sorry, sorry, I forgot, honest thief, yeah," Keldeo said apologetically.

"So they take the splinter out of the beast's paw and put a band-aid on it, and I'm pretty sure you know the drill."

* * *

 _"Thank you for taking care of my hurt paw," he said. "I'm very sorry that I ruined the parade practice. I was just doing what el Raton Rey summoned me to do."_

 _"The Mouse King?" Swiper replied in shock. "Oh, man! He's really tricky. He can make me a lot less likely to swipe stuff."_

* * *

"I can't decipher what Swiper is trying to say here," Keldeo said, looking confused yet again, "Isn't you not stealing a good thing? And what exactly do you mean here? Is it, he's so evil that you want to be good? Or is it, he could cast a spell on you to make you not steal anything? This story is way more deep and confusing than it needs to be."

* * *

 _As they headed for the castle, el Ratón Rey stuck his head from behind a tree, disbelief written all over his face._

 _"NO!" he roared. "They've gotten past my beast. I only have one more chance to keep them from mi Hada." He then used his magic crown to fly over to Gingerbread Castle as the trio began their traveling song to jingling bells:_

 _Dora: C'mon! Sing it with us!_

* * *

Keldeo just slapped the scene away with his right forehoof.

* * *

 _Ch. 7: Gingerbread Castle – The Battle for the Fairy_

 _It wasn't long before the trio had reached the doorway into the castle, a red-and-white peppermint swirl door. Unfortunately, it's closed shut. Above the door, el Raton Rey looked down at them with an evil grin._

 _"There's no way they can get in now," he said to the reader (that's you, of course). "The only way to unlock it is if they say the magic word." He then disappeared back into the window._

* * *

"Wait, _now_ you're breaking the fourth wall?" Keldeo asked, "Sure, the show did it all the time, but this is the _first_ _time_ the fanfic did it. Why the wait? And hold on, isn't Drosselmeyer telling this story to those kids? How do you break the fourth wall in a story that's being told by a narrator who-"

"Keldeo-" Victini said.

"I know, I know, it's Dora town," Keldeo said in resignation.

* * *

 _"It's no use, Dora," he said to his friend. "I can't get it open; I think it's locked."_

* * *

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted as he flew by.

* * *

 _"Maybe we need to open it with a magic word," Swiper stated. "The question is 'What is it'?" As if on cue, a glowing ball of lavender light flew out of the highest room of the tallest tower (I know the location's a little cliché, but please bear with me)._

* * *

"It's a fairy tale, of course it's cliche! And pointing it out makes it worse! You don't have to apologize for what you write. That's a major peeve of mine! If you feel the need to apologize, just change it!" Keldeo exclaimed, "If anything is cliche, it's the Floating in a Bubble trope."

* * *

 _It then flew to the trio, and a soft, female voice spoke forth from it:_

 _"This is the Sugar Plum Fairy speaking through this orb to you. I do not have much time, so I must be quick. To open the doors you encounter within this castle, you must use the Spanish word for love. You will find me in the highest room of the tallest tower." The orb then disappeared in glowing sprinkles._

 _"So to open this door," Swiper said, "we need to say the Spanish word for love. I wonder why el Raton Rey would use—"_

 _"Amor!" The fox was cut off when his two friends cried out to open the door._

* * *

"Oh, _now_ you decide to hurry up! You spend all that time singing that traveling song, which requires you to stare at the camera and walk instead of looking forward and running, and right now, _when the main character's whose name in in the title_ has something to say, you cut him off?" Keldeo said in frustration.

* * *

 _He quickly ran after them as they ran into the now open door._

 _"Dora! Boots!" he cried out to them. "Wait for me!"_

* * *

 ** _Swiper:_** _"My name is in the title, for pete's sake!"_

* * *

 _As the trio got through the next four doors to get to the highest room of the tallest tower, Swiper thought about what the Sugar Plum Fairy's orb told them. Why would el Raton Rey use the Spanish word for love? In fact, why would he use the word love at all? Isn't he trying to marry the Sugar Plum Fairy to gain control over all of the Nutcracker Kingdom?_

* * *

"Foreshadowing!" Munna cried out as she flew by.

"So, if you were expecting the castle to have traps and enemies and spikes and bottomless pits and lava, then you must have _New Super Mario Bros. U_ on your mind and want it for Christmas really badly," Keldeo said with a smiled, "But seriously, the Mouse King's castle doesn't even have any guards! What kind of castle has no guards?"

"Princess Twilight's Castle?" Victini offered.

"Touche," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"Swiper," Dora cried, snapping the fox out of his thoughts. "We're here!" Swiper then saw that they are already in front of the door to the highest room of the tallest tower. And the door is now open thanks to the magic word._

 _When they three of them went into said room, they found that it's the most beautiful room ever to be made fit for a fairy princess of sweets. The royal bed looked like it's made of chocolate bars, and its curtains are braided vines dotted with real strawberries. The vanity looked like an ice cream fudge sundae. The wardrobe was split into two colors; white for vanilla, and brown for chocolate. The walls were strawberry pink, and the large mirror's encircled in peppermints._

* * *

"Ugh. Who could stand living in a room like that?" Keldeo asked.

"I could!" shouted Hoopa.

"WHA-?! Hoopa? What are you doing here? Don't you have a few buildings to rebuild?" Keldeo asked in surprise.

"I'm on a break. Were you surprised?" Hoopa asked with a smile.

Keldeo nodded and said, "Well, yeah, obviously. But I've got a review to finish, so if you'd just head on back now. . ." Keldeo grinned knowingly and said, " . . .I'll give you a Christmas present."

Hoopa's eyes lit up, "Really! Oh wow!"

Keldeo chuckled, and he handed Hoopa a beautifully wrapped box.

Hoopa took it immediately and cheered, "YAY! Thank you, thank you, thank you Keldekan!" Hoopa then flew into one of his rings, and the ring vanished.

"What did you give him?" Victini asked.

" _Portal_ and _Portal 2._ What else?" Keldeo replied.

* * *

 _And sitting in a chocolate-chip-cookie chair with a marshmallow white cushion is the Sugar Plum Fairy, who smiled at the heroes who came to save her._

 _"Azúcar Plum Hada!" Dora cried with delight as she rushed over to her._

 _"Dora," the beautiful fairy replied, hugging the little girl. "I knew Drosselmeyer would send someone to save me._

 _"Don't worry, Sugar Plum Fairy," Swiper said to the beautiful fairy. "We're gonna get you out of here."_

 _"That's what you think!" growled a male voice. The four of them then turned to find the Mouse King standing in front of the doorway._

 _"El Raton Rey!" the Sugar Plum Fairy cried as Boots clung to Dora._

 _"You may have gotten through all my traps and have reached my fairy," he cried, summoning forth a candy-cane sword with his magic crown. "But that is as far as you'll go. En guarde!" He then swung his sword so that he's pointing it at Swiper, who's the closest to him._

 _"Swiper, here!" Boots cried, grabbing another candy-cane sword nearby and handing it to the fox._

* * *

"Alright! Finally! Here we go!" Keldeo said excitedly.

The Koopaling Tower Boss music from New Super Mario Bros. Wii started playing. _**(TinyURL:**_ **hqmycg7)**

* * *

 _"Thanks, Boots," Swiper replied before turning to el Raton Rey. The two of them then began fencing with their swords. The Mouse King is a good fencer, but with Dora and Boots cheering him on, Swiper has the confidence he needs to fight back. Neither of them received any injuries; each opponent is more focused on disarming the opponent._

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, I guess it makes sense. I _knew_ it was gonna be a fight to the death, obviously, I was just joking. But that doesn't stop this fight scene from being action packed, suspenseful, energetic, and-"

* * *

 _In the end, Swiper had knocked the sword out of the Mouse King's hand._

* * *

The music stopped abruptly with a record scratch sound effect.

 _ **Sweetie Belle:** "OH, COME ON!"_

"That's it? You couldn't make it longer than that? That was barely a full paragraph! I know now one's gonna get hurt, but you could still make it exciting! Have one of them slide down the stair banister, or have one or both of them do flips, or have the Mouse King use magic, or- OOH!" Keldeo got excited and said, "How about this, they end up going out of the window and have to duel on the window ledge, and they almost fall and have to climb up and-." Keldeo suddenly stopped abruptly and sighed, "Oh, who am I kidding. This is Dora the Explorer. It's not like you have to actually _try_."

* * *

 _He quickly then jumped up and swiped the crown off of his head._

* * *

"So much for no swiping on Christmas. But then again, the Mouse King is the villain, and that crown is the source of his magic. . . but wait, didn't he have a wand before? Ugh! Why am I confused by _Dora the Explorer!"_ Keldeo cried out.

* * *

 _"My crown! No!" Swiper then tossed the crown over to Dora and held his sword at the el Raton Rey to keep him back._

 _"You're too late," the fox cried with a smile. "You won't get your—"_

 _"Big brother!" The fox was suddenly cut off by a small, squeaky voice at the doorway. The group turned to see a tiny girl mouse with short golden brown hair running up to the Mouse King and hugging him. She has on soft pink dress with a soft pink princess's hat._

 _"Big brother, are you alright?" she cried with tears in her eyes._

 _"It's okay, Sweetpea," el Raton Rey said to her softly as he comforted her. "I'm alright; I'm not hurt." The little mouse named Sweetpea turned to Swiper angrily._

 _"You big bully!" she cried. "Who do you think you are picking on my big brother like that!"_

* * *

"Where did you come from?" Keldeo asked incredulously, "What's you're name? Dues Ex Machina?"

* * *

 _Ch.8: Gingerbread Castle—Raton Rey's True Heart_

 _"Big brother?" Swiper and Boots cried simultaneously, shocked to hear that el Raton Rey has a younger sister standing up for him._

 _"The Mouse King has a hermana menor!" Dora cried, also shocked. "A baby sister!" El Raton Rey then picked Sweetpea up into his arms and hugged her gently._

* * *

"Oh wait, so her name is Sweetpea? It's not just an endearing nickname? Okay, proceed," Keldeo said calmly.

* * *

 _"Please, don't be too hard on little Sweetpea," he asked them. "She just worries about me, that's all."_

 _"I didn't think someone as evil as you would care for his little sister," Swiper replied._

* * *

"Said the thief who just stole his crown," Keldeo said flatly with a deadpan expression.

* * *

 _Sweetpea shot him and angry glare._

 _"He's not evil!" she cried. "He's a good Mouse King!"_

 _"But he was trying to take over the Land of Sweets," Boots stated._

 _"No, he's not!" she cried again, this time more angrily. "He wants to marry the Sugar Plum Fairy because he loves her for real!"_

 _"What?" the group cried in unison. El Raton Rey sighed in defeat as he gently put his little sister down._

 _"It's true," he said sadly. "I'm in love with her. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her because of all the things I've done to Clara and the NutCracker. But that was only because I mistook Clara for the Fairy, and I thought that the NutCracker was trying to take her away from me. When I've realized my mistake, I thought maybe I could talk to them and explain everything. But they wouldn't listen to me; they thought I was trying to hurt them again. That's why I locked them away as they've claimed that I have. I wanted them out of the way for a while as I explain everything to Sugar Plum. When I learned that Drosselmeyer had brought you three here, I was afraid I wouldn't have enough time to talk to her. I never meant to hurt anyone; I just wanted to delay you so I have more time to talk to her." He sighed sadly._

* * *

"WAIT!" Keldeo exclaimed in shock, "So, you're telling me, that _alllllll_ the events that happened in the original _The Nutcracker_ story were the result of a _misunderstanding?_ So, according to this story, the main antagonist of that story, the Evil Mouse King, was never evil to begin with, and it wall just a cute little mistake."

Keldeo put a forehoof to his forehead and said, "You know, I'm actually not at all angry about this. Instead, I just feel completely numb. I mean, when all of this character's actions, both in the original story and in this fanfic, are taken into account, it really gives a whole new meaning to _'jealous lover.'_ Ralph Kramden isn't this bad."

* * *

 _"I guess I messed up big time, didn't I?" he added, looking up at the Sugar Plum Fairy sadly. "I'm really sorry, Azúcar Plum." The Sugar Plum Fairy then smiled at him and went up to him. Everyone was surprised, even Raton Rey, as she then hugged him._

 _"You didn't mess up," she said to him softly. "You just made the wrong choices." Shocked as he is, Raton Rey hugged her back, smiling happily for the first throughout the entire story._

* * *

"Uh, Fairy?" Keldeo asked, "You do realize that this guy physically injured someone, separated babies from their parents, sent a giant beast to attack a parade, and locked several other people against their will, right? I mean, fine, I'll accept that the Mouse King isn't evil, he's just extremely jealous and panicky and goes overboard all the time and just wants to be loved. . ."

Keldeo thought hard on this, then he nodded his head slowly and said, "You know, maybe forgiveness and love and trust is just what he needs to reform himself. I mean, it's world's better than the Midnight Dragon's reformation. I think I'd put this on par with Discord's Heel-Face-Turn in _Keep Calm and Flutter On._ "

Keldeo's eyes widened in fear and he gasped, "Is this story getting _good_?"

* * *

 _Dora then watched as her Star Pocket then opened up, freeing Lovey Dove, the Explorer Star of Love. The pink star with hearts and wings then flew over to the Sugar Plum Fairy and Mouse King. She then flew around them, small red, pink, and white hearts flying out of her, to form a large heart made of said hearts around the couple. Then she returned to the Star Pocket._

 _Seeing that Raton Rey is really a good guy, Dora then handed the crown back to him, and he used its magic to bring back Clara and the NutCracker. After everything was explained, the two of them agreed that Raton Rey should have permission to court Sugar Plum Fairy._

* * *

"Wow, they didn't even get a line. The main characters of the original story!" Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"Thank you so much for your help, Dora, Boots, and Swiper," the fairy then said to the trio. "Is there anything we could do for you in return?"_

 _"Well, there is something," Swiper answered nervously. "Drosselmeyer said you can help me with the perfect gift for my friend Isa. I want to make it perfect for her. You think you can help?"_

 _"Of course," she replied, "but I think I'm going to need Raton Rey's help for it."_

* * *

 _ **Yakko** : "*Mwah!* Goodnight, everybody!"_

* * *

 _"Of course, mi Hada," he replied with a smile. With the magic of his crown combined with the magic of her pale lavender wand, the Sugar Plum Fairy and the Mouse King have summoned forth a package wrapped green wrapping paper decorated with red poinsettias and with a red velvet bow. The package then floated into Swiper's held out hands._

 _"Give this to Isa," the Mouse King instructed the fox. "When she opens it, she'll find the perfect gift inside."_

 _"Wow," Swiper replied, happy that he now has a gift for the girl of his affections. "Thank you so much."_

 _"De nada," the two of them replied. The Sugar Plum Fairy then went over to the mirror and waved her wand in front of it. Her reflection was then replaced by an image of the Christmas party back in Dora, Boots, and Swiper's home world._

 _"Now you should hurry back to your own world," she said to the trio. "Your amigos are waiting for you. Take this portal within my mirror; it will take you home."_

* * *

"So our heroes go back home just in time for their Christmas party," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Ch. 9: Isa's Gift – We Did It!_

 _Dora, Boots, and Swiper turned to see their friends running up to them to greet them._

 _"Dora! Boots!" Tico cried._

 _"Swiper!" Benny cried._

 _"You've made it!" cheered the Big Red Chicken. "BAWK, BAWK!"_

 _"We thought you wouldn't," Isa said, hugging a blushing Swiper. "Where were you three?"_

 _"We'll tell you all about it," Boots answered as they went into the party. The trio then told their story of their adventure in the NutCracker Kingdom to their friends._

* * *

"Which is pretty much a run of the mill experience in _this_ world," Keldeo commented, "Seriously, stranger things have happened to these characters."

* * *

 _They had to stop midway, however, when it came time to open their Secret Santa presents._

 _"Fantastico!" Tico cheered, excited with his new acorn recipe cookbook. "Gracias, Boots!"_

 _"De nada," the monkey replied with a smile._

 _"Thanks for the scrapbook, Dora," Benny said to the girl as he tried out his new gift by putting one of his photos in it. "Now I can store all of my photos in here."_

 _"I'm glad you love it, Benny," she replied with a smile._

 _As for Swiper, he and Isa found a nice spot in the party for the fox to give the iguana his gift to her._

 _"I hope you like it," he said, handing the package to her with a blush. "I got it from the NutCracker Kingdom…uh, not by swiping, of course."_

 _"Don't worry, Swiper," she laughed, taking the package and not seeing the bow glow when she did. "I know you've your lesson. What's in it?"_

 _"I don't know," he answered with a shrug. "To be honest, I've never even looked inside. I was told it's special, though."_

* * *

"Why did you tell her that?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "I know she asked, but you could have just said 'open it up and see.'"

* * *

 _Looking down at the present again, Isa undid the bow and paper carefully so as not to damage them. She then lifted the lid off the box and gasped with a smile._

 _"Oh, Swiper!" she cried with delight. "I love it!" She then took the gift out to show it to him. It's a soldier nutcracker doll dressed in red and white and holding a flowerpot with a red poinsettia in it._

 _"He's just perfect," she said before looking up above them and smiling a bigger smile._

 _"I think I know just how to truly thank you," she said to him with a few bats of her eyelashes._

 _"Uh, what do ya mean, Isa?" he asked with a blush on his face. She then pointed up, and the fox looked up to find mistletoe hanging above them._

 _"Oh, man!" he squeaked, looking down at Isa again…only to have the iguana plant a tender kiss on his lips._

* * *

"An iguana and a fox. . ." Keldeo moaned as he double face-hoofed.

* * *

 _He felt his body stiffen a little and his stomach flutter like a hundred butterflies. When they finally parted, Swiper wobbled a little like his body was going to melt like butter._

 _"Oooh, maaan…" he sighed in a lovestruck tone before fainting. Isa just giggled._

 _"Oh, Swiper," she said as he quickly came to and stood up again. "You are so cute!" She then hugged him, and Swiper hugged her back with a smile. Everyone watched them with an "Awww…"_

 _"We did it!" Dora and Boots cheered, high-fiving each other before everyone started the "We Did It" dance to Christmas music:_

* * *

Keldeo sighed and said, "Okay, I know I've given these songs a hard time throughout this review. But, in the spirit of Christmas, and for the story's sake, and the day's, let's hear the song."

* * *

 _Dora: We did it!_

 _Boots: We did it!_

 _Swiper: We did it!_

 _Trio: Yay!_

 _Dora: Lo isimos!_

 _M & BP: We did it!_

* * *

Victini flew in playing an electric guitar.

* * *

 _Dora: We tiptoed through the jungle and danced through the garden_

 _Swiper: We did it!_

 _Boots: We did it!_

 _Trio: We did it! Hooray!_

 _Swiper: We helped each cuddly baby get back to its pen_

 _We did it!_

 _Boots: We did it!_

 _Dora: We did it!_

 _Trio: We did it!_

 _Boots: At Tin Soldier Field, we helped the beast_

 _Dora: And we got to the castle that was last but not least_

* * *

Victini riffed hard on his guitar, getting really into the song.

* * *

 _Dora: We did it!_

 _Boots: We did it!_

 _Swiper: We did it!_

 _Trio: Yay!_

 _Dora: Lo isimos!_

 _M & BP: We did it!_

 _Boots: We made to the top to the Sugar Plum Fairy_

 _Swiper: We did it!_

 _Dora: We did it!_

 _Trio: We did it! Hooray!_

 _Dora: She and Mouse King are together; that's extraordinary_

 _We did it!_

 _Swiper: We did it!_

 _Boots: We did it!_

 _Trio: We did it!_

* * *

Victini slid across the ground and played stronger and louder.

* * *

 _Swiper: I got my gift for Isa, and we now know the rest_

 _Isa: The Nutcracker doll is simply the best_

 _Dora: Yeah!_

 _Boots: Woooh!_

 _Swiper: Hooray!_

 _Trio: We did it!_

 _Dora: Woooh!_

* * *

Victini concluded his song with a few final notes.

"I couldn't have gotten through that song without your amazing cover of it, Victini," Keldeo said.

Victini just smiled and winked before flying off.

"And so that was _Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue,_ and-," Keldeo began.

* * *

 _Epilogue: A Surprise Happy Ending_

 _"Wow, that was a great story, Tío Drosselmeyer!" cried the little girl with the doll._

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "Oh, wait, there's an Epilogue."

* * *

 _"I love the part when they sung to the Slinky Snake so they can sneak past him."_

 _"I like the part where they helped find the baby animals," said the little boy with the plane._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, I guess I liked the sword fight, even though it was all potential and didn't really deliver much. It really was a missed opportunity."

* * *

 _"My favorite part was when Swiper gave Isa her Christmas present," said the little girl with the ball._

 _"That was my favorite part as well," Uncle Drosselmeyer replied before looking up at the clock to see that it is now late. "Oh, look at the time. Time for bed, mis hijos. Buenos noches."_

 _"Buenos noches, Tío Drosselmeyer," the children said before they got up and left for bed. Before she left, a little girl who looks like a younger version of Clara and carrying a fox toy in her arms turned to the older man._

 _"Tío Drosselmeyer," she asked him, "I was wondering. Whatever became of Swiper and Isa after the story?"_

 _"Well…what do you believe, chica?" he asked with a smile. The little girl then thought about it and looked up with a bright smile._

 _"I think…they lived happily ever after," she answered._

 _"Then that's probably what they did," he answered. After saying good night to him, the little girl left._

 _Once all the children are gone, Uncle Drosselmeyer got up from his chair and walked over to the window to look outside the mansion._

 _It had started snowing a while ago and is still going, and the lampposts have been turned on to give the fresh blanket of snow a beautiful glow._

 _Uncle Drosselmeyer smiled when he spotted one certain lamppost shining next to a bench. In the bench sat Swiper the Fox and Isa the Iguana. The fox has his arm around her shoulders, and in her arms she held the Nutcracker doll he gave her._

 _"So," Swiper said to Isa, "what do you think of this little Christmas setting?"_

 _"It's wonderful, Swiper," she answered, resting her head on his shoulder. "But I really love more with you here with me." With a smile, Swiper wrapped his tail around her waist before intertwining it with her own tail._

 _"I like being here with you, too," he said to her before wrapping his arms around the girl iguana._

* * *

"So. . .how long after the story is this?" Keldeo asked, "Are they adults now? Are they married? Engaged? Does Swiper still steal things? Did Isa make him go to a psychiatrist to get his kleptomania treated?"

* * *

 _Herr Drosselmeyer watched as the two of them shared a long but tender kiss, and Lovey Dove flew around to form a large heart made up of much smaller red, pink, and white hearts._

* * *

"Oh, really? We're just gonna end it like that? No explanations?" Keldeo pressed.

* * *

 _The little one was right, the older man thought with a smile. Swiper and Isa do live happily ever after._

* * *

"Oh, in the name of biscuits!" Keldeo shouted as he kicked the book to the side. When the book landed on the edge of the rock platform, it opened up to the first page. Keldeo glanced at it, and something suddenly caught his eye.

"Wait, what?" Keldeo asked aloud as he quickly approached the book and gave it a closer look.

* * *

 _Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue_

 _Summary: I started writing this on Christmas for my niece who's 2 . . ._

* * *

Keldeo's eyes widened, "So. . .this story. . .this fanfic. . .was a gift badboylover24 wrote for his little niece? _That's_ the purpose of this fanfic? _That's_ why it was made?"

Keldeo stared hard at the story and said, "Wow. . . this fanfic. . . really sticks to the Dora the Explorer Special format. The challenges are meant to be somewhat educational and fun for young children, the dangers are more like obstacles, the antagonist isn't truly evil, and the concept of love is simplified and freed of all it's more mature implications. . ."

Keldeo looked down at the ground in silence, just thinking things through. Then, he finally lifted his head and said in a serious tone, "If you aren't a preschooler. . . then you probably aren't gonna wanna watch something like _Dora the Explorer._ But at the same time, it's adults who are making these shows. And also, there are ways to make these shows interesting enough for parents and siblings to sit next to those small children while the show plays. And badboylover24, out of the love he had for his niece, decided to do just that. Matthais actually watched _Dora_ _the Explorer,_ years ago when he was in the age demographic, and he said that this story is clearly much better than anything he remembers, and yet still fits well within its boundaries. And all the nitpicks I mentioned during this review, well, they're still there, but they don't break the story. It's a fairy tale, perfect for any child who likes that show, and it shows that this author has a good heart. And that it doesn't matter what you're writing about, whether it be Pokemon, Pong, Dragon Tales, or Dora the Explorer. If you have a purpose, and if you truly make an effort. . . in the end, it's always worth it. And _you're_ always worth it."

Keldeo then broke out into a smile and said, "And this story is a million times better than _The Care Bears Nutcracker!"_

Standing tall and proud, Keldeo said, "This story was started on December 25, 2010, meaning that badboylover's niece is 7 right now. I'm sure she still enjoys reading this fanfic to this very day, and I'd like to wish badboylover24, his niece, and their whole family a very merry Christmas."

Keldeo then smiled broadly and said, "And I'd like to wish _YOU_ all a very merry Christmas too! May the love and hope of Christ be with you all! Speaking of which, I suggest giving _Christmas Storm_ by Jack Storm 448 a quick read if you haven't read it already. Or you can read it again if you'd like!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic. . ."

Suddenly, Munna and Victini flew in, and they all said, "AND WE ALL WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Mossflower_ by Brian Jacques

 _The Animaniacs_

 _New Super Mario Bros. Wii_

 _New Super Mario Bros. U_

 _PeeWee's Playhouse_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _The Little Drummer Boy_

 _Portal_

 _Portal 2_

 _Up_ by Pixar

 ** _Special_** _ **Thanks**_

 _The Nostalgia Critic_

 _The Angry Video Game Nerd_

 _Jack Storm 448_


	45. Real Thoughts On: The Legendary Beasts

**Keldeo the Critic Real Thoughts On:**

 **The Legendary Beasts**

Keldeo stood next to Matthais in a Pokemon Center suite and said with a smile, "Hey everyone! It's Keldeo and Matthais wishing you a Happy New Year!"

"That's right! A Happy New Year to everyone out there!" Matthais said cheerfully as he sat on the bed.

"Okay, so, Matthais and I have come together here today to try something new for 2016.," Keldeo said, "It's a little discussion/editorial where we talk about our true thoughts on a topic brought up in my _Keldeo the Critic_ reviews. We hope you like it, and we hope you share your honest thoughts about so we can know whether or not to make it a regular feature."

"This is a big risk, so we hope we'll get rewarded for it," Matthais said.

"Sure thing, Matthais. Okay, so lately, I've been heavily criticizing the Legendary Beasts: Entei, Suicune, and Raikou."

"I hate those three so much," Matthais muttered.

"Whoa! Pace yourself, Matthais!" Keldeo said in surprise.

"Sorry, but I just can't stand them!" Matthais said as he shook his head and laughed.

"Well, if you were wondering if all that disgust directed at them was real: here's your answer!" Keldeo said with a smile.

Matthais took a deep breath and furrowed his brow. "I've been waiting a long time to fully vent about those three," he said.

"How about we start with their origin story?" Keldeo offered.

"Actually, how about we start by talking about that new Cartoon Network show, _Supernoobs,"_ Matthais said confidently.

"What? What the hay are you talking about?" Keldeo asked.

"Okay, bear with me," Matthais said, "So, _Supernoobs_ is a cartoon, which looks identical to _Johnny Test,_ about these kids who are given superpowers by these two aliens. But they can't properly use their powers, hence the name _Supernoobs._ So in every episode they end up making things worse and causing trouble and getting in zany situations, but things somehow turn out alright in the end by the power of plot convenience. And, I kid you not, _that_ is the story of the _lives_ of the Legendary Beasts in a nutshell. Those three are the Pokemon equivalent of the _Supernoobs._ "

Keldeo chuckled as he turned away in mock disbelief, "Man, that's kinda harsh!"

"I don't know, maybe it is," Matthais relented.

Keldeo explained, "Well, okay, the actual story is that three Pokemon were killed in Brass Tower when it burned down, but then Ho-Oh came and resurrected them, turning them into the Legendary Beasts. No seems to know what Pokemon they were originally, most people think they were Flareon, Jolteon, and Glaceon, but that doesn't really matter."

"Actually, I think the _Supernoobs_ are _better_ than the Legendary Beasts," Matthais said in all seriousness.

"Oh, wow!" Keldeo responded.

"Okay, okay, let's analyze all of the Beasts appearances and what they did, starting with Entei!" Matthais said.

Keldeo nodded, "Okay, so that would be _EP259- Entei at Your Own Risk_ , where a guy named Nelson tries to capture Entei."

"Alright, I'm gonna say it. Entei's a coward! There, I said it," Matthais said, "And you know why he's a coward? Nelson has his Misdreavus use Mean Look to keep Entei in the battle, and does Entei fight Misdreavus honorably? No, the coward uses Roar to send Misdreavus back into the ball, and then runs away like a coward."

"Hay, yeah! He _should_ have stayed and fought!" Keldeo responded, "That just seems really cheap to run from a fight. You wouldn't catch a Sword of Justice doing that! I mean, I'm _still_ haunted by the time I ran away from my fight with Kyurem. I'm just as hard on myself as I'm hard on any other Legendary. I mean, come on, what kind of Legendary runs from a Misdreavus? What is he afraid of ghosts? Is he like Scooby Doo is something?"

Matthais got out his IPod Touch and said as he turned it on, "You know, I think Entei being a coward who always runs away is actually an established part of his character, cause there's like a ton of memes and comics about it. Let me find one," Matthais searched Google, and he smiled and said, "Aha, look at this one! **(** **gos4xef).** "

Keldeo laughed at the image of Entei being put to sleep and then running away while asleep. "Wow, he's such a coward, he runs away in his sleep!"

"He crashed through those houses like Scooby Doo and Shaggy!" Matthais said through his laughter.

"Wow! And I was joking when I asked if he was like Scooby Doo!" Keldeo said in amazement.

"Hey, look at this one **(** **hh7pmjq)**!" Matthais said as he pulled another image up, this one of a Noctowl using Hypnosis on Entei.

Keldeo burst out laughing.

"Yeah, he looks so stupid!" Matthais chuckled, "Oh man, look at him drool!"

Keldeo caught his breath and said, "And- and look how angry that Noctowl is! Oh my gosh!"

The pair laughed for a bit, then Keldeo said, "Okay then, how about we move on to Raikou?"

"More like Princess Raikou, seeing how he's a Damsel in Distress throughout that _The Legend of Thunder!_ three-parter," Matthais remarked.

"Yeah, he kinda is pretty much a glorified MacGuffin for Attila and Hun and Jimmy to play hot potato with," Keldeo said as he nodded his head.

"And then he has to get captured in a bubble," Matthais said in a deadpan tone, "A _bubble._ Seriously, Princess Peach can go through all of _Super Mario 3D World_ and defeat Bowser _by herself,_ and Raikou gets captured in a bubble. A _bubble._ And I know the bubble came from the super powerful _Diabolus ex Machina Crystal,_ but still, it's the _symbolism_ of the thing. It's what being trapped in a bubble _symbolizes_."

"Yeah, that is a pretty prominent symbol in animated media," Keldeo said slowly, "It's kinda hard to explain _exactly_ what it symbolizes in words. You just kinda. . . know what it means and what type of characters are associated with being trapped in bubbles."

"Okay, okay, moving on," Matthais said, "Now let's talk about Suicune."

" _Celebi: Voice of the Forest!_ Featuring an extended cameo of a Pokemon who is just. . ." Keldeo can't seem to find the words as he looks around and blinks, searching his mind for soemthing to say. He finally says, "I mean, Suicune _tried_ to help. He _fails_ hard, sure, but he _tries_."

"It really is pathetic. I almost feel _sorry_ for Suicune," Matthais expressed sincerely, "He tries to fight off the corrupted Celebi, and he immediately gets captured. He was just a distraction so the _real_ heroes could save the day. Then he purifies the lake so they can heal Celebi, but then that doesn't work. It's like, he didn't have to be in this movie. If the lake being polluted had not been a plot element, then you could have _literally_ replaced Suicune with _any_ other Pokemon, and the movie would've been the same. And one of the supreme rules of storytelling is that if you can replace a character with anybody else and still have the same story, then you either need to get rid of that character or rewrite your story so that the character can have a better role. Regigigas had a better role in _Giratina vs the Sky Warrior!_ At least he actually _did_ play a role in stopping the glacier. Suicune did nothing of importance in that movie. There was only an _illusion_ of Suicune having an important role in the movie."

"Speaking of _illusions. . ._ " Keldeo said with a sly grin.

"Oh boy," Matthais moaned.

"You wanna talk about what the trio did in _Zoroark: Master of Illusions_?" Keldeo asked.

"You already talked about their actions in that movie enough, so I just- you know what, wait," Matthais said, and he pulled up another image on his IPod Touch **(** **z6dgeoa)** , "Alright, this is all we need. Just this. Look."

Keldeo looked at the series of five pictures and chuckled a bit, "Oh boy."

"Although, technically they should be preaching about Ho-Oh, since he was the once who brought them back to life, you know, the whole 'born again' analogy they're making here," Matthais said.

"Alright, so what more can we say about this?" Keldeo asked the room at large as if speaking to a crowd, "They're like Team Rocket, they made everything worse for Zorua and Zoroark, they let Kodai escape, they didn't do anything positive, they didn't even _try_ to help Zoroark when she was dying-."

"They're also Shiny. That bothers me," Matthais chimed in, "I mean, so there's six of them now? How is that possible? Did three more Pokemon die in a fire and get brought back to life by Ho-Oh? Are they clones? Or did they just die _again_ and get resurrected _again_? Look, you can have two Moltresses. You can even have two Mewtwos. But you cannot have more than one set of Legendary Beasts, I just don't get it!"

"You know, that point might actually play a role in a future review. . ." Keldeo said thoughtfully, then he shrugged and said, "Eh, we'll see. So, is that it, Matthais?"

"Oh no," Matthais said seriously, "We have one more appearance to talk about, and it really cemented my dislike for these Legendary Beasts. And it's from the game I got for Christmas. _Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon._ "

"YOU GOT IT!?" Keldeo exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Yep," Matthais said with a smile.

"Wow that's awesome-wait! Is this gonna be a spoiler?" Keldeo asked wearily.

Matthais shook his head, "Not really. It happens early in the game, it's still pretty vague, so it probably won't ruin anything."

Keldeo nodded, "Okay, I trust you Matthais. So, what happens?"

Matthais nodded his head, an angry expression on his face, "Okay, so we learn that Pokemon are being turned to stone, and witnesses have seen a Fire-Type Pokemon leaving the areas wherever Pokemon have been turned to stone. So, we head over to one such area where two Pokemon have been turned to stone, and in a burst of flame, Entei appears."

Matthais stopped for a moment, then said, "You know, at first, I thought this was going to be interesting. I thought that Entei was going to be one of the villains, so I thought, _'Okay. Good for the writers.'_ This could've been cool. Maybe Entei could be a better version of Munna or Kyurem from _Gates to Infinity._ Maybe he thinks he has to do this or is being forces into doing this. Maybe the other Beasts are hostages, or are making him, or trying to stop him. I had high hopes for what they planned to do with Entei in this game."

Matthais then gave an angry frown and said, "But NOPE! Entei just turn and says to the player and partner, who are a Mudkip and Tepig respectively, and basically says _'Caught you! Prepare to die!'_ And you have to realize, these characters are _confirmed_ to be _children!_ Entei is either so stupid or so insane that he's willing to think that two _children_ are the ones turning Pokemon to stone! Oh, but wait, it gets worse! When Archen comes to defense and says they're from the Exploration Society, does Entei apologize for his false accusation? NO! He says, _'Stay out of my way or I'll kill you.'_ WHY? They didn't do anything! You were about to attack them? Why are you threatening them?"

Keldeo's eyes were wide, and he asked, "Are you _sure_ he was gonna kill them?"

Matthais replied in dead seriousness, "In a later scene, when you meet him again, we literally are treated with Entei coming _reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally_ close to the player and saying things like 'you first' and 'it'll be all over soon.' And the good guys are all lying prone on the ground with no resistance when he does this."

Keldeo shuddered, "Ugh. That's creepy!"

"It's these Legendary Beasts are cursed to always be portrayed negatively!" Matthais exclaimed.

"Yeah, I don't think either of us are _ever_ gonna be able to like them," Keldeo said in an almost saddened tone.

"But I suppose we can always just tolerate them," Matthais offered.

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I suppose you're right. Well, I guess that's the end of our first _Real Thoughts_ segment."

"Man, that was a lot of fun, right?" Matthais asked cheerfully.

"Right! Well, if you viewers liked it, let us know and we might to another one in the future," Keldeo said as he smiled and waved, "Have a Happy New Year, and brace yourself for the incoming storm of _Super Mystery Dungeon_ fan fiction!"


	46. Rising Storm: Book 2 PREVIEW

**_BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 18: Rising Storm: Book 2 by Jack Storm 448**

 **TinyURL:** **golsj9g**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said brightly, "I had a great Christmas, a fun New Years, oh man, it was great. I hear my friend Jack had a great Christmas as well. You remember Jack Storm, don't you? He reviewed the first few chapters of _Conquering the Dark_ by AuraWielder with me."

Keldeo stopped for a moment and thought. "Hmm. . . you know, Jack Storm 448 is a few chapters into the second book of _Rising Storm. . ."_

* * *

 _ **Rising Storm: Book 2**_

 _By: Jack Storm 448_

 _ _Jack Storm is getting closer to the truth; with his loving brother and faithful team beside him, what could possibly go wrong? You guessed it, PLOT CONVENIENCE! What with all the crazy stuff that goes down, will Jack ever find out who he really is? There's only one way to find out; it's time for Rising Storm: BOOK 2!__

* * *

"You can tell from the summary that this story will have all the wry humor and charm of the first one, along with some awesome Pokemon battling action," Keldeo said excitedly, "Jack is a really cool guy, with a good heart and amazing Pokemon powers, but he still has flaws that he struggles with, and he learns more every day from friends, both human and Pokemon."

Keldeo nodded, "Now, if you haven't read Book 1 yet, you can do one of three things. **One** : go ahead and read the first book. **Two** : go check out Arceus' review of it on _Arceus the Critic- Season Two_ by Imperator Justinian. Or **three:** listen to this little song I thought up."

Keldeo looked to the side and called out, "Zorua! Zoroark!"

Zorua and Zoroark ran in and stood on either side of Keldeo.

 _"Spoilers!"_ Zorua sang.

 _"Spoilers!"_ Zoroark sang.

 _"Spoilers!"_ Keldeo sang.

 _"Scroll down if you haven't read Book 1!"_ Zorua sang.

 _ **Keldeo** : Oooooh, there once was a baby raised by Lucarios, _  
_He starts using moves, how that's possible, I don't know_  
 _A medallion says that his name is Jack Storm_  
 _The most powerful mortal to ever be born_

 _ **Zorua** : He leaves with his Lucario brother named Jason_  
 _Has a chance encounter with professor Rowan_  
 _Jason gets balled, Jack doesn't like it_  
 _They grab all their gear and hastily beat it_

 _ **Zoroark** : The brothers run into a war between species_  
 _Meet **platonic** Juliet and Romeo expys_  
 _Katana the Scyther and Cap the Breloom_  
 _They flee from the war of racism and doom_

 _ **Keldeo** : They come across Paul who's going a-hunting_  
 _Dratini named Aura, Kirlia named Wendy_  
 _Jack rescues an Absol from the evil Paul_  
 _Jack names her Lucy, she comes to know God_

 _ **Zorua** : A trainer named Nicholas then catches Lucy_  
 _Jack gets her back and says "Pokeballs are okay!"_  
 _Meets Ivy the Snivy, but then runs away_  
 _Cause the Legendary Birds just want Jack to pay_

 _ **Zoroark** : Meet Ash, fight Galactic, train with Maylene_  
 _Mischief abounds in a carnival scene_  
 _Split up with Nicholas, Ivy joins, yay!_  
 _Did I mention Kadabra they rescued from J?_

 _ **ALL** : They save Porygon2 from PorygonZ_  
 _Solomon the Kadabra loves Aura, **Yipee!**_  
 _Jack uses the Mind Plate to free all the birds_  
 _We left some things out cause we ran out of words._  
 _Now on with the review!_

Zorua and Zoroark both leapt off of the rock as Keldeo nodded gleefully and said, "Okay, Book 2 begins 3 months after the end of Book 1, and Jack still has plenty of concerns, which worries his Lucario brother."

Keldeo blinked and said, "I swear the term _Lucario brother_ is getting more and more common in Pokemon fan-fiction. It's practically it's won genre! Why do so many people want to have a brother that's a Lucario?"

* * *

 _Up until that point, Jack had been going through the traditional trainer's journey for the fun of it; both Jack and Jason had craved adventure ever since they were young, and the whole 'Trainer's journey' thing seemed like the perfect way to get some. After that day though, things were slightly different._

 _Jason sighed as he leaned on the balcony rail. "'Things' were different? Who am I kidding. 'Things' stayed pretty much the same; it was Jack that changed."_

* * *

 _"Who am I, Jason," Jack had asked him that evening, after the Legendary Birds had left._

 _"Does it matter?" he'd replied. "You're my brother, and my best friend; that's enough for me."_

 _Jack sighed. "Until now, that would've been enough for me too. But this business with the Birds got me thinking; I really know nothing about myself. I've had these superhuman abilities for years now, and it's become so normal for us; but where did they come from?"_

 _"I don't know," Jason said._

 _"Precisely my point. Neither of us know why I'm like this; or why I was in Greenwood that day, or who left me there, or even why I have these robes!" Jack said, his voice steadily rising. "Who am I, Jason?!"_

 _"I don't know," Jason repeated._

 _"Well then, don't you want to find out?" Jack asked._

 _Jason looked him in the eye. "Why do you? You were always perfectly happy just being Jack Storm; what's changed?"_

 _"What changed," Jack said grimly. "was I realized that I didn't even know who Jack Storm really is."_

 _"Well, who do you want to be?" Jason asked._

* * *

"Uh, Jason?" Keldeo asked, "I don't think you understand the kind of turmoil your brother is going through here. **A:** he's adopted. **B:** he wasn't even raised by his own species. And **C:** he has these crazy powers he has no clue about that nearly got him killed, nearly got his friends and family killed, and almost allowed him to kill someone just because he was angry. Jason, your life is perfect in comparison! At least Clark Kent knew where he and his powers came from!"

* * *

 _Jason wasn't worried about Jack wanting to know more about his past; that was only natural. What worried Jason, was that his brother had started drifting away from God. Jason had first noticed that Jack wasn't praying and reading his Bible as regularly as he used to; gradually, maybe even unconsciously, Jack had simply gotten out of the habit._

* * *

"So Jason, being Jack's brother and a fellow Christian, makes the logical decision of doing absolutely nothing and not talking to Jack about this at all!" Keldeo declared proudly. Then his face fell and he blinked in confusion, "Wait, what?"

"So it turns out that the Pokemon League is going to begin soon, it _has_ been three months after all, although I do feel kind of disappointed that we didn't get to see Jack and his friends adventure throughout Sinnoh as they travel to the rest of the gyms. Oh well! That's what spin-off one-shots are for! _*Wink*! *Wink*!_ "

* * *

 _Over the last three months, everyone had gotten quite a lot stronger; although there were no new additions to the team. Everyone now knew-_

* * *

 _"EX - PO - SI - TION! EX - PO -SI -TION! RUSH - IT - OUT! AS - AP!"_ Keldeo and Munna sang.

"So Jack checks out to screen to see who's gonna be fighting in the Sinnoh League," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _The trainers lined up in an eight by eight square, which allowed Jack to easily scan for familiar faces. Most of the trainers were complete strangers to Jack, but a few faces jumped out at him; figuratively speaking._

 _The first person he saw was Ash, with Pikachu on his shoulder as always; Ash saw him as well, and the two shared a grin of congratulation. Since they'd gone their separate ways at Veilstone City, what seemed like an eternity ago, Jack had only seen Ash and his entourage once; at Sunyshore City, where Jack was forced to wait several days because he refused to take the Beacon Badge without fighting for it. What was the point of challenging the Gyms if you didn't even get to challenge them? Fortunately Ash showed up and got the Gym Leader, Volkner, to start accepting challengers again._

 _After their respective epic battles with said Gym Leader, and thwarting Team Rocket who had somehow turned the solar station into a robot... don't ask._

* * *

The alarm went off in PeeWee's Playhouse as everything screamed. Victini flew by and screamed as well.

* * *

 _The second thing Jack noticed was Nicholas, who was standing next to a powerful-looking Infernape which Jack realized was Blaze; if that was any indication, Jack expected that Nicholas's team had gotten a lot stronger as well since the last time he'd seen them. And that was saying something; Jack had run into Nicholas several times in the last few months, almost always at a Pokémon Gym. One of them would get there first and challenge the Gym, then the other would show up in time to catch the end of the battle._

 _Despite Jack's fears, the two became closer each time they met; the red-headed trainer had repeatedly assured Jack that although he did want to become stronger than Jack, he still wanted to be friends. As such, when Nicholas noticed Jack and the two locked eyes, it was once again with a congratulatory grin. They both knew exactly what the other was thinking; 'see you on the battlefield.'_

* * *

"I really liked Nicholas. He's a very good rival character. He's not a jerk. He's not a lazy polar opposite. He's just a strong trainer with heart and a legitimate connection with his Pokemon. Nicholas wants to match wits,strength, and determination with someone he sees as a challenging opponent," Keldeo said. Then he frowned in thought and said, "Huh. If only we had a particularity _bad_ rival to compare him to. . ."

* * *

 _Jack's gaze moved on across the field, looking at each trainer in turn; then he saw the one thing he hoped wouldn't be there. A shock of purple hair, and a blue jacket._

 _"Paul," Jack muttered._

* * *

"Enough said," Keldeo said flatly.

"So Jack's first battle is against, and let's be fair here, a non-dying version of a redshirt. It's a cool battle, and we also get to see exactly how Jack . . . _approaches_ his battles."

* * *

 _Jack glanced over his shoulder at the plain-looking cloth backpack he was wearing; nestled inside it was the Pack, in which the rest of his team was sitting. Poking inconspicuously out of the top of the backpack was a small metal rod, on the end of which was a camera and microphone; it fed audio and video into the VR world of the Pack so his team could see and hear what what going on. It wasn't perfect, but it worked; so long as Jack stood relatively still._

 _Jack held out Jason's Pokéball and recalled him to it; he then slung the Pack around in front of him, and surreptitiously transferred Jason to it. He waited a moment, giving Jason time to tell everyone what was going on, then he punched Wendy's ID number into the interface and transferred her to the Pokéball Jason had been using. The whole thing, thanks to extensive practice, took less than five seconds._

 _The procedure complete, Jack withdrew the Pokéball which now contained Wendy and slung the Pack around to his back again. He then faced his opponent, who had yet to call out his last Pokémon._

* * *

Keldeo blinked his eyes. "Wow, that's complicated! But necessary if he doesn't want to keep some of his friends stuck in a PC somewhere. He doesn't have the luxury of having access to a huge lab with wide open spaces like Ash does! But this Magitech Pack that Porygon2 put together comes close enough to Professor Oak's lab."

* * *

 _"What's the deal?" the trainer said in a cocky tone. "Afraid my next Pokémon would be able to beat yours?"_

 _Jack rolled his eyes, and chuckled. "No, but one of my other Pokémon wanted to have some fun too; I was going to let her take the last fight, but you lost too quickly."_

 _"Dude, that's harsh!"_

 _"That," Jack thought to himself, "And I'm using you as a training dummy; that's even harsher."_

 _"Wendy, you're up."_

 _[Wendy (Kirlia) Age: 11. Ability: Trace. Moves: Magical Leaf, Hypnosis, Psychic, Teleport, and Light Screen.]_

 _Wendy landed on the battlefield with a smile; it was true, she took every chance she could to impress her 'aunts', Katana and Lucy. Not to mention Aura and Ivy, to whom she was very much a little sister; even though both Aura and Ivy were, in Pokémon years at least, almost as old as Katana and Lucy._

* * *

"Each of Jack's Pokemon are very unique with strong character, complete with needs, goals, backstories, etc.," Keldeo explained, "That's what makes _Rising Storm_ so enjoyable."

* * *

 _"Okay," the trainer yelled, "Now you're just insulting me; fighting me with a Pokémon that's not even fully evolved yet!"_

 _Jack smirked. "You think so? Then give us your best shot, and see what she can do."_

 _"You tell him, Uncle Jack," Wendy agreed. "Let's kick his ass!"_

* * *

Keldeo spat out a Berry Juice he had been drinking in shock. "Oh come on! I haven't had to do that in a while!" he exclaimed.

* * *

 _Jack looked down at her in shock. "Where'd you hear that?"_

 _Wendy tilted her head curiously. "Auntie Katana taught it to me; why?"_

 _Jack put a hand to his forehead. "Katana, you and I are going to have a little talk later."_

* * *

"Well, anyway, seeing as Jack practically _advertised_ his superpowers in order to get the mysterious villain to reveal himself, his opponent brings it up in order to get Jack disqualified."

* * *

 _The trainer gave him a strange look. "If you're all done talking to your Pokémon now; and yeah, I've heard of you and your 'special powers'."_

 _"Who hasn't," Jack said flatly. "It's pretty common knowledge by this point; what's your point?"_

 _"My point," the trainer said, "Is that I think you're cheating!"_

 _Jack's expression was one of complete incomprehension. "Uh… come again?"_

 _The trainer scowled. "I think you're using your powers to cheat in the tournament; that Lucario had way more than four moves. You can't deny it, so fess up!"_

 _Jack remained obviously unconcerned. "Yeah, he's a little special; you're just sore because you're losing," he said, allowing a little amusement to seep into his tone._

 _The trainer ground his teeth. "Fine then; if you're not cheating, then this should be easy. Go, Sableye!"_

 _Although Jack's outward expression was unchanged, inside his thoughts were in turmoil; as much as he wished he could deny it, the trainer's argument had hit true. His Pokémon all had an unfair advantage over anyone else's, and he had given them that advantage even if it had been involuntary; in a way, he really was cheating._

 _Not that there was anything he could do about that now; he certainly wasn't going to drop out now. He'd just have to be careful what moves he called; Wendy only had five, so he'd have to leave one out._

* * *

"Well, yeah. Just limiting their move sets to 4 seems fair enough," Keldeo said, "So Wendy wins by-"

* * *

 _Wendy took a second to catch her breath, then she used Psychic; not on Sableye, but on one of the icy stalagmites that dotted the field. With a telekinetic strength that would've impressed Mewtwo himself, the young Kirlia broke off the entire column of ice and made it float in mid-air. She brought it over to the sleeping Sableye, and Jack realized what was happening a second before it happened._

 _Before he could say anything, Wendy dropped the giant chunk of ice on top of Sableye; squashing it flat._

* * *

"WHAT!?" Keldeo shouted as he jumped in fright.

* * *

 _Fortunately when Wendy lifted the piece of ice back up, Sableye was only unconscious; otherwise it was completely fine._

 _"I guess it is a Ghost…" Jack thought to himself. "Wendy, don't do that again," he said, relieved._

 _Wendy gave him the puppy-dog eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said innocently, telekinetically replacing the giant icicle in what was obviously supposed to be a surreptitious manner._

 _"Right…" Jack said, unconvinced._

* * *

Keldeo stared with his mouth gaping and his eyes wide. Then he regained his composure and said, "Okay, where are we on the Creepy and Cute Psychotic Killer Meter?"

A meter appeared below Keldeo which depicted the faces of several character. Wendy's face move up the meter as Keldeo commented on it's progress.

"Hmm, let's see. . . we're past straight-haired Pinkie Pie from _Party of One_ _,_ past the Ghost Girl from __DP090- Ghoul Daze!_ ,_which puts us right in between. . .

 _*Ding!*_

"Talking Tina from _The Twilight Zone_ and Espurr from the YouTube video _ESPURR, NO!_ by Megasteakman. Jack, please keep Wendy _far_ away from me!" Keldeo cried out, looking slightly freaked out.

* * *

 _Meanwhile the trainer, and most of the audience, were staring at Wendy in shock; the rest were staring at Jack instead._

 _The trainer's jaw was hanging open; he looked like he was trying to say something, but no words were coming out. Fortunately, the referee said all that was needed._

 _"SABLEYE IS UNABLE TO BATTLE; KIRLIA IS THE WINNER, WHICH MEANS THE VICTORY GOES TO JACK STORM!"_

 _The audience roared, figuratively speaking; their responses were divided between approval and outrage. The trainer recalled his Sableye, then seemed to get his voice back; unfortunately._

 _"Cheater," he said, his voice rising in anger. "CHEATER!"_

 _Jack shrugged. "If you're so sure, then prove it; until then, stop being such a sore loser." "Before I agree with you," Jack thought involuntarily, then he shook his head._

* * *

"Why? Jack's a really good trainer because he understands their language and is pretty much on equal footing with them. How is that cheating? As long as they only stick with four moves, how are they cheating?" Keldeo asked.

* * *

 _"Come on Wendy," he said. "Let's go back to our suite and grab a bite to eat; it's almost Lunchtime."_

 _"Okay," Wendy said, following Jack out of the arena._

* * *

 _"It better be me favorite, or someone's gonna go away for a long time. . ."_

Keldeo shuddered, "Ugh. I'm weak against Psychic-types, so you can't blame me for getting freaked out a little easier than normal about little miss Mewtwo level 'a-kicker' here. Can we get a fun scene to break the tension here?"

* * *

 _"Here you go," the deliveryman said. "One large Meat-lover's, one medium Supreme, two large Three-Cheese and pepperoni, and one medium Orange Islands Special. Are you feeding an army or something?"_

 _Jack grinned as he handed the man a handful of bills. "Something like that, yeah; keep the change."_

 _The deliveryman stared down at the wad of money in his hand, it was at least twice the price of the pizzas._

* * *

"Either Jack still doesn't seem to fully understand money, or he's the Pokemon world's version of the Element of Generosity," Keldeo said, and he shrugged and said, "Or maybe he just wanted to do the deliveryman a favor."

* * *

 _"A… are you serious?" he said, shocked._

 _Jack shrugged. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Don't spend it all in one place."_

 _"I won't. Thanks."_

 _"Don't mention it," Jack replied, taking the pizzas and going back into the suite. "Okay guys, dig in."_

* * *

Victini flew in suddenly and said, "Anyone who can match the pizza varieties with the correct characters can suggest any fanfic they want for Keldeo to review! ANY fanfic at all!"

"Victini!" Keldeo shouted in shock.

"Aw, come on, Keldeo! They'll never figure it out!" Victini said with a laugh, and he flew off.

Keldeo shrugged, "Oh, alright, sure. So as everyone except for Thomas the Porygon2 is eating. . . seriously, that's gotta be torture. . .Jack gets a visitor."

* * *

 _Jack opened the boxes and began handing out pizza to everyone who didn't have opposable thumbs or telekinetic powers. He'd finished, and was about to take a bite of his slice of Orange Islands Special, when there was a knock at the door._

 _Jack froze in place, and Jason looked at him curiously. "Who do you think it is?"_

 _Jack got up and walked over to the door. "I don't know; it might be Ash or Nicholas, or it could just be more reporters. Although this place has pretty tight security for non-contestants, so I don't think reporters would be able to get in."_

 _"Why not just check?" Jason asked._

 _"Telepathically?" Jack replied, placing a hand on the doorknob. "That would spoil the surprise."_

* * *

 _ **Wheatley:** __"Oh, just open the door! . ..That's too aggressive. . . Hello, friend! Why not open the door?"_

"Surprise! It's Maylene!" Keldeo said with a smile, "Who's characterization in _Rising Storm_ is far superior to her characterization in _Breaking the Chain._ In this continuity, she's a martial arts master and all around headstrong girl, **_NOT_** _a short tempered violent idiot who takes forever to order ice cream like Cynthia!"_

Keldeo gave a long sigh to calm himself and said, "But I digress. . ."

* * *

 _"Long time no see, Maylene," Jack said. "What're you doing here?"_

 _Jack looked his old friend over quickly; she was wearing her traditional gym clothes, a blue and black muscle shirt and grey track pants. Obviously modelled after the appearance of her partner, Lucario._

 _"You look like you came here straight from the gym," Jack continued._

 _Maylene shrugged. "Hey, the Lily of the Valley Conference is the event of the year; and since there won't be another one for a year, the number of challengers at the gym has dropped to nothing. So, I figured I might as well come and watch; and not just for you either."_

 _Jack raised an eyebrow. "Is that so; well come in, have some Pizza, and tell me what you mean by that cryptic comment."_

 _"Don't mind if I do," Maylene replied. "And while I'm at it, maybe you can tell me a few things too."_

 _Jack blinked as Maylene walked past him into the main suite. "Didn't I just say something about the cryptic comments?"_

 _Jack shut and locked the door, and went back into the main room; the television was on as, up until a few minutes ago, they'd been watching the other matches of the tournament. Ash's had already finished, with him the victor; they had yet to see anyone else they recognised._

 _Maylene was already getting the royal treatment from the team; Lucy was nuzzling her leg,_

* * *

"Whoooooaaa! You are an _Absol_ , Lucy! I know you've been abused, but at least try to have _some_ pride!" Keldeo said in surprise.

* * *

 _Jason was being all formal,_

* * *

"Yeah, you better mind your manners around Maylene, or Lucas might come out and try to kill you!" Keldeo warned, but then he blinked and smiled sheepishly, "Oh wait, her Lucario is Lucas only in AuraWielder's stories. Nevermind."

* * *

 _and Wendy was three feet off the ground hanging from the gym leader's neck._

* * *

"Oh my gosh, she's strangling her! WENDY, NO! GIVE HER THE CUPCAKE! _AHHHHH!_ " Keldeo screamed in terror.

* * *

 _Ivy and Thomas were the only ones who looked like they had absolutely no idea what was going on._

 _"So," Maylene said, turning to look at Jack and almost dislodging Wendy from her neck on the process. "I see two new faces here."_

 _Jack nodded. "Yeah, that's right; Ivy and Thomas weren't with us when we challenged you. I'm willing to bet you can guess which one is which."_

 _"Greetings," Thomas said in impeccable, if electronic sounding, English. "My name is Thomas, and I've heard much about you Maylene."_

 _Maylene nearly jumped out of her skin when Thomas started talking; fortunately, Wendy had a firm grip._

* * *

"Don't remind me! You do realize my scream was only _half_ mock-terror, right?" Keldeo said nervously.

* * *

 _"He… he talked!" Maylene exclaimed._

 _"Yeah," Jack said, "He does that."_

* * *

"Well, he _is_ a robot. I wonder why all Porygons don't talk?" Keldeo remarked, "And for that matter, how does a mechanical Pokemon figure into Jack's and the group's religious beliefs?"

 _ **ELOHIM:** "THE TALOS PRINCIPLE DOES NOT APPLY."_

* * *

 _Maylene blinked, then shrugged. "Okay then, I'm not questioning anything at this point; it makes sense that your team would be as unique as you are. Speaking of which," Maylene fixed Jack with a stern look. "Why didn't you tell me you were a move-using superhero?!"_

 _Jack blinked. "Come again."_

 _Maylene folded her arms. "These last few months, do you know what's been dominating every single media outlet in Sinnoh? You! The whole region is buzzing about you, and I got singled out as someone who knew you personally; the reporters were bad enough, but when the fangirls started showing up…"_

 _"Fangirls?" Jack exclaimed, trying to keep up._

 _"Never mind that," Maylene said quickly, before continuing at a somewhat more calm pace._

* * *

"Yeah, let's _not_ talk about that. . ." Keldeo said with a nervous grin.

* * *

 _"Sorry, I think I rambled on a bit. It's just, I wish you'd said something; when I heard how you fought off two of the Legendary Bird trio, there were so many questions I wanted to ask you."_

 _Jack shrugged and sat down on a nearby couch. "We've got a while, ask away."_

 _"Really?" Maylene asked excitedly, sitting down as well. "Okay then, let's see… Oh yeah, I know," she fixed him with another stern look. "When we sparred way back when you were staying at the dojo, how much were you holding back?"_

 _Jack grinned a little. "What makes you think I was holding back?"_

 _"I knew it!" Maylene exclaimed with a grin. "You were going easy on me! The nerve, toying with me like that."_

 _"I swear I wasn't," Jack said, raising his hands above his head in the universal sign of surrender._

 _"Yeah, right," Maylene said. "I'll believe that when Piloswine fly."_

 _"But in all honesty," Jack said. "I really didn't hold back when we sparred; I couldn't afford to. Whatever advantage I had in strength and speed, you made up for with superior training and technique; you were more than my equal, in martial arts at least, and I learned a lot from you."_

 _Maylene smiled. "Thank you, I'm glad to hear that; but it begs the question, what about now?"_

 _Jack sighed. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask that."_

 _"But you knew I would," Maylene said with a grin._

 _"Yup."_

 _"Well then?" the gym leader asked. "Shall we take this outside?"_

* * *

"Oh, but _Death Battle:_ The Fanfic Edition will have to wait, because the only self insert ever to appear in the source material is having a battle on TV."

* * *

 _"Turn that up," Jack commanded._

 _Jason, who had the remote control, obliged._

 _"...I repeat," the announcer said, "The fight between James, a trainer from Floaroma Town, and Tobias, who is said to have defeated all the gym leaders using only his Darkrai, is almost finished. Tobias's Darkrai has already defeated two of James's Pokémon, leaving only his Machamp to fight."_

 _As they watched, Tobias's Darkrai landed Ice Beam and Dark Pulse attacks in rapid succession, leaving Machamp unconscious._

 _"I remember him," Maylene said. "He challenged my gym months ago; and he did take down my entire team with just his Darkrai."_

 _Jack stared at her in shock. "Are you kidding me? He's that strong?"_

 _Maylene chuckled. "Back then I was also nowhere near as strong as I am now; and I had almost no experience at being a gym leader. But even so, yes; he really is that strong. I wouldn't be surprised if that Darkrai he has, is actually the original Darkrai of legend; the nightmare Pokémon."_

 _They watched as Tobias recalled Darkrai, and left the arena._

 _Jack gritted his teeth. "I've got a bad feeling about this; I've learned to listen to my instincts, and my instincts are telling me there's more to this Tobias guy than meets the eye. I get the feeling I'll be fighting him at some point."_

* * *

"As long as we do _something_ with this guy, it'll be an improvement on the Anime," Keldeo said, looking a bit upset as he thought about Tobias.

"And also. . ." Victini said as he flew in.

The alarm went off in PeeWee's Playhouse and Victini screamed along with everything else in the Playhouse.

* * *

 _"In other news," the announcer continued, "Three months into the outbreak of the Second Saldaran Civil War, the terrorist group known as Alpha has now overrun the Saldaran military defending the city of Cynder Falls. Things are looking decidedly grim for the Saldara Region and its citizens."_

 _"Alpha?" Jack muttered. "Where have I…"_

 _"The laboratory," Thomas said._

 _Jack snapped his fingers. "That's right, the old base; talk about a small world."_

 _"Indeed," Thomas commented._

 _"Sorry, what's that about?" Maylene asked._

 _"We met Thomas in an old abandoned laboratory," Jack explained. "It was run by those guys, Alpha; a terrorists group from Saldara apparently. Maybe they needed a remote location to conduct their research."_

* * *

"Wait a minute, what?" Keldeo said, taken completely off guard, "Saldara Region? Team Alpha? Where did all of this come from?"

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she flew by.

"You're telling me!" Keldeo said in amazement, "Can't wait to see how these plot points affect the story later on."

* * *

 _Maylene nodded. "Makes sense. Anyway, it looks like all the first round matches are finished now; that was the last one. So how about it, care for a quick sparring match?"_

 _Jack sighed. "Fine, I guess there's no getting out of it; but I have one condition."_

 _"Name it," Maylene said._

 _Jack grinned. "I get to pick the arena."_

 _Maylene mirrored his grin. "Deal."_

* * *

Keldeo nodded slowly and said, "Alright, so I suppose Jack and Maylene are going to sneak out behind the stadium, maybe they could spar in the forest-"

* * *

 _"Why did you have to pick the biggest arena in the immediate vicinity?" Maylene asked._

 _Jack shrugged. "If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing."_

 _"But still," Maylene said. "Weren't you the one complaining about the press? Well, you might as well have set up a giant neon sign; I mean, seriously. You get to pick the arena, and you pick this?"_

 _Around them, like the sides of a giant bowl, rose the Lily of the Valley Colosseum; the single largest stadium in Sinnoh. The manager was more than happy to let Jack and Maylene use it, provided he got to charge entry for anyone who wanted to watch; Jack agreed. To put it bluntly, the manager was set to make a small fortune._

 _Once word got out, as it always does, that Jack and Maylene were going to have a sparring match, every Tom, Dick, and Harry on Lily of the Valley Island were falling over themselves to be there; nobody else cared, but there were more than enough people named Tom, Dick, or Harry to fill the stadium to bursting._

* * *

Keldeo blinked, then shrugged, "Well, okay, have it your way, Jack."

* * *

 _Jack grinned. "Think of it this way; unless we hop on over to Mt. Coronet real quick, people are going to catch wind of our little match. We'll be swarmed by reporters anyway, so we might as well at least charge them for the show; this way we're supporting a worthy cause."_

 _Maylene gave him a knowing look. "Oh, I see now."_

 _Jack raised one eyebrow. "What do you mean?"_

 _"You're not as opposed to all the attention you're getting as you'd like everyone to believe," Maylene said with a grin._

 _Jack smirked. "I have my reasons."_

 _"Whatever," Maylene said. "But since we've got such a crowd here, it would be unfair of us not to give them a worthwhile show. Wouldn't you say?"_

 _Jack raised his eyebrow again. "What exactly did you have in mind?"_

* * *

 _"THE BATTLE WILL BE THREE ON THREE," the announcer declared. "ITEMS AND SUBSTITUTIONS ALLOWED FOR BOTH SIDES. THE BATTLE WILL BE OVER WHEN ONE SIDE IS UNABLE TO CONTINUE. BEGIN!"_

* * *

"Wait, so now it's a Pokemon battle? I'm confused," Keldeo remarked as he scratched the side of his head with a forehoof.

* * *

 _"Let's start things off slow," Jack said. "Figuratively speaking, that is. Aura, you're up!"_

 _"I was thinking the exact same thing," Maylene shot back. "Machamp, front and center!"_

"You may take the first move," Maylene said with a bow.

"You might regret that," Jack replied, his grin widening. "Aura, use Agility."

 _Aura began going through a series of stretches and undulations designed to warm up her muscles and alleviate pre-battle tension; at the same time, she gathered her namesake from the surrounding area to super-charge her body. It wasn't the most visually impressive technique, but both Jack and Maylene knew full well how effective it could be._

 _Aura had almost completed the exercise, when suddenly Machamp seemed to appear in front of her from out of nowhere; before Aura could react, it slammed its fists into the ground in a powerful Earthquake attack._

 _The shockwave shattered Aura's concentration and interrupted her move._

 _"How in the reverse world... " Jack exclaimed to himself. "How is Machamp so fast?!"_

 _"You're not the only ones who've gotten stronger," Maylene said, as if she could hear his thoughts._

* * *

"Okay, now that's just unnatural for a Pokemon that big to go that fast!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"So Machamp curb stomps Aura, forcing Jack to send out Jason," Keldeo grinned, "Now the fight can get a little interesting!"

* * *

 _Every strike could mean the difference between victory, and defeat. They were both nearing the end of their ropes; one mistake, and that was it. But who would make that fatal mistake?_

 _The stalemate lasted for almost an entire minute, neither side giving an inch; neither side willing to lose. This was no longer just a sparring match, this was life or death; or it might as well have been, for the intensity of it._

* * *

"Come on, come on, Jason! The Aura is with you! Search for that opening!" Keldeo said eagerly.

* * *

 _Then suddenly, Jason saw it; a single drop of sweat had rolled down Machamp's forehead into its right eye, obscuring its vision. Jason began pushing towards Machoke's left side; all it would take was one perfectly timed strike, and it would be over. Jason waited, and waited…_

 _There it was, the opening Jason needed; feinting to Machoke's right, the Superpower Pokémon instinctively protected its blind side. Jason seized the chance, and gave it everything he had; pouring every scrap of strength he could muster into a right hook which landed solidly on Machamp's jaw._

* * *

"YES!" Keldeo shouted as he did a back-flip of joy.

"So, with Machamp down, Maylene makes the logical choice and sends out her Lucario."

* * *

 _"You've both grown much since the last time we saw each other," Lucario said. "I look forward to seeing exactly how much."_

 _Jack and Jason looked at each other; aside from Greninja, Maylene's Lucario was the single strongest opponent they'd ever fought. If Machamp was anything to go by, Lucario must be far stronger now as well; this might not end well._

* * *

"Okay, everyone looking on, let me stress how intense the battles in _Rising Storm_ can get," Keldeo said seriously, "So, with that in mind, be _mindful_ of potentially epic a Lucario battle can be in this story. I for one, am _hyped!"_

* * *

 _"Are you ready Jason?" Jack said with a confidence he didn't feel._

 _Jason nodded. "I'll try not to beat him up too badly."_

 _Jack and Maylene called their attacks at exactly the same time, but neither Lucario nor Jason needed to hear it to know what the opening move would be. Auric bone met auric bone, as the two clashed with Bone Rush; the only thing the audience could see were repeated flashes of blue light._

* * *

"Huh. I feel the urge to go see _Star Wars: The Force Awakens_ for some reason. . ." Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _Jason was flung backwards by a blow so powerful it created a shockwave which raised a cloud of dust in its wake. Jason righted himself mid-air with Psychic, and launched a blast of aura down at Lucario; the older Pokémon batted it aside with Bone Rush and launched himself into the air at Jason with Mach Punch._

 _Jason was taken completely by surprise, and threw up a hasty auric shield which Lucario shattered with contemptuous ease; Lucario's Mach Punch landed like ton of bricks, and sent Jason crashing to the ground. Lucario readied a Bone Rush and prepared to bring it down on Jason's prone form, but Jason flipped himself into a handstand at the last moment and lashed out with his legs at Lucario's midriff._

 _Lucario fell headlong onto Jason's impromptu Counter attack, and was knocked across the arena; he got up, gasping for breath._

 _"Impressive," Lucario said once he'd recovered his breath. "You learned well, but it is time we ended this little duel."_

 _"I was about to say the same thing, Master," Jason replied._

* * *

"Oh my gosh, this is so epic! I actually feel bad about revealing it in this review!" Keldeo said. Then he gave it some thought, and nodded and said, "You know what, that's all I'm gonna show. If you want to see the rest of it, go and read the story yourself. Give Jack Storm 448 your support."

"So after the Ultimate Showdown of Lucario Destiny, we get one finally battle. . ."

* * *

 _"Our Pokémon have fought hard," Jack said, "For the sake of us finding out who's stronger."_

 _"Yeah," Maylene said with a small grin, catching his drift. "They really got into it; but this is between you and me, isn't it."_

 _"You've got that right," Jack agreed, mirroring her grin. "Let's finish this."_

 _The two trainers reached for the belts on which they stored their six Pokéballs; as one, they undid the buckles and let their belts fall to the ground. They were both already dressed for a fight._

 _To a roar of approval from the crowds, Jack and Maylene stepped onto the battlefield; they didn't need their Pokémon to fight their battles for them, they were both more than capable of doing it themselves._

* * *

"Wait. . . so. . . _they_ were the third fighters in the 3 on 3?" Keldeo asked, looking a bit confused, "How does that work? What if the first two Pokemon got defeated right away? Would they have to fight the other Pokemon too? Wouldn't the result be something like that Korrina and Lucario fanfic _Subtlety of Care_ by Will Peterson. I'm sorry, but I'm not convinced that the human body can withstand a Focus Punch or even a Bone Rush at supersonic speed!"

"Well, maybe they expected their Pokemon to knock each other out, or maybe it's like what the summary said and it's _PLOT CONVENIENCE!_ Either way, it's time for Jack vs Maylene! . . . and now I feel the urge to see all three _Kung Fu Panda_ movies for some reason. . ."

* * *

 _The two friends bowed to each other, then assumed combat stances; they closed on each other until they were within easy striking distance, then they circled._

 _"She said not to go easy on her," Jack thought to himself, "But if I don't I might very well kill her; or at least seriously injure her. I hope you'll understand, but I'm going to have to hold back on you Maylene."_

 _They circled a few times, but Jack didn't feel like wasting time; in a move straight out of one of Maylene's lessons, Jack leapt into the air and spun to gain momentum. When he was almost on top of Maylene, he extended his leg and brought it down on her head like a hammer. Or at least, that was the plan._

 _At the last second, Maylene reached up and grabbed Jack's leg with one hand; she let gravity pull the rest of Jack's body down until it was in range, then she spun in place and kicked Jack across the arena._

* * *

"What the hay!?" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _Jack was caught completely by surprise; not as much by the fact that Maylene had stopped his attack, as how she'd stopped it. She was incredibly strong, far stronger than she was last time they sparred; he was tempted to call it superhuman, but he didn't see how that was possible._

* * *

"Okay, there's Master Splinter, and then there's _The Matrix._ This is some kind of freakish combination of the two!" Keldeo said in amazement.

* * *

 _"I told you," she said. "Don't hold back. It's not just my Pokémon who've gotten stronger, I've been training by butt off too; I have a pretty good idea of what you capable of, and I want you to show me. Now come on."_

 _Jack sighed. "If you want to see what I can do, then be my guest."_

* * *

"So Jack finally decides to take the gloves off, and emphasizes it by. . .doing. . . this. . ." Keldeo said slowly with a foreboding tone to his voice.

* * *

 _With an air of resignation, Jack raised his right arm into the air; above the stadium, dark clouds began to gather. They quickly obscured the sun and cast a black shadow over the arena, forcing the stadium lights to activate just so people could see._

 _"This is a trick I developed a while ago," Jack said, drawing attention back to himself. "I've only had to use it once, but if you want to see what I can really do then there's no better demonstration. Have you ever heard of the Ability, Motor Drive?"_

 _Maylene was getting a little nervous, but she nodded in acknowledgment._

 _Jack grinned, but there was a hard edge to it. "It's something like that."_

 _Without any further warning, a bolt of electricity arced down from the clouds and struck Jack's outstretched hand; it was so loud it made the crowd's ears ring, so bright it made them see spots, and so hot it partially melted the ground under Jack's feet turning it into glass. And yet, it was nowhere near as powerful as a real bolt of lightning._

 _When the spots cleared from Maylene's eyes, she could see sparks of electricity arcing across Jack's entire body; he was vibrating slightly, as though so much raw energy had been packed into his body that he could barely control it. This was only partially true however; he could control it perfectly well._

* * *

Keldeo stared slack-jaw at the scene, then shouted, "What are you trying do?! Attract the SCP Foundation?!"

* * *

 _Jack had two reasons for this display of power; the first was the same reason he wanted to hold the match in the stadium, and make it a public event. He wanted to call attention to himself, and how powerful he had become; someone was stalking him, and Jack wanted to bait them into making their move where and when he could control the terms of their engagement._

* * *

"Whoever sent those Legendary Birds after you is _clearly_ too smart to fall into your obvious trap," Keldeo said, "This villain is sneaky. You know, in the shadows. He'll never show up when you expect it. I see him catching you while you're asleep or drugging your food or something? Everyone knows you're here already. If anything, this. . .Lightning Bending will scare whoever it is away! I'm pretty scared, and I know you're a good guy! And I'm a Sword of Justice! Even Coballion would be scared at you at this point! _Kyurem_ would be scared of you! _You just caught a lightning bolt in your bare hand!_ What, are you trying to audition for _Smite?_ Well, I suppose if the Norse version of Scrat can get in, anything is possible!"

"Well, anyway, at this point we finally get an explanation for Maylene's power, as well as why Jack can't help but think that he might actually be cheating."

* * *

 _The second reason for this, was that he had an itch in the back of his head; a doubt, one which he wanted to either confirm or disprove for certain._

 _"At this point," he thought to himself, "I'm certain I'm the reason my Pokémon are so… unique. Somehow, and for some reason, me being around them has made them more powerful than is natural; maybe I was around Maylene's Pokémon long enough to have the same effect on them. What troubles me though, is that now Maylene herself is showing almost superhuman strength and reflexes; what if it's not just Pokémon who become more powerful from being around me too long?"_

* * *

Keldeo nodded in interest, "Huh. That's. . . actually a pretty interesting plot point. Makes sense too. But enough of that, let's see all this power in action!"

* * *

 _With the same amount of physical effort as it would normally take to hop a few inches off the ground, Jack launched himself twenty feet into the air and landed behind a very surprised Maylene;_

* * *

"Biscuits! _Star Wars_ is everywhere! I can't escape it!" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _she got over her shock quickly, and roundhouse-kicked him in the face. Jack took the full force of the impact, and didn't move so much as a centimetre; then responded with the exact same move, a roundhouse-kick. He timed it precisely so that a person with even a slightly above-average reaction time wouldn't be able to dodge it; lo and behold, Maylene evaded it with almost contemptuous ease. "Are you toying with me?" Maylene asked, slightly disconcerted. "Not in the slightest," Jack replied. Without another word, Jack went on the offensive with a flurry of rapid back-to-back punches; Maylene either blocked or dodged all of them, and then launched a counter-attack in the form of a left jab, and then a staggering right cross. Both hits landed hard, but it only concerned Jack because every blow seemed stronger than the last; although he still couldn't say for certain whether or not it was beyond normal human limitations. Not feeling like beating around the bush any longer, Jack landed one open-palmed blow right to Maylene's midriff; passing through her defenses as though they weren't even there. The hit flung Maylene back several metres, and should have been enough to knock the wind right out of her. Jack wasn't surprised in the slightest, however, when Maylene didn't even pause for breath and instead came right back at him. She attacked with a rapid volley of left and right jabs, like a boxer; Jack blocked and deflected all of them with ease, but he noticed that her attacks were starting to get faster, and stronger._

* * *

"Alright, that's it! I'm not revealing any more of this fight. Go see it for yourselves," Keldeo said with a grin.

"So after the fight, Jack and Maylene have a little talk."

* * *

 _As they were walking down the hotel corridor to Jack's suite, Maylene suddenly stumbled; Jack caught her before she could fall, but he could see that she was in worse shape than she let on._

 _"Are you okay?" Jack asked, putting his right arm around her shoulders._

 _"Yeah," she said. "I'm okay; just tired."_

 _"I'm sorry," Jack said. "I took it too far."_

 _Maylene shook her head. "No, if it's anyone's fault it's mine; this whole thing was my idea, and I egged you on at every turn. Even when I knew I couldn't beat you."_

 _"You came pretty close though," Jack said. "Here, let me help."_

 _Before Maylene could object Jack put his right arm behind her back, swept his left one under her legs, and began carrying her down the hall bridal-style._

* * *

"Whoa. . . Oooooo-kay. . ." Keldeo said awkwardly.

* * *

 _"I don't need your help," Maylene said, somewhat softer than she intended._

 _Jack looked down at her and grinned. "It doesn't look like you mind all that much; besides, you're not exactly in a position to refuse."_

 _"So, you're going to help me whether I like it or not?" Maylene said skeptically._

 _Jack nodded. "That's the general idea, yeah."_

 _Maylene sighed and closed her eyes. "If that's the case, then I guess it's alright. Thanks," she added, as if it was just an afterthought._

 _It took all of Jack's willpower not to laugh, or stare; he'd spent the better part of a month training with Maylene, and pretty much living in her house for all that time, but this was a side of her which he'd never seen before. She was never exactly a stickler for tradition or ceremony, but she still usually maintained a certain amount of decorum._

 _Jack had always looked up to Maylene as his teacher, but now he was the stronger one. More than that, if her abilities evolved any further he might have to help her master and control them; so what was she to him now? And just as importantly, how did she see him?_

 _For the sake of his mental health, Jack didn't try to answer those question; in all probability, the answers would reveal themselves in due time. And with his luck, he probably wouldn't like them one bit._

* * *

". . . . . . Does Jack have a _crush_ on Maylene?" Keldeo asked incredulously, ". . . Well. . . Riley sure has his work cut out for him! Just saying!"

"So Jack brings Maylene to his room, and then is visited by another familiar face."

* * *

 _"Nicholas!" Jack exclaimed happily._

 _"How's it going Jack," the red-headed trainer replied, holding out his hand to Jack. "Long time no see."_

 _Jack shook the outstretched hand enthusiastically. "No kidding; I was glad to see you made it, I'm sorry I couldn't catch your first match."_

 _Nicholas grinned. "Yeah, well I saw both of yours; but how on earth did you end up sparring with a Gym Leader? And here of all places."_

 _Jack shrugged. "Maylene and I are old friends; and since the number of challengers at her gym has dropped to zero thanks to this tournament, she decided to drop by and watch."_

 _"Cool," Nicholas replied, grinning cheekishly. "You must be quite the lady's man, to have attracted a gym leader."_

 _Jack chuckled and shook his head. "If I thought you were being serious… But no, you've got the wrong idea altogether; I just trained with her in Veilstone City for a while, she taught me most of what I know about martial arts."_

 _"So, where is she now?" Nicholas asked, peering past Jack into the room. "Last I saw, the two of you were headed in this direction; is she here?"_

 _"She's recovering," Jack said defensively. "I overdid it with that last move."_

 _"So she's sleeping it off," Nicholas said, grinning like a Meowth that just cornered a Rattata. "But where exactly?"_

 _Jack sighed in defeat. "My bed."_

* * *

 _ **Yakko** : "*Mwah!* Goodnight, everybody!"_

* * *

 _Nicholas laughed. "I believe I've proved my point."_

 _"You had a point?" Jack said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow._

 _"Not really," Nicholas said with a shrug. "Anyway, we really need to catch up on what's been going... Is that Pizza I smell?"_

 _Jack shrugged. "Sorry, we've already finished off the last of it."_

 _Nicholas sank to his knees in mock despair. "No, please; say it ain't so…"_

 _Jack chuckled at the display. "Sorry, but that's that; if you wanted Pizza, you should have ordered some yourself."_

 _Nicholas perked up almost immediately, as though seized by a sudden revelation. "That's not a bad idea," he said thoughtfully. "You had that Pizza for lunch, right? So I'll buy us all Pizza for dinner; my treat."_

 _"Pizza for two meal in a row?" Jack questioned. "That can't be healthy, for Pokémon or human."_

 _Nicholas shrugged. "Who cares? You only live once."_

 _"If so," Jack countered, "Then you should probably try not to get diabetes while you're here."_

 _Nicholas sighed. "You make a good point; fine then, I'll only buy Pizza for my team since we didn't have any, and we just won't give any to you."_

 _"H-hold on now," Jack said in a tone of mock-panic. "let's not be too hasty…"_

* * *

"Third base!" Keldeo shouted randomly.

* * *

 _Jack and Nicholas stood staring at each other for a moment, then both of them burst out laughing._

* * *

"So Jack and Nicholas let their Pokemon get reacquainted with one another."

* * *

 _His team consisted of the same six Pokémon as the last time we saw them, although most of them looked very different; Sunspot had indeed evolved into a Monferno, Hunter had become a Staraptor, Strike was now a Ninjask, Marsh was now a Lombre, and Frostbite had evolved into a Weavile. Only Scatterbolt, who was already a fully evolved Ampharos, had remained unchanged._

 _Their appearance started a new round of greetings between the two groups of Pokémon, which threatened to become a little too… enthusiastic for the enclosed space. When Jack realized that he'd probably have to pay for any damage to the room, and that Maylene was still trying to sleep, he and Nicholas talked/coerced their respective teams into taking the party outside; at which point silence finally fell on the suite._

 _"So," Jack said as he and Nicholas sat down on the couch, somewhat tired from the affair. "Like I said, I didn't see your match; you won, obviously, but aside from that how did it go?"_

 _Nicholas leaned back and put his hands behind his head. "Well, it was pretty easy to be honest; a lot easier than I expected. Then again, we've gotten really strong lately; a lot stronger than we were last time we ran into you guys."_

 _"You were pretty strong then, as I recall," Jack replied. "Volkner was hard pressed just to keep up with you."_

 _"It wasn't as one-sided as you make it sound," Nicholas said. "And besides, from what I saw of your battle with him, he didn't stand a chance against you. And from what I saw today, you've gotten even stronger since then too; I mean, seriously. _W_ endy? The little cutie with the puppy-dog eyes? How'd she get to be such a badass; swinging giant icicles around with her mind like that?"_

* * *

 _"Next thing you know, she'll be setting playgrounds on fire!"_

* * *

 _Jack sighed. "I doubt I'll ever know, although I suspect that Katana might have something to do with it..."_

 _Nicholas chuckled. "I wouldn't put it past her; then again, Wendy might just be getting ready to evolve. I hear a Pokémon's personality can sometimes change right before they evolve."_

 _Jack looked at him curiously. "Really? I know personalities can change after evolution, but before?"_

 _Nicholas scratched his head. "That's what I heard anyway, something about a hormonal imbalance or something like that. Man, now I wish I payed more attention in Biology class…"_

 _"But you think Wendy might be close to evolving?" Jack asked._

 _Nicholas stroked his chin as though he had a long, sagacious beard. "I've seen my fair share of evolutions, and I've learned a few things about predicting them. There's a certain… feeling to a Pokémon who's about to evolve, and it gets stronger the closer they are; honestly, I'm surprised you haven't picked up on it yet. If I had to guess I'd say that Wendy's within weeks, if not days, of evolving."_

 _Jack absorbed this information thoughtfully, and filed it away for later use. "I'll have to keep an eye out for that," he thought to himself._

* * *

"Now that's very insightful. That's what I like about _Rising Storm._ It has parts that are very logical and kinda ingenious," Keldeo remarked.

"So we move along through the League as Jack wins battles and watches battles unfold on the screens."

* * *

 _"Ouch," Jack exclaimed, flinching a little._

 _He'd looked at one of the screens lining the upper wall of the arena, which were displaying the matches going on in the other two small arenas, just in time to see an enormous Snorlax land on a Grumpig in a Body Slam attack which, understandably, left Grumpig seeing stars._

 _"Death by Snorlax butt," Jack commented to himself, wincing. "That can't be pleasant..."_

* * *

 ** _The Doctor:_** _"Excuse me. Would you mind not farting while I'm saving the world."_

* * *

"Jack sees Ash, Tobias, Paul, and Nicholas make it into the next round, and then discovers that his next opponent is going to be Nicholas."

* * *

 _"Well, this is just great," Jack muttered to himself on the way back to his room. "No sooner do I find out that Nicholas is might be a match for me, than I find out I'll be fighting him tomorrow. And then there's Tobias and Darkrai… If that Darkrai is actually the real deal, then something funny is going on."_

 _Well, that really went without saying but he also knew a few things about Darkrai; having run into him once before. And what he'd seen of Tobias's Darkrai just didn't fit in with what he knew of the original; then again, maybe there was something he didn't know._

* * *

"Okay, when did Jack meet Dakrai? Explain! How? When? I'm confused! Are we gonna flashback later or do you have a spin-off one-shot planned, because I'm totolay lost!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _"And while I'm gathering information on Tobias," Jack said to no one in particular, "I might just be able to dig up something on Nicholas's team as well."_

 _To find said information, Jack headed for the Pokémon Centre located near the stadium; more importantly, the second floor computer room._

* * *

There was a huge explosion in the Moor of Icirrus, and it sent Vector the Crocodile screaming and flying up high into the sky, where he vanished in a twinkle of light.

* * *

 _However, as he turned a corner and spotted the door to the computer room, the door opened and out stepped the one person he'd hoped not to run into._

 _"Paul," Jack said grimly._

 _"Jack Storm," Paul replied; his demeanor was calm and cold as always, but Jack could see fear in his eyes. Paul was still afraid of him after all this time, and he had good right to be._

* * *

"Anyone else expecting a Tangela to roll between them?" Keldeo asked with a cheeky grin.

* * *

 _"I'll never forgive you, you know," Jack said sharply. "I'll never forgive you for how you treated Lucy, the Absol I rescued from you all those months ago; you never even knew how much she'd already suffered when you found her, and yet she suffered more at your hands than at anyone else's."_

 _"If she suffered so much, then TELL ME!"_

 _Paul half-shouted the last two words in Jack's face, as though challenging him to react in anger; Paul stared into Jack's eyes and Jack saw the boy's fear, but he also saw defiance. Disbelief even; Paul didn't believe him, or didn't want to believe._

* * *

"Some people have to be _**shown**!_ " Keldeo said seriously, "Luckily, Jack realizes this, and calls Paul's bluff, and welcome change from his violent reaction the last time he met Paul."

* * *

 _Jack came to a decision. "Follow me," he said, turning and walking back down the hallway to the main sitting area; somewhat to his surprise, Paul followed him._

 _Jack and Paul sat opposite each other at a table, and Jack began recounting Lucy's story. How her peaceful, happy childhood was shattered by poachers, who killed her parents and separated her from her older brother; how she got shunted from one cruel, abusive trainer to the next before eventually being abandoned at a Pokémon Daycare._

 _He told Paul how, at that daycare, Lucy finally found some friends and was happy again for a time, until he came around._

 _"You were the worst of any trainer she'd ever had," Jack said. "You took her away from the only happiness she'd known since she lost her parents, and you forced her to 'train' every day until all she could do was collapse on the ground, with bleeding welts on her back from enduring so many attacks. She isolated herself from your other Pokémon because she didn't want to be betrayed again; she assumed that anyone who tried to get close to her would hurt and betray her eventually, because pain and betrayal were all she knew! From what she told me, you were even planning on having her breed with one of your other Pokémon; as though she were just a dumb animal!"_

* * *

"I'm surprised Paul isn't questioning on how Jack can understand Pokemon- WAIT A MINUTE, _BREED_!?" Keldeo exclaimed in shock, "So. . . how would that even work? Is he just gonna place his, I don't know, Electivire and Lucy in some bushes and say 'make an egg'? Would Electivire seriously do that? Or are all of Paul's Pokemon so evil that they'd actually _rape_ her? Come on, Jack, give Electivire _some_ credit!"

* * *

 _By the time he finished, Jack was almost shouting in barely-restrained fury; but then he calmed down, and stared Paul in the eyes._

 _"I can only thank God that I won her from you before you could do that, or anything else to her," Jack said, his anger going from intensely hot to bitterly cold in a matter of seconds, as he stared Paul down._

 _The purple-haired trainer took in Jack's words silently, and then stood up without a word and walked away from Jack towards the door of the Center; Jack watched him go, but didn't try to stop him. He'd gotten himself all worked up, and he didn't trust himself not to let his anger manipulate him. But then, just as the door closed behind Paul, Jack saw a flash of light reflect off the boy's chin; as if it were wet._

 _Jack's anger faded away like fog before the afternoon sun, and was replaced by confusion; had his story actually... gotten through to Paul? If so, then this was not the same arrogant trainer he'd met in the forest all those months ago; Jack just hoped he was actually right about that._

* * *

"Well, that's a very clever piece of character development," Keldeo said, sounding impressed, "Like I said, some people just have to be shown that they're wrong before anything more can happen. I suppose the lesson Paul needs to learn is that he's not the only living being in the world, and that there are these things called ' _emotions'_ that those beings feel."

"So then Jack has a brief conversation with Ash, Barry, and Conway about Tobias. Here's hoping this story actually gives him _some_ character this time around."

Keldeo grinned and said, "But seriously, let's get to the moment we've all been waiting for! Jack vs Nicholas!"

* * *

 _"Are you ready, Jack?" Nicholas said. "Because I'm about to break that winning streak of yours."_

 _Jack grinned; Nicholas was still Nicholas, and Jack was grateful for that. "You and what army? Katana, you're up!"_

 _"Scatterbolt, go get 'em!" Nicholas said, lobbing the Ampharos's Pokéball onto one of the floating platforms._

 _[Katana (Scyther) Age: 22. Ability: Technician. Moves: Fury Cutter, Agility, Quick Attack, Fly, Fake Out, Shadow Claw, and Air Slash.]_

 _The two Pokémon appeared in the customary flashes of white light; Scatterbolt standing on his platform, and Katana hovering in mid-air above hers. Jack smiled in satisfaction; a Flying-Type against an Electric-Type might seem like a bad match-up, but Katana had a few tricks up her figurative sleeves._

 _"BATTLE BEGIN!" called the referee._

* * *

"I'd rather not spoil these incredible fights too much," Keldeo said, "But I have to say that these battles really highlight the personalities of the Pokemon."

* * *

 _Katana slammed into him, knocking him flying._

 _Scatterbolt fell into the pool with a resounding splash, and before the Ampharos could recover Katana fired an Air Slash after him; the second attack landed another resounding hit, and Scatterbolt was plunged underwater._

 _Katana knew that if she tried going after the Electric-Type, it wouldn't end well; so all she could do was wait for her opponent to resurface. She waited, and waited, and waited…_

 _Katana would've scowled, if her face had been built for such an expression; as it was, she simply let out an exclamation of impatience. Scatterbolt wasn't surfacing, in fact she couldn't see him anywhere._

 _"He couldn't have been knocked out by just two attacks," Katana thought to herself._

 _"You're right," Jack suddenly replied telepathically, causing Katana to shudder slightly. "He's definitely planning something; if you sense anything out of the ordinary, fly up. Fast."_

 _"Yeah, I know," Katana replied. "Just… Could you please not do that while I'm trying to concentrate?"_

 _"Oh, yeah; sorry," Jack said apologetically._

 _Katana was about to respond, when her combat reflexes kicked in; developed over years of clan-wars, they propelled her into the air before she even realized she was in danger. Barely a heartbeat later, the platform she'd been standing on was knocked to the side like a hockey puck on ice; if Katana had still been standing on it, she would've been knocked off her feet and fallen into the water._

* * *

"We also get some good insight to the inner workings of Pokemon battles."

* * *

 _"Nicholas has gotten strong indeed," Jack commented for the benefit of the readers. "He didn't give Scatterbolt any audible instructions about that little trick; he just said 'Iron Tail', and Scatterbolt knew to knock the platform out of the way. And by the time Nicholas called for Signal Beam, Scatterbolt had already prepared the attack. They must have practiced that manoeuvre, or something like it, until they knew it off by heart. Either that, or…"_

 _Or Nicholas had some sort of psychic connection with his Pokémon just like Jack himself did; although, Jack guessed that Nicholas probably didn't realize it. From extensive research on the subject, Jack knew that weak, latent telepathic connections weren't uncommon between trainers and their Pokémon; not enough for them to consciously transmit thoughts back and forth, even if they tried, but enough to make them uncannily good at anticipating each other._

* * *

"That's ingenious!" Keldeo exclaimed, his mind blown, "That's awesome! It makes perfect sense in many of the battles we've seen in the anime!"

* * *

 _It didn't take a strategic genius to figure out that they were at a stalemate, so Jack sighed and recalled Katana to her Pokéball; despite numerous, and loud, complaints from the Pokémon in question at being taken out of battle so soon. Jack made a show of rummaging around in his backpack for a second, while deftly and discretely placing her back in the Pack and retrieving someone more suited to the task at hand._

 _His covert operation complete, Jack turned back to the battlefield and released his one 'mon army._

 _"Solomon, you're up!"_

 _[Solomon (Kadabra) Age: 18. Ability: Magic Guard. Moves: Teleport, Shadow Ball, Psychic, Sleep Talk, Flamethrower, Thunderbolt, and Ice Beam.]_

* * *

"Solomon strikes back by using a less creepy and more awesome version of Wendy's psychotic ice attack."

* * *

 _Scatterbolt tried to dive back underwater again but Solomon re-appeared levitating above him, stretched out one hand, and fired an Ice Beam straight downwards; the attack hit Scatterbolt square on the head and froze the water around him solid._

 _Scatterbolt was caught by the ice in a rather undignified position; lying horizontally, half-submerged in the ice with his rear end sticking up. Fortunately, the Ampharos's head was also above water._

 _Solomon's eyes glowed with purple energy as he used Psychic to lift Scatterbolt, iceberg included, up into the air; Scatterbolt desperately attempted to break the ice with Iron Tail, but it didn't work._

 _Solomon flicked the Ampharos-icle up in the air above him, turned his head upwards to look at his opponent, and then unleashed a powerful Flamethrower at him; the attack hit the chunk of ice, and Scatterbolt, full on. The collision raised a large cloud of steam which obscured the results; Solomon could feel that the iceberg had vaporized, leaving only a slightly crispy Ampharos behind, so he released his telekinetic hold and let Scatterbolt drop into the water to cool off._

 _As Scatterbolt fell however, his eyes opened and his tail started to glow; spinning in the air to gain momentum, Scatterbolt attempted to bring an Iron Tail attack right down on Solomon's head, but was met with a Psychic hand that swatted him out of the arena and into the wall of the colosseum. That time, he decided to stay down._

 _Nicholas recalled the battered (and fried) Ampharos to his Pokéball with an almost apologetic expression, mumbling something that Jack didn't quite catch. The red-headed trainer then unclipped another Pokéball from his belt and tossed it onto one of the platforms._

 _"Strike, go get 'em!" he shouted._

 _The recently evolved Ninjask appeared in a flash of light and hovered above the water for a second._

* * *

"Uh-oh. A Bug-type. Solomon's in trouble now," Keldeo said worriedly.

* * *

 _Strike readied another Feint Attack; Solomon knew that if it hit, he'd be in serious trouble. He knew Strike's attack pattern, but it didn't do any good if he couldn't move fast enough to counter it; he had to catch Strike by surprise somehow._

 _Then, he got it; it was something he'd seen some of Ash's Pokémon do on multiple occasions, and it seemed to be singularly effective. But best of all, neither Strike nor Nicholas would see it coming. Solomon quickly shared his idea with Jack._

 _"It's so crazy," Jack said with a grin, "It just might work."_

* * *

 ** _Squidward:_** _"That idea just might be crazy enough. . . TO GET US ALL KILLED!"_

"Actually, it turns out that the plan involves fire-bending a Counter Shield," Keldeo said, "Yeah, remember how awesome those were in Diamond and Pearl. . ."

* * *

 _"Now!" Jack shouted into Solomon's mind._

 _It took Solomon roughly 0.09 seconds to register that Jack had given the order, and a further 0.13 seconds to carry it out; if they were off by even five hundredths of a second, it wouldn't work. Fortunately, Solomon's trust in Jack was well-placed._

 _When Jack gave the order, Solomon released the telekinetic energy he'd been building up all at once; but not at Strike, that would be too obvious an attack. He'd sense it coming and avoid it. No, Solomon directed the energy and the twin Flamethrowers he was holding; fanning them up into a roaring inferno and then spinning them around himself like a cocoon. Or a tornado. A technique Ash seemed fond of calling a 'Counter Shield'._

 _Jack's timing was dead on; the blast of fire came around behind Solomon at the exact same moment that Strike did, crashing into the unfortunate Ninjask's left side. Strike was instantly swept up by the fiery vortex, and tossed around like a leaf in the wind for several seconds before Solomon let the whirlwind die down._

 _No sooner did Solomon release his control over the fiery tornado than Strike was right back on the offensive, diving down at Solomon with another Feint Attack; but this time Solomon managed to teleport away in plenty of time. Strike had taken a lot of damage from Solomon's attack, and the Ninjask seemed to be slowing down._

 _Strike tried one more time, rushing in with Quick Attack; compared to his former speed, it looked like he was flying in slow motion. Solomon saw it coming from a mile away and intercepted it with a powerful Thunderbolt, and then a blast of Psychic. Strike was down for the count._

 _Solomon was breathing heavily as Nicholas recalled Strike to his Pokéball; the last battle had been a hard one, and the Kadabra had only won by a matter of milliseconds. Solomon wouldn't be able to go another round, and both he and Jack knew it._

 _"Solomon, return," Jack said as he recalled Solomon to the Pokéball. "You've earned some rest. And besides," he whispered softly, "I think Aura wants to congratulate you or something."_

* * *

 _ **Yakko** : "*Mwah!* Goodnight, everybody!"_

"This leaves Nicholas with one Pokemon left."

* * *

 _"Sunspot," Nicholas said, "Go get 'em!"_

 _The Infernape appeared in the customary flash of white light, and looked at his opponent with a grin._

 _"Huh," Sunspot said with a shrug. "And here I was hoping I'd get to fight Jason right off the bat; but I guess he'll come out after I've taken you down."_

 _"Why do you want to fight Jason so badly?" Katana asked curiously._

 _"Isn't it obvious?" the Infernape said. "This is the moment Nicholas and I have been waiting for! Jason is the most powerful of you, and I've been going through non-stop special training specifically so I'd be able to beat him; after that, the rest of the tournament will be a walk in the park, no one will be able to stop us. Then one day, we'll challenge Cynthia and Nicholas will become the Sinnoh Champion!"_

 _"Those are some pretty big aspirations you have," Katana shot back. "You're starting to sound like some cheesy comic-book villain."_

* * *

 ** _Claw:_** _"I think somebody's been watching too many Saturday morning cartoons."_

"So, predictably, Sunspot curb-stomps Katana, but she's not ready to quit just yet."

* * *

 _"Katana, re…"_

 _"Don't you dare!" the Scyther snapped, giving him a look that would've stopped a rampaging Touros in its tracks._

 _"You're injured," Jack said, switching to Pokéspeak. "You need to rest."_

 _"I'm fine," Katana insisted. "I've fought, and won, with way worse injuries than this. Don't worry about me."_

 _Jack sighed, and switched to telepathic communication. "You do realize you can't win this fight, right?"_

* * *

"What's with the switching of languages?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "You don't see me randomly switching between telepathy and Kelde Kel, Keldeo? Kelde? Kel Kel!"

* * *

 _"Maybe not," Katana said, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Jack; it wasn't like her to admit something like that. "But there's no way I'm going down easy; you can be sure I'll give him a run for his money at least."_

 _Jack considered calling her back whether she liked it or not, but he decided against it. Katana knew her own limits better than he ever could; if she said she was fine, he knew he could trust her._

 _"Alright then," he said aloud finally, with an air of resignation. "Just make sure you leave some of him for Jason; after all the boasting Sunspot's been doing, Jason will be disappointed if he doesn't get to beat him up himself."_

 _Katana gave him what equated to a knowing grin. "All right then, I'll do my best."_

* * *

"So Katana's technique basically consists of throwing as many Air Slashes at Sunspot as possible, and then charging at him in a brute force technique. I give you Katana! A child soldier from the Scyther-Breloom Clan Wars! Maybe Breloom are just awfu- _er, different_ kind of fighters," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Being a foot taller than the Infernape, Katana was able to throw her entire body behind her surprise headbutt; connecting hard with Sunspot's forehead, and knocking him back into the water with a satisfying splash._

 _"Ha," Katana exclaimed smugly, if exhaustedly, as Sunspot thrashed desperately to get back to a platform. "That'll teach you to mess with me, kid. Next time you feel like bragging about how great you are, just remember how I sent you butt-first into the pool."_

 _Her pride satisfied, Katana collapsed backwards onto the platform; completely spent. Jack was by her side in a heartbeat, making sure she was alright; her aura was still strong as ever, but she was too exhausted to stand up. Much less fight. Jack returned her to her Pokéball without so much as a complaint from her._

 _"You fought well," he said as he hopped from platform to platform back to his side of the battlefield. "Take a good rest; this won't take long."_

* * *

"Alright," Keldeo said excitedly, "Here we go! Jason vs Sunspot. Lucario vs Infernape. Here we go!"

* * *

 _Jack remembered what Nicholas had said some time ago, and came to a decision; not only would it be the perfect counter to Sunspot's fighting style, but if what Nicholas said was true then they might even be able to expect a few surprises mid-battle._

 _Jack punched in a different number, to the surprise and alarm of everyone inside the Pack, save one, and walked back to the battlefield. He grinned confidently at Nicholas, who suddenly looked a little bit worried._

 _"Come on!" Sunspot shouted, his head-flame flaring up like a bonfire. "Call him out already; let's get this over with."_

 _Jack shrugged. "Alright, you asked for it."_

 _With that, he tossed the Pokéball onto a platform; the Pokémon who appeared, however, was quite a bit smaller than Jason._

 _"Wendy, you're up," Jack said with a smug grin._

 _[Wendy (Kirlia) Age: 12. Ability: Trace. Moves: Magical Leaf, Hypnosis, Psychic, Teleport, and Light Screen.]_

* * *

Keldeo spat out his Berry Juice again and shouted, "Oh, come on! Twice in one review! And what happened to this line?"

* * *

 _"Alright then," he said aloud finally, with an air of resignation. "Just make sure you leave some of him for Jason; after all the boasting Sunspot's been doing, Jason will be disappointed if he doesn't get to beat him up himself."_

* * *

"So, I guess Jason is just gonna have to be disappointed?" Keldeo asked, "Oh well. . . in that case. . ." Keldeo's eyes went wide and he shouted, "RUN, SUNSPOT! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

* * *

 _"Are you kidding me!?" Sunspot exclaimed. "She's just a kid; you expect me to fight a kid?"_

 _Wendy folded her arms. "Who are you calling a kid; Aunt Katana says I'm a young adult, and old enough to stand up for myself."_

 _Sunspot looked at her standing there, arms crossed defiantly, and broke out laughing._

* * *

Keldeo got out his smartphone and said, "I wonder what kind of flowers they got for the people who got killed by Annabelle?"

* * *

 _Wendy huffed. "I'll teach you to laugh at me, Mr. Sunspot."_

 _Without any further warning, Wendy's eyes glowed with Psychic energy and she telekinetically flipped the platform on which Sunspot was standing; dumping him unceremoniously into the water once again. Now it was Wendy's turn to giggle uncontrollably._

 _Sunspot was in a much worse mood when he clambered out of the water for the third time that day._

 _"Okay," he growled, "That's it; no more mister nice guy. I'm gonna… H-hey, what're you doing?! Put me down!"_

 _Before he could finish his threat, Wendy picked him up with Psychic and began waving him around in the air like a ragdoll; before letting him fall into the water again with a splash._

* * *

"You know, I have to give Jack Storm 448 props for going ahead and running with the 'Creepy Supernatural Child' trope," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _This time as Sunspot clambered onto a nearby platform, he didn't waste any time in charging up a quick Fire Blast and sending it in Wendy's direction; it looked like a direct hit, but when the smoke cleared there was no trace of Wendy._

 _Sunspot turned around quickly, and found himself staring into a pair of… beautiful, ruby-red eyes; like the sun just before it dipped below the horizon. Then, he heard a voice._

 _"Sleep," it said. "Close your eyes and take a good long nap."_

* * *

 _"So I can kill you. . ."_

* * *

 _It was the most beautiful sound Sunspot had ever heard; like a choir of angels singing in harmony, like the tinkling of chimes, it drowned out any other. He longed to hear that wonderful voice, and stare into those beautiful eyes, for all eternity. Their effect was almost mesmerising._

 _No, that wasn't the right word; but for the life of him he couldn't find a right one, and the attempt was tiring him out. Maybe he should take the voice's suggestion and go to sleep, but what was that word? It was... His eyelids were getting heavy, but what was that word? It was… It was… It was…_

 _Hypnotic._

 _Sunspot snapped out of the trance with a roar of extreme disapproval, startling Wendy nearly out of her wits. Before she could comprehend what had happened, Sunspot had charged up a Fire Blast and spat it, point blank, into her face._

* * *

"Wait a minute, since when did he know Occlumency?" Keldeo asked.

"So Sunspot must not be afraid of horror movies, because he manages to take Wendy down in epic fashion."

* * *

 _The powerful attack knocked Wendy to the ground, and right into a platform; no soft, watery landing this time. After a hit like that, Wendy was at her limit; she struggled to stand up, but the effort proved to be too much for her. She collapsed on the platform and didn't move._

 _The referee looked at Wendy, then at Jack; the blue-clad trainer didn't seem at all concerned that his Pokémon had been knocked out, in fact he was smiling slightly. The referee started to announce Sunspot the winner of the fight, but Jack held up a hand._

 _"If you'd wait just a moment, this fight isn't over," he said._

 _"Your Pokémon is clearly defeated," the referee said. "In her condition, there's no way she could…"_

 _Then he noticed something; a light coming from the battlefield. More specifically, the light was coming from Wendy. Jack grinned; it had been sheer torture for him to watch Wendy get beaten up, even more than it had been for Wendy herself, but they'd both agreed that the end result was worth it. Wendy was evolving._

* * *

"Glad to see they agreed before hand. Rule number one of the world of Pokemon: Pokemon love to fight! Except for the one who like to perform," Keldeo recited.

"So Wendy evolves in Gardevoir, meaning we don't have to deal with all those creepy little girl tropes, and she powers up a Pokemon XY commercial."

* * *

 _Without another word, Wendy pointed her right arm at Sunspot and streams of silver energy began raining down from the sky and collecting in the palm of her three-fingered hand. The ribbons of energy gathered together and spun themselves into a sphere of crackling silver light._

 _It was a powerful technique that had only recently been discovered in the Kalos region, and Wendy had only heard about by watching the news; once she'd read up on it, she had tried many times to master it. This was the first time she'd actually succeeded, and she was ecstatic about it; she was using Moonblast._

 _"Nicely done, Wendy," Jack said, "Now maybe you could actually throw it at him?"_

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAHHHHHH!**_

Keldeo smiled and shrugged in a goofy manner.

* * *

 _After basking in her own glow for a moment, Wendy figured that Jack was right; it was about time she tested her new move in combat, by beating the ever-living daylights out of Sunspot with it._

 _"Right," she agreed. "One Fairy-type special, coming right up!"_

 _With that, she launched the Moonblast like a silver bullet at Sunspot; who was starting to feel a little nervous._

* * *

"Wait a minute, he just stood there the whole time?" Keldeo asked incredulously, "He didn't. . . run or jump to become a moving target . . . or attack while she was charging up?"

 _ **Planet Fitness Guy:** "I pick things up and put them down."  
_

* * *

 _He fired off a Fire Blast to try and cancel it out, but the bolt of light cut through it like a hot knife through butter and hit him square on the chest, where it then exploded._

 _The blast flung the Infernape backwards like a ball from a cannon, and he hit the wall of the arena behind Nicholas with a crash; and speaking of Nicholas, he was pretty much in a state of panic at this point. Things were not looking good for Sunspot; the watery battlefield had wreaked enough havoc on their battle strategy already, and now this. They only had one chance now; and it looked like this was it._

 _Sunspot, seemingly miraculously, peeled himself off the wall and walked back to the battlefield; taking a ready position on a platform. Wendy was about fire off another Moonblast, but then something caught her eye; Sunspot was glowing. The Infernape was surrounded by a fiery red aura, and Jack knew exactly what it meant; he'd seen it often enough. Blaze._

 _"By now you've probably guessed what Sunspot's ability is," Nicholas said. "While Blaze is active, Sunspot is almost unbeatable."_

 _"I notice you said 'almost'," Jack pointed out, to which Nicholas said nothing._

* * *

"And cut!" Keldeo said with a grin, "That's all I'm gonna review. If you wanna see who wins, just go ahead and check out the story."

"So that's the first eight chapters of _Rising Storm: Book 2._ And, as you can probably tell, IT WAS AWESOME!" Keldeo exclaimed, "All my joking about Wendy aside, _and to be honest I think was both misinterpreting her scenes and overreacting to her actions_ , these first few chapters were really good. And I mean _really_ good. The fight scenes are more epic that Dragon Ball Z and Star Wars combined! Jack's Pokemon are all just so well developed. It had funny moments, and really nice interactions between characters, specifically Maylene and Paul. It also foreshadows some major conflicts that Jack will have to deal with, both inner conflicts and outer conflicts. And I can't wait to see what's next in Jack Storm's future. Will Tobias' backstory be revealed? Will Team Alpha show up? Will the mysterious villain appear? Will Jack and Maylene kiss?"

Keldeo shrugged, "I don't know. . . ." Keldeo smiled and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Avatar the Last Airbender_

 _Breaking the Chains_ by AuraWielder

 _Conquering the Dark_ by AuraWielder

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _The Twilight Zone_

 _ESPURR, NO!_ by Megasteakman

 _The Talos Principle_ by Croteam

 _Inspector Gadget The Movie_ by Disney

 _Annabelle_ by Warner Bros.

 _The Animaniacs_ by Warner Bros.

 _Who's On First_ by Abbott and Costello

 _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_ by J.K. Rowling

 _Planet Fitness_

 _PeeWee's Playhouse_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _AuraWielder_

 _Jack Storm 448_

 _MandoPony_

 _Bulbapedia_


	47. Comedic Skit 4

_Based off of Jigsaw vs GLaDOS by Epic Rap Battle Parodies_

* * *

 ** _EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!_**

 ** _Bittercold_**

 ** _vs._**

 ** _Dark Matter!_**

 ** _BEGIN!_**

 **Dark Matter:**

StOOop, SNow MisER, afTer aLL, you'Re gOOd at frEEzIng,

And thE Winds that yoUR bReaKIng are mORe fOul thAn a WEEzing

YoU'rE the sEttINg of thE livE actIOn veRsIOn of _The Grinch_

Your HP in thIS bATtle wOn't be restOREd in thIs pINch

LIkE a BAsILIsk, I stONE evEryOne whO defIEs mE

BUt I thINK I'll banISh yOU bAck to yOUr Gates to Infinity

CrAck your Glacier Palace like Scrat, do it fASter than the huMAn

ThEN I'll sNAp Off yOUr arMs in frONt of YOur bOYfrIEnd Kyurem

It's surVIVal of thE fittEST whEn thERE's just oNe coMMon fOOd sOUrce

You cOUldn't beat Tim Curry siNGiNg aboUT Toxic Intercourse

YOU're jUSt a killer snOWflAke that cAMe dOwn frOM OUter spACe

And yOU cAn't EVen tAlk bACk, so IN yoUR non-EXistEnt fAce.

 **Bittercold:**

It's quite true, I have no lines in my game

But the fact that I _need_ no words only bolsters my fame

You're motivation is lamer than Pancham's bullying

You're ugly face is the only thing here that is worrying

You mind control pawns, you're an Orichalcos rip off

I've seen more dignified defeat in a Team Rocket blast off

I've created a cult with only sheer force of will

Loyal servants beat mind slaves by 93 million miles

A desire to loose lay within your very being

To my core, my desire for this planet was deleting

You call yourself Dark Matter, let you're attracted to sunlight

And when shattered you fall down upon the word as snow-like light

You never thought things through, you always thought inside the ball

I had the simpler plan, it took me way longer to fall

The Tree of Life's hardly as kill-able as the Great Deku Tree

Subtle toxic winds are smarter than your stoning sprees.

 **Dark Matter:**

YoU ArE so wEAk, so RUn Rudolph, hIde yOUr glOWing cORe in sHAme

Your so cALLed "loyal" cUlt was wEAk, and _you_ wERe to blAMe

My SHell pAcks more HP than yOUr Glacial Body EvEr coULd

WhY dOn't _you_ flY to tHE Sun aNd dO _everyone_ sOmE gOOd

It's Time I EXErTed my Force, I'lL Surround yOU With Injustice

Cast mY Shadow, Mow yOu Down, vaPOriZe yoUR vEry sUbsTANce

My Animosity wIll Shoot yoUr lights OUt aNd Blow Away yoUR Surrounding paLAce

I lIVe on in thE hEArts of PoKEmoN, kEEping unIVersal bALanCe

 **Bittercold:**

I'll Super Smash this Master Core clone, send it flying off the screen

And if you're in outer space, then that means no one will hear you scream

Your fancy moves don't scare me, the Winds of Despair are all I need

At least my lair self-destructed, yours came back rainbowed and freed

This Yami Marik sound-alike just doesn't like the cold

Or maybe he doesn't want to loose to a game he thinks is old

And you shouldn't have brought up Kyurem, for that you're going to pay

I'll bring up how you and Yveltal played _Fifty Shades of Grey_

 ** _WHO WON?_**

 ** _YOU DECIDE!_**

 ** _EPIC! RAP!_**

 _SMASH! CRASH!_

 ** _BATTLES OF POKEMON!_**

* * *

 **KELDEO THE CRITIC- SEASON 4 _FINALE!_**

 **POKEMON SUPER MYSTERY DUNGEON REVIEW!**

 _ **TUNE IN NEXT WEEK!**_

* * *

 _ **References**_

 _The Year Without a Santa Claus_

 _The Grinch (2000)_

 _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity_

 _Ice Age_

 _Fern Gully_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh: Waking the Dragons_

 _Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time_

 _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer_

 _Super Smash Bros. 3DS/WiiU_

 _Alien_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh: Battle City_

 _Fifty Shades of Grey_


	48. Visions

_**Hi, Matthais Unidostres here. Due to circumstances beyond our control, the promised Season 4 Finale will not be occurring until next month. Therefore, in order to fill up the time, Keldeo the Critic will present to you several extra fanfic reviews which shall be grouped under the title of-**_

"ABSOL MONTH!" Keldeo exclaimed, looking thrilled beyond words.

* * *

 _In the autumn, leaves were falling,_

 _When I found a sight appalling,_

 _Sight an Absol trodding closely, and I feared what it would bring,_

 _Through the market I was walking,_

 _Shiv'ring at its steady stalking,_

 _Stalking close, and then I realized it was here the day before,_

 _It would be there many more._

-Excerpt from _Absolute and Nevermore_ by BunnyWings

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 19- Visions by** **Incinirmatt**

 **tinyurl : jypox9n**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to. And it's ABSOL MONTH!" Keldeo exclaimed.

Scenes of Astrid's Mega Absol fighting against Alain's Mega Charizard X played.

"Absol might as well be an honorary Sword of Justice," Keldeo said, "These Pokemon, gifted with the ability to foresee disasters, show themselves as warnings to humans, acting as sings for people to prepare or flee the disaster area. They save lives, even if it means that they end up being blamed for the disaster. But really, in today's modern world, no person has any excuse for thinking that they cause disasters anymore. Anyway, I meant what I said. With that magnificent horn, really strong attack power, and devotion to a noble cause, I couldn't think of any Pokemon more worthy of being an honorary Sword of Justice."

Keldeo grinned excitedly and said, "So, all this month, I'll be reviewing fanfics that focus on Absol. So, what's the first one I'm reviewing?"

* * *

 _ **Visions**_

 _By: Incinirmatt_

 _What Absol see are not pretty. Now imagine a child Absol seeing the oncoming disasters. It's not fun._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Absol - Words: 1,175 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: Aug 4, 2012 - Status: Complete - id: 8393980_

* * *

"Nope," Keldeo said as he walked off, "Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope- LET ME GO, VICTINI!"

Victini dragged Keldeo back onto the rock platform by his horn. Victini pointed downward and said, "You've got a job to do Keldeo, and I'm gonna make sure that you do it!"

"Since when did you become Drill Sergeant Nasty?" Keldeo asked in surprise.

"I've decided to take my job more seriously!" Victini said as he floated still with his arms folded, "Let's get serious! That's my new motto! Serious! Just like this fanfic! _Dead_ serious! A serious look on what it means to be an Absol!"

"But that's one of the problems with this story!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"Too serious for ya?" Victini said with a raised eyebrow.

"No, it's fake serious!" Keldeo shot back, "Well, kinda. It just messes with your expectations. The summary makes it sounds like, I don't know, black ironic comedy or something. Then when you read it, it does feel serious, but then it goes from serious to mellow dramatic to stupid beyond belief to _absolutely ridiculous in a really unfunny and painful way!"_

Keldeo hung his head and said, "But I guess that gives me all the more reason to review this story to show everyone exactly how bad it is. So, pay no attention to my _serious_ friend over there, and watch as I review _Visions._ "

"So our story begins with this cute little Absol named Reta playing with her mother."

* * *

 _Reta was only a small little Absol when she learned of her natural ability; the ability to sense oncoming disasters. Normally, an Absol's sixth sense didn't come, however, until a few years after birth, when the Absol had matured enough to be able to handle it. That wasn't the case for Reta. When she obtained her ability, she was still a little girl—a child, innocent in mind and body—which was quite rare. Few Absol get their sixth sense before maturity._

* * *

"Okay, now this is the part that's the _good_ kind of serious. We get some fannon insight on how an Absol's ability works, and way to produce some tension and conflict in the story," Keldeo said, looking pleased, "So, we see Reta's mother thinking about her own innocent past before she gained her ability when the plot begins to heat up."

* * *

 _Typical of her daughter to want to play. Not many Absol did that anymore. Fun was…something lost to them long ago. About the time they learned of their sixth sense, to be exact._

 _"Can't catch me~ Lalala~" Reta chimed, running faster but still not fast enough for her mother to need to increase her speed. Her mother smiled softly; a child's happiness truly was a wonder. Such a shame that she'd lose it._

 _"Calm down, Reta." her mother laughed a bit. Reta joined in, until a twitch of her horn made her stop in her tracks._

 _"…?"_

 _"Is something wrong Reta?" her mother asked. Reta hesitated then her horn twitched again. That was odd. It never did that before. Not only that, but the vibrations seemed to…tell her something. More twitching followed, this time affecting her sight as well. Colors began to blur and transition into a new image. Reta could only watch in confusion as she saw one of those human-made structures…what did her mother call them again? Buildings! She saw a building standing tall and still._

 _Suddenly, smoke began to appear from the rooftop. Shortly after, flames began shooting out from the windows and covering the walls until the entire tower was burning. Reta heard screams—screams of pain. Her horn was definitely trying to tell her something. Through its vibrations, she could see and hear everything that was happening…no, her horn said it hasn't happened. There was still time! She could stop it!_

* * *

"You know, that's actually an important detail," Keldeo remarked, "Reta isn't _completely_ afraid. She still has the presence of mind to _want_ to help. That's quite a nice sentiment that increases your respect for and attachment to this character."

* * *

 _"I-I don't know why, b-but I saw a fire! P-People were screaming too! We have to help them!" Reta told her before taking off in a random direction. "It's this way! I-I know it is!"_

* * *

 _ **Mighty Mouse:** "Here I come to save the day!"_

* * *

 _"Reta, that fire is too far away." her mother replied solemnly._

 _"W-What?" This made Reta freeze. What did her mother mean it was too far away?_

 _"I saw it too; visions of danger just come too often." she explained, shaking her head. "They happen in only a second and come so often, regardless of where it is." Reta's mother sighed, sitting down. "Every time something happens, we can sense it. It doesn't matter if we can do anything about it or not. That fire? It's going to be miles away, and it'd take over four hours to get there. The fire starts in five minutes."_

 _"W-Well…"_

 _"I know you want to help, but some other Absol will have to. We can't do a thing."_

* * *

"Wait a minute, if you're too far away to get there then how are you detecting it?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "Shouldn't only Absol's _close_ to the disaster be able to see it? Like, each Absol has their own district or something? If there's no distance or area limit, then what's to keep Absol's from seeing things happen 24-7? They wouldn't be able to do anything!"

* * *

 _"Sure we can!" Reta argued, but her mother shushed her._

 _"We cannot." her mother stated, ears drooping. "You see, Reta…"_

* * *

 _"We're in Absol Teamster Union Local 149. The fire is in under Local 152's jurisdiction. You wouldn't want mommy to loose her union card, now would you?"_

"But before her mother can go into more detail, Reta suddenly gets another vision," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"O-Oh Arceus!" Reta wailed, hiding her face within her paws. "I-I saw something else…"_

 _"They come quite often."_

* * *

"They come quite often!?" Keldeo repeated in disbelief, "That's impossible! If there's no kind of limit to what disasters an Absol can see, even if _they're_ hours away from it, then how do they not completely loose their minds? Or even besides that, how the hay to they _live?_ How can they find food, battle, or _sleep_ if they're always getting hit by visions they can't even do anything about! It kinda makes it all pointless, doesn't it?"

* * *

 _"T-The ground is shaking! O-Oh Arceus, look what's happening to those Pokémon!" Reta was on the verge of tears at this point. Fear seemed to have taken a hold of the small Absol and was shaking her like she was some kind of maraca as images of a large scale earthquake struck a distant land. The ground trembled, trees fell and bloodcurdling cries echoed through the air underneath the sounds of rumbling. Pokémon, both big and small, lied on the ground motionless while some others tried to run. "T-They're all hurt."_

 _"Reta?" her mother asked. Reta's eyes widened in alarm as more visions launched themselves into her mind._

 _"W-What's happening?!" Another vision flashed into her mind._

* * *

"Three in a row- WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Keldeo exclaimed, "I mean, now this is just getting stupid. This would be extremely disorienting from any Absol. What if they were in the middle of a life or death battle, or climbing a mountain, or jumping across a gap, or hanging off the edge of the cliff. Sure, everyone has rotten luck, but you'd think that any vision they saw would at least be _close by,_ _and not right after two others!_ "

Keldeo sighed and said, "Okay, so the first one was a fire. The second was an earthquake. So I'm guessing the third one is a flood, right?"

* * *

 _This one was an image of a Team Rocket squad on a killing spree. All of them were wielding some type of machine gun, but, of course, Reta didn't know what they were._

 _Bang bang bang bang bang bang!_

 _My leg!_

 _Oh my god, they killed Kenny!_

 _You bastards! Agh!_

* * *

Keldeo stood still, looking completely un-amused.

"You know, I was gonna do a Cinema Sins parody here. You know, like the one I did in my review of _Wild Pokemon's Revenge._ But I don't think this stupid, _stupid_ scene even deserves that. First of all, HOW IS THIS A NATURAL DISASTER!?" Keldeo shouted, "Who was Reta's father? Reaper? Second, THERE ARE NO GUNS IN POKEMON!"

An image of the Safari Zone Warden pointing a gun at Ash's face appeared.

"That episode was banned!" Keldeo argued.

An image of Jessie holding a bazooka and James holding a machine gun appeared.

"Are you kidding me? That bazooka shot cherry blossoms! The machine gun was probably loaded with marshmallows!" Keldeo argued.

An image of Nastina dual wielding assault rifles appeared.

"Okay, you got me there, but they got rid of all the guns starting in the Johto League story arc!" Keldeo said in frustration, "But that doesn't matter, because _regardless_ this whole 'disaster' doesn't even make any sense. What is the context of this event. And yes, I know that Reta has no context for her visions, but what I mean is that I can't comprehend why this would even occur in the first place? Team Rocket doesn't go on killing sprees, it makes no sense! Team Rocket steals Pokemon, sometimes normal, sometimes Legendaries, but that's all they do! What does mowing people down with machine guns have to do with that? They don't go on killing sprees! And even if they had to get through a group of people in order to steal a Legendary Pokemon or something, they wouldn't use guns, they'd blow them out of the way with their Pokemon! Are they even killing people in that vision, or are they shooting Pokemon? I honestly can't tell. Well, that would be even dumber, because you can't steal and use Pokemon to take over the world if you've _killed all the Pokemon!_ Team Flare is the one that wants to kill everybody, not Team Rocket! But this story was written a year before Pokemon X and Y came out, so what the hay is even going on right now!?"

Victini threw Keldeo's Soothe Bell at the side of Keldeo's head. Keldeo stood in a daze for a moment, then shook himself out of it and took a few breaths. "Okay, I'm good. . ."

"You're welcome," Victini remarked before floating away.

Keldeo glared after Victini and said, "I hate it when people do that."

* * *

 _"M-Make them stop!" Reta shrieked at the top of her lungs. "I-I can't take it! Turn them off!"_

 _"We can't." Reta's mother told her sadly. "I'd be a happy woman if we could." Whimpering, Reta buried her face in her paws, but still the terrible visions invaded her mind. No matter what she tried, Reta couldn't get rid of them. She witnessed tornadoes, explosions and all sorts of genocide. Death was shown to her in scores, scarring the suffering Absol. Reta began sobbing. Could she really do nothing? Was this all really going to happen? What was going on with the world to cause all of this to happen all at once?_

* * *

 ** _Confused Matthew:_** _"Bad writing!"_

"Also, acknowledging that something is weird, stupid, and makes no sense doesn't make it better!" Keldeo complained.

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, at the very least, now we know that things can't get any worse."

* * *

 _"W-Why am I seeing this?" she inquired desperately._

* * *

"Good question. Why _am_ I still reading this?" Keldeo remarked with a look of disgust.l

* * *

 _"I don't know, Reta." her mother said, before both of them received another vision. Unlike the others, this one showed a strange creature made entirely out of pixels. It looked like a d in some ways, but was much more block-like. Little parts of it were missing entirely, and it looked like some kind of bad video game censor—or that someone tried to make something and poorly put a design of pixels over it to cover it up. Either way, it was menacing somehow._

* * *

Keldeo spun around on his rear hooves and plunged his head into the water. Victini flew in yelling and pulled Keldeo's head roughly out of the water.

"No, Keldeo! It's not worth it! Don't-" Victini cried out out.

"I wasn't downing myself, I just needed something to shock out my intense anger and disbelief before it could break my mind!" Keldeo spluttered out, spitting water as he spoke.

"Oh. . ." Victini said, calming down quickly, "So. . . you okay?"

"NO!" Keldeo shouted, "What the hay is wrong with this writer?! _Missingno.! **Missingno.!**_ WHY? Just. . . WHY!? First of all, not a natural disaster. Second of all, **_MISSINGNO.?!_** This makes even less sense than Team Rocket slaughtering people! You could at least understand how some of the earlier episodes of the Anime could lead someone to believe that Team Rocket kills people on a regular basis. But why is-? It's just so-? It's like writing a fanfic where Ash uses the Item Duplication Glitch. You can't have a electronic compute code based plot point within the Pokemon universe, because _it's not a computer world!_ Pokemon aren't made of data and code, so how could Missingno. even exist in this universe. The only way this could possibly work is if we were in a compute with Porygon and Missingno. was some kind of virus that attacks them. And even after all that, Missingno. can't be in here because this is not a creepypasta! Aren't writers supposed to warn you in advance that you're about to read a creepypasta. Sure, Missingno. actually exists and wasn't made up for a creepypasta, but it's still strange and glitchy enough to be semi-part of the whole Pokemon Creepypasta Universe!"

Keldeo let out a big and loud breath of frustration. Then he calmly said, "But you know what the one good thing about all this is? It's that now, _finally,_ we know, without the shadow of a doubt, that this story couldn't possibly get any worse. We have reached the absolute low, and there's nothing that could possibly happen that could bring this story down any further."

* * *

 _Laughter echoed through the two Absols' ears as pixelated flames slowly began burning the vision until it was nothing but blackness. Several seconds passed before Reta's mother's vision returned. When it did, she saw her daughter lying still. "Reta? Reta, are you alright?" she asked, walking over to the motionless child. "Reta, say something." No response or even movement, for that matter. The child just lied there._

 _"…"_

 _"Reta! Reta, wake up!" At this point, Reta's mother was really starting to worry for her daughter. "Say something!" she pleaded, pushing her nose against Reta which, in turn, ended up rolling her over. Blankness filled her eyes. The kid Absol was dead. "Reta! RETA!" Tears began welling up in her mother's eyes, slowly falling down her face afterwards. Why did her daughter have to see those visions at such a young age? She wasn't ready, nor did she deserve to die. All her mother wanted right now was to be able to hold her living body again, but it wouldn't happen. Her child was dead, and no-one could ever come back from death._

 _"My baby…"_

* * *

". . . . . You. . ." Keldeo began, ". . .sick, manipulative, psychotic, sadistic **_MONSTER!_** Wha-?! What kind of creep writes stuff like this?! At least _Zuma's Fear_ was leading into a sequel where everything is going to be resolved! This is the equivalent of _Zuma's Fear_ ending with Zuma jumping off that ledge! Alright, I've had it! Forget the Team Rocket massacre, you know what the _real_ disaster is here?"

"This story!" Victini shouted.

"No! This _author_!" Keldeo exclaimed, "This Incinirmatt person just. _. ._ goes too far!"

"What do you mean?" Victini asked.

"You think _this_ story was bad? How about a story where a Ninetails curses a Machoke to constantly and mercilessly beat his little brother Machop for a _thousand years straight!_ Or a story where Celebi time travels in the middle of this creepy ritualistic killing?Or, even better, how about a story about a little Tepig on a farm who sees the farmer _slaughter and disembowel his farther for meat!_ "

Victini lurched in disgust, turning green at the thought. "Ugh! KELDEO!" he moaned, clearly trying as hard as he could to keep himself from vomiting, "I thought you didn't read rated M stories!"

"Oh, it's not rated M. It's Rated K+," Keldeo said nonchalantly.

"WHAT!?" Victini exclaimed, his eyes wide with disbelief.

"Yeah, see for yourself," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _ **Pig Meat**_

 _By: Incinirmatt_

 _Life on a farm is full of hard work. Gathering crops, raising the Combusken, and taking care of the Tepig. It can really make a man feel proud of himself. However, the same can't be said for the Tepig._

 _Rated: **Fiction K+** \- English - Tragedy - Tepig/Pokabu - Words: 623 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: Aug 6, 2012 - Status: Complete - id: 8401576_

* * *

" _ **FICTION K+!?"**_ Victini exclaimed at the top of his lungs, "A story about a Tepig being slaughtered and killed and cut up in the bloodiest manner possible is rated K+?" Victini stared in utter disbelief, then he frowned and said, "You know what? Forget this psycho. This author needs to go punch itself in the face. I'm outta here." Victini then flew away, presumably to throw up.

Keldeo sighed and said, "I probably shouldn't judge people like this. Some people just really like grimdark stories like this. Sure, I'm disturbed by it, but. . . _maybe?. . ._ others can see the. . . _artistic value? . . ._ Oh biscuits, who am I kidding, that's a sick story you can only read for sick reasons! THIS IS _GARBAGE_! At the very least, _give your **filth** accurate ratings!_ BISCUITS!"

Keldeo composed himself and said, "Well, I should probably should focus on the story I'm actually reviewing. As you can probably tell, I didn't like it. It's not as bad as some of Incinirmatt's other stuff, but I still didn't like it. The whole thing was just an attempt to create a depressing tragedy. However, since the logic of everything that happened here makes no sense, the sad ending just feels like an insult, with the appearance of Missingno. showing how much the author either was lazy or just didn't care. Reta could've ran off in a panic and fell off a cliff or maybe even went crazy and killed herself."

Keldeo quickly held up a forehoof and said, "Don't get me wrong, I still would've been upset about that! Suicide is an unspeakable horror, but at least that would've taken actual effort on the author's part to orchestrate! But nope, just throw in Missingno. and have it magically kill her! It's not like anyone with a brain will read this story, so who even cares!"

Keldeo put his right forehoof to his forehead and moaned, "This story. . . this horrible, terrible, awful, deceitful story! It started out as a clever study of the development of an Absol's ability, but then it began a sadistic trip down Incinirmatt's rabbit hole of terror! I get that Incinirmatt is a dark writer, and that many people like reading dark, depressing literature. But what's inexcusable here is how lazy and manipulative this story is, and how it just tries to get an emotional response out of you using such a cheap trick as child torture! It gets so many details wrong, and the inexplicable deluge of disasters that apparently decided to happen all at once and yet are not even within our main characters' jurisdiction go beyond plot convenience and sail right into the realm of _really bad_ _writing_!"

Keldeo threw up his forehooves and said, "But what do you expect from the sadist who wrote something as atrocious and evil as _Pig Meat_! I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **The End**

 **Credits**

 _Confused Matthew_

 _Absolute and Nevermore_ by BunnyWings

 _Mighty Mouse_ by FOX

 _Cinema Sins_

 **Special Thanks**

 _Bulbapedia_

 _HavocHound_


	49. A Dark Night

_In the autumn, leaves were falling,_

 _When I found a sight appalling,_

 _Sight an Absol trodding closely, and I feared what it would bring,_

 _Through the market I was walking,_

 _Shiv'ring at its steady stalking,_

 _Stalking close, and then I realized it was here the day before,_

 _It would be there many more._

-Excerpt from _Absolute and Nevermore_ by BunnyWings

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 20- A Dark Night by DDD-DarkDarkDark**

 **tinyurl : ****gva82f3**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to. And this time, I'm gonna review a GOOD story for Absol Month!" Keldeo cheered.

Keldeo composed himself and said, "But first, we need to address a few things. First, to follow the whole _disaster_ theme we've go going here, it being _Absol_ Month, let's talk about dead fanfics. Dead fanfics are stories that have a 99% chance of never being finished. These are the fanfics where you've read up to the most recent chapter and you wanna see what happens next, then you see that the most recent update was 3 years ago."

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAH!**_

Keldeo smiled a goofy smile and shrugged in an exaggerated manner.

Keldeo then became serious and said, "Yeah, yeah, that's a _disaster_ more often than not. But the second thing I want to address is. . . well. . . sometimes a fanfic being dead may be a good thing. Case in point: _A Dark Night_ by DDD-DarkDarkDark."

* * *

 _ **A Dark Night**_

 _By: DDD-DarkDarkDark_

 _An Absol saves a girl and forms a close bond with her. They go through a lot together, but what happens when a worldwide phenomenon forces them to face new challenges they never thought possible? AbsolxOC HumanxPokemon Please READ & REVIEW_

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Absol - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,737 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 28 - Updated: Jun 30, 2014 - Published: Jul 10, 2013 - id: 9479211_

* * *

Keldeo sighed and called out over his shoulder, "Yeah, I know you're there!"

The Shinny Donphan frowned at Keldeo, staring grumpily at him.

"Victini, can you show our friend the way out of here?" Keldeo called out.

Victini flew over to the Donphan and said, "Sure thing, Keldeo! Now, sir, let's discuss our feelings on Water-types. . ."

As Victini led the Donphan away, Keldeo continued, "So yeah, technically this is a kind of a. . . _you know what_ story. Although, technically there's some kind of transformation thing going on. Whether the Absol turns completely into a human or if he just turns into some kind of weird anthro, I'm not sure." Keldeo grinned and said, "But here's the thing. The story stops before we get into the actual transformation thing, or even before we actually see any romance. What we _do_ see is a completely normal and healthy friendship between a human and a Pokemon. It actually kinda reminds me of Kevin and Buizel, Jordan and Ryan, Jack Storm and Lucy, or even Matthais' own Jayron and Krystal. So, with that in mind, I'd say that this fanfic is better off dead. So, let's jump right into _A Dark Night._ "

"So, our story begins in _Chapter I: A Dark Night_ , with an Absol rushing to a disaster he's sensing."

* * *

 _A tingling sensation creeps through my fur; something I can't explain._

 _A feeling of longing and desire and just pure, instinctual protectiveness flourishes in my mind; something I can't explain._

 _I need to go now. I need to be where I need to be… It's something I just can't explain._

* * *

"That's very interesting," Keldeo remarked, "Technically, it's the Absol's horn that senses disasters, but here there seems to be a larger emphasis on his fur. Well, anyway, we then change to the point of the human girl. We know this because the author writes the Absol's point of view in italics. Nice job DDD."

* * *

 _I can't help but walk a little faster tonight. Not only was it much colder than usual, but it was much later than usual. It was my first night closing at work tonight._

* * *

 _ **Bubsy:** "What could _**_possibly_** _go wrong?!"_

* * *

 _Okay… Admittedly, it is a little spooky to walk around the city this late at night. Sure, there's cars passing every now and then, and the street lights keep me from being completely blind, but it's just so… empty…?_

 _I gave up on my shortcuts through the alleyways just to avoid any possibility of getting into trouble. I offered one glance into the alley that saved me three blocks of a walk, only to see some Houndour scouring through the trash. Nope. Looks like I'm walking the long way around tonight._

 _The name's Amy. I'm fifteen and got my first job only two weeks ago. I got to learn the ropes pretty quick (working fulltime and all). The job pays well and they gave me two weeks before making me close the place, so I guess I'm okay with it._

 _My parents have always been on my case about getting a job… Now look where that got me. I heard one of the pokémon howl from the alley I saw. Pfft. I couldn't help but laugh at the situation my parents put me in._

* * *

"Hey, with Walmart closing all those stores, you should consider yourself lucky to have a job at all!" Keldeo warned.

* * *

 _The sensation is growing stronger. Time is running out._

 _I will find you. I promise!_

 _I refuse to let you down, Stranger._

* * *

Keldeo looked excited, "Oh man, the suspense is killing me! What's gonna happen to our realistic, likable human protagonist?"

* * *

 _I turned the next corner, expecting to see the bus stop down the long path. That's when I saw a dark figure staring straight at me._

* * *

"So Amy ends up running right into the Absol, but she ends up getting scared by it and runs away."

* * *

 _You must stop! Please!_

 _My sixth sense was causing me to go numb as I pinned the girl to the ground, feeling relief as the sense released me for just a moment._

 _If you run… If you run, I think you will die! Not by me!_

 _There was not a doubt in my mind… This girl's fate was determined to kill her one way or another._

* * *

"Whoa! You really _throw_ _yourself_ into your work, don't you?" Keldeo said with a grin.

 _A rimshot can be heard as the shot cuts to show the other pups staring at him in disapproval._

 _ **Marshall** : "Uh, next time, I'll spare you the wipeout."_

 _Another rimshot is heard. The pups continue to stare, unimpressed with his puns._

 _ **Marshall** : "{Defeated} Okay, okay, let's go."_

"He also seems to kinda _stink_ at his job because Amy somehow gets away from him and run into the path of a bus."

* * *

 _"Help!" I yelled as it pressed more weight onto my back. I saw lights turning on in the apartments above. Someone's coming. But maybe it will be too late. I pushed with all my might and managed to roll the Pokémon off my back._

 _It quickly bit down onto the strap of my bag, which I let roll off my shoulder without hesitation._

 _I took off. Yes! I'm gunna make it! I ran out of the alley and across the street. I looked back to see if the Pokémon caught up, but my eyes landed on the blinding light._

 _A horn echoed throughout the city. It was so loud, I could feel it in my bones. It was a bus horn. I had enough time to look, and just stare at the bus that was throttling towards me._

 _It's funny how time seems to slow like this. You can't move, but you are able to register everything that happens in moments like this. I felt my scarf come loose._

 _It is such a weird thing for me to notice right now. I'm about to get hit by a bus, and I'm paying attention to the cool, evening air flow across my neck. It was a strangely welcome cold._

 _No, my life isn't flashing before my eyes. My mind was thankfully pre-occupied with simple things, still trying to escape._

 _I closed my eyes in defeat. I guess it's over._

 _I felt the cold air become warm from the headlights and then a painful sensation hit my hip._

 _The moment was a blur. I heard voices yelling while I simply stared at the white light above me. My vision came back into focus as I found myself staring into the bright streetlight._

 _"I- I'm alive…" I tried to lift my hand up to my face as if to check, but felt something heavy pinning my arm to my side._

 _I sat up, feeling a dull ache in my side. I lifted my head and found the white Pokémon laying on my chest, breathing awkwardly and softly. Before the fear could even register, I saw its twisted back legs. "Absol…" it groaned and huffed out._

 _Blood seeped from it's legs onto my pants but I didn't pay any mind to it. "You… You saved me…" I stared at the Pokémon in complete shock._

 _The only response I received was a slow turn of the head, and it stared into my eyes. Those eyes… I remember now… Absol. They said you have a special sense… it was all over the news when I was a kid._

 _I sat up further. There were people all around us, whispering._

 _"It saved her…"_

 _"It pushed her out of the way…"_

 _"Did someone call for an ambulance?"_

 _"It's on the way."_

* * *

"And here we have a good example how how suspension of disbelief is connected to the quality of the story," Keldeo said, "We all know that an Absol couldn't predict someone getting hit by a bus because that's not a natural disaster. But, since this story is expertly written with good characters, great characterization, good setting, and amazing details, we can accept in. Now, in a bad fanfic like _Visions,_ an Absol predicting something stupid like Team Rocket mowing people down with machine is just another stupid thing to complain about."

Keldeo took a deep breath and smiled, "But I digress! Back to this expertly written, detail rich story!"

* * *

 _Emotions brewed in my head._

 _I don't know what it was… tears filled my eyes as I looked back down to the Absol. It only stared into my eyes._

 _I wrapped my arms around its neck as it whimpered in pain. "I'm- I'm so sorry." I sobbed. "I didn't know." I pet the white fur on it's head and pushed my head into its white mane, crying into it._

 _"Forgive me, please." I whimpered back to it._

 _I felt it turn its head towards me. If you want to bite me, do it. I deserve it. I screamed in my head as tears streamed down my face._

 _I stared at it, as it slowly brought it's face to mine, and licked the tears away._

 _It stopped and looked at me once again and softly purred, "Absol…"._

 _I simply hugged him around the white, furry mane as his eyes fell into the back of his head._

* * *

"Well, yeah, this is sweet and all, but wasn't the reason Amy almost got hit by the bus because the Absol scared her?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "But I guess he did sense that something was going to happen, so I suppose _something_ would have still happened if he hadn't come there. Gosh, I wouldn't expect an _Absol_ of all creatures to be trapped by a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy!"

"So in _Chapter II: Worry and Despair,_ the wounded Absol is brought in for medical care at a Pokemon Center, which also gives him time to think about the details of the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy he brought upon himself."

* * *

T _he image of her sad face engraved itself in my mind. Such a wonderful… yet terrible thing to have to watch as I wait to come back up… I heard the voices._

 _I can hear people. What are they saying…?_

 _"Make sure he stays under throughout the-…"_

 _Throughout what?_

 _"-You need to… … Miss, you need to wait out-…"_

 _I examined the sad face of the girl. Her brown eyes are filled with tears._

 _Why is such an innocent person so sad…? I looked at the image longer. She was crying. Hovering over me…_

 _Her hair fell from the sides of her head, almost touching my mane._

 _Do not worry about me, stranger. It is what I do… It is what I must do._

 _Even if I was biased against you… my nature is to help those whose fate is ill. Please do not cry._

 _The image remained._

 _It made my mind stir with emotions. Please… Just don't worry about me…_

* * *

"Well, he's devoted to his job, I'll give him that. Another reason why I like Absols," Keldeo said with approval.

* * *

 _A Pokémon saved my life- Was the only thought I could use to fight the overwhelming realization._

 _The doctors said I was lucky. 'Not many people have a fate that an Absol could- or would- bother to interfere with.'_

 _Mom might be here soon. I glanced to the door that led to the operating room. If you can hear me, I worded in my head (thinking the Absol might pick up on my thoughts and whereabouts), I will be back in a bit. I promise._

 _I began walking down the hallways, wiping my eyes of any tears or smeared makeup. I spent the time, straightening the wrinkles in my jacket, trying to look as "together" for my mom as I could._

 _It didn't last long because she started crying right when she saw me in the waiting room._

 _"Amy, oh my lord." She rushed up to me and hugged me tightly, wrapping a firm hand behind my back and my head. "Never scare me like this again." My mom struggled to say before breaking down into tears._

 _I couldn't hold back. Maybe I'm just a dramatic teenager, but I have never felt so fragile and scared in my entire life. I pulled away from the embrace and motioned for her to follow me towards the Absol's room._

 _"They said he'll live, but won't be able to walk for a while." I gestured towards the door, and mom immediately peeked through the small, glass window on the door. I already tried to watch from the window, but the surgeons did a good job of blocking the view. Admittedly, it would have driven me mad if I could have watched them work. Thankfully, the only thing I could see was a bit of white fur and the black sickle protruding from his head._

* * *

"Wait, the operating room door has a window? Why?" Keldeo asked incredulously

* * *

 _"Now I don't blame you for running." She said quietly, after seeing his form._

 _"I'm so stupid." I said as I plopped down on the chair._

 _Mom sat down next to me and stroked my back, "No one is blaming you, Amy."_

 _"If it weren't for me, he wouldn't be in there." I yelled frantically._

* * *

"Well, _h_ _e's_ the one who made you run into the street," Keldeo argued, "I know his ability brought him there, so I _assume_ something was going to happen regardless. But you didn't know that."

* * *

 _"If it weren't for him, you wouldn't be here." She point out, calming me down. "It was his choice, Amy. I can't say I would have known about his… 'Sense'." She took her hand from my back. "You just need to be thankful and think about what is happening rather than what could have happened."_

* * *

Keldeo looked very impressed by that line. "That's. . . actually a very smart bit of insight. The circumstances don't really matter. The fact is that he saved her, Self-Fulfilling Prophecy or not. He put his life on the line, and now he won't be able to walk. This was a selfless action that should definitely be honored, not criticized."

* * *

 _I took the time to look him over. His fur was a shaggy mess, swooping sideways just above his eyes. The sewed-up scar was hard to look at. Despite his condition, he breathed softly and lay still with a serene expression on his dark-skinned face._

 _I couldn't help but notice the black claws twitching every now and again on his forearms. He's dreaming. The whole thing made me realize just how magnificent he was. I haven't dealt with Pokémon much, living in a big city and all, but I felt as if he were very… magnificent…? I guess he reminds me of the pictures of those rarer species' like Entei and the other two. Just a little more modest in his appearance. I smiled at the thought._

* * *

"The reaction of every Absol fan ever. Also, he's a million times better than those three, I'll tell you that. You know, cause he actually _does_ something when someone nearby is gonna die," Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _Time passed as I ran the doctor (and technically mom) through the events of the night. They interrupted to ask questions a few times, but the whole conversation left me with a question._

 _"What's going to happen to him?" I looked back to the doctor._

 _"Well… We'll have to contact some people about the policy on 'Heroic, Wild Absols'… But most likely will be allowed to recover, and then maybe sent over to the safari preserve." He looked down to the Absol._

* * *

Keldeo then put on a deadpanned expression and said flatly, "Oh gee. I wonder what's going to happen to the Absol now?"

* * *

 _They would just send him there… to be captured by some trainer…? He would literally have to fight for his survival. The idea was appalling, and I could see it in mom's expression too._

 _That's when she said something I never expected, "What if we take him in?"_

* * *

"So the Absol wakes up, and then. . . the. . . author decides to change the format of the POV swtiches?" Keldeo said in confusion.

* * *

 _Typographical shift. Note: Same Character POV… just removing the italics… Unless I am typing out thought or L- ….I mean… Absol's speech ;)_

* * *

Keldeo appeared utterly confused as he said, "Well, okay, fine. If that's the way you want it, I'm okay with it, I guess. Thanks for telling us."

"So we get to see our main characters' first moment of bonding, and I'd say it really benefits from being from the Absol's point of view, seeing as he's the one behind that annoying one way language barrier."

* * *

 _"Hey." I felt a soft touch on my cheek, which immediately got my attention._

 _You… You stayed with me. I left my eyes open and watched as my vision fully returned to me. Sure enough, it was the girl…_

 _Something in me jumped, as if I had finally eaten for the first time in days. I felt my distress over her sadness fade away while I took in the new image of her smiling._

 _Sunlight gleamed into the building through the shades, which made me wonder how long it must have been. I shifted, only to feel a stab of pain in my legs. A growl and a flinch was my reply._

 _"Shh, just relax." Her soft voice rang like a melody. "It will take some time before you can walk again." She pet the fur on my head._

 _Confusion. A million questions must have entered my head. I glanced from her, over to the window._

 _She noticed and explained my situation._

 _So it has been a whole night. My legs are broken. I brought my head up to look at my legs, weighed down in the casts. And I have been sewn up. I noticed the stitches on my right, hind leg._

 _Despair… I think that is the word for how I feel. I looked at my legs again and sadness overwhelmed me. I cannot live with these. I-… There is no way to catch food or run with legs like… I whimpered as the realization took hold of me._

 _The same, soft hand brought my head back down to the pillow and stroked the fur from out of my eyes. She ran her hand up and down my mane, comfortingly._

 _"Everything's going to be alright." She said._

 _She must have seen my doubt, because she spoke again, "My name is Amora Lindengale. Everyone calls me 'Amy', though."_

 _Amora… What a name. I thought to myself._

 _"I know you're confused and hurt and probably scared," She continued to run her hand through my thick, white fur. "But I can help you… okay?" She pulled something out onto the bed._

 _I understand now. My eyes could have burnt as hole through the Pokéball, I was staring at it that coldly._

 _"You don't have to…" She said. "I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do… But I am worried about what will happen to you otherwise…" She looked away._

 _Amora… We both know what would become of me… I looked to see her face._

 _She is sincere. I can see it. She looked to me with genuine sympathy._

 _"I just can't let you do something like that for me and watch the worst of luck toss you around in the open air." She spoke softly._

 _I looked to her, and then to the Pokéball. The door opened, and the man left the room, leaving just the two of us._

 _"Just know that you owe me nothing, Amora." I tried to say._

 _I brought my head closer to the device she held in her hand. No sensation of dread or fear came over me. My sixth sense had nothing to say as I pushed my nose against the Pokéball._

* * *

"So then in _Chapter III: Leo. . ._ so is that his name? I dunno. So in the third chapter we get. . . really well flavored exposition," Keldeo said honestly, "That's really all it is. But unlike other kinds of exposition that Munna and I like to sing about, this exposition is more substantial and entertaining in a 'huh, that's interesting kind of way.' It's basically just like chewing really good gum."

* * *

 _Days, weeks, and months all seemed to meld into a blur. Sure, I remember the day I agreed to go with her. And sure, I remember the day I came home from the Pokémon Center… But my day-to-day life consisted of waking up, eating, and just being part of the family._

 _It's hard to look back at the life I had before… The stress of finding food each morning: no longer an issue. The distrust of others: no longer a problem of mine._

 _I am not bored. Sure, there are slow days… but the feeling I get from just being with my family… that feeling of belonging… I cannot express the happiness it brings me._

* * *

"And the whole chapter is basically an exploration of that. and it really is funny compelling, and even touching at times."

* * *

 _Of course things were slow when I first came home (because I was still unable to walk). I just had to be patient and rest. The "television" made the days go by quickly. Before my legs healed, I would stay home and watch whatever program was showing (of course, I needed some explanation as to what the device was and how it worked)._

* * *

"Oh, who am I kidding. You all just wanna see the heartwarming moments between him and Amy," Keldeo said in resignation.

* * *

 _I still remember a night when Amy was watching a movie on the TV in her room and I watched with her on her bed. I do not remember the movie exactly… because I fell asleep. It was the first full night of sleep I had gotten since I came home. I felt guilty, but her bed was much more comfortable than the stiff cushion in the living room._

 _It surprised me that she didn't wake me and ask me to move to my bed. Instead, she insisted that I sleep there if it was more comfortable. I was hesitant to take her up on the offer… mainly because it came off as inappropriate at first… but I got past the thought and just went for it. I curled up next to her one night and she simply pet my head and said good night._

 _The closeness was nice…_

 _I guess it proved to me that they finally trusted me. I've never had close family or friends… The idea of finally having someone… it makes me feel… happy…?_

 _Every Pokémon I've ever come across has always been frightened by me. I don't blame them and I never got worked up over it… but I think I always longed for this friendship- this kinship-._

 _I soon found myself walking Amy to school each day. She would put me in the Pokéball during school, and some days we would go to the park afterwards. Her friends had that same, distanced and cautious attitude around me at first. I think Amy found it amusing too, and even told them a story about "the time I attacked the mailman" (which never happened, but it was still entertaining to see them go pale)._

* * *

Keldeo stared down at a clipboard as he casually remarked, "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just going through the _Pokemon and Human Bonding Cliche Checklist._ Let's see, risking one's life for the other, _check._ Being captured in a Pokeball of their own free will, _check._ Sleeping in the same bed, _check._ Always staying out with the human every second he/she is not in school, _check._ "

* * *

 _She seemed to be one of the smarter humans for her age. At least from what she was telling me, she always seemed interested in learning and was known as a "good student". It made me… proud…? Yes. I think she made me feel proud of her. It was a warm, empowering feeling that I don't think I've felt before._

 _It made me look up to her over the years. Amy never seemed to get into trouble except for the night we met. Sure, there were a few times I would get anxious for her well-being (specifically when she would go off to one of those "dances")._

* * *

 _ **The Animaniacs:** "HELLOOOOOOOOOO NURSE!"_

"Well, Amy's safe from any punks who think they can bother her, because I could fill a whole Fridge Horror page on TVTropes on what an Absol can do to the human body with those claws and that horn, ugh!" Keldeo said, shuddering fearfully.

* * *

 _She ended up quitting the job she had in downtown (for obvious reasons) and found a new job at a human daycare center just outside of our neighborhood. I walked with her, but we learned that I had to be inside the Pokéball before coming to the door… A memorable mishap with a frightened child left me feeling terrible one day, even though Amy said it wasn't my fault._

* * *

"It wasn't Fredbear's fault either. . ." Keldeo remarked quietly.

* * *

 _It was a reminder to what I am and how others see me. She hugged me close around the mane and told me that 'I am perfect, no matter what anyone else thinks.'_

* * *

"Obligatory hug, _check._ Unconditional love in the face of adversity, _check,_ " Keldeo said as he checked off two more items.

* * *

 _I couldn't help myself from doubting her words, but they- along with her warm embrace- comforted me more than she could imagine. There were times I would have to do the same for her as well, mainly before big exams or with drama at school. After long nights of studying, she would sit at the edge of the bed, stare off into space, and it seemed she was recapping everything she just studied. I stood up from my spot at the end of the bed and made my way over to her, offering whatever comfort I could._

* * *

"Pokemon reciprocates love through non-verbal means, _check_!" Keldeo exclaimed as he checked off the final item, "That's all seven mandatory points! Look out Kevin and Buizel, sounds like you've got competition!"

"So, this chapter takes us through a long stretch of years. It's hard to boil such a long stretch of time in a montage, but I'd say that this story does a good job of it. Not everyone has a life filled with action and adventure. Remember, Amy isn't a Pokemon Trainer. However the key moments in this time that are mentioned do a good job in getting across how life was for these two characters." Keldeo smiled fondly and said, "It actually reminds of the beginning of Pixar's _Up,_ just not sad. . . well. . . not as sad. . ."

* * *

 _Our friendship grew closer over the years with small things like that. Amy was accepted into a college, which marked a big change to her life._

 _I could feel the whole family's attitude shifting. The parents became more sentimental and emotional, while Amy seemed a little dazed. She explained what college was to me, and it all began to make sense._

 _For a few days now, I've been wondering what the plan for me is. Amy is going to college within the week and I haven't heard any mentions of if I am to stay here or…_

 _No. Why would I go with her…? I would just be a burden and a distraction. I brought my head down to my forearms. Life will be very different without her. A feeling of dread came over me. It felt as if someone were pressing hard against my chest._

 _I watched Amy pack clothes into cases and bags and couldn't help spacing out in thought, not realizing she was talking to me. Maybe I could find Pokémon in the area to make friends with…? My heart continued to sink as my thoughts raged like a maelstrom._

* * *

 _I can't believe it's finally time for me to go. Even though I'm really nervous for college, I honestly am a bit excited. Mom and dad are excited too, but I can already tell they are reluctant to let me go. It's just a part of life… a really tough part of life…_

 _Of course it's emotionally tough, but I also find it to be physically tough too (just because of all the crap I've been taking out to the garage, to load into the car). It's times like these that I wish I were a guy. They have absolutely nothing to worry about compared to girls._

 _I lifted the bag full of shoes over my shoulder. This is ridiculous._

* * *

"That's sexist!" Munna said angrily.

"Munna, what are you doing?" Keldeo asked.

"We couldn't do our Foreshadowing meme earlier, so what else am I supposed to do!" Munna argued before she promptly left.

"Thanks for breaking up a very emotional moment of the story!" Keldeo shouted after he.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

* * *

 _Dad helped me load all my things into the car. It took us a while, but we finally fit it all in. We made sure to leave some room in the back for a few other things…_

 _I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the water bowl and emptied it out. Next, I picked up the food bowl. He hasn't been eating as much recently. Something's up… I set it back down and looked around for him. Maybe in my room…? It's a weird time of day for him to be napping._

 _I walked down the hall and into my bedroom to see a white ball of fur curled up on my bed. "Hey bud." I said as I came over to sit down next to him. "You alright?" I ran a hand up and down his back._

 _He isn't making eye contact… He's never done this before._

 _"What's wrong…?" he slowly turned his head towards me and that's when I saw the tears running down his face. The realization might as well have been a slap to the face, He thinks I'm leaving him!? I cupped his face in my hands, "Oh my… I never did tell you… did I?" It was hard not to cry just looking at him._

 _He gave me a questioning look underneath the sad eyes. I couldn't help but laugh as I said it, "Did you really think I'd go on without you, Leo?"_

* * *

"And, just like the beginning of _Up,_ you could easily put ' _The End'_ after that, and you'd have a very satisfying story," Keldeo said with a smile, "The snapshots the story gives us of their Leo and Amy's life together are very satisfying."

Keldeo then frowned and said, "Wait a minute, apart from the chapter title, this is the very first time we actually hear the Absol's name. The story doesn't give us a scene of Amy or someone giving the Absol the name Leo. Being named is a pretty big deal, so it's really quite a waste to not include a scene of Leo getting his name. That's a black mark on a really good chapter."

"Well, we move on to _Chapter IV: Nightmares,_ where we see Amy wandering around. . . Luigi's Mansion?"

* * *

 _I walked down the corridor with a book in hand. It was a lengthy hallway filled with rich décor. Elegant chandeliers overhead lit the scarlet, patterned carpeting with a dim, gold tint. The golden floral patterns of the embroidered wallpaper gave off the same warmth, only to be interrupted by the occasional door to another room._

 _"You must be so lost…" The voice whispered. "But you only know the half of it…" It hissed._

 _The warm, golden light dimmed down to complete darkness._

 _I could feel my heart rate picking up and distress settling in. I put a hand to the wall and slowly shuffled towards the next door. Everything felt wrong. My fear sent an unnerving chill up my back as I pressed my hands to the wall and continued to make careful steps in the dark._

 _The fear became hysteria as the realization dawned on me. Where did the door go…? I should have found it by now. As my vision adjusted, I quickly realized that the door had vanished. No… this… this can't be happening!_

 _I gave up on finding the door and simply stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. A low growl echoed in the darkness. I turned around, complete horror filling me as I saw two red eyes glowing from further down the hallway. What… What the hell is that?!_

 _Before I knew what was happening, I noticed that the eyes, now engulfed in flames, were coming nearer and nearer, pushing my mind away from fear and filling my heart with terror._

 _I screamed as I ran as fast as I could, the only response was a screeching howl as the harsh warmth of the flames wrapped around my neck._

* * *

 ** _GAME OVER_**

"Just kidding! Turns out it's just a nightmare," Keldeo said.

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted as he flew by.

* * *

 _I whipped my head up and hit it hard against something, receiving a loud, Yelp! Pain came immediately after, and I struggled to see what had happened. My heart was racing, but my nerves came back down as I realized that it was just a dream. "What the hell…" I put a hand to my nose and checked to see if it was bleeding._

 _That's when I noticed Leo laying on top of me, holding his snout under a paw._

 _It took some time, but I finally got the lights on and figured out that he was trying to wake me up from the nightmare. He must have been licking me, which would explain the very realistic part with the fire that woke me up. I thought._

 _I came back into the room and sat down next to Leo, "I'm so sorry, bud." I pressed a small ice pack onto his nose, not knowing how else to help. He sat up to make it easier for me._

 _His crimson eyes glanced from the ice pack on his nose, and then up to my forehead, "I think I'll be okay." I couldn't help but smile at his concern for me._

* * *

"So it turns out that Amy has been having nightmares for past few weeks." Keldeo winced and said, "Ooh man, that doesn't sound very good for her grades. . ."

* * *

 _As the pain in my head became just a dull throb, I brought my head back down to my pillow and willed myself to go back to sleep. Leo settled down at my side, pressing his back against me as if to tell me he was there for me._

 _I sighed deeply. I've got an eight o'clock lecture to get to in 5 hours... I yawned and snuggled closer to Leo. That'll suck_

* * *

"I feel you, Amy. I still remember that time when I had to do some hard training after nightmares from reviewing _Zuma's Fear_ kept me up all night. . ." Keldeo reminisced, not looking pleased in the slightest.

 _The two of them standing in the middle of the canyon, Terrakion nodded at Keldeo and said, "Alright, kid. Let's see your jump-kick."_

 _Keldeo nodded, looking a little sleepy, and he jumped, propelling himself into the air using Hydro Pump from his hooves. Keldeo let out a Goofy yell, and Terrakion watched as Keldeo was sent flying out of the canyon and landed far off into the distance with a small puff of dust and dirt._

 _Terrakion blinked in shock, then said, "Oh. . . um. . . okay. . . Take five then, kid. . ."_

"So in _Chapter V: Voices,_ we actually skip a few weeks back where we are treated to a very cryptic conversation."

* * *

 _A few weeks back..._

 _An echo rang through the darkness. It was an echo of a soft, deep voice; male. Shortly after the first echo faded, another voice came in response. This one was soft and harmonious; female. The back and forth between the two beings grew louder ever so slowly. Finally, a silence broke through._

 _"Either way, something must be done." the male sounded exasperated. The voice was clearer now, echoing less._

 _"And what do you suppose I do?" the female responded, "My past mistakes cannot be undone."_

 _"Although your interferences are small, we must conceal them for now. Else they will know." the male reminded her._

 _She thought of a number of solutions at that moment, "What do you suggest then?"_

 _"Those who's fates you altered must be hidden. The magic you used after the Brass Tower fell, perhaps?" He offered._

* * *

"Wait, the magic she used after the Brass Tower fell?" Keldeo echoed, "As in the magic that brought the Legendary Beasts back to life? Aw, come on, why do those three keep showing up in the stuff I review? Well, anyway, that would make the owner of the female voice Ho-Oh. Is Ho-Oh a girl? I don't know, and people get the genders of Legendaries wrong so much I think I'm beginning to not care anymore. So I guess the male voice wants Ho-Oh to hide something, which also seems to involve slowly turning something into something else."

* * *

 _"That took me a whole day, and only for three!_

* * *

"Yep. It's Ho-Oh," Keldeo said with a confident smile.

* * *

 _There are over a hundred-"_

 _"Then take your time," he soothed her, "gather your energy and work as slow as you need to." He was about to turn away when she interrupted him._

 _"There's no telling whether or not I will be able to change them back, you know?" she gave him a worried look._

 _He chuckled, "If they find out, then the transformation will be the least of these people's worries." And with that, he faded away._

* * *

"So, as you can obviously tell, Leo is one of the Pokemon who is going to be transformed. And we get to see the beginnings of that transformation as we skip back to the present."

* * *

 _Unlike many weeks ago, I think I'm used to these dreams by now. I don't wake up in a panic like before. The gentle nudge like always, the soft voice of Leo growling something or other, and someone telling me it's just a dream... My eyes shot open. I didn't imagine that, did I? Someone said something. Careful not to hit Leo, I quickly sat up and scanned the room. "Is someone there...?" I asked quietly._

 _Leo seemed confused as he slowly scanned the room as well. "I do not see anyone." I jumped as the voice came again, but seemed like it was coming from right next to me. I quickly checked the floor at my bedside to see if anyone was hiding and got up to turn the lights on._

 _It's almost like it came from Leo... There's no way I'm hearing things. I searched the closet and underneath the bed._

 _After checking underneath the bed, I sat up. From right behind me, "Amy, are you feeling alright?". I yelped and spun around to attack the person but Leo simply sat there staring at me._

 _I couldn't help but take a step back, "...Leo?" I squinted at him. "Did you just... talk...?"_

* * *

"And we've got a bonus point for the _Pokemon and Human Bonding Cliche Checklist_!" Keldeo cheered.

* * *

 _He tilted his head and gave me a confused look. I focused on him and it seemed to happen in slow motion. I watched his mouth open, growling and forming the same variations of 'Absol', but for some reason, actual words were forming in my ears. "What do you mean?"_

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped, "Oh my gosh, I don't believe it! I was _wrong_! _Leo_ isn't transforming! _Amy is!_ Leo isn't speaking English, Amy's brain has changed so that she can understand Pokemon Speak! That must mean that _she's_ going to turn into a Pokemon!. . . Wow! How did I miss that! That's. . . wow. . ." Keldeo composed himself, cleared his throat, and said, "Sorry about that. Proceed."

* * *

 _My heart started racing, "No way. There's no way this is happening." My head started spinning with confusion. I mean, I get that I haven't been getting much sleep and my dreams have been... but this? I can't be imagining this!_

 _The voice came again, smooth, soft, and masculine, "Amy, what's wrong?" Leo took a step towards me._

 _"I- I can understand you, Leo." I shuddered and looked up in time to see him stop. I watched as the gears turned in his head._

 _"...What...?" he questioned._

 _"Everything you're saying, I'm hearing it in a human, English voice." I gathered my thoughts finally. This has to be some weird dream. I tested myself mentally, and it all seemed real. There was no sign that I was dreaming._

 _Leo seemed skeptical. "Amy, you must not be feeling well, maybe you need a glass of water-" He motioned towards the door, as if I didn't understand him._

 _"I feel fine-" After standing up, I felt a little light-headed from the whole ordeal, "Actually... Yeah, a glass of water might be good." he looked back to me, shock on his face._

 _ **I sat down on the kitchen floor with my glass of water and looked at Leo, who seemed to be quietly observing me from a distance. I took a sip before the stare finally got the better of me, "Stop staring, you're creeping me out! If you don't believe me, then... ... What's a good way for me to prove it?" I thought about it for a moment. "Ask me something specific- something random. Umm... ask me something that I would never be able to guess what you were going to say." I looked at the concerned absol. He seemed to be thinking now.**_

 _After a moment, he spoke, "I don't really want you to have to prove anything to me..." he looked away for a moment, "but how did we meet? I think that is a random enough question." he turned back to me._

 _I smiled, "You saved me from getting hit by a bus, that's how we met."_

 _His eyes widened, "You really can understand me then?" he was in awe._

 _"I told you!" I laughed, "And there I was, thinking there was some robber in my room whispering to me!"_

 _As I laughed, I caught an unfamiliar sound: Leo laughing. Although I would see him smile and silently laugh, now there was a voice to it, making him seem more... happy?_

 _"What I find strange is the voice I'm hearing isn't what I thought you would sound like." I joked with him._

 _"Oh?" he looked at me,"What does it sound like?" he sounded genuinely interested._

 _I tried to think of words to describe it, "You sound masculine and... cool, I guess? Really smooth. I thought you would sound edgy. I guess I put too much emphasis on the fact that you're dark type."_

 _Leo laughed again, "Well, I am glad I do not sound like a female, I suppose." he joked._

 _I couldn't help but smile as I pointed it out, "But you say things strangely. Rather than saying, 'don't', you say, 'do not'."_

* * *

"So he sounds like _After Earth?_ " Keldeo remarked.

There was the sound of loud booing for a few seconds, but Keldeo waited it out with a frown on his face.

* * *

 _"Well, I do not practice my English too often. You know, because I never really thought I would be able to talk to you like this, or anyone in this case." although it was a joke, he seemed somewhat serious._

 _I took another sip of my water, "What do you want to talk about?" I patted the floor next to me, because he was still keeping his distance._

 _He looked up to me, "I have no idea where to start." Leo rose to all fours and sat closer to me as I leaned back against the cabinets._

 _"I think I do: How does your sixth sense thing work?" I asked._

 _"I am not sure, myself." he laid his head down on my lap as we talked._

 _"What do you mean you aren't sure?" I looked down at him._

 _He glanced up at me and seemed to be thinking of a way to describe it. "Do you ever get a feeling when you are rushing to get to work? It is as if your body responds to your brain telling it that it needs to be somewhere?" I nodded in response, "Imagine that feeling, but you know you do not have to be anywhere. That is the easiest way for me to explain it." he looked up at me again, "I don't know why it works, or how it works, but it does."_

 _I began to run my hand through his mane, "I guess I can imagine the feeling. How often does it happen?"_

 _"Not too often, actually. Usually, the feeling comes around when there's bad weather... But it has never been as strong a feeling as the night we met, strangely enough."_

 _"Really?" I thought about it for a moment. "I mean, I was just one person. Tons of people die in car accidents, get killed, but it's never been that strong of a feeling?" He nodded._

 _"It was a really strange night when we met." he added._

 _"No disagreement there." I said._

 _We talked throughout the night. I reluctantly went back to sleep, wishing to talk more. It was interesting to hear Leo's thoughts for once. Despite being a pokemon, he seems incredibly insightful. My only hope is that when I wake up tomorrow, our conversation can continue on._

* * *

"And that's all folks!" Keldeo said with a smile, "And boy am I glad that this fanfic died, because there'd be no way I'd be able to stand reading this when it go to that creepy romance part! Ugh. But, with what we have right now, I'd say that this was quite a pleasure to read! We got a really good and noble Absol with some emotional weight to him. A sympathetic, likable, realistic, and relatable human character. And the way their lives and relationship is set up is extremely well done and makes you want more. . . albeit in a different direction than the author had planned. There are so many ways this story could go. You could change the circumstances or context of that scene with Ho-Oh and have Amy's transformation go differently, or you could have her stay a Pokemon and go on adventures with Leo, or maybe she could be able to change forms or something, oh man, it's all so endless! Personally, I'd rather have Amy and Leo stay as a human and an Absol, but it isn't my story. All I want is to _not_ have to witness a creepy romance."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Eh, but the fact is that DDD has written a very nice and touching story that doesn't need any romance whatsoever. These five chapters are great, and you probably _could_ get away with putting a ' _The End_ ' at the end of them if you tweaked the Ho-Oh scene a little, made it provide more info. Anyway, I have to admit that having your story being inspired by songs adds a really nice personal touch. DDD gave credit to each song at the beginning of the chapter it influenced. I chose not to listen to the songs, but feel free to do so if you ever give this story a read. All in all, this was a good fanfiction so far, and I really hope it's never taken into those. . ." Keldeo shuddered, ". . .creepy waters it was intended for. . ."

Keldeo smiled and said as he left, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **The End**

 **Credits**

 _PAW Patrol_

 _Absolute and Nevermore by BunnyWings_

 _The Animaniacs_

 _Portal 2_

 _Bubsy_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic: Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic: After Earth_

 **Special Thanks**

 _Bulbapedia_

 _HavocHound_

 _TV Tropes_


	50. Absol Academy Award Show

_In the autumn, leaves were falling,_

 _When I found a sight appalling,_

 _Sight an Absol trodding closely, and I feared what it would bring,_

 _Through the market I was walking,_

 _Shiv'ring at its steady stalking,_

 _Stalking close, and then I realized it was here the day before,_

 _It would be there many more._

-Excerpt from _Absolute and Nevermore_ by BunnyWings

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 10- Lucy's Top 11 Best Moments in Rising Storm: Book One**

 **tinyurl : ****h3bp5cc**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said brightly, "It's not question around here that I really like the _Rising Storm_ series by Jack Storm 448. Seriously, I'm actually friends with the main character! We did a crossover review together back in Season Three. So, it makes perfect sense that during Absol Month, I would talk about one of the best characters in the entire series, Lucy the Absol! She's strong, she's kind, she's emotional, she's likable, and she's just a really great character! She has plenty of good scenes in _Book One._ So many, in fact, that I'm going to count down her Top 11 Best Moments!"

Victini flew in and said, "Uh, Keldeo? Isn't it kinda weird for you to just randomly pick out an Absol from a story and talk about her best moments?"

"Why not? It's my show, and I really like the fanfic," Keldeo said confidently.

"But, I mean, what brought this on? You need a reason for it," Victini said, "I mean, yeah, it's Absol Month, but why does that mean you get to make an editorial about one specific Absol." Victini smiled and said, "Don't get me wrong, it's a nice idea, and I like Lucy too. But you need to have a set up, a framing device for the whole thing."

Keldeo thought about this for a moment, then his eyes lit up and he said, "Victini, you're a genius! Oh man, this is just _too good!_ Come on, we gotta set things up. . ."

* * *

It was in the late evening, and there was red and gold curtains and trim on the rock platform. There were also spotlights provided by Frank's Magnemite and Swirlix shining down on the platform where Keldeo stood. Victini floated next to Keldeo, and both of them were dressed nicely in black capes and red bow ties. Before Keldeo was a small golden trophy depicting a Mega Absol with its wings spread wide.

"And the _Absol Academy Award_ ," Keldeo announced, "For the best Fully Fleshed Out Absol Character in a FanFic goes to. . . Lucy!"

"I DEMAND A RECOUNT!" shouted an Absol as he jumped up out of nowhere and landed right in front of Keldeo and Victini.

"Austin Saturn?" Keldeo gasped in shock.

"The one and only, baby," Austin said smoothly.

"Hey! You're ripping off my line from our review of _A Guardian's Princess_!" Victini complained.

Austin leaned forward and gave Victini a look of long suffering as he said, "Wasn't _that_ line a rip off of Brentalfloss' line in the Nostalgia Critic's review of _Moulin Rouge!_?"

Victini glared at Austin and said, "Wow, it's not even been 10 seconds and I already hate this guy!"

Keldeo slapped Victini with his tail, glaring at him, then he turned to Austin and said, "Please, don't mind him. But seriously, are you going to sit here and throw a tantrum about how you should've gotten this award? And I thought you had a crush on Lucy?"

Keldeo was given a shocking surprise as Austin lightly slapped his cheeks with the soft, furry backside of his right forepaw.

"How dare _you_!" Austin said dramatically, with a Shakespearean accent to boot, "My heart is only for Amanda!"

"Hold on!" Victini challenged, "You did _Commercial 2_ for Season Four, and at the end of it you wanted to get a message to Lucy."

"And I was rather _rudely_ cut off," Austin said with a huff, sticking his nose up into the air, "At the time, I wanted to meet with her because I thought she might have been my sister-."

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, I'm gonna stop you right there!" Keldeo said seriously, "I can't let you mess with other people's canon's like that! Matthais already got in some trouble when he tried hijacking Zalton from DragonNiro, so you need to-."

"I _KNOW_ Lucy's not my sister _now,_ " Austin said quickly, holding up a forepaw in defense, "I just got a bit confused for a moment. I'm positive that my sister isn't in Sinnoh. I've given it some thought, and I'm pretty sure the poachers didn't get her. She might actually still be free and in the wild in Kalos."

"You're from Kalos?" Keldeo said with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure. But enough about that! I-," Austin began, but Keldeo cut him off.

"You think that you deserve the award more than Lucy," Keldeo said, "And of course you're wrong."

"Ouch. That's cold, Keldeo," Austin said in a cool, distant tone, "You _wound_ me."

"Look, Austin. You're a great actor, great dancer, great singer, and everything," Keldeo said sincerely.

Victini gagged loudly.

Keldeo ignored Victini and continued, "But I _really_ don't like arguing with Drama Kings. . ." Keldeo smirked and said, "So here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna help me countdown Lucy's Top 11 Best Moments in Rising Storm: Book One, and then you'll see how great a character Lucy is."

"Wait, you want _him_ to help you!?" Victini gasped.

"Hmmmm. . ." Austin said as he tapped his chin with his left forepaw. He drummed his right foreclaws on the ground a few times, then he nodded and said, "Yes, sir. I would like it."

"Oh no! Come on, Keldeo!" Victini groaned.

Keldeo turned to Victini and said, "Come on, Victini. Try to be nice."

Victini pouted and said, "Oh, so that's how it is, huh! Well, forget you guys! I'm going home! Live long and. . . and do the opposite of prosper!"

Victini burned his cape and bow tie to ashes, and the flew away in the huff.

"Now who's the Drama King?" Austin said with a smirk.

Keldeo shrugged, "Eh, he'll calm down. He'll realize I wasn't trying to be mean and come back. Anyway, are you ready to have a little humility and show Lucy the respect she deserves."

"No," Austin said flatly with a straight face. He then turned with a smile and said, "But I _am_ ready to count down _Lucy's Top 11 Best Moments in Rising Storm: Book One_!"

 _ **Number 11**_

* * *

 _In a few hours, Jason woke up to meditate with Jack. He garnered much amusement from the sight of Jack and Lucy with their arms/front legs around each other, fast asleep. He quickly weighed the options, lamented the lack of a camera, and decided to wake his brother up before the others saw this; but that didn't mean that he wasn't going to heckle him a bit._

 _"Jack," Jason said, shaking his brother awake, "It's time to get up."_

 _Jack woke up slowly. "Who? What? Jason!?"_

 _The Lucario smirked. "So, did you and your girlfriend make up?"_

 _Jason found it hard to meditate that morning; with a black eye and all._

* * *

Austin and Keldeo burst out laughing.

"Alright, that was just perfect!" Austin shouted.

"Hey, Bestiality is Depraved!" Keldeo said, "Sure, nothing bad was going on here. Jack and Lucy had just emotionally bonded and just fell asleep while hugging. Nothing weird here. Jason just made a very stupid joke, and he paid for it!"

"Like they say on that television show, _'he asked for it'_!" Austin quipped.

 _ **Number 10**_

* * *

 _Gardenia turned around and saw the two trainers, remembering Jack immediately from his clothes and hair. "Oh, back for a rematch already, or is this just a social call?"_

 _"No, just a bit of a misunderstanding," Jack replied. "Do you remember what Pokémon I had with me when I challenged you?"_

 _"Of course. You had those two, the Kirlia and Dratini, and also a Lucario, Scyther, Breloom, and an Absol."_

 _Jack smelled victory; he addressed the trainer. "Please let her out."_

 _With a resigned look, he did so. As soon as her paws touched the ground, Lucy bolted over to Jack, put her front paws on his shoulders, and licked his face. Repeatedly. This of course caused him to drop the two smaller Pokémon, but they were too overjoyed at seeing Lucy safe and sound to care much._

 _"Lucy," Jack said, trying not to laugh with joy. "Get off me please."_

 _She did so immediately, and instead curled up at his feet; and just to prove it beyond the shadow of a doubt. "Gardenia, is this the Absol that I had with me before?"_

 _"No doubt about it, I've never seen another Absol with such a sleek and shiny coat."_

 _Wendy jumped for joy and hugged Lucy's neck._

 _The trainer sighed in resignation. "I guess that settles it, she's yours."_

* * *

"This scene isn't long after Lucy finally opens up to Jack," Keldeo said with a smile, "Another trainer has just caught her, and here Jack went to the Gym Leader he just beat to confirm that Lucy really is his Pokemon."

"And as you can see, Lucy has become a sentimental face-licker," Austin remarked with disdain.

"Okay, I'm gonna set you straight right there," Keldeo said indignantly, "First of all, Lucy can't speak human, so this is the only way she can prove that she's with Jack and convince the other trainer to let her go. Second, this shows how comfortable Lucy is around Jack. And third, it shows how she's finally learned to trust people again. Oh yeah, and fourth, it reminds us that she _is_ a Pokemon after all."

"Whatever, I'm too distracted by the fact that Wendy's trying to _strangle_ _her_ ," Austin said in alarm.

"You don't have to take all those jokes I made about Wendy in my _Rising Storm: Book Two_ review so seriously," Keldeo groaned.

 _ **Number 9**_

"Lucy vs Jason," Keldeo said, "This is Lucy's first scene, and she's still under the abusive ownership of Paul."

* * *

 _Cap and Katana sat on the ground behind Jack, Jason stepped into the makeshift battlefield, and Paul sent out his Pokémon, an Absol._

 _The Absol looked pretty strong, but also looked like she had lost a few fights recently; there were scars and burns scattered all over her body, and her fur was not quite white, as if it hadn't been properly washed for a while. But the worst thing was her eyes; sunken and full of fear._

* * *

"Hmmm. . ." Austin said, "You can clearly see through her mannerisms and body language that she has been through quite a lot. A very harsh life she's had."

"And yet, she's still a very strong and skilled battler!" Keldeo said, sounding very impressed.

* * *

 _Looking at her made Jack's fury overtake his judgement._

 _"One more thing," Jack said. "Winner gets the opponent's Pokémon too."_

 _Both Jason and Paul looked at him in shock, but Paul was apparently either very dumb, or very confident. "I accept."_

 _Jack hoped he was dumb._

* * *

Austin bobbed his head and sang, "Jason channel your Aura now and be sure you hit real hard,

Cause Hell's broke loose in Sinnoh and the Devil deals the cards,

And if you win you get to save this poor abused Absol,

But if you lose then Paul will get your soul!"

* * *

 _Jason looked at the Absol, and made a silent plea to God. "Please, let us help this poor soul."_ _Then the battle was under-wa_ y

 _"Absol," Paul's command was cold and emotionless; Absol winced, "Use Razor Wind."_

 _Jason didn't even have time to think of dodging, the attack hit hard; it must have been Critical. He got to his feet, a little shell-shocked, and had just enough time to use Counter as Absol slammed into him with Slash. His inherent resistance to Normal Types decreased the damage, but it was still a powerful hit._

 _Jason aimed the riposte at Absol's feet, but was surprised to find that her feet weren't there anymore. From across the battlefield Absol fired another Razor Wind, which scored another direct hit. At this point, Jason was longing for it to be over, but this was one fight he couldn't lose._

 _He got up again just in time to see Absol charging in with another Slash, but this time he wasn't backing down. He met the attack with Metal Claw, and got hit in the side with Sucker Punch._

 _"Oof!" The hit knocked the wind out of him, and was soon followed up by another Slash. Jason was at the end of his rope._

* * *

"It's actually pretty scary!" Keldeo said nervously, "It almost looks as if Paul is going to claim Jason too. It's only by a last minute Force Palm that Jason manages to pull out a win, and even then, it's technically not even by power that Jason wins it."

* * *

 _Absol launched a brutal Psycho Cut and Jason knew that if it hit him, he wouldn't get back up. In desperation, he tried something new. Gathering all his remaining strength, he slammed a powerful Force Palm into the ground. The tactic proved more effective than he'd hoped, as the shock-wave blew Absol off her feet, and into a tree._

 _Before she could get back up, Jason rested his Bone Rush on her neck and said gently. "If you want to be rid of him, play dead."_

 _"Get up," Paul demanded, "now!"_

 _Absol flashed Jason a grateful look, then her head dropped and she stopped moving._

 _Jack smirked in satisfaction. "I believe the winners are clear; and to the winners, go the captives."_

* * *

"Hmph!" Austin said bitterly, "Why didn't the fool just let Jason hit her and drop down right then? Living with Paul was Hell, so why did she need to be convinced to escape it?"

"Well, the story answers that question," Keldeo said simply.

* * *

 _"Well, I'm glad that's over. You can stop playing dead now Absol."_

 _She opened her other eye and got back up, but she still looked frightened. Jack wondered at this, why did she still look like she expected to be hit? He sighed, he supposed that she had been badly treated for so long, that the concept of freedom was unknown to her. She expected him to be as bad as Paul; the thought made him sick._

* * *

"See? Lucy had no reason to believe Jack was any better than Paul. She felt all trainers were generally bad, so they're be no point in trying to switch trainers, in her mind at least," Keldeo explained.

"Well, well, well. . ." Austin remarked, "What a very interesting aspect of character. I'm impressed."

 _ **Number 8**_

"Lucy's capture," Keldeo said, "We actually don't see it happen. Rather, we hear all about from Wendy and Lucy after Jack gets them back."

* * *

 _Lucy was the one that spoke up. "Well, Wendy and I were seeing the sights, like the time/space statues, when a Flamethrower hit the ground next to us. I ran in the opposite direction of course, but another one flew right in front of my nose. I looked back and saw a trainer with a monferno. I thought about fighting, but I didn't want to endanger Wendy, so I ran. Unfortunately, I severely underestimated Monferno's speed, and eventually it cornered us in an alley. I dropped Wendy behind some boxes, and fought Monferno one-on-one. But the alley was too narrow to dodge effectively. And even if I could, any attack that missed me would hit the boxes behind me, and Wendy behind them. So of course I lost quickly. That's the last I remember, I have no idea what happened after that."_

* * *

"Lucy was a most definitely a hero, both brave and selfless," Keldeo said, "She refused to fight because she knew that it would cause Wendy to get hurt, so she pretty much sacrificed herself to protect her."

"Shall I play the audio clip from the Nostalgia Critic's _Man of Steel_ review?" Austin said with a mischievous smirk.

"NO," Keldeo said strongly.

Austin's smirk changed to a tender smile as he said, "Okay then, how about I talk about how cute Lucy's bond with Wendy is?"

* * *

 _"When Auntie Lucy was caught," Wendy picked up the story, "I screamed for Uncle Jack to help. And he did! He whooshed in and caught the ball that the bad trainer threw at me, and then he said 'let her go, she's my friend', and the bad trainer said 'I don't believe you', and Uncle Jack took us to the gym and the nice plant lady said 'she belongs to Jack', and then the bad trainer apologized and it turned out he wasn't bad after all then we all became friends and he was nice and plant lady gave Uncle Jack a job and then we came back here and told everyone and Uncle Jason started yelling and..."_

 _"Okay, okay, that's enough," Jack interrupted, his head spinning a little. "I think we know what happens after that."_

* * *

"Yeah, it is very touching to see Wendy riding happily on Lucy, calling her Auntie and all that," Keldeo said with a smile, "And it's also kinda funny to see her do a _Zorua Reviews_ imitation."

Suddenly, Zorua himself ran in, turned into Wendy the Kirlia, and shouted, "Pecha Berries! You got Pecha Berries! Aw come on, help a girl out, will ya? Come on, Pecha Berries! Come on, do you _really_ want to see me imitate _ESPURR, NO!_?"

Austin nudged the disguised Zorua out of the picture and laughed awkwardly, "Ha-ha-ha. Okay, next moment."

 _ **Number 7**_

"Lucy gets her name," Keldeo said, "Which automatically makes _Rising Storm: Book One_ better than _A Dark Night_ in that it at least lets us experience the emotional weight of a Pokemon being named."

"How is she getting her nickname such a big deal," Austin said, "White just gave me the first name that popped into her head," Austin smirked and said, "Heh. . . that's technically what Jack does her too!"

* * *

 _"So," Jack asked. "What about you?"_

 _Absol took a deep breath. "What about me."_

 _"Well, do you have a name, or should I just call you Lucy?"_

 _She smirked at him. "Actually, Lucy sounds like quite a nice name."_

* * *

"But we're not talking about Jack here," Keldeo said sternly, "Let's focus on Lucy's reaction. Notice how see smiles when she hears her new name. It probably feels good to hear an actual name after just being called 'Absol' by Paul."

* * *

 _Jack's expression must have been pretty good, because 'Lucy' actually cracked a smile. "Yes, I'm coming with you too. Jason's been telling me all about you, and your vendetta with Pokéballs."_

 _Jack started to object that she didn't have to come with him, but she cut him off. "Look; for one thing, you won me fair and square from Paul, and you have my gratitude for that. For another, if I don't come with you, then what will I do? I don't know my way around here, and plenty of trainers come through these woods; for all I know the next one might be as bad as Paul. Right now, going with you is by far my best option."_

 _Jack sighed, she was right, going with him was her best option; but her tone told him that he was the lesser of two evils in her opinion._

* * *

"We see how level headed, logical, and calculating Lucy is initially," Keldeo explained, "She doesn't trust Jack let, but she is smart enough to know that he's her best option."

"She's. . . quite intelligent," Austin remarked.

 _ **Number 6**_

"Katana the a-hole!" Austin shouted comically.

"AUSTIN!" Keldeo shouted, looking both angry and embarrassed.

"Let me set the scene for you," Austin said, "After Lucy and Wendy nearly get captured, Jack has to decide whether or not to put everyone in Pokeballs. So he goes off to think, leaving everyone else to talk it out, with Lucy being their only Pokeball expert."

* * *

 _"Well," sighed Aura. "He actually took that better than I expected."_

 _Lucy looked at her in surprise. "Are you kidding? He looked like his world was crumbling around him. I don't see what the big deal is, they're just Pokéballs."_

 _Katana crossed her blades. "Personally, I agree with him."_

 _Lucy turned to look at the Scyther. "Didn't you put up your claw too when it came to the vote?"_

 _"Yeah, but that was for Jack's benefit," she replied. "If I'd supported him, it would have just prolonged the issue and made it that much harder for him to decide. I'd still rather stay away from those glorified cages."_

 _"Like I just finished telling everyone," Lucy said, "Pokéballs aren't actually that bad; they're actually a pretty good place to relax."_

 _"That's easy enough for you to say," Katana said. "You've been inside a Pokéball for the greater part of your life. Not to mention that your life was a living nightmare whenever you were outside your Pokéball."_

 _Lucy looked like she had been punched in the gut. Without a sound, she curled into a fetal position on the ground, and tucked her head under her paw._

* * *

"Seriously, who would have the nerve to say something like _that_!?" Austin asked in a huff.

"You," Keldeo said darkly.

Austin was taken aback by this, and he said, " _Excuse me?_ "

"Katana is not a bad Pokemon! She was just excited by the whole Pokeball controversy. She didn't mean to say that! She even apologizes right away," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Katana realized what she had just said, and was horrified. "Oh no, I'm so sorry; I didn't mean..."_

 _"I know you didn't," Lucy replied, getting up. "I'm going to go find Jack." She then left too, following Jack's scent._

* * *

"And besides, isn't this supposed to be about _Lucy_?" Keldeo pressed.

"Exactly," Austin said smoothly, "In this scene, we see Lucy return to her level headed and pragmatic self. She gives some much needed perspective on the subject of Pokeballs that _some_ _Pokemon_ don't posses."

"Leave Katana alone," Keldeo warned.

"Or what? Is her boyfriend Cap the Bashful Breloom gonna get me?" Austin boasted.

"Victini, where are you?" Keldeo moaned.

 _ **Number 5**_

"Lucy comforts Jack," Keldeo said, "Jack is not sure what decision to make regarding Pokeballs. Luckily, Lucy is here to help him, returning the favor for all Jack has done for her in such a short amount of time."

* * *

 _Jack sighed. He knew it really wasn't life or death, but he realized now that he'd actually had a relatively sheltered life in some ways; he'd never had to make anything approximating a difficult decision before, so now that he was in the human world, everything seemed overly complicated._

 _He froze in his tracks though, when he heard someone call his name; in Pokéspeak._

 _"Jack? Jack, there you are! Wait for me!"_

 _He turned around and saw the familiar, and welcome, white form of Lucy bounding towards him. A small, almost non-existent smile slowly crept onto his face,_

 _"Lucy? What are you doing here?"_

 _"I... It was getting dark, I wanted to make sure you were okay," she said, coming to a halt next to him._

 _They were in the middle of a small park; with a carpet of lush grass, a few benches which Jack found quite fascinating, a pond in the centre, and a neat ring of trees surrounding it all. A very nice place, although Jack didn't notice. Lucy noticed though; she noticed the moon reflecting off the water, the faint rustle of the breeze blowing leaves about, and the soft sounds of various nocturnal pokémon. All this she saw, and marveled at. She hadn't noticed the wonder and beauty of nature for a long time now, until last night._

 _"Let's sit here for a while," she said, hopping onto one of the benches. "We can talk about your... dilemma."_

 _They indeed sat and talked, for two hours. They decided that Pokéballs didn't actually harm Pokémon. And they also agreed that there was nothing morally wrong with putting Pokémon in Pokéballs, as long as they didn't object. They took into account that if the Pokémon weren't put in Pokéballs, worse things would happen; and that the process was not irreversible. And eventually, they came to the conclusion that putting Jack's Pokémon in Pokéballs would prevent more harm than it caused, and Jack decided that he would do it first thing tomorrow morning._

* * *

Austin nodded, "Makes sense. Jack pretty much saved Lucy's life, in a way. But what I like is not only does Lucy provide comfort, she also provides that sensible pragmatic logic and smarts that I admire in her. A nice thick slice of perspective. Something certain _other_ _Pokemon-."_

"Austin, just shut-up," Keldeo said impatiently, "I admire all these characters too much to have you insult them."

Austin sniffed indignantly and leaned over towards Keldeo. "Well, I-," he began smoothly, but Keldeo promptly cut him off.

"Shut-up. This is my show, and I expect you to have good manners while you're here. Get it," Keldeo said firmly, shooting Austin an icy glare.

Austin blinked in surprise, then nodded quietly and said, "Got it."

Keldeo nodded back, "Good. Well then, next moment."

"Keldeo?"

"What?"

". . . I'm sorry."

Keldeo let out a hint of a smile, ". . . Apology accepted. . ."

 ** _Number 4_**

"An Absol, a Starly, and a Sneasel are walking through a carnival. . ." Keldeo began with a grin.

"It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke," Austin remarked wryly.

"You're close. It's actually the beginning of a very good joke!" Keldeo replied.

* * *

 _As it was, the three troubled females found themselves drawn together; they had a lot to talk about. Mostly things that I, as a boy, won't delve too deeply into. What I will say, is that they quickly became fast friends, and were in the process of discussing the strange and mysterious subjects that girls are inexplicably drawn to, when it happened._

 _"Personally," Hunter stated, "I like them nice and muscular, and as little fat as possible; I hate the ones with too much fat."_

 _"Me too," said Frostbite. "I like them better when they're nice and lean; not a lot of fat, but not too much muscle either. I like to be able to overpower them."_

* * *

Austin blinked, and the only sound he could make was, "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .?"

* * *

 _"But it's no good if they're too weak," Lucy insisted. "I agree with Hunter; it's more fun when they give you a run for your money first."_

 _"However," added Hunter, "It's no good if they can finish you with one blow either; there's got to be a balance."_

 _"Where's the best place to go for if you want to finish it quickly?" Frostbite asked._

* * *

" _NOOOOOOOOO!_ NO! NO! Too much information!" Austin shouted, jumping up on his hind legs and waving his forepaws frantically.

* * *

 _Hunter considered it for a few seconds. "Personally, I usually go for the heart. However, if you can't get to the heart, then the neck is definitely my second choice; sever the jugular, and they go down no matter how big they are."_

 _"I'd have thought that you'd know that, at least," Lucy said._

 _Frostbite blushed. "Well, for all my talk, I've never actually hunted live prey before; I'm a complete novice."_

* * *

Austin stood frozen and blinked his eyes, as Keldeo burst out laughing next to him. Austin frowned and said, "Ha-ha, very funny."

Keldeo composed himself, and he looked Austin up and down and said, "Heh. I've been waiting for you to show off that trick."

Austin quickly dropped back down to all fours and said, "Sorry, Keldeo. I'm might sing a few bars, but I'm not dancing here. You gotta buy a ticket to a musical like everyone else."

Keldeo sighed, "Oh well. Anyway, this is good scene not only because it has a good set up for a clever wordplay based joke that messes with your expectations, but it also shows how comfortable and lively Lucy is. She's now more open, able to make friends, and can even connect with others based on her own experiences. She's able to sympathize and try to understand how hard, or perhaps _harder,_ other Pokemon have had it."

* * *

 _"You've been a trainer's Pokémon all your life?" Lucy asked._

 _Immediately, the Sneasel's eyes took on a far-away look; her face twisted into a mask of pain and rage. The two other Pokémon shuddered, and Lucy instantly regretted even coming close to Frostbite's past; as they had guessed, it was a terribly painful memory for her. To Hunter's eyes, hunter's eyes as they were, Frostbite looked scared, scarred, and alone; completely broken._

 _Then, as quickly as it began, it was over; Frostbite was once again in the present, and it was a testament to her inner strength that she went on as if nothing had happened._

 _"I'm alright," she assured the others. "It's just not something I like to remember. To answer your question, Lucy, yes; I was born to a trainer's Pokémon, and I've been one all my life."_

 _Lucy was shocked, and rightly so; when she was being shunted from one cruel trainer to the next, her slightly fuzzy memories of freedom were all that had kept her sane. Whenever her life was more nightmarish than normal, she fell back on what memories she had of her family; Mother, Father, and Brother. It was only when she met Jack, and his God, that she traded memories of the past for the promises of the future. Even though she now found the Lord far more comforting than the memories had ever been, she couldn't imagine what her life would have been like without them._

 _Hunter didn't know much more about Frostbite's past than Lucy did, but she had learned early on that it was not to be brought up under any circumstances; for the Sneasel's sake. Hunter hadn't been in the system for as long Lucy had, but she was much more of a free spirit by nature, and that had made it worse. Nicholas wasn't the first trainer to be nice to her, but he was the first not to lose her, trade her away, or die in the first five weeks he'd had her._

 _Hunter had been shunted to a new trainer every month or so on average, more than once as the result of a severe accident on the trainer's part. Needless to say, she had been well trained not to make emotional connections; she became, in essence, her name. A cold, calculating, ruthless hunter; devoid of compassion, and quite a few other important things as well. Now though, thanks to the best efforts of Nicholas, and the two Pokémon now with her, she was finding a joy in life that she hadn't felt in far too long; friendship._

* * *

"Here are two Pokemon who I think deserve fanfics devoted to their backstories ore than Ivy the Cursed Snivy!" Austin declared.

"Austin. . ." Keldeo said in a tone filled with thinning patience.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," Austin said with a pout.

 _ **Number 3**_

"Abide With Me," Keldeo said with a full, genuine, warm smile, "This is definitely one of the most touching moments of this story. It takes place a few days after Lucy's been rescued by Paul, and Lucy is starting to digest all the information about Jack and others things, when Jack surprised her when he wakes up from one of his nightmares."

* * *

 _Jack shot out of bed, and only missed the ceiling by inches. Landing on his feet, he looked around quickly before remembering where he was; the Pokémon Centre in Eterna City. He glanced at the clock; it read 2:19 AM. Everyone else was still asleep, except for Lucy; she was looking sadly out the window, but his abrupt awakening caught her undivided attention._

 _"What are you doing up?" she asked fiercely, hastily hiding the tears in her eyes. "Can't a girl get any peace and quiet around here?"_

* * *

Austin laughed and sighed, "Oh, that was an amazing line. It's like something I would say if I were female."

"Yeah, only when Lucy says it, see means it," Keldeo remarked harshly.

"Ouch, that hurt," Austin said, wincing a little and tossing his head back as if he had been struck.

* * *

 _Lucy stared at him for a minute; she still had conflicting opinions about him. Granted, he could communicate in Pokéspeak, and even use Pokémon moves, and he did treat her well... But there was still something; something in the way of her trusting him. Years of cruel slavery had taken a toll on her body, and her mind. It felt like she had always been a slave, she could barely remember the time when she was free; everyone she'd ever loved had either been cruelly taken away from her, or had betrayed her. It was only a matter of time, she thought, before Jack did too. And yet, as she looked at him now, he seemed frightened and alone; fragile. She knew that look, the look of fear; she saw it every time she looked at her reflection, but she had never seen him look like this before._

 _He had told her about the Lord the day after he caught her, while he meticulously washed her fur. He had even taken them all to the church in a small town they had passed through three days ago. She had conflicting opinions about his God too; if there was a God, then why had he let her suffer all these years? What kind of God could be so cruel? She just felt so alone._

* * *

"Here we see Lucy finally find someone to relate to in Jack, as well as be faced with the issue of a cursed, fallen world innocent souls have always had to deal with. But thankfully, we see that hope still lives," Keldeo related.

* * *

 _Jack contemplated his dreams some more. He just couldn't make himself believe that they were just that, dreams. He was starting to wonder if he was losing his mind. He still felt the cold grip of fear around his heart, so he did the one thing he could think of to calm down. He sang._

 _"Abide with me, fast falls the eventide; the darkness deepens, Lord with me abide. When other helpers fail, and comforts flee; help of the helpless, Lord abide with me."_

* * *

"But that isn't even the best part. The best comes right after. . ." Keldeo said eagerly.

* * *

 _It was a quiet hymn that he had heard at the church they visited; Jack had loved it the moment he heard it. And as he sang, another voice joined in..._

 _"Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day. Earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away; change and decay in all around I see. O Thou who changest not, abide with me."_

 _Jack was surprised as Lucy hopped onto his bed, laid her head on his shoulder, and started to cry softly. After a moment, he wrapped an arm around her._

* * *

"That was. . . angelic. . ." Austin said breathlessly and in awe.

"I know, right! What I wouldn't give to hear a well voice acted fanfic reading of this part! I can just imagine how amazing Lucy's voice would sound!"

"I wonder if she'd ever want to go into Pokemon Musicals?" Austin mused.

 _ **Number 2**_

"Lucy's tragic backstory," Keldeo said gravely, "This happens right after Abide With Me, and it is definitely _the_ most touching, moment in the entire story."

* * *

 _They sat there for a long time as Lucy told her story. She couldn't remember much of her childhood, except that she had a mother, father, and older brother who had always loved her. But one day, her mother went off to gather berries, but never returned. Not long after, a group of people, who she now knew were poachers, found her den and shot her father._

* * *

"Wait a minute!" Austin shouted in disbelief, "They _shot_ him? Why? A full grown male Absol sounds valuable! They could have sold him too! Not that I'm saying that it would've been a good thing. I know poaching is terrible, I know it first hand, but I'm just saying, it doesn't seem like the thing Pokemon poachers would do."

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, this part caught me off guard too. First of all, _there are no guns in Pokemon_. Second, yeah, it seems kinda counter intuitive for _Pokemon_ poachers. But my best guest is that Lucy's father put up such a violent fight against the poachers that they decided to just shoot him to make things easier. And I suppose her father actually getting murdered does pack more of an emotional impact than him just getting caged and sold off somewhere."

"They probably caged the mother though," Austin remarked nonchalantly, "For breeding."

Keldeo recoiled in disgust and shouted, " _Austin!_ "

"Sorry, sorry, but it makes sense, doesn't it?" Austin replied with a sly, naughty grin.

Keldeo glared at Austin.

"Well, anyway," Austin went on, "It proves that Lucy isn't my sister. I was older and out by myself when I was caged."

* * *

 _They then caged the two of them and sold them to different trainers on the black market. She never saw her brother again._

* * *

"He's coming back," Austin said with a deadpanned expression.

"Totally," Keldeo said with the same tone and expression.

"With a vengeance."

"Yeah."

"He'll probably be a Well Intentioned Extremist trying to wipe out humanity."

"Eh- what?"

"Everyone better _Be Prepaaaaared!_ "

"You already sang four parody lines of _The Devil Came Down to Georgia,_ give your voice a rest."

* * *

 _For years and years she was passed from one trainer to another; each one abandoned her, each one pretended to be kind just to get her to come with them, and each one had proved to be worse than the last. Sometimes their other pokémon were sympathetic towards her, but more often they viewed her as little more than a nuisance, and sometimes they mistreated her worse than the trainer. Eventually, she wound up in a pokémon daycare after her last trainer had abandoned her for being weak._

 _Six months she stayed there, and she made plenty of friends. It was the best time she could remember, until the day she got 'adopted' by Paul. None of her 'friends' tried to help her, none of them cared that she was leaving._

 _This last event, and the torture she endured at Paul's hands, firmly cemented in her mind that she couldn't trust anyone. No one cared about her._

* * *

"And Jack Storm 448 writes a fanfic about the details of Ivy the Cursed Snivy's backstory instead! Seriously?!" Austin exclaimed.

Keldeo stared at Austin in shock and said, "I wouldn't read a whole fanfic about Lucy's depressing backstory for anything!"

"Didn't you read _Zuma's Fear_?" Austin inquired skeptically.

"Never mind, proceed!" Keldeo said quickly.

* * *

 _By the end of the tragic tale, Jack was crying softly as well. He pulled Lucy into a warm hug._

 _"All of that is in the past," he assured her, "Nothing but a bad memory, it can't hurt you anymore. All that matters now is the future."_

 _Lucy snuggled into his embrace, and cried on his shoulder. "Sometimes, I just don't see anything worth living for."_

 _"You have us now; you have me."_

 _"You'll hurt me eventually, everyone has."_

 _Jack sighed. "Not everyone, there's one person who has never left your side once in your life. God loved you from before you were born; he has always, and will always take care of you. I know you've gone through terrible things, and I know it may seem like he didn't care what happened to you, but maybe it was his way of leading you to me; and through me, to him. I don't know what he has planned, but I know one thing for sure; God will never desert you, and neither will I."_

 _Lucy began to cry again, but this time they were tears of relief, tears of joy; Jack pulled her even closer,_

 _"I'll never leave you," he whispered, pouring his heart and soul into the words._

 _"Never."_

* * *

"No eloquence or complex explanation was necessary here. All Lucy needed was truth and love, and a way to see that it still existed in the world. Once she saw it within Jack, Lucy finally knew true freedom," Keldeo said.

"I'll admit, this is a nice scene," Austin said, "But it doesn't exactly wow me."

"WHA-!?" Keldeo started to shout, but Austin quickly put his left forepaw over Keldeo's mouth.

"No, Keldeo, I don't have a heart of stone," Austin said sternly, "Sure, it's nice and heartwarming, and I feel in inside me. My eyes are a little wet too. But to me, the scene feels just like an obvious plot point that needed to happen in a story like this. Of course Jack shows Lucy that she's still loved and that the trials of the world always pass away, and that God's love will outlast all things. I get that, and it's beautiful. But the thing is, I want to see something that will _thrill me_!"

Keldeo looked straight at Austin, and then smiled beneath the Absol's broad paw. He knocked the paw aside with his forehoof, nodded affirmatively, and said, "Well then, it's a good thing we still have one more moment left. . ."

 _ **And the Number 1 Best Lucy Moment in Rising Storm: Book One is. . .**_

"The final confrontation with Paul," Keldeo declared.

"Oh boy! Does Lucy scratch his clothes up and leave him lying in his undergarments!" Austin said excitedly.

Keldeo stared at Austin in a disturbed manner, then he said, "Uh, no. Not exactly. The scene actually begins as a confrontation between Paul and _Jack._ "

* * *

 _Jack found the Center, and was about to enter it, when he heard a voice from the darkest corner of his mind._

 _"You!"_

 _Jack turned around and there, obviously going to get his Pokémon healed after a hard day's 'training', was the one person Jack truly hated._

 _Paul._

* * *

"My turn," Keldeo said with a smile.

"You're turn to what?" Austin inquired.

Keldeo tapped his left forehoof three times, and then exciting fiddle music started to play.

"What is this injustice! _I_ didn't get any music!" Austin said indignantly.

Keldeo ignored Austin and started to sing, "It's been a while since Lucy the Absol came to know the Lord

And the Devil blamed it on Jack Storm, he cursed all of Jack's words

In the darkest pits of hell the Devil hatched an evil plan

To turn Jack to the darkness, for he's just a mortal man

 _'The sin of wrath,'_ the Devil cried, _'Is what will do Jack in!'_

 _'He'll break that 6th Commandment! He'll lose and I will win!'_

Jack don't you remember that vengeance is the Lord's?

In your anger do not sin, the evil man gets no reward.

Now Paul has come to fight you! Will you stand up to the test?

Or will you let the Devil be the best?"

The music then abruptly stopped and Keldeo grinned at Austin. "What'd you think?"

Looking completely unimpressed, Austin replied, "I think we should just read the moment in the story."

Keldeo sighed like air leaking out of a balloon.

* * *

 _In about two heartbeats, Jack relived the two hours he and Jason spent by that lake washing Lucy's fur; and finding more burns, and bruises, and scars than Jack had ever seen before in his life. In his mind, Jack had built up Paul to be a cruel and sadistic monster that used Pokémon as nothing more than tools; tools to be ground sharp, and discarded when broken. If he'd been given the choice again, Jack might have decided differently about letting Paul go; and now, here he was in front of him._

 _"You," Jack growled._

 _Paul stood about ten feet away, and has hands were on his Pokéball belt; Jack knew that he could cover that distance before Paul could so much as think about releasing a Pokémon, but there was something wrong. Paul wasn't afraid; he wasn't just hiding it, Paul's aura showed only faint traces of fear. The foremost emotions in the boy's mind were anger, and disdain; Paul was totally assured that he could beat Jack. It made sense; Paul had only seen the tip of the iceberg of Jack's powers, and that was a long time ago. Paul had heard the news about Jack, but in time since their last meeting Paul had convinced himself that Jack wasn't half as powerful as the press made him out to be._

 _Jack couldn't stand it; he could knock Paul's head from his shoulders in two seconds flat, but he didn't want to do that. He wanted Paul on his knees, begging for mercy; he wanted to see fear in the boy's eyes. He wanted revenge to be sweet. And so, he waited; Paul would have to make the first move._

 _"You won't beat me so easily this time," Paul said, throwing a Pokéball. "Go, Electabuzz; use Thunder."_

 _A bipedal yellow Pokémon with black lightning bolt stripes all over its body, and two antenna-like horns on its head, appeared in front of Paul. Electabuzz quickly sized up Jack with an eager attitude; it seemed to relish the idea of fighting an unarmed human boy. Then, without any further warning, it unleashed a raging torrent of electricity at Jack._

* * *

"Wait a minute, why is he attacking Jack?!" Austin shouted in alarm, "I know Paul's a sociopath, but I thought it was only towards Pokemon?"

"Oh, you see the newspapers all reported that Jack has superpowers, so it makes sense that Paul would try and battle him like a Pokemon. It shows how Paul sees Jack as kind of a freak," Keldeo explained, "Anyway, it turns out Jack apparently has the Ability Motor Drive. . ."

* * *

 _Jack stood stock still, extended his arm, and blocked the bolt with his hand; he'd always had an affinity for electricity, and the hundreds of volts coursing through him only tickled. He laughed; a deep, sinister laugh. One that, if he'd been in his right mind, Jack would've been quite unnerved by; especially coming from his own mouth._

* * *

"Hi, Dark Tsubasa! It's been a while! " Keldeo said with wave, "We haven't seen each other in the while. I think the last time I saw you was. . ." Keldeo tapped his hooves in thought, then smiled as he said, "My review of _The Midnight Dragon_ back in Season Two! How have you been?"

* * *

 _Electabuzz, enraged that its attack had done absolutely nothing, responded with Brick Break._

 _Once again, Jack could've dodged the attack; but he didn't want to dodge it. Instead, his eyes glowing golden, he used Counter; catching Electabuzz's arm with one hand, and using its own momentum to slam it into his fist. After knocking the wind out of its lungs, Jack slammed Electabuzz into the ground with a point-blank Aura Sphere; knocking it out cold._

 _Paul watched Jack take out his chief Pokémon single-handed, and he remembered the anger he'd seen in Jack's eyes the last time they met; he realized that what he was seeing now was that same anger. Except this time, Jack wasn't holding it back. For the first time since he could remember, Paul felt a cold knot of fear form in his stomach._

 _Jack watched Paul recall Electabuzz to its Pokéball; he had been prepared to feel sorry for Paul's Pokémon, but Electabuzz was no prisoner. It enjoyed fighting, and Jack sensed that it wasn't accustomed to showing mercy. This only made Jack's anger burn hotter; to his mind, Paul had taken an innocent Pokémon, and turned it into a bully like himself. Such an act was unforgivable. Unbeknown to himself, Jack started to float a few inches off the ground, and bolts of lightning started arcing off him into the ground; his eyes glowed like miniature suns._

* * *

 _ **Vegeta:**_ _"IT'S OVER 9000!"_

"Really?" Austin said with a frown.

"It had to be done," Keldeo said solemnly.

"Isn't this supposed to be _Lucy's_ moment?" Austin asked impatiently.

"We're getting to that, but we have to, _to use your own words_ , set the scene in order to show how potent this scene is for Lucy's character," Keldeo explained.

"Okay, so what does she do?!" Austin half asked, half exclaimed.

* * *

 _Jack stood there, waiting for Paul to make a move; he could sense fear, but not enough. Paul had yet to feel true terror for his life; such as he deserved. It was this continued delay that probably saved Paul's life._

 _"Jack!" Jason shouted. "What are you doing?"_

 _Jack didn't turn around. "Go back to the Centre, Jason; make sure Lucy stays inside until I'm done."_

 _"I'm right here."_

 _At that, Jack did turn around; Jason and Lucy were standing just outside the Pokémon Centre doors._

* * *

The music started back up and Keldeo started singing again, "Lucy, are you ready now, or will your paws grow cold?

The Devil walks the land over Jack he's taken hold

Can't Jack see that you're crying?

Will he ever know

The Devil wants his very mortal soul?"

* * *

 _"Jack," Lucy said pleadingly. "Don't do this."_

 _"Wait a second," Paul said in realization. "Isn't that..."_

 _"SHUT UP!" Jack snarled at him, and then said to Lucy. "Go back to the Centre; I'll deal with him."_

 _"Jack," Lucy pleaded, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Please; please don't do this!"_

 _"Why?" Jack snapped; the wind starting to pick up around him. "He deserves everything I can do to him! How long did he torture you, in the name of making you stronger? How many times did you cry yourself to sleep, licking your wounds? You deserve vengeance; and he deserves to die!"_

 _"But is that what your parents taught you?" Lucy said desperately. "You told me as much about your life as I told you of mine; and your parents taught you better than this! What did they teach you about revenge?"_

 _Lucy's words penetrated Jack's blind rage, and he remembered; Father Lucario had always been very strict about seeking revenge. He always quoted that one verse from the Bible; '"Vengeance is mine, I shall repay," says the Lord.'_

 _Jack looked at Lucy and growled. "Why are you defending him? He made your life a living Hell!"_

 _"And I forgave him!" Lucy shouted._

* * *

Austin's jaw dropped. For the first time in his life, he was speechless.

* * *

 _Jack stared at her, dumbstruck; his anger starting to fade. And as it did, his eyes stopped glowing, he stopped floating and arcing electricity, and the wind died down._

 _"I forgave him a long time ago," Lucy pressed on, "When I realized that God used him to bring me to you; to a life that I only dreamed of before. To a place where I'd be loved and cared for, unconditionally; just like He does. I didn't hold on to my anger. Why should you?"_

 _Jack thought about it, but he had no answer; and the more he thought about it, the more he realized what he'd almost done. And when he realized that, he turned to look at Paul; the purple-haired boy, who Jack had despised and hated for so long, was sitting numbly on the ground staring up at him in absolute terror. Jack looked down at his hands in disgust; he couldn't believe he'd almost..._

 _Jack looked at Lucy, and a tear worked it's way down his cheek to mirror the ones flowing down the Absol's muzzle. The last vestiges of anger leaving him, Jack sunk to his knees; the tears, now released, flowed down his face freely._

* * *

Keldeo turned to Austin and said, "Well, Austin? Did _that_ thrill you enough?"

Austin finally closed his mouth, then he turned to Keldeo and said, "I'm. . . _affected._ Affected deeply by it. Lucy edified Jack when he nearly fell down into the darkness. She returned the favor with interest. She actually lived what she learned, practiced what she preached. She fully understood the how and why of her troubled life. And she reached out with her faith to keep the person she cared about from going back on the ideals that saved _her._ "

"Your dramatic eloquence has finally found it's place," Keldeo commented, "At any rate, you're right. But it's not over yet. I have a question for you. Who do you think came to comfort Jack after all this?"

"His brother Jason, obviously," Austin said immediately.

* * *

 _Jason stood awkwardly a few feet away, but Lucy walked over and nuzzled Jack's face; letting him cry into her mane._

 _"Shush now," she said gently. "It's alright, it's okay."_

* * *

"WHAT?!" Austin exclaimed.

"Even Jason was frightened off by Jack's display of anger and violent power," Keldeo said solemnly, "And yet Lucy found it within her heart not only to come to him without fear, but to be a crying shoulder, and to offer that very same unconditional love that he gave her."

"What happens next?" Austin asked.

"Well, Jack ends up Teleporting back up to his room in the Pokemon Center, but Lucy refuses to leave Jack alone," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Jason noted that the mental link had gone down, so he was forced to send out an auric probe of his own; he found Jack, much to his relief, back in their room at the Centre. He and Lucy rushed back inside the Pokémon Centre to the door of the room they'd rented. Since Jack had locked the door when they left, they knocked; when, after a few seconds, nothing happened, Lucy started getting anxious. She was about to bust down the door, when the lock clicked; wasting no time, Lucy grabbed the handle with her teeth, and turned._

* * *

"I'm glad Lucy isn't pulling an _Equestria_ Games," Keldeo practically sneered, _"_ and allowing a depressed and emotionally fragile person alone, or not leaving him alone in a mean way. Lucy is aware that Jack might try doing something to himself, so she rushes in there and speaks to him in the kindest way possible."

* * *

 _As soon as the door was open, Lucy rushed inside to see Jack lying on the bed; staring up at the ceiling._

 _"Jack," Lucy said. "Are you alright?"_

 _Jack didn't answer right away, and Lucy was close to panicking, but then he sighed._

 _"I almost killed him," he said in barely more than a whisper._

 _"But you didn't," Lucy said._

 _"No," Jack said. "But it doesn't matter; I was going to. If it hadn't been for you..."_

 _"You would've stopped yourself," Jason said._

 _"But I didn't!" he exclaimed._

 _"No," Jason said. "Lucy stopped you; but it amounts to the same thing. You didn't kill Paul."_

 _"Greninja."_

 _Jason furrowed his brow, and Lucy stared at Jack in confusion._

 _"Greninja?" Lucy asked._

 _Jack looked at Jason. "Veilstone City; it almost killed you, and I had to hunt it down."_

 _"And you did," Lucy said. "You fought Greninja and won, and returned in time to save Jason. You told us all about it."_

 _"But I didn't tell you that I killed it," Jack said. "I went into a rage like the one I just did, and I killed Greninja; I didn't think twice about it, I just did. And I almost did it again just now; over even less. People were right about me the first time, I am a monster; a dangerous one. I can't control myself; I might even hurt one of you..."_

 _Jason absorbed the information with a grim expression, but Lucy just climbed wordlessly onto the bed, and lay down next to Jack; nuzzling him with her nose._

 _"You're not a monster, Jack," she said. "I don't know what happened, but you're no monster. You're a kind, compassionate boy; and a loyal friend."_

 _Jack didn't answer, and he didn't move; not when the rest of his team came looking for him to see what happened, not when they left again after seeing that he was in no mood for questions. He didn't even have dinner, and neither did Lucy; she stayed beside him, and she didn't move from the spot either._

* * *

"Where even his own brother was unsure of him. . ." Austin said in a low dramatic tone, ". . . Lucy still would not abandon him or let him doubt himself for a minute. It's like her own answer to this scene:"

* * *

 _Lucy began to cry again, but this time they were tears of relief, tears of joy; Jack pulled her even closer,_

 _"I'll never leave you," he whispered, pouring his heart and soul into the words._

 _"Never."_

* * *

"Lucy won't leave Jack either. . ." Austin said.

"Exactly," Keldeo said, "With Lucy's determined support, and Jack's prayer of course, he's able to pick himself up and find peace again. He's able to regain control over his anger for the final climax, during which Lucy plays a role in to, but I don't want to spoil that. Trust me, it's awesome!"

"Keldeo, may I say something?" Austin asked.

"You're saying something right now. You've been saying things during the whole review," Keldeo remarked as he gave Austin a look of disbelief.

"I meant, can I make a statement?" Austin asked again.

"Go ahead," Keldeo replied.

" _*Ahem!*_ " Austin said as he reached over and picked up the golden Mega Absol trophy, "When someone mentions a great Absol, many people would think of an Absol who predicted a natural disaster and warned a city and town, saving the lives of everyone there. But that isn't the only way an Absol can become great. They could try to enrich the lives of people with their powers and skills and talents, like me. . . Or, they can do something even better, and be something even greater than a dancer or a singer. An Absol could be a selfless companion who has lived through great adversity, who has witnesses great dangers and has bravely marched through those dangers to protect and help those she cares about, who keeps her heart pure of anger or hate, and has gathered together the inner strength needed to forgive her enemies. And so, for all these reasons, I present this Absol Academy Award to the Absol in _Rising Storm: Book One_ by Jack Storm 448, Lucy!"

Applause burst out and echoed throughout the area.

Austin smiled and bowed, then he turned to Keldeo and said, "It makes sense for me to give the speech. _You_ couldn't have done it justice in a million years."

Keldeo face twitched with anger for a brief moment, then he smiled and said, "Well, I'm glad you've learned something from all this."

"You're quite right, Keldeo," Austin said as he puffed himself up regally. He then set the trophy back down and said, "Make sure you use proper postage and packaging when you send this trophy to her."

"Of course," Keldeo replied good naturedly, "I hope you have a lot of luck in the Pokemon Musical Scene."

Austin gave Keldeo a confused look and said, "Luck? What do I need luck for? I have skill!"

Keldeo forced himself to keep smiling, and he nodded without saying a word.

"Well, good luck to you though. On your reviewing series that is," Austin remarked, " _Shalom_!"

And with that, Austin leapt off the rock platform and left.

Keldeo dropped his smile and let out a loud sigh.

"Well. . ." he said, sounding a bit tired, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to."

* * *

A while later, Keldeo found Victini chatting with the other Swords of Justice.

"Hey everyone," Keldeo said as he noticed that the four of them were all having something to drink, "Victini, have you been here during the entire review?"

Victini nodded and smiled deviously, "Oh yeah, Keldeo. You see, I told the other Swords of Justice how you brought in all those decorations and those two Pokemon from Frank's movie crew into the Moor of Icirrus without asking them for permission first." Victini then took a sip of what he was drinking.

Cobalion also took a sip of his drink, and he nodded seriously and said, "Yes, Keldeo. And we were a bit disappointed. You know we like to be kept informed on what you have planned for these reviews of yours."

Keldeo smiled innocently and said, "Aw, but you know I wouldn't do anything dangerous or irresponsible. . . well, not _anymore._ Besides, the whole thing was kind of impromptu anyway."

Virizion took a quick drink, and she said, "Well, nevertheless, Victini felt slighted about getting replaced by Austin Saturn, so he came to us hoping to get back at you."

Keldeo moaned and said, "Oh, come on! Be fair! I couldn't just kick out someone like _Austin Saturn_. It's not like he would've listened anyway. Besides, it was rough having him as a co-star! I kept having to keep him in line. Even if he kinda straightened out in the end, I still don't think I could take much more of him."

Terrakion gulped down his drink, smacked his lips and said, "Ahh! Well, we were all hoping you'd say that. You see, kid, you still broke the rules by not informing us about your little _Absol Academy Award_ show. So something has to be done about that. Luckily, Victini had a pretty fair suggestion that shouldn't be _too_ hard on you."

Before Keldeo could inquire what Terrakion meant, Victini flew over to him offering a glass bottle. "Here! You have what we're having!" Victini said cheerfully.

"What is it?" Keldeo said as he took the bottle.

"Moomoo Milk!" Victini replied with the same amount of cheer.

Keldeo stared at the bottle for a moment, then his eyes widened in horrified realization. "OH, NO!" he shouted in horror.

Victini laughed creepily, now wearing a Vullaby mask.

* * *

 **The End**

 **Credits**

 _PAW Patrol_

 _Absolute and Nevermore by BunnyWings_

 _The Absol Danseuse_ by

 _Devil Went Down to Georgia_ by the Charlie Daniels Band

 _The Devil Comes Back to Georgia_ by Daniels

 _Dragon Ball Z_

 _Beyblade Metal Fight_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic: Swan Princess_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Moulin Rouge!_

 _Be Prepared_ from _The Lion King_ by Disney

 **Special Thanks**

 _Bulbapedia_

 _HavocHound_

 _TV Tropes_


	51. The Absol Danseuse- Part One

_In the autumn, leaves were falling,_

 _When I found a sight appalling,_

 _Sight an Absol trodding closely, and I feared what it would bring,_

 _Through the market I was walking,_

 _Shiv'ring at its steady stalking,_

 _Stalking close, and then I realized it was here the day before,_

 _It would be there many more._

-Excerpt from _Absolute and Nevermore_ by BunnyWings

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 21- The Absol Danseuse by thatdragonwiththetophatcom**

 **tinyurl:** **hbt3k5w**

"Hello, I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said with less enthusiasm and more duty, "And. . . this is really weird. It's weird because this is a good fanfic, but I just don't want to review it. But because of. . ." Keldeo frowned and said, ". . . _others,_ I find that I have no choice. I _have_ to review _The Absol. . ._ wait a minute. . ."

Keldeo got typed into his laptop and clicked a few times. He stared at the screen for a moment, then he shrugged and said, "The word means _'dancer'_."

* * *

 _ _ **The Absol Danseuse** ___By: thatdragonwiththetophatcom  
_

 _This is the story of an Absol. This Absol is more than just an Absol. This Absol is the definitive greatest Pokemon Musical singer and actor to ever set paw in Nimbasa City. This is the story of how this Absol, an Absol who existed as a token for a poacher's cartel for years and years, was reborn as an actor. Was reborn as a singer. Was reborn as The Absol Danseuse._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Romance - [Absol, Serperior /Jaroda] Joltik, White - Chapters: 9 - Words: 39,449 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 14 - Updated:Jan 12 - Published: Feb 15, 2015 - Status: Complete - id: 11047547_

* * *

"Now, I meant it when I said that this fanfic is good. It's really good. It's just that . . ." Keldeo sighed and shook his head in frustration, "The main character, he is so dramatic and exaggerated and sassy, he's so hard to take in, I just . . ." Keldeo began to crack a smile, "I just can't that anyone can be like this, I mean every other thing he says is a dramatic speech, he's constantly making quotes and references, he acts like he's constantly on stage I just-!"

Keldeo then burst out laughing and stomped his hooves repeatedly. Eventually he found his voice again and said, "Okay. Anyone who reads this would want to know where this character came from."

Keldeo gave a calm smile and said, "Luckily, the author tells us just that in an Author's Note."

* * *

 ** _That was just the first part of this Absol's story. Now, I just want to hand out some thank yous before we continue. Now, what I wanted to do was create a dynamic, engaging, compelling Pokemon OC that people would flock too. Now, I already knew I wanted to use an Absol ,and I probably would have ended up creating a character that would've been a mix of Garfield, Scooby-Doo, Nigel from Rio 2, Scar from the Lion King, Scrat from Ice Age, Stan from Dog With a Blog, Maximus from Tangled, Sven from Frozen, and various other characters I like. Now that probably would've been a disastrous mismosh. Luckily, I was able to get some help._**

* * *

"And thank goodness for that!" Keldeo exclaimed, "A character like that would. . . I don't know, collapse in a violent implosion! Not an explosion, an _implosion!_ "

An _Aperture Science_ warning sign that read _"In Case of implosion look directly at implosion"_ appeared.

Keldeo calmed down and went on, "But you know, it is quite remarkable. The author managed to create a composite character out of the influences and suggestions of other successful authors." Keldeo grinned sheepishly, "Matthais included!"

* * *

 ** _Thank you, Virizion 2.6, for coming up with the perfect name for him and for teaching me that a good character needs a good rival. Also, thank you for helping me decide on a title for the story._**

 ** _Thank you, Jack Storm 448, for suggesting the comedy of melodramatic-ism and for teaching me that a good character needs a good partner._**

 ** _Thank you, Matthais Unidostres, for teaching me about the power of fourth-wall humor and creative use of the narrator._**

 ** _Thank you, Ryu Taylor the Ferret, for teaching me about the proper use of moral alignment for a character and how the "braggart" character train isn't necessarily a "negative" or "bad" trait in of itself._**

 ** _Now, parts of my initial mismosh characterization plan did make it into the Absol's final version, but I did cut a bunch of character influences out, and the advice of these four magnificent writers helped me to clean things up a bit. So, once again, I offer a sincere thank you to all of them._**

* * *

"But," Keldeo said loudly, "There is one question that we all need to ask: _'Does it all come together?'_ "

Keldeo breathed deeply in and out through his nose and said, "Well, you're about to find out. This is _The Absol. . . Dancer._ "

* * *

 _This is a story about an Absol._

* * *

"NO SHIP-!" the Intoxiquer began, but Keldeo blasted him out of the way with Hydro Pump.

"Not worth it," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _It is NOT a story about the 16 year old president and manager of the BW Agency, inventor of the Pokemon Musical, and bearer of the prestigious title of "Dreamer." The mere act of being present in a story does not the star of a story make. Also, being the first character introduced in a story does not the star of a story make either._

* * *

"Oh, this story takes place in the Manga," Keldeo remarked, looking vaguely interested, "That's a very interesting idea. Personally I like the Anime better, but the Manga is just as good if you want to see different characters go through deeper story arcs."

"So the story begins with White and her Serperior Amanda helping Officer Jenny stop some poachers."

* * *

 _"The poachers are all boxed in that old warehouse up ahead," Jenny said, "They didn't expect us to sneak up on them from these woods. They were all focused on guarding the road leading out from Nimbasa City."_

 _White smacked her right fist into her left palm and said, "Good! Now we can make them pay! No one spreads rumors that the BW Agency uses poached black market Pokemon and gets away with it!"_

 _Officer Jenny looked slightly unsure and asked, "Um, are you sure you want to get into this? We have it all under control and we wouldn't want the president of the BW Agency to get hurt?"_

 _White walked right past Officer Jenny with her nose in the air. "Huh! Puh-lease! When the good name of MY Agency gets threatened-_

* * *

 _"EX - PO - SI - TION! EX - PO - SI - TION! RUSH IT OUT, AS - AP!"_ Keldeo and Munna sang.

Victini suddenly flew in and shouted, "Hey! You skipped over the part where she mentioned her Battle Subway training! We could've done the PeeWee Herman scream!"

Keldeo glared at Victini and said, "You're the one who got me into this review, and no matter how funny he is, I still have to revisit one of the most arrogant characters I've ever seen, so don't expect me to do you any favors!"

Victini pouted and flew away with a concerned Munna right behind him.

"So," Keldeo said, "We then head down into the poachers' lair where we meet. . . the sidekick."

* * *

 _In the basement of the poachers' hide out were cages containing the Pokemon they had ripped out of the wild. The Pokemon in the cages were all silent, either sleeping, meditating, and stewing in their own pity._

 _Across the concrete floor hopped one of the smallest Pokemon in existence. In search of energy, the Joltik hopped around the dark room, moving from cage to cage, hoping that there might be an Electric-type Pokemon around. The caged Pokemon paid no mind to the tiny Pokemon as it continued its search, moving from cage to cage in search of the food it craved._

 _The tiny Bug/Electric-type stopped in front of one of the cages to look around and get his bearings._

 _Then the broad, white furred paw came down on top of it. Three dark blue claws closed gently around the tiny Pokemon and lifted it up of the ground. The Joltik dangled in mid air as the three claws held one of it's four stumpy legs. The Joltik twisted its body around to look into the cage behind him, and was met by a dark blue feline face with the reddest of red eyes. On the left of the face; Joltik's left, the face's right; was a horn of the same color. On the right of the face; Joltik's right, the face's left; was a long tuft of the whitest of white fur. On the forehead, amid the white fur, was a dark blue oval._

* * *

"Okay, can I just address something here?" Keldeo said, "There are two camps of people when it comes to describing characters we are already familiar with. One camp would say that we already know what Absols look like, so unless this Absol has different physical features or is unique in someway, we don't need a description of what it looks like. The other camp would say that it's nice to see the effort of a description and allows the reader to get deeper into the story."

Keldeo smiled and said, "Now, I don't exactly identify myself with either of those groups, but I do feel that writing your own description of a character everyone is familiar with can help get across your unique _perception_ of something that everyone _has_ seen a million times, but it's still your unique take on it."

"So the Absol grabs the Joltik and. . . starts monologuing to him?" Keldeo said in confusion.

* * *

 _"Life's not fair, is it?"_

 _The Joltik opened it's eyes slowly when it comprehended that the Absol had just spoken to him. The Absol was sitting on the floor of the cage like a Sphinx, with one fore-paw on the ground extending out from him, and the other up in the air holding the Joltik. The Joltik could just barely make out the sharp looking blade-like tail in the darkness of the cage. The Joltik also couldn't help but notice that the Absol had a far away look in his eye, as if he was mindful of an unseen observer, or many unseen observers. The Absol's mouth was neither smile nor frown, and his countenance was entirely wistful._

 _"You see," the Absol said to the Joltik, "I... well, I shall never be free. And you... shall never grow bigger than 4 inches tall." The Absol gave a laugh that was wry and humorless, "Hmm-hmm-hmm, shalom."_

* * *

"Wow, this his first scene, and he's already showing what a ham he is," Keldeo said in amazement, although there's the hint of a laugh in his voice, "I wouldn't mind so much, except I think I know where this monologue came from! This is the monologue Scar gave to that mouse in _The Lion King!_ Seriously, look!"

 _ **Scar** : "Life's not fair, is it? You see, I... well, I shall never be king. And you... shall never see the light of another day. Hmm-hmm-hmm, adieu._"

"Well, biscuits! If you're gonna steal lines, there's a load more you could rip from!"

 _ **Absol:** "I ate that Slowpoke's tail, with some Oran Berries and a Rare Candy. *slurpslurpslurpslurplslurp*"_

"Also, did he just say 'shalom'?" Keldeo said in confusion, "Isn't that what the Jewish people say for 'peace'? I don't get it? Is he a Jewish Absol? Or is he just trying to be clever by saying something other than 'aideu'?"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, I suppose I better start another Rip Off Side Pot for him. At least this time the author admits he's ripping off other characters."

 ** _*Ding!*_**

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 1 - Scar from Disney's "The Lion King"**_

"So, after his monologue, the Absol does. . . this. . ."

* * *

 _The Joltik was tossed out through the Pokemon-proof bars of the cage, across the room, and in through the Pokemon-proof bars of another cage. The Joltik quickly got up and looked around, quickly noticing the Ampharos snoozing inside the cage. The Joltik hopped up joyfully and proceeded to make a meal out of the Ampharos' unneeded extra electricity._

* * *

"Which I suppose is supposed to be an allusion to Aesop's fable _The_ _Lion and the Mouse,_ " Keldeo proposed, "How do I know? Because the story tells us!"

* * *

 _The Absol's wry and humorless smile was replaced by a slightly smaller genuine one after performing his good deed for the day, and he settled back down to close his eyes._

* * *

 ** _Dora the Explorer:_** _"Hey kids! Can you see the foreshadowing in this scene?"_

Munna suddenly flew it and blasted Dora and Boots with Psywave.

"Only _**I**_ get to make jokes about obvious foreshadowing!" Munna shouted angrily.

* * *

 _However, his catnap was over before it began when a stream of light uppercut him in the face. He opened his eyes as a human teenage girl, a human woman, a Serperior, and a Growlithe quickly entered the room._

 _White took a long look at the numerous cages filled with Pokemon. "Whoa. Those poachers sure got busy . . . ugh, that sounded wrong," White said with a shudder._

 _"Well, come on then. Let's get to work. We'll get the reports filled out, the BW Agency will be in the clear, and we can finally take care of all these Pokemon," Officer Jenny said as she looked around at all the cages._

* * *

"So the side characters come in and carry out all of the caged Pokemon, leaving us to hear a . . . very detailed explanation of who this Absol is as a character," Keldeo said, sounding intrigued.

* * *

 _The cartel the Absol had been purchased by was a very odd one, in that it would always try to hold onto at least one Absol. This was because the humans believed possessing an Absol would bring disaster to their competitors._

 _The star of this story entertained the possibility that something untoward had recently happened to the poachers, a small "disaster" if you will. He savored the irony for a bit, irony was something that fascinated him greatly, but then allowed himself to fall back into vague disinterest. It's what he usually did when he wasn't listening to whatever media came out of a poacher's radio when one of them stood guard outside a thin door or right amid the cages. It all depended on the poacher's current location, which was, by extension, his current location. Not too long ago, the Absol had gotten a good look at a television screen for a couple of days. He recalled a few episodes of various reality shows, bits and pieces of movies, parts of nature specials and other miscellaneous programs._

* * *

"Okay, this makes the second Absol I've seen who watches TV. But more importantly, this idea of using an Absol as a bad luck charm is an interesting concept I've never thought about," Keldeo mused, "It also shows how stupid those poachers were because that's not at all how an Absol's ability works!"

"Well, anyway, how about we get into one of the major plot points of this story, and this review: the Absol's personality."

* * *

 _As for the present, the star of this story was riding in his cage in the back of a large pick-up truck, with the cages of other Pokemon on top of and next to his cage. No one spoke, mostly because speaking during any sort of transport was never tolerated. It was a painful lesson to learn._

 _Of course, that didn't matter to our Absol, who was, in fact, not friends with any of his cell mates. They let each other know that, on no uncertain terms. This was not because the Absol was, for the lack of a better term, a bad Pokemon. Absol simply knew that he was a little too intellectual and, if he were honest with himself, which he was, too sassy to get along with just anyone._

 _The other Pokemon would always just call him a highbrow._

* * *

"I don't know," Keldeo said slowly, "I mean, yeah, the story does present him as a bit sassy, and I guess he's pretty smart. But he's more annoyingly pompous and dramatic than anything else, which makes me wonder why those aspects of him weren't addressed in this part."

"So, during all this, the Pokemon are being driven out into the forest to be released."

* * *

 _The pick-up truck had four wheel drive, so it moved easily through the forest. The vehicle soon stopped in a sunny clearing, causing most of the Pokemon to squint from the brightness, which had become alien to them._

 _The Absol watched as White and Officer Jenny began loading cages off of the truck. Amanda watched from the sidelines, not saying a word but looking on at the caged Pokemon with sincere pity and sympathy._

 _The Absol shrugged the look off, feeling that it was at least nice of her offer that out, even if he didn't need it. He instead focused his attention on the cage containing the Ampharos that the two humans were now setting down on the ground._

 _White opened the cage._

 _Our Absol did not blink._

 _Our Absol did not breath._

 _The Ampharos timidly stuck his head out and looked around. He looked up at White._

 _"Go on," the human girl said softly, wearing a friendly smile._

 _After second more of hesitation, the Ampharos quickly ran out of the cage and disappeared into the trees._

 _Our Absol has yet to blink._

 _Our Absol has yet to breath._

 _Our Absol coughs and gasps loudly from the effects of holding his breath for so long._

 _As more cages were opened by the 16 year old girl, the Absol made the decision to take deep breaths while keeping his eyes wide open. He figured more oxygen would help his brain to comprehend what he was witnessing right now._

* * *

"Wait, so let me get this straight," Keldeo said as he held up a forehoof, "We were just told how intellectual this Absol is, and we found out he's been listening to radio programs and watching television. But he didn't realize that they were being rescued and released? He didn't recognize Officer Jenny? How does that make any sense? He should have realized what was going on! Did he think White and Jenny were just other poachers? At least with Lucy she had been abused and betrayed by humans over and over again. In fact, if this guy was some kind of mascot, I'll bet that those poachers treated him a lot better than some of the other poor unfortunate souls they've captured! And no, I didn't think the breath holding joke was funny."

"So, it turns out that the Absol- _oh forget it, we all know what his name is gonna be_ \- it turns out that Austin is the last one to be realized."

* * *

 _After seeing all of his cell mates; which included an Oshawott, an Umbreon, a Riolu, a Meowth, a Charmander, and many others; run off into the wild, the Absol's metal cage was finally lifted from the truck and placed onto the organic ground. Absol quickly closed his dry eyes as his mind worked as fast as he could. He quickly formulated his performance, and opened his eyes and readied himself for the fateful moment._

* * *

"Performance? Oh, you're not serious, are you?" Keldeo asked in disbelief.

* * *

 _The Absol got up and stood evenly on all four paws. He leaned forward a bit and put his right fore-paw forward. The moment his shaky paw touched the grassy earth, he pulled it back slightly as if burned by it. He lowered his body as he followed through and fully stepped out of the cage, the long tuft of fur hiding his face from White and Officer Jenny. A small smirk graced the Absol's features as he placed all four paws on solid earth. An odd sound began to grow in the back of Absol's throat, and a vibration moved throughout his body. Then, in full view of the two humans, the Absol threw his head back and laughed uproariously._

 _White and Jenny stared at the Absol's dramatic laughter. The Absol then suddenly stopped laughing and turned to them, staring straight at them. After a tilt of the head and a raise of the right fore paw, he dashed off at top speed into the woods._

* * *

Keldeo rubbed his face with his left front fetlock and said, "Our hammy hero, ladies and gentlemen! What was even the point of that? What message was he trying to get across with this performance? That he's crazy?"

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 2 - Rhino from Pixar's "Bolt"**_

* * *

 _White stared after the Absol, and said to Jenny, "He was . . . "_

 _"Bizarre," Jenny replied._

 _"No," White said with a shake of her head. She put a finger to her chin and said, "He was kind of like . . . the Pokemon at the Agency." White cracked a small smile. "Talented," she remarked._

 _"I say he's a ham," Amanda thought as she slithered over to White's side._

* * *

"I'm gonna be nice and say he's all three," Keldeo said with a smile.

* * *

 _"DID I JUST GET SAVED BY A HUMAN!" the Absol shouted without warning, freezing in mid-step with wide eyes. He balanced on front-left and rear-right paws as he considered what just happened to him. "_

 _That human . . . came in," he said as he cantered backwards and stopped on all fours, "Took down the poachers." The Absol bucked the air with one rear leg. "And let us go- NO, IT WAS MORE THAN THAT!" he exclaimed._

 _The Absol sat on his haunches and placed both fore paws over his heart, "She gave me my life. She gave me freedom."_

* * *

"Will you stop moving your body like that! You're reminding me of the villain from _Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2_!" Keldeo exclaimed, looking quite annoyed.

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 3 - Chester V from "Cloud With a Chance of Meatballs 2"**_

"So then we get, and you won't believe this, _another_ monologue from Austin, this time original, but really long and seriously hammy."

* * *

 _He stared into his left paw and spoke in soliloquy,_

* * *

Keldeo rolled his eyes, "Ugh. Oh, sorry. It's a _soliloquy._ My mistake."

* * *

 _"How many years has it been since I was of the wild? A free spirited child of the wilderness with a family to accompany me? I know stand here with all my instincts forgotten, and the lessons of my parents either forgotten as well or never learned to begin with." He frowned and said in a fed up voice, "What the heck, am I even in the same Region anymore?"_

 _He then looked into his right paw and continued his slow soft-spoken spiel, "Yet, what have I been blessed with? A human. A Pokemon Trainer I believe. A pure-hearted Trainer. A Trainer like that is the doorway to a new life for a Pokemon like me." While still staring into his right paw, he closed his left paw and placed it back over his heart. "A Pokemon like me . . ." he repeated with a gallant smile. Then, he leapt into the air like an acrobat, and landed on all fours. Without missing a beat, off he ran back the way he came._

 _. . . . . Look Absol, either you can't take a hint or you're not fully comprehending the implications of what you're doing. There is no story in being some human's Pokemon. The real story is back the other way, in the wild._

* * *

"Oh yeah, I should probably mention that throughout this part, the narrator seems to keep trying to get Austin to do what he wants him to do," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _. . . . . Look Absol, either you can't take a hint or you're not fully comprehending the implications of what you're doing. There is no story in being some human's Pokemon. The real story is back the other way, in the wild._

 _He skidded to a halt when he reached the area he was released at. The truck was gone, but the tire tracks were still there, as plain as day. He aligned a fore-paw at the start of one of the tracks, bent his neck down, and put his nose to the deep tracks. Sniffing deeply all the way, the Absol followed the tracks._

 _Oh, Absol. . . I am quite sure that I made it very clear that this is a story about an Absol. This story is about YOU. It is NOT about that human girl or her Serperior. We don't need the great, famous, heroic White the "Dreamer" getting in the way with her tragic love-story baggage. Nor do we need any humans here at all, so why don't you think about this one last time and see if you can't come to any sudden realizations._

* * *

"Look, I know the _Stanley Parable_ is a masterpiece, I referenced it a lot during my review of _Mew's Stupid Adventure._ And I also know that fourth wall breaking narrator humor was Matthais' idea, but you think you're being a bit to blunt with it?" Keldeo said desperately, "If you went any further you might as well have called this _The Austin Parable!"_

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 4 - Stanley from "The Stanley Parable"**_

* * *

 _The Absol suddenly stopped in mid-step and mid-sniff. He raised his head and blinked as a sudden realization came to him._

 _Oh, thank Arceus, you are willing to listen to me._

 _As the thought grew and grew in his mind, the Absol felt the need to express it out loud. "Why am I sniffing these tire tracks for?" he asked incredulously, staring down at the deep marks in the ground. "Seriously, what's the point? In fact, what's the point in sniffing pawprints or footprints or any other kind of track? The tracks are gonna lead you to who you're following anyway, so all you need are your eyes. It seems like a waste of time and energy to be sniffing along like that when all you really need are your eyes."_

 _. . . . Alright, fine, go ahead Absol. If you really want to restart your life as some Trainer's Pokemon, then don't let me stop you. In fact, I'm actually all for it now. She must really mean a lot to you, and it can't be due to her status as one of the two Heroes of Unova, because you don't even know what Region this is, or what Team Plasma_

* * *

 _ **Bridgekeeper:** "Get on with it!"_

 _ **Tim:** "Yes! Get on with it!"_

 _ **Army: "** YEAH! GET ON WITH IT!"_

* * *

 _So please forgive my interruptions, let us get back into the story good and proper, I promise._

 _His point made, our Absol continues to follow the tracks which should lead him to the human girl he had taken a shine to._

 _"*Sniff-Sniff!*-Oh gosh, look at me-*Sniff-Sniff!*-I can't stop-*Sniff!*-No, I can't resist-*Sniff-Sniff*-What compels a creature-*Sniff!*-to sniff the ground when following a trail-*Sniff!*-that he can clearly see?*Snifffff!*"_

* * *

"How long can a character milk one joke?" Keldeo asked in amazement.

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 5 - Maximus from "Tangled"**_

"So Austin finally catches up with White, and because he really is extremely vain, tries to come up with a way to win her over."

* * *

 _White smiled and tossed five Pokeballs into the air. "Come on out, everyone!"_

 _With a flash, a Dererling, a Vulaby, a Stunfisk, an Alomomola, and a Solosis appeared around the berry tree._

* * *

"Huh, so _all_ of White's Pokemon are in the story. Okay, this fanfic has potential now," Keldeo mused.

* * *

 _With his back against the big tree, the Absol took a deep breath and put his paws together. "Okay. So she's already impressed me. Now I need to impress her." He dropped back down to all fours and thought on his feet. "Let's see . . . maybe . . . an out of the ordinary skill?"_

 _In one fluent motion, the Absol pushed off the ground with his front legs and stood erect on his rear paws. His tail positioned itself in just the right way to balance the Absol's bipedal position. The Absol's back was straight, and he barely even wobbled as he stood in a position very unnatural for a quadruped. Yet, the Absol was perfectly comfortable standing on two feet. Crossing his fore legs in front of him, he said aloud as if talking to someone else, "Yes, you like this, don't you? I'm supple and I know it."_

* * *

Keldeo gently pushed the scene off to the side and said, "Yeah, I have a few things to say about this, but I'm going to save it for later."

* * *

 _The Absol stood beaming into space for a moment, then shook his head rapidly and fell back down to all fours. "No, too soon in the relationship. I'd be better off saving my talents so I can wow the entourage later. Better start with the human first, that's who matters at the beginning. Now, what do human girls like?"_

* * *

 ** _Yakko:_ **_"_ _Mwah! G_ _oodnight, everybody!"_

"No, no, nothing like that. Austin just grooms himself a bit and then walks out to the group and. . ." Keldeo let out a loud breath and said, "Put on the most shameful display I've ever seen."

* * *

 _The girl noticed the pure white furred Pokemon within seconds, and was immediately captivated by him._

 _"It's you," White said as the Absol slowly approached her._

 _The Absol stepped lightly through the grass, looking around timidly with wide eyes while making soft, pitiful noises. He glanced at all the Pokemon surrounding him, and they all returned the glance. They were all curious of the newcomer, with the exception of Amanda. The Serperior regarded the Absol with loathsome disgust. The Absol in turn made a show of wilting under the Serperior's gaze, and moved its paws faster towards White._

 _"I didn't think I'd ever see you again," White remarked as the Absol closed the distance between them. "You certainly had a dramatic exit," she said with a smile._

 _The Absol gave a small smile in return and cocked his head sideways. He then made a show of lifting his head up slightly while sniffing the air zealously. He leaned forward a few inches, and his legs gave way, making him fall flat on his stomach. The Absol's face was the picture of dejection as he rolled over onto his back and laid a paw on his stomach._

 _"Oh, I see. You're hungry," White said as she reached into her bag._

 _The Absol nodded gravely._

* * *

Keldeo thought for a moment, then he said sadly, "You know, I feel bad for all the kids who're stuck with that downer _Mystery Incorporated_ show and that stupid and horribly animated _Be Cool, Scooby Doo_ show, because the original _Scooby Doo Where Are You?_ by Hannah-Barbera was one of the genuinely, innocnently, cleverly funny shows ever made."

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 6 - Scooby Doo from "Scooby Doo Where Are You?"**_

* * *

 _"(Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!)" Amanda exclaimed, thrashing her tail around in frustration, "(Look around! Big forest! Lot's of berries! Lot's of mushrooms! He's all ham and no brain!)"_

* * *

Keldeo let out a laugh and said, "Okay, now I think this fanfic is going to be _fun._ " Keldeo stood up straight and explained, "Let me be serious here. Austin being extremely impulsive, sassy, arrogant, whatever can actually be a _good_ thing if, _and only if_ , he is paired with one 'straight man' character or more. It's important have at least one character stand up to the smug character and but heads with him. Even if the straight man never _wins,_ it's funny to see the frustrated reaction of the straight man trying to take down their rival. That's how comedy works. It's misery that we can relate to and laugh off without cringing too much. So Amanda playing the _'straight 'Mon'_ here is a kind of a promise that this story will balance out Austin's overconfident and pompous nature very well."

"Anyway, back in the story, it turns out that in spite of Amanda's objections, Austin charms White into taking him in."

* * *

 _The Absol rolled over and adopted his Sphinx position as White approached him with one of the Pecha Berries and the bottle of Moomoo Milk. He quickly ate up the Pecha Berry when White handed it to her, but was a little wary of the glass bottle._

 _"Go on, drink it up!" White said with a friendly laugh in her voice, "It's real good, I promise."_

 _The Absol almost stuffed his nose into the bottle in order to sniff at it, then he put his mouth to the bottle and drank some. In what seemed like an instant, the Absol lashed out with both fore paws and snatched the bottle from White. He held the bottle of Moomoo Milk up to his mouth as he rolled onto his side and began chugging down the drink._

* * *

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, throughout the story Austin seems to have a thing for Moomoo Milk," Keldeo said, sounding a little unsure, "Which _kinda_ makes sense, I suppose. I mean, Absols _are_ cats, right?"

* * *

 _"You are a gorgeous Pokemon!" White exclaimed gleefully._

 _"I'd actually prefer 'handsome' or 'pulchritudinous', but I suppose gorgeous is acceptable," the Absol thought to himself._

* * *

 ** _Scootaloo:_** _"What are you, a dictionary?"_

* * *

 _White took out a Pokeball and said, "Well then, you're going to need a nickname. How about . . . Austin! Do you like that name?"_

 _Austin the Absol nodded his head enthusiastically with a boyish expression on his face, filled with child-like innocence._

 _"Welcome to the team, Austin!" White said as she tapped the Pokeball to the top of Austin's head._

 _Austin was immediately sucked into the Pokeball. It shook three times, and with a click, it was done._

 _"Alright! Come on out, Austin!" White cheered as she jumped up and tossed the Pokeball._

 _The Pokeball opened with a flash of light, and Austin reappeared on the ground. The difference was nearly mind boggling. Austin was no longer the picture of child-like innocence. He also wasn't exactly as cute looking as he was before. It was all in the way he was now presenting himself, as well as his new mode of body language. He was once again lounging on the ground, this time on his left side. White suddenly felt as if she were staring at one of the BW Agency's ads for Pokemon Shampoo. Austin head was resting on its left paw, and his right leg was bent slightly. He gave a cheeky wave to White with his right paw, and then turned to Amanda and said, "(I am a smooth operator, am I not?)"_

* * *

"Amanda. . ." Keldeo said in a deadpanned tone.

* * *

 _Amanda let out an angry shout as she surged forward, swinging her heavy tail at Austin. He dodged the attack smoothly by rolling out of the way and jumping back up on his feet. He turned to the other five Pokemon and bowed._

 _Amanda was about to summon up a Leaf Storm to wipe the smug look of Austin's face when White ran up in front of her and waved her arms frantically. "Stop! Stop! Amanda, please calm down! Don't you know a gifted actor when you see one!"_

 _Amanda gave a perfect deadpan expression in response to this._

 _White turned to Austin with a knowing smile on her face. She wagged a finger at him and said, "Don't you think for a minute that I don't know what you've been doing. I know sass when I see it. I also know a gifted actor when I see it. You might even surpass Gigi! I know the perfect place for you, but you gotta follow along with what I say and put extra effort in honing your natural gifts. Okay, Austin?"_

* * *

"Okay, credit where it's due. It's really clever of White to acknowledge Austin's personality and decide to channel it into something constructive," Keldeo remarked, looking pleased.

* * *

 _Austin looked up and thought, "Follow along with her? Heh, that's what I had planned to do, albeit in my own unique way. Surely, she'd be okay with that. And if 'actor' means doing more of the stuff I just did, then that's the life I want. As long as there will be more of that sweet, rich, pure, cold Moomoo Milk. Oh, the feel of it down the throat. Like angelic balm that descended from the heavens to soothe bare skin, that drink is to the mouth, tongue, and throat. A subtle sweetness and richness brings euphoria to the body. Oh, Moomoo Milk, I sing your praises . . . Wait, did I forget to nod to the human? Am I just standing here staring into space with a smile on my face? I'd mourn for my dignity if I hadn't_

* * *

 ** _Army:_** _"YEAH, GET ON WITH IT!"_

"Is he going to go on long monologues during the entire story!?" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _"(You are an Absol. Absols predict disasters. When is the disaster going to happen?)"_

 _Sally the Solosis, who was actually a male,_

* * *

"You can't make this stuff up, people," Keldeo said, "If you think a guy named Sally is crazy, just take a look at the character Tithi from _Beyblade Metal Fight._ "

* * *

 _floated backwards as the group moved on towards Nimbasa City. He kept a constant distance from Austin and focused directly on the Absol as he spoke to him._

 _Austin stopped walking and slowly put his left paw to his forehead. He sighed and shook his head somberly, eyes closed. "(You know, I am tired. I'm so tired. Why can't you see that if one has the ability to do something, that does that mean that the ability is being used every waking hour. Your flawed logic would suggest that if all disasters were to one day cease, then the entire Absol race would drop dead. You assume; in fact, many Pokemon and people assume; that an Absol is some kind of secretary for a kind of 'Natural Disaster Agency' that exists in some sort of astral plane above the Earth)"_

 _Austin attitude suddenly changed and his countenance brightened up. With a comical smile and derped eyes, he moved his left paw in a knocking motion, as if there were a door in front of him._

 _"(Knock-knock! Enter please! A flash flood that will wash away an entire farm and cause the farmer to loose everything? Yes, I see, you have an appointment. The director will see you now. Knock-knock! Come in! Earthquake? What seems to be the problem? You have a conflict with a tsunami happening on the same day? Might I suggest taking advantage of your common nature and consolidating? Consolidation is one floor down. Knock-knock! Bo hena! An asteroid? Sorry, but I'm afraid ending the world has already been taken by another party. Jesus reserved it and set the date personally to make sure it happens after His second visit. Surely you understand that there would be no point in visiting a world that's been destroyed and void of life. Anyway, an asteroid clearly isn't His style. So loose some weight or crash into some other planet, like Jupiter, it's so big not even you could miss it!)"_

* * *

Keldeo stared numbly for a while, then he said, "On one hoof, he just referenced a scene from _Macbeth. . ._ "

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 7 - Comic Relief Door Scene from "Macbeth"**_

". . . but on the other hoof, he made a joke out of the Apocalypse. I . . . am gonna skip it," Keldeo said quickly.

"So then Austin has a scene with White's Vullaby, who always plays the villain in Pokemon Musicals."

* * *

 _"(Not bad)," she commented, "(You're quite the character. White is smart to give you a shot as a performer in a Pokemon Musical, just like me. Uh-huh, that's right. I'm an actress. A star. Big time! Feel free to worship me if you want)."_

 _Austin huffed and laid down on his stomach with his forelegs crossed. "(White says that I should be in these 'Pokemon Musicals.' I'd rather not go against her)" Using a claw, Austin carved an infinity symbol in the dirt and traced it over and over as he spoke a monologue, "(In spite of the futility of a Pokemon Musical, in which Pokemon sing their hearts out in front of a crowd of humans who can't understand a single word, I'd rather not go against her. White looked at me, and she saw talent, ability, and destiny inside my soul. That is why, in the face of pointlessness . . .)" Austin used all three claws to scratch out the infinity symbol, "(. . .I spit the words 'For White!' at it to make my own meaning for the meaningless!)"_

* * *

Keldeo's eyes lit up and he leaned in closer, then he snapped out of whatever he had fallen into and said, "Okay, in spite of all his faults, Austin is the very picture of eloquence. Sure, he's so talkative, and he breaks into monologues and soliloquies, but the things he says are so awesome and meaningful, maybe they're a little self centered, but they're just so nice to look at and have some honest to goodness emotion to them."

Keldeo sighed and said, "But, if I stop to comment on every one of Austin's speeches this review will be _waaaaay_ too long." Keldeo grinned and said, "So how about we move on to a _Little Shop of Horrors_ reference!"

* * *

 _Barbara flared her wings suddenly and declared, "('Humans who can't understand a single word' my skull covered rear! Those audiences know exactly what we're trying to get across! I walk on stage and they hear, 'Major villain here!' That's right, I'm the best Pokemon Musical Villain Actor there is! The Villain Song is MY song! I'm mean, unclean, and I am BAD!)"_

* * *

"But to be fair, Barbara's right. A human audience _can_ get a lot out of a Pokemon Musical," Keldeo said with a nod.

* * *

 _Barbara was standing furiously over Austin, breathing heavily with eyes blazing at him._

 _Austin merely stared back at her. He slowly shook his head as he lifted his left paw and gently tapped Barbara's beak closed with his center claw. "(You are a sad, strange little Pokemon, and you have my pity)," Austin said in the most convincingly earnest voice he could muster._

* * *

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 8 - Buzz Lightyear from "Toy Story**_ _ **"**_

* * *

 _Barbara screeched and proceeded to unleash a Fury Attack barrage with her beak. However, Austin's eyes turned green from the effects of Detect, and he quickly moved his head up twice, down twice, and left and right twice to dodge the frenzied pecks._

 _Barbara let out an enraged shriek, but was then pulled back into her Pokeball by White._

 _"I'm sorry Austin, but you need to try to be a little nicer and humbler. Especially around Barbara," White said sternly, "Let's just say there's a reason why she's always cast as the villain._

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she flew by, performing a loop-de-loop to boot, "Woo-hoo! That feels better!"

* * *

 _Come on, we gotta get to Nimbasa City so you can see a Pokemon Musical rehearsal!"_

 _Austin rolled his eyes as he stood up and muttered, "(She is so unaware of half of what's going on. Good thing this isn't her story)"_

* * *

"Yeah, he also breaks the fourth wall, because why the hay not?" Keldeo said impatiently, "He's awesome at everything he does, but I'll get to that a little later. Add it to the list of thing I'm gonna get to later underneath _'standing on his hind-legs.'_ "

* * *

 _The group soon arrived at Nimbasa City and were headed towards the Musical Theater._

 _"Look Austin! Isn't it amazing!" White said as she pointed at the large purple Pokeball music note that flashed with neon light._

 _"(Did nothing of interest really not happen during the time it took to get here?)" Austin said absentmindedly, "(Well, okay, let's just go with it)"_

* * *

Keldeo narrowed his eyes in frustration and said, "I already acknowledged your fourth wall breaking, come on, let's go!"

* * *

 _The stage itself was wide, with its red curtains drawn and stage lights high above along the ceiling. It had the backdrop of what appeared to be the inside of a music shop with a big window and various musical instruments._

 _With widened eyes, Austin shakily raised his left paw and reached out to the stage. "(I hear a voice you cannot hear, which says I must not stay)," he said in an impassioned loud stage whisper, "(I see a hand you cannot see, which beckons me away)"_

* * *

Keldeo wrinkled his snout and said, "Is that part of a famous poem or something? I ask that because I smell plagiarism. Come on, cite your sources!"

"Well, anyway, everyone comes in to watch a rehearsal for a musical called _It's a Good Old Sunny Day,_ which seems to be a parody of _In the Good Old Summertime._ "

* * *

 _From stage left walked a female Tepig with a bow on her head. She smiled a gave a quick curtsy, her long ears and curly tail bouncing as she did so._

 _"(This is an actress?)" Austin said in disapproval, and in a rather loud voice, "(A tiny little Pokemon with an unappealing snout?)"_

 _"(Austin, do you see this tail?)" Amanda hissed as she held her tail up to Austin's face._

 _"(Yes)"_

 _"(Well this tail's going right down your throat if you don't keep your mouth shut.)"_

* * *

Keldeo burst out laughing for a bit, then he said, "I'm sorry. That just sounded _so_ funny to me. I don't know why, it was just so funny!"

"So yeah, enter Gigi! One of the main Pokemon characters in the Black and White Manga. She gives us a pretty nice introduction into the Pokemon Musical profession."

* * *

 _A Yamask and Vanillite come in from stage left and joined Gigi on stage._

 _Gigi was singing the main lyrics while the other Pokemon accompanied her and echoed some of the lines._

 _"(To Surf in the pool,_

 _Drink Soda Pop so cool, (So refreshing and cooooooool)_

 _Good old Sunny Day;_

 _Play "Ring Around the Rosie,"_

 _Roll around in the posies, (They smell so sweeeeeet)_

 _Good old Sunny Day,_

 _Those days full of pleasure_

 _We now fondly treasure, (So full of pleasure and treasure)_

 _When we never thought it a crime,_

 _To stuff ourselves with Poffins,_

 _Fill our bellies with sweet stuffin', (Mmmmm! Ahhhhhh!)_

 _Good old Sunny Day)"_

 _Gigi was twirling around the set as the other Pokemon surrounded her, also expressing the joy in their hearts. The Yamask was dancing along with the Vanillite, moving in a circle, occasionally breaking up to orbit around Gigi. The two Pokemon would also occasionally use Round to add to the music._

* * *

"That's a _very_ good description of what a Pokemon Musical is like. It really puts a nice picture into your mind," Keldeo remarked with a smile.

* * *

 _"She's good. She's 'got it' for sure. But . . .not enough." Austin got up from his sitting position, a smile growing on his face. "But I 'got it' much more than she does. . . time to prove it."_

 _Austin was about to make his move when he felt something tickling his left fore paw. He looked down, and was very surprised to see the Joltik he had met not too long ago standing on his paw._

 _"(What are you doing here?)" he asked the tiny Pokemon in genuine interest._

 _The Joltik innocently blinked it's four blue eyes up at Austin, staring intently at up at him._

 _Austin lifted his paw up closer and gave the Joltik a good looking over. "(Yes, you're the same one alright. Come to inform me that the prediction you heard me make before was half wrong, I suppose)"_

 _The Joltik clicked its mandibles a few times._

 _"(Hmmmm . . .)" Austin said. The Absol looked up at the stage lights up on the ceiling. The smile he had gained before returned, and this time grew even bigger than before. He held the Joltik up closer to his face and whispered, "(Hey. You can jump high and climb up walls, right?)"_

 _The Joltik nodded._

 _"(Okay. Would you mind helping me out with a little something? I'll make it worth your while)" Austin said confidently._

* * *

Keldeo then asked, "Okay, so, we have Austin, a confident, sassy, boastful, kinda self-centered Pokemon who likes making big impressions. So, what do _you_ think a Pokemon like this, who's clearly interested in the theater, would do-?"

* * *

 _In the good old Sunny- AAAAAH!)"_

 _So much had happened so fast. The stage lights that illuminated the stage suddenly went out with an audible electric buzz. Austin made a daring lightning quick jump onto the stage. Gigi was forced into exiting stage-right by a buck from Austin's rear paw._

* * *

"Was _anyone_ surprised by this," Keldeo asked, sounding very unsurprised himself, "So, after Austin does that, everyone else-"

* * *

 _Austin, you FOOL! That's critically acclaimed Pokemon actress Gigi Tepig! Her extensive filmogrpahy includes wellknown titles such as Holding the Moon Stone, Sunny, Followed by Hailstorms, Surfing IV, Touring Unova with Tornadus, and Calcium Man: The Movie. You cannot simply kick an actress of her caliber around like that! Well, no risk, no reward . . . I suppose._

* * *

Keldeo rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, sorry, the narrator has to simultaneously rant and give out exposition first. So _after_ that, everyone else is pretty much shocked and appalled by this. Luckily, Austin seems to have a secret weapon."

* * *

 _"What's the meaning of this!" the Director shouted in anger._

 _"AUSTIN!?" White exclaimed in disbelief._

 _The other Pokemon stared at the Absol in awe, except for Amanda, who simply laid still with a smug look on her face, waiting to see what would become of Austin._

 _"Time to steal the show. A capella style," Austin thought confidently to himself._

 _Then, with a quick push off with his front paws, Austin was standing on two legs._

* * *

Keldeo pulled out the scene of Austin standing on his hind-legs from earlier and said, "Okay, now's the time for me to say a few things about this. But they can all be pretty much summed up in two words: _so what!?_ "

* * *

 _White and the Director, who were in the process of getting up and taking back control of the situation, were stunned into frozen shock when they saw the Absol standing perfectly balanced on it's hind legs, looking every inch naturally bipedal._

* * *

Keldeo looked on with wide eyes and said with fake amazement, "Wha-I-Uh-Well, I guess it _is_ kind of amazing! I mean, can science explain this? An Absol on his hind legs? It just...it never happens! I mean, if you thought a Meowth that can talk, invent a baton that can mind control Pokemon with music, and survive getting repeatedly blown up and thrown off cliffs was something, then get ready to have your mind blown! _This_ Absol is on his hind legs!"

 _ **KA-BOOOOOM!**_

 _ **GLaDOS:** "Sarcasm Sphere destroyed."_

"This wouldn't bother me so much if Austin hadn't physically attacked a performer on stage and hijacked her performance. I know Austin isn't supposed to be exactly a paragon of morality, but here he kinda comes off as a kind of a-" Keldeo frowned and shook his head and said, "No, not _a kind of a,_ a HUGE jerk!"

"But since White and the Director are so spellbound by an Absol that can stand on it's hind legs, Austin takes his chance to rip off _Rio 2_."

* * *

 _Austin put on a face wracked with intense emotion as he put his fore paws over his heart and sang softly._

 _"(At first, I was afraid,_

 _I was petrified._

 _I lost my family and my freedom,_

 _My hope nearly died._

 _I spent so many nights thinking how those humans did me wrong,_

 _But I grew strong,_

 _And I learned how to get along...)"_

 _Up on the bars that the stage lights hung off of, was the Joltik. Knowing that was his cue, the Joltik used Discharge to turn on the lights on either side of him. The center light turned off, and the other two lights shone down on Austin at angles._

 _Austin fell forward and landed with all four paws on the ground and starting moving forward to the edge of the stage in stalking manner with a slightly sinister smile as he started singing much stronger and louder than before._

 _"(And now I'm back,_

 _On the attack._

 _I'm here to really flack myself,_

 _Immune to foolish flak._

 _Yes, I couldn't pick that lock,_

 _One special human was the key,_

 _I never would've guessed,_

 _I'd be your kind to set me free)"_

* * *

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 9 - Nigel from "Rio 2"**_

"Yeah, keep in mind that he's singing without music right now, and if a person were to just sing a song without the music, no matter how good the song is, it would kinda sound . . . weird," Keldeo said slowly, "I mean, the music plays a huge role in making someone's singing sound good. The beat of the drums, the energy of the instruments, you can't just start singing and expect it to sound good. That's what kinda sours things in this fanfic. Since we're reading, there's never any music, so the reader simply thinks about the music of the song as they read automatically, assuming they know the song. And since _I Will Survive_ is a popular song, I guarantee most people will think of the music, or even think of the scene from _Rio 2_. And since the story doesn't acknowledge how awkward singing without music can sound, it kind of helps Austin cheat his way through this scene. The only impressive part so far are the lights, but that's all Joltik's doing."

Keldeo held up a forehoof and said, "But of course, singing is only half of the performance, and the title of the story is _The Absol Dancer_. So, how is his dancing?"

* * *

 _Austin then put his front paws on the ground and pushed himself up into a front paw stand, his rear legs kicking the air as he spun on one paw, his head upside down._

 _"(Oh no, not I!_

 _Yes, I survived!_

 _As long as I knew how to move_

 _I knew I'd stay alive_

 _I've got all my life to live,_

 _And I've got all my sass to give!_

 _And I survived_

 _Yes, I survived)"_

 _Austin then gave a strong push and propelled himself into the air in an amazing flip. As the Joltik jumped around, zapping the lights on and off and using Stringshot to pull them into the right angles, he got so caught up in the performance that he let out a loud Round to the tune of Austin's song._

* * *

"It's. . . surprisingly good," Keldeo said as he leaned forward, invested.

* * *

 _Yamask and Vanillite hadn't moved an inch when Austin had hijacked the stage. They too were caught up in the Absol's singing and dancing. The Joltik's Round was all they needed to finally let go. They too let out Round to accompany Austin's performance._

 _Austin stuck a perfect landing on his hind legs and stood up on them once again. Emboldened by the fact that he no longer had to sing A capella, Austin really let loose and he further launched into his song. He extended his forelegs and flexed their muscles, then turned profile and threw punches like at Hitmonchan at the air next to him, occasionally shuffling backwards across the stage._

 _"(I'm a survivor,_

 _The power of a Tyranitar,_

 _My Type may be Dark, but my soul's on Fire,_

 _A Disaster Mon's here, but times aren't dire,_

 _Catch you off guard with sudden Sucker Punch, like GOAL!_

 _You've never seen a Absol,_

 _Punching and swinging and spinning and singing all day long?_

 _And check out what I can do with a Perish Song)"_

 _Austin immediately dropped back down to all fours as Joltik turned off all but one lone spotlight that shone down on him. The Absol daintily lifted his left paw and threw his head back, unleashing the most amazing Perish Song that those present had ever heard. Although the sound echoed throughout the theater, the actual attack rose straight up and hit the ceiling, where it dissipated harmlessly._

 _Everyone in the building; White, the director, the people in the back row, and nearly all the Pokemon were in awe of the impassioned tones, all of which were in perfect pitch and key, of Austin's Perish Song._

* * *

Suddenly frustrated, Keldeo stomped his hooves and said, "Okay, now for the second thing I wanted to save for later. Austin is kinda _too_ good at everything he does, and everything seems to just fall into place for him _too_ often. I already talked about how the story can't get across the concept of A capella singing, and now it turns out that he doesn't really have to, although a bunch of Pokemon using round isn't the same as an orchestra full of musical instruments. But _now_ he's somehow using Perish Song and it doesn't hurt anyone. . . huh?"

* * *

 _Austin performed a bunch of leaps and two sideways flips where he faced the audience, and the turned sharply so he was facing away from the audience. He used this moment to wave flick his tail haughtily._

 _"(Go on, now go!_

 _Walk out the door!_

 _Just turn around now..._

 _It is I who have the floor!_

 _The stage, the lights, the theater is my destiny!_

 _Did they think I'd crumble?_

 _That I'd yield to eternity?)"_

* * *

"Speaking of eternity, this musical number kinda goes on a little too long. . ." Keldeo remarked tentatively.

* * *

 _Austin fell flat to the ground. With well thought out timing, purposeful muscle movements, and subtle twitches; Austin slowly lifted himself off the ground as he sang._

 _"(If you try to knock me out, I'll just come back stronger_

 _If you try to cut me short, I'll just come back longer_

 _No Pokeball con contain this, Pocket Monster_

 _Give me my throne, I am ready to thrive_

 _one thing I know,_

 _I have survived!)"_

 _Austin threw his body back and landed on his haunches with a bump, now in a sitting position. All the lights had turned off again. One spot light shone down on the lone Absol on stage. His eyes closed and his breathing heavily, Austin slowly raised his arms as he sang his finally line._

 _"(Yes - I - sur - vived...)"_

 _All the lights flashed on suddenly like fireworks._

 _Everyone in the room burst into applause, with exception of Gig and Amanda; and Barbara too, who was still in her Pokeball, but she probably wouldn't have applauded for Austin anyway._

 _White ran squealing over to Austin, words failing her as she tried to find a way to respond to what she had just witnessed. The Director was a bit more vocal._

 _"OH MY GOSH! INCREDIBLE! INSURMOUNTABLE! You're gonna go far, kid! You are gonna go far! What's ya name? Austin, right? Well, that's good, but it's need a little more. Maybe a last name? Austin Saturn sounds good, cause you got Pokemon orbiting around ya like rings!"_

 _The other applauding Pokemon had gathered around the Absol as well. The people in the back row were still giving a standing ovation._

 _Austin simply sat at the spot, still on his haunches, intermittently licking his left paw and using it to re-groom his large ruff of fur and his thick tuft of hair._

 _He acknowledged the surrounding adoration and responded nonchalantly, "(Yes, I know. I'm a prodigy. Now, if you want to show your appreciation, how about a few bottles of Moo Moo Milk. Make sure they're chilled)"_

* * *

"At least he's not rambling about hot dogs," Keldeo muttered.

* * *

 _During all this, Amanda slithered silently onto the stage and off to the side where Gigi was still lying down, a look of dejection and envy still on her face. The Tepig looked up at the Serperior with vague interest, her depression and disillusionment with her own profession dulling her senses._

 _Amanda looked Gigi in the eye and said, "Hey . . . you like revenge right?" Amanda suddenly smiled mischievously and said, "Oh, of course you do. Everybody likes revenge. So, let's discuss revenge plans!"_

* * *

"Ah yes, now the straight Mons are going to do something. What a breath of fresh air," Keldeo said with a smile, "Speaking of fresh air, I thing we all need a break. We'll be right-."

"Wait a minute!" Victini said as he flew in quickly, "You can't take a break now! How will you finish this before Absol Month ends?"

Keldeo frowned and hung his head, "I'm sorry, Victini, but this was another reason why I didn't want to review this story. I couldn't finish it by the end of the month."

Victini blinked his eyes slowly, staring down at Keldeo long and sadly. Then, he gasped as an idea occurred to him. "Oh my gosh, Keldeo! I got it! Remember when we talked about framing devices and set ups before the Absol Academy Award show!" Victini said.

"Of course. That's what landed me in this mess," Keldeo said miserably.

"Well, why don't we use that _here!_ " Victini said.

Keldeo lifted his head and looked at Victini directly. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"The Nostalgia Critic is having trouble with YouTube, and has to split all of his review in half, right?"

"Yeah. . ."

"So, as a matter of principle, you're splitting your review in half too! Even if it means your review will extend Absol Month in February!"

Keldeo blinked in amazement, then he said slowly, "That's. . . actually not a bad idea. . ." Keldeo grinned, "I like it!"

Victini nodded and flipped joyfully, "Aw yeah! Great! So. . ." Victini turned to the Fourth Wall and said, "Everybody got that. . . Good!"

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _We'll be right back. . ._


	52. The Absol Danseuse- Part Two

**Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 21- The Absol Danseuse by thatdragonwiththetophatcom**

 **tinyurl:** **hbt3k5w**

"So after Austin hijacks Gigig's performance, and we're apparently supposed to be on Austin's side on this for _some_ reason, all the Pokemon go to mingle in the green room," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Now, I am going to stop you right there._

* * *

Keldeo lurched backed slightly, looking startled. "You talking to me?" he asked.

* * *

 _You see, I have neglected to fully and properly introduce all the members of White's Pokemon team in a way that will stick with you. Therefore, I shall take the time to do so now. This way you won't be confused or miss anything._

 _First we have Darling the Deerling, whom I believe_

* * *

"Yeah, okay, it's nice of you to describe White's Pokemon for us, and normally that would be thoughtful, but here's the thing: with the acception of Amanda and Barbara, they don't really contribute much to the plot. So the descriptions seem a bit long-winded and unnecessary," Keldeo said honestly.

* * *

 _"How long is this going to go on?" Austin asked impatiently as he sat sprawled out on his chest, on top of a couple of comfortable cushions, tapping the claws of his left fore paw on the floor in annoyance._

* * *

Keldeo groaned, "Oh come one, even Austin is agrreing with me!"

* * *

 _"How long is what going to go on?" Nancy asked in curiosity._

 _Austin turned to Nancy and said, "Oh? Did I say that out loud? Sorry, it was just something in my thoughts, I suppose."_

* * *

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 10- Pinkie Pie from**_ _ **"My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"**_

* * *

 _The actor Solosis floated over to Sally and said, "This Absol isn't a sign of disaster."_

 _"Indeed," Sally replied._

 _"I would say, he is the exact opposite," the other Solosis replied._

 _"Ah- no. He's a disaster," someone said._

* * *

Keldeo gasped, "What!? Who is this heartless demon who _dares_ speak out against a Pokemon who has shown himself to have an inflated ego and to care little about the feelings of others?"

* * *

 _The Pokemon looked over to see Gigi walking in with a slight sway to her hips._

* * *

Keldeo pointed dramatically with his left forehoof and said, "THE _CELEBRITY_!"

There was the sound of loud booing, and Keldeo joined in on it.

* * *

 _"That, horrendous display was a total disaster," the Tepig said, doing her best to appear sad and glum, her bow even gaining a slight droop, "A disaster that hijacked my performance."_

* * *

"How _dare_ she complain about how she was disrespected and insulted for no reason whatsoever!" Keldeo said in a shocked sounding voice, " . . . Is the Sarcasm Sphere fixed yet?"

* * *

 _No longer looking forlorn, Gigi tossed her head back and laughed before shouting at Austin, "You use words others don't normally use to insult your rivals, and you think that makes you smart or better or something? YOU? Someone who thinks lights and using moves as special effects and wild break dancing and loud pop song-type singing is better than classic heartfelt song and dance? I'm an artist! You're just flashy!"_

 _The Absol shoved his face into the fur of his right foreleg and rubbed hard. His voice was muffled by the fur as he replied, "Oh my gosh. You're so ignorant it's not even funny." Austin removed his leg from his face and said, "And the scary part about all this is that you actually believe what you're saying. You actually called my well thought out choreography break dancing. That's cold, Gigi. Especially coming from a Fire-type. Again, you fail to understand that my so called 'loud pop song-type singing' is just ONE of my performances. Sure, I'm sure I could quite easily surpass your fame with just that style alone, unless you can produce a benign Perish Song. Can you? No? I didn't think so. Anyway, classic heartfelt song and dance is well within my repertoire."_

 _"You kicked me off the stage!" Gigi shrieked._

 _"Ah yes! The stage!" Austin shouted as he rolled onto his back, extending his limbs out as he spoke as if enraptured by the thought, "It was the very first time I had seen it! It called out to me! It was the power of fate! La forza del destino! Die Macht des Schicksals!" Austin rolled back onto his stomach and looked right at Gigi. With eyes as wide as he could make them, and a sad pouty lip a trembling, Austin said to her, "After so long, I had finally found my place. I could not last another minute without my paws touching that stage, the place where I was always meant to be. I needed to show the humans what I could do before it was too late. That is why I took the chance."_

 _As he spoke, Austin was slowly crawling on along the floor on his belly, inching closer and closer to the now pacified Tepig._

 _When Austin felt he was close enough to Gigi, he said in a soft voice, "Now do you see why a rising star might feel compelled to knock a shooting star out of orbit?"_

 _Gigi blinked at the whimpering Absol, not sure how to respond._

 _"Oh, come on, Gigi! Look at him!" Nancy said, floating over and around the two performers heads, "You can't really blame him for what he did. Can you?"_

 _Gigi began to feel a ball of guilt form itself in her stomach. She gave a sad sigh and bowed her head to Austin. "Please, don't feel bad about all this. I'm sorry for not understanding."_

 _"ACTING!" the Absol exclaimed._

 _Austin had suddenly changed from glum to smug in an instant. He performed a back-flip and landed in between Yamask, Vanillite, and Solosis. He put his forelegs around them all and said, "Now wasn't that little performance better than whatever she was trying to do earlier."_

 _While most of the other Pokemon laughed, Nancy just stared at Austin in pure shock. Gigi had a similar facial expression, but then it changed to a fiery red face of rage as she held her breath, puffing out her cheeks and turning them red._

 _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_

 _Gigi let out a huge Flamethrower that filled the center of the room, burning to charred rags the cushions Austin had been laying down on earlier._

* * *

Keldeo stifled his laughter and said, "And watch this, Austin is so arrogant that he actually compares himself to Meloetta without even knowing who she is!"

* * *

 _"Do you think you're Meloetta?! The Legendary Pokemon of Song and Dance?!" Gigi squealed out with rage in her voice._

 _"No. I'm clearly an Absol. But I probably could be a worthy rival to her if I tried, whatever a Meloetta is." Austin lifted his left foreleg from the Solosis. He sniffed the backside of the leg and said, "Hmmm. I'd have to make myself smell nicer first. I wouldn't want a Legendary to think I'm filthy or lazy."_

* * *

"But wait!" Keldeo exclaimed, "It gets worse! The other characters are written so one dimensionally that Austin wins them over by singing _one line_ from _The Sound of Music._ "

* * *

 _After a quick breath, and a dainty lift of his right fore paw, Austin closed his eyes and sang out loud and strong, his voice reverberating throughout the entire room._

 _"The hiiiiills are aliiive with the sound of muuuuuusic!"_

 _Gigi wore a big smirk on her face, and she had to stop herself from laughing. She was about to speak when all of a sudden all the other Pokemon in the room ran over to the Absol. Pokemon were patting Austin on the back, hugging his head, and trying to shake all four of his paws._

 _Frustrated more than ever, Gigi exclaimed over the congratulations of the other Pokemon, "All he did was sing a line from The Sound of Music! Anyone could do that! How is that special!? How!? HOW!? ANSWER ME!"_

 _Austin pushed his way through his small group of fans and pointed a claw at Gigi. "I'm sure that other Pokemon will one day play in the roles you've played in, and they will have to make those parts their own. Don't you get it?! Maybe I didn't write what I just sang, but what matters is that I sang it to the best of my abilities and gave it a style and passion that others liked." Absol put his paw down and stood in a puffed up position. "And that understanding is what makes me the better performer."_

* * *

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 11- Christian from**_ _ **"Moulin Rouge!"**_

* * *

"Can you play dead?" Austin asked.

This caught Gigi off guard. "Wha-?" she asked in confusion.

"Can you play dead?" Austin asked again.

"Any fool can play dead," Gigi replied.

"No, I mean really play dead," Austin embellished, "Totally and completely! Fully surrendered into it. Give your all into the appearance of death. One has not truly become an actor until they have played dead."

"That has to be the most stupidest thing I have heard today, and given what you've been doing all day, that's really saying something!" Gigi said bitterly.

Austin turned away from Gigi and walked towards the scorched cushions. Suddenly, in the middle of a step, Austin's eyes rolled upwards and his jaw dropped open. His legs seemed to give way, as if his whole body had suddenly rag-dolled. His blade-like tail fell limp against his rump as his body hit the pile of scorched fabric and stuffing with a whump! Austin's legs were bent slightly, and his long grayish-blue claws were spread out wide.

Before Gigi could think of a snide remark to say, Amanda suddenly entered the room with Barbara in tow.

"OH, COME ON!" Barbara exclaimed at Gigi, who cowered back in response, "We had the perfect evil revenge scheme all lined up for Austin the Sassy, Pompous, Big Headed Absol; and you have to just go ahead and kill him and ruin the whole thing!"

* * *

 _ **Spongebob Narrator:** "One bad skit later. . ."_

* * *

 _"So, tell me all about your 'perfect evil revenge scheme all lined up for Austin the Sassy, Pompous, Big Headed Absol'. Oh no, wait!" Austin quickly held a paw up and continued, "Don't tell me. I want to be surprised! Yes, yes, carry out your plan born out of jealously and envy. It'll be amusing to watch you three slay yourself with your own arrows."_

 _Austin stopped to laugh contentedly for a moment, but then stopped when something caught his eye._

 _"Oooh, is that what humans call a mini-fridge? Okay, let me see this. . . and here's the Moo Moo Milk. Hmm, I don't think I'll wash myself with it now, that would actually be quite a waste. I'll just drink it now. Mmmmmmm. . ."_

* * *

"We get it! He likes Moomoo Milk! How many times are you going to hammer that in?" Keldeo asked loudly in frustration.

"Well, it turns out that Barbara was the head of an gang of Vullabys before she was captured, and she somehow managed to sneak away from White in order to enlist their help in putting Austin in his place. It turns out that White _knows_ that Barbara left, and. . ." Keldeo gave a look of amazement as he said, ". . . you'll never guess what conclusion she came to."

* * *

 _White was completely unaware of the battle of death glares and walked over to Amanda. She gave a friendly smile and said, "Can you tell me if Barbara will be back soon?"_

 _Amanda broke off her stare with Austin and merely looked at White with an emotionless expression._

 _White kept a bemused smile as she breathed out through her nose. "When you kept me from searching for Barbara when she disappeared, I thought to myself, 'what would N do?' So, I figured you knew the reason why she left, and felt it was a good reason. I can't hear the voices of Pokemon, so I figured that your judgement was good enough for me. It stings to loose such a good villain actor, but maybe Barbara just really wanted to be free, or was homesick and wanted to visit friends or family or her old gang or something. I understood that, but I still wanted to know exactly why you wanted me to let her go . . ." White's bemused smile turned into a knowing one, "But now I think I've figured it out."_

 _White turned from from Amanda to Austin and said, "Ya see, Austin. Amanda didn't want it to mess up your debut."_

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed hard.

* * *

 _Amanda's eyes narrowed into slits as Austin began laughing hysterically and promptly fell down on his side, his stomach heaving with every new burst of laughter._

 _White chuckled a bit as well and said, "That's right Austin! You've got it now!" White then turned to Amanda and tutted at the Serperior's expression. "Aw, come on now Amanda. Don't be that way. Austin is just really likable. You have nothing to be ashamed or angry about. At least now that he knows you really care, there's nothing in the way of you two becoming friends. I'm going to go talk to the Director now. Austin knows to come join me when he's done here."_

* * *

 _ **Principal** **:** "What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."_

* * *

 _It was amazing Amanda's eyes didn't burn holes into the back of White's head as the girl walked over to the Director's office._

 _"(Why, N? Why am I stuck with her?)" Amanda moaned aloud. Then she noticed that Austin was still laughing._

* * *

Keldeo raised his forehooves high and shouted, "Would somebody _please_ explain to me how and why we're supposed to like the character of Austin Saturn?!"

"So Austin's debut performance begins, but it turns out Barbara's gang is ready for action."

* * *

 _Of course, as Austin stood there, he could not have known that Barbara and her gang of Vullaby had snuck into the building through the door Amanda opened for them, and that the other three Vullaby snuck over to the light and sound room with the CD Gigi had given them, while Barbara, Amanda, and Gigi gathered together and got into position._

 _What Austin did know was that the host was standing in front of the closed curtain and was saying a few words._

 _"Ladies and gentlemen! Humans and Pokemon! I welcome you to another Pokemon Musical sponsored by the BW Agency! Now, before we start our main event, let us take some time to acknowledge a new rising star in the Pokemon Acting world! A Pokemon of great style and unique talent! An Absol who you will be surely seeing in future musicals to come, none of which will be a disaster, I guarantee you! I present to you, Austin Saturn performing **Bohemian Rhapsody**!"_

* * *

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me, _that's_ why his last name is Saturn? Just for _this_ joke?" Keldeo shouted in disbelief.

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 12- Freddy Mercury**_

* * *

 _The audience applauded and spoke quietly, excited about seeing a preview of a new Pokemon acting star at the very start of his career. All of the lights in the theater went out, covering everything in darkness. The curtain slowly opened, and Austin could make out all the people in the audience. Austin made sure to focus on his position, standing tall and bipedal, his left hind leg crossed in front of his right hind leg, his forelegs outspread, and his head looking up just slightly._

 _Then a single spotlight clicked on, illuminating him for all to see. Some people in the audience gasped. They had never seen a quadrupedal Pokemon stand up like that before. There had been some rumors spread by the people who had seen Austin a few days ago, but not many believed them to be true._

* * *

"I already talked about this. I broke the Sarcasm Sphere talking about this. So let's just tick off two me characters for the rip off side pot I neglected to bring up earlier," Keldeo said.

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 13- Odie's dancing from "Garfield The Movie"**_

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 14- Garfield's dancing from "Garfield The Movie"**_

 _ **Dog Show Announcer:** "This is amazing!"_

* * *

 _Austin counted 5 seconds in his head, maintaining the facial expression of a Pokemon in torment, with a mountain of inner turmoil built up in his chest. Then, still keeping that expression, Austin sang the first four lines a capella, just as was planned._

 _(Is this the real life?_

 _Is this just fantasy?_

 _Caught in a landslide_

 _No escape from reality)_

 _At that exact moment, the three Vullaby smoothly knocked out the people in the light and sound room and replaced the CD currently in the player with the one Gigi gave them, and started it up as instructed. They also turned on a few more spotlights and took control over them._

 _When Austin heard the music, he willed himself not to break character and show confusion. This was very difficult, as he was genuinely confused with what happened next. instead of the gentle piano tone he expected, he was instead greeted with drumbeats and a comical slide whistle sound effect._

 _Austin was then forced down onto all fours by Barbara, who came down seemingly out of nowhere and landed on his back. She pulled on his horn like a reign, pulling his head up as she hijacked the song, singing the next few lines to the Polka-style accordion music._

* * *

"Whoa, wait a minute!" Keldeo exclaimed in shock, "So now we're doing Weird Al Yankovic's _Bohemian Polka_?"

* * *

 _(Open your eyes!_

 _Look up to the skies and see!_

 _You're just an Absol, (Absol!)_

 _You need no sympathy_

 _'Cause you're easy come,_

 _Easy go_

 _Little high,_

 _Little low_

 _Anyway the wind blows,_

 _Doesn't really matter to me_

 _To me!)_

* * *

"I. . . honestly did not expect this. . ." Keldeo said, then he blinked and asked in confusion, "So, wait a minute, what's their plan to get Austin to eat humble pie?"

* * *

 _In spite of this sudden turn of events, Austin was quite calm. In fact, he cracked a wide grin and thought to himself, "'Wind blows'? Heh, good idea."_

 _Austin's horn glowed, and a Razor Wind attack knocked Barbara clean off of him, and straight up. Austin then used his strong limbs to leap straight up and catch the Vullaby in his forepaws._

 _In an instant, Barbara was pinned to the ground with Austin's right forepaw on the side of her head. Austin had a Banette-like grin on his face, and his red eyes blazing as he sang along to the wild and fast Polka version of the song, holding his left paw over his heart dramatically as he did so._

 _(Mama, just killed a 'mon_

 _Put my horn against her head_

 _Used a move, now she's dead_

 _Mama, life had just begun_

 _But now I've gone and thrown it all away)_

* * *

"And, to be honest, you guys, this is all that happens," Keldeo said honestly, "Austin just goes along with the show and he fights off his rivals in a stylish way so it looks like part of the act to the audience. Is it clever? I suppose so. Heh, even Joltik gets a piece of the action."

* * *

 _(Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go_

 _Beelzebub has this devil put aside for meee,_

 _For meee!_

 _For meeeeeee!)_

 _Being called a devil only increased Amanda's rage even further. She was about to squeeze Austin harder when all of a sudden, Joltik dropped down and landed right on her head and used Bug Bite on her with all his might._

* * *

"But before that, Austin pretty much spits on her. . ." Keldeo said with a disgusted frown.

* * *

 _Then Austin licked Amanda, making sure his mouth was filled with saliva when he did so._

 _Amanda gave a high pitched shriek as her coils opened out of reflex. Austin shot out and tucked and rolled across to stage right. He quickly returned to a sitting position and outstretched his left foreleg, pointing a paw at the trio of rivals. He peered down the length of his foreleg, as if fighting to make them out as he resumed singing to the bright and bouncy Polka beat._

 _(I see a little silhouetto of a 'mon_

 _Scaramouch, scaramouch, will you do the Fandango?)_

 _With Amanda begging and pleading for someone to get the glob of Absol spit off her face and the lights going all crazy, the Serperior ended up getting a blast of fire in the face from Gigi._

* * *

"Our hero, Austin Saturn, ladies and gentlemen," Keldeo said, not even bothering to fake a smile.

* * *

 _Anyway the wind, anyway the wind, anyway the wind blows - HEY!)_

 _Austin basked in the applause as if it were a tidal wave of Moomoo Milk._

* * *

"So after Austin turns the trio's plan around on them, he then proceeds to. . . _gloat. . ._ " Keldeo said, beginning to very much annoyed.

* * *

 _"(Now that I've performed well in that Polka, White will know now that I can perform songs and dances with vibrant themes; not just performances involving darkness, anger, and serious somberness. So thanks for that.)"_

 _"(THANKS?!)" Barbara shouted as Amanda and Gigi simply stared at Austin, "(But-but-but-but-but that was supposed to embarrass you and destroy your career! Everyone was-)"_

 _"(Ooooohhhhhhh! So that was your 'perfect evil revenge scheme all lined up for Austin the Sassy, Pompous, Big Headed Absol'!)" Austin said in a tone that claimed sudden realization, "(I had no idea until just now. Yes, I obviously knew that you were trying to upstage me and throw me a loop by changing the music, but I didn't think something that pathetic and petty was going to be your 'perfect evil revenge scheme all lined up for Austin the Sassy, Pompous, Big Headed Absol'. I honestly thought your real plan was going to come later after Operation Polka had me disoriented. But now you're telling me that the amazing performance we just created was your evil scheme?)" Austin pouted, his eyes were slightly bigger and shimmering, and he tilted his head to the side to make himself look pitiful. "(To be honest, this is just kinda . . . sad,)" he said with a pouty lip and a whimpering tone of voice._

* * *

"Okay, Austin is _soooo_ one-dimensional that you can't even find him funny anymore. He's like that guy you know who has everything because everything goes his way and he rubs it in everyone else's face. That's not a guy you want to root for!" Keldeo exclaimed, "In fact, Austin is _so_ insufferable that Gigi actually gives up!"

* * *

 _"(That's it. I'm done with this petty rivalry. There's no point in going on any further. I'm already a household name. You're no threat to me Austin. The Pokemon Musical World is big enough for the both of us, and I gotta respect a guy who takes an attempted attack on his dignity in stride. So with those things in mind, I say to you: goodbye and good luck!)"_

* * *

"Barbara just tries to attack Austin physically, but Amanda holds her back and says _this_ to Austin:"

* * *

 _"(I'm going to give this to you straight, Austin Saturn. We are going to even the score. I don't know how. I don't know when. But we will. It's called Karma, smug puss. And it will bite you in the butt. Hard.)"_

 _Amanda slithered out to the door, still carrying Barbara wrapped in her tail._

* * *

"Hello, favorite character!" Keldeo said with a smile.

* * *

 _As Austin stood all alone in the Green Room, staring at the closed door, something began to stir in his gut. Austin grimaced, confused as to why the stomach soothing effect of the Moomoo Milk was being canceled out. The Absol suddenly began to feel very small and vulnerable as he laid back down on his stomach in silence in his Sphinx-like position. He looked around the empty room, as if searching for something he knew he couldn't find or have, while at the same time not knowing exactly what he was even looking for, although a few vague concepts floated around inside his head._

 _"(What's this weird feeling in me?)" Austin said in a wavering tone, "(It feels bad. . . I . . . don't like the bad feeling. . .)"_

 _Suddenly, Austin felt something tickle his forepaws. He looked down to see Joltik standing on his paws. The tiny Pokemon made it's was along his forelegs and stopped a few inches away from Austin's nose. Joltik blinked his four blue eyes solemnly at Austin, and then gently nuzzled the Absol's small black nose._

 _Austin smiled._

 _"(Bad feeling's gone.)"_

* * *

Keldeo looked as if his mind had been completely blown upon. "Whooooooa!" he said in amazement, "Are we starting to see some. . . character development in Austin?"

"Well, in the next scene, we see plans for Austin to star in a musical called _Sol of the Samurai._ While that's going on, Barbara and her gang are planning on simply attacking Austin in broad daylight."

* * *

 _A few minutes later, outside the door, Barbara was instructing her three friends in the new plan._

 _"(Alright, so we've all got it, right? We rush in there, overpower that punk, and carry his unconscious body to Lostlorn Forest, where he'll get so lost that we'll never see him again! Right?)"_

 _"(Right!)" the three Vullaby chorused._

 _"(Wrong!)" came the strong voice of Amanda._

 _The Vullaby turned to see Amanda with all the rest of White's Pokemon gathered behind her._

 _Barbara sneered, "(What's wrong? Jealous that you didn't think of it first?)"_

 _"(Barbara, if you think you can get away with this, you're insane,)" Amanda said flatly._

 _"(Austin can't take us all down!)" Barbara persisted._

 _"(What about White and the other humans in there? What do you think they're gonna do when they see you are your friends attack Austin, apparently unprovoked?)" Amanda shot back._

 _"(Who cares! As long as Austin's gone-)" Barbara began._

 _Darling interrupted her sharply, "(You'll be gone too if you try to pull that crazy plan off!)"_

 _Barbara puffed herself up and said, "(White can't afford to get rid of me! I'm the very best villain actor that no one ever was!)"_

 _"(Quite frankly, Austin has more value as an actor that you do,)" Sally said in an analytical tone, "(His talents are more wide reaching in terms of portraying of characters and choreography. I would say that if anything untoward were to happen to Austin, White would react sharply and swiftly to the loss of such a valuable asset.)"_

 _Darling piped up, "(Translation: White's not gonna let you get away with harming her precious Austin Saturn!)" The Deerling said this in a sarcastically drawling voice with a few overemphasized bats of her eyelids._

 _Barbara pointed at the Deerling and said, "(Aha! See! Even you're sick of him!)"_

 _"(Oh, I wouldn't say that,)" Darling said, "(I'm not crazy about him, but I'm not threatened by him either. Can't we just let him do his thing and not get so crazy?)"_

 _"(I agree with Darling,)" Nancy said, "(We would all be better off if we try our best to coexist peacefully with our new, sassy, and slightly flamboyant companion, instead of trying to make things difficult for him. He was the prisoner of poachers before White freed him, so I believe he deserves his new life, even if he can get a bit annoying, pompous, and slightly vain at times.)"_

 _"(Hear, hear!)" Dorothy chimed in._

 _Barbara was seething with rage. "(What about you, Amanda! That jerk spat at you!)" she said._

 _"(I know,)" Amanda said coldly, "(But I also told you to let Karma win out in the end, and I don't want to let you make an idiot out of yourself.)"_

 _"(I don't need your help, I can do that myself!)" Barbara shot back._

 _Darling couldn't help but chuckle at this humorous statement._

 _"(You do realize that you just called yourself an idiot, correct?)" Sally asked._

 _And Sally just killed the joke. Thanks a lot, guy._

* * *

"Okay, this is getting monotonous," Keldeo muttered, "The short version is that the Pokemon scare the gang away and Barbara just storms off. We then see Austin rehearse one of the songs for the musical, which turns out to be a parody of _Starfire_ by Dragonforce, which just happens to be the greatest power metal band in the history of mankind, and don't you forget it!"

Keldeo blinked, apparently shocked at his own passionate outburst. He cleared his throat and continued, "Well, Austin's dancing actually fits the mood and tone and beat of the song pretty well."

* * *

 _Austin suddenly performed a back-flip and landed perfectly on his hind legs. Standing tail, he performed a kind of aggressive Tai-Chi along with the three Patrat, thrusting forth his fore paws to the beat._

 _(And we're standing one and all, fighting till we fall, hoping for a better day_

 _Never giving in, until we find the words, till we find the words to say_

 _Until we find the words to say!)_

 _All four Pokemon pointed up towards the sky. While Austin kept looking straight ahead, the Patrat turned their eyes upward and gazed with a look of wonder apparent in their eyes. As they did this, they all sang the next few lines together in perfect harmony._

 _(Burning starfire, shine in the sky_

 _For the lives of great mons, who stand by your side_

 _When the night fall, on we will ride_

 _For the lost souls will live on forever)_

* * *

Keldeo's eyes were glazed over as he stared into space. His head was moving to the beat of the music. Suddenly, he snapped back to reality and said, "Sorry, sorry, it's just that. . ." Keldeo broke into a big smile and said gleefully as his tail swung back and forth excitedly, "Dragonforce is just so AWESOME! In fact, it's so awesome that I'm going to completely get off topic and give you my top 10 favorite Dragonforce songs!"

 _ **Top 10 Dragonforce Songs**_

 _ **10\. Reason to Live**_

 _ **9\. Blackfire**_

 _ **8\. Prepare for War**_

 _ **7\. Fury of the Storm**_

 _ **6\. Starfire**_

 _ **5\. Strike of the Ninja**_

 ** _4\. Through the Fire and the Flames_**

 ** _3\. The Fire Still Burns_**

 ** _2\. Heart of a Dragon_**

 ** _1\. Where Dragons Rule_**

"After Number 6. we get an unexpected visitor."

* * *

 _Suddenly, the doors to the theater were pushed open and brown haired boy with glasses briskly walked down the aisle to where White sat._

 _"Excuse me-," he began, but was cut off by one of the BW Agency executives._

 _"Excuse you is right! You cannot simply barge in here during rehearsal! I demand you leave at once!" the man said._

 _White practically flew over and nearly knocked the executive over. "You FOOL! That's critically acclaimed film-maker, Luke! He won the Pokestar Studios Competition in Virbank City!"_

 _"(You know, I'm pretty sure somebody told me off in a similar matter not too long ago,)" Austin remarked as he laid out on the floor with his fore-legs folded. Joltik peeked out of Austin's fur to watch the scene play out._

* * *

"Austin, this is _not_ your scene!" Keldeo complained. Then he quickly calmed down and said, "Anyway, hey, it's Luke! So I guess this story takes place in both. . . the Anime and the Manga? Not sure how that works, but fine! Let's go with it!"

* * *

 _Luke took out a Pokeball and tossed it, "Come on out, Larvesta!"_

 _The Torch Pokemon appeared for all to see. It was a fuzzy, moth larva-like Pokémon. It had blue eyes in a shadowed face. Its white mane of fuzz encompassed its head and the upper half of its body, while its lower half was brown. It had three pairs of small black legs. There were five orange, slightly whorled horns on the sides of its head. It spat fire out of it's horn, looking wholly excited._

 _"(A star has been born!)" it declared as embers showered down around it._

 _Meanwhile, Luke continued his explanation, "Larvesta was in charge of my special effects. But not too long ago, we learned about Pokemon Musicals. We all saw one of them, and well, Larvesta fell in love with it. Larvesta starting practicing dancing and spinning and jumping and even singing. As I watched her, I realized that she was pretty good. Great even. She could carry a tune as good as the Pokemon actors in the musicals. She had some really good moves too. But, as she went deeper and deeper into Pokemon Musicals, she got more and more distracted from her work in special effects. So, I knew what I had to do. It was like how Zorua only wanted to do female roles. Sometimes, you have to let the Pokemon make their own decisions to do what they want to do. So, after making sure Larvesta knew what was going to happen, I decided to make an offer to give the BW Agency a new actor for their Pokemon Musicals!"_

 _White was intrigued, "You really think Larvesta is that good?"_

 _"I know so!" Luke said confidently, "Larvesta used the experience she had watching Pokemon in movies, and she does have the roly-poly body for a unique dance style, and who doesn't like pyrotechnics!"_

 _White thought for a moment, then replied, "Well, that sounds promising, but I don't know if we have time for an audition-"_

 _"Neither do I, actually," Luke said, "I have a new movie to make in White Forest, and I heard you were here, and, well, I wanted you to see how could Larvesta could be, so, I . . ." Luke handed White a DVD. "This is a quick performance I filmed. Figured you could take a look at Larvesta's skills since we don't have time for a live performance."_

* * *

"So Larvesta sings a quick fire-based parody of _Let It Go-"_

* * *

 _Austin sat up on his haunches and rested his chin in his right fore paw. "(Huh. Why does this song make me feel like I've heard it a hundred times already and just want it to end?)" he remarked._

* * *

Larvesta and Luke just. . . leave. . . huh. . ." Keldeo shrugged and said, "Okay, I guess they'll be back later. So then Austin goes off to have some alone time with Joltik, I guess."

* * *

 _Austin soon found himself pulling a bottle of Moomoo Milk out of the mini-fridge. Using one of his sharp claws, Austin punctured the milk tab and began sucking the cold drink down. After coming up for air, he set the empty bottle down and then walked over to the corner of the room. Using his sharp claws again, he pulled up the corner of the carpet, pulled out a double A battery, and pushed the carpet back into place._

 _Smiling, Austin held the battery in front of his ruff of fur. "(Hey. Joltik. You hungry?)"_

 _When there was no sound or movement, it suddenly occurred to Austin that Joltik wasn't even there. He couldn't feel anything in his fur. Dropping the battery, he felt around in his own fur in search of the tiny Pokemon._

* * *

"You know, it's kind of weird," Keldeo said, "When Austin discovers that Joltik isn't with him and can't find him, he goes through a kind of emotional breakdown."

* * *

 _Oh, Austin. Really? Look at you; running around the building, checking in dressing rooms, scrutinizing the curtains, jumping around through the aisles. I mean, you check out Dorothy and the others, come up empty on your search, and then go bonkers looking for that tiny Pokemon._

 _"(Is he really doing this to me?)" Austin said to himself as he paced through the aisles of seats, "(Did Joltik actually get up and leave me after all this time? After all he did to get me where I am today; manipulating the lights, using his Stringshot to help me pull off stunts, using Bug Bite on Amanda. Was he really able to leave it all behind after all he's done for me?)"_

 _Austin halted his pacing and stared straight ahead, throwing his left fore paw up high and then bringing it down hard, slamming the floor and punching three holes in the carpet with his sharp claws._

" _(_ _NO!)" Austin said firmly, "(I refuse to believe that! I refuse to accept that! My small cohort, choosing the wide open unknown the good life I've achieved? That's ridiculous. just impossible. There must be another reason. A reason in which Joltik is most surely a victim._

* * *

"The weird part is that even though Austin has been a really arrogant jerk through most of the story, you don't feel that Austin's getting his just desserts here. You actually feel _sad_ for him," Keldeo said with a frown, "His whole life falls apart when one person leaves him? Who ever heard of something like-."

 _ **Starlight Glimmer:** "QUIET!"_

"AHH!" Keldeo shouted with a jump, "Okay, okay. So, anyway, Austin determines that Amanda kidnapped Joltik. Why?"

* * *

 _Austin suddenly stopped as a sudden memory returned to his mind._

 _Amanda slithered by Austin, only to quickly flick him on the nose with her tail tip which quickly slid down his chest as it trailed off behind its owner._

* * *

Keldeo tossed up his forehooves and said, "Oh yeah. Sure. That obscure scene that's contrived beyond belief!"

"So then, get this, Austin decides to pull a Barbara and attacks Amanda directly, demanding her to tell him where Joltik is."

* * *

 _"(What is wrong with you?)" Amanda demanded, not at all worried or intimated, but extremely irritated._

 _"(Let him go, or I'll never stop attacking!)" Austin shouted before launching another Razor Wind._

 _Amanda spat an Energy Ball at Austin. The Razor Wind sliced the Energy Ball in half and collided with Amanda. Austin then charged in with a Sucker Punch. This time it connected with Amanda's belly, knocking her backwards._

 _Amanda quickly regained her bearings, and swung a Leaf Blade at Austin's head. Using Detect, Austin dodged it and hit Amanda with a sucker Punch to the face._

 _Amanda was knocked flat on her back side, and Austin jumped right on top of her._

 _"(Where is he?") Austin demanded, raising his paw, and then smacking Amanda across the face._

 _SMACK!_

 _"(Where is he?") Austin demanded again._

 _SMACK!_

 _Amanda fired another Energy Ball at Austin's face, who cleanly dodged it with Detect, and then struck back with Razor Wind._

 _"(Where is he?") Austin demanded again._

 _SMACK!_

 _Amanda gasped out in disbelief, "(I - I don't-)"_

 _"(Where is he!?") Austin demanded yet again._

 _SMACK!_

* * *

"Why do so many of the stories I review keep referencing _The Dark Knight!?"_ Keldeo exclaimed.

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 15- Batman from "The Dark Knight"**_

* * *

 _"(You did something to him, didn't you?!)" Austin spat, his eyes widened as his breathing became heavy and labored, "(That was your plan, all along, wasn't it!? You hated me so much, you decided to take away the only-.)"_

 _Austin froze in mid sentence, seemingly struck by sudden realization. Amanda watched the Absol's legs tremble as he swayed unsteadily, as if he were about to fall over._

 _Amanda ventured to ask a question. She spoke in a calm, quiet voice in an attempt to avoid riling him up again. "(The only . . . what, Austin?)"_

 _At the sound of Amanda's voice, Austin snapped out of his daze. He turned to her, a new righteous fury glowing in his eyes. Austin gave another ferocious snarl, and pounced at Amanda again. However, in mid jump, Austin suddenly became a mass of red energy and was sucked away into his Pokeball._

 _Amanda gave a thankful look to White, who was standing in the door holding out Austin's Pokeball. White had a look of shock and perhaps confusion on her face as she stood there, viewing the aftermath of Austin's fit of rage. Amanda noticed that White's upset gaze was primarily fixed on her._

 _Amanda sighed, "(If only N were here,)"_

 _Within the cave environment generated by the Pokeball, Austin lay looking defeated and humiliated, and feeling every bit like a total failure._

 _"(Joltik . . . Joltik, my true friend . . .)" he wept._

* * *

"Alright, I think the story is going to be much better from here on out," Keldeo said confidently, "Now we see that Austin is going through some actually character development and is showing some actual depth. He seems to have a hard time making friends and an even harder time loosing them. Why? Well, let's move on to the next scene- hey, wait a minute. . . is that. . .?"

* * *

Starfire

 _By Dragon Froce_

 _Let it Glow Fire!Elsa (Frozen Let it Go parody)_

 _By Nim Aranel_

* * *

"Okay, _now_ you start giving songs credit? And wait a minute, you didn't write that Let It Go parody yourself? _And you misspelled Dragonforce?!_ I - ugh! Whatever, moving on!"

* * *

 _When Austin was released from his Pokeball, he appeared looking downtrodden, forlorn, and depressed. Across from him was Amanda, clearly looking and feeling concerned for the Absol after his bizarre breakdown._

 _"(I can't believe I'm actually feeling concerned for that smug little . . . well, okay, he doesn't look very smug now . . .)" Amanda thought to herself._

 _The three of them were at the edge of Lostlorn Forest, and it was now a few hours after the fight had been abruptly interrupted. White looked from the thoughtful looking Amanda to the spent looking Austin. With her hands on her hips, White told both Pokemon at large, "I don't know why you two were fighting each other, but I do know one thing: it all ends right now. So, we're going to sit here until you two work out your differences." White's attitude dropped down low for a moment as she said, "I'm sorry I'm not like N, and that I'm not able to understand you two perfectly. I'd probably be able to help you better if I could." White took a deep breath, and built back up her confidence enough to continue, "But you can be sure that I'm going to do the best I can. And that means sitting here and making sure you two talk it out."_

* * *

"Okay, if White is anything like this in the Manga. . . I might start reading them Manga," Keldeo said, sounding very impressed with White.

* * *

 _Amanda nodded slowly, "(Of course a Joltik. They're small enough. Although I fail to see how a Joltik would cause you to snap the way you did.)"_

 _"(He was my partner!)" Austin said strongly, standing firmly, his back straight and no longer slouching with depression, "(Who do you think powered those lights in just the right way, leaving the human engineers bewildered? Joltik! Who do you think maneuvered those light to match the music and highlight my moves, further bewildering the humans? Joltik! Who sneaks a few volts from Dorothy when she's not looking, making sure never to take too much so the Stunfisk needn't suffer any ill effects? Joltik!)"_

 _"(And who used String Shot to help you out with that last trick during your Starfire performance?)" Amanda said with a clever smile._

 _Austin nodded silently._

 _"(Well I still don't understand why you went so crazy about it,)" Amanda continued, "(So you lost a partner who helped you out, big deal! Getting all emotional and upset is clearly not like you, Austin Saturn. You're a self absorbed Absol who's focused on his own abilities and talents, and the haters don't phase you at all. Yet here you are, getting enraged and then depressed as if you just lost the only friend you ever had-)"_

 _Right after she said this, Amanda immediately brought her tail tip up to her mouth, her eyes widening in sudden realization. At that very moment, she had discovered the answer._

 _"(Ohhhhhhh . . .)" she said._

* * *

Keldeo tapped his chin with his left forehoof thoughtfully, then he said, "You know what? This actually puts Austin's _'unlikeability'_ in a new perspective. It must be lonely for a person like that. Not many people would want to deal with someone like him, so to finally get a friend, and then loose it must _really_ be a painful experience."

Keldeo smiled and said, "But in order to drive the point hope, I think we need to hear Austin vent it out himself."

* * *

 _It's not just lonely at the top. It's desolate at the top! It's empty at the top! It's comfortless at the top! I needed Joltik to avoid that! I knew that if I went ahead and perused my career and succeeded at being the greatest performer that ever lived, and how could I not, I mean, come on, I'm a genius and master in rhythm and movement and tone, I'd run a good chance of ending up alone with jealous rivals on one side and faraway fans and admirers on the other side. What am I going to do now that Joltik's gone? No one else is going to tolerate me. They'll all like my performances, yes. But no one is going to like me! Everyone I've ever met can't take how sassy I am. I've been called a highbrow, a snob, an upstart, and whole bunch of other names in the same section of the Thesaurus. So if Joltik is just gonna get up and leave, then where am I supposed to look for support?)"_

* * *

"And _now,_ with Austin's inner depths as a contrast, we can have an easier time liking him," Keldeo explained.

* * *

 _Austin fell flat on his stomach, and then slowly rolled over onto his back and melodramatically crossed his fore legs across his chest. He closed his eyes and spoke in a downtrodden tone, "(I can't go on that way, knowing I'll be all by myself like that. I'll be constantly reliving it, being left hanging like that. In fact, I've already started reliving it. How can I live that way? My career is over, there's no sense going on. None! This is it. I've sung my last song. Shalom.)"_

* * *

Keldeo sighed and face hoofed. "Oh gosh, Amanda, do your thing."

* * *

 _Amanda promptly turned to Austin. She lashed out with her tail, grabbed him by the horn, and flipped him up high. Austin cried out in shock as Amanda did this to him._

 _WHUMP!_

 _After Amanda placed him down on his paws back on the ground, he said sharply, "(What the heck was that!?)"_

 _"(Tough love,)" Amanda said sternly._

 _Austin's mouth opened, but no words came out, nor did any sound at all. Austin had certainly not expected Amanda to say that._

 _"(Now I truly understand,)" Amanda said as she slithered up to Austin so that they were once again one foot from each other, "(The famous need friends.)"_

 _Austin still couldn't find any words to say, a very rare occurrence for him._

 _Amused by the Absol's silence, Amanda gave a small smile and said, "(You know something, Austin. I just realized . . . we have no reason to hate each other.)"_

* * *

"But-!" Keldeo began fiercely, but then he stopped and thought for a moment. Then he said, "You know what? Amanda has a point. I mean, sure, Austin was kinda boastful, and he did upstage Gigi rather rudely, but the only reason things got so heated was because Amanda, Gigi, and Barbara escalated things. And all things considered, maybe they approached Austin entirely the wrong way."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "So, as cliche as it may sound, Amanda uses the Power of Friendship to fix things up."

* * *

 _"(Austin, look. We didn't have the smoothest of meetings. I thought you were an arrogant, know-it-all, drama-king, showoff who didn't care about anyone else and was going to take all of White's attention away from the rest of us. Upstaging Gigi like you did was the last straw. I wanted to take you down a couple of pegs. When that revenge plan didn't work, I said Karma would take care of you. But now that it has, well, now I see you're no less a Pokemon that I am. You're still an arrogant, know-it-all, drama-king, showoff; but now I have to admit, you're a talented one. You're also a Pokemon no worse than any Pokemon. You need a friend, and I don't want to go on hating you anymore. So . . .)"_

 _Amanda stopped averting her eyes and looked Austin directly in his eyes, "(So, I want us to be friends. You're the only Pokemon around here who has brains and an interesting personality. You're actually not a bad Pokemon when you're not answering someone's challenge. So, I think if we give it a chance, we can get along fine.)"_

 _Amanda held out her tail to Austin and said, "(Decision time, Austin.)"_

* * *

"Now, if you think that this means Austin is going to be more humble and reserved now. . ."

* * *

 _Austin clicked his tongue loudly and nodded to himself. "(Alright, I got it.)"_

 _Austin suddenly pushed off with his fore paws and was up on his hind legs once again. Smiling confidently, he did a quickly 180 spin, and jutted his blade like tail out to meet Amanda's. Making sure not accidentally slice at Amanda's tail, Austin kept his tail steady and gently placed it against her serpentine tail. Amanda wrapped her tail gently around Austin's, and the two Field Pokemon shook tails in friendship._

* * *

 _ **Lex Luthor:** "WRONG!"_

"But to be fair, he does apologize for his actions," Keldeo added.

* * *

 _Austin turned back around to face Amanda and landed back down on all fours. He pawed at the ground and said, "(Uh, for the record, I still apologize for the drool incident. It was impulsive. I'm an impulsive Pokemon. It comes with my Sassy nature.)"_

 _Amanda shrugged, or made a shrug-like movement seeing as she had no shoulders, and said, "(I've already forgiven you, Austin.)"_

 _A small innocent and adorable looking smile- wait a minute, adorable? Was Amanda loosing it? The Serperior felt a shudder run through her long body as she tried in vain to banish the thought from her mind._

* * *

"Oh no, she's a love interest?!" Keldeo exclaimed in shock, "Why? What does it add? I mean, how does this work? This comes out of nowhere! She's interested in him because. . . she felt bad for him?"

"Well, anyway, Austin and Amanda show their friends that things are peaceful between them-"

* * *

 _"(SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP! SHUT-UP! EVERY SECOND YOU SPEAK IS LIKE A HYPER BEAM TO MY SKULL! SO PLEASE, JUST SHUT-UP!)" Barbara shrieked at Austin, eyes blazing madly._

* * *

"Like I didn't see that coming. . ." Keldeo muttered as he looked away in annoyance.

* * *

 _Even Austin was slightly taken aback by Barbara's outburst. Seeing this, something sparked deep within Amanda, causing her to almost reflexively inch close to him and touch his side with her tail tip._

 _"(Traitor!)" Barbara gasped out as she saw this. She would have screamed louder if she wasn't out of breath from her previous outburst._

 _Amanda sighed and gave Barbara a look of annoyance and irritation. "(Barbara, we have no reason to hate Austin-)"_

 _"(I don't need a reason a hate someone,)" Barbara said dangerously, each and every one of her feathers sticking out stiffly as she narrowed her eyes at the Absol._

 _Austin let out a small chuckled as he looked over to Amanda. However, Amanda's face was void of any humor as she looked upon the Vullaby with pure contempt._

* * *

"So, great, she's the strawman-" Keldeo groaned.

* * *

 _"(It's ironic. It really is. I spent so much time stewing in my dislike of Austin, building him up as horrible Pokemon with no sympathy or compassion, and yet you are far worse than I could have ever thought Austin was. Austin only annoyed us with his arrogance and showing off, only striking back after we struck first. The only one he offended directly was Gigi, when his impulses caused him to hijack the stage. Now I know he was only trying to jump-start his purpose in life, and Gigi was no worse for wear anyway. But the fact is, back then, I orchestrated that plot against him because I felt bad for Gigi and I didn't like Austin's attitude either. I assumed you felt the same way, Amanda. I thought we both had the same reason for carrying out that plot. But now I see. Now I understand completely. All along, it was all just a reason for you to fight and make someone else miserable and feel justified in doing it. You never cared about Gigi or anyone, but yourself. When you came into the Green Room and saw Austin playing dead, your first instinct was annoyance that you didn't get to play a role in his 'death.' You haven't changed since Café Sonata. You're still the antagonist, caustic, cruel Vullaby that assaulted Meloetta just because you felt like it. Austin has something you will never have, Barbara. A heart.)"_

* * *

"MIND! BLOWN!" Keldeo shouted with wide eyes, "Okay, this is brilliant! Aside from the fact that hurting Meloetta makes you an irremediable monster who should get the snot beat out of you, this reveals that Barbara doesn't just _play_ an antagonist. She _is_ an antagonist! It goes back into Barbara's cannon backstory as a gang leader and actually _utilizes it_! I am _amazed_!"

* * *

 _"(I am positive Barbara has a heart. All organic bird-like Pokemon require hearts in order to be alive,)" Sally remarked, once again ruining a moment with his annoying literalness and exposition. Great job, guy. Great job._

* * *

"And yes, I enjoy Sally's logical comments. He reminds me of Thomas from _Rising Storm,_ " Keldeo said with a grin.

* * *

 _Then, Barbara looked straight at Austin and Amanda and spat two harsh words at them._

 _"(Dang you.)"_

 _The other Pokemon watched Barbara silently leave the room._

 _"( . . . . Soooo . . . )" Austin said, breaking the awkward silence with red eyes bright and confident and a glad grin on his face, "(Who's up for a song? Strike of the Ninja?)"_

 _At that moment, there came a sound that no one was expecting._

 _Amanda was laughing._

 _It wasn't just a quick chuckle or even a quiet giggle. It was full, loud, sincere, honest to goodness laughter._

 _As she laughed with her eyes closed and her tail tip wiping tears of laughter from her cheeks, Amanda thought to herself, "(Oh, I like this Absol! A whole lot! I've never been one to get into Pokemon Musicals, but perhaps I should be taking a closer look at them, specifically the ones Austin is in.)"_

 _Meanwhile, as Austin stared at all the shocked faces that appeared in response to the Serperior's laughing, he smirked and said, "(Wow. I'm good.)"_

* * *

Keldeo snorted and said, "Yeah, this romance sub plot is still annoying. But anyway, we skip ahead a few days where Austin is back to preparing for _Sol of a Samurai._ "

* * *

 _During the next week, Austin devoted himself to the work he loved so much. Every dance, every song, every movement was done with all the passion the Absol had for the performing arts. These were the rehearsals for his first musical. That musical would be the day where the world would see the full extent of his talent, depth, and range to portray a living character. He would show White and the BW Agency his true worth, make a name for himself in the world, and gain adoration from Amanda._

 _"(What? Where did that come from?)" Austin stammered out, feeling a bit flustered at his own thoughts. He turned to the side to see Amanda watching him from backstage._

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Okay. Getting better. Now Austin is feeling a little off balance too. So, now Austin is rehearsing a scene where he sings a cover of _Paris_ from _Les Miserables,_ when a familiar face returns to the theater."

* * *

 _Amanda was also wrestling with some confusing thoughts as well._

* * *

"Oh wait, sorry, the hastily written romance comes first," Keldeo mumbled.

* * *

 _She knew that she felt some sort of kinship with this Absol, and that she was willing to put up with his faults in order to get to know him better. Amanda sincerely felt that it was worth it, as the "real" Austin Saturn was quite an interesting character who she felt glad to know. Yet, she was very surprised at how much she was opening up to him. She had a warm relationship with N. Then she had a professional relationship, then a caring and sympathetic relationship with White. She also had honest friendships with White's other Pokemon, although her friendship with Barbara might be over. But Amanda's relationship with Austin was, for lack of a batter word, very comfortable. For reasons she couldn't explain, Amanda felt that with Austin, she had nothing to hide. Well, anyway, although Austin could go on and on about things, it was very clear that he wasn't a gossiper._

* * *

"But to be fair, it _is_ slowly getting deeper. . ." Keldeo said with growing interest.

"So, Luke comes back with a special surprise."

* * *

 _All of White's Pokemon were gathered in the front row before the closed stage curtain. White and Luke were having a conversation in the front row as well._

 _"That video sample you gave me was a masterpiece," White said, "Larvesta is most certainly talented, and perfectly suited for the performing life."_

 _"Thanks," Luke replied, "And with her new evolution into Volcarona, and her new partner, Galvantula, I'd say she's even better than ever."_

 _White gave a nervous smile, "Well, I'd imagine evolving would help her, but as for her new partner, well . . . we'll see how it goes."_

 _"Don't worry about it," Luke assured, "I've seen Galvantula and Volcarona move and perform. Believe me, they're perfect for each other."_

 _"Okay, if you say so. Are they ready?" White said._

 _"They're just waiting for the curtain to raise and the music to start!" Luke said cheerfully._

 _The signal was given, and the curtain rose, revealing a large, moth-like Pokémon with four small feet. It had compound eyes that are two shades of blue, and a red horn-like structure on each side of its face. The fuzz on its upper body was smoky white and tangled. Its abdomen was black in the center and light blue with black dots on the outside. It had six leaf-like wings that are orange in color and had small black spots._

 _Spotlights shone down on Volcarona, and then jerked up towards the ceiling as the music began. Hanging from a stand of Stringshot was a Galvantula._

* * *

"Oh gee. I wonder who that Galvantula is?" Keldeo said in a monotone.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:** "Sarcasm Self Test Complete."  
_

"Oh, good, that's back online."

* * *

 _The EleSpider Pokemon hung upside down gracefully, moving leg over leg as he climbed down the strand, swinging slightly as he sang._

 _"(Bug-Types up in here tonight_

 _No fighting_

 _Refugees in here, no fighting_

 _No fighting_

 _Carona! Carona!)"_

* * *

Keldeo raised an eyebrow and looked on with a look of disbelief. "Is that. . . ?"

* * *

 _Galvantula broke the strand and landed next to Volcarona. As the music kicked up, Galvantula took wide striding sideways steps, using his long legs to cover a good distance with each step. He was moving quite quickly around Volcarona as she was using Fiery Dance in a magnificent display of pyrotechnic skill and choreography. Galvantula was singing out as all this was happening, moving to the dance-inducing beat of the music._

 _"(I never really knew that she could dance like this_

 _She makes a mon wants to speak Spanish_

 _Como se llama?_

 _Bonita_

 _Mi casa_

 _Su casa)"_

* * *

" _Hips Don't Lie_ by Shakira?" Keldeo asked in disbelief.

* * *

 _Volcarona momentarily stopped her Fiery Dancing and then posed with her wings spread wide as she levitated up a few inches. Galvantula froze standing on his rear left and front right legs as he looked up at Volcarona as she sang out in a beautiful melodious voice. Galvantula occasionally sang a word during her lines to accompany her._

 _"(Oh baby when you talk like that_

 _You make a Bug-type go mad_

 _So be wise (si) and keep on (si)_

 _Reading the signs of my body (uno, dos, tres, cuatro)_

 _And I'm on tonight, my abdomen won't lie_

 _And I'm starting to feel it's right_

 _All the attraction, the tension_

 _Don't you see baby, this is perfection)"_

* * *

"I think I should be having a stronger reaction to this, but to be honest, I think I've gone entirely numb," Keldeo said in a steady tone.

* * *

 _Volcarona then went into a Quiver Dance that any Bug-type would find, for lack of a better word, sexy. *Sigh*. I can't believe I had to write that._

* * *

"Acknowledging that something is painful and stupid does not make it any less painful and stupid!" Keldeo shouted.

"So after the song and dance scene, which admittedly is done pretty well considering we're dealing with dancing Bugs, we find that Austin blown away by it."

* * *

 _"(Well, throughout the duration of the song, my rear end somehow gained sentience and began moving from side to side to match the beat of the music,)" Austin said plainly as he turned his head to look at his backside. "(Stop that, Tail,)" he commanded at the blade-like appendage, which was still bopping to the salsa/pop music still fresh in his mind._

 _Amanda sniffed, "(Well, sorry that you didn't like it Mr. Stuffy.)"_

 _Austin suddenly grabbed the curled extensions on either side of her neck and pulled her face close to his. "(Bite your forked tongue! That performance was amazing! I had no idea such music as that existed! That music was life itself! Organized chaos! Chaotic order! And most of all, it had passion! I thought only I could work up that much passion! What I wouldn't do to see and hear that again!)"_

* * *

"Yeah, Austin still hasn't changed much."

* * *

 _Amanda blinked at him, and then said, "(Hey Austin.)"_

 _"(Yes?)"_

 _"(I'm gonna lick your face.)"_

 _Austin promptly let Amanda go and backed away, grinning. "(Touche!)" he said._

 _Amanda let out a small chuckle and said, "(Well, anyway, for someone who liked that performance so much, you didn't seem very interested at first.)"_

 _Austin shrugged and said, "(I'm used to maintaining a professional image. I'm not very comfortable sharing my feelings . . . at least, until now.)"_

* * *

Keldeo cocked his head, "Or wait, _has he_?"

"So Galvantula goes up to Austin and we get the obvious reveal."

* * *

 _"(I've learned a lot from you, Austin,)" Galvantula said gently, as if hinting at something._

 _"(Oh, so you've seen that Bohemian Polka,)" Austin replied._

 _"(And . . .)" Galvantula said helpfully, his pedipalps twitching._

 _"(And . . .)" Austin said slowly, then he said with a deadpan expression and tone, "(Can you give me a hint?!)"_

 _"(It's me!)" Galvantula cheered enthusiastically._

 _Austin stared at the EleSpider with a look of impatience. "(Is there some memory I'm not recalling? Did I get amnesia at one point in my life or-)"_

 _Amanda groaned loudly and said, "(Austin! That's Joltik! He evolved!)"_

 _Austin stared at the large Bug/Electric-type in front of him. Galvantula had an expectant look in his eyes. As if in a daze, Austin turned slowly to Amanda and shook his head, "(Ah . . . no. I - don't - think so.)"_

 _Amanda turned to Galvantula and said, "(Please tell me you had some way of proving it quickly.)"_

 _Galvantula nodded, and then slowly stepped closer to Austin. Once they were real close, the Garvantula spoke in a low, slightly blase voice. As he spoke, the Galvantula's eyes betrayed neither happiness nor gloom, and his countenance was entirely wistful._

 _"(You see,)" the Galvantula said to the Absol, "(You... well, you shall never be free. And I... shall never grow bigger than 4 inches tall.)" The Galvantula gave a laugh that was wry and humorless, "(Hmm-hmm-hmm, OR NOT! shalom!)"_

* * *

Keldeo smiled and said, "Okay, that was pretty clever."

* * *

 _Austin stared at Galvantula in utter shock for a moment. Then he pointed a paw at him, making odd sounds as he attempted to speak. Then, Austin stepped boldly forward and touched the tip of his nose to the EleSpider's face._

 _"(I missed you,)" he said softly his eyes simmering as he blinked away furiously._

 _Galvantula didn't pull away. Rather, he leaned forward slightly to return the gentle nuzzle. He backed away and fiddled his pedipalps around as he said, "(I am sorry for leaving kinda . . . sudden like. Yes, yes, I really am. Something happened that I couldn't ignore or wait to do. You forgive me, Austin? Maybe I can make it up to you?)"_

 _"(You're my first friend,)" Austin replied firmly, "(Of course I forgive you.)"_

 _Galvantula perked up at this, shaking his abdomen with joy. Austin reached out with his paw to him, and he held out a foreleg to let Austin shake it. However, Austin surprised him by suddenly smacking Galvantula on the side of the head._

 _Galvantula stared at Austin with a look of confusion in his eyes as the Absol narrowed his eyes at him and said, "(But that was for leaving me all alone.)" Austin then gained a mischievous grin as he held his forepaw up as if making an oath and said, "(No more hitting, my companion. I swear that to you.)" Austin then laid down in a comfortable Sphinx-like position and said, "(Now, how about you tell us what was so important that you had to leave without at least tapping me on the paw and pointing at the door before hopping out on your merry little way?)"_

 _Galvantula gave a laugh that sounded like a soft rattle and said, "(When you're right, you're right Austin. I just hope you like long stories.)"_

 _"(I love them,)" Austin replied._

 _"(I'd like to hear this too,)" Amanda replied as she settled down into a coil._

 _"(I believe the rest of us share your sentiments,)" Sally cut in as the rest of White's Pokemon, except for Barbara of course, got in close as well._

 _Galvantula gave another unique laugh and said, "(Well then, if I have an audience, here I go!)"_

 _The EleSpider couldn't help but chuckle a third time, and he said, "(Oh boy!)"_

* * *

"So then we go back in time to see where Joltik went. . . after the narrator belly aches a bit. . ."

* * *

 _Wha-!? Really! We were in the middle of something, and that something was an awesome story about an Absol! Not a Joltik turning into a Garvantula! I've kept quiet for so long and now-_

* * *

 _ **Army:** "GET ON WITH IT!"_

* * *

"So, as we move into a first-person perspective from Joltik, it turns out that Joltik, _I kid you not,_ **falls in love with Larvesta** and follows after her and Luke," Keldeo said in a dead serious tone.

* * *

 _This was an important moment I was planning for. First impressions are everything, as I'm sure you know very well Austin, if the show you put on for White to get her to be your Trainer is anything to go by. Also, my own first impression with you was what led me to become close friends with a big softie like you. That, that's it, there, I said, I said, that what I kinda feel you are, Austin, if I'm honest. Literally and figuratively, of course. No offence, really. I'm not saying you're weak or anything. I just feel that you got a soft heart underneath all your fur and acting skills. I mean, I know you didn't throw me into the Ampharos' cage by accident, if you know what I mean._

 _Well, anyway, back to my point. I had to find a way to show Larvesta who I was, and what I could offer her. And, of course, since this is real Fate we're dealing with here, the opportunity came._

 _"Alright, Larvesta," Luke said, "Let's work on that mysterious bard-like song."_

 _He turned on a portable music player, and such beautiful music started to play, with a lovely stringed instrument as the star._

 _Larvesta swayed back and forth slowly to the almost water-like flow of the music as she sang in that enchanting voice of hers._

* * *

"This is even lazier than Austin and Amanda's romance!" Keldeo complained, "And it turns out that Luke likes indie games, because they sing not one, not two, but all three of the songs from _Bastion._ Well, they only sing the first two songs. The third is actually invoked by Joltik's interference."

* * *

 _"Okay," Luke said, "Now I think we should work on a new version of Mother, I'm Here that I thought up. The original music is slow, quiet, and really somber, but I think adding a stronger beat, stronger drums, and more instruments and feeling to it can elevate it up to new heights. What do you say?"_

 _Larvesta nodded excitedly and said, "(Oh yes! That sounds beautiful!)"_

 _Luke played the next track, and I felt a thrill pass through me as the music began. It was just as Luke had described. Also, as the introduction played out, and my mind worked on it, a brilliant idea that would lead me to my happy smiling Fate arose in my mind._

 _As Larvesta rocked to the music, she closed her eyes again and sang the song with a bit stronger emotions than she did before._

 _"(I set my sail;_

 _Fly, the wind it will take me_

 _Back to my home, sweet home)"_

 _At this point, I made my move._

 _"(Lie on my back,_

 _Clouds are making way for me_

 _I'm coming home, sweet home)"_

 _Larvesta's eyes opened as a twitch ran through her body. She had clearly heard something, had felt the sensation that she was not singing alone. She did not miss a beat though, and continued her song effortlessly._

 _"(I see your star,)" / "(Build that wall and)"_

 _"(You left it burning for me;)" / "(Build it strong, 'cause)"_

 _"(Mother, I'm here)" / "(We'll be there before too long)"_

 _As a stronger yet still beautifully stringed instrument got its solo, Larvesta's eyes were now lit up, fully aware of the voice that had come out of nowhere and begun to sing along. Luke had heard it too, and his eyes were wide as well. His Golett, Zorua, and Leavanny looked quite surprised as well, and yet, also enchanted by what they had just heard._

 _Larvesta looked up at Luke, and she nodded slowly and seriously. She then took a deep breath, and began to sing again, only this time, she was singing the lyrics to Build That Wall instead. This was a very smart move on her part, because I personally believe that the Build That Wall lyrics are best sung by a female, while the Mother, I'm Here words are best sung by a male._

 _"(Eyes open wide,)" / "(I dig my hole, you build a wall)"_

 _"(Feel your heart and it's glowing)" / "(I dig my hole, you build a wall)"_

 _"(I'm welcome home, sweet home)" / "(One day that wall is gonna fall)"_

 _"(I take your hand,)" / "(Gonna build that wall up to the sky)"_

 _"(Now you'll never be lonely)" / "(Gonna build that wall up to the sky)"_

 _"(Not when I'm home, sweet home)" / "(One day your bird is gonna fly)"_

 _"(I see your star,)" / "(Build that wall and)"_

 _"(You left it burning for me;)" / "(Build it strong, 'cause)"_

 _"(Mother, I'm here)" / "(We'll be there before too long)"_

* * *

Keldeo rubbed his forehead and said, "Fanfics with songs in them really frustrate me for a number of reasons. For one thing, we have no way of knowing what the character's singing voices would sound like. We just have to take the author's word for it. Therefore, unless the authors tells us that the character can't sing, we just assume that the singing is so perfect or is like the actual artist who originally sang the song. Second of all, putting an amazingly good song in, like the songs from _Bastion,_ which are the most beautiful songs ever specially written for a specific video game, seems like a lazy way to improve the quality of the fanfic. It's like riding on the coat tails of the awesome music. And third of all. . . none of it matter because I can't resist the amazingness of this music!"

* * *

 _The song ended, far too soon in my opinion, and then Larvesta looked around and said, "(Well, I know you're a Joltik. Mind letting us know where you are?)"_

 _"(My gift is my song!)"_

 _Larvesta turned to me as I approached, deciding to walk slowly, inching my way towards her._

 _"(And this one's for you. . .)"_

 _Larvesta looked at me with a thoughtful expression._

* * *

"Oh great. Another _Moulin Rouge!_ reference. That movie wasn't _that_ good," Keldeo grumbled.

* * *

 _"_ (Speaking _of singing skills, your performance of_ _Let It Glow completely overwhelmed me.)"_

 _Her horns twitched, indicating the motion of sniffing, more out of body language than for actual smell probably, and said, "(I'm not stupid. You're infatuated with me.)"_

 _Oh uric._

 _All my eyes were wide with shock and despair. This was compounded with the fact that I hadn't really thought this plan through, specifically what to do if she wasn't interested._

 _Standing over me, she said in a questioning tone, "(What do you have to offer me?)"_

* * *

"Wow! A more realistic take on romance. Good to see!" Keldeo said with grin, "But the scene is suddenly cut short when Team Rocket shows up and- _WHAT?_ "

* * *

 _I didn't know how to answer that right away, and before I could think of an answer, a heavy metal cage with chain link fence sides came flying in out of nowhere and crashed down around us._

 _"Larvesta!" Luke shouted in shock._

 _The cage dug into the ground and closed in underneath us, closing us in._

 _"Prepare for trouble, you got that right!" a male voice said._

 _"And make it double, cause we're here for a fight!" a female voice said._

 _I turned to see two humans wearing black t-shirts with big red "R"'s on them._

 _"To infect the world with devastation!"_

 _"To blight the people in every nation!"_

 _"To denounce the goodness of truth and love!"_

 _"To extend our wrath to the stars above!"_

 _"Cassidy!"_

 _"And Butch!"_

 _"We're Team Rocket, circling Earth all day and night!"_

 _"Surrender to us now or you will surely lose the fight!"_

 _"(That's right!)" shouted a Shuckle standing between them._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Okay, I guess this fanfic merges both Manga and Anime. So, Biff and Cassidy kidnap Larvesta, and Joltik by accident I suppose, and quickly drive off."

* * *

 _"(Larvesta,)" I said, speaking up in a rather loud voice for my size._

 _Larvesta turned to me, staring at me with her gorgeous blue eyes._

 _I said, "(You asked me what I have to offer you. . .)"_

 _I effortlessly hopped through one of the spaces in the cage, turned back to Larvesta, and said, "(I'll show you.)"_

 _I then jumped over to the front of the truck, ran up along the side, and into the open window on the driver's side._

 _"(Surprise, Bach!)" I shouted as I jumped on his hands and used Bug Bite with all my strength._

 _And yes, I know I got his name wrong. I don't know why, but I doesn't matter. It's not like he heard me._

* * *

"For the record, his name is Bud," Keldeo corrected.

"So, they end up crashing, and Joltik decides that hurting yourself is a good way to get someone to like you. For the record, I disagree."

* * *

 _I spotted the damaged lock on the cage, and jumped onto it, clinging to it with all four legs. "(Use Flamethrower on it!)" I said._

 _Larvesta seemed to pause for a moment, then said, "(But what about you?)"_

 _"(I'll be fine, just do it. Quick, before those bad humans come!)" I called out urgently._

 _I was very well aware that this was going to hurt, but I was serious when I decided to go after Larvesta. She was a talented performer, she was strong, and she had smarts and spirit. I was gonna save her no matter what. So the moment I felt her Flamethrower, I discharged into the damaged lock with all my worth._

 _Luckily for me, it didn't take too long to pop the lock. Unluckily for me, when the lock popped, so did the door to the cage. It snapped upwards, tossing me high into the air. I tumbled and spun up through space, and then began my quick decent downwards. It was all over in a matter of seconds._

 _WHUMP!_

 _I landed in something very soft and white. . ._

 _"(Gotcha,)" Larvesta said._

 _I was very quite amazed, honestly. I was resting rather comfortably in Larvesta's fuzz, which, if I'm honest, felt even better than your fur, Austin. No offense of course, but that's just how it felt to me. Perhaps it was whose fuzz it was that made it a more pleasant experience. Anyway, I must have gotten a little too comfortable in there, because she ended up shaking me out._

 _We look at each other eye to eye for a moment, but are suddenly rudely interrupted._

 _"Get them Shuckle!"_

 _"You too, Granbull!"_

 _We look up to see the two humans approaching with their two Pokemon in front of them._

 _Larvesta turned towards me and said, "(Run. It's me they want.)"_

 _I just laughed and said, "(Please no cliches._

* * *

"You're in the _wrong_ story," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _You know I'm not going anywhere.)"_

 _To my delight, Larvesta's eyes lit up and she shook briefly with a bit of soft laughter. "(I know. . .)" she said softly._

 _There were suddenly eight flashes of light, and we were suddenly surrounded by a Raticate, Houndour, Sableye, Tentacruel, Primeape, Hitmontop, Mightyena, and Cloyster._

* * *

"And so, by The Power of Love, both of them evolve at the same time!"

 _ **Ma-Ti:** "HEART!"  
_

* * *

 _Larvesta blinked solemnly at me. She was so expressive with her eyes. They were from where all her emotions and inflections came from._

 _Then, she closed her eyes, leaned it close, and tenderly touched her head to mine._

 _"ATTA-" the humans shouted, but were halted in their tracks when the two of us started to glow._

 _I have never felt so much power before. EVER! For so long I've been snacking on outside power sources, but now, for the first time ever, I had my own power source within me! I was no longer a consumer! I was a producer of electricity!_

 _And so, in what felt like a sudden instant, I was a Galvantula._

 _Check that, a Galvantula standing next to a gorgeous Volcarona!_

Feeling that extra burst of confidence, Volcarona and I proceeded to take the rest of those Pokemon down without breaking a sweat-

 _"(Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, waity-wait!)" Austin said, holding up a paw to interrupt Galvantula's story, "(So. . . you and Volcarona defeated an army of 8 Pokemon? By yourselves?)"_

 _Galvantula blinked his two biggest eyes, then shuffled around on his four legs nervously. "(Well. . .)" he said, "(Maybe Luke came in with Zorua, Golett, and Leavanny in the middle of our battle and gave us a hand. . .)"_

* * *

"Okay, when _Austin Saturn_ has to call you out on something, you know you're gone too far," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _Galvantula gave a nervous chuckle and said, "(Well, we knocked out all of Team Rocket's Pokemon, and sent them flying into the distance in a big explosion!)"_

 _"(Why?!)" Austin asked incredulously, "(You pretty much helped them escape. Shouldn't you have captured them for Officer Jenny or something?)"_

 _"(Heat of the moment,)" Galvantula said nonchalantly._

* * *

"The ironic part here is that Bart and Cassidy _have_ been arrested multiple times, but they were always able to break out. Apparently this got so implausible that the writers just decides to have them Blast Off every time instead to make seeing them all the time more plausible."

"So, yeah, Galvantula and Volcarona are happy together, but that just makes Austin want Amanda even more. So, later on he actually asks Galvantula for romantic advice."

* * *

 _"(Again with the time gaps? I'll have you know that things did happen during all that time,)" Austin remarked indignantly._

 _Ahem! Well, it was soon the day before opening night._

 _"(Actually, it's the night before opening night,)" Austin corrected._

* * *

"Insert Get On With It Meme here," Keldeo said quickly.

* * *

 _Love. . . now that was a word that made Austin nervously. Mostly because all the events that had occurred over the previous month had put quite a few things in perspective for him. In fact, Austin had come to a certain realization. This realization both thrilled Austin and chilled Austin. For once in his life, Austin did not know what to do and admitted to himself that he did not know what to do. He needed assistance._

 _And so, he asked Galvantula to sneak away late a night and meet him amid the woods. Not too far in, just far enough for a little secrecy._

 _Much to Austin's relief, Galvantula was there waiting for him._

 _"(It feels good to come to a place and be greeted by a friendly face,)" Austin remarked with a smile._

 _"(Sure thing, Austin,)" Galvantula replied, "(So, what is it that you want to talk about?)"_

 _Austin nodded and said, "(Well, it's like this. Friends always help each other, that goes without saying. Now, I'm good at a lot of things. I'm in the know about a lot of things. So, yeah, I've scratched your back plenty of times, since it's always been in my power to act. That's what you do when you have the opportunity to help someone. Now, my back could use a little scratching, so to speak, and if there's something you can do that I actually aren't very strong in, then it just follows that I'd come here in this manner, especially when current events are taken in consideration. Another victory for logic, right?)"_

 _Austin leaned in towards his friend and smiled, breathing loudly after saying his peace._

 _Galvantula's pedipalps twitched a bit as he stared at Austin. Then he said, "(Okay, I get that you want me to help you with something, and sure, I'll be glad to help! But what is it?)"_

 _Austin kept his smile and said coachingly, "(Current events. . .)"_

 _Galvantula blinked, then he chuckled and said, "(Oh, I get it! Current events! Like electric current! Ha-ha!)"_

* * *

Keldeo was actually smiling as he said, "You know, the scenes that showed Austin's friendship with Joltik were few and far between. Plus, Joltik didn't talk. . . for some reason. I mean, he talked to Larvesta, so it's not like Joltiks can't talk. . .whatever. . . The point is it's nice to see these two friends actually interact with each other. It makes Austin more. . . likable and relatable, I guess."

* * *

 _Austin's mouth fell open, and he hung his head in disappointment. "(NO, no, I mean-.)" Austin lifted his head and brushed his tuft of hair with his left forepaw, "(Fine, I'll spit it out. You got together with Volcarona, so tell me how I can get together with Amanda. Yeah, I like Amanda like that, and it shows how much I trust and value you as a friend to have told you that.)"_

 _Galvantula's two main eyes went larger than normal, and his pedipalps hung down to convey the same message as jaw dropping. Then he said, "(Well, I did notice you being . . . closer friends. . . heh. . .)" Galvantula then started to chuckle._

 _"(Why are you laughing at me?)" Austin said with his head titled._

 _"(Because you're the one kinda helped me out with my first impression to Volcarona,)" Galvantula said, "(Where else did you think I got the idea to sing like that?)"_

 _Austin breathed out through his nose heavily and said, "(But what about the part after that. I don't mean Bud and Cassidy! I mean, you know, talking to her, selling yourself to her. . . and anyway, a song won't work here. Amanda's not a performer.)"_

 _"(A song could still work,)" Galvantula's said optimistically, "(What is it that you want to convey to her?)"_

 _"(That I'm not always the arrogant, over confident, proud performer I am in public or on stage,)" Austin said with his heart, his body language becoming smaller, more restrictive, and closer together. It was as if he was subconsciously retreated into himself. "(That I can be a Pokemon who hates being alone, who doesn't want to be alone, and will gladly open up his heart and soul to the one Pokemon he things is worth it. And that she's worth it.)"_

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Okay, good, good, I'm starting to see the sincerity in this romance as well as some depth to Austin's character. So far so good. As long as Galvantula doesn't burst into a random musical number-."

* * *

 _Then, much to Austin's surprise, Galvantula broke out into a musical number as he continued his fierce dancing._

 _"(Auuuuuuuu-stin!_

 _You don't need to put up such a fight,_

 _Rack your brain for concepts,_

 _Or fear how to make it right._

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Keldeo moaned.

* * *

 _Auuuuu-stin!_

 _You don't have to fear your heart tonight_

 _Auuuuu-stin!_

 _You don't have to let doubt rule on this or any night)"_

 _Austin's eyes slowly widened by degrees, as he began caught up in the beat and passion Galvantula was created. Then, as if in a trance, Austin began to move and step to it, raising his voice in song._

 _"(My eyes upon your face_

 _My cheek upon your cheek_

 _My fur brushes your scales_

 _What words could I possibly speak?!)"_

* * *

Keldeo stopped moaning, and he said in shock, "Wait a minute, isn't this a parody of _Tango de Roxxane_ from _Moulin Rouge!_ , the song that the Nostalgia Critic parodied as _Tango de Pretense_ which I in turned parodied in my review of _A Guardian's Princess_ by ThatOneDwarf?"Keldeo held his head and said, "Ugh. I think I'm giving myself a head ache."

* * *

 _"(Auuuuuu-stin!)"_

 _"(Why does my heart cry?)"_

 _"(Auuuuuu-stin!)"_

 _"(Feelings I can't fight)"_

 _"(Austin!)"_

 _"(She'd never accept me,_

 _So please, don't decieve me_

 _Why would she. . . believe me if I said, 'I love you'?)"_

 _"(Aha!)" Galvantula shouted, stopping suddenly and pointing at Austin, "(There! That's it!)"_

 _"(What - is - it?)" Austin said in a silted manner._

 _"(Austin, you're at your best when you act spontaneously and just flow freely. Remember that Bohemian Polka?)" Galvantula asked._

 _"(I never forget any of my performances,)" Austin said seriously._

 _"(Then you know what I'm talking about!)" Galvantula said excitedly, "(Don't compose a song for her. Don't think things out or rehearse it. Just focus on what you want to get across, and let yourself go. Fall into a beat or rhythm or whatever, and pour your soul out to her. That's the kind of Pokemon you are, so that's how you should present yourself to Amanda. 100 percent pure, honest to goodness Austin Saturn. No more, no less.)"_

 _Austin stared at Galvantula with a blank expression, but looking closer at his eyes revealed that he was thinking. "(That. . . makes a lot of sense. . .)" Austin said slowly, then he nodded and said, "(Okay. I'll do it.)"_

* * *

"That. . . actually _does_ make sense, and _is_ good advice for someone like Austin," Keldeo remarked, "And so, by the magic of plot convenience, Austin runs right into Amanda at the door and our little romance subplot comes to it's climax."

* * *

 _And so, Austin and Amanda moved amid the trees, in silence at first, then Austin asked, "(How did you end up with White?)"_

 _"(I actually used to be with a person named N,)" Amanda remarked in a cold tone, "(I felt that he had more respect for Pokemon. However, he also had very little respect for other people. But it was enough for him to send me to look after White after she was injured. All in all, I prefer life with White. To be honest, N was far too narrow minded and bland for my taste.)" Amanda grinned mischievously and said, "(Anyway, it's never hard for me to remind White where her place is.)"_

 _Austin and Amanda both chuckled at that sentiment._

 _Then, Amanda asked, "(What about you? How were things before you were. . .)" Amanda's smile faded as she said gently, "(Sorry. You probably don't want to talk about that.)"_

 _Austin shrugged, "(Eh, there's nothing much to tell. Started out in a forest when I was just a kid, just an Absol family that all stayed hid, I didn't grow up an only child cause I had a little sis, of course that's all good stuff I miss; if I could bring them here, I wish.)"_

 _Finding the rhythm, Austin went on, still walking all the while, "(Then we grew up and split and that hit hard, cause being lonely is my life's nasty Trump Card, folks said I had to move on, had to back off, so I walked behind my sister until she too said to back off, so I tried to make some new friends who didn't mind my cat sass,_

 _I didn't figure out that my cannon was glass_

 _Until I got snatched up by some hunters, those fat cats, or fat rats_

 _I didn't mind the cages, cause of cell mates, how about that_

 _I can't stand isolation_

 _Not good at acclimation_

 _I want fame, but I need friends_

 _The top can be a sad end_

 _And we're all different in dark rooms_

 _Well I want you to see me_

 _I'll let everything down, all for you!)"_

* * *

"Okay, point for being clever, but is he singing or rapping? Yes, there's a difference," Keldeo said seriously.

"So, long story short, Austin makes a song, or a rap, about his life story and about how he wants and needs Amanda in his life."

* * *

 _Austin's talking had slowly morphed into singing, and his singing had builded and builded up with ever line, getting stronger and more passionate. Austin has let the rhythm carry him away, and Amanda was loving it. At this moment, he felt that she was truly getting a look deep into Austin's true self as his singing continued._

 _"(Right now, I'm not a legend, no,_

 _I want to be more than just friends, oh,_

 _I want you to see the real me now._

 _You to see the real me now_

 _I'm more than the Absol Danseuse_

 _I really truly want to have you_

 _I want you to see the real me now._

 _You to see the real me now_

 _So please see me)"_

 _Austin looked up into Amanda's eyes as he sang sweetly to her._

 _"(Please don't go away_

 _Forgive my mistakes_

 _Fame means run fast to stay in the same place_

 _But it won't make me change_

 _I won't go away_

 _You keep my paths straight_

 _My soul knows that we have to stay_

 _Or else my true self may fade.)"_

* * *

Keldeo sniffed and wiped his eyes with his front left fetlock. He said with a said smile, "Okay, okay, Austin may have his faults, biscuits, this fanfic has it's faults. . . but this scene was legitimately touching and sweet. . ."

* * *

 _Austin mentally cursed himself when the words stuck in his throat. Feeling as if he had nothing to lose anyway, Austin held his head up high and sang out, "(Believe me when I say, I love you!)"_

 _Austin took shaky, heavy breaths of panic as he stared up at Amanda. Her expression was not unreadable. She was clearly blown away by what she had experienced._

 _"(I really feel. . .)" Amanda thought to herself, "(That's I've seen Austin's true heart. He hates loneliness. He want others to understand him. But he wants one Pokemon. . . who could see his inner secrets.)"_

 _Amanda gazed at Austin, who was looking up at her expectantly. Then, she sang to him in a whisper, "(Come what may, I will love you, until my dying day.)"_

 _A great spark of emotion burst through him, and Austin immediately popped up onto his hind legs, and leaned forward a bit to kiss Amanda. He felt Amanda's vines wrap around him in an embrace, and at that moment, their hearts were complete._

* * *

 ** _FNAF KIDS:_** _"YAAAAAAY!"_

"So, Amanda and Austin are finally together, and we skip to the opening night of _Sol of a Samurai._ "

* * *

 _Wearing his plastic mock samurai armor, Austin stood confidently, ready for his cue to come on stage._

 _Austin turned to one side to see Amanda, smiling brightly at him._

 _"(Is my thespian ready to make history?)" she said coyly._

 _Austin smirked and said, "(So, I'm your thespian?)"_

 _"(Do you mind?)" Amanda said, tilting her head with an obviously fake look of confusion._

 _"(No. I like being . . . yours. . .)" Austin said softly._

 _"(Mind answering my first question?)" Amanda asked._

 _Austin turned towards the stage and nodded, "(Yeah, I'm ready. . . as long as you'll be waiting for me afterwards.)"_

 _Amanda gave a nod, which came simultaneously with Austin's cue. Taking it as a sign that the future would be full of great things, Austin boldly walked out onto the stage, and into his future._

* * *

Keldeo looked excited. "Alright!" he said, "This musical has been built up big time, and we've seen several parts of it being rehearsed. I can't wait to see the whole thing play out. Barbara might even try to sabotage it. We might even get something like the Finale of _Moulin Rouge!_ This is gonna be awesome!"

* * *

 _The End_

* * *

Keldeo moaned and sobbed at the same time as he covered his face with his forehooves. "Oh, no, no! I don't believe it!" Keldeo uncovered his face, raised his left forehoof high, and shouted, "THIS IS NOT OVER. . . POKEMON!"

* * *

 _"(Wait a minute, what's with the 'The End'?)" Austin asked in disbelief, "(How is this the end! You didn't even let them see the actual musical! I'm positive that my story has not ended! I'm also positive the whole world didn't drop dead here either. No, this is not the end! No by a long shot. . . well, okay, this is all that's been written, but my story still goes on after this. So saying 'The End' isn't really fair. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to put 'To Be Continued' like in the anime. That's too cliche, and may not work here. Saying 'The Beginning' wouldn't work here either. How about we just leave it open. That always works. . . well, almost always. Ahh, whatever, I have a musical to preform! Catch you later. . . I hope. . . Just remember that my story isn't over. That's right. Okay. Goodnight, or day, or afternoon. Oh, brokh. Bye!)"_

* * *

"And having Austin acknowledge it doesn't fix it!" Keldeo shouted angrily, "This fanfic is-."

Keldeo stopped in mid sentence, and he frowned as he thought hard on what he was going to say. He paced around for a few minutes, in very deep thought, then he turned and said, "This fanfic. . . is just like Austin Saturn himself. It's hard to tell if he's a good character or not. He's not evil or anything, but he's not entirely likeable. You know, he's a lot like another singing, dancing, arrogant, famous celebrity type character. Oh, what's his name? What's his name. . ."

 _ **David Saville: "ALLLLLLVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!"**_

 _ ***Ding!***_

 _ **Rip Off Side Pot: 16- Alvin from "Alvin and the Chipmunks"**_

"Okay, okay, let me make something clear," Keldeo said quickly, "I hate the live action movies, of course, but I really like the cartoons, specifically the new CGI one on _Nick_. However, I'm not too crazy about Alvin. His arrogant nature, his selfishness, his impulsiveness. But I don't _hate_ Alvin. Here's the thing, Alvin. . . _personality_ causes him to go too far to get what he wants, and he ends up hurting others. But when Alvin fully realizes that he's hurt someone, and even the live action movies managed to get this part right believe it or not, he actually does have an ethical turnaround and does what he can to fix things."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Austin. . . doesn't really have this. I mean, just look. The characters he hurts are either villains like Barbara, just give up and accept it like Gigi, or just excuse his actions and give him a pass due to some new understanding like Amanda. Austin never has that 'What Have I Done?' moment to make him more sympathetic. And that fact that nearly everything goes his way makes it even worse. Sure, he falls to pieces when Joltik leaves him, but to be honest, he just looks insane, petty, and pathetic in that sequence. I mean, he just walks over to Amanda and starts attacking her. Seriously?!"

Keldeo sighed and said, "But, on the other hand, the songs are well incorporated and are paired with excellent descriptions of choreography. The side characters are all pretty entertaining. And although I couldn't go through every single detail, I must say that the story has plenty of funny jokes, and the romantic moments are written to be very sweet and touching. And Austin's character does mellow out after the first half of the story, and in spite of his arrogance, he's good for a few laughs."

Keldeo smiled broadly and said, "So, I'd say give this story a chance and see what you think. I have no doubt that there's already a sequel in the works. We obviously can't get rid of Austin Saturn so easily. I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to." Keldeo left with a cheerful nod.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _The Lion King_

 _Silence of the Lambs_

 _Dora the Explorer_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic: The Princess Diaries 2_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Moulin Rouge!_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Jupiter Ascending_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Garfield_

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Happening_

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic: Dumbest Superman Moments_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Lady in the Water_

 _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_

 _The Animaniacs_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Portal 2_

 _Confused Matthew: Lion King Re-Review_

 _Little Shop of Horrors_

 _Captain Planet_

 _Bastion_

 _Dragonforce_

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _Bulbapedia_

 _Confused Matthew_


	53. E10: Is The Legendary Giveaway Okay?

_**The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Editorial 10- Is It Right To Hand Out Legendary Pokemon?**

 **Title Card tinyurl:** **gw6rn3a**

Deep in Mystery Jungle, on the Grass Continent, Mew was relaxing in a hot spring with his eyes closed. Suddenly, there came the sound of the Naruto theme-song _GO!_ Mew groaned and said, "Oh come on, _now?_ "

Mew opened his eyes, floated out of the hot spring, and wrapped a blue towel around himself as he flew over to where he had put his phone. He answered it, held it up to his ear, and said, "Hello? . . . . Huh? . . . . _What!?_. . . . Are you kidding me? Where did you even get this number? . . . From _Gamestop!?_ Well I. . . ugh! I'm gonna sue their pants off!" Mew hung up and dropped the phone to the ground. Then he looked down at the towel he was wearing and said, "Speaking of pants, why am even wearing this? I don't normally wear clothes!"

* * *

 _Meanwhile, thousands of miles away. . . and in another dimension. . ._

* * *

Keldeo sighed as he looked down at his smartphone. He set it down and said, "In case you haven't heard, Nintendo is going to be giving out 11 Legendary Pokemon throughout 2016 via special codes you can get from Gamestop or through Nintendo Network downloads. This is all to celebrate Pokemon's 20th anniversary. Now, special Pokemon events are nothing new, but with a series of 11 Pokemon being handed out like this in a row, it begs the question. . ."

Keldeo tapped his chin with his left forehoof and said, "Is it right for Nintendo to be handing out so many Legendary Pokemon?"

Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "Well, let's start slow. How did people get Legendary Pokemon in the early days of Pokemon? By searching the game for them of course, or by trading. Let's take a more modern example: in Pokemon X and Y, the Legendary Bird you're able to catch depends on the starter you pick, so if you want all three, you have to trade."

"But then came Special Event Pokemon. These Pokemon can't be caught in the game, and can only be acquired through an outside event."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly, "I should know. I'm actually one of them!"

"Me too!" Victini said as he flew in and floated besides Keldeo.

Keldeo nodded, "Right. . . and come to think of it, many of the Pokemon scheduled to be given out are Event Only Pokemon. Me, Victini, Meloetta, Genesect, Celebi, Jirachi, Arceus, Shaymin, Darkrai, Mew- HEY, THEY'RE _ALL_ EVENT POKEMON!" Keldeo exclaimed in shock.

Victini blinked, and then chuckled, "Ooooh man! You goofed up, Keldeo!"

Looking very embarrassed and flustered, Keldeo looked around nervously and said, "Um. . . so yeah. . . I guess in celebration of 20 years of Pokemon, Nintendo is giving everyone another chance to get those impossible-to-get Legendary Pokemon without having to go through with a painful trade."

Keldeo then became thoughtful and said, "However. . . I'm sure a lot of people like trading the old original Legendaries they got from past events. And the whole trading process is one of the cornerstones of the Pokemon franchise. . ."

Keldeo then dropped his thoughtful expression and smiled, "Aw, who am I kidding! Not everyone is so lucky enough to be able to have gotten to an event, and not everyone is able to get someone to trade them their Arceus for a Moltress! Plus, this is clearly a direct thank you to all the Pokemon fans out there! Pokemon lasted 20 years for one reason: people bought the games and the merchandise, and watched the Anime too, of course. Nintendo got the money they needed to keep it going, which also showed them that it was popular enough _to_ keep going if people kept throwing money at it. Yeah, I know it sounds kinda cold to say it like, and I'm sure Nintendo _does_ care about putting out quality games and entertainment that makes people smile, but come on, they _are_ a corporation, after all. They're a nice corporation, but still a corporation. So it's nice to see that they're rewarding all their Pokemon fans for their support by allowing people who missed past events or already traded away their Event Pokemon to experience to joy of not only battling with these Legendaries, but interacting with them through Pokemon-Amie!"

Keldeo nodded and said with a smile, "So, Happy 20th Anniversary Pokemon, and may you have INFINITE more! Cause why the hay not?!"

Keldeo grinned and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic and I-"

Keldeo was suddenly warped away in a flash of light.

Victini stared at where Keldeo once was, then he snickered and said, "Okay, I've always wanted to do this. I'm _Victini_ the Critic, and I'm better than Keldeo! Ha-ha-ha!"

* * *

Keldeo gasped as he reappeared in an open grassy filed with the Sun shining down on him. There was even a distant rainbow in the sky. Keldeo also noticed that he was in his Resolute Form.

"Finally. . ." a voice said.

Keldeo turned fast and his jaw dropped when he saw Matthais Unidostres approach him, flanked by the other three Swords of Justice.

"You're finally on my team, Keldeo," Matthais said with a smile, "The Swords of Justice are complete."

Keldeo finally managed to close his mouth, then he said, "But, how?"

"I traded my Moltress, it seemed like a fair deal," Matthais replied.

"You _what_!? Oh no! Didn't you know about the 20th Anniversary Events?" Keldeo exclaimed in shock and dismay.

Looking confused, Matthais replied, "You mean the Mew event? I already got him with the code-."

"Mew's the tip of the iceberg!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Nintendo's giving out 11 Legendaries throughout 2016 to celebrate their 20th anniversary! Victini, Arceus, Meloetta, ME!"

Matthais was taken completely by surprise, but then nodded and shrugged calmly and said, "Oh well. No big deal."

Keldeo's jaw dropped again, "But-but-but your Moltress!"

Matthais shrugged again and said, "I never really used Philomeena, and I never really liked the Legendary Birds that much, if I'm honest. Don't really like the Lake Trio either. Anyway, at least now someone else can enjoy her. Whoever it was clearly didn't like _you_ all that much."

As Keldeo stared at Matthais in shock, the trainer approached him and began to gently run his hand through Keldeo's hair. Keldeo closed his eyes and smiled blissfully. _"Ooooh, that feels good. . ."_ he thought to himself.

"Besides, it's better this way," Matthais said with a smile, "For one thing, you're in your Resolute Form. Nintendo's probably giving you out in your Normal Form."

Matthais stopped his petting and Keldeo opened his eyes and looked up at the trainer, returning the smile.

"And for another thing," Matthais went on, "You're so important to me, that it wouldn't feel right to have you handed to me like an object. I'd give up a whole lot for you, Keldeo. Honest."

Matthais then took out Fancy Mocha Pokepuff and held it out the Keldeo, whose eyes lit up the moment he saw it, and he quickly leaned forwards and tore into it, pure bliss and enjoyment evident throughout his entire body as he ate the treat.

Virizion gave a soft chuckle and Terrakion looked on with a big smile.

"Hmm. . ." Cobalion said.

"Don't pretend _you_ don't have spots you like being scratched and a taste for a certain flavor of confection," Terrakion teased.

Cobalion ignored Terrakion and turned to Matthais. "So," Cobalion said in a level tone, "What now?"

Matthais turned to Cobalion and said, "We wait for Victini and Meloetta to arrive so that our team can be complete." Matthais then turned back to Keldeo, who was prancing about with joy from the taste of the wonderful Pokepuff.

"And, Keldeo," Matthais called out.

Keldeo calmed down and walked over to Matthais. "Yeah?" he asked.

Matthais became very serious, and he said gravely, "We need to talk. . . about the Legendary Beasts."

* * *

 _ **KELDEO THE CRITIC-**_ _ **SEASON 4 FINALE**_

 _ **SUPER MYSTERY DUNGEON REVIEW**_

 _ **CO-STARRING THE LEGENDARY BEASTS!**_

 ** _FEBRUARY 29TH_**

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged_

 ** _Special_** ** _Thanks_**

 _Bulbapedia_

 _ProtoMario_ for his video that informed me about this


	54. Night of the Living Brocoli

_(Video Game Rap Battles-_ _Assassin's Creed vs. Hitman)_

 _ **TIME FOR A RAP BATTLE!**_

 _ **Bunnicula!**_

 _ **VS!**_

 _ **Angle Bunny!**_

 _ **BEGIN!**_

 **Bunnicula:**

I've been silent long enough, it's time for me to speak,

My theater demolished, I'm still labeled as a freak

Six books of being hated, but now that's all ended

Now it's time to leave this punk's bratty attitude upended!

You like carrots, Angel Bunny? I'll leave yours pale and shriveled

The bite your precious fluffed up tail and leave it disheveled

You're not a friend, you're a jerk! Just an _Immorality_ Pet!

If it weren't for Svengallop, you'd be the most hated character yet,

You make Chester look nice, your abuse is obscene

People still hate you over you Fluttershy slapping scene

Ingratitude and greed! Either one could be your vice

Thoughts Howie?

 **Howie:**

Bite him, Bunnicula.

 **Bunnicula:**

Good advice.

You tantrum throwing, ticket snatching, carrot chucking freak.

I'll wreck you harder than Discord, you'll yet out a Wilhelm Shriek!

Yes I'm the indestructible Bunnicula! Millions love my story

You're the scourge of all Bronies, while Fluttershy is best pony.

 **Angel Bunny:**

Friendship is Magic, good thing I don't need none to beat you

How about I get Fluttershy's manticore friend to eat you!

I'll smack you down hard, like _What's Opera Doc?_

I won't cave like Elmer, squash your body with a rock

Mastermind behind the scares of Nightmare Night

They differ from your books in that they actually have fright!

I get what I want, yeah, that's what I do,

My spit is like Holy Water flying right at you!

 _Just for Sidekicks_ 's moral: "You better not be Angel's enemy!"

You just want a family? _Myself_ is all that matters to me!

I'm the Killer Rabbit, you're a bunny with bad teeth,

You're as scary as a floral Easter wreath!

Yeah, I slapped Fluttershy! And I'll smash in your face!

Whether carrot juice or blood, you're still a disgrace!

Fluttershy stared down a cockatrice, and I'll make you burn!

For dust thou art, and unto dust shall thou return!

 _(Angel whipped out a bunny size crossbow loaded with wooden stake and pointed it at Bunnicula. Angel fired a wooden stake from his crossbow, but Chester jumped in and tackled Bunnicula out of the way just in time, then got up turned to face Angel.)_

 **Chester:**

The hero has arrived, no misinterpretation of the facts here

I'll protect him from himself and you, do I make myself clear?

This rabbit's my friend, I'm not afraid of his curse anymore

Let's hit this dolt harder for the win we're looking for

 **Harold:**

Name's Harold, I'm a writer, and the story's narrator

I'll pull a Stanley Parable and crush you, buster!

The other pets can't stand you, you're a horrid piece of work,

Nothing is true, except for this, _Bunnicula_ on Cartoon Network!

 **Angel Bunny:**

That show's so different from your books that it's funny,

Even then I still wouldn't be afraid of this vampire bunny

A dog that can read and write? Yet you never exploit it?

Write a letter to your owners, anything you'd want you'd get it!

Chester's theories, and this rap, are getting old and lame

Let me know when Cartoon Network makes a tie in video game

 _(Angel took his crossbow back out and aimed it at Bunnicula)_

But right now it's time to finish what the orange tabby started,

And for Bunnicula to join his mom among the dear departed!

 _ **WHO WON THIS RAP BATTLE?**_

 _ **LEAVE YOUR VOTES IN THE REVIEWS AT THE BOTTOM!**_

 _ **RAP BATTLES! YEAAAAAAAAH!**_

* * *

 ** _BOOOOOM!_**

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **No matter what we say or do,**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst.

 _ **It's never up to me and you,**_

Victini rose into the air, his ears glowing with the power of V-Create.

 _ **We smile now and sing a cheer!**_

Keldeo and Santa Paws screamed in horror as huge burst of dark purple energy erupted in front of them.

Ghost Pony Rider roared.

Kyurem and Cryogonal the Critics both screamed as a zombie Lucario with a chainsaw appeared on their TV.

Keldeo screamed in horror, but sprayed himself with water to snap out of it.

Imperator Justinian was seated behind a desk in his study, with Keldeo standing on the other side.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"NO SHIP, SHERCLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake in shock.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

A Greninja stood ominously next to a Lucario with red Aura.

Keldeo and Ryan the Lucario fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.

 _ **Never fear . . .**_

Button Mash and Sweetie Belle bonked heads as they tried playing _Wonderbolt Free Fliers._

Keldeo burst out of the ice encasing him in an explosion of light.

 _ **The show! Will! Go! On!**_

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 22: Night of the Living Broccoli by** **wiccanwerewolf669**

 **TinyURL:** **zrdlp85**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said said, "Just recently, Cartoon Network started to air an animated series adaptation of the children's book series _Bunnicula_ by James books centered around a dog and a cat whose family adopts a rabbit they find in a movie theater. Chester, the cat, starts to notice strange things about the rabbit. Like how he hides from the sun, he has black fur on his back like a cape, and most importantly, the rabbit literally has _fangs_ and impales vegetables like a vampire, turning his 'victims' white. So, the whole series is mostly about Harold, the dog, trying to protect the really harmless Bunnicula from Chester's murder attempts. Yeah, Chester literally tries to kill Bunnicula due to his overactive imagination and rather annoying ."

"Now, the cartoon takes a huge leap from the source material. While the books left it ambiguous if Bunnicula really was a vampire, the new show practically turns Bunnicula into a cross between Curious George and Discord. In every other scene Bunnicula is taking his skin off, doing magic, flying around and everything. Also, Harold becomes the dopey sidekick, and Chester no longer wants to kill Bunnicula but instead works with him to stop the monster or ghost of the episode. Bunnicula ends up accusing half of these problems, but whatever. The show's bassically a cross between Curious George, Ghostbusters, Scooby Doo, Courage the Cowardly Dog, and the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. And believe it or not, the result is actually really good!"

"Anyway, the book and cartoon are so different that Matthais actually wrote a fanfic that uses it as a plot device, and. . ." Keldeo grinned sheepishly, "It's quite clear that Matthais should have actually read the books first instead of reading the Wikipedia summaries. For one thing, Matthais didn't take into account that Chester's attempts to get rid of Bunnicula were done to protect the family. He really thought there was an undead demon living among them, so what else could he do? And of course, we end up seeing Chester's true feelings in books 6 and 7."

" _Ahem! **Spoilers**_ for those books, so skip this paragraph if you want. . . . then again, in that case, you'd probably want to skip this review, and not read the fanfic I'm reviewing! Anyway, Chester finally _does_ accept Bunnicula as a part of the family and decides to make amends by becoming Bunnicula's protector/sibling/parental figure, which leads to some very touching scenes between the two. So, yeah, Matthais was probably a little hasty in his judgments of the Chester in the book."

Keldeo chuckled, "In fact, Matthais is actually worried that fans of the book are going to get mad at him! But I guess that's understandable. So, to help him, I'm going to review a Bunnciula fanfic that's based on the books so many people know and love! This is _Night of the Living Broccoli._ "

* * *

 **Night of the Living Broccoli**

By: wiccanwerewolf669

Harold, Howie, and Chester had thought everything was as normal as it gets around the Monroe household. When one night, Bunnicula the vampire bunny is stolen! The three are on the case to find the missing bunny before it's to late. Join them on their newest wakey adventure to rescue their friend. You must read the Bunnicula series to get this story! or just go to wikipedia. ha

Rated: Fiction K - English - Adventure/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,386 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Published: Jun 18, 2012 - id: 8231618

* * *

"As you can see, we've got another dead fanfic here! 4 years old and not updated!" Keldeo declared.

Victini flew in wearing a vampire's cape and plastic fangs. "It's _undead_ , Keldeo! Blah-blahblah!" Victini said in a Dracula voice.

"Victini, this isn't a Halloween review! Why don't you go ahead a pack for when Nintendo sends you to Matthais!" Keldeo complained.

"My turn isn't until September!" Victini argued.

"Then take off that getup and save it for October. There's two other Bunnicula fanfics too, you know," Keldeo said.

Victini grumbled and flew away.

"And he doesn't go 'blah-blahblah!'" Keldeo called after him.

Keldeo focused back onto the review and said, "Okay, so for those of you who have read the Bunnicula books, this plot might sound similar to book 7, _Bunnicula Meets Edgar Allan Crow._ "

 ** _Marshall:_** _"Wow. And I thought **my** puns were bad!"_

"Marshall, what are you doing here?" Keldeo said in annoyance.

 _ **Marshall:** "Uhhh. . . to advertise 'Partners in Fire' by HavocHound?"_

". . . Get out, Marshall. Please," Keldeo said with a straight face.

After Marshall left, Keldeo refocused again and said, "So, this story is similar, with the whole _Bunnicula might be kidnapped_ plot, but it _is_ original and honestly funny at times. So, what are we waiting for? Let's dive right in."

"Just like the books, the story is told from the perspective of Harold the dog."

* * *

 _Peace is bliss as they say. It was that faithful Friday night in the Monroe household, when my world was turned upside down once again. I was feeling so peaceful and Friday's mean snacks and a late night read in Toby's room. And chocolate cupcakes with the cream in the center. Yum, my favorite._

* * *

"Yeah, there's a running joke throughout the books that Harold eats chocolate cupcakes, but chocolate doesn't seem to affect him. So if anyone here is supernatural, it's isn't the bunny, it's the immortal dog."

* * *

 _The night was just starting and Toby was pulling out the thick volume of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley._

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna cheered as she flew by.

"Now, no wonder the cat thinks the bunny is a vampire if you keep reading your pets horror stories!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"Well, as Toby reads the book, there suddenly interrupted by a crash."

* * *

 _Crash! Toby jumped away and I yelped. Seeing how frightened Toby was, I ran downstairs to investigate. I heard Howie's howling and Chester hissing._

 _"Howie? Chester?" I cried. The living room was empty, and I saw the light in the kitchen on. Before I went into the kitchen I checked on Bunnicula. He sat trembling in his cage, his red eyes terrified. I was happy he was safe, even if scared. I then went into the kitchen. I burst in the door and stopped at what I saw. Chester was sitting on the table, licking his tail and Howie sat shivering on the floor. Glass, water, and flowers lay scattered on the floor._

 _"What happened?" I asked between Howie's howls. Chester looked at me and shook his head._

 _"I-I-I decided I w-w-wanted to play a l-l-late night game of tag with P-P-Pop and chased him in h-h-here. He jumped on the t-t-table and, and accidentally dropped the vase. I s-s-stepped on some of the glass," Howie whimpered. He lifted his front right paw to reveal a shard of glass stuck in his paw pad._

* * *

"Oh yeah, Howie is a dachshund that gets adopted in the second book. Well, anyway, the humans fuss over the wounded dog and plan to take him to the vet the next day, which they do." Keldeo frowned in confusion and said, "But for some strange reason everyone in the house goes except for Bunnicula. . ."

* * *

 _Within a few minutes we were all loaded into the families station wagon and were off to the vet. Chester looked at me from the inside of his cat carrier._

 _"I don't see the point in why we need to go when it was Howie who was injured," he grumbled from inside._

* * *

 _ **Confused Matthew:** "BAD WRITING!"_

* * *

 _We finally arrived and were all rushed inside. Chester and I got off scott free while Howie had to get stitches in his paw. He came out with a cone on his head and a thick wrap on the paw. While the Mr. Monroe paid Howie limped his way over to us._

 _"Hey Pop and Uncle Harold!" he said._

 _"How is your paw?" I asked him. He lifted it and tried to see it around his cone._

 _"It itches a lot and kind of stings, but the thing that's really bothering me is this thing around my neck," he said. He scratched at it with his hind paw. He became exceedingly frustrated and growled. "What is this, Pop?" he asked Chester. It still throws me that he calls Chester Pop and me Uncle Harold. Chester stared out from his kennel and looked at the dachshund._

 _"It's a cone Howie. The vet-_

* * *

 _"EX - PO - SI - TION! EX - PO - SI - TION! Rush it out! AS - AP!"_ Keldeo and Munna sang.

"So the family comes back and discovers that there house has been broken into and ransacked!"

* * *

 _Mrs. Monroe almost dropped poor Howie is her shock. "We've been robbed!" she cried. The boys ran in and gasped._

 _"We need to check and see if anything was stolen," Mr. Monroe tried to say calmly. "I'll call the police," he said and walked into the kitchen. Pete let Chester out before he ran upstairs to check his room. That was when we all got a good look at the place._

 _The living room was a mess. Books were strewn all over the place, furniture was overturned, and muddy footprints littered the floor. We all stared in disbelief. Why would someone want to rob our home? We are just a humble, middle class family. I walked forward slowly, not wanting to believe what my eyes were telling me._

* * *

"All they took were a necklace and some tapes!" Keldeo exclaimed.

Keldeo became serious and said, "Okay, seriously, it turns out the robber _did_ do the whole 'what did the thief get' trope commonly found in radio mysterious and _Paranormal Activity_ movies."

* * *

 _"Nothing was stolen from upstairs, Mom," Toby said as the brothers walked in._

 _"Nothing from the other rooms," Mrs. Monroe said._

* * *

"Luckily, Chester finds his first clue."

* * *

 _Chester stopped and stared at one of the foot prints._

 _"Harold," he whispered. I stopped and turned to look at him. He pointed to the print. "Does this look like a normal human footprint to you?" he asked. I walked over to him and looked down. The print was about three times the size of Mr. Monroe's. Before he could make any conclusions though, we heard Howie's frightened yelp._

 _"Pop! Uncle Harold!" he shouted. We ran over to him. He was sitting in disbelief in front of Bunnicula's cage. "He's, he's," Howie couldn't finish the statement. I started barking frantically, drawing the Monroe's attention._

 _Toby came over to try and calm us down._

 _"What's wrong guys, why are you bark…" he trailed off when he saw what was inside. "Mom! Bunnicula, he's gone!"_

* * *

Keldeo was caught between disbelief and hilarity as he tried to hold back his laughter, "That's right! Someone broke into a house just steal a rabbit. They didn't even take the cage! How does this make any sense?"

* * *

 _The police came and we were kicked out while they investigated._

* * *

"I don't even think _Richard Diamond_ could figure this one out," Keldeo said seriously, then he brightened up and placed the hat he wore during his _Zuma's Fear_ review on his head, and he said, "Now _Detective Shaw_ on the other hoof. . ."

* * *

 _Chester brooded under Mrs. Monroe's rose bushes while Howie and I sunned ourselves. After a few minutes, Chester wandered out to us and started bathing himself._

 _"I think I know what stole Bunnicula," he said between licks._

 _"Don't you mean who?" I asked. He shook his head and continued._

 _"The culprit has huge shoes, we know that much, and isn't all that smart, seeing as he left all that mess and evidence. And if he was only looking for our furry vampire friend, he must be working for someone," Chester said._

 _"What took Bunnicula then Pops?" Howie asked. Chester continued to bathe as he answered._

 _"Well, being as he's so huge, he can't be human….."_

 _"So it's Bigfoot!" Howie exclaimed. Chester gave him a withering look._

 _"No, Howie. Let me finish._

* * *

"Says the guy who swears the bunny is a vampire," Keldeo remarked wryly.

 ** _Abridged!Noah:_** _"Hello Pot. My name is kettle. You're black."_

* * *

 _He is not human, meaning that he would have to be created, made," he continued. Chester always frustrates me when he does this._

 _"Chester, will you please tell us who you think stole Bunnicula?" I pressed._

 _"Not who, what. And he is the one and only," he gave us a dramatic pause while he licked his tail. I resisted the urge to bite him. "That it is Frankenstein's Monster."_

* * *

Keldeo exploded into intense laughter, falling to onto his haunches as he shook wildly from his cracking up.

* * *

 _Howie gasped and started to run in frantic circles. He momentarily forgot about his stitches._

 _"Oh no! That's terrible! What's will become of Bunnicula?"_

* * *

Keldeo laughed harder as he pounded the ground with his forehooves, throwing his back in intense laughter.

* * *

 _He stopped and looked at Chester and me. "What's Frankenstein's Monster?" Chester sighed and rubbed his nose with a paw._

 _"Frankenstein's Monster is a creation made by Dr. Frankenstein and his assistant Igor. They created him out of body parts they robbed from graves in the middle of the night. They brought him to life in a lightening storm and harnessed the power of the electricity and brought the creature to life. But the experiment went terribly wrong when the Monster went on a rampage and started killing all of the townspeople," Chester clarified._

* * *

Keldeo fell onto his side as he continued to laugh, rolling off the side of the rock platform and splashing into the shallow water.

* * *

 _A look of pure terror reflected on poor Howie's face and I jumped in._

 _"But it is pure fiction, Howie, Toby has been reading it to me and it is by a woman named Mary Shelley," I told him. He relaxed a bit. Chester gave me a look before continuing to bathe himself._

 _"So you think," he said ominously, and a shiver went up my spine._

* * *

Keldeo crawled back up onto the platform, huffing and puffing and trying to catch his breath as laughter still threatened to overtake him once again, "Ladies and gentlemen, I _assure_ you, this is not a parody, this is not flanderization, this **_IS_** Chester's correct characterization! The cat sees large footprints, and out of all the possible explanations in the entire universe, he decides that it has to be Frankenstein's monster, and then describes it in great detail and utter seriousness like it's the most logical conclusion he could possibly come to?! What's he gonna do next?! Discover that airplanes go missing because Godzilla and Gamera have been engaged in a serious airplane collecting contest?!"

Keldeo let out another loud burst laughter, harder than before. Looking about ready to collapse, he cried out, "I CAN'T BREATHE!"

* * *

 _The family seemed out of whack for the next two days. It was Tuesday morning and I was aroused from my sleep by the smell of cooking bacon. I walked into the kitchen and sat next to Mr. Monroe's feet. He gave me a half- hearted smile._

* * *

Keldeo finally stopped laughing and caught his breath. "So, everyone is pretty somber over the loss of their pet mutant rabbit, and that's not being mean, the rabbit has _fangs_ ," Keldeo said, _"_ But two days is enough time for Chester to hatch up a crazy scheme."

* * *

 _"Uncle Harold! Wake up!" Howie called in my ear. I wrinkled my nose and slowly opened my eyes. The young dog was sitting and wagging his rear end frantically. "Uncle Harold! Pop has an idea on how to get Bunnicula back!" I slowly stood and looked at Chester sitting in his chair. He met my gaze and sat erect._

 _"Good Harold, your up," he said. I tried rolling my eyes before walking over to him. I noticed an open book was in front of him and groaned inwardly. He slowly closed it and this time I groaned audibly. He glared before addressing the two dogs below him._

 _"What book is that, Pops?" Howie asked._

 _"I finished reading Frankenstein last night to get more background information. Then I found this." He lifted it to reveal the cover to us. "The Big Book of Monsters. They had a fascinating section on your heritage, Howie." Howie gave him a weird look and I gave him a look to shut him up. When we had first went to Chateau Bow-Wow, we met Howie's parents, who Chester still is convinced are part werewolf (resulting in him thinking Howie is also part werewolf)._

* * *

"Yeah, that's canon," Keldeo said.

Victini flew by and screamed as the scene played of PeeWee Herman's Playhouse screaming.

"You know, there's kind of a small _difference_ between imagination and paranoid mental psychosis. Seriously, Chester, why must everything that goes wrong or is different in your life have a supernatural origin?" Keldeo questioned.

* * *

 _Chester cleared his throat and went back to the book. "It had an entire section devoted to Dr. Frankenstein and his monster. So I've come to the conclusion that Dr. Greenbriar is our Dr. Frankenstein, and Jill is his Igor." I stared up at him in disbelief. "He was so fascinated with Bunnicula that he decided to steal him. So he and Jill created this Monster to take away our vampire bunny and he would be clear from any of the blame because the Monster would leave no finger prints."_

* * *

 ** _"OBJECTION!"_**

* * *

 _I started laughing. I couldn't help myself, but this all sounded so utterly ridiculous that it just came out. Chester glared at me again bared his teeth a little. Howie just looked confused._

 _"What's so funny, Uncle Harold?" he asked. I wiped my eyes with my paw and forced myself to stop laughing. I hiccupped from the effort and looked at Howie._

 _"It's just this ridiculous! Why would you think Dr. Greenbriar stole Bunnicula? He has treated us and the family very well, especially when Bunnicula was ill. Why would he wait until now to take Bunnicula when he has had so many times to take him before?" I questioned._

 _"Because he wanted to gain our trust Harold. Don't you see? Once he had the families full trust, he and Jill would make their Monster and have it steal him," Chester countered. "I have a plan to get Bunnicula back." He hopped down and stood in front of us. "Tomorrow the family will be gone from eight am to ten thirty pm. They will be going to a movie. So we will act tomorrow," he said._

* * *

"Wait a minute, the last time they left the house someone broke in and stole one of their pets, so now they're going to leave the rest of their pets home alone too?" Keldeo asked disbelief, "We're reaching Greg from _Zuma's Fear_ levels of stupidity here! Isn't someone going to bring up how irresponsible this all sounds?"

* * *

 _"Mom, do you think the animals will be ok since we will be gone for so long?" Toby asked._

* * *

"Thank you!" Keldeo said gratefully.

* * *

 _"Cry baby," Pete said meanly. Toby stuck his tongue out at his older brother and Pete threw a bit of egg at him._

* * *

"Yeah! You're a baby because our house got broken into and one of our pets got stolen and it could easily happen again!" Keldeo said in a dumb sounded voice.

"Well, it turns out stupidity runs in the family, because the mother somehow figures the pets will be alright."

* * *

 _"Boys, stop," Mrs. Monroe said calmly but sternly. She looked at Pete. "Pete, your brother has a legit reason to worry about the pets. And Toby I'm sure they will be." Toby nodded and Mr. Monroe looked at the clock._

 _"Well guys, time to go to school," he said, standing up. The boys stood and walked out of the kitchen with their father. Mrs. Monroe quickly washed off the dishes and put them in the dishwasher before leaving, too._

 _"Be good you three," she said before walking out the door. We heard the lock slid into place and the cars start. Chester had us wait till he knew they were gone._

 _"Okay, since they are gone I can fully reveal my plan," Chester said. "We are going to break into Dr. Greenbriar's home and find Bunnicula." I felt my mouth fall open._

* * *

 ** _Bubsy:_** _"What could **possibly** go wrong!"_

"It's funny because they're both orange cats!" Keldeo said with a big grin.

* * *

 _"What!" I exclaimed. Chester didn't seem ruffled at all with my outburst, so I pressed on. "Do we even know where he lives?" I asked._

 _"I was going to get to that before I was interrupted," he said. I tried to think of a snappy comeback, but, as you know, it takes me awhile to come up with them. So I remained quiet and let Chester explain. "The Monroe's were invited to dinner with the good doctor in two days time. He gave them his address and the time they need to arrive." He pulled the card out from under his chair. We leaned over to read what it said._

 _I would enjoy it if you joined me at my home on Friday, September 17 at 6 p.m. My address is 307 Temple Avenue._

* * *

"Yeah, the animals could read and right in the books too. Chester could even make spreadsheets on the computer too. Just go with it."

* * *

 _Chester gave me a mischievous grin and continued. "I have also found our old friends Felony and Miss Demeanor to aid in our getting in his house._

* * *

 ** _Marshall (Offscreen):_** _"OH, COME ON!"_

* * *

 _Once in, we find the laboratory, which is where we will find Bunnicula. We will then go back out where we came from and return our bunny friend home." A sparkle came to Chester's eyes when he spoke._

* * *

"I have to admit, it is touching to see Chester's post ' _Bunnicula Strikes Again'_ persona. He's really made it his mission to protect Bunnicula from himself and others who want to harm him," Keldeo said with a smile.

"So Chester and Harold leave the injured Howie at home to stand guard in case the monster comes back, ha-ha, and they head over to the doctor's house where they are met by Team Rocket if they were both female cats."

* * *

 _We made it to Dr. Greenbriar's house around ten. He lived near the edge of High Centerville in a big house. No lights were on, telling us it was empty. We head the crash of metal and I jumped in the air. Chester, as calm and cool as ever, just turned to the sound._

 _"Hey, Cute Whiskers!" came the call. Chester rolled his eyes and sat. Two cats walked around the corner of an alley. Felony was the scrawnier of the two, but had most of the brains (if one could say these cats had them) and Miss Demeanor was a chubby, long haired tabby._

* * *

The Team Rocket Motto music started to play.

 _ **Felony:** "To protect the world from infestation!"_

 ** _Miss Demeanor:_** _"To eat all rodents within our nation!"_

"Not worth it. . ." Keldeo said flatly as the music stopped with a record scratch.

"So, in between flirting with Chester, the cats help them break into the house."

* * *

 _Chester and I sat patiently while the two cat burglars (no pun intended)_

* * *

"OH NO! You are _NOT_ allowed to say that in a _Bunnicula_ fanfic! Puns are the life source of this series!" Keldeo shouted, "I mean, come on! _Bunnicula?!_ _Felony?! Miss Demeanor?! The Howliday Inn!? Edgar Allen Crow!? The Tell-Tale Artichoke Heart!?_ This series has so many puns that saying 'no pun intended' is a slap in the face to the author! You own those puns! OWN THEM!"

"So the cats somehow manage to open a window."

* * *

 _"Thank you ladies, we are no longer in need of your assistance," Chester said to the two cats. Felony started to walk away but Miss D stayed on the sill by Chester._

 _"Oh Cute Whiskers, do you really want little ol' me to go?" she purred. Chester gagged slightly at her closeness and nodded._

 _"Yes, Miss D, in order to do my job you will have to leave," he said. She was about to say more when Felony spoke._

 _"Come on, Miss Demeanor, we need to get a move on or we will miss The Young and The Restless."_

* * *

"That was random reference. . ." Keldeo remarked with a frown, "It wasn't even funny."

* * *

 _"Are you coming or what?" he called. I took a running start at the crates and the launched myself into the window. Unfortunately, only half of me made it in. Chester laughed at me with his eyes._

 _"Be quiet, you," I said._

 _"I haven't said anything," he chuckled. I glared before maneuvering my back end to allow me to get in. I fell in head over heels, and I shook my head clear of the stars that spun around my head._

 _"Chester?" I whispered. "Where did you go?" I felt claws in my backside and I jumped away from the source. Chester looked like a half flattened pancake. "Now, Chester, this is no time to be laying around," I said. He rolled over and glared at me._

 _"I wouldn't if you cared to loose a few pounds," he snapped._

* * *

 ** _WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAHHHH!"_**

Keldeo smiled and shrugged.

* * *

 _We walked through the corridors of the home and found almost nothing. Except the locked room._

 _"This is it!" Chester cried in delight. "Don't you hear that, Harold?" I listened closely and heard a buzzing noise. Chester looked at me, a mad gleam in his eyes. "We found his laboratory! That is where we'll find Bunnicula!" He leapt up and grabbed to door handle. He swung back and forth but to no avail._

 _"Is it locked?" I asked. He jumped down and slammed his paw down._

 _"Drat," was all he could say before we heard it. A deep, thundering growl that still instills fear within my heart. We slowly turned to see the most scarred up dog I have ever seen. He seemed to be of the rottweiler variety, and he was the one making that menacing sound._

* * *

"Oh my gosh, it's an actual Zuul Dog!" Keldeo gasped.

 _ **"ZUUL, GHOSTBUSTERS! ZUUL!"**_

* * *

 _"Run!" Chester screamed, and we ran._

 _We made it to the window and I jumped with all my might. I landed with a thud on the pavement and I turned to look at the window I had just escaped from. A long line of slobber ran from his jaws as he barked viciously at us. I looked at Chester and saw the horror written on his face._

 _"Lets go home," I suggested._

* * *

"And that's all folks!" Keldeo said with shrug, "That's all the author wrote, and that's a shame because I liked where it was going. If this were like the books, then it probably was just some person wearing large boots, and the doctor might or might not be the culprit. But of course, this is fanfiction, so maybe _this time_ Chester is right about something."

Keldeo sighed, "But, let's not waste time thinking about what might have been. Let's focus on what we've got. And, I have to say, if the books are at least _half_ as funny as this fanfic, then I would go ahead and read them in a minute! Harold is a sensible main character we can relate with, Howie a likable sidekick, and Chester his a hilarious cloudcuckoolander who takes himself way too serious, but still manages to be a good character that at least means well. I'd say everyone is in character here, and what was written has left me hungry for more!"

Keldeo smiled and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Assassin's Creed vs. Hitman_ by Video Game Rap Battles

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Lady In The Water_

 _PAW Patrol_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged_ by LittleKuriboh/CardGamesFTW

 _Ghostbusters_

 _Phoenix Wright_

 _Bubsy_ by Accolade

 _PeeWee's Playhouse_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

Wikipedia

Confused Matthew

HavocHound


	55. Commercial 3

A beautiful sunset shone down over a magnificent waterfall, which was the pride of the nature reserve. However, the angle of the sunset gave the appearance of a raging fire and cast it's light across the area.

 _Out of time,_  
 _Out of time to live,_  
 _Out of time to live, I couldn't say good bye_

The silhouette of a small dog moved through the forest of the nature reserve.

 _And I'm wegwetting having memowies_  
 _Of my bloody slaughtewed family_  
 _beside me befowe he left me to die._

The figure stood on the very edge that hung over the waterfall.

 _And I know this is,_  
 _I know this is the twuth,_  
 _Cause I've been stawing at my death so many times_

 _I died with them back in that shack,_  
 _I wish I could just end the pain_  
 _I dwagged my fwiends into this living Hell of mine_

A large majestic figure of pure white fur stood proud, seemingly glowing like white gold.

 _I'm your Obi-Wan, and I'll bring the dawn,_  
 _Your soul is filled with unbearable pain_  
 _He may say he won, but we are not done,_  
 _I'll turn your embers into a raging flame_

 _Got to keep your calm, and carry on_  
 _A spirit still lives within you_  
 _Don't throw your life away, there's a better way_  
 _He's still out there, and you are not through_

The smaller figure walked forward in a straight line, with the waterfall behind him.

 _I have this uwge_  
 _I have this uwge to live_  
 _I have this uwge to live and show that I'm alive_

 _I'm sick of nightmawes, feaw, guilt, and blood_  
 _Sweeping me up like a flood_  
 _Off of feaw, my shame and guilt do feed and thwive_

 _I can't do this_  
 _I just can't make it end_  
 _Looks like some part of me still wants to live_

 _But I'm still crying as much as I speak_  
 _I curse and wail because I'm weak_  
 _I wish I just had some real courage to give_

The large white wolf stood framed in the evening sky, the setting Sun blazing behind him.

 _I'm your Obi-Wan, and I'll bring the dawn,_  
 _Your soul is filled with unbearable pain_  
 _He may say he won, but we are not done,_  
 _I'll turn your embers into a raging flame_

 _Got to keep your calm, and carry on_  
 _A spirit still lives within you_  
 _Don't throw your life away, there's a better way_  
 _He's still out there, and you are not through_

* * *

 ** _The Zuma's Fear and Zuma's Courage INTERLUDE_**

 ** _By HavocHound_**

 ** _COMING THIS MARCH_**

 **OFFICIAL AUTHOR'S NOTE (Taken from _Puppy Love Moments 2_ : Chapter 12): **

**". . . I've decided to so a series of chapters that will tie in events between Zuma's Fear and Zuma's Courage. I'll be doing this sometime next month and it will be about six or so chapters. . ."** ** _  
_**

 ** _There you have it! Straight from the hound's mouth, so it is with good confidence that I publish this commercial!_**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _Five Nights at Freddy's 4 Song - I Got No Time (FNAF4) - The Living Tombstone_

* * *

Thank you _Scott Cawthon_ for the amazing Five Nights at Freddy's story-line.

Thank you _The Living Tombstone_ for your amazing music.

Thank you Nickelodeon for airing such a fun children's cartoon that has such good quality CGI, doesn't talk down to it's audience, takes itself seriously when necessary, and provides such great characters for fanfic writers to work with.

Thank you _HavocHound_ for your amazing fanfiction ( _Everest's Bravery_ is gonna be _**EPIC!**_ ).


	56. FINALE: Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon

_**Matthais Unidostres presents. . .**_

 _ **A League of Fannon Critics Production. . .**_

* * *

From the clifftop Keldeo stood upon, he felt as if he could gaze upon all of Unova. The land seemed to spread endlessly around him as he stood there, on that clifftop, his mind focused on what he was about to do; the journey he was about to embark upon; the wrong he would soon set out to right.

"Did you think it'd be cool if you stole away quietly in the early morning hours?" Terrakion said from behind.

Keldeo nodded as he turned around. "Something like that," he remarked.

Terrakion "hmmed" in response, and he walked over to Keldeo's side and looked out at the scenery before them. He admired the view for a long moment, then he said, "So, where are you off to?"

"Johto," Keldeo replied.

Terrakion turned his head to Keldeo in shock. "Johto?" he echoed in a surprised tone of voice.

Keldeo nodded, "I need to go see someone about something. Something really important. You see, the whole thing is kinda my fault anyway."

Terrakion stared at Keldeo, thinking long and hard about the situation. Then, he gave a sigh and said, "You know, Keldeo. If this had been before your battle with Kyurem, I'd stop you right there and bring you back immediately. But now, all things considered . . . well. . ." Terrakion looked back out at the scenery, and with a smile he said, "Good luck."

Keldeo's straight serious face gave well to an appreciative smile. Then, without another word, equipped with his bag, off Keldeo went.

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

 _ **Season 4 FINALE**_

* * *

Keldeo made good time as he crossed over various landscapes, jumping over rocks and fences, and using Hydro Pump to fly over chasms. He only had to get help once via a ship heading across the open water to get to the Johto region.

It was only after such a long journey that Keldeo finally stood outside the remains of the burned Brass Tower in Johto. He took a deep breath, and resolutely walked forth into the structure. Focused on his goal, Keldeo quickly went down to the basement level, and saw the three Legendary Beasts gathered together in the center of the room, all looking at something on their laptop screen.

"Alright! This plan will totally make a _slave_ out of Keldeo!" Entei said confidently.

"I don't know, Entei. I mean, we _are_ dealing with the guy who took down Zalton, Reaper, _and_ Santa Christ," Raikou said nervously.

"That'll just make us look better when we beat him," Suicune said smoothly.

"Aha! I like the way you think, brother!" Entei said with a hearty laugh in his voice, " _Real Thoughts On: The Legendary Beasts_ my tail! Alright, so Operation Cyborg begins right-!"

" _*Ahem!*_ " Keldeo said loudly.

The Legendary Beasts turned around fast and stared at Keldeo with wide eyes.

"What!? What are you-?" Entei stammered in shock. Then he snarled and shouted, "GET HIM!"

Raikou and Suicune pounced at Keldeo. The Sword of Justice fell down flat, and the two Legendary Beasts soared over Keldeo and slammed right into the wall behind him.

Entei facepawed and growled.

Keldeo stood back up and said, "Before someone ends up needed another 1-Up from Ho-Oh, would you all mind letting me say one thing?"

Entei put his paw down and snarled at Keldeo, saying, "What is it!?"

Keldeo bowed his head in shame and said, "You guys. . . I'm sorry. . . I'm so sorry."

Entei's eyes bulged, "WHAT!?"

"WHAT!?" Raikou and Suicune shouted as they jumped back and quickly to Entei's side.

"He's crazy! Crazy I tell you!" Raikou said as he got close to Entei.

"I'll distract him. You guys casually walk towards the exit," Suicune said quietly.

Keldeo lifted his head and said, "Trust me, guys, I'm not crazy. In fact, I'd say I've just recently become a lot wiser."

The Legendary Beasts stared at Keldeo in fascination as the Sword of Justice gathered his thoughts and began his monologue.

"You see, guys. When Matthais and I did our _Real Thoughts On: The Legendary Beasts_ chapter, we both thought we had you guys figured out, especially when we witnessed your actions in _Super Mystery Dungeon._ Matthais and I felt that disliking you, even outright hating you, was not only okay, but deserved. We mocked you, and laughed at you, and we justified all of it."

Keldeo took a trembling breath, his voice cracking as he continued, "But as the story of _Super Mystery Dungeon_ unfolded, not only did we see another side to you all, but we also saw how. . . _terrible_ we were acting. All our negative feelings. . . the hate, the disgust, the bile we were sending out. . . it was all just more fuel for Dark Matter."

As the Legendary Beasts stared at Keldeo in amazement, he indicated the three of the one by one.

"A true Legendary would only let a _worthy_ trainer battle such a majestic and mighty Pokemon as himself," Keldeo said to Entei.

Entei blinked solemnly at Keldeo.

"Many a Legendary have fallen under the combined weight of a villainous team," Keldeo said to Raikou.

Raikou's lips twitched into the tiniest of smiles.

"And the immense, concentrated power of the Time Travel Pokemon, corrupted for the purpose of destruction, is a worthy match for the Aurora Pokemon," Keldeo said to Suicune.

Suicune stood in silence.

"Legendary Beasts of Johto," Keldeo said officially, bowing low before them, "As a fellow Legendary, and a member of the Swords of Justice, I humbly ask for your forgiveness."

"Stand up, Sword of Justice," Entei said immediately.

Keldeo stood back up as the Legendary Beasts approached him.

"You truly are a very honorable Pokemon. Not many Legendaries are able to admit that they were wrong," Entei said.

"It's not really _all_ your fault," Raikou said as he stared at his paws, "We have been bested quite a few times."

"And I ran away from my battle with Kyurem after the other Swords got frozen by him," Keldeo said with a wry smile.

"Everyone really _does_ make mistakes," Suicune said.

Keldeo looked hopefully at the Legendary Beasts and asked, "So, do you all forgive me?"

"Yes."

"Sure!"

"Indubitably."

"YEAH!" Keldeo cheered as he performed a back flip, "Woo-hoo! Alright! This all means so much to me. In fact, I had an idea I was hoping you'd agree to. . ." Keldeo took a second to gather himself together and brace himself, then he asked, "Would you all like to be a part of my Season 4 Finale by helping me count down top 11 best and worst moments in _Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon_?"

"That's sounds great!" Raikou shouted, "I'm in!"

Entei appeared amused and said, "Oh, so for once you're going to elaborate on the _good_ parts of a Mystery Dungeon game? I'd be a fool to miss this!"

"Bring it on," Suicune said.

"Don't forget me! The guy you cut out of your revenge plan, forcing me to go it alone so I could be made to fool when my plan crashed and burned!" Victini shouted as he flew in and landed next to Suicune.

"The past is past," Suicune said quickly.

Victini just sighed in response.

"Yes, yes, as long as we learn from it, "Keldeo remarked, "Well then, how about we get started!"

Keldeo quickly set up his laptop, and Victini and the Legendary Beasts gathered around him.

 **Keldeo the Critic**

 **Season 4 Episode 23: The Top 11 Worst and Best Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon Moments**

 **Title Card TinyURL:** **guql55e**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said, "So, as many of you probably have figured, I've played through the newest Mystery Dungeon game, _Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon._ I've actually learned a lot of things from that game. One thing being that. . . well. . . I haven't really been very fair to the Legendary Beasts. . ."

Keldeo looked to Suicune to his left, and Raikou and Entei to his right.

"Don't worry about it any longer, Keldeo," Entei said.

"Yeah, it's not all your fault. The Anime never was any good at showing our finest moments," Raikou remarked.

"Thanks, you guys, but Matthais and I had no right to tear into you like I did. I'm just glad we're cool now," Keldeo said in a relaxed manner, "Anyway, another thing I learned from the game is that letting negativity run rampant and spreading around bad feelings can only bring destruction to the world around you. However, trying to deny those negative aspects of the world, or trying to brush it away or keep it bottled up inside you will also lead to disaster as well. So, with that in mind, for my Season 4 Finale, instead of making a _'Top 11 Dumbest'_ list, I've decided to make two lists! A _Top 11 Best_ list and a _Top 11 Worst_ list."

"OH YEAH!" Victini cheered.

"Who better to help me out with this than the illustrious stars of the game! The Legendary Beasts!" Keldeo cheered.

"Wow. Keldeo's good side is the best side you can be on!" Raikou remarked.

"I'd say doing the worst list first makes sense, so that we can end on a positive note. Everyone good with that?" Keldeo asked. Everyone else nodded, so Keldeo smiled and said, "Good! So if everyone out there is ready for some _SPOILERS,_ let's start off with the Top 11 _**Dumbest** _ Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon Moments!" Keldeo said.

 _ **Number 11**_

"The name," Keldeo said.

Entei frowned and said, "What a waste of potential."

"Yeah, the name really doesn't seem to mean anything," Raikou remarked.

"What's wrong with the name?" Victini asked innocently.

"Well, the other games had names that told you something about the game," Keldeo said, " _Red **Rescue** Team, **Explorers** of **Time and Darkness** , **Gates** to **Infinity**. _ The titles were connected to plot elements. But this time we just get. . . _Super?_ Huh? It sounds like it's a Super Mario Bros. crossover!"

Keldeo thought for a moment, then smiled and said, "Hey, that actually sounds kinda cool! Like, Bowser comes into the Pokemon world, and some parts are a side-scroller where you play as a Pokemon using attacks like in Pokemon Rumble, then there are parts that are mystery dungeons, then maybe you fight bosses like in a _Mario & Luigi _RPG-"

"Keldeo, you're on a Buneary trail," Suicune said gently.

Keldeo blinked, and nodded, "Oh yeah, sorry. So, anyway, like I was saying, it's such a lazy title. They could of called it, oh, I don't know. . . _Scarves of Harmony."_

 _"Connections of Life,"_ Suicune offered.

 _"Map of Expeditions,"_ Entei suggested.

 _"Nexus of Light,"_ Raikou said.

" _Expedition of Life!"_ Victini said cheerfully.

" _The Fourth One!"_ Keldeo exclaimed, "Even _that_ would have been better than just _Super._ There's a picture of the Tree of Life in the background of the box art, begging for an easy title like _Tree of Life_ at least. But nope. Just _Super._ It's such a generic and overused term that just doesn't work unless you're naming a Mario game."

 _ **Number 10**_

"No money rewards," Keldeo said, "In fact, the rewards themselves are often few and far between. But the fact that you never get money is kinda disheartening. You have to resort to searching for P in dungeons; making the painful choice of selling items you wish you could just stockpile in the magical, Doctor Who, somehow present in different dimensions Deposit Box; or exchanging Gold Bars for P."

"The way you're reacting, I'm surprised this isn't this higher on the list," Entei said.

Keldeo shrugged and smiled sheepishly, "Well, it's actually a love-hate kinda thing for me. It makes the game a bit harder, because now you can't just buy a load of stuff to get through the dungeons and boss fights. It makes you think about what to do and plan accordingly. So, yeah, I guess I can live with having less money."

 _ **Number 9**_

"No more move training," Keldeo said in disappointment, "It's kinda weird, because moves still 'level up' from use like in _Gate to Infinity,_ but now there aren't any more dojos to train moves faster."

"But Keldeo, doesn't that keep the game from being too easy?" Entei said.

"Not really," Keldeo said, "You could only use a dojo once a day anyway, and the dojos _did_ cost money, so it seemed like a fair trade. Plus, I felt the experience you get from the dojos is small enough so that it doesn't make you too strong too quickly, but big enough so that it feels worth the money and good enough boost to help you take on tougher dungeons."

"What about Hawlucha's Slam School?" Victini asked curiously.

Keldeo smiled and laughed slyly, and he said, "Thanks for bringing that up, Victini!"

 _ **Number 8**_

"Hawlucha's Slam School," Keldeo said with a grin.

"Huh? What's wrong with it?" Victini asked, caught completely off guard.

"It's kinda pointless," Keldeo said, "Sure, you can forget and remember moves there, and you can swap your abilities there too, but those services don't really seem all that important or significant. Now, if you could train a move there once a day like a dojo or something like that, then it would be kinda cool. But nope."

Entei shook his head and said, "I'm sorry, Keldeo, but I'm with Victini. That doesn't really make it bad enough to be on this list."

"You'd be right," Keldeo said, "But what _does_ make it bad is later on in the game when Hawlucha starts teaching moves. Now that sounds pretty good. It's a quick way to learn powerful moves. The only trouble is that the moves are so ridiculously expensive! Why should I have to pay thousands of P just to learn _one_ move. I get that it needs to be set up so that you have to work hard to be able to get the moves so you don't end up breezing through the game one-hit KOing everyone, but I still think the prices are set _waaay_ too high, especially when you realize how long it takes to save up money in this game! Those crazy prices only help to turn a mediocre store into Number 9 on our Top 11 Dumbest List."

Victini shrugged, "Okay, you win. But I kinda think Pokemon using money at all is kinda dumb in itself."

"Hear, hear!" Suicune added.

 _ **Number 7**_

"No V-Waves," Keldeo said.

"And no V-WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!" Victini cried out tearfully.

"I feel your pain, Victini," Keldeo remarked with semi-sarcasm, "V-Waves were pretty cool in _Gate to Infinity._ It really helped you to plan what dungeon to go to and with which Pokemon, and it's much better than that random 'motivated Pokemon' mechanic. Different V-Waves would strengthen and weaken different Pokemon. It gave a whole new level of strategy to the game, and of course we had the V-Wheel minigame where you can risk your money to try and change the V-Wave to benefit the team you want to use. Taking this feature out really seems like a missed opportunity."

"WAAAAAH! V-WHEEEEEEEEEL!" Victini sobbed.

"ENOUGH!" Suicune roared, scaring Victini straight in an instant.

"I'm good! I'm happy! I'm smiley! See!" Victini said nervously as he put on the biggest smile he could.

 _ **Number 6**_

"Jirachi the _what_ Pokemon?" Keldeo asked aloud.

"Jirachi's the Wish Pokemon, Keldeo," Entei corrected.

"Exactly! So why doesn't the Expedition Society just _wish_ that all the Pokemon turned to stone would be freed? Or that Dark Matter would cease to exist? Why is Jirachi just an astronomer who sleeps a lot?" Keldeo asked in confusion.

Entei thought on this for a moment, then nodded slowly and said, "Yes. . . you have a point there, Keldeo."

"It's the Anthropic Principle," Suicune said.

"Huh?" both Victini and Raikou said.

Keldeo smiled and nodded. "He means that if Jirachi could fix everything just like that, then there would be no conflict, no plot, and no story," Keldeo explained, "But there still needs to be an _in-universe_ reason why Jirachi couldn't just wish everything back to normal. Aside from just using any other Pokemon other than Jirachi, they could have just made up a reason like, 'Dark Matter has been blocking his powers,' or 'It'll be X many years before the time comes where he can grant wishes again.' Come to think of it, Ryu Taylor the Ferret handled Jirachi better in his fanfic _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon- The World Rebuilder._ And his PMD stories are _awesome_ by the way."

"Too awesome to review?" Victini said with a mischievous look on his face.

"Yes, and too _long_ to review," Keldeo replied seriously.

 _ **Number 5**_

"Celebi the _what_ Pokemon?" Keldeo asked aloud.

"Let me guess. You want to know why Celebi didn't just kill Dark Matter's grandfather or something," Entei said dryly.

Keldeo shrugged, "Again, we see the Anthropic Principle in action. But this actually isn't a big a problem as Jirachi. The reason it's higher on the list is that unlike Jirachi, Celebi is actually _key_ to the plot! It has to be Celebi here because _she_ went back in time to gather information on Dark Matter, and then-"

 _"SPOILERS!"_ Zorua shouted as he ran by.

"-she arrives in the nick of time to teleport the heroes out of an inescapable trap. What frustrates me even more is how easy this would have been to fix. Just have someone say that Celebi can only watch the past and not change it because that would make a time paradox that would, oh, I don't know, destroy Temporal Tower, drive Dialga insane, and paralyze the planet! There, not only did I fix Celebi's problems, I also made a cool _Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky_ reference! How did the writers not think to do this?"

 _ **Number 4**_

 _"SPOILERS!"_ Zorua shouted as he ran by again.

"The heroes not jumping into the spring when the villains show up," Keldeo said with a confused expression on his face.

"Keldeo is correct," Suicune said.

Raikou nodded and said, "Yeah. Suicune and I were in that scene, and the more I think about it, the more I realize how stupid it all was."

"What are you all talking about?" Entei asked.

"Okay, so there's a scene where our heroes have arrived at a magical spring with water that can free Pokemon who've been turned to stone," Keldeo explained, "Just then, the villains who have been turning Pokemon to stone turn up. Wouldn't the most logical decision be to jump into the spring? I mean, we get to see a Pokemon get turned to stone, and it appears to be a kind of dark blast attack, like a Shadow Ball. You'd think that would make the protagonists jump into the spring so that if the villains try to blast them, it won't work because they'd be in the spring. You could even satisfy the Anthropic Principle by having an unwinnable boss battle where the villains defeat the protagonists, drag them back out of the spring, and then turn them to stone like that. And if that's too complicated or graphic, then you could just have the villains suck up or vaporize the water _during the cutscene right then and there_. That's what they end up doing later on anyway, and you'd think we'd be able to see exactly what they did with all that spring water anyway. Did they _drink_ it all? Did they evaporate it? I don't believe it! What did they do with all that water?"

"I gotta admit, Keldeo has a point," Raikou said, "It begs the question, how did they manage to dry up that entire spring?"

Victini grinned cheekily and said, "He must have been a really thirsty Pokemon, that-"

"Don't say the bad guy's name!" Keldeo shouted, "I want to keep the spoilers to a minimum!"

"Aww, you're no fun," Victini pouted.

 _ **Number 3**_

"There _are_ no villains," Keldeo said.

"What are you talking about, Keldeo?" Entei asked in bewilderment.

"All the quote unquote 'antagonists' you fight are being controlled by Dark Matter," Keldeo explained, looking disappointed, "That's no fun. At least in _Gates to Infinity_ Munna and her gang were doing things of their own free will, and Kyurem was driven insane by his visions of the bad future. Just having them be mind controlled is weak story telling. We never even find out exactly _why_ these five Pokemon were mind controlled by Dark Matter in the first place. What were their lives like before? What did they do to get controlled by Dark Matter? Why didn't Dark Matter take control of anyone else? Were they good or bad Pokemon before they got taken over? Did they deserve to get controlled? There's so many questions, and no answers!"

"Don't worry, Keldeo! That's what FanFiction is for!" Victini cheered.

"That's no excuse!" Suicune shouted suddenly.

"Suicune's right, the writers are supposed to actually _write_ characters!" Raikou said.

"But wait, didn't Munna and her gang lack backstory too?" Entei remarked.

Keldeo nodded gravely, "Yeah, they really did. We have no idea exactly how they suffered. But even they had more backstory than the _Super Mystery Dungeon_ villains. And that's really pathetic."

 _ **Number 2**_

"The Pokémon Nexus getting destroyed," Keldeo said.

"But isn't one the plot points of the game _completing_ the Pokémon Nexus?" Victini asked.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean that they had to _destroy it,_ or reference the fact that it's been destroyed several times!" Keldeo exclaimed, "They could have just had it only have one continent on the map, and then you're given the task of completing the rest of it."

"But wouldn't it seem strange that the Expedition Society hadn't already completed the Nexus themselves?" Entei asked.

"Well, they _could_ have set up the Society as something that's only just been started up a few weeks ago or something. Maybe also throw in that Lapras has been out of commission during that time or something," Keldeo suggested, "That would be long enough for the partner to aspire to be a part of it, and short enough for them not to have gotten very far in the Nexus."

"Hmm. That's very clever, Keldeo," Entei said with approval.

"And more importantly, mentioning that it's been destroyed _several times already_ kinda makes the whole thing pointless if it keeps getting destroyed!" Keldeo said in frustration, "Why bother trying to complete it if it keeps getting ruined, forcing us to start over. Sure, it obviously wouldn't happen in the _game_ , but within the _world_ of the game, there's no reason why all that hard work can't just get flushed down the drain."

Keldeo stomped his hooves and said, "And you know what kind of problems get me the maddest? The kind that are _easy_ _to fix!_ All they had to do was omit the part about it being destroyed many times before, and then when Jirachi fixes it, throw in a line that says something like, _'Now the Nexus has a special shield on it that will prevent it from getting broken again.'_ It's that simple! I can't believe it!"

"Maybe the Nexus being destroyed was supposed to be played for laughs?" Raikou suggested.

"I didn't laugh during that scene! My jaw dropped!" Keldeo said, "I was actually kinda horrified. The Nexus was built up big time by the partner as something he dreamed to helping to complete, so seeing it get blown up was absolutely gut wrenching!"

"I must admit, Keldeo has a point," Suicune remarked.

"Thank you," Keldeo said with a satisfied smile.

 _ **And The Number 1 Dumbest Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon Moment is. . .**_

"The Expedition Society!" Keldeo declared with a bit of venom in his tone.

"WHAT!?" everyone else exclaimed.

"How can _that_ be the dumbest moment?" Victini exclaimed.

"Because the Expedition Society is a total let down!" Keldeo exclaimed back.

"I must admit, I find them rather annoying," Entei remarked, "But they _are_ honorable and loyal, at the very least. I don't see how they deserve such a title as _The Dumbest Moment._ "

Keldeo frowned and said, "Well, brace yourself, guys, because I'm going to explain why they left a bad taste in my mouth at first. First of all, the partner built the Expedition Society up big. About how cool they are, how strong they are, how much they do in the world, how they help so many Pokemon, how they're on a mission to map the whole world on the Nexus, and load more stuff. They were like the _Swords of Justice_ of this world. Then we get Ampharos, the _Dashing Wanderer._ Sure, it was weird how he had zero sense of direction, but when we got that twist of him being contacted by his gadget and got called _Chief,_ I actually got goosebumps!"

"You did? Why?" Raikou asked.

Grinning excitedly, Keldeo said, "To me, it became clear that the _Dashing Wanderer_ thing was a clever codename/cover kind of deal! Sure, maybe he _did_ have poor direction, but he was still strong and knows when to be kind. He's the one who helped the heroes' dreams come true. And the way he got contacted made him kinda look like a spy, or an FBI agent, or someone from the International Police. I actually started to get a Looker vibe from him. And all of this just made me anticipate the Expedition Society even more. I imagined it to be like this huge organization with all these Pokemon researching and training in this huge complex. I could see specialists in every Pokemon-type and training halls and libraries and all this cool stuff worthy of a super exclusive Pokemon organization. Kind of like a good version of Giovanni's Team Rocket or something."

The Legendary Beasts all growled loudly and fiercely, looking ready to kill.

"Do _not_ mention Team Rocket or . . . _that man's name_ in front of us. . ." Entei growled dangerously.

Keldeo looked nervously at the snarling Legendary Beasts and nodded, "Oh. . . uh, okay, um. . . sorry. . ."

The Legendary Beasts calmed down, and Suicune nodded and said, "Okay then, you were saying?"

Keldeo nodded, "Right. Okay, so I had high expectations for the Expedition Society, and they only go bigger when I saw what the building looked like. But what do I get when I go in? The _worst_ first impression of anything or anybody I've ever seen in my entire life! Everyone is chasing Swirlix all over the place for eating all the food, Dedenene destroys the Nexus, and everyone falls down flat from hunger and pleads for food like a bunch of-."

Keldeo trembled with frustration as he searched for a word to say.

"BISCUITS, THEY'RE PATHETIC!" Keldeo finally shouted in rage, then he took a few deep breaths to calm himself, "Then everyone pretends to quit. . . What? . . .Then we get attacked by Jirachi, then we learn that these guys break the Nexus every other week. Like, _'oh, the Nexus got broken again. It must be Thursday.'_ "

"So. . . you hate them?" Victini asked, cocking his head as he stared at Keldeo.

Keldeo shook his head vigorously, "Oh, no way! I actually think they're a good bunch of characters. Buizel is really awesome and strong and brave, Mawille has a good heart, Archen is practical and loyal and pretty funny, Swirlix isn't that bad, Dedenene is a good support character, Bunnelby. . . okay, he's actually kinda bland, and I have to admire Jirachi's knowledge, wisdom, and innocence. And I've already told you how much I like Ampharos."

"I think I see the issue you have with them," Entei said sagely, "They made a really _bad_ first impression."

"The worst," Keldeo said sadly, "And that's a shame, because they _are_ cool bunch of Pokemon who know how to get things done. But the combination of all the build up for them and their bumbling, foolish, stupid antics makes their first impression, by far, the _Dumbest Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon Moment._ "

"Well," Victini said, "Maybe it was just a way to show how friendly and warm they all were? You know, like a family."

"I guess that's one explanation, but that's not how it seemed to me," Keldeo said.

Entei nodded, "Alright, so those were the dumbest moments. Which means now we'll be counting down-."

"The Top 11 Most AWESOME Super Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Moments!" Keldeo exclaimed with renewed enthusiasm.

 _ **Number 11**_

Keldeo grinned and said, "Okay, let me be honest. This just might be a personal preference, but I still found this scene funny."

"What scene, Keldeo?" Entei asked.

"It's right after the final boss," Keldeo explained, smiling sheepishly, "Maybe I'm the only one who laughed at it. . ."

"What is it? Tell us!" Raikou asked.

Keldeo nodded, "Alright, so the partner and player are thrown back to earth after winning the final battle, and the partner wakes up before the player does. So the partner goes to the player and says:"

 ** _Partner:_** _"Wait. . . It can't be! Don't go! Don't go into the light!"_

Everyone present either laughed, chuckled, or snorted.

"Aha! So I'm _not_ the only one!" Keldeo laughed.

"Did they just reference _A Bugs Life_ or _Ice Age 2_?" Victini asked, still chuckling a bit.

"Heh, that's the first time I've chuckled in quite a while," Suicune remarked.

"I suppose it helps that we knew that the player character wasn't gonna die," Keldeo said, "If the player _was_ gonna leave, it wouldn't be here, not before everything is resolved a bit more clearly, and not via death."

 _ **Partner:** "Don't go into the light!"_

Keldeo chuckled again.

 _ **Number 10**_

"Arceus finally does something!" Keldeo exclaimed, "He barely did anything to help _himself_ in his _own_ movie. He waited for others to do all the hard work. Same thing in _Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky,_ seriously, was he seriously okay with Dialga going crazy and the planet being paralyzed? He did the same thing in Hoopa's movie too. I'm guessing that Arceus has some kind of knowledge of how things will play out, or waits to see how his other Legendaries will handle things before intervening, but it's still is kind of annoying."

Keldeo smiled broadly and said, "That's why I'm so glad that Arceus took an active role in fighting Dark Matter earlier on. He called out to _every single Legendary Pokemon on the planet_ to come and stop Dark Matter from escaping into outer space. He even got _Mewtwo_ to help channel everyone's thoughts and emotions. Then he teleports our heroes right into tree too. Boy is Arcues making up for lost time!"

"And in addition," Entei interjected, "They gave a reason why Arceus couldn't just fight Dark Matter directly. Nothing could stand to be in Dark Matter's presence unless they wore the Harmony Scarves, which were made from the Tree of Life."

"Good point, Entei!" Keldeo said with a smile, "I have to say that this is Arceus' best appearance in any story yet!"

 _ **Number 9**_

"Cameos from characters from previous Mystery Dungeon games," Keldeo said.

"Like MEEE!" Victini cheered.

"Make no mistake, they really _are_ from previous games!" Keldeo said, "They talk about their old jobs and what they used to do. Victini mentions the V-Wheel. Rampardos mentions his Box Buster job, and we even get a mission where we deliver a love letter to Cinccino for him. Then there's Duskull the banker, Chimecho form Wigglytuff's Guild, Emolga and Dunsparce, Team AWD, Marowark, Team Skull-."

Keldeo froze and blinked, "Huh. . . so they didn't die after all. . ."

Keldeo shrugged it off and said, "You know, it really is cool to see that all the games really _do_ take place in the same world. It makes the setting seem more expanded and in depth. You can just imagine Wigglytuff's Guild or Pokemon Paradise being located on one of the continents, either surrounded by mystery dungeons or located of the beaten path. There's no particular reason for you to go there in this game, but those places are still there all right."

"Doesn't it kind of seem weird that the world keeps falling into jeopardy?" Suicune remarked.

"Yes. . ." Entei said slowly, "And the Bittercold and Dark Matter are so similar. . . It's almost as if someone. . . some other entity. . .some greater evil. . . is _sending_ these thing to try and destroy the world."

"But hey, that's just a theory!" Keldeo said with a clever smile, "A Game Theory! Thanks for watching!"

 _ **Number 8**_

"The Legendary Beasts," Keldeo said solemnly.

"Take it away, Keldeo!" Raikou cheered.

Suicune and Entei glared him, and Raikou shrugged and looked back as if to say _"What?"_

Keldeo continued, "As you know from that _Real Thoughts On: The Legendary Beasts_ sketch, Entei comes off as kind of jerk when you first meet him. Then when the other Beasts show up when everyone gets sent to the Voidlands, they kinda act even more deplorable. But then. . ."

" _SPOILERS!_ " Zorua shouted as he jumped in the shot, then jumped back out.

". . . We discover that it was all an act!" Keldeo exclaimed, "The whole time, the Legendary Beasts were planning to get the player and partner out. They were just waiting for the right moment to send them to the exit, knowing that they would have to stay behind. They kept their true feelings secret because they didn't want the player and partner to feel bad and try to save everyone. So with a bit of help from Mawile, the Legendary Beasts send our heroes to the door as they stay back to be swallowed up by the void they had been cast into. It was a noble sacrifice for the good of the whole world, thus showing me that their honor does match that of the Swords of Justice."

"Thank you, Keldeo," Entei said with nobility in his voice.

 _ **Number 7**_

"The continents and towns," Keldeo said.

"The world is so BIG!" Victini exclaimed.

"Yeah, it sure is. Five whole continents full of dungeons, each with their own town full of Pokemon!" Keldeo exclaimed, "This game certainly does have the widest scale of all the Mystery Dungeon Games. This helps make you feel a lot more accomplished when you save the world at the end."

"I believe it also makes Number 6 all the more appealing," Suicune said.

"Oh yeah, you're right!" Keldeo said happily.

 _ **Number 6**_

"The Connection Orb," Keldeo said, "It's so cool. And it's such a fun way to get missions and recruit Pokemon. Before, in order to get Pokemon to join you, you had to go through dungeons, carry Gifts with you, and hope you were luck enough to have a Pokemon want to join you. Sometimes you end up recruiting the same species over and over and over again! It was just so random and annoying. And you don't want to say no to anyone, especially when you'd literally be _rejecting them from Paradise!_ "

Suicune nodded gravely, "Indeed. The Connection Orb system makes things easier while also making you work a little to complete it. Using the Orb, you take requests for help from Pokemon all over the world, similar to Social Media on the Internet. It also functions as a type of Pokedex. Whenever you help a Pokemon, or beat them in a battle they've arranged for you, you form a connection with them. This connection then branches out, allowing you to take requests for other Pokemon, and so on and so on. Also, when you connect to a Pokemon, you can have them join your party if they're available. This makes things much easier, because now you only have one species of each Pokemon instead of, oh, let's say, 10 Crobats."

Entei and Raikou stared at Suicune in shock.

"What?" Suicune asked simply.

"That's the most you've ever said at one time. Ever!" Entei said in amazement.

Suicune shrugged and said, "It's the first time I've ever had that much of anything to say.

Keldeo grinned, and continued on, "Well, in addition to all that, you're also able to connect with Pokemon just by talking with them in the towns. And each Pokemon has their own unique little topic to talk about, so it's really fun and entertaining. This also encourages exploration of the towns instead of just blindly going into dungeons over and over. And there _are_ a whole bunch of towns to explore, and _lots_ of Pokemon to talk to. And since the Pokemon present in town always change, it encourages you to keep talking and to keep exploring and to keep going through the towns. It really brings the game to life and adds a whole new layer of depth. The Connection Orb is a million times better than any old billboard!"

 _ **Number 5**_

"Doing multiple missions in one dungeon!" Keldeo shouted, "Finally! We're back to normal! Being forced to do only one per trip nearly drove me crazy in _Gates to Infinity!"_

"Wait, they only let you do one at a time in the previous game?" Entei asked incredulously.

"Uh-huh! Crazy, right?" Victini chimed in.

"That's absurd! Where's the logic in that?" Entei said.

"Maybe it was to keep you from getting too many building materials for Pokemon Paradise too quickly," Keldeo suggested.

Entei breathed out and said, "Well, I'm glad they saw how foolish that decision was and fixed things for this game. One mission at time. . . You could have a mission for every floor, but the missing Pokemon you need to find is somehow invisible unless you select _their_ mission. Preposterous!"

 _ **Number 4**_

"Looplets, Emeras, and Wands," Keldeo said with a smile, "They are so awesome! A Looplet is like a scarf. Equipping one can raise stats, increase exp, protect you from status conditions, etc. But what makes Looplets so awesome is that they have notches in them for special gems called Emeras, and Emeras are the best thing since Gummis! Emeras are only found in mystery dungeons, and putting them into a Looplet grants you special ability. You can paralyze enemies, put them to sleep, reveal things on the map, survive an attack that would've made you faint, attack twice in a row, even Mega Evolve!"

Raikou blinked at Keldeo and said, "Wow, you really get passionate about these items, Keldeo."

"They're just so cool!" Keldeo said, "Sure, they disappear when you complete the dungeon, but that just means you can look for new ones the next time! And you can pick up fragments to make new ones automatically. And if your Looplet is full, or if you don't like the Emera, you can use it as an item to increase one of your stats for the remainder of the dungeon! It's a win-win! They're obviously a replacement for the IQ Skills from _Time/Darkness/Sky_ and the Team Skills from _Gates to Infinity_ , but I honestly think that Emera's are better because they offer free stat boosts and give you the option to mix and match the one you like, and even double them up! Personally, I like to double up on Barrage Emeras. It's so awesome when an attack hits twice! I don't know if they'll ever make another Mystery Dungeon game, but I _dare_ them to try and top Emeras and Looplets! They are just _too_ awesome!"

"Didn't you say something about Wands?" Victini asked.

"Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me! Wands are cool too! They're basically a weapon that throws an effect at an enemy Pokemon. They can slow them, paralyze them, warp them away, even cut down their HP to one quarter of their maximum!" Keldeo said excitedly, "And the best part is that one wand can carry multiple charges! That means one wand that takes up only one space in your bag can be used 30 or more times! Genius! It's perfect for a tough boss, or for when you're about to run out of HP and there's a tough Pokemon between you and the stairs. Just wave your wand, warp it away, and you're in the clear! There's also a wand that shows you where the stairs are, and that's a big help when you're trying get through the tougher story based dungeons where you know they'll be a boss at the end. Wandering around will only increase your chances of using up Oran Berries and Reviver Seeds."

Victini grinned and said, "Sounds like this game has the best items out of all the Mystery Dungeon Games!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "You got that right!"

 _ **Number 3**_

"The beginning chapters in Serene Village," Keldeo said gleefully, "That whole sections is just so beautiful! It was just so. . . warm and fun and exciting! The idea of having you start off as a child Pokemon who gets saved by a Nuzlef who takes you in, and then you're the new kid in a Pokemon school making friends and having misadventures- it's just so enjoyable! Like a fun Saturday morning cartoon!"

"What about those bullies?" Victini asked gently with a nervous smile, "Didn't they drive you _craaaaazy_?"

"I actually didn't mind them!" Keldeo said, much to everyone's surprise, "Pancham and Shelmet weren't sociopaths like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. They were just ordinary kids with self esteem issues who feel that they had to smack others down because of their own feelings of inadequacy. And their bullying never got to the point that it hurt or was intolerable. And at certain times, you had to admit that they had a point. Why _should_ they believe that the player was once a human? Plus, it's good to see them get scared straight during the Haunted School story arc. Speaking of which, that story arc was awesome! The kids go into a barrow! As in a Dragur infested, Skyrim barrow! Only instead of undead Dragur, there was Pokemon, of course."

Keldeo chuckled a bit and said, "And you gotta admit, the teachers at the school are really entertaining. Watchog totally reminds me of Crowler from _Yu-Gi-Oh_ GX. Seriously, they should expand this game into a full Anime! You could get two full seasons worth of episodes out of the Serene Village storyarc _alone_!"

Entei nodded and said, "And I also imagine that you found the budding relationship between the player and partner touching, did you not?"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Words cannot express how good the writing is. . ." Keldeo grinned and said, "Speaking of which. . ."

 _ **Number 2**_

"The ending and the moral," Keldeo said with great reverence.

Suddenly, Zoroark jumped down and roared, " **SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!** " She then left with a mighty leap.

"Alright, so Dark Matter has absorbed all of the energy from the Tree of Life, is in it's final form, and tells our heroes that they can't win," Keldeo said, "So how do the heroes respond?"

 ** _"SHUT UP, HANNIBAL!"_** everyone shouted as one.

"It's so incredible!" Keldeo said, tears of joy welling up in his eyes, "They aren't gonna quit! They aren't gonna listen to this monster! They'll use nothing but 'a' attacks if they have to! I'm so sick of heroes letting bad guys get in their heads. You don't have to listen to slime like them! To quote Handsome Jack:"

 _ **Handsome Jack:**_ _"...I AM THE ******* HERO!"_

"Okay, Jack was kinda insane, but you know what I mean!" Keldeo said quickly, "They're not gonna stop trying to take this Eldritch Abomination down, and they totally wreck that pathetic ball of filth!"

"OH, YEAH!" Victini cheered as the Legendary Beasts roared.

"But then," Keldeo said suddenly, "We learn that smashing Dark Matter will only spread it's negative emotions across the world, and that it will simply come back again. . ." Keldeo grinned and said, "Which turns out to only be half true. Dark Matter can only come back if the one who destroys it refuses to accept it. So, the partner gives a Patrick Stewart Speech explaining that he/she understands that everyone has goodness and badness in their hearts. No one is perfect, everyone is going to feel bad sometimes, but as long as they try to express their goodness whenever they can, it'll be alright."

Keldeo nodded resolutely and said, "And here was have the ultimate moral of this story. If you refuse to accept your own flaws, pretend they aren't there, justify them . . _. like Matthais and I did._ . . , or try to bottle them up; eventually all those negative feelings will come together and hurt you and the people around you. That's what Dark Matter is a symbol of. Heh, kinda reminds me of the Tantabus from _Friendship is Magic,_ come to think of it. . . Anyway, when the partner accepts Dark Matter as a part of life and shatters it, all those emotions can finally rest and peace. And with one last 'Thank You,' it breaks up into light that can go back into it's balance in the hearts of all living things."

Victini sniffed and wiped his eyes, "That. . . that was beautiful!" Victini started weeping openly and he tried covered his face with his hands and forearms, "I love this game so much!"

"It's amazing, "Entei said, sounding very, truly amazed, "How this game led to an end to the animosity between us, Keldeo."

Keldeo looked turned to look at each of the Legendary Beasts, and he smiled and said, "Yes, it truly is amazing. . ."

 _ **And The Number 1 Most Awesome Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon Moment is. . .**_

"I don't think we should say it here," Keldeo said, looking conflicted.

"Aw, come on! Why not!" Victini said, "If we just put up a Spoiler Warning-."

"It still wouldn't feel right to reveal something this big," Keldeo said, "I wanted to only use minimum spoilers, and this spoiler is just SO HUGE! I just. . ." Keldeo hung his head and said sadly, "I don't think I have the heart to reveal it. . ."

"I believe I have an idea, Keldeo," Entei said calmly.

Keldeo raised his head just as Entei got in close and whispered something into Keldeo's ear. After about a minute of whispered explanation, Keldeo smiled and said, "Alright, that could work! Good idea, Entei!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Alright. . ."

 _ **The Number 1 Most Awesome Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon Moment is. . .**_

"The many plot twists!" Keldeo declared, "Specifically the one at the ending. . . before the Epilogue, that is."

"Ooh! I have a Game Theory! M. Night Shyamalan helped write the story for this game!" Victini said excitedly.

 _ **M. Night Shyamalan:** "What a twist!"_

"Well, I did hear that _Unbreakable_ had a really good story," Keldeo said, but then he shook that thought out of his head and said, "Anyway, the Mystery Dungeon Games have always had plot twists in them. Like Grovyle and Hydreigon being good guys, and Dusknoir and Munna being villains. But _Super Mystery Dungeon_ is _loaded_ with plot twists, both big and small. It's like, every other cutscene there's a plot twist! It really keeps you on the edge and makes you think both forwards and backwards. You never know who to trust or what to believe. And after you've beaten the final boss and are waiting to see how the story ends, the game hits you _hard_ with the king of all plot twists! Now, like I said, I don't have the heart to reveal it to you, but this plot twist takes one of the key aspects of the Mystery Dungeon Series and completely turns it on it's head! It also comes after a mind boggling character based plot twist for a double plot twist punch!"

Keldeo then smiled softly and said, "But still, even after the incredible shock you're put through, when you think it over, it all makes perfect sense. . . That final character plot twist actually takes everything you've learned and seen throughout the story and connects all of it. It's the final piece of the puzzle that makes the story complete, and fixes any possibly plot holes that you might have found. It's a master stroke of storytelling that brings something brand new and unexpected to the Mystery Dungeon Series."

Keldeo then became serious and said, "So, please, any of you who have gotten to the end of the game, _please,_ don't reveal the twist ending. Just don't. Please. This twist, this ultimate, final, amazing twist needs to be experienced blind, because it is, by far, the _Most Awesome Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon Moment._ "

Keldeo smiled again and said, "Well, that's the Season 4 Finale! I hope all of you liked Season 4, and I hope you all come back for Season 5. I'm Keldeo the Critic. . ."

"We're the Legendary Beasts!" Entei said as he and the other two posed.

"And I'm Victini!" Victini cheered as he flew around in circles, spinning and twirling over the other Pokemon.

". . . and we reviewed it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said, but then he grinned sheepishly and said, "But you still can review it. . . if you want to. . ."

* * *

With his laptop packed away in his bag, Keldeo stood outside of the burned remains of Brass Tower. Victini floated next to him, and the Legendary Beasts stood outside to see him off.

"May good fortune favor you, Keldeo!" Entei called out.

"Keep on reviewing!" Raikou called out.

"May we meet again, either in _Pokken_ _Tournament_ or in person!" Suicune called out.

Keldeo nodded to the Legendary Beasts and called back, "May Ho-Oh guide your path!"

"Bye guys!" Victini shouted as he waved enthusiastically.

Keldeo and Victini then turned, and began to long journey home, back to Unova.

". . . Hey Victini? Why didn't you travel here _with_ me?"

"I did, Keldeo! I was just invisible! Ha-ha-ha!"

"Oh, ha-ha, very funny. . . and a little bit creepy."

"Huh? What do you mean. . . ?"

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _"Bats!" Review_ by Drowning in Horseshoes

 _Borderlands 2_

 _"Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?"- My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Zoroark: Master of Illusions_

 _Hoopa and the Clash of Ages_

 _A Bugs Life_ by Pixar

 _Ice Age 2: The Meltdown_ by Blue Sky

 _Nostalgia_ _Critic:_ _Is There Another Good Shyamalan Movie?_

 _Pokken Tournament_

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _TVTropes_

 _Wikipedia_

 _Aura Wielder_

* * *

The Legendary Beasts descended back down into the tower, and Entei said, "We should probably delete that whole revenge plan. We won't be needing it now."

The Legendary Beasts reached the basement, and Entei and Raikou both gasped.

"What?" Suicune asked.

"Our laptop is gone!" Raikou shouted in a panic as he pointed to where the laptop once was.

"Uh-oh," Suicune said with wide eyes.

"Okay, do not panic," Entei said sternly.

" _'Don't panic'_? What do you mean, _'don't panic'_!? Now someone has our revenge plan!" Raikou exclaimed.

"A plan that only _we_ can implement," Entei said calmly, giving Raikou a disparaging glare, "It's no use to anyone else. Only the Legendary Beasts can carry that plan out. We're the Legendary Beasts, and no one else is. So don't go thinking that Keldeo's in any kind of trouble. That plan is useless to anyone else but the Legendary Beasts, which are us."

Raikou blinked a few times, then sighed, "Yeah, I guess you're right. But still-."

"Yes, yes, we need to get it back. It is ours, after all," Entei said nonchalantly. He then turned to go up to the exit of the tower, saying, "Come on, let's track whoever it was down. I swear, if it turns out to be that annoying Team Rocket Trio-."

"Forget those three!" Raikou shouted angrily as he followed close behind Entei, "I kinda hope it's Attila and Hun! That'll give me an excuse to finally put the hurt on them!"

Suicune didn't follow right away. Instead, he just stood still, thinking long and hard about a few things. He thoughts about the Legendary Beasts, about Zoroark's movie, and about the fanfic that they were planning to use to implement their plan. He thought of all of these elements through. Then, when nothing seemed to click in the few seconds he had stopped to think, he let his thoughts go, and was about to follow Entei and Raikou. However, he suddenly noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He turned fast, and saw nothing. Suicune stared silently for a moment, certain that he had seen something _shiny._

Suicune breathed out a sigh, shook his head, and went to follow after the other two Legendary Beasts.

* * *

 **And that was Season 4! I want to give a** **big thank you for everyone who read this season and gave me their support, whether they agreed with my reviews or not. I appreciate every single one of you, and thank you from the bottom of my heart. I also want to thank my collaborators and hardcore continuous reviews. You know who you are, and how awesome you are too!**

 **I have a number of reviews planned for season 5. Of course I'll be reviewing more of HavocHound's fanfics, as well as Toadettedgirl2012's, and even some stuff from FimFiction. But of course, as many of you have deduced, a certain fanfic by AuraWielder is high on my list. So, thank you all for everything, and I'll see you . . . maybe. . .sometime in . . . late summer? Maybe early fall? We'll just have to wait and see!**

 **God bless you all.**


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